1 00:00:04,213 --> 00:00:06,255 Hey, Rick. 2 00:00:06,340 --> 00:00:08,257 I have to make a project for the science fair this weekend. 3 00:00:08,342 --> 00:00:09,926 You think you could help me out? 4 00:00:10,010 --> 00:00:11,730 - Whatever. - Well, I mean, traditionally... 5 00:00:11,804 --> 00:00:14,180 science fairs are a father-son thing. 6 00:00:14,264 --> 00:00:17,058 Well, scientifically, traditions are an idiot thing. 7 00:00:17,142 --> 00:00:18,643 Morty, I think it would be fun for you 8 00:00:18,727 --> 00:00:21,479 to work on a science project with your Dad. 9 00:00:23,524 --> 00:00:25,441 Uh... 10 00:00:25,526 --> 00:00:28,194 Yeah, Dad. Why don't we do it together? 11 00:00:28,278 --> 00:00:31,072 Yes! You backed the right horse on this one, son. 12 00:00:31,156 --> 00:00:33,282 We'll get out the crayons, brew some coffee, 13 00:00:33,367 --> 00:00:35,702 and knock this thing out in two or three days. 14 00:00:37,162 --> 00:00:38,621 What is my purpose? 15 00:00:38,706 --> 00:00:40,873 Pass the butter. 16 00:00:42,376 --> 00:00:43,960 Thank you. 17 00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:48,339 Dad, I need a ride to work. 18 00:00:48,424 --> 00:00:50,216 Maybe Rick can give you a ride. 19 00:00:50,300 --> 00:00:52,093 I'm helping Morty with science. 20 00:00:52,177 --> 00:00:54,095 - I'm busy. - Doing what? 21 00:00:54,179 --> 00:00:56,639 Uh, anything else. 22 00:00:56,724 --> 00:00:58,641 What is my purpose? 23 00:00:58,726 --> 00:01:00,768 You pass butter. 24 00:01:00,853 --> 00:01:02,478 Oh, my god. 25 00:01:02,563 --> 00:01:04,522 Yeah, welcome to the club, pal. 26 00:01:38,849 --> 00:01:40,391 Since when do you have a job? 27 00:01:40,476 --> 00:01:41,476 Since last week. 28 00:01:41,477 --> 00:01:43,227 It's part-time at this little vintage thrift store. 29 00:01:43,312 --> 00:01:45,646 My boss is this really smart, eccentric old man 30 00:01:45,731 --> 00:01:47,940 that treats me nice and values me. 31 00:01:48,025 --> 00:01:49,817 Meow. Can't wait to meet... 32 00:01:49,902 --> 00:01:51,694 this fascinating character. 33 00:01:51,779 --> 00:01:54,322 Please don't. 34 00:01:54,406 --> 00:01:57,200 Oh. Well, when did this stop being Jamba Juice? 35 00:01:57,284 --> 00:01:59,452 I've just recently opened for business, 36 00:01:59,536 --> 00:02:01,621 Mister, um, Goldenfold. 37 00:02:01,705 --> 00:02:02,997 You know my name? 38 00:02:03,081 --> 00:02:04,791 That's disarming. 39 00:02:04,875 --> 00:02:07,627 I also know you long for female company. 40 00:02:07,711 --> 00:02:10,755 You know, it has been lonely since the divorce. 41 00:02:10,839 --> 00:02:13,674 Some voids can't be filled with Jamba Juice. 42 00:02:13,759 --> 00:02:17,261 This aftershave makes a man quite irresistible to women. 43 00:02:17,346 --> 00:02:18,721 Free of charge. 44 00:02:18,806 --> 00:02:21,432 One never pays here... not with money. 45 00:02:21,517 --> 00:02:23,434 Nothing to read into there. Thanks! 46 00:02:23,519 --> 00:02:25,478 Sorry I'm late, Mr. Needful. 47 00:02:25,562 --> 00:02:28,731 This is my grandpa, Rick. He was just leaving. 48 00:02:28,816 --> 00:02:29,857 Huh. 49 00:02:29,942 --> 00:02:31,734 Tell me, Rick, what do you desire? 50 00:02:31,819 --> 00:02:33,736 Eh, I make my own stuff. 51 00:02:33,821 --> 00:02:35,613 So, what are you... like, the devil? 52 00:02:35,697 --> 00:02:37,281 - What? Sorry? - I don't know. 53 00:02:37,366 --> 00:02:40,493 Store comes out of nowhere, all the shit's old and creepy. 54 00:02:40,577 --> 00:02:42,453 Are you the devil? A demon? Leprechaun? 55 00:02:42,538 --> 00:02:44,330 - Grandpa Rick! - Hey, I'm not judging. 56 00:02:44,414 --> 00:02:46,332 Just like shoot straight. I'm a man of science. 57 00:02:46,416 --> 00:02:49,168 Ah, then perhaps you could make use of this. 58 00:02:49,253 --> 00:02:53,172 This microscope reveals things beyond comprehension. 59 00:03:01,557 --> 00:03:03,474 Grandpa, go home and drink. 60 00:03:05,394 --> 00:03:07,311 Why don't we do a model of the solar system? 61 00:03:07,396 --> 00:03:09,396 That's what my Dad did with me when I was your age. 62 00:03:09,398 --> 00:03:10,898 Oh, okay. 63 00:03:10,983 --> 00:03:13,568 You know, Rick's in his lab, making cyborgs 64 00:03:13,652 --> 00:03:15,903 and wormholes and all that weird stuff, 65 00:03:15,988 --> 00:03:17,738 but this is real science. 66 00:03:17,823 --> 00:03:19,907 A man and his boy, making planets. 67 00:03:19,992 --> 00:03:22,493 Hey, how about we use a ping-pong ball for Pluto? 