1
00:00:04,305 --> 00:00:06,506
Before we move
off this topic,
2
00:00:06,539 --> 00:00:08,608
can I ask if you're
currently a hologram?
3
00:00:08,642 --> 00:00:11,145
Yeah, yeah, h-hold on.
One sec.
4
00:00:11,178 --> 00:00:13,981
Left a bag of Funyuns
down there last week.
5
00:00:14,015 --> 00:00:16,516
Didn't want to waste our time.
Okay, let's do it.
6
00:00:16,549 --> 00:00:19,320
Therapy me.
7
00:00:19,353 --> 00:00:22,522
Do you need
to take that?
No.
Just the President.
8
00:00:22,555 --> 00:00:24,325
Maybe we should
turn off the phone.
9
00:00:24,358 --> 00:00:25,625
President of
the United States.
10
00:00:25,659 --> 00:00:26,961
Thought you might think
that was cool.
11
00:00:26,994 --> 00:00:28,828
You like it when people
think you're cool?
12
00:00:28,862 --> 00:00:31,598
You're extra analytical today.
Looking to remodel your kitchen?
13
00:00:31,631 --> 00:00:34,068
Sanchez!
I know you're in there!
14
00:00:34,101 --> 00:00:36,836
When I call you directly,
it's an emergency.
15
00:00:36,870 --> 00:00:39,340
I was in therapy.
Don't stigmatize mental health.
16
00:00:39,373 --> 00:00:40,573
How rude of me.
17
00:00:40,607 --> 00:00:42,475
Hello,
I'm President Andre Curtis.
18
00:00:42,509 --> 00:00:44,811
Yes, I recognize you.
Oh? How nice.
19
00:00:44,844 --> 00:00:48,515
It's not nice to recognize
a president. Can we go?
20
00:00:48,548 --> 00:00:51,718
In 1961, the CIA
secretly relocated
21
00:00:51,751 --> 00:00:53,653
the Loch Ness Monster
to Lake Erie
22
00:00:53,687 --> 00:00:55,555
and replaced her bones
with titanium.
23
00:00:55,588 --> 00:00:57,624
She was then bit
by several werewolves,
24
00:00:57,657 --> 00:00:59,893
giving us the ultimate
anti-submarine weapon.
25
00:00:59,927 --> 00:01:02,562
Got it.
But the Soviets smuggled
in a leprechaun,
26
00:01:02,595 --> 00:01:04,432
who turned Nessie's
bones to silver,
27
00:01:04,464 --> 00:01:06,233
giving her
the were-version of AIDS.
28
00:01:06,267 --> 00:01:08,835
She sank to the bottom,
and we assumed she was dead.
29
00:01:08,868 --> 00:01:12,340
But she was only asleep.
Now she's awake and hungry.
30
00:01:12,373 --> 00:01:14,474
You can't date my shrink.
What?!
31
00:01:14,507 --> 00:01:17,311
Bro, you're nuts.
Then don't date my shrink.
32
00:01:17,345 --> 00:01:19,512
I'm not
dating your shrink!
33
00:01:19,546 --> 00:01:21,115
She probably doesn't
even like me.
34
00:01:21,148 --> 00:01:23,516
Stand down, Sanchez!
Tell him to stand down!
35
00:01:23,550 --> 00:01:25,119
Would you let him
bang your therapist?
36
00:01:25,152 --> 00:01:26,786
I don't believe
in therapy!
37
00:01:26,820 --> 00:01:29,423
What the hell does that even
mean, you don't believe in it?
38
00:01:29,457 --> 00:01:31,491
He's a scientologist.
Don't date my shrink!
39
00:01:31,524 --> 00:01:33,493
And don't be
a space Mormon!
Why not?!
40
00:01:33,526 --> 00:01:37,031
It's silly!
Sorry, it's a cheap shot.
41
00:01:37,064 --> 00:01:39,200
Worship how you want.
42
00:01:39,233 --> 00:01:40,935
I like Tom Cruise.
Thank you.
43
00:01:40,968 --> 00:01:43,904
Therapy's working.
Keep it in your pants.
44
00:02:17,038 --> 00:02:19,873
Ooh, welcome back
to Mr. Stabby!
45
00:02:19,907 --> 00:02:22,542
Let's get another question
from the audience!
46
00:02:22,575 --> 00:02:23,911
Ow! Augh!
47
00:02:23,944 --> 00:02:26,280
Why do people get tickets
to his tapings?
48
00:02:26,313 --> 00:02:27,982
It's a fame-obsessed
culture.
49
00:02:28,015 --> 00:02:30,117
Mr. President.
50
00:02:30,151 --> 00:02:32,552
I've got
an emergency, Rick.
Another President mission?
51
00:02:32,585 --> 00:02:34,554
Y-You just killed the
Loch Ness Monster for him.
52
00:02:34,587 --> 00:02:35,789
Tell that little bitch
to zip it.
53
00:02:35,822 --> 00:02:37,124
You can't talk to me
like that!
54
00:02:37,158 --> 00:02:38,658
T-Tell him he can't
talk to me like that!
55
00:02:38,691 --> 00:02:40,227
You can't talk to Morty
like that.
56
00:02:40,261 --> 00:02:41,996
Whatever.
I'll portal over.
57
00:02:42,029 --> 00:02:45,665
I've seen this one anyway.
The audience dies.
