-Good evening, everybody,
and welcome to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
On tonight's show, burning up the dance floor,
Wayne Brady.
Cutting a rug, Gary Anthony Williams.
Twisting the night away, Colin Mochrie.
And watch him nae nae, it's Ryan Stiles.
And I'm Aisha Tyler.
Let's have some fun.
[ Applause ]
Hey, guys. Hi.
Hey everybody.
Welcome.
Welcome to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
The show where everything's made up,
and the points don't matter one bit.
My friends, we have a great show for you tonight,
so let's get started right now,
with a game entitled "Hollywood Director."
This is for all four of our performers,
so come on down.
The way this works is Gary, Ryan, and Wayne are going to
be acting out a film scene, and Colin will be the director
who keeps giving the actors different notes
on how to improve the scene.
Now, the scene you'll be acting out is that, Ryan,
you are shoplifting in a supermarket
when you are caught by aggressive store detective Gary.
Suddenly, your skanky girlfriend,
Wayne, screeches in on a motorcycle to rescue you.
Alright. Take it away.
-Excuse me, sir. -Yes.
Couldn't help but notice you got something in your britches?
-Thank you very much. -No, no, no.
I don't mean anything legal in your britches.
Come over here, sir. Let me frisk you vigorously.
-Alrighty.
Oh!
-Uh-huh. -Okay.
-Uh-huh. A small chocolate candy.
[ Laughter ]
-I can only fit small things in there.
[ Wayne making sounds of a motorcycle ]
-Screech.
It's okay, baby, I'm here.
-Oh, the skank.
[ Wayne making sound of baby crying ]
Shut up, little Jimmy Bob.
You better leave my man alone.
-We haven't got the money to get things, honey.
I'm shoving stuff down my pants.
-I'm afraid I'm going to have to take your husband
and little Jimmy Bob into the break room, and arrest them.
-No.
-Not an invisible gun.
-Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut.
Well, we're going to have to do that again.
So, for a short re-crap,
here's what I think you should do.
It needs a little energy. It needs a little hoomph.
You know what, do it like you're in a Tarantino movie.
-Mm-hm. -Quentin.
-Oh, that one. Okay.
[ Laughter ]
-You got something in your pants?
Why don't you check it out, and see?
-I'm going to shoot it out of your pants.
Oh, oh, oh. N-word, n-word, n-word.
[ Laughter ]
[ Wayne makes sound of motorcycle ]
-Hey, baby.
-Hey, you [bleep] [bleep] [bleep].
-Cut, cut, cut, cut. Cut.
-But he -- -Cut.
-So, I guess I didn't have to say "n-word"?
-No, no, no.
No, but you know what, you gave me an idea.
Do it like Swedish porn.
-Oh.
[ Laughter ]
-Flurnty, flurnty, flurnty, flurnty.
Flurnty, flurnty, flurnty.
-Avarnt avarta garda var.
-Sturby turfin nerfy.
-Oh, the turfin skurfy.
[ Laughter ]
[ Wayne making sound of Swedish motorcycle ]
Afarty gardy but for ordy.
-Neeta [bleep].
[ Laughter ]
-Cut. Cut.
Cut.
Just, before we're sued by the Muppets...
[ Laughter ]
...let's try a whole different tack on this.
[ Laughter ]
Alright, do it like it's a Hollywood musical.
A big Hollywood musical.
Action.
-♪ So many things to put down my pants ♪
-♪ So many ways to stop you from doing it ♪
-♪ But if we work together, we can make it today ♪
♪ We can put stuff it down our pants every day ♪
-♪ If you want to shoplift, you go right ahead ♪
-Oh, oh, here comes the skank.
-♪ Skiggity skiggity skiggity skiggity skiggity skiggity ski ♪
-♪ Him, there, fellas ♪
♪ What you been doing after dark? ♪
♪ I've got track marks over here and there's a stretch mark ♪
[ Clapping ]
Buzzbee Barkley.
♪ Oh, I'm a skank who loves her man ♪
-♪ She is a skank who loves her man ♪
[ Applause ]
[ Buzzer ]
-For a second, you made me think that
we actually had the jib.
-Well, that was sensational. It ended beautifully.
1,000 points for everybody.
Unfortunately, I'm going to have
to give them to you in Swedish krona,
and then, take half of them away and actually send them
to Sweden, in apologies for whatever that was.
-Flurky nurkin.
[ Laughter ]
-Mew de few hoo.
-And now, we come to a game entitled "Sound Effects."