68 00:03:22,578 --> 00:03:23,953 And then Jupiter... 69 00:03:24,037 --> 00:03:26,539 Uh, actually, I don't think Pluto's a planet. 70 00:03:28,125 --> 00:03:29,917 Of course Pluto's a planet, son. 71 00:03:30,002 --> 00:03:31,794 I learned that in the third grade. 72 00:03:31,879 --> 00:03:33,546 Well, yeah, but you know they changed it. 73 00:03:33,630 --> 00:03:35,506 Morty, nobody changed the planets. 74 00:03:35,591 --> 00:03:37,925 I just googled it. Pluto's not a planet. 75 00:03:38,010 --> 00:03:39,927 They changed it in 2006. 76 00:03:40,012 --> 00:03:42,638 Yeah, I heard about that, Morty. 77 00:03:42,723 --> 00:03:45,516 And I disagree. - You disagree? 78 00:03:45,601 --> 00:03:48,019 That's right. It's possible to disagree in science, Morty. 79 00:03:48,103 --> 00:03:49,687 Pluto was a planet. 80 00:03:49,771 --> 00:03:51,411 Some committee of fancy assholes disagree. 81 00:03:51,440 --> 00:03:53,357 I disagree back. Give me a ping-pong ball. 82 00:03:53,442 --> 00:03:55,818 Um, okay. I-I just have to... 83 00:03:55,903 --> 00:03:57,663 Go find Rick and go over my head about Pluto? 84 00:03:57,738 --> 00:03:58,863 No. Geez! 85 00:03:58,947 --> 00:04:01,282 I just gotta go to the bathroom. Damn. 86 00:04:01,366 --> 00:04:04,160 Oh. Okay, good. 87 00:04:04,244 --> 00:04:05,828 This is gonna be fun. 88 00:04:06,914 --> 00:04:08,714 - Hey, Morty, let me... - let me... 89 00:04:08,749 --> 00:04:10,583 let me ask you a question real quick. 90 00:04:10,667 --> 00:04:12,418 Does evil exist, and if so, 91 00:04:12,502 --> 00:04:14,170 can one detect and measure it? 92 00:04:14,254 --> 00:04:16,005 - Um... - Rhetorical question, Morty. 93 00:04:16,089 --> 00:04:18,382 The answer's "yes, you just have to be a genius." 94 00:04:18,467 --> 00:04:20,301 Cute. Your sister's boss gave me a microscope 95 00:04:20,385 --> 00:04:21,886 that would have made me retarded. 96 00:04:21,970 --> 00:04:23,679 Ooh. Oh, boy, Rick. 97 00:04:23,764 --> 00:04:25,681 I'm don't think you're allowed to say that word, you know? 98 00:04:25,766 --> 00:04:28,059 Morty, I'm not disparaging the differently abled. 99 00:04:28,143 --> 00:04:30,478 I'm stating the fact that if I had used this microscope, 100 00:04:30,562 --> 00:04:32,122 it would have made me mentally retarded. 101 00:04:32,189 --> 00:04:34,565 Okay, yeah, but I don't think it's about logic, Rick. 102 00:04:34,650 --> 00:04:36,484 I think the word has just become a symbolic issue for 103 00:04:36,568 --> 00:04:38,986 powerful groups that are doing the right thing. 104 00:04:39,071 --> 00:04:40,696 Well, that's retarded. 105 00:04:40,781 --> 00:04:42,573 - What are you talking about? - Apparently, nothing. 106 00:04:42,658 --> 00:04:44,617 You asked him if Pluto's a planet, didn't you? 107 00:04:44,701 --> 00:04:45,701 - No! - It's not. 108 00:04:45,786 --> 00:04:47,203 - Shut up, Rick. - Whoa. 109 00:04:47,287 --> 00:04:48,871 I don't care what anyone says. 110 00:04:48,956 --> 00:04:51,707 If it can be a planet, it can be a planet again. 111 00:04:51,792 --> 00:04:54,627 Planet. Planet, planet, planet. 112 00:04:54,711 --> 00:04:57,129 Stay scientific, Jerry. 113 00:04:58,840 --> 00:05:00,758 This aftershave made women want me, 114 00:05:00,842 --> 00:05:02,760 but it also made me impotent! 115 00:05:02,844 --> 00:05:05,471 A price for everything, Mr. Goldenfold. 116 00:05:05,555 --> 00:05:07,807 A price for everything. 117 00:05:09,226 --> 00:05:11,519 Oh, my god! 118 00:05:11,603 --> 00:05:14,230 How could I not see this coming?! 119 00:05:14,314 --> 00:05:17,984 My lust! 120 00:05:18,068 --> 00:05:20,194 My greed! 121 00:05:20,278 --> 00:05:22,780 I deserved this! 122 00:05:22,864 --> 00:05:25,783 This serum should counteract the negative effects. 123 00:05:25,867 --> 00:05:28,494 Holy cats! Ladies, let's get out of here. 124 00:05:28,578 --> 00:05:30,496 I haven't learned a thing! 125 00:05:30,580 --> 00:05:31,914 Here. 126 00:05:31,999 --> 00:05:33,666 You can have this back. 127 00:05:33,750 --> 00:05:34,917 You didn't use it? 128 00:05:35,002 --> 00:05:36,794 Sure I did... to develop this. 129 00:05:36,878 --> 00:05:38,879 It detects and catalogs all your "Twilight Zone," 130 00:05:38,964 --> 00:05:41,382 Ray Bradbury, "Friday the 13th" The Series 131 00:05:41,466 --> 00:05:43,050 voodoo crap magic. 132 00:05:43,135 --> 00:05:44,552 I thought you might want it so you didn't 133 00:05:44,636 --> 00:05:47,054 accidentally sell anybody, say... 134 00:05:47,139 --> 00:05:49,598 A typewriter that generates best-selling murder mysteries 135 00:05:49,683 --> 00:05:52,518 and then makes the murders happen in real life? 136 00:05:52,602 --> 00:05:53,477 Ooh. - Be quiet. 