58
00:02:47,301 --> 00:02:49,003
Rick, thanks for coming.
59
00:02:49,036 --> 00:02:51,272
We've got a situation
in the state of Virginia.
60
00:02:51,305 --> 00:02:52,639
Bigfoot?
That's Montana.
61
00:02:52,672 --> 00:02:54,909
Nazis?
That's, uh...everywhere.
62
00:02:54,942 --> 00:02:56,709
That's an exaggeration,
sir.
63
00:02:56,743 --> 00:02:58,812
Jesus, Carl, you, too?
64
00:02:58,845 --> 00:03:01,815
The problem in Virginia is...
love.
65
00:03:01,848 --> 00:03:04,418
You've heard the state motto,
"Virginia is for Lovers"?
66
00:03:04,452 --> 00:03:06,686
Well, now they've
codified it into law.
67
00:03:06,719 --> 00:03:08,089
Virginia
has declared itself
68
00:03:08,122 --> 00:03:10,657
literally and exclusively
for lovers.
69
00:03:10,690 --> 00:03:12,526
Sounds boring.
It gets worse.
70
00:03:12,560 --> 00:03:16,530
There's no crime, no poverty,
and suspiciously, no complaints.
71
00:03:16,564 --> 00:03:19,632
The governor just hit
100% approval rating.
72
00:03:19,666 --> 00:03:21,668
And that's worse?
100%?
73
00:03:21,701 --> 00:03:23,037
Get on the web, Dwayne.
74
00:03:23,070 --> 00:03:25,139
There's no such thing
as 100% of anything.
75
00:03:25,172 --> 00:03:28,741
America knows and incinerates
a cult when it sees one.
76
00:03:28,775 --> 00:03:30,610
But I can't do that
to all of Virginia,
77
00:03:30,643 --> 00:03:32,146
so we need to infiltrate.
78
00:03:32,179 --> 00:03:34,115
I volunteer to do acid
to prove I'm not a cop.
79
00:03:34,148 --> 00:03:36,616
No lone wolves. We need
a crack team for this one.
80
00:03:36,649 --> 00:03:38,685
Rick, meet Fleeflak.
81
00:03:38,718 --> 00:03:40,488
He might be able
to tell the future.
82
00:03:40,521 --> 00:03:41,989
Might?
We're waiting to find out.
83
00:03:42,022 --> 00:03:43,823
Onyx here is
a weapons specialist,
84
00:03:43,857 --> 00:03:46,260
and our eye in the sky
is my chief of staff bot,
85
00:03:46,293 --> 00:03:47,461
Chi-Chi.
Sleek.
86
00:03:47,495 --> 00:03:49,096
Yes,
an excellent team.
87
00:03:49,130 --> 00:03:51,132
Eh, but there's
something missing...
88
00:03:51,165 --> 00:03:54,068
a psychology expert,
perhaps.
Oh, fuck me.
89
00:03:54,101 --> 00:03:55,635
You pretended to need
a crack team
90
00:03:55,668 --> 00:03:56,870
so you could get
Wong's number?
91
00:03:56,904 --> 00:03:59,106
Get her number?
I own the CIA.
92
00:03:59,140 --> 00:04:01,142
If I wanted,
I could get her genome.
93
00:04:01,175 --> 00:04:03,843
So you wanted what from me,
permission? You got it.
94
00:04:03,877 --> 00:04:05,879
It's a free country,
so you're always saying.
95
00:04:05,913 --> 00:04:07,714
That's certainly all
I'd be willing to pay.
96
00:04:07,747 --> 00:04:09,883
You're making me choose?
You or her?
97
00:04:09,917 --> 00:04:11,585
There's three billion women
on this planet
98
00:04:11,619 --> 00:04:13,587
that have nothing
to do with me.
99
00:04:13,621 --> 00:04:15,589
Can you blame them?
You suck.
100
00:04:15,623 --> 00:04:17,790
Wait! Danger!
101
00:04:17,824 --> 00:04:20,027
Wow, that's great,
buddy.
102
00:04:20,060 --> 00:04:23,531
It's goin' right
on the fridge.
103
00:04:26,467 --> 00:04:29,069
I appreciate your lending
your expertise to this mission,
104
00:04:29,103 --> 00:04:30,271
Dr. Wong.
105
00:04:30,304 --> 00:04:31,804
Gun?
No, thank you.
106
00:04:31,838 --> 00:04:34,741
I was surprised to receive
your call but excited.
107
00:04:34,774 --> 00:04:36,876
I haven't done field work
since grad school.
108
00:04:36,911 --> 00:04:38,512
We think the people
of Virginia
109
00:04:38,546 --> 00:04:40,880
have become some kind
of hippy sex cult.
110
00:04:40,915 --> 00:04:43,450
I haven't done that
since grad school, either.
111
00:04:43,484 --> 00:04:46,719
Ho-ho! Dr. Wong,
you are a firecracker!
112
00:04:46,753 --> 00:04:48,556
Sir, we've reached
the border.
113
00:04:48,589 --> 00:04:49,924
Halt!
114
00:04:49,957 --> 00:04:52,825
I'm so sorry,
Mr. President,
115
00:04:52,859 --> 00:04:54,861
Virginia is closed
to visitors.
116
00:04:54,894 --> 00:04:57,264
I thought it was for lovers.
I'm a lover.
117
00:04:57,298 --> 00:04:58,798
You guys lovers?
