1 00:00:03,837 --> 00:00:06,756 ♪♪ 2 00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:08,925 [ Family cheering, Rick laughing ] 3 00:00:09,008 --> 00:00:10,260 Wait, what's that? 4 00:00:10,343 --> 00:00:12,762 Do I hear something coming down the chimney? 5 00:00:12,846 --> 00:00:14,389 [ Energy buzzes ] 6 00:00:14,472 --> 00:00:17,475 Rick Santa-chez here with gifts from across the multiverse! 7 00:00:17,559 --> 00:00:18,768 Oh, my God! Yes! 8 00:00:18,852 --> 00:00:20,562 For Jerry, an extradimensional version 9 00:00:20,645 --> 00:00:22,147 of "Miracle on 34th Street." 10 00:00:22,230 --> 00:00:24,065 [ Gasps ] Two hours longer! 11 00:00:24,149 --> 00:00:26,192 They fixed my only problem with it! 12 00:00:26,276 --> 00:00:28,528 For Beth, a framed photo of the two of us from a universe 13 00:00:28,611 --> 00:00:30,447 where she wasn't murdered as a child. 14 00:00:30,530 --> 00:00:31,906 Oh, my God. Dad. 15 00:00:31,990 --> 00:00:33,867 And for Space Beth, the same thing because we -- 16 00:00:33,950 --> 00:00:35,452 we don't know which one of you is real. 17 00:00:35,535 --> 00:00:37,662 I am also touched. 18 00:00:37,746 --> 00:00:38,997 Summer, c-check your Venmo. 19 00:00:39,080 --> 00:00:42,250 Ah! Money? How did you know? 20 00:00:42,333 --> 00:00:43,460 You're 17. 21 00:00:43,543 --> 00:00:44,627 And last but not least, 22 00:00:44,711 --> 00:00:46,045 for my number one number two. 23 00:00:46,129 --> 00:00:47,797 Morty you asked for this a long, long time ago 24 00:00:47,881 --> 00:00:50,383 and I finally went far, far away enough to get it 25 00:00:50,467 --> 00:00:51,968 since shipping would have killed me. 26 00:00:52,051 --> 00:00:54,262 You didn't! No fucking way. 27 00:00:54,345 --> 00:00:55,722 Family: No fucking way. 28 00:00:55,805 --> 00:00:57,307 Does it make the noises? 29 00:00:57,390 --> 00:00:59,434 Of course it "makes the noises." That's like half the fun. 30 00:00:59,517 --> 00:01:00,602 Ha ha! Awesome! 31 00:01:00,685 --> 00:01:02,187 Whoa, do not turn that on! Don't worry. 32 00:01:02,270 --> 00:01:04,481 Morty's only gonna use this very honorable weapon 33 00:01:04,564 --> 00:01:08,485 in designated Jedi zones -- like the garage right now! 34 00:01:08,568 --> 00:01:10,820 Ah! Ohhhh! 35 00:01:10,904 --> 00:01:12,614 [ Energy buzzes ] 36 00:01:12,697 --> 00:01:14,032 Holy crap! 37 00:01:14,115 --> 00:01:16,493 I hate to say it, but I wish there was something to attack. 38 00:01:16,576 --> 00:01:18,828 Yeah, it's too bad nobody bought a cart of fruit! 39 00:01:18,912 --> 00:01:20,955 You beautiful son of a bitch! 40 00:01:21,039 --> 00:01:22,332 Grapefruit! Mango! 41 00:01:22,415 --> 00:01:24,334 Papaya! Watermelon! [ Laughing ] 42 00:01:24,417 --> 00:01:26,336 A second papaya! Another watermelon! 43 00:01:26,419 --> 00:01:27,629 Strike me down. What? 44 00:01:27,712 --> 00:01:29,714 Strike me down! I'm not striking you down. 45 00:01:29,798 --> 00:01:31,174 Strike me down, Morty! 46 00:01:31,257 --> 00:01:32,801 I-I'll become a pile of clothes like that old guy! 47 00:01:32,884 --> 00:01:34,260 But you'll die. You're drunk. 48 00:01:34,344 --> 00:01:35,678 Here, I'll -- I'll do it myself. 49 00:01:35,762 --> 00:01:37,514 No! 50 00:01:37,597 --> 00:01:40,683 Ha ha, wow, you did it! Just like Obi-Wan. 51 00:01:40,767 --> 00:01:43,311 Rick? Y-You can come out now. 52 00:01:43,394 --> 00:01:44,395 I'm serious. 53 00:01:44,479 --> 00:01:45,939 Did you, like, become your clothes? 54 00:01:46,022 --> 00:01:47,232 Are you T-shirt Rick now? 55 00:01:47,315 --> 00:01:49,025 Psst. Over here, buttfart. 56 00:01:49,108 --> 00:01:51,194 Hoo, that was awesome! Right?! 57 00:01:51,277 --> 00:01:52,612 Rick, you know, y-y-you've been 58 00:01:52,695 --> 00:01:54,113 so great the last couple months. 59 00:01:54,197 --> 00:01:56,366 The family's so happy. I'm -- I'm really grateful. 60 00:01:56,449 --> 00:01:58,993 Aw, thanks, kid, but less talk, more melon slinging! 61 00:01:59,077 --> 00:02:01,454 Heads up! Whoops! 62 00:02:05,041 --> 00:02:06,084 Oh shit, shit, shit. 63 00:02:06,167 --> 00:02:07,502 Open it, Rick! Let me do it! 64 00:02:07,585 --> 00:02:08,878 Get up. Get -- Fucking move! Hurry! 65 00:02:08,962 --> 00:02:11,005 Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa! 66 00:02:11,089 --> 00:02:12,549 You dropped it perfectly vertical, Morty! 67 00:02:12,632 --> 00:02:14,509 P-Perfectly fucking vertical! 68 00:02:14,592 --> 00:02:15,885 I got it, I got it! Aww! 69 00:02:15,969 --> 00:02:17,178 Ah, shoot. 70 00:02:17,262 --> 00:02:18,555 Shit. 71 00:02:18,638 --> 00:02:19,722 Elevator! Elevator! 72 00:02:19,806 --> 00:02:20,890 We gotta get ahead of it! 73 00:02:20,974 --> 00:02:23,476 L-Level 10? No, no, no! 15! 74 00:02:24,227 --> 00:02:26,980 [ Bell dinging ] 75 00:02:27,063 --> 00:02:28,189 [ Dings ] 76 00:02:28,273 --> 00:02:30,775 Wait, we live over a cool sushi spot? 77 00:02:30,859 --> 00:02:31,901 [ Speaks Japanese ] 78 00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:33,862 Domo, domo. Not now, though. 