1 00:00:03,637 --> 00:00:05,472 ( Dr. Malocchio laughs maniacally ) 2 00:00:05,539 --> 00:00:07,407 ( dramatic theme playing ) 3 00:00:11,678 --> 00:00:15,015 ( laughs ) 4 00:00:15,082 --> 00:00:17,117 You never changed, did you, Dr. Malocchio? 5 00:00:17,184 --> 00:00:19,987 It was a lie. You're the same bastard you've always been. 6 00:00:20,053 --> 00:00:21,455 You figured that out all by yourself? 7 00:00:21,522 --> 00:00:25,192 My, my, Prock, you really are a genius. 8 00:00:25,259 --> 00:00:28,362 But now, there is nowhere to run and nowhere to hide. 9 00:00:28,428 --> 00:00:30,564 Run. Hide. 10 00:00:30,631 --> 00:00:33,133 What did I just say about running and hiding? 11 00:00:33,200 --> 00:00:36,503 What does a guy have to do to be listened to? 12 00:00:36,570 --> 00:00:38,972 That's enough. Okay. That's right. 13 00:00:39,039 --> 00:00:40,741 That's enough. Should I just give you the gun? 14 00:00:41,008 --> 00:00:42,576 Are you serious? Of course I'm not. 15 00:00:42,643 --> 00:00:45,345 I finally have everything I want and you can't stop me. 16 00:00:45,412 --> 00:00:47,347 You don't have any powers, you never did. 17 00:00:47,414 --> 00:00:49,716 And all the heroes gave them away. 18 00:00:49,983 --> 00:00:52,052 All because I asked them to. 19 00:00:52,119 --> 00:00:53,754 I'm gonna stop you. I will. 20 00:00:54,021 --> 00:00:57,157 You won't. You can't. You are not your father. 21 00:00:57,224 --> 00:00:59,493 I'm getting real sick of hearing that. 22 00:01:04,264 --> 00:01:06,633 Coming up on Superhero Tonight: 23 00:01:06,700 --> 00:01:09,636 Is Sandpaper-Man really going to reveal his secret identity? 24 00:01:09,703 --> 00:01:11,271 You'll hear it here first. 25 00:01:11,338 --> 00:01:13,707 Flame-Mouth sat down with our own Patrick Snee 26 00:01:13,974 --> 00:01:15,676 to discuss life after rehab. 27 00:01:15,742 --> 00:01:18,278 It's just great to be in control again. 28 00:01:18,345 --> 00:01:20,113 ( hiccups ) 29 00:01:20,180 --> 00:01:23,450 But now we take you live to the biggest event of the year. 30 00:01:23,517 --> 00:01:25,285 That's right, Ricky. Mr. Awesome, 31 00:01:25,352 --> 00:01:27,387 leader of America's favorite superhero team, 32 00:01:27,454 --> 00:01:29,423 The Awesomes, is turning 90. 33 00:01:29,489 --> 00:01:32,092 All the top heroes from yesterday and today showed up 34 00:01:32,159 --> 00:01:33,460 to pay respect to their leader, 35 00:01:33,527 --> 00:01:35,395 from the world's greatest heroes, 36 00:01:35,462 --> 00:01:37,364 to lesser heroes like Muscleman 37 00:01:37,431 --> 00:01:40,100 and barely heroes like Mr. Awesome's very own son, 38 00:01:40,167 --> 00:01:43,036 I hope I'm saying this right, Prock. 39 00:01:43,103 --> 00:01:44,538 Good question. 40 00:01:44,605 --> 00:01:46,573 Prock is a combination of "professor" and "doctor." 41 00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:50,344 MAN: Hey, look. A dog with a shoe in its mouth. 42 00:01:50,410 --> 00:01:53,246 I'm sorry, are you done with me? MAN 2: Get out of the shot. 43 00:01:53,313 --> 00:01:56,083 Can you believe Mr. Awesome is 90? 44 00:01:56,149 --> 00:01:59,086 My grandmother is 87, and she's a mess. 45 00:01:59,152 --> 00:02:01,655 Mine is 82, and I've completely written her off. 46 00:02:01,722 --> 00:02:05,092 I hear he is speaking right now to the crowd inside. 47 00:02:05,158 --> 00:02:07,027 I'll have all the details later. 48 00:02:07,094 --> 00:02:09,096 ( applause and cheers ) 49 00:02:10,364 --> 00:02:11,732 Our seats are terrible. 50 00:02:11,999 --> 00:02:13,500 They're great. We're on the dais. 51 00:02:13,567 --> 00:02:15,035 Hey, your dad's talking. 52 00:02:15,102 --> 00:02:16,303 So it is with a heavy heart 53 00:02:16,370 --> 00:02:18,238 that I announce today as my last day 54 00:02:18,305 --> 00:02:21,341 as the leader of The Awesomes. ( crowd gasps ) 55 00:02:21,408 --> 00:02:23,577 Oh, my God. After 60 years of leading 56 00:02:23,644 --> 00:02:26,246 America's greatest superhero team, 57 00:02:26,313 --> 00:02:29,616 I had to accept it's not the job of a 90-year-old man. 58 00:02:29,683 --> 00:02:31,518 MAN: You don't look it. 59 00:02:31,585 --> 00:02:34,554 Yes, my super powers have helped slow the aging process, 60 00:02:34,621 --> 00:02:36,323 but not completely. 61 00:02:36,390 --> 00:02:39,292 This country, this world, needs the protection 62 00:02:39,359 --> 00:02:41,294 of someone who will truly shield the people 63 00:02:41,361 --> 00:02:43,063 from the growing number of supervillains, 64 00:02:43,130 --> 00:02:45,265 alien attacks, zombie weekends, 65 00:02:45,332 --> 00:02:48,368 vampire high schools and evil robot housewives. 66 00:02:48,435 --> 00:02:50,470 The time has come for me to step down 67 00:02:50,537 --> 00:02:54,241 and pass the torch to a new generation. 68 00:02:54,307 --> 00:02:56,209 REPORTER: Mr. Awesome, who will take your place? 