1
00:00:04,770 --> 00:00:06,746
- Cynthia...
- Oh my god, no.
2
00:00:06,747 --> 00:00:08,059
- No.
- I told you!
3
00:00:08,060 --> 00:00:10,349
- Hold on.
- Will you please...
4
00:00:10,694 --> 00:00:12,737
not marry me, I choose Veronica.
5
00:00:12,738 --> 00:00:13,671
- What?!
- Yes!
6
00:00:13,672 --> 00:00:15,849
- Called it.
- Why would he choose Veronica?
7
00:00:15,850 --> 00:00:17,355
Because he loves her.
8
00:00:17,356 --> 00:00:18,894
If it's any consolation, Summer,
9
00:00:18,895 --> 00:00:21,142
none of it mattered, and
the entire show was stupid.
10
00:00:21,143 --> 00:00:22,605
Okay, I've got an idea, Rick.
11
00:00:22,606 --> 00:00:24,590
You show us your concept of good TV
12
00:00:24,591 --> 00:00:26,439
and we'll crap all over that.
13
00:00:26,440 --> 00:00:27,782
I thought you'd never ask.
14
00:00:30,093 --> 00:00:32,334
Cool, is that crystallized zantonite?
15
00:00:32,335 --> 00:00:34,081
It conducts electrons across dimensions.
16
00:00:34,082 --> 00:00:36,551
20% accurate, as usual, Morty.
17
00:00:36,552 --> 00:00:39,198
The important thing being
I just upgraded our cable package
18
00:00:39,199 --> 00:00:41,798
with programming from
every conceivable reality.
19
00:00:41,799 --> 00:00:43,462
Wait, does that mean
we get Showtime Extreme?
20
00:00:43,463 --> 00:00:44,975
How about Showtime Extreme in a world
21
00:00:44,976 --> 00:00:46,534
where men evolved from corn?
22
00:00:46,535 --> 00:00:48,525
We're not so different.
We're both corn of action.
23
00:00:48,526 --> 00:00:50,167
Yeah. But one of us
24
00:00:50,168 --> 00:00:51,728
is dead corn!
25
00:00:51,729 --> 00:00:52,758
- Boring.
- Summer,
26
00:00:52,759 --> 00:00:54,369
you just spent three months
27
00:00:54,370 --> 00:00:55,976
watching a man choose a fake wife.
28
00:00:55,977 --> 00:00:58,719
So what? It would be better
if the people were corn?
29
00:00:58,720 --> 00:01:01,146
Jerry, you don't get it.
This is infinite TV
30
00:01:01,147 --> 00:01:03,219
from infinite universes. Look.
31
00:01:03,220 --> 00:01:05,231
This shit is delicious.
32
00:01:05,232 --> 00:01:06,719
A movie about a guy eating shit.
33
00:01:07,875 --> 00:01:09,749
A violent antique show...
34
00:01:11,013 --> 00:01:13,328
- It's a pleasure to have you.
- The pleasure's all mine.
35
00:01:13,329 --> 00:01:15,754
Letterman from a time line
where Jerry is famous.
36
00:01:15,755 --> 00:01:17,353
- Wait.
- What in the hell?
37
00:01:17,354 --> 00:01:18,737
I agree. Where is this going?
38
00:01:18,738 --> 00:01:20,393
No, the other thing. Go back!
39
00:01:20,394 --> 00:01:21,908
Really? Alright fine.
40
00:01:21,909 --> 00:01:23,551
Glenn, this is a court order.
41
00:01:23,552 --> 00:01:25,176
It says you can't eat shit anymore.
42
00:01:26,151 --> 00:01:27,863
Alright, Jerry.
When you're right, you're right.
43
00:01:27,864 --> 00:01:29,255
Now I'm hooked.
44
00:01:30,011 --> 00:01:33,011
Original version by @pauloloppes
English subtitles by Robelin
45
00:02:01,512 --> 00:02:03,589
Coming up next on "Shmloo's the Shmloss",
46
00:02:03,590 --> 00:02:04,980
Shmlony has a nightmare.
47
00:02:04,981 --> 00:02:06,837
Shmlantha, Shmlona.
48
00:02:06,838 --> 00:02:10,299
Amazing. A dimension were all
proper nouns begin with "Shml".
49
00:02:10,300 --> 00:02:14,314
Shmlove, Shmlandula, Shmlonathan.
50
00:02:14,315 --> 00:02:16,501
Alright, that actually
got old pretty quick.
51
00:02:17,076 --> 00:02:21,186
Rick, will you please go back
to me on David Letterman?
52
00:02:21,187 --> 00:02:24,019
Infinity is a big number, Jerry.
I don't remember the channel.
53
00:02:24,020 --> 00:02:25,355
Go back! Go back!
54
00:02:25,812 --> 00:02:27,399
You speak the true true.
55
00:02:27,400 --> 00:02:30,181
Oh my god! Dad's in Cloud Atlas!
56
00:02:30,182 --> 00:02:31,689
I'm in Cloud Atlas!
57
00:02:31,690 --> 00:02:32,791
What's Cloud Atlas?
58
00:02:32,792 --> 00:02:34,769
Sometimes, small true true
59
00:02:34,770 --> 00:02:36,781
different than the big true true.
60
00:02:36,782 --> 00:02:38,273
How is this possible?
61
00:02:38,274 --> 00:02:40,324
Infinite time lines,
infinite possibilities.
62
00:02:40,325 --> 00:02:42,658
Including a time line where
Jerry is a movie star.
63
00:02:42,659 --> 00:02:45,659
Look you guys are getting excited
about the wrong aspect of this device.
64
00:02:45,660 --> 00:02:47,278
Look at this.
65
00:02:47,279 --> 00:02:50,019
And now, another quick mystery.
66
00:02:50,020 --> 00:02:52,320
I just want to know who
could've done something like this.