Mm-hmm.
118
00:04:58,831 --> 00:05:00,367
I appreciate that,
119
00:05:00,401 --> 00:05:01,669
but the rest
of your country
120
00:05:01,701 --> 00:05:03,770
doesn't need Virginia's love
right now.
121
00:05:03,803 --> 00:05:06,473
You know, the last time
a state talked that way,
122
00:05:06,507 --> 00:05:08,309
we had to have
a whole thing.
123
00:05:08,342 --> 00:05:09,643
And?
124
00:05:09,677 --> 00:05:12,680
And this time, the other side
has nukes.
125
00:05:12,712 --> 00:05:15,182
Let them in.
126
00:05:16,417 --> 00:05:17,651
Well done, Doctor.
127
00:05:17,685 --> 00:05:18,851
Call me Helen.
128
00:05:24,091 --> 00:05:28,828
As you can see, Virginia
has no crime, no poverty.
129
00:05:28,861 --> 00:05:30,364
All goods
are freely given.
130
00:05:30,397 --> 00:05:31,565
Communist bastards.
131
00:05:31,599 --> 00:05:33,300
And all goods
are freely made.
132
00:05:33,334 --> 00:05:34,902
Communist bastards!
133
00:05:34,935 --> 00:05:36,736
So, what happened?
Tell me the secret.
134
00:05:36,769 --> 00:05:39,106
Well, if I tell you,
you'll tell everyone.
135
00:05:39,139 --> 00:05:41,808
But if I show you,
you won't have to.
136
00:05:41,841 --> 00:05:43,577
How unsettling
and cryptic.
137
00:05:45,145 --> 00:05:46,914
Oh!
138
00:05:46,947 --> 00:05:49,583
My God!
So that's it?
139
00:05:49,617 --> 00:05:52,019
You're all just drunk!
140
00:05:52,052 --> 00:05:54,655
Sir! It's some kind of
body-snatching hive-mind!
141
00:05:54,688 --> 00:05:56,724
Finally your religion
comes in handy!
142
00:05:56,756 --> 00:06:00,394
No! My only chance
at meeting Will Smith!
143
00:06:05,065 --> 00:06:06,799
Pick up your phone,
asshole!
144
00:06:06,833 --> 00:06:09,169
When I call,
it's an actual emergency!
145
00:06:09,203 --> 00:06:11,538
Rick?
146
00:06:11,572 --> 00:06:12,973
Unity.
147
00:06:13,007 --> 00:06:15,075
Take it easy,
take it easy.
148
00:06:15,109 --> 00:06:17,844
I can explain. Just let me
get things under control.
149
00:06:17,877 --> 00:06:20,014
You controlling things
is the explanation.
150
00:06:20,047 --> 00:06:22,383
And we agreed you wouldn't do it
where I work.
151
00:06:23,417 --> 00:06:25,953
What the fuck are you
spraying me with?
152
00:06:25,986 --> 00:06:27,887
A new scent I picked up
after you left.
153
00:06:27,921 --> 00:06:29,590
I call it "Separation."
154
00:06:29,623 --> 00:06:31,824
You concocted
a me repellent?
155
00:06:31,858 --> 00:06:35,129
Does that look like
a bad idea?
156
00:06:35,162 --> 00:06:38,798
Rick, are you in a relationship
with the population of Virginia?
157
00:06:38,831 --> 00:06:40,434
We dated.
158
00:06:42,670 --> 00:06:44,204
I just want to talk.
159
00:06:44,238 --> 00:06:46,674
I'm pretty sure you have
trillions of cellphones.
160
00:06:46,707 --> 00:06:48,676
No, come back!
Let's talk!
161
00:06:52,812 --> 00:06:54,515
Thank God you had
a crack team with you.
162
00:06:54,548 --> 00:06:56,317
Where's Helen?
"Helen"?
163
00:06:56,350 --> 00:06:58,619
She initiated first name.
164
00:06:58,652 --> 00:07:00,521
Whoa!
Call in a chopper!
165
00:07:00,554 --> 00:07:02,056
I'm being
cock blocked!
166
00:07:02,089 --> 00:07:03,724
Rick...
167
00:07:03,757 --> 00:07:05,025
it's me.
168
00:07:05,059 --> 00:07:06,927
I was released
from Unity.
169
00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:08,828
Cool. So you won't mind
if I spray this.
170
00:07:08,861 --> 00:07:10,964
I won't,
but we're surrounded
171
00:07:10,998 --> 00:07:13,067
and Unity knows
your reload time.
172
00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:16,036
I really believe you and Unity
should talk.
173
00:07:16,070 --> 00:07:18,405
How would you know?
You're just a nutritionist.
174
00:07:18,439 --> 00:07:21,308
When you work in nutritionism
as long as I have,
175
00:07:21,342 --> 00:07:24,011
you get a certain feel.
176
00:07:26,380 --> 00:07:27,847
Calm down.
177
00:07:27,880 --> 00:07:30,517
We came because
we're worried about you.
178
00:07:30,551 --> 00:07:32,686
Why?
We hear things, Rick.
179
00:07:32,720 --> 00:07:37,458
I tried calling, but is it true
you're looking for...him again?
180
00:07:37,491 --> 00:07:40,494
You almost died last time.
That's none
of your business.
181
00:07:40,527 --> 00:07:43,063
You're our business.
You quit that business!
