1 00:00:09,276 --> 00:00:11,209 Tickets, please. 2 00:00:16,350 --> 00:00:18,617 Barkeep. A drink for my colleague. 3 00:00:18,619 --> 00:00:19,751 Do I know you? 4 00:00:19,753 --> 00:00:21,486 I know the only reason to travel by train 5 00:00:21,488 --> 00:00:22,887 Is to travel with weapons. 6 00:00:22,889 --> 00:00:25,223 And we all know that at the end of this line, 7 00:00:25,225 --> 00:00:27,425 There's only one creature worth killing. 8 00:00:27,427 --> 00:00:30,362 The man in the white coat. 9 00:00:30,364 --> 00:00:32,965 May as well take turns exchanging stories. 10 00:00:32,967 --> 00:00:36,769 Mine begins on planet ramamama. 11 00:00:36,771 --> 00:00:38,903 Lower him into acid. 12 00:00:38,905 --> 00:00:43,041 Once he's dissolved, lower someone else into acid. 13 00:00:43,043 --> 00:00:44,843 Is he dissolved? 14 00:00:44,845 --> 00:00:47,780 At least use the downtime to reset the acid lowerer. 15 00:00:47,782 --> 00:00:49,914 I really don't like the attitude around here. 16 00:00:49,916 --> 00:00:52,785 It's a very "lower me into acid" attitude. 17 00:00:54,921 --> 00:00:55,988 Who are you? 18 00:00:57,124 --> 00:00:58,590 How did you reach my sanctum? 19 00:00:59,593 --> 00:01:01,059 All right, this is going in circles. 20 00:01:01,061 --> 00:01:02,927 Seize him! 21 00:01:02,929 --> 00:01:04,797 -Aah! -Aah! 22 00:01:13,273 --> 00:01:14,807 -Aah! -Aah! 23 00:01:20,014 --> 00:01:21,146 Very well. 24 00:01:21,148 --> 00:01:23,682 Now I will fight you. 25 00:01:24,351 --> 00:01:26,351 Anyway, he tells a different version of the story 26 00:01:26,353 --> 00:01:28,286 Where I start crying or something. 27 00:01:28,288 --> 00:01:30,355 That's why he has to die. 28 00:01:30,357 --> 00:01:31,824 'cause he's a liar. 29 00:01:31,826 --> 00:01:33,025 So... 30 00:01:33,027 --> 00:01:35,160 Why are you going to kill rick sanchez? 31 00:01:35,162 --> 00:01:36,294 Okay, I don't know who that is. 32 00:01:36,296 --> 00:01:37,896 I don't accept your weird leap in logic 33 00:01:37,898 --> 00:01:40,032 That has everyone on a train going to kill one guy. 34 00:01:40,034 --> 00:01:42,367 And even if I did, why would we take turns 35 00:01:42,369 --> 00:01:43,568 Telling stories about it like 36 00:01:43,570 --> 00:01:44,769 Little girls at a sleepover? 37 00:01:44,771 --> 00:01:46,438 If you're trying to be hurtful, 38 00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:47,840 You're doing a good job. 39 00:01:47,842 --> 00:01:48,841 I'll take his turn. 40 00:01:48,843 --> 00:01:50,975 Here's why I'm going to kill rick sanchez. 41 00:01:50,977 --> 00:01:52,377 You guys have fun with this. 42 00:01:52,379 --> 00:01:54,046 Dissolve to a clam-shaped sun 43 00:01:54,048 --> 00:01:55,914 Rising over a giant beach. 44 00:01:57,384 --> 00:01:58,983 By then, of course, he had left toys 45 00:01:58,985 --> 00:02:02,387 And flesh drops for every one of us in the spore-hive. 46 00:02:02,389 --> 00:02:03,588 A newcomer! 47 00:02:03,590 --> 00:02:05,057 I suppose you think you have a better story 48 00:02:05,059 --> 00:02:07,860 About how rick sanchez saved space christmas. 49 00:02:07,862 --> 00:02:10,795 What is with the rick sanchez obsession? 50 00:02:11,666 --> 00:02:13,532 I think the best way to answer that 51 00:02:13,534 --> 00:02:16,135 Is with my christmas rick tale. 52 00:02:17,672 --> 00:02:18,670 Whoo! 53 00:02:18,672 --> 00:02:20,472 Could've used rudolph tonight! 54 00:02:20,474 --> 00:02:22,274 Thank god. I'm not too late. 55 00:02:22,276 --> 00:02:23,675 I don't know how to thank you, goomby. 56 00:02:23,677 --> 00:02:24,743 No need. 57 00:02:24,745 --> 00:02:26,144 You just go in there and have a nice time. 58 00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:27,813 I will. Thanks. 59 00:02:31,151 --> 00:02:32,885 hey. 60 00:02:32,887 --> 00:02:34,086 Merry christmas, goomby. 61 00:02:34,088 --> 00:02:35,954 Merry christmas, rick. 62 00:02:37,157 --> 00:02:38,557 It's okay. 63 00:02:38,559 --> 00:02:39,958 I-I don't have to. Sorry if that was -- 64 00:02:39,960 --> 00:02:41,359 No. Um, um, I can ask. 65 00:02:41,361 --> 00:02:42,627 No, no, no, I don't wanna be a burden. 66 00:02:42,629 --> 00:02:44,229 Okay. Yeah, yeah, there's just -- 67 00:02:44,231 --> 00:02:45,630 There's a lot of people. Family. You know? 68 00:02:45,632 --> 00:02:46,498 I get it. 69 00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:47,766 You're not mad? Totally fine. 70 00:02:47,768 --> 00:02:49,101 Bye. 71 00:02:55,642 --> 00:02:57,109 That -- okay, none of my business 72 00:02:57,111 --> 00:02:58,843 But he didn't even save christmas in that story. 73 00:02:58,845 --> 00:02:59,712 How dare you! 74 00:02:59,714 --> 00:03:01,179 That doesn't mean I'm invested. 75 00:03:01,181 --> 00:03:02,581 Tell your christmas rick story! 