1
00:00:02,519 --> 00:00:06,006
[ Rat squeaking ]

2
00:00:10,769 --> 00:00:11,942
Oh, shit,
I almost parked.

3
00:00:11,942 --> 00:00:14,462
Hey, Morty, hold on,
wat-watch this.

4
00:00:21,607 --> 00:00:22,815
Uh-huh.

5
00:00:22,815 --> 00:00:24,024
Well,
I thought it was cool.

6
00:00:24,024 --> 00:00:25,680
So.
We should be in and out.

7
00:00:25,680 --> 00:00:27,130
Simple exchange,
not even really an adventure.

8
00:00:27,130 --> 00:00:29,167
And if anything goes wrong --
which it won't --

9
00:00:29,167 --> 00:00:30,996
jump into the same vat of acid
I jump into.

10
00:00:30,996 --> 00:00:32,722
Okay.
Wait -- Wait, what?

11
00:00:32,722 --> 00:00:34,344
Wha-What vat of acid?What, Morty!

12
00:00:34,344 --> 00:00:35,587
Close the door.

13
00:00:35,587 --> 00:00:37,140
I pre-scouted
this location

14
00:00:37,140 --> 00:00:38,728
and placed a vat of fake acid
amongst the real ones.

15
00:00:38,728 --> 00:00:40,074
It's got air hoses

16
00:00:40,074 --> 00:00:41,593
and a compartment of bones
at the bottom.

17
00:00:41,593 --> 00:00:43,388
If things go wrong,
which they won't,

18
00:00:43,388 --> 00:00:44,872
we jump into
the vat of acid,

19
00:00:44,872 --> 00:00:46,184
and I'll release the bones,
they'll float up --

20
00:00:46,184 --> 00:00:48,082
What is this face
you're making?

21
00:00:48,082 --> 00:00:49,497
Aren't you an inventor?

22
00:00:49,497 --> 00:00:51,361
Yeah, what part of a fake acid
vat with built-in air supply

23
00:00:51,361 --> 00:00:53,915
and quick-release bones
isn't inventive enough for you,

24
00:00:53,915 --> 00:00:56,021
and when did my job become
pitching you ideas?

25
00:00:56,021 --> 00:00:58,058
Alright!
Let's just do this.

26
00:00:58,058 --> 00:01:00,439
I have English homework.You're still
learning English?

27
00:01:00,439 --> 00:01:02,234
That's the language
you speak.

28
00:01:02,234 --> 00:01:04,202
How dumb are you?

29
00:01:04,202 --> 00:01:07,274
♪♪

30
00:01:07,274 --> 00:01:09,586
Interesting choice
of meeting place, Rick.

31
00:01:09,586 --> 00:01:11,209
You like it?
My grandson had notes.

32
00:01:11,209 --> 00:01:13,659
Come on.
Show him
the crystals, Morty.

33
00:01:18,699 --> 00:01:20,356
I'll make lots of money
with these.

34
00:01:20,356 --> 00:01:22,875
I'll make lots of those
with these.Well. Those are fake.

35
00:01:22,875 --> 00:01:25,085
Oh, Jesus fucking Christ.
Come on.You gotta be kidding me.
Seriously?

36
00:01:25,085 --> 00:01:27,535
You brought fake crystals
anda gun?

37
00:01:27,535 --> 00:01:29,158
Beats real crystals
and no gun.

38
00:01:29,158 --> 00:01:32,195
Okay, but does anything beat
fake crystals and a fake arm?

39
00:01:32,195 --> 00:01:34,094
Whoa,
do you know who I am?!

40
00:01:34,094 --> 00:01:36,406
Even if you kill me,
you're a dead man.

41
00:01:36,406 --> 00:01:37,614
Are you serious?

42
00:01:37,614 --> 00:01:38,960
Morty, he's right.
We're screwed.

43
00:01:38,960 --> 00:01:40,721
Let's just end it.
Quick death, come on.

44
00:01:40,721 --> 00:01:44,069
Aw, man. Oh!

45
00:01:44,069 --> 00:01:45,553
Eh!

46
00:01:45,553 --> 00:01:48,073
Holy shit, what the fuck?

47
00:01:55,425 --> 00:01:56,771
Holy shit.

48
00:01:56,771 --> 00:01:58,566
What kind of psycho...?

49
00:01:58,566 --> 00:02:00,258
His own grandson?

50
00:02:01,397 --> 00:02:03,468
Churnk: Guess he took
your threat pretty serious.

51
00:02:03,468 --> 00:02:04,745
Yeah, but it just...

52
00:02:04,745 --> 00:02:06,471
doesn't make any sense.

53
00:02:06,471 --> 00:02:08,231
Well,
he was a scientist.

54
00:02:08,231 --> 00:02:09,991
Maybe he knew more
about acid,

55
00:02:09,991 --> 00:02:12,442
maybe it's like
the most painless way to go.

56
00:02:12,442 --> 00:02:14,617
How could that
have been painless?

57
00:02:14,617 --> 00:02:17,309
You saw that pause
before the bones floated up,

58
00:02:17,309 --> 00:02:20,278
that had to be five seconds
of unparalleled torture.

59
00:02:20,278 --> 00:02:22,521
I...
I can't get my head around it.

60
00:02:22,521 --> 00:02:26,146
I-I thought I'd seen
this galaxy at its darkest.

61
00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:29,287
This is -- This is gonna take
a while to feel normal.

62
00:02:29,287 --> 00:02:31,012
We're pretty good listeners,
boss.

63
00:02:31,012 --> 00:02:32,807
Drinks are on us
if you want to talk it out.

64
00:02:32,807 --> 00:02:34,154
Thanks, but...

