1 00:00:01,669 --> 00:00:02,070 . 2 00:00:02,103 --> 00:00:02,703 Flexors are so tight, Tedward. 3 00:00:04,405 --> 00:00:05,573 Do I need to set another appointment with Thai Vicky? 4 00:00:05,606 --> 00:00:07,308 Yeah, or Thai Barbara. 5 00:00:07,341 --> 00:00:09,077 Thai--okay. All right. 6 00:00:09,110 --> 00:00:10,344 Hey, good news, guys. 7 00:00:10,378 --> 00:00:13,247 Tippy is out of town, so the leash is off. 8 00:00:13,281 --> 00:00:15,583 [laughs] Not that there is a leash, 9 00:00:15,616 --> 00:00:17,318 per say, but if there was one, 10 00:00:17,351 --> 00:00:18,819 Daddy is not wearing it. 11 00:00:18,852 --> 00:00:19,853 Tippy finally leave you 12 00:00:19,887 --> 00:00:22,156 because you always refer to yourself as Daddy? 13 00:00:22,190 --> 00:00:23,124 - [laughs] - No. 14 00:00:23,157 --> 00:00:24,792 You and Tippy are usually attached at the hip. 15 00:00:24,825 --> 00:00:25,826 You're gonna be okay without her? 16 00:00:25,859 --> 00:00:28,329 Please. My schedule is full. 17 00:00:28,362 --> 00:00:31,599 I have restaurants to try, museum exhibits to check out. 18 00:00:31,632 --> 00:00:33,134 Mm. 19 00:00:33,167 --> 00:00:35,103 Daddy's gonna have all kinds of fun with himself. 20 00:00:35,136 --> 00:00:36,137 Well, you know what they say. 21 00:00:36,170 --> 00:00:38,539 When the cat's away, the mice will masturbate. 22 00:00:38,572 --> 00:00:40,241 [laughs] 23 00:00:40,274 --> 00:00:41,442 Judge Wright. 24 00:00:41,475 --> 00:00:43,311 I hear you wrapped up the Smithfield case this morning? 25 00:00:43,344 --> 00:00:45,213 I did, yes. I did. 26 00:00:45,246 --> 00:00:47,248 If you hear three more cases by Thursday, 27 00:00:47,281 --> 00:00:50,418 you will be the youngest judge ever to hit 1,000. 28 00:00:50,451 --> 00:00:51,352 Really? 29 00:00:51,385 --> 00:00:53,287 Right now, Judge Spoleto holds the record. 30 00:00:53,321 --> 00:00:54,422 You'll knock him off his perch. 31 00:00:54,455 --> 00:00:56,090 Well, Spoleto's the devil. 32 00:00:56,124 --> 00:00:58,292 Anti-choice and pro-Prop 8. 33 00:00:58,326 --> 00:01:00,228 And he has a secret camp where he hunts people. 34 00:01:00,261 --> 00:01:02,796 From what I hear. 35 00:01:02,830 --> 00:01:03,764 Tedward, come on. You heard the man. 36 00:01:03,797 --> 00:01:05,199 I have to rule on three cases by Thursday. 37 00:01:05,233 --> 00:01:06,234 Can we do it? 38 00:01:06,267 --> 00:01:07,235 - Yeah, we can do it. - Yeah? 39 00:01:07,268 --> 00:01:08,436 What's on the docket today? 40 00:01:08,469 --> 00:01:10,304 Good Samaritan Retirement Home 41 00:01:10,338 --> 00:01:13,341 versus Aphrodite's Nest Gentlemen's Club. 42 00:01:13,374 --> 00:01:14,408 I am on that case. 43 00:01:14,442 --> 00:01:15,709 Don't expect me to go easy on you 44 00:01:15,743 --> 00:01:18,279 because you're trying to break this stupid record. 45 00:01:18,312 --> 00:01:21,149 Hey, can we go back to Spoleto's "camp"? 46 00:01:21,182 --> 00:01:23,451 He invited me to dinner next weekend. 47 00:01:23,484 --> 00:01:25,119 Y'all think I should go? 48 00:01:25,153 --> 00:01:26,120 [mouths word] 49 00:01:26,154 --> 00:01:27,121 'Cause I did buy a new shirt. 50 00:01:27,155 --> 00:01:30,124 [upbeat music] 51 00:01:30,158 --> 00:01:38,166 * 52 00:01:40,168 --> 00:01:41,169 [elevator bell dings] 53 00:01:41,202 --> 00:01:42,436 - Hey, man. - Hey, what's up? 54 00:01:42,470 --> 00:01:44,238 Big day coming up. What'd you get Rebecca? 55 00:01:44,272 --> 00:01:46,574 - For what? - She's trying her 1,000th case. 56 00:01:46,607 --> 00:01:48,409 Did you not read my newsletter, Ted's Words? 57 00:01:48,442 --> 00:01:49,843 [sighs] I mean, I do the Jumble, 58 00:01:49,877 --> 00:01:51,345 but I don't read all the articles. 59 00:01:51,379 --> 00:01:52,780 Look, this is big, man. 60 00:01:52,813 --> 00:01:54,648 You need to nail it with the perfect gift. 61 00:01:54,682 --> 00:01:55,483 Okay. 62 00:01:55,516 --> 00:01:56,650 Okay, well, you two are weirdly close. 63 00:01:56,684 --> 00:01:59,387 You want to come with me, help me find something for her? 64 00:01:59,420 --> 00:02:01,355 Yeah, but trust me, she is tough to buy for. 65 00:02:01,389 --> 00:02:02,723 You need to put your shopping pants on. 66 00:02:02,756 --> 00:02:03,824 We're going hard in the paint. 67 00:02:03,857 --> 00:02:04,858 All right. 68 00:02:06,694 --> 00:02:08,496 You will never guess who Nick is dating. 69 00:02:08,529 --> 00:02:10,198 Is he dating a personal pan pizza? 70 00:02:10,231 --> 00:02:11,332 'Cause that's what I want for lunch. 71 00:02:11,365 --> 00:02:12,333 Carla Myers. 72 00:02:12,366 --> 00:02:14,335 Ew, Carla from high school, Carla? 73 00:02:14,368 --> 00:02:15,636 - Yes. - Ew. 74 00:02:15,669 --> 00:02:17,671 Yes, she's evil. She hates me. She's always had it out for me. 75 00:02:17,705 --> 00:02:19,740 I think she's sleeping with Nick just to spite me. 76 00:02:19,773 --> 00:02:21,375 That's ridiculous, Michelle. 77 00:02:21,409 --> 00:02:22,376 No, she's mean. 78 00:02:22,410 --> 00:02:23,711 God, don't you remember? 79 00:02:23,744 --> 00:02:24,878 Senior year, talent show. 80 00:02:24,912 --> 00:02:27,315 She had everyone boo us off the stage. 81 00:02:27,348 --> 00:02:28,949 - And we were pretty good. - We were good. 82 00:02:28,982 --> 00:02:29,950 Five, six... 83 00:02:29,983 --> 00:02:31,151 (both) Seven, eight. 