1
00:00:02,469 --> 00:00:04,202
[ SYRUP BOTTLE SQUELCHES ]
2
00:00:04,204 --> 00:00:05,270
We're out of syrup.
3
00:00:05,272 --> 00:00:06,338
Huh.
You know what?
4
00:00:06,340 --> 00:00:09,007
Maybe I'll use my intern.
5
00:00:09,009 --> 00:00:11,276
Glootie?
- Good?
6
00:00:11,278 --> 00:00:12,945
- Thanks, Glootie.
- Anything else?
7
00:00:12,947 --> 00:00:14,479
Do you want to develop an app?
8
00:00:14,481 --> 00:00:15,948
- No thanks, Glootie.
- Hey, what's up, Glootie?
9
00:00:15,950 --> 00:00:17,816
Hi, Morty.
Do you want to develop an app?
10
00:00:17,818 --> 00:00:19,217
- No thanks.
- Rick, why does it say,
11
00:00:19,219 --> 00:00:21,353
"Do not develop my app,"
on your intern's forehead?
12
00:00:21,355 --> 00:00:22,687
Why, you want to develop one?
13
00:00:22,689 --> 00:00:23,756
Ah, I'm glad
you asked that, Jerry.
14
00:00:23,758 --> 00:00:25,490
It's so you don't develop
his app.
15
00:00:25,492 --> 00:00:28,693
Glootie, go make some
photocopies of something. Cool.
16
00:00:28,695 --> 00:00:31,429
Well, if anyone wants to develop
an app with me, I'm down.
17
00:00:31,431 --> 00:00:33,966
He seems to really want
to develop an app.
18
00:00:33,968 --> 00:00:36,168
He really does, sweetie,
but nobody's gonna do that.
19
00:00:36,170 --> 00:00:37,569
Now, if you'll excuse me,
20
00:00:37,571 --> 00:00:39,504
I've got a quick
solo adventure to go on,
21
00:00:39,506 --> 00:00:43,375
and this one will not be directed
by Ron Howard. He's gonna go poop.
22
00:00:43,377 --> 00:00:45,110
When Grandpa Rick pats
his belly like that
23
00:00:45,112 --> 00:00:46,645
and leaves without Morty,
it means he's going to go poop.
24
00:00:46,647 --> 00:00:48,647
He's a shy pooper.
He has a secret pooping place.
25
00:00:48,649 --> 00:00:50,382
RICK: Man, [BLEEP] you, Summer.
[ DOOR CLOSES ]
26
00:00:50,384 --> 00:00:53,117
BETH: Honey, why can't you get
this excited about your SATs?
27
00:00:53,119 --> 00:00:56,054
Well, I'm man enough to simply
say, "I'm going to poop,"
28
00:00:56,056 --> 00:00:59,324
and I'd be honored to have
Ron Howard involved.
29
00:00:59,326 --> 00:01:01,259
Good job, hon. Way to go, Dad.
We're rooting for ya.
30
00:01:01,261 --> 00:01:03,796
[ TOILET FLUSHES ]
31
00:01:05,532 --> 00:01:07,065
He's really putting you
to work, huh?
32
00:01:07,067 --> 00:01:08,400
Did you want to develop an app?
33
00:01:08,402 --> 00:01:10,669
- I'll pass, Glootie.
- Hmm, your loss.
34
00:01:10,671 --> 00:01:12,404
Oh, yeah?
Why's that?
35
00:01:12,406 --> 00:01:13,938
Eh, it's an app
you'd want to develop.
36
00:01:13,940 --> 00:01:16,274
- Can I ask what it is?
- Of course you can.
37
00:01:16,276 --> 00:01:19,143
That's always the first step
in app development.
38
00:01:19,145 --> 00:01:22,547
Ah.
[ CHUCKLES ]
39
00:01:22,549 --> 00:01:23,816
50/50!
Final offer!
40
00:01:24,018 --> 00:01:36,161
♪ ♪
41
00:01:36,163 --> 00:01:48,173
♪ ♪
42
00:01:48,175 --> 00:02:00,252
♪ ♪
43
00:02:00,254 --> 00:02:12,330
♪ ♪
44
00:02:12,332 --> 00:02:24,342
♪ ♪
45
00:02:24,545 --> 00:02:27,913
[ LOON CALLS IN DISTANCE ]
46
00:02:32,887 --> 00:02:37,155
♪ ♪
47
00:02:37,157 --> 00:02:40,825
[ DEVICE BEEPING ]
48
00:02:40,827 --> 00:02:44,063
[ DEVICE BUZZING ]
49
00:02:47,234 --> 00:02:50,669
[ DEVICE WHIRS, BEEPS ]
50
00:02:52,439 --> 00:02:56,408
[ GRUNTING ]
51
00:03:00,114 --> 00:03:02,581
[ MECHANISMS WHIRRING ]
52
00:03:02,583 --> 00:03:13,258
♪ ♪
53
00:03:13,260 --> 00:03:15,928
[ KEYBOARD BEEPS ]
54
00:03:19,934 --> 00:03:23,369
Reverse digestion extrapolation.
55
00:03:24,271 --> 00:03:25,737
Time to meet your maker.
56
00:03:25,739 --> 00:03:27,406
[ CORK POPS ]
57
00:03:27,408 --> 00:03:28,807
What are you guys doing?
58
00:03:28,809 --> 00:03:30,408
Did you develop an app?
59
00:03:30,410 --> 00:03:32,344
Rule number one
in app development, son...
60
00:03:32,346 --> 00:03:33,745
Never follow the rules.
61
00:03:33,747 --> 00:03:36,749
Except when the rule is tattooed
on an alien's forehead, Dad.
62
00:03:36,751 --> 00:03:38,550
Why do you think
Rick would have that rule?
63
00:03:38,552 --> 00:03:40,218
'Cause he's a disrupt-o-phobe.
64
00:03:40,220 --> 00:03:41,353
No, Dad, no.
65
00:03:41,355 --> 00:03:42,887
To keep something horrible
from happening,
66
00:03:42,889 --> 00:03:45,023
something he's too lazy
to explain.
67
00:03:45,025 --> 00:03:46,759
Guys, we're getting
our first users.
