Hi, Mom.
I had the best day doing community service at the senior center.
Helping people feels so great.
Wow, Maddie. I'm so glad. Would you help me set the table?
Ugh! I'm so tired.
I chair the Ridgewood High community service campaign.
My community service is to make sure those lazy slackers do their community service.
I am so proud of you and Liv.
But I'm surprised you didn't pick the same project.
Yeah, well, I think Liv knows that the senior center is my turf.
I've been there for two years. Plus, it's all florescent lighting.
She says it makes her look like she has the flu.
Well, she was unbelievably excited about volunteering for Beautify Wisconsin.
Yeah, wait till she finds out what Beautify Wisconsin actually means.
Turns out Beautify Wisconsin isnot going door-to-door giving makeovers.
I spent two hours in a ditch
picking up anything that people threw out of their cars,
cigarette butts, potato chip bags, and most humiliating of all,
the Season 1 DVD of "Sing it Loud."
♪ Better in stereo B... b... better in stereo ♪
-♪ I'm up with the sunshine ♪ -♪ Let's go ♪
-♪ I lace up my high tops ♪ -♪ Oh, no ♪
♪ Slam dunk, ready or not Yeah, show me what you got ♪
-♪ I'm under the spotlight ♪ -♪ Holler ♪
♪ I dare you, come on and follow ♪
♪ You dance to your own beat I'll sing the melody ♪
♪ When you say yeah, I say no ♪
♪ When you say stop all I want to do is go go go ♪
♪ You, you, the other half of me, me The half I'll never be ♪
♪ The half that drives me crazy ♪
♪ You, you, the better half of me, me The half I'll always need ♪
♪ But we both know We're better in stereo ♪
[CHEERING]
All right, all right, porcupines.
Friday night, we play our biggest rivals, the Fairview Tiger Sharks!
[BOOING]
And every year, those Tiger Sharks try to steal our beloved mascot,
Paulie the Porcupine!
[CHEERING]
But the night before the big game,
two freshman are chosen to watch over Paulie.
As basketball team captain, I have selected Joey Rooney
and Skippy Ramirez to keep Paulie safe from the Tiger Sharks.
[BOOING]
I'm sorry. Just to be clear, are you booing us,
or are you booing the Tiger Sharks?
[BOOING]
Dude, stop saying Tiger Sharks.
[BOOING]
Uh, we are your Paulie protectors.
-[CHEERING] -Yeah.
I begged Diggie for this job.
If Skippy and I could keep Paulie safe all night,
we'd get the honor of...
Hanging the first bratwurst link around Paulie's neck.
It's like winning an olympic medal, but with meat.
Okay, Silver Steppers, you are doing great.
Now, remember, exercise reverses the aging process.
So pretty soon, with a little bit of work, you will all look 70 again.
And if you get any younger than that,
then you'll have to pay full price at the movie theater.
Okay, get ready to switch stations. And go.
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
Hey, if you really wanna get their attention, yell "Bingo."
They'll listen to anything you say after that.
I love my Silver Steppers. I mean, they're a blast.
And they don't think of me as one half of Liv and Maddie.
I'm just me, Maddie.
Although they do keep calling me Addie, but, you know, you can't have everything.
Maddie, hi.
Who's Maddie?
Liv, what are you doing here?
I've decided to ditch the ditch.
I didn't even know that was gonna come out of my mouth until I said it.
Oh, I'm adorable.
Anyway, I'm looking for a new community service idea, and I thought...
Uh, you can't volunteer here!
I already checked.
There is a waiting list for volunteers.
You should check with mom. [CHUCKLES] She will reassign you.
I so wish that we could do this together, you know?
I just... We can't. It's such a bummer. It's so sad.
Next station! [WHISTLE BLOWS]
The truth was I couldn't figure out a nice way
to tell my sister that I needed space, STYLE ::cue()
so technically, I was lying right to her face, which is also my face.
So really I was just lying to myself, which makes it okay. Right?
Check it out. The Fire Magic Smokehouse Deluxe is ready for action.
Complete with thumbprint ignition pad. [BEEPS]
Only I can use it.
Well, then I must have one of those on the stove, the dishwasher,
the dryer, the iron, the vacuum, and the toilet handle after Parker uses it.
Sorry, sorry. That's some grill. Please tell me more.
My scooter broke. It was the weirdest thing.
Me, and Cooper, and Isaac, and Caulden, and Jack, and Richie,
and Stevie, and Evan were riding on it, and it just snapped!
This piece of junk!
Eight people on a scooter? What were you thinking?
We were going for the world record.
Didn't think it would snap till we added Big Wayne.
So can you glue it back together?
I'm sorry, buddy. They haven't invented a glue strong enough to fix that.
Correction, they haven't invented it yet.
To my laboratory!
Look, dudes, just make sure nothing happens to Paulie, all right?
-He's our good luck charm. -I'll crush anyone who comes near him.
