-Good
-Good evening,
-Good evening, everybody,
-Good and welcome tobody, "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
On tonight's show, superstar Wayne Brady,
shooting star Gary Anthony Williams,
falling star Colin Mochrie,
and death star Ryan Stiles.
And I'm Aisha Tyler.
This is gonna be awesome!
[ Cheers and applause ]
Whoo-hoo!
Hey!
Hey, everybody. Welcome.
Welcome to the show where everything is made up
and the points don't matter.
We've got a great show for you tonight,
so let's get started with a game we call "Scenes from a Hat,"
which is for all four performers.
So, Ryan and Colin, you're gonna go over there.
Wayne and Gary, come right here.
Now, before the show,
we asked the audience to write down scenes
they would like see acted out by our performers,
and I've got the suggestions
in this very subtly-colored hat right here.
I'm gonna read them out,
and we're gonna see how many our performers can act out.
You guys ready?
"World's Worst Stage Act."
-♪ 1,003, 1,004 ♪
♪ 1,005, 1,006 ♪
♪ 1,007, 1,008 ♪
♪ 1,009, 1,010 ♪ [ Buzzer ]
♪ 1,011, 1,012 ♪ [ Buzzer ]
♪ 1,013 ♪
♪ 1,014, 1,0-- ♪
[ Buzzer ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Now two balls.
[ Buzzer ]
[ Laughter ]
-Is this your watch?
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
-I am my own ventriloquist.
[ Laughter ]
Hey, Timmy. How you doing?
I don't know.
[ Gargling ]
[ Buzzer ] Thank you.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-I'm here to tell you, America,
being fat Wayne Brady isn't all it's cracked up to be.
[ Laughter, applause ]
[ Buzzer ]
[ Laughter continues ]
-"Strange Products to Sell with a Sexy Voiceover."
-[ Deep voice ] Don't you think it's time
for you to get an amputation?
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
-Very yucky. -The actual...
-[ Whispering ] Let's make those hemorrhoids disappear.
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
-Mm...
Constriction socks for those varicose veins.
[ Laughter ]
Yeah, so tight.
So tight.
Push the [bleep] buzzer.
[ Buzzer ]
[ Laughter, applause ]
-"People You Don't Want to Be Stuck in an Elevator with."
-Constriction socks.
So tight.
[ Buzzer ]
[ Laughter ]
-"Things That Don't Sound As Bad When You Sing Them."
-♪ Erectile dysfunction ♪
♪ Down at the junction ♪
[ Buzzer ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-♪ Your daddy and I are getting a divorce ♪
-♪ And whose fault is it? ♪
♪ Yours, of course ♪
[ Buzzer ] ♪ Yours, of course ♪
Yeah! -Therapy.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Ohh!
-♪ You can go oftener ♪
♪ If you have stool softener ♪
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-1,000 points to each and every one of you from me,
and I expect flowers and a card in the morning.
-Check under your desk. -Ooh!
-It's not morning yet. -Hello.
No, there's nothing under there.
There's nothing there.
Now we're gonna play a game called "Sound Effects."
This is a game for Ryan and Colin,
so come on down, gentlemen.
We're also gonna need help
from two volunteers from the audience.
I remember. Let's see who we're gonna use.
Ah!
Oh, hi. Hello.
Tell me your name.
-Erin. -Erin. Come with me, Erin.
Who else? Who else wants up?
-Hi. -Hi.
Tell me your name. -Hi. I'm Kelly.
-Kelly, come with me. Kelly and Erin.
Give it up for Kelly and Erin. Come on down.
[ Cheers and applause ] Yaaaay!
Okay, go ahead and join those guys onstage.
I'll bring you a microphone.
Alright, so here's how this is going to work.
Ryan and Colin are gonna perform a scene, and Erin and Kelly
are gonna provide the sound effects,
but when prompted, so look at the action,
and when they indicate that they need some sounds,
make some sounds.
And Erin is gonna do them for Colin, and, Kelly,
you're gonna do them for Ryan, and your scene is that,
Ryan and Colin, you are two cavalry officers,
and you're in the Wild West.
You ride through Apache territory
to defend a bank train from armed robbers.
Take it away.
-♪ Doop-doop, doop-doop ♪
-♪ Da-doop, da-doop, da-doop, da-doop ♪
Well, that's -- that's enough of the musical ride.
-Right. Someday we're gonna have to get on real horses.
You know that. -I know.
