1
00:00:01,084 --> 00:00:02,631
[SIREN WAILS]
2
00:00:06,882 --> 00:00:09,726
[BEEPING, WHIRS]
3
00:00:20,687 --> 00:00:23,816
[ CRYING SOFTLY]
4
00:00:23,941 --> 00:00:25,158
[SIGHS]
5
00:00:26,276 --> 00:00:27,869
-[ GASPS]
- Jerry! Jerry, come on!
6
00:00:27,986 --> 00:00:29,078
We got to go!
You got to come with me, Jerry!
7
00:00:29,196 --> 00:00:30,368
- Rick?
- It's important, Jerry.
8
00:00:30,489 --> 00:00:32,412
[BURPS] The fate of the galaxy
rests on your shoulders.
9
00:00:32,533 --> 00:00:33,830
Let's go.
Put some pants on.
10
00:00:33,951 --> 00:00:35,919
N-Never mind, there's no time
for pants, Jerry.
11
00:00:36,036 --> 00:00:37,629
I'll make you a pair of pants
on the way.
12
00:00:37,746 --> 00:00:39,373
It's a Rick and Jerry adventure!
13
00:00:39,498 --> 00:00:41,250
Rick and Jerry episode!
14
00:00:41,375 --> 00:00:43,503
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS]
15
00:01:13,240 --> 00:01:15,208
Then I thought,
"Hey, what about Jerry?
16
00:01:15,325 --> 00:01:17,248
He's -- He's good
with regular folk."
17
00:01:17,369 --> 00:01:19,246
This is a real situation
where -- where --
18
00:01:19,371 --> 00:01:20,918
where Jerry could really shine.
19
00:01:21,039 --> 00:01:22,632
He's a master convincer."
20
00:01:22,749 --> 00:01:25,047
Rick, I'm not an idiot.
I know what this is.
21
00:01:25,168 --> 00:01:26,920
Oh. Okay, well, I told Morty,
22
00:01:27,045 --> 00:01:29,218
"Look, parents get divorced.
They get sad. He'll be fine,"
23
00:01:29,339 --> 00:01:32,058
but I think he's worried
you're gonna, you know...Pbht!
24
00:01:32,175 --> 00:01:33,643
And you know how Morty gets
when he gets emotional.
25
00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:34,682
It impedes my work.
26
00:01:34,803 --> 00:01:36,976
So, I told him I'd take you out
and give you a win.
27
00:01:37,097 --> 00:01:38,474
Wait. My son asked you
to take me
28
00:01:38,599 --> 00:01:42,069
On some kind of pity adventure
to keep me from killing myself?
29
00:01:42,185 --> 00:01:43,528
Wait, w-what
did you think it was?
30
00:01:43,645 --> 00:01:45,022
An execution.
31
00:01:45,147 --> 00:01:47,149
Geez!
You really do need a win.
32
00:01:47,274 --> 00:01:48,617
No!
I-l don't know.
33
00:01:48,734 --> 00:01:50,361
I mean, you never made me
the pants, so --
34
00:01:50,485 --> 00:01:51,782
So, you thought
I was gonna drive you
35
00:01:51,903 --> 00:01:53,576
into the middle of the galaxy
and shove you
36
00:01:53,697 --> 00:01:55,449
into the vacuum of space
with your dick hanging out?
37
00:01:55,574 --> 00:01:58,202
And we're seeing how you'd act
if that were about to happen?
38
00:01:58,327 --> 00:01:59,954
I mean, shit, I'll make you
the pants right now.
39
00:02:00,078 --> 00:02:00,954
Take me two seconds
to make you pants.
40
00:02:01,079 --> 00:02:02,797
- I have pants at home!
- Jerry, if I make pants,
41
00:02:02,914 --> 00:02:04,257
they'll be better than
your pants at home.
42
00:02:04,374 --> 00:02:05,466
Also, if I wanted to kill you --
43
00:02:05,584 --> 00:02:07,586
Yeah, I get it.
It'd be amazing.
44
00:02:07,711 --> 00:02:08,803
Please, take me home.
45
00:02:08,920 --> 00:02:10,593
I'll tell my son we had
an amazing adventure.
46
00:02:10,714 --> 00:02:11,681
Well, if it's all the same,
47
00:02:11,798 --> 00:02:13,050
could we go
get our story straight?
48
00:02:13,175 --> 00:02:14,267
Because you're a terrible liar.
49
00:02:14,384 --> 00:02:15,852
You called me
a master convincer!
50
00:02:15,969 --> 00:02:16,970
You believed me?
51
00:02:23,018 --> 00:02:24,736
Huh. This seems...kind of fancy.
52
00:02:24,853 --> 00:02:26,400
Jerry, for all you know,
this is the equivalent
53
00:02:26,521 --> 00:02:27,613
of an alien truck stop.
54
00:02:27,731 --> 00:02:28,857
You have no frame of reference.
55
00:02:28,982 --> 00:02:30,575
You're in a universe
beyond your imagining.
56
00:02:30,692 --> 00:02:32,820
But, yes, it is super fancy.
57
00:02:32,944 --> 00:02:34,287
I mean, my job here is
to make Morty happy.
58
00:02:34,404 --> 00:02:35,906
I'm not gonna take you
somewhere dangerous.
59
00:02:36,031 --> 00:02:37,954
-[ GRUNTS]
- Rick Sanchez.
60
00:02:38,075 --> 00:02:40,248
I told you if I ever saw
your face in here again,
61
00:02:40,369 --> 00:02:42,121
I would stick you
like the pig you are.
62
00:02:42,245 --> 00:02:45,590
[COUGHS] Shnoopy Bloopers,
I told you if you tried...
63
00:02:45,707 --> 00:02:47,835
there'd be two funerals.
64
00:02:47,959 --> 00:02:49,836
Aaah!
65
00:02:49,961 --> 00:02:51,554
Someone?
66
00:02:52,422 --> 00:02:55,016
Uh, someone?
Someone!
67
00:02:55,133 --> 00:02:56,931
[ 50TH GRUNT]
68
00:02:57,052 --> 00:02:58,929
[BOTH LAUGHING]
69
00:02:59,054 --> 00:03:00,897
My friend!
It has been too long.
70
00:03:01,014 --> 00:03:02,482
RICK: Oh, it's great
to see you again, buddy!