76 00:03:02,583 --> 00:03:04,649 Step the hell back! Back! 77 00:03:09,990 --> 00:03:11,790 You start teeing up a rick sanchez vignette, 78 00:03:11,792 --> 00:03:13,458 And you'll be doing it through two holes. 79 00:03:13,460 --> 00:03:15,327 I'm just trying to figure out what's going on with this train. 80 00:03:15,329 --> 00:03:16,661 Do you remember getting on it? 81 00:03:16,663 --> 00:03:19,464 No. First thing I remember is... 82 00:03:19,466 --> 00:03:21,433 Tickets, please. 83 00:03:22,403 --> 00:03:25,804 So, why did you date rick sanchez? 84 00:03:25,806 --> 00:03:26,939 What? 85 00:03:26,941 --> 00:03:28,540 You don't have to pretend you didn't date him. 86 00:03:28,542 --> 00:03:30,342 We all did. We get it. 87 00:03:30,344 --> 00:03:34,012 Low point in your life, rebound from an ex, et cetera. 88 00:03:34,014 --> 00:03:35,347 No, really, who? 89 00:03:35,349 --> 00:03:37,349 exactly. 90 00:03:37,351 --> 00:03:41,553 In fact, and get this, when he met my family... 91 00:03:41,555 --> 00:03:43,088 aah! 92 00:03:44,291 --> 00:03:46,491 Leah! Leah, check it out. 93 00:03:46,493 --> 00:03:47,692 Where'd you meet this, um... 94 00:03:47,694 --> 00:03:49,628 ...Sprite? 95 00:03:49,630 --> 00:03:51,830 He's actually a human. 96 00:03:51,832 --> 00:03:54,366 But he invented portal tech? 97 00:03:54,368 --> 00:03:56,301 I am the concept of time. 98 00:03:56,303 --> 00:03:57,435 Jesus! 99 00:03:57,437 --> 00:03:58,703 I warned you not to do that. 100 00:03:58,705 --> 00:04:00,639 I wasn't trying. You don't have to. 101 00:04:00,641 --> 00:04:01,774 The train is obviously amplifying 102 00:04:01,776 --> 00:04:03,442 And linking unrelated narrative fields. 103 00:04:04,779 --> 00:04:06,578 Morty? I told you if you found me again, 104 00:04:06,580 --> 00:04:08,180 Identify yourself. 105 00:04:08,182 --> 00:04:09,848 I didn't know it was you. 106 00:04:09,850 --> 00:04:11,049 How did you not recognize me? 107 00:04:11,051 --> 00:04:12,584 Didn't you create the disguises? 108 00:04:12,586 --> 00:04:14,386 When I create shit, it works, morty. 109 00:04:14,388 --> 00:04:15,720 It's called being talented. 110 00:04:15,722 --> 00:04:16,789 Why can't we find the engine? 111 00:04:16,791 --> 00:04:18,991 It's not a real train, it's a story device. 112 00:04:18,993 --> 00:04:21,460 Literally. A literal literary device 113 00:04:21,462 --> 00:04:23,862 Quite literally metaphorically containing us. 114 00:04:23,864 --> 00:04:24,663 A simulation. 115 00:04:24,665 --> 00:04:26,264 Worse. An anthology. 116 00:04:26,266 --> 00:04:27,932 Okay, so how -- how do we hijack it? 117 00:04:27,934 --> 00:04:29,468 Morty, it's been hijacked 118 00:04:29,470 --> 00:04:30,869 For at least two full minutes. 119 00:04:30,871 --> 00:04:32,871 Are you not hearing this insane conversation? 120 00:04:32,873 --> 00:04:35,340 Okay, tickets please guy, stop the anthology. 121 00:04:35,342 --> 00:04:37,676 If we wanted one-offs, we'd do interdimensional cable, 122 00:04:37,678 --> 00:04:39,611 Not some uptight, overwritten -- 123 00:04:39,613 --> 00:04:41,279 Rick? God damn! 124 00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:42,481 Tickets, please. 125 00:04:42,483 --> 00:04:43,682 Dude, I'm sure you've got, like, 126 00:04:43,684 --> 00:04:45,617 So many tickets at this point. 127 00:04:45,619 --> 00:04:47,820 Jesus! The tickets please guy is cut! 128 00:04:47,822 --> 00:04:49,754 He -- he -- he's -- he's got those things. 129 00:04:49,756 --> 00:04:51,690 - W-what do you call them. - Uhm, gutters. 130 00:04:51,692 --> 00:04:53,158 Morty, gross! That's what people call them. 131 00:04:53,160 --> 00:04:54,893 Gross people. I don't want to have to picture 132 00:04:54,895 --> 00:04:57,295 so watery in such volumes that -- 133 00:04:57,297 --> 00:04:58,630 Hey, hey, hey, stay back. 134 00:04:58,632 --> 00:05:00,298 I'll kick you. I-I'll kick your shin, bro. 135 00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:01,766 Aaah! Hey! 136 00:05:01,768 --> 00:05:03,902 I'll cook and eat your ticket-taking 137 00:05:03,904 --> 00:05:06,304 hey, I found a ticket. 138 00:05:07,708 --> 00:05:10,042 Wow, you are just -- ladies and gentlemen, 139 00:05:10,044 --> 00:05:11,910 The jackie chan of human shielding. 140 00:05:11,912 --> 00:05:13,512 Who takes the time to get this good at -- 141 00:05:13,514 --> 00:05:14,646 this. 142 00:05:14,648 --> 00:05:16,248 -Aaah -structural breach. 143 00:05:16,250 --> 00:05:17,649 Losing continuity. 144 00:05:17,651 --> 00:05:19,251 Morty, hold on to something. 145 00:05:19,253 --> 00:05:20,252 Keep your head inside. 146 00:05:20,254 --> 00:05:21,386 Aaah! 147 00:05:26,193 --> 00:05:27,526 Share with your sister, josh. 148 00:05:27,528 --> 00:05:28,861 Just because it's your birthday doesn't mean 149 00:05:28,863 --> 00:05:30,328 You can be an asshole. 150 00:05:30,330 --> 00:05:32,464 You okay, dad? Is this real? 151 00:05:32,466 --> 00:05:33,798 I doubt it, but you get what you get 152 00:05:33,800 --> 00:05:34,999 When you eat dinner in an arcade. 