65
00:02:34,154 --> 00:02:36,811
what happened,
it happened here.

66
00:02:36,811 --> 00:02:37,985
I don't want
to lose the moment.

67
00:02:37,985 --> 00:02:39,435
Take your time, boss.

68
00:02:39,435 --> 00:02:40,884
We'll stay here
as long as you want.

69
00:02:40,884 --> 00:02:43,404
Absolutely.
I got nowhere to be.

70
00:02:43,404 --> 00:02:53,414
♪♪

71
00:02:53,414 --> 00:03:03,424
♪♪

72
00:03:03,424 --> 00:03:12,261
♪♪

73
00:03:19,129 --> 00:03:21,028
And then
little Tommy FlimFlam's

74
00:03:21,028 --> 00:03:23,133
running down
the Hyperloop.

75
00:03:23,133 --> 00:03:25,860
His ass is on fire
from Xenon fluid,

76
00:03:25,860 --> 00:03:28,829
but his AI hologram
is fuckin' his own pee hole.

77
00:03:28,829 --> 00:03:30,348
[ Laughs ]

78
00:03:30,348 --> 00:03:32,764
Great story, boss.
[ Chuckles ]Really detailed.

79
00:03:32,764 --> 00:03:35,318
Yeah, well,
I got a million of 'em.

80
00:03:35,318 --> 00:03:36,664
Alright.

81
00:03:36,664 --> 00:03:38,045
I think I'm ready
to deal with the world now.

82
00:03:38,045 --> 00:03:39,667
Let's get out of here.

83
00:03:39,667 --> 00:03:41,842
Should we drop our buddy
in here before we go?

84
00:03:41,842 --> 00:03:43,153
Yeah,
probably a good idea.

85
00:03:43,153 --> 00:03:44,845
Should we use
a different vat?

86
00:03:44,845 --> 00:03:47,192
Does acid lose its acid power
the more it dissolves?

87
00:03:47,192 --> 00:03:48,780
What am I,
an acidologist?

88
00:03:48,780 --> 00:03:50,402
Here, grab that
ratlike creature,

89
00:03:50,402 --> 00:03:53,405
we'll do a little test.

90
00:03:53,405 --> 00:03:56,339
Look, if you're going to test
the damn acid, don't use a rat,

91
00:03:56,339 --> 00:03:57,892
take that ladle,
grab a spoonful,

92
00:03:57,892 --> 00:04:00,170
and put it in the analyzer.

93
00:04:02,690 --> 00:04:04,416
Oh!
Hey!
Oh!

94
00:04:04,416 --> 00:04:08,317
Okay, I'd say that's
pretty acidy. Drop him in.

95
00:04:09,559 --> 00:04:11,078
What are you doing?

96
00:04:11,078 --> 00:04:12,562
You said -- Not the rat!

97
00:04:12,562 --> 00:04:13,874
The guy!

98
00:04:13,874 --> 00:04:15,703
Ooh! Marone!

99
00:04:15,703 --> 00:04:18,119
Look at the size
of the bones on that rat!

100
00:04:18,119 --> 00:04:19,259
Oh!

101
00:04:19,259 --> 00:04:21,053
How many sets of bones
this rat got?

102
00:04:21,053 --> 00:04:22,883
And look how
the smaller ones are shaped!

103
00:04:22,883 --> 00:04:24,402
They're like little
cartoon bones,

104
00:04:24,402 --> 00:04:26,749
like if you drew a bone
in art class!

105
00:04:26,749 --> 00:04:27,991
Alright,
that tears it.

106
00:04:27,991 --> 00:04:29,614
I'm canceling
the rest of my night

107
00:04:29,614 --> 00:04:31,063
and calling a bone scientist.

108
00:04:31,063 --> 00:04:32,272
We're getting to the bottom
of this --

109
00:04:32,272 --> 00:04:34,550
Jesus fucking Christ,
enough already!

110
00:04:34,550 --> 00:04:35,861
Oh!
Hey!
Whoa!

111
00:04:35,861 --> 00:04:38,623
[ Indistinct shouting ]

112
00:04:38,623 --> 00:04:43,938
♪♪

113
00:04:53,327 --> 00:04:56,054
Can we go?

114
00:04:58,125 --> 00:04:59,644
The fuck
is wrong with you?

115
00:04:59,644 --> 00:05:00,990
Just admit
it was a shitty idea!

116
00:05:00,990 --> 00:05:02,474
Having a grandson?

117
00:05:02,474 --> 00:05:03,958
A vat of fake acid!

118
00:05:03,958 --> 00:05:05,270
Are you dying
of dementia?

119
00:05:05,270 --> 00:05:06,685
How are you talking to me
like this?

120
00:05:06,685 --> 00:05:08,066
Wh-When did you get
so cocky?

121
00:05:08,066 --> 00:05:09,654
Tonight!
Tonight, Rick!

122
00:05:09,654 --> 00:05:10,931
The night
I saw you fail!

123
00:05:10,931 --> 00:05:12,829
Because you ruined it!It was pre-ruined!

124
00:05:12,829 --> 00:05:14,452
Oh, was it worse than
when I was a pickle?

125
00:05:14,452 --> 00:05:16,488
Oh-oh-oh that's right,
you weren't there for that.

126
00:05:16,488 --> 00:05:17,972
Turned out
kind of cool.

127
00:05:17,972 --> 00:05:19,457
Maybe there's
a connection there.Excuse me?

128
00:05:19,457 --> 00:05:21,666
What's that cool thing
you did without me again?

129
00:05:21,666 --> 00:05:22,874
The awesome thing?

