-Good evening, everybody,
and welcome to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
On tonight's show, let's rock, Wayne Brady,
party on, Greg Proops,
hell, yeah, Colin Mochrie,
and "Shush, I'm Trying to Sleep," it's Ryan Stiles.
And I'm Aisha Tyler.
Let's make some stuff up.
-- Captions by VITAC --
Whew! I lived.
Welcome to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?" --
the show where everything is made up
and the points don't matter.
We've got a fantastic show for you tonight,
and we're going to start right now
with a game that we call "Weird Newscasters."
This is for all four of our performers, so come on down.
In this game, Greg is the anchor of a news program.
Colin, Ryan, and Wayne are his co-anchors,
each of them with a strange or unusual character.
Colin is the co-anchor who is a candy maker
demonstrating his brand-new product, the Greg lollipop.
[ Laughter ]
I'm so sorry, America.
Ryan will be the sportscaster
performing the movie "Titanic" in 30 seconds.
And Wayne is the weather forecaster
who is acting out the Bible.
Take it away, gentlemen.
-That's it?
[ News theme music playing ]
-Good evening. Welcome to the Action News.
I'm huge but considerate.
[ Laughter ]
These are the headlines. Billionaire Elon Musk
buys everything just to [bleep] it up.
[ Laughter ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
And the state of Florida has banned
the teaching of anything that will bum white people out.
[ Laughter and applause ]
Colin?
[ Laughter ]
-I'm very sorry,
but when Aisha was talking, I wasn't listening to her.
[ Laughter ]
-You are the co-anchor,
a candy maker demonstrating your new product, the Greg lollipop.
-I guess I did hear it.
[ Laughter ]
-Colin?
-Good evening.
I am the world's biggest ice cream guy,
and I have come up with what I call
the biggest thing I've ever done.
A giant popsicle.
And what is the best popsicle?
I thought to myself, a Proopcicle.
[ Laughter ]
Mmm.
It tastes like orange,
and a little bit of Old Spice, and regret.
[ Laughter ]
Every time you lick, you get a different Proop feeling.
[ Laughter ]
Oh. I'm not telling you that one.
Buy it yourself!
It's the best thing you'll have on your tongue.
[ Laughter ]
-Thank you, Colin. If you lick a little lower,
you get a surprise.
[ Laughter ]
Now let's throw it over
to Nip Tipson at the sports desk. Nip?
-[ Irish accent ] Well, thanks very much.
Let's check the score, shall we?
Los Angeles, 2, New York, 4.
I'd love to go to New York sometime. Ah.
Hey, there's a ship going there now!
Oh, my -- ♪ La, la, la ♪
Oh, she's beautiful. I love her.
Why don't you take these jewels down to your room,
and, well, everything will be okay.
I don't love you. Hello, Jack.
Hello, Rose. Hello --
Oh -- We've hit an iceberg!
The rats, the rats.
Put them downstairs with the Irish. Lock them up.
The water, it's getting higher, it's getting higher.
Run to the front of the bow! Run.
Hang onto the edge. Oh, my God. It's a long way down.
Get off the [bleep] door, Rose!
Get off the door!
[ Imitates drowning ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-And now let's take a look at this weekend's weather
with Tiff Bimbosh. Tiff.
-Thank you so much, Greg.
Let's take a look at the seven-day forecast, shall we?
Day One. It's pretty dark, isn't it?
But then in day two,
the darkness has been separated from,
and now we have the light.
We're going to go right to the earth
with our field correspondents, Adam and Eve.
Adam, how are you?
I'm -- Oh, wow.
[ Laughter ]
And now over to Eve,
with -- with the food commentary.
Oh, my God. I found these apples from my friend, S. Erpent.
He is just amazing.
So I made a pie.
You made a pie? Eat it. Mmm, great. Ooh.
Oh, this just in -- Get out.
Oh.
And now over to Noah.
Uh, it looks like it's raining.
I told y'all.
Back to you.
Okay, and it appears that the mark of the beast
is on -- It's my phone.
And I'll be a tool of the serpent until the rapture.
Oh, I'll talk to you later.
Oh, here it comes.
I believe! I believe!
-Thank you. We'll see you tomorrow night.
Please stay tuned for the CW's new show,
"America's Smallest Pachyderms." Good night.
-Yay. -Oh, there we go.