69 00:02:56,276 --> 00:02:57,544 There's only one person 70 00:02:57,611 --> 00:02:59,279 who could run The Awesomes in my place. 71 00:02:59,346 --> 00:03:02,049 Only one man I would trust... This is it, buddy. 72 00:03:02,115 --> 00:03:03,383 The moment you've been waiting for. 73 00:03:03,450 --> 00:03:05,252 Quit it. I'm gonna be on camera. 74 00:03:05,318 --> 00:03:08,622 He's simply the greatest hero the world has ever known: 75 00:03:08,689 --> 00:03:11,191 Perfect Man. 76 00:03:11,258 --> 00:03:15,262 Perfect Man? Over you? Why? Because he's stronger? 77 00:03:15,328 --> 00:03:18,498 Because he's faster? Handsomer? Because he can fly? 78 00:03:18,565 --> 00:03:20,534 Because of his hair? His hair is awesome. 79 00:03:20,600 --> 00:03:22,202 You're not helping. 80 00:03:22,269 --> 00:03:25,405 Hello, everyone. My name is Perfect Man. 81 00:03:25,472 --> 00:03:29,276 I've seen him use that joke like five times. 82 00:03:29,342 --> 00:03:31,978 It gets me every time. Because we all know who he is. 83 00:03:32,045 --> 00:03:35,148 "My name is Perfect Man." Heh-heh-heh. 84 00:03:35,215 --> 00:03:39,286 Mr. Awesome, you are, in many ways, the father I never had. 85 00:03:39,352 --> 00:03:42,589 And you, Perfect Man, are like the son I never had. 86 00:03:42,656 --> 00:03:44,191 I'm his son. Right. 87 00:03:44,257 --> 00:03:46,226 But he's never had a son like Perfect Man. 88 00:03:46,293 --> 00:03:47,594 That's not how that phrase is used. 89 00:03:47,661 --> 00:03:50,097 Perfect Man, I know it's sudden, 90 00:03:50,163 --> 00:03:51,598 but do you accept? 91 00:03:51,665 --> 00:03:55,135 Will you take over the team and run The Awesomes? 92 00:03:55,202 --> 00:03:56,670 ( crowd murmuring ) 93 00:03:56,737 --> 00:03:58,638 ( dramatic theme playing ) 94 00:04:01,241 --> 00:04:03,143 I will not. 95 00:04:03,210 --> 00:04:05,078 Awkward. 96 00:04:05,145 --> 00:04:06,446 While I am flattered, 97 00:04:06,513 --> 00:04:09,282 this team was founded by you, Mr. Awesome. 98 00:04:09,349 --> 00:04:10,550 It bears your name. 99 00:04:10,617 --> 00:04:12,219 Without you, it wouldn't be the same. 100 00:04:12,285 --> 00:04:14,254 To try and follow in your footsteps 101 00:04:14,321 --> 00:04:16,323 would just be sheer foolishness. 102 00:04:16,389 --> 00:04:20,560 And Perfect Man is no fool. 103 00:04:20,627 --> 00:04:23,363 There goes the best man I've ever met. 104 00:04:23,430 --> 00:04:26,600 Well then, unless someone else wants to step forward, 105 00:04:26,666 --> 00:04:29,436 this will be the final meeting of The Awe-- 106 00:04:29,503 --> 00:04:32,139 Stop. 107 00:04:32,205 --> 00:04:33,707 My dream is to lead The Awesomes. 108 00:04:33,974 --> 00:04:36,376 If I let him disband the team, that will never happen. 109 00:04:36,443 --> 00:04:38,378 Dad always tells me I lack the nerve to be a real hero. 110 00:04:38,445 --> 00:04:39,679 Well, this would be nerve. 111 00:04:39,746 --> 00:04:41,381 Maybe he's doing this to test me. 112 00:04:41,448 --> 00:04:45,085 I will pass that test. This is my moment. Start. 113 00:04:45,152 --> 00:04:47,120 --Awesomes. And so my hope 114 00:04:47,187 --> 00:04:49,156 I'll do it. is America will never forget 115 00:04:49,222 --> 00:04:51,992 I'll do it. the courage of these heroes. 116 00:04:52,058 --> 00:04:54,461 I need a microphone. I got you, buddy. 117 00:04:54,528 --> 00:04:56,429 ( microphone feedback ) 118 00:04:56,496 --> 00:04:58,165 I'll do it. 119 00:04:58,231 --> 00:05:00,066 I'll do it. 120 00:05:00,133 --> 00:05:02,135 I'll do it! Do what, Jeremy? 121 00:05:02,202 --> 00:05:06,039 Take over The Awesomes for you. You know, keep it in the family. 122 00:05:06,106 --> 00:05:08,108 Are your really considering this, Mr. Awesome? 123 00:05:08,175 --> 00:05:10,343 Your son has only been on the team for a year, 124 00:05:10,410 --> 00:05:12,479 and when he joined, didn't he break three fingers 125 00:05:12,546 --> 00:05:14,114 just shaking hands with the team? 126 00:05:14,181 --> 00:05:18,552 Hey, my son is a very...capable superhero. 127 00:05:18,618 --> 00:05:20,754 Oh, come on. He couldn't beat me in a fight. 128 00:05:21,021 --> 00:05:23,456 With all due respect, sir, I think I could. 129 00:05:23,523 --> 00:05:26,259 No, you couldn't. Well, you're wrong. 130 00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:28,562 CROWD ( in unison ): Fight! Fight! Fight! 131 00:05:30,163 --> 00:05:31,665 Yes. Uhh. 132 00:05:31,731 --> 00:05:35,202 Too many chili dogs. Uhh! 133 00:05:35,268 --> 00:05:37,204 MAN: Oh, no, he had a heart attack. 134 00:05:37,270 --> 00:05:38,972 Yes. 135 00:05:39,039 --> 00:05:41,441 PROCK: What? 136 00:05:41,508 --> 00:05:43,610 What are you doing? 137 00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:45,512 Let me do this. I can do this. 138 00:05:45,579 --> 00:05:48,248 You think you can carry my A on your chest? 