71
00:03:02,599 --> 00:03:04,351
-[ BOTH LAUGHING]
- Yeah, you're doing it.
72
00:03:04,476 --> 00:03:06,524
Mr. Sanchez gets
anything he wants!
73
00:03:06,645 --> 00:03:08,488
The resort's covered
in an immortality field.
74
00:03:08,605 --> 00:03:10,073
You can't die here.
That's the gimmick.
75
00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:11,658
[LAUGHING]
76
00:03:13,902 --> 00:03:15,575
Okay, but still --
bad parenting.
77
00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:17,323
Hey, rich a-holes
are rich a-holes.
78
00:03:17,447 --> 00:03:18,824
They all pay top dollar
to come here
79
00:03:18,949 --> 00:03:20,701
and enjoy a consequence-free
vacation.
80
00:03:20,826 --> 00:03:22,794
No death, no disease,
no dismemberment.
81
00:03:22,911 --> 00:03:24,754
-[ GRUNTING ]
- Can't even have a heart attack.
82
00:03:24,871 --> 00:03:25,918
Got it.
The perfect place
83
00:03:26,039 --> 00:03:28,041
to take the most fragile being
in the universe.
84
00:03:28,166 --> 00:03:29,588
I can tell you expect me
to refute that,
85
00:03:29,710 --> 00:03:30,836
but it's right on the money.
86
00:03:30,961 --> 00:03:31,883
If I come home without you,
87
00:03:32,003 --> 00:03:33,471
I doubt Morty's gonna
let me off the hook.
88
00:03:33,588 --> 00:03:36,137
Yeah, but what if you came home
with Jeff Goldblum?
89
00:03:36,258 --> 00:03:38,852
Jeff Goldblum? What the fuck
are you talking about, Jerry?
90
00:03:38,969 --> 00:03:40,141
[SPITS] Jesus!
91
00:03:40,262 --> 00:03:41,855
Holy fucking shit!
92
00:03:41,972 --> 00:03:43,269
Yo, what's up, "Big Chill"?!
93
00:03:43,390 --> 00:03:44,812
Don't go into that telepod!
94
00:03:44,933 --> 00:03:45,809
[BOTH LAUGHING]
95
00:03:45,934 --> 00:03:47,936
Hey, maybe we would have fun
on a fake adventure.
96
00:03:48,061 --> 00:03:49,734
On a fake adventure.
97
00:03:49,855 --> 00:03:51,653
Speaking of,
what are we gonna tell Morty?
98
00:03:51,773 --> 00:03:53,275
I don't know.
But whatever it is,
99
00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:55,243
we're gonna need a couple more
of these babies!
100
00:03:55,360 --> 00:03:56,031
[CLINK! ]
101
00:03:57,028 --> 00:03:59,406
-[ SOBBING ]
- What's wrong?
102
00:03:59,531 --> 00:04:01,454
[CRYING] Mom,
do you think I'm hot?
103
00:04:01,575 --> 00:04:04,875
I...don't think that's something
that matters.
104
00:04:04,995 --> 00:04:06,622
So, I'm not hot?!
105
00:04:06,747 --> 00:04:08,920
I'm saying the part of you
that cares about that
106
00:04:09,040 --> 00:04:10,758
is a part you shouldn't
give any energy to.
107
00:04:10,876 --> 00:04:12,002
That's not an answer!
108
00:04:12,127 --> 00:04:14,004
Because I'm not an issue
of Cosmo, okay?
109
00:04:14,129 --> 00:04:15,221
I'm your mother
and a doctor, and --
110
00:04:15,338 --> 00:04:16,635
I'm hideous!
111
00:04:16,757 --> 00:04:17,929
[SOBBING]
112
00:04:18,049 --> 00:04:19,221
Geez.
What's with her?
113
00:04:19,342 --> 00:04:21,390
Teenage-girl stuff.
114
00:04:21,511 --> 00:04:24,264
Is that a...hoof collage?
115
00:04:24,389 --> 00:04:27,063
It's perfectly legal,
if that's what you're wondering.
116
00:04:27,184 --> 00:04:30,028
Cool...zies.
117
00:04:30,145 --> 00:04:32,694
"We just don't have anything
in common anymore, Summer."
118
00:04:32,814 --> 00:04:34,191
Oh, yeah, Ethan?
119
00:04:34,316 --> 00:04:36,159
What do you have in common
with Tricia Lange?
120
00:04:36,276 --> 00:04:38,028
A mutual love of French cinema?
121
00:04:38,153 --> 00:04:39,575
The belief that a carbon tax
122
00:04:39,696 --> 00:04:42,449
is the only viable solution
to climate change?
123
00:04:42,574 --> 00:04:45,828
Or could it be
her massive stripper titties?!
124
00:04:45,952 --> 00:04:47,078
[GASPS]
There it is.
125
00:04:49,247 --> 00:04:50,419
Boob-ya!
126
00:04:50,540 --> 00:04:52,292
And that's when
Malakai the Squid King
127
00:04:52,417 --> 00:04:57,093
rips off his face,
and beneath it is my face.
128
00:04:58,006 --> 00:04:59,929
- I liked it.
- Thank you, sir.
129
00:05:00,050 --> 00:05:01,472
Yeah, of course he likes it.
Look at him.
130
00:05:01,593 --> 00:05:03,595
Motherfucker got two heads
and three trunks.
131
00:05:03,720 --> 00:05:04,767
All right,
we'll put a pin in it.
132
00:05:04,888 --> 00:05:06,561
I'm gonna go take a leak.
133
00:05:06,681 --> 00:05:08,775
[WHISTLING]
134
00:05:14,231 --> 00:05:15,949
What the...
135
00:05:16,066 --> 00:05:17,693
[GRUNTING]
136
00:05:21,530 --> 00:05:24,704
Ah! My hands are dry!
My hands are dry!
137
00:05:27,202 --> 00:05:29,500
My name is Risotto Groupon.
138
00:05:29,621 --> 00:05:31,965
I am the assistant general
manager of the restaurant.
139
00:05:32,082 --> 00:05:33,379
Do you have any comment cards?
140
00:05:33,500 --> 00:05:35,252
Because I might have
some thoughts.
141
00:05:35,377 --> 00:05:39,427
My kingdom was usurped by force
with weapons and technology
142
00:05:39,548 --> 00:05:41,300
supplied by
your father-in-law!