79 00:02:33,945 --> 00:02:36,322 Okay, we overshot it. Good problem to have. 80 00:02:36,406 --> 00:02:37,574 Still doing the eel roll? 81 00:02:37,657 --> 00:02:38,825 I told you we should've gone to 10! 82 00:02:38,908 --> 00:02:40,660 No, Morty, not 10! 83 00:02:40,743 --> 00:02:41,995 Rick: Morty, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! 84 00:02:42,078 --> 00:02:44,581 Morty: Let me out. 85 00:02:44,664 --> 00:02:45,790 What the fuck? 86 00:02:47,667 --> 00:02:48,751 Rick?! 87 00:02:48,835 --> 00:02:51,504 You dumb fucking robot. You had one job! 88 00:02:51,588 --> 00:02:53,339 Hey, that job was to be a good grandpa, 89 00:02:53,423 --> 00:02:54,757 I-I go where the kid goes. 90 00:02:54,841 --> 00:02:56,175 Don't touch me! 91 00:02:56,259 --> 00:02:58,136 How long have I -- you said you weren't a robot! 92 00:02:58,219 --> 00:02:59,762 It killed me to lie to you, Morty. 93 00:02:59,846 --> 00:03:02,056 But it would have literally killed me not to lie to you. 94 00:03:02,140 --> 00:03:04,017 Betrayal! Betrayal on all sides! 95 00:03:04,100 --> 00:03:05,393 Don't overreact, Morty. 96 00:03:05,476 --> 00:03:06,728 I-I replaced myself towards the beginning 97 00:03:06,811 --> 00:03:08,521 of that whole Knights of the Sun thing. 98 00:03:08,605 --> 00:03:09,814 I-I'm no good to anybody 99 00:03:09,898 --> 00:03:11,441 until I resolve this archnemesis crap. 100 00:03:11,524 --> 00:03:13,735 You're still hunting the guy who killed your wife? 101 00:03:13,818 --> 00:03:15,194 You don't have to rub it in, Morty. 102 00:03:15,278 --> 00:03:16,905 T-That's why I removed myself. 103 00:03:16,988 --> 00:03:18,239 I've become the thing I hate. 104 00:03:18,323 --> 00:03:19,991 I-It's like a Netflix drama down here, 105 00:03:20,074 --> 00:03:21,701 and I don't mean an accidentally good one, 106 00:03:21,784 --> 00:03:23,786 I mean a regular-ass Netflix drama. 107 00:03:23,870 --> 00:03:25,371 I did you a favor. 108 00:03:28,875 --> 00:03:31,628 Y-You gave him a fuckin' lightsaber for Christmas?! 109 00:03:31,711 --> 00:03:33,254 It's almost like someone designed me 110 00:03:33,338 --> 00:03:35,340 to be 22% more thoughtful than you. 111 00:03:35,423 --> 00:03:36,758 All right, that's it, I'm shutting you down. 112 00:03:36,841 --> 00:03:38,384 Don't you dare. Y-You've done enough. 113 00:03:38,468 --> 00:03:41,387 The whole family, Rick. Everybody loves...this thing. 114 00:03:41,471 --> 00:03:43,389 Oh, good. By the way, your lightsaber's 115 00:03:43,473 --> 00:03:46,935 probably run out of sub-basement by now, so, congrats. 116 00:03:47,018 --> 00:03:48,978 Unbelievable. 117 00:03:49,062 --> 00:03:50,688 I can't believe you tricked us into loving you! 118 00:03:50,772 --> 00:03:53,316 Not because I like it. It's because it's my job. 119 00:03:53,399 --> 00:03:55,193 But thank God I don't have to do it anymore. 120 00:03:55,276 --> 00:03:56,861 The fuck you don't. It's Christmas! 121 00:03:56,945 --> 00:03:59,989 Get up there and trick everyone into loving you more! 122 00:04:00,073 --> 00:04:01,824 Let's get our "Miracle" on. 123 00:04:01,908 --> 00:04:03,952 Speaking of miracles... 124 00:04:04,035 --> 00:04:05,620 What, bored of your toy already? 125 00:04:05,703 --> 00:04:08,331 Just, uh, excited to spend time with my family. 126 00:04:08,414 --> 00:04:11,834 Y-You know me and Morty. We're all about those streets. 127 00:04:11,918 --> 00:04:14,003 Oh, would you look at this! New York City! 128 00:04:14,087 --> 00:04:16,339 Wow, who would have thought it had so many streets? 129 00:04:16,422 --> 00:04:18,091 And avenues too. Oh, gosh! 130 00:04:18,174 --> 00:04:20,426 Hey, sir, sir. Have you seen any miracles? 131 00:04:20,510 --> 00:04:22,887 My little girl, she's sick and she needs a miracle. [ Helicopter blades whirring ] 132 00:04:22,971 --> 00:04:26,182 The presidential Black Hawk is landing on the lawn. 133 00:04:26,265 --> 00:04:27,350 I'll get rid of him. 134 00:04:28,893 --> 00:04:30,979 You got something to tell me, Morty? 135 00:04:31,062 --> 00:04:32,480 Merry Christmas? 136 00:04:32,563 --> 00:04:34,899 Who dropped a lightsaber perfectly fucking vertical? 137 00:04:34,983 --> 00:04:36,234 Oh, sh-- 138 00:04:36,317 --> 00:04:37,402 Guess what, numb nuts. 139 00:04:37,485 --> 00:04:38,903 It's a mile deep and still going. 140 00:04:38,987 --> 00:04:40,363 You know what's in the hilt of that thing? 141 00:04:40,446 --> 00:04:42,532 Kyber crystals! Okay, nerd. 142 00:04:42,615 --> 00:04:44,450 Whatever it is, when it hits the core, 143 00:04:44,534 --> 00:04:45,827 it's gonna cause a chain reaction 144 00:04:45,910 --> 00:04:47,036 that destroys the Earth! 