139 00:05:48,315 --> 00:05:50,317 Yes, Dad. I really believe I can. 140 00:05:50,383 --> 00:05:52,752 Oh, my God, that was so heavy. 141 00:05:53,019 --> 00:05:56,022 ( man groans, then grunts ) 142 00:05:56,089 --> 00:05:57,357 I can't believe you wore something 143 00:05:57,424 --> 00:05:58,558 that heavy on your chest. 144 00:05:58,625 --> 00:06:00,160 Look, you're my son, Jeremy. 145 00:06:00,227 --> 00:06:01,595 But you're your mother's son even more. 146 00:06:01,661 --> 00:06:03,196 You didn't inherit my super strength, 147 00:06:03,263 --> 00:06:04,531 you don't have any powers 148 00:06:04,598 --> 00:06:06,266 except for the weird stopping-time thing. 149 00:06:06,333 --> 00:06:08,168 But you had to stop doing that 150 00:06:08,235 --> 00:06:10,136 because the doctor said it might kill you. 151 00:06:10,203 --> 00:06:11,471 You did stop doing that, right? 152 00:06:11,538 --> 00:06:13,073 Yes, I stopped. 153 00:06:13,139 --> 00:06:15,375 Stop. Meh. 154 00:06:15,442 --> 00:06:16,576 Start. 155 00:06:16,643 --> 00:06:18,078 Good. Your nose is bleeding. 156 00:06:18,144 --> 00:06:20,213 Probably just the altitude. 157 00:06:20,280 --> 00:06:22,148 But you are very bright. 158 00:06:22,215 --> 00:06:23,516 Why not use those smarts? 159 00:06:23,583 --> 00:06:26,553 Be a doctor, a lawyer, start a photo blog. 160 00:06:26,620 --> 00:06:28,355 I went to med school and I became a doctor. 161 00:06:28,421 --> 00:06:30,423 I went to law school and I became a lawyer. 162 00:06:30,490 --> 00:06:34,728 But, Dad, all I've ever wanted to be is a superhero. 163 00:06:34,995 --> 00:06:36,463 ( sighs ) 164 00:06:36,529 --> 00:06:39,132 Okay, Jeremy. You can run the team. 165 00:06:39,199 --> 00:06:41,568 But I won't be here to help you. 166 00:06:41,635 --> 00:06:43,236 Why? Where are you going? 167 00:06:43,303 --> 00:06:45,238 Space. Why space? 168 00:06:45,305 --> 00:06:46,506 I've been at the beck and call 169 00:06:46,573 --> 00:06:48,141 of the people of Earth for too long. 170 00:06:48,208 --> 00:06:50,110 I need to retire somewhere far away 171 00:06:50,176 --> 00:06:53,046 where they can't contact me every time there's a crisis. 172 00:06:53,113 --> 00:06:55,248 What are you gonna do? Get some reading done. 173 00:06:55,315 --> 00:06:57,484 Haven't cracked a book for 50 years. 174 00:06:57,550 --> 00:07:00,520 First up, Betty Friedan's The Feminine Mystique. 175 00:07:00,587 --> 00:07:04,090 Sounds kinky. Then go. I'll be fine. 176 00:07:04,157 --> 00:07:06,359 You can't always be there to catch me when I fall. 177 00:07:06,426 --> 00:07:09,696 ( screaming ) 178 00:07:09,763 --> 00:07:12,065 I hate it when you do that. I hate it. 179 00:07:12,132 --> 00:07:13,767 MAN: Look. He's holding him like a little baby. 180 00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:16,303 ( laughter ) Put me down. 181 00:07:16,369 --> 00:07:18,438 Good news, everyone. The Awesomes live on. 182 00:07:18,505 --> 00:07:19,973 ( cheering ) 183 00:07:20,040 --> 00:07:22,409 But without me, for I am leaving Earth. 184 00:07:22,475 --> 00:07:24,177 Farewell, good people. 185 00:07:24,244 --> 00:07:27,180 Our time together was some of the happiest of my life. 186 00:07:27,247 --> 00:07:29,683 Awesome. And out. 187 00:07:29,749 --> 00:07:31,651 Forgot my book. 188 00:07:31,718 --> 00:07:33,153 ( applause and cheers ) 189 00:07:33,219 --> 00:07:35,288 Well, let me say that I'm glad to hear 190 00:07:35,355 --> 00:07:38,425 that The Awesomes will continue. 191 00:07:38,491 --> 00:07:39,626 And while I wish Jeremy luck-- 192 00:07:39,693 --> 00:07:41,594 Prock. My superhero name is Prock. 193 00:07:41,661 --> 00:07:43,496 --I will be leaving the team. 194 00:07:43,563 --> 00:07:45,165 Wha--? I'm out too. 195 00:07:45,231 --> 00:07:46,366 I'm out. Me too. 196 00:07:46,433 --> 00:07:47,667 Not the same anymore. 197 00:07:49,169 --> 00:07:51,271 You still in, Black Irish? 198 00:07:51,338 --> 00:07:53,340 ( gasps ) 199 00:07:56,409 --> 00:07:59,212 You did it. 200 00:07:59,279 --> 00:08:01,281 ( dramatic theme playing ) 201 00:08:04,551 --> 00:08:07,354 MR. AWESOME ( over TV ): So it is with a heavy heart that I announce today 202 00:08:07,420 --> 00:08:10,190 as my last day as the leader of The Awesomes. 203 00:08:10,256 --> 00:08:11,558 ANCHOR: And with that announcement, 204 00:08:11,624 --> 00:08:14,995 America's greatest hero was gone. 205 00:08:15,061 --> 00:08:17,397 Mr. Awesome leaving Earth. 206 00:08:17,464 --> 00:08:19,199 Mr. Awesome, the only hero 207 00:08:19,265 --> 00:08:22,235 who ever had the power to stop me, is gone. 208 00:08:22,302 --> 00:08:24,070 Maybe now would be a good time 209 00:08:24,137 --> 00:08:25,572 to remove every superhero from Earth 210 00:08:25,638 --> 00:08:29,442 and assume my position of ultimate power. 