84 00:02:31,185 --> 00:02:33,687 (Rose Royce) * At the car wash whoa whoa whoa whoa * 85 00:02:33,721 --> 00:02:35,389 And then I rub wax, and then I wax. 86 00:02:35,423 --> 00:02:36,457 And then I wax, and then we go-- 87 00:02:36,490 --> 00:02:37,591 And--and sit. 88 00:02:39,593 --> 00:02:40,661 Oh. 89 00:02:40,694 --> 00:02:41,462 (Rebecca) Oh, my God. 90 00:02:41,495 --> 00:02:42,763 (Michelle) Was it your back again? 91 00:02:42,796 --> 00:02:44,465 No, I just... 92 00:02:44,498 --> 00:02:46,534 I just saw my van. 93 00:02:46,567 --> 00:02:48,736 My van just pulled out and drove down the street. 94 00:02:48,769 --> 00:02:50,538 No, your van died in the desert. 95 00:02:50,571 --> 00:02:51,605 No, it was murdered in the desert. 96 00:02:51,639 --> 00:02:53,707 If something's murdered in the desert, 97 00:02:53,741 --> 00:02:55,576 can it come back to life? 98 00:02:55,609 --> 00:02:58,246 No more NyQuil. No more. 99 00:03:00,648 --> 00:03:01,882 Your Honor, I just want you to know, 100 00:03:01,915 --> 00:03:02,983 I'm on your team. 101 00:03:03,016 --> 00:03:03,951 Between us chickens, 102 00:03:03,984 --> 00:03:05,686 I sometimes don't get down every word in here, 103 00:03:05,719 --> 00:03:07,321 but when I heard you might break that record, 104 00:03:07,355 --> 00:03:08,922 I popped, like, six Sudafeds, 105 00:03:08,956 --> 00:03:10,458 so I am ready to go. 106 00:03:10,491 --> 00:03:12,560 Okay, well, that's good to know. 107 00:03:12,593 --> 00:03:13,561 Ready to go! 108 00:03:13,594 --> 00:03:14,695 Okay. 109 00:03:14,728 --> 00:03:17,231 Your Honor, the plaintiffs live in a retirement home, 110 00:03:17,265 --> 00:03:19,333 and they are suing to shut down the strip club 111 00:03:19,367 --> 00:03:20,734 that opened two doors down. 112 00:03:20,768 --> 00:03:22,002 On what grounds? 113 00:03:22,035 --> 00:03:25,339 Well, it's a Lutheran home, and they hold daily prayer services, 114 00:03:25,373 --> 00:03:27,408 and so they get the same protections as a church. 115 00:03:27,441 --> 00:03:28,876 And as a church, the law says 116 00:03:28,909 --> 00:03:31,245 that strip club can't operate within 1,000 feet of them. 117 00:03:31,279 --> 00:03:32,813 We're good down here. Go, go, go. 118 00:03:32,846 --> 00:03:34,382 Pretty straightforward, Tom. 119 00:03:34,415 --> 00:03:35,483 Why don't you go ahead and call your first witness? 120 00:03:35,516 --> 00:03:36,317 Uh, yes. 121 00:03:36,350 --> 00:03:38,319 We call the Reverend Walter Jensen. 122 00:03:38,352 --> 00:03:40,321 Oh, boy. 123 00:03:40,354 --> 00:03:43,357 [groaning] 124 00:03:50,063 --> 00:03:52,266 [joints popping] 125 00:03:52,300 --> 00:03:54,335 Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on. 126 00:03:54,368 --> 00:03:55,336 Whenever you're ready. 127 00:03:55,369 --> 00:03:57,771 Yeah, no-- no, take your time. 128 00:03:57,805 --> 00:03:58,806 Come on! 129 00:03:58,839 --> 00:04:00,408 Uh-- 130 00:04:00,441 --> 00:04:01,909 [groans] 131 00:04:01,942 --> 00:04:03,277 All right, touchdown. 132 00:04:03,311 --> 00:04:04,412 All right, well, raise your right hand. 133 00:04:04,445 --> 00:04:05,413 - Do you swear-- - Hold it. 134 00:04:05,446 --> 00:04:07,348 If it's all the same to you, 135 00:04:07,381 --> 00:04:09,650 I'd prefer to use my own Bible. 136 00:04:09,683 --> 00:04:10,718 That's fine. Go ahead. 137 00:04:10,751 --> 00:04:12,986 Criminy. It's back at the table. 138 00:04:13,020 --> 00:04:13,987 (Tedward) Okay, yeah. Where is it? 139 00:04:14,021 --> 00:04:15,022 Let me grab it. 140 00:04:15,055 --> 00:04:16,857 No, no, it'll be quicker if I get it. 141 00:04:16,890 --> 00:04:20,361 - Tedward, just get-- - I know right where it is. 142 00:04:20,394 --> 00:04:22,062 There we go, there we go. There we go. Yeah. 143 00:04:22,095 --> 00:04:23,564 There we go. 144 00:04:23,597 --> 00:04:25,699 Here we go. That is...quick. 145 00:04:28,936 --> 00:04:29,069 . 146 00:04:29,102 --> 00:04:29,870 (woman) And my daughter was visiting. 147 00:04:30,638 --> 00:04:34,375 Her new husband is a heart surgeon. 148 00:04:34,408 --> 00:04:36,644 Oh, what is his name? 149 00:04:36,677 --> 00:04:38,479 It'll--it'll come to me. 150 00:04:38,512 --> 00:04:40,981 Anyway, we took them to the cafeteria, 151 00:04:41,014 --> 00:04:44,718 and they were serving peas again. 152 00:04:44,752 --> 00:04:46,454 Two days of peas. 153 00:04:46,487 --> 00:04:48,322 Now, that's just crazy. 154 00:04:48,356 --> 00:04:52,059 Ma'am, I'm so sorry, but I just asked you to state your name. 155 00:04:52,092 --> 00:04:54,428 Oh, it's Mildred. 156 00:04:54,462 --> 00:04:56,029 - Mm-hmm. - Mildred Belin-- 157 00:04:56,063 --> 00:04:57,365 Thank you, Ms. Belin. 158 00:04:57,398 --> 00:05:00,968 No, no. It's Belinikowski-Friedman. 159 00:05:01,001 --> 00:05:03,504 I was one of the first to hyphenate. 160 00:05:03,537 --> 00:05:04,938 It's spelled 161 00:05:04,972 --> 00:05:10,611 B-E-L-I-N-I-K-O-W-- 162 00:05:10,644 --> 00:05:12,746 Oh, that's not necessary. Thank you. 163 00:05:12,780 --> 00:05:14,748 And I now see that we are out of time. 164 00:05:14,782 --> 00:05:18,386 So we're gonna have to pick this up first thing tomorrow morning. 165 00:05:18,419 --> 00:05:21,755 Hopefully we can get the address by lunch. 166 00:05:21,789 --> 00:05:22,756 You guys... 167 00:05:22,790 --> 00:05:23,757 Hey. 168 00:05:23,791 --> 00:05:24,758 This is hopeless. 169 00:05:24,792 --> 00:05:26,360 I'm never gonna clear that case fast enough 170 00:05:26,394 --> 00:05:27,828 to get in two more by Thursday. 