1 00:00:00,735 --> 00:00:03,535 Rick: Morty?! 2 00:00:03,571 --> 00:00:05,237 - Morty! - Rick? 3 00:00:05,272 --> 00:00:07,639 - Hey, Morty?! - Rick? 4 00:00:07,675 --> 00:00:10,376 Are you far away, or are you inside something? 5 00:00:10,411 --> 00:00:12,077 Is this a camera? 6 00:00:12,113 --> 00:00:13,612 Is everything a camera? 7 00:00:13,647 --> 00:00:15,280 Rick: Morty, the garage, Morty. 8 00:00:15,316 --> 00:00:17,282 Come to the garage! 9 00:00:17,318 --> 00:00:18,350 Morty? 10 00:00:18,386 --> 00:00:19,985 Rick? W-where are you? 11 00:00:20,021 --> 00:00:21,387 On my work bench, Morty. 12 00:00:21,422 --> 00:00:23,166 Are you invisible and you're gonna, like, fart on me? 13 00:00:23,190 --> 00:00:24,190 Flip the pickle over. 14 00:00:24,225 --> 00:00:25,691 What, I'm gonna touch it, 15 00:00:25,726 --> 00:00:27,537 and you're gonna tell me it's an alien dick or something. 16 00:00:27,561 --> 00:00:29,261 Come on, flip the pickle, Morty. 17 00:00:29,296 --> 00:00:32,197 You're not gonna regret it. The payoff is huge. 18 00:00:32,233 --> 00:00:34,199 I turned myself into a pickle, Morty! 19 00:00:34,235 --> 00:00:36,402 Boom! Big reveal... I'm a pickle. 20 00:00:36,437 --> 00:00:37,669 What do you think about that? 21 00:00:37,705 --> 00:00:39,538 I turned myself into a pickle! 22 00:00:39,573 --> 00:00:41,607 W-what are you just staring at me for, bro. 23 00:00:41,642 --> 00:00:43,142 I turned myself into a pickle, Morty! 24 00:00:43,177 --> 00:00:44,476 And? And? 25 00:00:44,512 --> 00:00:46,311 What more do you want tacked on to this? 26 00:00:46,347 --> 00:00:49,048 I turned myself into a pickle, and 9/11 was an inside job. 27 00:00:49,083 --> 00:00:50,482 Was it? Who cares, Morty? 28 00:00:50,518 --> 00:00:52,317 Global acts of terrorism happen every day. 29 00:00:52,353 --> 00:00:54,164 Uh, here's something that's never happened before... 30 00:00:54,188 --> 00:00:55,521 I'm a pickle. 31 00:00:55,556 --> 00:00:57,656 I'm Pickle Rick! 32 00:01:33,694 --> 00:01:36,528 Are you going to, I mean, you know, 33 00:01:36,564 --> 00:01:38,464 is this the first part of some magic trick? 34 00:01:38,499 --> 00:01:40,632 I don't do magic, Morty, I do science. 35 00:01:40,668 --> 00:01:42,734 One takes brains, the other takes dark eye liner. 36 00:01:42,770 --> 00:01:44,736 Well, can you move? Can you fly? 37 00:01:44,772 --> 00:01:46,383 I wouldn't be much of a pickle if I could. 38 00:01:46,407 --> 00:01:49,541 All right, well, do pickles live forever or... 39 00:01:49,577 --> 00:01:52,444 Morty, stop digging for hidden layers and just be impressed. 40 00:01:52,480 --> 00:01:54,213 I'm a pickle. I-I'm just trying 41 00:01:54,248 --> 00:01:55,725 to figure out why you would do this... 42 00:01:55,749 --> 00:01:57,316 Why anyone would do this. 43 00:01:57,351 --> 00:01:59,651 The reason anyone would do this is, if they could, 44 00:01:59,687 --> 00:02:01,820 which they can't, would be because they could, 45 00:02:01,856 --> 00:02:03,555 which they can't. 46 00:02:03,591 --> 00:02:05,268 Morty, we have to get going, or we're gonna be late. 47 00:02:05,292 --> 00:02:06,803 Where's your grandpa? Right here, sweetie. 48 00:02:06,827 --> 00:02:08,660 I'm a pickle! What?! 49 00:02:08,696 --> 00:02:10,129 Why would you... ugh! 50 00:02:10,164 --> 00:02:11,475 Look, we're running late. We have to go. 51 00:02:11,499 --> 00:02:12,698 Where are you guys going? 52 00:02:12,733 --> 00:02:15,267 We have an appointment downtown 53 00:02:15,302 --> 00:02:18,137 that was set a week ago and agreed upon by everyone, 54 00:02:18,172 --> 00:02:19,538 including you. 55 00:02:19,573 --> 00:02:22,274 Oh, my God. Beth, oh, it totally slipped my mind. 56 00:02:22,309 --> 00:02:24,543 Geez, oh, man. I'm a pickle. 57 00:02:24,578 --> 00:02:26,478 I mean, I don't know if I can... ooh, geez. 58 00:02:26,514 --> 00:02:29,448 Rick, did you do this on purpose to get out of family counseling? 59 00:02:29,483 --> 00:02:31,116 - Morty! - It's okay, Beth. 60 00:02:31,152 --> 00:02:32,384 I understand Morty's suspicion. 61 00:02:32,419 --> 00:02:33,785 I've misled him before. 62 00:02:33,821 --> 00:02:37,122 Morty, turn me so we're making eye contact. 