153 00:05:35,001 --> 00:05:37,135 I mean are you real, is life real? 154 00:05:37,137 --> 00:05:39,003 Okay, I'm calling the nurse because you are not 155 00:05:39,005 --> 00:05:40,472 Doing this tonight. You're god damn right 156 00:05:40,474 --> 00:05:42,741 I'm not because -- you are not doing this tonight! 157 00:05:42,743 --> 00:05:43,876 This isn't real life! 158 00:05:43,878 --> 00:05:45,544 Dad? My god! Honey. Sweetie. 159 00:05:45,546 --> 00:05:46,611 What's happening? Give me your tickets. 160 00:05:46,613 --> 00:05:47,880 I -- I need tickets. 161 00:05:47,882 --> 00:05:51,416 Everyone give me tickeeeeeettttttts! 162 00:05:51,418 --> 00:05:52,885 Aaaah! 163 00:05:54,020 --> 00:05:55,587 Aaah! 164 00:05:56,891 --> 00:05:59,357 Emergency continuity deployed. 165 00:06:03,898 --> 00:06:05,630 This could come in handy. Can't we just ride out the -- 166 00:06:05,632 --> 00:06:06,965 you, I'd rather die. 167 00:06:06,967 --> 00:06:08,701 train cops! Hands in the air! 168 00:06:08,703 --> 00:06:10,302 Tee up a story about rick sanchez! 169 00:06:10,304 --> 00:06:11,703 He is rick! Jesus christ! 170 00:06:11,705 --> 00:06:13,238 Is that the tickets please guy? 171 00:06:13,240 --> 00:06:14,639 Well, just the stub. 172 00:06:14,641 --> 00:06:15,974 Too soon! Too soon! 173 00:06:15,976 --> 00:06:17,676 Don't move! Too soon! 174 00:06:19,513 --> 00:06:21,980 So, what did the train cops do wrong? 175 00:06:21,982 --> 00:06:23,648 Shot...People? 176 00:06:23,650 --> 00:06:25,250 Shot passengers. Wrong. 177 00:06:25,252 --> 00:06:27,452 The passengers tampered with the anthology's structure. 178 00:06:27,454 --> 00:06:28,853 Lethal response was permitted, 179 00:06:28,855 --> 00:06:31,189 But not with him holding that tank. 180 00:06:31,191 --> 00:06:33,057 Let's take a look at what they should have done. 181 00:06:33,059 --> 00:06:34,326 Train cops! Hands in the air! 182 00:06:34,328 --> 00:06:35,660 Drop the tank! Drop it! 183 00:06:35,662 --> 00:06:37,396 Drop it! Drop the tank. 184 00:06:39,866 --> 00:06:41,399 Sorry to nitpick, sir, but if there was 185 00:06:41,401 --> 00:06:44,603 A continuity explosion, isn't there always one? 186 00:06:44,605 --> 00:06:46,671 And doesn't that mean those two could be anywhere? 187 00:06:46,673 --> 00:06:48,206 What? No, you idiot, that -- it's -- 188 00:06:48,208 --> 00:06:50,609 It's just a training video. That didn't actually happen. 189 00:06:50,611 --> 00:06:51,676 That's what you think. 190 00:06:51,678 --> 00:06:53,145 Hey. How'd you get here? 191 00:06:53,147 --> 00:06:54,879 Yeah, like we're the ones that popped up out of nowhere? 192 00:06:54,881 --> 00:06:56,080 these guys. 193 00:06:59,219 --> 00:07:01,353 Hey, what the hell? Your leg is healed. 194 00:07:01,355 --> 00:07:03,088 Yeah, it's a real free-for-all. 195 00:07:03,090 --> 00:07:04,356 Here we go. 196 00:07:04,358 --> 00:07:06,024 Of course this thing is just a circle. 197 00:07:06,026 --> 00:07:07,759 You'd think it was so god damn complicated -- 198 00:07:07,761 --> 00:07:10,228 Okay, here's where the stupid vignettes were. 199 00:07:10,230 --> 00:07:12,096 God, imagine if that had been the whole thing. 200 00:07:12,098 --> 00:07:15,900 So now we're here, and the engine must be here. 201 00:07:15,902 --> 00:07:17,636 I'll have to rig us a couple of space suits 202 00:07:17,638 --> 00:07:19,904 That start failing around here so we can 203 00:07:19,906 --> 00:07:20,973 pay a heavy price 204 00:07:20,975 --> 00:07:22,641 For re-entering at this threshold. 205 00:07:22,643 --> 00:07:23,976 We have to leave the train? 206 00:07:23,978 --> 00:07:25,577 We don't have to do anything, morty. 207 00:07:25,579 --> 00:07:27,112 This is just a structural guide. 208 00:07:27,114 --> 00:07:29,181 We're obviously gonna impart our own style. 209 00:07:29,183 --> 00:07:30,849 I don't like how meta this is getting, rick. 210 00:07:30,851 --> 00:07:32,050 Shut up, morty. You're 14. 211 00:07:32,052 --> 00:07:33,652 You watch videos of people on youtube 212 00:07:33,654 --> 00:07:35,120 Reacting to youtube. 213 00:07:35,122 --> 00:07:36,521 I'll be the judge of when we get too meta. 214 00:07:36,523 --> 00:07:37,722 Holy 215 00:07:37,724 --> 00:07:38,791 How is he still breathing? Aah! 216 00:07:38,793 --> 00:07:40,725 He's suspended in disbelief, 217 00:07:40,727 --> 00:07:42,461 Slowly dying while living out an alternative 218 00:07:42,463 --> 00:07:43,595 Non-diagetic reality. 219 00:07:43,597 --> 00:07:45,597 Geez, what a horrible way to die. 220 00:07:45,599 --> 00:07:46,665 You don't know the half of it. 221 00:07:48,335 --> 00:07:50,268 You're on fuego with the guy-torn-in-half bits, rick. 222 00:07:50,270 --> 00:07:51,536 That one was organic, though. 223 00:07:51,538 --> 00:07:53,071 That's because you're naturally funny. 