130
00:05:22,874 --> 00:05:24,807
I-I-I guess
you wanted a dragon?

131
00:05:24,807 --> 00:05:26,360
Mwah. Unforgettable.

132
00:05:26,360 --> 00:05:27,430
God, fuck you.

133
00:05:27,430 --> 00:05:28,983
Timely, too,
you really got in on that

134
00:05:28,983 --> 00:05:30,433
"Game of Thrones" fever
right at the peak.

135
00:05:30,433 --> 00:05:32,539
You trying as hard
as you can to hurt me right now

136
00:05:32,539 --> 00:05:33,885
proves my point.

137
00:05:33,885 --> 00:05:35,369
I'll let you know
when you have a point

138
00:05:35,369 --> 00:05:37,475
and the world will know
when I try to hurt you.

139
00:05:37,475 --> 00:05:40,201
Big man, big genius.
Big lonely drunk.

140
00:05:40,201 --> 00:05:42,307
Hey, save some of these
atomic-age beatnik zingers

141
00:05:42,307 --> 00:05:44,344
for your
English homework, Bukowski.

142
00:05:46,207 --> 00:05:48,348
There's no such thing
as a bad idea, Morty.

143
00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:50,280
It's about execution.

144
00:05:52,213 --> 00:05:53,732
No such thing
as a bad idea?

145
00:05:53,732 --> 00:05:55,320
Except all of mine,
right?

146
00:05:55,320 --> 00:05:57,322
Morty, wanting a dragon
isn't an idea.

147
00:05:57,322 --> 00:05:58,806
I'm not talking
about that!

148
00:05:58,806 --> 00:06:00,670
I'm constantly pitching you
ideas, Rick,

149
00:06:00,670 --> 00:06:02,327
and you act like they're
not even worth thinking about!

150
00:06:02,327 --> 00:06:03,984
What,
the helicopter lawn chair?

151
00:06:03,984 --> 00:06:05,399
That's just something
you saw on TV.

152
00:06:05,399 --> 00:06:08,057
What about my video-game-style
place-saving device?

153
00:06:08,057 --> 00:06:11,371
Oh, my God,
here we go.

154
00:06:11,371 --> 00:06:13,511
It's a good idea, Rick!
A device that lets you --

155
00:06:13,511 --> 00:06:15,064
Save your place
like in a video game

156
00:06:15,064 --> 00:06:16,514
but in real life
so that you can try stuff

157
00:06:16,514 --> 00:06:18,067
and then go back
to your save point,

158
00:06:18,067 --> 00:06:19,689
yes, Morty,
I saw it on "Futurama."

159
00:06:19,689 --> 00:06:21,864
Oh, so you don't do anything
unless it's original?

160
00:06:21,864 --> 00:06:23,417
I don't do
time travel.

161
00:06:23,417 --> 00:06:25,074
It's not time travel,
it's saving a place in time --

162
00:06:25,074 --> 00:06:27,248
Oh, my God,
is this what you think I do?

163
00:06:27,248 --> 00:06:29,354
This is where the heavy lifting
happens in your mind?

164
00:06:29,354 --> 00:06:31,011
Do you have any idea
how much fucking work

165
00:06:31,011 --> 00:06:32,357
would have to go into
a machine that --

166
00:06:32,357 --> 00:06:34,255
Ah-ha!
You can't do it!

167
00:06:34,255 --> 00:06:36,913
I can do anything,
Morty.

168
00:06:36,913 --> 00:06:38,812
Your idea
is not worth doing.

169
00:06:38,812 --> 00:06:40,296
You can't do it.

170
00:06:40,296 --> 00:06:42,229
Before what you're trying to do
was called "negging,"

171
00:06:42,229 --> 00:06:44,093
it was called
"reverse psychology,"

172
00:06:44,093 --> 00:06:46,440
and incels didn't invent it,
Bugs Bunny did.

173
00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:48,891
You can't do it.There is nothing
I cannot do.

174
00:06:48,891 --> 00:06:51,341
A place-saving
video-game thing!You're a piece of shit!

175
00:06:51,341 --> 00:06:52,998
Just say
you can't do it!
I won't!

176
00:06:52,998 --> 00:06:54,241
You won't say
you can't?

177
00:06:54,241 --> 00:06:55,760
Fuck you, Morty!Fuck you!

178
00:06:55,760 --> 00:06:57,900
Fuck you!
[ Grunts ]

179
00:06:57,900 --> 00:06:59,591
Son of a bitch.

180
00:07:03,423 --> 00:07:05,908
So are you gonna --Yes,
I'm gonna fucking do it!

181
00:07:07,944 --> 00:07:09,290
Rick, it's 3:00 a.m.

182
00:07:09,290 --> 00:07:11,258
Wh-Wh-What's going on?
W-Why'd you call me?

183
00:07:11,258 --> 00:07:13,122
You were right, Morty.
[ Sighs ]

184
00:07:13,122 --> 00:07:14,779
I failed.
I can't make it.

185
00:07:14,779 --> 00:07:16,332
And honestly,
I'm pretty ashamed.

186
00:07:16,332 --> 00:07:18,127
That might be why I've been
so aggressive and unfair

187
00:07:18,127 --> 00:07:19,439
about rejecting
your ideas.

188
00:07:19,439 --> 00:07:21,441
Rick...
A fake acid vat,
Morty?

189
00:07:21,441 --> 00:07:23,477
Maybe I've lost it.
Maybe I never had it.

190
00:07:23,477 --> 00:07:25,306
Hey. C'mon. Y-You know
I didn't mean it that way.

191
00:07:25,306 --> 00:07:27,412
I just think we need to find
better ways to communicate.