67
00:02:52,321 --> 00:02:53,596
It's a travesty!
68
00:02:53,597 --> 00:02:54,811
I did. See this knife
69
00:02:54,812 --> 00:02:56,740
and all the blood on it?
Here's my fingerprints.
70
00:02:56,741 --> 00:02:58,619
Guilty! I sentence you to life in prison!
71
00:02:59,110 --> 00:03:01,512
-Here's another quick mystery.
- My mother's dead!
72
00:03:01,513 --> 00:03:03,438
And I killed her. Here's the weapon.
73
00:03:03,439 --> 00:03:05,437
Handcuff me, thank you very much.
74
00:03:05,438 --> 00:03:07,101
Guilty! Sentence to murder.
75
00:03:08,384 --> 00:03:10,021
- Here's another...
- I'm the killer.
76
00:03:11,186 --> 00:03:13,189
That one was really quick, wasn't it?
77
00:03:13,190 --> 00:03:14,666
Now who wants to watch
78
00:03:14,667 --> 00:03:17,041
random crazy TV shows
from different dimensions
79
00:03:17,615 --> 00:03:20,190
and who wants to
narcissistically obsess
80
00:03:20,191 --> 00:03:21,261
about their alternate selves?
81
00:03:21,262 --> 00:03:22,843
- Narcissistically obsess.
- I'm not obsessed about myself.
82
00:03:23,944 --> 00:03:25,793
Here. This scan your retinas
83
00:03:25,894 --> 00:03:27,474
And let you view parallel time lines
84
00:03:27,475 --> 00:03:29,506
through genetically matching
versions of your eyes.
85
00:03:29,507 --> 00:03:30,534
Go fetch!
86
00:03:30,535 --> 00:03:31,891
- This is so cool!
- Ladies first!
87
00:03:32,611 --> 00:03:33,780
I'm proud of you, Morty.
88
00:03:33,781 --> 00:03:35,518
Hey man, I don't give a crap about myself, Rick.
89
00:03:35,519 --> 00:03:37,271
Let's watch some crazy stuff, yo!
90
00:03:37,524 --> 00:03:38,895
I'm Ants in my Eyes Johnson.
91
00:03:38,896 --> 00:03:41,036
Here in Ants in my Eyes
Johnson's Electronics,
92
00:03:41,037 --> 00:03:43,135
I mean there's so many ants in my eyes
93
00:03:43,136 --> 00:03:46,319
and there's so many TV's,
microwaves, radios,
94
00:03:46,320 --> 00:03:48,290
I think, I can't,
I'm not 100% sure
95
00:03:48,291 --> 00:03:49,530
what we have here in stock
96
00:03:49,531 --> 00:03:51,264
because I can't see anything.
97
00:03:51,394 --> 00:03:54,009
Our prices, I hope aren't too low!
98
00:03:54,010 --> 00:03:56,624
Check out this refrigerator! Only $200!
99
00:03:56,625 --> 00:04:00,001
What about this microwave?
Only $100! That's fair!
100
00:04:00,002 --> 00:04:01,425
I'm Ants in my Eyes Johnson.
101
00:04:01,426 --> 00:04:04,131
Everything's black,
I can't see a thing,
102
00:04:04,132 --> 00:04:06,061
Also I can't feel anything either.
103
00:04:06,062 --> 00:04:08,325
Did I mention that?
But that's not as catchy
104
00:04:08,326 --> 00:04:10,832
as having ants in your eyes,
so, that always goes,
105
00:04:10,833 --> 00:04:12,510
you know, oh by the way
106
00:04:12,511 --> 00:04:14,694
I can't feel.
It's a very rare disease.
107
00:04:14,695 --> 00:04:16,340
All my nerves
108
00:04:16,341 --> 00:04:19,148
they don't allow
for the sensation of touch.
109
00:04:19,149 --> 00:04:20,601
So I never know
what's going on.
110
00:04:20,602 --> 00:04:22,439
Am I standing? Sitting?
I don't know.
111
00:04:22,440 --> 00:04:25,361
Are we sure we want to do this?
Look at our own alternate lives?
112
00:04:25,362 --> 00:04:27,496
You're right. Maybe we should
just play Yahtzee.
113
00:04:27,497 --> 00:04:28,662
Give me those.
114
00:04:29,613 --> 00:04:30,672
What do you see?
115
00:04:30,883 --> 00:04:31,979
Whiteness.
116
00:04:31,980 --> 00:04:33,847
Pure whiteness.
117
00:04:35,790 --> 00:04:37,487
You're my best friend, Jerry Smith.
118
00:04:37,488 --> 00:04:38,860
I love doing cocaine with you.
119
00:04:39,694 --> 00:04:42,503
I love doing cocaine
with you too, Johnny Depp.
120
00:04:42,714 --> 00:04:44,543
Haven't we spent enough time on you?
121
00:04:46,198 --> 00:04:48,032
I'm performing surgery...
122
00:04:48,033 --> 00:04:50,387
But not on a horse, on a human.
123
00:04:50,388 --> 00:04:51,763
That's great, Beth.
124
00:04:51,764 --> 00:04:53,827
You always wanted to be a real surgeon.
125
00:04:53,994 --> 00:04:56,234
I am a real surgeon.
126
00:04:56,706 --> 00:04:58,409
- Summer's turn.
- Finally!
127
00:05:00,106 --> 00:05:01,146
I don't see anything
128
00:05:01,147 --> 00:05:03,159
Well, you should select
a different time line,
129
00:05:03,160 --> 00:05:05,107
I mean if your father and I
achieved our dreams
130
00:05:05,108 --> 00:05:06,622
there's a chance you weren't even born.
131
00:05:06,623 --> 00:05:09,758
That came out wrong.
That came out very wrong.
