[chime]
[bell tolls]
Get in there. [crowd cheers]
When you guys are still asleep, I'm up, running.
You hold your fork like this.
Wow!
Mini Manners is something that I see
can last generations if I do it right.
Hecate, can you come and see Margo?
[wings flap] She is ----ing with me.
[screams]
Margo, she has bad style.
She does ----ing not.
That's why she wears
tight velour jumpsuits, darling.
She's perfect, apart from the jumpsuits.
I don't have a problem with Kimi.
And if Kimi wants to bark at me
like some deranged Corgi, she just will.
That's a bit tricky for Martha then,
to be in this, in the middle.
Margo will [bleep] you over.
Margo and I have been friends for 20 years.
She has never ----ed me over yet.
Well, then I'm not your friend.
[tense music peaks]
♪ Why don't you follow me ♪
♪ You know you'll never be me ♪
♪ You might be pretty ♪
♪ But this is my city ♪
[upbeat music]
Today is the big day!
Moxie, are you ready?
It's all ready to click on.
- Can I see? - This is episode one.
Three, two, one!
[playful music]
Hi, Miss Myka. Hi, everyone.
I've been studying all about my manners.
Manners? What are manners?
Friends, do you ever forget to use kind words?
It happens.
[tense music]
- I don't like you sometimes. - I don't like you either.
No wonder you live in L.A.,
'cause it's a ----ing fake city, just like you.
Why are you always defending her? Why don't you
----ing defend me for once?
Because you are a psychotic bitch!
- She's a [bleep]. - Oh, Kimi. Shut up.
[tense music peaks]
This is not good manners.
[upbeat music]
Just squalor.
Hecate, should we do some boxes?
What's in this one, babe?
Come and have a look.
It's okay, baby. We're not moving house again, I promise.
Very slowly I am managing
to turn the grottage into a cottage.
Oh, I'm so looking forward to this
renovation and rebirth.
You're such an angel to help me.
I'm just sort of...
I feel a bit drowning at the moment, you know.
There's a lot of stuff to wade through, still.
[laughs]
But you know, everyone who climbed
Mt. Everest started with one step.
Yeah!
[phone ringing]
Hi, beautiful!
Hi, love. How are you?
I'm good. Oh, you look amazing!
That baby's getting big.
I know. Yeah, you can kind of see if it moves.
I've been a bit hot and sweaty in the heat wave.
Do you know what? So have I, and I'm not even pregnant.
Yeah.
Anyway, I'm gonna have a party
and I would love you to come.
What kind of party?
What were you thinking of doing?
A "My Fair Lady" picnic.
Will you come?
- Um, yes. I'm in. - Good.
Darling, you know there's nothing I'd enjoy more.
I'm gonna have a party. Will you come?
Fantastic! Yeah! Of course I'll come.
Good. Will you be nice to Margo?
I'll try my best.
Maybe getting everyone to dress up
and wear a hat will make them
all behave a little more elegantly?
You are 50% of the problem here, Kimi.
I know. I know. A little annoyed with her.
Well, she's annoyed with you,
so you can be annoyed with each other and still make up.
Well, tell her to behave, 'cause I, you know-
I will also reiterate to her that she's got to behave.
[laughs]
If you poke her eye out,
I won't speak to you again for at least a month.
[laughs]
[Hecate laughs]
[upbeat music]
Do you guys know why
- the pollen is so bad here? - Why?
They didn't want fruits to fall and rot,
so they only planted male trees.
Wait, there's female and male trees?
Yeah, there's female and male everything.
Let's go feed the ducks.
I literally was never around kids
before I met Charlie and Jackson.
I met them when they were seven and nine.
Oh, there they are. Look!
Oh, my God, they're so cute. Hi!
It was a big, big learning curve.
Nobody knows how to be a teenager
and nobody knows how to be a parent.
Oh yeah, she's eating the branch.
Oh yeah.
You know, we're all just figuring it out
together with a lot of love.
I don't know why I'm crying.
[ducks quacking]
Here, move it just that way a little bit.
When Missé gets here,
introduce yourselves and then you can go get ice cream
- and hang out. - Nice. Okay.
Oh, there she is.
- Is that Missé? - Yeah.
Ooh!
[flirtatious music plays briefly]
Like, really?
[laughs]
You're like, "Oh, well is that Missé?"
You and your boobs show up to meet my teen sons.
Hello.
Hi!
[laughs]
Well, I mean, you know, you're welcome, boys.
Oh, you guys are so cute.
- How are you? - Good.
- Hi, guys. - I'm Jackson.
- Missé. Lovely to meet you. - Hi, I'm Charlie.
Nice to meet you.
Oh, my God, I love your chains.