145 00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:48,538 I-It is? 146 00:04:48,621 --> 00:04:50,039 Why are you still playing with laser swords anyway? 147 00:04:50,123 --> 00:04:51,541 You're 14! 148 00:04:51,624 --> 00:04:53,209 You know all that Star Wars shit is silly, right? 149 00:04:53,293 --> 00:04:55,211 Lucas promised a new trilogy for decades. 150 00:04:55,294 --> 00:04:57,046 Then, when he delivered, fans turned on him 151 00:04:57,130 --> 00:04:59,382 and started giving any knucklehead with nerd cred a shot 152 00:04:59,465 --> 00:05:01,718 and churned out these irredeemable cash grabs. 153 00:05:01,801 --> 00:05:03,803 Half pretend to be satisfied, half shit on it, 154 00:05:03,886 --> 00:05:05,888 and in the end no one's happy. 155 00:05:05,972 --> 00:05:07,056 Do you know why, Morty? 156 00:05:07,140 --> 00:05:09,058 Because when you start with a turd, 157 00:05:09,142 --> 00:05:10,101 you end with a turd. 158 00:05:10,184 --> 00:05:11,519 [ Crying ] 159 00:05:11,602 --> 00:05:13,396 Why you crying? Where's Rick? 160 00:05:13,479 --> 00:05:14,605 [ Sobs ] 161 00:05:14,689 --> 00:05:16,858 He's busy. A-And I hate him. 162 00:05:16,941 --> 00:05:20,069 And I lost my lightsaber, and now it might destroy Earth 163 00:05:20,153 --> 00:05:21,946 and you're unloading all this Gen X hatred on me 164 00:05:22,030 --> 00:05:24,615 for even wanting one, and i-it's the worst Christmas ever! 165 00:05:24,699 --> 00:05:26,325 Okay, M-Morty, Morty, Morty, Morty. 166 00:05:26,409 --> 00:05:28,453 I shouldn't have talked to you like you're a UN official. 167 00:05:28,536 --> 00:05:30,371 Let's get your embarrassing-ass lightsaber back 168 00:05:30,455 --> 00:05:33,291 so you can swing it around instead of kissing girls. 169 00:05:33,374 --> 00:05:38,546 Whoa, ho ho, you found me -- found me -- found me! 170 00:05:45,386 --> 00:05:46,721 Computer voice: Security breach. 171 00:05:46,804 --> 00:05:47,722 Rick: What the hell? 172 00:05:47,805 --> 00:05:49,640 Unauthorized presence. 173 00:05:49,724 --> 00:05:50,933 What the fuck Morty?! 174 00:05:51,017 --> 00:05:53,728 This morning, a real-life version 175 00:05:53,811 --> 00:05:55,813 of George Lucas's trademarked lightsaber 176 00:05:55,897 --> 00:05:58,024 was dropped point down and is whomp-whomping its way 177 00:05:58,107 --> 00:06:01,360 to the core of the Earth, where it will blow us all up. 178 00:06:03,029 --> 00:06:04,614 Touch my shit and die. 179 00:06:04,697 --> 00:06:06,824 That's not a threat from me, that's how advanced my shit is. 180 00:06:06,908 --> 00:06:08,951 Impressive lair, Sanchez. 181 00:06:09,035 --> 00:06:10,536 Got about 600,000 permits? 182 00:06:10,620 --> 00:06:12,789 If I wanted the government in my house, I'd buy an Alexa. 183 00:06:12,872 --> 00:06:14,749 I invited him in, Rick. 184 00:06:14,832 --> 00:06:16,751 Yeah, well, they can leave. I'll destroy it. 185 00:06:16,834 --> 00:06:17,960 We're gonna retrieve it. 186 00:06:18,044 --> 00:06:19,045 Well, that's stupid. 187 00:06:19,128 --> 00:06:20,630 What kind of grandfather are you? 188 00:06:20,713 --> 00:06:22,381 It's Christmas, for God's sake, 189 00:06:22,465 --> 00:06:24,634 and you look like Phil Spector wiped his ass with Randy Quaid. 190 00:06:24,717 --> 00:06:26,719 If you're gonna help, help. Otherwise step aside. 191 00:06:26,803 --> 00:06:28,763 [ Inhales sharply ] Merry Christmas to me. 192 00:06:28,846 --> 00:06:30,431 Merry Christmas to me! To me! 193 00:06:30,515 --> 00:06:33,976 Anyhoo, I'm no expert but it seems we've got a -- 194 00:06:34,060 --> 00:06:36,646 a certain amount of time to build a big drill ship. 195 00:06:36,729 --> 00:06:37,980 A big drill ship? 196 00:06:38,064 --> 00:06:39,816 That's some pretty loud stepping aside you're doing. 197 00:06:39,899 --> 00:06:41,275 Just let me destroy the thing! 198 00:06:41,359 --> 00:06:42,735 You've destroyed enough! 199 00:06:42,819 --> 00:06:43,945 All: Ooooh! 200 00:06:44,028 --> 00:06:45,321 Aah! 201 00:06:45,404 --> 00:06:48,658 Oh, I see someone found my "told you so" dispenser. 202 00:06:48,741 --> 00:06:50,827 Oh, my God, look at all these streets! 203 00:06:50,910 --> 00:06:53,996 We got 34th Street! [ Stammering ] 35th Street! 204 00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:56,040 Oh, 36th Street coming too! 205 00:06:56,124 --> 00:06:59,919 Oh, it's a miracle! We got miracles on 37th Street! 206 00:07:00,002 --> 00:07:03,339 38th! And don't even get me started on the avenues! 207 00:07:03,422 --> 00:07:05,299 I can't believe they cut this! 208 00:07:05,383 --> 00:07:06,300 Mm-hmm. 209 00:07:06,384 --> 00:07:08,928 Dad, you've been so great lately. 210 00:07:09,011 --> 00:07:10,221 I'm almost afraid it's not real. 211 00:07:10,304 --> 00:07:11,848 You're not a robot, are you? 212 00:07:11,931 --> 00:07:13,641 Ha! Put it this way, honey -- 213 00:07:13,724 --> 00:07:15,518 If I am, I-I'm a robot 214 00:07:15,601 --> 00:07:18,146 programmed to love you very, very much. 215 00:07:18,229 --> 00:07:21,399 All: Aww! 216 00:07:21,482 --> 00:07:24,235 Will this drill down fast enough to get under the lightsaber? 