This is a game for Ryan and Colin,
so, gentlemen, come on down.
We're also going to need the help of two volunteers from the audience.
We'll find those people now.
Let's go and do it.
Who's it going to be?
Hi, hi, hi. Tell me your name.
-Erica. -Erica.
Go on down the stage, Erica.
Who else? Who else? Who else?
Oh, no, I'm coming to you.
Tell me your name.
-Luvia. -Luvia, come on down.
[ Applause ]
Come on down.
Luvia, take that for me.
Okay.
So, the way that this game works
is that Ryan and Colin are going to perform a scene,
and Erica and Luvia are going to provide the sound effects,
but only when prompted, okay?
So, Erica, you'll provide the sound effects for Colin.
Luvia, you'll provide the sound effects for Ryan.
And here is the scene that you'll be acting out --
Ryan and Colin, you are FBI agents in New York
who hear on the radio that Godzilla and King Kong
are attacking the city.
And whatever will you do?
Whenever you're ready, take it away.
-Nobody's come out of the residence for hours.
-Anything happen? -No.
Helicopter went over a few minutes ago.
It was a while ago.
[ Laughter ]
I don't think it's coming back.
-Alright.
Well, I just got to turn on the radio.
See if anything's happening.
[ Luvia singing notes ]
Uh, new wave music. I love it.
-Oh, I'll put it on the news, see if there's any bulletins.
-And Donald Trump is leading in the polls for the Republican --
-Oh, my God!
There's a monster on the loose!
No, no, no.
-Don't. Stop it. -No, no, no.
[ Laughter ]
Oh, my God. Look out the window.
-Oh, my God.
-Godzilla.
[Erica making monster sound]
He's not as big as I thought he was going to be.
-Oh, look, right next to him.
-Donald Trump.
-It's King Kong. -Oh, my God, it is?
[Luvia making monster sound]
It's spitting at us.
[ Laughter ]
-Hey, let's go out in the street.
Maybe we can find some way to stop them.
-Okay. Let's take the elevator.
[ Ding dong ]
[ Laughter ]
Sorry. I was looking for the elevator.
I'm sorry.
-Let's take the stairs.
-Whee. Whee.
-I love a stairway that has muzak.
-Alright. Here we are.
Oh, it looks like the cops are already here.
-Doing nothing.
Just standing around.
Oh, there, a British cop.
-They're not going to help. Put your jetpack on.
We'll fly around them, and we'll drop things around them.
[ Sounds of whirring ]
-Mine has a water pick.
-Mine's got a blade.
Does nobody know what a jetpack is anymore?
[ Laughter ]
-Whee.
-Alright. They're right below us.
Uh-oh. -What?
-Mine stopped.
Oh, it's back. It's back. It's okay.
-I'm going to fly through the ear, and go to the other side.
-Of who?
-Either way. It's not going to work.
[ Laughter ]
-I suggest Donald Trump. You'll get through quicker.
[ Laughter ]
-Okay, I'm on the side of Godzilla's head.
-Okay.
-I'm going to twist his ear.
He's impervious to pain.
-You know what, they're not as tall
as I thought they were going to be.
We could take these guys right now with just our bare hands.
-Alright. I'll take Godzilla. You take King Kong.
-Alright. And then, I'm getting Trump.
-Alright.
[ Sound effect of an explosion ]
Oh, his head just exploded.
[ Laughter ]
-Wait a minute, these are the balloons
from the Macy's Day Parade.
[ Laughter ]
-We better blow them back up.
[ Sound of blowing air ]
-Oh, no. Trump's real.
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
[ Applause ]
-Thank you.
Erica and Luvia, thank you, ladies.
Thank you.
[ Applause ]
Hey, join me after this break for more "Whose Line."
We've got lots for you right after these messages.
Stay tuned.
-Welcome back to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
And it is time to play a game entitled "Scenes from a Hat."
This is for all four of our performers.
Ryan and Colin are over there.
Wayne and Gary are here.
Now, before the show, we asked our audience
to write down some scenes they'd like to see acted out
by our gentlemen players.
And I have those suggestions in my hat right here.
I'm going to read them out. We're going to see
what our performers can do with these ideas.
And so, if you're ready, gentlemen, here we go.
"Bad names for shampoo."
-Hm.
Try a little of this Glue.
[ Buzzer ]
[ Laughter ]
Nice. It smells good.
-Hey.
I'm TV's Wayne Brady. I use Bald as Hell.
[ Buzzer ]
[ Laughter ]
Bald as Hell.
