1
00:00:06,678 --> 00:00:08,763
Now that was some fantastic chow mein

2
00:00:08,847 --> 00:00:12,225
and before you say that sounded racist,
you can ask the waiter how they say it.

3
00:00:12,308 --> 00:00:14,728
It's Panda Express, honey.
The waiter’s from Portland.

4
00:00:15,061 --> 00:00:17,689
Alright who the hell changed my ringtone
to the theme from Taxi?

5
00:00:19,065 --> 00:00:20,316
It's a new thing on Taxi Tok,

6
00:00:20,400 --> 00:00:23,653
that's a subculture on TikTok of kids
who decided the theme from Taxi slaps.

7
00:00:23,737 --> 00:00:26,489
Now you have to play the Taxi theme
for ten people while I film it.

8
00:00:26,573 --> 00:00:28,158
I don't have to do shit, that's dumb.

9
00:00:29,242 --> 00:00:31,369
It raises awareness for leukemia.

10
00:00:31,453 --> 00:00:34,622
So. Who else is excited
for the zoo tomorrow?

11
00:00:34,706 --> 00:00:37,208
Zoos are my favorite kind
of non-water park.

12
00:00:37,292 --> 00:00:39,294
It's just a shame that they both
give you diarrhea.

13
00:00:39,377 --> 00:00:41,337
You only get diarrhea at the zoo

14
00:00:41,421 --> 00:00:43,631
if you eat the food you're supposed
to feed to the animals.

15
00:00:43,715 --> 00:00:47,051
-Which you've done, twice.
-They put it in gumball machines.

16
00:00:47,635 --> 00:00:50,680
You know Fortune Cookies only come true
if you eat the cookie first.

17
00:00:51,514 --> 00:00:55,351
Alright. ''Hard work often pays off?''
Lame.

18
00:00:55,435 --> 00:00:58,229
''Family time is time well spent.''

19
00:00:58,313 --> 00:01:00,356
OK, that's not only empty,
it's been disproven.

20
00:01:00,440 --> 00:01:02,692
OK, mine says,
''Family time is time well...''

21
00:01:02,776 --> 00:01:04,194
Man I got the same one.

22
00:01:05,195 --> 00:01:08,573
What's your stupid twenty first century
watered down fortune cookie say, Dad?

23
00:01:08,656 --> 00:01:10,950
''You will have sex with your mother.''

24
00:01:47,904 --> 00:01:49,572
Fortune cookies aren't legitimate, right?

25
00:01:49,906 --> 00:01:53,243
Jerry, are you seriously asking if I think
you're gonna have sex with your mom?

26
00:01:53,326 --> 00:01:58,248
No, I wanted to ask if it's okay with you
if I make myself throw up the cookie.

27
00:01:58,331 --> 00:02:01,167
If it makes you feel better
and you can do it quietly, yes,

28
00:02:01,251 --> 00:02:03,002
but don't hand that advice down to Summer.

29
00:02:06,381 --> 00:02:09,384
Can't do it. Sleepy Gary ruined
my Gag reflex,

30
00:02:09,467 --> 00:02:11,970
which is frustrating because
Sleepy Gary wasn't real.

31
00:02:12,053 --> 00:02:14,681
Neither are fortune cookies.
Go to sleep, Jerry.

32
00:02:14,764 --> 00:02:18,434
I know they're not real.
It’s just, why is it so specific?

33
00:02:18,518 --> 00:02:21,563
And why are three of the numbers
a few numbers off from my Mom's birthday?

34
00:02:21,646 --> 00:02:24,440
-Can we investigate this, Rick?
-It’s not an X-file, Jerry,

35
00:02:24,524 --> 00:02:26,568
you got the world's last
interesting fortune

36
00:02:26,651 --> 00:02:29,320
Dad, can you explain to TikTok
what's going on with your mom?

37
00:02:29,404 --> 00:02:31,990
Summer, no social videoing.
What if Mi-Maw sees it?

38
00:02:32,073 --> 00:02:34,284
We can't let her know
this is a thing that might happen.

39
00:02:35,243 --> 00:02:37,161
-Might?
-She's calling again.

40
00:02:37,245 --> 00:02:40,707
-She doesn't usually call this much.
-Because you don't usually ghost her

41
00:02:40,790 --> 00:02:43,376
because you don't usually decide
you’re at risk of...

42
00:02:43,835 --> 00:02:45,670
What if she's calling me
to tell me I'm adopted?

43
00:02:45,753 --> 00:02:47,672
Well, yeah, then you should
definitely hit that.

