1 00:00:01,084 --> 00:00:02,631 [SIREN WAILS] 2 00:00:06,882 --> 00:00:09,726 [BEEPING, WHIRS] 3 00:00:20,687 --> 00:00:23,816 [ CRYING SOFTLY] 4 00:00:23,941 --> 00:00:25,158 [SIGHS] 5 00:00:26,276 --> 00:00:27,869 -[ GASPS] - Jerry! Jerry, come on! 6 00:00:27,986 --> 00:00:29,078 We got to go! You got to come with me, Jerry! 7 00:00:29,196 --> 00:00:30,368 - Rick? - It's important, Jerry. 8 00:00:30,489 --> 00:00:32,412 [BURPS] The fate of the galaxy rests on your shoulders. 9 00:00:32,533 --> 00:00:33,830 Let's go. Put some pants on. 10 00:00:33,951 --> 00:00:35,919 N-Never mind, there's no time for pants, Jerry. 11 00:00:36,036 --> 00:00:37,629 I'll make you a pair of pants on the way. 12 00:00:37,746 --> 00:00:39,373 It's a Rick and Jerry adventure! 13 00:00:39,498 --> 00:00:41,250 Rick and Jerry episode! 14 00:00:41,375 --> 00:00:43,503 [DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS] 15 00:01:13,240 --> 00:01:15,208 Then I thought, "Hey, what about Jerry? 16 00:01:15,325 --> 00:01:17,248 He's -- He's good with regular folk." 17 00:01:17,369 --> 00:01:19,246 This is a real situation where -- where -- 18 00:01:19,371 --> 00:01:20,918 where Jerry could really shine. 19 00:01:21,039 --> 00:01:22,632 He's a master convincer." 20 00:01:22,749 --> 00:01:25,047 Rick, I'm not an idiot. I know what this is. 21 00:01:25,168 --> 00:01:26,920 Oh. Okay, well, I told Morty, 22 00:01:27,045 --> 00:01:29,218 "Look, parents get divorced. They get sad. He'll be fine," 23 00:01:29,339 --> 00:01:32,058 but I think he's worried you're gonna, you know...Pbht! 24 00:01:32,175 --> 00:01:33,643 And you know how Morty gets when he gets emotional. 25 00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:34,682 It impedes my work. 26 00:01:34,803 --> 00:01:36,976 So, I told him I'd take you out and give you a win. 27 00:01:37,097 --> 00:01:38,474 Wait. My son asked you to take me 28 00:01:38,599 --> 00:01:42,069 On some kind of pity adventure to keep me from killing myself? 29 00:01:42,185 --> 00:01:43,528 Wait, w-what did you think it was? 30 00:01:43,645 --> 00:01:45,022 An execution. 31 00:01:45,147 --> 00:01:47,149 Geez! You really do need a win. 32 00:01:47,274 --> 00:01:48,617 No! I-l don't know. 33 00:01:48,734 --> 00:01:50,361 I mean, you never made me the pants, so -- 34 00:01:50,485 --> 00:01:51,782 So, you thought I was gonna drive you 35 00:01:51,903 --> 00:01:53,576 into the middle of the galaxy and shove you 36 00:01:53,697 --> 00:01:55,449 into the vacuum of space with your dick hanging out? 37 00:01:55,574 --> 00:01:58,202 And we're seeing how you'd act if that were about to happen? 38 00:01:58,327 --> 00:01:59,954 I mean, shit, I'll make you the pants right now. 39 00:02:00,078 --> 00:02:00,954 Take me two seconds to make you pants. 40 00:02:01,079 --> 00:02:02,797 - I have pants at home! - Jerry, if I make pants, 41 00:02:02,914 --> 00:02:04,257 they'll be better than your pants at home. 42 00:02:04,374 --> 00:02:05,466 Also, if I wanted to kill you -- 43 00:02:05,584 --> 00:02:07,586 Yeah, I get it. It'd be amazing. 44 00:02:07,711 --> 00:02:08,803 Please, take me home. 45 00:02:08,920 --> 00:02:10,593 I'll tell my son we had an amazing adventure. 46 00:02:10,714 --> 00:02:11,681 Well, if it's all the same, 47 00:02:11,798 --> 00:02:13,050 could we go get our story straight? 48 00:02:13,175 --> 00:02:14,267 Because you're a terrible liar. 49 00:02:14,384 --> 00:02:15,852 You called me a master convincer! 50 00:02:15,969 --> 00:02:16,970 You believed me? 51 00:02:23,018 --> 00:02:24,736 Huh. This seems...kind of fancy. 52 00:02:24,853 --> 00:02:26,400 Jerry, for all you know, this is the equivalent 53 00:02:26,521 --> 00:02:27,613 of an alien truck stop. 54 00:02:27,731 --> 00:02:28,857 You have no frame of reference. 55 00:02:28,982 --> 00:02:30,575 You're in a universe beyond your imagining. 56 00:02:30,692 --> 00:02:32,820 But, yes, it is super fancy. 57 00:02:32,944 --> 00:02:34,287 I mean, my job here is to make Morty happy. 58 00:02:34,404 --> 00:02:35,906 I'm not gonna take you somewhere dangerous. 59 00:02:36,031 --> 00:02:37,954 -[ GRUNTS] - Rick Sanchez. 60 00:02:38,075 --> 00:02:40,248 I told you if I ever saw your face in here again, 61 00:02:40,369 --> 00:02:42,121 I would stick you like the pig you are. 62 00:02:42,245 --> 00:02:45,590 [COUGHS] Shnoopy Bloopers, I told you if you tried... 63 00:02:45,707 --> 00:02:47,835 there'd be two funerals. 64 00:02:47,959 --> 00:02:49,836 Aaah! 65 00:02:49,961 --> 00:02:51,554 Someone? 66 00:02:52,422 --> 00:02:55,016 Uh, someone? Someone! 67 00:02:55,133 --> 00:02:56,931 [ 50TH GRUNT] 68 00:02:57,052 --> 00:02:58,929 [BOTH LAUGHING] 69 00:02:59,054 --> 00:03:00,897 My friend! It has been too long. 70 00:03:01,014 --> 00:03:02,482 RICK: Oh, it's great to see you again, buddy! 