1 00:00:00,992 --> 00:00:03,142 Look, I'm not paying 70 smidgens 2 00:00:03,143 --> 00:00:05,121 for a broken defraculator 3 00:00:05,122 --> 00:00:07,990 That is multiphase quantum resonator. 4 00:00:07,991 --> 00:00:09,024 Well, does it defraculate? 5 00:00:09,025 --> 00:00:10,137 No. 6 00:00:10,138 --> 00:00:11,528 Then it's a broken defraculator. 7 00:00:11,529 --> 00:00:13,946 Like you would even know dick about fraculation. 8 00:00:13,947 --> 00:00:15,634 Your planet just got cellphones 9 00:00:15,635 --> 00:00:17,568 and the coverage still sucks! 10 00:00:17,947 --> 00:00:19,791 Yeah, yeah, and your species eat sulfur. 11 00:00:19,792 --> 00:00:21,659 So lets say 60 smidgens 12 00:00:21,660 --> 00:00:23,360 I tell you what ... I'll do you a favor. 13 00:00:23,361 --> 00:00:24,514 I throw in a fart. 14 00:00:26,619 --> 00:00:28,717 You think maybe I could get something from this place? 15 00:00:28,718 --> 00:00:29,973 Like a souvenir? 16 00:00:29,974 --> 00:00:31,959 Like just to have, like somethinng cool, you know? 17 00:00:31,960 --> 00:00:33,593 Not here Morty. we'll stop somewhere else 18 00:00:33,594 --> 00:00:36,328 because you know, there is always another pawn shop. 19 00:00:36,329 --> 00:00:38,000 Ok, I just ... 20 00:00:38,001 --> 00:00:41,206 You know, I thought that robot over there, looked pretty cool, you know? 21 00:00:41,592 --> 00:00:42,943 Oh, it looks cool, huh? 22 00:00:42,944 --> 00:00:44,581 - That's why you want it? - Yeah, you know? 23 00:00:44,582 --> 00:00:47,078 I mean ... it's different from the stuff on earth. 24 00:00:47,677 --> 00:00:50,775 And you know, you take me to all these crazy places across the galaxy 25 00:00:50,776 --> 00:00:52,816 and you know, I don't really have anything to ... 26 00:00:52,817 --> 00:00:54,498 to remember all those trips by. 27 00:00:54,499 --> 00:00:57,402 It'd be kind of cool like a souvenir, you know? 28 00:00:57,403 --> 00:00:59,894 Like what if you passed away or died or something? 29 00:00:59,895 --> 00:01:03,623 I wouldn't even have anything to remember all the cool stuff we did, you know 30 00:01:03,624 --> 00:01:05,918 Okay, 60 for the resonator 31 00:01:05,919 --> 00:01:07,702 and my grandson wants the sex robot. 32 00:01:09,133 --> 00:01:12,178 corrections by Ozymandias .: TvWorld.iNFO :. 33 00:01:46,907 --> 00:01:49,700 So we're just going to pretend this isn't happening? 34 00:01:49,701 --> 00:01:52,106 I'm not saying that's a bad idea. Just asking. 35 00:01:52,352 --> 00:01:55,317 Rick, why did you let Morty bring that thing into our house? 36 00:01:55,318 --> 00:01:56,774 What do you want from me? 37 00:01:57,466 --> 00:01:59,320 He thought it looked cool, you know what I mean? 38 00:02:05,745 --> 00:02:07,507 Alright, back to... back to ... 39 00:02:07,508 --> 00:02:08,999 back upstairs. 40 00:02:13,134 --> 00:02:14,315 Well, I'm intervening. 41 00:02:14,316 --> 00:02:16,207 Intervening with puberty? 42 00:02:16,208 --> 00:02:19,016 You'll turn him into Ralph Finnes in Red Dragon. 43 00:02:19,017 --> 00:02:21,781 He is at that age let's just be proud of him. 44 00:02:21,782 --> 00:02:24,390 Jesus, did I really set the bar that low? 45 00:02:25,403 --> 00:02:27,540 Rick, could you come with me please? 46 00:02:27,541 --> 00:02:28,734 Quickly! 47 00:02:29,908 --> 00:02:32,655 Ok, now if we here squeaking we intervene. 48 00:02:34,552 --> 00:02:36,204 where is the sex robot Morty? 49 00:02:36,205 --> 00:02:37,671 That is Gwendoline. 50 00:02:37,672 --> 00:02:38,790 I mean the robot. 51 00:02:38,791 --> 00:02:41,291 She started beeping, and then transformed and tried to fly away. 52 00:02:41,292 --> 00:02:43,271 Strange. That's usually the man's job. 53 00:02:43,272 --> 00:02:44,561 You know what I'm talking about, morty? 54 00:02:46,794 --> 00:02:47,559 Morty. 55 00:02:47,806 --> 00:02:49,319 That's my catchphrase, remember? 56 00:02:49,320 --> 00:02:52,031 Remember how I cemented that catchphrase? 57 00:02:52,032 --> 00:02:53,638 Alright, alright seriously though. 58 00:02:53,639 --> 00:02:55,069 Let me grab this thing. 59 00:02:57,090 --> 00:02:57,935 Come on. 60 00:02:58,095 --> 00:02:59,799 - Rascal. - Okay ... unacceptable 61 00:03:00,030 --> 00:03:01,576 What is going on? 62 00:03:02,350 --> 00:03:03,040 Alright... 