182
00:07:43,097 --> 00:07:44,498
And you're fired
from that business!
183
00:07:44,531 --> 00:07:46,767
And I'm using your last paycheck
to cover the stapler
184
00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:49,436
you stole
which was my heart!
185
00:07:49,470 --> 00:07:51,972
Civil War, baby!
186
00:07:53,841 --> 00:07:56,310
Sorry! That was supposed
to be suppressive!
187
00:07:58,112 --> 00:08:00,280
Aah! Aah!
Rick, wait!
188
00:08:00,314 --> 00:08:02,182
Aah!
189
00:08:02,216 --> 00:08:04,351
Thank you, Andre.
Thank you, Helen.
190
00:08:04,385 --> 00:08:06,787
It's time to put
these bastards on ice.
191
00:08:06,820 --> 00:08:08,555
Cue up the dome!
192
00:08:08,589 --> 00:08:10,290
Yes, sir!
193
00:08:23,804 --> 00:08:25,172
Ow!
194
00:08:31,412 --> 00:08:34,181
Do you have a dome
the size of every state?
195
00:08:34,214 --> 00:08:37,684
You'll need
a second date for that answer.
196
00:08:37,718 --> 00:08:40,821
Barf.
197
00:08:40,854 --> 00:08:44,458
A nation in turmoil tonight
as the entire state of Virginia
198
00:08:44,491 --> 00:08:46,560
continues to be trapped
inside an energy dome.
199
00:08:46,593 --> 00:08:48,595
The White House released
a statement dismissing
200
00:08:48,629 --> 00:08:52,366
the President's shouts of
"Civil War, baby," as hyperbole.
201
00:08:52,399 --> 00:08:54,034
Shonda,
what do we make of that?
202
00:08:54,067 --> 00:08:55,869
More like Hyper Bully,
Tom.
203
00:08:55,904 --> 00:08:57,771
Oh, shit.
Shonda came to play.
204
00:08:57,805 --> 00:08:59,072
This President has been
in office
205
00:08:59,106 --> 00:09:01,008
for how many
alien invasions?
206
00:09:01,041 --> 00:09:02,576
Not to mention
the mutant turkeys,
207
00:09:02,609 --> 00:09:04,745
the abandoned White House
orbiting our planet,
208
00:09:04,778 --> 00:09:06,313
the eco-conscious
dinosaurs.
209
00:09:06,346 --> 00:09:08,315
Then he sees Virginia
with its perfect economy
210
00:09:08,348 --> 00:09:10,017
and synchronized
lawn mowing,
211
00:09:10,050 --> 00:09:12,486
so he shoots them
and puts them in a dome?
212
00:09:12,519 --> 00:09:15,155
Classic Curtis.
Will someone mute
the goddamn news?
213
00:09:15,189 --> 00:09:17,624
If I want a list of my failures,
I'd dig up my mother.
214
00:09:17,658 --> 00:09:20,260
I'm -- I'm -- I'm -- I'm sorry,
that's a turnoff, right?
215
00:09:20,294 --> 00:09:22,663
Guy screaming about his mother
in a war room?
216
00:09:22,696 --> 00:09:24,598
Sanchez!
America hates your dome!
217
00:09:24,631 --> 00:09:27,000
How long is it
going to be up?
Hope you marked that.
218
00:09:27,034 --> 00:09:29,036
It was his dome in the chopper,
now it's mine.
219
00:09:29,069 --> 00:09:31,572
It will contain that part
of Unity until I shut it down,
220
00:09:31,605 --> 00:09:34,608
because one of us here
knows how to set boundaries.
221
00:09:34,641 --> 00:09:38,011
Rick, I agree that my accepting
this mission was inappropriate.
222
00:09:38,045 --> 00:09:39,680
When I was invited,
I didn't know --
223
00:09:39,713 --> 00:09:41,248
That he was
hitting on you?
224
00:09:41,281 --> 00:09:43,884
I was aware of potential
romantic motivations.
225
00:09:43,918 --> 00:09:45,752
And I was open to them.
Bam.
226
00:09:45,786 --> 00:09:48,322
But I did not know you and I
would be crossing paths.
227
00:09:48,355 --> 00:09:50,023
You mean
you didn't care
228
00:09:50,057 --> 00:09:51,625
because, on one hand,
you got professional ethics
229
00:09:51,658 --> 00:09:53,760
and, in the other hand,
you got world-famous schlong.
230
00:09:53,794 --> 00:09:55,729
Now I get to beat you.
Bring it.
231
00:09:55,762 --> 00:09:57,297
Alien vessel
approaching Earth!
232
00:09:57,331 --> 00:09:58,967
It's hailing us!
Put it through.
233
00:09:58,999 --> 00:10:00,969
I don't work for you.
You couldn't. You suck.
234
00:10:01,001 --> 00:10:02,536
I'll do it.
235
00:10:02,569 --> 00:10:03,905
Mr. President.
236
00:10:03,938 --> 00:10:05,706
Lady, you bring that ship
to America's planet,
237
00:10:05,739 --> 00:10:07,441
I'm launching
4,000 warheads,
238
00:10:07,474 --> 00:10:09,476
3,000 of which
will turn out to work.
239
00:10:09,510 --> 00:10:12,179
Then I'll call China,
and you're really fucked.
240
00:10:12,212 --> 00:10:13,714
Let's listen to Unity.
241
00:10:13,747 --> 00:10:15,382
Are you still here?