171 00:05:27,861 --> 00:05:28,929 Hey. Yes, you can. 172 00:05:28,962 --> 00:05:30,398 I believe in you. 173 00:05:30,431 --> 00:05:32,600 Oh, my God. I almost forgot to tell you. 174 00:05:32,633 --> 00:05:34,902 I think I saw my old van the other day. 175 00:05:34,935 --> 00:05:36,637 Yeah, Michelle and I were having lunch, 176 00:05:36,670 --> 00:05:38,672 and it turned left on Riverside. 177 00:05:38,706 --> 00:05:41,942 Rebecca, that van was one of a kind. 178 00:05:41,975 --> 00:05:44,778 Okay, and destroyed beyond repair, by the way. 179 00:05:44,812 --> 00:05:45,979 I saw that van. 180 00:05:46,013 --> 00:05:47,147 - Mm-hmm. - I did. 181 00:05:47,180 --> 00:05:48,816 Yeah, sounds like phantom van pain. 182 00:05:48,849 --> 00:05:51,151 Look, a thousand cases is a big milestone, right? 183 00:05:51,184 --> 00:05:53,487 So it's natural that you would look back over your career 184 00:05:53,521 --> 00:05:54,888 and the person you used to be. 185 00:05:54,922 --> 00:05:55,923 The van represents that. 186 00:05:55,956 --> 00:05:57,024 Hmm. 187 00:05:57,057 --> 00:05:59,026 Yeah, well, I'm never gonna make that milestone now. 188 00:05:59,059 --> 00:06:03,797 I had a very old, geriatric, slow-moving speed bump. 189 00:06:03,831 --> 00:06:04,698 Mm, hey. 190 00:06:04,732 --> 00:06:07,801 Why don't you take a shift in night court? 191 00:06:07,835 --> 00:06:09,470 Tedward, that is a brilliant idea. 192 00:06:09,503 --> 00:06:11,439 I can breeze through three cases, no problem. 193 00:06:11,472 --> 00:06:12,440 [phone chimes] - Yeah. 194 00:06:12,473 --> 00:06:13,907 Oh, man. It's Michelle. 195 00:06:13,941 --> 00:06:14,908 She sounds drunk. 196 00:06:14,942 --> 00:06:15,909 In a text? 197 00:06:15,943 --> 00:06:16,777 Yeah. 198 00:06:16,810 --> 00:06:18,612 Five wine bottles and seven sad faces. 199 00:06:18,646 --> 00:06:19,680 That's like her Bat-Signal. 200 00:06:19,713 --> 00:06:20,948 - Ooh. - All right, I gotta bounce. 201 00:06:20,981 --> 00:06:22,516 - Okay. Bye. - I'll see you. Bye. 202 00:06:22,550 --> 00:06:23,517 And I will see you... 203 00:06:23,551 --> 00:06:24,518 In night court. 204 00:06:24,552 --> 00:06:26,787 - Yes. - [laughs] Later. 205 00:06:26,820 --> 00:06:29,056 Hey, you guys wanna catch a flick with me tonight? 206 00:06:29,089 --> 00:06:30,924 I make my own caramel corn, and I sneak it in 207 00:06:30,958 --> 00:06:33,827 in Tippy's Daughters of the American Revolution tote bag. 208 00:06:33,861 --> 00:06:34,762 Oh, sorry, buddy. 209 00:06:34,795 --> 00:06:36,530 Tedward and I are going shopping later. 210 00:06:36,564 --> 00:06:37,731 I mean, you're more than welcome to join us 211 00:06:37,765 --> 00:06:39,132 if you have no one else to hang out with. 212 00:06:39,166 --> 00:06:40,000 What? No. 213 00:06:40,033 --> 00:06:41,502 I got plenty of people to hang with. 214 00:06:41,535 --> 00:06:42,503 I'll just call one of my other friends. 215 00:06:42,536 --> 00:06:43,771 You know, like my friend Ross. 216 00:06:43,804 --> 00:06:46,139 And, um, Monica's cool. 217 00:06:46,173 --> 00:06:47,975 Chandler. God, could he be any funnier? 218 00:06:48,008 --> 00:06:49,877 Right, yeah, well, you know, it's a-- 219 00:06:49,910 --> 00:06:50,878 If you do want to catch up later, 220 00:06:50,911 --> 00:06:52,646 maybe grab a beer with us, 221 00:06:52,680 --> 00:06:53,914 we'll be with Norm. 222 00:06:53,947 --> 00:06:55,883 - Oh, Cliff's gonna be there. - Cliff. Cliff will be there. 223 00:06:55,916 --> 00:06:56,950 - Yeah. - And Woody. 224 00:06:56,984 --> 00:06:58,819 Yeah, sure. What place is this? 225 00:06:58,852 --> 00:06:59,820 Cheers. 226 00:06:59,853 --> 00:07:00,921 Cheers. 227 00:07:05,258 --> 00:07:06,494 Michelle. 228 00:07:06,527 --> 00:07:08,529 Get in the car. 229 00:07:12,500 --> 00:07:13,501 [sighs] 230 00:07:15,969 --> 00:07:17,871 What are you doing in front of Nick's house? 231 00:07:17,905 --> 00:07:19,573 Do you remember when Britney Spears shaved her head 232 00:07:19,607 --> 00:07:20,908 and just sat around on curbs? 233 00:07:20,941 --> 00:07:22,109 That's what you look like. 234 00:07:22,142 --> 00:07:24,712 Carla's in there with him probably doing it. 235 00:07:24,745 --> 00:07:25,946 Michelle, I love you, 236 00:07:25,979 --> 00:07:27,014 but I have to get to night court, 237 00:07:27,047 --> 00:07:28,115 so you have one minute to spill. 238 00:07:28,148 --> 00:07:29,082 Okay, okay. 239 00:07:29,116 --> 00:07:31,084 Remember in high school I liked Kyle Peterson? 240 00:07:31,118 --> 00:07:32,786 - Yeah. - And then Carla told me, 241 00:07:32,820 --> 00:07:34,688 "He's never gonna date you because you're not pretty." 242 00:07:34,722 --> 00:07:35,823 You're gorgeous, and Carla just said that 243 00:07:35,856 --> 00:07:36,857 because she wanted to sleep with him. 244 00:07:36,890 --> 00:07:38,025 Which worked, 245 00:07:38,058 --> 00:07:39,793 and now she's in there doing it with Nick. 246 00:07:39,827 --> 00:07:41,695 You know? She always gets what she wants. 247 00:07:41,729 --> 00:07:44,131 And I hate her, and I have a plan this time 248 00:07:44,164 --> 00:07:45,666 'cause I'm gonna punch her in the face. 249 00:07:45,699 --> 00:07:47,568 We're grown-ups, punching is now called battery, 250 00:07:47,601 --> 00:07:48,802 and they will take you to jail for it. 251 00:07:48,836 --> 00:07:50,504 - Crap. - Yeah. 252 00:07:50,538 --> 00:07:51,572 I know. 253 00:07:51,605 --> 00:07:53,173 I know, I gotta let this go. 254 00:07:53,206 --> 00:07:54,942 Mm-hmm. 255 00:07:54,975 --> 00:07:55,743 I just--I want-- 256 00:07:55,776 --> 00:07:57,911 I just wanna sit here for a second. 