137 00:05:53,562 --> 00:05:54,895 Don't you want to make sure 138 00:05:54,980 --> 00:05:56,480 people know what they're getting? 139 00:05:56,565 --> 00:05:58,607 You're not intentionally selling... 140 00:05:58,692 --> 00:06:00,401 Beauty cream that makes ugly ladies pretty 141 00:06:00,485 --> 00:06:02,653 but also makes them blind? 142 00:06:02,738 --> 00:06:04,655 I find this all quite preposterous. 143 00:06:04,740 --> 00:06:06,657 Oh, I say, good sir. Oh, harrumph. 144 00:06:06,742 --> 00:06:09,618 Oh, oh! 145 00:06:09,703 --> 00:06:11,120 That's beautiful. 146 00:06:11,204 --> 00:06:13,956 You know it's gonna be wearing you in three hours? 147 00:06:14,041 --> 00:06:15,761 Do I need to call the police? 148 00:06:15,792 --> 00:06:17,126 Here, you can use my phone. 149 00:06:17,210 --> 00:06:18,669 Don't worry, it won't make you deaf 150 00:06:18,754 --> 00:06:20,004 because I'm not a hack. 151 00:06:20,088 --> 00:06:21,422 Hey! 152 00:06:23,091 --> 00:06:24,467 You think you're fucking so great! 153 00:06:24,551 --> 00:06:26,343 Stop it! No! 154 00:06:26,428 --> 00:06:28,220 Fuck yeah, man. 155 00:06:28,305 --> 00:06:29,972 Stop it right now! 156 00:06:30,057 --> 00:06:32,058 Grandpa Rick, I like working here. 157 00:06:32,142 --> 00:06:34,226 - You work for the devil. - So what? 158 00:06:34,311 --> 00:06:35,895 - "So what?" - Yes! 159 00:06:35,979 --> 00:06:37,563 So what if he's the devil, Rick? 160 00:06:37,647 --> 00:06:39,231 At least the devil has a job. 161 00:06:39,316 --> 00:06:40,983 At least he's active in the community. 162 00:06:41,068 --> 00:06:42,651 What do you do? 163 00:06:42,736 --> 00:06:44,737 You eat our food and make gadgets. 164 00:06:44,821 --> 00:06:47,114 Buh-bye. 165 00:06:47,199 --> 00:06:48,616 WhOops. 166 00:06:50,619 --> 00:06:52,703 I'm sorry, Mr. Needful. I'll clean that up. 167 00:06:52,788 --> 00:06:54,497 I don't know what I can do about the ghost lady 168 00:06:54,581 --> 00:06:56,165 that came out of it, but... - It's fine. 169 00:06:56,249 --> 00:06:58,125 Summer, you know, your grandfather's right. 170 00:06:58,210 --> 00:07:00,920 This store curses people. That's my business. 171 00:07:01,004 --> 00:07:03,339 Well, yeah. Fast-food gives people diabetes, 172 00:07:03,423 --> 00:07:05,174 and clothing stores have sweatshops. 173 00:07:05,258 --> 00:07:07,384 Is there a company hiring teenagers that isn't evil? 174 00:07:07,469 --> 00:07:09,095 This is my first job. 175 00:07:09,179 --> 00:07:10,805 You've been nice to me, Mr. Needful. 176 00:07:10,889 --> 00:07:12,598 You respect me. 177 00:07:12,682 --> 00:07:15,101 Please, call me "The Devil." 178 00:07:15,185 --> 00:07:16,936 I'd rather not, actually. 179 00:07:17,020 --> 00:07:18,771 Yes, perhaps not during business hours. 180 00:07:18,855 --> 00:07:20,773 I told you, I want to file a declaration 181 00:07:20,857 --> 00:07:22,942 that Pluto is a planet. 182 00:07:23,026 --> 00:07:25,277 Well, then my son's going to fail his science class, 183 00:07:25,362 --> 00:07:27,488 and when that happens, I'm suing you first. 184 00:07:28,698 --> 00:07:30,825 I think I know what the "A" in N.A.S.A. stands for. 185 00:07:30,909 --> 00:07:33,702 - Dad, what's your endgame? - Ain't no game, sucka. 186 00:07:33,787 --> 00:07:35,454 Why don't we just make the solar system with eight planets? 187 00:07:35,539 --> 00:07:36,747 It's even easier. 188 00:07:36,832 --> 00:07:39,917 Sure, sure, and why don't we just burn Galileo at the stake 189 00:07:40,001 --> 00:07:41,919 for saying the sun is round? 190 00:07:42,003 --> 00:07:44,130 Science isn't always easy, Morty. 191 00:07:45,257 --> 00:07:47,341 Whoa! Whoa! 192 00:07:47,425 --> 00:07:48,968 What the hell?! 193 00:08:02,274 --> 00:08:04,400 I'm King Flippy Nips, ruler of Pluto. 194 00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:06,735 We discovered you quite by accident 195 00:08:06,820 --> 00:08:09,405 during routine surveillance of your world. 196 00:08:09,489 --> 00:08:12,449 You really gave it to those guys at N.A.S.A. 197 00:08:12,534 --> 00:08:13,951 I was... you know, 198 00:08:14,035 --> 00:08:16,287 sometimes science is about conviction. 199 00:08:16,371 --> 00:08:18,789 It'd like to introduce you to a few people 200 00:08:18,874 --> 00:08:20,791 that very much agree with you. 201 00:08:20,876 --> 00:08:22,626 Oh, I... 202 00:08:22,711 --> 00:08:24,920 Plutonians. 