Are you?
242
00:10:15,415 --> 00:10:17,117
If I wanted Earth,
I would have taken it.
243
00:10:17,150 --> 00:10:18,552
Oh, bullshit.
Gimme a break.
244
00:10:18,585 --> 00:10:20,187
You cut eight million pieces
of me off.
245
00:10:20,220 --> 00:10:21,755
It hurt.
Boo-hoo.
246
00:10:21,788 --> 00:10:23,557
You've made it clear
we can't be friends, Rick,
247
00:10:23,590 --> 00:10:25,425
but I need to reconnect
those people
248
00:10:25,459 --> 00:10:27,127
so I can properly
release them.
249
00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:28,930
They're hosting
a mindless collective.
250
00:10:28,963 --> 00:10:32,099
If it connects to another mind,
it could become its own colony.
251
00:10:32,132 --> 00:10:33,667
Wow, you made
a PowerPoint?
252
00:10:33,700 --> 00:10:36,270
I needed you to understand
how serious this is.
253
00:10:36,303 --> 00:10:38,405
I can handle it.
We got the spray, bitch!
254
00:10:38,438 --> 00:10:40,140
Don't talk to them
like that.
255
00:10:40,173 --> 00:10:42,042
Rick, do you not trust
Unity?
256
00:10:42,075 --> 00:10:43,410
Shut up.
Apologize.
257
00:10:43,443 --> 00:10:45,212
Eat me.
Do you not trust me,
Rick?
258
00:10:45,245 --> 00:10:47,347
Who would?!
Let Rick answer.
259
00:10:47,381 --> 00:10:48,950
Baby, I know you want to help,
but --
260
00:10:48,983 --> 00:10:51,285
Andre, I think
we need to move slower.
261
00:10:51,318 --> 00:10:52,921
Slower?
I haven't even touched you,
262
00:10:52,954 --> 00:10:54,221
and you're already
back seat war rooming.
263
00:10:54,254 --> 00:10:55,924
Andre.
Helen.
Rick?
264
00:10:55,957 --> 00:10:57,190
I don't trust you.
265
00:10:57,224 --> 00:10:59,059
You ghosted me
to focus on your work.
266
00:10:59,092 --> 00:11:00,894
Your work is absorbing
the universe.
267
00:11:00,929 --> 00:11:02,763
But it's my universe.
Please go.
268
00:11:02,796 --> 00:11:05,232
We'll spray the Virginians
before they touch anyone.
269
00:11:05,265 --> 00:11:06,935
I'm sorry
you lost a finger,
270
00:11:06,968 --> 00:11:08,937
but that's the price
of surprise butt play.
271
00:11:08,970 --> 00:11:11,338
Goodbye.
Goodbye.
272
00:11:11,371 --> 00:11:13,106
Alien vessel is departing.
273
00:11:13,140 --> 00:11:15,442
Good job, people.
I'll run the aerosol cannon
274
00:11:15,475 --> 00:11:17,244
from the chopper.
We need the optics.
275
00:11:17,277 --> 00:11:18,845
Send out a press release.
276
00:11:18,879 --> 00:11:21,315
"President sprays Virginia
with the opposite of bullets."
277
00:11:21,348 --> 00:11:22,683
Write it better than that.
278
00:11:22,716 --> 00:11:24,919
You riding shotgun,
or you staying butt hurt?
279
00:11:24,953 --> 00:11:27,421
Suck my dick
and lose my number. You too.
280
00:11:27,454 --> 00:11:30,857
If you invite me to the wedding,
I will shit in the punch.
281
00:11:32,526 --> 00:11:34,963
He'll be back.
What would you like for dinner?
282
00:11:34,996 --> 00:11:37,065
I'm not interested
in taking this further.
283
00:11:37,097 --> 00:11:39,199
What? Why?
That's insane.
284
00:11:39,232 --> 00:11:41,301
How can you be a therapist
and insane?
285
00:11:41,335 --> 00:11:44,304
Since you're asking
for feedback, my sincere advice
286
00:11:44,338 --> 00:11:47,075
is that you overcome
your need for approval.
287
00:11:47,107 --> 00:11:49,010
Okay, you want to play it
that way?
288
00:11:49,043 --> 00:11:51,478
There's an exit tunnel
by the ladies' room.
289
00:11:51,511 --> 00:11:55,215
It gets lots of use!
And not just by sex workers!
290
00:11:55,248 --> 00:11:58,685
Can you at least tell security
I did the dumping?
291
00:12:01,188 --> 00:12:03,557
Uh...
you okay?
292
00:12:03,590 --> 00:12:04,658
Yes.
293
00:12:04,691 --> 00:12:06,860
The news said Virginia
was a hive-mind.
294
00:12:06,893 --> 00:12:08,562
Yes.
Was it --
295
00:12:08,595 --> 00:12:10,631
Yes!
Oh, my God,
dude, whatever.
296
00:12:10,664 --> 00:12:13,034
When's the last time
you saw your therapist?
Today!
297
00:12:13,067 --> 00:12:14,635
Well, then she sucks!
No shit!
298
00:12:14,668 --> 00:12:16,938
Stop yelling at me!
I need boundaries!
299
00:12:16,971 --> 00:12:19,239
Well, here's a big one,
fuck face!
300
00:12:21,541 --> 00:12:22,944
Sorry.