143
00:05:41,424 --> 00:05:43,472
Hey, he usurped
my kingdom, too, man.
144
00:05:43,593 --> 00:05:46,312
He basically got me kicked out
of my home, stole my family.
145
00:05:46,429 --> 00:05:48,557
Then we are brothers,
and you have wondered
146
00:05:48,682 --> 00:05:50,605
what your life could have been
without Rick.
147
00:05:50,725 --> 00:05:51,601
Wondered? Sure.
148
00:05:51,726 --> 00:05:54,195
I mean, I've wondered
about having a vagina.
149
00:05:54,312 --> 00:05:55,279
Would you help me kill him?
150
00:05:55,397 --> 00:05:56,319
What? No!
151
00:05:56,439 --> 00:05:58,441
He's my wife's father.
Move on.
152
00:05:58,567 --> 00:06:00,615
Do you...like theme-park rides?
153
00:06:00,735 --> 00:06:01,987
Oh, you really moved on.
154
00:06:02,112 --> 00:06:06,618
There is a popular attraction
here called the Whirly Dirly.
155
00:06:06,741 --> 00:06:09,369
Between the first whirly
and the third dirly,
156
00:06:09,494 --> 00:06:12,293
the ride dips just outside
the immortality field.
157
00:06:12,414 --> 00:06:14,712
You're asking me to lure Rick
to his death?
158
00:06:14,833 --> 00:06:17,382
I'm only asking you
to go on a ride with Rick,
159
00:06:17,502 --> 00:06:20,631
get off the ride without Rick,
and go home to your family,
160
00:06:20,755 --> 00:06:22,974
where you can...
wonder about having a vagina.
161
00:06:23,091 --> 00:06:24,684
Okay, okay, that was
a very specific example
162
00:06:24,801 --> 00:06:25,768
pulled from thin air.
163
00:06:25,886 --> 00:06:27,513
I don't want to be known
as the vagina guy.
164
00:06:27,637 --> 00:06:29,810
Risotto, you're needed.
Someone ordered
165
00:06:29,931 --> 00:06:32,059
the Nuzzy Guzzy Fresh
and Fluzzy Special.
166
00:06:32,183 --> 00:06:34,936
[SIGHS DEJECTEDLY]
Look, I'm not like Rick,
167
00:06:35,061 --> 00:06:37,234
so you're free to do
as you please.
168
00:06:37,355 --> 00:06:39,278
But there comes a time
in every man's life
169
00:06:39,399 --> 00:06:41,242
when he must choose
the foundation
170
00:06:41,359 --> 00:06:43,361
on which his legacy
will be built --
171
00:06:43,486 --> 00:06:46,490
one of compromise
or one of blood.
172
00:06:49,200 --> 00:06:50,076
[KIDS CHEERING]
173
00:06:50,201 --> 00:06:53,546
♪ Once a time of year,
there's a special person here ♪
174
00:06:55,373 --> 00:06:57,546
[WHIRRING]
175
00:07:00,295 --> 00:07:01,512
Oh, yeah.
176
00:07:03,131 --> 00:07:05,259
That's what I'm talking about.
177
00:07:05,383 --> 00:07:09,138
Oops! Okay, a little more
on the other side, then.
178
00:07:09,262 --> 00:07:10,559
Oh, come on!
179
00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:11,932
[GASPS]
Oh, geez!
180
00:07:12,057 --> 00:07:13,559
Aah! Stop!
181
00:07:13,683 --> 00:07:17,278
So, the hospital just let you
walk right out of there
182
00:07:17,395 --> 00:07:18,692
with horse parts in a bag?
183
00:07:18,813 --> 00:07:20,611
For Christ's sakes, Morty,
women going through a divorce
184
00:07:20,732 --> 00:07:21,733
need a creative outlet.
185
00:07:21,858 --> 00:07:23,576
-[ CRASH ]
- What was that?
186
00:07:23,693 --> 00:07:24,990
[DEEP VOICE GROANING]
187
00:07:25,820 --> 00:07:27,072
Summer!
188
00:07:27,197 --> 00:07:29,450
[GRUNTING]
189
00:07:29,574 --> 00:07:30,996
I'm coming, Summer!
190
00:07:32,994 --> 00:07:34,371
What the hell happened?!
191
00:07:34,496 --> 00:07:36,089
[ DEEP VOICE
SHOUTS INDISTINCTLY]
192
00:07:38,333 --> 00:07:39,425
How do we get her
back to normal?!
193
00:07:39,542 --> 00:07:41,886
I don't know, man! This thing
is pretty complicated.
194
00:07:42,003 --> 00:07:43,425
L-I'm gonna call Rick.
195
00:07:43,546 --> 00:07:45,344
Well, hold on.
We can't just call your grandpa
196
00:07:45,465 --> 00:07:46,682
whenever there's a problem.
197
00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:48,302
We can handle this ourselves.
198
00:07:48,426 --> 00:07:50,303
I mean, I don't see the point
in trying to.
199
00:07:50,428 --> 00:07:52,146
This is obviously
Rick-level shit.
200
00:07:52,263 --> 00:07:53,810
I have a medical degree.
201
00:07:53,932 --> 00:07:55,184
Is that what this is about?
202
00:07:55,308 --> 00:07:56,730
L-Like, you want
to prove yourself?
203
00:07:56,851 --> 00:07:58,945
Oh, it's not about anything,
Morty. How dare you?
204
00:07:59,062 --> 00:08:00,405
Okay, good.
Then I'll just call -- Ow!
205
00:08:00,522 --> 00:08:02,240
Morty, I need this.
206
00:08:02,357 --> 00:08:03,529
[LAUGHING]
207
00:08:03,650 --> 00:08:05,618
Hey, Jerry, triple trunks here
says he knows a place
208
00:08:05,735 --> 00:08:07,737
where the ladies drop panties
for anyone bi-pedal.
209
00:08:07,862 --> 00:08:09,079
Yeah, I'm not really interested.
210
00:08:09,197 --> 00:08:10,790
My heart still belongs to Beth.
211
00:08:10,907 --> 00:08:12,204
Oh. Huh. Okay.
212
00:08:12,325 --> 00:08:13,201
[SLURPS]
213
00:08:13,326 --> 00:08:15,169
What, you don't think
I have a shot?
214
00:08:15,286 --> 00:08:16,333
I didn't say that.