203 00:08:25,005 --> 00:08:26,964 Jerry Smith is a scientist from Earth, 204 00:08:27,048 --> 00:08:30,467 where he's creating a model of our solar system. 205 00:08:30,552 --> 00:08:33,804 Jerry, tell Pluto about your decision. 206 00:08:35,473 --> 00:08:38,017 Um... Pluto's a planet. 207 00:08:39,394 --> 00:08:42,271 Pluto's a fucking planet, bitch! 208 00:08:42,355 --> 00:08:45,816 Oh, man. This is definitely gonna go to his head. 209 00:08:45,901 --> 00:08:49,612 If it's athletic prowess you desire, Principal Vagina, 210 00:08:49,696 --> 00:08:51,488 I might... - I'll take it. 211 00:08:51,573 --> 00:08:52,573 B-But I haven't even... 212 00:08:52,616 --> 00:08:53,656 Thank you very, very much. 213 00:08:53,700 --> 00:08:55,826 Great store. Great place. Bye. 214 00:08:55,911 --> 00:08:57,703 Huh. Okay. 215 00:08:57,787 --> 00:09:00,623 I must say, Summer, I thought your grandfather's outburst 216 00:09:00,707 --> 00:09:01,999 would have disrupted business, 217 00:09:02,083 --> 00:09:04,710 but this is the best weekend I've had since Salem. 218 00:09:04,794 --> 00:09:06,712 Nice. "Wholesome Delight" for lunch? 219 00:09:06,796 --> 00:09:08,714 - Is that the vegan place? - Yeah, I love their soup. 220 00:09:08,798 --> 00:09:10,591 I'm kind of soup-ed out. 221 00:09:10,675 --> 00:09:12,509 Mrs. Tate, is it? 222 00:09:12,594 --> 00:09:14,720 What do you desire? 223 00:09:14,804 --> 00:09:16,889 Whoa, whoa, slow down, honey. 224 00:09:16,973 --> 00:09:18,641 Oh, is there a limit? Everything's free, right? 225 00:09:18,725 --> 00:09:22,269 Let's just say you don't pay... with money. 226 00:09:22,354 --> 00:09:24,271 That was perfect. 227 00:09:24,356 --> 00:09:26,273 You pay with the curses, right? 228 00:09:26,358 --> 00:09:27,858 Um... I... well... 229 00:09:27,943 --> 00:09:31,111 But, Mrs. Tate, why do you want cursed items? 230 00:09:31,196 --> 00:09:32,821 Well, I'm going to get the curses removed 231 00:09:32,906 --> 00:09:34,156 at "Curse Purge Plus." 232 00:09:34,241 --> 00:09:36,158 You know, the guy on TV? 233 00:09:36,243 --> 00:09:38,202 What? 234 00:09:38,286 --> 00:09:40,663 Have you acquired creepy specific old stuff 235 00:09:40,747 --> 00:09:42,164 from a mysterious antique or thrift store 236 00:09:42,249 --> 00:09:44,583 that gives you powers but fucks with you 237 00:09:44,668 --> 00:09:45,751 in unforeseeable ways? 238 00:09:45,835 --> 00:09:47,461 Bring it to "Curse Purge Plus." 239 00:09:47,545 --> 00:09:50,547 I use science to UN-curse the items for cash, 240 00:09:50,632 --> 00:09:52,132 and you get to keep the powers. 241 00:09:52,217 --> 00:09:53,497 This guy got mysterious sneakers 242 00:09:53,510 --> 00:09:55,678 to make him run faster, but guess what? 243 00:09:55,762 --> 00:09:57,554 He would have had to run until he died, 244 00:09:57,639 --> 00:09:58,764 making them worthless. 245 00:09:58,848 --> 00:10:00,432 I removed the curse, making them worth, 246 00:10:00,517 --> 00:10:02,726 like, I don't know, $8 million. 247 00:10:02,811 --> 00:10:03,978 See you at the Olympics. 248 00:10:04,062 --> 00:10:05,479 This eerily intelligent doll 249 00:10:05,563 --> 00:10:07,189 was threatening to murder its family. 250 00:10:07,274 --> 00:10:08,607 Now it does their taxes. 251 00:10:08,692 --> 00:10:10,234 Everything's deductible. 252 00:10:10,318 --> 00:10:11,944 Don't pay for cool stuff with your soul. 253 00:10:12,028 --> 00:10:13,487 Pay for it with money. 254 00:10:13,571 --> 00:10:15,823 You know, like how every other store in the world works? 255 00:10:15,907 --> 00:10:18,075 We're located at First and Main in Old Town. 256 00:10:18,159 --> 00:10:19,493 Come on... come on down. 257 00:10:19,577 --> 00:10:20,786 "First and..." 258 00:10:22,163 --> 00:10:24,790 That's right across the street from "Needful Things," 259 00:10:24,874 --> 00:10:27,209 where you can get evil items for free! 260 00:10:27,294 --> 00:10:30,671 Diabolic son of a motherf... 261 00:10:30,755 --> 00:10:32,673 We're back on "Good Morning, Pluto." 262 00:10:32,757 --> 00:10:34,675 And a very good morning it is 263 00:10:34,759 --> 00:10:37,428 for our guest, Earth scientist Jerry Smith, 264 00:10:37,512 --> 00:10:39,638 who's making headlines with his bold announcement 265 00:10:39,723 --> 00:10:41,807 that is what, Jerry? 266 00:10:41,891 --> 00:10:43,475 Pluto is a planet. 267 00:10:43,560 --> 00:10:45,269 Well, how about that. 268 00:10:45,353 --> 00:10:47,271 I love it. 269 00:10:47,355 --> 00:10:49,690 Morty Smith. I'm Scroopy Noopers. 