-Good evening, everybody, and welcome
to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
On tonight's show, U.S. master, Wayne Brady.
Hole in one, Greg Proops.
Double bogey, Colin Mochrie.
And in the rough, Ryan Styles.
And I'm Aisha Tyler. Let's make some stuff up!
[ Cheering and applause ]
Hey, everybody and welcome!
Welcome to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
The show where everything is made up and the points,
they don't matter one tiny bit.
We've got a great show for you tonight,
so lets' get started with a game we call "Let's Make A Date."
This is for all of our performers, so gentlemen,
come on down.
Here's how this game works.
Greg is appearing on a dating show
and Ryan, Colin and Wayne are the contestants
hoping to be chosen by Greg, hoping against hope.
Each of them has been given a strange
characteristic or identity.
Greg's gonna question them about their suitability
for a date and in the process,
try to establish who these people are
and whether he would ever spend social time with them.
So, if you're all ready, Greg, off you go, make a date.
-Hi, bachelor number one. -Hey!
-If I was a piece of bread, what would you spread on me?
-[ Laughing ] -Ooh, bread,
I don't know about that.
You know, I think maybe,
maybe I'd pass on the bread,
but what I would like to do is I'd --
is I'd spread a little bit of,
bit of good, good times on there,
a little bit of fun, and most of all,
I'd help you reach each of your goals,
I'd make each of your goals. That's it.
And then, I would like to give you a leg up in life.
[ Laughter and applause ]
Whoo! Ah, ah.
-Bachelor number two,
if I was a kitten, where would you pet me?
-Whoa! I'd pet you in your special place.
[ Laughter and applause ]
Oh, hey, how are you?!
Excuse me for a second.
[ Laughter and applause ]
Well, aren't you something?
Listen --
[ Aisha laughing ]
[ Laughter and applause ]
-Sorry!
[ Laughter and applause ]
-Eew, yuck! [ Laughter and applause ]
Contestant number three,
I like walking under the moon, what do you --
-Who doesn't?
Something tells me this is gonna be easy.
[ Laughter ]
[ Cheering and applause ]
Hey, you wanna work out? Come and work out.
-Yeah! -Come over here and work out
like you were working out. There you go.
-Oh. Yeah.
[ Laughter and applause ]
-Oh, don't, don't!
I'm making a fortune, I'm making a fortune.
-Oh, if I was alone.
[ Laughter and applause ]
-I have a feeling you'll end up that way.
-Hey, man... [ Grunting ]
[ Laughter and applause ]
This is what--
You and I can work out like this
all night long.
Whoo! I'm gonna take five.
[ Laughter ]
-Uh, Greg, do you feel brave enough to hazard a guess?
-Uh, Wayne is a body builder, a guru-type fitness instructor?
-Yes. -Very good.
And then what, what does he use for gym equipment?
He has a very special --
-What does he use for gym equipment?
-Yeah, what do, what does he use for --
-Well, he deadlifted Canada a minute ago.
[ Laughter and applause ]
-I'll take that.
-I'd say he uses human bodies to work out with?
-Yes, very nice. Very nice.
[ Laughter and applause ]
-Colin is a -- a --
like a creepy relative that comes to your house and--
-What is his special relationship
to Wayne, do you think?
-His special relationship with Wayne is that he's his, uh...
man bag.
[ Laughter and applause ]
-Close enough. It'll do, it'll do.
-And Ryan's a -- an angry ventriloquist.
-Ching, ching, ching, ching. Ching, ching, ching, ching.
-He's Santa Claus! -Yay!
[ Buzzer ]
-I'm a dangerous sleigh rider.
-[ Laughing ] Oh, my God!
A thousand points to Greg for suffering through that.
-Thank you. -I hope that you take
those points and use them for therapy.
-Yeah. -'Cause you're gonna need it
to unsee all of that.
And now we're gonna play a game called "Props."
This is for all four of our performers,
divided into two pairs.
Ryan and Greg, you're over there with these things.
Wayne and Colin, do what you can with those.
Now, the way this game works
is that our guys are divided into two teams,
they've got a different set of props
and they each gotta use them
in as many interesting ways as they possibly can.
Alright, so, let's start with Ryan and Greg -- take it away.
-Welcome to autumn in New England.
[ Buzzer ]
-When starting self-defense, we start you off
with the fun nunchucks before we move up to the real thing.