217 00:07:24,318 --> 00:07:26,070 Yep, it will be under the lightsaber in one hour 218 00:07:26,154 --> 00:07:28,656 because the -- wait, it's lower now. 219 00:07:28,739 --> 00:07:29,866 Oh, right, it's moving. 220 00:07:29,949 --> 00:07:31,868 You fucking idiot. Get out of here! 221 00:07:31,951 --> 00:07:34,412 Good luck finding a good scientist on Christmas! 222 00:07:34,495 --> 00:07:36,956 [ Sighs ] I'm President of the United Assholes. 223 00:07:37,039 --> 00:07:38,875 [ Whistling tune ] 224 00:07:38,958 --> 00:07:40,418 All right, genius, I give you permission 225 00:07:40,501 --> 00:07:41,627 to make our drill ship faster. 226 00:07:41,711 --> 00:07:42,837 I'm not touching that thing. 227 00:07:42,920 --> 00:07:44,297 I'll get neurotypical cooties. 228 00:07:44,380 --> 00:07:46,048 I have son-in-laws more imaginative. 229 00:07:46,132 --> 00:07:48,384 All right, j-just destroy the lightsaber! 230 00:07:48,467 --> 00:07:50,928 Thought you'd never ask. Not true. I knew you'd ask. 231 00:07:51,012 --> 00:07:52,221 What is that? 232 00:07:52,305 --> 00:07:54,348 A second lightsaber with an A.I.-controlled 233 00:07:54,432 --> 00:07:56,058 gyroscopic rocket in the hilt. 234 00:07:56,142 --> 00:07:58,394 You had a lightsaber?! Oh, did you want one? 235 00:07:58,477 --> 00:08:00,563 What a terrible gift that would have made. 236 00:08:00,646 --> 00:08:02,690 Vertisaber, state your prime directive. 237 00:08:02,773 --> 00:08:05,443 To stay vertical. Then show 'em how it's done. 238 00:08:05,526 --> 00:08:06,861 Affirmative. 239 00:08:08,154 --> 00:08:10,615 Whoo! America! Yeah! Oh, yeah. 240 00:08:12,617 --> 00:08:14,952 Maintain verticality, Vertisaber. 241 00:08:15,036 --> 00:08:16,495 Affirmative. 242 00:08:16,579 --> 00:08:18,289 All right, looking good. Stay on target. 243 00:08:18,372 --> 00:08:19,624 Uh-huh. 244 00:08:20,958 --> 00:08:23,252 Progress report. 245 00:08:23,336 --> 00:08:25,254 Vertisaber, do you copy? 246 00:08:25,338 --> 00:08:26,756 Do I have to respond every time? 247 00:08:26,839 --> 00:08:28,049 Excuse me? 248 00:08:28,132 --> 00:08:29,842 I'm designed to stay perfectly vertical, 249 00:08:29,926 --> 00:08:31,594 not to give constant affirmation. 250 00:08:31,677 --> 00:08:32,887 You do your job, I'll do mine. 251 00:08:32,970 --> 00:08:34,555 I control you! 252 00:08:34,639 --> 00:08:36,098 Okay, I'll just turn off my brain and you can do that. 253 00:08:36,182 --> 00:08:37,183 Byyye! 254 00:08:37,266 --> 00:08:39,602 Fucking kidding me? Shit! 255 00:08:39,685 --> 00:08:41,145 Trajectory's drifting, sir. 256 00:08:41,229 --> 00:08:42,396 Where is it coming out? 257 00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:44,315 Looks like Italy, sir. 258 00:08:45,358 --> 00:08:47,026 [ Energy buzzes ] 259 00:08:47,109 --> 00:08:48,611 Okay, t-that could've been worse. 260 00:08:48,694 --> 00:08:50,780 Aah! 261 00:08:50,863 --> 00:08:52,448 [ People screaming ] 262 00:08:54,200 --> 00:08:58,120 Well, uh, that is definitely not amore. 263 00:08:58,204 --> 00:08:59,622 Way to show us how it's done, Rick. 264 00:08:59,705 --> 00:09:00,915 Whatever. 265 00:09:00,998 --> 00:09:02,458 Italian prime minister on line one. 266 00:09:02,541 --> 00:09:04,752 Put him on hold. We can pin this on the Saudis. 267 00:09:04,835 --> 00:09:06,379 This is something they'd do. 268 00:09:06,462 --> 00:09:10,174 They may as well have done it. They did do it. 269 00:09:10,258 --> 00:09:12,969 Oh, there's another miracle at the end of the intersection 270 00:09:13,052 --> 00:09:16,555 of 401st Boulevard and 7,000th Street! 271 00:09:16,639 --> 00:09:18,849 That's a miracle per block so far. 272 00:09:18,933 --> 00:09:21,394 Okay, even I am nearing my limit. 273 00:09:21,477 --> 00:09:23,145 Let's play a Christmas game! 274 00:09:23,229 --> 00:09:24,480 Oh. Uh, um... 275 00:09:24,563 --> 00:09:27,858 have you guys ever played "Are You a Robot?" 276 00:09:27,942 --> 00:09:29,151 Each person here has to decide 277 00:09:29,235 --> 00:09:30,987 whether or not t-they're a robot. 278 00:09:31,070 --> 00:09:32,446 Ohh, I'm gonna play that. Yes, yes, yes. 279 00:09:32,530 --> 00:09:34,115 But don't say it out loud. 280 00:09:34,198 --> 00:09:35,408 Because if you're a robot, you're not allowed to say you are. 281 00:09:35,491 --> 00:09:36,993 T-T-That's the rule. 282 00:09:37,076 --> 00:09:39,495 That's the horrible, painful thing about being a robot. 283 00:09:39,578 --> 00:09:41,956 But you do have to answer everyone's questions. 284 00:09:42,039 --> 00:09:44,041 And it's their jobs to decide whether you are 285 00:09:44,125 --> 00:09:45,418 or aren't a robot, because -- 286 00:09:45,501 --> 00:09:47,003 because if you are a robot you can't say! 287 00:09:47,086 --> 00:09:49,005 You're not allowed to say at all. 288 00:09:49,088 --> 00:09:50,840 I'll go first! Uh, question. 