71 00:03:02,599 --> 00:03:04,351 -[ BOTH LAUGHING] - Yeah, you're doing it. 72 00:03:04,476 --> 00:03:06,524 Mr. Sanchez gets anything he wants! 73 00:03:06,645 --> 00:03:08,488 The resort's covered in an immortality field. 74 00:03:08,605 --> 00:03:10,073 You can't die here. That's the gimmick. 75 00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:11,658 [LAUGHING] 76 00:03:13,902 --> 00:03:15,575 Okay, but still -- bad parenting. 77 00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:17,323 Hey, rich a-holes are rich a-holes. 78 00:03:17,447 --> 00:03:18,824 They all pay top dollar to come here 79 00:03:18,949 --> 00:03:20,701 and enjoy a consequence-free vacation. 80 00:03:20,826 --> 00:03:22,794 No death, no disease, no dismemberment. 81 00:03:22,911 --> 00:03:24,754 -[ GRUNTING ] - Can't even have a heart attack. 82 00:03:24,871 --> 00:03:25,918 Got it. The perfect place 83 00:03:26,039 --> 00:03:28,041 to take the most fragile being in the universe. 84 00:03:28,166 --> 00:03:29,588 I can tell you expect me to refute that, 85 00:03:29,710 --> 00:03:30,836 but it's right on the money. 86 00:03:30,961 --> 00:03:31,883 If I come home without you, 87 00:03:32,003 --> 00:03:33,471 I doubt Morty's gonna let me off the hook. 88 00:03:33,588 --> 00:03:36,137 Yeah, but what if you came home with Jeff Goldblum? 89 00:03:36,258 --> 00:03:38,852 Jeff Goldblum? What the fuck are you talking about, Jerry? 90 00:03:38,969 --> 00:03:40,141 [SPITS] Jesus! 91 00:03:40,262 --> 00:03:41,855 Holy fucking shit! 92 00:03:41,972 --> 00:03:43,269 Yo, what's up, "Big Chill"?! 93 00:03:43,390 --> 00:03:44,812 Don't go into that telepod! 94 00:03:44,933 --> 00:03:45,809 [BOTH LAUGHING] 95 00:03:45,934 --> 00:03:47,936 Hey, maybe we would have fun on a fake adventure. 96 00:03:48,061 --> 00:03:49,734 On a fake adventure. 97 00:03:49,855 --> 00:03:51,653 Speaking of, what are we gonna tell Morty? 98 00:03:51,773 --> 00:03:53,275 I don't know. But whatever it is, 99 00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:55,243 we're gonna need a couple more of these babies! 100 00:03:55,360 --> 00:03:56,031 [CLINK! ] 101 00:03:57,028 --> 00:03:59,406 -[ SOBBING ] - What's wrong? 102 00:03:59,531 --> 00:04:01,454 [CRYING] Mom, do you think I'm hot? 103 00:04:01,575 --> 00:04:04,875 I...don't think that's something that matters. 104 00:04:04,995 --> 00:04:06,622 So, I'm not hot?! 105 00:04:06,747 --> 00:04:08,920 I'm saying the part of you that cares about that 106 00:04:09,040 --> 00:04:10,758 is a part you shouldn't give any energy to. 107 00:04:10,876 --> 00:04:12,002 That's not an answer! 108 00:04:12,127 --> 00:04:14,004 Because I'm not an issue of Cosmo, okay? 109 00:04:14,129 --> 00:04:15,221 I'm your mother and a doctor, and -- 110 00:04:15,338 --> 00:04:16,635 I'm hideous! 111 00:04:16,757 --> 00:04:17,929 [SOBBING] 112 00:04:18,049 --> 00:04:19,221 Geez. What's with her? 113 00:04:19,342 --> 00:04:21,390 Teenage-girl stuff. 114 00:04:21,511 --> 00:04:24,264 Is that a...hoof collage? 115 00:04:24,389 --> 00:04:27,063 It's perfectly legal, if that's what you're wondering. 116 00:04:27,184 --> 00:04:30,028 Cool...zies. 117 00:04:30,145 --> 00:04:32,694 "We just don't have anything in common anymore, Summer." 118 00:04:32,814 --> 00:04:34,191 Oh, yeah, Ethan? 119 00:04:34,316 --> 00:04:36,159 What do you have in common with Tricia Lange? 120 00:04:36,276 --> 00:04:38,028 A mutual love of French cinema? 121 00:04:38,153 --> 00:04:39,575 The belief that a carbon tax 122 00:04:39,696 --> 00:04:42,449 is the only viable solution to climate change? 123 00:04:42,574 --> 00:04:45,828 Or could it be her massive stripper titties?! 124 00:04:45,952 --> 00:04:47,078 [GASPS] There it is. 125 00:04:49,247 --> 00:04:50,419 Boob-ya! 126 00:04:50,540 --> 00:04:52,292 And that's when Malakai the Squid King 127 00:04:52,417 --> 00:04:57,093 rips off his face, and beneath it is my face. 128 00:04:58,006 --> 00:04:59,929 - I liked it. - Thank you, sir. 129 00:05:00,050 --> 00:05:01,472 Yeah, of course he likes it. Look at him. 130 00:05:01,593 --> 00:05:03,595 Motherfucker got two heads and three trunks. 131 00:05:03,720 --> 00:05:04,767 All right, we'll put a pin in it. 132 00:05:04,888 --> 00:05:06,561 I'm gonna go take a leak. 133 00:05:06,681 --> 00:05:08,775 [WHISTLING] 134 00:05:14,231 --> 00:05:15,949 What the... 135 00:05:16,066 --> 00:05:17,693 [GRUNTING] 136 00:05:21,530 --> 00:05:24,704 Ah! My hands are dry! My hands are dry! 137 00:05:27,202 --> 00:05:29,500 My name is Risotto Groupon. 138 00:05:29,621 --> 00:05:31,965 I am the assistant general manager of the restaurant. 139 00:05:32,082 --> 00:05:33,379 Do you have any comment cards? 140 00:05:33,500 --> 00:05:35,252 Because I might have some thoughts. 