257 00:07:57,945 --> 00:08:00,781 Just, will you just hold me? 258 00:08:00,814 --> 00:08:02,683 This is nice. 259 00:08:02,716 --> 00:08:03,717 (Tedward) Gary, we've been to five stores. 260 00:08:03,751 --> 00:08:04,918 We have to find something here. 261 00:08:04,952 --> 00:08:06,053 I know, I know. 262 00:08:06,086 --> 00:08:09,156 I-I need to find something meaningful but unconventional. 263 00:08:09,189 --> 00:08:11,992 Oh, you mean like a fancy slow cooker that plays music. 264 00:08:12,025 --> 00:08:13,193 Is that real, or are you just making that up? 265 00:08:13,226 --> 00:08:16,697 I think I just made that up, but the technology does exist. 266 00:08:16,730 --> 00:08:17,865 Oh, you know what? What about a locket? 267 00:08:17,898 --> 00:08:20,568 You know, and we can put our-- put our pictures in it. 268 00:08:20,601 --> 00:08:21,569 A locket? 269 00:08:21,602 --> 00:08:22,570 Yeah. 270 00:08:22,603 --> 00:08:23,771 What is it, 1892? 271 00:08:23,804 --> 00:08:24,905 What, are you going out to sea for six months? 272 00:08:24,938 --> 00:08:26,306 I don't know. 273 00:08:26,339 --> 00:08:28,075 What about, like, an expensive scotch, you know? 274 00:08:28,108 --> 00:08:29,577 Play it safe. 275 00:08:29,610 --> 00:08:30,678 The woman has enough alcohol. 276 00:08:30,711 --> 00:08:32,913 If anything, get her a bottle of water and some Advil. 277 00:08:32,946 --> 00:08:33,847 [sighs] 278 00:08:33,881 --> 00:08:35,248 I don't know. I'm in my head, you know? 279 00:08:35,282 --> 00:08:36,717 There's a lot of pressure on this. 280 00:08:36,750 --> 00:08:37,985 - Yeah. - She's hard to shop for. 281 00:08:38,018 --> 00:08:39,052 I mean, if I was shopping for you, 282 00:08:39,086 --> 00:08:41,021 I would know exactly what to get. 283 00:08:41,054 --> 00:08:43,824 This leather jacket. 284 00:08:43,857 --> 00:08:45,693 This jacket is so me. 285 00:08:45,726 --> 00:08:46,694 Yeah. You know what? 286 00:08:46,727 --> 00:08:47,795 Why don't you just try it on? 287 00:08:47,828 --> 00:08:49,262 No, I shouldn't. 288 00:08:49,296 --> 00:08:50,864 Pop this baby on. Come here. 289 00:08:50,898 --> 00:08:52,199 [stammers] 290 00:08:52,232 --> 00:08:54,301 Yeah, come on. 291 00:08:54,334 --> 00:08:56,269 Oh. 292 00:08:56,303 --> 00:08:57,070 Butter. 293 00:08:57,104 --> 00:08:58,872 Yeah, it is like it was made for you. 294 00:08:58,906 --> 00:09:00,340 You know, it's my 1,000th case too. 295 00:09:00,373 --> 00:09:01,341 Really? 296 00:09:01,374 --> 00:09:03,744 No, but look how happy it makes me. 297 00:09:03,777 --> 00:09:05,012 We should find a mirror. 298 00:09:07,114 --> 00:09:09,049 Wow. Rough crowd, huh? 299 00:09:09,082 --> 00:09:11,118 Looks like the emergency tent at Coachella. 300 00:09:11,151 --> 00:09:12,586 Yeah, don't worry, okay? I had them 301 00:09:12,620 --> 00:09:14,221 crank up the sensitivity on the metal detectors. 302 00:09:14,254 --> 00:09:15,288 - Mm. - Same setting they use 303 00:09:15,322 --> 00:09:16,289 for The Source Awards. 304 00:09:16,323 --> 00:09:17,290 Mm-hmm. 305 00:09:17,324 --> 00:09:18,291 Mm-hmm. 306 00:09:18,325 --> 00:09:19,226 Mr. Wheeler, 307 00:09:19,259 --> 00:09:21,995 you are accused of flashing a city bus. 308 00:09:22,029 --> 00:09:23,597 So let's just cut to the chase. 309 00:09:23,631 --> 00:09:25,633 Are you wearing any clothes under that trench coat? 310 00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:28,736 - Oh. - All right, all right. 311 00:09:28,769 --> 00:09:30,003 A simple "no" would have sufficed. 312 00:09:30,037 --> 00:09:34,107 Guilty. Maximum probation and fine. 313 00:09:34,141 --> 00:09:36,710 Yeah, okay, I got it. Hit the gym. 314 00:09:38,912 --> 00:09:40,781 Well, I'm inclined to be lenient 315 00:09:40,814 --> 00:09:42,916 because, let's face it, who hasn't been there? 316 00:09:42,950 --> 00:09:45,018 Passed out on a fire escape in your underwear? 317 00:09:45,052 --> 00:09:47,020 No? Just me? 318 00:09:47,054 --> 00:09:48,288 Well, either way, 319 00:09:48,321 --> 00:09:50,057 one week community service for you, sir. 320 00:09:50,090 --> 00:09:51,058 Next. 321 00:09:51,091 --> 00:09:52,359 Here it is, Judge. 322 00:09:52,392 --> 00:09:55,996 Case 1,000. 323 00:09:56,029 --> 00:09:57,831 Okay. 324 00:09:57,865 --> 00:09:58,999 Oh, simple DUI. 325 00:09:59,032 --> 00:10:00,333 Hmm. Some say boring. 326 00:10:00,367 --> 00:10:01,334 I say it's a classic. 327 00:10:01,368 --> 00:10:02,402 Mm-hmm. 328 00:10:02,435 --> 00:10:04,171 Mr. Kreitz, 329 00:10:04,204 --> 00:10:06,373 it says here that you blew a .18? 330 00:10:06,406 --> 00:10:08,208 I've had nothing to drink tonight, Your Honor. 331 00:10:08,241 --> 00:10:11,044 Yeah? Then how do you explain your Breathalyzer results? 332 00:10:11,078 --> 00:10:13,346 I'm a magician and a fire breather. 333 00:10:13,380 --> 00:10:15,916 No way. 334 00:10:15,949 --> 00:10:17,284 I use alcohol to breathe fire, 335 00:10:17,317 --> 00:10:18,852 which is why it registers on the test. 336 00:10:18,886 --> 00:10:20,954 I was driving home from my show, and I got pulled over. 337 00:10:20,988 --> 00:10:22,189 Oh, okay, well, 338 00:10:22,222 --> 00:10:23,891 I guess the only way we're gonna find out 339 00:10:23,924 --> 00:10:24,758 if you're telling the truth or not 340 00:10:24,792 --> 00:10:27,094 is if you demonstrate your act for us. 341 00:10:27,127 --> 00:10:27,895 - Huh? - Yeah. 342 00:10:27,928 --> 00:10:29,096 - My pleasure, Your Honor. - Yeah? 343 00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:31,665 [crowd chatter] 344 00:10:33,801 --> 00:10:37,437 [crowd gasps and cheers] 345 00:10:37,470 --> 00:10:39,940 - Aah! [fire alarm blaring] 346 00:10:39,973 --> 00:10:41,675 No, no, no, no, wait. 347 00:10:41,709 --> 00:10:42,843 Oh, no. 348 00:10:42,876 --> 00:10:44,044 Guys! 349 00:10:44,077 --> 00:10:46,346 Guys, it's just a little mist. 350 00:10:46,379 --> 00:10:48,882 Please don't go. I have to close this case! 351 00:10:48,916 --> 00:10:50,984 Tedward! 