63 00:02:37,158 --> 00:02:40,392 Morty, I assure you, I would never find a way 64 00:02:40,427 --> 00:02:42,494 to get out of family therapy. 65 00:02:42,530 --> 00:02:44,329 I hope my lack of fingers doesn't prevent 66 00:02:44,365 --> 00:02:45,697 the perception of my air quotes. 67 00:02:45,733 --> 00:02:47,544 Can't you just turn yourself back into a human? 68 00:02:47,568 --> 00:02:48,600 Great question, Summer. 69 00:02:48,636 --> 00:02:49,868 The unfortunate answer is 70 00:02:49,904 --> 00:02:51,637 I did this to challenge myself. 71 00:02:51,672 --> 00:02:53,405 And it could take hours or even days 72 00:02:53,440 --> 00:02:55,741 before I'm able to figure out how to return to human form. 73 00:02:55,776 --> 00:02:57,643 But, I mean, you know, your mom could put me 74 00:02:57,678 --> 00:02:59,178 in a purse or a pocket, you know, 75 00:02:59,213 --> 00:03:00,412 if she really needs me to go. 76 00:03:00,447 --> 00:03:02,614 Nobody needs anything. Okay, it's fine. 77 00:03:02,650 --> 00:03:04,261 I mean, you should just stay here and figure out 78 00:03:04,285 --> 00:03:05,717 how to stop being a pickle, okay? 79 00:03:05,753 --> 00:03:08,654 Hey, Rick, why is there a syringe of mysterious fluid 80 00:03:08,689 --> 00:03:10,322 hanging directly over you? 81 00:03:10,357 --> 00:03:12,691 Also, why is the string attached to it running through 82 00:03:12,726 --> 00:03:14,493 a pair of scissors attached to a timer? 83 00:03:14,528 --> 00:03:16,695 And why is the time set to 10 minutes from now, 84 00:03:16,730 --> 00:03:20,299 exactly when we would have left for therapy? 85 00:03:20,334 --> 00:03:22,501 Well, Morty, if you know must know, 86 00:03:22,536 --> 00:03:24,803 the syringe is completely unrelated to this discussion, 87 00:03:24,838 --> 00:03:27,272 and, therefore, it does not warrant further explanation. 88 00:03:27,308 --> 00:03:29,942 Enough. Kids, it's time to go. We don't want to be late. 89 00:03:29,977 --> 00:03:31,610 W-w-what are you doing there, Beth? 90 00:03:31,645 --> 00:03:33,445 What are you doing there, sweetie? 91 00:03:33,480 --> 00:03:35,258 Well, I mean, you don't want to get pierced by a needle 92 00:03:35,282 --> 00:03:36,726 full of liquid unrelated to your situation. 93 00:03:36,750 --> 00:03:37,750 How's that gonna help? 94 00:03:37,785 --> 00:03:38,884 Can't argue with that. 95 00:03:38,919 --> 00:03:40,219 Great. We'll see you later. 96 00:03:40,254 --> 00:03:41,587 Hey, hey, be careful with that. 97 00:03:41,622 --> 00:03:42,966 It's for something else. 98 00:03:42,990 --> 00:03:44,534 It's really important, 99 00:03:44,558 --> 00:03:46,258 so don't break it. 100 00:03:46,293 --> 00:03:48,827 Okay, I may have up here. 101 00:03:50,464 --> 00:03:53,198 Dup, ap, ap, pap, ut, dah, pap, pap, pap, pah. 102 00:03:53,234 --> 00:03:54,800 T-t-tah, tah. 103 00:04:05,379 --> 00:04:07,679 Oh, great. 104 00:04:07,715 --> 00:04:09,314 Stupid cat. 105 00:04:10,851 --> 00:04:12,429 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! I know what it looks like 106 00:04:12,453 --> 00:04:13,986 to you, Izzy, but I'm not a snake! 107 00:04:14,021 --> 00:04:15,865 I've seen the YouTube videos, I know cats are scared 108 00:04:15,889 --> 00:04:17,834 of cucumbers and pickles because they think they're snakes. 109 00:04:17,858 --> 00:04:19,391 I'm not a snake! 110 00:04:19,426 --> 00:04:20,792 I'm a pickle, I'm a pickle! 111 00:04:20,828 --> 00:04:21,860 Whoa! 112 00:04:21,895 --> 00:04:24,196 Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa! 113 00:04:25,699 --> 00:04:29,268 Oh, crap, that sun is bright. 114 00:04:29,303 --> 00:04:30,535 Okay, come on. 115 00:04:30,571 --> 00:04:31,881 This can't really be the way I go out. 116 00:04:31,905 --> 00:04:33,505 This is the mega-genius equivalent 117 00:04:33,540 --> 00:04:36,441 of dying on the toilet. 118 00:04:36,477 --> 00:04:39,478 So hot. 119 00:04:39,513 --> 00:04:42,481 This is how I'm gonna die. 120 00:04:50,924 --> 00:04:52,758 Oh, God, moisture. 121 00:04:52,793 --> 00:04:55,560 Oh, God, the moisture... Dial it back, God. 122 00:04:55,596 --> 00:04:57,429 Dial it back a little bit here! 123 00:04:57,464 --> 00:04:58,730 Oh! Oh. 124 00:05:02,469 --> 00:05:03,502 Oh, God! 125 00:05:03,537 --> 00:05:05,304 Perpendicular, perpendicular! 