[ Cheers and applause ]
-Good evening, everybody,
and welcome to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
On tonight's show, all the world's a stage,
Wayne Brady.
Brevity's the soul of wit, Jonathan Mangum.
To thine own self be true, Colin Mochrie.
And out, out, damn spot, it's Ryan Stiles.
And I'm Aisha Tyler. Let's make some stuff up!
[ Cheers and applause ]
Yeah.
Hello, everybody. Hello.
Welcome to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?",
the show where everything is made up,
and the points don't matter one bit.
We've got a fantastic show for you tonight.
And we're going to start right now
with a game called "Weird Newscasters".
This is for all four of our performers.
So come on down.
In this game, Colin is anchor of a news program.
Jonathan, Ryan, and Wayne are his co-anchors,
each of whom has an unusual or strange character.
Jonathan is Colin's co-anchor who is a male stripper
hired for Colin's birthday.
[ Laughter ]
Adorable
-New choice. -Yep.
Ryan is the sportscaster
who's also God going through a busy day.
-Oh.
-And Wayne is the weather forecaster
acting out an entire "Transformers" movie -- ah? --
in 30 seconds.
Alright, whenever you're ready, gentlemen, take it away.
♪♪
-Welcome to the six o'clock news.
I'm your anchor, Walter Underthebridge.
Our top story today,
the man who invented the zero died today.
From all of us here, thanks for nothing.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Why don't we see what's happening
in the rest of the world with Sparky Gallant?
-Hi. It's me, Sparky Gallant.
A lot of things are just popping off here today.
We are so excited about the happenings
that are happening here.
Although, I'm wondering perhaps I'm not paid enough
to do certain things that happen on The CW.
So...
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
Back to you, birthday boy.
-Thank you.
I'd rather have what's behind whore number two.
[ Laughter, applause ]
Why don't we see what's happening in sports
with Throwing McBean?
-Sorry, I was just making a note to myself to have never invented
tighty whities.
[ Laughter, applause ]
And by the way, you're welcome.
Let's take a look at the sports on Sunday,
a day I should be resting, but I'm not.
I can't stop thinking about this.
And, uh...
[ Exhales sharply ] Back to you. Back to -- Just back to you.
[ Cheers and applause ]
They're like, fluffy, like, white clouds,
like the Gates -- like the Pearly Gates to heaven in a way.
And then they parted and I saw my savior right there.
Anyway, I'm a busy man. Back to you.
-Okay. Later on in the show,
we'll be talking to a man with five penises.
-Again, you're welcome. -Yeah.
-He does say there are disadvantages,
but his pants fit like a glove.
Why don't we see what's happening
in the world of weather with Stormy McPhee?
-Thank you so much, Dallas.
Let's go ahead and let's take a look
at what's happening with the seven-day forecast.
We're going to go out to the field right now. Let's see.
Oh, what's happening in the field right now?
Well, Jim, it appears that they found something,
which...
[ Roaring, clunking ]
I don't know what it is.
[ Roars, clunking ]
Run, humans.
No!
[ Trilling noises, clunking ]
Autobots, ride.
[ Clunking ]
[ Truck horn honks ]
[ Clunking ] Starscream!
[ Clunking ] Reptosaur.
[ Tires squealing ] Beep-beep.
Yellow car.
-Bumblebee?
-[ Tires squeal ]
And that's all for the weather.
[ Clunking ]
Transform into pants. [ Clunks ]
Oh.
-Wow.
-Oh, no.
[ Cheers and applause ]
That's been the six o'clock news.
Good night and good news.
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ Buzzer ]
-Another day at the office.
-That is commitment.
My mom always told me check your underwear
before you walk out of this house and go on national TV.
-Yeah. What happens if you get hit by a car?
Or got to do a striptease
for a old dude on a television show?
-Was there a reason you threw "old" in there?
You couldn't just say "dude"?
-You have to be daring to wear white underwear.
-It's very comfortable. -I'm sure it is.
-It's so comfortable because he's been wearing the same pair
since middle school.
-It's not even an insult. It's true. It's true.
-God bless you. -No, I did not.
[ Laughter ]
-That's true. -I did not.
-Absolutely true. -Oh.
And now, friends, we're going to play a game called "Duet".
This game was for Wayne and Jonathan,
accompanied by Laura Hall and Linda Taylor.