215
00:08:16,454 --> 00:08:18,456
Excuse me.
May I have another one of these?
216
00:08:18,581 --> 00:08:20,174
Coming right up.
217
00:08:20,291 --> 00:08:22,965
Hmm, things weren't always
so bad between Beth and me.
218
00:08:23,086 --> 00:08:24,679
We had some good times
when we were younger.
219
00:08:24,796 --> 00:08:25,718
Oh, yeah, I bet.
220
00:08:25,839 --> 00:08:27,933
That's how teenage pregnancy
happens, my friend.
221
00:08:28,049 --> 00:08:29,266
Yeah, no.
[CHUCKLES]
222
00:08:29,384 --> 00:08:31,728
Things were pretty great, even
until a couple of years ago.
223
00:08:31,845 --> 00:08:32,937
Jerry, I get it.
224
00:08:33,054 --> 00:08:34,681
That's around the time
I moved in with you guys.
225
00:08:34,806 --> 00:08:36,023
Oh, I guess you're right.
226
00:08:36,141 --> 00:08:37,768
Jerry, you know,
I hope you're not suggesting
227
00:08:37,892 --> 00:08:39,644
that I had anything to do
with your marriage breaking up,
228
00:08:39,769 --> 00:08:42,397
because there are some major
issues between you and Beth
229
00:08:42,522 --> 00:08:44,149
that have been there
since you guys met.
230
00:08:45,775 --> 00:08:48,073
Hey, to new beginnings.
231
00:08:48,862 --> 00:08:50,535
To the Whirly Dirly.
232
00:08:50,655 --> 00:08:52,077
The Whirly Dirly?
233
00:08:52,198 --> 00:08:53,495
All right, what's going on here?
234
00:08:54,409 --> 00:08:56,207
When did you get cool?!
235
00:08:56,327 --> 00:08:57,453
[LAUGHS]
236
00:08:57,579 --> 00:08:58,922
When you stole my wife!
237
00:08:59,039 --> 00:09:00,165
I should have done that
a long time ago!
238
00:09:00,290 --> 00:09:01,667
We're going on the Whirly Dirly!
239
00:09:01,791 --> 00:09:03,384
Whirly Dirly, baby.
240
00:09:03,501 --> 00:09:04,297
[CLINK! ]
241
00:09:04,419 --> 00:09:06,342
-[ RUMBLING ]
- Aha, look at this.
242
00:09:06,463 --> 00:09:08,636
It says "normalize."
I bet if we just press that --
243
00:09:08,757 --> 00:09:11,226
But...if the machine was made
by spider people,
244
00:09:11,342 --> 00:09:12,889
normal would mean eight legs.
245
00:09:13,011 --> 00:09:14,979
Oh, God! are you gonna
go on another spiel
246
00:09:15,096 --> 00:09:16,894
like you did
with the flesh-colored crayon?
247
00:09:17,015 --> 00:09:19,313
I'm pretty sure "normalize"
will make her normal.
248
00:09:19,434 --> 00:09:20,560
[WHIRRING]
249
00:09:20,685 --> 00:09:22,904
[DEEP VOICE ] Aah!
250
00:09:23,021 --> 00:09:24,864
I'd call that progress.
251
00:09:24,981 --> 00:09:26,483
- She's huge!
- And normal!
252
00:09:26,608 --> 00:09:28,076
- I'm not normal!
- Mom!
253
00:09:28,193 --> 00:09:29,695
Okay, this says "reverse."
Done and done.
254
00:09:29,819 --> 00:09:31,196
I don't think
that's a good idea.
255
00:09:31,321 --> 00:09:33,824
Oh, come on! What else
could "reverse" possibly mean?
256
00:09:33,948 --> 00:09:37,043
- [ WHIRRING]
- Aah!
257
00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:38,787
Mom, call Rick!
258
00:09:38,912 --> 00:09:40,334
Thank you.
259
00:09:40,455 --> 00:09:41,752
There's a customer-service
number on here.
260
00:09:41,873 --> 00:09:44,217
- Mom!
-[ DIALING]
261
00:09:46,044 --> 00:09:47,216
[SCREAMING]
262
00:09:47,337 --> 00:09:49,465
Oh, man.
This is gonna be awesome!
263
00:09:49,589 --> 00:09:52,183
I got to hand it to you, Jerry.
This was a solid idea.
264
00:09:52,300 --> 00:09:53,517
Uh,yeah.
Uh-huh.
265
00:09:53,635 --> 00:09:55,353
And you know what?
I'll cop to it.
266
00:09:55,470 --> 00:09:57,063
I put a lot of strain
on your marriage.
267
00:09:57,180 --> 00:09:59,023
It wasn't fair.
I'm sorry.
268
00:09:59,140 --> 00:10:00,642
- What?!
- I didn't respect your marriage.
269
00:10:00,767 --> 00:10:02,064
I certainly
didn't do it any favors.
270
00:10:02,185 --> 00:10:03,311
And for what it's worth,
271
00:10:03,436 --> 00:10:05,438
I'll apologize to Beth for it
when we get home.
272
00:10:05,563 --> 00:10:07,861
Whoo! Whirly Dirly! Yeah!
273
00:10:07,982 --> 00:10:09,609
Stop the ride!
We got to get off.
274
00:10:09,734 --> 00:10:10,906
What are you
talking about, buddy?
275
00:10:11,027 --> 00:10:12,620
We got to get out of this thing.
We got to get out!
276
00:10:12,737 --> 00:10:14,364
-[ GRUNTS]
- Jerry, come on, man!
277
00:10:14,489 --> 00:10:16,207
We haven't even gotten
to the first whirly.
278
00:10:16,324 --> 00:10:18,418
No, no, this sucks.
It's so boring.
279
00:10:18,535 --> 00:10:19,661
I mean, I'm falling asleep here.
280
00:10:19,786 --> 00:10:21,709
Let's just get out
and crawl down the sides.
281
00:10:21,830 --> 00:10:23,423
[ BOTH SCREAMING ]
282
00:10:30,547 --> 00:10:32,720
Ah, get down!
Duck down!
283
00:10:32,841 --> 00:10:34,058
It's more fun
when you scrunch down.
284
00:10:34,175 --> 00:10:35,927
RICK:
Jerry, what the --
285
00:10:36,052 --> 00:10:37,804
Oh, shit.
