1 00:00:07,882 --> 00:00:10,385 -Why are we waiting in line for food? -It’s a pop-up. 2 00:00:10,468 --> 00:00:13,263 It’s a rare, pop-up restaurant thing that only enters our solar system... 3 00:00:13,722 --> 00:00:15,473 Rick, you’re gonna spoil your appetite. 4 00:00:15,557 --> 00:00:18,935 That’s a weird way to say I’m gonna stop being hungry by eating food, but whatever. 5 00:00:19,018 --> 00:00:21,563 -Three crispy, four wiggling. -You’re probably not even hungry, 6 00:00:21,646 --> 00:00:23,815 you just don’t like lines because they aren’t about you. 7 00:00:23,898 --> 00:00:27,026 Another weirdly aggressive way to describe a friend respecting themselves. 8 00:00:28,027 --> 00:00:29,821 What a wonderful thing to say! 9 00:00:30,488 --> 00:00:33,658 I was merely inspired by the wonderful thing you said! 10 00:00:33,742 --> 00:00:37,579 -Sirs? Guys? You dropped this! -Please take it as a reward! 11 00:00:37,662 --> 00:00:40,248 -So courteous! -How nice it will be for you to eat 12 00:00:40,331 --> 00:00:43,251 what you were willing to stand in line for so much sooner! 13 00:00:43,334 --> 00:00:46,004 Oh no, that’s okay. I came to stand in line and then eat. 14 00:00:46,087 --> 00:00:47,547 I wouldn’t wanna do it differently. 15 00:00:48,882 --> 00:00:52,093 Dear fellow, I choose this moment to surrender my sword 16 00:00:52,177 --> 00:00:55,472 so that you may succeed me as the newest Knight of the Sun. 17 00:00:55,555 --> 00:00:59,434 What? No. I didn’t even want your sandwich. I don’t want your sword. 18 00:00:59,517 --> 00:01:01,644 Oh, believe me, son. You want it. 19 00:01:01,728 --> 00:01:06,858 I don’t understand. You’re knights? With a K? Of the Sun with a U or, or an O? 20 00:01:06,941 --> 00:01:09,235 Your alphabet is of no concern here. 21 00:01:09,319 --> 00:01:13,782 We are sworn defenders of Helios, the center of this system. 22 00:01:13,865 --> 00:01:15,408 Okay, so it’s Sun with a u. 23 00:01:15,492 --> 00:01:17,410 Oh, God. Morty, don’t take the sword. 24 00:01:17,494 --> 00:01:19,579 Oh, I’m shocked you’re against something, Rick. 25 00:01:19,913 --> 00:01:21,748 -You know these guys? -I know how they’re dressed 26 00:01:21,831 --> 00:01:24,083 and how boring this sounds. You take that sword, 27 00:01:24,417 --> 00:01:27,253 you’re gonna get sucked into a whole complicated, oh shit! 28 00:01:28,379 --> 00:01:29,881 Come on, take it. 29 00:01:30,590 --> 00:01:31,800 I mean, if that kid’s not gonna 30 00:01:31,883 --> 00:01:33,384 -take the sword... -He didn’t offer it to you. 31 00:01:33,718 --> 00:01:36,805 Sorry, can I just ask some stuff, what does a Knight of the Sun do? 32 00:01:36,888 --> 00:01:38,556 He takes the sword, for one thing. 33 00:01:38,640 --> 00:01:41,476 You know what, maybe you made a bad call. He, he doesn’t want the sword. 34 00:01:41,559 --> 00:01:43,895 -I didn’t say that. -Well you sure aren’t taking it! 35 00:01:43,978 --> 00:01:46,523 -Would you just take a random... -Obviously I would, yes! 36 00:01:46,606 --> 00:01:49,943 And I did! Best decision of my life! And you’re shitting on it! 37 00:01:50,026 --> 00:01:51,736 Excuse me? Is this just a free sword? 38 00:01:51,820 --> 00:01:53,363 -No! -I’m taking the sword! 39 00:01:53,446 --> 00:01:56,574 -Thank you, Dawnling. What is your name? -Morty. 40 00:01:56,658 --> 00:02:01,412 Now it is Sir Mortaniel. I made it a little knightier. Good day. 41 00:02:02,455 --> 00:02:03,498 Wait, did he just... 42 00:02:03,581 --> 00:02:06,501 Goddammit, Morty! You took the sword?! So boring! 43 00:02:06,584 --> 00:02:09,587 Oh like you’re not at this point? You drunk cranky fuck! 44 00:02:15,343 --> 00:02:18,137 You guys still gonna stand in line? Y ou’re not gonna take this food? 45 00:02:18,471 --> 00:02:20,557 The pop up pays us to stand here. 46 00:02:20,932 --> 00:02:22,517 -To drive up business. -Knew it. 47 00:02:56,843 --> 00:03:01,431 Everyone! Sir Helios’ successor, Sir Mortaniel! 