-Good evening, everybody,
and welcome to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
On tonight's show, shake, rattle and roll, it's Wayne Brady.
Shaken, not stirred, it's Gary Anthony Williams.
Shaking in his boots, it's Colin Mochrie.
And shake before using, it's Ryan Stiles.
And I'm Aisha Tyler. Let's make some stuff up.
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪♪
Hello, everybody.
Welcome to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?",
the show where everything is made up
and the stairs just jiggle me to death.
We've got a great show for you tonight,
so let's get started right now
with a game called "Hollywood Director."
This is for all of our performers, so come this way.
The way this game works is that Colin, Ryan, and Wayne
are gonna act out a film scene.
Gary is gonna be the director who keeps giving the actors
different notes on how to improve the scene,
and the scene you're gonna be acting out, gentlemen,
is that Ryan and Wayne, you are two explorers
in a booby-trapped tomb.
Suddenly, you are attacked by an angry demon, Colin.
Take it away.
-♪ Boobie-trapped tomb, and I don't care ♪
♪ Boobie-trapped tomb, and I don't care ♪
I don't care.
-How are we gonna get to the idol if you don't care?
-Well, you have to put the same weight
on that pedestal that's on there right now.
-All right. -Looks about your size.
-Well, so...
-I'll lift it off while you jump on.
-Okay. -[ Grunts ]
-[ Grunts ] Aah! Aah!
-It didn't work. That didn't work.
-[ Groans ]
-Who has disturbed my tomb?!
I am Rakatakatak.
-Rakatakatak?
-I am an Incan...demon.
I have possessed you.
-Aah!
-Oh!
-[ Southern accent ] Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut!
-Rikatuman?
-I need you to be different this time.
I need you to loosen it up. Get all limber.
Act as though this time,
you're all attached to strong rubber bands.
And action!
-I'm gonna try to get outside and see if I can -- oh, wow!
-Okay, so how -- you want me to stand on top of that?
-Yeah. -All right.
[ Imitates rubber band creaking ]
[ Applause ]
-We're stuck here.
We're stuck here forever, I tell you.
-[ Groans ]
-Hang on!
I'll just stand here.
-All right, cut, cut.
First of all, that was beautiful.
Second, it wasn't.
This time, I need y'all to start acting
as though you are uncontrollably aroused.
And...act hard!
-It looks like we're stuck here for a while.
Why don't you have a seat?
You're sweating.
Are you nervous?
-[ High-pitched voice ] Just a little bit.
How are we gonna get to the treasure?
-Oh, why did you pick that character?
That makes me look so creepy now.
-Well, I'm a 38-year-old man. I just have a --
-Oh, you are a 38-year-old man.
-Yeah.
Um, hey, let's see what's in the sack.
-Oh, oh, wait a minute here.
-Howdy, y'all.
-Hi.
-I'm a demon.
-Oh, no, you're going to possess me.
-I only have one leg.
Yeah.
-Whoa!
Cut, cut!
I appreciate that.
I would've appreciated it more if you kept the shoe on.
But this time -- this time, and just for me, just for me,
I need you to act as though you are in
one of the biggest scenes you ever saw
of "West Side Story."
And action.
[ Jazzy music playing ]
♪♪
-♪ Archaeology ♪
♪ There's a tomb right there ♪
♪ How do we get right there? ♪
♪ How do we ♪
Cool.
♪♪
Pow! -Pow!
-[ Grunts ]
-♪ Ooh, ahh ♪
♪ Ooh, ahh ♪
-That's it! [ Buzzer ]
That's the one! That's the one!
[ Cheers and applause ]
-We are grown-ass men.
Oh, that makes me happy.
-All right, obviously, points all around.
Some special points of note to Gary for the "act hard" line.
It just worked. I don't know why.
And then a couple of very small,
delicate points to the subtlety of the work
that Colin did in that last scene.
That's very subtle, the one-leg bit --
very subtle, yeah. -Yeah.
Let's not be proud about that.
-All right, friends.
Now we're gonna play a game called "Sound Effects."
This is for Ryan and Colin, so come on down.
We're also gonna need the help of some volunteers
in the audience, so let's find somebody.
Who would like to be a part of this game?
Who in -- oh, my God, everybody is so fired up.
Look at you two people here.
All right, tell me your names. -Ashley.
-Dawn.