141 00:05:35,377 --> 00:05:39,427 My kingdom was usurped by force with weapons and technology 142 00:05:39,548 --> 00:05:41,300 supplied by your father-in-law! 143 00:05:41,424 --> 00:05:43,472 Hey, he usurped my kingdom, too, man. 144 00:05:43,593 --> 00:05:46,312 He basically got me kicked out of my home, stole my family. 145 00:05:46,429 --> 00:05:48,557 Then we are brothers, and you have wondered 146 00:05:48,682 --> 00:05:50,605 what your life could have been without Rick. 147 00:05:50,725 --> 00:05:51,601 Wondered? Sure. 148 00:05:51,726 --> 00:05:54,195 I mean, I've wondered about having a vagina. 149 00:05:54,312 --> 00:05:55,279 Would you help me kill him? 150 00:05:55,397 --> 00:05:56,319 What? No! 151 00:05:56,439 --> 00:05:58,441 He's my wife's father. Move on. 152 00:05:58,567 --> 00:06:00,615 Do you...like theme-park rides? 153 00:06:00,735 --> 00:06:01,987 Oh, you really moved on. 154 00:06:02,112 --> 00:06:06,618 There is a popular attraction here called the Whirly Dirly. 155 00:06:06,741 --> 00:06:09,369 Between the first whirly and the third dirly, 156 00:06:09,494 --> 00:06:12,293 the ride dips just outside the immortality field. 157 00:06:12,414 --> 00:06:14,712 You're asking me to lure Rick to his death? 158 00:06:14,833 --> 00:06:17,382 I'm only asking you to go on a ride with Rick, 159 00:06:17,502 --> 00:06:20,631 get off the ride without Rick, and go home to your family, 160 00:06:20,755 --> 00:06:22,974 where you can... wonder about having a vagina. 161 00:06:23,091 --> 00:06:24,684 Okay, okay, that was a very specific example 162 00:06:24,801 --> 00:06:25,768 pulled from thin air. 163 00:06:25,886 --> 00:06:27,513 I don't want to be known as the vagina guy. 164 00:06:27,637 --> 00:06:29,810 Risotto, you're needed. Someone ordered 165 00:06:29,931 --> 00:06:32,059 the Nuzzy Guzzy Fresh and Fluzzy Special. 166 00:06:32,183 --> 00:06:34,936 [SIGHS DEJECTEDLY] Look, I'm not like Rick, 167 00:06:35,061 --> 00:06:37,234 so you're free to do as you please. 168 00:06:37,355 --> 00:06:39,278 But there comes a time in every man's life 169 00:06:39,399 --> 00:06:41,242 when he must choose the foundation 170 00:06:41,359 --> 00:06:43,361 on which his legacy will be built -- 171 00:06:43,486 --> 00:06:46,490 one of compromise or one of blood. 172 00:06:49,200 --> 00:06:50,076 [KIDS CHEERING] 173 00:06:50,201 --> 00:06:53,546 ♪ Once a time of year, there's a special person here ♪ 174 00:06:55,373 --> 00:06:57,546 [WHIRRING] 175 00:07:00,295 --> 00:07:01,512 Oh, yeah. 176 00:07:03,131 --> 00:07:05,259 That's what I'm talking about. 177 00:07:05,383 --> 00:07:09,138 Oops! Okay, a little more on the other side, then. 178 00:07:09,262 --> 00:07:10,559 Oh, come on! 179 00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:11,932 [GASPS] Oh, geez! 180 00:07:12,057 --> 00:07:13,559 Aah! Stop! 181 00:07:13,683 --> 00:07:17,278 So, the hospital just let you walk right out of there 182 00:07:17,395 --> 00:07:18,692 with horse parts in a bag? 183 00:07:18,813 --> 00:07:20,611 For Christ's sakes, Morty, women going through a divorce 184 00:07:20,732 --> 00:07:21,733 need a creative outlet. 185 00:07:21,858 --> 00:07:23,576 -[ CRASH ] - What was that? 186 00:07:23,693 --> 00:07:24,990 [DEEP VOICE GROANING] 187 00:07:25,820 --> 00:07:27,072 Summer! 188 00:07:27,197 --> 00:07:29,450 [GRUNTING] 189 00:07:29,574 --> 00:07:30,996 I'm coming, Summer! 190 00:07:32,994 --> 00:07:34,371 What the hell happened?! 191 00:07:34,496 --> 00:07:36,089 [ DEEP VOICE SHOUTS INDISTINCTLY] 192 00:07:38,333 --> 00:07:39,425 How do we get her back to normal?! 193 00:07:39,542 --> 00:07:41,886 I don't know, man! This thing is pretty complicated. 194 00:07:42,003 --> 00:07:43,425 L-I'm gonna call Rick. 195 00:07:43,546 --> 00:07:45,344 Well, hold on. We can't just call your grandpa 196 00:07:45,465 --> 00:07:46,682 whenever there's a problem. 197 00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:48,302 We can handle this ourselves. 198 00:07:48,426 --> 00:07:50,303 I mean, I don't see the point in trying to. 199 00:07:50,428 --> 00:07:52,146 This is obviously Rick-level shit. 200 00:07:52,263 --> 00:07:53,810 I have a medical degree. 201 00:07:53,932 --> 00:07:55,184 Is that what this is about? 202 00:07:55,308 --> 00:07:56,730 L-Like, you want to prove yourself? 203 00:07:56,851 --> 00:07:58,945 Oh, it's not about anything, Morty. How dare you? 204 00:07:59,062 --> 00:08:00,405 Okay, good. Then I'll just call -- Ow! 205 00:08:00,522 --> 00:08:02,240 Morty, I need this. 206 00:08:02,357 --> 00:08:03,529 [LAUGHING] 207 00:08:03,650 --> 00:08:05,618 Hey, Jerry, triple trunks here says he knows a place 208 00:08:05,735 --> 00:08:07,737 where the ladies drop panties for anyone bi-pedal. 209 00:08:07,862 --> 00:08:09,079 Yeah, I'm not really interested. 210 00:08:09,197 --> 00:08:10,790 My heart still belongs to Beth. 211 00:08:10,907 --> 00:08:12,204 Oh. Huh. Okay. 212 00:08:12,325 --> 00:08:13,201 [SLURPS] 213 00:08:13,326 --> 00:08:15,169 What, you don't think I have a shot? 214 00:08:15,286 --> 00:08:16,333 I didn't say that. 215 00:08:16,454 --> 00:08:18,456 Excuse me. May I have another one of these? 