Here to join us is our special guest.
So, please welcome actress, musician, and beatboxing star
from the sensational group "Freestyle Love Supreme",
Kaila Mullady!
-[ Beatboxing ]
-Yes.
Alright. So, Wayne and Jonathan,
you're going to be performing a song with Kaila,
and you're going to do it in the style of,
you guessed it, hip-hop.
What? -Oh, my gosh.
-Whenever you guys are ready, take it away.
-Alright, so let's get the -- a mission.
So, we're on a mission to get what?
[ Audience shouting ]
Raise your hand for me. Raise your hand.
Yes, right there.
-Toilet paper in the pandemic. -Oh, that's specific.
You must work on this show.
Toilet paper in the pandemic. That's the first --
Let's get it. -Yep.
[ Beatboxing ]
-♪ I got a why ♪
-♪ Wipe, wipe, wipe, wipe, wipe, wipe, wipe, wipe, wipe, wipe ♪
-♪ I got a why ♪
-♪ Wipe, wipe, wipe, wipe, wipe ♪
-♪ I'm kind of constipated, maybe plenty ♪
♪ Once a year, I'm thinking that it's 2020 ♪
♪ Something is wrong, I'm locked in my house ♪
♪ And I'm here with my friends and my spouse ♪
♪ I'm trapped, all of a sudden ♪
♪ Tell me, what am I doing? ♪
♪ My life's in a ruin, I'm in the bathroom ♪
♪ I'm pooing ♪
♪ When I'm looking down, how can it be? ♪
♪ There's nothing to wipe, Jonathan, will you help me? ♪
-♪ Looking, I'm looking ♪
-♪ Looking ♪ -♪ I'm looking for a roll ♪
-♪ Get it ♪ -♪ Because I feel the pain ♪
♪ On my hole ♪ -♪ Hole ♪
-♪ That is right, I need some relief ♪
-♪ Come on ♪ -♪ I need some TP ♪
♪ I don't like using leafs ♪
♪ No, no ♪ -♪ Dude, you can't use leaves ♪
-♪ No ♪ -♪ You can't do it ♪
♪ Because you got to get something so I can remove it ♪
♪ All of a sudden, everybody, and I thank the Lord ♪
♪ Because, everybody, all the TP is hoarded ♪
-♪ Oh, no, please don't ask me why ♪
-♪ Why? ♪ -♪ I'm looking for ♪
♪ A special kind, three-ply ♪
-♪ I need to feel ♪ -♪ Feel ♪
-♪ It needs to be good ♪ -♪ Good ♪
-♪ I need to feel it's rubbing from my head down to my hood ♪
-♪ I got it ♪
♪ From the hood to the back to the front ♪
♪ Come on now, because damn that's hard ♪
♪ I need that one to the three-point for me ♪
♪ Because we ain't got three-ply ♪
♪ I need something ♪
♪ What can we do because we got -- why? ♪
♪ We got something, we got something, we got something ♪
♪ I get it ♪
♪ Let's split up ♪
♪ You hit that 7-11, I hit the Walmart ♪
♪ I get it, because you get to where we might start ♪
♪ In this aisle, I don't see nothing ♪
♪ Hey, what about you? Do you see some number two? ♪
♪ Hey, I got to go number two ♪
-♪ I see it, see it, see it ♪
♪ I see it, see it, see it ♪
♪ This one is nice ♪
♪ It has some aloe ♪
♪ That's kind of nice ♪
♪ It feels like a smucker ♪
♪ That's right, you feel it? ♪
♪ Feel it when I pucker, pucker ♪
-♪ Oh, yeah, we got it, it's disarming ♪
♪ And now the three of us are just bumming on the Charmin ♪
♪ And that is something, because we did it ♪
♪ We're a team, we got this TP dream ♪
♪ We need quarantine ♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Yeah. Let's hear it for them.
-Kaila Mullady!
-Yes.
-Kaila Mullady, everybody.
You guys, don't go anywhere.
We got more "Whose Line" for you right after this.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Welcome back to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
We're going to keep things moving now with a game
called "Scenes from a Hat".
This is for all of our performers.
So come on down. Ryan and Colin, right there.
Wayne and Jonathan are here.
For our show, we asked the audience to write down scenes
they wanted to see performed by our gentlemen players.
I've got those suggestions in my hat right here.
