Previously on ""Southern Charm..."
Austen, keep running your mouth
and Shep's gonna say something
that's gonna ruin your life.
These two moron girls in New York come up to me like,
"Austen and our friend are talking,"
so I called Craig.
Oh, that was your----ing move,
- was to call Craig? - No--
After Craig decided
to throw Shep under the bus,
Molly took aim at Salley.
You've been telling everyone
that I'm calling dibs on all the guys.
You 100% said it, Salley.
- She's right. - You might have been drunk.
Meanwhile, Craig set his sights on Charley...
That actually works. Yeah, like that.
...even though Salley thought
she was still in the running.
Me and Charley went to Craig's house
to get in the hot tub.
Mom!
And as I worried that old Craig had returned...
To just see him be so aggressive and quick to just flip,
that's where I'm like, "Don't go back to who you were.
"That was a horrible person."
...Austen came to a realization of his own.
Why do you give them so much----ing grace?
The other night just absolutely proved that to me.
I'm like, "Both of those dudes are just not my friends."
♪ But the game's getting old ♪
♪ Now he's all alone ♪
♪ Mm-hmm ♪
Well, this is a sh-- show.
I don't know what I'm doing.
Well, this is a weed. This is a----ing weed.
Hey, buddy.
You can sit next to Mommy while she works.
No, don't eat it off my plate.
Hey, Beth, what's more lawyerly
than shredding a bunch of papers?
Not much.
Particularly when they're discovery requests
that I'm not gonna answer.
Well, that would require billable hours.
- Hey! - Just saying.
- Five o'clock. - I heard the gong.
Thank you very much.
Thank you.
- Do me a favor. - Sure.
- See these two candles? - I do.
Could you just stick them over there?
- No, not these ones. - Oh, I'm so sorry.
- Yeah. - Oh, sorry.
The fragrant candles. Yeah.
- And that one as well? - Yeah, please.
- Thank you. - You're welcome.
Hmm.
- Hi! - Hey, Madison.
- Come on in. - How are you?
I'm great.
Patricia's in the living room there.
She's already got her cocktail.
I'm so jealous.
We have sweet tea.
- We have orange juice. - Sweet tea is fine.
- Hey. - Oh, my God.
- Are you pregnant? - No, I've just been eating.
Is that comfortable enough for you?
Yes. I might just kick my feet up and lay down.
- Do. Do that. - You look good.
- I like this outfit. - Thanks.
You going out?
Yeah. I'm going out clubbing.
Yeah.
- Thank you. - Thank you.
That's a cute dress.
I mean, it's not a maternity-type dress.
I just size up.
I worked until I gave birth,
wearing what looked like a sack.
The worst part of being pregnant is giving birth.
My labor was literally two days without an epidural.
I did it once, and that was enough.
How many months is it now?
- Well, I have ten weeks left. - Oh.
It's a lot. A lot of time left.
- But we're hanging in there. - Are you gonna breastfeed?
We'll see if she likes silicone implants or not.
Well, I tried breastfeeding for like 20 seconds.
- Yeah. - It's my idea of hell.
So, tell me what's going on.
Have you met Salley's friend, Charley?
No.
She's super pretty, really cute.
- Is she? - Mm-hmm.
Anyways, I think a little love triangle is happening.
Oh, my God.
Craig flirts with Salley,
and I think Salley likes him.
Mm-hmm.
But Craig is more into Charley.
Interesting.
So, Craig's having these girls over,
hanging out in the hot tub
late night pretty frequently.
Intriguing.
Did anybody sleep with anybody?
I don't know.
I haven't heard a report back from that.
Mm-hmm.
I have old-fashioned ideas
about courtship.
I mean, What's wrong with having sex in a bed
where it's civilized?
I mean, a hot tub just sounds totally disgusting.
So, at this party that we're at, Austen made a comment.
Salley's never happy with her shot.
Okay.
And Craig loses it. He's like...
You're the only unhappy person here
because you're living a lie.
It was such an innocuous statement.
I mean, is he all right?
- No, I don't think so. - Hmm.
Obviously, I know he's heartbroken.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
The late-night hot tubs, the drinking,
it's just a void that he's trying to fill
because he's not over Paige.
Come here. I love you.
I love you too, Craig.