48 00:03:01,514 --> 00:03:04,017 Sir Mortaniel, face so bright! 49 00:03:04,100 --> 00:03:06,686 Serves the sun with strength and might! 50 00:03:06,769 --> 00:03:09,272 Sir mortaniel come and see 51 00:03:09,355 --> 00:03:11,774 Just what the sun provides for thee! 52 00:03:11,858 --> 00:03:13,568 Wow, my, my own song. 53 00:03:13,651 --> 00:03:16,112 Now you know why Sir Helios had to change your name 54 00:03:16,195 --> 00:03:20,408 to something with three syllables! Welcome, Dawnling, to the Sun! 55 00:03:20,491 --> 00:03:22,952 So it is the Sun, like Earth’s sun? 56 00:03:24,120 --> 00:03:25,163 He’s heard of us! 57 00:03:25,246 --> 00:03:27,290 How come I’m not, like, burning to a crisp? 58 00:03:27,373 --> 00:03:31,878 You are currently protected by our powers, but soon they will be yours! 59 00:03:31,961 --> 00:03:36,215 Our flesh is indestructible! Our lives are never-ending, 60 00:03:36,299 --> 00:03:39,260 but not even in the dumb vampire way where after a while you hate it 61 00:03:39,344 --> 00:03:41,971 and you can’t die. We can die whenever we want!! 62 00:03:42,055 --> 00:03:44,933 -We just don’t have to. -But you’re not allowed to leave, right? 63 00:03:45,016 --> 00:03:47,518 Like, I’ll never see my family again? 64 00:03:47,602 --> 00:03:50,355 We leave constantly! I met you on an asteroid! 65 00:03:50,438 --> 00:03:52,857 Oh yeah! Between us that wasn’t a deal breaker, 66 00:03:52,941 --> 00:03:54,651 but it’s even better that there’s options! 67 00:03:54,734 --> 00:03:57,487 You’ll have more freedom than you’ve ever known. 68 00:03:57,570 --> 00:03:58,821 Our king! 69 00:03:58,905 --> 00:04:01,324 The Sun is the center of the solar system. 70 00:04:01,407 --> 00:04:04,661 It is the home of the solar scepter, around which all worlds revolve. 71 00:04:05,036 --> 00:04:08,581 The men who keep it safe are admired by all and live as gods. 72 00:04:08,998 --> 00:04:12,418 -Any more questions? -Yeah, where do I sign? 73 00:04:14,629 --> 00:04:15,630 Well that does it! 74 00:04:15,713 --> 00:04:19,008 -Off to the parapet to make this official. -Yeah, let’s do this! 75 00:04:21,177 --> 00:04:23,513 Now just cut off your penises and throw them into the sun. 76 00:04:25,348 --> 00:04:29,352 -Okey dokey. -I see Mortaniel wants to go first. 77 00:04:29,769 --> 00:04:33,523 Not true. Do I just leave the sword wherever? Is there a sword bin? 78 00:04:33,606 --> 00:04:34,482 What are you saying, 79 00:04:34,565 --> 00:04:36,734 -you don’t want to cut off... -Listen guys, can we not... 80 00:04:36,818 --> 00:04:39,195 It’s a terrific and painful sacrifice we all make 81 00:04:39,278 --> 00:04:42,031 for the most important and powerful job in the universe. 82 00:04:42,115 --> 00:04:44,367 We’ve done it since the dawn of dawns. 83 00:04:44,450 --> 00:04:47,120 Yep. There it is in stained glass. It’s official. 84 00:04:47,203 --> 00:04:49,831 And I’m not judging it. And I’m not doing it. 85 00:04:50,456 --> 00:04:51,624 People really live here? 86 00:04:51,708 --> 00:04:53,167 This is nuts, I thought it was a metaphor. 87 00:04:53,251 --> 00:04:54,127 We have to go! 88 00:04:55,169 --> 00:04:57,130 Boy. They’re not messing around? 89 00:04:57,213 --> 00:04:59,507 -How are you not burning? -Oh, it’s just science, 90 00:04:59,590 --> 00:05:02,260 which, unless I’m misinterpreting, is clearly not a priority here. 91 00:05:02,593 --> 00:05:05,346 Okay, c’mon lil Junebug, I won’t rub your face in this one, 92 00:05:05,430 --> 00:05:06,973 I’m guessing you’re feeling pretty stupid. 93 00:05:07,056 --> 00:05:08,641 Yes. Thank you. 94 00:05:09,017 --> 00:05:12,478 Sir Helios gave his life with that sword. Mortaniel took it. 95 00:05:12,562 --> 00:05:15,273 He cannot leave unless he bests me in combat. 96 00:05:16,190 --> 00:05:19,694 Okay, one sec. I’m guessing these guys are like pseudo immortalish since they 97 00:05:19,777 --> 00:05:22,905 live on the sun, so playing by their rules might be the fastest way out of this. 98 00:05:22,989 --> 00:05:24,782 -Just best him in combat. -What? 99 00:05:24,866 --> 00:05:27,827 Here. This sword uses AI to learn from an opponent’s attacks. 