1 00:00:00,571 --> 00:00:02,119 Morty, be sure to pee before we go. 2 00:00:02,182 --> 00:00:03,626 This adventure is gonna be a long haul, 3 00:00:03,713 --> 00:00:05,317 and I don't feel like emptying the jug. 4 00:00:05,405 --> 00:00:07,987 Jerry, will you please just let me automate this [bleep] task? 5 00:00:08,075 --> 00:00:09,598 I didn't ask for anyone's help. 6 00:00:09,686 --> 00:00:11,211 You two are welcome to leave. 7 00:00:11,299 --> 00:00:12,772 Mom told me she wanted me to stay here 8 00:00:12,859 --> 00:00:13,875 to make sure you didn't die. 9 00:00:13,962 --> 00:00:16,456 Well, you tell your mother that I'm gonna be fine. 10 00:00:16,544 --> 00:00:18,203 Don't train your child to lie, Jerry, 11 00:00:18,291 --> 00:00:19,975 even though, you know, 'tis the season. 12 00:00:20,062 --> 00:00:20,947 Then I'll tell her. 13 00:00:21,035 --> 00:00:22,901 Whoa! 14 00:00:23,043 --> 00:00:24,774 I told you, no more rays. 15 00:00:24,862 --> 00:00:26,245 What ray did you zap me with? 16 00:00:26,333 --> 00:00:29,337 I made your atomic matrix slightly lighter than air, 17 00:00:29,432 --> 00:00:31,646 and now your shoes are heavier than air, 18 00:00:31,734 --> 00:00:33,299 which makes you neutrally buoyant, 19 00:00:33,387 --> 00:00:36,183 which I find personally more impressive conceptually 20 00:00:36,271 --> 00:00:38,176 than walking on water, but what do I know? 21 00:00:38,264 --> 00:00:40,325 I wasn't born into the god business. 22 00:00:40,413 --> 00:00:41,436 I [bleep] earned it. 23 00:00:41,555 --> 00:00:44,042 Whoa! [ Laughs ] 24 00:00:44,169 --> 00:00:46,353 Just to be clear, this doesn't mean you helped me. 25 00:00:46,402 --> 00:00:47,688 It wears off in 10 hours, 26 00:00:47,776 --> 00:00:49,626 and the next hit will cost you 30 bucks. 27 00:00:49,714 --> 00:00:52,177 Like I'll even be using it in 10 hours. 28 00:00:52,265 --> 00:00:54,236 [ Whispers ] Siri, set a 9-hour and 50-minute timer. 29 00:00:54,323 --> 00:00:55,857 Siri: Playing The Beatles. 30 00:00:56,682 --> 00:00:58,016 - I need to pee. - Nope. 31 00:00:58,104 --> 00:00:59,748 Here, I've got a centipede you can swallow 32 00:00:59,836 --> 00:01:00,885 that makes you not have to go. 33 00:01:00,972 --> 00:01:02,496 I ain't swallowing no centipede. 34 00:01:02,584 --> 00:01:04,521 What, you think the centipede wants to eat your pee? 35 00:01:04,608 --> 00:01:06,221 You're not the victim in this transaction. 36 00:01:06,308 --> 00:01:08,110 [ Thump ] Uh-oh, flat tire. 37 00:01:08,198 --> 00:01:10,113 How the hell do you get a flat tire in space, Rick? 38 00:01:10,200 --> 00:01:12,512 Obviously from a sharp thing in space, Morty. 39 00:01:12,600 --> 00:01:13,997 It's just crazy how much it feels 40 00:01:14,085 --> 00:01:15,127 like getting a regular flat. 41 00:01:15,214 --> 00:01:17,207 Oh, no, no, that's just my custom-programmed, 42 00:01:17,295 --> 00:01:19,965 fully immersive flat-tire indication experience. 43 00:01:20,053 --> 00:01:22,118 I-I can turn it off. I thought it was cooler 44 00:01:22,206 --> 00:01:24,271 than the celebrity voice package, but here. 45 00:01:24,468 --> 00:01:28,041 Christopher Walken: Flat tire... You should be... walkin'. 46 00:01:28,129 --> 00:01:29,372 - Oof. - Yeah. 47 00:01:29,486 --> 00:01:31,772 - Can I come out with you, Rick? - No, I've seen this movie. 48 00:01:31,859 --> 00:01:33,486 Two guys leave th[burps]e ship. 49 00:01:33,574 --> 00:01:34,926 One guy goes spinning away. 50 00:01:35,014 --> 00:01:36,373 You're staying in here where it's safe. 51 00:01:36,460 --> 00:01:38,190 [ Gasps ] 52 00:01:38,890 --> 00:01:39,890 [ Pants ] 53 00:01:41,334 --> 00:01:42,829 - Morty, goddamn it. - Come on. 54 00:01:42,917 --> 00:01:44,326 I n... I never get to be out here. 55 00:01:44,413 --> 00:01:46,339 Ugh, you young people think space is like 56 00:01:46,427 --> 00:01:47,666 "Saturday Night Live." 57 00:01:47,754 --> 00:01:50,121 You see it every day, so you dream of being in it, 58 00:01:50,209 --> 00:01:52,467 but it dreams of removing all the air from your body 59 00:01:52,554 --> 00:01:54,340 and making you float around it for eternity 60 00:01:54,428 --> 00:01:55,870 as a flash-mummified corpse, 61 00:01:55,957 --> 00:01:59,099 which is also what space wants, so get back in the car. 62 00:01:59,187 --> 00:02:00,974 I'm not in danger. There's nothing out here. 63 00:02:01,062 --> 00:02:02,677 Literally everything is out here, 64 00:02:02,765 --> 00:02:05,121 and unlike everywhere else, I'm too busy to help you. 65 00:02:05,209 --> 00:02:07,688 Right, because you're always so helpful. 