132
00:05:09,759 --> 00:05:10,978
Fine. I'll find a world
133
00:05:10,979 --> 00:05:12,928
where you bothered to have me.
134
00:05:16,305 --> 00:05:17,876
We're playing Yahtzee.
135
00:05:17,877 --> 00:05:19,795
Yahtzee is fun. We love Yahtzee.
136
00:05:19,796 --> 00:05:21,393
It's a fun game for fun families.
137
00:05:21,394 --> 00:05:23,550
Could I... get those
goggles back for a second?
138
00:05:23,551 --> 00:05:26,702
It's a 45 horsepower,
with anti-lock brakes,
139
00:05:26,703 --> 00:05:30,136
and it's the official car
of Mr Sneezy 3D.
140
00:05:30,137 --> 00:05:33,281
It's the brand new Sneezy Excel.
141
00:05:33,282 --> 00:05:36,364
The horn when you honk it,
makes a sneeze noise.
142
00:05:36,804 --> 00:05:40,202
It's light, it's right,
and it's sneezy...
143
00:05:40,203 --> 00:05:41,617
dizzy...
144
00:05:42,770 --> 00:05:44,251
DE luxe.
145
00:05:44,252 --> 00:05:45,743
I'm Mr Sneezy.
146
00:05:46,823 --> 00:05:48,393
Seems like TV from other dimensions
147
00:05:48,394 --> 00:05:50,226
have a somewhat looser feel to it.
148
00:05:50,227 --> 00:05:53,045
Yeah, it's got an almost
improvisational tone.
149
00:05:53,046 --> 00:05:55,455
It's in theaters now!
Coming this summer...
150
00:05:55,456 --> 00:05:57,744
Two brothers, in a van,
151
00:05:57,745 --> 00:05:59,604
and then a meteor hit,
152
00:05:59,605 --> 00:06:02,055
and they ran as fast as they could
153
00:06:02,056 --> 00:06:03,916
from giant cat monsters,
154
00:06:03,917 --> 00:06:05,996
and then a giant tornado came,
155
00:06:05,997 --> 00:06:10,313
and that's when things
got knocked into twelfth gear.
156
00:06:10,907 --> 00:06:14,019
A Mexican armada shows up
157
00:06:14,020 --> 00:06:17,319
with weapons made from tube tomatoes.
158
00:06:17,320 --> 00:06:19,578
And you better bet your bottom dollar
159
00:06:19,579 --> 00:06:22,828
that these two brothers
know how to handle business.
160
00:06:22,829 --> 00:06:25,867
In Alien Invasion Tomato
161
00:06:25,868 --> 00:06:29,041
Monster Mexican Armada Brothers
162
00:06:29,042 --> 00:06:31,728
Who Are Just Regular Brothers Running
163
00:06:31,729 --> 00:06:34,295
In a Van From an Asteroid
164
00:06:34,296 --> 00:06:36,892
And All Sorts of Things: The Movie.
165
00:06:37,113 --> 00:06:38,800
Hold on, there's more.
166
00:06:38,801 --> 00:06:40,176
Old women are coming,
167
00:06:40,177 --> 00:06:42,788
and they're also in the movie,
and they're gonna come
168
00:06:42,789 --> 00:06:46,161
and cross attack these two brothers.
169
00:06:46,420 --> 00:06:48,784
But let's get back to the brothers,
because they're...
170
00:06:48,785 --> 00:06:50,489
they have a strong bond.
171
00:06:50,490 --> 00:06:52,104
You don't want to know about it here,
172
00:06:52,105 --> 00:06:54,185
but I'll tell you one thing. The moon,
173
00:06:54,186 --> 00:06:56,932
it comes crashing into Earth.
And what do you do then?
174
00:06:56,933 --> 00:06:59,172
It's two brothers and...
175
00:06:59,173 --> 00:07:00,826
and they're gonna...
It's called
176
00:07:00,827 --> 00:07:02,625
Two brothers. Two brothers.
177
00:07:02,626 --> 00:07:04,493
It's just called Two Brothers?
178
00:07:04,494 --> 00:07:07,091
Holy crap, I am winning a Nobel Prize.
179
00:07:07,092 --> 00:07:08,775
Come on! Time's up!
180
00:07:09,203 --> 00:07:10,848
I'm taming a lion.
181
00:07:10,849 --> 00:07:11,978
No, wait...
182
00:07:12,283 --> 00:07:15,462
There are film cameras.
I might be a lion tamer in a movie.
183
00:07:15,463 --> 00:07:17,333
You got the idea, I work with lions.
184
00:07:20,080 --> 00:07:21,936
We're not playing Yahtzee,
185
00:07:21,937 --> 00:07:23,878
we're playing Chutes and Ladders.
186
00:07:23,879 --> 00:07:26,491
Seems like when I exist,
life gets a little more,
187
00:07:26,492 --> 00:07:28,435
I don't know, predictable?
188
00:07:28,436 --> 00:07:30,870
When two people create a life together,
189
00:07:30,871 --> 00:07:33,870
they set aside their
previous lives as individuals.
190
00:07:33,871 --> 00:07:35,710
Give me a break. We're not heroes
191
00:07:35,711 --> 00:07:38,325
for having unprotected sex on Prom Night.
192
00:07:38,326 --> 00:07:41,079
I get it. Now that you know
you could've had it better,
193
00:07:41,080 --> 00:07:44,217
You resent me for holding you back.
194
00:07:44,218 --> 00:07:46,483
Now that we know
you think the tables are turning
195
00:07:46,484 --> 00:07:48,600
we know you thought
they were unturned tables.
196
00:07:48,890 --> 00:07:50,024
What are you talking about?
197
00:07:50,025 --> 00:07:51,354
All this time, you've been thinking
198
00:07:51,355 --> 00:07:54,225
"What if that loser Jerry hadn't
talked me out of the abortion?"