270 00:10:49,774 --> 00:10:51,817 I'm a scientist. Can I show you something? 271 00:10:51,901 --> 00:10:53,694 Uh, I better not. 272 00:10:53,778 --> 00:10:56,155 Right now. 273 00:10:57,198 --> 00:10:58,866 The center of Pluto, Mr. Smith, 274 00:10:58,950 --> 00:11:01,118 is made of a substance called "plutonium." 275 00:11:01,202 --> 00:11:04,830 mines like these suck plutonium up to the cities, 276 00:11:04,914 --> 00:11:07,124 where corporations use it to power everything, 277 00:11:07,208 --> 00:11:10,836 from diamond cars to golden showers. 278 00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:13,839 And the more we remove, the more Pluto shrinks. 279 00:11:13,923 --> 00:11:15,841 There it goes again. 280 00:11:15,925 --> 00:11:17,468 Just shrank a little. 281 00:11:17,552 --> 00:11:18,719 But a few years ago, 282 00:11:18,803 --> 00:11:21,638 your scientists noticed Pluto had gotten so small 283 00:11:21,723 --> 00:11:23,932 they couldn't even call it a "planet" anymore. 284 00:11:24,017 --> 00:11:25,809 Should've been our wake-up call. 285 00:11:25,894 --> 00:11:27,603 But the rich plutonians won't wake up, 286 00:11:27,687 --> 00:11:30,481 and they love your Dad telling everyone Pluto's a planet 287 00:11:30,565 --> 00:11:32,524 because that means they can keep mining 288 00:11:32,609 --> 00:11:35,861 until Pluto goes from planet to asteroid 289 00:11:35,945 --> 00:11:39,156 to meteor, and finally... 290 00:11:39,240 --> 00:11:41,742 poof. - Um, a party? 291 00:11:41,826 --> 00:11:43,226 Is everyone in your family an idiot? 292 00:11:43,286 --> 00:11:44,953 Well, for sure me and my Dad are. 293 00:11:45,038 --> 00:11:46,789 Well, all you have to do 294 00:11:46,873 --> 00:11:48,415 is get him to admit that, 295 00:11:48,500 --> 00:11:51,001 and you could save four billion lives. 296 00:11:51,086 --> 00:11:56,048 Yeah, you know, the thing is my Dad's really insecure. 297 00:11:57,842 --> 00:11:59,301 Hmm. Funny. 298 00:11:59,386 --> 00:12:01,637 Mr. Needful, out of everything in the store, 299 00:12:01,721 --> 00:12:04,348 you'll never guess what we couldn't get rid of. 300 00:12:06,434 --> 00:12:07,976 Oh, my god. 301 00:12:10,105 --> 00:12:11,647 Oh, my god. 302 00:12:11,731 --> 00:12:16,318 I wish this desk was lighter. 303 00:12:16,403 --> 00:12:19,405 I wish this knot was looser. 304 00:12:19,489 --> 00:12:21,198 Come on. 305 00:12:21,282 --> 00:12:23,867 I don't... 306 00:12:25,412 --> 00:12:27,037 Wait, what am I doing? 307 00:12:27,122 --> 00:12:29,248 I wish I knew CPR. 308 00:12:29,332 --> 00:12:30,541 1, 2, 3. 309 00:12:30,625 --> 00:12:32,251 Oh, Jesus. 310 00:12:32,335 --> 00:12:34,503 What a waste of a monkey paw. 311 00:12:34,587 --> 00:12:36,505 Mr. Needful, how could you even think of doing 312 00:12:36,589 --> 00:12:38,132 something so horrible? 313 00:12:38,216 --> 00:12:39,800 I'm the devil. What should I do 314 00:12:39,884 --> 00:12:42,052 when I fail... get myself an ice cream? 315 00:12:42,137 --> 00:12:43,387 You haven't failed. 316 00:12:43,471 --> 00:12:45,305 People like Rick are making me obsolete. 317 00:12:45,390 --> 00:12:47,307 I mean, seriously. I may be "the devil," 318 00:12:47,392 --> 00:12:50,018 but your grandpa is the devil. 319 00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:51,478 I just want to go back to hell, 320 00:12:51,563 --> 00:12:53,203 where everyone thinks I'm smart and funny. 321 00:12:53,273 --> 00:12:54,898 No! It's not fair. 322 00:12:54,983 --> 00:12:57,192 Everyone in this town got something they wanted 323 00:12:57,277 --> 00:12:58,360 from you... even Rick. 324 00:12:58,445 --> 00:13:01,530 I was your only friend, and I get nothing? 325 00:13:01,614 --> 00:13:04,491 Okay. I'll give you one thing. Name it. 326 00:13:04,576 --> 00:13:06,827 I want to help you. 327 00:13:06,911 --> 00:13:07,911 Clever twist. 328 00:13:07,912 --> 00:13:10,080 I learned from the best, you old fart. 329 00:13:10,165 --> 00:13:12,207 Now, let's go get you hydrated. 330 00:13:12,292 --> 00:13:13,917 Looks like we've got... 331 00:13:14,002 --> 00:13:15,919 haunted boxing gloves that will make you 332 00:13:16,004 --> 00:13:17,880 the heavyweight champion in 1936, 333 00:13:17,964 --> 00:13:19,840 and then you'll be trapped there, 334 00:13:19,924 --> 00:13:21,341 winning the same fight for eternity. 335 00:13:21,426 --> 00:13:23,302 I can take out the "eternity" and the padding, 336 00:13:23,386 --> 00:13:26,013 and then you'll have some time-traveling mittens. 337 00:13:26,097 --> 00:13:28,015 Oh, look, it's Rosemary's Baby. 338 00:13:28,099 --> 00:13:29,725 How's business? 