I'm going to read them out and see what awesome things
you guys come up with. So, here we go.
Things you want to get off your chest to the camera.
-Tonight, I was this close to going commando.
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
-Don't you mean you were this close to going commando?
[ Laughter, applause ]
[ Buzzer ]
-Unlikely commercials for cleaning products.
-Having trouble keeping your brothel tidy?
New Mop-n-Ho.
-Because I'm dirty.
-Hi, Jeff.
[ Laughter ]
-Wait. I'm a ho named Jeff?
-I don't believe in stereotypes.
-Thank you.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Kelsey's Furniture Polish.
Slow death, but a beautiful finish.
[ Buzzer ]
-[ Laughs ] Yes.
-Tired of that quarter-sized yellow stain
on your tighty whities?
[ Laughter ]
The truth is real.
[ Buzzer ]
[ Applause ]
-I'm Mister Semi-Clean,
for when you want it just to be good enough.
[ Buzzer ]
-This place smells too good.
Try using some Fe-[bleep].
-Oh.
How's that? -It's great.
[ Buzzer ]
-You...
-I wanted to see what else was happening in there.
-You'll never know. -Oh.
-Guess what happens next?
-Well, what's the product's name again?
-Fe-[bleep] -Oh.
Your drawers were so clean. Trust me.
[ Buzzer ]
You're going to get so much work out of that.
Your wife, oh, she thinks you're hot.
[ Laughter, applause ]
Your kids have such an amazing father figure.
[ Laughter, applause ]
-If insects could talk.
-I so don't want to sit on that.
[ Buzzer ]
-[ Buzzing ]
Who you gonna suck?
[ Laughter ]
-You pick.
[ Buzzer ]
[ Laughter ]
-I'm the most dangerous spider in Jonathan's underwear,
the brown recluse.
[ Laughter ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-We're grown men that get paid to do this.
That just blows my mind.
-It's the best job in the world.
-Oh, lordy. Things you don't want to hear
just as the general anesthesia kicks in.
-Okay.
So, wait, Jonathan's going to take off his what?
No. No.
[ Buzzer ]
Oh, nice.
Nice.
-Hey, everybody, don't go anywhere.
There's much more "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
right after this. Stay tuned.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Welcome back to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
And now, we are going to move on to a game
called "Greatest Hits".
This is a game for all four of our performers
with the help of the sensational Laura Hall and Linda Taylor.
Come on down. The way that this game works
is that Ryan and Colin are two television voiceover announcers
talking about the latest compilation album.
Wayne and Jonathan will sing snippets
of the songs on those albums.
So, now I need a suggestion from the audience here.
Could you give me a suggestion of a medical job?
What is the job in the medical profession?
Give me some suggestions. Throw them out there.
Oh. Ooh! Wow. Guys. Candy striper.
For people at home who don't know that,
that's a volunteer nurse.
So, whenever you guys are ready, the name of your album
is "Songs of the Candy Striper".
-Hi, we'll be right back to our documentary
on the man who invented autocorrect,
Schiem Ploopy, Genial at Jerk.
[ Laughter ]
-I'm not sure I understand that joke, Colin.
But you can tell me about it later on.
-Yeah. Hey, you seem --
How was your recent stay at the hospital?
-I'm telling you, I feel so great.
The stones came out quite easily.
-Good. -And I met the most wonderful
candy striper there. -Oh, they are --
-Do you know what that is? -Yes, I do.
-What is it? -It's sort of a nurse's aide.
They go around. They -- -Do they get paid for it?
-Who cares? -No. They volunteer.
They're volunteers just like us here on this show.
-Yeah.
There's a lesson, kid. Read things before you sign them.
-That's right.
-You know what's great about the candy striper?
So, many great songs about this particular person.
And so there should be.
This is one of my favorite songs because it's so unusual.
It's a rock band, and as they're singing the song,
they're starting to actually break up in the band.
-Oh, you mean laugh? Laugh away? Laugh at things?
-No, no, no, no, they're falling out with each other.
They're going to break up by the end of the song.
-God, that sounds horrible. -Yeah.
So, sit back and enjoy this, "Celebrity Patient".
[ Rock music playing ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Alright, Cleveland, how are you doing tonight?
-It's Boston. It's Boston.
-Boston, how are you doing?