Oh, my God,
- straight to their hearts. - This is cute. Yeah.
The boys when they were younger,
we'd be swimming or something,
and they'd be staring at my boobs. And I'm like,
"Hey! You see my eyes? I can see your eyes!"
So, I trained them, eyes up, where they belong.
I drilled them.
- Do you like London? - Yeah.
Yeah, amazing.
Here's some money.
Ice creams or drinks or whatever.
- All right. - Don't lose it.
- Bye, Margo. - Bye guys.
See you in a minute.
Oh, what cute mom you are.
They're so polite.
They're very, very sweet boys.
I'm going to L.A. in a couple of days,
and then I get to come back with Jacques.
Oh, that's exciting.
Yeah, and then the whole family will be together.
So tell me, what have you been up to?
I actually met
- with Kimi yesterday. - No way!
I wanted to call and tell you. So, she asked to meet.
We went for lunch.
To be honest, I didn't know what I was walking into.
But she really sincerely apologized.
And now I realize you're much more sensitive,
and I will be aware of that.
- I really appreciate that. - Cheers.
I um...
- accept her apology. - Good.
You know, let's just bury it.
- Yeah, let's just bury it. - You know, it's done.
Let's just drop it.
But yeah, she doesn't want to drop it with you.
She was like, Mark said that
someone who knows you from before
has gone to Mark and be like,
this is like Margo actress on.
Mark said to me the other day that a girl had come to him
and said, oh, I actually knew Margo from like,
years and years ago when she lived in London,
and I was talking to her tonight,
and it's a completely different person.
She's got her acting hat on.
What the [bleep]?
I mean, I expect this from Kimi
but I absolutely did not expect this from Mark.
I've heard plenty of things about Mark.
What have you heard?
I just heard that he like, is a bag holder for Emma.
And is like, desperately clutching on to her
for her social relevance.
Shut the [bleep] up.
Just what I heard.
[tense music]
I think just don't entertain it.
[sputters] Don't involve emotionally
because that's where it's gonna get ugly.
I'm just seeing him in a different light, that's all.
Coming up, on Ladies of London.
That's what we Facetimed you for,
otherwise we'd have written a letter!
[dramatic] Everyone I'm on the phone with my best friend.
[mocking] [laughing]
[upbeat music]
That's so safari. I love it.
[doorbell rings] Oh, perfect timing.
- Hello! - Hi.
- It's nice to see you. - Hi. Oh, so good to see you.
Thanks for coming around. You look so elegant.
Oh, my goodness.
I'm a big disheveled, I apologize.
Oh, hardly. You can't be disheveled if you tried.
Next to you, always.
This is little, tiny things for you.
Why are you the sweetest person?
But so, I've never run a marathon or anything near it,
but I googled and... [gasps]
- You know what those are? - Yes! I haven't got these.
A little like, hand mass- for your,
- if you get cramping. - Oh, my God!
I mean, it's exciting to visit Nairobi to do this race.
I feel like I have realized I actually have to do it now.
- Thank you, you're so sweet. - You're welcome.
You're so welcome. It's the least I could do.
Thank you. That's so thoughtful.
If it was here, I would be the sidelines for you.
Oh, my God. Come! Jump on the plane.
Emma is constantly juggling all the time
and it's so impressive how she makes it look
so easy because I know it is not.
So, I went to the website to the safari marathon site,
the whole thing. Like, the headline picture is just
a bunch of men who all
- look like marathon runners. - Yeah.
And then I was like, picturing you
- in the middle of it. - I'm quite nervous.
But you have every right to be.
I had a scan. It's a cyst in my pituitary gland.
They saw it jump in growth...
[ominous beat] this year.
- If you have an MRI... - Yeah.
...it's a very difficult thing to read.
So, they read it and they measured it, I guess, wrong.
The original diagnosis was so scary.
I begged for another scan.
And fortunately, they decided on closer inspection,
that it hadn't grown.
They misread it, thank goodness.
I have to just keep going back.
- Every year. - Keep checking.
Keep scanning. And keep an eye on the symptoms.
It's never gonna be gone aside.
Oh, geez.
And life is precious and fragile, you know.
That's how I feel... profoundly.
- Life is so precious! - So precious.
So, make sure you live the best you can.
Like, makes me so emotional because I'm just like,
too conscious of the fragility of it all, I think.
Ugh, come here! Come here.
- Give me a hug. - That's the problem.
It just feels really fragile sometimes and I'm like,
- I know. - Too scared maybe.
- Still scared. - Mmm.
And I don't want to say it, I don't want to cry.
I don't want to make anyone upset.
- No, I know, I know. - About my stuff.
Like, it's no one else's problem but mine.
That's not what's about.
It's the British way not to complain,
not to explain.
