1
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Welcome to Dr. P's lab.
2
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Well, this must be important because
you're wearing your stupid science slacks.
3
00:00:13,528 --> 00:00:14,807
Ha, ha!
4
00:00:14,831 --> 00:00:19,900
They are science-themed emoji joggers
and I wear them like a boss.
5
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Anyway, thank you for
being my test subjects.
6
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I have separated you because...
7
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Blah, blah, blah, blah. Science experiment.
8
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When do we get to eat the cake?
9
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After you help me study animal behavior.
10
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Ugh!
11
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Identical twins are unique
to the animal kingdom.
12
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You share the same DNA so
you should have the same IQ.
13
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But I am gonna prove that's wrong by
figuring out which one of you is smarter.
14
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Okay, wait, why do people
always want twins to compete?
15
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Yeah, we're both equally smart.
16
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Oh, I'm smarter. Duh.
I'm smarter.
17
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In a minute, you will
do the written IQ test.
18
00:00:59,742 --> 00:01:03,355
But first, your challenge is
to see who can slice a cake
19
00:01:03,379 --> 00:01:07,481
into eight pieces using the
fewest cuts. Get to slicing.
20
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I'm gonna go check on Liv.
A'ight.
21
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Huh?
22
00:01:16,558 --> 00:01:19,738
The challenge is to slice a
cake. Why are you making a salad?
23
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Oh, well, you see, my challenge
is to always eat healthy. So...
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Well, I guess Maddie wins this round.
25
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You're supposed to cut it, not maul it!
26
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Oh.
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I definitely stopped
listening after you said cake.
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♪ Better in stereo ♪
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♪ B... B... better in stereo ♪
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♪ I'm up with the sunshine ♪
♪ Let's go ♪
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♪ I lace up my high tops ♪
♪ Oh no ♪
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♪ Slam dunk ♪
♪ Ready or not ♪
33
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♪ Yeah, show me what you got ♪
34
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♪ I'm under the spotlight ♪
♪ Holler ♪
35
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♪ I dare you, come on and follow ♪
36
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♪ You dance to your own beat ♪
37
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♪ I'll sing the melody ♪
38
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♪ When you say yea-ah-ah ♪
39
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♪ I say no-oh-oh ♪
40
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♪ When you say stop ♪
41
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♪ All I want to do is go, go, go ♪
42
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♪ You, you, the other half of me, me ♪
43
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♪ The half I'll never be-e ♪
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♪ The half that drives me crazy ♪
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♪ You, you, the better half of me, me ♪
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♪ The half I'll always nee-eed ♪
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♪ But we both know ♪
48
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♪ We're better in stereo ♪
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Hey, Ruby.
50
00:02:38,674 --> 00:02:39,885
Oh, hey, Joey.
51
00:02:39,909 --> 00:02:41,669
Aw, are you here to see
your favorite cousin?
52
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Or is it because we're
having ribs for lunch?
53
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No, uh, actually, Liv
told me that Jim Breuer
54
00:02:48,150 --> 00:02:49,661
is guest-starring on the show today?
55
00:02:49,685 --> 00:02:51,864
Yeah, I am a huge fan of his.
56
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He is a triple threat, Ruby.
57
00:02:53,522 --> 00:02:56,068
Stand-up, movies, T.V.
58
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I mean, I guess he does
comedy and all those things,
59
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so maybe he's a single
threat with multiple outlets.
60
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I'll find him for you.
61
00:03:03,699 --> 00:03:05,911
Which means I'm leaving you unsupervised.
62
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Don't embarrass me.
63
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What? Donut hole pyramid!
64
00:03:15,011 --> 00:03:17,244
Ha, don't mind if I do.
65
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Donut hole, yeah!
66
00:03:22,351 --> 00:03:23,951
Joey!
Huh?
67
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Pleased to meet you, sir.
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Nice to meet you as well.
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Uh, yeah, we don't need to touch.
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Yeah.
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Did I say he was my cousin?
