MADISON: Previously on "Southern Charm"...
- Austen hates me. - Yes, I do----ing hate you.
MADISON: While there was no love lost between Austen and Craig,
Salley and Molly found that Venita had come between them.
She wanted me to bring it to people
and then you think it was me.
And then I was running with it like...
- It worked for a second. - I know.
MADISON: Meanwhile, things between Craig and Charley
were getting red hot.
You know how I feel about you.
Yeah.
MADISON: Which had Salley seeing green.
Craig, he's going around
saying that you're going to fall in love with him
and he doesn't want to hurt you.
Who did he say that
he thinks I'm going to fall in love with him?
All the guys.
MADISON: And as one door closed...
Me and Audrey, we're done.
MADISON: ...another one opened.
Are Austen and Audrey broken up?
- He said, "We'll have to talk." - Yeah.
MOLLY: Salley's giddy.
MADISON: So by the time we arrived at Whitner's farm...
- [horse whinnying] - WHIT: Welcome to Itchy Grass.
What if I had my baby in this red Jeep
out in the middle of the woods?
Pop it out girl, pop it out.
MADISON:...Salley had set her sights on a new target.
MADISON: But it was Craig who had Salley in his crosshairs.
We're not going to be as close anymore
because I can't trust you anymore.
- Craig, look. - I'm telling you that
- I didn't say that stuff. - She's my best friend.
Okay, Salley, you're getting overwhelmed.
I am overwhelmed, very overwhelmed.
Yes.
By all of you - ing man children.
♪ Oh, you mess around ♪
♪ With a queen bee, believe me ♪
♪ Bap-a-doo ♪
♪ Mm-hmm ♪
♪
- WHIT: What's up? - WHIT SR: Hey, Whit.
BETH: Thank God. We gotta set the table, Whitner.
WHIT: Yes, ma'am.
BETH: Something is super slick over here.
- Man. - Well, that's the water
- I just spilled. - That is looking
for an opportunity for me to...
WHIT: Increase my inheritance?
WHIT SR: You're going to go from zero to zero.
MADISON: Should we just walk there?
VENITA: You want to go finish drinks outside?
You know, your water, I can finish my champagne outside.
That's so freaking sad, but let's do it.
VENITA: Baby, I'm going to be the first person
you have a drink with when the baby comes out.
I'm going to be at the hospital, "Hey."
MADISON: Well, she feels like she's already out.
At least her head.
Sweaty feet.
Mm-kay.
Can I go downstairs?
No.
SALLEY: Totally not.
I didn't want to go downstairs at all without you.
You just said totally,
and that's whenever I know that you're lying
because whenever I say totally, I'm like totally.
You just told on yourself.
Because you tell me totally all the time.
Totally.
This goes on top.
We're doing a power clash.
Yes, ma'am. Should we do table settings?
That'll be up to you.
That's sort of wise, I believe.
WHIT SR: Wait, why don't you just seat everybody?
I don't know your people, so yeah, do it.
- I don't----ing know. - WHIT SR: Well, yeah, you do.
Oh, you want Mom to seat everybody?
No, I don't. Oh, no, and there's fighting going on.
Let it happen.
[bleep] it. I ain't doing that.
We're going to roll the dice.
Yeah.
I may regret this.
Okay, peeps.
- Girls. - SALLEY: Hey.
- Yeah? - WHIT SR: Y'all look lovely.
Angels from heaven, bring her down.
I feel like I'm going to prom.
Where's my corsage?
Look at these beautiful goddesses.
BETH: Whitner, you need to get some wine out here.
Yeah, I'm going to bring the pinot.
Damn, this is cute.
I mean, I couldn't live out here, but I would love it.
- Thank you for having us. - You bet.
Hey.
Oh, you look so nice.
Oh, those beautiful girls are here.
Did you hear those frogs, babe? They're singing for you.
They're bangeranging hard.
Well, now that you're single.
Shh.
Enough out of you.
I don't want to tell Shep or Craig,
because I know that if I tell them info,
they will just wait for an opportunity
to throw it back in my face.
Hello.
- Hello, ladies. - MADISON: Hey.
- Hello. - Wow.
Hi, guys.
Hey, Austen.
- AUSTEN: Milady. - SALLEY: Milady.
Milady.
