1 00:00:07,841 --> 00:00:11,553 And in Weird Things in Space News, that mysterious "rift" is still there. 2 00:00:11,636 --> 00:00:12,679 Not gone yet. 3 00:00:12,762 --> 00:00:14,556 You remember that don’t you? It’s probably important. 4 00:00:14,639 --> 00:00:15,682 Back to you, Tabitha. 5 00:00:15,765 --> 00:00:18,768 Rick, Mom’s working and Dad’s still sleeping, I’m gonna be late! 6 00:00:18,852 --> 00:00:21,187 Yeah, yeah. I got you, here. 7 00:00:21,688 --> 00:00:23,732 Holy shit. Is the portal gun working again. 8 00:00:23,815 --> 00:00:24,774 Yeah pretty much. 9 00:00:27,360 --> 00:00:28,278 Sometimes that happens 10 00:00:32,198 --> 00:00:33,158 Just get the keys. 11 00:00:35,660 --> 00:00:38,329 It’s actually been nice taking a break from the portal travel stuff. 12 00:00:38,413 --> 00:00:39,539 I’ve been racking up a lot of 13 00:00:39,622 --> 00:00:42,125 -high school adventures. -I have a process, Morty. 14 00:00:42,542 --> 00:00:46,087 I’m fixing my portal gun and every time you bring it up it blocks my creative flow 15 00:00:46,171 --> 00:00:48,256 and then I’m forced to take longer on purpose 16 00:00:48,339 --> 00:00:51,426 -just to train you to not bring it up. -Jeez. Do you know what projection is? 17 00:00:51,509 --> 00:00:54,304 -Do you? -No. I heard Mom use it. 18 00:00:55,722 --> 00:00:58,808 Lord no! He’s here again? Morty protocol, children! 19 00:01:00,226 --> 00:01:04,272 What’s it now? Brain Bugs? Space Worms? Have I been The Facultied again? 20 00:01:04,355 --> 00:01:06,357 You guys don’t have to react like this every day 21 00:01:06,441 --> 00:01:09,611 Last time the aliens made me lick all the toilet seats! 22 00:01:09,694 --> 00:01:12,238 That’s right, made me! I see that look on your faces. 23 00:01:13,823 --> 00:01:16,743 -What did you do, ya tiny monster? -This isn’t me. 24 00:01:24,459 --> 00:01:28,713 The people demand to know, do these visitors come in peace? But first. 25 00:01:29,255 --> 00:01:30,548 Peter’s Pizza Corner! 26 00:01:30,632 --> 00:01:33,343 -What slice we reviewing today, Petey? -Cheese. 27 00:01:38,848 --> 00:01:42,268 If these aliens want Earth, they’ll have to go through Egypt. 28 00:01:42,727 --> 00:01:45,146 And they can ask mummies how that goes. 29 00:01:47,941 --> 00:01:49,526 Mummy Mia! 30 00:01:56,574 --> 00:02:00,119 -Dinosaurs are back? -Monkeys went bald? 31 00:02:38,658 --> 00:02:42,579 Before we start, where are the rest of us? 32 00:02:44,497 --> 00:02:47,250 They died. Long time ago. 33 00:02:47,333 --> 00:02:49,544 Way before us. We didn’t see nothin’. 34 00:02:50,211 --> 00:02:53,673 But surely our ancestors must have left some evidence behind. 35 00:02:55,675 --> 00:02:56,676 Why is he nervous? 36 00:02:58,970 --> 00:03:02,265 Because, you’re dinosaurs. 37 00:03:02,765 --> 00:03:05,101 It’s weird. Thought you were dead. 38 00:03:06,436 --> 00:03:10,815 Moving on, we, quote, "dinosaurs" evolved here on Earth 39 00:03:10,899 --> 00:03:13,776 until our technology was planetarily harmonic. 40 00:03:13,860 --> 00:03:16,821 That being the goal with technology. 41 00:03:17,822 --> 00:03:20,450 After we achieved perfect balance with Mother Earth, 42 00:03:20,533 --> 00:03:23,411 our best and bravest left to help other planets. 43 00:03:23,494 --> 00:03:27,749 Over millions of years we’ve called many worlds home and helped each one flourish. 44 00:03:28,291 --> 00:03:32,420 Imagine our surprise upon returning home to find our species extinct 45 00:03:32,503 --> 00:03:35,798 and Earth now in the care of... you guys. 46 00:03:36,382 --> 00:03:39,302 When we left, you were basically squirrels. 