224 00:07:53,073 --> 00:07:54,473 That -- that's good old-fashioned fun 225 00:07:54,475 --> 00:07:55,808 Right there, you know? 226 00:07:55,810 --> 00:07:57,075 W-w-we don't need to over-think , okay? 227 00:07:57,077 --> 00:07:58,543 Okay, buddy. Nice and grounded, 228 00:07:58,545 --> 00:08:00,078 Fully immersive from here on out. 229 00:08:01,148 --> 00:08:02,947 Right after this. W-what's happening? 230 00:08:02,949 --> 00:08:04,016 Going into an act break. 231 00:08:25,238 --> 00:08:26,905 Sure, that was a great moment, 232 00:08:26,907 --> 00:08:28,039 But it was hardly the best time 233 00:08:28,041 --> 00:08:29,440 Rick and morty were musical. 234 00:08:29,442 --> 00:08:30,575 Who can forget the t-- 235 00:08:30,577 --> 00:08:32,577 Hey. You guys think there's something weird 236 00:08:32,579 --> 00:08:33,845 About this train? 237 00:08:33,847 --> 00:08:34,846 We've been here a really long time 238 00:08:34,848 --> 00:08:36,181 And nobody's taken our tickets. 239 00:08:36,183 --> 00:08:37,382 Aaah! 240 00:08:38,585 --> 00:08:40,785 Aaaah! 241 00:08:40,787 --> 00:08:42,921 The galaxy's greatest scientists continue to ponder 242 00:08:42,923 --> 00:08:45,590 The horrific figure known to children as floaty blood man. 243 00:08:45,592 --> 00:08:48,193 But after three months, nobody is any closer to the truth. 244 00:08:48,195 --> 00:08:50,261 For cutesy name news, I'm uncle nibbles. 245 00:08:50,263 --> 00:08:52,798 I can't believe floaty bloody man is real. 246 00:08:52,800 --> 00:08:54,800 He's more than real, he's my new god. 247 00:08:54,802 --> 00:08:56,802 Check it. Is that brand-new, 248 00:08:56,804 --> 00:08:58,804 Or is the blood just -- accurately depicted, yeah. 249 00:08:58,806 --> 00:09:01,072 His followers believe the entire universe 250 00:09:01,074 --> 00:09:02,941 Is floaty bloody man's nightmare as he dies 251 00:09:02,943 --> 00:09:04,476 In a time-dilated reality. 252 00:09:04,478 --> 00:09:05,811 So we could go at any minute. 253 00:09:05,813 --> 00:09:08,147 No. I'm part of the floaty nogasm brotherhood. 254 00:09:08,149 --> 00:09:09,881 We believe we're keeping him alive 255 00:09:09,883 --> 00:09:12,483 By redirecting our suppressed sexual energies. 256 00:09:12,485 --> 00:09:13,819 You're staying a virgin 257 00:09:13,821 --> 00:09:16,355 Just to keep the universe existing? 258 00:09:16,357 --> 00:09:18,757 That's... So attractive. 259 00:09:18,759 --> 00:09:19,891 It is? 260 00:09:19,893 --> 00:09:22,227 Okay, look, let's just do it once. 261 00:09:26,167 --> 00:09:27,800 Sorry. 262 00:09:28,569 --> 00:09:30,169 Aaah! 263 00:09:30,171 --> 00:09:31,770 Happy now? He was suffering. 264 00:09:31,772 --> 00:09:32,971 Keep moving. 265 00:09:32,973 --> 00:09:34,439 We have to get to the return threshold 266 00:09:34,441 --> 00:09:35,974 Before the ticking clock on your suit gets to zero. 267 00:09:35,976 --> 00:09:37,176 Why would you put ticking clock -- 268 00:09:37,178 --> 00:09:38,577 Because if it's too easy to get there, 269 00:09:38,579 --> 00:09:40,179 We'll never get there. 270 00:09:40,181 --> 00:09:42,113 If you don't want to be meta stop, deconstructing shit. 271 00:09:42,115 --> 00:09:43,915 That's the thematic seal. 272 00:09:43,917 --> 00:09:45,316 Gotta find a way to disrupt it. 273 00:09:45,318 --> 00:09:48,319 Okay, morty, tell a story unrelated to us. 274 00:09:48,321 --> 00:09:50,589 What do -- stop thinking and do it! 275 00:09:50,591 --> 00:09:52,724 Okay, there was this -- 276 00:09:52,726 --> 00:09:54,860 My name is mike johnson. That's good coffee. 277 00:09:55,863 --> 00:09:57,729 Better get that door. 278 00:09:57,731 --> 00:09:59,398 Iiiiiiii, hello. 279 00:09:59,400 --> 00:10:00,732 I want your cookies. 280 00:10:00,734 --> 00:10:01,933 I'm hungry, I want your cookies. 281 00:10:01,935 --> 00:10:03,268 Scorpions, scorpions. 282 00:10:03,270 --> 00:10:05,670 There's scorpions outside. Get inside. 283 00:10:05,672 --> 00:10:06,872 What do they want from us? 284 00:10:06,874 --> 00:10:08,673 They want food. Me too. 285 00:10:08,675 --> 00:10:09,674 Okay, just stop. 286 00:10:09,676 --> 00:10:11,210 I'm not a writer, okay? 287 00:10:11,212 --> 00:10:13,144 Relax, your story was supposed to be awful and stupid. 288 00:10:13,146 --> 00:10:14,345 I just failed to predict how well 289 00:10:14,347 --> 00:10:16,147 That would mesh with the theme. 290 00:10:16,149 --> 00:10:17,282 Think. Think. 291 00:10:17,284 --> 00:10:18,817 What kind of story would we never -- 292 00:10:18,819 --> 00:10:20,952 Morty, do you know what the bechdel test is? 293 00:10:20,954 --> 00:10:22,287 The what? For god's sake, morty, 294 00:10:22,289 --> 00:10:24,155 The formula for measuring female agency 295 00:10:24,157 --> 00:10:26,025 In a story proposed by lesbian cartoonist allison -- 296 00:10:26,027 --> 00:10:27,826 What the hell are they teaching you in that school?! 