It's okay just to let it out.
I'm just happy that she's able, at this point,
to be vulnerable.
To... [exhales]
Keep calm and carry on.
I have one last little surprise for you
- before I head home- - What?
...for my little nuggets.
Oh, my God, what have you done?
All right, I'm gonna turn this on.
Because you know we are so excited for you,
- just press play. - What is this?
What did you do?
I don't simply run.
This exercise really is not for me.
Emma, so proud of you. I adore you
and I'm backing you from a safe distance.
[laughing]
He's actually- oh, my God!
We are all behind you.
We are cheering you from England.
Lots of love. Good luck!
I can't wait to see what happens.
I can't imagine doing that myself, so honestly
I have nothing but admiration for you.
Darling Emma, we are reminded of an excellent quote
by Sir Winston Churchill who said,
"When you're going through hell, keep going."
You've got this.
If anyone can nail this, it's gonna be you.
Love you, and I cant' wait to see you when you get back.
Oh, my God, I love you lot.
That is-- thank you.
- Aw. - That is so sweet.
[upbeat music]
Where does she go when you sleep?
She sleeps on an aeroplane on the stairs.
Does she wake you up in the morning?
Yeah, she gets up at about five
and starts thrashing things around until
I get up to see what she's doing. [laughs]
Hecate, someone's coming to see you.
Look, she's excited about this woman who's coming.
Hello! Come on in!
- Hello! - Hi.
- Oh, hello, beautiful. Hello. - This is Ernest.
Hello, Ernest. What a beautiful name.
And I'm Martha.
Hi, Martha, so pleased to meet you.
So pleased to meet you. Margo.
- Hi, Jackie. I'm Margo. - Hi, Margo.
And Madam. [dark music]
The boss. [both laugh]
It was my idea to bring in the pet psychic.
I 100% believe in psychics.
I believe that you can communicate with pets.
I believe in all of that. I know it to be true.
So, Martha, before I left L.A.
Yeah.
We have to leave Elroy, my standard poodle behind.
I know, I'm devastated.
And so, I hired a pet psychic
to talk to Elroy, to let him know that I will be back
and we will be reunited, and everything's gonna be fine.
So, if you want, maybe we can
call and see if Hecate could maybe talk to her?
Should we do that?
I'm afraid Hecate's rather helped herself
to all our snacks, so I don't know if you mind
sharing with a magpie, but- [Jackie laughs]
I don't think Hecate has good intentions with Martha.
God, you're a real little beast, aren't you?
She's like [growls]
Hecate is running Martha's life.
When I ask her to go do stuff, she's like,
"Oh, but I have to get back to Hecate."
And I'm like what the [bleep] is this bird?
So, what is your process? Like, what can we do today?
Right. Well, what we do, we tune to their mind.
And because it's vibration, we get like,
pictures come into our mind.
Sometimes it's a video.
It often sounds like our own thoughts,
but sometimes an animal will mimic the owner.
- Okay. - In a bit of an accent
or the way they say it too then.
Hecate, do you want to come and do this
or have you gone shy? [Hecate chirps]
- Is she gonna come back to us. - I don't know.
- Come on, my baby. - Ah!
[Hecate chirps]
There's a "I don't do as I'm told."
I know. [laughs]
No, I got that.
[Hecate chirping]
[quirky music]
She says that she owns you.
The pet communicator said what I thought.
Hecate said, "I'm the boss of you."
I mean, surely this has to get through to Martha.
She said, "You would think we were related, the way she acts."
I do think she's my mother reincarnated.
All right. Well, there you go.
Hecate and my mother are both massive drama queens.
They both love the company of gentlemen
and they both drink quite a lot.
[Hecate chirps] Hang on a second.
[shrill chirp]
Okay. I just said to her,
on behalf of all magpies, what would you like to say?
She said to say, "That we are either
- hungry or playful." - Yeah.
So, they're not malicious little birds or anything.
- It's playing. Yeah. - Yeah.
Her little feet are warm. It's actually very sweet.
I'm just gonna thank her for talking to us.
I thought they'd be like cold and claws,
but that's just our friends.
- Thanks Jackie. - It was lovely to meet you.
- Thank you. Thank you. - Take care.
I'm so pleased you're coming to her now.
No, I really am.
I just had a feeling that she like,
had bad intentions.
She's just a naughty little fairy.
What are you up to?
Yeah, so it's just a crazy time.
I'm gonna fly tomorrow back to L.A.
- Yeah. - Land.
And then Jacques comes back with me.
Are you back on Thursday?
I'm yeah, I'm back by Thursday.
I'm going to have a picnic in the park. Will you come?
Yeah, of course I'll come.
Is there a theme?