211 00:08:29,509 --> 00:08:31,611 Yep. Now would be the time. 212 00:08:31,678 --> 00:08:33,980 Guard, could you please let me out? 213 00:08:34,047 --> 00:08:35,215 I'm going to escape. 214 00:08:35,281 --> 00:08:37,017 And, oh, can I have a gun? 215 00:08:37,083 --> 00:08:39,686 Are you out of your mind? I'm not gonna gi-- 216 00:08:39,753 --> 00:08:41,988 Uh... 217 00:08:42,055 --> 00:08:44,290 Open up on B-31. 218 00:08:44,357 --> 00:08:46,126 Wonderful. 219 00:08:46,192 --> 00:08:48,328 I'm going to need a Tom Ford suit, some tuna carpaccio, 220 00:08:48,395 --> 00:08:51,564 three hookers, and one of those smart phones. 221 00:08:51,631 --> 00:08:54,067 A really, really smart phone. 222 00:08:54,134 --> 00:08:55,502 Wonderful. Okay. Let's hop to it. 223 00:08:55,568 --> 00:08:57,971 Evil to be done. 224 00:08:58,038 --> 00:09:00,540 ( The Hold Steady's "The Awesomes Theme Song" playing ) 225 00:09:00,607 --> 00:09:03,376 ♪ This feels awesome ♪ 226 00:09:03,443 --> 00:09:05,712 ♪ This feels awesome ♪ 227 00:09:05,979 --> 00:09:07,714 ♪ Yeah, this feels awesome ♪ 228 00:09:11,484 --> 00:09:14,354 ♪ Now, this feels awesome ♪ 229 00:09:14,421 --> 00:09:16,689 ♪ This feels awesome ♪ 230 00:09:16,756 --> 00:09:19,192 ♪ This feels so awesome ♪ 231 00:09:24,531 --> 00:09:27,333 ( upbeat rock theme playing ) 232 00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:30,703 MUSCLEMAN: So it's just us left? We will rule this place. 233 00:09:30,970 --> 00:09:32,605 I call this chair and this chair. 234 00:09:32,672 --> 00:09:35,275 I did the right thing, right? The team has to go on. 235 00:09:35,341 --> 00:09:37,110 Where will people go for help? 236 00:09:37,177 --> 00:09:39,045 ANCHOR: Tonight on the Superhero News Network, 237 00:09:39,112 --> 00:09:42,482 don't miss the one hour special "Perfect Man Goes Solo." 238 00:09:42,549 --> 00:09:47,353 The time for teams is over. I'm gonna do it all by myself. 239 00:09:47,420 --> 00:09:49,022 The time for teams is over? 240 00:09:49,089 --> 00:09:50,490 MANDRAKE: You can say that again. 241 00:09:50,557 --> 00:09:53,560 Professor Doctor Awesome, I'm Joyce Mandrake 242 00:09:53,626 --> 00:09:55,695 from the government office of superhero affairs. 243 00:09:55,762 --> 00:09:57,530 Watch your feet. 244 00:09:57,597 --> 00:10:00,333 Dude, we're getting a new meeting table. 245 00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:03,470 Very funny. Ha-ha-ha. 246 00:10:03,536 --> 00:10:05,105 Thank you. 247 00:10:05,171 --> 00:10:06,973 What was very funny? And what's going on? 248 00:10:07,040 --> 00:10:09,476 By the order of the president of the United States, 249 00:10:09,542 --> 00:10:11,611 we are implementing code 33. 250 00:10:11,678 --> 00:10:13,513 Thirty-three is my ATM pin code. 251 00:10:13,580 --> 00:10:15,181 Pin codes are four digits. 252 00:10:15,248 --> 00:10:18,451 That probably explains why money never comes out. 253 00:10:18,518 --> 00:10:20,386 MANDRAKE: Code 33 means this: 254 00:10:20,453 --> 00:10:22,322 We're withdrawing your government funding. 255 00:10:22,388 --> 00:10:24,023 You can't cut our funding. 256 00:10:24,090 --> 00:10:26,259 The U.S. Government has always funded The Awesomes. 257 00:10:26,326 --> 00:10:27,627 We weren't funding the name. 258 00:10:27,694 --> 00:10:29,762 We were funding a team of top-level heroes. 259 00:10:30,029 --> 00:10:32,565 And with all due respect, you ain't top level no more. 260 00:10:32,632 --> 00:10:35,602 Stop. They would never walk over Dad like this. 261 00:10:35,668 --> 00:10:37,470 He would stick out his jaw and tell them, 262 00:10:37,537 --> 00:10:40,273 "Absolutely not. I'm in charge." That's what I have to do. 263 00:10:40,340 --> 00:10:42,142 Of course, I don't really have my father's jaw. 264 00:10:42,208 --> 00:10:44,677 His is almost a perfect square and mine is weak and soft. 265 00:10:44,744 --> 00:10:46,613 Man, of all the things I didn't get from my dad, 266 00:10:46,679 --> 00:10:48,448 the thing I want most is that big old jaw. 267 00:10:48,515 --> 00:10:50,283 Okay, sticking out the jaw is a no-go, 268 00:10:50,350 --> 00:10:52,452 but I should be able to come up with some way to convince her 269 00:10:52,519 --> 00:10:54,287 I am strong enough to lead this team. Start. 270 00:10:54,354 --> 00:10:56,189 Please, please, please. 271 00:10:56,256 --> 00:10:58,224 I've only been in charge for like half an hour. 272 00:10:58,291 --> 00:10:59,659 You can't kill us now. Give me time. 273 00:10:59,726 --> 00:11:01,561 I'll prove that we're worth the money. 274 00:11:01,628 --> 00:11:03,496 Please, Professor Doctor. 275 00:11:03,563 --> 00:11:05,031 If you're disbanding us, 276 00:11:05,098 --> 00:11:06,466 just do me the favor of ending it for me. 277 00:11:06,533 --> 00:11:08,034 Roll over my head, splatter my brains, 278 00:11:08,101 --> 00:11:09,269 because I would prefer that 279 00:11:09,335 --> 00:11:11,671 to getting fired in my first half hour. 280 00:11:11,738 --> 00:11:14,174 Fine. "Fine" meaning what exactly? 