192
00:07:27,412 --> 00:07:29,276
I'm sorry. I just...
I lash out sometimes.

193
00:07:29,276 --> 00:07:31,761
I-I-I don't know why I do that!
I'm so ashamed of myself.

194
00:07:31,761 --> 00:07:32,935
Hearing you talk about
the vat...

195
00:07:32,935 --> 00:07:34,557
it really
opened my eyes.

196
00:07:34,557 --> 00:07:36,283
Like what the fuck
am I even doing?
Hey. Hey.

197
00:07:36,283 --> 00:07:38,009
I don't like hearing this talk.
You're a great inventor.

198
00:07:38,009 --> 00:07:39,631
We just got a couple things
to work on.

199
00:07:39,631 --> 00:07:41,461
Let's start with inventing
a little honesty.

200
00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:43,946
Sound good?Thank you, Morty.
Sounds good.

201
00:07:43,946 --> 00:07:45,292
Or maybe
I'll just kill you.
What?

202
00:07:45,292 --> 00:07:47,432
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, Rick --

203
00:07:50,193 --> 00:07:52,679
Because I fucking did it!Oh-ho-ho!

204
00:07:52,679 --> 00:07:54,094
Booya!
Holy shit!

205
00:07:54,094 --> 00:07:55,302
You did it!
You did it!

206
00:07:55,302 --> 00:07:57,028
I did it,
you little son of a bitch!

207
00:07:57,028 --> 00:07:58,616
How did you --Morty,
do you want me to explain,

208
00:07:58,616 --> 00:08:00,583
or you wanna
go have some fun?I wanna have some fun!

209
00:08:00,583 --> 00:08:01,860
Oh, my God.

210
00:08:01,860 --> 00:08:03,275
Rick, this is --
this is -- thank you!

211
00:08:03,275 --> 00:08:04,794
You can thank me later.
Go nuts.

212
00:08:04,794 --> 00:08:06,002
Best grandpa ever!

213
00:08:06,002 --> 00:08:07,797
That's all I ever wanted
to hear.

214
00:08:07,797 --> 00:08:09,799
[ Bell rings ]

215
00:08:09,799 --> 00:08:11,352
Alright, class,

216
00:08:11,352 --> 00:08:13,113
I know I've been absent
for most of this school year.

217
00:08:13,113 --> 00:08:14,977
I'll be honest with you --
during spring break,

218
00:08:14,977 --> 00:08:16,668
I attended
a renaissance faire

219
00:08:16,668 --> 00:08:20,051
and fell in love with a buxom
hand-axe juggler half my age.

220
00:08:20,051 --> 00:08:21,984
I overplayed my interest
in her lifestyle

221
00:08:21,984 --> 00:08:23,226
just to get closer to her,

222
00:08:23,226 --> 00:08:24,849
traveling the country
with her troupe,

223
00:08:24,849 --> 00:08:27,852
and I am embarrassed to say
I am now an expert blacksmith

224
00:08:27,852 --> 00:08:30,061
with several STDs
and a broken heart.

225
00:08:30,061 --> 00:08:31,545
I beseech your nasty
little asses

226
00:08:31,545 --> 00:08:33,409
to speak on the matter
no further.

227
00:08:33,409 --> 00:08:36,067
Now that that's out of the way,
who wants to do some math?

228
00:08:36,067 --> 00:08:38,172
I'll do it.A bold move,
Morty Smith.

229
00:08:38,172 --> 00:08:39,449
But can you deliver?

230
00:08:39,449 --> 00:08:41,106
Oh, I've got something
to deliver.

231
00:08:41,106 --> 00:08:43,384
Ahh!
Oh, God.

232
00:08:43,384 --> 00:08:44,489
What the hell!

233
00:08:44,489 --> 00:08:46,318
Aw, goddamnit,
this is traumatizing.

234
00:08:46,318 --> 00:08:48,355
Oh, my God, what's wrong
with your dick?

235
00:08:48,355 --> 00:08:50,495
Not cool.I'm allergic to sheepskin!

236
00:08:50,495 --> 00:08:53,049
Bold move, Morty Smith.
But can you deliver?

237
00:08:53,049 --> 00:08:54,534
Holy shit.
I can do anything.

238
00:08:54,534 --> 00:08:56,570
Yes, with math,
anything is possible.

239
00:08:56,570 --> 00:08:58,365
Except a long-term relationship
with a woman

240
00:08:58,365 --> 00:09:00,988
that calls you a warlock
for using a phone.

241
00:09:00,988 --> 00:09:03,922
[ Bell rings ]

242
00:09:03,922 --> 00:09:05,855
Hi, uh, hey, Jessica.

243
00:09:05,855 --> 00:09:07,995
Oh.
Hey, Morty.

244
00:09:10,101 --> 00:09:11,930
Hey...
Jessica, right?

245
00:09:11,930 --> 00:09:14,208
Um. Yeah.
Hi. Sorry.

246
00:09:14,208 --> 00:09:15,382
I thought
you knew my name

247
00:09:15,382 --> 00:09:16,935
because we've interacted
so many times,

248
00:09:16,935 --> 00:09:19,041
but maybe I was
just being stupid.

249
00:09:19,041 --> 00:09:21,250
Sorry. Hi.
I-I'm Jessica. That's me.

250
00:09:21,250 --> 00:09:22,492
Cool.
See you around.

251
00:09:22,492 --> 00:09:24,115
Jessica. Yeah.
I hope I see you.

252
00:09:24,115 --> 00:09:26,082
Around.
Guess we'll see.

253
00:09:26,082 --> 00:09:27,877
[ Squeals ]

254
00:09:27,877 --> 00:09:29,396
I think I'm gonna
like this thing.