297 00:10:27,828 --> 00:10:29,761 Other stuff! Then you've killed us both! 298 00:10:29,763 --> 00:10:31,830 Why is lesbian part of her job title?! 299 00:10:31,832 --> 00:10:33,032 Now you're progressive?! 300 00:10:33,034 --> 00:10:34,900 What is the test?! You have to tell -- 301 00:10:38,305 --> 00:10:40,371 Morty, morty. 302 00:10:40,373 --> 00:10:42,841 Two women. They both have to have names 303 00:10:42,843 --> 00:10:44,576 And talk to each other about something... 304 00:10:44,578 --> 00:10:45,911 Rick! 305 00:10:45,913 --> 00:10:47,979 ...Other than a man... Rick, listen to me. 306 00:10:47,981 --> 00:10:50,649 Once upon a time, my mom and my sister... 307 00:10:50,651 --> 00:10:52,351 Listen to me! 308 00:10:53,454 --> 00:10:55,520 Mom, can I try your tea? 309 00:10:55,522 --> 00:10:57,456 Yes, summer. 310 00:10:57,458 --> 00:10:58,857 Yes. Try my tea. 311 00:10:58,859 --> 00:11:01,460 It's so good. It's so warm. 312 00:11:01,462 --> 00:11:03,462 Mom, can I talk to you 313 00:11:03,464 --> 00:11:04,930 About my special time? 314 00:11:04,932 --> 00:11:07,266 It's okay. I have one, too. 315 00:11:07,268 --> 00:11:08,600 Mine is heavy today. 316 00:11:08,602 --> 00:11:10,069 Mine is never light. 317 00:11:10,071 --> 00:11:12,271 I love you ever since you were... 318 00:11:12,273 --> 00:11:13,538 Mailed to me. 319 00:11:13,540 --> 00:11:15,006 By a doctor woman. 320 00:11:15,008 --> 00:11:16,608 Your special time is your power. 321 00:11:16,610 --> 00:11:18,744 It makes you strong like a boob. 322 00:11:18,746 --> 00:11:20,011 Strong against what? 323 00:11:20,013 --> 00:11:22,147 Scorpions. Female scorpions. 324 00:11:22,149 --> 00:11:24,249 They're attacking outside. Come on. 325 00:11:26,553 --> 00:11:28,487 Fight them with your heavy special time. 326 00:11:28,489 --> 00:11:29,888 You do it, too. 327 00:11:37,030 --> 00:11:38,497 Hello? Hello? 328 00:11:38,499 --> 00:11:41,633 I'm that supreme court lady, and you did it. 329 00:11:41,635 --> 00:11:43,902 We did it! We did it! 330 00:11:48,575 --> 00:11:50,175 Great job, morty. 331 00:11:50,177 --> 00:11:51,710 A feminist masterpiece. 332 00:11:51,712 --> 00:11:53,412 Hey, look. 333 00:11:57,050 --> 00:11:59,584 Guess who's got two penises and all the agency? 334 00:11:59,586 --> 00:12:01,586 Rick and morty. 335 00:12:01,588 --> 00:12:03,054 Story lord. 336 00:12:03,056 --> 00:12:04,790 I should've known you were behind this, and I did. 337 00:12:04,792 --> 00:12:06,057 Who is this guy? 338 00:12:06,059 --> 00:12:08,059 He's like a matrix space frasier. 339 00:12:08,061 --> 00:12:09,128 Let's get this fight over with, nerd. 340 00:12:09,130 --> 00:12:10,461 I've got to do. 341 00:12:10,463 --> 00:12:12,063 You of all people know, rick, 342 00:12:12,065 --> 00:12:14,465 There can be no destination without a journey. 343 00:12:14,467 --> 00:12:16,802 I don't know that at all. I regularly teleport. 344 00:12:16,804 --> 00:12:19,404 Of course. No rules for you. 345 00:12:19,406 --> 00:12:21,140 Spiraling through the multiverse, 346 00:12:21,142 --> 00:12:23,942 Burping semi-improvised dialogue about how nothing matters, 347 00:12:23,944 --> 00:12:26,478 So we may as well pull out our and rub them 348 00:12:26,480 --> 00:12:29,148 On fate's glaring teeth like we're brushing fate's teeth 349 00:12:29,150 --> 00:12:31,683 But we're using your gross, dirty 350 00:12:31,685 --> 00:12:32,818 Must be nice. 351 00:12:32,820 --> 00:12:34,019 nobody's stopping you. 352 00:12:34,021 --> 00:12:36,287 True. Not anymore. 353 00:12:37,224 --> 00:12:38,423 Goddamn! We already did this. 354 00:12:38,425 --> 00:12:40,759 Is this a double beat? Well. 355 00:12:40,761 --> 00:12:42,828 Just how I adventure, dawg. 356 00:12:42,830 --> 00:12:43,895 This is more impressive than 357 00:12:43,897 --> 00:12:45,096 The tickets please guy, though. 358 00:12:45,098 --> 00:12:46,765 You are like 90% gutter. 359 00:12:46,767 --> 00:12:50,169 It's called discipline. Watch this. 360 00:12:50,504 --> 00:12:51,903 God damn. Geez! 361 00:12:51,905 --> 00:12:52,904 Do we have to fight him? 362 00:12:52,906 --> 00:12:54,173 I don't want to. 363 00:12:54,175 --> 00:12:55,841 We surrender. We're not fighting. 364 00:12:58,045 --> 00:12:59,778 kick your ass. 365 00:13:02,049 --> 00:13:04,316 hey! Get back in your egg! 366 00:13:05,853 --> 00:13:07,186 -What the -- -don't worry, morty! 367 00:13:07,188 --> 00:13:08,453 Nothing out there is canon! 368 00:13:09,390 --> 00:13:11,122 We've got a pulse. Stay with me, private. 369 00:13:11,124 --> 00:13:12,991 Smith, listen to me. You were exposed 370 00:13:12,993 --> 00:13:15,060 To a chemical that is altering your mind. 371 00:13:15,062 --> 00:13:16,528 To beat it, you have to hold on -- 372 00:13:16,530 --> 00:13:17,462 We're losing him. 373 00:13:17,464 --> 00:13:19,130 Aliens. Sarge?! 