[ Buzzer ]
-♪ Pachyderms ♪
-I have -- I have questions.
-I'm teaching a Bible studies class right afterwards.
-You took it all the way past the New Testament
into some stuff you saw on the internet, which was exciting.
Alright, we're going to play a game now
entitled "Song Styles." This game is for Wayne,
accompanied by the fantastic Laura Hall and Linda Taylor.
And here to join them is our celebrity guest,
so please welcome to the stage singer, actress,
and "American Idol" winner, Jordin Sparks!
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Come here, you.
-So good to see you.
-Jordin Sparks.
-Hi. -Welcome to the show, Jordin.
-Jordin was my dance buddy on another show.
-On another show, yes.
Now, Wayne, you're going to sing a song all about Jordin.
And you're going to be singing in the style of an R&B duet.
So whenever you're ready, you guys, take it away.
-Alright, so instead of singing it about you,
why don't we sing it together like an R&B couple
that broke up years ago. Why did we break up?
I did something so heinous that we broke up.
You in the middle, you.
-She stole your leftovers out of the fridge,
out of, like, the shared work fridge.
-Wow. She stole my leftovers
out of the fridge. -I would be mad
if somebody did that. -Do you want to write the scene?
[ Laughter ]
I'll call the Writers' Guild. You'll get credits.
-They were rigatoni. You really loved them.
It was your mother's recipe. -Right. Gosh.
Yeah, so, we're at work, and it's about --
You -- I stole your stuff, okay?
-Don't ever. -Out of the fridge.
-Right, out of the fridge. -Fridge. Thank you.
Ladies?
Um, we want to thank everybody
for coming out for the 15th anniversary --
-Oh, you want to thank people? -[ Chuckles ]
[ Laughter ]
You know, it's the attitude of gratitude, baby.
-Okay. -You might want to
try it sometime.
So, this is our reunion,
and there's something that I want to say to you.
-Okay.
♪ The first day you walked into the office ♪
♪ I was like, "Damn, damn, damn" ♪
[ Laughter and cheering ]
♪ You packed your own lunch in the little container ♪
♪ It was eggs and ham, ham, ham ♪
♪ And then you put it inside of the fridge ♪
-♪ With a lock ♪
-♪ I opened it ♪
-♪ You picked it off ♪
-♪ And I just want to say ♪
♪ That I'm so sorry that I ate your entree ♪
[ Vocalizes ]
-♪ Why did you eat it? ♪ -♪ 'Cause I was hungry ♪
-♪ But I really needed it ♪ -♪ I was so hungry ♪
-♪ Why did you eat it? ♪ -♪ I was so selfish ♪
-♪ I don't know why you ate it ♪
-♪ But I did ♪
♪ Don't get stuck in the past ♪
♪ I made some pasta for that ass ♪
♪ Here you go ♪
Thank you.
-Go ahead, girl. -♪ You can eat it ♪
-I can eat it?
-♪ But don't take it out of the fridge again ♪
♪ Or I'm going to whip that ass in shape ♪
♪ And tell you to go cook your own damn food ♪
[ Laughter and cheering ]
-♪ That's alright, because I love a woman ♪
♪ With her own agency that can stand up to me ♪
♪ I promise that I won't take your food ♪
-♪ Take my food ♪ -♪ I won't take your food ♪
-♪ Don't take my food ♪
-♪ I won't take your food ♪
♪ The croutons, the ham, tomatoes, and cans ♪
-♪ That sounds really nasty ♪
-♪ I know -- Uh... ♪
♪ It all depends in the order in which you assemble it ♪
-You right, though. -Right?
-Yeah, you right, though. Okay.
♪ What we eating tonight? ♪
-♪ Tell you what we're eating tonight ♪
-♪ What are we eating tonight? ♪
-♪ A little rigatoni ♪ -Oh.
-♪ 'Cause that's what the guy in the audience wrote for me ♪
-♪ Thank you for the rigatoni ♪ -♪ Thank you for it ♪
-♪ Thank you for it ♪
-But, baby...
♪ I'll never eat your food ♪
-♪ Food ♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Jordin Sparks!
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Jordin Sparks, everybody!
♪♪
-That was amazing.
-That's dropping on iTunes. You know, we're dropping it.
-It's one of the studio pieces you're working on.
I also love that she threatened to beat that ass up.
That was really --
-Hey, don't threaten me with a good time.