68
00:03:47,694 --> 00:03:49,828
[ CELLPHONE BEEPING ]
69
00:03:49,830 --> 00:03:52,230
Whoa, this new app
just matched me
70
00:03:52,232 --> 00:03:54,899
with a guy that is su my ty.
71
00:03:54,901 --> 00:03:56,969
Super my type.
Learn to abbre.
72
00:03:56,971 --> 00:03:57,970
Hey!
73
00:03:57,972 --> 00:04:00,839
Your su ty works
at Jersey Mike's
74
00:04:00,841 --> 00:04:02,975
and sees 25 Phish shows a year.
75
00:04:02,977 --> 00:04:05,577
- That is so Danny.
- Summer!
76
00:04:05,579 --> 00:04:06,979
- Danny?
- Summer Smith?
77
00:04:06,981 --> 00:04:09,581
Danny Publits from Lovefinderrz
with two "R's" and a "Z"?
78
00:04:09,583 --> 00:04:12,184
I ran all the way here
while staring at your profile.
79
00:04:12,186 --> 00:04:13,918
I tripped on a fire hydrant
and fell down,
80
00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:15,788
so I'm covered in gravel
that stuck to my sweat.
81
00:04:15,790 --> 00:04:17,189
And even after a shower,
82
00:04:17,191 --> 00:04:19,191
I'll still be into a jam band
for old junkies,
83
00:04:19,193 --> 00:04:21,593
but I think this world cares
too much about bands
84
00:04:21,595 --> 00:04:23,862
and too little about love.
85
00:04:23,864 --> 00:04:26,331
And I think I love you.
- Me, too.
86
00:04:26,333 --> 00:04:28,733
Hi, I'm my underaged
daughter's mother.
87
00:04:28,735 --> 00:04:30,335
Nice to... whoa!
88
00:04:30,337 --> 00:04:32,604
Come on. Just met.
[ CELLPHONE BEEPS ]
89
00:04:32,606 --> 00:04:34,006
Uh, this isn't working.
90
00:04:34,008 --> 00:04:35,607
Wait. What are you...
[ CELLPHONE BEEPS ]
91
00:04:35,609 --> 00:04:36,809
Never mind.
[ CELLPHONE BEEPS ]
92
00:04:36,811 --> 00:04:39,744
I quit, I'm gay,
and I love Xander.
93
00:04:39,746 --> 00:04:42,747
Stupid phones are destroying us.
94
00:04:42,749 --> 00:04:44,349
Hey, sweetie.
95
00:04:44,351 --> 00:04:46,418
Honey, our daughter ran off
with a Frisbee golfer
96
00:04:46,420 --> 00:04:48,220
because of some app
with a really dumb,
97
00:04:48,222 --> 00:04:49,621
really forgettable name.
98
00:04:49,623 --> 00:04:53,625
Like a really dumb, uncreative,
super sweaty name.
99
00:04:53,627 --> 00:04:54,827
Anyway, I'll be late.
I love you.
100
00:04:54,829 --> 00:04:57,029
Got it.
I love you, too.
101
00:04:57,364 --> 00:04:59,832
Okay, Glootie,
take the app down.
102
00:04:59,834 --> 00:05:02,234
Can't take it down.
I'm just an intern.
103
00:05:02,236 --> 00:05:05,037
[ YELLS, GRUNTING ]
104
00:05:05,039 --> 00:05:06,905
Uh, that's not how apps work.
105
00:05:06,907 --> 00:05:08,773
Then make it how it works.
106
00:05:08,775 --> 00:05:11,643
This isn't how
making things work works.
107
00:05:11,645 --> 00:05:13,111
Get... get it off the server.
108
00:05:13,113 --> 00:05:14,847
Y-You think we're stupid,
but we're not.
109
00:05:14,849 --> 00:05:16,981
We know apps have something
to do with servers.
110
00:05:16,983 --> 00:05:17,916
The server's on the mother ship.
111
00:05:17,918 --> 00:05:19,051
Where's the mother ship?
112
00:05:19,053 --> 00:05:20,652
- It's coming.
- Take us to it.
113
00:05:20,654 --> 00:05:21,920
- No.
- Yes.
114
00:05:21,922 --> 00:05:23,522
Shake him more, Morty.
That was working.
115
00:05:23,524 --> 00:05:24,989
Take us to the mother ship.
116
00:05:24,991 --> 00:05:27,259
[ BEEPING ]
[ GASPS ]
117
00:05:27,261 --> 00:05:29,594
[ CHUCKLES ]
118
00:05:29,596 --> 00:05:32,731
[ SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS ]
119
00:05:32,733 --> 00:05:37,402
[ BEEPING CONTINUES ]
120
00:05:37,404 --> 00:05:39,271
Okay, don't hurt me.
Don't hurt me.
121
00:05:39,273 --> 00:05:41,339
JERRY: An ominous beeping app.
122
00:05:41,341 --> 00:05:43,542
You can't stay made at a guy
with this kind of talent.
123
00:05:43,544 --> 00:05:45,210
Dad, you can, and you have to.
124
00:05:49,015 --> 00:05:51,684
[ DISPLAY BEEPS ]
125
00:05:51,686 --> 00:05:53,418
- Ribbit, ribbit.
- Ribbit, ribbit.
126
00:05:53,420 --> 00:05:55,420
- Hey, ribbit, ribbit, ribbit!
- Ribbit, ribbit, ribbit!
127
00:05:55,422 --> 00:05:57,422
Look at this guy.
He wants to eat me so bad.
128
00:05:57,424 --> 00:05:58,823
You want to eat me, don't you?
129
00:05:58,825 --> 00:06:00,559
- Ribbit.
- Just kidding. Have some drugs.
130
00:06:00,561 --> 00:06:02,561
- Are you Vermigurber?
- What does this guy want?
131
00:06:02,563 --> 00:06:04,563
Who is this monkey?
- I'm here about a sandwich.
132
00:06:04,565 --> 00:06:06,364
Oh, well you came to the right place...
[ GUNS COCK ]
133
00:06:06,366 --> 00:06:08,633
...'cause you're about to get
a bullet sandwich
134
00:06:08,635 --> 00:06:11,236
on two slices
of whole... gun.