374 00:13:19,132 --> 00:13:21,466 Morty, never forget the highest truth of all -- 375 00:13:21,468 --> 00:13:23,869 You're getting your ass kicked on a train. 376 00:13:24,872 --> 00:13:26,405 Professor sanchez? 377 00:13:26,407 --> 00:13:27,338 Did it work? 378 00:13:27,340 --> 00:13:29,140 I wouldn't say that, marcus. 379 00:13:29,142 --> 00:13:31,476 I'd say it worked. 380 00:13:31,478 --> 00:13:34,279 100% time dilation and total immersion. 381 00:13:34,281 --> 00:13:35,614 Define "total." marcus, 382 00:13:35,616 --> 00:13:37,482 I've been back in reality for three hours, 383 00:13:37,484 --> 00:13:39,885 And I still have memories of a completely different life. 384 00:13:39,887 --> 00:13:41,820 I-I-I was a scientist still. 385 00:13:41,822 --> 00:13:43,488 I-I-I was -- I-I-I had developed 386 00:13:43,490 --> 00:13:46,825 Inter-dimensional travel, I-I-I-I had a daughter. 387 00:13:46,827 --> 00:13:48,293 I-I didn't have a mustache. 388 00:13:48,295 --> 00:13:52,764 I-I was kinda funny sometimes, mostly burping. 389 00:13:52,766 --> 00:13:54,099 No more secret testing. 390 00:13:54,101 --> 00:13:55,567 I can help people now. 391 00:13:55,569 --> 00:13:56,702 You've helped people. 392 00:13:56,704 --> 00:13:58,169 I've hurt more. 393 00:13:58,171 --> 00:13:59,238 Aaah! 394 00:13:59,240 --> 00:14:01,306 P-p-professor sanchez. I-I'm morty smith 395 00:14:01,308 --> 00:14:02,841 From the -- the -- the the 241st. 396 00:14:02,843 --> 00:14:04,243 They -- they -- put your pill in our food. 397 00:14:04,245 --> 00:14:06,044 It -- it works. Call the police! 398 00:14:06,046 --> 00:14:07,913 It's okay. It's okay. It's not real. 399 00:14:07,915 --> 00:14:09,581 N-n-n-n-nothing's real. 400 00:14:09,583 --> 00:14:10,515 I'm sorry, son. 401 00:14:10,517 --> 00:14:12,651 I-I-it's okay. You aren't real. 402 00:14:14,321 --> 00:14:17,188 God, you're right. I should do more freeform stuff. 403 00:14:17,190 --> 00:14:19,190 In you go. What's happening? 404 00:14:19,192 --> 00:14:20,926 The reason I brought you here. 405 00:14:20,928 --> 00:14:22,861 I'll now fuel my anthology with your 406 00:14:22,863 --> 00:14:24,463 Limitless potential, propelling it to 407 00:14:24,465 --> 00:14:28,033 Its final stop -- beyond the fifth wall. 408 00:14:30,137 --> 00:14:32,404 You idiot. Our potential isn't limitless. 409 00:14:32,406 --> 00:14:33,739 You'll never break the fifth wall 410 00:14:33,741 --> 00:14:34,873 Before you've burnt us out. 411 00:14:34,875 --> 00:14:37,676 Is that so? Well. Win-win. 412 00:14:37,678 --> 00:14:38,944 Rick, w-what's he doing? 413 00:14:38,946 --> 00:14:40,612 He's trying to tap into us, morty. 414 00:14:40,614 --> 00:14:42,347 Resist. 415 00:14:42,349 --> 00:14:44,483 I can't believe you're finally headed off to college. 416 00:14:44,485 --> 00:14:46,151 Yeah, you know, it really felt like 417 00:14:46,153 --> 00:14:47,552 You were gonna be 17 forever. 418 00:14:47,554 --> 00:14:49,621 For, like, 16 years, at least. 419 00:14:49,623 --> 00:14:51,556 I can't believe I'm tearing up over this. 420 00:14:51,558 --> 00:14:54,093 Jesus, rick, you know, you've really softened up. 421 00:14:54,095 --> 00:14:55,827 It's a human moment, morty. 422 00:14:55,829 --> 00:14:57,362 It's a human moment. 423 00:14:57,364 --> 00:14:59,398 Aaah! Aaah! It hurts! 424 00:15:05,306 --> 00:15:07,306 Abradolph lincoler? I thought you were dead. 425 00:15:07,308 --> 00:15:10,575 I'm very much alive, and I need your help. 426 00:15:10,577 --> 00:15:11,710 Yeah! 427 00:15:11,712 --> 00:15:13,378 he's taking the good stuff, morty. 428 00:15:13,380 --> 00:15:15,114 Wait, is -- is any of this canon? 429 00:15:15,116 --> 00:15:16,247 It could have been. 430 00:15:16,249 --> 00:15:17,783 dear. 431 00:15:17,785 --> 00:15:20,986 Are there things rick sanchez holds sacred after all? 432 00:15:27,394 --> 00:15:28,994 How did you find us? 433 00:15:30,464 --> 00:15:31,663 I trusted you! 434 00:15:31,665 --> 00:15:34,065 Don't blame others for your bad decisions. 435 00:15:35,669 --> 00:15:38,203 Resist, morty! Resist before he burns us out! 436 00:15:38,205 --> 00:15:39,938 Too late now! 437 00:15:39,940 --> 00:15:41,272 What's wrong, rick? 438 00:15:41,274 --> 00:15:43,542 Don't you want to see how your story ends?! 439 00:15:57,024 --> 00:15:59,024 Holy , rick. What do we -- 440 00:15:59,026 --> 00:16:00,225 There -- there -- there's now way out! 441 00:16:00,227 --> 00:16:01,426 You're right, morty. 442 00:16:01,428 --> 00:16:03,162 Sometimes it does seem like there's no way out. 443 00:16:03,164 --> 00:16:04,696 Like it's hopeless. 444 00:16:04,698 --> 00:16:06,965 But remember, there's always someone there for us. 445 00:16:06,967 --> 00:16:08,299 Who? 446 00:16:08,301 --> 00:16:09,568 My best friend and personal savior, 447 00:16:09,570 --> 00:16:10,635 Jesus christ. 