- AUSTEN: Hey. - Howdy.
What up?
- CHARLEY: You look nice. - CRAIG: Thanks, you too.
Craig goes, "We're the first ones."
I was like, "I don't think so."
Yeah, I don't think so.
- I'm not getting up. - What's up, baby?
- What's up? - You doing okay?
- Yeah, you? - Good.
- MADISON: Okay. - RODRIGO: Yeah.
Come on, mother.
WHIT: What would you like, Craig?
I'll do some red wine.
Thank you.
I'll sit at the head, just because it feels appropriate.
Are you sure we're not in the way
of them setting the table?
We're sure.
I think we're sitting outside.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
They'll probably serve in here.
All right, so.
Do I look like Howdy Doody or something?
RODRIGO: You do, actually.
- [Shep chuckling] - The hat looks a little small,
but it's okay.
- RODRIGO: It is small. - It's a medium.
RODRIGO: That's true?
No, I told you I got a big head.
- Look. - It fits.
No, it doesn't.
You want more?
- No. - Okay, you have a red?
It's a chair.
I'll sit there.
Austen.
What you eating, baby? What you eating?
Goddamn.
It looks like...
Oh, sh...
Oh, my God.
Craig goes...
He put his head under my glass and just lifted up.
Ruckus.
Oh, poo.
CRAIG: That was insane. Oh, my God.
All right, well, let me go deal with this.
- SALLEY: I'll go with you. - MOLLY: What do I do?
Here. Let's go upstairs.
Come on.
Molly, please don't change.
I might just put water on it
and then try and dry it or something.
Did you do something bad?
Or is Craig lying?
- All right. - Oh, my God.
All right, so Charley, what the [bleep] is going on.
What the [bleep] happened at the pool?
I don't want to know, but I do want to know.
I told Craig, Salley bringing to my attention...
Like, she heard something that you said about me.
He's going around saying
that you're gonna fall in love with him
and he doesn't want to hurt you.
If I'm...
you know, go...
against my...
disdain for Craig at the moment by actually
telling you context of how it was said.
I'm overthinking this a lot right now
because the last thing I want to do is to,
like, have Charley drop her guard
and then me realize that, like, I don't like her.
I think that he was just, like,
thinking too far ahead than he should've.
He should've just been like,
dude, just think about, like, right now.
Mm-hmm.
Just like, maybe y'all, like, have a kiss first.
And then, yeah, not that kind of thing.
Literally? Yeah.
But that is what I think.
And I'm just gonna leave it at that.
WHIT: Beautiful.
RODRIGO: So, what's going on between Austen and Craig?
[sighing] Craig has a point. Austen has a point.
But Austen allows himself to be manipulated
way more than anybody I've ever really met.
And Austen needs to do something.
Get off your ass and----ing do something.
You know what I mean?
That's why I'm gonna talk to him tonight.
I'm gonna be like,
"Your indecisiveness is gonna be your undoing."
And I love you with Audrey, but, like,
that is a wishy-washy, one-foot-in-one-out thing, too.
Like, it's time to make decisive steps in life,
and everything will change.
Austen did ask me not to tell anybody.
But I told Salley, so...
No.
I've told enough people.
Can't tell Shep, too.
And it sucks. No one likes breaking up with anybody.
It's----ing awful.
You really respect and love this person.
I would just say, like, where are you guys at?
Like, how are you feeling?
No.
MADISON: Don't give him advice, that's all.
I have to.
You do?
You?
Shep, where's your girlfriend?
Need I say more?
He should wear his own shark-tooth necklace
and not say a word to anybody about relationships.
Why don't you ask questions first?
Okay.
RODRIGO: Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's better.
Yeah.
Ask questions.
Okay.
Crisis averted.
Where'd everybody go?
We're good, right?
Are we? Are we good?
Yeah, we're always good.
I just...
You seem to keep causing drama in my life.
You keep, like, spreading stories about me
that aren't true and, like, I don't understand it.
You should know I didn't say that.
Does that sound like something I would say, Salley?
"Oh, I really think Charley's falling in love with me.
"I'm gonna break her heart."
That doesn't sound like me. You know me.
SALLEY: Yeah.
Craig is the ultimate gaslighter.
Craig gaslights everyone.
I think that it's...