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Because I've never met him before.
73
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Yeah, don't worry about that, Joey.
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You're never really a family member until
someone pretends they don't know you.
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Well, Mr. Breuer, I am
such a big fan of yours.
76
00:03:54,383 --> 00:03:59,031
Actually, uh, I recently dipped my
toe into the stand-up comedy pool.
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Oh, wow. Well, I hope you didn't
dip it into the shallow end
78
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because that's where the
kids like to do tinkle time.
79
00:04:04,760 --> 00:04:07,528
See, I wanna be able to make
sophisticated jokes just like that one.
80
00:04:09,164 --> 00:04:12,744
My favorite comedian thinks I'm funny.
81
00:04:12,768 --> 00:04:16,949
All that time spent performing at
Quesadilla Joe's has been worth it.
82
00:04:16,973 --> 00:04:18,784
And I've been thinking, after college,
83
00:04:18,808 --> 00:04:21,553
I'm gonna pursue comedy
as a full-time career.
84
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I mean, it's either stand-up
comic or dragon-slayer.
85
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But... that's all about who you know, so.
86
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Hey, you know what? Tonight,
I'm hosting for Open Mic Night
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at The Laugh Palace.
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I'm really tight with the owner, Mickey.
89
00:04:35,925 --> 00:04:38,236
So, why don't you come down,
I'll put in a good word,
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00:04:38,260 --> 00:04:40,105
maybe he'll let you go up on stage.
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Are you serious?
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Yeah.
Mr. Breuer, that would be amazing!
93
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The Laugh Palace is big time.
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00:04:49,638 --> 00:04:52,918
Doing stand-up there
can launch your career.
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Sorry, dragons, but you're gonna
have to find someone else to slay you.
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00:04:58,780 --> 00:05:01,548
Mr. Breuer, I hate to be that guy, but...
97
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Could you do your goat voice for me?
98
00:05:05,987 --> 00:05:07,199
Are you serious?
99
00:05:07,223 --> 00:05:10,290
Be that guy. That guy pays my bills.
100
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Try it.
101
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From here.
102
00:05:20,736 --> 00:05:22,369
There you go.
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Stop, science man.
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How did the, uh, written IQ test go?
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Did, uh, did I win? Am I the smart one?
106
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This isn't like a basketball game, Maddie.
107
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There are no winners or losers. Just
data analysis to prove a hypothesis.
108
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Yeah, totally get that. Who won, though?
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Revealing my results would
compromise my scientific integrity.
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And besides,
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you'll just lord it over Liv.
112
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Why would I lord it over
Liv unless I'm the smart one!
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Bam! What?
114
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No, no, no. I didn't say that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
115
00:06:03,746 --> 00:06:05,991
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah,
yeah, you cannot backpedal.
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I'm the smart one and it is out there
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like... subatomic particles floating
through the space-time continuum.
118
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Okay! I'm, like, so smart.
119
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Okay, look, you did score higher
than Liv, but you can't tell her.
120
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Okay, yeah. No, I totally
understand, Parker.
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I understand everything.
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Mickey!
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Breuer!
Mickey!
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Breuer!
Mickey!
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Breuer! How long we gonna do this?
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Hey. I wanna introduce
you to a very funny kid.
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I was hoping you would let him
go up for Open Mic Night tonight.
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Hi, I'm Joey.
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This is it.
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This is the exact point in time
where Joey Rooney got his big break.
131
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It's my moment.
132
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No, no.
133
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It's my "Joe-ment."
134
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How old are you, kid?
135
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I'm...
I'm 17.
136
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Ooh, no way.
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You can't go into the
club, you're too young.
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But this is my dream, so...
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I'd really like to work something out.
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Hey, I got this, Joey.
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Come on.
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No.
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Oh, come on.
No.
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Come on!
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No!
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Sorry, Joey, did everything I could.
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Yeah.
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It's okay.
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I'll have another once-in-a-lifetime
opportunity come around real soon.
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Oh, Ruby, I am so bummed.
