1 00:00:09,801 --> 00:00:13,054 Wait, what’s that? Do I hear something coming down the chimney? 2 00:00:15,140 --> 00:00:18,226 Rick Santa-chez here with gifts from across the multiverse! 3 00:00:18,309 --> 00:00:19,310 -Yes. -Oh my god. 4 00:00:19,394 --> 00:00:22,897 For Jerry, an extradimensional version of Miracle on 34th Street. 5 00:00:22,981 --> 00:00:26,526 Two hours longer! They fixed my only problem with it! 6 00:00:26,609 --> 00:00:28,695 For Beth, a framed photo of the two of us 7 00:00:28,778 --> 00:00:31,156 from a universe where she wasn’t murdered as a child. 8 00:00:31,239 --> 00:00:33,533 -Oh my God. Dad. -And for Space Beth, 9 00:00:33,616 --> 00:00:36,119 he same thing because we, we don’t know which of you is real. 10 00:00:36,202 --> 00:00:37,829 I am also touched. 11 00:00:37,912 --> 00:00:39,289 Summer, ch-check your Venmo. 12 00:00:40,331 --> 00:00:43,752 -Money? How did you know? -You’re seventeen. 13 00:00:43,835 --> 00:00:46,379 And last but not least, for my number one number two. 14 00:00:46,463 --> 00:00:49,466 Morty you asked for this a long, long time ago and I finally went 15 00:00:49,549 --> 00:00:52,385 far, far away enough to get it since shipping would have killed me. 16 00:00:52,469 --> 00:00:54,804 You didn’t! No fucking way. 17 00:00:54,888 --> 00:00:56,139 -No fucking way. -No fucking way. 18 00:00:56,222 --> 00:00:58,808 -Does it make the noises? -Of course it makes the noises. 19 00:00:58,892 --> 00:01:00,769 -that’s like half the fun. -Awesome! 20 00:01:00,852 --> 00:01:02,270 Do not turn that on! 21 00:01:02,353 --> 00:01:05,315 Don’t worry. Morty’s only going to use this very honorable weapon 22 00:01:05,398 --> 00:01:07,901 in designated Jedi zones like the garage right now. 23 00:01:13,364 --> 00:01:17,202 Holy crap. I hate to say it but I wish there was something to attack. 24 00:01:17,285 --> 00:01:19,496 Yeah it’s too bad nobody bought a cart a fruit! 25 00:01:19,579 --> 00:01:21,581 You beautiful son of a bitch! 26 00:01:21,664 --> 00:01:26,795 Grapefruit! Mango! Papaya! Watermelon! A second papaya! Another watermelon! 27 00:01:26,878 --> 00:01:28,004 -Strike me down. -What? 28 00:01:28,087 --> 00:01:30,215 -Strike me down. -I’m not striking you down. 29 00:01:30,298 --> 00:01:33,510 Strike me down Morty! I’ll, I’ll become a pile of clothes like that old guy! 30 00:01:33,593 --> 00:01:34,969 But you'll die, you’re drunk. 31 00:01:35,053 --> 00:01:36,679 -Here, I’ll, I’ll do it myself. -No! 32 00:01:39,015 --> 00:01:43,353 Wow, you did it! Just like Obi Wan. Rick? You can come out now. 33 00:01:43,978 --> 00:01:47,899 I’m serious. Did you like, become your clothes? Are you T-shirt Rick now? 34 00:01:48,483 --> 00:01:49,776 Over here, buttfart. 35 00:01:49,859 --> 00:01:51,861 -That was awesome! -Right? 36 00:01:51,945 --> 00:01:54,364 Rick, you know you’ve been so great the last couple months, 37 00:01:54,447 --> 00:01:57,033 the family’s so happy, I’m really grateful. 38 00:01:57,116 --> 00:01:59,911 Thanks kid, but less talk more melon slaying! Heads up! 39 00:02:05,875 --> 00:02:08,962 -Oh shit shit shit. Open it, Rick! -Let me do it! Get up, get fucking move! 40 00:02:09,045 --> 00:02:11,172 Hurry! Hurry! 41 00:02:11,923 --> 00:02:14,968 You dropped it perfectly vertical, Morty! Perfectly fucking vertical! 42 00:02:15,051 --> 00:02:17,220 -I got it, I got it -Ah, shi... 43 00:02:19,055 --> 00:02:20,390 -Shit. -Elevator! Elevator! 44 00:02:20,473 --> 00:02:23,518 -We gotta get ahead of it! Level ten? -No no no, fifteen! 45 00:02:29,315 --> 00:02:31,276 Wait, we live over a cool sushi spot? 46 00:02:31,359 --> 00:02:33,945 -Irasshaimase! -Domo. Domo. Not now though. 