255
00:09:29,396 --> 00:09:35,126
♪ It's in the way
that you use it ♪

256
00:09:35,126 --> 00:09:39,302
♪ It comes and it goes

257
00:09:39,302 --> 00:09:44,963
♪ It's in the way
that you use it ♪

258
00:09:44,963 --> 00:09:48,139
♪ Boy, don't you know

259
00:09:48,139 --> 00:09:54,283
♪ And if you lie,
you will lose it ♪

260
00:09:54,283 --> 00:09:58,287
♪ Feelings will show

261
00:09:58,287 --> 00:10:03,982
♪ So don't you ever abuse it

262
00:10:03,982 --> 00:10:07,745
♪ Don't let it go

263
00:10:07,745 --> 00:10:10,126
[ Screams ]

264
00:10:10,126 --> 00:10:12,370
Oh shit!
Suicide by cop!

265
00:10:12,370 --> 00:10:13,613
I love these!

266
00:10:13,613 --> 00:10:18,272
♪ Nobody's weak
until somebody's strong ♪

267
00:10:18,272 --> 00:10:19,998
You're living too fast,
Morty.

268
00:10:19,998 --> 00:10:21,966
I don't pay for your friendship,
Heroin Keith.

269
00:10:21,966 --> 00:10:23,450
Damn.

270
00:10:23,450 --> 00:10:26,453
♪ Nobody's lonely
until somebody's gone ♪

271
00:10:26,453 --> 00:10:31,941
♪ It's in the way
that you use it ♪

272
00:10:31,941 --> 00:10:36,256
♪ It comes and it goes

273
00:10:36,256 --> 00:10:42,020
♪ It's in the way
that you use it ♪

274
00:10:42,020 --> 00:10:45,196
♪ Boy, don't you know

275
00:10:45,196 --> 00:10:51,340
♪ It's in the way
that you use it ♪

276
00:10:51,340 --> 00:10:55,931
♪ It comes and it goes

277
00:10:55,931 --> 00:10:59,417
♪ It's in the way
that you use it ♪

278
00:10:59,417 --> 00:11:03,973
♪♪

279
00:11:03,973 --> 00:11:07,667
[ Upbeat music playing ]

280
00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:17,677
♪♪

281
00:11:17,677 --> 00:11:27,687
♪♪

282
00:11:27,687 --> 00:11:37,697
♪♪

283
00:11:37,697 --> 00:11:47,707
♪♪

284
00:11:47,707 --> 00:11:54,921
♪♪

285
00:11:54,921 --> 00:11:59,719
[ Dramatic music plays ]

286
00:11:59,719 --> 00:12:09,729
♪♪

287
00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:19,739
♪♪

288
00:12:19,739 --> 00:12:29,749
♪♪

289
00:12:29,749 --> 00:12:39,759
♪♪

290
00:12:39,759 --> 00:12:49,182
♪♪

291
00:12:49,182 --> 00:12:50,528
♪♪

292
00:12:50,528 --> 00:12:53,980
[ Soft piano music plays ]

293
00:12:53,980 --> 00:13:03,990
♪♪

294
00:13:03,990 --> 00:13:13,931
♪♪

295
00:13:13,931 --> 00:13:23,941
♪♪

296
00:13:23,941 --> 00:13:33,951
♪♪

297
00:13:33,951 --> 00:13:43,961
♪♪

298
00:13:43,961 --> 00:13:53,971
♪♪

299
00:13:53,971 --> 00:14:00,115
♪♪

300
00:14:00,115 --> 00:14:04,982
[ Upbeat music plays ]

301
00:14:04,982 --> 00:14:14,646
♪♪

302
00:14:14,646 --> 00:14:16,648
♪♪

303
00:14:16,648 --> 00:14:22,068
♪ It's in the way
that you use it ♪

304
00:14:22,068 --> 00:14:26,210
♪ It comes and it goes

305
00:14:26,210 --> 00:14:31,422
♪ It's in the way
that you use it ♪

306
00:14:31,422 --> 00:14:35,426
♪ Boy, don't you know

307
00:14:35,426 --> 00:14:41,087
♪ And if you lie,
you will lose it ♪

308
00:14:41,087 --> 00:14:45,229
♪ Feelings will show

309
00:14:45,229 --> 00:14:50,993
♪ So don't you ever abuse it

310
00:14:50,993 --> 00:14:55,584
♪ Don't let it go

311
00:14:55,584 --> 00:14:57,241
♪ Nobody's right

312
00:14:57,241 --> 00:14:59,415
[ Bell rings ]

313
00:14:59,415 --> 00:15:00,900
Oh, hi, Jessica.

314
00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:02,418
Hey, I'm sorry I brushed you off
the other day.

315
00:15:02,418 --> 00:15:03,903
I was just
trying to be cool --

316
00:15:03,903 --> 00:15:05,525
Oh, I don't even know
what you're talking about.

317
00:15:05,525 --> 00:15:07,458
But...
you seem different.

318
00:15:07,458 --> 00:15:08,942
Like you finally
found yourself.

319
00:15:08,942 --> 00:15:10,461
Yeah.
I -- I guess I have.

320
00:15:10,461 --> 00:15:13,050
That's good to hear.
I like who you found.

321
00:15:13,050 --> 00:15:14,741
Yeah.
Yeah, I do, too.

322
00:15:14,741 --> 00:15:17,226
Looking forward
to seeing more.

323
00:15:17,226 --> 00:15:18,469
I'll see you tomorrow,
Morty.

324
00:15:18,469 --> 00:15:20,885
Yeah.
Yeah, I'll see you tomorrow.