44
00:02:49,173 --> 00:02:51,926
-That's not funny!
-Jerry, you're making it funny

45
00:02:52,010 --> 00:02:54,554
by taking it seriously.
And none of us will be laughing

46
00:02:54,637 --> 00:02:56,180
if you let this ruin our zoo trip.

47
00:02:56,264 --> 00:02:57,265
Rick. Can you use science

48
00:02:57,348 --> 00:03:00,059
-to make it impossible for me to...
-Jerry, you're insulting science.

49
00:03:00,143 --> 00:03:02,395
And as the most powerful man
in the universe,

50
00:03:02,478 --> 00:03:04,689
if I create technology to prevent
a random occurrence,

51
00:03:04,772 --> 00:03:06,983
I'll end up making it
more possible than random.

52
00:03:09,611 --> 00:03:12,071
-When do we leave for the zoo?
-One hour.

53
00:03:12,155 --> 00:03:15,575
-You have one hour to let go of this.
-I'm already done thinking about it.

54
00:03:21,581 --> 00:03:22,957
Check that out.

55
00:03:25,585 --> 00:03:27,420
No!

56
00:03:33,551 --> 00:03:35,178
Let me out! Let me out!

57
00:03:36,804 --> 00:03:39,098
-You have ten seconds.
-I want to go.

58
00:03:39,182 --> 00:03:40,516
You know of my love for the zoo.

59
00:03:40,600 --> 00:03:43,728
-Why are you dressed like Morty?
-Because Morty's mom is Beth.

60
00:03:44,103 --> 00:03:45,146
I'm not unpacking that.

61
00:03:45,772 --> 00:03:49,192
Okay, if you think I have this much
patience for the zoo, on Earth,

62
00:03:49,275 --> 00:03:51,736
-you're sorely mistaken.
-Jerry, if you don't come with us

63
00:03:51,819 --> 00:03:53,237
I will be so disappointed

64
00:03:53,321 --> 00:03:56,115
You guys should probably go on
without Jerry. I just took some readings

65
00:03:56,199 --> 00:03:58,993
on his probability field and this fortune
has some strange powers

66
00:03:59,077 --> 00:04:01,663
-I'm gonna need to investigate.
-Really? God, I knew it.

67
00:04:02,121 --> 00:04:03,998
Okay. Well. Be careful, honey.

68
00:04:04,082 --> 00:04:05,500
Bring me back a handful
of zebra snacks?

69
00:04:05,583 --> 00:04:09,045
And please take pictures with
my favorite animal, the white tiger.

70
00:04:09,128 --> 00:04:11,297
-Because they breed via incest?
-Is that true?

71
00:04:14,759 --> 00:04:17,303
-I knew I was right.
-Not even close.

72
00:04:17,387 --> 00:04:20,014
I just didn't want to see someone
get bullied into going to a zoo.

73
00:04:20,098 --> 00:04:22,225
You may be the single dumbest
human I've ever met, Jerry,

74
00:04:22,308 --> 00:04:25,311
but you still have a right to take
whatever you want seriously.

75
00:04:25,395 --> 00:04:28,147
Thank you. But if that thing says
I'm not gonna do it with my mom,

76
00:04:28,231 --> 00:04:29,148
I can go to the zoo.

77
00:04:29,232 --> 00:04:31,985
Jerry, this thing measures
aberrations in probability waves,

78
00:04:32,068 --> 00:04:34,320
I didn't even bother to turn it on
because if I did...

79
00:04:36,239 --> 00:04:38,408
-What?
-Nothing. Don't get weird on me.

80
00:04:38,491 --> 00:04:41,744
But, since we're free for the afternoon,
you mind doing a quick activity?

81
00:04:42,286 --> 00:04:44,414
We're gonna disprove this
with efficient brute force.

82
00:04:44,497 --> 00:04:47,291
These are two shoeboxes, both are empty
but I wrote your mother's name

83
00:04:47,375 --> 00:04:50,294
-on the inside of one.
-What? God no. If you think for a second

84
00:04:50,378 --> 00:04:52,547
-I'm gonna put my...
-Good, I didn't wanna do this anyway.

85
00:04:53,172 --> 00:04:56,426
Fine! Can I just tell you which box
I would put my penis in?

86
00:04:56,509 --> 00:04:59,345
Saying it seems worse, but okay.

87
00:04:59,429 --> 00:05:02,265
Alright. I would put my penis
in the box on the right.

88
00:05:02,348 --> 00:05:05,601
Great, look in the other direction
and I'm gonna switch up the boxes.