He's very manipulative and he gaslights.
A lot.
All right, well, cheers.
Everything's fine.
You know a simple fix?
If someone says something about me,
just ask me if it's true and I will tell you.
Okay.
- It's that simple. - Okay.
Coming up...
Just between me and you, what's going on with Audrey?
Nothing.
- Let it out. - I do.
I just hadn't chosen to talk to you.
WHIT: Opa!
Get out of my way.
VENITA: What can I help you with?
You want to put a little lime on top of this?
Yeah.
Ooh, that smells so good.
I got it.
Let go, let go.
Okay, it's time to go downstairs and eat.
If there's anyone I'm listening to, it's this guy in the shirt.
- What? - Let's go.
- I love his shirt. - What a bad choice.
Is there place settings or...
No, I didn't want to deal with that sh--.
RODRIGO: What a beautiful setup.
Beautiful.
Charley, Salley, sit wherever you like.
This is good, this is fine.
I'll sit here.
Austen, there's a seat down here.
Where am I? Am I here?
Beth, you know that we're going to stand until you...
BETH: I gotta wait for my son to come.
Austen, God damn it.
- It's okay, really. - I know it.
You've gone through so much trouble
and we all want to wait until you...
I'm waiting for Whit.
Where would you like to sit?
Wherever.
Let's just sit down, everything's fine.
All right, everybody sit down, enjoy yourselves.
Can I sit here?
I would love that.
- CRAIG: Is this cool? - SALLEY: Yeah.
You're probably wondering why we invited you here tonight.
Oh, you stole my line.
Pyramid scheme.
It's an intervention, Shep.
We want you to start selling dish powder for us.
We're going to get rich.
Oy, this is going to be a difficult time for some
of y'all because you've got to listen.
Mom, speak for us.
We have a flank steak, Seabrook potatoes,
we have grilled broccolini.
Big Whit and I are going to pass it around.
Wine. Thank God.
And let's make it happen.
Thank you so much for having us.
- It's beautiful. - CRAIG: Thank you.
- This is perfect. - Taters?
Oh, hell yeah.
Oh man, this is great.
Oh, wow. Yes, please.
Thank you.
Guys, take some steak.
AUSTEN: Ah, thank you, sir.
These potatoes are insane.
Thank you so much for being here tonight.
It is wonderful to share the farm with everyone.
It's been a long storied tradition of farm weekends
and Mom and Dad have been center of all of them.
We have table topic questions hidden under everyone's plate.
VENITA: You love to do that, Whit.
It is a family tradition.
Some questions to inspire some discussion.
As long as I can remember,
you could reliably lift up your plate
and find one of those cards.
I hate this.
[bleep] dinner games, okay?
I don't want to be all like hormonal and emotional.
Can I just eat?
You will read your question out loud.
Should we answer each question?
No, no, no, no, no.
- I'll keep it moving. - Okay, all right.
Now, when you're through, I will... [clinking glass].
And we move along.
Big Whit.
WHIT SR: You just say your answer.
- BETH: Hey, excuse me. - [glass clinking]
- Excuse me. - WHIT SR: Hey, hey.
You're going to sit in the corner.
Put him in the corner.
Damn right, Mama.
[laughing]
Oh, I think Whit's mom's amazing.
I'm going to marry Whit just so I can hang out with his mom.
Okay.
- All right. You're up. - I'm going first.
All right.
My question is, what do you wish you were better at saying no to?
RODRIGO: Salley.
I wish I was better at saying no to being overprotective.
- Okay, good. - VENITA: Okay.
I wish I could say no more to day drinking.
WHIT SR: Next!
Which moment from your life would you choose
to relive if you could?
I was working at this hostel bar in New Zealand,
and on my last night there, I got butt naked in the bar.
I would love to see that.
Austen is so----ing hot.
He's got a dad bod, which I personally love.
I don't like a chiseled man.
There's like nothing to cuddle.
It was a ridiculous, ridiculous time in my life.
I would go back to that time.
I was just an idiot kid who was bartending at a bar.
I feel like we should all go there together
and watch you get naked on the bar.
I volunteer for that.
I hope that this will distract her
from what's going on with me and Craig.
That would be nice.
Whit, you're up.
Which of your personality traits would you most like to change?
If I could be a little less hot-headed,
I think I'd be----ing perfect.