339 00:13:29,809 --> 00:13:31,602 Here's the last of our inventory. 340 00:13:31,686 --> 00:13:34,563 We're going to file chapter 1 1 and do some restructuring. 341 00:13:34,647 --> 00:13:36,482 Sounds like code for "You win, Rick." 342 00:13:36,566 --> 00:13:38,442 That was important to you, wasn't it? 343 00:13:38,526 --> 00:13:40,110 Nope. Lt was important to your dumb devil friend. 344 00:13:40,195 --> 00:13:41,820 To me, this was all just a bit, 345 00:13:41,905 --> 00:13:43,447 like when Bugs Bunny fucks with the opera singer 346 00:13:43,531 --> 00:13:44,656 for 20 minutes. 347 00:13:44,741 --> 00:13:46,283 He tried to kill himself. 348 00:13:46,367 --> 00:13:48,535 Seriously? Holy crap. 349 00:13:48,620 --> 00:13:50,245 Holy crap. 350 00:13:50,330 --> 00:13:52,039 But you know what, Grandpa Rick? 351 00:13:52,123 --> 00:13:53,999 He's strong, and he's never going to give up. 352 00:13:54,083 --> 00:13:56,543 - Uh-huh, yeah, I don't care. - Oh, I know. 353 00:13:56,628 --> 00:13:58,420 - Everyone knows you don't care. - So? 354 00:13:58,505 --> 00:14:00,422 So have fun not caring. 355 00:14:00,507 --> 00:14:02,174 - I always do. - Good. 356 00:14:02,258 --> 00:14:04,051 - Yeah, it is good. - It's the best. 357 00:14:04,135 --> 00:14:06,136 I'm sure it is. 358 00:14:06,221 --> 00:14:07,721 - Bye. - Later. 359 00:14:07,805 --> 00:14:10,140 I'm here to pick up my undead cat and child. 360 00:14:10,225 --> 00:14:12,392 Yeah, uh... give me a sec. 361 00:14:12,477 --> 00:14:14,770 These are the forms for the employee health plan. 362 00:14:14,854 --> 00:14:18,315 All right, yeah, put... put them on my... eh. 363 00:14:18,399 --> 00:14:20,984 I just got bored. 364 00:14:21,069 --> 00:14:23,654 Everybody out. 365 00:14:23,738 --> 00:14:25,614 All right, just one more rally, 366 00:14:25,698 --> 00:14:27,574 then I promise we'll get back to your science project. 367 00:14:27,659 --> 00:14:29,243 Dad, Pluto isn't a planet. 368 00:14:29,327 --> 00:14:30,911 It's shrinking because of corporations. 369 00:14:30,995 --> 00:14:32,913 Yeah, that's what that anti-planet nut job 370 00:14:32,997 --> 00:14:34,873 Scroopy Noopers was screaming about 371 00:14:34,958 --> 00:14:37,000 outside the Ministry of Money's Fundraiser. 372 00:14:37,085 --> 00:14:39,836 Are you telling me four billion Plutonians are wrong? 373 00:14:39,921 --> 00:14:41,547 You said science wasn't easy. 374 00:14:41,631 --> 00:14:43,257 I said science isn't a/ways easy. 375 00:14:43,341 --> 00:14:45,842 Obviously, that means sometimes it is easy. 376 00:14:45,927 --> 00:14:48,053 Let's not debase ourselves with word games, son. 377 00:14:48,137 --> 00:14:49,555 Dad, their whole planet is dying. 378 00:14:49,639 --> 00:14:52,933 Ha! You called it a planet. Checkmate. 379 00:14:53,017 --> 00:14:54,851 What's up, Pluto? 380 00:14:59,315 --> 00:15:01,108 Mr. Smith, please tell my friend here 381 00:15:01,192 --> 00:15:03,068 what you just told me. Go on. 382 00:15:03,152 --> 00:15:05,529 My very eager mother just served us nine pickles, 383 00:15:05,613 --> 00:15:07,489 and the "pickles" is Pluto. 384 00:15:07,574 --> 00:15:10,200 My god, the man's a genius. 385 00:15:10,285 --> 00:15:12,119 Um, excuse me. 386 00:15:12,203 --> 00:15:14,204 Morty, what? 387 00:15:14,289 --> 00:15:16,129 Dad, what did you think about the recent report 388 00:15:16,165 --> 00:15:18,292 published by The Pluto Science Reader 389 00:15:18,376 --> 00:15:22,838 linking Pluto-quakes, sinkholes, and surface shrinkage 390 00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:26,383 to deep-core plutonium drilling? 391 00:15:26,467 --> 00:15:29,636 Well, son, what did you think 392 00:15:29,721 --> 00:15:31,638 when you were five and you pooped your pants, 393 00:15:31,723 --> 00:15:33,890 and you threw your poopy undies out your bedroom window 394 00:15:33,975 --> 00:15:35,642 because you thought it was like 395 00:15:35,727 --> 00:15:37,394 throwing something in the garbage? 396 00:15:38,855 --> 00:15:40,135 I mean, I'm trimming the hedges, 397 00:15:40,189 --> 00:15:41,815 and these things are just hanging there. 398 00:15:41,899 --> 00:15:43,819 Was I supposed to think the poop bunny left them? 399 00:15:43,901 --> 00:15:46,862 Good one, Dad. 400 00:15:46,946 --> 00:15:49,698 Hey, Morty, you want to go on a... oh. 401 00:15:49,782 --> 00:15:51,658 Hey, Beth. Hello? 402 00:15:51,743 --> 00:15:54,119 Hey, Jerry, you in here being stupid? 403 00:16:00,084 --> 00:16:01,335 Thanks. 