-Everybody, do not move.
There's more "Whose Line" right after these messages.
Stick around.
-Welcome back to "Whose Line Is It Anyway."
And we are going to keep the fun going now with a game called
"Scenes From A Hat."
This is for all four of our performers.
So Ryan and Colin are there,
and Wayne and Greg are here.
Before the show, we asked our audience to write down things
that they would like to see acted out by our performers.
I've got those suggestions in this hat.
I'm going to read them out. We're going to see how many
awesome things our performers can come up with.
So, here we go.
Pickup lines in "Star Trek."
"Star Trek," Ryan, "Star Trek."
-Beam me up.
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
-[ Imitating Darth Vader breathing ]
I am in the wrong universe.
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
-This'll never make it.
[ Laughter ]
-[ Laughing ] I have a feeling --
-Oh. -Yes.
Yes. Yes. Yes.
Yes. Yes.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-No.
No, don't encourage me!
-How dare you.
-"Star Trek" pickup lines.
-I'd like to go home with ya 'cause I've got a feeling
you're about to blow!
[ Buzzer ]
[ Laughter ]
-I'm one of them green bitches from Mars.
Where's your friend Colin at? Where's Colin at?
You know, this dude.
Oh, hey, what's up?
[ Buzzer ]
[ Laughter and applause]
-"Weird categories at the Academy Awards."
-The winner of The Most Suggestive Scene From A Hat.
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
-God, I hope it's me!
[ Buzzer ]
[ Laughter ]
-The amount of blurring.
-And the winner for The Best Reading Of The Line
Keep My Wife's Name Out Your Mother[bleep] Mouth
goes to...
[ Buzzer ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-[ Gravelly ] The Best Performance
By Someone Who Makes Fudge Under A Tree...
[ Buzzer ]
[ Laughter ]
-And the award for The Person Who Has Produced The Most People
To Actually Staff An Entire Film
goes to Nick Cannon.
[ Buzzer ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-"Things you can say
that are guaranteed to end a relationship."
-God, I hope it's me!
You knew it before I did it, didn't you?
How far did you see that coming?
-Oh, as soon as you were walking out.
-Sweetheart? -Yeah.
-I'm sorry. I've met someone.
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
Sweetheart, I'm leaving you.
I'm moving to Los Angeles. I'm going to be a writer.
I'm going to give suggestions in the audience of "Whose Line."
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
-Shut up. If I want to tell him rigatoni,
then I'm going to tell him rigatoni.
The guy needs help! He's going to sing a song.
He doesn't know what he's going to say.
She took the food from the fridge!
Some of it's rigatoni!
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
-Don't go anywhere! Everybody, we're going to be right back
with more "Whose Line Is It Anyway?" right after this.
-Welcome back to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
where we are going to play a game now called "Helping Hands."
This game is for Ryan and Colin.
It's also going to feature our star guest,
so please welcome back to the show,
actress and singer, star of "American Idol"
and "Dancing with the Stars," Jordin Sparks!
-Jordin Sparks?
[ Cheers and applause ]
-She is so delightful.
-Welcome back, beauty.
-Hey, Jordin!
-In this game, Ryan and Jordin are going to act out a scene,
but Ryan can't use his arms, alright?
So Colin is going to provide them for him.
And the scene you'll be acting out
is that Ryan is the charismatic owner of a health food café,
taking his girlfriend, Jordin, through the menu.
Lucky you.
Whenever you're ready, take it away.
-I'm so happy you came by today. -Oh, me, too.
-I've wanted you to see where I work.
-Okay. -Are you excited?
-Yes! -Now, you're vegetarian still.
-Yep. -So we have no meat here.
-None. -No meat that I could see.
-Except for yours, I guess.
-Oh.
[ Audience exclaiming ]
That's why I have this little container to keep it fresh.
-Okay. Smart.
-It is smart. How about I make you a little drinky?
-Okay. -Okay, this is
our health food drink. I'm going to take what I had a moment ago.
I'm going to open that up.
Oh, there's something inside of that. Shouldn't be there.
Don't know what that is. Oh, that's --
Alright, let's take some almond milk.
Almond milk is like regular milk,
but the teats are very small.
-Oh, yes.
-We'll put a little milk in there.
That's good. That's been sitting out for quite some time.
We're going to put a banana in there.
Now, a lot of people throw the peel away.