216 00:08:18,581 --> 00:08:20,174 Coming right up. 217 00:08:20,291 --> 00:08:22,965 Hmm, things weren't always so bad between Beth and me. 218 00:08:23,086 --> 00:08:24,679 We had some good times when we were younger. 219 00:08:24,796 --> 00:08:25,718 Oh, yeah, I bet. 220 00:08:25,839 --> 00:08:27,933 That's how teenage pregnancy happens, my friend. 221 00:08:28,049 --> 00:08:29,266 Yeah, no. [CHUCKLES] 222 00:08:29,384 --> 00:08:31,728 Things were pretty great, even until a couple of years ago. 223 00:08:31,845 --> 00:08:32,937 Jerry, I get it. 224 00:08:33,054 --> 00:08:34,681 That's around the time I moved in with you guys. 225 00:08:34,806 --> 00:08:36,023 Oh, I guess you're right. 226 00:08:36,141 --> 00:08:37,768 Jerry, you know, I hope you're not suggesting 227 00:08:37,892 --> 00:08:39,644 that I had anything to do with your marriage breaking up, 228 00:08:39,769 --> 00:08:42,397 because there are some major issues between you and Beth 229 00:08:42,522 --> 00:08:44,149 that have been there since you guys met. 230 00:08:45,775 --> 00:08:48,073 Hey, to new beginnings. 231 00:08:48,862 --> 00:08:50,535 To the Whirly Dirly. 232 00:08:50,655 --> 00:08:52,077 The Whirly Dirly? 233 00:08:52,198 --> 00:08:53,495 All right, what's going on here? 234 00:08:54,409 --> 00:08:56,207 When did you get cool?! 235 00:08:56,327 --> 00:08:57,453 [LAUGHS] 236 00:08:57,579 --> 00:08:58,922 When you stole my wife! 237 00:08:59,039 --> 00:09:00,165 I should have done that a long time ago! 238 00:09:00,290 --> 00:09:01,667 We're going on the Whirly Dirly! 239 00:09:01,791 --> 00:09:03,384 Whirly Dirly, baby. 240 00:09:03,501 --> 00:09:04,297 [CLINK! ] 241 00:09:04,419 --> 00:09:06,342 -[ RUMBLING ] - Aha, look at this. 242 00:09:06,463 --> 00:09:08,636 It says "normalize." I bet if we just press that -- 243 00:09:08,757 --> 00:09:11,226 But...if the machine was made by spider people, 244 00:09:11,342 --> 00:09:12,889 normal would mean eight legs. 245 00:09:13,011 --> 00:09:14,979 Oh, God! are you gonna go on another spiel 246 00:09:15,096 --> 00:09:16,894 like you did with the flesh-colored crayon? 247 00:09:17,015 --> 00:09:19,313 I'm pretty sure "normalize" will make her normal. 248 00:09:19,434 --> 00:09:20,560 [WHIRRING] 249 00:09:20,685 --> 00:09:22,904 [DEEP VOICE ] Aah! 250 00:09:23,021 --> 00:09:24,864 I'd call that progress. 251 00:09:24,981 --> 00:09:26,483 - She's huge! - And normal! 252 00:09:26,608 --> 00:09:28,076 - I'm not normal! - Mom! 253 00:09:28,193 --> 00:09:29,695 Okay, this says "reverse." Done and done. 254 00:09:29,819 --> 00:09:31,196 I don't think that's a good idea. 255 00:09:31,321 --> 00:09:33,824 Oh, come on! What else could "reverse" possibly mean? 256 00:09:33,948 --> 00:09:37,043 - [ WHIRRING] - Aah! 257 00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:38,787 Mom, call Rick! 258 00:09:38,912 --> 00:09:40,334 Thank you. 259 00:09:40,455 --> 00:09:41,752 There's a customer-service number on here. 260 00:09:41,873 --> 00:09:44,217 - Mom! -[ DIALING] 261 00:09:46,044 --> 00:09:47,216 [SCREAMING] 262 00:09:47,337 --> 00:09:49,465 Oh, man. This is gonna be awesome! 263 00:09:49,589 --> 00:09:52,183 I got to hand it to you, Jerry. This was a solid idea. 264 00:09:52,300 --> 00:09:53,517 Uh,yeah. Uh-huh. 265 00:09:53,635 --> 00:09:55,353 And you know what? I'll cop to it. 266 00:09:55,470 --> 00:09:57,063 I put a lot of strain on your marriage. 267 00:09:57,180 --> 00:09:59,023 It wasn't fair. I'm sorry. 268 00:09:59,140 --> 00:10:00,642 - What?! - I didn't respect your marriage. 269 00:10:00,767 --> 00:10:02,064 I certainly didn't do it any favors. 270 00:10:02,185 --> 00:10:03,311 And for what it's worth, 271 00:10:03,436 --> 00:10:05,438 I'll apologize to Beth for it when we get home. 272 00:10:05,563 --> 00:10:07,861 Whoo! Whirly Dirly! Yeah! 273 00:10:07,982 --> 00:10:09,609 Stop the ride! We got to get off. 274 00:10:09,734 --> 00:10:10,906 What are you talking about, buddy? 275 00:10:11,027 --> 00:10:12,620 We got to get out of this thing. We got to get out! 276 00:10:12,737 --> 00:10:14,364 -[ GRUNTS] - Jerry, come on, man! 277 00:10:14,489 --> 00:10:16,207 We haven't even gotten to the first whirly. 278 00:10:16,324 --> 00:10:18,418 No, no, this sucks. It's so boring. 279 00:10:18,535 --> 00:10:19,661 I mean, I'm falling asleep here. 280 00:10:19,786 --> 00:10:21,709 Let's just get out and crawl down the sides. 281 00:10:21,830 --> 00:10:23,423 [ BOTH SCREAMING ] 282 00:10:30,547 --> 00:10:32,720 Ah, get down! Duck down! 283 00:10:32,841 --> 00:10:34,058 It's more fun when you scrunch down. 284 00:10:34,175 --> 00:10:35,927 RICK: Jerry, what the -- 285 00:10:36,052 --> 00:10:37,804 Oh, shit. 286 00:10:38,555 --> 00:10:40,273 [GRUNTING] 287 00:10:50,733 --> 00:10:53,907 [SCREAMING] 288 00:10:54,028 --> 00:10:56,406 Rick, up here! There's a spot where you can kill him! 289 00:10:56,531 --> 00:10:58,829 Good call, Jerry! 