352 00:10:51,018 --> 00:10:53,020 He was good, though. 353 00:10:58,859 --> 00:10:59,059 . 354 00:10:59,092 --> 00:10:59,559 All right. This is it. 355 00:11:00,460 --> 00:11:02,162 - [sighs] - You gotta wrap this up today. 356 00:11:02,195 --> 00:11:03,363 Otherwise, Spoleto keeps his record. 357 00:11:03,396 --> 00:11:04,331 I know. 358 00:11:04,364 --> 00:11:05,733 - Okay. - Good luck. 359 00:11:05,766 --> 00:11:07,467 (Rebecca) All right, Tom, here's the deal. 360 00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:10,303 I'm imagining the rest of your witnesses are 361 00:11:10,337 --> 00:11:12,706 gonna have similar complaints about noise, 362 00:11:12,740 --> 00:11:15,709 moral outrage, and overabundance of peas. 363 00:11:15,743 --> 00:11:17,077 Ah, now they're also worried that 364 00:11:17,110 --> 00:11:19,847 the strippers might cause a shortage of $1 bills, 365 00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:20,680 so they'll have nothing to put 366 00:11:20,714 --> 00:11:23,116 into their grandkids' birthday cards. 367 00:11:23,150 --> 00:11:25,953 Right, so, if we let the court show 368 00:11:25,986 --> 00:11:28,088 that all of your plaintiffs' complaints are logged in, 369 00:11:28,121 --> 00:11:29,222 will you move on? 370 00:11:29,256 --> 00:11:30,223 I think that-- 371 00:11:30,257 --> 00:11:32,325 Great. Defense, you're up. 372 00:11:32,359 --> 00:11:35,963 Your Honor, Aphrodite's Nest is an upscale supper club. 373 00:11:35,996 --> 00:11:37,430 To prove that, I'd like to call a waitress 374 00:11:37,464 --> 00:11:40,333 who's worked there over a year. 375 00:11:40,367 --> 00:11:42,135 - Ooh. - [chuckles] 376 00:11:42,169 --> 00:11:43,136 [man whistles] 377 00:11:43,170 --> 00:11:44,304 - [clears throat] - Whoo-hoo! 378 00:11:44,337 --> 00:11:45,305 I got it. 379 00:11:45,338 --> 00:11:47,374 Uh-huh. Mm-hmm. 380 00:11:49,810 --> 00:11:52,212 Raise your hand and state your name, please. 381 00:11:52,245 --> 00:11:53,847 Apollonia Lavender. 382 00:11:53,881 --> 00:11:55,382 Apollonia Lavender? 383 00:11:55,415 --> 00:11:57,517 That's--that's really your name? 384 00:11:57,550 --> 00:11:59,019 - Yes, it's my only name. - Really? 385 00:11:59,052 --> 00:12:00,253 - Yeah, really. - Okay. 386 00:12:00,287 --> 00:12:02,255 We're gonna need some sort of birth certificate or an ID or-- 387 00:12:02,289 --> 00:12:03,190 Fine, fine. 388 00:12:03,223 --> 00:12:04,391 Do you have some sort of legal document 389 00:12:04,424 --> 00:12:05,425 saying that that's her name? 390 00:12:05,458 --> 00:12:07,427 Your Honor, she's from Siberia. 391 00:12:07,460 --> 00:12:09,529 It will take a few hours to get the documents telefaxed. 392 00:12:09,562 --> 00:12:11,331 All right, well--telefaxed? 393 00:12:11,364 --> 00:12:13,967 Jeez, you guys really did quit after the Space Race. 394 00:12:14,001 --> 00:12:16,136 All right, two-hour recess. 395 00:12:16,169 --> 00:12:18,005 I need those documents within that two-hour window, 396 00:12:18,038 --> 00:12:19,372 not a second later. 397 00:12:19,406 --> 00:12:21,942 Hey, do you want to maybe catch some lunch? 398 00:12:21,975 --> 00:12:23,243 Uh, no, I'm having lunch with Mich. 399 00:12:23,276 --> 00:12:24,778 Oh, cool, cool, cool, yeah. 400 00:12:24,812 --> 00:12:26,546 I like to eat alone. It gives me a chance to eat... 401 00:12:26,579 --> 00:12:28,415 by myself. Hey, did you want to-- 402 00:12:28,448 --> 00:12:29,416 Nyet. 403 00:12:31,418 --> 00:12:33,453 Thank you. This is a lovely restaur... 404 00:12:33,486 --> 00:12:36,456 [clears throat] Great. 405 00:12:36,489 --> 00:12:38,025 Hi, yeah, can I get the, um... 406 00:12:38,058 --> 00:12:38,992 Oh, you're just... 407 00:12:39,026 --> 00:12:40,193 You know what, you can leave one of those. 408 00:12:40,227 --> 00:12:41,328 That's... 409 00:12:41,361 --> 00:12:42,429 Wow, that is empty. 410 00:12:42,462 --> 00:12:43,130 [laughs] 411 00:12:43,163 --> 00:12:44,832 No, I'm just--I'm dining alone, 412 00:12:44,865 --> 00:12:46,466 but my choice. 413 00:12:46,499 --> 00:12:47,434 [laughs] 414 00:12:47,467 --> 00:12:49,837 Oh, seriously. The chairs? 415 00:12:50,838 --> 00:12:52,305 Oh, so you found something? 416 00:12:52,339 --> 00:12:55,442 Well, not for her, but I got something for you. 417 00:12:55,475 --> 00:12:56,443 No way. 418 00:12:56,476 --> 00:12:57,444 Yeah. 419 00:12:57,477 --> 00:12:59,246 Dude, this is perfect. 420 00:12:59,279 --> 00:13:01,148 I saw you looking at it when we were shopping. 421 00:13:01,181 --> 00:13:02,482 I mean, you always talk about writing. 422 00:13:02,515 --> 00:13:03,650 I figure this will be 423 00:13:03,683 --> 00:13:05,886 just the nudge you need to push you in that direction. 424 00:13:05,919 --> 00:13:07,955 Look, Gary, you were supposed to be buying a present for Rebecca. 425 00:13:07,988 --> 00:13:08,956 What happened, man? 426 00:13:08,989 --> 00:13:09,990 I don't know. 427 00:13:10,023 --> 00:13:11,158 I'm kind of freaking out, Tedward. 