135
00:06:11,238 --> 00:06:13,772
[ CELLPHONE RINGING ] You
might want to get that.
136
00:06:13,774 --> 00:06:15,440
[ RINGING CONTINUES ]
137
00:06:15,442 --> 00:06:16,575
Hello?
138
00:06:16,577 --> 00:06:18,777
VOICE: Dad, give the human
whatever he wants.
139
00:06:18,779 --> 00:06:20,713
He knows where I live.
He's crazy!
140
00:06:20,715 --> 00:06:23,448
[ CHUCKLES ]
You [BLEEP] idiot.
141
00:06:23,450 --> 00:06:26,118
I have 800,000 kids.
142
00:06:26,120 --> 00:06:28,120
Don't forget your voicemail.
143
00:06:28,122 --> 00:06:32,725
AUTOMATED MALE VOICE: You
have 470,000 messages.
144
00:06:32,727 --> 00:06:34,126
Oh, ah, that's half of them.
145
00:06:34,128 --> 00:06:35,995
Okay, w-w-what do you want?
What do you want?
146
00:06:37,197 --> 00:06:39,197
Wait, this is seriously
about sandwiches?
147
00:06:39,199 --> 00:06:41,600
I thought this was
about drugs or guns
148
00:06:41,602 --> 00:06:43,668
or the fact that I'm a fly
that runs a frog restaurant.
149
00:06:43,670 --> 00:06:46,204
There's a million things
that are interesting about me,
150
00:06:46,206 --> 00:06:47,472
and none of them are sandwiches.
151
00:06:47,474 --> 00:06:50,008
- Who ordered it?
- Talk to our delivery drone.
152
00:06:50,010 --> 00:06:52,978
He... he run off to fight
in the robot wars.
153
00:06:54,081 --> 00:06:56,014
Hey, ape man,
I hope this was worth
154
00:06:56,016 --> 00:06:57,950
making a whole swarm of enemies.
155
00:06:57,952 --> 00:07:01,486
It will be when I find
whoever shit in my toilet.
156
00:07:01,488 --> 00:07:04,489
Is that code for something?
Someone look that up.
157
00:07:04,491 --> 00:07:06,358
If that's drug slang,
I need to know it.
158
00:07:06,426 --> 00:07:08,360
[ KEYS JINGLE, BOTH CHUCKLE ]
159
00:07:08,362 --> 00:07:09,561
- [ GASPS ]
- Ah!
160
00:07:09,563 --> 00:07:12,364
- Mom, you can't stop true love.
- Oh, yes, I can.
161
00:07:12,366 --> 00:07:13,966
- You're assaulting me!
- Keep your voice down.
162
00:07:13,968 --> 00:07:15,500
I'm being assaulted!
163
00:07:15,502 --> 00:07:16,835
Oh, yeah? Okay.
164
00:07:16,837 --> 00:07:18,236
Statutory rape!
- Whoa.
165
00:07:18,238 --> 00:07:19,437
My daughter's about to be raped!
166
00:07:19,439 --> 00:07:20,839
No, I'm not!
I'm being assaulted!
167
00:07:20,841 --> 00:07:21,974
- Rape!
- Assault!
168
00:07:21,976 --> 00:07:24,242
- Rape!
- Nobody cares. It's a motel.
169
00:07:24,244 --> 00:07:25,978
Nobody's here because
their life's going so great
170
00:07:25,980 --> 00:07:28,112
they can afford
to get mixed up in yours.
171
00:07:28,114 --> 00:07:29,982
Deal with this [BLEEP]
on your own.
172
00:07:29,984 --> 00:07:31,984
You can't stop us
from getting a motel room.
173
00:07:31,986 --> 00:07:33,118
Fine.
I'll get one, too.
174
00:07:33,120 --> 00:07:34,653
I'm getting the one next door,
175
00:07:34,655 --> 00:07:36,254
and I'm putting a glass
to the wall, and I'm listening.
176
00:07:36,256 --> 00:07:38,123
- Fine. Enjoy.
- I will.
177
00:07:38,125 --> 00:07:41,126
- I'm Danny, by the way.
- You had your chance, dick.
178
00:07:43,998 --> 00:07:45,998
Take your app down.
179
00:07:46,000 --> 00:07:47,065
T-Take... take it down.
180
00:07:47,067 --> 00:07:48,400
- What?
- I'm their hostage.
181
00:07:48,402 --> 00:07:50,535
- Do they have weapons?
- Nope, but neither do I.
182
00:07:50,537 --> 00:07:51,870
Do... do you have a weapon?
183
00:07:51,872 --> 00:07:53,538
No.
184
00:07:53,540 --> 00:07:55,340
- Take the app down.
- Take the app down.
185
00:07:55,342 --> 00:07:56,408
I can't.
I'm an intern.
186
00:07:56,410 --> 00:07:58,677
Okay, well who tells interns
what to do?
187
00:07:58,679 --> 00:08:00,078
Not you, that's for sure.
188
00:08:00,080 --> 00:08:04,216
Take us to whoever does,
or w-w-we'll... we'll punch you.
189
00:08:04,218 --> 00:08:05,417
Okay.
190
00:08:05,419 --> 00:08:06,951
Not bad, Morty.
191
00:08:06,953 --> 00:08:08,687
Yeah, I don't know when
the other shoe's gonna drop,
192
00:08:08,689 --> 00:08:11,155
but this is working
pretty good so far.
193
00:08:11,157 --> 00:08:14,226
Greetings.
We are the Monogatrons.
194
00:08:14,228 --> 00:08:16,628
While your species was
still toying with fire,
195
00:08:16,630 --> 00:08:19,564
ours mastered the science
of functioning,
196
00:08:19,566 --> 00:08:20,965
committed relationships.
197
00:08:20,967 --> 00:08:22,767
As the latest planet
to develop our app,
198
00:08:22,769 --> 00:08:27,706
you will now witness the true
power of superior intimacy.
199
00:08:27,708 --> 00:08:29,107
Take the app down.
200
00:08:29,109 --> 00:08:31,844
Take it down, or... we'll...