47 00:03:39,385 --> 00:03:43,765 Well, we’ve come a long way and we’ve buried a lot more than nuts! 48 00:03:43,848 --> 00:03:46,392 We’ve evolved past non-constructive criticism 49 00:03:46,476 --> 00:03:48,561 so let’s agree you’ve done your best. 50 00:03:48,645 --> 00:03:51,648 You’re still alive. But surely there was some point between 51 00:03:51,731 --> 00:03:52,774 gun powder and 52 00:03:53,232 --> 00:03:55,818 something called Amazon Prime that you folks had to think, 53 00:03:55,902 --> 00:03:57,487 are we supposed to be running a planet? 54 00:03:57,820 --> 00:03:58,738 Wouldn’t we rather make 55 00:03:59,197 --> 00:04:01,824 "Marvel movies?" How many Marvel movies have you made? 56 00:04:01,908 --> 00:04:03,618 Twenty-nine and fourteen more on the way. 57 00:04:03,701 --> 00:04:07,789 See you love doing that. And we love helping new life forms get their footing. 58 00:04:07,872 --> 00:04:11,501 So now that we’re back, we can respectfully take it from here. 59 00:04:11,584 --> 00:04:13,252 Now hold on. If you’ve seen Endgame, 60 00:04:13,336 --> 00:04:16,130 you know invasion is not something Earth takes lying down. 61 00:04:16,214 --> 00:04:20,760 This is not an invasion, besides wouldn’t you like to lie down? 62 00:04:21,219 --> 00:04:23,221 You must be exhausted. 63 00:04:23,304 --> 00:04:27,475 Put your feet up, get more tattoos, finish rounding out this "Ant Man" character. 64 00:04:27,558 --> 00:04:31,312 Think of it like your Earth concept of "vacation", except permanent. 65 00:04:31,396 --> 00:04:34,148 I think I speak for all world leaders when I say that the poor people 66 00:04:34,232 --> 00:04:36,609 would just murder us if we made you leave, so... 67 00:04:38,820 --> 00:04:40,238 Welcome home. Dinosaurs. 68 00:04:41,447 --> 00:04:42,448 I could use a vacation! 69 00:04:42,532 --> 00:04:44,534 -Should we nuke them? -I’m on vacation, Curtis. 70 00:04:44,617 --> 00:04:46,369 Well, you leaned into this fast. 71 00:04:48,246 --> 00:04:51,541 Zuniceratops. 72 00:04:51,958 --> 00:04:55,169 Elvisaurus. 73 00:04:55,753 --> 00:04:58,464 Bambiraptor. 74 00:04:58,548 --> 00:05:00,383 Erectopus. 75 00:05:00,466 --> 00:05:02,301 Dracorex. 76 00:05:02,635 --> 00:05:04,220 Hogwartsia. 77 00:05:04,929 --> 00:05:07,807 Gojirasaurus. 78 00:05:08,433 --> 00:05:09,851 Vulcanodon. 79 00:05:10,310 --> 00:05:11,769 Sauroniops. 80 00:05:12,395 --> 00:05:15,857 Phuwiangosaurus. 81 00:05:16,190 --> 00:05:20,570 Those are real dinosaur names. 82 00:05:26,451 --> 00:05:28,536 I can’t even pretend to feel useful in a game! 83 00:05:28,619 --> 00:05:30,371 This is how humanity’s story ends? 84 00:05:30,455 --> 00:05:32,582 Relieved of duty and sat at the kid’s table? 85 00:05:32,665 --> 00:05:35,585 I gotta respect these dinosaurs, they dominated a whole species 86 00:05:35,668 --> 00:05:38,087 just by calling its bluff about wanting more free time. 87 00:05:38,171 --> 00:05:40,631 They didn’t even dominate us because we’re not worth a fight to them. 88 00:05:40,715 --> 00:05:42,592 We’ve become biological Tyler Perry movies. 89 00:05:42,675 --> 00:05:44,677 -All they’ve done is help. -We didn’t need their help! 90 00:05:44,761 --> 00:05:47,305 We were not the problem! This house recycles. 91 00:05:48,681 --> 00:05:50,767 They sort it at the trash facility! 92 00:05:51,517 --> 00:05:54,395 WTF! My dance videos are getting like zero likes now. 93 00:05:54,479 --> 00:05:56,814 The Dinos kicked pedophiles off TikTok. 94 00:05:56,898 --> 00:05:58,441 Great, so now I’m broke? 95 00:05:58,524 --> 00:06:01,819 -You don’t need money anymore. -So what’s this for now? Phone calls? 96 00:06:02,653 --> 00:06:04,697 -C’mon, Dad, you don’t hate this too? -Why would I? 97 00:06:04,781 --> 00:06:06,282 I was already doing what I wanted. 98 00:06:06,616 --> 00:06:09,452 I do think it’s kind of funny that you’re all basically Jerry now. 99 00:06:10,536 --> 00:06:11,454 Fuck. 100 00:06:12,538 --> 00:06:15,166 -Jerry, how do you do it. -Yeah, Dad, how do you do it? 101 00:06:15,249 --> 00:06:16,459 How do you do it, Dad? 102 00:06:16,876 --> 00:06:18,461 -How do you do it? -How do you do it? 103 00:06:19,295 --> 00:06:20,213 It’s finally happened. 