428 00:13:11,191 --> 00:13:13,126 I mean, is there something wrong with me 429 00:13:13,160 --> 00:13:15,562 that I can't find a present for this woman I supposedly love? 430 00:13:15,595 --> 00:13:16,563 No, man. 431 00:13:16,596 --> 00:13:17,697 You could look forever 432 00:13:17,730 --> 00:13:20,300 and probably never find the exact, right, perfect thing 433 00:13:20,333 --> 00:13:22,836 to commemorate this huge milestone in her life. 434 00:13:27,474 --> 00:13:28,208 Go, go, go. 435 00:13:28,241 --> 00:13:29,877 Oh, my God, everything looks good, 436 00:13:29,910 --> 00:13:30,878 and I'm starving. 437 00:13:30,911 --> 00:13:31,744 Mm, I know. 438 00:13:31,778 --> 00:13:33,180 Well, I wanted to treat you to lunch 439 00:13:33,213 --> 00:13:34,381 to say thanks for, you know, 440 00:13:34,414 --> 00:13:36,016 talking some sense into me the other day. 441 00:13:36,049 --> 00:13:37,417 You were totally right, 442 00:13:37,450 --> 00:13:39,386 and I have completely moved on. 443 00:13:39,419 --> 00:13:40,587 That is great. 444 00:13:40,620 --> 00:13:42,289 Michelle, honestly, I'm really proud of you. 445 00:13:42,322 --> 00:13:44,124 You don't need to sink down to Nick's level 446 00:13:44,157 --> 00:13:46,960 and get involved in some petty old feud with-- 447 00:13:46,994 --> 00:13:48,361 Is that Carla Myers? 448 00:13:48,395 --> 00:13:50,197 What? She works here? 449 00:13:50,230 --> 00:13:51,498 [gasps] She got fat. 450 00:13:51,531 --> 00:13:53,533 I cannot believe you dragged me halfway across town 451 00:13:53,566 --> 00:13:55,335 to come spy on her with you. 452 00:13:55,368 --> 00:13:58,405 I told you, I don't want to do this petty, high school crap. 453 00:13:58,438 --> 00:13:59,506 Hey... 454 00:13:59,539 --> 00:14:00,507 Carla. 455 00:14:00,540 --> 00:14:02,375 I haven't seen you in a long time. 456 00:14:02,409 --> 00:14:04,544 Huh. I just saw Michelle. 457 00:14:04,577 --> 00:14:07,214 She was lurking in the bushes outside of Nick's house. 458 00:14:07,247 --> 00:14:08,982 Boy, you just couldn't wait until Nick and I broke up 459 00:14:09,016 --> 00:14:09,749 to sleep with him. 460 00:14:09,782 --> 00:14:11,451 Oh, is the tomato soup cream-based? 461 00:14:11,484 --> 00:14:12,385 What? 462 00:14:12,419 --> 00:14:14,387 What? We never get to eat at these lunches. 463 00:14:14,421 --> 00:14:15,655 Well, I wouldn't eat at this restaurant. 464 00:14:15,688 --> 00:14:17,157 Because if she's touched anything, 465 00:14:17,190 --> 00:14:18,491 it definitely has herpes. 466 00:14:18,525 --> 00:14:19,559 Okay, listen, 467 00:14:19,592 --> 00:14:21,128 why don't we bury this? 468 00:14:21,161 --> 00:14:22,562 Yes. That's a great idea. 469 00:14:22,595 --> 00:14:25,332 Here, why don't you have a margarita on the house? 470 00:14:25,365 --> 00:14:26,566 Oh, thank--aah! 471 00:14:26,599 --> 00:14:27,567 Aah! Oh, my God! 472 00:14:27,600 --> 00:14:28,568 - Oh, no, okay. - Bitch! 473 00:14:28,601 --> 00:14:29,569 It's okay. [shushing] 474 00:14:29,602 --> 00:14:30,637 Oh, listen, hey, I didn't wait 475 00:14:30,670 --> 00:14:32,973 for you and Nick to break up before I slept with him. 476 00:14:33,006 --> 00:14:34,341 We had sex when you were married too. 477 00:14:34,374 --> 00:14:35,342 What? 478 00:14:35,375 --> 00:14:36,509 What? 479 00:14:36,543 --> 00:14:38,946 - Ooh! - Oh! 480 00:14:38,979 --> 00:14:39,947 What a bitch! 481 00:14:39,980 --> 00:14:41,014 Yeah. Oh, my God! 482 00:14:41,048 --> 00:14:42,015 - Aah! - Oh! 483 00:14:42,049 --> 00:14:43,016 Oh, not today. Please. 484 00:14:43,050 --> 00:14:44,184 You can't arrest me today. 485 00:14:44,217 --> 00:14:46,053 Oh, no, sir, I'm serious. 486 00:14:46,086 --> 00:14:47,054 Just listen to me. 487 00:14:47,087 --> 00:14:48,288 Be reasonable. 488 00:14:48,321 --> 00:14:50,090 Sir. 489 00:14:54,361 --> 00:14:54,561 . 490 00:14:54,594 --> 00:14:54,928 Rebecca, hey. 491 00:14:56,129 --> 00:14:57,965 - Oh. - Oh, God, are you okay? 492 00:14:57,998 --> 00:15:00,167 No, I'm not okay. 493 00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:02,469 Gary is posting bail for me right now. 494 00:15:02,502 --> 00:15:03,470 Ugh. 495 00:15:03,503 --> 00:15:05,005 How did you find out about this? 496 00:15:05,038 --> 00:15:08,241 Your case is coming through my office. 497 00:15:08,275 --> 00:15:10,143 Are you okay? What's going on? 498 00:15:10,177 --> 00:15:11,678 Between punching this person 499 00:15:11,711 --> 00:15:14,181 and this whole thousandth case record-- 500 00:15:14,214 --> 00:15:16,216 No, that's definitely not happening now, so-- 501 00:15:16,249 --> 00:15:18,551 So some jerk keeps his record. Who cares? 502 00:15:18,585 --> 00:15:20,053 Why is it such a big deal to you 503 00:15:20,087 --> 00:15:22,322 to be the youngest person to a thousand? 504 00:15:22,355 --> 00:15:25,125 Maybe I like the sound of it, okay? 505 00:15:25,158 --> 00:15:26,459 I'm 45 years old. 506 00:15:26,493 --> 00:15:29,196 I know, I don't look a day over 38. 507 00:15:29,229 --> 00:15:30,630 All right, but when's the next time 508 00:15:30,663 --> 00:15:34,167 I get to be youngest anything anymore? 509 00:15:34,201 --> 00:15:35,969 All right, I'm affected by that too. 510 00:15:36,003 --> 00:15:38,205 You know, my hair is naturally gray. 511 00:15:38,238 --> 00:15:40,173 - Really? - All of it. 512 00:15:40,207 --> 00:15:42,009 - Everywhere. - Okay, I got it. 513 00:15:42,042 --> 00:15:43,510 - I dye it from my head down-- - I get it. 514 00:15:43,543 --> 00:15:45,378 - Okay. - You know. 515 00:15:45,412 --> 00:15:47,180 It's hard, right? 