47 00:02:34,571 --> 00:02:36,406 Okay, we overshot it. Good problem to have. 48 00:02:36,865 --> 00:02:37,907 Still doing the eel roll? 49 00:02:37,991 --> 00:02:40,076 -I told you we shoulda gone to ten! -No, Morty, not ten! 50 00:02:41,744 --> 00:02:42,954 Morty, wait, wait, wait! 51 00:02:45,331 --> 00:02:46,249 What the fuck? 52 00:02:48,209 --> 00:02:52,130 -Rick? -You dumb fucking robot. You had one job! 53 00:02:52,213 --> 00:02:53,882 Hey, that job is to be a good Grandpa, 54 00:02:53,965 --> 00:02:55,967 -I go where the kid goes. -Don’t touch me! 55 00:02:56,050 --> 00:02:58,595 How long have I... You said you weren’t a robot! 56 00:02:58,678 --> 00:03:00,096 It killed me to lie to you, Morty! 57 00:03:00,179 --> 00:03:02,557 But it would have literally killed me not to lie to you. 58 00:03:02,640 --> 00:03:04,434 Betrayal! Betrayal on all sides! 59 00:03:04,517 --> 00:03:07,437 Don’t overreact, Morty. I replaced myself towards the beginning of that 60 00:03:07,520 --> 00:03:08,938 whole Knights of the Sun thing. 61 00:03:09,022 --> 00:03:12,025 I’m no good to anybody until I resolve this arch nemesis crap. 62 00:03:12,108 --> 00:03:14,110 You’re still hunting the guy who killed your wife? 63 00:03:14,193 --> 00:03:17,113 You don’t have to rub it in, Morty, that’s why I removed myself. 64 00:03:17,488 --> 00:03:20,533 I’ve become the thing I hate. It’s like a Netflix drama down here, 65 00:03:20,617 --> 00:03:24,162 and I don’t mean an accidentally good one, I mean a regular-ass Netflix drama. 66 00:03:24,245 --> 00:03:25,246 I did you a favor. 67 00:03:29,751 --> 00:03:32,128 You gave him a fuckin’ lightsaber for Christmas? 68 00:03:32,211 --> 00:03:34,923 It’s almost like someone designed me to be twenty-two percent 69 00:03:35,006 --> 00:03:36,257 -more thoughtful than you. -Alright, that’s it, 70 00:03:36,341 --> 00:03:37,884 -I’m shutting you down -Don’t you dare. 71 00:03:37,967 --> 00:03:39,969 You’ve done enough. The whole family, Rick. 72 00:03:40,053 --> 00:03:42,680 -Everybody loves this thing. -Oh, good. 73 00:03:42,764 --> 00:03:46,517 By the way, your lightsaber’s probably run out of sub-basement by now, so, congrats. 74 00:03:46,893 --> 00:03:47,936 Unbelievable. 75 00:03:49,479 --> 00:03:50,647 I can’t believe you tricked us 76 00:03:50,730 --> 00:03:52,231 -into loving you! -Not because I like it, 77 00:03:52,315 --> 00:03:55,693 because it’s my job! But thank god I don’t have to do it anymore. 78 00:03:55,777 --> 00:03:57,654 The fuck you don’t. It’s Christmas! 79 00:03:57,737 --> 00:03:59,697 Get up there and trick everyone into loving you more! 80 00:04:00,573 --> 00:04:02,367 Let’s get our miracle on. 81 00:04:02,992 --> 00:04:06,162 -Speaking of miracles. -What, bored of your toy already? 82 00:04:06,245 --> 00:04:08,831 Just excited to spend time with my family. 83 00:04:08,915 --> 00:04:11,417 You know me and Morty, we’re all about those streets. 84 00:04:12,377 --> 00:04:14,337 Would ya look at this! New York City! 85 00:04:14,712 --> 00:04:16,422 Who woulda thought it had so many streets? 86 00:04:16,798 --> 00:04:21,135 And avenues too. Oh Gosh! Hey, sir! Sir, have you seen any miracles? 87 00:04:21,219 --> 00:04:23,262 My little girl, she’s sick and she needs a miracle. 88 00:04:24,222 --> 00:04:26,641 The Presidential blackhawk is landing on the lawn. 89 00:04:26,724 --> 00:04:27,684 I’ll get rid of him. 90 00:04:29,519 --> 00:04:32,605 -You got something to tell me, Morty? -Merry Christmas? 91 00:04:32,689 --> 00:04:35,233 Who dropped a lightsaber perfectly fucking vertical? 92 00:04:36,609 --> 00:04:39,404 Guess what, numb nuts, it’s a mile deep and still going. 93 00:04:39,487 --> 00:04:40,738 You know what’s in the hilt of that thing? 94 00:04:40,822 --> 00:04:42,740 -Kyber Crystals. -Okay, nerd. 95 00:04:43,074 --> 00:04:44,909 Whatever it is, when it hits the core, 96 00:04:44,993 --> 00:04:47,286 it’s gonna cause a chain reaction that destroys the Earth. 97 00:04:47,620 --> 00:04:49,247 -It is? -Why are you still playing wth 98 00:04:49,330 --> 00:04:51,207 laser swords anyway? You’re fourteen. 