But he's got to get it under control
before it just takes back over his life.
- Oh, God. - I know.
I may need another one of these.
I don't need this net anymore.
Well, I hope the new volleyball comes in town.
It's, like, the main activity.
Ooh. Tomato ready for picking.
- Hey, Jack. - What are you doing?
I ordered a new volleyball set.
Okay, nice. That one's kind of gross.
It is gross.
This water's been in here for two years.
Let's get rid of those.
- How's everything going? - Um, good.
Just been getting everything ready for the party.
Yeah, I know. It should be fun.
There's a couple of last-minute requests.
Great.
I mean, what more could we have? You know?
The only thing I was thinking of,
if you call, like, a power washing company
tomorrow and see if they can come blast this.
Do the-- Yeah.
I just think it'll look so much nicer
because Connor is gonna set
the ceviche station up right here.
Okay, cool.
It's like a Memorial Day
pool party from when we were little.
So I kind of think we lean into a little bit
more tacky than we usually would with Stars and Stripes.
Okay. Just elevated with, like, more fun adult items.
I love throwing parties.
Like, I was the social chair of my fraternity in college.
Like, I've always thrown parties.
My parties have just graduated throughout the years.
- Do you have ice? - No ice, no napkins.
Whitney, your mom is a----ing butler.
So? We'd have napkins and ice here.
I think Paige was able to take me from,
like, my college ways of throwing a party
and make them nice, like, an adult way.
Let's go over what we're doing for the party.
You know, I would have liked to cook for everyone.
- I think you were right. - Yeah, I know.
Is Craig getting you a drink?
Um, I don't know. No, I don't think so.
What do you want?
I feel like I wanna host so badly,
but maybe I just let the yard itself be the host.
Like, the garden will be open if anyone wants to
pick the tomatoes and peppers and stuff.
Okay.
We're getting honey from the hives to give
the bartenders for the signature cocktail.
Yes.
Oh, we're gonna have a slushie machine.
Okay, nice. Have you--
I told Charley we'd do pina coladas.
Okay.
I love a frozen drink.
What flavor should I make the slushies at?
I love pina coladas.
Okay, we'll do that.
It's fun, like, having a crush on someone.
It reminds you that that feeling is possible.
Charley has taken my mind off Paige.
Like, she is hot.
And then I've got to pick Trop Hop up from Bottles for Austen.
That's my, like, gesture.
- 'Cause we got in a fight. - Oh, shocker.
Yeah. It was stupid. I shouldn't have yelled.
So I actually apologized to him there.
I hope he comes.
I can't imagine him not coming.
Yeah.
Oh, wow. That's gonna be so jammy.
I don't think I've ever had an egg this jammy before.
I'm scared.
Coming through.
- Hello? - Hey.
Where are you?
Hi.
I'm not buying the rumor.
Austen and Audrey are well-suited for each other,
but I don't know if Austen will ever mature enough
to put a ring on someone's hand.
But I think they're--
I don't know, I think they're cute together.
I don't know. I'm rooting for him.
Piper!
Stop. They're so cute.
I was just calling to make sure you were okay, like, overall.
Like...
Right.
I don't know why it bothers you what other people do.
Just be yourself, man. That's all anyone wants.
Whoa. Craig has emerged.
Yeah.
I know. I'm just sick over this thing.
Like, you're my brother, you know,
and I just feel like I played a small part in it,
but I played a part in it nonetheless.
I'm so sorry, man.
I know you've had a terrible week,
and I'm hurt that I hurt you.
I knew Shep would be very upset by me choosing to ignore him,
but, like, I think my friends view me as,
like, a target that is gonna forgive.
And they're like, "Oh, he's just gonna get over it,
"and we're just gonna be good and dandy."
And it's like, how many times can that happen?
[bleep] it.
Like, who the [bleep] am I choosing
to spend my time with?
Shep's reaction, that's a real friend.
He's, like, not saying, "Oh, you need to go change
"these things about yourself and then come back to me."
He's like, "No, how can I do better
"for you in our friendship?"
Meanwhile, Craig's like,
"Well, if that's how you feel, get out."
That's not a friend.
Yeah.
No, absolutely not.
Salley's got to stop hanging out with him too,
I don't like that.