66 00:02:07,972 --> 00:02:09,729 Ah! 67 00:02:11,097 --> 00:02:12,885 - God damn it. - What is that? 68 00:02:12,973 --> 00:02:14,678 Obviously, it's a space snake. 69 00:02:14,766 --> 00:02:16,298 T-There's snakes in space? 70 00:02:16,386 --> 00:02:18,754 There's literally everything in space, Morty! 71 00:02:18,842 --> 00:02:20,646 Now get the [bleep] back in the car. 72 00:02:20,734 --> 00:02:28,589 [♪♪] 73 00:02:29,050 --> 00:02:36,911 [♪♪] 74 00:02:36,998 --> 00:02:44,787 [♪♪] 75 00:02:45,048 --> 00:02:48,691 [♪♪] 76 00:02:48,752 --> 00:02:50,438 [♪♪] *RICK AND MORTY* Season 04 Episode 05 77 00:02:50,541 --> 00:02:52,454 [♪♪] *RICK AND MORTY* Episode Title : "Rattlestar Ricklactica" 78 00:02:53,636 --> 00:02:54,739 Morty: I'm dying, Rick. 79 00:02:54,827 --> 00:02:56,978 [ Groans ] I can see the black mountain. 80 00:02:57,066 --> 00:02:59,326 People who are really dying don't keep bring it up. 81 00:02:59,414 --> 00:03:00,639 - Is that true? - I don't know. 82 00:03:00,727 --> 00:03:02,795 I'm just usually around people that die faster. 83 00:03:02,892 --> 00:03:04,949 - [ Groans ] - All right. All right. 84 00:03:05,037 --> 00:03:06,720 J-Just let me analyze the snake's planet, 85 00:03:06,808 --> 00:03:08,387 so I can whip up an antivenom. 86 00:03:08,475 --> 00:03:10,287 Computer, you might want to put a rush on this. 87 00:03:10,374 --> 00:03:12,940 Morty's starting to look like a '90s Japanese ghost. 88 00:03:13,034 --> 00:03:14,531 Computer: Cutting corners. 89 00:03:14,619 --> 00:03:17,127 Oof, oh, my God, these snakes are a mess. 90 00:03:17,215 --> 00:03:19,932 19 billion snakes divided into 10,000 nations 91 00:03:20,020 --> 00:03:22,253 all on the brink of global war over... 92 00:03:22,377 --> 00:03:24,000 [Laughs] race. 93 00:03:24,088 --> 00:03:25,159 How funny is that? 94 00:03:25,247 --> 00:03:27,154 Imagine being a racist snake. 95 00:03:27,242 --> 00:03:28,521 "Hey, other snake, I hate you 96 00:03:28,609 --> 00:03:30,388 because you're the wrong color, snake." 97 00:03:30,547 --> 00:03:33,035 Oh, my God. You're not laughing? 98 00:03:33,130 --> 00:03:34,336 Oh, you're dying. 99 00:03:34,511 --> 00:03:37,076 It's a miracle they were able to fling one this far out 100 00:03:37,164 --> 00:03:38,874 before they slithered into extinction. 101 00:03:38,962 --> 00:03:41,411 Oh, oh, God, I killed their... 102 00:03:41,499 --> 00:03:43,644 What's his name, their Buzz Aspirin? 103 00:03:43,732 --> 00:03:45,038 It's actually Buzz Advil, Morty, 104 00:03:45,126 --> 00:03:46,515 and, uh, this is totally different. 105 00:03:46,602 --> 00:03:47,605 It's a female snake. 106 00:03:47,693 --> 00:03:49,193 There's an extra layer of heartbreak. 107 00:03:49,281 --> 00:03:50,894 Wait. Wait. Morty, Morty, you hear that? 108 00:03:50,982 --> 00:03:52,459 - Listen. - [ Rhythmic hissing ] 109 00:03:52,742 --> 00:03:54,456 Snake jazz. 110 00:03:54,662 --> 00:03:56,932 Ha. Idiots. Let's get moving. 111 00:03:57,020 --> 00:03:57,926 We've got a long way to go, 112 00:03:58,013 --> 00:03:59,392 and I'm not sharing that centipede. 113 00:03:59,480 --> 00:04:00,404 Rick, wait. Go back. 114 00:04:00,492 --> 00:04:03,352 I-I can't be the reason why 19 billion snakes lost all hope. 115 00:04:03,440 --> 00:04:04,377 That's right, Morty. 116 00:04:04,465 --> 00:04:06,133 Only 19 billion snakes can do that. 117 00:04:06,221 --> 00:04:08,603 That species was never getting beyond this stage. 118 00:04:08,691 --> 00:04:10,805 To paraphrase the great Jeff Foxworthy, 119 00:04:10,892 --> 00:04:13,084 if you bite your first contact on its ankle, 120 00:04:13,172 --> 00:04:15,829 you might be a type-zero-civilization-neck." 121 00:04:17,698 --> 00:04:19,280 What up, homeys? 