199
00:07:54,406 --> 00:07:56,557
Now, you know. You'd be a doctor.
200
00:07:57,388 --> 00:07:58,864
You'd also be drinking wine
201
00:07:58,865 --> 00:08:01,231
alone in a house full of exotic birds
202
00:08:01,232 --> 00:08:03,464
and I'd be on DiCaprio's yacht
203
00:08:03,465 --> 00:08:04,905
banging Kristen Stewart.
204
00:08:04,906 --> 00:08:06,365
You thought about getting an abortion?
205
00:08:06,366 --> 00:08:07,703
Everyone thinks about it.
206
00:08:07,704 --> 00:08:10,179
Obviously, I'm the version
of me that didn't do it.
207
00:08:10,180 --> 00:08:11,481
So, you're welcome.
208
00:08:11,482 --> 00:08:13,040
Yeah, you're welcome.
209
00:08:13,041 --> 00:08:14,764
Thank you guys so much.
210
00:08:14,765 --> 00:08:16,664
It's a real treat to be raised
211
00:08:16,665 --> 00:08:19,992
by parents that force themselves to be
together instead of being happy.
212
00:08:19,993 --> 00:08:21,541
Do we have any wafer cookies?
213
00:08:23,706 --> 00:08:25,785
Oh boy, looks like you guys
have been checking out
214
00:08:25,786 --> 00:08:27,141
alternative lives and realizing
215
00:08:27,142 --> 00:08:29,163
you don't have it as good, huh?
That's too bad.
216
00:08:29,164 --> 00:08:30,845
Me and Morty are having a blast,
217
00:08:30,846 --> 00:08:33,175
we just discovered
a show called Ball Fondlers.
218
00:08:33,176 --> 00:08:34,734
I don't wanna rub it in or anything
219
00:08:34,735 --> 00:08:37,463
but you guys clearly backed
the wrong conceptual horse.
220
00:08:42,468 --> 00:08:43,610
BALL FONDLERS
221
00:08:50,264 --> 00:08:52,640
- I'm in heaven right now.
- It might be the best day of my life.
222
00:08:53,057 --> 00:08:54,316
So now, what do we do?
223
00:08:54,579 --> 00:08:56,786
That show Ball Fondlers
sounded kind of interesting.
224
00:08:56,787 --> 00:08:58,056
- Dad!
- What?!
225
00:08:58,057 --> 00:09:00,690
They're having fun in there!
What do you guys want from me?
226
00:09:00,691 --> 00:09:02,629
Every family on this block has to wonder
227
00:09:02,630 --> 00:09:04,280
if they're together by choice.
228
00:09:04,281 --> 00:09:06,460
Our family just has
interdimensional goggles
229
00:09:06,461 --> 00:09:08,447
to show us for a fact that we're not.
230
00:09:08,448 --> 00:09:09,496
Well, I'm leaving.
231
00:09:09,497 --> 00:09:11,265
You can't leave, you're 17.
232
00:09:11,266 --> 00:09:12,783
Yeah, and I'm not pregnant.
233
00:09:12,784 --> 00:09:15,761
I'm gonna have better judgment
that you guys had at my age.
234
00:09:15,762 --> 00:09:18,542
I'm gonna... move to the South West and...
235
00:09:18,543 --> 00:09:21,145
I don't know, do something with turquoise.
236
00:09:21,826 --> 00:09:25,177
It's Saturday Night Live!
237
00:09:25,178 --> 00:09:26,391
Starring...
238
00:09:26,392 --> 00:09:28,149
a piece of toast!
239
00:09:28,150 --> 00:09:30,522
Two guys with handlebar mustaches!
240
00:09:30,523 --> 00:09:33,337
A man painted silver
who makes robot noises!
241
00:09:33,338 --> 00:09:35,204
Garmanarnar!
242
00:09:35,205 --> 00:09:36,409
Threes...
243
00:09:38,556 --> 00:09:39,897
I'll get back to that one.
244
00:09:39,898 --> 00:09:41,544
A hole in the wall
245
00:09:41,545 --> 00:09:43,642
where the men can see it all!
246
00:09:43,643 --> 00:09:47,869
And returning for his
25th consecutive year,
247
00:09:47,870 --> 00:09:51,860
Bobby Moynihan!
248
00:09:51,861 --> 00:09:53,601
Interesting fun fact:
249
00:09:53,602 --> 00:09:55,676
Moynihan and Piece
of Toast hate each other.
250
00:09:55,677 --> 00:09:58,334
Apparently, they've got some
real creative differences.
251
00:09:58,469 --> 00:10:01,490
Are you tired of real doors
cluttering up your house
252
00:10:01,491 --> 00:10:03,587
when you open 'em and
you actually go somewhere,
253
00:10:03,588 --> 00:10:04,886
and you go to another room?
254
00:10:04,887 --> 00:10:07,253
Get on down to Real Fake Doors!
That's us!
255
00:10:07,254 --> 00:10:08,616
Fill a whole room up with 'em.
256
00:10:08,617 --> 00:10:10,094
See, watch. Check this out
257
00:10:10,250 --> 00:10:12,361
Won't open. Won't open
258
00:10:12,362 --> 00:10:14,685
Not this one. Not this one.
259
00:10:14,686 --> 00:10:15,903
None of them open!
260
00:10:15,904 --> 00:10:17,685
fakedoors.com is our website,
261
00:10:17,686 --> 00:10:19,751
so check it out for a lot
of really great deals
262
00:10:19,752 --> 00:10:23,405
on fake doors!
263
00:10:30,818 --> 00:10:32,114
Wait a minute, Rick.
264
00:10:32,115 --> 00:10:33,472
I thought this was a commercial.
265
00:10:33,473 --> 00:10:34,894
- What's going on?
- Relax, Morty.
266
00:10:34,895 --> 00:10:37,402
Don't worry about it,
just see where this goes.