290 00:11:00,201 --> 00:11:02,829 - Hey, how'd you know about that? - Uh... 291 00:11:10,003 --> 00:11:12,097 [ BOTH SCREAMING ] 292 00:11:16,426 --> 00:11:19,100 [BOTH LAUGHING] 293 00:11:19,220 --> 00:11:20,767 Lisa? 294 00:11:20,889 --> 00:11:23,233 [ BOTH SCREAMING ] 295 00:11:26,603 --> 00:11:31,154 So, uh, Jerry, big fan of the Whirly Dirly, are you? 296 00:11:31,274 --> 00:11:33,368 Not anymore. [CHUCKLES] Obviously. 297 00:11:33,484 --> 00:11:36,158 But when you were, how did you know about it? 298 00:11:36,279 --> 00:11:39,032 [GRUNTING] 299 00:11:39,157 --> 00:11:42,752 We had a deal, Jerry Smith. 300 00:11:44,746 --> 00:11:48,250 It's a really common name. 301 00:11:49,083 --> 00:11:50,255 Now, take it easy, Rick. 302 00:11:50,376 --> 00:11:52,879 You've been in a serious roller-coaster crash. 303 00:11:53,004 --> 00:11:54,551 It's -- It's no time to be thinking about 304 00:11:54,672 --> 00:11:57,266 who did or didn't play a role in your attempted murder. 305 00:11:57,383 --> 00:11:59,727 [SCREAMS] Get it off me! It's eating me! 306 00:11:59,844 --> 00:12:01,346 Look, I confess, okay? 307 00:12:01,471 --> 00:12:03,269 They told me about all the bad stuff you did to this planet 308 00:12:03,389 --> 00:12:04,982 and reminded me of all the bad stuff you did to me. 309 00:12:05,099 --> 00:12:06,817 But then you said you were sorry, and I realized 310 00:12:06,935 --> 00:12:08,232 you're not a monster -- not like this thing. 311 00:12:08,353 --> 00:12:09,570 Fuck! It's got me good. 312 00:12:09,687 --> 00:12:10,939 This is a mislead, right? 313 00:12:11,064 --> 00:12:12,987 You're inventing a thing to save me. 314 00:12:13,107 --> 00:12:14,279 That would be called a knife, Jerry. 315 00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:15,367 It's been invented. 316 00:12:15,485 --> 00:12:17,988 I'm making a way out of here. One seat ought to do it. 317 00:12:18,112 --> 00:12:19,329 I'm sorry. I-l made a mistake. 318 00:12:19,447 --> 00:12:21,495 - I won't do it again! - Nobody ever does. 319 00:12:21,616 --> 00:12:23,584 [GRUNTING] 320 00:12:23,701 --> 00:12:25,920 You self-righteous piece of shit! 321 00:12:26,037 --> 00:12:27,380 You took my family! 322 00:12:27,497 --> 00:12:28,874 I took your family? 323 00:12:28,998 --> 00:12:30,250 Who do you think had more taken from them 324 00:12:30,375 --> 00:12:33,754 when you shot 20cc of liquid dream-killer into my daughter? 325 00:12:33,878 --> 00:12:36,882 She was Rick's daughter, Jerry. She had options! 326 00:12:37,006 --> 00:12:37,507 Oof. 327 00:12:37,632 --> 00:12:39,726 That all ended because she felt sorry for you. 328 00:12:39,842 --> 00:12:41,719 You act like prey, but you're a predator! 329 00:12:41,844 --> 00:12:43,391 You use pity to lure in your victims! 330 00:12:43,513 --> 00:12:44,560 That's how you survive! 331 00:12:44,681 --> 00:12:46,433 I survive because I know everything. 332 00:12:46,557 --> 00:12:48,651 That snakes survives because children wander off, 333 00:12:48,768 --> 00:12:50,065 and you survive because people think, 334 00:12:50,186 --> 00:12:52,359 "Oh, this poor piece of shit. He never gets a break. 335 00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:54,528 I can't stand the deafening silent wails 336 00:12:54,649 --> 00:12:55,650 of his wilting soul. 337 00:12:55,775 --> 00:12:57,573 I guess I'll hire him or marry him." 338 00:12:57,694 --> 00:13:00,618 Rick! [MUFFLED] Rick! 339 00:13:06,786 --> 00:13:08,208 I knew you wouldn't let me die. 340 00:13:08,329 --> 00:13:09,376 That was never an option. 341 00:13:09,497 --> 00:13:10,965 Because you never had a son. 342 00:13:11,082 --> 00:13:12,584 No, because I need a living organism 343 00:13:12,709 --> 00:13:15,713 coated in gibble snake bile to attract a shmooglite runner. 344 00:13:15,837 --> 00:13:17,805 - Wait, what's happening? - Use that confusion, Jerry. 345 00:13:17,922 --> 00:13:20,846 It'll make you wriggle more like an abandoned newborn. 346 00:13:20,967 --> 00:13:23,720 -[ LOW GROWLING] - Jesus Christ! 347 00:13:23,845 --> 00:13:25,688 What the fuck, Rick?! 348 00:13:27,015 --> 00:13:29,188 Help! He“) me! 349 00:13:29,309 --> 00:13:30,652 [ROARING] 350 00:13:30,768 --> 00:13:32,190 Aaah! 351 00:13:41,070 --> 00:13:43,038 There's a space port 20 miles south. 352 00:13:43,156 --> 00:13:45,124 We'll be able to board a galaxy class cruise ship 353 00:13:45,241 --> 00:13:46,618 and jump through a wormhole that will put us 354 00:13:46,743 --> 00:13:49,041 within spitting distance of the Milky Way. 355 00:13:49,162 --> 00:13:50,584 But, hey, it's about the journey, 356 00:13:50,705 --> 00:13:52,457 not the destination, right, Jerry? 