151
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This was my chance.
152
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It was my golden opportunity.
153
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But my dream is dead and
there is no fixing it.
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Fixed it.
What?
155
00:07:59,833 --> 00:08:06,211
Here, I looked up the law and if
they hire you to work in the club,
156
00:08:06,235 --> 00:08:08,235
you can legally go in and perform.
157
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That's amazing! You just saved my dream.
158
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Oh, I've got another problem.
I sneezed blue yesterday.
159
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So... what's the deal with that?
160
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Um...
161
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Did you put something blue up there?
162
00:08:25,487 --> 00:08:27,955
Uh... Oh, do blue
freezy pops count?
163
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Everything counts when it's up your nose.
164
00:08:45,773 --> 00:08:50,922
You know, now that I know that
my IQ is much higher than Liv's,
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00:08:50,946 --> 00:08:53,947
I really feel like I
have to look out for her.
166
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Or rub it in. I could really go either way.
167
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Hm.
168
00:09:00,422 --> 00:09:03,335
Oh, you poor, poor dear.
169
00:09:03,359 --> 00:09:06,605
Yes, remotes can be very hard.
170
00:09:06,629 --> 00:09:08,662
Let me... help you.
171
00:09:10,431 --> 00:09:11,676
Okay.
172
00:09:11,700 --> 00:09:13,267
Oh.
173
00:09:15,536 --> 00:09:17,971
What's happening? Why
are you smiling so weird?
174
00:09:19,440 --> 00:09:21,541
What? Mm, no reason.
175
00:09:24,078 --> 00:09:28,226
Okay, well something's definitely up
'cause you've been acting weird all day.
176
00:09:28,250 --> 00:09:31,184
Okay, no, I haven't.
177
00:09:32,553 --> 00:09:35,522
I'll, uh... just leave this laying
here in case you need it later.
178
00:09:37,325 --> 00:09:41,306
Um, so Maddie, that was
grammatically incorrect.
179
00:09:41,330 --> 00:09:44,643
You should actually say I
will leave this lying here.
180
00:09:44,667 --> 00:09:47,579
So...
I'm fairly certain
181
00:09:47,603 --> 00:09:50,070
I'm correct on this matter, Olivia.
182
00:09:52,507 --> 00:09:57,477
As they say, there's, um, more
than one way to slice a cake.
183
00:09:58,980 --> 00:10:03,595
Ha, ha! Sophisticated
word play? Oh, Maddie.
184
00:10:03,619 --> 00:10:05,686
You are too much.
185
00:10:07,255 --> 00:10:10,101
Oh, and I know I'm
correct because I, um...
186
00:10:10,125 --> 00:10:13,672
Oh, yeah, I scored higher
than you on the IQ test.
187
00:10:13,696 --> 00:10:15,762
You didn't!
I did.
188
00:10:17,498 --> 00:10:18,843
I tricked Parker into telling me.
189
00:10:18,867 --> 00:10:20,578
I outwitted him.
190
00:10:20,602 --> 00:10:22,336
This is something that smart people do.
191
00:10:24,839 --> 00:10:28,953
One, two, three, four,
Maddie got the highest score.
192
00:10:28,977 --> 00:10:30,588
I'm smarter! Whoo, whoo!
193
00:10:30,612 --> 00:10:32,590
I'm smarter! Whoo, whoo!
194
00:10:32,614 --> 00:10:34,025
I'm smarter, I'm smarter.
195
00:10:34,049 --> 00:10:35,627
I'm smarter, I'm smarter.
196
00:10:35,651 --> 00:10:38,663
I'm smarter. Who's smarter? I'm smarter.
197
00:10:38,687 --> 00:10:41,533
What did you do?
198
00:10:41,557 --> 00:10:44,669
Maddie says that you told her that
she scored higher on the IQ test.
199
00:10:44,693 --> 00:10:47,653
And is that true? Because I really
always thought that I was the smart one.