126 00:05:05,339 --> 00:05:06,972 Oh, shit! 127 00:05:07,007 --> 00:05:08,974 Oh! Oh! 128 00:05:17,518 --> 00:05:19,651 Oh! 129 00:05:26,727 --> 00:05:28,760 Come on. That's it. 130 00:05:28,796 --> 00:05:30,562 Come get this delicious brine. 131 00:05:30,597 --> 00:05:31,697 Aah! 132 00:05:33,734 --> 00:05:35,867 - Come on! - Come on, mother-! 133 00:05:35,903 --> 00:05:37,502 Come on! 134 00:05:58,058 --> 00:06:00,359 Yes! 135 00:06:00,394 --> 00:06:02,627 How is this even family therapy 136 00:06:02,663 --> 00:06:04,996 if Dad's not invited and Grandpa won't come? 137 00:06:05,032 --> 00:06:07,366 Yeah, and what's courageous about eating a hot dog? 138 00:06:07,401 --> 00:06:09,601 It's nobody's choice to be here, you knobs. 139 00:06:09,636 --> 00:06:12,337 The family was told to get counseling by your principal, 140 00:06:12,373 --> 00:06:14,039 even though it's not the family that was 141 00:06:14,074 --> 00:06:16,408 huffing pottery glaze in the art room 142 00:06:16,443 --> 00:06:18,410 and desk wetting in history class. 143 00:06:18,445 --> 00:06:20,112 Oh, the Smith family, 144 00:06:20,147 --> 00:06:21,613 minus a dad. 145 00:06:21,648 --> 00:06:23,482 You're patients of Dr. Wong, too? 146 00:06:23,517 --> 00:06:25,484 Temporarily... By order of the school. 147 00:06:25,519 --> 00:06:28,954 Me too. How long have you all been eating poop? 148 00:06:28,989 --> 00:06:31,523 We... have never... 149 00:06:31,558 --> 00:06:32,558 eaten poop. 150 00:06:32,593 --> 00:06:34,426 Uh, me, neither. 151 00:06:34,461 --> 00:06:36,828 Say, where did my family get off to? 152 00:06:36,864 --> 00:06:39,464 Smith family, I'm Dr. Wong. 153 00:06:39,500 --> 00:06:41,533 Come on in. 154 00:06:44,938 --> 00:06:47,739 I was told there was a grandpa that might be joining us? 155 00:06:47,775 --> 00:06:49,941 He got wrapped up in an experiment. 156 00:06:49,977 --> 00:06:51,777 He's a scientist. 157 00:06:51,812 --> 00:06:54,045 Like, legit, like on a an inter-galactic, 158 00:06:54,081 --> 00:06:55,680 sci-fi level. His work is very... 159 00:06:55,716 --> 00:06:56,982 He turned himself into a pickle. 160 00:06:57,017 --> 00:06:59,518 Morty, Mom's talking. I'm sorry. 161 00:06:59,553 --> 00:07:01,153 I suppose that's a good segue 162 00:07:01,188 --> 00:07:03,555 into our little discipline cases here. 163 00:07:03,590 --> 00:07:06,158 Does Grandpa turn himself into a pickle a lot? 164 00:07:06,193 --> 00:07:09,428 What?! No! What kind of question is that? 165 00:07:09,463 --> 00:07:12,164 The kind that wasn't designed to attack or hurt you in any way. 166 00:07:12,199 --> 00:07:14,733 Oh, Jesus Christ, one of these. 167 00:07:14,768 --> 00:07:18,403 No, my father has never turned himself into a pickle before. 168 00:07:18,439 --> 00:07:20,505 He's unpredictable and eccentric. 169 00:07:20,541 --> 00:07:22,874 The whole family is. Speaking of which... 170 00:07:22,910 --> 00:07:25,811 Okay, let's open things up to the whole family, 171 00:07:25,846 --> 00:07:27,746 and let me ask this. 172 00:07:27,781 --> 00:07:30,916 Why do we think Grandpa turned himself into a pickle? 173 00:07:40,060 --> 00:07:42,594 Wow. Ugh! 174 00:07:45,098 --> 00:07:47,432 Hey, listen, I know this is your world not mine. 175 00:07:47,468 --> 00:07:49,212 The sooner I can get out, the sooner I can go back 176 00:07:49,236 --> 00:07:53,171 to taking big craps, and you can go back to subsisting on them. 177 00:07:53,207 --> 00:07:54,906 You are one driven rat. 178 00:07:54,942 --> 00:07:58,944 Could you be a little more driven? 179 00:07:58,979 --> 00:08:02,013 To the right. 180 00:08:02,049 --> 00:08:03,615 Yes, yes, yes! 181 00:08:03,650 --> 00:08:05,817 Come on, come on, come on! Fresh, fresh, fresh! 182 00:08:05,853 --> 00:08:07,819 Whoa, whoa, whoa, was this your friend? 183 00:08:07,855 --> 00:08:11,656 Don't worry, he died doing what he loved, being a dumb... rat. 184 00:08:32,212 --> 00:08:33,945 Oh, yeah! 185 00:08:57,237 --> 00:08:58,937 Aaaah! 