267
00:10:38,606 --> 00:10:41,187
Step on, we all got places to be!
268
00:10:41,488 --> 00:10:42,849
Son of a bitch.
269
00:10:44,925 --> 00:10:46,811
That must be where he lives.
270
00:10:46,812 --> 00:10:47,889
Okay.
271
00:10:49,825 --> 00:10:51,680
Making himself a sandwich now.
272
00:10:54,666 --> 00:10:55,689
Hey everybody.
273
00:10:55,690 --> 00:10:56,993
This is my house.
274
00:10:56,994 --> 00:10:59,272
Just made a sandwich.
Peanut butter and jelly.
275
00:10:59,273 --> 00:11:01,673
Still here, still selling fake doors
276
00:11:01,674 --> 00:11:03,945
- What?!
- Oh my god, it's still the commercial!
277
00:11:03,946 --> 00:11:06,068
We have fake doors
like you wouldn't believe.
278
00:11:06,069 --> 00:11:08,409
What are you worried about?
Come get fake doors!
279
00:11:08,410 --> 00:11:10,736
Call us up and order
some fake doors today.
280
00:11:10,737 --> 00:11:12,868
Don't even hesitate,
Don't even worry.
281
00:11:12,869 --> 00:11:14,413
- And don't even...
- I'm bored.
282
00:11:14,414 --> 00:11:15,705
- Changing...
- Hold on!
283
00:11:15,706 --> 00:11:17,472
give it a second thought.
That's our slogan.
284
00:11:17,473 --> 00:11:19,700
See it at the bottom of
the screen, below our name.
285
00:11:19,701 --> 00:11:22,300
Here's another slogan,
right below that one.
286
00:11:22,301 --> 00:11:24,616
What are you worried about?
Come get fake doors!
287
00:11:24,617 --> 00:11:26,951
Get in here quick,
get out quicker,
288
00:11:26,952 --> 00:11:29,081
with an arm of
fake doors in your arms.
289
00:11:29,082 --> 00:11:30,146
You can change it.
290
00:11:30,147 --> 00:11:31,300
Don't even worry about it!
291
00:11:32,282 --> 00:11:34,097
I hate mumumununsdays.
292
00:11:34,098 --> 00:11:36,408
And I really could go
for some enchiladas.
293
00:11:37,552 --> 00:11:38,677
Hey Rick, that's pretty cool.
294
00:11:38,678 --> 00:11:41,470
It's just like Garfield, only
instead it's Gazorpazorpfield.
295
00:11:41,471 --> 00:11:43,381
Hey, isn't Gazorpazorp where...
296
00:11:43,382 --> 00:11:45,405
where the sex robots
came from, remember?
297
00:11:45,406 --> 00:11:46,745
- That whole thing?
- Yeah...
298
00:11:46,746 --> 00:11:49,275
That's a pretty... a pretty...
That's true.
299
00:11:49,276 --> 00:11:52,868
- That's right.
- Let's watch some more Gazorpazorpfield.
300
00:11:52,869 --> 00:11:54,841
Hey John, it's me,
Gazorpazorpfield.
301
00:11:54,842 --> 00:11:57,531
Boy, **** you, John,
you **** dumb
302
00:11:57,532 --> 00:11:59,148
stupid idiot.
303
00:11:59,149 --> 00:12:01,952
Come on, Gazorpazorpfield.
Go easy on me.
304
00:12:01,953 --> 00:12:04,664
You dumb, stupid, weak,
305
00:12:04,665 --> 00:12:08,201
pathetic, white... white...
306
00:12:09,286 --> 00:12:11,418
guilt. White guilt,
307
00:12:11,419 --> 00:12:14,911
milquetoast, piece of human garbage.
308
00:12:14,912 --> 00:12:16,871
Jeez, Gazorpazorpfield.
That's, you know...
309
00:12:16,872 --> 00:12:18,947
You're pretty mean to me,
but that takes the cake.
310
00:12:18,948 --> 00:12:20,222
I don't give a ****.
311
00:12:20,223 --> 00:12:22,861
I'm Gazorpazorp-****-field, bitch.
312
00:12:22,862 --> 00:12:25,155
Now give me my **** enchiladas!
313
00:12:25,156 --> 00:12:26,335
Rick, you know...
314
00:12:26,336 --> 00:12:29,096
Did they use Bill Murray for this?
Sounds a lot like Bill Murray.
315
00:12:29,097 --> 00:12:30,817
No Morty, it's Lorenzo Music.
316
00:12:30,818 --> 00:12:32,636
In this reality, he's still alive.
317
00:12:32,637 --> 00:12:34,331
Okay. Was his name Lorenzo Music?
318
00:12:34,332 --> 00:12:36,169
Yeah, I'm pretty sure.
He also did the voice
319
00:12:36,170 --> 00:12:37,797
of that one guy from Ghostbusters,
320
00:12:37,798 --> 00:12:39,154
which is really strange, because
321
00:12:39,155 --> 00:12:41,453
it's the same character
Bill Murray played in the movie,
322
00:12:41,454 --> 00:12:42,504
but when they made the movie,
323
00:12:42,505 --> 00:12:45,752
Bill Murray did the voice of
Gazorpazorp... Garfield, I mean.
324
00:12:45,753 --> 00:12:48,432
That's pretty cool, Rick. So all that
happened in this reality too?
325
00:12:48,433 --> 00:12:51,189
I don't know. I'm just making
conversation with you, Morty.
326
00:12:51,190 --> 00:12:54,058
What do you think? I know
everything about everything?
327
00:12:54,907 --> 00:12:57,272
Did you really talk me
out of the abortion?
328
00:12:57,273 --> 00:12:59,931
Well... We blew a tire
on the way to the clinic.
329
00:13:00,297 --> 00:13:01,768
I think, in my head,
330
00:13:01,769 --> 00:13:03,779
I was doing it all for the kids.