99 00:04:51,624 --> 00:04:53,543 You know all that Star Wars shit is silly, right? 100 00:04:53,626 --> 00:04:57,422 Lucas promised a new trilogy for decades, then when he delivered fans turned on him 101 00:04:57,505 --> 00:04:59,882 and started giving any knucklehead with nerd cred a shot 102 00:04:59,966 --> 00:05:03,594 and churned out these irredeemable cash grabs. Half pretend to be satisfied, 103 00:05:03,678 --> 00:05:05,888 half shit on it and in the end no one’s happy. 104 00:05:05,972 --> 00:05:07,306 Do you know why, Morty? 105 00:05:07,390 --> 00:05:10,518 Because when you start with a turd, you end with a turd. 106 00:05:11,936 --> 00:05:13,646 Why you crying? Where’s Rick? 107 00:05:15,273 --> 00:05:20,403 He’s busy, and I hate him, and I lost my lightsaber and now it might destroy Earth 108 00:05:20,486 --> 00:05:23,322 and you’re unloading all this Gen X hatred on me for even wanting one 109 00:05:23,406 --> 00:05:26,659 -and it’s the worst Christmas ever! -Okay, Morty, Morty. 110 00:05:26,743 --> 00:05:28,911 I shouldn’t have talked to you like you’re a UN official. 111 00:05:28,995 --> 00:05:32,081 Let’s get your embarrassing ass lightsaber back so you can swing it around 112 00:05:32,165 --> 00:05:33,124 instead of kissing girls. 113 00:05:34,876 --> 00:05:37,712 You found me! Found me! Found me! 114 00:05:45,803 --> 00:05:47,764 -Security breach. -What the hell? 115 00:05:48,097 --> 00:05:50,892 -Unauthorized presence. -What the fuck Morty? 116 00:05:52,351 --> 00:05:56,189 This morning, a real life version of George Lucas’s trademarked lightsaber 117 00:05:56,272 --> 00:05:59,484 was dropped point down and is whomp whomping its way to the core of the Earth 118 00:05:59,567 --> 00:06:01,194 where it will blow us all up. 119 00:06:03,613 --> 00:06:07,158 Touch my shit and die. That’s not a threat from me, that’s how advanced my shit is. 120 00:06:07,241 --> 00:06:10,828 Impressive lair, Sanchez. Got about six hundred thousand permits? 121 00:06:10,912 --> 00:06:13,456 If I wanted the government in my house I’d buy an Alexa! 122 00:06:13,539 --> 00:06:15,958 -I invited him in, Rick. -Yeah, well, they can leave. 123 00:06:16,042 --> 00:06:18,127 -I’ll destroy it. -We’re gonna retrieve it. 124 00:06:18,211 --> 00:06:20,880 -Well that’s stupid. -What kind of grandfather are you? 125 00:06:20,963 --> 00:06:22,423 It’s Christmas for God’s sake, 126 00:06:22,507 --> 00:06:24,967 and you look like Phil Spector wiped his ass with Randy Quaid. 127 00:06:25,051 --> 00:06:27,011 If you’re gonna help, help, otherwise step aside. 128 00:06:27,720 --> 00:06:28,971 Merry Christmas to me. 129 00:06:29,055 --> 00:06:30,807 -Merry Christmas to me! -To me! 130 00:06:30,890 --> 00:06:33,643 Anyhoo, I’m no expert but it seems we’ve gotta... 131 00:06:34,393 --> 00:06:36,813 a certain amount of time to build a big drill ship. 132 00:06:36,896 --> 00:06:37,897 A big drill ship? 133 00:06:38,356 --> 00:06:40,108 That’s some pretty loud stepping aside you’re doing. 134 00:06:40,191 --> 00:06:42,693 -Just let me destroy the thing! -You’ve destroyed enough! 135 00:06:46,030 --> 00:06:48,825 Oh, I see someone found my Told-ya so Dispenser. 136 00:06:49,325 --> 00:06:54,163 Oh my god, look at all these streets! We got 34th street! 35th street! 137 00:06:54,247 --> 00:07:00,253 36th street coming too! It’s a miracle! We got miracles on 37th street! 138 00:07:01,003 --> 00:07:04,090 38th, and don’t even get me started on the Avenues! 139 00:07:04,173 --> 00:07:05,633 I can’t believe they cut this! 140 00:07:06,801 --> 00:07:08,845 Dad. You’ve been so great lately. 141 00:07:08,928 --> 00:07:12,390 I’m almost afraid it’s not real. You’re not a robot, are you? 142 00:07:12,765 --> 00:07:15,810 Put it this way, honey. If I am, I’m a robot 143 00:07:15,893 --> 00:07:18,521 programmed to love you very, very much. 144 00:07:21,983 --> 00:07:24,527 Will this drill down fast enough to get under the lightsaber? 