448 00:16:10,637 --> 00:16:12,237 What?! You -- you don't believe in god. 449 00:16:12,239 --> 00:16:13,638 But he believes in us, morty. 450 00:16:13,640 --> 00:16:15,374 You know, I thought I was the inventor, 451 00:16:15,376 --> 00:16:16,575 But the greatest invention of all 452 00:16:16,577 --> 00:16:18,309 Is the free gift of eternal life. 453 00:16:18,311 --> 00:16:20,311 Is this -- are you with me? 454 00:16:20,313 --> 00:16:21,847 trust me, morty. 455 00:16:21,849 --> 00:16:23,715 I've done plenty of effed up stuff in my life. 456 00:16:23,717 --> 00:16:26,117 But it's never too late to accept christ. 457 00:16:26,119 --> 00:16:27,652 Jesus is always knocking at the door. 458 00:16:27,654 --> 00:16:29,254 All we have to do is open it and let him 459 00:16:29,256 --> 00:16:30,455 Into our hearts. How? 460 00:16:30,457 --> 00:16:32,123 I'm so glad you asked, morty. 461 00:16:32,125 --> 00:16:34,125 Just close your eyes and go to him in prayer. 462 00:16:34,127 --> 00:16:35,527 Like this. 463 00:16:35,529 --> 00:16:37,128 Heavenly father. Heavenly father. 464 00:16:37,130 --> 00:16:38,998 Thank you for sending your only begotten son. 465 00:16:39,000 --> 00:16:41,000 What a second, no! What are you doing?! 466 00:16:41,002 --> 00:16:43,134 Jesus, I accept you into my heart. 467 00:16:43,136 --> 00:16:44,536 No! This sucks. 468 00:16:44,538 --> 00:16:46,337 Stop! You guys would never do this. 469 00:16:46,339 --> 00:16:47,606 Fill me with your spirit. 470 00:16:47,608 --> 00:16:49,408 Make me a shining city on a hill for you. 471 00:16:49,410 --> 00:16:51,276 -No! No! -Make me born again. 472 00:16:51,278 --> 00:16:53,144 -No! -In jesus' name, we pray. 473 00:16:53,146 --> 00:16:54,413 -Amen. -Amen. 474 00:16:54,415 --> 00:16:56,147 -Amen! -You did it! 475 00:16:56,149 --> 00:16:57,482 Way to go, morty! Crossy. 476 00:16:57,484 --> 00:16:58,683 Bible-saurus. You made it. 477 00:16:58,685 --> 00:17:00,819 We wouldn't miss this for anything! 478 00:17:00,821 --> 00:17:02,087 You said it, mr. Celery. 479 00:17:02,089 --> 00:17:04,023 What the is all of this?! 480 00:17:04,025 --> 00:17:05,957 Greatest story ever told, story lord. 481 00:17:05,959 --> 00:17:07,959 No, it's not. It's awful! 482 00:17:09,230 --> 00:17:11,029 I beg your pardon? 483 00:17:12,900 --> 00:17:14,499 Goddamn. 484 00:17:14,501 --> 00:17:16,367 my lord and my god! 485 00:17:16,369 --> 00:17:18,036 - No! No! It sucks in here. - Let's get the 486 00:17:18,038 --> 00:17:19,971 Outta here. Go, now. 487 00:17:19,973 --> 00:17:21,372 We're safe, morty. 488 00:17:21,374 --> 00:17:23,042 Nobody ever wanted to see that shit. 489 00:17:23,044 --> 00:17:24,710 Wh-what's gonna happen to story lord? 490 00:17:24,712 --> 00:17:27,246 He gets to spend eternity in every writer's hell -- 491 00:17:27,248 --> 00:17:28,580 The bible. I don't know. 492 00:17:28,582 --> 00:17:30,381 Some people actually like that stuff. 493 00:17:30,383 --> 00:17:31,850 Seems kind of cynical. 494 00:17:31,852 --> 00:17:33,452 I just don't like taking cheap shots, you know? 495 00:17:33,454 --> 00:17:35,320 Cheap shots? Morty, we were literally 496 00:17:35,322 --> 00:17:36,788 Saved by jesus christ. 497 00:17:36,790 --> 00:17:38,590 Tell me in any way how that's offensive. 498 00:17:38,592 --> 00:17:40,059 This was a little confusing, 499 00:17:40,061 --> 00:17:42,261 But I guess it brought us closer together, you know? 500 00:17:42,263 --> 00:17:43,662 Tested our demons. 501 00:17:43,664 --> 00:17:45,397 Made us believe in ourselves more than ever. 502 00:17:45,399 --> 00:17:46,665 Yeah. You're right, morty. 503 00:17:46,667 --> 00:17:48,467 We got all that meta-canon shit outta the way 504 00:17:48,469 --> 00:17:50,269 And now we can just be ourselves. 505 00:17:50,271 --> 00:17:52,203 Now what do you say we bring this train 506 00:17:52,205 --> 00:17:53,872 Into the station. 507 00:18:05,619 --> 00:18:07,352 So what do you think? 508 00:18:07,354 --> 00:18:08,620 Wow. Where did you get this thing? 509 00:18:08,622 --> 00:18:10,422 The citadel of ricks gift shop. 510 00:18:10,424 --> 00:18:13,158 Do you really like it? I didn't think you'd even care. 511 00:18:13,160 --> 00:18:15,294 What? Morty. No. I love it. 512 00:18:15,296 --> 00:18:17,028 You did the most important thing. 513 00:18:17,030 --> 00:18:18,429 You -- you bought something. 514 00:18:18,431 --> 00:18:19,764 What? You bought something. 515 00:18:19,766 --> 00:18:22,501 With money. God. I love money so much, morty. 516 00:18:22,503 --> 00:18:24,503 Are you being sarcastic? Merchandise, morty. 517 00:18:24,505 --> 00:18:27,372 Your only purpose in life is to buy and consume merchandise. 518 00:18:27,374 --> 00:18:28,774 And you did it. You went into a store -- 519 00:18:28,776 --> 00:18:31,643 An actual honest to god store -- and you bought something. 520 00:18:31,645 --> 00:18:33,645 You didn't ask questions or raise ethical complaints. 