It's Edwardian come My Fair Lady.
Oh, my God, I'm not doing that.
[laughs] Let's see what I can find.
Where a hat.
Who's coming on Thursday?
Uh, well Missé, Mark, Myka.
- Emma's doing her race. - Yeah.
So, she's away. Kimi.
[ominous beat] Look, I'm your best friend.
Kimi is one of your best friends.
[Martha laughs] And how are you gonna deal
with us being together? Right now, Kimi is being
really aggressive to me
and I feel like she is ganging up on me with Mark now.
Yeah, I do feel really caught in the middle.
I love you and I do love Kimi.
And she's a [bleep]. [laughs]
I am just gonna have to learn how to draw a hard line.
And this is great.
This is exactly what I've been trying to learn in therapy.
Let's just see if we can break some cycles.
[Hecate chuckles]
[both laugh]
Coming up on Ladies of London.
- Are we all being nice? - Most certainly not!
You're clearly in the wrong place.
Gee Martha, why are you blaming us?
Maybe you should blame her for being a bitch.
[upbeat music]
[door creaks] Hi.
Hi. Welcome to London Pregnancy Clinic.
- How are you? - Thank you. Good. How are you?
- Good, thank you. - We're excited to be here.
It's been quite hard with our ultrasounds
at the doctor's office because
the baby's head has been down my whole pregnancy.
Nice to meet you. I'm Vivian. I'm gonna be the one
- that's doing your scan today. - Hi. Lottie.
- Okay. What was your name? - Joshua.
Joshua, nice to meet you. Come through
- we're just in here. - Thank you so much.
So, we're coming in today for a 4D scan
so we can try and see the baby's face for the first time,
that's not in a flat pancake ultrasound.
- Let's have a look at baby. - Yeah!
I have no idea what to expect from a 4D scan.
Great, that heart looks good.
You said you knew what the sex was.
Yeah. It's a boy. Yeah, we can see, yeah.
Oh, there's his bits and bobs.
[all laugh]
- He's definitely a boy, guys. - Definitely a boy.
Now, we actually want to see the baby's whole face.
Oh yeah, I can see.
Can you see?
He can't see.
Look, there's a nose in the middle,
two eyes, and the little lips.
- Oh, I can see! - Yeah.
I can see. I can see.
- Look, little face. - Oh, cute.
- Got a big old nose. - Don't say that!
No it's not.
- Just the cutest thing. - I don't want to wish
the pregnancy away, but I just can't wait to meet him.
Now like, now we've seen a little smidgeon of him.
- Like, that's just so exciting. - I know.
- Thank you so much. - No worries.
That was fun.
We got to see his face. Now that is just so cool.
So, you've got to shoot off back to work though, don't you?
I do, yeah. We've got a production coming through
and all the new samples.
For the summer showcase.
Summer showcase samples.
Every year, we put on a fashion show
for Joshua Kane.
[dramatic electronic music]
This year, we're gonna do a couture
summer showcase and it's really important
for the brand for it to be received well.
So, I'm hand-making every single one myself
- with the team because- - 'Cause you don't trust
anyone else to do it.
It's not that. [Lottie laughs]
I'm just designing in 3D.
They're just the most detailed things
- I could ever come up with. - Yeah.
When the show is coming up, that's all Joshua thinks about.
It's really all-encompassing and I wish Joshua could
be around more 'cause I am alone a lot during this pregnancy.
There.
Okay.
Don't need no man. Look.
Okay.
Oh, my God, it's so cute!
I'm a little worried that it may continue
when the baby is here.
They do say that you marry your fathers,
which I never wanted to do,
and obviously my dad doesn't have a mustache.
I made that distinction at least.
But I think their work ethic is very, very similar.
I'm just gonna be working every single hour.
- That's true. - And up all night.
So I'm barely gonna be at home.
We'll be like ships passing in the night.
I think I might have to just like,
let you do the room.
I do worry sometimes that Joshua is very much married
to his business. And I don't think there's ever a right time
to have a baby. But I need him to understand
that we need to make space for our baby
as well as the work.
We have to do one thing at a time.
- I know. - And I feel like
once that's done and a success,
which it's going to be,
we can then move on to the next thing.
He's healthy, he's fine. I'm healthy, I'm fine.
- Yeah, good size. Long limbs. - Long limbs.
- Yeah. - Got a picture of his willy.
[both laugh]
I'm like, I'm good, thanks.
[upbeat music]
Mark. Let's see if he answers.
[Facetime ringtone]
Mark never answers his phone.
Hmm. Let me try Emma.
[Facetime ringtone]
I honestly don't think anyone wants to speak to me.
[laughs]
Story my life really. Hmm.
[upbeat music]
Oh, it's absolutely wonderful.