[ Cheers and applause ]
Alright. -Alright.
-As the lead singer for the band,
want to sing this song that I wrote.
-It's a duo. -Here we go.
I wrote it. Me, me, me, I.
♪ There's somebody that they just brought in ♪
♪ There's a cut in, in front of the room ♪
♪ Nobody can see his face for certain ♪
♪ I seen him on TV ♪
♪ Is it you? ♪
♪ It's a celebrity pa-- pa-- ♪ -♪ It's a celebrity, baby ♪
-Patient.
-♪ It's the celebrity patient ♪
-You're singing a third.
-♪ Well, listen to me ♪
♪ Here's what you got to do ♪
♪ When it comes to patience ♪
♪ I'm losing mine with you ♪
♪ That's right, don't chill enough ♪
♪ I want to stab you with a knife ♪
♪ Also, last night, I had a patient, was your wife ♪
-♪ You'll be in so much trouble ♪
-♪ Your wife ♪
-♪ I'd love to give you an air bubble ♪
-♪ Your wife ♪ -♪ Maybe a little hematoma ♪
-♪ Your wife ♪
-♪ And then, upon you, I wish lymphoma ♪
-♪ Celebrity patient ♪ -♪ Celebrity patient ♪
You know what? -Hey!
Oh, my crotch.
-What?
-You're so mean.
That's right. -I hurt myself skiing.
-You know what? Stop the music.
Stop -- I'm done with you. -I'm done with you.
I want all my stuff.
-You can have it. It's all in the van.
I miss you, already.
-Take off your pants. -Okay.
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ Buzzer ] -No, no, no.
Don't do it.
-[ Laughs ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ Rock music playing ]
-Wow. That really escalated quickly.
-Yep.
And that was when the Osmonds went
on a different career path.
-It's like looking in the mirror.
-Yeah.
-Hey, you know, I can't decide between these two styles.
I might combine them. -What are you talking about?
-I love my ska and I love my punk.
-Oh. So, you want to combine them?
-I'm going to make some skapunk right now.
-You probably could have said that in a better way.
-I like that. -No one wants to --
-It sounds like a game by Milton Bradley, doesn't it?
Skapunk. You know, when I think ska and punk, and, oh, my God.
this one -- you're going to love this song.
Dates back, I think, about 16 years now.
That wonderful ska punk hit, "Obamacare".
[ Ska punk music playing ]
-♪ Oi, oi ♪ -♪ Hey, hey ♪
♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. ♪
-♪ Somebody tell me, want to go to the hospital ♪
♪ I need a little, little bit of Obamacare ♪
-♪ Somebody tell me I need something that you see ♪
♪ I would prefer to be like Canada ♪
♪ Prefer that it is free ♪
-♪ It would be so great if every time we went to the hospital ♪
♪ Government would pay for it with the tax that we put in ♪
♪ Instead of having to rely upon shoddy insurance ♪
-♪ Shoddy insurance ♪
-♪ O-O-O-Obamacare ♪ -♪ Obama ♪
♪ O-O-O-Obamaca-are ♪
-♪ O-O-O-O-Obamaca-are ♪
-♪ Personally, I don't find anything wrong with Obamacare ♪
♪ But that's just me ♪ -♪ Me ♪
-♪ Me ♪
-♪ You can keep your doctor, maybe ♪
-♪ Maybe, baby ♪
♪ O-O-O-O-Obamacare ♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ Buzzer ]
-Hey, guys, stick around.
I'll tell you who won our show after a very short break.
Stay tuned.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Welcome back to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
That's our show tonight.
The lovely Jonathan Mangum is our winner.
So, please join the others and read out the credits
as if you were all trying on new clothes
and think the camera is the mirror.
Thanks for watching, everybody. Good night.
-Looks really good on you. -I know, right?
-But can I have it back? Because I bought it.
It's mine. -No. I'm going to use this.
-Sir, you're going to have to take off your clothes
before you put on the new ones.
-I thought that was going to be coming off.
-Oh, it's the only --
You can't be putting on two layers of clothes.
-Oh. Please end this.
-You see this mannequin over here?
I'll just bring it in so you can...
Just -- Here.
If you want, you can try on his clothes.
Why don't you take his clothes off, put it on you?
-I'm alive. I'm alive.
Mannequin is free. -How long are these credits?
[ Cheers and applause ]