63 00:03:04,022 --> 00:03:05,188 What is that? 64 00:03:06,655 --> 00:03:07,956 I think Morty's robot was designed-- 65 00:03:07,957 --> 00:03:09,680 for more than long weekends. 66 00:03:11,564 --> 00:03:14,218 Genetic compiler, incubation chamber. 67 00:03:14,219 --> 00:03:16,039 Yeah, this here is some kind of baby maker. 68 00:03:16,040 --> 00:03:19,640 And that there is half morty and half ... who knows ... what. 69 00:03:19,641 --> 00:03:21,926 It's my bad guys I'll take care of it. 70 00:03:24,836 --> 00:03:26,352 Hey listen, you guys quarantine 71 00:03:26,353 --> 00:03:28,461 the house when Summer brought olives from Mexico. 72 00:03:29,007 --> 00:03:30,891 This thing could grow to the size of Delaware. 73 00:03:31,371 --> 00:03:33,706 It might eat brains and exhale space AIDS. 74 00:03:33,707 --> 00:03:34,765 We gotta be careful. 75 00:03:34,766 --> 00:03:36,582 I lost the chance to be careful, Rick. 76 00:03:36,583 --> 00:03:38,460 i'm a father now, you know? 77 00:03:38,461 --> 00:03:40,828 It's time for me to be responsible. Isn't that right-- 78 00:03:40,829 --> 00:03:42,154 - Don't name it! - Morty Jr.? 79 00:03:42,155 --> 00:03:43,196 Oh crap, he named it. 80 00:03:43,197 --> 00:03:45,241 Well Dad, it's a living thing. 81 00:03:45,242 --> 00:03:46,534 And it's half human. 82 00:03:46,535 --> 00:03:48,688 And it was born on america's soil which entitles it ... 83 00:03:48,689 --> 00:03:50,675 Jerry, majoring in civics was your mistake. 84 00:03:50,676 --> 00:03:52,159 Don't punnish us for it. 85 00:03:53,006 --> 00:03:56,416 Fine. I'm gonna take this thing into my workshop, and do a little bit of investigating. 86 00:03:56,417 --> 00:03:58,600 Do not let that thing out of your sight. 87 00:03:58,601 --> 00:04:01,381 It looks harmless now, but it could grow into something dangerous. 88 00:04:01,382 --> 00:04:02,965 Like the Insane Clown Posse. 89 00:04:02,966 --> 00:04:04,433 Yeah, good one, Jerry. 90 00:04:04,434 --> 00:04:07,312 2003 just called and wants its easy target back. 91 00:04:08,741 --> 00:04:10,616 He is a like little me. 92 00:04:10,617 --> 00:04:13,241 You don't think he'll turn into a monster, do you? 93 00:04:13,242 --> 00:04:14,580 I always do. 94 00:04:15,545 --> 00:04:17,484 1995 called, they want-- 95 00:04:17,485 --> 00:04:20,551 their "certain year called wanting its blank back" formula back. 96 00:04:20,552 --> 00:04:22,939 Why, Jerry? Why expend the effort? 97 00:04:22,940 --> 00:04:24,779 Life is effort, and I'll stop when i die. 98 00:04:27,053 --> 00:04:28,140 Out. 99 00:04:28,141 --> 00:04:29,580 - What you doing? - Well, I can't solve-- 100 00:04:29,581 --> 00:04:30,810 the problem my way thanks to-- 101 00:04:30,811 --> 00:04:32,823 your family's primitive biological hang ups. 102 00:04:32,824 --> 00:04:35,049 Gross. I might have just touched one of Morty's loads. 103 00:04:35,050 --> 00:04:36,518 But maybe I can find suitable parents 104 00:04:36,519 --> 00:04:38,941 for Morty Jr. on this robot homeworld, 105 00:04:39,534 --> 00:04:40,979 which is ... 106 00:04:41,340 --> 00:04:43,815 Gazorpazorp in the Andromeda system. 107 00:04:43,816 --> 00:04:46,035 - Scoot Summer. - Don't you need a new companion-- 108 00:04:46,036 --> 00:04:48,211 now that Morty is in the family way? 109 00:04:48,212 --> 00:04:50,433 I don't do adventures with chicks, Summer. 110 00:04:50,434 --> 00:04:52,773 Oh right, because there is something about having a wiener-- 111 00:04:52,774 --> 00:04:54,769 --that would make me better walking through a hole? 112 00:04:55,897 --> 00:04:57,049 Oh crap. 113 00:04:57,786 --> 00:04:58,844 Grandpa Rick! 114 00:04:59,913 --> 00:05:01,513 Help! Help! 115 00:05:07,143 --> 00:05:08,087 Grandpa Rick! 116 00:05:08,088 --> 00:05:10,422 Still think it's a good idea to go through a hole without a wiener? 117 00:05:10,423 --> 00:05:12,595 - I wanna go home! - Yeah, no duh. 118 00:05:17,293 --> 00:05:19,404 Great, now I have to take over a whole planet 119 00:05:19,405 --> 00:05:21,452 because of your stupid boobs. 120 00:05:21,924 --> 00:05:23,365 you're doing great, Morty. 121 00:05:23,366 --> 00:05:25,586 Really you think? I mean I'm not doing much of anything. 122 00:05:26,065 --> 00:05:27,192 What do I do if it cries? 