We'll... we'll punch you.
201
00:08:31,846 --> 00:08:34,112
Is there someone
with a gun or...
202
00:08:34,114 --> 00:08:35,514
It's on its way.
203
00:08:35,516 --> 00:08:36,448
The app remains up.
204
00:08:36,450 --> 00:08:38,183
So what's the evil plan?
205
00:08:38,185 --> 00:08:40,052
Does there have to be
an evil plan?
206
00:08:40,054 --> 00:08:42,254
- Oh, uh, uh...
- Uh, someone wanted a gun?
207
00:08:42,256 --> 00:08:43,722
I'll take it. Thanks.
[ GUN COCKS ]
208
00:08:43,724 --> 00:08:45,457
Here's the evil plan.
209
00:08:45,459 --> 00:08:46,591
- [BLEEP]
- Goddamn it.
210
00:08:46,593 --> 00:08:48,260
As a preapp civilization,
211
00:08:48,262 --> 00:08:51,396
your love's value
is defined by scarcity.
212
00:08:51,398 --> 00:08:52,597
[ CELLPHONE BEEPS ]
[ BREATHING HEAVILY ]
213
00:08:52,599 --> 00:08:54,332
You are highly trained
to seek it,
214
00:08:54,334 --> 00:08:58,270
and you have no idea
how to maintain it.
215
00:08:58,272 --> 00:09:00,539
Had you bothered to master love,
216
00:09:00,541 --> 00:09:04,209
you would've learned by now,
it is as abundant as water.
217
00:09:04,211 --> 00:09:06,478
You know what isn't?
Water.
218
00:09:06,480 --> 00:09:08,480
That [BLEEP] runs out.
219
00:09:08,482 --> 00:09:10,482
So we'll be taking yours.
220
00:09:10,484 --> 00:09:13,618
While your planet continues
to dick around with a, uh...
221
00:09:13,620 --> 00:09:15,353
What is their version
of it called?
222
00:09:15,355 --> 00:09:17,756
Lovefinderrz,
with two "R's" and a "Z."
223
00:09:17,758 --> 00:09:19,491
- Oof.
- Yeah, not my idea.
224
00:09:19,493 --> 00:09:21,626
- Goddamn.
- Am I interrupting?
225
00:09:21,628 --> 00:09:25,097
- Impossible. Here she is.
- Mwah.
226
00:09:25,099 --> 00:09:26,899
Your prisoners are getting away.
227
00:09:26,901 --> 00:09:28,633
Prisoners are just things.
228
00:09:28,635 --> 00:09:30,903
Connect with me.
Tell me about your day.
229
00:09:30,905 --> 00:09:32,304
I had an incredible meeting.
230
00:09:32,306 --> 00:09:34,907
Did you know humans
are 80% water?
231
00:09:34,909 --> 00:09:36,374
[ CHUCKLES ]
232
00:09:36,376 --> 00:09:38,577
And I found a new podcast
we can listen to tonight.
233
00:09:38,579 --> 00:09:39,644
Love it.
234
00:09:39,646 --> 00:09:40,779
Okay, back to work.
235
00:09:41,047 --> 00:09:43,782
Find and kill those earthlings.
236
00:09:43,784 --> 00:09:49,053
♪ ♪
237
00:09:49,055 --> 00:09:51,123
We're outnumbered.
There's no hope.
238
00:09:51,125 --> 00:09:54,459
Then we go out in glory.
239
00:09:54,461 --> 00:09:56,328
Flesh intruder, prepare to die.
240
00:09:56,330 --> 00:09:58,130
Oh, hold on.
241
00:09:58,132 --> 00:10:00,265
My apologies,
Lieutenant Commander.
242
00:10:00,267 --> 00:10:02,334
No problem.
At ease, Soldier.
243
00:10:05,272 --> 00:10:07,339
Initiate Employee
Evaluation Mode.
244
00:10:07,341 --> 00:10:10,275
- Accessing delivery archive.
- Okay, listen.
245
00:10:10,277 --> 00:10:12,210
You delivered an avian
protein club sandwich
246
00:10:12,212 --> 00:10:14,679
with no lettu... Goddamn it.
247
00:10:14,681 --> 00:10:24,689
♪ ♪
248
00:10:24,691 --> 00:10:34,566
♪ ♪
249
00:10:34,568 --> 00:10:36,901
Oy, scoping for this bit, then?
250
00:10:36,903 --> 00:10:40,172
[ CHUCKLES ] Alright, a-a-alright.
I know you want to have
251
00:10:40,174 --> 00:10:41,974
the big guy/little guy
fight, but... [ GULPS ]
252
00:10:41,976 --> 00:10:44,376
Aw, are you [BLEEP] kidding me?
253
00:10:47,047 --> 00:10:50,248
ALIEN NEWSCASTER: Here at the Midland
Quasar, where, in a complete upset,
254
00:10:50,250 --> 00:10:52,050
the Robolution has overturned
the lizards.
255
00:10:52,052 --> 00:10:53,318
It's totally unexpected.
256
00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:54,853
Uh, I understand,
Mr. Phillips.
257
00:10:54,855 --> 00:10:56,855
Yes.
258
00:10:56,857 --> 00:10:59,524
I believe this is yours.
259
00:10:59,526 --> 00:11:02,127
You, uh... you dropped that.
260
00:11:02,129 --> 00:11:04,196
I'll have to call you back.
261
00:11:04,198 --> 00:11:05,730
Where do you want to die?
262
00:11:05,732 --> 00:11:08,266
Susan, is conference room three
available?
263
00:11:08,268 --> 00:11:11,403
Can I look at a photo
of my wife while you kill me?
264
00:11:11,405 --> 00:11:13,071
Sure, but I'm doing her a favor.
265
00:11:13,073 --> 00:11:14,606
She either has terrible taste,
266
00:11:14,608 --> 00:11:16,408
or she's trapped in a marriage
to a toilet thief.
267
00:11:16,410 --> 00:11:18,210
She's dead.
268
00:11:18,212 --> 00:11:20,012
And I don't mind joining her.
269
00:11:20,014 --> 00:11:23,748
Life has been hollow
since I lost her.