Oh, absolutely she is.
Because she's been there every weekend 'til 4:00 a.m.
So, I don't know.
Yeah.
Coming up...
You are being sh--ty.
You've been----ing sh--ty.
You are sh--ty. Always, you----ing asshole.
It's so pretty today. Is that a low tide?
Ooh.
It's prime shark tooth hunting time.
Mom?
Hi.
That's fine. I can talk to you.
So, I'm driving back from Keith's.
What do you mean, who's Keith? Keith Bradshaw.
Dad! Yes, you do.
Who did I record the song with?
Jesus Christ.
Let's go back to do another one without
the high note in the very beginning.
Okay. Yeah.
♪ Willingly attachment, no fear, no doubt ♪
♪ Only lonely souls, inside and out ♪
Okay, that sounds a little better.
All right, that's how we make songs.
Why is it so stressful?
God, my parents have always been my biggest supporters.
They've always wanted me to do all of the things
that I've wanted to do.
I mean, not to toot my own horn,
but I really was good at a lot of stuff.
I remember the first time I heard you sing solo,
and I didn't know who it was.
I know.
He turned to me and said, "Who's that singing?"
He thought it was Olivia Newton-John or something.
My dad, he has always been like,
"You need to do more with your singing.
"You could be famous.
"You could be the next Taylor Swift.
"You could be on Broadway."
It was good.
We're gonna try and do an open mic night.
I've never done that before.
That was scary.
I've always had performance anxiety.
I had a recital when I was probably about eight or nine,
a piano recital.
And I was playing,
and then I forgot where I was in the piece.
I panicked.
I stood up, and I ran down the aisle
of the church out of the building.
Yeah, that would've freaked me out.
I think I stood in my own way with a lot of things in life.
But I've gotten myself to a point where I feel like
I'm ready mentally to start facing my fears
and doing all the things that used to bring me joy.
Arguing maybe comes natural.
What do I need?
Sour cream. Butter.
Hmm. Hi, buddy.
Hello. You look cute.
You look cute.
- No, you look cute. - No, you do.
What you doing?
- What are we doing? - What are we doing?
- We're baking a cake. - Oh, fun.
It's my mom's recipe from scratch.
So is it your grandma's?
- Yeah, look how old it is. - Oh, my God.
- The coffee stains. - I know.
Mom's coffee cake.
- Cute. - I know.
We bake it every Christmas Eve.
And it came from my grandmother, Mammy.
She just was one of the only people
that understood me.
Like, I would call her with all my drama,
and she would just make me feel better about it.
Yeah, she was my best friend.
She passed away two years ago.
And it's her birthday next week.
So, I'm extra emotional.
Okay, two sticks of butter. Here.
- Open that. - Okay.
Okay. Two cups of sugar, I think?
Uh...
Maybe? No.
That's ten ounces.
Two cups. Eight plus eight.
Sixteen.
Twelve.
A cup's eight ounces. Come on.
Eight? Yeah.
Yes.
I don't cook at all. Maybe that's why I'm single.
No, you just need a man that likes to do everything.
Even though, like,
Salley and I's friendship is new,
I feel like we bonded more like sisters than friends.
But we haven't had to navigate a lot of
normal, like, friendship struggles.
Yet.
- Do you wanna crack this? - Sure.
Is it the entire egg?
The entire egg.
Okay, people cook with just yolks.
Well, soon we're gonna be able
to go back there and get the eggs.
Are you getting, like, your own chickens?
Yeah, me and Craig are gonna go pick out chickens.
I was talking to Craig in the hot tub about life
and the kind of life we want and farms and stuff.
And I was like, "I've always wanted chickens."
He's like, "You should do it."
And I was like, "I'm gonna get----ing chickens."
The Walgreens is right across from her house.
She can go get eggs.
I don't know why she needs chickens.
Do you wanna put it in the oven
- so you contributed? - Yes, I do.
Thank you. You're so sweet to me.
You don't put, like, any cinnamon on top?
That's not the top, that's the bottom.
Oh!
- Do you want a Corona? - Yeah, please.
Kevin. Hi, buddy.
He's a perfect baby.
You're so perfect.
Have you talked to Molly since the party?
No.
But you've been telling everyone that I'm calling
dibs on all the guys, which, who?