-[ Laughing ]
[ Laughter and applause ]
-Ow! Come on! [ Buzzer ]
-Hey, what are you doing?
-Hey, Rocky, watch me pull a rabbit out of a hat.
-Again? [ Buzzer ]
-Man, someone really hated Oscar the Grouch.
[ Laughter and applause ]
-Tape off the crime scene.
-And remember, he's a fake character.
-[ Laughing ] [ Buzzer ]
[ Humming ]
[ Buzzer ]
-Hulk need wax!
[ Laughter and applause ]
[ Buzzer ]
-Help, help!
My house is on fire! It's on fire!
[ Buzzer ]
-She-Hulk need wax!
[ Laughter and applause ]
[ Buzzer ]
-You ready? We're gonna go and kill some ducks.
-Yeah, I'm ready, y'all.
[ Laughter and applause ]
-Happy New Year.
Hrrrrr
[ Spitting ]
-I believe I have a booking. -Table for Adam?
-Yes, thank you. -Right over here.
-May I suggest the ribs? -Oh.
[ Buzzer ] [ Laughter and applause ]
-Alright, don't go anywhere,
there's more "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
right after this!
-Welcome back to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
where it's time to play a game called "Questions."
This is for all four of our performers in two pairs,
so come on down. [ Indistinct ]
So, here's how this game works.
Greg and Ryan are over there, Colin and Wayne are over here,
and the way this works is they're gonna start a scene
but they can only speak in questions.
Each time they come in, however,
they've got to assume a different character
according to the wig or the hat they're wearing.
Now, the scene you guys are gonna be acting out
is "One Night in a Busy Hotel Lobby."
Take it away, Greg and Wayne.
-Are you Little Richard?
[ Laughter ]
-Have you heard my music? ♪ Whoo! ♪
-Will you not treat me with honor?
Unh!
-Have you been working out?
-Have you noticed?
-Will you turn around for me?
-Will I?
[ Laughter ]
-Can that booty ship sinks?
Ship -- [ Buzzer ]
[ Laughter and applause ]
-Can I take your bag, sir?
-Well, yes you can. [ Buzzer ]
[ Laughter ]
-Have you seen Tennille?
[ Laughter and applause ] -Is it true?
-Who's asking? -Don't you recognize me?
-Will you do the dance of the French acrobat for me?
-Will you join me? -Will I?
[ Laughter ]
-Can you follow this?
[ Laughter and applause ]
-Does a bear go in the woods? [ Laughing ]
-Was that a joke?
[ Laughter and applause ]
-Can't you tell I'm a ranger?
-Yeah. [ Buzzer ]
[ Laughter and applause ]
-Is there enough room for me to bring myself and my friends?
-I rather imagine there is.
[ Buzzer ]
[ Laughter and applause ]
-Oh, dear Lord.
-Is there a valet on duty?
-Where would you like me to park your car, eh?
-Are you married, sailor?
-Are you single, n-- general?
-What's your name?
-Can you read? Jesus.
-Is that Arabic?
-Have you heard of the Spanish?
-From Spain?
[ Laughter and applause ]
-Would you like to have your fortune read?
[ Laughter and applause ]
-Where did you get the Gene Simmons hair?
-Is he still asking for it?
[ Laughter ]
-Are you popular with the band, Kiss?
-Who isn't?
-Would you mind puckering up right now?
-Like this?
[ Laughter and applause ]
[ Cheering and applause ]
-Can't wait to kiss you.
Oh, oh, that's not a question.
[ Buzzer ]
-Oh, I blew it.
-I so wanted to kiss him. I so wanted to kiss him too.
I just blew it, I just blew it.
-Twenty five consolation smooch points to Ryan
for not getting a smooch in there.
He -- he's been waiting all week for that kiss.
-Eugh. -And now he's gonna have to
beg for it backstage, which is just
a little humiliating really, I know.
-I got shafted all the way around.
-Just kiss the man! Just kiss the man!
-Alright. -Why do I always --
-It's too early, too early, later.
-And now we're gonna play a game called "Sound Effects."
This is a game for Ryan and Colin
so come on down, gentlemen.
We're also gonna need the help of some volunteers
from our audience, let's find them now.
Who's it gonna be? Who's it gonna be?
[ Cheering and applause ] My God!
Hi, tell me your name!
-Bonnie. -Bonnie, why don't you
head down to the stage!
Tell me your name. -Maddie.