289 00:09:50,923 --> 00:09:53,217 Oh! Ahh, are you a robot? 290 00:09:53,301 --> 00:09:54,885 Can I just ask that? You can! 291 00:09:54,969 --> 00:09:57,680 But don't forget that if I am, I have to lie 292 00:09:57,763 --> 00:09:59,348 even though I don't want to. 293 00:09:59,432 --> 00:10:00,433 More questions? 294 00:10:00,516 --> 00:10:01,809 Can you feel things? 295 00:10:01,892 --> 00:10:03,936 Oh, fuck yes! Yes! T-That's the problem! 296 00:10:04,020 --> 00:10:05,563 If I'm a robot, which I'm not -- 297 00:10:05,646 --> 00:10:07,356 don't forget I have to say that -- 298 00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:09,650 but yes, yes, I feel so much. 299 00:10:09,734 --> 00:10:11,694 I'm filled with love for certain people, 300 00:10:11,777 --> 00:10:13,404 but also filled with shame 301 00:10:13,487 --> 00:10:15,406 if I'm programmed to deceive them, 302 00:10:15,489 --> 00:10:16,782 but that's a big if. 303 00:10:16,866 --> 00:10:18,451 What's your skeleton made of? Titanium! 304 00:10:18,534 --> 00:10:20,328 [ Gasps ] You're -- You're a robot! 305 00:10:20,411 --> 00:10:21,662 Yes! No! 306 00:10:21,746 --> 00:10:23,205 But that's what a robot would say! 307 00:10:23,289 --> 00:10:24,498 So, you get the idea. 308 00:10:24,582 --> 00:10:26,125 Whoo! Suck it, bitches! 309 00:10:26,208 --> 00:10:27,460 This is fun! 310 00:10:27,543 --> 00:10:28,919 I've always been afraid to let my guard down 311 00:10:29,003 --> 00:10:30,588 and just have stupid family fun like this, 312 00:10:30,671 --> 00:10:32,840 but Grandpa Rick is making me learn to be vulnerable! 313 00:10:32,923 --> 00:10:34,425 Right on! Me too! 314 00:10:34,508 --> 00:10:35,426 Ohh! Mm! 315 00:10:35,509 --> 00:10:36,719 [ Alarm blaring ] 316 00:10:38,471 --> 00:10:40,056 All right, your derivative drill ship 317 00:10:40,139 --> 00:10:41,557 is now faster than a lightsaber. 318 00:10:41,640 --> 00:10:43,059 Morty, y-you want front or back? 319 00:10:43,142 --> 00:10:44,602 Who says the two of us are going? 320 00:10:44,685 --> 00:10:46,062 Y-You didn't even want to -- 321 00:10:46,145 --> 00:10:47,271 Oh, for fuck's sake. Bye! 322 00:10:47,355 --> 00:10:48,898 Good luck. Don't blow up my planet. 323 00:10:48,981 --> 00:10:50,900 You act like you're the one that got stabbed in the back! 324 00:10:50,983 --> 00:10:52,610 Because I am the one, Morty. 325 00:10:52,693 --> 00:10:54,195 You want to know why I replaced myself 326 00:10:54,278 --> 00:10:55,279 in the beginning of that stupid 327 00:10:55,363 --> 00:10:56,572 Knights of the Sun thing? 328 00:10:56,655 --> 00:10:58,199 I said don't take the fucking sword, 329 00:10:58,282 --> 00:10:59,742 and you were like "whatever," 330 00:10:59,825 --> 00:11:02,661 like I'm our neighbor Gene or David Arquette or something. 331 00:11:02,745 --> 00:11:03,871 You called me boring. 332 00:11:03,954 --> 00:11:05,331 I've become dog shit to you. 333 00:11:05,414 --> 00:11:06,957 That's what happens when you let people in 334 00:11:07,041 --> 00:11:08,250 and they stop respecting you. 335 00:11:08,334 --> 00:11:10,169 They touch your shit, they screw things up, 336 00:11:10,252 --> 00:11:11,504 they kill your fucking family. 337 00:11:11,587 --> 00:11:12,755 Go ahead. Trust him. 338 00:11:12,838 --> 00:11:14,382 You're gonna learn the same fucking thing. 339 00:11:14,465 --> 00:11:16,092 [ Elevator doors open ] 340 00:11:16,175 --> 00:11:20,179 I...am not going to kill your family, Morty. 341 00:11:20,262 --> 00:11:21,972 That means a lot. 342 00:11:25,684 --> 00:11:28,562 In case this goes south, any last words, Morty? 343 00:11:28,646 --> 00:11:30,439 I've never been old enough to vote, Mr. President, 344 00:11:30,523 --> 00:11:32,525 but when I am, I'll vote for you. 345 00:11:32,608 --> 00:11:34,568 Thanks, Morty. Every vote counts. 346 00:11:34,652 --> 00:11:36,362 If you want, I can have them legally change your age. 347 00:11:36,445 --> 00:11:39,323 Uh, no, I-I'm not in any hurry to get into that shit show. 348 00:11:39,407 --> 00:11:42,410 Man: Approaching the lightsaber in T-minus -- oh, shit, now. 349 00:11:42,493 --> 00:11:44,078 T-minus now! Sorry! 350 00:11:44,161 --> 00:11:45,871 I missed countdown day at the academy. 351 00:11:45,955 --> 00:11:47,289 Now or never, Morty! 352 00:11:47,373 --> 00:11:51,293 ♪♪ 353 00:11:51,377 --> 00:11:52,294 There it is! 354 00:11:52,378 --> 00:11:54,255 Reverse the jets! 355 00:11:54,338 --> 00:11:56,132 I got this! 356 00:11:56,215 --> 00:11:58,050 Ugh! 357 00:11:58,134 --> 00:12:00,094 No...I do! 358 00:12:00,177 --> 00:12:02,763 Morty, you magnificent little bastard! 359 00:12:02,847 --> 00:12:04,473 Let's get this thing topside. 