-Hm.
I can't Believe It's Not Butter.
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
[ Laughter ]
-Mm.
New for Down There-zees.
And new Down There-zees for your merkin.
[ Buzzer ]
-"Inappropriate times to use a weird voice."
-Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.
[ Buzzer ]
[ Laughter ]
-Baby... -Yeah.
-...I'm so excited that you finally --
you know, we're going to get close.
-[High-pitched voice] Touch my boobly-wooblies.
[ Laughter ]
Boobly-woobly. Boobly-woobly.
[ High gibberish sounds ]
Ooh, lady boner.
[ Laughter ]
[ In deep voice ] We represent the Lollipop Guild.
[ Laughter ]
[In higher-pitch voice] I'm sorry.
I'm just kidding. I love that voice.
[ Buzzer ]
-Peter, come.
Walk with me.
[In high-pitch voice] Somebody's going to betray me.
[ Laughter ]
-The Wacky Bible.
-Alright. Here we go.
"Lines from the world's worst songs."
-♪ No one's going to kiss you like your mother ♪
♪ No one's going to hold you like your mother ♪
[ Buzzer ]
[ Laughter ]
-♪ Carpet ♪
♪ Desk ♪
♪ Sky-y-y ♪
♪ Look at me point at things, and name them ♪
♪ Cam-e-ra ♪
♪ Two guys there ♪
♪ One guy there ♪
♪ Hey, no hair ♪
[ Buzzer ]
-♪ I see you there ♪
♪ But you don't see me ♪
♪ Because I'm protected by these trees ♪
♪ In my mind, I've imagined what a life would be like ♪
♪ You and I together, our kid on a bike ♪
♪ You and me at Thanksgiving ♪
♪ Who will cut the turkey? ♪
♪ But will it ever be, 'cause I'm stalking you ♪
[ Applause ]
-♪ I see you there ♪
♪ You don't think that I see you ♪
♪ But I've wanted this all of the while ♪
♪ I know you're watching at night when I undress ♪
♪ With my inscrutable smile ♪
♪ I'm stalking the stalker who's now stalking me ♪
-♪ He's stalking the stalker who's now stalking ♪
-♪ There's two more people ♪
[ Buzzer ]
-"What Aisha is thinking right now."
-"I mean, Wayne's all right, but that Gary, ooh."
Mmm. Mmm. Mmm.
The darker the chocolate, the sweeter.
Mmm.
[ Laughter ]
-I wonder if they sell ones you plug in.
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
-Don't go anywhere, everybody,
because we're going to be back with more
"Whose Line Is It Anyway?" right after this.
Stay where you are.
-Hey, everybody.
Welcome back to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
We're going to keep the fun going, now, with a game called
"Greatest Hits."
This is a game for all four of our performers,
with the help of Laura Hall and Linda Taylor
on piano and guitar.
Come on down, boys.
The way this game works is that
Ryan and Colin are two television voiceover performers
talking about the latest compilation album.
And Wayne and Gary are going to sing snippets
of the songs on that album.
And what I need is a suggestion from the audience.
I need the suggestion of someone they might be rescued by.
[ Audience yelling suggestions ]
Uh...a firefighter.
How about that? Alright.
So, the name of this album is entitled
"Songs of the Firefighter."
Gentlemen, take it away.
-We'll be right back to our documentary
about nearsighted dairy farmers --
"Utter Chaos" -- in just a second.
But first, have we got a deal for you.
-Do you smell something burnin'?
[ Sniffing ]
[ Laughter ]
-I don't have the nose for it.
-I think it's a CD selection, because it's so hot.
[ Laughter ]
You know what I think --
-I have four degrees. -Yeah, he does.
[ Laughter ] Because he's so hot.
[ Laughter ]
-Anyway, I'm a big Cajun fan.
-Really? -I love Cajun.
-Ooh. -Oh, it's such --
I love -- I don't understand what they're saying,
but I love the intensity of it.
-Oh, yeah. Yeah.
They're intense people.
They're, like, running away from alligators, and stuff.
It's a horrible, horrible place.
-What do you think you're talking about?
[ Laughter ]
-Cajuns, moonshine, gators.
-You thinking of the Beverly Hillbillies?
-Oh. I was. I'm sorry.
-Alright. -I was thinking that.
-Well, just sit back, and listen to this great Cajun song,
"That Wasn't Blackened a Second Ago."
♪♪
-♪ A-hee, child ♪
♪ A-hee ♪
-I guarantee. -I guarantee.