104 00:06:36,896 --> 00:06:37,814 Alright. 105 00:06:38,397 --> 00:06:41,442 Does anyone know how to mail things to publishers? 106 00:06:42,860 --> 00:06:45,863 President only pages me if it’s an emergency or he needs molly. 107 00:06:50,409 --> 00:06:52,370 I’m sure glad you stayed open, Beau. 108 00:06:52,453 --> 00:06:55,206 Wish we could pay, but, no more capitalism. 109 00:06:55,748 --> 00:06:58,292 I never make ribs for the money, Mister President. 110 00:06:59,669 --> 00:07:00,795 Here ya go. 111 00:07:00,878 --> 00:07:03,673 That’s not why I called! Drugs can’t solve this problem. 112 00:07:03,756 --> 00:07:05,299 I can’t live like this anymore. 113 00:07:05,383 --> 00:07:08,678 At first it was fun spending all day watching whatever YouTube autoplays 114 00:07:08,761 --> 00:07:12,181 after the last one autoplayed, but a man can only watch so many ads for Grammarly. 115 00:07:12,515 --> 00:07:15,184 Rick. Please! You’re not bound by morality. 116 00:07:15,268 --> 00:07:16,811 Get rid of them. Slit their necks, 117 00:07:16,894 --> 00:07:20,148 Zero Dark Thirty these fuckers for the good of the species. I won’t tell! 118 00:07:20,231 --> 00:07:23,276 Help us go back to the old days where we pretend to fix the problems we caused. 119 00:07:23,359 --> 00:07:25,695 You think I’m gonna side with you over hyper-intelligent creatures 120 00:07:25,778 --> 00:07:29,365 operating way beyond your comprehension? I have more in common with them than you. 121 00:07:29,699 --> 00:07:32,827 You pompous autistic cadaver! You think you’re above this? 122 00:07:33,161 --> 00:07:34,787 -I ought to... -Look here, Mr. President. 123 00:07:34,871 --> 00:07:38,124 When I need my ribs to be tender and delicious, I pamper them. 124 00:07:38,624 --> 00:07:42,753 See, if you give someone what they want, they’ll give you what you need. 125 00:07:43,588 --> 00:07:44,422 Jus’ saying. 126 00:07:44,505 --> 00:07:48,217 I see your point, Beau. Alright, Rick. Name your price. 127 00:07:49,635 --> 00:07:51,137 -Crap. -Goddammit! 128 00:07:51,220 --> 00:07:53,514 -How often are you Westworlding me? -Hang on. 129 00:07:53,598 --> 00:07:55,850 Rib-tips jammed his folk-chip again. 130 00:07:55,933 --> 00:07:59,437 Ol’ Reliable Rick. Always knows what to do! 131 00:07:59,812 --> 00:08:02,190 -What do you want, Rick? -I won’t stoop to answering that again. 132 00:08:02,273 --> 00:08:03,524 You know exactly what I want. 133 00:08:03,608 --> 00:08:05,568 I can’t just snap my fingers and get you that job. 134 00:08:05,651 --> 00:08:08,446 -Yeah yeah. Thanks for lunch. -Fine. Fine! 135 00:08:08,529 --> 00:08:11,282 If you get rid of the dinosaurs, you can host the Oscars. 136 00:08:11,657 --> 00:08:13,242 -Yes! -Righteous Rick! 137 00:08:13,326 --> 00:08:16,829 Straight shootin’, truth tellin’, never wets the bed. 138 00:08:20,291 --> 00:08:22,710 Goodbye old friends, may you rest in peace, 139 00:08:23,377 --> 00:08:25,379 rather than the tank of an SUV. 140 00:08:25,463 --> 00:08:27,632 Hello, fellow cosmic voyagers. 141 00:08:28,132 --> 00:08:30,843 -Can we help you? -Actually, I can probably help you. 142 00:08:31,219 --> 00:08:34,639 See, I’m technically human but I’ve come to be more, you know, on your level 143 00:08:35,139 --> 00:08:37,433 -We’re fine, thank you. -Maybe I’m being too indirect. 144 00:08:37,516 --> 00:08:41,187 I happen to dabble in multiversal travel, and I could probably zap you guys 145 00:08:41,270 --> 00:08:43,814 -to an alternate Earth... -We used portal travel eons ago 146 00:08:43,898 --> 00:08:48,486 but evolved to a one universe, one truth policy as the highest form of existence. 147 00:08:48,819 --> 00:08:52,448 Sort of a put your own oxygen mask on before helping others type of a thing. 