357 00:13:52,582 --> 00:13:54,835 [ ROARS] 358 00:13:54,959 --> 00:13:56,256 [MOANING] 359 00:13:56,377 --> 00:13:58,846 Just stay put, sweetie! Mom's still on hold. 360 00:13:58,963 --> 00:14:00,931 Morphizer customer service. How may I help you? 361 00:14:01,049 --> 00:14:03,393 Yes, I'm having a little trouble with one of your machines. 362 00:14:03,509 --> 00:14:04,886 Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, ma'am. 363 00:14:05,011 --> 00:14:07,685 Do you see a little compartment on the side of the machine? 364 00:14:07,805 --> 00:14:09,933 Let me check. Yes, got it. 365 00:14:10,058 --> 00:14:10,854 - Mom? - Great! 366 00:14:10,975 --> 00:14:12,943 Now, do you see the little button next to it? 367 00:14:13,061 --> 00:14:14,984 - I do. - Give that button a push. 368 00:14:15,104 --> 00:14:16,572 - Okay. - Mom, listen to me! 369 00:14:16,689 --> 00:14:18,942 We're free!! 370 00:14:19,067 --> 00:14:21,786 Okay, so I pushed the button, and three little men ran out. 371 00:14:21,903 --> 00:14:23,621 What do I do next? 372 00:14:23,738 --> 00:14:24,785 Hello? 373 00:14:24,906 --> 00:14:26,328 I think we got disconnected. 374 00:14:26,449 --> 00:14:28,292 - Morty! - Don't "Morty" me! 375 00:14:28,409 --> 00:14:30,286 I tricked Rick into taking Dad on an adventure 376 00:14:30,411 --> 00:14:31,503 because I thought I could get a break 377 00:14:31,621 --> 00:14:33,294 from this kind of shit, but no! 378 00:14:33,414 --> 00:14:35,291 Like father, like goddamn daughter! 379 00:14:35,416 --> 00:14:37,589 You want to be like Rick, congratulations! 380 00:14:37,710 --> 00:14:40,509 You're just as arrogant and just as irresponsible! 381 00:14:40,630 --> 00:14:42,007 Everything okay here? 382 00:14:42,131 --> 00:14:43,678 Mind your own goddamn business, Gene! 383 00:14:43,800 --> 00:14:46,474 I'm having a conversation with my mother here! 384 00:14:46,594 --> 00:14:49,097 Kissing Rick's ass isn't gonna help him keep him around, Mom, 385 00:14:49,222 --> 00:14:51,316 but it will help you lose everyone else. 386 00:14:51,432 --> 00:14:53,184 Like I lost Summer. 387 00:14:53,309 --> 00:14:55,152 Hey, you haven't lost her yet. 388 00:14:55,269 --> 00:14:56,737 No, I definitely did. She's gone. 389 00:14:56,854 --> 00:14:58,481 God damn it! 390 00:14:58,606 --> 00:15:00,574 [ BEEPING ] 391 00:15:00,691 --> 00:15:02,034 Go ahead. 392 00:15:02,151 --> 00:15:04,074 [ALARM BLARES] 393 00:15:04,195 --> 00:15:05,697 - Oh, come on. - What's happening? 394 00:15:05,822 --> 00:15:08,917 Your friend has class C or above cybernetic augmentations. 395 00:15:09,033 --> 00:15:10,501 Emphasis on the above. 396 00:15:10,618 --> 00:15:11,710 In any case, he needs to be neutralized. 397 00:15:11,828 --> 00:15:14,206 - What?! Wait! - Ugh! 398 00:15:14,330 --> 00:15:16,503 [GROANS] Brain hurty. 399 00:15:16,624 --> 00:15:17,591 What did you do? 400 00:15:17,708 --> 00:15:19,585 It's a synaptic dampener that blocks violent tendencies 401 00:15:19,710 --> 00:15:21,132 and controversial thought. 402 00:15:21,254 --> 00:15:23,131 He will now be an ideal passenger. 403 00:15:23,256 --> 00:15:25,725 I want cookies and a 90-minute cut of "Avatar." 404 00:15:25,842 --> 00:15:27,139 Seriously? [SNAPPING ] 405 00:15:27,260 --> 00:15:29,012 - Quit it. - It'll wear off in six hours. 406 00:15:29,137 --> 00:15:31,481 It's cheaper than banning dangerous people from flights. 407 00:15:31,597 --> 00:15:33,224 I mean, let everybody buy a ticket, right? 408 00:15:33,349 --> 00:15:35,101 Otherwise, the terrorists win. 409 00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:41,073 Aah! 410 00:15:41,190 --> 00:15:43,488 I'm sorry I'm not a classic maternal archetype. 411 00:15:43,609 --> 00:15:45,327 Okay, I don't know what to do when you people come to me 412 00:15:45,445 --> 00:15:47,163 with your weird puberty issues. 413 00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:49,157 What are you gonna do when your daughter asks you 414 00:15:49,282 --> 00:15:50,374 if she's attractive? 415 00:15:50,491 --> 00:15:52,539 - I'll say, "Yes"! - Morty, gross! 416 00:15:52,660 --> 00:15:55,664 Well, she's gonna be super hot. Her mother's gonna be Jessica. 417 00:15:55,788 --> 00:15:57,506 Wait, when did Summer ask you that?! 418 00:15:57,623 --> 00:16:00,046 Right before she Clive Barkered herself. Why? 419 00:16:00,168 --> 00:16:01,420 Wait, I know where she is! 420 00:16:01,544 --> 00:16:03,342 Ethan and Summer were supposed to go camping, 421 00:16:03,463 --> 00:16:05,636 and then he dumped Summer for this girl Tricia Lange, 422 00:16:05,756 --> 00:16:07,850 who's got huge boobies, and took her. 423 00:16:07,967 --> 00:16:09,844 Campsite -- The one with the name that sounds like somebody 424 00:16:09,969 --> 00:16:11,516 gave up halfway through naming it. 425 00:16:11,637 --> 00:16:13,605 Uh...Camp Flabanabba! 