516 00:15:47,214 --> 00:15:49,382 Well, they make a special dye for your sensitive areas. 517 00:15:49,416 --> 00:15:51,651 No, I mean one day you're young, 518 00:15:51,684 --> 00:15:54,187 driving around a cool van, questioning authority. 519 00:15:54,221 --> 00:15:56,689 The next day, you are the authority, the van's gone, 520 00:15:56,723 --> 00:15:58,725 and you find yourself wandering around a CVS 521 00:15:58,758 --> 00:16:01,361 admiring shower stools, thinking, 522 00:16:01,394 --> 00:16:04,164 "Hey, that's actually a really good idea." 523 00:16:04,197 --> 00:16:05,298 Hey, you know what? 524 00:16:05,332 --> 00:16:08,435 The way I see this case-- total self-defense, right? 525 00:16:08,468 --> 00:16:10,637 Michelle's life was in danger, 526 00:16:10,670 --> 00:16:13,106 and Carla was reaching across the table 527 00:16:13,140 --> 00:16:16,376 trying to grab the corkscrew, and you stepped in. 528 00:16:16,409 --> 00:16:18,211 Right? They have no case. 529 00:16:18,245 --> 00:16:20,313 Tom, are you gonna make this case go away for me? 530 00:16:20,347 --> 00:16:22,749 Let's just--okay, maybe a little quieter with that 531 00:16:22,782 --> 00:16:24,651 in the police station. 532 00:16:24,684 --> 00:16:28,021 Wow. That's really nice. 533 00:16:28,055 --> 00:16:29,156 Hey, wait. 534 00:16:29,189 --> 00:16:31,124 Am I the first person that you've revealed this to? 535 00:16:31,158 --> 00:16:32,325 Yeah, why? 536 00:16:32,359 --> 00:16:35,595 Seems like the kind of thing that you would tell a friend. 537 00:16:35,628 --> 00:16:37,630 Like, you're my friend, and I'm your friend, 538 00:16:37,664 --> 00:16:39,132 and we are friends. 539 00:16:39,166 --> 00:16:40,567 - Well, yeah, but-- - Let's leave it at that. 540 00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:43,603 We've come to--let's agree to agree that we're friends. 541 00:16:45,138 --> 00:16:46,806 Judge, you still got 20 minutes to beat this record. 542 00:16:46,839 --> 00:16:49,776 No, it's over. It just wasn't meant to be. 543 00:16:49,809 --> 00:16:51,178 [knocks] Rebecca? 544 00:16:51,211 --> 00:16:52,645 Sounds like you had quite a lunch. 545 00:16:52,679 --> 00:16:53,880 - Ay-yi-yi. - Oh. 546 00:16:53,913 --> 00:16:56,616 Unfortunately, your stripper case will have to be continued. 547 00:16:56,649 --> 00:16:59,219 The one fax machine in Siberia is down until Monday. 548 00:16:59,252 --> 00:17:01,621 Oh, man. What a crap day. 549 00:17:01,654 --> 00:17:03,723 Well, I'm just gonna go home. 550 00:17:03,756 --> 00:17:05,125 - Yeah, looks good. - Thank you. 551 00:17:05,158 --> 00:17:08,095 Actually, I need you to cover a case for me. 552 00:17:08,128 --> 00:17:09,262 My wife has come down with something, 553 00:17:09,296 --> 00:17:11,364 and I--I gotta go. 554 00:17:11,398 --> 00:17:14,101 All right, but don't blame me if I go tough on him. 555 00:17:14,134 --> 00:17:15,235 I was in solitary. 556 00:17:15,268 --> 00:17:18,205 It was a private holding area, 'cause you're a judge. 557 00:17:18,238 --> 00:17:19,239 You don't know what I've seen. 558 00:17:19,272 --> 00:17:21,274 I've changed. 559 00:17:21,308 --> 00:17:22,809 Mr. Brock is here for committing fraud 560 00:17:22,842 --> 00:17:24,344 against Mastro's Steakhouse. 561 00:17:24,377 --> 00:17:25,345 Tom? 562 00:17:25,378 --> 00:17:28,415 Yes, uh, he allegedly ordered the seafood tower, 563 00:17:28,448 --> 00:17:30,817 two bottles of wine, two steaks with all the sides, 564 00:17:30,850 --> 00:17:31,718 and the pecan pie, 565 00:17:31,751 --> 00:17:35,122 and then he tried to leave without paying. 566 00:17:35,155 --> 00:17:36,189 A dine and dash? 567 00:17:36,223 --> 00:17:37,857 Dine and dash. 568 00:17:37,890 --> 00:17:40,093 We actually might be able to get through this 569 00:17:40,127 --> 00:17:41,194 pretty quickly. 570 00:17:41,228 --> 00:17:42,395 Uh, is it a strong case? 571 00:17:42,429 --> 00:17:44,131 40 witnesses in the restaurant. 572 00:17:44,164 --> 00:17:46,499 Instagram photos of him with the seafood tower, 573 00:17:46,533 --> 00:17:48,468 and he was arrested at the valet. 574 00:17:48,501 --> 00:17:50,203 - Allegedly. - Tedward, can we do this? 575 00:17:50,237 --> 00:17:51,771 We got four minutes. We can do this. 576 00:17:51,804 --> 00:17:52,772 - Tom? - I'm in. 577 00:17:52,805 --> 00:17:53,573 Opening statement. 578 00:17:53,606 --> 00:17:55,375 He ate. He didn't pay. He left. Done. 579 00:17:55,408 --> 00:17:57,210 - Oh, and the defense? - Your Honor, I-- 580 00:17:57,244 --> 00:17:58,645 - Objection. - On what grounds? 581 00:17:58,678 --> 00:17:59,746 - We get it. - Sustained. 582 00:17:59,779 --> 00:18:01,614 All right, the prosecution would like to call Mr. Brock 583 00:18:01,648 --> 00:18:02,615 to the stand. 584 00:18:02,649 --> 00:18:03,650 All up here to the stands. 585 00:18:03,683 --> 00:18:04,751 [claps] You got two minutes! 586 00:18:04,784 --> 00:18:06,886 [overlapping chatter] - Come on, come on, come on. 587 00:18:06,919 --> 00:18:08,221 Hey, hey, hey, whole truth, nothing but the truth. 588 00:18:08,255 --> 00:18:09,156 He's good. You got it? 589 00:18:09,189 --> 00:18:09,956 All right, that was a lot of food to eat. 590 00:18:09,989 --> 00:18:11,057 Were you there with someone else? 591 00:18:11,090 --> 00:18:13,860 Yes, I was on a date. Why are you talking so fast? 592 00:18:13,893 --> 00:18:14,927 Did you order the food, did you eat the food, 593 00:18:14,961 --> 00:18:16,129 did you pay for the food, did you intend to pay 594 00:18:16,163 --> 00:18:18,198 for the food, did you leave without paying for the food? 595 00:18:18,231 --> 00:18:20,600 Yes--no. I don't know. What is happening? 