186 00:08:58,972 --> 00:09:00,705 I didn't say my father is perfect, 187 00:09:00,774 --> 00:09:02,073 I said his work is important. 188 00:09:02,109 --> 00:09:03,808 And she's saying what's important is 189 00:09:03,844 --> 00:09:05,944 that Grandpa lied to you to get out of coming here. 190 00:09:05,979 --> 00:09:07,112 Oh, he did not! 191 00:09:07,147 --> 00:09:08,647 Let's do an experiment here. 192 00:09:08,682 --> 00:09:10,782 I get the impression this family values science. 193 00:09:10,817 --> 00:09:13,151 So raise your hand if you feel certain 194 00:09:13,186 --> 00:09:15,287 you know what was in the syringe. 195 00:09:16,189 --> 00:09:18,690 Raise your hand if you know for certain 196 00:09:18,725 --> 00:09:21,860 the syringe does not contain anti-pickle serum. 197 00:09:23,163 --> 00:09:25,063 Beth, your hand did a little thing there. 198 00:09:25,098 --> 00:09:26,676 Do you really not see what's happening here? 199 00:09:26,700 --> 00:09:28,233 Tell me. Well, Dr. Wong... 200 00:09:28,268 --> 00:09:29,868 By the way, racist name... 201 00:09:29,937 --> 00:09:32,137 Obviously, Morty and Summer are seizing on your 202 00:09:32,172 --> 00:09:34,539 arbitrary pickle obsession as an end run 203 00:09:34,575 --> 00:09:36,708 around what was supposed to be their therapy. 204 00:09:36,743 --> 00:09:38,276 Oh, I think this pickle incident 205 00:09:38,312 --> 00:09:39,878 is a better path than any other 206 00:09:39,913 --> 00:09:41,846 to the heart of your family's dysfunction. 207 00:09:41,882 --> 00:09:43,915 I think it's possible that you and your father 208 00:09:43,951 --> 00:09:46,217 have a very specific dynamic. 209 00:09:46,253 --> 00:09:47,652 I don't think it's one 210 00:09:47,688 --> 00:09:49,132 that rewards emotion or vulnerability. 211 00:09:49,156 --> 00:09:50,755 I think it may punish them. 212 00:09:50,791 --> 00:09:53,024 I think it's possible that dynamic eroded your marriage, 213 00:09:53,060 --> 00:09:55,093 and is infecting your kids with a tendency 214 00:09:55,128 --> 00:09:57,862 to misdirect their feelings. 215 00:09:57,898 --> 00:09:58,964 you. 216 00:09:58,999 --> 00:09:59,965 - Mom! - Mom! 217 00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:01,099 both of you, too. 218 00:10:03,337 --> 00:10:05,014 By the way, you might notice that in spite of 219 00:10:05,038 --> 00:10:07,238 your numerous distinctive features, 220 00:10:07,274 --> 00:10:10,942 I never gave you a name like Scar or Stripe or Goliath. 221 00:10:10,978 --> 00:10:13,078 That's because, to me, you aren't special. 222 00:10:13,113 --> 00:10:15,580 You were special to rats. Now they're dead. 223 00:10:15,616 --> 00:10:17,716 I guess it was me you should have impressed. 224 00:10:17,751 --> 00:10:20,051 God damn it, I love myself. 225 00:10:30,030 --> 00:10:32,097 Pickle Rick! 226 00:10:46,346 --> 00:10:47,879 Get that parkour. 227 00:10:47,914 --> 00:10:49,347 Get that parkour! 228 00:10:52,419 --> 00:10:54,019 Hey, it's cool. 229 00:10:54,054 --> 00:10:55,298 Just need to find the nearest exit. 230 00:10:55,322 --> 00:10:56,955 Whoa, whoa, whoa! No need to freak out. 231 00:10:58,992 --> 00:11:00,225 Whoa! 232 00:11:01,361 --> 00:11:02,681 Who in the toilet is this? 233 00:11:09,302 --> 00:11:10,802 What is it? 234 00:11:10,837 --> 00:11:12,971 A pickle? A rat? Both. 235 00:11:13,006 --> 00:11:14,651 It says it's a scientist. 236 00:11:14,675 --> 00:11:15,974 Where is it? 237 00:11:16,009 --> 00:11:17,842 It seems to be using the air ducts 238 00:11:17,878 --> 00:11:19,844 and the mail tubes to get around. 239 00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:22,080 It's been gathering office supplies, we think, 240 00:11:22,115 --> 00:11:23,281 to build weaponry. 241 00:11:23,316 --> 00:11:25,717 But look what it did on the mezzanine. 242 00:11:25,752 --> 00:11:29,988 It transferred a bottle from the trash to the recycling bin. 243 00:11:30,023 --> 00:11:33,692 Whatever this thing is, it's shaming us. 244 00:11:33,727 --> 00:11:35,994 We have 34 armed guards, and we can't kill a pickle? 245 00:11:36,029 --> 00:11:37,862 32 armed guards. 246 00:11:37,898 --> 00:11:39,764 He killed two. 247 00:11:39,800 --> 00:11:41,266 It's on the phone. 