122 00:04:19,368 --> 00:04:21,251 Shooting hoops, I see. 123 00:04:21,339 --> 00:04:22,769 Hey, who's interested in a friendly bet 124 00:04:22,856 --> 00:04:24,580 that this white guy can jump. 125 00:04:24,668 --> 00:04:27,028 Hey, leave the racial stuff off the court, okay? 126 00:04:27,116 --> 00:04:29,046 Oh, I thought that kind of talk was part of street ball. 127 00:04:29,133 --> 00:04:31,722 Well, now it's part of everything else, so chill. 128 00:04:31,810 --> 00:04:33,089 We... We got off on the wrong foot. 129 00:04:33,176 --> 00:04:35,066 My name is Jerry Smith. I live in the suburbs. 130 00:04:35,154 --> 00:04:37,117 I'm only here because I have a certain power 131 00:04:37,205 --> 00:04:39,192 I wanted to kind of celebrate before it goes away. 132 00:04:39,319 --> 00:04:40,859 Yo, we got a Nazi up here. 133 00:04:40,947 --> 00:04:43,105 Hey, I think there's a misunderstanding. 134 00:04:43,192 --> 00:04:44,907 Here, just... just watch. 135 00:04:44,994 --> 00:04:46,120 Huh? 136 00:04:46,208 --> 00:04:47,308 Help! Help! 137 00:04:47,396 --> 00:04:49,196 I-I need that shoe! 138 00:04:50,123 --> 00:04:52,585 No, no, don't touch that shoe or that money. 139 00:04:52,696 --> 00:04:54,896 Let them be a powerful but confusing monument 140 00:04:54,984 --> 00:04:56,446 to our neighborhood's integrity. 141 00:04:56,790 --> 00:04:59,321 Oh, boy, what an adventure, huh? 142 00:04:59,554 --> 00:05:01,690 Hey, Morty, listen. I can tell you're pretty upset 143 00:05:01,778 --> 00:05:03,184 about the whole snake encounter thing, 144 00:05:03,271 --> 00:05:04,478 so I'll tell you what. 145 00:05:04,566 --> 00:05:05,657 I'm just gonna go ahead and avoid you 146 00:05:05,744 --> 00:05:06,634 for the rest of the day. 147 00:05:06,753 --> 00:05:08,086 [ Cans clatter ] 148 00:05:09,618 --> 00:05:11,400 Play snake jazz. 149 00:05:11,796 --> 00:05:14,148 [ Rhythmic hissing ] 150 00:05:14,299 --> 00:05:20,008 [♪♪] 151 00:05:20,299 --> 00:05:25,748 [♪♪] 152 00:05:26,004 --> 00:05:27,448 I-Is this one friendly? 153 00:05:27,536 --> 00:05:28,417 It's a snake. 154 00:05:28,504 --> 00:05:30,578 You ever... You ever see this one look up at the sky 155 00:05:30,666 --> 00:05:32,706 like it's dreaming of something more? 156 00:05:32,794 --> 00:05:35,934 No, but, uh, all those ones marked with red sticker, yeah. 157 00:05:36,022 --> 00:05:37,990 Any snake over 50 bucks yearns for the beyond. 158 00:05:38,078 --> 00:05:39,428 I-I-I've seen them do it. 159 00:05:39,691 --> 00:05:42,497 [ Hissing ] 160 00:05:43,260 --> 00:05:45,554 Ow! Damn it, Slippy, come on. 161 00:05:45,642 --> 00:05:47,557 Ow! Just please. 162 00:05:47,682 --> 00:05:49,797 [ Crying ] I'm sorry. 163 00:05:50,058 --> 00:05:52,856 Man on TV: Everyone has a plumbus in their home. 164 00:05:53,906 --> 00:05:56,613 First, they take the dinglepop. 165 00:06:00,873 --> 00:06:03,383 Ow! [Bleep] monster. 166 00:06:07,542 --> 00:06:09,906 [ Radar beeping ] 167 00:06:10,546 --> 00:06:12,046 [ Hissing ] 168 00:06:19,141 --> 00:06:21,116 [ Hissing ] 169 00:06:21,244 --> 00:06:23,626 [ Hissing ] 170 00:06:23,816 --> 00:06:25,264 [ Hissing ] 171 00:06:25,494 --> 00:06:27,630 [ Camera shutters clicking ] 172 00:06:31,833 --> 00:06:33,667 [ Hissing ] 173 00:06:39,160 --> 00:06:41,026 [ Monitors beeping ] 174 00:06:44,313 --> 00:06:46,447 [ Hissing ] 175 00:06:48,450 --> 00:06:50,555 [ Hissing ] 176 00:07:13,251 --> 00:07:14,659 [ Hissing ] 177 00:07:16,259 --> 00:07:17,329 [ Hisses ] 178 00:07:23,543 --> 00:07:25,314 [ Hissing ] 179 00:08:01,052 --> 00:08:02,082 Downbeat. 180 00:08:02,170 --> 00:08:03,410 How do you win this [bleep] game? 181 00:08:03,497 --> 00:08:04,910 We-We've never gotten that far. 182 00:08:04,998 --> 00:08:07,237 Guys, did I not tell you to keep your eye on Jerry? 183 00:08:07,325 --> 00:08:08,755 - We did. - Then where is he? 184 00:08:08,843 --> 00:08:10,225 Maybe he's having an affair. 185 00:08:10,313 --> 00:08:13,013 [ Laughter ] 186 00:08:13,101 --> 00:08:14,949 But for real, has anyone seen him? 187 00:08:15,065 --> 00:08:16,784 Grandpa, did you trap him in a painting again? 