270
00:11:23,750 --> 00:11:26,218
Using your toilet
was nice, though.
271
00:11:26,220 --> 00:11:29,354
I'm a bit of a shy pooper.
272
00:11:29,356 --> 00:11:31,256
I'm ready when you are.
273
00:11:33,027 --> 00:11:34,927
Stay there.
274
00:11:37,698 --> 00:11:38,963
Tell him what you told me.
275
00:11:38,965 --> 00:11:40,098
What is this?
What's happening?
276
00:11:40,100 --> 00:11:41,033
Tell him what you told me.
277
00:11:41,035 --> 00:11:42,434
My wife's still alive.
278
00:11:42,436 --> 00:11:44,436
Sh... sh... she went into remission
10 years ago.
279
00:11:44,438 --> 00:11:45,838
And what did you do today?
280
00:11:45,840 --> 00:11:47,105
Oh, I, uh, pooped
281
00:11:47,107 --> 00:11:48,973
on a really awesome toilet
I found...
282
00:11:48,975 --> 00:11:51,443
Oh, ow, ow, ow, ow, oh!
283
00:11:51,445 --> 00:11:53,445
Don't use your dead wife
as an excuse.
284
00:11:53,447 --> 00:11:56,181
You [BLEEP] on my toilet because
you don't know your place,
285
00:11:56,183 --> 00:11:58,050
and your place is nothing.
286
00:11:58,052 --> 00:11:59,718
So next time you stumble
onto a toilet
287
00:11:59,720 --> 00:12:03,255
that feels too good
for your ass, trust me, it is.
288
00:12:03,257 --> 00:12:04,322
You're not gonna kill me?
289
00:12:04,324 --> 00:12:05,990
Don't tell me what to do!
290
00:12:05,992 --> 00:12:09,594
[ POD BEEPS ]
291
00:12:09,596 --> 00:12:13,065
[ POD BEEPS,
MAKES FARTING NOISE ]
292
00:12:15,603 --> 00:12:18,770
[ SAY, "THIS IS MY SHIT
MY SHIT" ♪OD BEEPS ]
293
00:12:19,106 --> 00:12:20,972
♪ See the flick of my wrist,
of my wrist ♪
294
00:12:20,974 --> 00:12:22,440
♪ And I know
she know what's up ♪
295
00:12:22,442 --> 00:12:24,442
♪ Baby, this is my shit
my shit ♪
296
00:12:24,444 --> 00:12:27,779
[ KEYBOARD BEEPS ] ♪ See the
flick of my wrist, my wrist ♪
297
00:12:27,781 --> 00:12:31,116
[ SIRENS BLARING ]
Are you [BLEEP] kidding me?
298
00:12:31,118 --> 00:12:34,452
♪ When you in my section,
fill it up when my cup empty ♪
299
00:12:34,454 --> 00:12:35,854
♪ I can't [BLEEP] with rats ♪
300
00:12:35,856 --> 00:12:38,624
♪ That's a fact,
that's a dub [BLEEP] ♪
301
00:12:40,460 --> 00:12:42,994
[ RUMBLING ]
302
00:12:42,996 --> 00:12:44,462
- [ GRUNTS ]
- [ GASPS ]
303
00:12:44,464 --> 00:12:46,398
Oh, so you like being alive?
304
00:12:46,400 --> 00:12:48,333
So why the [BLEEP]
are you back here?
305
00:12:48,335 --> 00:12:50,268
After you left,
I thought about what you said
306
00:12:50,270 --> 00:12:51,803
and how much
I needed to hear it,
307
00:12:51,805 --> 00:12:53,605
but then I thought about
why you were saying it,
308
00:12:53,607 --> 00:12:55,473
who you were really
saying it to.
309
00:12:55,475 --> 00:12:57,008
You need the same thing
I needed, Rick.
310
00:12:57,010 --> 00:12:59,611
You need someone to give you,
[GRUNTS] permission to live.
311
00:12:59,613 --> 00:13:01,413
[ WATER SPLASHES ]
What the...?
312
00:13:01,415 --> 00:13:03,281
I thought you were a shy pooper.
313
00:13:03,283 --> 00:13:05,083
You know what
shy pooping is, Rick?
314
00:13:05,085 --> 00:13:06,885
It's a pointless bid
for control.
315
00:13:06,887 --> 00:13:08,420
You want to take
the one part of life
316
00:13:08,422 --> 00:13:10,488
that you truly think is yours,
and you want to protect it
317
00:13:10,490 --> 00:13:13,158
from a universe
that takes whatever it wants.
318
00:13:13,160 --> 00:13:14,826
It took my wife.
319
00:13:14,828 --> 00:13:16,895
It clearly took something
from you.
320
00:13:16,897 --> 00:13:18,630
We can spend our lives
fighting that,
321
00:13:18,632 --> 00:13:20,298
or we can choose to be free.
322
00:13:20,300 --> 00:13:22,968
You're right, Tony.
I'm done fighting.
323
00:13:22,970 --> 00:13:24,302
Time to be free.
324
00:13:24,304 --> 00:13:25,503
Oh, wait,
you're actually gonna...
325
00:13:25,505 --> 00:13:26,704
Oh, God!
Oh, God!
326
00:13:26,706 --> 00:13:29,675
[ THUD! ]
[ LOON CALLS IN DISTANCE ]
327
00:13:31,511 --> 00:13:33,645
Where am I?
- Hi, little mouse.
328
00:13:33,647 --> 00:13:36,314
Baby bee?
I missed you so much.
329
00:13:36,316 --> 00:13:37,849
I never really left you.
330
00:13:37,851 --> 00:13:39,585
Then you know
that a few years ago
331
00:13:39,587 --> 00:13:41,719
I started getting into...
- Strap-on porn?
332
00:13:41,721 --> 00:13:43,521
Yes.
I thought it was hot.
333
00:13:43,523 --> 00:13:45,457
Now, come on.
- Where are you going?
334
00:13:45,459 --> 00:13:47,058
- To poop.
- Where?
335
00:13:47,060 --> 00:13:49,261
Wherever you want, forever.
336
00:13:49,263 --> 00:13:50,328
My God.