200
00:10:47,677 --> 00:10:50,477
I mean, not that I was gonna lord
it over her, but tell me I'm smarter!
201
00:10:51,299 --> 00:10:53,645
Liv, it's just a dumb test.
Yeah.
202
00:10:53,669 --> 00:10:55,780
And Maddie wasn't even
supposed to say anything.
203
00:10:55,804 --> 00:10:57,871
Especially since I
mixed up the scores and...
204
00:11:02,410 --> 00:11:06,891
If you mixed up the scores, then
that means that I'm the smart one!
205
00:11:06,915 --> 00:11:10,695
I'm so smart, I figured it out!
206
00:11:10,719 --> 00:11:14,199
Please, do not tell Maddie. It will
ruin the integrity of the project.
207
00:11:14,223 --> 00:11:16,056
Ugh, fine. I won't tell her.
208
00:11:17,658 --> 00:11:19,571
Five, six, seven, eight.
209
00:11:19,595 --> 00:11:21,072
Liv's the smartest, and she's great!
210
00:11:21,096 --> 00:11:23,875
I'm smarter! Whoo, whoo! I'm smarter!
211
00:11:23,899 --> 00:11:26,733
Whoo, whoo! I'm smarter! I'm smarter!
212
00:11:29,670 --> 00:11:30,971
And I'm the better singer.
213
00:11:40,114 --> 00:11:42,616
Mickey!
214
00:11:43,618 --> 00:11:45,852
Yeah, we don't have that relationship.
215
00:11:47,002 --> 00:11:48,700
Like I said, you're
too young to get inside.
216
00:11:48,724 --> 00:11:53,738
Oh, actually, Mr. Mickey, I checked,
and I'm allowed in the club
217
00:11:53,762 --> 00:11:55,740
if I'm a paid performer.
218
00:11:55,764 --> 00:11:57,842
But you're not, so beat it.
219
00:11:57,866 --> 00:12:00,712
Just... please, give me a shot?
220
00:12:00,736 --> 00:12:02,714
This is my dream.
221
00:12:02,738 --> 00:12:04,082
Wow.
222
00:12:04,106 --> 00:12:06,773
Kid with a dream, that's interesting.
223
00:12:07,742 --> 00:12:09,020
Still a no.
224
00:12:09,044 --> 00:12:10,444
But it's interesting.
225
00:12:11,379 --> 00:12:13,725
Okay. Please?
226
00:12:13,749 --> 00:12:15,882
I promise you, I'll do a great job.
227
00:12:16,851 --> 00:12:18,630
Look, I just don't think
kids are funny. Okay?
228
00:12:18,654 --> 00:12:22,734
I've got four of my own and not
one of them has ever made me laugh.
229
00:12:22,758 --> 00:12:26,726
Not even the skinny one that falls
all the time. It's just so... sad.
230
00:12:28,830 --> 00:12:32,811
Okay, I'm sorry about your
sad kid, but I promise you...
231
00:12:32,835 --> 00:12:36,948
I'll do well. Just, please
give me the opportunity.
232
00:12:36,972 --> 00:12:39,651
Look, I hire comics to get laughs.
233
00:12:39,675 --> 00:12:41,486
Okay? Not for school credit.
234
00:12:41,510 --> 00:12:42,976
I'm sorry.
235
00:12:44,846 --> 00:12:48,059
Excuse me, are you the bouncer?
236
00:12:48,083 --> 00:12:51,818
The bouncer? Are you serious? A
kitten could push me out of the way.
237
00:12:53,489 --> 00:12:55,956
Would tickle me with his
whiskers, that would distract me.
238
00:12:57,693 --> 00:12:59,604
You're a hoot.
239
00:12:59,628 --> 00:13:01,105
Are you performing tonight?
240
00:13:01,129 --> 00:13:03,575
Oh, thank you but, no, no.
241
00:13:03,599 --> 00:13:06,444
I'm old enough to ride the scary rides,
242
00:13:06,468 --> 00:13:08,535
but not old enough to perform in that club.