404 00:16:01,419 --> 00:16:03,253 Hey, you know, I was thinking, you know, 405 00:16:03,338 --> 00:16:04,546 I might watch a movie. 406 00:16:04,631 --> 00:16:06,173 I am not programmed for friendship. 407 00:16:06,257 --> 00:16:08,258 Suit yourself. 408 00:16:11,346 --> 00:16:12,429 - Hey. - Hey. 409 00:16:12,513 --> 00:16:13,805 W-W-What's going on? 410 00:16:13,890 --> 00:16:17,142 Um, can you help me do the stupid science fair project? 411 00:16:17,226 --> 00:16:19,102 Whatever. 412 00:16:19,187 --> 00:16:22,397 Jerry, you must be so excited. 413 00:16:22,482 --> 00:16:25,275 The Pluto-bel prize is the highest honor 414 00:16:25,360 --> 00:16:27,486 a scientist can receive. 415 00:16:27,570 --> 00:16:29,488 I'm flattered and humbled. 416 00:16:29,572 --> 00:16:32,282 Oh, I like that. Use that in your speech. 417 00:16:32,367 --> 00:16:34,576 Also, talk about Pluto being a planet. 418 00:16:34,661 --> 00:16:36,286 People like that. 419 00:16:36,371 --> 00:16:37,954 Your highness, we've captured Scroopy Noopers. 420 00:16:38,039 --> 00:16:39,581 You animals! Animals! 421 00:16:39,666 --> 00:16:44,294 Ooh, look who's little journey's come to an end. 422 00:16:44,379 --> 00:16:46,421 Take him to Pluto-namo Bay. 423 00:16:46,506 --> 00:16:49,049 You can't kill the truth, father. 424 00:16:49,133 --> 00:16:51,343 - What? - I can see you're confused. 425 00:16:51,427 --> 00:16:53,220 Pluto-namo Bay is a military prison... 426 00:16:53,304 --> 00:16:55,097 a sort of play on words. 427 00:16:55,181 --> 00:16:56,723 Did he call you "father"? 428 00:16:56,808 --> 00:16:59,267 Scroopy Noopers, the anti-planet nutjob, 429 00:16:59,352 --> 00:17:00,936 is your son? 430 00:17:01,020 --> 00:17:03,271 The young eat the old if you let them, Jerry. 431 00:17:03,356 --> 00:17:06,483 Pluto is a cold, cold celestial dwarf. 432 00:17:06,567 --> 00:17:08,735 - It's a what? - Huh? Oh, planet. 433 00:17:10,530 --> 00:17:12,114 "Pluto is a cold, cold planet." 434 00:17:12,198 --> 00:17:14,116 That's what I meant. 435 00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:17,202 Knock them dead out there, you. 436 00:17:18,830 --> 00:17:22,457 Pluto is... 437 00:17:31,384 --> 00:17:34,678 not a planet. 438 00:17:34,762 --> 00:17:37,472 Ow! It's not a planet. 439 00:17:37,557 --> 00:17:40,851 Hey! It's not a planet! 440 00:17:40,935 --> 00:17:44,020 I'm an idiot, and I love my son. 441 00:17:44,105 --> 00:17:46,022 It was a long six hours, 442 00:17:46,107 --> 00:17:48,108 but we've overhauled "Needful Things" 443 00:17:48,192 --> 00:17:49,776 into the globally-compliant web 4.0 444 00:17:49,861 --> 00:17:53,780 "E-nomenon," n33dful.Com, 445 00:17:53,865 --> 00:17:56,575 spelled with threes instead of "E's." 446 00:17:58,327 --> 00:18:02,539 Okay, that's it. We just got bought by Google! 447 00:18:02,623 --> 00:18:05,375 Mm. I'm so proud of you, Lucius. 448 00:18:05,460 --> 00:18:07,878 So, how much did we make? 449 00:18:07,962 --> 00:18:09,921 "We." 450 00:18:10,006 --> 00:18:12,257 This is my business. Security! 451 00:18:12,341 --> 00:18:14,217 You're Zuckerberg-ING me? 452 00:18:14,302 --> 00:18:15,844 I was Zuckerberg-ING people 453 00:18:15,928 --> 00:18:17,554 before Zuckerberg's balls dropped. 454 00:18:17,638 --> 00:18:20,390 I'm the devil, bitch! What, what?! 455 00:18:23,895 --> 00:18:26,605 Hey! 456 00:18:29,233 --> 00:18:31,151 - Hey, Morty. - Oh, oh, hey, Dad. 457 00:18:31,235 --> 00:18:34,112 Um, what... what are you doing back from Pluto so quick? 458 00:18:34,197 --> 00:18:37,115 Uh... some people just can't handle the truth. 459 00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:39,117 Especially dummies like me. 460 00:18:39,202 --> 00:18:41,661 Morty, I'm not as smart as your grandpa Rick, 461 00:18:41,746 --> 00:18:44,998 but I promise never to make that your problem again. 462 00:18:45,082 --> 00:18:46,583 Hey, Dad. 463 00:18:46,667 --> 00:18:49,753 Nobody's smarter than Rick, but nobody else is my Dad. 464 00:18:49,837 --> 00:18:51,546 You're a genius at that. 465 00:18:51,631 --> 00:18:53,548 Wow. 466 00:18:53,633 --> 00:18:57,135 That's... humbling and flattering, son. 467 00:18:57,220 --> 00:18:59,137 Thank you. 468 00:18:59,222 --> 00:19:01,503 What say we finish ourselves an eight-planet solar system? 469 00:19:01,516 --> 00:19:03,850 Um... I'm just gonna take this thing in 470 00:19:03,935 --> 00:19:05,852 and get an "A." - Butter. 471 00:19:05,937 --> 00:19:07,562 - But... - You're a genius... 