331
00:13:03,917 --> 00:13:05,786
And now the first kid is going...
332
00:13:05,787 --> 00:13:07,924
to do something with turquoise.
333
00:13:07,925 --> 00:13:09,386
Which is either code for crystal meth
334
00:13:09,387 --> 00:13:10,800
or a gateway to it.
335
00:13:10,801 --> 00:13:12,795
So we didn't do the kids any favors,
336
00:13:12,796 --> 00:13:16,146
so we should stay together
for each other and ourselves,
337
00:13:16,629 --> 00:13:18,085
or...
338
00:13:18,086 --> 00:13:19,511
Or?
339
00:13:21,182 --> 00:13:22,547
Man, woman,
340
00:13:22,548 --> 00:13:24,033
and now trunk man?
341
00:13:24,034 --> 00:13:26,472
We know scientists created
men that have a trunk
342
00:13:26,473 --> 00:13:29,354
that allows them to have sex with
both male and female partners,
343
00:13:29,355 --> 00:13:32,297
but we don't like the idea of
these people getting married!
344
00:13:32,298 --> 00:13:33,334
Put a line in the sand,
345
00:13:33,335 --> 00:13:34,501
- everybody!
- people?
346
00:13:34,502 --> 00:13:36,963
Vote no on proposition XW2.
347
00:13:36,964 --> 00:13:38,213
The act that says gay...
348
00:13:38,214 --> 00:13:40,387
trunk people can get married.
Who needs it?
349
00:13:40,388 --> 00:13:41,745
Not on my watch!
350
00:13:41,746 --> 00:13:44,512
Paid for by Michael Denny
and the Denny Singers.
351
00:13:46,041 --> 00:13:47,714
Hi, I'm a trunk person.
352
00:13:47,715 --> 00:13:50,865
And I want... I feel love
in my heart too, just like you.
353
00:13:50,866 --> 00:13:54,313
I want to be able to express that
love with both a man and a woman.
354
00:13:54,314 --> 00:13:55,879
And I won't be able to,
355
00:13:55,880 --> 00:13:58,361
if Denny and the Denny
Singers get their way.
356
00:13:58,362 --> 00:14:00,961
Let the trunk people
have sex and get married.
357
00:14:00,962 --> 00:14:02,969
Paid for by... trunk people.
358
00:14:03,832 --> 00:14:05,850
I love me Strawberry Smiggles.
359
00:14:06,127 --> 00:14:08,766
I hope nobody ever gets my hands on me
360
00:14:08,767 --> 00:14:11,119
and tries to steal
my Strawberry Smiggles.
361
00:14:11,120 --> 00:14:13,261
I'm gonna eat every last one of them
362
00:14:13,262 --> 00:14:14,602
because then, they'll be
in my stomach,
363
00:14:14,603 --> 00:14:16,641
and nobody will ever
be able to eat them.
364
00:14:16,642 --> 00:14:19,429
Except for me, because they're
gonna be all inside my stomach.
365
00:14:20,097 --> 00:14:21,915
My name is Mr...
366
00:14:21,916 --> 00:14:23,699
Tophat Jones
367
00:14:23,700 --> 00:14:26,049
and God forbid anyone
ever take my smiggles.
368
00:14:26,050 --> 00:14:27,506
My little painted smiggles.
369
00:14:27,507 --> 00:14:28,895
I'm keeping them all for me!
370
00:14:30,464 --> 00:14:31,879
Last bite.
371
00:14:32,677 --> 00:14:34,904
Now they're all resting
comfortably in my stomach.
372
00:14:34,905 --> 00:14:36,350
Hoo, am I feeling good.
373
00:14:36,351 --> 00:14:37,822
No! Get away from me!
374
00:14:37,823 --> 00:14:40,512
Get away from me and
my Strawberry Smiggles! No!
375
00:14:42,410 --> 00:14:44,913
Jesus Christ! Jesus Christ!
376
00:14:44,914 --> 00:14:46,960
It hurts! My entrails are out!
377
00:14:46,961 --> 00:14:48,786
Why would you even want to eat these?!
378
00:14:49,206 --> 00:14:51,062
They're soaked with my stomach acid!
379
00:14:51,432 --> 00:14:53,739
Jesus Christ, lord savior!
380
00:14:53,740 --> 00:14:56,774
Holy Spirit! Save me!
Take me to the light!
381
00:14:56,775 --> 00:14:58,778
Oh my god, I see demons!
382
00:14:58,779 --> 00:15:00,228
I see demons are coming!
383
00:15:00,229 --> 00:15:02,195
Jeez, Rick, oh my god.
384
00:15:02,196 --> 00:15:05,010
It's a pretty hardcore stuff,
you know, for a cereal commercial.
385
00:15:05,011 --> 00:15:06,303
You know Morty,
386
00:15:06,304 --> 00:15:08,087
you want to sell boxes of cereal,
387
00:15:08,088 --> 00:15:09,690
you gotta pump the gas a little.
388
00:15:09,691 --> 00:15:11,220
Pedal to the metal, Morty.
389
00:15:11,594 --> 00:15:14,143
In a world where muscular
Mannies are common
390
00:15:14,144 --> 00:15:16,326
and they're common strong,
391
00:15:16,327 --> 00:15:20,295
there's only three unmuscular Michaels.
392
00:15:20,296 --> 00:15:22,154
Get down. Hurry, run!
393
00:15:24,097 --> 00:15:26,186
And that's when real...
394
00:15:26,187 --> 00:15:28,139
Turbulent Juice
395
00:15:28,140 --> 00:15:30,784
is coming, and you gotta
take care of it.
396
00:15:30,785 --> 00:15:33,801
With Turbulent Juice,
turbulent tables,
397
00:15:33,802 --> 00:15:36,831
no room is safe from
the turbulent power
398
00:15:36,832 --> 00:15:38,886
of Turbulent Juice.