"Craig, Craig, Craig."
Venita had Molly's back a little bit
and I was just like, "Oh."
I think she's just worried I'm gonna date Craig.
Yeah.
I mean, you know, I do think he's attractive
and I do like-- I mean, I like his personality.
- Yeah. - And, you know,
if he made a move, would I be into it?
- Yeah. - Yeah.
I do feel like I'm walking on eggshells a little bit
with Salley, just because of Craig.
I mean, it's the only thing that Salley and I
have ever fought about.
If you're into him, you can go for it.
I know.
I just want you to tell me about it.
If I was into Craig, I would immediately tell you that I was.
But I can tell that there's,
like, something between Craig and I.
And Charleston is so small.
If I had to exclude every single guy
that one of my friends has had a crush on at some point
in their life, like, I would be alone forever.
I'm gonna continue to do what makes me happy.
Mm-hmm.
Coming up...
Austen's not coming. He's in Charlotte.
Why? He [bleep]-- He knows he started our fight.
And I just----ing hit him back with all the sh--
that he's been telling me for months.
- I say right there. - Okay, cool.
We don't have a ton of shade yet.
Yeah, but I mean, people will be in the pool.
Okay, so bar's getting set up.
Yep.
I got to set up pool volleyball.
I got to get the slushies made.
Yeah, let's do that.
I'm gonna make pina coladas.
What are the chances that this works?
Oh, I mean, the instructions are very easy.
"Add liquids through the easy fill port.
"Press the power button to turn on."
Frozen juice, cold drink mix, spiked slush.
Oh. Okay, I guess now we wait.
Hello?
- What's up? - What's up, buddy?
This was on your front door.
Oh, that's the bathing suit. Thank you.
Mine didn't come. Mine comes tomorrow.
- Do you want it? - No, I've got some--
You got something?
I got something special in here.
- Okay, let me put these on. - Okay.
Good. Good. Hey, there he is.
- Looks good. - Yeah.
So, I, uh...
I spoke to Austen on the phone yesterday.
- You did? - Yeah.
Good or bad?
Rate it from a one to ten
on how cool he's gonna be.
Well...
He just sounded like he'd had a rough few days.
Look, I wish I didn't----ing freak out,
but I'm-- And I'll say sorry again.
I shouldn't have said this stuff.
It happened, and I'm sorry.
But, like, in my opinion, he's jealous that he can't come
get in the hot tub and party with the girls.
I'm like, dude, you're dating a girl
that you said you don't see you guys getting married,
so, obviously I'm not gonna be very patient with that.
Anytime that he gets in a situation
where he gets caught lying or he gets caught doing something
or he gets stuck in a relationship,
he takes it out on me.
And yes, I react
because it's frustrating,
because I'm collateral damage to his own unhappiness.
Honestly, here's what I think.
I think Austen wants a big apology from Craig
for the past year and a half
and the abandonment of their relationship.
And now that Craig's starting to have some fun again,
he wants Craig to come up to him and be like,
"I was wrong, and I see the error of my ways."
Good luck with that.
But I think there's a pathway for us to be friends again.
Like, and he goes, "How do you think that I got--"
That was friendship-ending?
I don't want it to be.
Of course, I mean, I love the guy.
I know you love him too.
Yeah, but it's constant - ing coddling.
Like, okay, it happened.
So what? Like, what's he gonna do?
Did he even say he's coming?
No, he's not coming. He's in Charlotte.
He's not coming to the pool party?
He's in Charlotte visiting Audrey.
He's never gone to Charlotte in the middle of the week.
He barely visits her anymore.
And now he chooses to go
when we're having our big summer backyard party.
Bro, I think he would feel uncomfortable here.
- Why? He [bleep]-- - I don't know.
He knows he started our fight.
And I just----ing hit him back with all this sh--
that he's been telling me for months.
- Hey, I'm not-- Don't get mad. - It's because it's stupid.
This doesn't make sense.
But I'm just saying,
I want you to repair whatever's damaged.
It's so much - ing energy, dude.
We can't change the----ing past.
- No, we can't. - So, like, what do we do?
We, hat in hand,
like, "Hey, how can we get back to a good place?"
Well, that's not gonna happen.
Because he's a grown----ing adult.
Okay.