I don't think you're hot-headed enough.
Yeah, it's simmering just below the surface.
CRAIG: Oh, mine's my reactiveness.
Oh, God.
I work on it, but I react.
And then like 30 seconds later, I'm calmer than when I reacted.
Have you tried any mindfulness practices?
No, I'm a lot better.
Do you need help?
Salley. Down dog.
Jesus----ing Christ.
The body isn't even cold yet.
Really?
I know, I know, but what I'm saying is like--
CRAIG: I'm happy he did it.
The anger will be gone. The resentment towards me.
Now, we can move forward with our relationship.
At least I hope.
CHARLEY: I agree with that.
I wanna go to be.
[laughing]
BETH: Okay, we are done.
[cheering]
All right, everyone. Dad is going to bed.
I'll see you in the morning.
Beth, tonight, seriously, this dinner was incredible.
WHIT SR: Good night, young lady. Enjoy.
- Oh my gosh. - You don't have to get up.
No, I have to.
Take it easy.
- You too. - Bye.
- Thank you so much. - Thank you.
My pleasure. Thank you so much.
I'll see you in the morning.
We're going to help you clean up.
Alright, I'll see you guys in the morning.
AUSTEN: See you in the morning. Thank you.
Here, you're on silverware duty.
It's so dirty, Craig. Ew.
- Shep, are you taking this? - Yes.
And we're off.
Okay, I can get this stack as well.
Give me three placemats.
Right across.
He's got to...
No, no, we're giving Bacchus a little steak.
VENITA: Okay, but not too much.
No, no, no.
Don't put your drink on there, Venita.
- I'm going to tear it. - Oh.
- Venita, God damn it. - Venita, that is--
I had to----ing tear the steak.
I loved it. I love what you did.
I'm an animal lover, too.
Give them to me.
I'm going to put my PJs on.
Oh, God.
Wait, where's your mom put the silverware?
We're just going to organize things.
We're not, like, knocking out the dishes.
Watch out, bitch.
You're in the way.
That's awesome.
I thought you were loading the dishwasher or something.
Do you want my sweatpants?
CRAIG: This is so funny.
I like that Austen is dressed like Brandi Carlile.
- Don't touch her. - Wait, who's Brandi Carlile?
Lesbian singer.
Have you ever jerked off to a statue?
I don't...
- David. - I don't think so.
Well, well, well. Birkenstocks.
- Yeah. - Dude.
Taking stock. Birkenstock.
Yeah.
Um, what's up?
I just...
I want to talk to you.
Okay.
I just...
You know, your, um, your indecisiveness,
which, like, you admit, and we laugh about.
Hold on. Hold on, hold on.
I got kittens. I get tattoos.
- Okay. - The indecisiveness.
Don't take this the wrong way. This is me being your friend.
Okay.
Just, like, with Audrey.
I just, um...
Why don't you ask questions first?
You know, I think, uh...
I would just say, like, where are you guys at?
Like, how are you feeling?
You, you, you...
Don't give him advice.
It's like, pick a lane and go, man.
I'd just rather not talk about it here right now.
To be totally honest.
But you understand that, like,
the ultimate form of respect is being like,
"This is how I feel."
It's not gonna make you happy.
It's not gonna make me happy.
It's gonna actually break my heart and your heart.
I don't want to talk about it, man.
This is what I'm saying.
You know?
Another place, another time.
Hey, but you're my friend.
I know.
Your vulnerability is between me and you.
I have immense vulnerability.
That's amazing. And let it out.
- Let it out. - I do, to multiple people.
I've talked about it with countless other people.
I've talked to Madison. I've talked to Rod.
I just haven't chosen to talk to you.
Okay, well, I don't think that...
I mean, so Madison and Rod
have some sort of more elevated idea
of where your head's at right now?
Yeah. I feel like the way that you've reveled,
I don't like that, dude.
These two moron girls in New York come up to me like,
Austen and our friend are talking.
I called Craig.
Oh, that was your----ing move?
- I thought we were past that. - No.
No?
You just can't take things personally in a friendship
because friendships ebb and flow
and I don't take anything personally.
Unfortunately, Austen didn't get that memo.
He takes things personally. He's more sensitive.
I'm not gonna run around and be like, guess what?