-Instead of these cheap ones outside the general store.
-[ Neighs ]
-You know, we're in dangerous territory.
-Apache territory. -I know. Listen, the drums.
-Hoo! -Boom-boom, boom-boom.
-It's alright. They're being played by owls. We're okay.
[ Laughter, applause ]
Alright, I'll assemble the troops. Let me sound cavalry.
-[ Imitates trumpet fanfare ]
-Wasn't that the "Star Wars" theme?
-Yes, it was.
[ Laughter ]
-Look, a train!
-[ Imitating train chugging ]
-It's moving pretty slowly. -Yeah.
-Those robbers are gonna catch up to it very quickly.
-It doesn't look like any of the other troops are joining us.
-Quick, jump on these buffalo, make our way down there.
-Alright.
-[ Imitating buffalo crying ]
-Oh. Whoa.
-I'm sorry. -I'm sorry, Corporal.
-Let's just run down to...
-They did not wanna be ridden. -No.
[ Laughter ] -Look.
Let's grab onto the train and climb up on the top.
That way, we can see if anyone's coming.
-The train's still coming? -Yeah.
-[ Imitating train chugging ] -Told ya.
-There it is. -Right.
Jump. -Whoo!
-Oh! -That was fun.
Let's do it again.
-Alright, this time watch out for the cat.
-Alright. -[ Imitating train chugging ]
-Meow. -Wurr!
-That's so much fun. Alright, we're on the train.
We're heading into Apache territory, I suppose.
-Oh, look. -Huh?
-That looks like a whole group of rustlers.
[ Both grunting ]
-Japanese rustlers. -Yeah.
-The worst kind.
-Oh! Oh, my eye. Oh.
-They seem pretty disturbed about something.
-This is our stop. We'd better get off.
-I don't think we have enough bullets.
-The middle of the desert. What are we gonna -- Careful.
-What? -Rattlesnake.
-[ Imitating rattling ] -[ Gasps ]
-I've urinated all over myself.
-I'm scared. I'm scared. [ Buzzer ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Thank you. -Thank you.
Thank you so much.
Everybody give it up for Erin and Kelly!
[ Cheers and applause ]
Alright, we'll see even more after the break
on "Whose Line Is It Anyway?" right after this.
♪♪
-Welcome back to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?" --
the show where everything is made up
and the points don't matter.
Now we're gonna play a game called "Newsflash."
This is for Ryan, Gary, and Colin.
So, guys, come on down.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Ryan and Gary are gonna be two news anchors in the studio,
and Colin is gonna be in the field
as a reporter covering a breaking news story.
But he's not actually gonna know what the news story is
because he'll be standing in front of a blank screen
just like your weatherman on your home newscast.
And even if he looks behind him, all he can see is green.
He has no monitors and absolutely
no idea what's going on.
By the magic of television, Ryan, Gary, and everybody else
watching will all see the news story
projected onto the TV screen. The challenge that Colin faces
is guessing what the news story is.
And so here we go now over to Ryan and Gary in the studio.
-We have a breaking news story out in the field.
We go to our man in the streets, Colin Mochrie.
Can you hear us, Colin?
[ Laughter ]
-Co-- Colin. Colin, can you -- -Oh.
-Can you-- We're in the studio. Can you hear us?
-I can hear you now. There was some technical difficulties.
I could barely hear you over this.
-Right.
[ Audience "ohhs" ]
-Oh, did you see that? -I did.
-I can't even find the words to describe it.
-Colin, I'm wondering -- Is that what happened to you?
[ Audience "ohhs" ]
-He means that, of course, spiritually.
[ Audience "ohhs" ]
-He means that on a higher...
[ Audience "ohhs" ]
...a higher level, Colin.
Is that what happened to you on a higher level?
-Yes, I'm supposing it is.
I do find a personal feeling towards this story.
-I can't hear you, Colin. Let 'er rip.
-I'm doing it now.
-Ah.
No, no, no. [ Audience "ohhs" ]
-Oh!
Come on.
[ Laughter ]
-Colin, now that you're there,
any affinity towards being a Brazilian now? Anything?
-Absolutely. [ Audience "ohhs" ]
I've had --
[ Audience "ohhs" ]
I defy you to look at this and not make a noise.
[ Laughter ] -Oh.
-That is a smooth one, huh? -Yes.
He knows to wax a poetic towel.
-It's just getting crazy here.
-I can't hear you.
-Oh! -Oh, oh!