- Hi, there. - Hi.
It looks so pretty. Thank you.
Oh, wow! It's beautiful!
It's nearly finished.
Get some parasols up.
[paper crinkles]
My Fair Lady is the most beautiful film
with Audrey Hepburn at her most beautiful.
And Rex Harrison.
And it's all about taking a flower girl from the streets,
like these punks over there.
You're a ----ing bitch. And by the way--
Get your ----ing finger out of my face, Kimi.
[laughing] Making them into ladies.
Oh, I don't know. I don't know if there is one.
Maybe me. I mean...
[laughs]
[curious music]
- See if it's in there. - Oh, tuck.
Oh, is it my underwear?
- Oh, wow! - Oh, I love it!
Yeah, this is gorgeous!
My Fair Lady is a vibe.
It is a culture.
I mean, when someone says My Fair Lady as a dress code,
you bring it.
[laughs]
Oh.
[laughs]
Oh, I didn't know that.
Wow! Mwah! Mwah! Mwah!
Oh, this is fabulous!
- You look gorgeous! - Thank you. I bought it
by accident the other day.
- You look out of a movie. - The hat!
I have a hat for Margo.
- Oh, you do? - Yeah!
Oh, you're darling for bringing that.
Come and get a drink.
This is so beautiful.
Hi, darlings.
- Champagne? - Yes, please.
Is everyone well?
Well, yeah. What... I'm well.
- I'm really well, actually. - You're well.
And you and Kimi have made up?
Yes. I really appreciated that.
Oh good, I'm so pleased.
But she's not happy with Margo.
Margo. I mean, it's a nightmare because
- they're my two best friends. - Yeah.
I was hoping to get them KY wrestling
in a paddling pool. [laughs]
Thank you.
All right. Wow, this is absolutely beautiful.
I would love to see her-- oh!
- Hi! - Wow, you look amazing.
God, you're looking fabulous.
You guys look so great together.
- Thank you. - Matching.
We love a matching suit.
The shoes are Joshua Kane Manolo Blahnik.
- Ooh! - So, he did a little
collaboration with Manolo.
Oh! Those are amazing!
Oh, and I have little bloomers on.
Ah!
Look at the baby! He's in there.
- Yeah, he's in there. - Hi, I'm Auntie Myka.
Oh, hi.
My Fair Lady Malibu.
Look at your tits. They look great.
Hi. Mwah! Hello. You look beautiful!
How are you feeling?
I am weird. I don't know where I am.
I just got off an airplane.
I haven't rested.
And I am cuckoo for cocoa puffs.
Let me get you a strawberry.
Well, I miss you guys!
I've missed you! Welcome home!
- Yeah! - Do you want the hat, or no?
Yeah, for sure. Should I try it?
I'm very happy because my husband
is finally in London.
What do you think? Hat or no hat?
I love the hat but it's giving more like Coachella
than My Fair Lady.
[dramatic music]
It's perfect.
Oh, I'll wear this loads.
I mean, I can get married in this.
I can get buried in this.
It's about the same thing, isn't it?
[laughs]
Oh, why?
Hi!
How is everybody?
Looking fabulous.
You look beautiful.
So do you.
Hi, beautiful.
You're a dream. Look at you!
- You look stunning. - Hello. How are you?
- This is beautiful. - Gorgeous!
Let me say hi to Margo and Martha.
[tense music]
Hi, Miss Martha!
- Ah! Here you are! - My Fair Lady!
- Ah, you look beautiful. - You look stunning.
- Good, how are you? - I'm good. You look fabulous.
- You look beautiful. - Well, I try.
[tense music]
Ugh, Kimi's here.
Am I gonna have to deal with like--
- You are. - Hi!
- Hi, Miss Martha! - Here you are!
My Fair Lady.
- Oh, you look beautiful. - You look stunning.
- Good how are you? - I'm good. You look fabulous.
You look beautiful. Thank you for wearing a hat.
Well, I try.
What a bitch! [laughs]
Like, as a friend if you show up to someone's party,
you're polite and you say hello to everyone
out of respect for the hostess or the host.
I want Kimi to be able to say to Martha
without making it about me and Kimi.
Why is she wearing cowboy boots?
I thought it was a My Fair Lady party.
Oh, shut up. [Kimi laughs]
Legs for days, both of them.
Yeah. [laughs]
That's why I mean the baby's gonna be so long.
The baby's already long upside down.
I know, yeah.
When we went for the last scan,
he was upside down with his legs open.
I wanted to post it on Instagram but it was
barely useable because his legs was in the air.
- Naughty. - Let's just say his first
photo shoot did not go to plan.
[Myka laughs]
[dramatic cheeky music]
Darling!
