-Good evening, everybody,
and welcome to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
On tonight's show, shooting star Wayne Brady,
new galaxy Gary Anthony Williams,
undiscovered planet Colin Mochrie,
and "stop staring at the neighbors" Ryan Stiles.
And I'm Aisha Tyler. Let's have some fun.
[ Cheers and applause ]
All right.
Hello, everyone, and welcome to
"Whose Line Is it Anyway," the show where everything is made up
and the points don't matter.
We've got a great show for you tonight.
So we're going to start right now with a game we call
"Weird Newscasters."
This is for all four of our performers.
Come this way.
In this game, Colin is the anchor of a news program.
Gary, Ryan, and Wayne are his co-anchors.
Each of them is an unusual or strange character.
Gary is the co-anchor, who's also Colin's grouchy
grandmother complaining about her various ailments.
-Okay. -Mm-hmm.
Ryan is going to be the sportscaster,
who's also acting out the greatest inventions
throughout human history.
And Wayne is the weather forecaster
who's presenting the weather as a powerful rock opera.
Whenever you're ready, take it away.
♪♪
-Good evening, and welcome to the 6:00 news.
I'm your anchor, "Toe Knee;" that's two parts of the leg.
Our top story today --
A man who stole my diary has died.
My thoughts are with his family.
[ Laughter ]
Well, very fortunate today to have one of my family
members here, my lovely grandmother.
Granny? -Oh, I've never felt better
except I probably have two minutes left to live, son.
-Really?
-They replaced my left leg with a donkey leg,
and I'm afraid that my right leg has been replaced with my left.
-Shh. -Uh-oh. Okay.
-Sleep. All right.
Let's see what's happening in the world of sports
with Rocky Guru.
-Oh. I'm sorry, Col;
I couldn't hear you before this new hearing aid I just got.
You know, sometimes people go deaf or can't hear too well.
But this amplifies your voice so I can hear everything.
Later, I'm going to get into my car with my square wheels.
Square wheels? That doesn't make sense.
Let me take my chisel and my hammer and make them round.
There we go. Oh, boy.
Anyway, I'll just head home and be by myself tonight --
or will I?
Not with this handy-dandy device where I just dial 1-800.
I've got to go now.
Oh, get my penis pump.
[ Laughter ]
-Oh, what I wouldn't give for a penis pump.
-All right. All right. All right. All right.
-Okay. All right. All right, grandson.
-Well, why don't we see what's happening
in the weather this weekend with Stormy Weather?
♪♪
-♪ Here comes the sun again ♪
♪ After it went away ♪
♪ Here comes the sun again ♪
♪ It's time for the seven-day ♪
♪ Sunday, it was a little cloudy ♪
♪ But then Monday, the sun came ♪
♪ Kicking in the door so loudly ♪
♪ And then Tuesday, it began to drizzle ♪
♪ Just a little bit ♪
♪ And messed up the wax on my car ♪
♪ Wednesday, the night was so clear ♪
♪ I could see every star ♪
♪ And then Thursday, it got warm ♪
♪ So I took off my pants ♪
♪ And then Friday, it was even warmer ♪
♪ I let my extremities dance ♪
♪ And then Saturday was a fluke ♪
♪ Because the air pressure system ♪
♪ Was radically imbalanced ♪
♪ And then it came around to Sunday once again ♪
♪ And that is the weather ♪
♪ And that was the weather ♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
-That was the 6:00 news. Good night and good news.
[ Buzzer ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Wow, you got all of that out of that one chord.
-Yep. -That was wild, man.
-It's amazing what that chord can do.
-That was incredible.
First of all, a little bit maybe too personal, too intimate,
a little art imitating life there, Ry?
-The penis pump? -Yeah.
-Sometimes that penis needs a bit of encouragement.
[ Laughter ]
It needs to be pumped up a little.
It needs to hear a good word now and then.
-That's true. -Come on, Dumbo.
You can do it, boy.
[ Laughter ]
-I don't have these problems.
[ Laughter ]
-All right.
Guys, we're gonna play a game now called "Deleted Scenes."
This is for all four of our performers.