-This is insane! -Oh.
Colin, describe what's going on right now.
-Oh.
Oh. -Ugh.
-Oh. -Oh.
-It makes you wanna become a mountain man.
-Oh, no. -Oh.
-Well, you know what they say -- "hair" today, gone tomorrow.
-Oh. [ Cheers and applause ]
[ Buzzer ]
-Well, it seems very clear to me
that you have divined where you are. Would you like to say?
-I'm guessing it's some place where you get waxed.
-Nicely done, Colin Mochrie.
Wonderful. Wonderfully done.
Sensational.
I mean, that was really expertly executed. That was beautiful.
-It's gonna be odd that that one guy has a full orange beard
and then no other hair on his body.
-I don't think I've ever seen anything as difficult
as watching somebody get their belly button waxed.
-No.
-No. That was blaahhh!
-I was hoping that's what it was.
[ Laughter ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-And now we're gonna play a game called "Props."
And this is for all four of our performers, guys,
so come on down.
Alright, Ryan and Gary, these are for you.
Wayne and Colin, do something with that.
So as you can see,
each of them have a different set of props.
They've got to use them in as many interesting ways
as they possibly can.
So, guys, if you're ready, let's start with Ryan and Gary.
-Hey, sailor.
[ Laughter ]
-We'll drive the British back. Hold on.
[ Imitates swishing ]
[ Hissing ]
[ Imitates explosion ]
[ Buzzer ] -Yeah.
-Air Force "Fun," can you see me on the runway?
[ Buzzer ]
-I wanna thank the Academy for this Oscar.
[ Laughter and applause ]
[ Buzzer ]
-Normally I would fight you
to the death with a sword.
Today we use cocktail weenies!
[ Both laugh ]
Num, num, num, num, num, num.
[ Buzzer ]
-And that is sex.
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
-Uh-oh.
Some little poodle got her tail permed.
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
-And we lay one of the witch's flying monkeys to rest.
[ Audience "ohhs" ]
Oh. -Really?
-Sympathy for the flying monkey?
[ Laughter and applause ]
[ Buzzer ]
-Captain, the tribbles were run over by a truck.
-[ Gasps ]
No. [ Buzzer ]
-Stand over there, buddy.
15 points. [ Cheers and applause ]
Yeah!
[ Buzzer ]
-Who's that naughty butterfly on my window sill?
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
-Honey, are you alright?
-[ Shouting indistinctly in high-pitched voice ]
-I know that was you. -[ Normal voice ] Oh, sorry.
I was trying to make you feel better.
-Come on in and make yourself some sweet tea.
I'm just getting ready.
-Alright. -Mm.
[ Buzzer ]
-[ Humming march ]
[ Laughter and applause ]
[ Buzzer ]
-[ As Mr. T ] I pity the fool.
-Mr. T, things have changed with you.
[ Buzzer ]
-[ Grunting ]
And that's birth.
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
-Really? On that one? -No drama.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-See you again right after the break.
Don't go away.
♪♪
-Welcome back to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?" --
the show where everything is made up
and the points don't matter.
Now we're gonna play a game called "Greatest Hits."
This is a game for all four of our performers with the help
of Laura Hall and Linda Taylor on piano and guitar.
So, guys, come on down.
So here is how this game works.
Ryan and Colin are two TV voiceover artists
talking about the latest compilation album,
and Wayne and Gary are gonna be singing snippets of the songs.
So now I need a suggestion from the audience.
Could you give me the name of a job
where you work with animals?
-Zookeeper!
-Wow, really focused over here.
-Okay, so the name of your album is "Songs of a Zookeeper."
Alright, guys, take it away.
-We'll be right back to our Woody Allen war movie,
"Annie Halls of Montezuma," in just a second.
[ Laughter ]
-The zookeeper.
That is a guy who keeps the zoo. He watches the animals,
he feeds them, he bathes them, and he washes them.
-He does many things.
-Yes, he does. -You've listed most of them.
You know what I love about this album.
Not only do they have the usual styles that we always have
on these albums, but I don't know if you realize this,
but in the '40s, there was a period
where celebrity impersonators
of famous singers would do duets and sing songs together.
-I love when you tell me stories
about the '40s. -Yeah.
And this was one of the great,
where two great Louis Armstrong impersonators...
-Oh. -Yes.
-First man on the moon. -No. That's --
[ Laughter ]
No. They were simply known as Two-y Armstrong.