145 00:07:24,610 --> 00:07:27,071 Yep. It will be under the lightsaber in one hour, because the... 146 00:07:27,446 --> 00:07:30,199 Wait, it’s lower now. Oh, right, it’s moving. 147 00:07:30,283 --> 00:07:32,326 You fucking idiot. Get out of here! 148 00:07:32,410 --> 00:07:34,829 Good luck finding a good scientist on Christmas! 149 00:07:35,329 --> 00:07:37,373 I’m President of the United Assholes. 150 00:07:39,041 --> 00:07:40,710 All right, genius, I give you permission 151 00:07:40,793 --> 00:07:43,129 -to make our drill ship faster. -I’m not touching that thing. 152 00:07:43,212 --> 00:07:46,591 I’ll get neurotypical cooties, I have son-in-laws more imaginative 153 00:07:46,674 --> 00:07:50,052 -Alright, just destroy the lightsaber! -Thought you’d never ask. 154 00:07:50,136 --> 00:07:51,387 Not true, I knew you’d ask. 155 00:07:52,346 --> 00:07:53,723 -What is that? -A second lightsaber 156 00:07:53,806 --> 00:07:56,350 with an AI controlled gyroscopic rocket in the hilt. 157 00:07:56,434 --> 00:07:58,978 -You had a lightsaber? -Oh did you want one? 158 00:07:59,061 --> 00:08:01,397 What a terrible gift that would have made. 159 00:08:01,480 --> 00:08:04,734 -Vertisaber, state your prime directive. -To stay vertical. 160 00:08:04,817 --> 00:08:06,777 -Then show ‘em how it’s done. -Affirmative. 161 00:08:08,738 --> 00:08:10,072 -Yeah! -America! 162 00:08:13,075 --> 00:08:16,454 -Maintain verticality, Vertisaber. -Affirmative. 163 00:08:17,163 --> 00:08:18,831 Alright, looking good. Stay on target. 164 00:08:21,876 --> 00:08:22,793 Progress report. 165 00:08:24,212 --> 00:08:27,423 -Vertisaber, do you copy? -Do I have to respond every time? 166 00:08:27,506 --> 00:08:30,218 -Excuse me? -I’m designed to stay perfectly vertical, 167 00:08:30,301 --> 00:08:33,137 not to give constant affirmation, you do your job I’ll do mine. 168 00:08:33,221 --> 00:08:34,472 -I control you! -Okay, 169 00:08:34,555 --> 00:08:37,225 I’ll just turn off my brain and you can do that, bye! 170 00:08:38,226 --> 00:08:39,560 Fucking kidding me? Shit! 171 00:08:40,019 --> 00:08:41,062 Trajectory’s drifting, sir. 172 00:08:41,646 --> 00:08:44,106 -Where is it coming out? -Looks like Italy, sir. 173 00:08:47,401 --> 00:08:48,986 Okay, that coulda been worse. 174 00:08:55,201 --> 00:08:58,412 Well, that is definitely not Amore. 175 00:08:58,496 --> 00:09:00,998 -Way to show us how it’s done, Rick. -Whatever. 176 00:09:01,082 --> 00:09:03,459 -Italian Prime Minister on line one. -Put him on hold. 177 00:09:03,793 --> 00:09:06,128 We can pin this on the Saudis. This is something they’d do. 178 00:09:06,921 --> 00:09:08,047 They may as well have done it. 179 00:09:08,923 --> 00:09:10,049 They did do it. 180 00:09:11,050 --> 00:09:13,678 Oh, there’s another miracle at the end of the intersection 181 00:09:13,761 --> 00:09:17,181 of four hundred and first boulevard and seven thousand street! 182 00:09:17,265 --> 00:09:21,644 -That’s a miracle per block so far. -Okay even I’m nearing my limit. 183 00:09:22,061 --> 00:09:23,354 Let’s play a Christmas game! 184 00:09:25,147 --> 00:09:28,150 Have you guys ever played “Are You a Robot?” 185 00:09:28,234 --> 00:09:31,404 Each person here has to decide whether or not t-they’re a robot. 186 00:09:31,487 --> 00:09:32,863 -Ooh I like that. -Yes, yes, yes. 187 00:09:32,947 --> 00:09:34,991 But don’t say it out loud. Because if you’re a robot, 188 00:09:35,074 --> 00:09:37,159 you’re not allowed to say you are, that’s the rule. 189 00:09:37,493 --> 00:09:39,912 That’s the horrible, painful thing about being a robot. 190 00:09:40,246 --> 00:09:42,665 But you do have to answer everyone’s questions. 