281 00:11:14,240 --> 00:11:16,676 Refill your roster. If you put together a team, 282 00:11:16,743 --> 00:11:18,678 then you can get continued use of Awesome Mountain. 283 00:11:18,745 --> 00:11:21,047 I'll give you 48 hours to refill your roster. 284 00:11:21,114 --> 00:11:22,382 Forty-eight hours? 285 00:11:22,448 --> 00:11:24,284 How am I supposed to do that with the two of us? 286 00:11:24,350 --> 00:11:26,486 What about our support staff? They're all gone. 287 00:11:26,553 --> 00:11:28,288 What? We need support staff. 288 00:11:28,354 --> 00:11:31,124 Maintenance, chefs, assistants, janitors, electricians. 289 00:11:31,191 --> 00:11:33,041 Hundreds of people work here. 290 00:11:33,108 --> 00:11:34,543 Well, now it's zero. Give us 20. 291 00:11:34,609 --> 00:11:36,244 Zero. Zero. Fifteen. Ten. 292 00:11:36,511 --> 00:11:38,146 Zero. Zero. Three. One. 293 00:11:38,213 --> 00:11:41,049 Okay, you get one. Ha-ha-ha. In your face. 294 00:11:41,116 --> 00:11:42,784 You got played. Ow! 295 00:11:42,851 --> 00:11:44,720 PROCK: So you are? 296 00:11:44,786 --> 00:11:47,756 I was the secretary's assistant to the assistant secretary. 297 00:11:47,823 --> 00:11:49,257 What's your name? Concierge. 298 00:11:49,524 --> 00:11:51,493 Ooh-la-la. A French girl. 299 00:11:51,560 --> 00:11:54,229 No, "concierge" means someone who gets things done. 300 00:11:54,496 --> 00:11:55,697 I don't know how they chose 301 00:11:55,764 --> 00:11:57,566 the one person lucky enough to stay. 302 00:11:57,632 --> 00:12:00,602 I said "not it" the slowest. 303 00:12:00,669 --> 00:12:01,937 Welcome aboard. 304 00:12:02,003 --> 00:12:03,805 Our first mission is to assemble a team. 305 00:12:03,872 --> 00:12:05,807 We need more heroes. I heard. 306 00:12:05,874 --> 00:12:07,175 I took the liberty of contacting 307 00:12:07,242 --> 00:12:10,278 all 174 level-six-or-above superheroes 308 00:12:10,545 --> 00:12:12,981 who are currently unaffiliated with any team. 309 00:12:13,048 --> 00:12:15,083 Cool. How many are interested? None. 310 00:12:15,150 --> 00:12:16,985 Did you say "nine"? None. 311 00:12:17,052 --> 00:12:18,520 When you say none-- 312 00:12:18,587 --> 00:12:20,255 A hundred and twenty-six gave a flat no, 313 00:12:20,522 --> 00:12:22,023 45 laughed at me, and three told me 314 00:12:22,090 --> 00:12:23,692 to tell you to "go ( bleep ) yourself." 315 00:12:23,759 --> 00:12:26,027 Which I told them I was not going to do. 316 00:12:26,094 --> 00:12:28,096 Thanks for that. So what now? 317 00:12:28,163 --> 00:12:30,198 We could reach out to level four and fives. 318 00:12:30,265 --> 00:12:33,135 This is The Awesomes. We can't have fours and fives. 319 00:12:33,201 --> 00:12:35,003 Are you seriously telling me there is no place 320 00:12:35,070 --> 00:12:36,638 to find high-level powers 321 00:12:36,705 --> 00:12:38,540 who might be interested in joining this team? 322 00:12:38,607 --> 00:12:43,245 Well, there is one place to look, but it's not great. 323 00:12:43,512 --> 00:12:45,247 Here you go. What's this? 324 00:12:45,514 --> 00:12:47,082 CONCIERGE: This is the reject file. 325 00:12:47,149 --> 00:12:48,850 Everyone in here has been turned down 326 00:12:48,917 --> 00:12:50,252 for one reason or another. 327 00:12:50,519 --> 00:12:52,721 I'd be very wary of considering any of them. 328 00:12:52,788 --> 00:12:55,157 There are people in here with some serious powers. 329 00:12:55,223 --> 00:12:57,159 Who turned them down? Your father. 330 00:12:57,225 --> 00:12:59,995 Even with super vision, Dad had a problem seeing potential. 331 00:13:00,061 --> 00:13:03,532 I doubt Joyce Mandrake will be happy with a team of rejects. 332 00:13:03,598 --> 00:13:05,901 She's never going to know they were a team of rejects. 333 00:13:05,967 --> 00:13:08,570 Besides, I only have 48 hours. I can't be choosy. 334 00:13:08,637 --> 00:13:11,006 Maybe you're right. This is the new Awesomes after all. 335 00:13:11,072 --> 00:13:12,808 Our bar is lower. 336 00:13:12,874 --> 00:13:15,277 Ooh, that's a good slogan. That's not a good slogan. 337 00:13:15,544 --> 00:13:17,012 These people might not be heroes now, 338 00:13:17,078 --> 00:13:18,980 but they will be when I'm done with them. 339 00:13:19,047 --> 00:13:20,682 To the Awesome Jet. 340 00:13:20,749 --> 00:13:22,517 PROCK: They took it? 341 00:13:22,584 --> 00:13:25,921 CONCIERGE: Yep. To the Awesome Copter. 342 00:13:25,987 --> 00:13:29,491 PROCK: Maybe it's easier if you just tell me what they didn't take. 343 00:13:29,558 --> 00:13:31,526 That's it? Yep. 344 00:13:31,593 --> 00:13:34,129 MUSCLEMAN ( sighs ): You have to say it. 345 00:13:34,196 --> 00:13:36,231 I don't want to. It's fun when you say it. 346 00:13:36,498 --> 00:13:40,735 Fine. To the old-timey antique Awesome's plane. 