- Oh, look at! - Hello, angel!
- Oh, look at you! - But look at you.
I'd much rather look at you. [music winds down]
You smell so charming. Come and get a drink.
- Thank you. - Oh, Mark is here.
You're so glorious.
I'm sorry, I already lost my hat.
It wasn't terribly comfortable.
It looks like a yellow...
sort of, I don't know, safari leader or something.
Yeah. [both laugh]
- Darling! - Oh, hello!
My Fair Lady.
Nothing fair about her. Entirely unfair.
Themed parties are really of no interest to me,
and I think it's perfectly charming of Martha
to have chosen said theme. But I'm not obliged to comply.
He does look a bit like he has curious monkey.
Oh yeah, I said it. You can't unsee it now, can you?
[laughing]
[monkey chatters]
No.
[laughing]
No, I can't unsee it.
Like, he's like [mocks]
"Ha, ha, ha, I'm a clown. Look at me."
[Myka laughs]
He does like, snake in the grass stuff.
Okay. Well, you know--
I don't see the same side of him that she does.
So, I'm trying to stay neutral.
I have chosen my hat very carefully for this event
so that I can hide underneath it.
I was asking Martha why Margo was wearing cowboy boots.
I haven't had the opportunity to observe the others yet.
I would love for you to observe.
And all in due course, my dear.
Can you just be nice?
- No! - I could be nice.
- It's my party. - Don't be so common.
Nice. Let's walk away from her at once.
Hello!
Oh, my God, I am so happy to see you.
I did hear from Emma today and she's so happy.
Tomorrow is the run.
I'm very nervous. Very excited.
I think the atmosphere keeps you going, no?
I think. I hope.
Hi, lions.
I'm really conscious of how lucky I am
to do things like this.
To be here as an ambassador for Tusk and representing
Longleat with the conservation, which I'm so passionate about.
It's a huge responsibility but it's a great honor.
I think we should disturb Emma.
Is the marathon tomorrow? [Facetime ringtone]
I think it's happening right now which is precisely
- why I've elected-- - We're calling.
She's in the middle of a marathon.
She's answered!
- Hello! - Where are you?
I am. As you can see, I'm wearing a canary-colored
- safari jacket. - That's the bitchiest thing
I've ever heard you say. I love it.
No, we want to know about you, not us.
We're just standing in some ghastly park.
It doesn't matter.
- Finally! - Oh, yeah! Yeah!
That's what we Facetimed you for,
otherwise we'd have written a letter!
[dramatic] Everyone, I'm on the phone with my best friends!!
Well, you're not really Mark's biggest fan
at the minute, are you?
No, I'm not Mark's biggest fan.
Mark had to come in a safari outfit to make sure
that we know he's friends with Emma.
[mocking] [Lottie laughs]
You're so lucky we're not there!
Bye, angel.
Good luck!
Good luck, darling!
You've got this!
That's what we Facetimed you for,
otherwise we'd have written a letter!
[mocking]
You're so lucky we're not there.
Bye, angel.
Good luck.
Good luck, darling!
You've got this!
I've read the riot act to them.
I'm gonna read the riot act to you.
You're the one who told me he
was saying mean things.
Yeah, well, he's always mean.
[smooches]
My gosh, look at the hats. Brilliant.
Oh, and you've got some more friends here, darling.
Oh, darling! [laughs happily]
- Hey, darling. - Hi, sweetheart. How are you?
I'm good. How are you?
Have you been having a wonderful day?
No! Everyone's being so mean!
Nice to meet you.
So, sadly, this is shaping up
to be the day I thought it would be.
I had optimistically hoped
everyone would behave a little bit better.
But at this time I'm trying just to referee.
And I hate sports.
You're not gonna say anything to Mark? You're just gonna
- leave it? - I mean, is Mark
not gonna come over and say hello to me?
Hi. How do you do? Mimi.
- Mark. Pleased to meet you. - Likewise.
I don't wanna get up. But I do want water.
Who else needs champagne? I'm being a very lax hostess.
Thank you so much.
That's sad about that, isn't it?
I was a much better hostess when I had a butler.
[laughs]
Oh, wow!!
The bird has landed.
- How are you, angel? - Fine. How are you?
This is beautiful. This is absolutely amazing.
Well, thank you. I wanted to wear something
that you won't make fun of behind my back.
Oh, darling. ----ing sensational.
I don't know which of us got the dress code wrong.
I feel it may have been me.
I don't know why Margo thinks I care so much?
Whenever I see someone,
I say, "My God! You look better than ever."
That's just manners. I'm not lying. That's what we do.
- They have been telling me... - They, who, darling?
...that you've been quite mean about me behind my back?
- They, who? - Martha and Missé.