148 00:08:52,907 --> 00:08:55,868 -Have you been on a plane? -Yes, I’ve been on a plane. 149 00:08:56,244 --> 00:08:58,871 We have no problem if you jump dimensions. 150 00:08:58,955 --> 00:09:02,458 Although we sense your gateway device is sub-optimal. Let us help. 151 00:09:02,541 --> 00:09:05,002 I don’t need help. I’m here to help you. 152 00:09:05,795 --> 00:09:08,172 -What the hell is this? -A Portal Pistol. 153 00:09:08,256 --> 00:09:10,424 The gateways are see-through, not a green swirl, 154 00:09:10,508 --> 00:09:12,385 so now you can see where you’re going. 155 00:09:12,468 --> 00:09:13,386 "Clever girl." 156 00:09:13,469 --> 00:09:15,221 If you’d like we could patch up your little 157 00:09:15,304 --> 00:09:17,348 -inter-dimensional rift too... -No, leave it, 158 00:09:17,431 --> 00:09:19,392 I know how to close that, that’s there for a reason. 159 00:09:19,475 --> 00:09:21,519 -Very canonical. -Don’t you just want it closed? 160 00:09:21,602 --> 00:09:25,815 -Morty, whose team are you on? -It’s normal to be frustrated. Here. 161 00:09:25,898 --> 00:09:27,567 Oh my god, are you fucking kidding me? 162 00:09:27,650 --> 00:09:28,776 -Goodbye. -No, wait. 163 00:09:29,151 --> 00:09:32,488 What the fuck! 164 00:09:32,822 --> 00:09:34,699 -Dr. Manhattan highroad assholes -I saw my bones! 165 00:09:34,782 --> 00:09:36,492 -teleporting me? -Why, wasn’t that painful? 166 00:09:36,575 --> 00:09:38,703 They didn’t even do it right! My fly is down. 167 00:09:38,786 --> 00:09:40,329 Your fly was already down. 168 00:09:41,163 --> 00:09:42,248 What are you doing with that? 169 00:09:42,748 --> 00:09:44,792 -Rick! It was a better... -Nothing from them is better! 170 00:09:45,126 --> 00:09:47,545 That thing had uptight zen snob germs all over it. 171 00:09:47,628 --> 00:09:49,130 So what now you’re gonna fight them? 172 00:09:49,213 --> 00:09:50,506 And prove we’re violent and stupid? 173 00:09:50,589 --> 00:09:52,425 No, we’re gonna find out what they’re hiding. 174 00:09:52,508 --> 00:09:54,552 Only people who have really fucked up in the past 175 00:09:54,635 --> 00:09:55,845 have to virtue signal this hard. 176 00:09:56,178 --> 00:09:58,472 -Look at Sean Penn. -But Rick, aren’t these feelings, like, 177 00:09:58,556 --> 00:10:01,058 what they talked about? Like life gets, 178 00:10:01,600 --> 00:10:04,520 "programmed for competition by early stages of evolution, 179 00:10:04,603 --> 00:10:06,856 like, amoebas have to fight amoebas for energy but 180 00:10:07,273 --> 00:10:10,693 once a species can get enough sugar from a machine to give itself diabetes, 181 00:10:10,776 --> 00:10:12,862 it’s allowed to start thinking beyond conflict." 182 00:10:12,945 --> 00:10:14,530 I mean it’s all in their pamphlet. 183 00:10:16,782 --> 00:10:19,785 Morty, you’re a genius. I clearly mean that in the 90s ironic sense 184 00:10:19,869 --> 00:10:23,205 but this self-fellating 'zine is a treasure map to every fossilized 185 00:10:23,289 --> 00:10:24,832 bone in their skeleton closet. 186 00:10:24,915 --> 00:10:26,542 They’re gonna call us Laura Dern 187 00:10:26,625 --> 00:10:29,295 because we’re about to get elbow deep in dino doo doo. 188 00:10:29,879 --> 00:10:30,838 Get it, Morty? The gloves? 189 00:10:31,213 --> 00:10:32,798 -You remember the big gloves? -Yeah, no. I get it, Rick. 190 00:10:32,882 --> 00:10:34,508 I said "Clever Girl" earlier, 191 00:10:34,592 --> 00:10:35,801 -you didn’t even react. -I was angry! 192 00:10:43,434 --> 00:10:45,561 I’m looking for a few of my friends. 193 00:10:46,604 --> 00:10:49,732 Kinda look like the Skullfeet that used to live on our planet way before us. 194 00:10:49,815 --> 00:10:50,775 They’re long gone now. 195 00:10:51,525 --> 00:10:53,235 Really? They’re extinct here too? 196 00:10:53,319 --> 00:10:55,571 Yeah! We keep their bones in that museum over there. 