-Good evening, everybody,
and welcome to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
On tonight's show, director's cut, Wayne Brady,
special edition, Jeff Davis, deleted scene, Colin Mochrie,
and blooper reel, Ryan Stiles.
And I'm Aisha Tyler. Let's have some fun!
[ Cheers and applause ]
Hello, everyone. Oh, the chair is fighting me.
Welcome to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
The show where everything's made up and the points don't matter.
We're so excited to have you here tonight.
And let's get started right now
with a game entitled "Dating Apps."
This is for all four of our performers.
Come on down. -That's us.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Jeff is a lonely single guy using a dating app.
And Ryan, Colin, and Wayne are his latest matches.
Each of them has been given
a strange characteristic or identity.
Jeff's going to question them about their suitability
for a date, and in the process, try to establish who they are
before he takes them all for a free dinner.
So if you're all ready, Jeff, off you go.
Choose your match.
-Hello, bachelors. My name is Randy.
And I mean that in every possible sense of the word.
Bachelor number one, if you were to woo me, dine me,
wine me, and take me somewhere exotic, where would we go?
-Well, it's obvious that I would love
to take you to Las Vegas
because that's where it's going to happen.
Oh, my God! I'm so excited! It is, bitch.
You're going to have a great time.
I'm so jealous of you. You look amazing. I do, don't I?
We're going to have the best night.
But I'm going to be good. Pinky promise. Pinky promise.
Pinky promise.
Whoo! Shot, shot, shot!
Oh, my God! Okay, nothing. Don't let me get in trouble
because in the morning, I'm giving my life to him,
but tonight, I'm giving this to you.
Stop! You -- what? Leave me alone.
You've got a man. Shut up!
You tell him!
Look at you fight.
[ Laughter ]
[ Sobbing ]
Where's my shoes?
And I'm sitting at a slot with an old lady from Nebraska.
-I just got moist. Bachelor number two.
How did you get to the heart of a country woman?
-[ German accent ] Ah, interesting question.
Well, of course, we have to study --
we have to study all the facts, you know,
and perhaps find where the heart is.
No, that's not --
it's something that we've always been thinking about.
[ Laughter ]
-I can't.
That's for your birthday.
[ Laughter ]
-Stop it! -Yeah, yeah. The butt.
-Ah!
-Bachelor number three.
In 400 words or less, tell me what makes you special.
-[ Cooing ]
[ Laughter ]
-Oh!
[ Laughter ]
-[ Cooing ]
-[ Laughs ]
-I'm so glad there's a partition
where I couldn't see any of that.
[ Buzzer ]
-Oh, wow. Ooh.
[ Laughter ]
-In the interest of Ryan's well-being,
would you like to hazard a guess on who this is?
-No, but I'm going to do it anyway.
I'm going to say that Wayne is like a limo ride full of girls
on a bachelor party in Vegas. -Hey!
[ Laughter ]
[ Applause ]
-Colin, I believe, is a doctor, a scientist,
and you like to fondle people,
poke and prod them to make them laugh?
-I don't know. I'm going to give you half a point there.
He's trying to figure out
which part of the body is the most ticklish.
-Ah! -And he found it on Ryan.
[ Laughter ]
-That wasn't ticklish.
[ Laughter ]
-How about Ryan?
-Ryan is just a lonely chicken looking for a nest.
-[ Cooing ]
-Oh, pigeon! You're a pigeon! -[ Buzzer ]
[ Applause ]
-Points to everyone for the things that they did.
And in lieu of a point to Ryan, I'm going to buy him a codpiece.
[ Laughter ]
-It's not Colin's fault. He meant to grab my knee.
[ Laughter ]
-And now, friends, it's time for a game called "Superheroes."
This is for all four of our performers.
Come on down.
You guys are all gonna be playing
unlikely superheroes, all right?
Now, Colin is going to start, and then Wayne, Jeff and Ryan
are going to join him in that order.
Each new superhero will be given
his new name as he enters the scene, all right.
Now, what we need from our audience is to start us off
with a suggestion for a crisis that our superheroes
might be dealing with.
[ Shouting suggestions ]
That was really fun, guys.
I just heard.... [ Indistinct talking ]
But then one guy, a persistent guy behind me said,
"Earthquake, earthquake, earthquake, earthquake."
And you got it done.
-That wasn't a suggestion.
He's telling us there's an earthquake.