That's just not what I'm trying to do, dude.
AUSTEN: I just don't want that anymore, man.
Austen, you must.
I'm not reveling in anything.
It's like you've broken my heart a little bit.
I feel like everything I tell you,
I have to worry about if you're gonna,
like run and tell somebody.
It----ing kills me, dude.
MADISON: Coming up...
You're just, like, trying to pin against each other.
VENITA: That's fine.
- SALLEY: Venita, like... - I'm good.
- I'm good, I'm so good. - ...if you keep walking away
every time, our sh--'s never gonna be settled.
♪
God, what the [bleep]?
Hi. Hey, how are you?
What?
[laughing]
- Pft! - Eat my--
[all laughing]
Salley, did you say "Eat my ass?"
I did, I did, I did.
Austen's gonna be eating this ass before the end of the year.
If I like a guy, I usually go for it,
until they say, like, "Hey, this is absolutely not gonna happen."
Hmm!
AUSTEN: Oh, my God, oh, my God.
Kill me.
Typically, in this situation, I would call Audrey right now,
and I would download her on the entire night.
And it's really sad to not be able to do that.
Oh, man, dude.
I mean, the emotional hangover is real.
[upbeat music]
WHITNER: Morning, Mother.
- Who is it? - Whitner. Good morning.
- What's up? - Hello, handsome.
Oh. Oh.
- Oh, my baby. - How are you?
Yeah, no, I'm good.
Good? Were you able to get to sleep
without anyone bothering you?
Hey, Steve!
[all shouting]
Birdman. Birdman!
WHITNER SR.: Four in the morning.
Uh, what can I do?
- Do you want to do the eggs? - Sure.
♪
Whew!
- Hmm. - It's so hot.
Yeah.
Hmm! I'm starving.
- Mm-hmm, smells good, too. - MADISON: Yeah.
- BETH: Good morning. - WHITNER: Morning, ladies.
- Good morning! - Oh, don't you look good.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
[laughing]
♪
- Morning. - Morning.
- How are y'all?
- How are you? - Sleep all right in the tent?
- I was so cozy. - Nice.
- It smells amazing. - Good morning.
- It smells so good.
WHITNER: A special place.
Morning, Charley. How you feeling, darling?
- I'm feeling good. How are you? - Doing all right.
Good morning. How'd you sleep?
I actually slept really well.
- Good morning. - WHITNER: Shepherd, hey.
We got breakfast served, so, if anyone's hungry?
- Let's get it. - Oh, my God, I'm so hungry.
Wow.
Please, Whit. Grits, please.
- Cheese. - Can you hand me the eggs?
- It's really good. - BETH: Oh, good.
- Good. - Who wants Craig's honey?
Hey, bees.
Oh, my God, you guys have so much pollen.
Oh, I can't wait to taste it.
Wow.
- Wait, where is it? - Is it actually your honey?
Right here. Give it to me.
Wow. Okay.
WHITNER: Yum.
I want to hate this, but I'll give it a go.
God damn it. I like it.
It's actually good.
I-- I love honey.
- CRAIG: Thank you. - Yeah, it is really good.
AUSTEN: Whit, what are we doing today?
What do you want to do? I mean, fishing, do some canoes.
- I want to canoe. - AUSTEN: Yeah, me, too.
WHITNER: And I'll take the remaining girls on a tour.
- Ooh! - Oh, my God.
- AUSTEN: Let's go do our thing. - Okay.
What should we do with our plates?
- All right, yeah. - I'll gather them.
- Thank you so much. - You're welcome.
I'm going to head out, because I'm going to go
have this baby now.
- Give Brett my best. - I will.
I'll see you soon. I gotta come grab that blanket.
I am convinced I'm having this baby early.
- I love you. - Love you.
Like, my body is just telling me
there is no way I'm gonna go another six weeks.
Y'all have fun.
CHARLEY: Have a safe drive.
MADISON: Bye.
Molly, come on, girl. I'm like, woo!
All right, I think I know how to drive this----ing thing.
Hold on. Wait, wait, wait until I say go, please.
- Okay. All right. - Okay, go.
- All right. Let's do it. - Let's----ing go.
- Woo! - Ready?
- Yes. - Got some towels,
in case we swim.
- Or fall off. - I hope we don't fall off.