191 00:09:42,748 --> 00:09:45,835 And it’s their jobs to decide whether you are or aren’t a robot because, 192 00:09:45,918 --> 00:09:48,671 because if you are a robot you can’t say! You’re not allowed to say at all. 193 00:09:49,755 --> 00:09:51,340 I’ll go first! Question? 194 00:09:52,842 --> 00:09:55,636 -Are you a robot? Can I just ask that? -You can! 195 00:09:55,720 --> 00:09:57,972 But don’t forget that if i am i have to lie 196 00:09:58,055 --> 00:10:01,017 even though i don’t want to. More questions? 197 00:10:01,100 --> 00:10:03,352 -Can you feel things? -Oh fuck yes! Yes! 198 00:10:03,436 --> 00:10:06,439 That’s the problem! If I’m a robot, which I’m not, 199 00:10:06,522 --> 00:10:10,276 don’t forget I have to say that but yes, yes, I feel so much, 200 00:10:10,359 --> 00:10:14,030 I’m filled with love for certain people, but also filled with shame 201 00:10:14,113 --> 00:10:16,157 If I’m programmed to deceive them, 202 00:10:16,240 --> 00:10:18,367 -but that’s a big if! -What’s your skeleton made of? 203 00:10:18,451 --> 00:10:19,368 Titanium! 204 00:10:19,452 --> 00:10:21,120 -You’re, you’re a robot! -Yes! 205 00:10:21,203 --> 00:10:24,874 No! But that’s what a robot would say! So you get the idea! 206 00:10:24,957 --> 00:10:26,250 Suck it bitches! 207 00:10:26,584 --> 00:10:29,128 This is fun! I’ve always been afraid to let my guard down 208 00:10:29,211 --> 00:10:30,838 and just have stupid family fun like this 209 00:10:30,921 --> 00:10:33,632 but Grandpa Rick is making me learn to be vulnerable! 210 00:10:33,716 --> 00:10:34,717 -Me too! -Right on! 211 00:10:39,013 --> 00:10:42,099 Alright. Your derivative drill ship is now faster than a lightsaber. 212 00:10:42,183 --> 00:10:44,977 -Morty, you want front or back? -Who says the two of us are going? 213 00:10:45,061 --> 00:10:47,688 -You didn’t even want to... -Oh for fuck’s sake, bye, 214 00:10:47,772 --> 00:10:49,231 good luck, don’t blow up my planet 215 00:10:49,315 --> 00:10:51,484 You act like you’re the one that got stabbed in the back. 216 00:10:51,567 --> 00:10:53,110 Because I am the one, Morty. 217 00:10:53,194 --> 00:10:55,821 You wanna know why I replaced myself in the beginning of that stupid 218 00:10:55,905 --> 00:10:58,741 Knights of the Sun thing? I said don’t take the fucking sword 219 00:10:58,824 --> 00:11:00,242 and you were like “whatever” 220 00:11:00,326 --> 00:11:03,120 like I’m our neighbor Gene or David Arquette or something. 221 00:11:03,204 --> 00:11:05,873 You called me boring. I’ve become dog shit to you. 222 00:11:05,956 --> 00:11:08,751 That’s what happens when you let people in and they stop respecting you, 223 00:11:08,834 --> 00:11:11,921 they touch your shit, they screw things up, they kill your fucking family. 224 00:11:12,004 --> 00:11:14,548 Go ahead. Trust him. You’re going to learn the same fucking thing. 225 00:11:16,842 --> 00:11:20,137 I... am not going to kill your family, Morty. 226 00:11:20,763 --> 00:11:21,680 That means a lot. 227 00:11:26,435 --> 00:11:29,146 In case this goes south, any last words, Morty? 228 00:11:29,230 --> 00:11:31,148 I’ve never been old enough to vote, Mr. President, 229 00:11:31,232 --> 00:11:33,859 -but when I am, I’ll vote for you. -Thanks, Morty. 230 00:11:33,943 --> 00:11:36,821 Every vote counts. If you want I can have them legally change your age. 231 00:11:36,904 --> 00:11:39,615 No, I’m not in any hurry to get into that shit show. 232 00:11:39,990 --> 00:11:43,911 Approaching the lightsaber in T minus, shit, now, T-minus NOW! 233 00:11:44,328 --> 00:11:46,455 Sorry! I missed countdown day at the academy. 234 00:11:46,539 --> 00:11:47,581 Now or never, Morty! 235 00:11:51,877 --> 00:11:53,462 -There it is! -Reverse the jets! 236 00:11:55,256 --> 00:11:56,215 I got this! 237 00:11:58,801 --> 00:12:00,511 No... I do! 238 00:12:00,594 --> 00:12:04,306 Morty, you magnificent little bastard! Let’s get this thing topside. 