197 00:10:58,449 --> 00:10:59,784 These guys aren’t gonna be much help. 198 00:10:59,867 --> 00:11:03,162 The leading theory is the Skullfeet stepped on their own brains so much 199 00:11:03,245 --> 00:11:05,456 they straight up died. Such a shame. 200 00:11:05,539 --> 00:11:07,583 -Would have loved to hear them sing. -Sing? 201 00:11:07,666 --> 00:11:10,795 We figured they used to hold huge outdoor concerts in their land amphitheater. 202 00:11:10,878 --> 00:11:13,589 -You people are idiots. -We didn’t have much to go by. == 203 00:11:13,673 --> 00:11:16,425 -Bones aren’t big on conversation. -Yeah, neither are you, pal. 204 00:11:17,468 --> 00:11:20,888 The majestic Basketsaur! Aren’t they incredible? 205 00:11:20,971 --> 00:11:23,599 We’re even making a series of increasingly terrible movies 206 00:11:23,682 --> 00:11:25,434 about cloning them in a theme park! 207 00:11:25,518 --> 00:11:27,812 -So what happened to them? -No idea. 208 00:11:27,895 --> 00:11:31,607 But we do know they all loved eating communal soup out of the Great Dirt Bowl. 209 00:11:32,358 --> 00:11:33,776 Starting to see a pattern here. 210 00:11:34,860 --> 00:11:36,320 Breathtaking aren’t they? 211 00:11:36,654 --> 00:11:39,448 It’s a common misconception that they roamed our planet. 212 00:11:39,532 --> 00:11:43,369 The truth is, they rolled. Street-style mostly. Some vert. 213 00:11:43,452 --> 00:11:47,373 Lemme guess. There’s a very large, deep circular indentation in which these 214 00:11:47,456 --> 00:11:49,125 "Grindasaurs" used to shred. 215 00:11:49,542 --> 00:11:53,754 We think they had a second brain in their butt dedicated to pulling ten eighties. 216 00:11:53,838 --> 00:11:57,716 Three planets visited by dinosaurs, three apocalyptic meteor impacts. 217 00:11:57,800 --> 00:11:58,843 Gimme the board. 218 00:11:59,301 --> 00:12:00,261 I’m dropping in for data. 219 00:12:01,387 --> 00:12:03,556 Rick! That’s the hardest thing in skateboarding! 220 00:12:03,639 --> 00:12:06,475 It looked so easy on Pro Skater 3! 221 00:12:09,186 --> 00:12:10,104 Hello. 222 00:12:12,481 --> 00:12:13,482 Jackpot, Morty. 223 00:12:13,566 --> 00:12:15,609 You still think the dinosaurs got something to hide? 224 00:12:15,693 --> 00:12:18,571 No, Morty, they have a reason to hide. 225 00:12:18,654 --> 00:12:20,406 -Come here ya little whippersnapper. -No Rick, stop. 226 00:12:20,489 --> 00:12:21,782 -C’mere Morty! Come on, gimme a hug. -No, don’t touch me. 227 00:12:21,866 --> 00:12:23,117 -What’s the matter with you? -Your hands are greasy! 228 00:12:23,784 --> 00:12:26,871 It’s become clear your species is having a hard time 229 00:12:27,246 --> 00:12:29,748 adjusting to its reduced accountability. 230 00:12:29,832 --> 00:12:33,627 Our solution is to hold these regular keynotes, or talks, 231 00:12:33,711 --> 00:12:36,130 which you used to launch new phones and religions. 232 00:12:36,714 --> 00:12:38,257 I see someone’s eager to speak! 233 00:12:38,841 --> 00:12:41,510 Hi, what do you do when you want to kill yourself? 234 00:12:41,886 --> 00:12:45,598 You don’t do that, thank you for asking though. Very important. 235 00:12:45,681 --> 00:12:48,392 We recently discovered a new piece of human literature 236 00:12:48,476 --> 00:12:50,394 that we think everyone should read. 237 00:12:50,769 --> 00:12:53,481 Holy shit! I’m a famous author! 238 00:12:53,898 --> 00:12:55,483 Wait, where’s my name? 239 00:12:55,566 --> 00:12:58,360 We will distribute it to everyone on Earth tomorrow. 240 00:12:59,195 --> 00:13:01,447 Excuse me, aren’t you gonna say who wrote it? 241 00:13:01,530 --> 00:13:04,366 Nope. Whoever wrote it must be above needing credit. 242 00:13:04,450 --> 00:13:07,786 It’s all here in this book that belongs to everyone. For free. 243 00:13:08,496 --> 00:13:13,042 You communist lizard scum bags! I wrote that! Me, Jerry Smith! 