347 00:13:40,802 --> 00:13:42,504 PROCK: Who's first, Concierge? 348 00:13:42,571 --> 00:13:45,106 His name is Frantic. He has super speed. 349 00:13:45,173 --> 00:13:47,776 The government scales him as a seven on the power scale. 350 00:13:47,843 --> 00:13:50,245 A seven? That's great. Why wasn't he accepted? 351 00:13:50,512 --> 00:13:53,081 The term used was "bat ( bleep ) crazy." 352 00:13:53,148 --> 00:13:55,183 Oh, my goodness. They changed their mind. 353 00:13:55,250 --> 00:13:58,653 They changed their mind. Thank you. Yeah, yeah, yeah! 354 00:13:58,720 --> 00:14:00,188 ( whistles ): How fast is he? 355 00:14:00,255 --> 00:14:01,623 Top three in the world. 356 00:14:01,690 --> 00:14:03,758 Behind Zippity and Captain Fleet Feet. 357 00:14:03,825 --> 00:14:05,193 Oh, man. Thank you, thank you. 358 00:14:05,260 --> 00:14:08,163 Thank you for taking me out of this nowhere life. 359 00:14:08,230 --> 00:14:09,865 Did this place used to be a circus? 360 00:14:09,931 --> 00:14:11,700 Used to be? Hell, no, boy. 361 00:14:11,766 --> 00:14:14,002 This here's the Danger Family Swamp Circus. 362 00:14:14,069 --> 00:14:15,704 Open for business 363 00:14:15,770 --> 00:14:18,039 and entertaining the masses for going on 50 years. 364 00:14:18,106 --> 00:14:20,675 Not that he ever did any entertaining. 365 00:14:20,742 --> 00:14:22,677 Well, now I'm gonna be a superhero. 366 00:14:22,744 --> 00:14:24,112 I'm gonna be famous. 367 00:14:24,179 --> 00:14:26,147 I told you I was better than you and I was right. 368 00:14:26,214 --> 00:14:28,083 Momma, I love you. I do. 369 00:14:28,149 --> 00:14:30,652 You at least tried to understand I was special. Yup. 370 00:14:30,719 --> 00:14:33,088 Is this costume okay? I may need to speak to your designer. 371 00:14:33,154 --> 00:14:34,756 I think this is fine, 372 00:14:34,823 --> 00:14:37,025 but it could use a lightning bolt or a flame. 373 00:14:37,092 --> 00:14:39,127 What's happening now is sort of a general meeting. 374 00:14:39,194 --> 00:14:40,695 After this, we'll go off 375 00:14:40,762 --> 00:14:42,597 and discuss amongst ourselves how it went 376 00:14:42,664 --> 00:14:45,267 and get back to you in 8-to-12 business months. 377 00:14:45,533 --> 00:14:47,168 What about potential? 378 00:14:47,235 --> 00:14:48,570 This guy has the potential 379 00:14:48,637 --> 00:14:49,971 to be a public relations train wreck. 380 00:14:50,038 --> 00:14:51,273 I'm leaving now, but I'll be back. 381 00:14:51,539 --> 00:14:52,841 Oh, I'll definitely be back. 382 00:14:52,908 --> 00:14:57,212 And when I come back, it will be to kill you. 383 00:14:57,279 --> 00:14:58,780 I'm not really gonna kill them, 384 00:14:58,847 --> 00:15:00,615 but it's fun to make them think that. 385 00:15:00,682 --> 00:15:02,484 Muscleman. Grab him. Whoa! 386 00:15:02,550 --> 00:15:04,219 Look, I'm sorry if we misled you at all, 387 00:15:04,486 --> 00:15:07,722 but I think we're actually going to go another way. 388 00:15:07,789 --> 00:15:09,624 What's happening, boy? 389 00:15:09,691 --> 00:15:11,226 Did they figure out what we all know? 390 00:15:11,493 --> 00:15:13,828 That you ain't nothing but a failure? 391 00:15:13,895 --> 00:15:16,598 ( laughing ) 392 00:15:20,268 --> 00:15:22,037 Welcome to The Awesomes. 393 00:15:22,103 --> 00:15:24,205 ( Frantic exclaiming ) 394 00:15:24,272 --> 00:15:26,541 That was sweet. I think I did the right thing. 395 00:15:26,608 --> 00:15:28,877 Yeah. He is bat ( bleep ) crazy. 396 00:15:28,944 --> 00:15:32,180 Oh, yeah. ( Frantic exclaiming ) 397 00:15:35,216 --> 00:15:37,118 ( Frantic exclaiming ) 398 00:15:37,185 --> 00:15:38,653 Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! 399 00:15:38,720 --> 00:15:39,988 PROCK: Who's next? 400 00:15:40,055 --> 00:15:42,657 His name is Impresario. Conjurer. 401 00:15:42,724 --> 00:15:46,962 Graded out as an eight. Turned down for mother issues. 402 00:15:47,028 --> 00:15:49,764 I always told my baby, I told my baby, 403 00:15:49,831 --> 00:15:51,566 "Baby, you're special. 404 00:15:51,633 --> 00:15:53,268 And one day, someone is gonna come to this house 405 00:15:53,535 --> 00:15:55,103 and tell you you special." 406 00:15:55,170 --> 00:15:57,172 Isn't that right, baby? Isn't that right? 407 00:15:58,640 --> 00:16:00,608 Where did you find your magic jewel? 408 00:16:00,675 --> 00:16:02,510 I found it-- He found it in the woods. 409 00:16:02,577 --> 00:16:04,612 He was always heading out into the woods. 410 00:16:04,679 --> 00:16:07,148 I told him, "Why don't you go play sports with your friends? 411 00:16:07,215 --> 00:16:08,717 Why are you always going into the woods 412 00:16:08,783 --> 00:16:10,485 like some sort of weirdo?" But one day, 413 00:16:10,552 --> 00:16:13,188 he came out of the woods with a space jewel. 