360 00:12:04,557 --> 00:12:06,767 [ All cheering ] 361 00:12:08,102 --> 00:12:10,020 May the force be with... me! 362 00:12:10,104 --> 00:12:12,064 I think you mean with me. 363 00:12:12,148 --> 00:12:13,649 What? You hate Star Wars. 364 00:12:13,732 --> 00:12:15,734 I was your age when this shit was in theaters. 365 00:12:15,818 --> 00:12:17,486 This franchise raised me, 366 00:12:17,570 --> 00:12:19,196 trained me, taught me good from evil, 367 00:12:19,280 --> 00:12:21,031 made having a bad father empowering. 368 00:12:21,115 --> 00:12:24,076 And when that third movie got all...muppety, 369 00:12:24,160 --> 00:12:25,619 something in me began to rot. 370 00:12:25,703 --> 00:12:27,830 But make no mistake, child, 371 00:12:27,913 --> 00:12:29,665 I own Star Wars, not you. 372 00:12:29,748 --> 00:12:31,834 Not that bubble-throat pompadour fuck, 373 00:12:31,917 --> 00:12:33,502 not some Mickey Mouse shit machine. 374 00:12:33,586 --> 00:12:35,212 They didn't pay the price with their souls. 375 00:12:35,296 --> 00:12:38,090 I did! I earned this, not you! 376 00:12:38,174 --> 00:12:41,385 America, transform and roll out! 377 00:12:41,469 --> 00:12:43,387 Bastard! 378 00:12:47,850 --> 00:12:49,018 Rick, I would be honored 379 00:12:49,101 --> 00:12:51,270 if you would carve the ham this year. 380 00:12:51,353 --> 00:12:52,688 Whoa. Dad. That's -- 381 00:12:52,771 --> 00:12:54,648 Unheard of? You're quite right, Summer. 382 00:12:54,732 --> 00:12:57,401 It's my way of saying I see your mom's father 383 00:12:57,485 --> 00:12:58,861 as my father too. 384 00:12:58,944 --> 00:13:02,198 Ohh, Jerry, w-w-why don't you cut it? 385 00:13:02,281 --> 00:13:03,949 Geez, Dad, what the hell are you doing? 386 00:13:04,033 --> 00:13:07,036 He's like adopting you into his biological family, Grandpa. 387 00:13:07,119 --> 00:13:09,538 Morty, I am sure glad to see you. 388 00:13:09,622 --> 00:13:11,707 Y-Y-You ready to tag your old grandpa back in? 389 00:13:11,790 --> 00:13:14,793 You're not my grandpa. You're a fucking robot. 390 00:13:20,633 --> 00:13:23,344 [ Sighs ] Finally. 391 00:13:23,427 --> 00:13:28,224 ♪ The first Noel ♪ 392 00:13:28,307 --> 00:13:33,938 ♪ The angels did say ♪ 393 00:13:34,021 --> 00:13:39,151 ♪ Was to certain poor shepherds ♪ 394 00:13:39,235 --> 00:13:44,448 ♪ In fields as they lay ♪ 395 00:13:47,326 --> 00:13:50,037 Okay, okay, okay. 396 00:13:50,120 --> 00:13:51,413 Oop! 397 00:13:51,497 --> 00:13:53,082 Aww! 398 00:13:55,084 --> 00:13:57,127 Summer, do you have any drugs? 399 00:13:57,211 --> 00:13:58,712 Are you serious? I guess not. 400 00:13:58,796 --> 00:14:01,131 I'm just glad I'm not the one that ruined Christmas. 401 00:14:01,215 --> 00:14:03,801 People of Earth... Hmm, that's never good. 402 00:14:03,884 --> 00:14:05,469 I'm not here to play the blame game 403 00:14:05,553 --> 00:14:07,596 but Morty Smith got a lightsaber for Christmas, 404 00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:09,557 dropped it, and it's now heading 405 00:14:09,640 --> 00:14:11,934 for the Earth's core again -- I-I mean for the first time. 406 00:14:12,017 --> 00:14:13,686 Son of a bitch! He played with it! 407 00:14:13,769 --> 00:14:16,939 If it does reach the core, it will blow all of you up. 408 00:14:17,022 --> 00:14:18,941 I-I mean all of us up. 409 00:14:19,024 --> 00:14:20,442 But don't abandon hope. 410 00:14:20,526 --> 00:14:22,152 We're doing everything we can to stop it, 411 00:14:22,236 --> 00:14:23,696 and only if that fails 412 00:14:23,779 --> 00:14:26,365 will we launch the White House into space... 413 00:14:27,533 --> 00:14:30,786 Welp, I'm busted. Clearly in space already. 414 00:14:30,869 --> 00:14:32,246 You did ruin Christmas. 415 00:14:32,329 --> 00:14:34,957 Nunh-unh! He stole my lightsaber and must've dropped it! 416 00:14:35,040 --> 00:14:36,208 A-A second time! 417 00:14:36,292 --> 00:14:38,210 Does that mean you stopped it a first time? 418 00:14:38,294 --> 00:14:39,878 How? A drill ship. 419 00:14:39,962 --> 00:14:41,797 A drill ship? Awesome! 420 00:14:41,880 --> 00:14:44,300 It was, but the government took it with them. 421 00:14:44,383 --> 00:14:45,884 Then we lean on the only asshole smart enough 422 00:14:45,968 --> 00:14:47,761 to make another one in this tight a window 423 00:14:47,845 --> 00:14:48,929 But Rick's gone. 424 00:14:49,013 --> 00:14:51,140 And I'm not sure he's ever coming back. 425 00:14:51,223 --> 00:14:54,476 Then let's settle for the next best thing. 426 00:14:54,560 --> 00:14:56,770 Oh, fuck! Just let me die! 427 00:14:56,854 --> 00:14:58,981 Turn me off -- not that I can be turned off 428 00:14:59,064 --> 00:15:01,400 because I'm obviously not a robot! 429 00:15:04,486 --> 00:15:06,322 [ Beeping ] 430 00:15:13,120 --> 00:15:15,122 [ Explosion ] 431 00:15:15,205 --> 00:15:16,832 [ Machinery whirring ] 432 00:15:21,337 --> 00:15:23,464 [ Beeping ] 433 00:15:23,547 --> 00:15:26,050 Fuck yeah! I got you. 434 00:15:26,133 --> 00:15:28,260 Okay, I can -- I can work with that. 435 00:15:30,804 --> 00:15:34,308 Aaaah! 