What is wrong with you? [ Laughter ]
-So, Colin, the crisis you are facing is that
there is a massive global earthquake,
and your superhero identity is Captain Road Rage.
Take it away.
-I'll just check the cameras to see if anything is happening,
and the dan--
Where are you standing in front of camera?
Just move out of the way.
Move out of the way!
[ Laughter ]
[ Imitates gunshot ]
-[ Laughing ] Oh, no.
-Yeah, yeah, yeah.
-Sorry I'm late.
-Thanks for finally getting here, Fashion Model Man.
-I took time to get over the 405.
Sorry I was late, but you know how it is.
-You took the 405?
-Sometimes I take the 405, and sometimes I take the 10.
Again.
-[ Trilling ]
-Thank God you beamed in, Sticks To Everything Man.
-I got here as soon as I could.
-I'm glad you're here.
-Oh, it's starting to vibrate.
[ Laughter and applause ]
[ Clicks ]
Ha!
-Suddenly my rage is gone.
[ Laughter ]
-Sorry I'm late. The 405 collapsed.
I had to take Supovala down and make a right
and head west on Wilshire down to --
-Well, thank God you're here.
You're probably the only person that can help us,
The Incredible Mr. Nipple Tweak.
-[ Grunts ]
[ Screams ]
I probably should be doing this to you.
[ Screams ]
I have a solution. Everybody drink.
We'll all get drunk until we stumble around,
and then we won't notice the earthquake.
It might still be shaking, but we'll be fine.
[ Screams ]
I'm gonna go back home now.
I'm not gonna take the 101.
I'm gonna take the 405 up to...
I'm gonna Uber.
[ Laughter ]
-I have to go. I have to...
[ Grunts ]
[ Laughter ]
Oh, my powers wore off. Bye.
-Oh, it's time for a lunch break.
Tic Tac. Mmm.
I'm off.
[ Laughter and applause ]
-Move out of the way!
[Bleeping]
[ Buzzer ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Stick around!
There's more "Whose Line" right after this!
Stay tuned!
-Welcome back to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
We're going to keep things moving now
with a game called "News Flash."
This is for all four of our performers, so come on down.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Colin, Wayne, and Jeff are going to be
three news anchors in the studio.
Ryan's going to be in the field
as a reporter covering a breaking news story.
But he doesn't know what the news story is
because he's standing in front of a blank screen,
just like your weatherman on your local newscast.
And what Colin, Wayne, and Jeff, and everyone else,
we're all going to know what the news story is
because it's going to be projected on our TV screen.
And the challenge for Ryan is to guess what that story is.
So here we go. Over to Colin, Wayne, and Jeff in the studio.
-Oh, I'm getting a buzz in my ear.
We have Ryan out on the field.
Ryan, what the heck is happening there?
-[ Laughs ] Oh, Colin, can you see what's going on behind me?
-I do!
-This has been going on for four or five hours now, Colin.
-Wow! -And I've been here
reporting it, and it's been a pleasure for me to do so.
-Well, it seems like a great situation.
-It is.
-Ah, look at that one!
[ Laughter ]
I never tire of this.
You know, Colin, this is why --
[ Audience groans ]
I know that's happened three times in the last hour.
You know, I want you to take a look at this.
-No, look on the other side.
Oh, watch out! Oh my God! -This is not good.
This is a dispute over a cable bill.
-Ryan, you must be dying to get an interview
with one of these people.
-I am. I am dying. I'm dying very soon.
[ Laughter ]
I just got a report from my doctor.
-Oh! -This doesn't bother me.
That doesn't bother me. I'm dying.
-Look out!
-I used to date that one back in the '80s.
[ Laughter ]
Oh, did you see that?
-Oh, we did. We did.
-Watch this.
That always amazes me.
[ Buzzer ]
-Okay, would you like to guess what's happening behind you?
-Am I Satan?
-Well, we like to call you that,
but it's lots of kind of scenes of?
-Destruction!
And erotica!
-Not so easy, is it?
[ Laughter ]
-I'm going to guess --
I'm going to guess it's something that's --
it's really gross, for one thing.
-I think you've done a shining job so far.
-It's a horror film, is what it is.
[ Buzzer ] -I'm gonna give it to you.
-What is it? What is it?
-It was just lots of different horror scenes
of possessions and murder.
-Oh, it's a horror movie.
So nothing specific? -No, not specific. All horror.
-I had no idea. You know why? I couldn't see anything.
-You couldn't see what was happening.