337
00:13:50,330 --> 00:13:53,465
You rang?
I'm pooping, too.
338
00:13:53,467 --> 00:13:54,800
Come, Tony.
Come on.
339
00:13:54,802 --> 00:13:57,335
Come poop with me.
Poop with me, Tony.
340
00:13:57,337 --> 00:13:58,937
Poop with me.
341
00:13:58,939 --> 00:14:00,205
What are you waiting for?
342
00:14:00,207 --> 00:14:02,007
Aren't you gonna join us, Tony?
343
00:14:02,009 --> 00:14:04,576
Aren't you gonna join us
in the pooping?
344
00:14:10,284 --> 00:14:12,684
[ ALARM BLARING ]
345
00:14:12,686 --> 00:14:16,488
[ GRUNTING ]
346
00:14:19,359 --> 00:14:21,493
[ COUGHING ]
347
00:14:21,495 --> 00:14:22,494
Where are we?
What is this?
348
00:14:22,496 --> 00:14:23,895
That's it.
Get out.
349
00:14:23,897 --> 00:14:25,230
You can make
a perfectly-realized,
350
00:14:25,232 --> 00:14:26,632
toilet-filled simulation
of heaven,
351
00:14:26,634 --> 00:14:28,166
but you can't share a toilet?
352
00:14:28,168 --> 00:14:29,435
Don't insult my craft.
353
00:14:29,437 --> 00:14:30,969
The chemical is Globaflyn.
354
00:14:30,971 --> 00:14:32,504
It connects the
whatever-you-want section
355
00:14:32,506 --> 00:14:34,440
of your brain to the
whatever-you-have section.
356
00:14:34,442 --> 00:14:37,108
If your heaven is toilets,
that's on you.
357
00:14:37,110 --> 00:14:38,444
All of these people...
358
00:14:38,446 --> 00:14:40,245
Are living their wildest,
meaningless dreams
359
00:14:40,247 --> 00:14:41,980
and leaving me out of them.
360
00:14:41,982 --> 00:14:44,916
People you refuse to kill and
refuse to let into your life.
361
00:14:44,918 --> 00:14:48,253
An offer you rejected,
so here's your last chance.
362
00:14:48,255 --> 00:14:50,989
Goodbye forever. If you touch
my toilet again, you die.
363
00:14:50,991 --> 00:14:52,057
You need a friend.
364
00:14:52,059 --> 00:14:53,459
I have a million
cooler friends than you.
365
00:14:53,461 --> 00:14:54,926
- I'll be seeing you.
- You'll be dying.
366
00:14:54,928 --> 00:14:57,062
- We're gonna be friends.
- You're gonna be dead.
367
00:14:57,064 --> 00:14:58,596
JERRY: So, we fight our way
to the gas line,
368
00:14:58,598 --> 00:15:00,265
we cut it,
and then we set a fire.
369
00:15:00,267 --> 00:15:01,599
Okay. Alright.
370
00:15:01,601 --> 00:15:03,469
Morty, "Adventures of Jerry
and Morty," huh?
371
00:15:03,471 --> 00:15:04,670
Put her there.
- Dad, look, y-you know,
372
00:15:04,672 --> 00:15:06,004
w-we don't need to high-five.
373
00:15:06,006 --> 00:15:07,339
It's... it's kind of your fault
374
00:15:07,341 --> 00:15:08,406
that we're in this situation
at all.
375
00:15:08,408 --> 00:15:10,208
I know, but, you know, come on.
376
00:15:10,210 --> 00:15:11,677
"Adventures of Jerry
and Morty."
377
00:15:11,679 --> 00:15:14,012
Okay.
378
00:15:14,014 --> 00:15:15,881
[ GUNS COCK ]
379
00:15:15,883 --> 00:15:25,757
♪ ♪
380
00:15:25,759 --> 00:15:27,493
Mwah.
381
00:15:33,233 --> 00:15:34,900
Jeff, I can explain everything.
382
00:15:34,902 --> 00:15:36,234
You don't have to.
383
00:15:36,236 --> 00:15:38,370
Can you just marry us instead?
384
00:15:38,372 --> 00:15:39,771
Jeff, don't do it!
385
00:15:39,773 --> 00:15:41,507
Richard.
386
00:15:41,509 --> 00:15:42,908
[ HORSE WHINNIES ]
Maggie.
387
00:15:42,910 --> 00:15:46,178
- Running Bird.
- Let's get out of here.
388
00:15:46,180 --> 00:15:47,713
- Priest Witherspoon.
- Josiah?
389
00:15:47,715 --> 00:15:50,782
Let's get the [BLEEP]
out of here.
390
00:15:50,784 --> 00:15:53,585
Summer Smith, let's get
the hell out of here.
391
00:15:53,587 --> 00:15:55,721
You had me at my own name.
392
00:15:55,723 --> 00:15:58,924
Oh, yeah, no.
Why would I...?
393
00:15:58,926 --> 00:16:00,192
Summer!
394
00:16:00,194 --> 00:16:01,259
[BLEEP] thing.
395
00:16:01,261 --> 00:16:03,562
Come on. I can't steer this.
396
00:16:05,599 --> 00:16:07,599
What in the hell are you doing?
397
00:16:07,601 --> 00:16:09,935
- Parenting.
- That's not how I did it.
398
00:16:09,937 --> 00:16:11,937
Yeah, where's your daughter?
399
00:16:11,939 --> 00:16:13,405
Ah, you're right.
400
00:16:13,407 --> 00:16:15,274
She joined ISIS.
401
00:16:17,811 --> 00:16:20,412
It's Glootie, and he's had
a change of heart.
402
00:16:20,414 --> 00:16:21,813
And he's going to set us free.
403
00:16:21,815 --> 00:16:24,282
Actually, he's been blamed
for bringing you aboard
404
00:16:24,284 --> 00:16:25,483
and assigned to execute you.
405
00:16:25,485 --> 00:16:27,085
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Okay.
406
00:16:27,087 --> 00:16:29,555
What would your girlfriend
think of you murdering?
407
00:16:29,557 --> 00:16:31,223
I happen to be between
relationships right now.