123 00:05:27,193 --> 00:05:29,502 Then you put it down and let it cry itself out. 124 00:05:29,503 --> 00:05:30,597 Yeah, right. 125 00:05:30,598 --> 00:05:33,775 We tried that technique on Summer and she is gonna end up stripping. 126 00:05:33,776 --> 00:05:36,505 Isn't she? Yes she is. 127 00:05:36,506 --> 00:05:40,078 She is gonna strip her attention because she was denied it. 128 00:05:40,079 --> 00:05:42,353 Stop filling it with your own insecurity. 129 00:05:42,354 --> 00:05:43,704 You're gonna turn it into mort... 130 00:05:45,229 --> 00:05:46,630 more...more... more of you. 131 00:05:46,631 --> 00:05:48,690 Well, we can't all be raised like reptiles 132 00:05:48,691 --> 00:05:50,651 by a mentally-ill scientist. 133 00:05:50,652 --> 00:05:51,652 What the ... 134 00:05:54,017 --> 00:05:57,017 Listen to me. I am not rewarding this behavior. 135 00:05:57,018 --> 00:05:58,740 Knock it off both of you! give me him! 136 00:05:58,741 --> 00:06:00,271 Give me my baby! 137 00:06:00,272 --> 00:06:02,971 You're both nuts. I'm gonna raise morty jr. myself. 138 00:06:04,234 --> 00:06:07,020 Where is your hands? There's your hands. 139 00:06:07,021 --> 00:06:10,233 And that's how we play happy hands. 140 00:06:10,852 --> 00:06:13,306 Oh, you are going to ruin that kid, Morty. 141 00:06:13,307 --> 00:06:14,883 At least we can agree on that. 142 00:06:22,910 --> 00:06:24,317 Thanks, dumb dumb. 143 00:06:25,822 --> 00:06:27,883 I said "thanks, dumb dumb". Go get more. 144 00:06:27,884 --> 00:06:29,568 Summer, put your burqa on! 145 00:06:29,569 --> 00:06:31,774 That burqa is a human rights violation, 146 00:06:31,775 --> 00:06:34,074 and I spent a lot on this top. 147 00:06:34,075 --> 00:06:36,569 Look, I'm trying to repair portal gun with 148 00:06:36,570 --> 00:06:38,786 with bunch of sex doll parts and I have to do it one-handed 149 00:06:38,787 --> 00:06:41,156 to keep these belushis from cutting you off. 150 00:06:41,157 --> 00:06:43,174 The least you could do is be ashamed of your gender. 151 00:06:43,762 --> 00:06:45,301 What's the deal with this place? 152 00:06:45,302 --> 00:06:46,942 Why is it such a sausage planet 153 00:06:46,943 --> 00:06:49,817 and how did such backwards idiots invent robots? 154 00:06:49,818 --> 00:06:52,843 Obviously at some point the Gazorpians became so 155 00:06:52,844 --> 00:06:55,419 evolved that they replaced females with birthing machines. 156 00:06:55,420 --> 00:06:57,763 The resultant lack of distraction and handpecking 157 00:06:57,764 --> 00:06:59,622 allowed them to focus entirely on war, 158 00:06:59,623 --> 00:07:01,468 so they bombed themselves back to the stone age 159 00:07:01,469 --> 00:07:03,045 and now they just fight with each other over 160 00:07:03,046 --> 00:07:05,002 fake pussy with sticks and rocks all day long. 161 00:07:05,003 --> 00:07:07,401 You think it's efficient to get rid of women? 162 00:07:07,402 --> 00:07:09,109 You ever see a line for the men's room? 163 00:07:09,110 --> 00:07:10,822 Are you hea... Do you lis... You hear me, summer? 164 00:07:17,058 --> 00:07:19,821 The ... plot...thickens. 165 00:07:25,092 --> 00:07:26,580 You might wanna cover your eyes, Summer. 166 00:07:26,581 --> 00:07:28,503 Yeah, like it was my dream to watch. 167 00:07:32,367 --> 00:07:33,944 Summer, grab hold. 168 00:07:39,501 --> 00:07:41,807 Grandpa Rick, where are we going? 169 00:07:41,808 --> 00:07:45,016 Well obviously Summer, it appears the lower tier of this society 170 00:07:45,017 --> 00:07:47,540 is being manipulated through sex and advanced technology 171 00:07:47,541 --> 00:07:49,246 by a hidden ruling class. 172 00:07:49,247 --> 00:07:50,853 Sound familiar? 173 00:07:51,437 --> 00:07:52,699 Ticketmaster. 174 00:07:52,700 --> 00:07:54,875 There we go, Summer. Hey brother. 175 00:07:55,278 --> 00:07:56,245 Hey bro. 176 00:07:56,246 --> 00:07:58,062 Nice racket you got going on here. 177 00:07:58,063 --> 00:08:00,942 Listen, I'm Rick Sanches from earth dimension C-137. 178 00:08:00,943 --> 00:08:02,874 Don't mean any harm. Coming in peace. 179 00:08:02,875 --> 00:08:04,931 It's all cool in the... 180 00:08:05,264 --> 00:08:06,652 good in the neighborhood. 181 00:08:06,653 --> 00:08:08,374 That was what I was trying... That's what I meant. 