89
00:05:05,685 --> 00:05:08,479
-This feels really low-tech.
-Yeah, cause we're measuring reality.

90
00:05:11,024 --> 00:05:14,485
I would take out my penis and place
it in the box on the right.

91
00:05:14,569 --> 00:05:15,486
Again.

92
00:05:17,363 --> 00:05:19,115
-I would put my penis...
-Jerry, you don't have

93
00:05:19,198 --> 00:05:21,325
to say penis every time,
just left or right

94
00:05:21,409 --> 00:05:24,287
-This was your idea.
-I didn't think it'd go on this long.

95
00:05:24,370 --> 00:05:27,707
-Okay, penis, Left.
-Keep going.

96
00:05:28,708 --> 00:05:29,625
Right.

97
00:05:30,376 --> 00:05:31,294
Left.

98
00:05:32,587 --> 00:05:34,589
-Right.
-Jerry are you fucking peeking?

99
00:05:34,672 --> 00:05:37,050
Tell me what's going on.
You're scaring me.

100
00:05:39,719 --> 00:05:42,597
Okay, I'm just as likely to shit a balloon
as I am to become a dolphin.

101
00:05:42,680 --> 00:05:43,973
Those are things that could happen?

102
00:05:44,057 --> 00:05:46,059
Jerry, everything is as likely
as anything else.

103
00:05:47,727 --> 00:05:50,313
Which is why it's weird
that you're at all likely to...

104
00:05:50,396 --> 00:05:51,731
To what? To what?

105
00:05:52,065 --> 00:05:54,525
Jerry, has your mother
been leaving messages?

106
00:05:54,609 --> 00:05:57,987
-Three texts. I'm afraid to read them.
-Read them.

107
00:05:58,738 --> 00:06:02,241
She's asking if she can come visit.
Why would she want that?

108
00:06:02,325 --> 00:06:05,203
Jerry, I'm gonna tell you something
I've never told anyone.

109
00:06:06,245 --> 00:06:07,663
We need to go to Panda Express.

110
00:06:08,748 --> 00:06:11,542
If these guys wanted my respect, they
could've just gotten a liquor license.

111
00:06:11,626 --> 00:06:13,503
Now you think this
has something to do with you?

112
00:06:13,586 --> 00:06:16,297
Jerry, whoever's behind that fortune
has, like, god powers.

113
00:06:16,380 --> 00:06:18,007
Of course it has something to do with me,

114
00:06:18,091 --> 00:06:20,468
what do you think I am in this story,
the father-in-law?

115
00:06:25,473 --> 00:06:27,016
You guys wanted my attention?

116
00:06:29,477 --> 00:06:31,145
Okay, well, now I'm getting mixed signals.

117
00:06:33,147 --> 00:06:36,484
Stay here, Jerry, time to kick ass.
Gonna need a soundtrack.

118
00:06:36,567 --> 00:06:38,694
Ship! Favorites playlist, track one!

119
00:06:43,116 --> 00:06:44,534
Alright, fine, no wrong answers.

120
00:07:01,926 --> 00:07:03,386
Tell me where you get
your cookies at and we can

121
00:07:03,469 --> 00:07:06,264
-all walk out of here alive! DEA?
-Fuck you, DEA piece of shit! Cookies?

122
00:07:06,347 --> 00:07:08,307
-Fortune cookies.
-You're not here about our gang's

123
00:07:08,391 --> 00:07:09,600
-city-wide meth ring?
-What? No.

124
00:07:09,684 --> 00:07:11,686
Break the laws,
they shouldn't exist anyway.

125
00:07:14,147 --> 00:07:16,065
-I am embarrassed.
-Me too.

126
00:07:16,524 --> 00:07:20,111
-Sorry about these dead guys.
-Comes with the territory.

127
00:07:20,194 --> 00:07:23,573
-So where do you get your cookies?
-Same distributor as everyone else.

128
00:07:23,656 --> 00:07:25,366
-That's their truck out back.
-Solid.

129
00:07:25,449 --> 00:07:28,035
OK, I'm gonna take the truck
in exchange for not turning you in.

130
00:07:34,792 --> 00:07:38,588
Jeez, how much money can there be
in cookies that you get for free?

131
00:07:38,671 --> 00:07:43,050
And now we're being retina scanned?
I know! I've got a theory, Jerry.

132
00:07:43,134 --> 00:07:46,262
-Good.
-This place is run by Cookie Monster.

133
00:07:47,138 --> 00:07:48,973
He's really protective about his cookies.

134
00:07:49,348 --> 00:07:50,725
C'mon man you can't crack a smile?