100 00:05:27,910 --> 00:05:29,662 -So I have to get attacked first? -No, no, no, 101 00:05:29,746 --> 00:05:32,707 the sword has already seen Blade. And loved it. You’ll be fine. 102 00:05:35,501 --> 00:05:38,588 -By golly! Oh crickey. -Oh! Blimey. I say! 103 00:05:43,301 --> 00:05:47,180 -Okay, so we’re done here. -No. We’re not done. 104 00:05:47,263 --> 00:05:50,224 I am done. You are now King of the Sun. 105 00:05:50,308 --> 00:05:53,227 -Protect the Scepter always. -No, no, I don’t want to. 106 00:05:57,940 --> 00:06:01,027 Well how is that supposed to work? He’s King, but he was never even a knight? 107 00:06:01,110 --> 00:06:02,904 -I mean that’s stupid. -it’s definitely a 108 00:06:02,987 --> 00:06:04,906 -sun first. -A king with a penis? 109 00:06:04,989 --> 00:06:06,282 Well what do you want from me? 110 00:06:06,365 --> 00:06:08,576 -All hail King Mortaniel! -All hail King Mortaniel! 111 00:06:09,243 --> 00:06:12,371 As your King, I hereby declare a vacation, for me, 112 00:06:12,747 --> 00:06:16,167 I’ll come visit you guys, on like, Sun Days. Sundays. 113 00:06:16,501 --> 00:06:20,129 If I forget, just wait a week, keep doing that, keep the crown, peace. 114 00:06:24,509 --> 00:06:27,178 Hell yeah! See? That’s from when he’s fighting Deacon Frost! 115 00:06:28,429 --> 00:06:30,264 I don’t know. I thought it was cool. 116 00:06:30,348 --> 00:06:32,809 -Okay, so. -So? Oh. 117 00:06:32,892 --> 00:06:34,894 So you dragged me to a fake restaurant, yelled at me 118 00:06:34,977 --> 00:06:37,563 for not doing what you wanted, then did something I told you not to 119 00:06:37,647 --> 00:06:39,857 and it almost cost you your pud, but I saved your life 120 00:06:39,941 --> 00:06:42,235 and now you’re waiting for me to make you feel like shit about it. 121 00:06:42,318 --> 00:06:43,986 That’s, yeah, you nailed it. 122 00:06:44,070 --> 00:06:46,781 Morty, I’m sorry I let your opinion of me get this low. 123 00:06:46,864 --> 00:06:48,741 -Alright, I get it. -There’s nothing to get, 124 00:06:48,825 --> 00:06:52,161 I’m for real. Look, I’m a drunk, I’m a psychopath, I’m a murderer, 125 00:06:52,245 --> 00:06:53,663 but when you called me boring. 126 00:06:53,746 --> 00:06:55,623 -I shouldn’t have... -I needed to hear it. 127 00:06:55,706 --> 00:06:58,167 And you took the stupid sword and I was like, holy crap, 128 00:06:58,251 --> 00:07:01,295 this is who I am to this kid, he just does the opposite of my advice now, 129 00:07:01,379 --> 00:07:04,006 I mean I, I gotta fix that, so I’m gonna be like 130 00:07:04,090 --> 00:07:07,635 twenty two percent more agreeable with you for like, maybe one episode, 131 00:07:07,718 --> 00:07:09,345 or one adventure. We’ll see how it goes. 132 00:07:09,428 --> 00:07:11,848 -Is twenty two percent a lot? -Well I’m not gonna tell you 133 00:07:11,931 --> 00:07:14,934 of our time together I’m usually mean to you because it’ll hurt your stupid 134 00:07:15,017 --> 00:07:18,187 feelings but twenty two is substantial, you’re gonna feel the difference. 135 00:07:18,271 --> 00:07:20,439 Okay. I mean, I appreciate it. 136 00:07:21,691 --> 00:07:23,734 You should, because you made a real mess with these guys. 137 00:07:23,818 --> 00:07:24,652 -Oh man. -Sire! 138 00:07:24,735 --> 00:07:25,695 -Sire! -You can’t leave! 139 00:07:25,778 --> 00:07:26,696 Go away! 140 00:07:27,989 --> 00:07:32,326 My king, it is our duty to follow you ‘til the sun sets on our watch! 141 00:07:32,410 --> 00:07:35,997 I mean, it set yesterday, so you’re done. Bye. 142 00:07:36,080 --> 00:07:38,207 Sire, the sun never sets on the sun. 143 00:07:39,208 --> 00:07:41,043 -Can you get rid of them? -You want me to... 144 00:07:41,586 --> 00:07:43,963 Well, you guys know he can kill you, right? 