182 00:08:11,738 --> 00:08:12,730 Oh, I get it. 183 00:08:12,731 --> 00:08:15,381 The old "behind every great man amazon" twist. 184 00:08:15,382 --> 00:08:16,716 Silence! 185 00:08:20,129 --> 00:08:22,171 Your slave is ill-mannered. 186 00:08:22,172 --> 00:08:23,634 - My slave? - We assume-- 187 00:08:23,635 --> 00:08:25,228 you are from a more primitive world, 188 00:08:25,229 --> 00:08:27,338 where men are still permitted to be servants. 189 00:08:27,339 --> 00:08:29,922 If he is a rogue male, tell us now, and we will kill him. 190 00:08:29,923 --> 00:08:31,414 He's my slave. He's my slave. 191 00:08:31,415 --> 00:08:32,785 He is definitely my slave. 192 00:08:36,944 --> 00:08:38,684 Oh boy, what the opposite of ... 193 00:08:39,664 --> 00:08:41,274 Am i right ladies and gentelmen? 194 00:08:41,646 --> 00:08:43,165 You guys kidding me. 195 00:08:44,218 --> 00:08:47,410 Morty Jr., you're gonna be a special little guy, aren't you? 196 00:08:48,557 --> 00:08:50,055 You're my special little guy. 197 00:08:53,662 --> 00:08:54,454 Da 198 00:08:54,455 --> 00:08:55,573 What was that, Morty Jr.? 199 00:08:55,574 --> 00:08:57,978 Were you gonna say dada? say dada. 200 00:08:57,979 --> 00:08:59,394 Death! 201 00:08:59,395 --> 00:09:00,465 Dada. 202 00:09:02,892 --> 00:09:04,035 Dada? 203 00:09:04,036 --> 00:09:06,043 Destruction, domination. 204 00:09:06,901 --> 00:09:08,190 Nice. 205 00:09:14,082 --> 00:09:17,282 The spider in sector C is still alive. 206 00:09:17,283 --> 00:09:19,991 Plan your route accordingly and expect delays. 207 00:09:19,992 --> 00:09:21,515 We're not telling you what to do. 208 00:09:21,516 --> 00:09:23,127 We're just sharing how we feel. 209 00:09:23,128 --> 00:09:26,283 And now, weather. Is anyone else cold or is it just me? 210 00:09:28,597 --> 00:09:31,874 I am Marsha ruler of Gazorpazorp. 211 00:09:31,875 --> 00:09:33,372 I am here if you need to talk. 212 00:09:33,373 --> 00:09:34,795 What is this place? 213 00:09:34,796 --> 00:09:38,287 Paradise. We built it during the great passive aggression, 214 00:09:38,288 --> 00:09:40,312 When females seperated from the males 215 00:09:40,313 --> 00:09:43,344 due to their increasingly destructive behavior. 216 00:09:43,791 --> 00:09:46,546 - I'm here if you need to talk. - I'm here if you need to talk. 217 00:09:46,547 --> 00:09:49,271 From here we dispense mechanical surrogates 218 00:09:49,272 --> 00:09:51,036 to maintain our population. 219 00:09:51,037 --> 00:09:54,312 Fertilized surrogates are returned here to our nursery. 220 00:09:54,313 --> 00:09:57,413 The females are placed into educational program 221 00:09:57,414 --> 00:10:00,092 Where they can discover a service to our paradise 222 00:10:00,093 --> 00:10:01,911 that fulfills them most. 223 00:10:01,912 --> 00:10:03,575 The males... 224 00:10:04,432 --> 00:10:06,517 they get to play outside. 225 00:10:07,718 --> 00:10:09,749 That was just a baby. 226 00:10:09,750 --> 00:10:12,276 And within a day he'll be an adult male Gazorpian, 227 00:10:12,277 --> 00:10:14,914 one of the most aggressively violent creatures in the universe. 228 00:10:14,915 --> 00:10:17,332 Wait a minute. We're here because a male Gazorpian 229 00:10:17,333 --> 00:10:18,834 was born on our planet. 230 00:10:22,632 --> 00:10:25,214 You speak when you're spoken to ding-a-ling. 231 00:10:25,215 --> 00:10:27,611 It's thue though. One of your babies was born on earth. 232 00:10:27,612 --> 00:10:29,805 Are you the ruler of this earth? 233 00:10:29,806 --> 00:10:30,889 How did you know? 234 00:10:30,890 --> 00:10:32,914 - The quality of your top. - Do you love it? 235 00:10:32,915 --> 00:10:34,270 I love it. 236 00:10:34,271 --> 00:10:36,428 I'm here if you need to talk. I'm here if you need to talk. 237 00:10:36,429 --> 00:10:37,950 - I'm here if you need to talk. - I'm here if you need to talk. 238 00:10:37,951 --> 00:10:40,993 If the Gazorpian is male your earth is in grave danger. 239 00:10:40,994 --> 00:10:43,891 We will give you passage back home, so it can be terminated. 240 00:10:43,892 --> 00:10:45,915 But first, mojitos! 241 00:10:46,398 --> 00:10:47,917 We don't have time for mojitos! 242 00:10:47,918 --> 00:10:49,118 You are insulting them. 243 00:10:49,119 --> 00:10:51,318 I don't care Summer. This place is the worst! 