325
00:15:26,304 --> 00:15:27,581
How's it going?

326
00:15:27,581 --> 00:15:28,962
Y'know, it was fun, Rick.
Real fun.

327
00:15:28,962 --> 00:15:31,068
Y'know I-I-I definitely
sowed those oats.

328
00:15:31,068 --> 00:15:32,310
But I think you invented

329
00:15:32,310 --> 00:15:34,278
a little lesson for me
along the way.

330
00:15:34,278 --> 00:15:35,624
Living without
consequences is great,

331
00:15:35,624 --> 00:15:37,143
but then I started
wondering...

332
00:15:37,143 --> 00:15:38,420
what am I living for?

333
00:15:38,420 --> 00:15:39,939
What am I building?

334
00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:41,906
If I'm always looking back,
I'm never looking ahead.

335
00:15:41,906 --> 00:15:43,045
And then it hit me.

336
00:15:43,045 --> 00:15:45,461
We are who we are
because of consequences.

337
00:15:45,461 --> 00:15:47,877
You can't live
without consequences, y'know?

338
00:15:47,877 --> 00:15:49,086
You feel me?

339
00:15:49,086 --> 00:15:51,122
[ Slurps ] Wow.

340
00:15:51,122 --> 00:15:54,125
That's a beautiful thought,
Morty, but, uh, no.

341
00:15:54,125 --> 00:15:55,782
There were definitely
consequences.

342
00:15:55,782 --> 00:15:57,232
What're-What-What are you
talking about?

343
00:15:57,232 --> 00:15:59,165
I mean.
You did everything you did.

344
00:15:59,165 --> 00:16:00,442
It all happened.

345
00:16:00,442 --> 00:16:01,684
No.
But the -- the respawn button.

346
00:16:01,684 --> 00:16:03,790
The -- The do-over.It's not a do-over.

347
00:16:03,790 --> 00:16:05,792
You just did it.
Over and over.

348
00:16:05,792 --> 00:16:07,311
What are you saying?
W-What did you do?

349
00:16:07,311 --> 00:16:09,623
I think it's more appropriate
to ask what did youdo?

350
00:16:09,623 --> 00:16:11,384
You see, Morty, you weren't
saving your place

351
00:16:11,384 --> 00:16:12,626
and going back.

352
00:16:12,626 --> 00:16:14,111
I don't respect
time travel.

353
00:16:14,111 --> 00:16:16,837
If "Ant Man and the Wasp"
can do it, I'm not interested.

354
00:16:16,837 --> 00:16:18,356
It wasn't
so much a do-over

355
00:16:18,356 --> 00:16:19,668
as it was isolating
a moment in time,

356
00:16:19,668 --> 00:16:20,980
splitting your
probable selves,

357
00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:22,843
and shunting you into
to into a near-duplicate,

358
00:16:22,843 --> 00:16:25,536
equally probable reality,
transporting you into it

359
00:16:25,536 --> 00:16:27,193
at the moment
of parallel determination.

360
00:16:27,193 --> 00:16:29,712
Pretty nifty. Time crystals
are a bitch and a half,

361
00:16:29,712 --> 00:16:32,646
but the only real hitch is that
there was already a you

362
00:16:32,646 --> 00:16:33,820
in each
probable dimension.

363
00:16:33,820 --> 00:16:35,615
So we had to solve
for that.

364
00:16:35,615 --> 00:16:40,861
[ Screaming]

365
00:16:40,861 --> 00:16:42,449
That's right,
you little bitch!

366
00:16:42,449 --> 00:16:44,175
It's "The Prestige"!
You "Prestige'd" yourself!

367
00:16:44,175 --> 00:16:46,453
Rick,
how many did I kill?You tell me, Morty.

368
00:16:46,453 --> 00:16:48,662
Every time you reset
to smell Jessica's hair,

369
00:16:48,662 --> 00:16:50,940
every time you relived
a satisfying fart,

370
00:16:50,940 --> 00:16:52,701
that's how many Mortys
you've incinerated,

371
00:16:52,701 --> 00:16:54,047
you greedy
little junkie.

372
00:16:54,047 --> 00:16:56,325
Oh, God --
even those times when I --

373
00:16:56,325 --> 00:16:58,017
Especially those times.

374
00:16:58,017 --> 00:17:00,157
It's over, Morty.
Feel this.
[ Crying ]

375
00:17:00,157 --> 00:17:01,675
Take this in.
This is God.

376
00:17:01,675 --> 00:17:03,574
Wh-Wh-Wh-Wh --
Why would you do this?

377
00:17:03,574 --> 00:17:05,886
My hands are clean, Morty.
I gave you a choice.

378
00:17:05,886 --> 00:17:07,509
You could
listen to me explain,

379
00:17:07,509 --> 00:17:10,063
in great scientific detail,
how it all works...

380
00:17:10,063 --> 00:17:11,306
or you could have fun.

381
00:17:11,306 --> 00:17:12,514
Did you have fun,
Morty?

382
00:17:12,514 --> 00:17:14,205
Is this
because of the vat?

383
00:17:14,205 --> 00:17:15,758
No.
I'm sorry.

384
00:17:15,758 --> 00:17:17,346
I'm afraid it's too late
for that, Morty.

385
00:17:17,346 --> 00:17:19,555
What's done is done,
but it can end.

386
00:17:19,555 --> 00:17:21,592
The original split
is still timestamped.

387
00:17:21,592 --> 00:17:23,835
I can make it so those Mortys
never existed at all,

388
00:17:23,835 --> 00:17:25,216
make them
purely theoretical.

389
00:17:25,216 --> 00:17:26,528
Oh, God.
What do I do?