243
00:13:09,537 --> 00:13:10,949
I asked, but the owner said no.
244
00:13:10,973 --> 00:13:13,017
Ah, that's too bad.
245
00:13:13,041 --> 00:13:14,752
Yeah, it's okay.
246
00:13:14,776 --> 00:13:16,654
I'm used to hearing a no.
247
00:13:16,678 --> 00:13:21,047
In fact, I expect a no
with... everything that I ask.
248
00:13:22,383 --> 00:13:25,497
Like, "Hey, Mom. Can I buy a
squirrel-monkey on the Internet?"
249
00:13:25,521 --> 00:13:26,698
"No."
250
00:13:26,722 --> 00:13:29,689
"Hey cool kids, can I sit with you?" "No."
251
00:13:30,992 --> 00:13:33,705
Can I abandon everyone
and everything around me
252
00:13:33,729 --> 00:13:36,409
and live in a shack in the middle
of the woods with a bunch of cats?
253
00:13:36,433 --> 00:13:37,999
Sadly, not yet. No.
254
00:13:39,634 --> 00:13:42,680
I realized, I didn't need
to get into that club.
255
00:13:42,704 --> 00:13:47,785
The same people that could laugh
inside, were standing outside.
256
00:13:47,809 --> 00:13:49,687
And I don't even charge a cover.
257
00:13:49,711 --> 00:13:52,145
My "he-he's" are free-free.
258
00:13:53,915 --> 00:13:56,060
So, uh, I'm almost 18, guys.
259
00:13:56,084 --> 00:13:57,896
Yeah, it's exciting.
260
00:13:57,920 --> 00:13:59,898
Once I'm 18, I'll be halfway to 36.
261
00:13:59,922 --> 00:14:01,799
Yeah.
262
00:14:01,823 --> 00:14:04,369
That may not sound like a monumental age,
263
00:14:04,393 --> 00:14:06,738
but my mom has been
telling people that she's 36
264
00:14:06,762 --> 00:14:08,306
for the past 8 years.
265
00:14:08,330 --> 00:14:09,874
So...
266
00:14:09,898 --> 00:14:11,376
Must be a good age, guys.
267
00:14:11,400 --> 00:14:13,166
It sticks around for a long time.
268
00:14:14,702 --> 00:14:17,549
I'm gonna be able to vote in the
next election, I'm so excited.
269
00:14:17,573 --> 00:14:20,885
I just started doing some research
'cause previously I thought
270
00:14:20,909 --> 00:14:24,244
that you just chose between
an elephant and a donkey.
271
00:14:25,546 --> 00:14:28,660
No, that is not the case, guys.
They actually stand for stuff.
272
00:14:28,684 --> 00:14:31,952
I thought it was like a, "Who would
win in a fight?" sort of situation.
273
00:14:33,888 --> 00:14:36,167
Mickey!
274
00:14:36,191 --> 00:14:38,191
You're not Mickey, where's Mickey?
275
00:14:39,226 --> 00:14:40,705
Do you guys like impressions?
276
00:14:40,729 --> 00:14:42,173
Crowd: Yeah.
Yeah? Yeah.
277
00:14:42,197 --> 00:14:43,630
Me too.
278
00:14:45,800 --> 00:14:48,947
So, uh... I have a punchable face, guys.
279
00:14:48,971 --> 00:14:51,849
I have this face. It's very
punchable, I've been told.
280
00:14:51,873 --> 00:14:53,885
It's okay, I've come to terms with it.
281
00:14:53,909 --> 00:14:56,921
What I mean by that, is that if
I was walking down the street,
282
00:14:56,945 --> 00:14:59,891
and some random guy were to
just punch me in the face,
283
00:14:59,915 --> 00:15:03,628
I would completely understand.
284
00:15:03,652 --> 00:15:07,487
"I'd be like, 'Oh, no, you're
good, man. I hate it too.'"
285
00:15:08,489 --> 00:15:09,556
Ha, ha!