301
00:12:27,447 --> 00:12:29,282
Arriving at the dome,
sir.
302
00:12:29,316 --> 00:12:30,985
Good!
I don't need anybody!
303
00:12:31,019 --> 00:12:32,987
What?
What? I said good!
304
00:12:33,021 --> 00:12:34,554
Tell me when we're there!
We are!
305
00:12:34,588 --> 00:12:37,524
Roger that! Just gonna see
how we're looking!
306
00:12:37,557 --> 00:12:39,693
And there's Helicopter One
with the aforementioned gas,
307
00:12:39,726 --> 00:12:42,262
and you can actually see
President Curtis inside,
308
00:12:42,295 --> 00:12:44,865
checking his phone to see if
this will make people like him.
309
00:12:44,898 --> 00:12:47,601
There he is frowning now,
of course, as he realizes
310
00:12:47,634 --> 00:12:50,504
no amount of spectacle is going
to undo his last debacle.
311
00:12:50,537 --> 00:12:53,407
Shonda?
Ohh, not Shonda.
She hates me.
312
00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:55,275
It's true, Tom.
I mean, yes,
313
00:12:55,308 --> 00:12:57,177
President Curtis is going
to release Virginia
314
00:12:57,210 --> 00:12:59,379
from yet another
alien threat,
315
00:12:59,413 --> 00:13:01,415
but when they are free
to speak their minds,
316
00:13:01,448 --> 00:13:02,883
does he really think
they're going to say,
317
00:13:02,917 --> 00:13:04,184
"Wow, what a President"?
318
00:13:04,217 --> 00:13:05,485
Deactivating dome, sir!
319
00:13:05,519 --> 00:13:07,088
The fact is, nothing short
of literally
320
00:13:07,121 --> 00:13:09,157
a 100% percent
approval rating
321
00:13:09,189 --> 00:13:11,892
is gonna save Curtis
in the next election.
322
00:13:11,926 --> 00:13:14,761
Let her rip, sir!
323
00:13:14,795 --> 00:13:19,232
100% approval.
324
00:13:19,266 --> 00:13:21,903
Whoopsie! I-
I-I'll be right back!
Sir?
325
00:13:21,936 --> 00:13:23,303
I just gotta get
the thing.
326
00:13:23,336 --> 00:13:25,806
Wha? Huh?
How is that going to work?
327
00:13:27,674 --> 00:13:32,212
Give it to me.
Give me that hive!
328
00:13:34,748 --> 00:13:37,250
Mother forgive me.
Just forgive me. I need it.
329
00:13:42,622 --> 00:13:44,725
Holy...
330
00:13:44,758 --> 00:13:47,861
Shit!
331
00:13:49,396 --> 00:13:51,565
Loved ones are gathered here
to reunite with the captives,
332
00:13:51,598 --> 00:13:53,633
who appear to walking,
quite eagerly,
333
00:13:53,667 --> 00:13:55,802
and now running,
in perfect unison, toward them.
334
00:13:55,836 --> 00:13:57,905
Such a beautiful scene --
everyone kissing.
335
00:13:57,939 --> 00:14:01,042
And now everyone that got kisses
is kissing everyone else.
336
00:14:01,075 --> 00:14:02,977
Heartfelt,
almost disgusting kisses.
337
00:14:03,010 --> 00:14:05,612
The wave of affection
is headed in all directions.
338
00:14:05,645 --> 00:14:08,182
Hello, sir.
The President has saved us.
339
00:14:08,216 --> 00:14:09,816
He's the best president.
340
00:14:09,850 --> 00:14:11,685
The best man, really, ever.
His mother was wrong.
341
00:14:11,718 --> 00:14:14,621
Uh-oh. Did somebody close
the lady tunnel?
342
00:14:20,094 --> 00:14:22,029
Hey, Rick,
w-w-was Unity --
343
00:14:22,063 --> 00:14:23,965
She's gone,
and I don't care!
344
00:14:23,998 --> 00:14:26,600
I think she's back.
Hmm?
345
00:14:26,633 --> 00:14:29,103
Someone order
cranky dick?
346
00:14:29,137 --> 00:14:30,570
I said I was sorry.
No, you didn't.
347
00:14:30,604 --> 00:14:32,339
I said it quietly.
Shut up.
348
00:14:32,372 --> 00:14:34,474
Now, Governor, can you explain
why all of Virginia ran
349
00:14:34,508 --> 00:14:36,944
in all directions and puked
on everyone in the country?
350
00:14:36,978 --> 00:14:40,514
It's simple, News Man. They
puke in love of the president.
351
00:14:40,547 --> 00:14:43,283
We approve of the president.
Everyone does.
352
00:14:43,316 --> 00:14:45,519
Sorry, Governor,
but you're making me
353
00:14:45,552 --> 00:14:47,320
bring Shonda into this.
Thanks, Tom.
354
00:14:47,354 --> 00:14:49,589
Governor, I can assure you
that no matter
355
00:14:49,623 --> 00:14:51,591
how you personally
may feel --
356
00:14:53,027 --> 00:14:55,930
Good president.
President good, good, good.
357
00:14:55,963 --> 00:14:59,399
Are you okay? Uh, Josh
just vomited into your mou--
358
00:14:59,432 --> 00:15:02,003
Oh! Ha!
I get it now!
359
00:15:02,036 --> 00:15:03,403
Wow! What a president!