-Maddie, come with me!
[ Cheering and applause ]
Maddie, take this with you,
join the boys up on stage.
Alright, so here's how this game works.
Ryan and Colin are gonna perform a scene.
Bonnie and Maddie are gonna provide the sound effects,
but only when prompted -- so, Bonnie,
you're gonna be doing the sound effects for Colin.
Maddie, you're gonna be doing the sound effects for Ryan.
And the scene is that Ryan and Colin
are two seasoned convicts in a prison workshop
and they decide to start a riot to cover their escape.
Take it away.
-Morning, 41692. -Hey, Ted.
Listen, I was just gonna carve a gun out of this piece of wood.
-What? -Using this jigsaw.
-[ Growling ] -Take care of the animal.
That guard dog is always coming --
He seemed much bigger from his voice.
-No. -[Growling]
-What are you doing that for?
-Oh, we're gonna make a break for it.
-A break for it? Shh!
A break for it, can I come with you?
-Yeah, yeah, I need you.
We're gonna start a distraction,
get everyone rioting, and then we'll take the tunnel.
-Oh, great, 'cause I make soap out of a gun.
-What? -Yeah.
-You made soap out of a gun? -Yeah.
[ Laughter and applause ]
It'll help us to get through tiny places.
-Yeah, alright, great, that's good.
-I got no use for a gun in here.
-Alright, look, I got this water balloon.
-Okay. -And it's filled
with water and flour.
-Water and flour? -Yeah.
-For -- for heaven's sake, why?
-When I throw it, all the powder will go up
and everyone will get disturbed. -Wait, let me distract
the warden and the guards by clinking my --
my cup against the bars.
-Clink, clink, clink!
-There's only two bars here, we could have walked out!
-What are you doing?
[ Laughter and applause ]
-We could have walked out the entire time.
-No! -[ Laughing ]
-You know we're on the honor system!
-God.
-Alright, I'm gonna throw the balloon.
-Alright. -Shoo!
-Oh, it, all the water fell out here.
-Let's go, let's get in between the walls.
-Look, rats! -Oh, my God.
-Eek! Eek! -It's okay, they're dead.
-That's alright. -Dead rats.
-Alright. -[ Laughing ]
-Here's the other side. Oh, look, we're right
by the river that leads to the waterfall.
-There's a river right outside the -- [laughing]
-Yeah! Have you never gone outside?
-There's a waterfall outside of the prison?
-It's beautiful. -This is nice!
-Yes!
-What are we kneeling here for? -Well, we have to.
Oh, my --
Shoot, there's a helicopter. Ow, that was my ass.
-Okay, right. Oh, I'm sorry.
-[ Imitating siren ] -You arranged a helicopter?
-No, that's the cops.
-I don't, I don't hear a helicopter.
[ Laughter ]
It's a picture of a helicopter.
It's to scare us off.
-Quick, run into the woods! -Alright.
-Duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh.
-Take off your ice skates!
-Alright.
-[ Whooshing ]
-Do you hear the alarm? -Ow! Ow!
-Wait! They're sending the coyotes after us!
-What? -They're gonna send
the coyotes after us! -Coyotes?!
-Look, there's a -- -Coyotes --
-Ow! Ow! -There's, like, five coyotes!
-Stand back! I'm gonna use my soap.
[ Laughter ]
-Pop!
[ Laughter, buzzer ]
[ Laughter and applause ]
-Give it up for Bonnie and Maddie, everybody!
Thank you, ladies.
Give it up one more time for them!
[ Cheering and applause ]
Don't go anywhere, we'll be right back
with more "Whose Line" right after this!
-Welcome back to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
And now we come to a game called "Greatest Hits."
This is a game for Ryan, Colin and Wayne with the help
of Laura Hall and Linda Taylor on piano and guitar.
Ryan and Colin are two television voiceover artists,
talking about the latest compilation album
and Wayne is gonna sing snippets of the songs that they discuss.
And I need a suggestion from the audience here,
so could you give me a place where you might be educated?
Where would one might be educated?
[ Indistinct shouting ]
College, we're gonna go with college.
So the name of your album is "Songs of College."
Take it away, boys.
-Hi, we'll be back to our documentary
on an unsinkable ship
that went both ways, the Bitanic, in just a second.
But first, have we got something for you.
-Wasn't it Titanic? -Yeah.