188 00:08:16,871 --> 00:08:17,814 I didn't do shit. 189 00:08:17,902 --> 00:08:20,047 Well, y-y-you made him floaty. 190 00:08:20,135 --> 00:08:21,390 - Asshole. - Made him floaty? 191 00:08:21,477 --> 00:08:24,462 I saved his life by making his body slightly lighter than air, 192 00:08:24,550 --> 00:08:26,163 and it expires in a couple of hours. 193 00:08:26,251 --> 00:08:28,596 Expires, like he'll fall out of the sky? 194 00:08:28,684 --> 00:08:30,080 He won't by in the sky, Beth, 195 00:08:30,168 --> 00:08:33,512 unless it's possible for Jerry to [bleep] up wearing shoes. 196 00:08:34,010 --> 00:08:36,090 - Oh, crap, he's gonna die. - What were you thinking? 197 00:08:36,775 --> 00:08:39,738 [ Shivering ] 198 00:08:39,895 --> 00:08:44,346 [ Cellphone vibrating ] 199 00:08:44,610 --> 00:08:45,680 Hey, babe. 200 00:08:45,767 --> 00:08:47,588 Jerry, are you in the air? 201 00:08:47,676 --> 00:08:49,191 Rick told me he made you floaty. 202 00:08:49,307 --> 00:08:51,089 Made me floaty? Pfft. 203 00:08:51,177 --> 00:08:53,164 Got to love Rick's world view. 204 00:08:53,473 --> 00:08:55,405 Yes, I had Rick make me floaty 205 00:08:55,493 --> 00:08:56,789 so I could put up some lights. 206 00:08:56,901 --> 00:08:57,893 Now, I'm at the light store. 207 00:08:57,981 --> 00:08:59,562 - [ Squawking ] - Get away! 208 00:08:59,650 --> 00:09:03,588 Sorry, this lady at the store is trying to peck me. 209 00:09:03,682 --> 00:09:07,199 Yes, you can help me find lights after I'm off the phone. 210 00:09:07,287 --> 00:09:09,317 We're in Rick's ship. How about we just pick you up? 211 00:09:09,404 --> 00:09:10,890 - You're with Rick? - Well, why wouldn't I... 212 00:09:10,977 --> 00:09:12,509 Jerry, I paused Beth with a device 213 00:09:12,597 --> 00:09:14,877 Christopher Walken gave me after a record session. 214 00:09:14,965 --> 00:09:16,220 Real talk, buddy, where you at? 215 00:09:16,308 --> 00:09:18,016 - Go to hell, Rick. - Come on, Jerry. 216 00:09:18,104 --> 00:09:19,659 I can recognize the sound of a seagull. 217 00:09:19,747 --> 00:09:22,050 Can you recognize the sound of a man's pants 218 00:09:22,137 --> 00:09:23,458 filling up with rain? 219 00:09:23,629 --> 00:09:25,811 I hope to one day. 220 00:09:26,526 --> 00:09:27,521 Jerry, I'll tell you what. 221 00:09:27,609 --> 00:09:29,529 Because it's Christmas, I'm gonna do you a favor. 222 00:09:29,631 --> 00:09:31,848 I won't let you die, and I won't tell Beth 223 00:09:31,936 --> 00:09:33,213 that you almost killed yourself. 224 00:09:33,301 --> 00:09:35,843 - Sounds like a win-win to me. - Come again? 225 00:09:35,931 --> 00:09:38,266 If I survive, it'll be without you, 226 00:09:38,353 --> 00:09:40,469 and if I die, it'll be on your ass. 227 00:09:40,556 --> 00:09:42,471 Merry Christmas, bitch. 228 00:09:42,621 --> 00:09:46,927 I am the Jesus Christ of Christmas! 229 00:09:56,337 --> 00:09:58,918 [ Screaming ] 230 00:09:59,059 --> 00:10:01,094 - [ Cellphone vibrates ] - ..I be with him? 231 00:10:01,182 --> 00:10:02,595 We both care. 232 00:10:03,312 --> 00:10:05,525 - Whoa. Jerry. - Yes, honey? 233 00:10:05,613 --> 00:10:06,971 Let us just come get you. 234 00:10:07,059 --> 00:10:08,546 Beth, I am so touched 235 00:10:08,634 --> 00:10:10,674 that you care for me this much, but I'm fine, 236 00:10:10,762 --> 00:10:12,367 and I just want to put up these Christmas lights, 237 00:10:12,454 --> 00:10:14,168 and [Distorted] I will eat your world. 238 00:10:14,256 --> 00:10:16,593 Honey, my dad can hear you. 239 00:10:16,681 --> 00:10:17,729 [ Normal voice ] Got to go. 240 00:10:17,927 --> 00:10:19,905 - [ Distorted ] See you soon. - Okay. 241 00:10:20,001 --> 00:10:23,788 [ Screams ] 242 00:10:24,204 --> 00:10:25,584 Well, it sounds like he's fine. 243 00:10:25,672 --> 00:10:28,359 Yeah, I'm almost kind of rooting for him this time. 244 00:10:28,470 --> 00:10:35,123 [♪♪] 245 00:10:35,344 --> 00:10:37,232 One Diet Sprite Remix, please, 246 00:10:37,320 --> 00:10:39,941 and, uh, is anyone here an Uber driver? 247 00:10:40,029 --> 00:10:41,459 You can't bring that boulder in here. 248 00:10:41,546 --> 00:10:43,301 - What? - I said no boulders. 