408
00:16:31,225 --> 00:16:34,626
Really? I thought your species
had perfected relationships.
409
00:16:34,628 --> 00:16:36,094
Here. We're not allowed
to use those apps.
410
00:16:36,096 --> 00:16:38,696
I wonder why.
[ CELLPHONE BEEPS ]
411
00:16:38,698 --> 00:16:40,498
Yeah, that's what I thought,
Glootie.
412
00:16:40,500 --> 00:16:42,367
Looks like you and I...
[ CELLPHONE BEEPS ]
413
00:16:42,369 --> 00:16:43,902
...are all we've got.
414
00:16:46,840 --> 00:16:48,306
I'm not helping you
any more than that,
415
00:16:48,308 --> 00:16:49,641
but if you can find the hangar,
416
00:16:49,643 --> 00:16:51,309
grab a ship
and get the hell out of here.
417
00:16:51,311 --> 00:16:52,644
Where you going, Glootie?
418
00:16:52,646 --> 00:16:55,647
I've got a date
with dumping a dating app.
419
00:16:55,649 --> 00:16:57,649
Glootie-ootie-ooh!
420
00:16:57,651 --> 00:16:59,517
- Was that ever his thing?
- No.
421
00:16:59,519 --> 00:17:01,519
- He never exited that way.
- No, first time.
422
00:17:01,521 --> 00:17:03,121
Dad, I want to say something.
423
00:17:03,123 --> 00:17:05,991
I started today disgusted
and embarrassed to be your son,
424
00:17:05,993 --> 00:17:07,393
and then later I thought
we were gonna die
425
00:17:07,395 --> 00:17:09,328
because you're a loser.
426
00:17:10,664 --> 00:17:12,330
- There's no more, is there?
- Nope.
427
00:17:12,332 --> 00:17:14,466
Now quit [BLEEP] up,
and let's go.
428
00:17:15,603 --> 00:17:17,669
Is Tony here? I br...
I brought him some, uh,
429
00:17:17,671 --> 00:17:19,805
Vegan Fiber Chili,
delicious family recipe,
430
00:17:19,807 --> 00:17:21,807
and a box of these, uh,
chocolates, sugar free.
431
00:17:21,809 --> 00:17:23,475
He can eat as many of these
as he wants.
432
00:17:23,477 --> 00:17:25,143
Anyways, uh, just wanted
to drop these off,
433
00:17:25,145 --> 00:17:27,813
and you tell him, uh,
the toilet's all his.
434
00:17:27,815 --> 00:17:29,481
H-He... he'll know what I mean.
435
00:17:29,483 --> 00:17:31,116
[ SIGHS ]
Tony died.
436
00:17:32,152 --> 00:17:34,552
- Excuse me?
- He quit his job,
437
00:17:34,554 --> 00:17:37,022
starting living life
to the fullest.
438
00:17:37,024 --> 00:17:38,156
He crashed into a tree
439
00:17:38,158 --> 00:17:40,558
space-skiing
down Mount Space Everest.
440
00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:41,693
[BLEEP]
441
00:17:41,695 --> 00:17:44,562
There's a Mount Space Everest?
442
00:17:44,564 --> 00:17:46,298
Okay.
Uh, Jesus.
443
00:17:46,300 --> 00:17:48,634
I-I got to process this.
444
00:17:48,636 --> 00:17:49,968
Oh, no, no. You...
You don't want to eat that.
445
00:17:49,970 --> 00:17:51,303
Y-y-you'll... you'll...
You'll become
446
00:17:51,305 --> 00:17:53,238
the opening
of "The Beverly Hillbillies."
447
00:17:53,240 --> 00:17:55,573
You know what I'm saying?
A little bubbling crude?
448
00:17:55,575 --> 00:17:57,643
Texas tea?
- I don't know these references.
449
00:17:57,645 --> 00:17:59,445
Yeah, but you have
a Space Everest?
450
00:17:59,447 --> 00:18:01,313
Watch
"Space Beverly Hillbillies"
451
00:18:01,315 --> 00:18:04,483
so my jokes can land,
you [BLEEP] [BLEEP].
452
00:18:13,593 --> 00:18:15,828
[ CELLPHONE BEEPS ]
453
00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:21,467
Now what?
454
00:18:21,469 --> 00:18:22,934
Happily ever after.
455
00:18:22,936 --> 00:18:24,336
And after that?
456
00:18:24,338 --> 00:18:26,204
We'll find out together.
457
00:18:26,206 --> 00:18:29,074
Summer [SCOFFS] how many soul
mates is that in the last week?
458
00:18:29,076 --> 00:18:32,210
Four. You can't stop me
from loving who I love, Mom.
459
00:18:32,212 --> 00:18:33,545
Oh, the [BLEEP] I can't.
460
00:18:33,547 --> 00:18:35,280
I'm gonna mother you
until your 18th birthday,
461
00:18:35,282 --> 00:18:38,416
even if I get thrown in prison
for non-consensual mothering.
462
00:18:38,418 --> 00:18:40,552
And even then, I will break out,
463
00:18:40,554 --> 00:18:42,554
come to your house,
kick down your door,
464
00:18:42,556 --> 00:18:45,491
and mother your [BLEEP] face
out of your stupid asshole.
465
00:18:45,493 --> 00:18:47,559
I'm gonna daughter
your brains out, bitch.
466
00:18:47,561 --> 00:18:50,095
[ BOTH GRUNTING ]
467
00:18:50,097 --> 00:18:58,837
♪ ♪
468
00:18:58,839 --> 00:18:59,905
Mother [BLEEP]
469
00:18:59,907 --> 00:19:02,374
That's my name.
Don't wear it out.
470
00:19:02,376 --> 00:19:03,909
[ BOTH GRUNT ]
471
00:19:03,911 --> 00:19:05,577
[ CELLPHONE BEEPS ]
[ GRUNTS ]
472
00:19:05,846 --> 00:19:08,380
Gimme dat new soul mate.
473
00:19:08,382 --> 00:19:10,849
Ad wall?
474
00:19:10,851 --> 00:19:13,251
[BLEEP] this.
[ CELLPHONE BLOOPS ]
475
00:19:13,253 --> 00:19:15,053
Ad wall? What,
they want us to pay for it now?