I think Craig has trouble with remorse.
But I really don't think he knows how to express it.
Or whether he thinks that makes him look weak.
- Let's have fun today. - I'm gonna have a blast.
- I can't wait. - I hope.
How many people are you expecting?
I don't know. Take one off the list, I guess.
Coming up...
I heard Salley is talking sh-- about my vagina.
I did mention the fact that you had a little lip tuck.
So you're the one who is spreading rumors.
- Oh, it's hot. - What up?
How are you?
- Hi. Good to see you. - Hi.
Welcome to the house.
The pina coladas aren't frozen yet.
But we've got a full bar made with my bees honey over there.
Look at all the bees bearding over there, see them?
- Bearding? - Yeah, over there. See them?
- Look how hard they're working. - That's amazing.
But then I'll take you to the bar, Molly.
- Hey, Kory. - What's up, bro?
- Hi. I'm good. - How are you doing?
Should we get a drink? What's the honey drink?
So it's a honey simple syrup, and then lemon, gin,
and then it's mixed with Prosecco.
- Yay! Thank you so much. - Thank you so much.
- Hi. - Hi, Venita.
- I brought towels for everyone. - That's so smart. Perfect.
- And I have more in the bag. - That's so smart.
Venita's clearly not my friend.
But I'm always gonna include everyone.
And, I mean, what is it to me?
Hopefully she comes and has a good time.
You know I don't like Craig.
But hey, listen, he invited me to his pool party.
And if I were to be like,
"Hey, no, I'm not showing up, you suck."
Then what is he gonna talk about all night, me sucking?
No, I'm showing up and bringing you a gift
to be like, "Hi, how are you? I win."
How have I not said hi to you yet?
- Hey, I was just over there. - You look so cute.
- You look cute. - Thank you. It's--
- I love this. - Thank you.
- Look who it is. - What up, man?
- Yeah. - Good to see you.
- You too. - Nice place, dude.
- Thank you. - What's up, brother?
- Hey, buddy. - How we doing?
What little girl did you steal the shirt from?
- Your mom's house. - Hi!
I got to run inside to take a call at 3:30.
So I'm gonna go just grab my computer and set up somewhere.
- Yeah, whenever. - You have a phone call?
Yeah. I got to do some work.
I wouldn't throw a pool party on a Wednesday.
I'm an adult.
And I got work to do.
- Hey. - Party's here.
What up? Hell, yeah.
Hey.
Charley's got the plaid on.
- Wait, I do not. - I know.
- Just a little-- - Hey.
It's just really, like, red, white, and blue.
Like, summer backyard parties when we were growing up.
- That's right. America. - America.
- I love America. - You want a cocktail?
It's really hot. Do you guys like oysters?
- Yeah, I love oysters. - She's got a really good one.
Well, what kind of oysters do you have?
So they came from, like, Nova Scotia.
- Hey. - How you doing?
You put cracked pepper on it, which I've never done.
- What's up, baby? - Hey. Hey.
- Hey. - The bar's over here.
- Hey, Molly. - Hi.
The pina coladas aren't frozen yet.
- They're here? - Yeah, they taste really good.
- Oh, hell, yeah. - Wait, I'm coming to the bar.
- Get off my girl. - Honestly.
Feed me.
Hi. Y'all, it's---ing hot.
I know. Go in the shade over there.
That's why everyone's over there.
I'll get your mocktail. I'll bring it to you.
Okay.
I can tell Paige hasn't been here.
It just looks like a guy is running the place.
I mean, where's the umbrellas? What?
No dig to Craig/Martha, whoever he wants to be.
But, like, the woman's touch has kind of left the building.
- Madison. - Hey.
- You look cute. - Do I?
- Hillbilly deluxe. - I know.
- How's Teddi doing? - She's good.
- Hey. - How are you?
- Thanks for coming.
- I know it's hot. - That's okay.
- Did you just look at my boobs? - Probably.
You look, like, shiny and, like, glittery.
I don't know what's bigger, the belly or my tits.
Oh, God.
I'm so sweaty. Oh, my God.
My spray tan is sweating off of my tits.
Don't rub it, though, 'cause you're gonna make it worse.
Um, I mean, how do you feel
about this Salley and Craig thing still?