145 00:07:44,297 --> 00:07:47,717 I think he’d find that quite difficult, sire, but if it pleases you! 146 00:07:48,050 --> 00:07:50,845 Can’t I just tell you it pleases me for you to go away? 147 00:07:50,928 --> 00:07:54,223 - No. Not really. -So you’d rather die than leave me alone. 148 00:07:54,307 --> 00:07:55,349 -Yes! -Yes! 149 00:07:55,433 --> 00:07:57,727 -A pheasant plucked for my good king, -A pheasant plucked for my good king, 150 00:07:57,810 --> 00:08:00,021 -A merry jig, sweet songbirds sing! -A merry jig, sweet songbirds sing! 151 00:08:01,856 --> 00:08:04,483 These guys live on our sun? I’ve never heard of them. 152 00:08:04,567 --> 00:08:07,111 I don’t see them doing a lot to earn interplanetary fame. 153 00:08:07,195 --> 00:08:11,073 I beg your pardon, wizard, the Knights of the Sun protect the solar scepter. 154 00:08:11,157 --> 00:08:13,284 Around which even this world turns. 155 00:08:13,701 --> 00:08:16,204 You do mean that, like symbolically, right? 156 00:08:16,287 --> 00:08:19,832 Oh quite literally. The Scepter is the center of the solar system. 157 00:08:19,916 --> 00:08:21,250 All planets orbit it. 158 00:08:21,334 --> 00:08:24,879 We keep it on the sun so that Jupiter and Saturn don’t bump into each other. 159 00:08:26,589 --> 00:08:28,633 -Oh my god. -They don’t even know sixth grade science. 160 00:08:29,008 --> 00:08:29,926 That’s it. 161 00:08:30,635 --> 00:08:31,844 Yeah, so there you have it. 162 00:08:31,928 --> 00:08:35,389 Traditions suck ass and your most foundational beliefs are total bullshit. 163 00:08:35,473 --> 00:08:37,308 We’re supposed to take your word for it? 164 00:08:37,391 --> 00:08:40,311 Anyone can draw circles on a board and spout numbers. 165 00:08:40,394 --> 00:08:43,105 Yes, this sounds like a fun theory, sire, 166 00:08:43,189 --> 00:08:45,233 but it would take more than this for us to give up... 167 00:08:45,316 --> 00:08:47,401 Okay so how do you guys think it works again? 168 00:08:47,485 --> 00:08:49,528 -Well, the Scepter... -Oh you mean this old thing? 169 00:08:50,780 --> 00:08:53,199 You want it? Here. Take it back home. It’s a symbol. 170 00:08:53,282 --> 00:08:55,785 It’s your culture. That’s not the same as reality. 171 00:08:55,868 --> 00:08:59,664 Does this mean we cut off our penises for absolutely no reason? 172 00:08:59,747 --> 00:09:02,708 That’s the bad news. The good news is, you’re free. 173 00:09:04,502 --> 00:09:06,671 -Oh that stings. -Fuck this knights shit. 174 00:09:07,046 --> 00:09:10,800 A query? I just used your computer phone to search despair. 175 00:09:11,175 --> 00:09:14,262 -Where can I get this heroin? -I’m not telling you that. 176 00:09:14,345 --> 00:09:17,765 No matter, I’m seeing from most of your song lyrics that I can get it anywhere. 177 00:09:20,309 --> 00:09:24,105 You guys, someone just used critical thinking and basic physics 178 00:09:24,188 --> 00:09:26,482 to destroy their first entire religion. 179 00:09:26,565 --> 00:09:27,942 -Nice! -Good job, Morty! 180 00:09:28,025 --> 00:09:30,152 -So no more sun-tourage? -Yep. All done. 181 00:09:30,236 --> 00:09:32,738 Plus, Rick and I both learned to support each other better. 182 00:09:32,822 --> 00:09:36,409 So that’s it, we’re done. Feels early, but we’re done. 183 00:09:37,910 --> 00:09:41,080 What’s happening? Appliances are breaking that I haven’t touched. 184 00:09:43,207 --> 00:09:44,959 Maybe the sun is celebrating? 185 00:09:47,420 --> 00:09:50,923 The Sons of the Moon are storming the Walkway! Doesn’t matter. 186 00:09:51,007 --> 00:09:52,466 Their aggression will be kept in check 187 00:09:52,550 --> 00:09:55,136 by a host of interplanetary treaties and alliances. 188 00:09:55,219 --> 00:09:58,222 It’s very complicated, but as long as The Knights of the Sun stand together, 189 00:09:58,306 --> 00:10:01,517 the solar system will always have complete political stability 190 00:10:01,600 --> 00:10:04,186 where are the Knights of the Sun, by the way? I’m done pooping. 