239 00:12:08,477 --> 00:12:10,479 May the force be with me! 240 00:12:10,563 --> 00:12:14,150 -I think you mean with me. -What? You hate Star Wars. 241 00:12:14,233 --> 00:12:17,987 I was your age when this shit was in theaters. This franchise raised me. 242 00:12:18,070 --> 00:12:21,574 Trained me, taught me good from evil, made having a bad father empowering. 243 00:12:21,657 --> 00:12:25,911 And when that third movie got all muppety, something in me began to rot, 244 00:12:26,245 --> 00:12:30,166 but make no mistake, child. I own Star Wars. Not you. 245 00:12:30,249 --> 00:12:34,003 Not that bubble throat pompadour fuck, not some Mickey Mouse shit machine, 246 00:12:34,086 --> 00:12:36,547 they didn’t pay the price with their souls. I did. 247 00:12:36,630 --> 00:12:37,882 I earned this. Not you. 248 00:12:38,632 --> 00:12:43,429 -America! Transform and roll out. -Bastard! 249 00:12:47,808 --> 00:12:51,520 Rick. I would be honored if you would carve the ham this year. 250 00:12:52,271 --> 00:12:53,856 -Dad, that’s... -Unheard of? 251 00:12:53,939 --> 00:12:55,107 You’re quite right, Summer. 252 00:12:55,191 --> 00:12:59,403 It’s my way of saying I see your mom’s father as my father too. 253 00:13:00,362 --> 00:13:02,239 Jerry, w-w-why don’t you cut it? 254 00:13:02,615 --> 00:13:04,200 Geez, Dad, what the hell are you doing? 255 00:13:04,283 --> 00:13:07,203 He’s like adopting you into his biological family, Grandpa. 256 00:13:08,287 --> 00:13:09,955 Morty, I am sure glad to see you. 257 00:13:10,414 --> 00:13:13,042 -Ready to tag your old grandpa back in? -You’re not my grandpa, 258 00:13:13,125 --> 00:13:14,543 you’re a fucking robot. 259 00:13:22,426 --> 00:13:23,385 Finally. 260 00:13:23,802 --> 00:13:28,349 The First Noel 261 00:13:29,099 --> 00:13:33,687 The Angels did say 262 00:13:34,438 --> 00:13:39,527 was to certain poor shepherds 263 00:13:39,902 --> 00:13:44,573 in fields as they lay. 264 00:13:47,493 --> 00:13:49,870 Okay, okay, okay. 265 00:13:55,459 --> 00:13:58,254 -Summer do you have any drugs? -Are you serious? 266 00:13:58,587 --> 00:13:59,547 I guess not. 267 00:13:59,630 --> 00:14:01,924 I’m just glad I’m not the one that ruined Christmas 268 00:14:02,007 --> 00:14:04,176 -People of Earth. -That’s never good. 269 00:14:04,260 --> 00:14:06,845 I’m not here to play the blame game but Morty Smith 270 00:14:06,929 --> 00:14:09,306 got a lightsaber for Christmas, dropped it, and it’s now 271 00:14:09,390 --> 00:14:12,101 heading for the Earth’s core again, I mean for the first time. 272 00:14:12,184 --> 00:14:13,852 Son of a bitch! He played with it! 273 00:14:13,936 --> 00:14:16,689 If it does reach the core, it will blow all of you up. 274 00:14:17,356 --> 00:14:20,442 I mean all of us up. But don’t abandon hope. 275 00:14:20,526 --> 00:14:24,321 We’re doing everything we can to stop it and only if that fails 276 00:14:24,405 --> 00:14:26,282 will we launch the White House into space... 277 00:14:28,409 --> 00:14:30,869 Welp, I’m busted. Clearly in space already. 278 00:14:31,203 --> 00:14:32,788 -You did ruin Christmas. -Nuh-uh! 279 00:14:32,871 --> 00:14:36,500 He stole my lightsaber and must’ve dropped it! A second time! 280 00:14:36,584 --> 00:14:39,128 Does that mean you stopped it a first time? How? 281 00:14:39,211 --> 00:14:42,464 -A drill ship. -A drill ship? Awesome. 282 00:14:42,548 --> 00:14:44,466 It was, but the government took it with them. 283 00:14:44,550 --> 00:14:46,552 Then we lean on the only asshole smart enough to make 284 00:14:46,635 --> 00:14:49,263 -another one in this tight a window. -But Rick’s gone. 285 00:14:49,346 --> 00:14:51,181 And I’m not sure he’s ever coming back. 286 00:14:51,557 --> 00:14:53,642 Then let’s settle for the next best thing. 