426 00:16:13,723 --> 00:16:15,100 Mama's coming, baby. 427 00:16:15,224 --> 00:16:17,898 Mama's coming, and she cares about your titties! 428 00:16:18,019 --> 00:16:20,989 They have sweet smiggle honey cookies. 429 00:16:21,105 --> 00:16:24,109 Mmm! And low-calorie petroleum flakes. 430 00:16:24,233 --> 00:16:25,359 Obviously cookies. 431 00:16:25,485 --> 00:16:26,611 Let's get you the flakes, then. 432 00:16:26,736 --> 00:16:28,329 Okay, but it's not what I wanted. 433 00:16:28,446 --> 00:16:29,572 Well, maybe next time, you won't be 434 00:16:29,697 --> 00:16:31,825 such a dumb piece of shit and you can pick for yourself. 435 00:16:31,949 --> 00:16:33,371 - That's not nice. - What's that? 436 00:16:33,493 --> 00:16:35,120 Did you just have a controversial thought? 437 00:16:35,244 --> 00:16:36,712 - No. - That's what I thought, bitch. 438 00:16:36,829 --> 00:16:38,706 You little punk-ass. 439 00:16:38,831 --> 00:16:40,629 [CHUCKLES] This is the best. 440 00:16:40,750 --> 00:16:42,502 I agree. You've made things even easier 441 00:16:42,627 --> 00:16:44,425 than if you hadn't been incompetent. 442 00:16:44,545 --> 00:16:46,639 Uh-oh. We get shoot-shoot now. 443 00:16:48,716 --> 00:16:50,593 MAN". All right, folks, if you could please take your seats, 444 00:16:50,718 --> 00:16:51,970 we're about to enter the Wormhole. 445 00:16:52,094 --> 00:16:54,563 So, I hope everybody bought a dinner first. 446 00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:55,852 -[ CHUCKLES] Nice. - Nice. 447 00:16:55,973 --> 00:16:57,441 -[ GRUNTS ] - Jerry, step over there 448 00:16:57,558 --> 00:16:58,855 and lock yourself in the escape pod. 449 00:16:58,976 --> 00:17:00,603 - You're not killing us? - I'm killing Rick. 450 00:17:00,728 --> 00:17:03,447 You're free to go. You're no threat to me or anyone. 451 00:17:03,564 --> 00:17:04,656 Now you're just being mean. 452 00:17:04,774 --> 00:17:06,117 Yeah, you're mean! No offense. 453 00:17:06,234 --> 00:17:07,736 Mean would be shooting you, Jerry. 454 00:17:07,860 --> 00:17:08,952 This is saving a bullet. 455 00:17:09,070 --> 00:17:10,743 Go back to your quietly ashamed family 456 00:17:10,863 --> 00:17:12,331 and live out the rest of your days 457 00:17:12,448 --> 00:17:13,995 in denial of your vagina fantasies. 458 00:17:14,116 --> 00:17:16,619 It was a one-time thought that everyone has! 459 00:17:16,744 --> 00:17:17,996 [GRUNTING] 460 00:17:18,120 --> 00:17:19,713 What are you doing? 461 00:17:19,830 --> 00:17:21,673 I'm being triumphantly brave! 462 00:17:21,791 --> 00:17:23,384 It's not triumphant or brave. 463 00:17:23,501 --> 00:17:24,627 You're not risking anything. 464 00:17:24,752 --> 00:17:25,753 You might shoot me. 465 00:17:25,878 --> 00:17:27,004 I think you know I won't. 466 00:17:27,129 --> 00:17:28,506 Because you know I feel sorry for you. 467 00:17:28,631 --> 00:17:30,349 You're just doing this so you can tell yourself 468 00:17:30,466 --> 00:17:31,638 you fought -- Ow! 469 00:17:31,759 --> 00:17:32,806 [BUZZING] 470 00:17:32,927 --> 00:17:34,474 WOMAN". Temporal shield compromised. 471 00:17:34,595 --> 00:17:37,189 Congratulations, Jerry. You get to die a man. 472 00:17:37,306 --> 00:17:38,558 Uh, that's okay! I'll leave! 473 00:17:38,683 --> 00:17:41,357 Please don't shoot. I-I'm the vagina guy, remember? 474 00:17:45,815 --> 00:17:49,786 Whoa! What is happening to me? 475 00:17:49,902 --> 00:17:52,200 Where is this? Where am I? 476 00:17:52,321 --> 00:17:54,164 Am I dead? A-Am I -- Am I still alive? 477 00:17:54,282 --> 00:17:57,456 RICK: Those aren't the questions you should be asking. 478 00:17:57,577 --> 00:17:59,500 "Huh?! - Shh! 479 00:18:01,706 --> 00:18:03,834 [CAWING] 480 00:18:05,835 --> 00:18:07,929 [BURPING] 481 00:18:11,424 --> 00:18:12,971 [TICKING ] 482 00:18:20,016 --> 00:18:21,734 [ROAR] 483 00:18:21,851 --> 00:18:24,229 [CHUCKLES] Ah, got ya! 484 00:18:24,353 --> 00:18:25,525 Come here, you little pumpkin. 485 00:18:25,646 --> 00:18:28,024 I have shit on my ass. 486 00:18:28,149 --> 00:18:29,901 Whoa, fuck this! 487 00:18:30,026 --> 00:18:32,996 Who am I? 488 00:18:33,112 --> 00:18:36,161 I'm time! I'm literally time! 489 00:18:36,282 --> 00:18:41,379 ALL: VVhooooa! 490 00:18:41,495 --> 00:18:42,621 Aah! 491 00:18:42,747 --> 00:18:45,717 Oh, God. I feel like our souls were united, 492 00:18:45,833 --> 00:18:47,801 and we were all one with eternity. 493 00:18:47,918 --> 00:18:49,340 Our body's unchanged, 494 00:18:49,462 --> 00:18:52,011 yet our minds have lived a thousand lifetimes. 495 00:18:52,131 --> 00:18:54,054 Is that enough time for me to forgive you? 496 00:18:54,175 --> 00:18:55,051 I don't know, but it's enough time 497 00:18:55,176 --> 00:18:57,019 for a synaptic dampener to wear off. 498 00:18:57,136 --> 00:18:57,853 [POP] 499 00:19:00,181 --> 00:19:01,478 Jesus! 