-Ugh, I know nothing about this kind of stuff.
-Well, you should have spent more time learning.
-Guess I probably should have gone to college, but I didn't.
-Yeah, kindergarten might have been a start.
-Shut up. -Alright. You know what?
Ever since there have been songs,
people have been singing them. True fact.
And one of the best songs on this has a bit of a flamenco
feel to it because it's a flamenco!
-Ah, I love those, they stick
their head in the sand when they get bears --
-No! Not flamingo. Not flamingo.
Flamenco. So sit back and enjoy this,
"I Have A Useless Degree."
♪♪
-♪ Ah-ah-ah-ah ♪
♪ Oh, I try ♪
♪ My mother told to me ♪
♪ I should not have gotten my degree in philosophy ♪
[ Cheering and applause ]
♪ Oh-oh-oh ♪
♪ La, la, la, la, la ♪
♪ La la la ♪
♪ Oh, go to college, I did so, yes, on your say so ♪
♪ And I understand, now I know all about Plato ♪
♪ But out in the real world, my hope just dies ♪
♪ 'Cause nobody wants to discuss I am, you are, do I exist? ♪
♪ Give me fries ♪
♪ Oh, I, I, I, I ♪
♪ I try, try, try ♪
♪ No poli-sci, oh, my life, goodbye ♪
♪ Oh, how can it be, oh, God's unfair to me ♪
♪ Of course this workforce doesn't need my degree ♪
♪ It's a useless degree ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ So many more people get much more money than me ♪
♪ They guy who's outside, "I'm cutting the yard" ♪
♪ That's alright, yes, sir ♪
♪ It's okay as I trim these trees ♪
♪ Hey, I've got my bachelors ♪
♪ Oh, oh! My degree is useless! ♪
[ Cheering and applause ]
-You know, I was a big fan of --
Hey! -[ Laughs ]
[ Laughter ]
-I was a big fan of '60s girls groups.
-Oh, were you really? -Yeah, the Supremes.
-Really? Really? -Yeah, weren't you?
-I don't know.
-What do you mean, you don't know?
-I don't remember a lot of the '60s.
-Oh, ho, remember the early '60s?
-Yes. -Yes.
Thanks for the help. Well --
[ Laughter ]
-I was in Vietnam.
-Oh. Vacationing? -Yes.
-We -- Oh, yeah.
[ Laughter ]
You're gonna love this song, by one of the unsung girl groups
of the 1960s, um, uh,
Phyllis and the... the Driers,
and, uh, they sang this great hit,
"I'm In Love With A Teacher's Assistant."
♪♪
[ Cheering and applause ]
♪♪
-♪ What now can I say ♪
♪ And what can I do ♪
♪ Mr. Johnson, I see you daily ♪
♪ I'm in love with you ♪
♪ I'm supposed to be studying, writing down stuff ♪
♪ But collegiate life can be so tough ♪
♪ And, oh, my gosh, what can I say? ♪
♪ I'm in love ♪
♪ With the TA ♪
♪ Oh-ho, with the TA ♪
♪ Do it with me now ♪
♪ With the TA ♪
♪ Oh, oh, with the TA ♪
♪ And he won't go away ♪
♪ Assist me, oh, help me ♪
♪ Oh, help me all night long ♪
♪ Please show me exactly if your assistant teaching is strong ♪
♪ I'm in love with a teacher's assistant ♪
♪ And to his tutoring I'm so resistant ♪
♪ Uh, oh, teacher's assistant ♪
♪ I'm in love with the TA ♪
[ Cheering and applause ]
[ Buzzer ]
-Yay!
We'll be back with more "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
right after this!
-Welcome back to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
That's the end of our show.
Tonight's winner is the lovely Colin Mochrie.
I'd like you to read out the credits
as a Scottish warrior
delivering a rousing speech to his troops before battle.
Thank you for watching and goodnight!
-Alright, my brothers, get over here.
In the name of Dan Patterson, we shall get our freedom back.
No, from now on you'll just be known as the others.
You won't get any name.
Maybe I'll call you Fiona Friel, just for no reason.
But you're no Ryan Styles, you're no Wayne Brady
and you're no Greg Proops. [ Wayne imitating bagpipes ]
You are the others. Yeah, you play that.
Everyone get their Alison McGregor out
and remember to face the Ginglish
and strike them down!
-Yes!
[ Cheering and applause ]
-- Captions by VITAC --