191 00:10:05,938 --> 00:10:09,608 Did the Knights of the Sun disband? 192 00:10:10,276 --> 00:10:13,612 While I was pooping? Sun-kward. 193 00:10:18,534 --> 00:10:21,120 How many planets in our solar system have these clowns? 194 00:10:21,454 --> 00:10:24,040 I guess if the sun can support life, any planet can, I mean, 195 00:10:24,123 --> 00:10:26,042 maybe we all descended from a common ancestor? 196 00:10:26,125 --> 00:10:28,044 Haven’t you seen, like, all of the universes? 197 00:10:28,127 --> 00:10:31,505 Exactly, so why would I hang out on Pluto? That’s some Jerry-league shit. 198 00:10:32,214 --> 00:10:34,300 If the Sons of the Moon can attack the sun, 199 00:10:34,383 --> 00:10:37,553 why should the Viscounts of Venus continue sitting in Saturn’s shadow? 200 00:10:37,636 --> 00:10:41,724 How’s this for a reason: we got all the rings and all the balls! 201 00:10:41,807 --> 00:10:43,184 -Oh fuck you! -Really? 202 00:10:43,267 --> 00:10:46,520 If the Saturno Venusian detente is no longer honored, 203 00:10:46,854 --> 00:10:49,607 I declare you all moons of Jupiter. 204 00:10:49,690 --> 00:10:52,526 Because that’s what you are to us! A bunch of moons! 205 00:10:52,610 --> 00:10:55,946 Do the Knights of the Sun plan to protect Mercury from this chaos? 206 00:10:56,280 --> 00:11:00,409 Because if we’re on our own, there’s a new, very tiny sun in town. 207 00:11:05,081 --> 00:11:05,998 It’s all you, pal. 208 00:11:06,665 --> 00:11:10,920 Hello? Don’t I have, like, authority over this Sons of the Moon meeting? 209 00:11:11,003 --> 00:11:13,172 That all depends. Who the hell are you? 210 00:11:13,255 --> 00:11:14,548 This guy’s the King of the Sun! 211 00:11:14,632 --> 00:11:16,384 -Holy shit the king of the sun. -Wait when did this happen? 212 00:11:16,467 --> 00:11:18,636 Then tell your Knights to do their jobs! 213 00:11:18,719 --> 00:11:24,266 Yes, your majesty. We all know the sun’s power lives and dies with your knights. 214 00:11:24,350 --> 00:11:26,644 -Who are you? -Who am... Who... 215 00:11:27,853 --> 00:11:31,649 I am the Marquis of Mars! And i declare war on all of you! 216 00:11:31,982 --> 00:11:33,776 War on all of you! 217 00:11:33,859 --> 00:11:36,779 Where are the Knights of the Sun when we need them most? 218 00:11:36,862 --> 00:11:39,448 -Funny you should ask. -They’re gone. 219 00:11:40,366 --> 00:11:42,493 They’ve abandoned their duties. 220 00:11:42,576 --> 00:11:45,496 -I see it in the bones. -Damn, the bones nailed it. 221 00:11:45,579 --> 00:11:48,165 Okay, so you have space ships and magic ladies? 222 00:11:48,249 --> 00:11:49,750 Look, I’m not gonna read all the books, 223 00:11:49,834 --> 00:11:52,920 what will it take to let this Sons of the Moon fiasco resolve itself. 224 00:11:53,003 --> 00:11:57,633 Excuse me. How did you become King of the Sun? You look like an Earthling. 225 00:11:57,716 --> 00:11:59,260 -Santa? -Santa? 226 00:11:59,343 --> 00:12:02,555 What the hell is that, I’m the Earl of Earth goddammit. 227 00:12:02,638 --> 00:12:04,265 I agree with Earth on one thing. 228 00:12:04,640 --> 00:12:07,518 Venus questions the legitimacy of this King’s authority. 229 00:12:07,601 --> 00:12:10,187 -My people say I say aye! Never! -That sun shall be ours! 230 00:12:10,271 --> 00:12:12,857 I’m the King! I’ve got the scepter right here! 231 00:12:12,940 --> 00:12:13,816 What the fuck? 232 00:12:13,899 --> 00:12:17,027 Yeah yeah I know you’re freaking out because it’s not on the sun. 233 00:12:17,111 --> 00:12:19,155 No, because whoever has it 234 00:12:19,238 --> 00:12:22,074 -rules the solar system! -It’s up for grabs, get it! 235 00:12:22,158 --> 00:12:23,075 After it! 236 00:12:24,869 --> 00:12:26,620 Yes! Yes! I have the scepter. 