135
00:07:51,225 --> 00:07:53,728
Yeah, you're worried about doing it
with your mom. Okay, fair enough.

136
00:07:59,358 --> 00:08:03,529
Fuckin' cameras everywhere. That cup
is a camera. That tree is a camera.

137
00:08:03,613 --> 00:08:06,199
-Can you disable them?
-Stealth rule number one:

138
00:08:06,282 --> 00:08:09,577
turning off 300 cameras draws
more attention than changing outfits.

139
00:08:09,660 --> 00:08:12,538
Looks like we need to dress for success.

140
00:08:12,622 --> 00:08:15,541
Eye of Thundara,
give me suits beyond suits.

141
00:08:17,043 --> 00:08:19,253
Jerry assistant clothing, make-up.

142
00:08:24,175 --> 00:08:27,094
-What the hell was that?
-Reuseable Sailor Moon sequence.

143
00:08:27,178 --> 00:08:29,305
If we ever need to show you
becoming my assistant again,

144
00:08:29,388 --> 00:08:31,015
we can repeat it and
save lots of money.

145
00:08:38,314 --> 00:08:41,525
Why does an operation bigger than
the government want me to

146
00:08:41,609 --> 00:08:43,027
couple with my mother?

147
00:08:58,334 --> 00:09:01,504
Bezos, Bill Gates, prime ministers.

148
00:09:01,587 --> 00:09:03,464
Weirdly Billy Zane is also here.

149
00:09:03,965 --> 00:09:07,051
Hello. You're about to meet me,
Jennith Padrow-Chunt.

150
00:09:07,468 --> 00:09:10,304
Fifteen years ago, I was living in
my parent’s garage,

151
00:09:10,388 --> 00:09:13,182
eating ramen out of a toilet
when I discovered something.

152
00:09:13,766 --> 00:09:18,354
Fate isn’t fiction. Everything you want
can be yours, if you ask for it.

153
00:09:18,437 --> 00:09:20,189
Just ask me.

154
00:09:20,273 --> 00:09:22,108
-Hello, me.
-Hello, me.

155
00:09:22,191 --> 00:09:25,444
Look at me's. Every suit I wear
is virgin white.

156
00:09:25,528 --> 00:09:28,990
I sleep on a bed of loose grains,
and begin every morning by dragging

157
00:09:29,073 --> 00:09:33,202
my perfect vagina across
Chinese silver grass. I'm firm and ripe.

158
00:09:34,453 --> 00:09:37,415
My mother's plane just landed.
She took a photo at the airport,

159
00:09:37,498 --> 00:09:39,667
in front of that Wolfgang Puck
that smells like a kindergarten.

160
00:09:40,126 --> 00:09:42,545
Want to know the secret
to how I changed my future?

161
00:09:42,628 --> 00:09:45,298
-Yes.
-Well, once you're a level seven investor

162
00:09:45,381 --> 00:09:47,008
you'll learn that and more.

163
00:09:47,425 --> 00:09:50,303
Yeah, we're not getting the answers
we want here. Let's go deeper.

164
00:09:55,599 --> 00:09:58,060
And now, thanks to your
generous contributions,

165
00:09:58,144 --> 00:09:59,353
here are this year's cookies.

166
00:10:01,147 --> 00:10:04,734
''You will receive a six-point-eight
percent year on year increase'' Very nice.

167
00:10:04,817 --> 00:10:09,280
''Your talents are appreciated
when you become junior partner.''

168
00:10:09,363 --> 00:10:12,450
Holy shit I'm gonna be on
'Dancing with the Stars'!

169
00:10:12,533 --> 00:10:17,330
-Please, I can get the money. I swear!
-I'm afraid it's too late for that.

170
00:10:18,497 --> 00:10:19,707
God what does it say?

171
00:10:20,207 --> 00:10:24,378
Your penis will be mangled by
afrozen yogurt machine at the U.N.!

172
00:10:24,462 --> 00:10:25,588
I know that machine!

173
00:10:25,671 --> 00:10:29,258
This would sound impossible to a layman
but to me it rings inevitable!

174
00:10:29,342 --> 00:10:33,429
Holy shit. This is real.
They're controlling fate for profit.

175
00:10:33,512 --> 00:10:36,432
I'm glad you're happy, now can we
blow up the building or something?

176
00:10:36,515 --> 00:10:39,101
I don't think that's the best way
to take away their power, Jerry.

177
00:10:39,185 --> 00:10:41,145
Let's take it in a way
that ends with us having it.