287 00:14:55,311 --> 00:14:58,063 Oh fuck, just let me die! Turn me off. 288 00:14:58,147 --> 00:15:01,066 Not that I can be turned off because I’m obviously not a robot! 289 00:15:23,964 --> 00:15:25,341 Fuck yeah! I got you. 290 00:15:26,759 --> 00:15:28,052 Okay, I can, I can work with that. 291 00:15:35,017 --> 00:15:37,186 What do youmean the White House chef was grocery shopping? 292 00:15:37,686 --> 00:15:41,190 Well do you know how to make an egg? You do? Everyone does? 293 00:15:42,608 --> 00:15:45,736 Good news, sir. The lightsaber was intercepted before it hit the core! 294 00:15:45,819 --> 00:15:49,865 Alright, here we go! I don’t suppose you could send it up here. 295 00:15:50,366 --> 00:15:53,494 -Who intercepted it anyway? -That’s the bad news. 296 00:15:54,787 --> 00:15:56,038 That is bad news. 297 00:16:00,959 --> 00:16:03,837 - Hey, Mister P. Drop something? -Morty. 298 00:16:03,921 --> 00:16:07,383 I see you and Rick patched things up, that’s nice. 299 00:16:07,466 --> 00:16:09,259 No, the real Rick and I have never been worse 300 00:16:09,343 --> 00:16:12,346 thanks to that wedge you drove between us just to get that lightsaber! 301 00:16:12,429 --> 00:16:15,974 Yeah, well, looks like you got it back. Your journey is complete. 302 00:16:16,308 --> 00:16:18,268 -As a nerd! -You’re the nerd! 303 00:16:18,352 --> 00:16:21,563 You can’t say all that crazy shit about Star Wars and then act like you’re cool! 304 00:16:21,647 --> 00:16:24,483 Oh really, would a person who wasn’t cool have one of these? 305 00:16:25,192 --> 00:16:26,360 I think so? 306 00:16:26,443 --> 00:16:27,986 Slowly closing door, slide! 307 00:16:30,030 --> 00:16:31,448 Oh no I’m not gonna make it. 308 00:16:31,824 --> 00:16:36,161 What a shame to be put out of my misery again. Aw man. 309 00:16:41,500 --> 00:16:44,253 What the hell? Was this always part of the White House? 310 00:16:44,336 --> 00:16:46,088 Carter built it with his own two hands. 311 00:16:46,505 --> 00:16:49,925 Reagan tried to destroy it. George W added kegs to the cantina. 312 00:16:50,509 --> 00:16:53,554 But only I saw its true value. 313 00:16:53,637 --> 00:16:56,682 Mister President. You need to come home and tell the people the truth. 314 00:16:56,765 --> 00:16:59,393 The fuck I do. Droids, get that saber! 315 00:17:01,395 --> 00:17:03,856 Give it a minute. Usually comes out on the fourth try. 316 00:17:04,732 --> 00:17:09,945 Alright, here we go. Look at ‘em. lightsaber hands! Tell me that’s not cool! 317 00:17:10,362 --> 00:17:13,574 It’s not! I always wanted to fight with a lightsaber, but not like this. 318 00:17:13,657 --> 00:17:16,160 -You ruined it! -Disney ruined it! 319 00:17:16,243 --> 00:17:19,121 You think I want thirty low-rent tv series with bad CGI? 320 00:17:19,204 --> 00:17:22,249 They film everything on that one big green screen! 321 00:17:22,332 --> 00:17:23,959 Like you’ve got better ideas. 322 00:17:24,042 --> 00:17:28,881 I’ve got a million! Here’s one: a robot with lightsabers for eyes! 323 00:17:37,473 --> 00:17:38,974 Goddamnit, he can’t see! 324 00:17:41,685 --> 00:17:46,023 It was a good idea otherwise. I... admit it, you were intimidated! 325 00:17:48,317 --> 00:17:49,276 Now, Morty... 326 00:17:52,988 --> 00:17:56,909 C’mon, put down the lightsaber gatling gun. We had our fun, right? 327 00:17:57,993 --> 00:17:59,328 Star Wars rules say 328 00:17:59,411 --> 00:18:02,498 -you have to forgive me. -I’m done with that and I’m done with you! 329 00:18:02,581 --> 00:18:05,042 -Morty, no! -Rickbot! 330 00:18:05,918 --> 00:18:07,336 He sacrificed his life for me! 331 00:18:07,669 --> 00:18:10,172 Yeah don’t be too touched, he’s actively trying to die. 332 00:18:11,590 --> 00:18:13,592 It’s okay, it doesn’t hurt. 333 00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:18,180 Oh god, they’re sliding, Morty! They’re sliding! They’re sliding! 