249 00:10:43,389 --> 00:10:45,046 - This ain't the lake, buddy. - Drop the rock. 250 00:10:45,133 --> 00:10:47,194 Well, it's kind of a... A service boulder. 251 00:10:47,282 --> 00:10:48,752 Yeah, I float without it. 252 00:10:48,840 --> 00:10:50,724 Big man holding a big rock, 253 00:10:50,812 --> 00:10:52,097 think you can take me down? 254 00:10:52,185 --> 00:10:54,227 No, obviously not. You're huge. 255 00:10:54,315 --> 00:10:55,277 - Then put it down. - Put the boulder down! 256 00:10:55,365 --> 00:10:56,418 - If I put it down, - Drop it! 257 00:10:56,506 --> 00:10:58,094 - I'm going to float. - Put it down! 258 00:10:58,182 --> 00:11:00,214 And frankly, your bar has a lot of ceiling fans. 259 00:11:00,302 --> 00:11:01,416 - You think you're better than us? - Drop the rock. 260 00:11:01,503 --> 00:11:03,602 - Put it down. - Okay, okay, okay. 261 00:11:03,690 --> 00:11:04,723 Hey, whoa, what the [bleep] 262 00:11:04,810 --> 00:11:06,391 - Stop doing that. - I told you this would happen. 263 00:11:06,478 --> 00:11:07,528 Well, stop floating. 264 00:11:07,616 --> 00:11:09,569 - Who said you could float here? - I can't control it. 265 00:11:09,656 --> 00:11:11,937 [ Indistinct shouting ] 266 00:11:12,564 --> 00:11:15,313 Aaaaaaaaaah! 267 00:11:15,451 --> 00:11:17,386 And take your girlfriend with you. 268 00:11:17,586 --> 00:11:19,301 [ Grunts ] 269 00:11:19,825 --> 00:11:22,437 [ Snake jazz playing ] 270 00:11:22,524 --> 00:11:24,760 Summer, how supes shook am I 271 00:11:24,848 --> 00:11:26,365 about your playlisting fleekness tonight? 272 00:11:26,452 --> 00:11:28,079 You love it? It's snake jazz. 273 00:11:28,167 --> 00:11:30,118 My little brother got bit by a snake in outer space 274 00:11:30,206 --> 00:11:31,244 and killed it with a hubcap, 275 00:11:31,332 --> 00:11:32,903 and my grandpa had to scan its planet's culture 276 00:11:32,990 --> 00:11:34,562 for an antivenom, and they found this. 277 00:11:34,650 --> 00:11:35,897 It's my jam. 278 00:11:35,985 --> 00:11:39,229 Seriously, my new thing now is snake jazz. 279 00:11:39,317 --> 00:11:41,185 Can you alter the course of a species' evolution 280 00:11:41,272 --> 00:11:42,487 like that without repercussions? 281 00:11:42,574 --> 00:11:43,973 Gee, I don't know, Nancy. 282 00:11:44,061 --> 00:11:46,237 Can you alter the course of being a giant [bleep] nerd? 283 00:11:46,325 --> 00:11:47,531 - Sorry. - Also, later, 284 00:11:47,619 --> 00:11:49,586 we need to discuss your clothing and your weight. 285 00:11:49,674 --> 00:11:50,859 That's fair. 286 00:11:50,947 --> 00:11:52,735 [ Moans ] 287 00:11:52,934 --> 00:11:53,936 What the hell? 288 00:11:54,023 --> 00:11:55,411 [ Robotically ] Target acquired. 289 00:11:55,499 --> 00:11:56,867 [ Gunshot ] 290 00:11:56,955 --> 00:12:02,705 [♪♪] 291 00:12:02,880 --> 00:12:04,345 Snakes! Get back in the car! 292 00:12:04,433 --> 00:12:06,119 Morty, enough with the... Snakes! 293 00:12:06,207 --> 00:12:08,041 [ Robotically ] Target acquired. 294 00:12:09,613 --> 00:12:13,269 Aliens, I am a robot sent back in time by the Snake Resistance 295 00:12:13,357 --> 00:12:14,803 to protect you from Serpacorp. 296 00:12:14,891 --> 00:12:17,950 My appearance is designed to be familiar and to put you at ease. 297 00:12:18,038 --> 00:12:21,279 The ape child must be eliminated to protect our timeline. 298 00:12:21,367 --> 00:12:22,885 Morty, what the hell did you do? 299 00:12:23,004 --> 00:12:24,804 I was just trying to do the right thing. 300 00:12:24,892 --> 00:12:26,156 I took a living snake... 301 00:12:26,244 --> 00:12:28,370 [ Groans ] 302 00:12:28,682 --> 00:12:29,859 Get behind me. 303 00:12:29,947 --> 00:12:31,535 - I will protect... - Aaah! 304 00:12:31,699 --> 00:12:36,684 [♪♪] 305 00:12:37,830 --> 00:12:39,204 Why... Why are they attacking us? 306 00:12:39,334 --> 00:12:40,593 I-I-I helped them. 307 00:12:40,681 --> 00:12:42,277 You gave them proof that there was something bigger 308 00:12:42,364 --> 00:12:44,357 and scarier to unite against, you little idiot. 