Come on down.
They're dividing into two pairs.
Ryan and Colin are there, and Gary and Wayne are here.
Now, this is a quick-fire game where I give the performers
the names of iconic movies, and they have to suggest scenes
that would have been deleted from those films.
And we are going to start here with "Jurassic Park."
Whenever you're ready, gentlemen, take it away.
-Is that a dinosaur?
Oh, hell no.
[ Buzzer ]
-Oh, my God.
Look at that giant pig.
Jurassic pork.
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
-Triceratops tastes like chicken.
-I'm not in your scene.
-Oh. [ Buzzer ]
[ Laughter ]
-I've got the T. rex penis pump.
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
-Hey.
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
-[ Splat! ] Ugh.
Oh, actually, I think that did happen in the movie, didn't it?
[ Buzzer ] -I think it did. Yeah.
-Can you believe they got two of us in this movie?
-I know, right? -Crazy.
-Wait.
-Hey. -What?
-Get the [bleep] out of here, man.
-Oh. All right. We didn't know.
-There can be only one.
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
-All right. How about James Bond?
Deleted scenes from James Bond.
-Bzzzzt.
Hello, Mr. -- Bzzt. Oh.
[ Laughter ]
Bzzt.
Hello, Mr. Bond, I -- Oh, come on.
[ Buzzer ]
-I'm sorry, miss. I think you have the wrong room.
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
-Huh! Hah! Huh! Huh!
My name is Brown, James Brown.
Huh!
[ British accent ] Bond. James Bond.
[ Laughter ] [ Buzzer ]
-No, Mr. Bond, I'm not going to tell you my plan.
[ Imitates gunshot ]
[ Laughter ]
-Yes, Mr. Bond.
[ Imitates hat flying ]
[ Grunts ] Ow!
[ Laughter ]
-My name is Dr. No,
but my heart says, "Why not give it a try?"
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
-All right, guys. There's more fun from our
"Whose Line" crew right after these messages.
Stay tuned.
-Welcome back to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
where, now, we are going to play a game called "Duet."
This game is for Wayne, accompanied by the fantastic
Laura Hall and Linda Taylor.
And here to join them, singing a duet, is our celebrity guest.
So please welcome singer, musician, and dancer
from "Dancing with the Stars," Mark Ballas.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Yeah. All right.
-My brother.
-So, Wayne, you're going to sing a song with Mark,
and you're going to sing it in the style of a Broadway musical.
-Okay. You know, which is fitting.
Mark's been on Broadway, "Jersey Boys."
I've been on Broadway, so we're going to do a little Broadway.
You know what I was thinking?
You know the old Bing Crosby movies,
"The Road to," like "The Road to Bali" or something?
-Sure.
-So we'll have "The Road to" something,
but it's a fictitious place. Give us a place.
You got to raise your hand. You got to raise your hand.
You in the middle right there with the red shirt.
-Your mom's house. -"Road to --"
[ Laughter ]
-I love it. -You know what?
It's "The Road to Your Mom's House."
Are you ready, Mark?
-I guess. -Let's do it, buddy.
-Let's go.
-Look at this place, Mark.
-It's fantastic.
-But I'm a little bored.
I've been everywhere.
Except one place.
♪ There's a place that I've never seen ♪
♪ But I want to go in ♪
♪ There's a woman that I have not been ♪
♪ But I want to go in ♪
♪ She's so beautiful ♪
♪ She makes me scream and shout ♪
♪ I want to go in the dwelling ♪
♪ Of the place you were dispelling ♪
♪ In fact, I want to go out into your mom's house ♪
-♪ Don't talk about my mom's house ♪
♪ That's my mom's house and my dad's house ♪
♪ There's another place that I would like to go ♪
-Where? -It's your mom's house.