596 00:18:20,633 --> 00:18:21,834 Think I got a confession in there. 597 00:18:21,868 --> 00:18:23,403 - Prosecution rests. - Tedward? 598 00:18:23,436 --> 00:18:25,172 - 30 seconds, Your Honor. - All right, Mr. Brock. 599 00:18:25,205 --> 00:18:26,839 How about you pay back the restaurant and I give you 600 00:18:26,873 --> 00:18:28,241 6 months' probation? 601 00:18:28,275 --> 00:18:30,143 - That sounds good. - No. he doesn't agree. 602 00:18:30,177 --> 00:18:31,211 Too late. 603 00:18:31,244 --> 00:18:32,812 And, Mr. Brock, don't ever lie to impress a girl. 604 00:18:32,845 --> 00:18:34,381 If she needs all that, she's just not that into you. 605 00:18:34,414 --> 00:18:35,815 - Court adjourned. - Time. 606 00:18:35,848 --> 00:18:36,816 [gasps] I made it? 607 00:18:36,849 --> 00:18:37,917 Congratulations, Your Honor! 608 00:18:37,950 --> 00:18:40,920 [all cheering] 609 00:18:40,953 --> 00:18:42,922 1,000. 1,000. 610 00:18:42,955 --> 00:18:45,692 - Uh! - Yes! 611 00:18:45,725 --> 00:18:48,628 [whistles] 612 00:18:48,661 --> 00:18:49,629 Whoo! 613 00:18:49,662 --> 00:18:50,430 [whistles] 614 00:18:50,463 --> 00:18:52,699 What? Sir, what are you doing here? 615 00:18:52,732 --> 00:18:53,933 I thought your wife was sick. 616 00:18:53,966 --> 00:18:56,669 Well, I did what I had to do to see that justice was served. 617 00:18:56,703 --> 00:19:00,173 If you didn't break that record, it would have been a crime. 618 00:19:00,207 --> 00:19:01,508 I've got something for you. 619 00:19:01,541 --> 00:19:02,542 Oh, no, no, no. Sir, I couldn't. 620 00:19:02,575 --> 00:19:03,743 You need that to trade with. 621 00:19:03,776 --> 00:19:05,478 [laughs] 622 00:19:05,512 --> 00:19:06,913 I didn't always wear bolos. 623 00:19:06,946 --> 00:19:09,649 I got this from Judge Carlton when I hit a thousand cases, 624 00:19:09,682 --> 00:19:11,884 and I've been wearing them ever since. 625 00:19:11,918 --> 00:19:16,256 Judge Rebecca Wright, I want you to have this. 626 00:19:18,291 --> 00:19:19,459 Thank you, sir, very much. 627 00:19:19,492 --> 00:19:20,927 I know part of the reason you gave me this is 628 00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:21,828 so I won't make fun of them anymore, 629 00:19:21,861 --> 00:19:24,331 but I'm gonna continue to make fun of them. 630 00:19:24,364 --> 00:19:26,433 Congratulations. 631 00:19:26,466 --> 00:19:27,934 Thank you, sir. Feels good. 632 00:19:27,967 --> 00:19:29,569 - Okay, hey. - Yes? 633 00:19:29,602 --> 00:19:31,238 Tedward and I have a gift for you. 634 00:19:31,271 --> 00:19:32,071 - You do? - Yeah, you ready? 635 00:19:32,104 --> 00:19:34,607 Sounds a little dirty but, yeah, okay. 636 00:19:34,641 --> 00:19:35,508 - Where are you guys going? - Cover your eyes. 637 00:19:35,542 --> 00:19:37,277 - Wait, where are we going? - Come on. 638 00:19:37,310 --> 00:19:38,811 - Okay, right out here. - Yeah. 639 00:19:38,845 --> 00:19:40,647 - Careful, take a step down. - Okay. 640 00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:42,315 There you go, over here. 641 00:19:42,349 --> 00:19:43,583 - Don't peek. - All right. 642 00:19:43,616 --> 00:19:44,584 Okay? 643 00:19:44,617 --> 00:19:45,585 What are you going to do to me? 644 00:19:45,618 --> 00:19:48,921 Ready--one, two, three. 645 00:19:48,955 --> 00:19:51,924 No. 646 00:19:51,958 --> 00:19:54,294 How? 647 00:19:54,327 --> 00:19:55,795 [gasps] 648 00:19:55,828 --> 00:19:56,863 Am I dead? 649 00:19:56,896 --> 00:19:59,832 We saw the same van you saw, and we chased it down 650 00:19:59,866 --> 00:20:01,568 because we are awesome. 651 00:20:01,601 --> 00:20:04,404 But turns out, the guy who airbrushed yours made two. 652 00:20:04,437 --> 00:20:06,239 Yeah, one for himself and one for his desert queen, 653 00:20:06,273 --> 00:20:08,941 who had a gambling problem. 654 00:20:08,975 --> 00:20:11,944 - I love you, Gary. - I love you too. 655 00:20:11,978 --> 00:20:16,416 - [chuckles] - Congratulations, Judge Wright. 656 00:20:16,449 --> 00:20:19,986 - Tedward, thank you. - You're welcome, Judge. 657 00:20:20,019 --> 00:20:21,588 - Oh. - I love you. 658 00:20:21,621 --> 00:20:23,890 Oh, Judy. Oh. 659 00:20:30,963 --> 00:20:33,366 - [sighs] - Here you go. 660 00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:35,302 [laughs] 661 00:20:36,603 --> 00:20:39,272 [engine starts] 662 00:20:39,306 --> 00:20:42,309 [musical ringtone] 663 00:20:42,342 --> 00:20:44,411 [groans] 664 00:20:44,444 --> 00:20:46,946 (Audra Mae and the Almighty Sound) * I'm bored of these pills 665 00:20:46,979 --> 00:20:49,582 Oh, okay. Yes. 666 00:20:49,616 --> 00:20:53,386 * Across town just to sit still * 667 00:20:53,420 --> 00:20:56,289 * I'm going my way 668 00:20:56,323 --> 00:20:58,458 * I'm gonna let loose 669 00:20:58,491 --> 00:21:00,560 * No, I don't care 670 00:21:00,593 --> 00:21:01,994 * Letting down my hair 671 00:21:02,028 --> 00:21:04,997 * Letting go of my balloon 672 00:21:05,031 --> 00:21:07,066 * Well, I'll follow this road 673 00:21:07,099 --> 00:21:09,436 All rise. 674 00:21:09,469 --> 00:21:12,839 The Honorable Rebecca Wright. 675 00:21:12,872 --> 00:21:15,475 Judge presiding. 676 00:21:15,508 --> 00:21:17,477 [clears throat] 677 00:21:17,510 --> 00:21:18,945 [sighs] 678 00:21:21,948 --> 00:21:22,949 Be seated. 679 00:21:24,984 --> 00:21:26,953 [crowd cheers]