414 00:16:13,254 --> 00:16:15,957 Why? 415 00:16:16,024 --> 00:16:17,659 Because he's special. 416 00:16:17,726 --> 00:16:19,194 And you should see what he can do with it. 417 00:16:19,260 --> 00:16:21,096 Mind if we get a demonstration? Sure. 418 00:16:21,162 --> 00:16:23,732 Demonstration? You bet. Let's go in the backyard. 419 00:16:23,798 --> 00:16:27,235 Mama. I need to do it on my own. Okay, baby. 420 00:16:27,502 --> 00:16:29,571 So according to our file, you can use the jewel 421 00:16:29,637 --> 00:16:31,606 to conjure whatever your mind can conceive. 422 00:16:31,673 --> 00:16:32,874 Yes. Sounds amazing. 423 00:16:32,941 --> 00:16:37,212 Let's see a giant fist. 424 00:16:37,278 --> 00:16:38,813 Who wants to get punched? 425 00:16:38,880 --> 00:16:40,281 Uh-oh. Yep. 426 00:16:40,548 --> 00:16:44,119 I'm sorry. I can do better. How about a dragon? 427 00:16:44,185 --> 00:16:47,088 Ooh, I'm a dragon, baby. I shoot fire. 428 00:16:47,155 --> 00:16:48,875 Do your mom. Muscleman. 429 00:16:48,941 --> 00:16:50,143 To build his confidence. 430 00:16:52,011 --> 00:16:54,947 Did you make me proud, baby? Tell me you made Mama proud. 431 00:16:55,014 --> 00:16:57,183 He doesn't need a superhero team, he needs therapy. 432 00:16:57,250 --> 00:16:58,618 You look bloated, darling. 433 00:16:58,885 --> 00:17:00,920 Burp for Mama. Come on. Rip one out. Come on. 434 00:17:00,987 --> 00:17:03,322 ( belches ) WANDA: Oh, yeah. That's my boy. 435 00:17:03,389 --> 00:17:06,459 He's an eight. Not a lot of eights out there. 436 00:17:06,526 --> 00:17:08,361 I'm getting in on this. 437 00:17:08,428 --> 00:17:11,264 So how does this work? Do I get a secret identity? 438 00:17:11,330 --> 00:17:13,032 Perhaps wealthy philanthropist? 439 00:17:13,099 --> 00:17:14,934 In which case, you should probably procure me 440 00:17:15,001 --> 00:17:16,302 a mansion and fancy butler. 441 00:17:16,369 --> 00:17:18,304 You live in a room in Awesome headquarters 442 00:17:18,371 --> 00:17:20,606 and get paid every other Thursday. 443 00:17:20,873 --> 00:17:22,942 The hell? Concierge, who's next? 444 00:17:23,009 --> 00:17:25,511 Sumo. No photo, but he graded out as a nine. 445 00:17:25,578 --> 00:17:27,413 Why would anyone turn down a nine? 446 00:17:27,480 --> 00:17:30,516 All it says is "age." 447 00:17:32,285 --> 00:17:33,986 How old is Tim? 448 00:17:34,053 --> 00:17:36,222 Tim is 11 years old, but he is very strong. 449 00:17:36,289 --> 00:17:38,524 And very hard working. 450 00:17:38,591 --> 00:17:42,028 Tim is not lazy or weak like American heroes. 451 00:17:42,094 --> 00:17:44,030 We're all American heroes. 452 00:17:44,096 --> 00:17:47,934 And look at you. Stupid. Fat. Crazy. And weak. 453 00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:50,136 How did I do? Not bad. 454 00:17:50,203 --> 00:17:54,040 Tim is stronger than any man. He is stronger than your friend. 455 00:17:54,106 --> 00:17:56,309 Me? Oh, I don't think so. 456 00:17:56,375 --> 00:17:58,478 Wait, did she call me stupid a few seconds ago? 457 00:17:58,544 --> 00:18:00,146 Remember how we told you 458 00:18:00,213 --> 00:18:02,515 your dog is on a farm now, playing with rabbits? 459 00:18:02,582 --> 00:18:05,117 Well, we were lying to you. 460 00:18:05,184 --> 00:18:08,588 Your dog is dead, and he killed him. 461 00:18:08,654 --> 00:18:10,890 What's that now? ( roars ) 462 00:18:13,659 --> 00:18:15,127 ALL ( in unison ): Whoa. 463 00:18:15,194 --> 00:18:17,497 You got some size on you there, short pants, 464 00:18:17,563 --> 00:18:20,399 but as many ladies have told me, size doesn't matter. 465 00:18:20,466 --> 00:18:22,034 But let's see if you've got-- Oh! 466 00:18:22,101 --> 00:18:24,470 ( grunting ) 467 00:18:26,239 --> 00:18:28,274 That kid's got some moves. 468 00:18:28,341 --> 00:18:31,878 Be good. 469 00:18:31,944 --> 00:18:33,346 Do you think he'll be safe? 470 00:18:33,412 --> 00:18:35,414 Yes. Safer than he'd be with us. 471 00:18:35,481 --> 00:18:37,950 Besides, he's gonna need better extracurricular than violin 472 00:18:38,017 --> 00:18:39,919 if he wants to get into Harvard. 473 00:18:39,986 --> 00:18:43,623 I have read Awesome Mountain has the best chefs in the world. 474 00:18:43,890 --> 00:18:45,558 Yeah, about that... 475 00:18:45,625 --> 00:18:47,059 ( beeping ) 476 00:18:47,126 --> 00:18:50,229 PROCK: Concierge? What's happening? 477 00:18:50,296 --> 00:18:52,932 Looks like we're going on our first mission. 478 00:18:52,999 --> 00:18:55,568 The Awesomes. Our bar is lower. 479 00:18:55,635 --> 00:18:56,969 That's not our slogan. 480 00:18:57,036 --> 00:18:58,404 I thought we agreed it was. 481 00:19:05,444 --> 00:19:07,213 WOMAN: No way. WOMAN 2: Ee-ya! 482 00:19:07,280 --> 00:19:10,249 Uh-huh? Mm! Ha! Mm! Elderly chick fight. 483 00:19:10,316 --> 00:19:12,552 Coincidentally, that is the title of my favorite DVD. 484 00:19:12,618 --> 00:19:14,220 ( women grunting ) 485 00:19:14,287 --> 00:19:16,255 That's Gadget Gal. She was an original Awesome. 