237 00:12:26,704 --> 00:12:30,374 Soon Jupiter will be the center of our solar system’s newest dark age... 238 00:12:30,791 --> 00:12:34,003 Fuck that, Mercury will now be the shining beacon of... 239 00:12:34,920 --> 00:12:36,964 Time to throw it all against the wall! 240 00:12:38,090 --> 00:12:38,966 I think you crushed it. 241 00:12:39,049 --> 00:12:41,594 I mean, not just anybody can start Solar War One. 242 00:12:41,677 --> 00:12:43,179 -Stop supporting me! -Can do. 243 00:12:44,597 --> 00:12:48,476 Goodbye, blue sky 244 00:12:49,351 --> 00:12:53,814 Goodbye, blue sky Goodbye 245 00:12:57,276 --> 00:12:58,777 Goodbye 246 00:13:02,573 --> 00:13:05,493 Did you see the frightened ones? 247 00:13:06,952 --> 00:13:10,080 Did you hear the falling bombs? 248 00:13:11,373 --> 00:13:16,337 Did you ever wonder why we had to run for shelter when the 249 00:13:16,420 --> 00:13:21,342 Promise of a brave new world unfurled beneath a clear blue Sky? 250 00:13:42,238 --> 00:13:45,157 Did you see the frightened ones? 251 00:13:46,617 --> 00:13:49,537 Did you hear the falling bombs? 252 00:13:50,955 --> 00:13:55,501 The flames are all long gone, but the pain lingers on 253 00:13:59,463 --> 00:14:03,092 Goodbye, blue sky 254 00:14:04,218 --> 00:14:08,556 Goodbye, blue sky Goodbye 255 00:14:12,184 --> 00:14:13,102 Goodbye 256 00:14:17,314 --> 00:14:19,024 Damn, who would have thought giving the Amish nukes 257 00:14:19,108 --> 00:14:22,319 -would threaten the solar system? -Maybe we should just jump universes. 258 00:14:22,403 --> 00:14:25,447 I don’t know buddy, feels like we’re kind of more about trying out commitment now, 259 00:14:25,531 --> 00:14:27,950 ya know? Let’s put our heads together, maybe there’s something 260 00:14:28,033 --> 00:14:30,452 -we haven’t tried yet. -Oh, here’s an idea. Fuck you! 261 00:14:30,536 --> 00:14:31,870 -Hey! -Rick, I can’t take it, 262 00:14:31,954 --> 00:14:33,497 I admit I’m wrong, I screwed up, 263 00:14:33,581 --> 00:14:37,585 you’re killing me here yes-anding me to death, what is this, Vat of Acid again? 264 00:14:37,668 --> 00:14:39,712 Look man, I’m sorry I’ve been such a dick in the past 265 00:14:39,795 --> 00:14:41,338 that you think I’m doing a thing here. 266 00:14:41,422 --> 00:14:43,465 I’m honestly just trying to do better by you. 267 00:14:44,091 --> 00:14:45,759 -Are you a robot? -Morty! 268 00:14:45,843 --> 00:14:46,594 -A clone? -Morty! 269 00:14:46,677 --> 00:14:48,721 This family’s got enough clones and robots in it. 270 00:14:48,804 --> 00:14:50,556 Come on, Morty, stop asking what you’re asking 271 00:14:50,639 --> 00:14:52,266 and let’s just get back to our crisis. 272 00:14:52,349 --> 00:14:55,144 I’m sorry, it’s just been a hard road with you, Rick. 273 00:14:55,227 --> 00:14:57,229 Morty, I get that but you can trust me when I say 274 00:14:57,313 --> 00:14:58,772 I’m just trying to do right by you. 275 00:14:59,106 --> 00:15:03,902 Okay, Rick. You’re right, maybe I just need to round up some Knights? 276 00:15:03,986 --> 00:15:07,531 If I disillusioned the old ones, I’ll just have to reillusion them. 277 00:15:07,615 --> 00:15:08,949 It shouldn’t be that hard, right? 278 00:15:16,123 --> 00:15:18,792 Cousins, we need to return to the walkway at once! 279 00:15:21,170 --> 00:15:22,296 Why are you laughing, 280 00:15:22,379 --> 00:15:24,882 - did I say something funny? -Oh, Mortaniel! 281 00:15:24,965 --> 00:15:28,677 The only person we bend the knee to these days is that sweet Black Betty. 282 00:15:28,761 --> 00:15:34,141 -Yeah man, all hail Mr. Brownstone! -And his doctor. Feelgood that is! 283 00:15:34,224 --> 00:15:36,185 They’re talking about heroin, Morty, they like it. 284 00:15:36,268 --> 00:15:38,020 -Obviously. -Obviously? 285 00:15:38,103 --> 00:15:41,732 Apparently living on the sun has turned our veins into triple-bonded carbon, 286 00:15:42,066 --> 00:15:44,109 so try this tale on for size, Mortaniel. 287 00:15:44,443 --> 00:15:47,446 -We can’t OD! -C’mon, you guys are a mess. 288 00:15:47,529 --> 00:15:49,323 Well, they actually seem kinda awesome, Morty. 