-Hey, look at that over there. -What's that over there, mon?
-What it look like right now? -I don't know.
-♪ Now, see, that there thing ♪
♪ Didn't look so dark just a minute ago ♪
-No, no.
-♪ Not so dark, and not so cooked just a second ago ♪
-♪ That dark thing used to be so much lighter ♪
♪ Like five minutes ago ♪
♪ How it got so blackened, man, I tell you, I don't know ♪
-♪ Blacken it ♪ -♪ Blacken it ♪
-♪ Go ahead, and grab it, and blacken it ♪
-Yeah. -♪ I'm attackin' it ♪
-♪ Blacken it ♪ -♪ And smackin' it ♪
♪ Everybody, let's go and blacken it ♪
-♪ I used to date a White, White girl many years from now ♪
-♪ Tell about it ♪
-♪ Her parents did not appreciate it ♪
♪ Man, I can't tell you how ♪
-♪ Okay ♪
-♪ But one night when we made sweet love ♪
♪ Don't you know, I could not quit ♪
-♪ Say what, now ♪
-♪ The next day, her daddy came in, and said ♪
♪ "Oh, boy, you done blackened it." ♪
-♪ Oh, we blackened it ♪
♪ We blackened it ♪
♪ I'm attackin' it, splackin' it, jackin' it ♪
♪ I'm blackened it ♪
♪ Blackened it ♪
♪ I'm attackin' it, smackin' it, and stacking it ♪
♪ It's blackened it ♪
[ Applause ]
-That is a lovely, lovely song.
-They just don't write them like that anymore.
-Oh, no, they don't.
You know, Col? -Yeah?
-I travel all over this country of ours.
-Pfft.
[ Laughter ]
-And this is a style that's named after our country,
a county ballad.
It's country music, and yet, it's a ballad.
-Yeah, I'm following you so far.
-You are?
-Yeah, it's not a fast, slick road that you're going.
I got it.
[ Laughter ]
-So, when I think to myself country ballads,
and I think to myself firefighters --
and they go together like cheese and pie...
-Mm-hm.
-...I think of that country ballad hit, "I Smell Smoke."
♪♪
-It's a beautiful day, Jim.
-It is, Buddy.
-Too beautiful, some might say.
-♪ Oh, I heard that your girlfriend ♪
♪ Left you just the other night ♪
♪ Because she heard you was cheating ♪
♪ And you wasn't treating her right ♪
♪ She took all your stuff out your closet ♪
♪ And the moose head you keep on the wall ♪
♪ And she went, and she got some propane ♪
♪ And she burned it right in the hall. ♪
♪ I smell smoke ♪
-♪ I smell smoke ♪ -♪ I smell smoke ♪
-♪ I do, too ♪
-♪ And that smoke smells an awful lot ♪
♪ Like your crap going up in flames ♪
-♪ In flames ♪
♪ I couldn't believe it when I woke that other day ♪
♪ Nothing that I ever owned ♪
♪ Was still where it was the day before ♪
♪ Nothing that I ever had ♪
♪ It all was out in the trash ♪
♪ The only remnants of my past life ♪
♪ Was just a pile of ash ♪
♪ And I smell smoke ♪
-♪ I smell smoke ♪
-♪ It's a-burning my nose hairs ♪
♪ I smell smoke ♪
-♪ I smell smoke ♪
-♪ And all the things that I loved ain't there ♪
♪ But I smell smoke ♪
-♪ You'll smell smoke ♪♪
♪ Because you did her wrong ♪
♪ And now, every possession that you had in the world is gone ♪
♪ She pulled an Angela Bassett on you, and your stuff is gone ♪
-♪ Even though I blackened her really good, my stuff is gone ♪
-♪ It's gone ♪
[ Applause ]
[ Buzzer ]
[ Applause ]
-Find out who won our show after this short break.
There's more "Whose Line" coming after these messages.
Stick around.
-Welcome back to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
That is the end of our show.
Tonight's winners are all four of you lovely gentlemen.
So, I'd like you to read out the credits as if you're all members
of the world's most disgusting family at dinnertime.
Thanks for watching, everybody.
Goodnight.
♪♪
-Is this from the Mark Leveson Book of Crap recipes?
What's the matter, Gerald?
-Neil told me to eat this, and I'm going to eat it.
-Pass the salt, please?
-Achoo.
Achoo. Achoo.
-Y'all want some butter?
-Yeah.
[ Applause ]
-- Captions by VITAC --