286
00:10:38,555 --> 00:10:40,273
[GRUNTING]
287
00:10:50,733 --> 00:10:53,907
[SCREAMING]
288
00:10:54,028 --> 00:10:56,406
Rick, up here! There's
a spot where you can kill him!
289
00:10:56,531 --> 00:10:58,829
Good call, Jerry!
290
00:11:00,201 --> 00:11:02,829
- Hey, how'd you know about that?
- Uh...
291
00:11:10,003 --> 00:11:12,097
[ BOTH SCREAMING ]
292
00:11:16,426 --> 00:11:19,100
[BOTH LAUGHING]
293
00:11:19,220 --> 00:11:20,767
Lisa?
294
00:11:20,889 --> 00:11:23,233
[ BOTH SCREAMING ]
295
00:11:26,603 --> 00:11:31,154
So, uh, Jerry, big fan
of the Whirly Dirly, are you?
296
00:11:31,274 --> 00:11:33,368
Not anymore. [CHUCKLES]
Obviously.
297
00:11:33,484 --> 00:11:36,158
But when you were,
how did you know about it?
298
00:11:36,279 --> 00:11:39,032
[GRUNTING]
299
00:11:39,157 --> 00:11:42,752
We had a deal, Jerry Smith.
300
00:11:44,746 --> 00:11:48,250
It's a really common name.
301
00:11:49,083 --> 00:11:50,255
Now, take it easy, Rick.
302
00:11:50,376 --> 00:11:52,879
You've been in a serious
roller-coaster crash.
303
00:11:53,004 --> 00:11:54,551
It's -- It's no time
to be thinking about
304
00:11:54,672 --> 00:11:57,266
who did or didn't play a role
in your attempted murder.
305
00:11:57,383 --> 00:11:59,727
[SCREAMS] Get it off me!
It's eating me!
306
00:11:59,844 --> 00:12:01,346
Look, I confess, okay?
307
00:12:01,471 --> 00:12:03,269
They told me about all the
bad stuff you did to this planet
308
00:12:03,389 --> 00:12:04,982
and reminded me of all
the bad stuff you did to me.
309
00:12:05,099 --> 00:12:06,817
But then you said
you were sorry, and I realized
310
00:12:06,935 --> 00:12:08,232
you're not a monster --
not like this thing.
311
00:12:08,353 --> 00:12:09,570
Fuck!
It's got me good.
312
00:12:09,687 --> 00:12:10,939
This is a mislead, right?
313
00:12:11,064 --> 00:12:12,987
You're inventing a thing
to save me.
314
00:12:13,107 --> 00:12:14,279
That would be called
a knife, Jerry.
315
00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:15,367
It's been invented.
316
00:12:15,485 --> 00:12:17,988
I'm making a way out of here.
One seat ought to do it.
317
00:12:18,112 --> 00:12:19,329
I'm sorry.
I-l made a mistake.
318
00:12:19,447 --> 00:12:21,495
- I won't do it again!
- Nobody ever does.
319
00:12:21,616 --> 00:12:23,584
[GRUNTING]
320
00:12:23,701 --> 00:12:25,920
You self-righteous
piece of shit!
321
00:12:26,037 --> 00:12:27,380
You took my family!
322
00:12:27,497 --> 00:12:28,874
I took your family?
323
00:12:28,998 --> 00:12:30,250
Who do you think
had more taken from them
324
00:12:30,375 --> 00:12:33,754
when you shot 20cc of liquid
dream-killer into my daughter?
325
00:12:33,878 --> 00:12:36,882
She was Rick's daughter, Jerry.
She had options!
326
00:12:37,006 --> 00:12:37,507
Oof.
327
00:12:37,632 --> 00:12:39,726
That all ended
because she felt sorry for you.
328
00:12:39,842 --> 00:12:41,719
You act like prey,
but you're a predator!
329
00:12:41,844 --> 00:12:43,391
You use pity to lure in
your victims!
330
00:12:43,513 --> 00:12:44,560
That's how you survive!
331
00:12:44,681 --> 00:12:46,433
I survive
because I know everything.
332
00:12:46,557 --> 00:12:48,651
That snakes survives
because children wander off,
333
00:12:48,768 --> 00:12:50,065
and you survive
because people think,
334
00:12:50,186 --> 00:12:52,359
"Oh, this poor piece of shit.
He never gets a break.
335
00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:54,528
I can't stand
the deafening silent wails
336
00:12:54,649 --> 00:12:55,650
of his wilting soul.
337
00:12:55,775 --> 00:12:57,573
I guess I'll hire him
or marry him."
338
00:12:57,694 --> 00:13:00,618
Rick!
[MUFFLED] Rick!
339
00:13:06,786 --> 00:13:08,208
I knew you wouldn't let me die.
340
00:13:08,329 --> 00:13:09,376
That was never an option.
341
00:13:09,497 --> 00:13:10,965
Because you never had a son.
342
00:13:11,082 --> 00:13:12,584
No, because I need
a living organism
343
00:13:12,709 --> 00:13:15,713
coated in gibble snake bile
to attract a shmooglite runner.
344
00:13:15,837 --> 00:13:17,805
- Wait, what's happening?
- Use that confusion, Jerry.
345
00:13:17,922 --> 00:13:20,846
It'll make you wriggle more like
an abandoned newborn.
346
00:13:20,967 --> 00:13:23,720
-[ LOW GROWLING]
- Jesus Christ!
347
00:13:23,845 --> 00:13:25,688
What the fuck, Rick?!
348
00:13:27,015 --> 00:13:29,188
Help!
He“) me!
349
00:13:29,309 --> 00:13:30,652
[ROARING]
350
00:13:30,768 --> 00:13:32,190
Aaah!
351
00:13:41,070 --> 00:13:43,038
There's a space port
20 miles south.
352
00:13:43,156 --> 00:13:45,124
We'll be able to board
a galaxy class cruise ship
353
00:13:45,241 --> 00:13:46,618
and jump through a wormhole
that will put us
354
00:13:46,743 --> 00:13:49,041
within spitting distance
of the Milky Way.
355
00:13:49,162 --> 00:13:50,584
But, hey,
it's about the journey,
356
00:13:50,705 --> 00:13:52,457
not the destination,
right, Jerry?