390
00:17:26,528 --> 00:17:28,012
I think it's clear
you've done enough.

391
00:17:28,012 --> 00:17:30,532
Tell me how, Rick!
Tell me how I save those Mortys!

392
00:17:30,532 --> 00:17:31,705
You live
with the consequences.

393
00:17:31,705 --> 00:17:32,982
Those things
happened somewhere,

394
00:17:32,982 --> 00:17:34,881
but you can merge
the probable realities

395
00:17:34,881 --> 00:17:36,848
so that only one Morty
did them.

396
00:17:36,848 --> 00:17:37,849
Just do it.

397
00:17:37,849 --> 00:17:39,506
Alright, lemme just
sync these up

398
00:17:39,506 --> 00:17:40,783
and get you back
to your dimension.

399
00:17:40,783 --> 00:17:42,751
Wait, so -- so you're not even
my Rick?

400
00:17:42,751 --> 00:17:44,373
Then -- Then why do you know
about the vat?

401
00:17:44,373 --> 00:17:45,754
Every Rick has a vat!

402
00:17:45,754 --> 00:17:47,549
♪♪

403
00:17:47,549 --> 00:17:51,000
[ Screaming ]

404
00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:54,832
♪♪

405
00:17:54,832 --> 00:17:56,075
[ Slurps ]

406
00:17:56,075 --> 00:17:57,110
Well, Morty, I'd say

407
00:17:57,110 --> 00:17:59,630
we've invented
a little honesty today.

408
00:17:59,630 --> 00:18:01,218
How about you?I don't deserve this.

409
00:18:01,218 --> 00:18:02,391
I was just having fun.

410
00:18:02,391 --> 00:18:03,634
So was Jeffrey Dahmer.

411
00:18:03,634 --> 00:18:05,636
Speaking of,
time to pay the piper.

412
00:18:05,636 --> 00:18:07,534
[ Tires screech, siren wails ]

413
00:18:07,534 --> 00:18:10,089
Morty Smith.

414
00:18:10,089 --> 00:18:12,643
Come out with your hands up,
you sick fuck.

415
00:18:12,643 --> 00:18:14,472
We're also fine
with just shooting you

416
00:18:14,472 --> 00:18:16,267
if you wanna
suicide by cop.

417
00:18:16,267 --> 00:18:17,475
What?
What is this?

418
00:18:17,475 --> 00:18:19,063
Wow.
Looks like a SWAT Team,

419
00:18:19,063 --> 00:18:20,202
some drug dealers,

420
00:18:20,202 --> 00:18:23,309
some grassroots MeToo activists,
the ACLU --

421
00:18:23,309 --> 00:18:24,931
Jesus, Morty,
the AARP?

422
00:18:24,931 --> 00:18:27,658
I don't wanna
talk about it!The NAACP, GamerGate...

423
00:18:27,658 --> 00:18:30,626
Morty, is that Supreme Court
Justice Sonia Sotomayor?

424
00:18:30,626 --> 00:18:32,076
I'm sorry!
I -- I'm sorry!

425
00:18:32,076 --> 00:18:33,664
I-Is that
what you want me to say?

426
00:18:33,664 --> 00:18:35,976
What -- What do I do?Oof, well, I'm stumped.

427
00:18:35,976 --> 00:18:38,255
Seems like there's no way
out of this one.

428
00:18:38,255 --> 00:18:39,428
Unless...

429
00:18:39,428 --> 00:18:40,843
God damn it.

430
00:18:40,843 --> 00:18:42,949
Yeah, I guess it is, uh --
what did you call it?

431
00:18:42,949 --> 00:18:45,331
Uh, uh,
"A shitty idea"?

432
00:18:45,331 --> 00:18:47,505
God damn it.Say the vat is good.

433
00:18:47,505 --> 00:18:49,473
The vat is good.

434
00:18:49,473 --> 00:18:51,578
Kiss the vat.

435
00:18:53,580 --> 00:18:54,961
Do not
go into that vat.

436
00:18:54,961 --> 00:18:56,997
It appears to be
full of acid.

437
00:18:56,997 --> 00:18:58,999
It is!
Please, he's just a little boy!

438
00:18:58,999 --> 00:19:01,485
Let me talk to him.Tell him
we're very upset!

439
00:19:01,485 --> 00:19:02,762
Morty, please.
Step back.

440
00:19:02,762 --> 00:19:04,143
That vat
is full of acid.

441
00:19:04,143 --> 00:19:06,800
It'll melt you completely,
leaving only your bones.

442
00:19:06,800 --> 00:19:08,457
Goddamn it!
I'm sorry,
what did you say?

443
00:19:08,457 --> 00:19:09,631
I'm going in the vat!

444
00:19:09,631 --> 00:19:12,427
[ Indistinct shouting ]

445
00:19:12,427 --> 00:19:15,671
Oh! God!
Aw, I blame myself!

446
00:19:15,671 --> 00:19:17,432
Oh, what a tragedy.

447
00:19:17,432 --> 00:19:19,641
This --
Oh, well, he's bones now.

448
00:19:19,641 --> 00:19:20,849
I guess all debts are paid.

449
00:19:20,849 --> 00:19:22,713
Agreed.
He's definitely dead.

450
00:19:22,713 --> 00:19:24,991
Why else
would the bones come up?

451
00:19:24,991 --> 00:19:26,889
While his actions
were horrifying

452
00:19:26,889 --> 00:19:29,720
and we are well within
our rights to be outraged,

453
00:19:29,720 --> 00:19:32,032
I do wonder if we bear
some responsibility

454
00:19:32,032 --> 00:19:34,311
for this young man
melting himself in acid.