Oh, dear. What have they told you?
Well, Martha told me, she's like, "Oh, I feel so upset.
I had to defend you when I had dinner with Kimi."
She was very defensive of you.
Look, she's been in L.A.
where people just wear Lululemon.
Well, she's not anymore.
There's a lot of chic people in L.A.
Margo's just not one of them.
Just... just... just...
Sorry to inform you of that.
She was like, "They were making fun of your hair
- and your clothes." - Your hair?
There was momentary talk of a crushed velvet jumpsuit.
Then Missé said someone at your party...
- Yes. - ...said something
- nasty about me. - No!
A friend of mine, who's known Margo about a decade,
hasn't seen her for some time.
Sees her again at the garden party.
And tells me...
Not aesthetically
but in terms of her...
- manner. - Demeanor. Mm-hmm.
I did repeat something that somebody had told me.
That's true. But I thought
actually it was quite complimentary.
[curious beat]
Who are you?
Don't come over and give me a compliment
when I know you're not complimenting me
behind my back.
British society isn't really people go
to be held accountable.
So, this is probably surprising for him.
So, tell me what, what she said.
Tell me what they told you she said.
No, you just go ahead and tell me what they said.
That you were embracing a moment of...
how can I say it? Of being an actress.
[tense music]
- That I was fake? - No, it was--
That I was acting like a fake person.
No, that wasn't the word, fake.
Darling, yes you did say fake.
No, I said actress.
What am I acting?
I don't know why Mark isn't owning his words.
Why is he so brave when I'm not around?
I'm right here. Tell me to my face.
Well, I think this is a joyous tea party.
British is the posh put down.
You know exactly where you stand.
What Mark is doing is just two-faced.
- Don't pick on Mark. - Oh, darling, anyone
- can pick on me. - No, I won't allow it.
After all being natural is the hardest part to play, isn't it?
It is.
You can't being authentic.
You can't pretend to be real,
because that's very transparent, I'm afraid.
But don't blame Mark. He didn't do anything.
'Cause he's spreading it as well.
- Oh, so what? - Oh, darling.
You spread things all day long.
I heard some gossip you were spreading about him.
- But that was-- - And it was horrendous.
He's just a bag holder!
[gasps] Stop it!
That's what I heard.
I've got more tea than the Boston Harbor.
I just don't walk around spilling it.
I hate tea.
I just heard that he like, is a bag holder for Emma.
And is like, desperately clutching on to her
for her social relevance.
How are you doing?
You don't want to get involved in that.
You wouldn't be wearing this if you didn't have a touch
of venom in you, now would you?
[laughs]
At least these birds didn't die in vain, darling.
Clearly Margo dresses this way in order to be noticed.
You call it attention-seeking.
It's a shame, really. I feel that this kind of behavior
just demonstrates a terrible lack of self-esteem.
Mark's full-time job is mining attention.
I show up in the room and I get the attention.
The stars are born, they're not made.
- Are you being nice? - No, she's horrible.
- She's not horrible. - She's being horrible
- to everybody. - Kimi, quite frankly,
- you can be an absolute cow. - Well, I know I can.
Thank you. Thank you.
All I'm seeing are clowns, no humor,
and I find it quite sad.
Well then, you're at the wrong party.
- Oh, you should. - Kimi.
Well, she's being so rude!
- No, no, Martha. - Just a cow.
Where are the ----ing glasses?
- What's going on? - That's actually mine.
Oh, my God!
[laughs]
[tense music]
- Oh, my God! - Sorry, I didn't
come over to you.
Looks like you guys are laughing though.
I don't get it.
No, they're laughing because they...
are clowns.
Oh [bleep] her.
Let's have some champagne, darling.
Oh, darling, I think it's all empty.
- Oh no, there's some more. - There is some.
- Is everything okay? - Everything is fine.
- We're fine. Everyone's good. - Do we look fine?
Well, it seems like you guys are laughing and stuff,
but like, Margo doesn't seem fine.
Oh, poor thing. She's probably at the wrong party then.
So, did you guys fix it.
No, we're not fixing anything. She's being rude!
She's being rude? She just said you're being rude.
And you're being rude. You both are being rude.
Oh, I am so thricely rude.
- Over there? Let's go. - Yeah, over there.
I'm actually just going to be civil to you
'cause you're Martha's friend.
Well that would-- look, that would be
a great start for you, civility and honesty.
Well, thank you.
You have always presented yourself as someone
who will say anything to anyone's face.
It literally never occurred to me...
Mm-hmm.
...that you wouldn't have said those things to her face.
It was definitely some drug-related thing.
It's like, let's not make it into some ----ing sob story.
It is a sob story!
It's sad, it's horrible, but it is what it is.