-Oh? -Yeah. And they did
this great song called "The Pandas Aren't Mating."
[ Up-tempo music plays ]
-[ As Louis Armstrong ] Yeah, now.
Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
Oh. Hey, Two-y.
-[ As Louis Armstrong ] ♪ Now, that's a Two-y ♪
[ Scatting ]
-[ Scatting ]
-Oh!
[ Both scatting ]
♪ Because the pandas ♪ -♪ Pandas ♪
-Pandas, they ain't mating.
-Let me tell ya.
♪ Hear the bell go "a-ring-a-ling-a-ling" ♪
♪ But look over there at old Ling-Ling ♪
♪ Ling-Ling ain't doing what Ling-Ling need to do ♪
-♪ Need to do ♪ -Yeah.
-♪ Oh, now, Ling-Ling ain't getting that thing-thing ♪
♪ Oh, no, Ling-Ling, no ding-a-ling, no, no ♪
♪ No, no, the pandas, they ain't mating ♪
-♪ Now, those kangaroos is hopping ♪
-Hop. -♪ For them ♪
♪ There is no stopping ♪
♪ And the alligators is getting it on over yonder ♪
-♪ But the lions ain't trying at all ♪
-Unh-unh.
-♪ And the pandas, oh, it's a ball ♪
♪ 'Cause the pandas ♪
-♪ Is, is ♪
♪ Said, the pandas ♪
♪ 'Cause the pandas ♪
[ Scatting ]
♪ Ain't mating ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
-[ Scatting ]
[ Cheers and applause ] Yeah.
Crazy.
-[ Laughs ] Been there.
[ Laughter ]
Hey, Col. -Yeah?
-What do you get when you take a Smurf dog out for a walk?
-I'm gonna say, because I know your mind, "blue grass."
-That's right.
That's right. You got it.
[ Laughter ]
That is so good. -Yeah.
-And, you know, when I think bluegrass songs
and I think zookeepers, I think of one that's --
It's a little bit sad, but it's a bluegrass hit,
the zookeeper song, "The Penguins Are Hot."
[ Bluegrass music plays ]
-♪ Oh, lookity, lookity, right outside ♪
♪ Oh, there ain't a place for the penguins to hide ♪
♪ Oh, my goodness gracious, I think the penguins are hot ♪
-♪ Used to be I saw them everywhere ♪
♪ And now they just smoke everywhere ♪
♪ Oh, goodness gracious, them penguins are hot ♪
-♪ Yeah, because I know the penguins are left ♪
♪ Get something with SPF ♪
♪ Slather it on, and you know what you got ♪
♪ The penguin, I don't think the penguin's hot ♪
♪ But God burn it ♪ -♪ Yeah, burning ♪
-♪ The penguins are hot ♪
♪ And shade ain't something that I think they got ♪
-Yeah.
♪ Them polar bears, they got a chill ♪
♪ Check me like polar bears will ♪
♪ But, goodness gracious, there, them penguins are hot ♪
-♪ Ain't nowhere, just look what you made ♪
♪ You got a penguin running back and back ♪
♪ And trying to find shade ♪
♪ Oh, no, 'cause I think that the penguins are hot ♪
-♪ Well, you can march like a penguin ♪
♪ Running through heck ♪
♪ Them there penguins are sweating so much ♪
♪ They got sweat rings 'round their necks ♪
-♪ Even the narration by Morgan Freeman ♪
♪ Couldn't help them at all ♪
♪ Because I'm thinking they might die ♪
-♪ E-- Okay ♪
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Don't go away.
We'll be right back with more "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
right after this.
♪♪
-Welcome back to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?",
where I decided that tonight's winner
is the lovely Wayne Brady.
-What? -The lovely Wayne Brady.
As a reward, I want you to read out the credits as a preacher
and the other three are your chorus during a sermon.
Thanks for watching, everybody. Good night.
-Now, the Lord said go forth and make things up.
That is why, Dan Patterson,
in Leviticus 14, he said, "Do what I do,
say what I say.
I make the funny."
And then Geraldine, she pointed to each with her camera.
That's what I did. I said, "I'll heal you."
-Oh! -I shall heal --
Oh, I can't do anything for you.
-Oh, try, brother. Try to heal him.
-I can't do anything for you. You! Walk!
-Oh. -It worked.
He's walking. He is walking.
And thank you very much, fellas.
Thank you. Thank you.
-- Captions by VITAC --