248 00:11:41,301 --> 00:11:43,702 Put him on, and locate the phone he's using. 249 00:11:43,737 --> 00:11:45,403 Hello. 250 00:11:45,439 --> 00:11:48,239 Rick: Hi, um, can you, uh, please let me out. 251 00:11:48,275 --> 00:11:49,941 Your mere presence in this building 252 00:11:49,976 --> 00:11:51,843 violates international law. 253 00:11:51,878 --> 00:11:54,779 I couldn't let you out even if you hadn't killed two men. 254 00:11:54,815 --> 00:11:57,182 You should know those men killed themselves. 255 00:11:57,217 --> 00:11:58,750 And how is that? 256 00:11:58,785 --> 00:12:00,452 They didn't let me out. 257 00:12:00,487 --> 00:12:01,886 Solen'ya. 258 00:12:01,922 --> 00:12:03,254 Shut your mouth and do your jobs, 259 00:12:03,290 --> 00:12:04,689 you children! 260 00:12:04,725 --> 00:12:06,291 Uh, is this not a good time or...? 261 00:12:06,326 --> 00:12:09,260 Some of my men are calling you "Solen'ya"... 262 00:12:09,296 --> 00:12:12,330 The Pickle Man, an old wives tale. 263 00:12:12,365 --> 00:12:14,132 He crawls from bowls of cold soup 264 00:12:14,167 --> 00:12:16,234 to steal the dreams of wasteful children. 265 00:12:16,269 --> 00:12:17,802 That'd be a lucky break for you. 266 00:12:17,838 --> 00:12:20,772 Go, shoot to kill. 267 00:12:20,807 --> 00:12:23,475 Aaah! 268 00:12:34,121 --> 00:12:35,198 We got him. 269 00:12:35,222 --> 00:12:36,287 - Ah. - Ah. 270 00:12:36,323 --> 00:12:37,822 Rick: Because this pickle 271 00:12:37,858 --> 00:12:39,958 doesn't care about your children. 272 00:12:39,993 --> 00:12:41,459 And I'm not gonna take their dreams. 273 00:12:41,495 --> 00:12:44,262 I'm gonna take their parents. 274 00:13:01,148 --> 00:13:03,081 Solen'ya! He's coming! 275 00:13:03,116 --> 00:13:05,850 It's because I threw half-way my sandwich! 276 00:13:05,886 --> 00:13:07,485 He's just a pickle! 277 00:13:07,521 --> 00:13:08,853 He's a monster. 278 00:13:08,889 --> 00:13:11,356 He's not the only one. 279 00:13:19,499 --> 00:13:23,468 You can stay, dead to the world and die in this room. 280 00:13:23,503 --> 00:13:27,772 Or you can kill a pickle for me and earn your freedom. 281 00:13:27,808 --> 00:13:31,910 There is no freedom while you're leader breathes. 282 00:13:31,945 --> 00:13:33,978 Our country is a prison. 283 00:13:34,014 --> 00:13:35,780 Then Catarina is a prisoner. 284 00:13:35,816 --> 00:13:38,349 Perhaps I could arrange her escape, as well. 285 00:13:38,385 --> 00:13:41,953 She lives, Jaguar. 286 00:13:41,988 --> 00:13:44,389 Where is this pickle? 287 00:13:44,424 --> 00:13:46,925 What do you think is in the syringe, Beth? 288 00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:49,260 You're the one that costs $200 an hour. You tell me. 289 00:13:49,296 --> 00:13:51,007 - Anti-pickle serum. - It's anti-pickle serum. 290 00:13:51,031 --> 00:13:54,065 Your kids think it might be anti-pickle serum. 291 00:13:54,100 --> 00:13:57,468 My kids pee their desks and suck on unbaked vases. 292 00:13:57,504 --> 00:13:59,838 They're just angry at me for divorcing their father. 293 00:13:59,873 --> 00:14:01,406 I never said I was angry at you. 294 00:14:01,441 --> 00:14:03,808 That's the point of pottery-enamel huffing, Summer. 295 00:14:03,844 --> 00:14:05,543 You do it so you don't have to say 296 00:14:05,579 --> 00:14:07,345 "I'm angry at mommy" out loud. 297 00:14:07,380 --> 00:14:09,080 Oh, my God! Oh, there... 298 00:14:09,115 --> 00:14:11,249 There's pictures of people eating poop in there! 299 00:14:11,284 --> 00:14:14,986 It's not my job to take sides or pass judgment. 300 00:14:15,021 --> 00:14:17,488 Do you think when your father asks for that syringe, 301 00:14:17,524 --> 00:14:19,891 you could ask him... He won't have to ask for it, okay? 302 00:14:19,926 --> 00:14:20,892 He won't need it. 303 00:14:20,927 --> 00:14:22,227 He'll just make more. 304 00:14:22,262 --> 00:14:23,928 He doesn't need anything from anyone. 305 00:14:23,964 --> 00:14:27,298 You admire him for that. 306 00:14:27,334 --> 00:14:29,033 It's better than making your problems 307 00:14:29,069 --> 00:14:30,335 other people's problems. 308 00:14:47,888 --> 00:14:49,254 Oh, come on! 309 00:14:59,666 --> 00:15:03,034 Pickle Man, you should know this isn't personal! 