500 00:19:01,599 --> 00:19:03,693 He hadn't decided he was still going to kill us! 501 00:19:03,809 --> 00:19:05,811 He was talking himself into it. I've seen it before. 502 00:19:05,936 --> 00:19:08,735 Cosmic apotheosis wears off faster than salvia. 503 00:19:08,856 --> 00:19:10,733 I'm starting to believe you because I just finished merging 504 00:19:10,858 --> 00:19:12,701 with your essence for an endless epoch, 505 00:19:12,818 --> 00:19:14,786 and I'm already back to thinking you're an asshole. 506 00:19:14,904 --> 00:19:16,577 Fine with me. Let's just go our separate ways. 507 00:19:16,697 --> 00:19:18,074 Sounds like you and the word "epoch" 508 00:19:18,199 --> 00:19:19,451 have a lot of catching up to do. 509 00:19:19,575 --> 00:19:20,827 Wait, don't leave me! 510 00:19:20,951 --> 00:19:22,373 MAN: All right, folks, you're free to get up 511 00:19:22,495 --> 00:19:23,371 and walk around the cabin 512 00:19:23,496 --> 00:19:26,124 and maybe take the wormhole out for breakfast. 513 00:19:26,248 --> 00:19:27,249 MAN #2: Okay, you can do the dinner one 514 00:19:27,375 --> 00:19:28,797 or the breakfast one, but not both. 515 00:19:31,962 --> 00:19:33,214 You think you got that thing figured out? 516 00:19:33,339 --> 00:19:34,431 Yeah, I know what I'm doing. 517 00:19:34,548 --> 00:19:36,141 BETH: Good. Because I have an idea. 518 00:19:38,803 --> 00:19:42,228 It's actually a contraction of "some" and "more." 519 00:19:42,348 --> 00:19:43,520 - You see that? - Oh, wow. 520 00:19:43,641 --> 00:19:44,642 I was way off. 521 00:19:44,767 --> 00:19:45,814 [ROARING] 522 00:19:45,935 --> 00:19:47,278 [ BOTH SCREAMING ] 523 00:19:47,395 --> 00:19:50,365 [GROANING INDISTINCTLY] 524 00:19:50,481 --> 00:19:52,734 [BOTH GROANING INDISTINCTLY] 525 00:20:02,910 --> 00:20:04,662 Morty, what's happening here? 526 00:20:04,787 --> 00:20:06,505 Summer got into my grandpa's garage, 527 00:20:06,622 --> 00:20:08,966 messed around, and turned herself into a monster. 528 00:20:09,083 --> 00:20:10,926 My mom did the same to make her feel better. 529 00:20:11,043 --> 00:20:12,215 She's a good mom. 530 00:20:12,336 --> 00:20:15,135 [ BOTH CHUCKLE] 531 00:20:15,256 --> 00:20:17,384 Oh, my God. I have to go call my mother! 532 00:20:17,508 --> 00:20:19,010 - Tricia, wait! - MORTY: Ethan! Ethan! 533 00:20:19,135 --> 00:20:21,183 Hey, it's okay. Sit down. 534 00:20:21,303 --> 00:20:23,431 You made my sister cry, Ethan. 535 00:20:23,556 --> 00:20:24,978 You messed with her body image. 536 00:20:25,099 --> 00:20:27,101 - Look, Morty, I -- - Shh, shh, shh. 537 00:20:27,226 --> 00:20:30,070 Careful, Ethan. Your s'more is burning. 538 00:20:30,813 --> 00:20:34,488 [ BEEP, WHIRRING] 539 00:20:34,608 --> 00:20:36,406 [GULPS] 540 00:20:40,865 --> 00:20:42,959 Uh, I guess we better get on the same page 541 00:20:43,075 --> 00:20:44,452 about our fake adventure. 542 00:20:44,577 --> 00:20:45,874 - Right. - I'll make you a deal. 543 00:20:45,995 --> 00:20:47,542 I'll leave out the part where you tried to murder me... 544 00:20:47,663 --> 00:20:48,539 And I'll leave out the part 545 00:20:48,664 --> 00:20:50,712 where you admitted to sabotaging our marriage. 546 00:20:52,710 --> 00:20:54,007 You want to... 547 00:20:54,128 --> 00:20:55,721 Nah, if the family sees me like this, 548 00:20:55,838 --> 00:20:57,340 they'll feel sorry for me. 549 00:20:57,465 --> 00:20:59,684 Which is no longer my signature move. 550 00:20:59,800 --> 00:21:01,802 Later days, amigo. 551 00:21:04,638 --> 00:21:06,265 Actually, I just realized, I don't have my wallet, 552 00:21:06,390 --> 00:21:07,858 and my bus pass is in there, so maybe -- 553 00:21:07,975 --> 00:21:09,318 Stay strong, Jerry. I believe in you! 554 00:21:09,435 --> 00:21:10,903 [ LOCK CLICKS] 555 00:21:11,020 --> 00:21:13,022 [WHIRRING] 556 00:21:15,816 --> 00:21:16,783 [SIGHS] 557 00:21:16,901 --> 00:21:18,903 [DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS] 558 00:21:49,725 --> 00:21:52,228 I tell you, fellas. This is the life. 559 00:21:52,353 --> 00:21:53,775 It certainly is. 560 00:21:53,896 --> 00:21:55,022 To freedom! 561 00:21:55,147 --> 00:21:56,364 [GROANING] 562 00:21:56,482 --> 00:21:58,450 Ooh! Looks like a 4-22. 563 00:21:58,567 --> 00:22:00,114 Ooh, a couple cranks on the scaling knob 564 00:22:00,236 --> 00:22:02,955 with a four dilabyte cross fade would fix that up in a jiff. 565 00:22:03,072 --> 00:22:06,076 Four? You'd be lucky to clear 13% de-morphized 566 00:22:06,200 --> 00:22:07,292 with that kind of range. 567 00:22:07,409 --> 00:22:10,083 Gentlemen, gentlemen, what did we agree on? 568 00:22:10,204 --> 00:22:11,626 TOGETHER: No work talk! 569 00:22:11,747 --> 00:22:14,546 Let's just relax and enjoy our retirement, shall -- 570 00:22:14,667 --> 00:22:16,260 -[ BIRD SCREECHES] - Oh, my God! 571 00:22:16,377 --> 00:22:17,799 Aaah!