399
00:15:39,528 --> 00:15:40,602
What in the hell?
400
00:15:40,603 --> 00:15:42,008
Sex sells, Morty.
401
00:15:42,009 --> 00:15:44,595
Sex sells what? Was that a movie,
402
00:15:44,596 --> 00:15:46,257
or like, does it clean stuff?
403
00:15:46,726 --> 00:15:48,641
Hey Dad. What's going on?
404
00:15:48,642 --> 00:15:51,476
Your mother and I are gonna be
spending some time apart, Morty.
405
00:15:51,477 --> 00:15:54,300
And your sister found out
she was a non-wanted pregnancy.
406
00:15:54,719 --> 00:15:56,986
- What?
- Speaking of "what?", Morty,
407
00:15:57,822 --> 00:16:00,563
What should we watch next?
408
00:16:00,564 --> 00:16:02,024
What about this?
409
00:16:02,025 --> 00:16:04,046
Baby Legs, you're a good detective,
410
00:16:04,047 --> 00:16:06,749
but not good enough,
because of your baby legs.
411
00:16:06,750 --> 00:16:09,363
So I'm partnering you up
with Regular Legs.
412
00:16:09,364 --> 00:16:10,602
- Hey there.
- Detective,
413
00:16:11,121 --> 00:16:13,501
this is upsetting to me, because I feel
414
00:16:13,502 --> 00:16:15,253
like I don't need no regular leg partner.
415
00:16:15,254 --> 00:16:17,088
Baby Legs, don't talk back to me.
416
00:16:17,089 --> 00:16:19,347
Good luck, you two.
There's a criminal to kill.
417
00:16:20,818 --> 00:16:22,548
Wow! You sure found this guy quick.
418
00:16:22,549 --> 00:16:24,663
Yeah, because I'm a good detective.
419
00:16:24,664 --> 00:16:26,341
Look, Baby Legs, it's the criminal!
420
00:16:26,342 --> 00:16:28,906
****, I'm the killer.
I'm running, I'm running real quick.
421
00:16:28,907 --> 00:16:31,679
Baby Legs, here we go!
422
00:16:33,074 --> 00:16:35,354
That's the sound I make
when I'm trying to run fast.
423
00:16:37,489 --> 00:16:39,565
All right, I'm not gonna get him on.
424
00:16:39,566 --> 00:16:41,261
I just learned a really valuable lesson.
425
00:16:41,262 --> 00:16:42,731
I'm coming, Baby Legs.
426
00:16:42,732 --> 00:16:44,664
I'm Regular Legs.
427
00:16:45,836 --> 00:16:47,906
- We got him!
- That was good teamwork.
428
00:16:47,907 --> 00:16:49,730
Baby Legs and Regular Legs,
429
00:16:49,731 --> 00:16:51,739
I'm proud of you two
for working together,
430
00:16:51,740 --> 00:16:53,568
And Baby Legs,
I know it was hard
431
00:16:53,569 --> 00:16:56,143
for you to come to the conclusion
that you need a partner,
432
00:16:56,144 --> 00:16:58,806
- but I'm proud of you that you did it.
- Thanks, chief.
433
00:16:58,807 --> 00:17:00,316
Now get the **** out of here!
434
00:17:00,317 --> 00:17:01,738
Pretty cool, Morty?
435
00:17:02,663 --> 00:17:03,806
I thought it was cool.
436
00:17:03,807 --> 00:17:05,879
I don't give a ****
what you think, Jerry.
437
00:17:11,930 --> 00:17:13,003
You doing okay?
438
00:17:14,504 --> 00:17:15,917
I kinda know how you feel, Summer.
439
00:17:15,918 --> 00:17:17,754
No you don't. You're the little brother.
440
00:17:17,755 --> 00:17:20,366
You're not the cause of our parents' misery,
you're just a symptom of it.
441
00:17:22,158 --> 00:17:24,199
- Can I show you something?
- Morty, no offense,
442
00:17:24,200 --> 00:17:26,067
but a drawing of me
you made when you were 8
443
00:17:26,068 --> 00:17:27,882
isn't gonna make me feel
like less of an accident.
444
00:17:27,883 --> 00:17:29,248
That out there,
445
00:17:29,249 --> 00:17:30,843
that's my grave.
446
00:17:31,488 --> 00:17:32,656
Wait, what?
447
00:17:32,657 --> 00:17:34,792
On one of our adventures,
Rick and I basically
448
00:17:34,793 --> 00:17:36,672
destroyed the whole world.
449
00:17:36,673 --> 00:17:38,498
So we bailed on that reality
450
00:17:38,499 --> 00:17:41,935
and we came to this one, because in
this one, the world wasn't destroyed.
451
00:17:41,936 --> 00:17:43,761
And in this one, we were dead.
452
00:17:43,762 --> 00:17:45,144
So we came here,
453
00:17:45,145 --> 00:17:47,673
and we buried ourselves
and we took their place
454
00:17:47,674 --> 00:17:51,013
And every morning, Summer,
I eat breakfast 20 yards away
455
00:17:51,014 --> 00:17:53,694
from my own rotting corpse.
456
00:17:53,695 --> 00:17:55,872
So you're not my brother?
457
00:17:55,873 --> 00:17:58,427
I'm better than your brother.
I'm a version of your brother
458
00:17:58,428 --> 00:18:00,521
you can trust when he says don't run.
459
00:18:00,522 --> 00:18:02,346
Nobody exists on purpose,
460
00:18:02,347 --> 00:18:03,987
nobody belongs anywhere,
461
00:18:03,988 --> 00:18:05,422
everybody's gonna die.
462
00:18:05,818 --> 00:18:07,136
Come watch TV.