360
00:15:03,436 --> 00:15:05,472
Approval here!
President approved!
361
00:15:05,505 --> 00:15:07,474
I thought Unity promised
to never do this.
362
00:15:07,507 --> 00:15:09,944
That's not Unity. You kids
stay inside and lock up.
363
00:15:09,977 --> 00:15:11,311
Dad's still out
shopping.
364
00:15:11,344 --> 00:15:13,346
Then stay inside,
lock up, and plug your ears.
365
00:15:13,380 --> 00:15:16,750
Where are you going?
Therapy.
366
00:15:16,783 --> 00:15:18,585
Thank God.
367
00:15:25,759 --> 00:15:26,928
Huh?
368
00:15:26,961 --> 00:15:28,428
Aah!
369
00:15:31,265 --> 00:15:32,799
Aah!
370
00:15:34,936 --> 00:15:37,171
You're rehired.
371
00:15:37,205 --> 00:15:39,073
Is -- Is that Unity?
It's your boyfriend.
372
00:15:39,106 --> 00:15:41,209
He must have linked
with the severed hive-mind.
373
00:15:41,242 --> 00:15:42,475
He's going to assimilate
the Earth
374
00:15:42,509 --> 00:15:44,045
faster than
I can fight it.
375
00:15:44,078 --> 00:15:45,246
And you want me
to talk to him?
376
00:15:45,279 --> 00:15:46,479
There's no talking
to him.
377
00:15:46,513 --> 00:15:48,149
No human mind can
keep itself together
378
00:15:48,182 --> 00:15:49,649
while controlling
millions of people.
379
00:15:49,683 --> 00:15:51,685
So where are we going?
I need Unity's help.
380
00:15:51,718 --> 00:15:54,222
So you need to convince her
I'm worth it.
381
00:15:54,255 --> 00:15:56,423
You aren't.
So lie.
382
00:15:58,658 --> 00:16:00,594
Inbound vessel detected.
383
00:16:00,627 --> 00:16:02,964
Tell him to turn around.
Tell me in person.
384
00:16:02,997 --> 00:16:04,898
I'm already here.
Goddamn it!
But your ship was just --
385
00:16:04,932 --> 00:16:06,867
You have your gimmicks,
I have mine.
386
00:16:06,900 --> 00:16:09,036
This is my therapist.
She can vouch for me.
387
00:16:09,070 --> 00:16:10,737
We met.
She was me for a second.
388
00:16:10,770 --> 00:16:13,406
What do you want, Rick?
Look, it's clear
you weren't lying
389
00:16:13,440 --> 00:16:14,942
when you said
you could've taken over Earth
390
00:16:14,976 --> 00:16:17,078
because your finger
just took over America.
391
00:16:17,111 --> 00:16:18,445
I need you to help me
fix that.
392
00:16:18,478 --> 00:16:20,480
Oh, it took that
to make you believe me?
393
00:16:20,513 --> 00:16:21,882
Why should I believe you?
394
00:16:21,916 --> 00:16:24,252
You show up unannounced
and hijack a state.
395
00:16:24,285 --> 00:16:26,954
I called you!
Multiple times!
396
00:16:26,988 --> 00:16:28,356
You ghosted me!
397
00:16:28,388 --> 00:16:29,756
Rick, is that true?
398
00:16:29,789 --> 00:16:31,691
She dumped me.
Why would I answer her calls?
399
00:16:31,725 --> 00:16:33,727
Alright, I'm going to commit
a cardinal sin
400
00:16:33,760 --> 00:16:37,231
in couple's therapy here,
but, Rick, I think you're wrong.
401
00:16:37,265 --> 00:16:38,933
Bringing you
was a mistake.
402
00:16:38,966 --> 00:16:41,768
You had an outer-space lady
who was worried for your life,
403
00:16:41,801 --> 00:16:45,306
and your response was hostile
enough to cause a huge problem.
404
00:16:45,339 --> 00:16:46,773
Thank you.
405
00:16:46,806 --> 00:16:49,409
Now you're asking her to both
forgive you and solve it?
406
00:16:49,442 --> 00:16:51,913
Unity, I think the reason
Rick brought me here
407
00:16:51,946 --> 00:16:55,316
is that he doesn't know how to
indicate to you he's changed,
408
00:16:55,349 --> 00:16:58,019
because he's changing
very slowly.
409
00:16:58,052 --> 00:17:00,321
But he is.
410
00:17:00,354 --> 00:17:02,189
Alright, anyone else
wanna call me a baby?
411
00:17:02,223 --> 00:17:05,825
Maybe we can drag this out until
Earth is fully assimilated?
412
00:17:05,859 --> 00:17:09,663
Alright. So you're asking
for an invasion?
413
00:17:46,100 --> 00:17:48,668
Hold 'em back!
They love me, they just forgot!
414
00:17:48,702 --> 00:17:51,339
They just forgot!
They just forgot!
415
00:17:54,507 --> 00:17:56,843
No! Stop!
You love me!
416
00:17:56,876 --> 00:18:00,613
W-Why are you stopping?
I've won you over?
417
00:18:02,682 --> 00:18:05,453
Oh, good!
You're here!
418
00:18:05,485 --> 00:18:07,554
Unity,
kept them warm for you.
419
00:18:07,587 --> 00:18:09,323
They went a little crazy,
but, uh...
420
00:18:09,357 --> 00:18:11,658
Anyway, seems like
this is all over.