357
00:13:52,582 --> 00:13:54,835
[ ROARS]
358
00:13:54,959 --> 00:13:56,256
[MOANING]
359
00:13:56,377 --> 00:13:58,846
Just stay put, sweetie!
Mom's still on hold.
360
00:13:58,963 --> 00:14:00,931
Morphizer customer service.
How may I help you?
361
00:14:01,049 --> 00:14:03,393
Yes, I'm having a little trouble
with one of your machines.
362
00:14:03,509 --> 00:14:04,886
Oh, I'm sorry
to hear that, ma'am.
363
00:14:05,011 --> 00:14:07,685
Do you see a little compartment
on the side of the machine?
364
00:14:07,805 --> 00:14:09,933
Let me check.
Yes, got it.
365
00:14:10,058 --> 00:14:10,854
- Mom?
- Great!
366
00:14:10,975 --> 00:14:12,943
Now, do you see
the little button next to it?
367
00:14:13,061 --> 00:14:14,984
- I do.
- Give that button a push.
368
00:14:15,104 --> 00:14:16,572
- Okay.
- Mom, listen to me!
369
00:14:16,689 --> 00:14:18,942
We're free!!
370
00:14:19,067 --> 00:14:21,786
Okay, so I pushed the button,
and three little men ran out.
371
00:14:21,903 --> 00:14:23,621
What do I do next?
372
00:14:23,738 --> 00:14:24,785
Hello?
373
00:14:24,906 --> 00:14:26,328
I think we got disconnected.
374
00:14:26,449 --> 00:14:28,292
- Morty!
- Don't "Morty" me!
375
00:14:28,409 --> 00:14:30,286
I tricked Rick into taking Dad
on an adventure
376
00:14:30,411 --> 00:14:31,503
because I thought
I could get a break
377
00:14:31,621 --> 00:14:33,294
from this kind of shit, but no!
378
00:14:33,414 --> 00:14:35,291
Like father,
like goddamn daughter!
379
00:14:35,416 --> 00:14:37,589
You want to be like Rick,
congratulations!
380
00:14:37,710 --> 00:14:40,509
You're just as arrogant
and just as irresponsible!
381
00:14:40,630 --> 00:14:42,007
Everything okay here?
382
00:14:42,131 --> 00:14:43,678
Mind your own goddamn business,
Gene!
383
00:14:43,800 --> 00:14:46,474
I'm having a conversation
with my mother here!
384
00:14:46,594 --> 00:14:49,097
Kissing Rick's ass isn't gonna
help him keep him around, Mom,
385
00:14:49,222 --> 00:14:51,316
but it will help you lose
everyone else.
386
00:14:51,432 --> 00:14:53,184
Like I lost Summer.
387
00:14:53,309 --> 00:14:55,152
Hey, you haven't lost her yet.
388
00:14:55,269 --> 00:14:56,737
No, I definitely did.
She's gone.
389
00:14:56,854 --> 00:14:58,481
God damn it!
390
00:14:58,606 --> 00:15:00,574
[ BEEPING ]
391
00:15:00,691 --> 00:15:02,034
Go ahead.
392
00:15:02,151 --> 00:15:04,074
[ALARM BLARES]
393
00:15:04,195 --> 00:15:05,697
- Oh, come on.
- What's happening?
394
00:15:05,822 --> 00:15:08,917
Your friend has class C or above
cybernetic augmentations.
395
00:15:09,033 --> 00:15:10,501
Emphasis on the above.
396
00:15:10,618 --> 00:15:11,710
In any case,
he needs to be neutralized.
397
00:15:11,828 --> 00:15:14,206
- What?! Wait!
- Ugh!
398
00:15:14,330 --> 00:15:16,503
[GROANS]
Brain hurty.
399
00:15:16,624 --> 00:15:17,591
What did you do?
400
00:15:17,708 --> 00:15:19,585
It's a synaptic dampener
that blocks violent tendencies
401
00:15:19,710 --> 00:15:21,132
and controversial thought.
402
00:15:21,254 --> 00:15:23,131
He will now be
an ideal passenger.
403
00:15:23,256 --> 00:15:25,725
I want cookies
and a 90-minute cut of "Avatar."
404
00:15:25,842 --> 00:15:27,139
Seriously?
[SNAPPING ]
405
00:15:27,260 --> 00:15:29,012
- Quit it.
- It'll wear off in six hours.
406
00:15:29,137 --> 00:15:31,481
It's cheaper than banning
dangerous people from flights.
407
00:15:31,597 --> 00:15:33,224
I mean, let everybody
buy a ticket, right?
408
00:15:33,349 --> 00:15:35,101
Otherwise, the terrorists win.
409
00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:41,073
Aah!
410
00:15:41,190 --> 00:15:43,488
I'm sorry I'm not
a classic maternal archetype.
411
00:15:43,609 --> 00:15:45,327
Okay, I don't know what to do
when you people come to me
412
00:15:45,445 --> 00:15:47,163
with your weird puberty issues.
413
00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:49,157
What are you gonna do
when your daughter asks you
414
00:15:49,282 --> 00:15:50,374
if she's attractive?
415
00:15:50,491 --> 00:15:52,539
- I'll say, "Yes"!
- Morty, gross!
416
00:15:52,660 --> 00:15:55,664
Well, she's gonna be super hot.
Her mother's gonna be Jessica.
417
00:15:55,788 --> 00:15:57,506
Wait, when did Summer
ask you that?!
418
00:15:57,623 --> 00:16:00,046
Right before she Clive Barkered
herself. Why?
419
00:16:00,168 --> 00:16:01,420
Wait, I know where she is!
420
00:16:01,544 --> 00:16:03,342
Ethan and Summer were
supposed to go camping,
421
00:16:03,463 --> 00:16:05,636
and then he dumped Summer
for this girl Tricia Lange,
422
00:16:05,756 --> 00:16:07,850
who's got huge boobies,
and took her.
423
00:16:07,967 --> 00:16:09,844
Campsite -- The one with the
name that sounds like somebody
424
00:16:09,969 --> 00:16:11,516
gave up halfway
through naming it.
425
00:16:11,637 --> 00:16:13,605
Uh...Camp Flabanabba!
426
00:16:13,723 --> 00:16:15,100
Mama's coming, baby.
427
00:16:15,224 --> 00:16:17,898
Mama's coming, and she cares
about your titties!