309 00:12:44,445 --> 00:12:45,952 They would have gone back into the Dark Ages 310 00:12:46,040 --> 00:12:47,122 for a couple of generations, 311 00:12:47,209 --> 00:12:48,902 but instead, they dedicated themselves 312 00:12:48,990 --> 00:12:50,192 into making universe-destroying, 313 00:12:50,279 --> 00:12:52,727 un-thought-out technology like time travel 314 00:12:52,814 --> 00:12:55,330 all so they could try to kill a little [bleep] sack on Earth 315 00:12:55,417 --> 00:12:56,801 who couldn't let a dead snake be dead 316 00:12:56,888 --> 00:12:58,811 even after it bit his ankle. 317 00:12:58,906 --> 00:13:01,210 Next time stay in the [bleep] car. 318 00:13:02,735 --> 00:13:08,051 Narrator: 17 billion snake lives sended on June 21, 2026. 319 00:13:08,330 --> 00:13:12,579 The survivors lived only to face a new nightmare, 320 00:13:12,667 --> 00:13:15,567 the war between snake and machine. 321 00:13:16,881 --> 00:13:19,125 In the end, snake overcame machine 322 00:13:19,213 --> 00:13:20,995 because of what we couldn't predict... 323 00:13:21,215 --> 00:13:26,528 That an alien, a child from a distant star, would save us. 324 00:13:26,615 --> 00:13:33,539 [♪♪] 325 00:13:33,822 --> 00:13:40,563 [♪♪] 326 00:13:40,846 --> 00:13:43,277 W-Where are we going? W-What are we doing here, Rick? 327 00:13:43,365 --> 00:13:44,780 We got to get the heart of Snake Net. 328 00:13:44,867 --> 00:13:46,456 Now, shut up, and stay close. 329 00:13:46,544 --> 00:13:48,570 [ Robotically ] Resistance is mouselike. 330 00:13:48,658 --> 00:13:50,889 Whoa, hey, look. That one's actually really cool. 331 00:13:50,977 --> 00:13:51,995 Come here, little guy. 332 00:13:52,083 --> 00:13:53,822 Ah, you little son of a bitch. 333 00:13:54,036 --> 00:13:55,299 Come on, Morty. 334 00:13:56,911 --> 00:13:59,390 [ Robotically ] Your brood must be exterminated. 335 00:13:59,478 --> 00:14:01,616 You will not kill her or her brood. 336 00:14:01,982 --> 00:14:04,778 - Must kill brood and mother. - Get behind me. 337 00:14:04,929 --> 00:14:06,702 Your brood will seed all life on this planet. 338 00:14:06,789 --> 00:14:08,904 - That doesn't make sense. - That didn't make sense. 339 00:14:08,991 --> 00:14:10,481 Hey, it's... It's Slippy! 340 00:14:10,569 --> 00:14:12,326 Keep up, shit bag. 341 00:14:21,424 --> 00:14:22,908 [ Sighs ] 342 00:14:25,180 --> 00:14:26,452 Beth: Hi, you went directly to voicemail 343 00:14:26,539 --> 00:14:27,811 because your number is not in my phone. 344 00:14:27,898 --> 00:14:29,012 Don't leave a message. 345 00:14:29,211 --> 00:14:30,519 Hi, honey. 346 00:14:30,679 --> 00:14:33,595 Uh, look. Morty told me that you didn't think 347 00:14:33,682 --> 00:14:36,057 I could hang lights without killing myself. 348 00:14:36,454 --> 00:14:40,577 Look, I want to be a strong man for you, but the truth is... 349 00:14:41,951 --> 00:14:45,718 The truth is, I'm coming home with the best lights ever. 350 00:14:48,696 --> 00:14:49,943 Oof. 351 00:14:50,031 --> 00:14:51,398 Whoa, feel that turbulence? 352 00:14:51,486 --> 00:14:52,685 Nope, I'm on molly. 353 00:14:52,796 --> 00:14:54,248 [ Both laugh ] 354 00:14:54,398 --> 00:14:56,353 - Give me some. - Ahh. 355 00:14:59,041 --> 00:15:00,622 Siri: 10 hours has expired. 356 00:15:01,547 --> 00:15:03,250 Aaaah! 357 00:15:05,528 --> 00:15:07,064 I don't suppose you guys will take a bribe? 358 00:15:07,151 --> 00:15:08,682 - [ Hisses ] - Ah! 359 00:15:12,121 --> 00:15:14,044 Anyone else want legs? 360 00:15:19,793 --> 00:15:21,449 God damn it. Are you kidding me? 361 00:15:21,537 --> 00:15:23,205 I thought there'd be a time machine in here. 362 00:15:23,292 --> 00:15:25,327 They're not even a quarter of the way through making it. 363 00:15:25,414 --> 00:15:26,971 I'm gonna have to invent it for them. 364 00:15:27,059 --> 00:15:28,515 I-I don't know snake math. 365 00:15:28,603 --> 00:15:30,204 Ugh, I didn't want to have to do this. 366 00:15:30,373 --> 00:15:31,853 [Bleep] All right. 367 00:15:32,191 --> 00:15:33,963 W-What's going on? What are you doing? 368 00:15:34,051 --> 00:15:37,059 I'm reminding myself to commit even more to your [bleep] up. 369 00:15:37,275 --> 00:15:38,356 Hey, assholes. 