Okay, Joey, I can't believe I'm gonna say this, but I think you're the muscle.
I was the muscle, which comes with great responsibility.
At least I think it does. I don't really know.
I've never been the muscle before.
Joey, thanks for hooking me up with this job.
This is gonna be so much fun.
Fun?
Fun? Skippy, this is serious work.
Have you looked around? We can't secure this porcupine.
I did a quick 360 and there are 47 points of entry.
Forty-eight if these Tiger Sharks can tunnel up through the floor.
This is... This is so bad.
We'll be the freshmen that let Paulie fall into enemy hands.
What are we going to do? We can't wait for them to come to us.
We need a new plan!
Okay, give me second. I'm... I'm thinking.
Don't look me in the eye when I'm thinking.
It makes me uncomfortable.
Good practice, guys. Catch you later.
Hey, I'm gonna go sneak up on our Paulie protectors,
give them a good scare, and listen to them scream like little girls.
[FAKES A SCREAM]
See you.
Shark attack!
[SCREAMS]
Four more. Three, two, one, and take a break.
Don't need a break. Thanks to you and my titanium hips, I'm practically bionic.
Okay well, let's not exaggerate things, Budge.
You did need me to unscrew your water bottle.
Ah, no. I can do that myself. But you could use the exercise.
I'm looking out for you, hon.
You're the best thing to hit the wrinkle ranch
since Ralphie showed up in short shorts.
♪ Cha cha cha cha cha, hey Cha cha cha cha cha, hey ♪
LIV: Okay, everyone, big finish. Big finish.
Jazz hands!
Surprisies.
Liv, what are you doing here?
I'm teaching show choir. I stopped off at the office.
It turns out that they do have more room for volunteers.
So say hello to the Golden Chords.
-♪ Hello ♪ -♪ Hello ♪
♪ Hello ♪
Hello.
Am I seeing double, or did I lose a contact?
Baxter Fontanel, charmed.
Baxter, could you put the piano in the corner?
Sure. Send the 70-year-old man with a cane to move the piano.
Um... Wait. Liv, you're gonna practice in here? This is my room.
Yeah, but all the other rooms are booked. Plus, I thought it would be fun to share.
You know, just another twinsie thing that we can do together.
How do you tell your best friend to go back to the ditch she came from?
You look her right in the eye and you lay down the cold, hard truth.
[STRAINED] I am so glad you're here.
[STRAINED] Jazz hands.
Jazz hands!
Getting Paulie out of the school hallway was a stroke of pure genius.
But are you sure this is the best hiding spot?
Absolutely.
He'll be safe until tomorrow. STYLE ::cue()
Your parents aren't gonna notice
a giant porcupine swinging from your oak tree?
No. Everyone's got their nose in their phone nowadays.
Nobody looks up.
Oh, sorry.
I didn't see you there. I was looking at a kitten video.
You should have known you weren't big enough to jump over that baby gate.
Joey, I need answers from you. I need them now.
Bratwurst or pork burgers for the barbecue this weekend?
I know I'm asking early, but I hate to have things hanging over my head.
Well, Dad, pick a dead animal and I'll eat it.
My man!
-Does it look like rain? -KAREN: Oh, that's a good question.
I'll check my phone.
Huh? I'm sorry, wait, what's that? Who's the Paulie protector? This guy!
Oh, it'll be awesome hanging that first bratwurst on Paulie.
Everyone'll be clapping.
Just when they think we can't get any cooler...
Boo-yah!
Oh, it's perfect. Just remember to stay on my left.
We want to be boo-yah. Yah-boo is just stupid.
How's it going with the glue, professor?
Uh, did people ask Einstein "How's it going?"
while he was splitting atoms?
Uh... Einstein didn't split atoms.
Maybe that's because people kept interrupting him.
And now the moment of truth.
Yes, it worked!
This is amazing.
Well, it's impressive, but how are you gonna get my good pan off the fridge?
Mom, a simple "Parker, you're a genius" will do.
♪ I'm gonna strap on my velcro shoes And dance with the Golden Chords ♪
GOLDEN CHORDS: ♪ Sing with the Golden Chords ♪
♪ Check with the Golden Chords ♪
♪ So turn up your hearing aid and... ♪
GOLDEN CHORDS: ♪ Come see the Golden Chords ♪
♪ Liv and the Golden Chords ♪
Break it down, Baxter!
[BEATBOXING]
♪ Still got my teeth Still got my hair ♪
♪ My funky tight suspenders Give me lots of flair ♪
-[MIMICS RECORD SCRATCH] -♪ Come on, lady, I'm coming up at you ♪
♪ I'm a grey-haired rapper Who's handle is Baxter ♪
Word.
Wait, I need that.
Liv, this just is not gonna work for me, okay?
You've got us packed over here tighter than Budge's workout pants.
If you got it, flaunt it, honey.
If you got it, I've never seen it.
This is my room and I call dibs.