289 00:15:49,406 --> 00:15:52,493 Lemme be your king. I admit I wanted what you once had. 290 00:15:52,576 --> 00:15:54,995 Brotherhood, tradition, stability, purpose. 291 00:15:55,079 --> 00:15:57,498 I just didn’t want to cut my dick off for it. 292 00:15:57,581 --> 00:16:00,834 Yeah that’s the point. We were quick to follow this boy before, 293 00:16:00,918 --> 00:16:03,504 without even forcing him to commit to our traditions. 294 00:16:03,587 --> 00:16:07,508 And all he did was break our faith and our walkway. And now, 295 00:16:07,591 --> 00:16:12,930 this random fucking guy is here again to tell us what to do? No fucking way. 296 00:16:14,139 --> 00:16:15,432 What if I cut off my dick? 297 00:16:16,850 --> 00:16:19,144 But you’d be cutting it off for no reason. 298 00:16:19,228 --> 00:16:22,189 Yeah that’s the point of tradition, doing things for no reason, 299 00:16:22,606 --> 00:16:25,275 but it’d be reason enough doing it for you guys. 300 00:16:25,901 --> 00:16:29,321 Well you do that, that would compete with heroin. 301 00:16:29,405 --> 00:16:31,490 Cool, cool can I maybe get maybe a minute? 302 00:16:33,117 --> 00:16:36,954 Buddy, what’s up? Reaching some sad conclusions about your situation? 303 00:16:37,037 --> 00:16:38,956 Yes, but that walkway needs those knights, 304 00:16:39,039 --> 00:16:41,750 those knights need a king and that king needs no dick! 305 00:16:41,834 --> 00:16:43,752 Damn, Morty, you really are stepping up. 306 00:16:44,253 --> 00:16:46,338 Now do you want me to help you not have to 307 00:16:46,422 --> 00:16:48,048 -cut your dick off though? -Yes please! 308 00:16:48,132 --> 00:16:50,426 -Then I got you. -You really mean it, Rick? 309 00:16:50,509 --> 00:16:52,553 Of course, buddy. I’ll give you a fake dick. 310 00:16:52,636 --> 00:16:55,514 With three layers of failsafes, they’ll never know the difference. 311 00:16:56,724 --> 00:16:59,101 Morty. We’re gonna make your dick so fake, buddy. 312 00:17:06,692 --> 00:17:07,651 The signal! 313 00:17:07,735 --> 00:17:10,362 -Sir the Knights of the Sun are once more! -Hold fire! 314 00:17:10,821 --> 00:17:13,073 If this return to the Old Ways is true, 315 00:17:13,157 --> 00:17:16,201 I’d be willing to return home and put an end to the bloodshed. 316 00:17:30,007 --> 00:17:33,010 Sir, Shall we hold off on the anti matter hydrogen bombing? 317 00:17:33,802 --> 00:17:36,680 Those crusty knights won’t do the sun much good without their... 318 00:17:38,390 --> 00:17:39,433 Let’s hear them out. 319 00:17:42,102 --> 00:17:46,940 I, Lithdor, son of Thrifdor personally oversee the stumping of thy King’s stem. 320 00:17:47,483 --> 00:17:51,862 If his stem burns true, peace will be restored between the spheres! 321 00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:58,494 Present the shears of stumping! 322 00:17:58,952 --> 00:18:01,455 -Morty the brave! You got this, my king! -Yes! Good for you! 323 00:18:05,042 --> 00:18:06,043 First thing’s first, 324 00:18:06,126 --> 00:18:09,963 step through this machine which checks for nano technological hologram dicks. 325 00:18:10,047 --> 00:18:11,590 -What? -War opened our eyes 326 00:18:11,673 --> 00:18:15,761 to the wonders of new technologies! Please, step through my liege. 327 00:18:23,852 --> 00:18:27,189 Sorry, my lord, but we’re gonna need you to step through this second machine 328 00:18:27,272 --> 00:18:30,192 -which checks for emergency clone dicks. -Oh wow, 329 00:18:30,275 --> 00:18:32,986 you guys really embraced a lot of specific new tech. 330 00:18:33,821 --> 00:18:35,531 -A sunspot! -What? Where? 331 00:18:38,283 --> 00:18:41,578 Boy, is that a third detector I see as well? 332 00:18:41,912 --> 00:18:44,665 You’ll find out after the second one, we don’t like to reveal them 333 00:18:44,748 --> 00:18:46,333 until the previous detecting threshold 334 00:18:46,416 --> 00:18:47,751 -has been crossed. -Right. 