178
00:10:41,228 --> 00:10:43,272
-You mean you having it.
-I'll share it.

179
00:10:43,356 --> 00:10:45,483
-Then you fuck my mom.
-That's not how it works

180
00:10:45,566 --> 00:10:47,443
-and I already have.
-What?

181
00:10:47,526 --> 00:10:49,195
Jesus, Jerry, come on.

182
00:10:50,529 --> 00:10:52,156
How unfortunate.

183
00:10:53,157 --> 00:10:54,450
Use the emergency fortunes!

184
00:10:55,368 --> 00:10:57,328
Fighting Fortunes? They're leveling up.

185
00:10:58,746 --> 00:11:00,998
''You'll have great success in a fight''

186
00:11:02,124 --> 00:11:03,125
I'll be damned

187
00:11:09,298 --> 00:11:11,550
Fuck! This both sucks and
is really valuable data!

188
00:11:16,680 --> 00:11:19,100
-Rick what are you doing?!
-Using you as a human shield!

189
00:11:19,183 --> 00:11:21,352
You said it! You said the thing
I thought you were doing!!

190
00:11:23,437 --> 00:11:27,650
We've got intruders. And one of them
has an unresolved fortune.

191
00:11:29,735 --> 00:11:33,072
-We need that man's mother.
-Lot of mothers in the world, ma'am.

192
00:11:33,155 --> 00:11:34,990
But only one of them is Mrs.

193
00:11:35,825 --> 00:11:37,410
God damn it, Smith?

194
00:11:43,082 --> 00:11:46,669
So are we going to ignore that you
tried to stop bullets using my body?

195
00:11:46,752 --> 00:11:49,422
You have an unresolved fortune.
Until you have sex with your mom,

196
00:11:49,505 --> 00:11:52,425
you're basically immortal. Do you have
any idea how amazing that is?

197
00:11:52,508 --> 00:11:56,011
You don't even care about me.
You just want fortune cookie power.

198
00:11:56,679 --> 00:11:59,640
Okay, Jerry, how about this.
If it comes down to it,

199
00:11:59,723 --> 00:12:02,143
-I promise I'll put a bullet in her head.
-No!

200
00:12:02,226 --> 00:12:04,562
You're right, the fortune didn't say
she'd be alive, did it?

201
00:12:04,645 --> 00:12:06,480
-I hate you!
-Hate productive things.

202
00:12:06,564 --> 00:12:08,524
Hate crawling through a fucking air vent.

203
00:12:09,608 --> 00:12:12,695
Those are those weird hex headed screws.
Do your screwdriver fingers...

204
00:12:29,086 --> 00:12:30,504
Here you go.

205
00:12:31,547 --> 00:12:34,425
Well, at least we have no idea
what's going on.

206
00:12:34,508 --> 00:12:37,553
That's a Lockerean.
It's a species that eats chaos.

207
00:12:37,636 --> 00:12:41,015
But It has a digestive disorder
Its stomach is stripping randomness

208
00:12:41,098 --> 00:12:43,559
from spacetime and leaving behind
superdense pockets of energy

209
00:12:43,642 --> 00:12:46,061
that bend entropy towards
definable outcomes.

210
00:12:46,145 --> 00:12:48,731
I mean, that's how fate works.
It's a field, like gravity,

211
00:12:48,814 --> 00:12:52,026
but instead of pulling small toward big
it pulls unknown toward known.

212
00:12:52,109 --> 00:12:54,403
-So we do know what’s going on.
-We know this:

213
00:12:54,487 --> 00:12:56,739
everyone that's had a fortune cookie
in the last twenty years

214
00:12:56,822 --> 00:12:59,742
has eaten this thing's poop.
Fortune cookies are alien poop.

215
00:13:01,410 --> 00:13:02,703
These fortunes are so basic.

216
00:13:02,786 --> 00:13:05,080
Why wouldn't you use this
power to change the world?

217
00:13:05,164 --> 00:13:07,917
Or at least get Nintendo
to make a portable VR headset.

218
00:13:08,000 --> 00:13:11,587
This place ain't for creating
the future, but controlling it.

219
00:13:11,670 --> 00:13:16,550
Hi, I'm Old. Old M. Hucksbee.
The M. Stands for Man.

220
00:13:16,634 --> 00:13:20,095
You're an arch little character.
You're the reason fortune cookies suck?

221
00:13:20,179 --> 00:13:22,097
No, that's Jenneth Chunt's idea.

222
00:13:22,181 --> 00:13:24,475
You have to glut the marketplace
with pointless fortunes

223
00:13:24,558 --> 00:13:26,393
to increase the value of real ones.