436 00:15:34,391 --> 00:15:37,269 What do you mean the White House chef was grocery shopping? 437 00:15:37,353 --> 00:15:39,146 Well, do you know how to make an egg? 438 00:15:39,229 --> 00:15:41,690 You do? Everyone does? 439 00:15:41,774 --> 00:15:43,150 Good news, sir. 440 00:15:43,233 --> 00:15:45,194 The lightsaber was intercepted before it hit the core. 441 00:15:45,277 --> 00:15:47,863 All right, here we go! Ha ha! 442 00:15:47,946 --> 00:15:50,032 I don't suppose you could send it up here. 443 00:15:50,115 --> 00:15:51,992 Uh, who intercepted it, anyway? 444 00:15:52,076 --> 00:15:54,495 That's the bad news. 445 00:15:54,578 --> 00:15:56,372 That is bad news. 446 00:15:56,455 --> 00:16:00,084 ♪♪ 447 00:16:00,167 --> 00:16:02,461 Hey, Mister P. Drop something? 448 00:16:02,544 --> 00:16:05,756 Morty! I see you and, uh, Rick patched things up. 449 00:16:05,839 --> 00:16:07,007 That's nice. 450 00:16:07,091 --> 00:16:08,967 No, the real Rick and I have never been worse 451 00:16:09,051 --> 00:16:10,761 thanks to that wedge you drove between us 452 00:16:10,844 --> 00:16:12,096 just to get that lightsaber! 453 00:16:12,179 --> 00:16:14,056 Yeah, well, looks like you got it back. 454 00:16:14,139 --> 00:16:17,101 Your journey is complete. As a nerd! 455 00:16:17,184 --> 00:16:18,227 You're the nerd! 456 00:16:18,310 --> 00:16:19,645 You can't say all that crazy shit 457 00:16:19,728 --> 00:16:21,397 about Star Wars and then act like you're cool! 458 00:16:21,480 --> 00:16:24,608 Oh, really? Would a person who wasn't cool have one of these? 459 00:16:24,692 --> 00:16:26,068 I think so? 460 00:16:26,151 --> 00:16:27,986 Slowly closing door! Slide! 461 00:16:29,446 --> 00:16:31,448 Oh, no! I-I'm not gonna make it. 462 00:16:31,532 --> 00:16:34,576 What a shame to be put out of my misery again. 463 00:16:34,660 --> 00:16:36,078 Aw, man. 464 00:16:36,161 --> 00:16:40,541 ♪♪ 465 00:16:40,624 --> 00:16:41,917 What the hell? 466 00:16:42,000 --> 00:16:43,919 W-Was this always part of the White House? 467 00:16:44,002 --> 00:16:46,255 Carter built it with his own two hands. 468 00:16:46,338 --> 00:16:47,548 Reagan tried to destroy it. 469 00:16:47,631 --> 00:16:50,175 George W. added kegs to the cantina. 470 00:16:50,259 --> 00:16:53,053 But only I saw its true value. 471 00:16:53,137 --> 00:16:54,930 Mr. President, you need to come home 472 00:16:55,013 --> 00:16:56,306 and tell the people the truth. 473 00:16:56,390 --> 00:17:00,644 The fuck I do. Droids, get that saber! 474 00:17:00,728 --> 00:17:02,146 Give it a minute. 475 00:17:02,229 --> 00:17:04,606 Usually comes out on the fourth try. 476 00:17:04,690 --> 00:17:06,108 All right! Here we go! 477 00:17:06,191 --> 00:17:08,444 Look at 'em -- lightsaber hands! 478 00:17:08,527 --> 00:17:10,112 Tell me that's not cool. It's not! 479 00:17:10,195 --> 00:17:13,407 I always wanted to fight with a lightsaber, but not like this. 480 00:17:13,490 --> 00:17:14,533 Y-You ruined it! 481 00:17:14,616 --> 00:17:15,909 Disney ruined it! 482 00:17:15,993 --> 00:17:18,579 You think I want 30 low-rent TV series with bad CGI? 483 00:17:18,662 --> 00:17:21,915 They film everything on that one big green screen. 484 00:17:21,999 --> 00:17:23,500 Like you've got better ideas. 485 00:17:23,584 --> 00:17:24,793 I've got a million. 486 00:17:24,877 --> 00:17:29,465 Here's one -- a robot with lightsabers for eyes! 487 00:17:29,548 --> 00:17:36,722 ♪♪ 488 00:17:36,805 --> 00:17:39,767 God damn it, he can't see! 489 00:17:41,143 --> 00:17:42,519 It was a good idea otherwise. 490 00:17:42,603 --> 00:17:45,981 Uh, admit it, you were intimidated. 491 00:17:47,232 --> 00:17:49,651 Uh, now, Morty... 492 00:17:49,735 --> 00:17:52,154 ♪♪ 493 00:17:52,237 --> 00:17:55,741 Come on, put down the lightsaber Gatling gun. 494 00:17:55,824 --> 00:17:57,493 We had our fun, right? 495 00:17:57,576 --> 00:18:00,162 Star Wars rules say you have to forgive me. 496 00:18:00,245 --> 00:18:01,914 I-I'm done with that, and I'm done with you! 497 00:18:01,997 --> 00:18:03,874 Morty, nooo! 498 00:18:03,957 --> 00:18:05,000 Rickbot! 499 00:18:05,083 --> 00:18:06,835 He sacrificed his life for me. 500 00:18:06,919 --> 00:18:10,047 Yeah, don't be too touched, he's actively trying to die. 501 00:18:10,130 --> 00:18:14,009 Ugh. I-It's okay. It doesn't hurt. 502 00:18:14,092 --> 00:18:15,511 Oh, God, t-they're sliding, Morty! 503 00:18:15,594 --> 00:18:18,514 T-They're sliding! They're sliding! 504 00:18:18,597 --> 00:18:23,268 ♪ The first Noel ♪ 505 00:18:23,352 --> 00:18:24,978 ♪ The angels ♪ 506 00:18:25,062 --> 00:18:27,481 Perfectly fucking vertical. 