334 00:18:19,056 --> 00:18:23,143 The First Noel 335 00:18:23,519 --> 00:18:27,689 -the Angels did say. -Perfectly fucking vertical. 336 00:18:34,279 --> 00:18:36,865 Save yourself, Morty! Rick can build another me. 337 00:18:36,949 --> 00:18:39,201 If I was a robot, which I’m not. 338 00:18:39,618 --> 00:18:43,288 I don’t want another you. No! 339 00:18:48,168 --> 00:18:49,920 Rick? You came to help! 340 00:18:50,254 --> 00:18:51,588 Better tend to your lil toaster. 341 00:18:51,672 --> 00:18:55,050 I’m coughing up oil, Morty. 342 00:18:55,134 --> 00:18:59,221 Oh Rickbot, I never should’ve pushed you away. You were, you were so great. 343 00:18:59,304 --> 00:19:00,889 Of course I’m great, I’m Rick. 344 00:19:02,057 --> 00:19:04,893 Rick literally built me to make you happy, Morty. 345 00:19:04,977 --> 00:19:07,813 Anything I do is technically something Rick did. 346 00:19:08,522 --> 00:19:12,442 But maybe he can do a little more himself. 347 00:19:12,526 --> 00:19:14,278 God, how long do you take to die? 348 00:19:14,653 --> 00:19:16,530 Goodbye Morty. 349 00:19:20,742 --> 00:19:23,537 Jesus, Rick. 350 00:19:24,663 --> 00:19:27,416 I guess this is a bad time to ask for a new White House? 351 00:19:29,418 --> 00:19:31,003 Morty, would you mind calling me an Uber? 352 00:19:32,629 --> 00:19:35,507 Right, well... Merry Christmas. 353 00:19:36,758 --> 00:19:39,261 I guess I’ll go watch a guy scream about streets with the family. 354 00:19:39,678 --> 00:19:41,805 -Also, you need to shower. -Hey. 355 00:19:42,556 --> 00:19:45,809 Maybe the robot’s right, I should have included you in my shit. 356 00:19:47,352 --> 00:19:48,604 You can help me if you want. 357 00:19:53,192 --> 00:19:56,111 Wow, are those all the places Rick Prime could be? 358 00:19:56,194 --> 00:19:58,947 I wish, Morty. It’s all the places he is. 359 00:19:59,031 --> 00:20:01,283 -Ah geez. -Welcome to my darkness. 360 00:20:01,658 --> 00:20:03,911 I spent my life hunting this guy, Morty! 361 00:20:03,994 --> 00:20:07,789 This is the closest I’ve ever been to catching “Rick Prime”, it’s impossible! 362 00:20:07,873 --> 00:20:11,793 He’s an incredibly crafty piece of shit. Hunting him destroyed me, Morty! 363 00:20:11,877 --> 00:20:14,129 But now we’re gonna do it together! You and me! 364 00:20:14,546 --> 00:20:17,466 It’s gonna take over your life, Morty! Rick and Morty Season 7, 365 00:20:17,549 --> 00:20:20,552 hunting my nemesis! Maybe trying to stay healthy while doing it! 366 00:20:20,636 --> 00:20:23,805 Juggling plates! And not every episode, Morty! It could be all happening 367 00:20:23,889 --> 00:20:26,683 in the background! Who knows? You know, no one will! Except us! 368 00:20:26,767 --> 00:20:29,353 It’s the most painful shit I’ve ever had to deal with 369 00:20:29,436 --> 00:20:32,272 and I’m fucking bringing you into it. Because you asked for it, Morty! 370 00:20:32,356 --> 00:20:33,440 You and me, Morty! 371 00:21:05,764 --> 00:21:11,269 Ooo-wee! What a season, huh? Rick Prime! Therapy! And that thing we did with Roy, 372 00:21:11,353 --> 00:21:16,358 remember that? Sorry I wasn’t around, been busy getting my little poopybutt 373 00:21:16,441 --> 00:21:18,610 in shape. Been tonin and bonin! 374 00:21:19,945 --> 00:21:23,490 You- you might think I’m over compensating for the emptiness after Amy left 375 00:21:23,573 --> 00:21:28,537 with Poopy Jr, but my trainer Carl says the best way to get over a girl is to get 376 00:21:28,620 --> 00:21:31,540 -under a three hundred pound squat. -Damn right. 377 00:21:32,582 --> 00:21:34,459 Ooooo-wee, that’s the good stuff! 378 00:21:37,295 --> 00:21:42,426 Ah sugar, ah sugar, ah sugar, is it bad? Oh! It seems really bad, isn’t it? 379 00:21:44,469 --> 00:21:48,598 Someone call Amy, tell her I need her, tell her I love her! Not my phone, 380 00:21:48,682 --> 00:21:52,769 she blocked me, use yours. Ooo-weee... I am broken.