224
00:13:26,477 --> 00:13:30,648
Controlling destiny for a price,
that's the Fortune 500's fortune.

225
00:13:31,482 --> 00:13:34,693
-And you're trying to stop them?
-Just trying to get out.

226
00:13:34,777 --> 00:13:38,697
I want to be free with this here
alien gal so we can get married.

227
00:13:38,781 --> 00:13:40,449
Then we can have relations.

228
00:13:40,533 --> 00:13:43,702
Can't do that before marriage, you know.
I'm a Catholic.

229
00:13:44,119 --> 00:13:45,412
Does the alien want that?

230
00:13:45,496 --> 00:13:47,998
It's not exactly what I'd call
a sentient species.

231
00:13:48,082 --> 00:13:49,124
A man knows.

232
00:13:49,208 --> 00:13:50,709
What does this have to do with me?

233
00:13:51,043 --> 00:13:52,586
You put this in my cookie.

234
00:13:53,629 --> 00:13:57,341
I been trying to get people's attention.
I'd make fortunes saying

235
00:13:57,424 --> 00:14:00,970
''You're gonna break your leg unless
you investigate this cookie company.''

236
00:14:01,053 --> 00:14:04,557
or ''please come help me or
a virus will shut down the world,''

237
00:14:04,640 --> 00:14:06,559
finally I just made a bunch that said

238
00:14:06,642 --> 00:14:09,144
"You’re gonna have sex
with your own momma."

239
00:14:09,228 --> 00:14:11,438
How many?
It, what happened to the others?

240
00:14:11,522 --> 00:14:13,357
I 'spose they fucked their moms.

241
00:14:13,440 --> 00:14:16,026
Now let's cut her chains
and get the hell out of here.

242
00:14:18,279 --> 00:14:20,155
Well, shit on a spaghetti.

243
00:14:20,239 --> 00:14:22,575
Hello Jerry Smith.
Glad you could join us

244
00:14:22,658 --> 00:14:25,160
-on bring your mother to work day.
-Mom!

245
00:14:25,244 --> 00:14:29,373
Hi, Jerry. Your friends
picked me up in a limousine.

246
00:14:29,456 --> 00:14:32,209
They said you won something and
I should be the one to give it to you?

247
00:14:32,293 --> 00:14:34,587
-You sick fucks.
-Are you guys enjoying this?

248
00:14:34,670 --> 00:14:37,590
I used to think I was
just a regular white woman.

249
00:14:37,673 --> 00:14:40,259
Then I discovered I could
control my destiny.

250
00:14:40,342 --> 00:14:43,345
All white women think that.
The truth is, this alien crashed

251
00:14:43,429 --> 00:14:47,057
-in your yard and you ate its shit.
-How dare you. What’s your name?

252
00:14:47,141 --> 00:14:49,685
How dare you?
We should’ve blown up the building.

253
00:14:49,768 --> 00:14:51,437
Doesn't matter.
All I was gonna say is:

254
00:14:51,520 --> 00:14:55,357
guess what, insert name,
time for you to eat shit. But first.

255
00:14:57,109 --> 00:15:00,029
-No, I'm so wet.
-No.

256
00:15:00,112 --> 00:15:01,363
Jerry. Come back and block bullets.

257
00:15:01,447 --> 00:15:04,158
Authorizing the use of prototype fortunes.

258
00:15:11,206 --> 00:15:12,458
-Fuck!
-You can't hide.

259
00:15:12,541 --> 00:15:14,293
My fortune said ''eadshots Only.''

260
00:15:16,295 --> 00:15:19,256
Harry, Greg, Lashawn,
Dave C, Dave M, no!

261
00:15:19,340 --> 00:15:21,133
You piece of shit you killed my friends.

262
00:15:23,469 --> 00:15:25,137
Alright, what does the future hold?

263
00:15:31,560 --> 00:15:33,103
Maybe I can Pokémon this shit.

264
00:15:33,646 --> 00:15:35,230
Blast him or we're both gonna die.

265
00:15:35,564 --> 00:15:36,565
Oh god, oh god.

266
00:15:37,650 --> 00:15:41,236
You control-control water.
Like, the water inside a guy.

267
00:15:41,320 --> 00:15:42,988
That's a gross power.

268
00:15:47,826 --> 00:15:49,703
I’m gonna let you live because
your fortune sucks.

269
00:15:49,787 --> 00:15:51,580
You can't kill me.
I can't be killed.

270
00:15:52,331 --> 00:15:54,249
Trust me, that's not
as good as it sounds.