428
00:16:18,019 --> 00:16:20,989
They have
sweet smiggle honey cookies.
429
00:16:21,105 --> 00:16:24,109
Mmm! And low-calorie
petroleum flakes.
430
00:16:24,233 --> 00:16:25,359
Obviously cookies.
431
00:16:25,485 --> 00:16:26,611
Let's get you the flakes, then.
432
00:16:26,736 --> 00:16:28,329
Okay, but it's not
what I wanted.
433
00:16:28,446 --> 00:16:29,572
Well, maybe next time,
you won't be
434
00:16:29,697 --> 00:16:31,825
such a dumb piece of shit
and you can pick for yourself.
435
00:16:31,949 --> 00:16:33,371
- That's not nice.
- What's that?
436
00:16:33,493 --> 00:16:35,120
Did you just have
a controversial thought?
437
00:16:35,244 --> 00:16:36,712
- No.
- That's what I thought, bitch.
438
00:16:36,829 --> 00:16:38,706
You little punk-ass.
439
00:16:38,831 --> 00:16:40,629
[CHUCKLES]
This is the best.
440
00:16:40,750 --> 00:16:42,502
I agree.
You've made things even easier
441
00:16:42,627 --> 00:16:44,425
than if you hadn't
been incompetent.
442
00:16:44,545 --> 00:16:46,639
Uh-oh.
We get shoot-shoot now.
443
00:16:48,716 --> 00:16:50,593
MAN". All right, folks, if you
could please take your seats,
444
00:16:50,718 --> 00:16:51,970
we're about to enter
the Wormhole.
445
00:16:52,094 --> 00:16:54,563
So, I hope everybody bought
a dinner first.
446
00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:55,852
-[ CHUCKLES] Nice.
- Nice.
447
00:16:55,973 --> 00:16:57,441
-[ GRUNTS ]
- Jerry, step over there
448
00:16:57,558 --> 00:16:58,855
and lock yourself
in the escape pod.
449
00:16:58,976 --> 00:17:00,603
- You're not killing us?
- I'm killing Rick.
450
00:17:00,728 --> 00:17:03,447
You're free to go. You're
no threat to me or anyone.
451
00:17:03,564 --> 00:17:04,656
Now you're just being mean.
452
00:17:04,774 --> 00:17:06,117
Yeah, you're mean!
No offense.
453
00:17:06,234 --> 00:17:07,736
Mean would be
shooting you, Jerry.
454
00:17:07,860 --> 00:17:08,952
This is saving a bullet.
455
00:17:09,070 --> 00:17:10,743
Go back to
your quietly ashamed family
456
00:17:10,863 --> 00:17:12,331
and live out
the rest of your days
457
00:17:12,448 --> 00:17:13,995
in denial
of your vagina fantasies.
458
00:17:14,116 --> 00:17:16,619
It was a one-time thought
that everyone has!
459
00:17:16,744 --> 00:17:17,996
[GRUNTING]
460
00:17:18,120 --> 00:17:19,713
What are you doing?
461
00:17:19,830 --> 00:17:21,673
I'm being triumphantly brave!
462
00:17:21,791 --> 00:17:23,384
It's not triumphant or brave.
463
00:17:23,501 --> 00:17:24,627
You're not risking anything.
464
00:17:24,752 --> 00:17:25,753
You might shoot me.
465
00:17:25,878 --> 00:17:27,004
I think you know I won't.
466
00:17:27,129 --> 00:17:28,506
Because you know
I feel sorry for you.
467
00:17:28,631 --> 00:17:30,349
You're just doing this
so you can tell yourself
468
00:17:30,466 --> 00:17:31,638
you fought -- Ow!
469
00:17:31,759 --> 00:17:32,806
[BUZZING]
470
00:17:32,927 --> 00:17:34,474
WOMAN".
Temporal shield compromised.
471
00:17:34,595 --> 00:17:37,189
Congratulations, Jerry.
You get to die a man.
472
00:17:37,306 --> 00:17:38,558
Uh, that's okay!
I'll leave!
473
00:17:38,683 --> 00:17:41,357
Please don't shoot.
I-I'm the vagina guy, remember?
474
00:17:45,815 --> 00:17:49,786
Whoa!
What is happening to me?
475
00:17:49,902 --> 00:17:52,200
Where is this?
Where am I?
476
00:17:52,321 --> 00:17:54,164
Am I dead?
A-Am I -- Am I still alive?
477
00:17:54,282 --> 00:17:57,456
RICK: Those aren't the questions
you should be asking.
478
00:17:57,577 --> 00:17:59,500
"Huh?!
- Shh!
479
00:18:01,706 --> 00:18:03,834
[CAWING]
480
00:18:05,835 --> 00:18:07,929
[BURPING]
481
00:18:11,424 --> 00:18:12,971
[TICKING ]
482
00:18:20,016 --> 00:18:21,734
[ROAR]
483
00:18:21,851 --> 00:18:24,229
[CHUCKLES]
Ah, got ya!
484
00:18:24,353 --> 00:18:25,525
Come here, you little pumpkin.
485
00:18:25,646 --> 00:18:28,024
I have shit on my ass.
486
00:18:28,149 --> 00:18:29,901
Whoa, fuck this!
487
00:18:30,026 --> 00:18:32,996
Who am I?
488
00:18:33,112 --> 00:18:36,161
I'm time!
I'm literally time!
489
00:18:36,282 --> 00:18:41,379
ALL:
VVhooooa!
490
00:18:41,495 --> 00:18:42,621
Aah!
491
00:18:42,747 --> 00:18:45,717
Oh, God. I feel like
our souls were united,
492
00:18:45,833 --> 00:18:47,801
and we were all one
with eternity.
493
00:18:47,918 --> 00:18:49,340
Our body's unchanged,
494
00:18:49,462 --> 00:18:52,011
yet our minds have lived
a thousand lifetimes.
495
00:18:52,131 --> 00:18:54,054
Is that enough time
for me to forgive you?
496
00:18:54,175 --> 00:18:55,051
I don't know,
but it's enough time
497
00:18:55,176 --> 00:18:57,019
for a synaptic dampener
to wear off.
498
00:18:57,136 --> 00:18:57,853
[POP]
499
00:19:00,181 --> 00:19:01,478
Jesus!
500
00:19:01,599 --> 00:19:03,693
He hadn't decided
he was still going to kill us!