370 00:15:38,444 --> 00:15:40,613 - [Bleep] you. Takes one to know one. - What the heck? 371 00:15:41,015 --> 00:15:43,512 Hey, man, you... you okay? You know what? [Bleep] you. 372 00:15:43,600 --> 00:15:45,734 - What? Screw you. - Here. 373 00:15:45,821 --> 00:15:47,202 Come on. Was it really that hard? 374 00:15:47,289 --> 00:15:49,137 What do you think? Come on, Morty. 375 00:15:49,225 --> 00:15:51,083 Man, I-I-I wonder why I had a black eye. 376 00:15:51,171 --> 00:15:53,173 Morty, shut the [bleep] up and put these on. 377 00:15:56,365 --> 00:16:02,818 [♪♪] 378 00:16:02,905 --> 00:16:04,543 Okay, so w-what are we doing? 379 00:16:04,631 --> 00:16:05,855 That book has everything they need 380 00:16:05,942 --> 00:16:07,371 to create snake time travel, 381 00:16:07,459 --> 00:16:10,222 a-and they're getting it in 1985, snake time. 382 00:16:10,310 --> 00:16:12,805 Now, they're gonna do it so early that it won't involve us, 383 00:16:12,893 --> 00:16:14,229 and they're gonna be even stupider with it. 384 00:16:14,316 --> 00:16:15,738 Huh, a-and then what? 385 00:16:15,826 --> 00:16:17,581 We're removing ourselves from this sloppy, 386 00:16:17,669 --> 00:16:19,559 [bleep] up story and letting snake time travel 387 00:16:19,647 --> 00:16:21,229 eat its own tail. 388 00:16:26,127 --> 00:16:27,908 [ Hissing ] 389 00:16:27,996 --> 00:16:29,396 [ All hissing ] 390 00:16:57,826 --> 00:17:00,786 [ Hissing ] 391 00:17:29,095 --> 00:17:30,193 [♪♪] 392 00:17:30,281 --> 00:17:32,463 Just have to keep my grip. 393 00:17:32,551 --> 00:17:34,964 Jerry Smith, I am here to save you. 394 00:17:35,052 --> 00:17:37,522 What? I already told Rick I don't want help. 395 00:17:37,610 --> 00:17:38,714 I do not know Rick. 396 00:17:38,801 --> 00:17:41,152 I was sent by a society of human-snake hybrids... 397 00:17:41,240 --> 00:17:43,404 - Classic Rick. - ..from an alternate version... 398 00:17:46,100 --> 00:17:48,081 I did it! We're landing! 399 00:17:48,169 --> 00:17:49,417 I knew I could do it. 400 00:17:49,630 --> 00:17:51,279 [ Laughs hysterically ] 401 00:17:51,414 --> 00:17:58,330 [♪♪] 402 00:17:59,245 --> 00:18:01,968 Jesus Christ, Rick, it's pandemonium out there! 403 00:18:02,056 --> 00:18:03,734 T-This is worse than when we left. 404 00:18:03,906 --> 00:18:05,711 Rick, look, Summer! 405 00:18:09,016 --> 00:18:12,529 Nobody chokes me without consent. 406 00:18:12,617 --> 00:18:14,537 Y-You just made things worse, Rick. 407 00:18:14,625 --> 00:18:16,166 Trust me, Morty. We helped them press 408 00:18:16,254 --> 00:18:17,199 on the gas pedal. 409 00:18:17,287 --> 00:18:19,280 We just got to wait for them to blow by a cop. 410 00:18:21,550 --> 00:18:23,465 [ Telephone rings ] 411 00:18:23,787 --> 00:18:25,455 Shleemypants here, what's up? 412 00:18:25,580 --> 00:18:28,364 Snakes? Time travel? They did what? 413 00:18:28,451 --> 00:18:31,567 How the [bleep] did... Okay, okay, I'm on it. 414 00:18:31,654 --> 00:18:35,250 We got a 10-51 on a goddamn snake planet. 415 00:18:35,338 --> 00:18:37,426 Don't look at me. I'm afraid of snakes. 416 00:18:37,514 --> 00:18:38,840 "I'm afraid of snakes," [Bleep]. 417 00:18:39,264 --> 00:18:40,987 You afraid of work. That's what you afraid of. 418 00:18:41,074 --> 00:18:41,977 All right. All right. 419 00:18:42,064 --> 00:18:43,964 [ Sighs ] Let's go take care of this. 420 00:18:45,671 --> 00:18:49,183 [ Hisses ] 421 00:18:49,271 --> 00:18:50,686 Oh, look at you. 422 00:18:50,774 --> 00:18:52,285 You a smart snake, huh? 423 00:18:52,373 --> 00:18:54,160 You using tools now, huh? 424 00:18:54,295 --> 00:18:55,511 Those tools are gonna turn into you 425 00:18:55,598 --> 00:18:57,312 manipulating the fabric of shit. 426 00:18:57,400 --> 00:18:58,991 Get over here, mother[bleep] What the [bleep] you think you doing? 427 00:18:59,078 --> 00:19:02,664 - Don't [bleep] with time. - You don't [bleep] with time. 428 00:19:02,751 --> 00:19:04,511 [ Snakes hissing ] 429 00:19:04,599 --> 00:19:07,205 - Holy [bleep] - What happened? 430 00:19:07,293 --> 00:19:09,094 Look, this is better than them attacking us. 431 00:19:09,182 --> 00:19:10,802 Also, that's about as much curvature 432 00:19:10,897 --> 00:19:12,686 as you're gonna get from a time-travel story. 433 00:19:12,781 --> 00:19:14,998 You know what? This one counts as one of your adventures. 