244 00:13:23,844 --> 00:13:26,639 Guess what! Dinosaurs are not secretly evil 245 00:13:26,722 --> 00:13:28,682 and they’re not out to cause anybody trouble 246 00:13:28,766 --> 00:13:31,393 but it turns out trouble has a way of following them. 247 00:13:32,811 --> 00:13:34,480 Yes, it’s showtime. 248 00:13:34,897 --> 00:13:38,609 Literally every planet with dinosaurs on it is eventually smashed by a huge 249 00:13:38,692 --> 00:13:41,320 space rock that takes out them and most existing life. 250 00:13:41,654 --> 00:13:43,322 What? That can’t be true. 251 00:13:43,405 --> 00:13:45,616 It’s alright to be frustrated. Let me explain. 252 00:13:46,158 --> 00:13:48,786 Why would planet killing meteors follow Dinosaurs? 253 00:13:49,245 --> 00:13:53,249 As these reptiles evolved to higher and higher levels of loving vegan godhood, 254 00:13:53,332 --> 00:13:56,252 another life-form devolved into an equally selfless, 255 00:13:56,335 --> 00:13:59,213 hate filled species of barely sentient rocks. 256 00:13:59,296 --> 00:14:02,758 They hurtle through space and do as much damage as they can to their chosen enemy, 257 00:14:02,841 --> 00:14:04,051 which is guess-who. 258 00:14:04,385 --> 00:14:08,597 Everywhere these dinos go, these rocks, they come-a crashing. And this one... 259 00:14:10,432 --> 00:14:12,560 is headed directly towards us. 260 00:14:13,477 --> 00:14:17,189 -And all of our work? It was for... -Nothing, bingo! 261 00:14:17,273 --> 00:14:19,400 Welcome to life, it’s a big boat with a lot of holes 262 00:14:19,483 --> 00:14:20,568 but we’re all in it together. 263 00:14:20,651 --> 00:14:21,610 Oh my. 264 00:14:22,361 --> 00:14:23,571 So much death. 265 00:14:24,572 --> 00:14:28,284 Congratulations, primates. Looks like Earth could have done worse! 266 00:14:28,367 --> 00:14:31,787 Rick out! And don’t forget to tune into this year’s Oscars. 267 00:14:33,497 --> 00:14:36,500 Well, this is a, a lot to take in. 268 00:14:38,877 --> 00:14:40,337 I like trains now! 269 00:14:40,879 --> 00:14:42,590 Okay, that hurt. 270 00:14:42,673 --> 00:14:45,384 Trains rule! Dino’s Drool! 271 00:14:46,635 --> 00:14:50,139 And you had no idea about the disastrous meteors that followed in your wake? 272 00:14:50,598 --> 00:14:53,851 We just learned about it like you. Truly heartbreaking news. 273 00:14:53,934 --> 00:14:57,187 But I assume you’re gonna destroy it when it arrives here, right? 274 00:14:57,980 --> 00:15:02,776 We’re in the process of finding a solution that um doesn’t involve violence. 275 00:15:03,110 --> 00:15:05,195 Hold on, you’re in the process? 276 00:15:06,530 --> 00:15:09,491 Well there you have it Cooperheads. An angry species of rock is gonna slamm 277 00:15:09,575 --> 00:15:11,785 into our... sorry, their planet, 278 00:15:11,869 --> 00:15:14,830 and our new planet runners are weighing whether to let it happen. 279 00:15:17,291 --> 00:15:20,336 I mean no one knows if the meteor species is even real! 280 00:15:20,419 --> 00:15:22,630 No. It’s very real. We all know that. 281 00:15:23,088 --> 00:15:25,841 You know what’s real? A rear naked choke hold. I’ll show you. 282 00:15:26,258 --> 00:15:27,384 What? 283 00:15:27,468 --> 00:15:30,679 Final question, how we doing? 284 00:15:31,930 --> 00:15:36,226 We have come to the conclusion the only way to ensure humanity will be safe 285 00:15:36,310 --> 00:15:39,104 is for us to go. We’re leaving the planet for good. 286 00:15:42,149 --> 00:15:46,528 Exxon spilling the oil, Chernobyl blowing up, 287 00:15:46,612 --> 00:15:52,618 Asbestos in Montana, Atlantic City, type 2 diabetes, 288 00:15:53,160 --> 00:15:57,081 Deepwater deeply blew it, 289 00:15:57,665 --> 00:15:59,792 giant garbage island, 290 00:16:00,417 --> 00:16:03,295 and all the bees are dying, 291 00:16:03,629 --> 00:16:08,300 fuck off and Dienosaurs. 