-Oh. Interesting. Well, I would --
♪ I'd like to go into your mom's house ♪
♪ As she lays on her wedding bed ♪
♪ Move your father out of the way ♪
♪ And then this is what I said ♪
♪ I would lay and take his place ♪
♪ The lights are out, she couldn't see my face ♪
♪ But then I would get up 'cause she's your parent ♪
♪ And, hey, let's face it, that is done without consent ♪
-♪ Well, Wayne, I think you lie ♪
♪ Because my mother would eat you alive ♪
-♪ That's the hope, and that's no jive ♪
♪ I'm hoping that she'd eat me alive ♪
-♪ Yes, she will ♪
-♪ I hope that she would eat me alive ♪
-♪ She would eat you alive ♪
-Your mom's house. -Your mom's house.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-That's one of the weirdest things.
-Give it up for Mark Ballas, everyone!
-You suggested it. Mark Ballas.
-That was amazing. -Thank you.
-Mark Ballas.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Oh, I found that delightful.
-And nothing was done with,
you know, like I crept in the house.
-Appropriately. -I was like, "That's not cool."
-Make sure to underline consent.
-Right. -Yes.
-Is that from "High School Musical"?
-Mm-hmm.
-And now, friends, we're going to play a game called "Props."
This is for all four of our performers in two pair.
Ryan and Gary, these are for you.
Oh, boy. -Oh, boy.
-And Colin and Wayne, this is for you.
All right. So as you know, the way this game works
is that each have a different set of props.
They've got to use them as many interesting ways
as they possibly can.
We'll start with Ryan and Gary. Good luck.
-You couldn't have bought a smaller Christmas tree?
-Baby, just start climbing. You'll get there.
[ Buzzer ]
-Man, this studio is cold.
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
-My Brazilian butt lift went right.
-Oh.
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
-Hey, good looking. Aooga!
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ] -Goo-goo-ga-ga.
-I'm not sure what that is, little one.
-I was born with an outie.
-Oh. No, no.
[ Buzzer ]
-And then the monkey threw the banana
with great force at my body.
-Oh, my God.
-Don't touch it. Oh, don't peel it. Oh. Ooh.
-Just squeeze it. Just squeeze it.
-Oh, no.
[ Buzzer ] No.
-And now I shall switch our brains.
Ssshk. Bzzzzzzz.
-Yo.
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
-On Rudolph, on Red Ass.
[ Buzzer ]
-Come on, we got to make more of these stupid cookies.
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
-[ Vocalizing ] -[ Vocalizing ]
-Welcome to the island of different mermaids.
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
-You can do it, Rocky. You can do it.
You can do it, Rocky.
-[ Babbles ]
-What? What?
-'Tis I, Moon Head.
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
-All right, guys.
There's more "Whose Line" right after this break.
Stay tuned.
-Welcome back to "Whose Line Is It Anyway," everyone.
And now we play a game called "Living Scenery."
This game is for Ryan, Colin, and Wayne.
So come on down.
We need some help with this game,
so please welcome back dancer, singer, musician
from "Dancing with the Stars," the sensational Mr. Mark Ballas.
-♪ Sensational ♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
-All right, all right.
-So here's what's going to happen.
You guys are going to act out a scene, and during the scene,
you'll need a number of props.
Wayne and Mark, you will stand in
and become all of the props in this scene, all right?
And the scene is that Ryan and Colin
are traveling on a luxurious private jet
when it crashes in the jungle,
and they have to use what they can to survive.
Take it away. -What are you doing?
-I can't seem to find my penis pump.
-It's right here. -Ooh, here it is.
-Oh, no.
[ Laughter ]
-Caw! Caw!
Boom! [ Imitates falling plane ]
-Oh my God, we sucked a bird into the engine.
-Oh. Quick, get your oxygen mask.
-It's fallen down from the ceiling.
Mine had Italian.
[ Laughter ]
We're going to hit the water. I'm going to inflate the raft.
-Ssshp! -Oh.
-Ssssssssssshp! -I don't know --
This one's got a lot more air in it.
Let me let a little out. There we go. I let a little out.
-Oh. Yeah.
Look, if you press this, there's little engines
that'll push us towards the -- -Oh, yeah. There it goes.
-Vrooooom. -Vrooooom.
-Oh, here we are on the island.
-Ah. I'm not sure what those were.
-No. Best not to ask questions.
-Hey, we've been on this island before.
-I think so. I remember the little coconuts.