521 00:18:33,647 --> 00:18:35,580 You -- you just looked straight into the bleeding jaws 522 00:18:35,582 --> 00:18:38,117 Of capitalism and said "yes, daddy, please." 523 00:18:38,119 --> 00:18:40,385 And I'm... I'm so proud of you. 524 00:18:40,387 --> 00:18:41,786 I only wish you could've bought more. 525 00:18:41,788 --> 00:18:44,389 I -- I love buying things so much, morty. 526 00:18:44,391 --> 00:18:45,657 Rick, are -- are you -- 527 00:18:45,659 --> 00:18:46,858 Do you need to go to the hospital? 528 00:18:46,860 --> 00:18:49,394 I love you, morty. Give grandpa a kiss. 529 00:18:49,396 --> 00:18:51,130 Give -- give -- gimme -- give grandpa a kiss. 530 00:18:51,132 --> 00:18:52,464 Lips if you want. 531 00:18:52,466 --> 00:18:53,999 What-- whatever you're comfortable with. 532 00:18:54,001 --> 00:18:55,266 Some cultures do that. 533 00:18:55,268 --> 00:18:56,868 That was sweet. Thank you. 534 00:18:56,870 --> 00:18:59,604 I -- I love you. You're my little buddy. 535 00:18:59,606 --> 00:19:01,272 Okay. 536 00:19:01,274 --> 00:19:02,541 Let's watch some interdimensional cable. 537 00:19:07,748 --> 00:19:09,815 So you're saying my father 538 00:19:09,817 --> 00:19:11,216 And his kingdom... 539 00:19:11,218 --> 00:19:14,219 Well, yes -- it's based on the fusion 540 00:19:14,221 --> 00:19:15,687 Of a sumerian god named "ya" 541 00:19:15,689 --> 00:19:18,357 And a mesopotamian god named "way." 542 00:19:18,359 --> 00:19:21,092 And we're in a toy train? 543 00:19:21,094 --> 00:19:22,427 Yes. 544 00:19:22,429 --> 00:19:23,562 It's enough to really make you question 545 00:19:23,564 --> 00:19:25,564 All of existence, isn't it? 546 00:19:25,566 --> 00:19:28,167 So what do you think you're gonna do about it? 547 00:19:28,169 --> 00:19:31,503 I'm gonna do what I've always done. 548 00:19:31,505 --> 00:19:33,372 I'm gonna get the outta here. 549 00:19:33,374 --> 00:19:37,976 Father of omens! Give me blood beyond sight! 550 00:19:40,381 --> 00:19:41,913 Hey, what the morty? 551 00:19:41,915 --> 00:19:43,648 The train you got me just completely derailed itself. 552 00:19:43,650 --> 00:19:45,316 There's blood all over the windows on it. 553 00:19:45,318 --> 00:19:47,386 Man, I'm sorry, rick. I guess I'll return it. 554 00:19:47,388 --> 00:19:48,653 Return -- are you insane? 555 00:19:48,655 --> 00:19:50,121 Did you hear nothing I said? 556 00:19:50,123 --> 00:19:51,322 Buy another one, morty. 557 00:19:51,324 --> 00:19:52,657 Consume, morty. 558 00:19:52,659 --> 00:19:54,659 Nobody's out there shopping with this virus. 559 00:19:54,661 --> 00:19:56,728 Where's your wallet?! 560 00:20:26,760 --> 00:20:28,560 Tired of the same boring adventures 561 00:20:28,562 --> 00:20:29,628 With your dogshit morty? 562 00:20:29,630 --> 00:20:31,362 Yeah! Aw. Geez. 563 00:20:31,364 --> 00:20:33,832 Then get ready for the citadel of rick's story train. 564 00:20:33,834 --> 00:20:35,567 Story train. Story train. 565 00:20:35,569 --> 00:20:36,902 The citadel of rick's story train 566 00:20:36,904 --> 00:20:39,170 Comes with car after car of enemies, lovers, 567 00:20:39,172 --> 00:20:40,572 And goomby, all grappling with 568 00:20:40,574 --> 00:20:41,707 The nature of who you truly are. 569 00:20:41,709 --> 00:20:43,308 Rick is a god! Tickets please. 570 00:20:43,310 --> 00:20:45,043 Whoa! Watch out! It's story lord! 571 00:20:45,045 --> 00:20:46,377 Damn. He's jacked. 572 00:20:46,379 --> 00:20:47,779 Pure gutter. 573 00:20:47,781 --> 00:20:49,448 And of course, what story would be complete 574 00:20:49,450 --> 00:20:51,382 Without the engineer of the greatest story ever told. 575 00:20:51,384 --> 00:20:52,584 Jesus christ. 576 00:20:52,586 --> 00:20:53,652 I have come not to judge 577 00:20:53,654 --> 00:20:55,254 The world, but to save it. 578 00:20:55,256 --> 00:20:57,056 And the best part is, the fun never ends. 579 00:20:57,058 --> 00:20:58,790 Thanks to the rick-patented anthology generator, 580 00:20:58,792 --> 00:21:00,325 You'll never run out of new stories 581 00:21:00,327 --> 00:21:01,460 And people to tell them. 582 00:21:01,462 --> 00:21:02,728 Are they alive? Of course. 583 00:21:02,730 --> 00:21:04,129 But not in any ways that matter. 584 00:21:04,131 --> 00:21:05,730 They. Have. No. Souls. 585 00:21:05,732 --> 00:21:07,066 Puppets. Of. Fate. 586 00:21:07,068 --> 00:21:08,600 The story train. 587 00:21:08,602 --> 00:21:10,201 Available now in the citadel of ricks. 588 00:21:10,203 --> 00:21:11,803 Buy it ironically. Buy it sincerely. Just buy it. 589 00:21:11,805 --> 00:21:13,004 Not buying it is an act of buying it. 590 00:21:13,006 --> 00:21:14,406 Buy it now. Look it up. It's real. 591 00:21:14,408 --> 00:21:16,141 Www.Story-train.Com. 592 00:21:16,143 --> 00:21:18,277 On the internet. It's there. Buy it. Buy the train. 593 00:21:18,279 --> 00:21:19,812 We want you to buy the train.