421
00:18:11,691 --> 00:18:13,461
Helen, we could grab
some coffee.
422
00:18:13,493 --> 00:18:15,895
Wait, Unity,
what are you doing?
423
00:18:15,930 --> 00:18:18,598
Alright, Rick,
that's everyone.
424
00:18:18,631 --> 00:18:20,267
Nice job, Une.
425
00:18:20,301 --> 00:18:23,204
Well, this has been
quite a session.
426
00:18:23,237 --> 00:18:25,473
Hope you do
group discounts.
427
00:18:25,505 --> 00:18:27,908
Actually, just send the bill
to the White House.
428
00:18:27,942 --> 00:18:31,045
I wouldn't be doing this
for anyone else, Rick.
429
00:18:31,078 --> 00:18:33,280
Yeah, it was nice
to team up again.
430
00:18:33,314 --> 00:18:35,782
No, I mean
I wouldn't be doing it.
431
00:18:35,815 --> 00:18:38,618
I've never released hundreds
of millions of people before.
432
00:18:38,651 --> 00:18:41,788
This is gonna suck.
433
00:19:17,857 --> 00:19:20,827
Here, it's over.
Nice job, Une.
434
00:19:20,860 --> 00:19:23,730
I'm fine.
You want a painkiller?
435
00:19:23,763 --> 00:19:26,633
I, uh, I'm on a few of them
right now.
436
00:19:26,666 --> 00:19:28,002
No, thank you.
437
00:19:28,035 --> 00:19:30,438
I mean, you can hang out
if you want,
438
00:19:30,471 --> 00:19:33,140
come see the kids,
439
00:19:33,174 --> 00:19:34,808
I trust you now.
440
00:19:34,841 --> 00:19:38,412
That's nice,
but I don't trust you.
441
00:19:38,446 --> 00:19:40,747
Fair enough.
442
00:19:59,799 --> 00:20:01,701
Hey, Rick, it's Unity.
443
00:20:01,734 --> 00:20:04,238
Uh, give me a call, okay?
444
00:20:04,271 --> 00:20:05,672
Hey, Rick. Unity.
445
00:20:05,705 --> 00:20:07,208
Look, cards on the table,
446
00:20:07,241 --> 00:20:09,110
I heard you were going
after that guy again.
447
00:20:09,143 --> 00:20:11,445
Just made me worried.
Give me a call.
448
00:20:11,479 --> 00:20:14,248
Look, I get it, I dumped you.
You're ignoring me.
449
00:20:14,281 --> 00:20:18,085
But I care about you, and I-I
just wanna know you're alright.
450
00:20:18,119 --> 00:20:21,788
Hey, Rick, listen, I'm just
gonna stop by Virginia, okay?
451
00:20:21,821 --> 00:20:23,790
I don't know what state
you live in,
452
00:20:23,823 --> 00:20:25,593
but I'll camp out there
and try to reach you.
453
00:20:25,625 --> 00:20:27,194
Hope you're okay.
454
00:20:27,228 --> 00:20:29,263
Hey, Rick.
David Miscavige here.
455
00:20:29,296 --> 00:20:31,265
Heard you were saying
some really great things
456
00:20:31,298 --> 00:20:32,665
about Scientology.
457
00:20:32,699 --> 00:20:34,135
If you ever wanna meet
Travolta --
458
00:20:34,168 --> 00:20:35,635
End playback!
459
00:20:39,140 --> 00:20:42,376
You, uh, really went all in
on that approval, huh?
460
00:20:42,409 --> 00:20:44,578
Yeah.
461
00:20:44,612 --> 00:20:47,314
Shonda's gonna
eat me alive.
462
00:20:47,348 --> 00:20:48,715
Eh, fuck 'em.
463
00:20:48,748 --> 00:20:51,252
Thanks, Rick.
464
00:20:51,285 --> 00:20:54,922
Don't take this the wrong way,
but. uh...
465
00:20:54,955 --> 00:20:58,459
I think I might
need therapy.
466
00:21:34,827 --> 00:21:36,729
And we're back
with Mr. Stabby.
467
00:21:36,763 --> 00:21:39,899
What do you say to people
who say, "I don't want
to get stabbed.
468
00:21:39,934 --> 00:21:43,070
I want to go a show. I have
a right to not get stabbed"?
469
00:21:43,103 --> 00:21:45,673
Well, Gary, I have a right
to arms and legs.
470
00:21:45,705 --> 00:21:47,341
But I wasn't born
with those.
471
00:21:47,374 --> 00:21:49,577
And I don't think that means
I should be boxed out
472
00:21:49,610 --> 00:21:51,478
of an industry where,
let's face it,
473
00:21:51,512 --> 00:21:53,547
there's zero representation
of people
474
00:21:53,581 --> 00:21:55,249
with swords
for arms and legs.
475
00:21:55,282 --> 00:21:57,850
But do you have to take
questions from the audience?
476
00:21:57,884 --> 00:22:00,621
People come to my show because
they want the experience.
477
00:22:00,654 --> 00:22:02,623
If they didn't want it,
they'd stop coming.
478
00:22:02,656 --> 00:22:07,695
Your show has resulted in
the deaths of 58,000 attendees.
479
00:22:07,727 --> 00:22:11,198
Well,
you're talking about it.
480
00:22:12,600 --> 00:22:14,168
Did you get any of that?