Dibs? Really? What, are we a couple of first graders?
Are we gonna settle this with a game of dodgeball?
Winner's gonna get the room?
[SQUEALS]
Nice shot, Budge.
Should have stuck with shuffleboard, Granny,
because this game's gonna hurt.
What is wrong with you two?
-What's wrong? -Did you see sharks?
No, but I'll tell you what I did see, a giant bronze porcupine statue
swinging from the tree when I was three blocks away!
Okay. That is a problem, but you have to admit
when you're standing right here, you don't see it at all.
We have to get him back.
If people find out you took him, you'll be outcasts.
I'll be the doofus who picked the outcasts and I'mnot gonna be Diggie the Doofus!
Okay, okay. Let's get him down.
Oh, yeah, take your time, Joey. [SHOUTS] Go!
You two get under Paulie. I'm going to let him down gently.
[GRUNTS] Stupid thing is stuck.
[ROPE CREAKING]
Going this way. Going this way.
[CRASHES]
Dad's grill!
Paulie!
My lemonade!
I fixed my scooter, losers!
Parker, beat it. We have to figure... Wait a second.
How'd you get your scooter back together?
Oh, my new invention.
Parker paste, patent pending. Sticks to anything.
I just glued dad's toilet seat shut, so after dinner, get ready for the show. STYLE ::cue()
Parker, your paste might be the only thing that could get me out of this jam.
Well, I beg of you. As your brother, Parker, please...
Give me some glue.
I think what we have here is what you call a "Swap-portunity."
Ahhh!
Pleasure doing business with you, butt bags.
Diggie, you're better than this.
Ahh!
This is no holds-barred dodgeball. Winner takes the room. Loser takes...
Who cares? You're the loser.
You sure you wanna do this, songbird?
Jazz hands can't save you now.
Oh, I'm sure.
That ditch put ice in my veins.
And a rash on my ankle.
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
MADDIE: Ugh!
[SCREAMING]
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
[GROWLS]
[WORRIED MOANS]
You know what, Maddie? Changed my mind. The room is all yours.
See you.
Do you have any idea what it feels like to have to pick up your daughters
because they started a dodgeball riot at the senior center?
No, you don't, because it's never happened before
in the history of the world.
High marks for originality, what, what?
Because of you, the senior center will no longer allow
my Ridgewood students to volunteer.
Mom, we're really sorry. We messed up.
Yeah, and we swear if we could fix it, we would.
Funny you should mention that because I just happen to have two openings.
Not the ditch!
I signed you both up for double the hours.
Report to mile marker 35, between the cow farm and the sewage plant.
Uh, what what?
-Dibs on the cow farm side. -Ha.
Cute that you think there's a good side.
What happened back there?
I just... The senior center is just kind of my hang,
and you sort of space invaded it.
Got it.
Oh, hey, here's an idea. Next time you have a problem,
tell mebefore the over-80 crowd opens up a can of butt-whoop on us.
-[SNORTS] -So are we good?
Yeah, we're good.
Okay.
Seriously?
Yeah. There's no way I'm losing any sport to you.
[BONES CRACK]
[SQUEALS]
-[SQUEALS] -You throw like a girl!
Come at me! What? What? What?
-Ahhh! -[SCREAMS]
All right, porcupines.
We made it to game day and Paulie is safe and sound.
It took all night, but that parker paste is amazing.
We put Paulie back together and fixed my dad's barbecue.
Oh, and somehow I got a spatula stuck to my elbow.
Gentlemen, your ceremonial bratwursts to bestow upon Paulie. STYLE ::cue()
All right. Do the honors.
All right, big finish.
Boo-yah!
[BOOING]
Oh, we're yah-boo. We're yah-boo. Switch. Switch. Switch.
-Boo-yah! -[CRACKING SOUND]
[LOUD CRASH]
Uh...
Go, porcupines!
-[SCREAMING] -[BOOING]
Joey, my firstborn son. It means a lot to me that you're here
for the maiden burn of the Fire Magic Smokehouse Deluxe.
[SIZZLING]
Someday, all this will be yours.
Yeah, yeah. Dad, that's great. Uh, grill's all right though, right?
No whiffs of burning glue?
No, it's fine. Why are you acting so weird?
Hey, look. Parker's here. Yeah.
Oh, it's awesome. Your scooter's still in one piece.
You know, I was kind of worried about Parker Paste
after the whole Paulie fiasco,
but it appears that dad's grill will be okay.
Uh, no. My other scooter broke again.
This is a new one. Parker Paste is a total bust.
But I did make some adjustments to my metal detector.
Now it detects fear.
[MIMICS BEEPING]
Uh, hey, guys, does it look like rain?
Sure does. Cancel the barbecue. Everyone inside. Everyone inside.
What are you talking about?
You're about to taste what a $2000 grill can do to a piece of meat.
It cost how much?
Let's not get sidetracked. Time to take a look at these bad boys.
How did this happen?