Like, they seem to be little besties.
I don't know.
I don't really get what her----ing deal is.
I heard she's talking sh-- about my vagina.
- To who? - Me.
Now, I did mention the fact that you had a little lip tuck.
Oh, that's how she knows.
She got her vagina redone. Who's funding that?
Somebody that wants a nice vagina.
She's claiming that I have a boyfriend
and that he bought it for me.
Did you tell her that?
No, I said that someone paid for it,
but I didn't say her boyfriend.
- That one's her. - Oh, I--
I paid for it out of my account in 2019.
So you're the one over here spreading falsehoods.
But I don't have a problem being like, "Yes, I did say that."
All right, but hey, flapping them gums.
When I hear gossip about some girl's vagina,
I don't consider that delicious.
I do not.
But I think Venita's being a shady bitch,
because honestly, she brought it to Salley,
knowing that Salley, you know, has a big mouth.
Information that I got from a source that I trust
is that Molly received a rejuvenation surgery
that was paid for by a man.
I'm very open about the things that I get done,
but the one thing that I didn't really wanna tell
the entire world was that I got my labia cut off, okay?
I mean, it's kind of----ed up.
- Why are you bringing it up... - Talk to me about it.
...when you know she's gonna bring that sh-- up again?
- I don't think she will. - You know your friend.
I didn't think she was gonna bring it up in that setting.
I should not have said it, so I'm gonna apologize to you.
Just very gently. Give you a pinky promise.
I take this very seriously. I won't do that again.
I do love Venita, and I don't think
she's a sh--ty person, so I'll let it slide.
It's very obvious what she's doing,
and she will do to all of y'all one day.
You were the first one, like, be wary of her.
Coming up...
I saw you the other night drinking tequila
and being crazy and mad.
And, like, are you okay?
And it's totally okay if you're not.
- Who, me? - Yeah.
Let's pencil it for end of first week June,
and we can get back together and see how things have gone.
All right, bye, guys. [bleep] no.
Can I interest you in an oyster?
What is that?
- That's the lemon juice. - What's that?
That's gonna be your cocktail sauce.
- And that's hot sauce? - That is hot sauce.
I like a little bit of everything.
- Oh, do you now? Okay. - Yeah.
Well, now we're talking.
- Hey. - Hi.
- You look wonderful. - Thank you.
- How are you? - I'm good.
- What's up, ladies? - Hi.
Look at all these memories of Paige.
- Oh, no, where? - Well--
- Did she do everything? - Those pink chairs.
Oh, God, yeah, that does look Paige-y.
- I'm trying the ceviche. - Ceviche?
Oh, where have you been?
I had a phone call I had to take work-wise.
What is the, uh, fish here?
- It's red snapper. - Ooh.
Where did everyone else go?
I feel like I need to go find, like, Venita.
- Yeah, you should. - Oh, okay.
- Craig? - What?
- Where's Austen? - He didn't come.
- You're okay? - What?
- Because of the beef? - Yeah. It was stupid.
It shouldn't have happened, but it just happened, you know?
Like, it is what it is.
No, Craig's posing it
as, like, he was defending Salley's honor, but...
Not your honor. I just hate when he talks sh--.
"I challenge you to a duel."
- Is Venita in here? - Yes.
I just felt like I haven't seen you.
- Has anyone seen Venita? - I'm here.
- Hi.
Okay, bye. Be nice.
To who? I've been nice to everyone.
Just continue to be nice.
What the [bleep] is going on in here?
- What's happening? - Nothing.
Just say it. I'm your friend.
- Just be nice to me. - Am I not?
That's it. No, I'm not saying you're not.
Just keep that.
I literally was standing out there eating,
and I looked around and I said, "Where the hell is Venita?"
- Continue to be. - I would never be mean to you.
And don't give me a reason to think that you're a fraud.
- That's it. That's all. - A fraud to you?
- I was nice to Molly. - Shh.
Well, me and Molly were both bitches
to each other at that party.
And then you kept talking sh-- about me.
- When? - After it.
- Okay, tell me what I said. - About my vagina.
Who said that I talked sh-- about her vagina?
Me. You came to me and told me that.
- I didn't-- - I'm not mad at you.
I'm just telling you what you said.
- You were being sh--. - You're being----ing sh--.