I don't know. It could be fun.
I mean, it's hot enough.
Let's see if we can find this place.
♪
This is fun.
Watch your head back there, queen bee.
I know. I did it. I ducked.
- Hey, ho, ho. - [horses whinnying]
Max is the big white one.
He's old.
And then Johnny and Thor are the Mustangs.
I've always wanted a white horse named Blue Jeans.
Like Hannah Montana. [laughs]
Come here. How do you call a horse?
- [horse whinnies] - Come here.
WHITNER: [whistles] What's up, big boy?
- Watch your fingers. - Oh, yeah, you came to me.
- Watch your fingers. - You came to me.
Aah!
Yeah, I said, watch your fingers.
- Okay. - Oh, damn, brood.
It's so hot.
I'm sweating like a whore in church.
- [laughs] - Let's cool off.
WHITNER: All right. Rock and roll.
- Let's go. - Bye, horses.
All right. Let's throw some frickin' worms at some fish.
Let's throw some worms at our problems.
[laughter]
This is... oh...
- You hold that. - Yeah, I got it.
But, yeah, you guys are both afraid to touch the worm.
I'm not afraid to touch the worm.
- Here, Austen. - AUSTEN: Okay.
Hey, hey, there's nothing on this.
I don't even have a-- gross!
- Give me a----in' worm. - Worms!
Ugh! You have to pierce their body, brother.
I'm trying to get a worm into my hand.
- Just get it, dude. - Oh! I hate him!
- Dude, you are a fisherman. - We don't use worms.
We use flies that are tied by professionals.
Dude, pierce him.
- Ohh! - Okay, all right,
- I'm outta here. - You just pierced his body.
- Now it's your turn, asshole. - I know, but I'm not, like,
a self-proclaimed fisherman.
Shep travels around the world to go fishing,
but clearly just has his guides bait his hook.
I'm a fly fisherman. You tie them on.
It's not a live animal.
We ain't catching dog sh-- out here.
Oh!
I feel like this is, like, a field trip when I was little.
I don't want to get poison ivy.
You're not. None of this is poison.
Oh, is that it?
No, but you stepped by it a little while back.
If I get poison ivy, I really don't want that.
I should've worn your pants.
Oh yeah, that would've been smart.
[both laughing]
- Wait, this is-- - This is so pretty.
This is cool.
- Here, you sit up there. - Yeah.
- Or I guess we face each other. - Yes.
Oh, okay.
And we stare into each other's eyes.
- Hold on. First... - Okay, let me-- let me get on.
Okay. Here, I'll hold it for you.
[laughing]
There you go.
[gasps] Did I break it?
Oh.
Craig, oh my God.
Am I supposed to be sitting on this thing?
[both laughing]
CRAIG: Okay, you're fine. Here, sit up there.
Oh.
Okay.
[gentle music]
Isn't this peaceful?
Oh, this is quite nice, actually.
[laughing]
This is so romantic. I feel like I'm in The Notebook.
This was actually really fun.
It always is, when it's just me and you.
I know.
CRAIG: Then we get around, like, Salley.
I know.
Like, I try to stay, like, so excited about us,
but you just have these people that are, like,
they're kinda killjoys.
Like, are we going to continue to let other people affect us?
No, I-- I think, like, this is me not overthinking.
♪
This is me on a canoe with a guy that I like,
and I'm having so much fun.
CRAIG: Good. I like having fun with you.
- What is that thing? - What is that?
- That was a snake. - You're joking.
- Where? - It's okay.
It's not... [laughing]
[squeals]
SALLEY: Coming up...
Are you single right now?
It's just, uh...
[dramatic music]
And I'm not good at this.
[upbeat music]
Hold on. Dude, something's on my line!
- No way! - I got a----in' fish!
- You got a fish? - He got a----ing fish!
- Oh! - Oh, my God!
- Let's----ing go! - Oh, my God!
- Shep, get in here. - Yes!
Yes! That's how you do it!
- [bleep]! - Oh, my God, you stupid bitch!
- Yes! - SHEP: [laughs] All right.
Oh, okay, Shep.
I do not know how to unhook a fish.
- SHEP: I do, I do. - Dude!
- Come on. [bleep] yeah! - No, no, no.
You need to get less tension. Let your line out.