310 00:15:03,069 --> 00:15:04,280 You should know that isn't original. 311 00:15:04,304 --> 00:15:05,603 They have my daughter. 312 00:15:05,639 --> 00:15:07,505 There's nothing I won't do to see her again. 313 00:15:07,540 --> 00:15:10,108 Yeah, there's lots I wouldn't do to see my daughter, 314 00:15:10,143 --> 00:15:11,910 but killing you gets me to her quicker 315 00:15:11,945 --> 00:15:13,945 than your derivative bullshit. 316 00:15:18,518 --> 00:15:20,418 I never bullshit, Pickle Man. 317 00:15:20,453 --> 00:15:22,587 This can only end with one of us dead, 318 00:15:22,622 --> 00:15:24,355 and I have never died. 319 00:15:24,391 --> 00:15:26,124 That will be your downfall, Jaguar, 320 00:15:26,192 --> 00:15:28,960 not being open to new experiences. 321 00:15:40,040 --> 00:15:41,673 Is it done? 322 00:15:41,708 --> 00:15:43,474 Jaguar?! 323 00:15:43,510 --> 00:15:45,476 Rick: Jaguar couldn't make it. 324 00:15:45,512 --> 00:15:46,577 Do it. 325 00:15:46,613 --> 00:15:48,947 Okay, you win, Pickle Man. 326 00:15:48,982 --> 00:15:50,281 I'm unsealing the building. 327 00:15:50,317 --> 00:15:52,550 No, thanks. I'm coming for you now. 328 00:15:52,585 --> 00:15:55,520 Pickle Man, there's $100 million worth of bonds 329 00:15:55,555 --> 00:15:57,021 in a safe on level two. 330 00:15:57,057 --> 00:15:58,222 I'll give you the combination. 331 00:15:58,258 --> 00:16:00,091 That money belongs to the people. 332 00:16:00,126 --> 00:16:02,026 Shut up and call me a helicopter, you prick! 333 00:16:02,062 --> 00:16:03,494 Do we have a deal?! 334 00:16:03,530 --> 00:16:05,496 Take that money, give it to Jaguar's daughter 335 00:16:05,532 --> 00:16:06,497 when you set her free. 336 00:16:06,533 --> 00:16:08,032 Or I'll be visiting you. 337 00:16:08,068 --> 00:16:09,500 Jaguar's daughter is dead. 338 00:16:09,536 --> 00:16:10,702 Huh, so you're a liar. 339 00:16:10,737 --> 00:16:12,236 Jaguar was an animal. 340 00:16:12,272 --> 00:16:14,005 You're an intelligent pickle. 341 00:16:14,040 --> 00:16:15,340 We can do business. 342 00:16:15,375 --> 00:16:17,175 I don't think so. See you soon. 343 00:16:17,210 --> 00:16:18,710 - Is the helicopter here? - Yes. 344 00:16:18,745 --> 00:16:20,211 And the police are on the way. 345 00:16:20,246 --> 00:16:21,346 What do we tell them? 346 00:16:21,381 --> 00:16:22,513 Ooh! Aah! 347 00:16:22,549 --> 00:16:24,349 Tell them we were robbed. 348 00:16:28,688 --> 00:16:31,122 Hey! Hey, what are you doing?! 349 00:16:31,157 --> 00:16:33,491 I'm right here! 350 00:16:47,240 --> 00:16:49,507 Farewell, Solen'ya. 351 00:16:53,480 --> 00:16:55,179 F-15s are scrambled. 352 00:16:55,215 --> 00:16:57,582 This helicopter will be shot down in seven minutes. 353 00:16:57,617 --> 00:16:59,350 Well, my daughter is about five away, 354 00:16:59,386 --> 00:17:01,019 and I've got about eight to live. 355 00:17:01,054 --> 00:17:03,321 Pickle Man, it's too late for me to tell my daughter 356 00:17:03,356 --> 00:17:04,689 I love her, but not for you. 357 00:17:04,724 --> 00:17:06,424 Oh, well, uh, she knows. 358 00:17:06,459 --> 00:17:08,237 I mean, we don't really buy into that kind of crap, 359 00:17:08,261 --> 00:17:10,061 to the extent that love is an expression 360 00:17:10,096 --> 00:17:12,530 of familiarity over time, my access to infinite timelines 361 00:17:12,565 --> 00:17:14,298 precludes the necessity of attachment. 362 00:17:14,334 --> 00:17:16,667 In fact, I even abandoned one of my infinite daughters 363 00:17:16,703 --> 00:17:18,069 in an alternate version of earth 364 00:17:18,104 --> 00:17:20,671 that was taken over by mutants. 365 00:17:20,707 --> 00:17:23,041 Okay. Good luck with that. 366 00:17:23,076 --> 00:17:25,309 Wait. Do I have infinite daughters? 367 00:17:25,345 --> 00:17:28,379 Huh? Uh, no. No, nope, sorry about that. 368 00:17:28,415 --> 00:17:31,249 Nope, just me. 369 00:17:31,284 --> 00:17:33,051 Yeesh! 370 00:17:34,721 --> 00:17:36,354 I... 371 00:17:36,389 --> 00:17:38,056 am... 372 00:17:38,091 --> 00:17:39,590 afraid... 373 00:17:39,626 --> 00:17:41,092 that my kids will get expelled. 