244 00:10:51,319 --> 00:10:52,485 I wanna go home! 245 00:10:52,486 --> 00:10:54,105 Well, it really doesn't matter what you want 246 00:10:54,106 --> 00:10:56,466 because this is a sane place, where women rule. 247 00:10:56,467 --> 00:10:58,166 You know what I have to say about that? 248 00:11:00,953 --> 00:11:03,263 I can not believe ... my ears. 249 00:11:08,481 --> 00:11:10,736 Boy, who let the frogs out, huh? 250 00:11:10,737 --> 00:11:11,879 Grandpa! 251 00:11:12,773 --> 00:11:14,858 - Grandpa? - That sounds patriarchal. 252 00:11:14,859 --> 00:11:17,089 It means father of fathers. 253 00:11:17,090 --> 00:11:19,139 Then this one is not your slave 254 00:11:19,140 --> 00:11:21,950 and your earth is yet another planet dominated by men. 255 00:11:21,951 --> 00:11:23,950 It's not dominated by us, okay? 256 00:11:23,951 --> 00:11:25,605 On earth men and women are equals. 257 00:11:25,606 --> 00:11:27,753 Equals? We make 70% of your salary 258 00:11:27,754 --> 00:11:29,158 for the same job! 259 00:11:29,159 --> 00:11:30,197 Seize them! 260 00:11:32,147 --> 00:11:34,650 Was this really the time to make that point, Summer? 261 00:11:36,785 --> 00:11:38,209 This is for you Daddy. 262 00:11:38,506 --> 00:11:39,675 Oh man. 263 00:11:40,268 --> 00:11:42,011 Okay. Listen to me Morty Jr. 264 00:11:42,012 --> 00:11:44,304 I gotta tell you something very important, okay? 265 00:11:44,305 --> 00:11:46,097 Killing is bad. 266 00:11:46,098 --> 00:11:47,118 Bad. 267 00:11:47,119 --> 00:11:48,685 You are silly, Daddy 268 00:11:48,686 --> 00:11:50,976 no, Morty Jr. I'm being serious, okay? 269 00:11:50,977 --> 00:11:53,072 You need to put your energy into something else. 270 00:11:53,393 --> 00:11:55,991 I mean what about dancing? would you like to learn how to dance? 271 00:11:55,992 --> 00:11:57,322 I like to dance 272 00:11:57,323 --> 00:11:58,926 on the graves of my enemies. 273 00:11:59,759 --> 00:12:01,334 No, Morty Jr.! 274 00:12:02,871 --> 00:12:04,901 Daddy, can I go outside? 275 00:12:04,902 --> 00:12:06,439 No, absolutely not! 276 00:12:06,440 --> 00:12:08,822 But that's where all the people and the animals are. 277 00:12:08,823 --> 00:12:10,605 Yeah, but you can't go out there because... 278 00:12:10,977 --> 00:12:12,782 The air is poisonous, for you! 279 00:12:12,783 --> 00:12:15,015 You will die if ... You'll die instantly 280 00:12:15,016 --> 00:12:16,644 if you ever leave this house. do you hear me? 281 00:12:16,645 --> 00:12:18,849 - For real? - For real times a million, buddy. 282 00:12:18,850 --> 00:12:20,813 So let's just stay inside. 283 00:12:21,318 --> 00:12:22,962 Let's try dancing. Right? 284 00:12:22,963 --> 00:12:24,792 Look at me. We're gonna dance. Come on. 285 00:12:24,793 --> 00:12:26,860 Join, dance with me here. We love to dance. 286 00:12:26,861 --> 00:12:28,127 Why do we love to dance? 287 00:12:28,128 --> 00:12:29,672 Because I said so! 288 00:12:32,257 --> 00:12:33,621 - Nice. - Nice. 289 00:12:38,691 --> 00:12:41,081 So, what are you in for? 290 00:12:41,082 --> 00:12:43,061 Because i got a big... you know ... 291 00:12:43,062 --> 00:12:44,817 penis between my legs. 292 00:12:44,818 --> 00:12:45,885 What are you in for? 293 00:12:45,886 --> 00:12:48,444 The worst crime a female can commit. 294 00:12:48,445 --> 00:12:51,434 Veronica Ann Bennett, I find you guilty 295 00:12:51,435 --> 00:12:53,227 of having bad bangs. 296 00:12:53,228 --> 00:12:55,287 You ever noticed the ones with bad bangs 297 00:12:55,288 --> 00:12:56,851 always have three names? 298 00:12:56,852 --> 00:12:58,785 You are hereby sentenced to... 299 00:12:58,786 --> 00:13:00,705 the silent treatment! 300 00:13:01,712 --> 00:13:02,896 This is gonna be cake. 301 00:13:02,897 --> 00:13:04,739 No! Jackie! 302 00:13:04,740 --> 00:13:06,901 Rick and Summer of earth. 303 00:13:06,902 --> 00:13:09,274 for the crimes of treason against woman's kind 304 00:13:09,275 --> 00:13:11,768 and for creating the sound of which we do not speak 305 00:13:11,769 --> 00:13:13,338 because it does not exist, 306 00:13:13,339 --> 00:13:15,451 You are hereby sentensed to ... 307 00:13:15,452 --> 00:13:16,748 What? A night on the couch? 308 00:13:16,749 --> 00:13:17,831 Death. 