472 00:19:07,647 --> 00:19:08,730 at being my Dad, Dad. 473 00:19:08,815 --> 00:19:10,065 Quit while you're ahead. 474 00:19:10,149 --> 00:19:11,733 And also, knock next time, you know? 475 00:19:11,818 --> 00:19:13,298 I mean, I'm sitting in here, I'm 14... 476 00:19:13,361 --> 00:19:14,861 I got a computer in here, you know? 477 00:19:14,946 --> 00:19:16,696 Oh, I... I think I understand. 478 00:19:16,781 --> 00:19:18,323 You're really playing with fire 479 00:19:18,407 --> 00:19:19,741 when you burst in here like that, man. 480 00:19:19,826 --> 00:19:21,284 I get it. Say no more. 481 00:19:21,369 --> 00:19:22,786 I mean, one of these days, 482 00:19:22,870 --> 00:19:24,579 you know, you're gonna end up seeing something. 483 00:19:24,664 --> 00:19:26,915 I got it! Noted. Good night. 484 00:19:29,919 --> 00:19:33,338 How's your pretend grandpa doing, aka "The Devil"? 485 00:19:33,422 --> 00:19:36,174 - He dumped me. - Oof. Sorry. 486 00:19:36,259 --> 00:19:38,385 Did we learn a lesson here I'm not seeing? 487 00:19:38,469 --> 00:19:39,761 Not sure. 488 00:19:39,846 --> 00:19:41,638 Maybe in a much bigger way, 489 00:19:41,722 --> 00:19:44,307 Mr. Needful gave us both what we really wanted? 490 00:19:44,392 --> 00:19:47,769 Because I was always jealous of you hanging out with Morty, 491 00:19:47,854 --> 00:19:50,897 and you didn't realize how much you valued my approval? 492 00:19:50,982 --> 00:19:53,525 - No, that's dumb. - Yeah, not satisfying. 493 00:19:53,609 --> 00:19:55,443 I'll tell you what, though. 494 00:19:55,528 --> 00:19:57,237 If... if... if it's satisfaction you're after, 495 00:19:57,321 --> 00:19:58,947 I think I might have an idea. 496 00:19:59,031 --> 00:20:01,241 - Uh-huh. 497 00:20:01,325 --> 00:20:02,826 Uh-huh. 498 00:20:02,910 --> 00:20:04,244 Uh-huh, totally. Let's do it. 499 00:20:04,328 --> 00:20:05,996 ♪ X gonna give it to ya ♪ ♪ What? ♪ 500 00:20:06,080 --> 00:20:07,747 ♪ Wait for you to get it on your own, 501 00:20:07,832 --> 00:20:09,499 X gonna deliver to ya ♪ 502 00:20:09,584 --> 00:20:11,501 ♪ Knock knock, open up the door, it's real ♪ 503 00:20:11,586 --> 00:20:13,795 ♪ With the non-stop pop pop and stainless steel ♪ 504 00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:15,922 ♪ Go hard, getting busy with it ♪ 505 00:20:16,007 --> 00:20:17,340 ♪ but I got such a good heart 506 00:20:17,425 --> 00:20:19,801 that I'll make the mother wonder if he did it ♪ 507 00:20:19,886 --> 00:20:21,428 ♪ Damn right, and I'll do it again, 508 00:20:21,512 --> 00:20:24,139 'cause I am nice so I gots to win ♪ 509 00:20:24,223 --> 00:20:25,807 ♪ Break bread with the enemy ♪ 510 00:20:25,892 --> 00:20:27,475 ♪ But no matter how many cats I break bread with, 511 00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:28,935 I'll break who you... ♪ 512 00:20:29,020 --> 00:20:30,854 And that's how I took my storefront 513 00:20:30,938 --> 00:20:33,398 into the forefront of the up front. 514 00:20:33,482 --> 00:20:35,066 Thank you, Seattle. 515 00:20:36,903 --> 00:20:39,613 Rick? Summer? 516 00:20:41,365 --> 00:20:42,782 Stupid motherfucker! 517 00:20:42,867 --> 00:20:44,034 You stupid bitch. 518 00:20:44,118 --> 00:20:45,827 Stupid motherfucker! 519 00:20:45,912 --> 00:20:48,038 How do you like that? How do you like that? 520 00:20:50,917 --> 00:20:52,292 W-W-Why? 521 00:20:52,376 --> 00:20:54,920 Because sometimes what you really need is 522 00:20:55,004 --> 00:20:57,589 for someone else to pay a horrible price. 523 00:21:01,177 --> 00:21:02,761 - We did it. - Yeah, bro. 524 00:21:02,845 --> 00:21:05,430 We totally worked it. We did it! 525 00:21:05,514 --> 00:21:07,724 We just pulled it off. 526 00:21:07,808 --> 00:21:11,061 Yeah, bro. Yeah. 527 00:21:44,387 --> 00:21:46,721 ♪ Bitch, please, if the only thing you cats did 528 00:21:46,806 --> 00:21:48,014 was came out to play ♪ 529 00:21:48,099 --> 00:21:49,766 ♪ Stay out my way, mother ♪ 530 00:21:49,850 --> 00:21:51,768 ♪ First we gonna rock, then we gonna roll ♪ 531 00:21:51,852 --> 00:21:54,562 ♪ Then we let it pop, don't let it go ♪ 532 00:21:54,647 --> 00:21:59,275 ♪ X gonna give it to ya, he gonna give it to ya ♪ 533 00:21:59,360 --> 00:22:02,112 ♪ First we gonna rock, then we gonna roll ♪ 534 00:22:02,196 --> 00:22:04,489 ♪ Then we let it pop, don't let it go ♪ 535 00:22:04,573 --> 00:22:09,202 ♪ X gonna give it to ya, he gonna give it to ya ♪ 536 00:22:09,286 --> 00:22:11,037 ♪ Ain't never gave nothing to me ♪ 537 00:22:12,581 --> 00:22:13,999 Did you get any of that? 538 00:22:14,083 --> 00:22:16,042 It's a good-a show!