-Ashley and Dawn -- sounds like a '70s singing group.
Follow me, Ashley and Dawn.
Here we go, all right.
Here's a mic for you, Ashley, and a mic for you, Dawn.
-Hello, strangers.
-All right, here's how this game works.
Ryan and Colin are gonna perform a scene,
and Ashley and Dawn are gonna provide the sound effects,
but only when prompted.
Ashley will do the sound effects for Colin,
and Dawn will do the sound effects for Ryan.
And the scene is that Ryan and Colin
are two guys on safari with your wives
when you are abducted by aliens.
Enjoy.
-[ Imitates squeaking ]
-For God's sake, we don't need that much rhino sperm.
-Oh, sorry.
-Honey, you're falling too far behind.
Keep up, okay?
-[ Growling ]
-Every once in a while, she just makes evil sounds.
-We can't wait for the wives.
We've got to get going on this safari.
We're gonna miss out on that rhino.
-I feel bad about shooting the rhino.
-Oh, he wants to be sh-- I heard him.
-[ Gasps ] There he is.
[ Both moan ]
-Oh. -He's almost dead already.
-I can't -- Yeah.
Hey, where are our wives? -What?
-They've disappeared.
-[ High-pitched voice ] Bye!
-Oh, look, they're being pulled up into that ship.
[ Warbling vocalizations ]
As are we!
-Wait, wait, did you hear that? Did you hear that?
[ Warbling vocalizations ]
-I've never heard her make that noise with me.
-Well...
Maybe you weren't probing right.
-I guess.
Oh, we're being drawn up into the --
-Zap! Zap!
-Oh, that was quick for me, and you.
Oh, what an odd ship.
-I'm gonna see if I can get my wife on the cellphone.
-[ Imitates phone dialing ]
[ Grumbling ]
-You know what?
I'm fine if I never see her again.
-I can't believe you got reception.
-I know! Well, it's an alien technology.
-Hey, I brought some explosives with me.
I always carry them with me.
I'm gonna blow the side of the ship out.
Stand back. -Well, wait, wait, wait, wait.
-What? -What's the plan after that?
-We're gonna run through the -- jump through the hole...
with our parachutes.
Do I have to explain everything to you?
-All right, I forgot we had the safari parachutes.
-Yes!
Stand back.
This could be loud, although I doubt it.
-[ Imitates squeaking ]
-Wait, a space alien.
Look how lovely she is.
-Yo.
-I think she's trying
to entice us with her body language.
-Huh-huh-huh.
-Aren't you worried that the bomb didn't go off at all?
-[ Grunts ]
-Oh, there it goes.
Oh, no, that was her.
The bomb still hasn't gone off.
-You know what? I -- -[ Snarling ]
-What the hell -- a flame thrower?
Where'd you get that?
-I thought, "What the hell?
If we got to take a parachute, why not a -- "
-Burn down this place!
-[ Imitating gun shooting ]
-You're shooting out some sort of green slime.
-Hey, there's a fire hydrant. I'll just --
-A fire hydrant?! -Yeah.
-Who's gonna buy that?
-I'm not selling it. -Oh.
-I'm just saying there's one right there.
-All right.
-I have a big fire-hydrant wrench.
-Unscrew it.
-[ Imitates crunching ]
-I forgot I had potato chips in my back pocket.
-It's dust now.
[ Buzzer ]
-Give it a round, please, everybody, Ashley and Dawn.
-Thank you.
-Ashley and Dawn, everyone. Yay.
I found that to be a very complex
and...entrancing story that you told.
-You know what I find odd is when we were young,
we had to pee all during the show,
and now that we're old,
we can drink four of these and not pee at all.
-Are you sure you're not peeing?
-Depends...
on what you're talking about is --
-All right, guys, there's more hilarity
from our "Whose Line" crew right after this.
Stick around.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Welcome back, everybody, to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?",
where now we are gonna play a game called...
"Scenes from a Hat."
All four of our performers -- Ryan and Colin are there,
Wayne and Gary are here.
Now, before our show, we asked our audience
to write down scenes
that they'd like to see acted out by our performers.
I've got those suggestions in this hat.
I will read them out.
We'll see what our guys can come up with.
Here we go.
If famous TV shows
were performed by incredibly horny people.
So essentially, this show.
-[ British accent ] It's "The Great British Bake Off."