286
00:15:19,835 --> 00:15:22,002
Aw, Liv.
287
00:15:22,903 --> 00:15:25,083
Why take on something so complicated?
288
00:15:25,107 --> 00:15:28,008
Let your wiser sister help you.
289
00:15:28,843 --> 00:15:30,321
So sweet, Maddie.
290
00:15:30,345 --> 00:15:33,891
Yeah, you know, the instructions
actually aren't in English.
291
00:15:33,915 --> 00:15:36,394
But they are in a language
that you can understand.
292
00:15:36,418 --> 00:15:38,918
Pictures!
293
00:15:40,655 --> 00:15:45,136
I setup an elaborate trap to lure a
patronizing Maddie to her comeuppance.
294
00:15:45,160 --> 00:15:48,439
Cost me $50, but it was worth it.
295
00:15:48,463 --> 00:15:50,730
I also got this light-up pig!
296
00:15:52,466 --> 00:15:53,845
Pictures?
Mm-hmm.
297
00:15:53,869 --> 00:15:55,346
Oh, no, no, no.
298
00:15:55,370 --> 00:15:58,082
What are you talking about,
Liv? I'm the smarter one.
299
00:15:58,106 --> 00:16:00,607
Are you, Madison? Are you?
300
00:16:02,877 --> 00:16:06,424
Parker messed up the test results, and
it turns out that I have the higher IQ.
301
00:16:06,448 --> 00:16:08,848
Bam! What?
302
00:16:10,217 --> 00:16:12,096
No.
303
00:16:12,120 --> 00:16:13,665
No.
304
00:16:13,689 --> 00:16:16,601
You are just trying to trick me but
guess what? I'm not gonna fall for it.
305
00:16:16,625 --> 00:16:18,358
'Cause why? I'm more smarter.
306
00:16:21,862 --> 00:16:24,042
Okay.
307
00:16:24,066 --> 00:16:25,643
I didn't mean to say that.
308
00:16:25,667 --> 00:16:30,214
Uh, what I meant to say is... it is on!
309
00:16:30,238 --> 00:16:31,883
Oh, bring it!
310
00:16:31,907 --> 00:16:33,384
It's gonna be brought!
311
00:16:33,408 --> 00:16:35,787
Which is the proper conjugation!
312
00:16:35,811 --> 00:16:37,622
I cannot believe you.
313
00:16:37,646 --> 00:16:38,956
Oh, you can't believe me?
314
00:16:38,980 --> 00:16:41,793
Or you can't understand
me because I'm so smart?
315
00:16:41,817 --> 00:16:43,695
Oh, yeah, smarty pants.
316
00:16:43,719 --> 00:16:46,364
How many... digits of pi do you know?
317
00:16:46,388 --> 00:16:48,399
More than you!
318
00:16:48,423 --> 00:16:50,890
Both: Three point one
four one five nine...
319
00:16:53,228 --> 00:16:55,006
Well, well, well.
320
00:16:55,030 --> 00:16:57,797
This is even better than
I thought it would be.
321
00:16:58,833 --> 00:17:00,178
Parker?
322
00:17:00,202 --> 00:17:02,246
What are you doing on our TV?
323
00:17:02,270 --> 00:17:06,718
I prefer to think of it
as a secure location.
324
00:17:06,742 --> 00:17:08,920
Okay, why do you need a secure location?
325
00:17:08,944 --> 00:17:12,090
Because you two simple
and predictable rats
326
00:17:12,114 --> 00:17:14,859
took the cheese and proved my hypothesis.
327
00:17:14,883 --> 00:17:17,495
Wait, what are you talking about?
328
00:17:17,519 --> 00:17:20,765
You said that your hypothesis was
that one of us had a higher IQ.
329
00:17:20,789 --> 00:17:22,956
I say a lot of things, girls.
330
00:17:24,291 --> 00:17:26,337
For the record, you
both have very high IQs.
331
00:17:26,361 --> 00:17:28,740
But this was not about your IQs.