486 00:19:16,322 --> 00:19:18,224 And that's her archrival, Tomboy. 487 00:19:18,291 --> 00:19:19,959 Is that all you got, girlie? 488 00:19:20,026 --> 00:19:23,162 Because Mama still has some moves. 489 00:19:23,229 --> 00:19:25,197 ( screams ) 490 00:19:25,264 --> 00:19:27,233 ( dramatic theme playing ) 491 00:19:31,037 --> 00:19:33,239 Nice. Yeah, that's a makeover. 492 00:19:33,306 --> 00:19:35,041 ( gasps ) 493 00:19:35,107 --> 00:19:39,412 Yeah, run. Before I kick your rear so bad, 494 00:19:39,478 --> 00:19:43,482 you'll look like you're wearing shoulder pads. 495 00:19:43,549 --> 00:19:47,887 Whoa. Check me out. I'm a hot tomato again. 496 00:19:47,954 --> 00:19:50,356 Will you look at my ass? 497 00:19:50,423 --> 00:19:51,557 I'm looking. Dancer's butt. 498 00:19:51,624 --> 00:19:53,092 It's nice. 499 00:19:53,159 --> 00:19:56,596 Seriously, I could crack walnuts with this thing. 500 00:19:56,662 --> 00:19:58,898 I can definitely find some walnuts. 501 00:19:58,965 --> 00:20:01,567 I think Tomboy hit you with some sort of rejuvenation ray. 502 00:20:01,634 --> 00:20:03,970 Your body reverted to that of a 25-year-old. 503 00:20:04,036 --> 00:20:05,638 So she's 80? Yes. 504 00:20:05,905 --> 00:20:08,407 But she was rejuvenated? That's what the Prock said, yes. 505 00:20:08,474 --> 00:20:10,443 So she has the body of a 25 year old? 506 00:20:10,509 --> 00:20:12,478 A very attractive 25 year old, yes. 507 00:20:12,545 --> 00:20:14,246 My question is-- It's probably not gray. 508 00:20:14,313 --> 00:20:17,216 Probably not gray. Good. Very good. 509 00:20:17,283 --> 00:20:19,051 Who are you? If you're looking for me 510 00:20:19,118 --> 00:20:21,354 to buy candy to fund your marching band, 511 00:20:21,420 --> 00:20:23,322 I ain't falling for that scam. 512 00:20:23,389 --> 00:20:25,024 I can explain. 513 00:20:25,091 --> 00:20:26,592 So we're reforming The Awesomes. 514 00:20:26,659 --> 00:20:28,995 And you, Gadget Gal, you were one of the first members 515 00:20:29,061 --> 00:20:30,429 when my dad founded the team, 516 00:20:30,496 --> 00:20:33,232 and I would consider it an honor if you'd rejoin. 517 00:20:33,299 --> 00:20:34,934 I don't know, kid. 518 00:20:35,001 --> 00:20:36,602 I've been out of this game a while. 519 00:20:36,869 --> 00:20:40,306 Superhero-ing is a young gal's party. 520 00:20:42,108 --> 00:20:45,211 No, screw it. Sign me up. 521 00:20:45,277 --> 00:20:47,279 Nice. That ought to do it. I can call Mandrake 522 00:20:47,346 --> 00:20:49,882 and tell her we got our roster. I have to say, 523 00:20:49,949 --> 00:20:53,152 I'm starting to feel pretty good about this. 524 00:20:53,219 --> 00:20:55,221 ( dramatic theme playing ) 525 00:20:56,922 --> 00:20:59,058 ( electric pulse ) ( growls ) 526 00:21:00,893 --> 00:21:03,129 What the heck is that? Holy crap. 527 00:21:03,195 --> 00:21:05,331 Close. It's called Compost. 528 00:21:05,398 --> 00:21:06,532 What do we do, skipper? 529 00:21:06,599 --> 00:21:08,434 ( roars ) 530 00:21:08,501 --> 00:21:10,069 Sh-- ( bleep ) 531 00:21:10,136 --> 00:21:12,438 And it's all going according to plan. 532 00:21:12,505 --> 00:21:15,941 Peach cobbler? Please. 533 00:21:16,008 --> 00:21:18,544 ( The Hold Steady's "Chips Ahoy" playing ) 534 00:21:20,079 --> 00:21:22,348 So they're all gone? No more free meals? 535 00:21:22,415 --> 00:21:24,483 No. No more sushi Saturdays? 536 00:21:24,550 --> 00:21:27,286 Lobster Mondays? Make-your-own-taco Tuesdays? 537 00:21:27,353 --> 00:21:31,390 All gone. But I have lots of Jack Link's jerky. 538 00:21:31,457 --> 00:21:32,892 I love that stuff. 539 00:21:32,958 --> 00:21:35,961 They come in so many different flavors. 540 00:21:36,028 --> 00:21:38,964 Mm. I know, I like them all. 541 00:21:39,031 --> 00:21:42,435 It's high in protein and low in calories, fat and carbs. 542 00:21:42,501 --> 00:21:44,403 This sounds like a paid advertisement. 543 00:21:44,470 --> 00:21:47,073 Wait, is this a paid advertisement? 544 00:21:47,139 --> 00:21:49,508 Why is Concierge holding that sign? 545 00:21:52,144 --> 00:21:55,481 It tastes good, right? It's awesome. 546 00:21:55,548 --> 00:21:57,917 And that's all you need to know. 547 00:21:59,552 --> 00:22:01,520 ( The Hold Steady's "Chips Ahoy" playing ) 548 00:22:06,459 --> 00:22:09,161 ♪ How am I supposed to know That you're high ♪ 549 00:22:09,228 --> 00:22:11,197 ♪ If you won't let me touch you? ♪ 550 00:22:13,265 --> 00:22:15,101 ♪ How am I supposed to know That you're high ♪ 551 00:22:15,167 --> 00:22:18,504 ♪ If you won't even dance? ♪ 552 00:22:18,571 --> 00:22:20,940 ♪ How am I supposed to know That you're high ♪ 553 00:22:21,006 --> 00:22:24,143 ♪ If you won't even dance? ♪ 554 00:22:24,210 --> 00:22:25,444 ♪ Yeah You won't even dance ♪