I don't do that. -Okay.
-I use the whole peel. I just put it right in.
-There's a lot of potassium in there.
-Oh, yeah, I squish it in there so it's nice and tight.
-Oh, yes. -I squish it.
I get my hand in there, and I squish it good
so it's all squished up together.
Okay now, do you like anything you see on the table here?
-Maybe these.
-I love you. I'm sorry I said that.
It's too soon, I know.
You haven't even had your banana yet.
-No, not -- I haven't had my banana or the strawberries.
-Are you a strawberry fan? -Yes, yes, yes.
-Let me feed you one. -Oh --
-But first let me prepare it
the way I like to prepare a strawberry.
-Oh, you know how I like it. -Oh.
-Let me grab another.
-One more time for me, please. Oh, thank you.
Oh, with the greens and everything.
[ Laughs ]
I should've caught it. -I know.
-Sorry. -That's what I thought you'd do,
but I understand. We're just not in love yet.
Alright, I'll shake that up.
There's your drink. Now let's make you something to eat first.
-Okay. -Wash it down with that
almond milk -- Ohh.
[ Laughter ]
-I'm having flashbacks. Oh, God.
-Let's make you a falafel. Let's make you a falafel.
-Okay.
-This is going to be "fal-awful."
-Oh, yes. -Let's put some of these here,
the chickpea balls. I don't know what they're called.
They're made from chickpeas -- -They're falafel.
-Yeah, falafels, that's what they are, yeah.
And I like to use whole vegetables.
I don't like them when they're cut up.
-Okay. -Put a carrot in there.
-Okay. -Let's put a piece of celery.
A piece of celery over here. Behind the carrot, you idiot.
No, the --
Alright, let's put one of those in.
But let's not forget the strawberry you love so much.
-Please. -Let's put that in there.
-And the nibs. -Chocolate chips down here.
Right, that's a strawberry.
The small things are chocolate chips.
Why -- Oh, are we being stingy on the chocolate chips?
Dump the chocolate chips in.
And now we put it into the cup with the banana.
[ Laughter ]
-I can just -- -Push it down as hard as I can.
[ Grunting ]
[ Both vocalizing ]
Alright, have a sip.
-Thank you. I just can tell you --
-And I want you to take a big sip.
-Okay, I can tell you love me so much with this.
-You want me to drink first?
Is that what you're saying? -Yes, yes, I would love that.
Will you taste your creation first?
[ Audience groaning ]
It looks --
That looks right --
right up my alley.
You're turning me on so much right now.
[ Laughter ]
-You're just refusing to catch any of my food.
-I'm sorry! I'm sorry. I'm catching everything else.
-How about a little dessert? -Okay.
-We have a tart here.
Just a little tart. We can split it in half.
Here's your half. -Oh. Thank you.
-And that's just normal. There's nothing on that.
-No, nothing. -...Yet!
Alright, let's get some agave sauce.
-I'll hold mine out right here. -Yeah, you hold yours --
-Can I have some, too? -No! Yes, you can.
-Oh, oh, oh, thank you.
-There's some --
Mmm.
You know what?
It's pretty damn good. -It's so good, right?
[ Laughter ]
-That's the best thing I've ever eaten on this [bleep] show.
[ Buzzer ]
It really is.
[ Cheers and applause ]
It's good.
-Huge thanks to Jordin Sparks, everybody!
Jordin Sparks!
[ Cheers and applause ]
Don't go anywhere. There's more "Whose Line" right after this.
Stick around.
-Welcome back to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
That's the end of our show tonight.
Our winners are Greg Proops and Wayne Brady.
I'd like you to join our very special guest, Jordin Sparks,
and read out the credits as if you are bad-tempered teens
arguing with your parents, Ryan and Colin.
Thanks for watching, everybody. Good night.
♪♪
-You're all grounded. Grounded.
-Grounded? -What up?
-I don't want to be grounded.
-Are all these our kids?
-These are all our kids.
-Oh, wait, I thought he was my -- You're not my dad?
-No, 'cause we're kids. -You're not my sister.
-Oh, I guess we're related.
Are we adopted?
Did you adopt us? -You're all kids.
You can't be his mother. -You can't talk to us like that.
You're not my dad. Dads.
-I'm so drunk right now.
-One of you is adopted.
-No. Never.
-We're drunk.
We're kids. -Can I get some of that?