501
00:19:03,809 --> 00:19:05,811
He was talking himself into it.
I've seen it before.
502
00:19:05,936 --> 00:19:08,735
Cosmic apotheosis wears off
faster than salvia.
503
00:19:08,856 --> 00:19:10,733
I'm starting to believe you
because I just finished merging
504
00:19:10,858 --> 00:19:12,701
with your essence
for an endless epoch,
505
00:19:12,818 --> 00:19:14,786
and I'm already back to thinking
you're an asshole.
506
00:19:14,904 --> 00:19:16,577
Fine with me.
Let's just go our separate ways.
507
00:19:16,697 --> 00:19:18,074
Sounds like you
and the word "epoch"
508
00:19:18,199 --> 00:19:19,451
have a lot of catching up to do.
509
00:19:19,575 --> 00:19:20,827
Wait, don't leave me!
510
00:19:20,951 --> 00:19:22,373
MAN: All right, folks,
you're free to get up
511
00:19:22,495 --> 00:19:23,371
and walk around the cabin
512
00:19:23,496 --> 00:19:26,124
and maybe take the wormhole out
for breakfast.
513
00:19:26,248 --> 00:19:27,249
MAN #2: Okay,
you can do the dinner one
514
00:19:27,375 --> 00:19:28,797
or the breakfast one,
but not both.
515
00:19:31,962 --> 00:19:33,214
You think you got that thing
figured out?
516
00:19:33,339 --> 00:19:34,431
Yeah, I know what I'm doing.
517
00:19:34,548 --> 00:19:36,141
BETH: Good.
Because I have an idea.
518
00:19:38,803 --> 00:19:42,228
It's actually a contraction
of "some" and "more."
519
00:19:42,348 --> 00:19:43,520
- You see that?
- Oh, wow.
520
00:19:43,641 --> 00:19:44,642
I was way off.
521
00:19:44,767 --> 00:19:45,814
[ROARING]
522
00:19:45,935 --> 00:19:47,278
[ BOTH SCREAMING ]
523
00:19:47,395 --> 00:19:50,365
[GROANING INDISTINCTLY]
524
00:19:50,481 --> 00:19:52,734
[BOTH GROANING INDISTINCTLY]
525
00:20:02,910 --> 00:20:04,662
Morty, what's happening here?
526
00:20:04,787 --> 00:20:06,505
Summer got into
my grandpa's garage,
527
00:20:06,622 --> 00:20:08,966
messed around, and
turned herself into a monster.
528
00:20:09,083 --> 00:20:10,926
My mom did the same
to make her feel better.
529
00:20:11,043 --> 00:20:12,215
She's a good mom.
530
00:20:12,336 --> 00:20:15,135
[ BOTH CHUCKLE]
531
00:20:15,256 --> 00:20:17,384
Oh, my God.
I have to go call my mother!
532
00:20:17,508 --> 00:20:19,010
- Tricia, wait!
- MORTY: Ethan! Ethan!
533
00:20:19,135 --> 00:20:21,183
Hey, it's okay.
Sit down.
534
00:20:21,303 --> 00:20:23,431
You made my sister cry, Ethan.
535
00:20:23,556 --> 00:20:24,978
You messed with her body image.
536
00:20:25,099 --> 00:20:27,101
- Look, Morty, I --
- Shh, shh, shh.
537
00:20:27,226 --> 00:20:30,070
Careful, Ethan.
Your s'more is burning.
538
00:20:30,813 --> 00:20:34,488
[ BEEP, WHIRRING]
539
00:20:34,608 --> 00:20:36,406
[GULPS]
540
00:20:40,865 --> 00:20:42,959
Uh, I guess we better
get on the same page
541
00:20:43,075 --> 00:20:44,452
about our fake adventure.
542
00:20:44,577 --> 00:20:45,874
- Right.
- I'll make you a deal.
543
00:20:45,995 --> 00:20:47,542
I'll leave out the part
where you tried to murder me...
544
00:20:47,663 --> 00:20:48,539
And I'll leave out the part
545
00:20:48,664 --> 00:20:50,712
where you admitted
to sabotaging our marriage.
546
00:20:52,710 --> 00:20:54,007
You want to...
547
00:20:54,128 --> 00:20:55,721
Nah, if the family
sees me like this,
548
00:20:55,838 --> 00:20:57,340
they'll feel sorry for me.
549
00:20:57,465 --> 00:20:59,684
Which is no longer
my signature move.
550
00:20:59,800 --> 00:21:01,802
Later days, amigo.
551
00:21:04,638 --> 00:21:06,265
Actually, I just realized,
I don't have my wallet,
552
00:21:06,390 --> 00:21:07,858
and my bus pass is in there,
so maybe --
553
00:21:07,975 --> 00:21:09,318
Stay strong, Jerry.
I believe in you!
554
00:21:09,435 --> 00:21:10,903
[ LOCK CLICKS]
555
00:21:11,020 --> 00:21:13,022
[WHIRRING]
556
00:21:15,816 --> 00:21:16,783
[SIGHS]
557
00:21:16,901 --> 00:21:18,903
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS]
558
00:21:49,725 --> 00:21:52,228
I tell you, fellas.
This is the life.
559
00:21:52,353 --> 00:21:53,775
It certainly is.
560
00:21:53,896 --> 00:21:55,022
To freedom!
561
00:21:55,147 --> 00:21:56,364
[GROANING]
562
00:21:56,482 --> 00:21:58,450
Ooh!
Looks like a 4-22.
563
00:21:58,567 --> 00:22:00,114
Ooh, a couple cranks
on the scaling knob
564
00:22:00,236 --> 00:22:02,955
with a four dilabyte cross fade
would fix that up in a jiff.
565
00:22:03,072 --> 00:22:06,076
Four? You'd be lucky
to clear 13% de-morphized
566
00:22:06,200 --> 00:22:07,292
with that kind of range.
567
00:22:07,409 --> 00:22:10,083
Gentlemen, gentlemen,
what did we agree on?
568
00:22:10,204 --> 00:22:11,626
TOGETHER:
No work talk!
569
00:22:11,747 --> 00:22:14,546
Let's just relax and enjoy
our retirement, shall --
570
00:22:14,667 --> 00:22:16,260
-[ BIRD SCREECHES]
- Oh, my God!
571
00:22:16,377 --> 00:22:17,799
Aaah!