335 00:18:50,420 --> 00:18:53,632 The third detector is going to scan for a prosthetic dick. 336 00:18:53,715 --> 00:18:56,260 -Oh good. -Okay well go on through, 337 00:18:56,343 --> 00:18:59,471 and of course, by prosthetic we mean witchcraft dick. 338 00:19:00,055 --> 00:19:00,848 -Shit. -Fuck! 339 00:19:00,931 --> 00:19:04,476 I sense one! The bones say he’s still packin’! 340 00:19:07,229 --> 00:19:10,399 Can’t get nothin’ past the chicken bone lady. Just testing her. 341 00:19:11,316 --> 00:19:14,319 Stump. Thy. Stem. 342 00:19:15,487 --> 00:19:18,824 Morty? Morty, don’t answer out loud, can you hear me? It’s Rick, 343 00:19:18,907 --> 00:19:21,243 -I’m talking to you with my mind. -Yeah I can hear you. 344 00:19:21,326 --> 00:19:23,912 -You said that out loud, don’t speak. -Sorry. Sorry. 345 00:19:23,996 --> 00:19:27,207 I uplinked a telepathic nano satellite so we could hear each other’s thoughts, 346 00:19:27,291 --> 00:19:31,169 carefully do everything I tell you in the exact order I tell you to do it. 347 00:19:31,253 --> 00:19:33,005 -Okay. -Grab the scissors. 348 00:19:33,088 --> 00:19:34,339 Okay. Got the scissors. 349 00:19:35,424 --> 00:19:37,426 -Now run. -Oh shit, shit! 350 00:19:37,509 --> 00:19:38,760 Guards, seize them! 351 00:19:39,303 --> 00:19:40,846 Run? You couldn’t have just said that?! 352 00:19:40,929 --> 00:19:42,472 You don’t have to use telepathy anymore, 353 00:19:42,556 --> 00:19:44,600 you can just ask your rhetorical questions out loud! 354 00:19:44,683 --> 00:19:45,976 I don’t understand, Rick. 355 00:19:46,059 --> 00:19:47,936 Here’s something that’s easy to understand buddy, 356 00:19:48,020 --> 00:19:50,230 I’m proud of you for trying to solve your own shit. 357 00:19:50,898 --> 00:19:53,400 -I didn’t want to have to do this. -It’s okay this time, 358 00:19:53,483 --> 00:19:54,610 we don’t have any choice. 359 00:19:55,402 --> 00:19:57,404 -I love you, Rick. -Love you too, buddy. 360 00:20:03,243 --> 00:20:06,330 And that’s when King Morty and Rick were left with no choice 361 00:20:06,413 --> 00:20:07,956 but to leap into the sun. 362 00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:12,085 Such shame he felt for what he’d done to our society, sacrificing his dick 363 00:20:12,169 --> 00:20:16,673 wasn’t enough, he gave his entire body and wizard servant as well. 364 00:20:16,757 --> 00:20:20,135 And after a while, their sun-proof bones floated up to the top. 365 00:20:20,552 --> 00:20:23,680 We even checked with a royal ladle to ensure it was real sun, 366 00:20:23,764 --> 00:20:26,558 not just them hiding beneath in a vat of fake sun. 367 00:20:26,642 --> 00:20:31,063 Such a violent death. And finally when our grief could bear no more, 368 00:20:31,146 --> 00:20:34,775 we decided to abolish our medieval act of stem stumping. 369 00:20:34,858 --> 00:20:38,153 And we have King Morty the Molten to thank for that! 370 00:20:38,236 --> 00:20:41,281 -Morty the Molten! King Morty the Molten! -Morty the Molten! King Morty the Molten! 371 00:20:41,615 --> 00:20:42,950 See, Morty? Worked like a charm! 372 00:20:43,283 --> 00:20:45,369 Aren’t we risking it all coming back here? 373 00:20:45,452 --> 00:20:48,246 Morty, we had to know, plus the heat, it’s good for my joints. 374 00:20:48,330 --> 00:20:50,582 King Mortaniel? You’re alive? 375 00:20:50,958 --> 00:20:53,835 Yeah, go tell everybody. Your reward’s gonna be cutting off your own dick. 376 00:20:54,711 --> 00:20:58,548 Right. Point taken. RIP and cheerio. 377 00:21:34,042 --> 00:21:36,378 -One crispy, one wriggling. -Coming right up. 378 00:21:36,712 --> 00:21:40,173 -Three loozums. -How ‘bout ten years? In jail. 379 00:21:40,674 --> 00:21:44,970 Special Agent Mongo Bongo, you’re under arrest for illegal hot dog trafficking. 380 00:21:59,693 --> 00:22:01,862 Be free, my little babies. 381 00:22:04,990 --> 00:22:06,408 Surprised they actually made it. 382 00:22:06,867 --> 00:22:09,202 Kinda thought maybe some birds would swoop down or... 383 00:22:10,787 --> 00:22:12,122 I jinxed it!