So you just have to aerate the puddings
to make sure that there's enough air in the batter.
And to stir the puddings to make sure it's not moist.
Not finished stirring yet.
-Buzz me.
[ Buzzer ]
[ Groans ]
Buzz me.
[ Buzzer ] Oh!
[ Buzzer ] Yes!
-[ Normal voice ] All right, now,
the most important thing in this ingredient
is the nice, fresh chicken breast.
And the way you tell the chicken --
Br-br-br-br! Br-br-br-br!
Who's your father now?
[ Buzzer ]
-[ As Count von Count ] Welcome to "Sesame Street."
[ Audience laughs, gasps ]
My job is done, then, I guess.
[ Buzzer ]
-It's the golden [beep] girls.
-Why'd you bring us out?
-Oh, Blanche.
-Stay, stay, stay. -Stay, stay, stay.
-Yeah, nice try.
-And we'll be right back on NBC.
[ Imitates NBC tones ]
[ Buzzer ]
-Oh, you can throw all the flags you want.
-Folks, we have a little delay of game.
We've been delayed for the last 20 minutes.
-Throw your flags! I don't care.
[ Buzzer ]
-If people behaved like video-game characters
in their everyday lives.
-Hey, Gary, going to work?
-Yeah, just go--
-Hey, guys, want to go to lunch?
-Yeah, yeah.
Work.
-Waka-waka-waka-waka-waka-waka- waka-waka-waka-waka-waka-waka.
-Number 44?
-That's-a me!
[ Buzzer ]
-I don't care!
[ Buzzer ]
-Bad times to mimic someone.
-Bobby, I want tonight to be the night.
I want to give you -- -[ Babbles mockingly ]
-I want to share everything with --
-I want to give you my flower. -I want to give you my flower.
-The things I want you to do to me --
-No! No! No!
[ Buzzer ]
-Hey, everybody, don't go anywhere.
There's more "Whose Line" right after this.
Stick around.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Everybody, welcome back to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
And now we're gonna play a game called "Greatest Hits."
This is a game for all four of our performers,
with the help of the fantastic Laura Hall and Linda Taylor,
so come on down.
The way that this game works
is that Ryan and Colin are two television voiceover announcers
talking about the latest compilation album.
Wayne and Gary are gonna sing snippets
of the songs on that album,
so what I need is a suggestion from the audience here.
Give me an example of a medical job.
[ Shouting suggestions ]
-Okay, a lot -- oh, yes.
Ooh, I heard podiatrist.
So -- -Baby doctor.
-Oh, yes.
The name of your album is "Songs of the Pediatrist."
Whenever you're ready, take it away.
-We'll be right back to our Lifetime movie, "Stepladder,"
about a man who didn't know his real ladder,
in just a second.
-Oh, boy. Ooh.
-Hey, what's the matter?
-Oh, I was walking on hot coals this morning.
My dogs are barking.
-Well, you should go immediately to a podiatrist.
-A baby doctor?
-No.
No, it's feet.
They deal with feet.
-Oh, 24 inches.
-You know, one of the great love songs of podiatrists
was a great Motown hit. -[ Gasps ]
-You a Motown fan?
-Yes, I am.
-Yeah, that sold it.
So sit back and listen to this great Motown hit,
"Since the Time I Scraped Your Feet."
[ Motown music playing ]
-All right, baby. -Yeah.
-Uh-huh.
Let me get down there real quick.
-Go ahead and talk to her now.