You are sh--. Always. You----ing---hole.
- Damn. - You're malicious.
- That was----ed up. - [bleep].
- You need therapy. - I'm in therapy.
Because you----ing suck.
What the [bleep]?
Venita's the one that told me
about the sugar daddies and the vagina.
I'm the one getting in trouble for talking sh-- about it?
I've never talked sh-- about her vagina.
I'm sure she has a lovely new vagina.
Sorry I have a beautiful vagina. Leave me alone.
Are you jealous? Go get yours done.
I did not talk sh-- about your vagina.
I'm sure it's great.
Honestly, though, like, vagina surgery?
I've never even thought about it.
But I'm sure I will after this.
All right, that's enough out of everybody.
It's my time to shine now.
I'm gonna go change into my Speedo outfit.
I have a whole outfit.
- Oh, great. - Shep, I'm scared.
You shouldn't be. You should be excited.
- Yeah, okay. See you soon. - Sorry. Bye.
- Over there. - Okay.
Well, you know, obviously we've both done things
behind each other's back.
And I do genuinely apologize for that.
Well, yeah, and that's just-- I was just like,
I thought we, like, hashed it out and we hugged.
- I feel bad now. - No, I do too.
- I'm sorry. - I'm sorry too.
- Don't talk sh-- to me again. - Don't talk sh-- to me.
And I was like, "I felt good about stuff."
I wanna be cool, but, I mean, even Venita is more wary now.
That really sucks.
- We've been friends... - I think she's hurt.
...long enough to where she should not say the words, like,
"I'm wary of her."
Venita!
Molly told me you were wary of me?
What the [bleep] is up with that?
Like, I feel like I've been a damn good friend to you.
But you make it very hard being on your side
when you're on the side of someone that I don't like.
- Craig? - Exactly.
I hear you.
And look, I love you,
but, like, I don't wanna stop hanging out with Craig.
- I want you to hear me. - No.
- And you're not going to. - No.
My friendship with Craig has nothing to do with Venita.
Like, just let me live. Let me live.
I don't have anything else to say.
Venita.
I don't have anything to say.
Good luck.
That feels so good.
Oh, my God.
- Did you shave for this? - No.
Oh, your legs just come pre-shaved on the back?
Why did you put tissue in that?
I should've, shouldn't I? All right.
I don't wanna get the wig wet, but I am jumping in.
Why? The wig's trash. Just jump in with it.
Wait, you know that you have a net over the wig, right?
- Oh, no. - Okay. Hold on. Yeah.
Unless you're cooking, you don't need that.
- I'm cooking all right, baby. - Okay, do the jump.
- I can't look at you. - You gotta take a picture.
- Okay. - Okay.
Shep.
It's not good.
Now, if this is not confidence, I don't know what is.
- It's something. - All right, look at me.
All right, let's do it. Summer 2025.
- Hey, guys. - Me and Shep are single.
- Oh, my gosh. - Oh, man.
Hey. Oh, my God.
I thought you just pulled your - ing Speedo off just then.
Here, throw it to me. Let me see if I can hit it.
Hit a three.
Oh, yes. Thank you.
Oh, yeah, the shrimp you can eat.
Yeah. Perfect.
I know. I was not gonna lie.
I was a little worried
when I called you yesterday and you didn't answer.
I was like, "Is Madison - ing mad at me?"
No, I'm not mad at you.
I just-- I love you like a brother.
So, it's just one of those things
where I wanted to talk to you in person.
When I saw you the other night drinking tequila
and being crazy and mad.
I know you don't like it when I get like that.
- I don't like it either. - No, I don't like it.
- I know. I don't either. - And I wanted to be like,
"Are you, like--" you know, like, "Are you okay?"
And, like-- And it's totally okay if you're not.
Look, I, like, slipped up.
I haven't felt that, like,
instant, like, regret in so long.
Because I knew instantly, I was like, "I wish I didn't do that."
And then I----ing snapped.
- And I hate that sh--. - No, don't do that.
- Well, no, it's because I-- - You're too good.
I know. I don't wanna, like--
Like, literally, like,
stay on that high horse you were on.
- I know. - That's all.
I know I'm struggling.
I don't know how to not go be the fun guy at the bar.