Dude! Good job!
Finally, you caught a fish that you let go easily.
[laughs]
Yeah, what does that tell you?
Catch and release, my friend.
That's the name of the game.
- No. - [all laughing]
Well, how can Rod say that? He's engaged.
He doesn't catch and release.
- That's true. - No, not anymore.
But he also doesn't talk about how he's trying
to release all the time.
- [laughs] - Yes.
Okay, well, Shep, you know what, man?
You asked me about it, and I didn't tell you, right?
Do you want to talk about it now?
No, I don't.
[tense music]
I've already talked about it.
SHEP: Okay.
I mean, I guess we'll just have that friendship where we, like,
kinda, like, pick and choose what we tell each other.
Okay.
- Okay, well-- - Shep, look, man,
in all honesty, it's like, I-- I-- like,
just had this conversation.
It had to happen at some point or another.
And, uh, I just, like, don't want to, like, it's just, uh...
Are you single right now?
Yes. We're broken up.
♪
SHEP: Okay.
I am happy that Austen finally followed his heart
and was able to be honest with himself.
Can you cast this, please?
And it was very difficult, you know,
to, like, breach this topic.
But, Austen, I think it's very big of you, like, you know,
like, owning yourself, looking inward.
- Yeah. - The man move
is to be honest, always.
Yeah, well, that's-- that's what it came down to.
You know, you're figuring out your own sh--,
and I'm giving you credit for actually doing the right thing,
- and having the conversation. - Yeah.
[upbeat music]
- VENITA: Pool time. - Pool time.
VENITA: Wait, can I eat an apple off the tree?
- WHITNER: Uh, you can try. - VENITA: Okay.
- I'm getting in. - I'm definitely getting in.
- VENITA: I have to get changed. - WHIT: How is it?
VENITA: It was actually really----ing good.
- WHIT: Oh, nice. - Yeah.
Oh, my God.
What's that?
- I took the apple off the tree. - It's sour, ain't it?
VENITA: It's actually not that bad.
SALLEY: I don't believe you.
SALLEY: Holy sh--, that's good.
I told you it wasn't that bad.
You gotta start listening to me again.
Wouldn't you love that?
[Venita laughing]
I'm so over this sh--, 'cause Salley is crazy.
I thought we got over it yesterday.
- What the [bleep] is going on? - VENITA: I thought so, too.
You put me in a lot of sh-- that I'm actually not in,
and it's crazy to me.
That's weird because let's talk it out
because I feel the exact same way.
SALLEY: No, I love you to death, but like, put you in what?
- VENITA: In a bad spot. - Anything I've ever
brought you in, you've said.
You've done.
You tell me information and then I'm your scapegoat.
VENITA: I brought it to you and I said to you,
"Do not bring this into this group."
I wasn't. I was only...
'Cause of her, 'cause of her.
'Cause of her.
SALLEY: Venita came over to my house
and she told me you were talking sh-- about me at lunch.
I had lunch with Molly.
She's not a big fan of yours, I don't think.
She got her vagina redone. Who's funding that?
[Venita chuckling]
Of course I was open to hearing sh-- about you
because you had just finished telling me
that Molly was talking sh-- about me.
So then, I listened to you.
You know, I really think the difference between you and I
right now in this moment...
Whit, shut the [bleep] up.
This has nothing to do with you. I'm so sorry.
Okay, well, I'm speaking, so let me finish.
I feel attacked. I feel betrayed.
Like...
Like if she really wanted to talk to me about the situation,
it would just be her and I.
I'm sorry for hurting her.
I'll say it as many times as I need to say it for her
to start working towards the healing process.
I'm sorry for hurting you too.
I'm sorry for saying ill things about her that were not true
and carrying things into this
that did not need to be carried here.
That's about it. That's all I got.
- That's all you have? - That's um--
I hurt her feelings.
I just feel like a lot of sh-- has been tangled and repeated.
And it just really felt like you were just like trying
to pin us against each other.
Ooh.
Mm.
SALLEY: What?
You know that I care about you.
You know that.
I'm sorry.
SALLEY: Venita!
I can tell that she wants to say something and she's not.
I don't have anything else to say.
Venita! Like, if you keep walking away every time,
our sh--'s never going to be----ing settled!