271
00:15:58,128 --> 00:15:59,630
It hurts! It burns!

272
00:15:59,713 --> 00:16:04,051
Fuck! Oh my god my ribs!
I can feel my shattered ribs.

273
00:16:12,017 --> 00:16:14,436
Shit these are useless.
Where are the fighting fortunes?

274
00:16:14,520 --> 00:16:18,273
No no! Those are blanks!
Without fortunes,

275
00:16:18,357 --> 00:16:21,485
-the effects are completely unpredictable!
-Alright.

276
00:16:32,705 --> 00:16:34,581
I am the son of god.

277
00:16:39,253 --> 00:16:42,172
Jerry! Help me, Jerry!

278
00:16:42,256 --> 00:16:45,259
Mom, stay away! Just stay away!

279
00:16:45,342 --> 00:16:47,344
Come on and fuck already!

280
00:16:47,678 --> 00:16:50,639
Ma'am, is it possible we're being
given a chance to take a step back

281
00:16:50,723 --> 00:16:52,099
and examine our behav....

282
00:16:54,393 --> 00:16:58,981
You can't kill me, old man.
I also have an unresolved fortune.

283
00:16:59,648 --> 00:17:01,942
''The most successful
businesswoman on Earth?''

284
00:17:02,025 --> 00:17:04,570
You could do anything you wanted
and you chose... work?

285
00:17:05,571 --> 00:17:08,157
Every day I get closer
to an unattainable goal.

286
00:17:08,240 --> 00:17:11,493
A one-woman lifestyle brand, forever.

287
00:17:11,577 --> 00:17:14,204
Well, I just used a dark web account
to hack Goldman Sachs,

288
00:17:14,288 --> 00:17:17,291
remove trillions of dollars, and purchase
everything your company offers.

289
00:17:17,374 --> 00:17:20,669
Congratulations, you're officially the
most successful business woman on Earth.

290
00:17:21,086 --> 00:17:23,297
Fortune fulfilled. And now,
I'm emptying your bank accounts

291
00:17:23,380 --> 00:17:25,132
and giving the money back
to Goldman Sachs.

292
00:17:25,215 --> 00:17:27,301
Because I sit dead center
on the alignment chart.

293
00:17:28,260 --> 00:17:30,345
You son of a bitch!

294
00:17:30,429 --> 00:17:32,681
How does it feel to achieve your dreams?
Empty, right?

295
00:17:33,265 --> 00:17:36,101
Like when DiCaprio won the Oscar.
You could see it in his face.

296
00:17:36,602 --> 00:17:40,314
I still have one more dream,

297
00:17:40,397 --> 00:17:45,694
watching you die, Rick Sanchez!

298
00:17:46,028 --> 00:17:47,029
You knew my name.

299
00:17:57,164 --> 00:18:00,584
She's free!
Run, run my beauty!

300
00:18:06,632 --> 00:18:08,634
Well, butterfly on a corncob.

301
00:18:08,717 --> 00:18:13,388
I see that I've romanticized a wild animal
the same way Margret Howe did

302
00:18:13,472 --> 00:18:16,558
when she jerked off that dolphin
in the nineteen-and sixty's.

303
00:18:16,642 --> 00:18:19,645
Both she and I assaulted
a captive creature,

304
00:18:19,728 --> 00:18:22,064
then expected it to be reciprocal.

305
00:18:22,481 --> 00:18:25,275
Welp, joopity boot! Time to die.

306
00:18:29,655 --> 00:18:32,241
Follow me, my queen!

307
00:18:35,244 --> 00:18:37,538
That's all the bad guys down,
we almost got this, Jer.

308
00:18:44,253 --> 00:18:45,504
No!

309
00:18:45,587 --> 00:18:49,007
Sticks to walls guy,
I guess we were both wrong!

310
00:18:50,467 --> 00:18:51,510
Oh god.

311
00:19:00,519 --> 00:19:03,272
-Rick, please!
-Jerry, I've got the creature.

312
00:19:03,355 --> 00:19:06,149
-I knew it. I knew it.
-God damn it

313
00:19:12,406 --> 00:19:13,323
Oh god!

314
00:19:16,201 --> 00:19:17,119
Goddammit.

315
00:19:24,710 --> 00:19:27,337
-Holy shit that was close.
-Close to what?

316
00:19:27,671 --> 00:19:31,091
Close to everyone but your son
getting anything they want forever.

317
00:19:31,174 --> 00:19:32,134
You saved me.