434 00:19:15,085 --> 00:19:16,489 Hey, come on. No freebies. 435 00:19:16,577 --> 00:19:18,595 Aw, man, I-I wanted to go to Boob World. 436 00:19:18,683 --> 00:19:20,482 Well, now, we can't because you [bleep] up. 437 00:19:20,598 --> 00:19:22,084 Got to learn a lesson. 438 00:19:22,352 --> 00:19:23,966 You want to go to Boob World, Summer? 439 00:19:24,054 --> 00:19:25,491 Eh, not today. 440 00:19:25,601 --> 00:19:27,931 [ Sighs ] This sucks. 441 00:19:28,222 --> 00:19:31,123 [ Panting ] Hey, honey, check it out. 442 00:19:31,211 --> 00:19:33,161 Jerry, I was worried about you. 443 00:19:33,248 --> 00:19:35,636 Oh, just killing some snakes up here like everyone else, 444 00:19:35,724 --> 00:19:37,734 I guess, and finishing the Christmas lights. 445 00:19:37,822 --> 00:19:40,157 Wait, the whole time? I was screaming for help, 446 00:19:40,245 --> 00:19:41,403 and you stayed on the roof? 447 00:19:41,491 --> 00:19:43,505 I couldn't hear you over my own screaming. 448 00:19:43,592 --> 00:19:44,676 We've talked about this. 449 00:19:44,764 --> 00:19:46,908 Well, I'm just glad you're safe. 450 00:19:47,066 --> 00:19:49,423 Well, duh, of course, I'm safe. 451 00:19:49,598 --> 00:19:50,979 Hey, guess what, asshole. 452 00:19:51,066 --> 00:19:52,180 I did it without you. 453 00:19:52,267 --> 00:19:53,774 Whoa! Ah! 454 00:19:54,472 --> 00:19:56,594 Oh, God, it hurts. 455 00:19:56,705 --> 00:19:57,872 Huh! What was that? 456 00:19:57,960 --> 00:19:59,532 I healed your leg 50%. 457 00:19:59,620 --> 00:20:01,558 The rest is on you, big man. 458 00:20:01,646 --> 00:20:04,484 That's what I'm talking about. Respect, my brother. 459 00:20:04,612 --> 00:20:06,772 Geez, your dad sucks. All right, Morty. 460 00:20:06,860 --> 00:20:08,702 Let's go enjoy a little bit of eggnog, huh? 461 00:20:08,790 --> 00:20:09,665 All right. 462 00:20:09,752 --> 00:20:11,307 Not so fast, boys. 463 00:20:11,395 --> 00:20:13,206 Yeah, I think you might be forgetting something. 464 00:20:13,293 --> 00:20:15,176 Merry Christmas, [bleep] nuts. Get to work. 465 00:20:15,265 --> 00:20:16,418 Geez, I don't see why you have to be 466 00:20:16,505 --> 00:20:18,158 - smug about it. That's not necessary. - A bunch of [bleep] 467 00:20:18,245 --> 00:20:19,207 This [bleep] sucks. 468 00:20:19,294 --> 00:20:20,942 Yeah, it's fun until it's you, huh, shit nog? 469 00:20:21,029 --> 00:20:23,542 Yeah, have fun sewing those snake costumes together, 470 00:20:23,630 --> 00:20:25,457 - you little tramp. - You tell them, Morty. 471 00:20:25,545 --> 00:20:27,302 Geez, you guys don't have to be dicks about it, all right? 472 00:20:27,389 --> 00:20:29,457 Yeah, neither did the guys before us, but you know what? 473 00:20:29,544 --> 00:20:30,685 They were. Merry Christmas, 474 00:20:30,773 --> 00:20:31,996 - you shit bags. - Yeah, ghost of Christmas 475 00:20:32,083 --> 00:20:33,991 future bitches, you [bleep] idiots. 476 00:20:34,079 --> 00:20:35,897 - So mean. - Those guys are mean. 477 00:20:36,045 --> 00:20:41,310 [♪♪] Sync corrections by srjanapala 478 00:20:41,841 --> 00:20:47,143 [♪♪] 479 00:20:49,501 --> 00:20:57,156 [♪♪] 480 00:20:57,870 --> 00:21:04,707 [♪♪] 481 00:21:07,838 --> 00:21:09,854 Man, I just want to open my Christmas presents. 482 00:21:09,942 --> 00:21:12,119 Well, I'm waiting on you to finish those snake costumes. 483 00:21:12,206 --> 00:21:13,740 I'm almost done. You know what? 484 00:21:13,844 --> 00:21:15,530 T-They're good enough. I'm done. 485 00:21:15,618 --> 00:21:17,217 All right. Let's go. 486 00:21:19,021 --> 00:21:20,501 All right. We're landing. Come on. 487 00:21:20,589 --> 00:21:22,502 Man, I can't believe we're almost done, Rick. 488 00:21:22,590 --> 00:21:24,632 I can practically taste the eggnog. 489 00:21:24,720 --> 00:21:25,799 Hey, you know what? 490 00:21:25,887 --> 00:21:27,920 I... I feel like we're forgetting something. 491 00:21:28,008 --> 00:21:29,878 Oh, yeah, uh, thanks for reminding me. 492 00:21:29,973 --> 00:21:32,005 Morty, next time, stay in the car. 493 00:21:32,093 --> 00:21:33,693 [ Camera shutter clicks ] 494 00:21:36,114 --> 00:21:37,440 Did you get any of that?