455
00:19:34,311 --> 00:19:37,072
Are we here for justice...
or something else?

456
00:19:37,072 --> 00:19:40,455
"Though justice be thy plea,
consider this,

457
00:19:40,455 --> 00:19:42,629
that in the course
of justice...

458
00:19:42,629 --> 00:19:45,218
none of us
should see salvation.

459
00:19:45,218 --> 00:19:46,806
We do pray for mercy."

460
00:19:46,806 --> 00:19:48,152
"Merchant of Venice,"
nice.

461
00:19:48,152 --> 00:19:49,740
Very cool.
Lots to think about.

462
00:19:49,740 --> 00:19:51,535
Vengeance is a tomb,
all-encompassing --

463
00:19:51,535 --> 00:19:54,917
Alright, okay, this isn't a
poetry reading, a kid just died.

464
00:19:54,917 --> 00:19:58,542
Every -- Everybody go home and
hug your loved one or something.

465
00:19:58,542 --> 00:20:03,409
[ Vehicle doors closing,
engines starting ]

466
00:20:03,409 --> 00:20:04,686
Wait.

467
00:20:04,686 --> 00:20:06,032
How do we know
that's really acid

468
00:20:06,032 --> 00:20:07,896
and you didn't just have
someone's bones in there?

469
00:20:07,896 --> 00:20:09,587
I mean, if you're doubting
if that's really acid

470
00:20:09,587 --> 00:20:11,140
and not just jacuzzi-heated
Mountain Dew,

471
00:20:11,140 --> 00:20:12,728
you're welcome
to use this ladle.

472
00:20:12,728 --> 00:20:14,730
You think
I'm a goddamn idiot?

473
00:20:14,730 --> 00:20:17,008
Brought my own.

474
00:20:21,496 --> 00:20:22,842
Aah!

475
00:20:22,842 --> 00:20:24,050
Oh, God!
Oh, God no!

476
00:20:24,050 --> 00:20:25,707
Oh, God, no!
Oh, no -- Huh?

477
00:20:25,707 --> 00:20:27,536
I'm acid-proof!

478
00:20:27,536 --> 00:20:29,504
Fuck all of you,
fuck all of you,

479
00:20:29,504 --> 00:20:30,746
I'm gonna be rich!

480
00:20:30,746 --> 00:20:32,023
Here's my ass.

481
00:20:32,023 --> 00:20:34,198
Take a good look,
spank it!

482
00:20:34,198 --> 00:20:35,682
Acid proof!

483
00:20:35,682 --> 00:20:38,685
Feels like that guy
had other stuff going on.

484
00:20:38,685 --> 00:20:41,170
Don't ever
make fun of me again.

485
00:20:41,170 --> 00:20:43,069
Ever!

486
00:20:43,069 --> 00:20:44,726
Alright, c'mon Morty,
let's go home.

487
00:20:44,726 --> 00:20:46,279
Wait, what?
This -- This isn't our reality?

488
00:20:46,279 --> 00:20:47,798
What, you think
I'd waste our home

489
00:20:47,798 --> 00:20:49,351
teaching you
a fucking lesson?

490
00:20:49,351 --> 00:20:51,215
[ Sighs ] I am gonna miss
this place, though --

491
00:20:51,215 --> 00:20:53,286
Johnny Carson's still alive
and on the air,

492
00:20:53,286 --> 00:20:54,598
9/11 never happened,

493
00:20:54,598 --> 00:20:56,047
and Rocky Road ice cream
has peanut butter

494
00:20:56,047 --> 00:20:57,946
instead of marshmallows.The fu-- What?

495
00:20:57,946 --> 00:20:59,361
The marshmallows
are the best part!

496
00:20:59,361 --> 00:21:01,190
Morty...

497
00:21:01,190 --> 00:21:11,200
♪♪

498
00:21:11,200 --> 00:21:21,210
♪♪

499
00:21:21,210 --> 00:21:31,220
♪♪

500
00:21:31,220 --> 00:21:33,775
♪♪

501
00:21:33,775 --> 00:21:37,917
[ Cheers and applause ]

502
00:21:37,917 --> 00:21:39,781
Our next guest, ah, gave us,

503
00:21:39,781 --> 00:21:41,300
well, actually,
very little information,

504
00:21:41,300 --> 00:21:45,752
ah, besides the fact that he is,
uh, impervious to acid.

505
00:21:45,752 --> 00:21:47,754
So here he is,
he's here to prove it.

506
00:21:47,754 --> 00:21:50,688
Let's welcome this guy.

507
00:21:50,688 --> 00:21:52,103
Let's do this shit!

508
00:21:52,103 --> 00:21:53,450
Now, you're, uh --
you're sure about this?

509
00:21:53,450 --> 00:21:54,761
Eat my ass!
Hoist me!

510
00:21:54,761 --> 00:21:58,006
I did not know that ass
was on the menu.

511
00:21:58,006 --> 00:21:59,490
Don't steal my moment!
Do it!

512
00:21:59,490 --> 00:22:03,529
Ah, okay, then without
further ado -- drop him.

513
00:22:03,529 --> 00:22:04,875
Oh, yeah!
Oh, yeah!

514
00:22:04,875 --> 00:22:07,084
Oh, yeah!
Oh, yeah, oh, yeah!

515
00:22:07,084 --> 00:22:10,329
[ Screaming ]

516
00:22:18,958 --> 00:22:21,754
Looks like I'll be
eating ass flambé.

517
00:22:21,754 --> 00:22:23,652
[ Laughter ]

518
00:22:23,652 --> 00:22:24,791
Please kill me.

519
00:22:24,791 --> 00:22:29,313
[ Applause ]