That's just how I met everyone. That's how I met Paige.
That's how I met Naomie.
So, to me, I shouldn't equate not drinking with not being fun.
Because I know that's not the truth.
But in my head, I don't know if I believe that.
I don't think-- like, when I [bleep] up,
- like, I'm hyper aware of it. - Okay.
And, you know, I texted my therapist.
I haven't talked to him in two years.
And I was like, "Hey, do you have any slots?"
- Like, because I hated that. - Okay, I like-- That's perfect.
- The next day. - Yeah, okay.
I was like, "Clearly, I'm not all----ing better."
It's like, I fixed a lot of triggers.
But this isn't cool. I'm getting all worked up.
That's not the best version of me.
It's the worst version of me.
- You're okay. - I ain't good.
Coming up...
Oh, y'all stayed the night here?
What happens in a hot tub stays in a hot tub.
Come here, I got you. Where are you?
You saved him. Go back to your hive.
I saved a bee, Craig.
- You're welcome. - Nice, thank you.
Let's go get a snow cone. Have you ever had egg custard?
No, I hate it.
Blue raspberry is my favorite.
Is that your favorite Dum-Dum?
- The sucker? Love. - Yeah, that one.
I really like Craig.
But I feel like I might have my guard up a little bit
because I've had a tendency to put,
like, the needs and feelings of my friends above mine.
What's a Dum-Dum? Oh, a sucker?
- Like a lollipop? - Yeah.
Uh, yes. Yes, by far my favorite.
But as I get older, I definitely worry
that I'm not thinking about myself enough.
But I'm learning.
Molly, can you not put your vagina on the couch?
My beautiful, surgically enhanced vagina.
You're so stupid.
No one's fighting anymore. We're about to play volleyball.
I'm down.
Ooh.
Hey.
Hey, look, it's actually a pool party.
- It's a play! It's a play! - Yes!
Hey, stick to tuba.
I'm ready to go home.
- Oh! - [bleep].
- Craig. - Awesome having.
Thanks, man. You leaving?
Yeah, Ty's hit his expiration date.
That's all right. You guys are always welcome.
I'll talk to you guys.
- Venita. - I'm coming, mama.
Go over there!
- Okay. - Come on, Mama.
- I know, I'm going too. - Let's get up.
Oh, Venita, I will jerk your little ass down.
Hold on. No.
Okay, guys. Have fun.
- See y'all later. - Love you.
- Yeah. I'm out. - All right. Bye, Venita.
Bye, y'all. Okay, good to see you.
Bye, Sheppie. Bye.
You want one?
You're doing a lot right now.
I think it's----ing weird that she kisses him goodbye,
and then she has a problem with me being friends with him.
Talk about two-faced.
What the [bleep]? That's fake. I'm sorry.
Where are you going?
No!
All right, I'm getting in the hot tub.
I'm getting food, I'm getting chips,
and I'm taking him to the hot tub.
- All right, bye, y'all. - Bye.
I'm really in the mood for a pina colada.
Well, there's a whole----ing machine
that you asked for pina coladas in there.
- I'm going to grab my drink. - Can you grab me one, please?
- Sure. - Do you have tajin?
He wants another pina colada,
even though people are bitching about it.
I make good drinks. It just didn't freeze.
- Will you grab a towel? - Of course.
Get a black bottle of rum.
Yes.
Why are we ordering Charley around?
Because she does whatever we tell her to.
- Really? - In a good, positive way.
- You're just very submissive. - You're easily manipulated.
Because you guys are my friends.
I know. We're kidding.
God, we've had so many nights out here.
Rainstorms. The rainstorm was my favorite.
Mine too. All night.
Next day, we golf carted to brunch
and golf carted to the country club.
- We did the best loop. - Yeah. Where's Kory?
Oh, y'all stayed the night here?
What happens in a hot tub stays in a hot tub.
Next time on "Southern Charm..."
I'm trying to protect you right now.
He will walk you like a dog on a leash.
Until he is done with you, he will let that leash go.
To indoctrinate you,
guys' dinners, usually something disastrous
of one sort or another happens.
Craig, I don't know when you're gonna laugh
and when you're gonna do that.
I don't know what the path forward is,
but I would like to just be friends again.
If you snap on me, dude, done.