Like, let's move on from this and be friends again!
She always walks away from an argument.
And it's because she can't be held accountable for anything.
It makes me really sad because I can't get through to her.
And I want to.
But I can't, I don't know what else to do.
I'm like, you leave every time.
Yeah, I'm okay. It just pisses me off.
I just feel so mind----ed
by everyone in this----ing group...
♪
- PATRICIA: Whitney! - Mom?
Would you bring the plaque down for Chauncey?
Okay.
- AUSTEN: Hey. - WHITNEY: Over here.
Oh, my.
- Hey, buddy. - Hey, thank you
for the solemn occasion.
Coming and lending support.
AUSTEN: Hey, I didn't even know this was a pet cemetery.
- Yeah. - I didn't even know
anything was over here.
WHITNEY: Yeah, look. All of her----ing animals
over like, 15, 17 years.
Kitty Kelly, Rocky, Smoochie, Toby.
AUSTEN: My gosh.
Over the years, things have become very ceremonial
when Mom loses a pet.
I've been trying to think of a place
to put a pet cemetery.
WOMAN: How many dead animals are there?
Well, it goes back 15, 20 years.
Madison, you better find a big spot.
Ashley. I didn't even know we had a cat named Ashley.
However, it borders on animal hoarding,
the amount of animals we've had in the pet cemetery.
That's discounting four or five or six dogs and cats
we have that have been cremated that are in our closet
that have yet to be, uh, buried.
- Yeah, there's Chauncey's - AUSTEN: Ashes? Yeah.
He liked to sh-- here, so.
[Austen laughing]
WHITNEY: All right, well let's go grab Mom.
- Okay, let's. Let's. - And we'll start this...
very poignant ceremony.
You will be sadly missed.
- Mom? - PATRICIA: Yeah?
- WHITNEY: Where are you? - Here.
- Okay. - You ready?
- Hey, darling. Thank you. - How are you?
Thank you for doing this.
- You know, I'm honored. - PATRICIA: Well, he wanted you.
He was friendly to other people, but he really loved you.
Yeah.
How I see friendship is literally being there
for somebody when they need you.
So, I am very honored that Patricia asked me
to come over to speak.
Shall we? Hey, let's take your mother out.
WHITNEY: We have a bagpipe player.
Once we walk out, he's gonna start, so.
- Okay, all right. - WHITNEY: All right.
[bagpipes playing]
- That was beautiful. - Thank you very much.
PATRICIA: Thank you. I'm already teary,
I'm not gonna get through this.
So, we here today to celebrate the life of a true legend.
A noble companion,
a four-legged, tongue-dangling potato
with a spirit of a lion
and the mental fortitude of a toddler.
[Patricia and Whitney chuckling]
He was a couch warmer, a confidant,
a snack stealer, a friend.
And those knew him knew that what he lacked in brain power...
[Patricia and Whitney chuckling]
...he more than made up for in spirit.
- PATRICIA: That was just great. - WHITNEY: Thank you.
- Thank you for your words. - Thank you, Austen.
- Yeah. - PATRICIA: It was great.
- Very touching. - Thank you.
[dog barking]
Okay. You want a little breath mint?
[phone ringing]
Excuse me. Hello. Do you mind? Thank you.
- Hi. - Hi.
VENITA: I'm okay.
What are you doing?
Okay.
[Venita screaming]
I was born at 8:01.
8:01.
Okay. 8:06.
[gasping] Aw.
Mom's driving. She don't know where the hell she's going,
but we're on the way to the hospital.
Um, we're kind of freaking out.
Don't have anything packed yet.
Water did break, so we are dilated to one.
Brett is en route, so I'm just trying to hang on
until he gets here.
You made it.
Yes.
Holy.
[Brett groaning]
I'm gonna say, can I help in any way? Can I--
Yeah, okay.
[Venita quietly screaming]
Aw! Well, thank you.
I love you. Okay!
I love you. Congratulations.
Bye.
Charles!
We getting a little baby.
MADISON: Next time on "Southern Charm"...
She's nervous as sh--.
Oh.
This is the worst idea I've ever had in my life.
AUSTEN: In Mexico.
Woo!
The Mexico sun.
Austen should stand up for himself.
Venita, you don't know anything about me and Austen,
so just [bleep] off.