[ Laughter ]
-I remember.
-How are we going to get off here, though?
There's not really much around.
-Wait. I think the dolphins are trying to tell us something.
-[ Chirping like dolphins ] -[ Chirping like dolphins ]
-Oh, they're having --
They're not telling us anything. They're having sex.
[ Laughter ]
I didn't see that. No, no, no.
Ohh.
What was the porpoise of that?
[ Laughter ]
Oh, God.
-Hoo! Hoo! Hoo!
-Dinner!
-Let me light up the barbecue. I'll start a fire.
-All right. I'll put him on the rotisserie.
[ Laughter ]
-Let it go for another half-hour or so.
-All right.
Okay.
-It's just like I like it -- rare and dizzy.
[ Laughter ]
Wait. Is that a helicopter?
-It's two helicopters. Oh, no, it's one.
-Hey, are you guys stranded?
-Yes, yes, we are.
-Oh, no! We're going down!
-They've only got one blade left on their chopper.
Oh, this guy's landed with us.
-Oh. Dinner!
-Oh. I'll get the fire going. [ Buzzer ]
[ Laughter ]
-Mark Ballas!
[ Cheers and applause ]
Mark Ballas, everyone.
Colin, you're positively sinister.
-You know what? You got to survive.
You have to do anything to survive.
-I was trying to rescue him.
-He was. -Yeah. Really good.
"We're going down!"
You deserve to be eaten.
-I did. I did.
-All right. Well, now, friends,
we're going to play a game called "Scenes From a Hat."
This is for all four of our performers.
Ryan and Colin are there.
Wayne and Gary are here. Now, before our show,
we asked our audience to write down scenes
that they'd like to see acted out by our performers.
I've got those suggestions in this hat.
I will read them out. We'll see what our guys can come up with.
Here we go.
"Bad people to go on vacation with."
-This look like a good place to die.
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
-The boat's all loaded up, Skipper.
-All right, little buddy.
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
-"Gilligan's Island."
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
-Hey, thanks for coming on the vacation with me, Rob.
There's gonna be a huge sex party later on.
-What are you saying, Mike?
-Just me and you, little sex party later on.
[ Laughter ]
Just me and you. Just --
[ Buzzer ]
-Ah.
I am gonna kill you later.
-I know. I'm aware. [ Buzzer ]
[ Laughter ]
-"Unusual parts of the body to sing a love song about."
-♪ Shoo-doop, shoo-doop, shoo-doop, doo-doo, doo-doo ♪
♪ I'm looking ♪
♪ Shoo-doop, shoo-doop, shoo-doop, doo-doo, doo-doo ♪
♪ For the perineum ♪
♪ Shoo-doop, shoo-doop, shoo-doop, doo-doo, doo-doo ♪
♪ Where is it? There ♪
[ Laughter ] [ Buzzer ]
-♪ Oh, Jerry's got a hole where the poo comes from ♪
♪ The poo comes from, the poo comes from ♪
-♪ Jerry's got a hole where the poo comes from ♪
-♪ It's right here in the back ♪ Yeah.
-Love song? -Yeah.
-♪ I love your hair, boys ♪
♪ Get it? 'Cause you don't have none ♪
-♪ One of us has more than the other two ♪
[ Laughter ] [ Buzzer ]
-Hey, guys. Find out who won our show after this short break.
There's more "Whose Line" right after this.
-Hey, everybody. Welcome back to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
That is the end of our show.
Tonight, our winners are all four of you lovely gentlemen.
So please join our very special star guest
Mark Ballas and read out the credits
as if you are all finalists
at the international air guitar championships.
Thanks for watching, everybody. Good night.
♪♪
-I learned this from Jimmy Mulville.
-Oh, yeah? -All right.
I've got the Colin Mochrie
and the Geraldine Dowd technique down.
-Oh. -Yeah! Yeah!
-Louis Patterson! Louis Patterson!
-Oh. -Yeah! Simon Miles.
Simon Miles.
Yeah.
-Wow. -Oh, sorry, man.
Oh, sorry, man.
-Whoo!
-Oh. An air guitar groupie.