374 00:17:41,127 --> 00:17:42,693 Good. Summer, you go. 375 00:17:42,729 --> 00:17:45,129 I am mad... 376 00:17:45,165 --> 00:17:47,131 that I can't huff enamel 377 00:17:47,167 --> 00:17:50,134 without people assuming it's because my family sucks. 378 00:17:50,170 --> 00:17:53,571 I hope to be seen one day 379 00:17:53,606 --> 00:17:55,151 as someone that just likes getting high. 380 00:17:55,175 --> 00:17:56,407 Good job. 381 00:17:56,443 --> 00:17:58,543 Morty, do you have an "I" statement? 382 00:17:58,578 --> 00:18:01,579 I am sad... 383 00:18:01,614 --> 00:18:03,247 that I peed. 384 00:18:03,283 --> 00:18:06,717 I'm sad that I peed in class instead of a toilet. 385 00:18:06,753 --> 00:18:10,088 Look at this family go. You guys are pros. 386 00:18:10,123 --> 00:18:13,091 What do you guys think about doing this once a week? 387 00:18:14,727 --> 00:18:17,195 Ugh. 388 00:18:23,636 --> 00:18:25,369 You must be Rick. Mm-hmm. 389 00:18:25,405 --> 00:18:27,271 I've heard a lot about you today. 390 00:18:27,307 --> 00:18:29,307 Your family is crazy about you. 391 00:18:29,342 --> 00:18:31,075 Your daughter holds you in very high regard. 392 00:18:31,111 --> 00:18:32,410 You're a lucky fella. 393 00:18:32,445 --> 00:18:34,345 Yeah, thank you. Uh, sweetie, you don't still 394 00:18:34,380 --> 00:18:36,547 happen to have that syringe in your purse? 395 00:18:39,752 --> 00:18:41,519 Dad... 396 00:18:41,554 --> 00:18:45,790 I would like you to tell me what's in the syringe. 397 00:18:45,825 --> 00:18:49,827 It's a serum that I need to, uh, to stay alive. 398 00:18:49,863 --> 00:18:53,264 I have had a rough day. 399 00:18:53,299 --> 00:18:56,567 And, uh, I've sustained a lot of damage. 400 00:18:56,603 --> 00:18:59,337 I'm pretty close to death, which the serum will prevent. 401 00:18:59,372 --> 00:19:02,573 By changing you from a pickle to a human. 402 00:19:02,609 --> 00:19:03,875 Yes. 403 00:19:03,910 --> 00:19:07,211 Rick, why did you lie to your daughter? 404 00:19:07,247 --> 00:19:08,646 So I wouldn't have to come here. 405 00:19:08,681 --> 00:19:10,314 Why didn't you want to come here? 406 00:19:10,350 --> 00:19:12,817 Because I don't respect therapy, because I'm a scientist. 407 00:19:12,852 --> 00:19:14,597 Because I invent, transform, create, and destroy 408 00:19:14,621 --> 00:19:16,265 for a living, and when I don't like something 409 00:19:16,289 --> 00:19:17,889 about the world, I change it. 410 00:19:17,924 --> 00:19:20,224 And I don't think going to a rented office in a strip mall 411 00:19:20,260 --> 00:19:22,160 to listen to some agent of averageness 412 00:19:22,195 --> 00:19:23,672 explain which words mean which feelings 413 00:19:23,696 --> 00:19:25,396 has ever helped anyone do anything. 414 00:19:25,431 --> 00:19:27,243 I think it's helped a lot of people get comfortable 415 00:19:27,267 --> 00:19:29,200 and stop panicking, which is a state of mind 416 00:19:29,235 --> 00:19:30,902 we value in the animals we eat, 417 00:19:30,937 --> 00:19:32,637 but not something I want for myself. 418 00:19:32,672 --> 00:19:33,871 I'm not a cow. 419 00:19:33,907 --> 00:19:36,140 I'm a pickle... When I feel like it. 420 00:19:36,176 --> 00:19:38,709 So... you asked. 421 00:19:38,745 --> 00:19:41,212 Rick, the only connection between 422 00:19:41,247 --> 00:19:43,481 your unquestionable intelligence and the sickness 423 00:19:43,516 --> 00:19:46,417 destroying your family is that everyone in your family, 424 00:19:46,452 --> 00:19:49,687 you included, use intelligence to justify sickness. 425 00:19:49,722 --> 00:19:52,557 You seem to alternate between viewing your own mind 426 00:19:52,592 --> 00:19:56,427 as an unstoppable force and as an inescapable curse. 427 00:19:56,462 --> 00:19:57,862 And I think it's because the only 428 00:19:57,897 --> 00:20:00,264 truly unapproachable concept for you 429 00:20:00,300 --> 00:20:02,733 is that it's your mind within your control. 430 00:20:02,769 --> 00:20:05,803 You chose to come here, you chose to talk 431 00:20:05,838 --> 00:20:09,640 to belittle my vocation, just as you chose to become a pickle. 