292 00:16:14,139 --> 00:16:17,393 Maybe it’s the molly, but I fucking love you, Rick! 293 00:16:17,476 --> 00:16:18,394 It’s the molly. 294 00:16:18,477 --> 00:16:22,272 Isn’t this nice? Rivalries behind us, dinos gone, 295 00:16:22,356 --> 00:16:23,857 two cool guys living in the moment! 296 00:16:24,858 --> 00:16:28,195 So, like, you know what you’re gonna wear, because... 297 00:16:28,278 --> 00:16:29,405 I can’t get another plus one. 298 00:16:29,488 --> 00:16:33,283 What?! I’m the one who got you the gig, you son of a bitch. I feel this napkin. 299 00:16:33,367 --> 00:16:37,121 Feel this napkin. So soft. 300 00:16:37,788 --> 00:16:41,375 This is the 95th annual Academy Awards! 301 00:16:41,458 --> 00:16:43,502 Now, please welcome your host, 302 00:16:43,585 --> 00:16:46,171 an old science guy who got rid of the dinosaurs 303 00:16:46,505 --> 00:16:48,674 Rick Sanchez! 304 00:16:51,593 --> 00:16:54,096 Suck my grey tits, Hollywood pinkos! 305 00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:56,724 Where’s the mic? The raising mic? 306 00:16:58,642 --> 00:16:59,560 Bring it up! 307 00:17:03,480 --> 00:17:06,275 Tommy! Tom Hanks is here! 308 00:17:07,359 --> 00:17:08,485 C’mon, do it. 309 00:17:10,195 --> 00:17:13,323 Come on. Do it. 310 00:17:13,407 --> 00:17:14,825 Okay okay, one time. 311 00:17:16,118 --> 00:17:18,370 Wilson! 312 00:17:19,830 --> 00:17:21,331 I’m Oscar Host Rick! 313 00:17:23,667 --> 00:17:25,669 Grandpa Rick, this is so cool. 314 00:17:25,753 --> 00:17:27,755 -That microphone bit killed. -Yeah, told you it would! 315 00:17:28,088 --> 00:17:30,674 -That was all scripted? -Every moment at the Oscars is. 316 00:17:30,758 --> 00:17:31,759 Even that one thing. 317 00:17:31,842 --> 00:17:35,846 -Look who stole themselves a swag bag! -Fucking Sprinkles coupon! 318 00:17:35,929 --> 00:17:36,847 We’re splitting that. 319 00:17:36,930 --> 00:17:41,268 So I was thinking it might be funny to add dinosaurs to the In Memoriam. 320 00:17:41,351 --> 00:17:44,354 It feels beneath us, it’s funnier that they left and we don’t even care. 321 00:17:44,438 --> 00:17:47,316 Yeah, they left but they keep begging for attention. 322 00:17:47,399 --> 00:17:49,860 You haven’t heard? The dinos are just standing up there on Mars 323 00:17:50,235 --> 00:17:52,571 with their dicks in their hands. So dramatic. 324 00:17:52,654 --> 00:17:55,532 What, they’re just gonna let the meteor hit them and die? 325 00:17:55,616 --> 00:18:00,204 Good. If being superior to everyone makes you die, I call that balance. 326 00:18:00,287 --> 00:18:04,666 It’s all in my globally published book the Dinos stripped my name from! 327 00:18:06,251 --> 00:18:07,169 Oscars are over. 328 00:18:08,086 --> 00:18:09,087 Where are my keys? 329 00:18:09,171 --> 00:18:11,298 Goddammit, I need to fix portal travel! 330 00:18:11,381 --> 00:18:13,425 And I’m going to, I have a process! 331 00:18:16,386 --> 00:18:18,055 Our final act of kindness. 332 00:18:18,138 --> 00:18:21,099 It’s been an honor serving the sanctity of life with you all. 333 00:18:29,399 --> 00:18:32,152 -Rick, what are you doing? -Standing here with you guys. 334 00:18:32,236 --> 00:18:34,530 You don’t want to do that. We’re sacrificing ourselves here. 335 00:18:34,863 --> 00:18:38,659 Then so am I! Y’know? Elon Musk be damned, we’re blowing up Mars. 336 00:18:38,742 --> 00:18:42,579 No. We’re doing something selfless, you’re doing it out of pettiness. 337 00:18:42,663 --> 00:18:44,832 How is anyone supposed to know the difference? 338 00:18:44,915 --> 00:18:46,834 Consider it a game of virtue chicken. 339 00:18:51,964 --> 00:18:54,132 Okay, if you won’t go, we’ll make you go. 340 00:18:55,551 --> 00:18:58,220 Sorry, I dino-proofed my tech to spite you guys. 341 00:18:58,303 --> 00:19:01,390 Which further proves selflessness and selfishness are two sides of the same coin 342 00:19:01,723 --> 00:19:03,058 so what’s the point? 