- To whose face? - To Missé's face.
You are a troublemaker.
I actually feel bad for Martha
'cause when she finds out what a sh--ty friend
you really are, you're like a total con.
No wonder you live in L.A.
'cause it's a ----ing fake city, just like you.
Hey, how's that accent going for you?
Where are you from again?
Are you from New York?
Whoa!
What is Kimi's accent?
I don't know why she talks
like the guy on the Monopoly board.
[cork pops]
My nipple's been everywhere today.
Constantly. I think everyone's seen my boobs today.
Fine, guys.
We see them every time. I love your tits.
I do love my breasts.
And that's it.
Are we all being nice?
Why are you blaming us?
Okay, what did she say that was so bitchy?
- It's her demeanor, darling. - She's horrific.
What is your problem?
Why are you always defending her?
Why don't you ----ing defend me for once?
Because you are a psychotic bitch!
I love you for it, but you are!
- She's not? She's not? - Not the same way you are!
Oh, really?
- Really, Martha? - No!
Have you listened?
Your behavior in that car was not acceptable.
- It was not acceptable. - I can say whatever
I want, Martha.
- My God, I've literally never heard Martha
talk like this before. I'm like, I'm like quite proud!
Yay!
Oh, my God, Martha!
I thought British people was like-- oh, sh--,
my boobs are out again. [laughs]
We need like, a Missé's titty committee.
You need to be careful with the wind.
I question our friendship.
I'm your ----ing true friend and I always defend you.
I've defended you right ----ing now.
So, you are blinded by her guilt-sh--tty L.A.
----ing fake lights.
- Oh. - I'm out.
I've never seen Martha fight with anyone.
My God! Who's this confrontational babe?
And I love that she's standing up for me right now.
I'm quite mortified that this has descended
into what is essentially a brawl.
This is a My Fair Lady party
and there's nothing ladylike about it.
I'm not sure how they're going to resolve where they are.
It's-- it's-- this is not the solution.
You been having a lovely day?
Yeah, no, I ----ing hate my friends
they're all [bleep]. [laughs]
Oh, there she is, Miss Chaos. Are you okay?
Why are you continuing it?
I can't stand backstabbers.
So, she's saying that I don't stand up for her.
Now she's starting a fight with you?
Now she's starting a fight with me.
Oh, she's like that.
What she did to like, jump in,
I actually think was meaner to you. 'Cause I wasn't even
- trying to me mean. - 'Cause it was like making
- mountains out of mole hills. - Yeah! I would never do that.
It's called attention-seeking.
Can you just stop attacking everyone?
- She's not attacking everyone. - On the contrary, darling.
I'm not. I'm speaking to her. There's a difference.
The only reason I'm even here is because of you.
Because I would have never even come 'cause I adore you.
And you--
[gasping]: Don't you dare!
You defend-- you never defend me.
No, I love you. I ----ing have.
- No, you don't. - I do.
You don't.
I never, ever, ever said one bad word about you.
Even if the worst situation happened and you said, "Kimi,
we're going to bury a dead body", I'd take the dead body.
You'd be the first one I'd call.
You ----ing backstabbed me and that kills me.
I have not backstabbed you, Kimi.
That's how I feel.
You're attacking me all day long.
No, I'm not. No, Kimi, I'm not.
- I'm just saying-- - You're showing feelings, Kimi!
You're a person! Kimi's crying.
No, I'm just saying--
Can we celebrate this moment? Kimi's crying!
I have never seen Kimi cry.
I didn't even know she could.
I knew she had it in her.
Hosting 101:
It is not good manners to make your guests cry.
It is certainly the first time I've ever seen Kimi cry.
This woman has really got to her.
Kimi's crying!
[laughing] Her boob is out.
I think they've all had too much to drink.
Her boob is out. [laughs]
Not again. Just the one, dear.
You ruined my stoic bitch face.
- Well, I have. - So, shame on you.
I don't even have a sister
so I always felt like you were my sister.
- Oh, Kimi. - 'Cause I love you.
I love you.
But you are a psychotic bitch.
I know I am, but that doesn't make me a bad person.
- No! - It just makes me psychotic.
[laughing]: I know!
[tense music]
Next time on Ladies of London.
I've always been happiest like, on a horse.
Whoa-a-a.
So, Margo, I wanted to see how you're doing.
I feel so alone, actually.
- She should relax. - She's so upset.
- I don't think she's upset. - She actually cried.
Remember she's an actress, sweetheart.
That is supposed to be her job.
I wore my white flowers for peace.
Is there something you're trying to say.
Yes, I'm a piece of sh--.
- Finally, we agree! - Margo!
Don't think she'll make it in London.
She's far better suited to Los Angeles.