432 00:20:09,676 --> 00:20:12,176 You are the master of your universe, 433 00:20:12,212 --> 00:20:14,745 and yet you are dripping with rat blood and feces. 434 00:20:14,781 --> 00:20:17,882 Your enormous mind literally vegetating by your own hand. 435 00:20:17,917 --> 00:20:20,718 I have no doubt that you would be bored senseless 436 00:20:20,753 --> 00:20:23,521 by therapy, the same way I'm bored when I brush my teeth 437 00:20:23,556 --> 00:20:24,755 and wipe my ass. 438 00:20:24,791 --> 00:20:26,657 Because the thing about repairing, 439 00:20:26,693 --> 00:20:30,428 maintaining, and cleaning is it's not an adventure. 440 00:20:30,463 --> 00:20:32,663 There's no way to do it so wrong you might die. 441 00:20:32,699 --> 00:20:34,532 It's just work. 442 00:20:34,567 --> 00:20:35,967 And the bottom line is, 443 00:20:36,002 --> 00:20:38,936 some people are okay going to work, and some people... 444 00:20:38,972 --> 00:20:41,339 well, some people would rather die. 445 00:20:41,374 --> 00:20:43,941 Each of us gets to choose. 446 00:20:45,945 --> 00:20:47,812 That's our time. 447 00:20:47,847 --> 00:20:49,513 I'm going to give you guys my card 448 00:20:49,549 --> 00:20:50,915 and hope to hear from you again. 449 00:20:50,950 --> 00:20:52,528 And if you have any friends or family that eat poop 450 00:20:52,552 --> 00:20:55,219 and would like to stop, give them my number. 451 00:20:57,690 --> 00:20:59,557 I, um... 452 00:20:59,592 --> 00:21:01,659 I'm sorry I lied to get out of the thing. 453 00:21:01,694 --> 00:21:02,893 I... I shouldn't lie to you. 454 00:21:02,929 --> 00:21:04,495 Oh, it's fine. 455 00:21:04,530 --> 00:21:06,330 I mean, thank you, and, yeah, you shouldn't. 456 00:21:06,366 --> 00:21:07,932 But I hope you know that's not what 457 00:21:07,967 --> 00:21:09,634 that session was supposed to be. 458 00:21:09,669 --> 00:21:11,936 Oh, no, I mean, I know it was Morty peeing his pants 459 00:21:11,971 --> 00:21:13,871 and Summer snorting glue or whatever... 460 00:21:15,675 --> 00:21:18,276 She huffed enamel, and we never even talked about it. 461 00:21:18,311 --> 00:21:19,488 Well, there was so much more at stake. 462 00:21:20,880 --> 00:21:24,815 I mean, that shrink, what a monologuist. 463 00:21:24,851 --> 00:21:26,951 Are we gonna go back? 464 00:21:26,986 --> 00:21:29,220 Sweetie, could I get... Get that syringe now? 465 00:21:29,289 --> 00:21:31,555 Oh, my God, yes! Dad, it's in my purse. 466 00:21:31,591 --> 00:21:33,424 Oh, I'm sorry. You must be in agony. 467 00:21:33,459 --> 00:21:36,427 Eh. 468 00:21:41,567 --> 00:21:42,633 Jesus. 469 00:21:44,070 --> 00:21:46,270 Jesus Christ. Therapists, man. 470 00:21:46,306 --> 00:21:47,605 Weird breed. 471 00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:49,507 Man, I missed having hands... 472 00:21:49,542 --> 00:21:52,476 and blood and a stomach. 473 00:21:52,512 --> 00:21:53,644 We should get a drink. 474 00:21:53,680 --> 00:21:55,413 Really? Like, go somewhere? 475 00:21:55,448 --> 00:21:57,715 Yeah, let's drop the kids off and go tie one on. 476 00:21:57,750 --> 00:21:59,984 Absolutely. 477 00:22:00,019 --> 00:22:02,320 I... I liked her. 478 00:22:02,355 --> 00:22:05,022 So what are you thinking, like, Smokey's Tavern? 479 00:22:05,058 --> 00:22:06,390 Maybe Shoney's? 480 00:22:06,426 --> 00:22:08,392 Yeah, either one. Either one. 481 00:22:40,660 --> 00:22:42,760 Rick: You'll never get away with this, Concerto. 482 00:22:42,795 --> 00:22:44,862 That is where you're mistaken, Mr. Sanchez. 483 00:22:44,931 --> 00:22:48,766 This shall be my greatest performance of all time! 484 00:22:51,371 --> 00:22:52,636 This is it, Morty. We're goners. 485 00:22:52,672 --> 00:22:54,004 We're not getting out of this one. 486 00:22:54,040 --> 00:22:55,573 After everything we've been through, 487 00:22:55,608 --> 00:22:56,618 this is how we're gonna die. 488 00:22:56,642 --> 00:22:57,875 Make peace with your god. 489 00:22:57,910 --> 00:23:00,010 Oh, geez, Rick, I-I-I don't want to die! 490 00:23:00,046 --> 00:23:03,013 And now for the E-splat! 491 00:23:05,084 --> 00:23:06,884 Jaguar! 492 00:23:10,456 --> 00:23:12,556 Who? Who was that, Rick? 493 00:23:12,592 --> 00:23:15,126 That, Morty, is why you don't go to therapy.