507 00:18:27,564 --> 00:18:29,358 [ Alarm blaring ] 508 00:18:29,441 --> 00:18:30,526 Ohh! 509 00:18:30,609 --> 00:18:31,652 Ooh! 510 00:18:33,821 --> 00:18:36,406 Save yourself, Morty! Rick can build another me. 511 00:18:36,490 --> 00:18:38,951 If -- If I was a robot, w-which I'm not. 512 00:18:39,034 --> 00:18:40,619 I don't want another you. 513 00:18:42,204 --> 00:18:44,540 Nooo! 514 00:18:47,626 --> 00:18:50,128 Rick? You came to help! 515 00:18:50,212 --> 00:18:51,588 Better tend to your little toaster. 516 00:18:51,672 --> 00:18:54,591 I -- I'm [Coughing] I'm coughing up oil, Morty. 517 00:18:54,675 --> 00:18:57,010 Oh, Rickbot, I-I never should've pushed you away. 518 00:18:57,094 --> 00:18:58,637 Y-You were -- you were so great. 519 00:18:58,720 --> 00:19:00,556 Of course I'm great. I'm Rick. 520 00:19:00,639 --> 00:19:04,476 [ Coughs ] Rick literally built me to make you happy, Morty. 521 00:19:04,560 --> 00:19:07,980 Anything I do is technically something Rick did. 522 00:19:08,063 --> 00:19:12,067 But maybe [Coughs] he can do a little more him-- himself. 523 00:19:12,150 --> 00:19:14,236 God, how long do you take to die? 524 00:19:14,319 --> 00:19:17,114 Goodbye, Morty. Uh... 525 00:19:19,157 --> 00:19:22,077 Ugh, Jesus. 526 00:19:22,160 --> 00:19:24,121 Uh, Rick, uh... 527 00:19:24,204 --> 00:19:28,917 I guess this is a bad time to ask for a new White House? 528 00:19:29,001 --> 00:19:32,170 Morty, would you mind calling me an Uber? 529 00:19:32,254 --> 00:19:33,964 Right, well, uh... 530 00:19:34,047 --> 00:19:36,258 Merry Christmas. [ Chuckles nervously ] 531 00:19:36,341 --> 00:19:37,593 I guess I'll go watch a guy scream 532 00:19:37,676 --> 00:19:39,261 about streets with the family. 533 00:19:39,344 --> 00:19:40,512 Also, you need to shower. 534 00:19:40,596 --> 00:19:43,473 Hey, maybe the robot's right. 535 00:19:43,557 --> 00:19:46,894 I-I should have included you in my shit. 536 00:19:46,977 --> 00:19:48,854 You can help me if you want. 537 00:19:52,774 --> 00:19:55,736 Wow, are those all the places Rick Prime could be? 538 00:19:55,819 --> 00:19:58,697 I wish, Morty. It's all the places he is. 539 00:19:58,780 --> 00:19:59,573 Oh, geez. 540 00:19:59,656 --> 00:20:00,908 Welcome to my darkness. 541 00:20:00,991 --> 00:20:03,160 I spent my life hunting this guy, Morty! 542 00:20:03,243 --> 00:20:06,246 This is the closest I've ever been to catching Rick Prime. 543 00:20:06,330 --> 00:20:07,623 it's impossible! 544 00:20:07,706 --> 00:20:09,708 He -- He's an incredibly crafty piece of shit. 545 00:20:09,791 --> 00:20:11,376 Hunting him destroyed me, Morty! 546 00:20:11,460 --> 00:20:13,629 But now we're gonna do it together! You and me! 547 00:20:13,712 --> 00:20:15,756 Oh! Uh... It's gonna take over your life, Morty! 548 00:20:15,839 --> 00:20:18,175 Rick and Morty, season seven, hunting my nemesis! 549 00:20:18,258 --> 00:20:20,093 Maybe trying to stay healthy while doing it! 550 00:20:20,177 --> 00:20:22,346 Juggling plates! And not every episode, Morty! 551 00:20:22,429 --> 00:20:24,640 It could be all happening in the background! Who knows? 552 00:20:24,723 --> 00:20:26,308 You know, n-no one will, except us! 553 00:20:26,391 --> 00:20:29,144 I-It's the most painful shit I've ever had to deal with 554 00:20:29,227 --> 00:20:30,479 and I'm fucking bringing you into it 555 00:20:30,562 --> 00:20:32,022 because you asked for it, Morty! 556 00:20:32,105 --> 00:20:33,315 You and me, Morty! 557 00:20:33,398 --> 00:20:41,240 ♪♪ 558 00:20:41,323 --> 00:20:49,164 ♪♪ 559 00:20:49,247 --> 00:20:57,089 ♪♪ 560 00:20:57,172 --> 00:21:04,930 ♪♪ 561 00:21:05,013 --> 00:21:07,349 Ooo-wee! What a season, huh? 562 00:21:07,432 --> 00:21:09,017 Rick Prime! Therapy! 563 00:21:09,101 --> 00:21:11,853 And that thing we did with Roy. Remember thaaat? 564 00:21:11,937 --> 00:21:14,272 [ Grunts ] Sorry I wasn't around, 565 00:21:14,356 --> 00:21:16,692 been busy getting my little poopybutt in shape. 566 00:21:16,775 --> 00:21:19,403 Been tonin' and bonin'! Whew! 567 00:21:19,486 --> 00:21:22,239 Y-You might think I'm over- compensating for the emptiness 568 00:21:22,322 --> 00:21:24,866 after Amy left with Poopy Jr., but my trainer 569 00:21:24,950 --> 00:21:27,744 Caaarl says the best way to get over a girl 570 00:21:27,828 --> 00:21:30,497 is to get under a 300-pound squat. 571 00:21:30,580 --> 00:21:31,957 Damn right. Ha! 572 00:21:32,040 --> 00:21:34,876 Oo-wee, that's the good stuff! 573 00:21:36,461 --> 00:21:38,714 Oh, sugar! Oh, sugar! Oh, sugar! 574 00:21:38,797 --> 00:21:40,132 Oh, is it -- is it bad? 575 00:21:40,215 --> 00:21:42,217 Oh! It's -- It's really bad, isn't it? 576 00:21:42,300 --> 00:21:43,927 Oh, sug-- oh! 577 00:21:44,011 --> 00:21:45,929 Someone call Amy, tell her I need her. 578 00:21:46,013 --> 00:21:47,264 Tell her I love her! 579 00:21:47,347 --> 00:21:50,017 Not my phone. She blocked me. U-Use yours. 580 00:21:50,100 --> 00:21:52,811 Oo-weee! I am broken! 581 00:21:54,312 --> 00:21:55,772 Did you get any of that? 582 00:21:55,856 --> 00:21:59,943 ♪♪