318
00:19:32,217 --> 00:19:36,221
I will never stop holding this over you.
As if that buys me anything.

319
00:19:36,305 --> 00:19:37,973
We should get you some clothes, son.

320
00:19:43,353 --> 00:19:44,980
I can just feel the savings.

321
00:19:46,732 --> 00:19:50,694
Hey wait. Got this
at the crazy place we just were.

322
00:19:51,111 --> 00:19:54,531
It may look like someone stuck a
hand-written fortune in there last second,

323
00:19:54,615 --> 00:19:56,450
but I'm pretty sure
that's just the way it came.

324
00:19:57,117 --> 00:19:58,660
Besides, these don’t mean anything.

325
00:20:00,704 --> 00:20:02,623
Jerry, while I appreciate the sentiment,

326
00:20:02,706 --> 00:20:05,334
thisis a huge waste
of the last real fortune.

327
00:20:06,168 --> 00:20:08,462
-I'm sorry, I just...
-It's cool, it's cool.

328
00:20:08,795 --> 00:20:10,088
Thanks, friend.

329
00:20:10,172 --> 00:20:12,674
-Friend! Did you just say friend?
-What, what did I do?

330
00:20:12,758 --> 00:20:16,053
You fucking idiot! I’m not your friend!
Why did you think I was your friend?

331
00:20:16,136 --> 00:20:18,472
-Look at this you piece of shit.
-Yeah, yeah, yes, so

332
00:20:18,555 --> 00:20:21,183
I was immortal!
I was immortal for that whole fight!

333
00:20:21,266 --> 00:20:23,185
All I had to do was
never make a new friend!

334
00:20:23,268 --> 00:20:25,687
-Jesus fucking Christ Jerry.
-I'm sorry! We're not friends!

335
00:20:25,771 --> 00:20:29,149
Yeah, too late, bonehead, it doesn't say
''new permanent friend,''

336
00:20:29,232 --> 00:20:31,443
all friendships end.
Especially new ones.

337
00:20:32,152 --> 00:20:35,238
Well maybe that’s a fate
the two of us still control.

338
00:20:41,245 --> 00:20:43,580
-I'm sorry I did that.
-It's fine.

339
00:21:25,205 --> 00:21:29,459
The zoo, animals, balloons, moats, cages.
A fun time for the whole family.

340
00:21:29,543 --> 00:21:31,712
But you don't care about that,
you're a zebra.

341
00:21:31,795 --> 00:21:35,298
You're here for the unparalleled dining
experience of hand-fed zebra food.

342
00:21:35,382 --> 00:21:39,177
Delicious. Wait, don't eat.
That's for the zebras.

343
00:21:39,261 --> 00:21:41,096
It's making you sick.
What are you doing?

344
00:21:41,179 --> 00:21:44,099
Jesus, why have they left all the zebra
feeding to the people who come to the zoo

345
00:21:44,182 --> 00:21:46,601
Is that the only way the zebras
can get food? They’re so hungry.

346
00:21:46,685 --> 00:21:49,271
What the fuck is happening?
We're out of zebra food, okay?

347
00:21:49,354 --> 00:21:51,273
There's no food left,
don't come to the zoo.

348
00:21:51,356 --> 00:21:54,317
This was supposed to be a commercial
for zebras, targeted to zebras!

349
00:21:54,401 --> 00:21:57,279
The premise itself was questionable
but this is a nightmare!

350
00:21:57,362 --> 00:21:59,322
Don’t go to the zoo.
Stay away from the zoo.

351
00:21:59,406 --> 00:22:02,284
God what are you doing in the booth?
Get out! Get out, you're mad...

352
00:22:04,119 --> 00:22:07,456
Eat it. Eat zebra food.

353
00:22:07,539 --> 00:22:10,625
Okay, I guess I can’t blame Dad
for being confused about what to do

354
00:22:10,709 --> 00:22:14,129
with the zebra food. Also, I have no idea
why they're running this ad, like

355
00:22:14,212 --> 00:22:16,131
on a loop? There were murders in it.

356
00:22:16,214 --> 00:22:19,051
And it was specifically telling you to do
the thing it didn’t want you to do,

357
00:22:19,134 --> 00:22:20,719
until the very end,
when it reversed.

358
00:22:20,802 --> 00:22:23,597
Why would they sell the zebra food
in the gift shop, unless.

359
00:22:23,680 --> 00:22:27,142
I mean, do the zebras shop in here?
Are we the ones in the zoo?

360
00:22:27,225 --> 00:22:30,062
Is that the twist?
OK, we're, it's a human zoo. Got it.