309 00:13:18,549 --> 00:13:20,325 I hate you so much right now. 310 00:13:20,326 --> 00:13:23,225 This will be the first instance of capital punishment 311 00:13:23,226 --> 00:13:25,440 in our society in 500 years 312 00:13:25,441 --> 00:13:26,947 due to our awesomeness. 313 00:13:26,948 --> 00:13:29,047 So we are forced to improvise. 314 00:13:29,048 --> 00:13:32,064 we placed a large boulder on that ledge. 315 00:13:32,065 --> 00:13:34,763 Holly shit! You're gonna crush us with a boulder?! 316 00:13:34,764 --> 00:13:36,437 No! Stop interrupting! 317 00:13:36,438 --> 00:13:38,964 The boulder falls onto a lever 318 00:13:38,965 --> 00:13:40,518 That will lunch ... 319 00:13:40,519 --> 00:13:41,823 - Knives. - What?! 320 00:13:41,824 --> 00:13:43,855 Just give me a gun I'll kill myself. 321 00:13:43,856 --> 00:13:45,309 Stop interrupting! 322 00:13:45,310 --> 00:13:47,288 The knives will ... 323 00:13:47,289 --> 00:13:48,471 Fine! 324 00:13:48,472 --> 00:13:50,211 You were right the first time, okay? 325 00:13:50,212 --> 00:13:51,286 The boulder crushes you. 326 00:13:51,287 --> 00:13:52,977 I just didn't want to admit you were right. 327 00:13:52,978 --> 00:13:54,508 - Happy?! - Just ignore them. 328 00:13:54,509 --> 00:13:56,349 - Jgnore them. - Such an asshole. 329 00:13:57,104 --> 00:13:58,333 Look, I'm sorry, Summer. 330 00:13:58,334 --> 00:14:00,425 I feel bad that I let you drag us into this. 331 00:14:00,426 --> 00:14:02,474 I wish could have been a better grandpa to you. 332 00:14:02,475 --> 00:14:03,828 and you know, for what it worths, 333 00:14:03,829 --> 00:14:06,065 that is a really nice cute top, that you're wearing there. 334 00:14:06,066 --> 00:14:07,700 Top? My top! 335 00:14:07,701 --> 00:14:08,796 My top! 336 00:14:08,797 --> 00:14:11,177 The same top you complimented earlier 337 00:14:11,178 --> 00:14:13,237 Look! Look at the tag! 338 00:14:13,238 --> 00:14:14,250 Read it! 339 00:14:14,251 --> 00:14:15,269 It says... 340 00:14:15,270 --> 00:14:17,090 Mark Jacobs. 341 00:14:17,091 --> 00:14:19,031 Mark? Jacob? 342 00:14:19,032 --> 00:14:20,285 These are names of the penis. 343 00:14:20,286 --> 00:14:21,172 Yes. 344 00:14:21,173 --> 00:14:23,852 An earth man made this top. 345 00:14:23,853 --> 00:14:26,734 Maybe on your planet separation of the genders 346 00:14:26,735 --> 00:14:27,978 is the right thing to do, 347 00:14:27,979 --> 00:14:30,026 but on earth, a certain percentage 348 00:14:30,027 --> 00:14:31,740 of males are born gay, 349 00:14:31,741 --> 00:14:34,933 which is why my clothes are better than all of yours. 350 00:14:36,143 --> 00:14:37,437 It's true. 351 00:14:37,438 --> 00:14:39,645 And sometimes the truth hurts. 352 00:14:39,646 --> 00:14:41,386 But it must be accepted. 353 00:14:41,387 --> 00:14:43,311 Like if I told you that you're using 354 00:14:43,312 --> 00:14:45,330 a wrong color foundation for your skin, 355 00:14:45,331 --> 00:14:46,744 and it ends at your neck 356 00:14:46,745 --> 00:14:48,397 making you look like a party clown. 357 00:14:48,398 --> 00:14:50,081 Okay. Ouch. Noted. 358 00:14:50,082 --> 00:14:53,812 But the fact remains if you impose Gazorpazorp's laws on earth 359 00:14:53,813 --> 00:14:55,912 you're no better than the men whose farts 360 00:14:55,913 --> 00:14:57,547 shall remain unspoken 361 00:14:57,548 --> 00:14:59,714 And if think my top is cute, 362 00:15:00,153 --> 00:15:01,741 you can not execute. 363 00:15:03,275 --> 00:15:05,749 Very well. Give the earth people spacecraft 364 00:15:05,750 --> 00:15:07,985 so they may head back to their wierd planet 365 00:15:07,986 --> 00:15:10,521 Where women are kind of equal bu not really. 366 00:15:10,522 --> 00:15:12,440 Good job, Summer, and thanks girls. 367 00:15:12,441 --> 00:15:13,956 You girls are really ... 368 00:15:14,230 --> 00:15:15,402 something, I tell you that. 369 00:15:15,403 --> 00:15:17,469 You know, when we first got here 370 00:15:17,470 --> 00:15:19,406 - I was like... - Give them a ship, now. 371 00:15:20,120 --> 00:15:22,732 Morty Jr.! Smoking?! 372 00:15:22,733 --> 00:15:24,030 That is not okay! 373 00:15:24,031 --> 00:15:25,354 What are you gonna do, ground me? 374 00:15:25,355 --> 00:15:26,851 I can't go outside anyway! 