332
00:17:28,764 --> 00:17:32,410
The experiment was to see how
animals react to change in status.
333
00:17:32,434 --> 00:17:36,280
It's usually performed with
agitated baboons, but...
334
00:17:36,304 --> 00:17:39,539
the zoo's kind of a far walk
and you two are right here, so.
335
00:17:42,109 --> 00:17:45,790
Blah, blah, blah, blah, science experiment.
So wait, which one of us is smarter?
336
00:17:45,814 --> 00:17:47,781
It's me, girls.
337
00:17:49,083 --> 00:17:51,451
It's always been me.
338
00:17:55,556 --> 00:17:57,268
I'm from Wisconsin.
339
00:17:57,292 --> 00:18:00,905
So many more food choices here in
California than we have in Wisconsin.
340
00:18:00,929 --> 00:18:06,733
Like in Wisconsin, you have fast food
and you have cheese, and you settle.
341
00:18:08,636 --> 00:18:11,916
But here in California, everybody's
trying to get me to try tofu.
342
00:18:11,940 --> 00:18:13,751
Everybody's like, "Oh, you gotta try tofu."
343
00:18:13,775 --> 00:18:15,495
And I'm like, okay,
what does it taste like?
344
00:18:15,519 --> 00:18:18,287
And they're like, "That's
the great part. Nothing."
345
00:18:19,847 --> 00:18:21,893
I'm like, okay, no, thank you.
346
00:18:21,917 --> 00:18:23,728
And they're like, "You don't understand."
347
00:18:23,752 --> 00:18:26,464
It tastes like whatever it's cooked with.
348
00:18:26,488 --> 00:18:28,900
So if we were to cook it with chicken,
349
00:18:28,924 --> 00:18:32,603
it would taste just like the
chicken that we cooked it with.
350
00:18:32,627 --> 00:18:34,405
And I'm like, okay.
351
00:18:34,429 --> 00:18:38,698
Then I will eat the chicken
that you cooked it with.
352
00:18:40,100 --> 00:18:42,068
And you can have the sponge.
353
00:18:43,804 --> 00:18:46,573
He's so funny, I don't
want to pay to go in.
354
00:18:48,209 --> 00:18:50,121
Don't you see? He's killing it!
355
00:18:50,145 --> 00:18:51,756
Give him a chance.
356
00:18:51,780 --> 00:18:53,379
Come on.
357
00:18:54,348 --> 00:18:56,194
Everybody in L.A...
358
00:18:56,218 --> 00:18:58,663
Everybody's, like, trying some new diet.
359
00:18:58,687 --> 00:19:00,698
Right, like, uh, Paleo?
360
00:19:00,722 --> 00:19:02,200
Have you guys heard of Paleo?
361
00:19:02,224 --> 00:19:07,605
Yeah, with Paleo, you eat whatever
a caveman could find or prepare.
362
00:19:07,629 --> 00:19:11,776
So if a caveman doesn't eat
the food, you don't eat it.
363
00:19:11,800 --> 00:19:15,046
'Cause everybody wants
to be just like a caveman,
364
00:19:15,070 --> 00:19:18,471
and live to the ripe old age of 27.
365
00:19:21,542 --> 00:19:23,142
Come on!
366
00:19:24,411 --> 00:19:26,624
You're just not gonna stop until I say yes.
367
00:19:26,648 --> 00:19:28,314
Mickey!
368
00:19:30,251 --> 00:19:34,632
Living in the South, that's where
the biggest bugs are in the world.
369
00:19:34,656 --> 00:19:38,502
I wake up, middle of the night, get a
snack, turn on the kitchen light...
370
00:19:38,526 --> 00:19:40,204
They got my dog tied up,
371
00:19:40,228 --> 00:19:44,542
big bug's going, "Turn off the
light. The dog's gonna get it.
372
00:19:44,566 --> 00:19:47,011
Show us where your leftovers are."