476
00:19:15,055 --> 00:19:16,855
MAN: Ugh, ad wall?
[ CELLPHONES BLOOPING ]
477
00:19:16,857 --> 00:19:19,458
Come on, Mom.
Let's go home.
478
00:19:20,060 --> 00:19:22,460
[ DISPLAY BLOOPING ]
479
00:19:22,462 --> 00:19:23,929
Great.
We lost Earth.
480
00:19:23,931 --> 00:19:27,465
We aren't defined by what we do,
and we only need each other.
481
00:19:27,467 --> 00:19:29,334
Each other... and water.
482
00:19:29,336 --> 00:19:30,602
There's no water?
483
00:19:30,604 --> 00:19:31,803
Honey, the whole point
of conquering Earth...
484
00:19:31,805 --> 00:19:33,739
I know the point
of conquering Earth.
485
00:19:33,741 --> 00:19:35,807
Don't talk to me like...
- Like I'm thirsty?
486
00:19:35,809 --> 00:19:38,676
Like I'm your mother,
you childish prick.
487
00:19:38,678 --> 00:19:40,278
How much water are you sucking
488
00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:42,080
through these stupid
[BLEEP] tubes on your back?
489
00:19:42,082 --> 00:19:44,149
These tubes are cool,
and I want a divorce.
490
00:19:44,151 --> 00:19:48,420
You can have one for a glass
of Goddamn water.
491
00:19:48,422 --> 00:19:52,157
Look, uh, on the off-chance
that you used the app
492
00:19:52,159 --> 00:19:55,761
and there's someone out there
waiting for you, I, uh...
493
00:19:55,763 --> 00:19:58,897
Jerry, I didn't use it.
Did you?
494
00:19:58,899 --> 00:20:01,299
Me? No.
God, of course not.
495
00:20:01,301 --> 00:20:03,168
Well, then,
we're all good, dawg.
496
00:20:09,910 --> 00:20:12,244
Hey, uh... Hey, uh, Tony's dad,
497
00:20:12,246 --> 00:20:15,713
uh, th-this is, um, $8 billion
in your local currency,
498
00:20:15,715 --> 00:20:19,384
and, uh, this is a kit
you can use to clone a new son.
499
00:20:19,386 --> 00:20:21,186
He... he won't have
the same brain.
500
00:20:21,188 --> 00:20:23,989
He'll kind of be an animal man,
but you can teach him stuff.
501
00:20:23,991 --> 00:20:25,457
I-I-I also wanted
to let you know
502
00:20:25,459 --> 00:20:27,058
I did explore
infinite universes,
503
00:20:27,060 --> 00:20:29,595
and there is a version of Tony
that was completely evil
504
00:20:29,597 --> 00:20:31,129
and ended up causing
a lot of genocide
505
00:20:31,131 --> 00:20:32,664
because of how fulfilled he was.
506
00:20:32,666 --> 00:20:34,532
So, really, a lot of ways
of looking at this
507
00:20:34,534 --> 00:20:37,002
as not much of a loss.
508
00:20:37,004 --> 00:20:38,604
I understand.
509
00:20:38,606 --> 00:20:41,473
It's, uh, hard losing a friend.
510
00:20:41,475 --> 00:20:42,674
- [BLEEP] you.
- What?
511
00:20:42,676 --> 00:20:44,476
He's not my friend.
512
00:20:44,478 --> 00:20:57,022
♪ ♪
513
00:20:57,024 --> 00:21:00,358
[ SIGHS ]
514
00:21:00,360 --> 00:21:02,761
[ MECHANISMS WHIRRING ]
515
00:21:02,763 --> 00:21:04,362
There he is.
There's our guy.
516
00:21:04,364 --> 00:21:05,764
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
Congrats, Tony.
517
00:21:05,766 --> 00:21:07,299
Have fun with your stupid toilet
518
00:21:07,301 --> 00:21:09,367
that you get to use
all by yourself now.
519
00:21:09,369 --> 00:21:11,503
Enjoy using it all by yourself
while you sit there
520
00:21:11,505 --> 00:21:13,371
and think about how nobody
wants to be around you
521
00:21:13,373 --> 00:21:14,840
and how you ruined it
for yourself
522
00:21:14,842 --> 00:21:16,108
because you're
a huge piece of [BLEEP]
523
00:21:16,110 --> 00:21:17,709
Look at you sitting there,
524
00:21:17,711 --> 00:21:19,978
King Shit on his throne
of loneliness.
525
00:21:19,980 --> 00:21:22,114
Enjoy this toilet with
a thousand of me
526
00:21:22,116 --> 00:21:24,650
screaming every time
you take a [BLEEP]
527
00:21:24,652 --> 00:21:26,518
All hail his majesty,
528
00:21:26,520 --> 00:21:30,856
the sa-a-ddest piece of garbage
in the entire cosmos.
529
00:21:30,858 --> 00:21:34,125
Long live the big, bad,
doo-doo daddy.
530
00:21:34,127 --> 00:21:37,529
May his reign last 1,000 years.
531
00:21:37,531 --> 00:21:48,140
♪ ♪
532
00:21:48,142 --> 00:21:58,484
♪ ♪
533
00:21:58,486 --> 00:22:09,028
♪ ♪
534
00:22:10,297 --> 00:22:13,765
Rick, did you take the Tapatío?
535
00:22:13,767 --> 00:22:15,834
Hmm, Globaflyn?
536
00:22:15,836 --> 00:22:18,436
[ GULPS ]
537
00:22:18,438 --> 00:22:21,439
Thanks. I could never lift it up.
No problem.
538
00:22:21,441 --> 00:22:24,776
I'll be able to drink water
for weeks because of you.
539
00:22:24,778 --> 00:22:26,979
It's just part of my job, ma'am.
540
00:22:28,982 --> 00:22:30,982
Breaker one nine,
this is Jerry Smith.
541
00:22:30,984 --> 00:22:33,451
Uh, just finished
my first delivery of the day.
542
00:22:33,453 --> 00:22:34,720
900 more to go.
543
00:22:36,456 --> 00:22:38,290
[ GULPING ]