375 00:15:26,852 --> 00:15:29,288 So what? You could do things inside. 376 00:15:29,289 --> 00:15:31,618 You could play guitar, you could masturbate ... 377 00:15:31,619 --> 00:15:34,240 I don't wanna masturbate, I wanna conquer the planet! 378 00:15:34,241 --> 00:15:35,412 Oh, here we go again! 379 00:15:35,413 --> 00:15:37,193 Who do you think is gonna love you 380 00:15:37,194 --> 00:15:39,217 If you conquer the planet Morty Jr.? 381 00:15:39,218 --> 00:15:40,999 Love. That's all you care about. 382 00:15:41,000 --> 00:15:43,653 What about weapons? What about domination of the enemy? 383 00:15:43,654 --> 00:15:45,453 Alright, that's it, no more history chanel! 384 00:15:45,454 --> 00:15:48,098 This tv is for cartoons and video games only! 385 00:15:48,099 --> 00:15:49,718 I hate video games! 386 00:15:49,719 --> 00:15:51,372 You take that back! 387 00:15:52,284 --> 00:15:53,566 Give it to me! 388 00:15:56,047 --> 00:15:57,407 I didn't mean! I didn't mean that! 389 00:15:57,408 --> 00:15:58,834 I didn't mean to do that! I'm sorry! 390 00:15:58,835 --> 00:16:00,377 I can't take this anymore! 391 00:16:00,378 --> 00:16:02,837 I'd rather breath poison than living another minute with you! 392 00:16:02,838 --> 00:16:04,473 No! No, no, no! Stop! 393 00:16:10,978 --> 00:16:12,493 My life has been a lie! 394 00:16:12,494 --> 00:16:14,298 God is dead! The government's lame! 395 00:16:14,299 --> 00:16:16,139 Thanksgiving is about killing indians! 396 00:16:16,140 --> 00:16:18,320 Jesus wasn't born on christmass, they moved the date, 397 00:16:18,321 --> 00:16:19,940 It was a pagan holyday! 398 00:16:20,569 --> 00:16:21,826 - Oh, Dad! - Yes, Morty? 399 00:16:21,827 --> 00:16:23,714 My son is gonna take over the planet, 400 00:16:23,715 --> 00:16:25,199 and I am too young to drive. 401 00:16:25,200 --> 00:16:26,544 Can you help me get him back? 402 00:16:27,436 --> 00:16:30,486 I suppose, Morty. I suppose. 403 00:16:30,904 --> 00:16:32,884 But first a deep sip 404 00:16:32,885 --> 00:16:36,026 from a very tall glass of "i told you so". 405 00:16:41,037 --> 00:16:43,197 Oh my god, please Dad, come on! 406 00:17:29,271 --> 00:17:30,994 Dad, there he is! 407 00:17:33,046 --> 00:17:35,133 Oh God. Hey stop that! 408 00:17:35,134 --> 00:17:36,976 Oh my god, oh my god, Dad! 409 00:17:38,320 --> 00:17:39,830 Morty Jr., no! 410 00:17:39,831 --> 00:17:41,764 It's me. It's Dad. 411 00:17:42,300 --> 00:17:43,999 It's okay. 412 00:17:44,000 --> 00:17:45,656 Put the car down Morty Jr. 413 00:17:45,657 --> 00:17:46,611 No! 414 00:17:46,612 --> 00:17:49,917 Where's your hands? Where's your hands? 415 00:17:51,675 --> 00:17:52,755 My car! 416 00:17:52,756 --> 00:17:56,340 ♪ And that's haw we play ♪ ♪ handy hands. ♪ 417 00:17:57,364 --> 00:17:59,025 - Out of the way, Morty! - no! 418 00:17:59,026 --> 00:18:02,434 Morty, that's one of the most violently aggressive creature in the universe 419 00:18:02,884 --> 00:18:04,156 He's my son! 420 00:18:04,157 --> 00:18:07,264 and if you hurt him, you have to kill me, Rick! 421 00:18:12,797 --> 00:18:16,078 Dad, I'm so confused. 422 00:18:16,079 --> 00:18:18,190 I know morty jr. I'm sorry. 423 00:18:18,191 --> 00:18:20,102 I ended up lying to you and yelling at you 424 00:18:20,103 --> 00:18:21,784 just like my parents did to me. 425 00:18:21,785 --> 00:18:24,374 You know parents are just kids having kids. 426 00:18:24,375 --> 00:18:27,094 One minute you like how a shiny robot looks, 427 00:18:27,095 --> 00:18:30,900 the next minute you're in a fist fight with your alien son. 428 00:18:30,901 --> 00:18:32,295 I'm an alien? 429 00:18:32,296 --> 00:18:34,886 We all have bad impulses, bad thoughts. 430 00:18:34,887 --> 00:18:37,935 We just have to learn to channel them into something constructive. 431 00:18:37,936 --> 00:18:40,671 But I want to murder everyone I see. 432 00:18:40,672 --> 00:18:43,864 Well you know, maybe there is a job out there for people that feel that way. 433 00:18:43,865 --> 00:18:45,571 Actually, there is. 434 00:18:45,572 --> 00:18:47,012 Hi, I'm Brad Anderson. 435 00:18:47,013 --> 00:18:49,622 Creator of the nationally syndicated comic strip "Marmaduke" 436 00:18:49,951 --> 00:18:52,137 You should consider being a creative. 