♪ Lucy, baby ♪
♪ Ooh ♪
♪ Come on over here and just sit down ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ Let me tell you, you make my knees buckle ♪
♪ When you're sitting down, you got hair on your knuckles ♪
♪ Oh, your little piggies give me, give me, don't you see? ♪
♪ I love it when I grab my scraper and I scrape your feet ♪
♪ Every time I scrape them ♪
♪ Your eyes roll back in the back of your head ♪
♪ I love the feeling, girl, yes, that's what you said ♪
♪ And the feelings that I've got ♪
♪ I know it's so deep ♪
♪ I'm a grown man, I'm on my knees ♪
♪ And I'm scraping your feet ♪
♪ Give me them feet ♪
-♪ Sometimes, I scrape the bottom of the barrel ♪
-♪ Give me them feet ♪
-♪ The love I have for you is wide, never narrow ♪
-♪ Just give me them feet ♪
-♪ There's nothing, baby, that's nearly as sweet ♪
-♪ Give them feet ♪
-♪ As the sound that I hear when I'm down scraping your feet ♪
♪ It's like ♪
[ Imitating scraping ]
-♪ You heard it ♪
[ Imitating scraping ]
-♪ You felt that ♪
[ Imitating scraping ]
-♪ To the bridge ♪
[ Imitating scraping ]
-♪ Oh ♪ -♪ Oh ♪
♪ And then after we've scraped it on the floor ♪
♪ We pretend that we're running through the snow ♪
-♪ So soft, so gentle, you see ♪
♪ We throw it all around, we dance so free ♪
-♪ We're dancing free ♪ -♪ We're dancing ♪
♪ Here at this taping, I'm in love with the girl ♪
♪ But I dig her feet scraping ♪
-♪ Dancing so free, baby, so sweet ♪
♪ Let me just snip them scrubbers from your feet ♪
-♪ Scrub your feet ♪
-♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
-That's smooth, baby.
-You know, on a lot of these songs,
it's best not to visualize what's going on.
-Yeah. Yeah, totally skip the videos.
-Yeah.
-Um...I -- I'm an old-school guy.
-Mm-hmm. -I'm pretty much old-school.
-You're old. You went to school.
-Yeah.
But there's one form of music that really,
the old-school, I feel, is the best school.
-Really? -I'm talking about hip-hop.
-[ Gasps ] Hip-hop, hip-hop.
-All right, so sit back
and listen to this old-school hip-hop song,
"Remove Your Damn Socks."
[ Hip-hop music playing ]
♪♪
-Yeah, sing it, man.
-Unh, unh, unh, unh, unh, unh, unh, unh, unh, unh, unh, unh.
[ Rapping ] ♪ Oh, you be looking at me wearing my big clock ♪
♪ Stop looking at me, remove your damn socks ♪
♪ I want to see them feet, I want to really do ♪
♪ I want to see them feet without your damn shoes ♪
-[ Rapping ] ♪ Sometimes, you see man, I'm pedantic ♪
♪ I can explain how when I get romantic ♪
♪ I like to do this, get off my rocks ♪
♪ When you're laying butt naked, why you got on socks? ♪
-♪ I don't care if you're feeling somber ♪
♪ I don't care if it's Nike or the Bombas ♪
-♪ Come on ♪ -♪ All I'm trying to say ♪
♪ No hip, no hop, ain't no action ♪
♪ 'Til you remove your sock ♪
-♪ Come on, little, little girl, why you getting next to me? ♪
♪ Scraping your socks is static electricity ♪
♪ Trying to get it going because as a rock ♪
♪ You take off your shoes or I get socked ♪
♪ Yo, yo, yo, yo, I'm black as soot ♪
♪ But I want to see that naked foot ♪
♪ I don't care, tick tock ♪
♪ Come on, girl, remove your damn sock ♪
-Remove your socks!
-Socks! -Socks!
-Remove your socks!
[ Buzzer ]
-You said...
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Oh, my.
-My, my.
-♪ You've never heard that in a rap song ♪
-I have been doing this show many, many years now,
and I've never seen anybody deliver a lyric
that broke Wayne.
-Said, "Black as soot."
-Oh, my God.
Obviously, the biggest point out of that game
goes to Gary Anthony Williams.
[ Cheers and applause ]
All right, guys, don't move.
I'll tell you who won our show right after this break.
Stay tuned.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Welcome back to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
That is our show.
Tonight, all four of you lovely gentlemen have won the day,
so please read out the credits
as if Colin has been bitten by a snake
and is pleading with the rest of you to suck out the poison.
Thanks for watching, everybody. Goodnight.
-You're gonna stay for this one.
I've been bitten by a snake!
-Colin's been bitten by a snake.
Colin's been bitten by a snake. -I'm gonna go get help.
-No! -I don't know what to do.
He's been bitten by a snake. I don't know what to do.
I just have to look in the camera.
He's been bitten by a snake. -Do the Wayne Brady suck!
I've done all the air out of the tires.
Suck me. Suck me!
-He wants people to suck him.
That's not happening. -You're on fire!
He's coming back to earth! Oh no. Suck me, suck me!
That's not where I got this.
[ Cheers and applause ]