463
00:18:09,987 --> 00:18:12,343
Mrs Sullivan always planned to leave
464
00:18:12,344 --> 00:18:14,279
everything to her cats.
465
00:18:14,649 --> 00:18:17,764
But sometimes plans need a helping paw.
466
00:18:19,898 --> 00:18:21,695
What are the kitties to do?
467
00:18:21,696 --> 00:18:24,070
But buckle together and work as a team.
468
00:18:24,071 --> 00:18:26,983
Mrs Sullivan, I...
please forgive me for being forward,
469
00:18:26,984 --> 00:18:29,042
but your eyes are so beautiful.
470
00:18:30,127 --> 00:18:32,023
Wait, this is an actual movie?
471
00:18:32,024 --> 00:18:34,847
This fall, sparks will fly.
472
00:18:36,583 --> 00:18:38,668
Mrs Sullivan!
473
00:18:39,145 --> 00:18:41,318
Between one guy who can't get a break...
474
00:18:41,319 --> 00:18:43,665
There's something
about you, Mrs Sullivan...
475
00:18:43,666 --> 00:18:46,709
and 9 cats who break all the rules.
476
00:18:47,771 --> 00:18:49,520
Last will and testameow:
477
00:18:49,521 --> 00:18:51,952
Weekend at Dead Cat Lady's House II.
478
00:18:51,953 --> 00:18:54,107
Somebody in Hollywood
just lost their job.
479
00:18:54,108 --> 00:18:56,676
Written and directed by Jerry Smith.
480
00:18:56,677 --> 00:18:59,023
I wrote and directed that?
What am I? Nuts?
481
00:18:59,024 --> 00:19:00,753
Hey Morty, you just missed a preview
482
00:19:00,754 --> 00:19:02,566
for your dad's Citizen Kane.
483
00:19:02,567 --> 00:19:03,579
Doesn't matter.
484
00:19:04,104 --> 00:19:06,456
If your mother and I
had to split custody,
485
00:19:06,457 --> 00:19:07,683
who would you guys choose?
486
00:19:07,684 --> 00:19:08,748
Doesn't matter.
487
00:19:08,749 --> 00:19:12,040
Breaking news: Academy Award
winning actor Jerry Smith
488
00:19:12,041 --> 00:19:14,386
is leading police on a
slow-speed pursuit
489
00:19:14,387 --> 00:19:16,856
after suffering an apparent breakdown.
490
00:19:16,857 --> 00:19:18,795
- Don't even think about it.
- Come on,
491
00:19:18,796 --> 00:19:22,013
are you kidding me, Jerry?
It's just a bunch of dumb tabloid crap.
492
00:19:22,014 --> 00:19:24,419
It's my life, and we're watching it.
493
00:19:25,996 --> 00:19:29,541
You did it, Beth.
You really nailed it.
494
00:19:29,867 --> 00:19:31,711
You're a surgeon.
495
00:19:31,712 --> 00:19:33,887
A human surgeon.
496
00:19:34,856 --> 00:19:36,156
You win.
497
00:19:36,891 --> 00:19:38,555
Where the hell am I going?
498
00:19:39,048 --> 00:19:40,955
What are you asking me for, Jerry?
499
00:19:40,956 --> 00:19:42,884
I'm sitting here trying to figure out
500
00:19:42,885 --> 00:19:44,844
why the cops don't just take you out.
501
00:19:44,845 --> 00:19:46,663
They got a clear shot to your head.
502
00:19:46,664 --> 00:19:48,728
I can't believe our
tax dollars pay for this.
503
00:19:57,238 --> 00:19:59,974
Jerry?
Jerry Smith?
504
00:20:01,035 --> 00:20:03,964
Beth Sanchez, I have been
in love with you since high school.
505
00:20:03,965 --> 00:20:06,037
I hate acting, I hate cocaine,
506
00:20:06,038 --> 00:20:07,270
I hate Kristen Stewart.
507
00:20:07,271 --> 00:20:08,884
I wish you hadn't got that abortion
508
00:20:08,885 --> 00:20:11,492
And I've never stop thinking
about what might've been
509
00:20:39,402 --> 00:20:41,802
Ball Fondlers? Huh? Ball Fondlers?
510
00:20:41,803 --> 00:20:43,869
- I can go for some Ball Fondlers.
- Yeah, Ball Fondlers.
511
00:20:49,988 --> 00:20:52,988
Original version by @pauloloppes
English subtitles by Robelin
512
00:21:19,913 --> 00:21:21,424
Hamster in butt world weather
513
00:21:21,425 --> 00:21:23,319
is done, and now it's sports time.
514
00:21:23,320 --> 00:21:25,202
- Hello there.
- Good day to you miss.
515
00:21:25,203 --> 00:21:28,333
So the hamsters live inside
the rectums of those people?
516
00:21:28,334 --> 00:21:30,193
Yes, sweety. That's where they live.
517
00:21:30,194 --> 00:21:31,868
How does that work?
518
00:21:31,869 --> 00:21:34,027
Do the butts look like
little apartments inside?
519
00:21:34,592 --> 00:21:36,908
And can they leave the butt,
and walk around on their own?
520
00:21:36,909 --> 00:21:39,565
I don't know, I'm watching
the same thing you guys are!
521
00:21:39,566 --> 00:21:41,289
Grampa Rick, if they leave the butt,
522
00:21:41,290 --> 00:21:42,945
and the person wanders off,
523
00:21:42,946 --> 00:21:44,996
how would they find
their butt person again?
524
00:21:44,997 --> 00:21:47,275
I don't know, Summer.
I can't even hear the TV!
525
00:21:47,276 --> 00:21:48,360
Alright!
That's it!
526
00:21:48,361 --> 00:21:51,576
We're just gonna go there so you idiots
can ask your stupid questions all day.
527
00:21:52,097 --> 00:21:53,582
Family vacation!