437 00:18:52,138 --> 00:18:53,875 I'm hunted by uncontrolable thoughts 438 00:18:53,876 --> 00:18:57,090 of mutilation and sexual assults on a nearly daily basis. 439 00:18:57,091 --> 00:18:59,685 But you know? I channeled it all into my work. 440 00:19:01,438 --> 00:19:03,604 I never got that impression from reading Marmaduke. 441 00:19:03,605 --> 00:19:06,355 Well, did you get the impression I was trying to make you laugh? 442 00:19:08,614 --> 00:19:10,690 Tell me that wasn't Brad Anderson. 443 00:19:11,327 --> 00:19:12,898 See, you hear that, Morty Jr.? 444 00:19:12,899 --> 00:19:15,050 Maybe you could try being a creative of some kind. 445 00:19:15,051 --> 00:19:17,253 Maybe? I always have sort of wanted 446 00:19:17,254 --> 00:19:19,342 to see my face on the back of a novel. 447 00:19:19,343 --> 00:19:22,356 I mean what I really wanna to is slit people's throat, 448 00:19:22,357 --> 00:19:23,727 But, beyond that. 449 00:19:23,728 --> 00:19:25,239 I know you can do it, son. 450 00:19:25,240 --> 00:19:28,265 I think it's time I get a place of my own. 451 00:19:28,422 --> 00:19:31,029 I promise I call you every day I need money 452 00:19:31,030 --> 00:19:33,116 or a place to do laundry. 453 00:19:40,064 --> 00:19:43,224 so, I assume this novel your son writes 454 00:19:43,225 --> 00:19:45,229 is gonna pay for my rear axel? 455 00:19:46,403 --> 00:19:50,043 isn't it interesting Summer, that after all that stuff we just did 456 00:19:50,044 --> 00:19:52,390 nothing really mattered, there was no point to it. 457 00:19:52,391 --> 00:19:54,126 Kind of makes you wonder, huh? 458 00:19:54,127 --> 00:19:56,212 - About nothing - Are you sure it doesn't make 459 00:19:56,213 --> 00:19:59,149 you re-evaluate your policy about taking girls on adventure? 460 00:19:59,150 --> 00:20:01,184 No I'd say given what we've been through, 461 00:20:01,185 --> 00:20:03,551 that I was right the whole time, and any epiphanies 462 00:20:03,552 --> 00:20:06,821 about gender politics were projection of your feminine insecrurity. 463 00:20:06,822 --> 00:20:09,159 But hey, why don't you have pink spaceship? 464 00:20:09,160 --> 00:20:11,626 Go ride around, and have a jolly old time. 465 00:20:11,627 --> 00:20:12,764 Maybe that'll shut you up. 466 00:20:12,765 --> 00:20:15,137 Dad? Summer? Where were you guys this whole time? 467 00:20:15,138 --> 00:20:16,980 On Gazorpazorp. where were you? 468 00:20:16,981 --> 00:20:18,277 I was reading a newspaper. 469 00:20:18,278 --> 00:20:20,695 Oh, that's interesting, Beth. You know it's funny 470 00:20:20,696 --> 00:20:23,000 I heard about a little bit of news, myself. 471 00:20:23,001 --> 00:20:24,112 Take a look. 472 00:20:24,427 --> 00:20:25,446 Take a listen. 473 00:20:31,610 --> 00:20:34,447 This world... still got a... still got a chance! 474 00:20:36,437 --> 00:20:37,842 See you guys next week! 475 00:20:37,843 --> 00:20:39,317 See everybody next week! 476 00:20:40,907 --> 00:20:44,019 © TvWorld Interpreters Group .: TvWorld.iNFO :. 477 00:21:09,378 --> 00:21:12,029 Mortimer Smith Jr. New York Times best selling author. 478 00:21:12,030 --> 00:21:14,355 Your book is about innocence, the definition of it, 479 00:21:14,356 --> 00:21:16,404 and inevitably its impossibility. 480 00:21:16,405 --> 00:21:18,128 Is it autobiographical? 481 00:21:18,129 --> 00:21:20,073 Certainly. I mean, 482 00:21:20,074 --> 00:21:22,085 all writing is, in my opinion. 483 00:21:22,086 --> 00:21:23,857 But, my... 484 00:21:25,120 --> 00:21:26,544 My father... 485 00:21:26,545 --> 00:21:29,648 kept me locked in the house until I was a teenager. 486 00:21:30,467 --> 00:21:33,473 and there was violence and ... 487 00:21:33,892 --> 00:21:35,407 threats of poison gas. 488 00:21:36,142 --> 00:21:38,027 - But also dancing. - But you persevered 489 00:21:38,028 --> 00:21:40,566 and created this masterpiece from your suffering. 490 00:21:40,567 --> 00:21:42,244 Smith Jr.'s mind-bending novel, 491 00:21:42,245 --> 00:21:44,187 "My Horrible Father" in every store 492 00:21:44,188 --> 00:21:46,894 and on everyone's mind pick it up, we'll be right back. 493 00:21:47,099 --> 00:21:48,864 It's a thankless job, Morty. 494 00:21:49,173 --> 00:21:50,701 You did the best you could. 495 00:21:50,702 --> 00:21:52,271 I hope he's eating enough.