343 00:19:12,442 --> 00:19:16,280 Fine. Cool with me that your final chapter is dying on Mars with an old dick head. 344 00:19:22,327 --> 00:19:23,787 Alright! Welcome back! 345 00:19:23,871 --> 00:19:25,789 You obnoxious little twat! 346 00:19:25,873 --> 00:19:29,418 Yeah but you’re alive! No David Foster Wallace-ing in my galaxy. 347 00:19:29,501 --> 00:19:32,421 You don’t get to be so smart that you remove yourself from everybody. 348 00:19:32,504 --> 00:19:35,299 From one god being to another, you’re welcome. 349 00:19:35,382 --> 00:19:37,509 Well, as long as we’re doing each other favors. 350 00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:40,721 Wait what are you doing? 351 00:19:45,517 --> 00:19:48,186 You fixed my Rift?! You fucking hypocritical cocks! 352 00:19:48,270 --> 00:19:49,563 It was all canonical and shit! 353 00:19:49,646 --> 00:19:51,481 We coulda milked that thing for a whole season. 354 00:19:51,565 --> 00:19:54,234 Or like a three episode arc at least! 355 00:19:54,318 --> 00:19:58,572 Sorry. That’s just us. We love helping, god beings to god being. 356 00:19:59,615 --> 00:20:01,450 Seriously! I was gonna fix that! 357 00:20:06,914 --> 00:20:07,873 Shit. They’re coming back! 358 00:20:09,207 --> 00:20:12,252 Can we turn on the AC? It’s like a thousand degrees outside! 359 00:20:13,337 --> 00:20:15,422 Yes! New follower! Named... 360 00:20:15,756 --> 00:20:17,633 Crypto_For_Bare_Toes 361 00:20:17,716 --> 00:20:19,801 Not sure I get it but sounds like business! 362 00:20:19,885 --> 00:20:21,762 -Proud of you, honey. -Is Dad okay? 363 00:20:22,221 --> 00:20:24,806 Yes, I’m just writing my second book. 364 00:20:24,890 --> 00:20:27,601 I don’t know what it’s gonna be about, but I can tell you one thing 365 00:20:27,684 --> 00:20:31,438 the title is "Jerry Smith Presents: A Book By Jerry Smith." 366 00:20:32,564 --> 00:20:33,482 Chapter one. 367 00:20:37,569 --> 00:20:38,487 Fuck! 368 00:20:40,322 --> 00:20:41,907 Morty, get your ass in the garage. 369 00:20:48,455 --> 00:20:50,916 Check it out. A dimension where hats wear people. 370 00:20:53,210 --> 00:20:54,753 I did it, I fixed portal travel! 371 00:20:55,462 --> 00:20:57,839 -Oh shit! -Figured my guy deserves a vacation. 372 00:20:57,923 --> 00:21:00,676 -Boob world! -You’re damn right. And it’s Areola Week. 373 00:21:01,259 --> 00:21:04,513 -Alright! Good old fashioned portal fun! -Yep, like this! 374 00:21:05,597 --> 00:21:08,058 -It’s gonna be classic episodes, Morty! -I’m gonna puke, Rick! 375 00:21:08,141 --> 00:21:10,519 Portaling in! Wrecking shit, portaling out, Morty. 376 00:21:10,602 --> 00:21:14,523 Oh my god, adventures, Morty! Social commentary! Crude characters! 377 00:21:14,606 --> 00:21:16,566 Here we go! Rick and Morty time! 378 00:21:49,474 --> 00:21:50,767 This is our home now. 379 00:21:50,851 --> 00:21:52,853 We shall live out the rest of our days here. 380 00:21:52,936 --> 00:21:55,731 Never interfering with the ways of the universe again. 381 00:21:55,814 --> 00:21:56,857 We are content. 382 00:21:57,524 --> 00:21:58,442 It was a good run. 383 00:21:58,775 --> 00:22:00,485 Speaking of a good run. 384 00:22:00,569 --> 00:22:02,821 I bet I could switch heel onto that manny pad, big spin out, 385 00:22:02,904 --> 00:22:05,407 Tre flip that gap, 5-0 the rail, drop into the bowl, 386 00:22:05,490 --> 00:22:07,826 stale fish into a Christ air and then we get fucking wrecked. 387 00:22:08,452 --> 00:22:09,745 It’s on, Iguanadon. 388 00:22:09,828 --> 00:22:12,539 Grinding some rocks. Nollie the hubba. 389 00:22:12,873 --> 00:22:15,751 Goofyfoot, kickflip, take care of the Groms. 390 00:22:15,834 --> 00:22:20,422 But you’re a bad little dino boy and you’re rotting in a crater. 391 00:22:20,505 --> 00:22:21,798 So now let’s make some noise.