373
00:19:47,035 --> 00:19:51,082
I'm just... trying to get some milk.
374
00:19:51,106 --> 00:19:54,666
You know when you're driving down the street
and the bugs are smashing on your windshield?
375
00:19:54,690 --> 00:19:58,089
You never deal with it. Not in the
South, these bugs come looking for you
376
00:19:58,113 --> 00:20:00,591
three days later, banging on your door.
377
00:20:00,615 --> 00:20:02,660
Open it up, there's a whole pack of them.
378
00:20:02,684 --> 00:20:05,184
"Hey, is that your car parked over there?
379
00:20:06,453 --> 00:20:08,165
Charlie, is this the guy?"
380
00:20:08,189 --> 00:20:10,201
"Let me look, let me look.
381
00:20:10,225 --> 00:20:14,238
That's him, he just left me there!"
382
00:20:14,262 --> 00:20:16,240
"Come outside for a second.
We want to talk to you.
383
00:20:16,264 --> 00:20:19,032
Bring the leftovers and the dog."
384
00:20:22,937 --> 00:20:25,883
All right, well keep those hands applauding
385
00:20:25,907 --> 00:20:29,387
because we have a new
face to the Laugh Palace.
386
00:20:29,411 --> 00:20:32,712
Please welcome Mr. Joey Rooney.
387
00:20:35,049 --> 00:20:37,461
Hey, how's it going, guys?
388
00:20:37,485 --> 00:20:39,130
Yeah!
389
00:20:39,154 --> 00:20:41,565
I just started stand-up fairly recently.
390
00:20:41,589 --> 00:20:45,536
I just got my first hater on social media.
391
00:20:45,560 --> 00:20:49,062
Yeah. It did not take
long for me to get a hater.
392
00:20:50,731 --> 00:20:52,198
It was pretty much instantly.
393
00:20:53,334 --> 00:20:57,048
But I got a message that said, "I
don't care what your mom tells you,
394
00:20:57,072 --> 00:20:58,871
you're not funny."
395
00:21:01,275 --> 00:21:03,543
And I was like, oh, oh.
396
00:21:04,611 --> 00:21:06,546
My dad has figured out social media.
397
00:21:09,083 --> 00:21:11,329
I'm a paid comedian.
398
00:21:11,353 --> 00:21:14,932
And I defeated Mickey,
who's as scary as a dragon.
399
00:21:14,956 --> 00:21:16,856
Guys, I'm living both dreams!
400
00:21:22,096 --> 00:21:23,596
Joey!
401
00:21:25,332 --> 00:21:28,279
You killed it, you did a great job.
I want to see you back here next week.
402
00:21:28,303 --> 00:21:30,147
I get to come back?
Yeah.
403
00:21:30,171 --> 00:21:31,704
And go inside?
404
00:21:34,108 --> 00:21:35,820
Thank...
Thank you!
405
00:21:35,844 --> 00:21:40,546
Thank you so much, Mickey, I can't
believe it. I feel so grown up.
406
00:21:41,482 --> 00:21:43,194
♪ I'm a stand-up comedian ♪
407
00:21:43,218 --> 00:21:45,296
♪ I'm a stand-up comedian ♪
408
00:21:45,320 --> 00:21:48,099
♪ I'm a... a stand-up comedian ♪
409
00:21:48,123 --> 00:21:49,203
♪ A-one, two, three, four ♪
410
00:21:49,227 --> 00:21:50,460
♪ I'm a stand-up comedian ♪
411
00:21:52,359 --> 00:21:54,293
He did great, huh?
Oh, he killed it.
412
00:21:55,829 --> 00:21:57,430
I did better though, right?
413
00:21:58,832 --> 00:22:01,234
I mean, he's no threat to my career.
414
00:22:02,703 --> 00:22:05,238
Right? Right?
415
00:22:06,573 --> 00:22:07,907
He killed it.
416
00:22:10,310 --> 00:22:11,978
What have I done?
417
00:22:12,913 --> 00:22:14,147
Mick...