-All these years, I didn't realize you can't see anything.
-Yeah. Yeah. -That makes it harder.
-Yeah, it does.
-All right, everybody.
Now we're going to play a game called "Scenes from a Hat!"
[ Cheers and applause ]
Ryan and Colin, you are there. Wayne and Jeff, you are here.
And before our show, we asked our audience
to write down scenes they would like to see acted out
by our sensational gentlemen performers.
I've got those suggestions in this hat.
I'm going to read them out.
We're going to see what you guys can come up with.
Here we go.
Unlikely elementary school science presentations.
-All right, and now in front of this whole class, Timmy,
my son, will now explain
why I'm about to beat his ass for messing my car up.
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
-Hi, scientists, I'm going to show you a science project
I learned from my mother by watching her
secretly in the kitchen.
First, you take vodka.
[ Laughter ]
And that's it.
[ Buzzer ]
[ Applause ]
-I'd now like to explain flying to the farthest reaches
of the galaxy in a rocket ship using this rocket ship
that I found in my mother's room.
[ Laughter ]
Blast off!
And now it's a --
-Here. Here. Use Aisha's.
-Give me that back!
-Well, apparently, the ship has entered a black hole.
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
-Things you shouldn't do with a loved one's ashes.
-Oh. -[ Audience groans ]
-I didn't write it.
[ Laughter ]
-I'm going to miss you, Papa.
[ Laughter ]
-Me gon' miss you.
[ Buzzer ]
-Oh, man. You're wasting too much time.
[ Sniffs ]
[ Laughter ]
[ Applause ]
-Yes!
-Hey, honey, we're out of talcum powder.
Oh. Never mind.
[ Buzzer ]
-Ooh. It's okay. Keep going. I like it.
[ Buzzer ]
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
-Hey, Jim. -Hey, would you like to buy
a new vacuum cleaner?
Watch this.
[ Humming ]
[ Buzzer ]
-Things you can say when shopping
that you can't say about your partner.
-Oh, that's cheap.
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
-All right.
So, as soon as the doors open, we all go in at once.
[ Laughter ] Right?
And just start grabbing stuff.
-I'm going to go in the back.
[ Buzzer ]
-Don't go anywhere, guys.
We'll be right back with more
"Whose Line Is It Anyway?" right after this.
-Welcome back to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?",
where gonna keep things moving now with a game
that is called "Greatest Hits."
This is game for all four of our performers,
with the help of the fantastic Laura Hall and Linda Taylor
on piano and guitar.
Now, the way this game works is that Ryan and Colin
are two television voiceover artist,
and they are chatting about the latest compilation album.
Wayne and Jeff are going to sing snippets
of the songs on that album.
Now, I need a suggestion from the audience here.
Can you give me a job where you would work with food.
[ Shouting suggestions ]
Lots of great suggestions, but I heard someone yell
meat, meat, meat, meat. -Yes.
-And so that is not a job, but being a butcher is.
-All right. -So, why don't we try that?
The name of your album is "Songs of the Butcher."
-Oh. -Yes, take it away.
-You know, about I guess, oh, I don't know,
maybe 60 years ago?
-Oh, when we first started this show.
-Yeah.
-Are you having a stroke?
I've noticed you holding your arm.
-Don't -- don't point it out.
-Can you make it through this?
-I've got five minutes.
-All right.
You know, Colin, I gotta tell you, I love my opera.
-Whoa. -And I love opera
except for the fate that it's sung in Italian.
I can't understand what they're saying.
I think they should have like an English person
to sing underneath, like subtitles.
So the Italian person sings the opera, and then a little guy
from Iowa sings what it means down below.
-I'm actually wishing I was having a stroke.
-Oh.
Well, you might after hearing this wonderful opera
and this show-ending number, "F You, Vegetarians."
[ Laughter ]
♪♪
-All, please hold!
-What the hell were you doing?
[ Laughter ]
-Would you like something other than [bleep] vegetarians?
[ Laughter ]
[ Applause ]
How's that stroke going? -It's going great, thank you.
-You know, Colin? -Yeah?
-I love my opera because I speak fluid Italian,
so so nobody has to tell me what they're singing about.
And, you know, when I think opera, as I think --
-Hey. -What is it?
-Give me a little taste of your Italian.
[ Laughter ]
-[ Italian accent ] Rigatoni.
-Wow, that's amazing. That's beautiful.
-That's a pasta.
You know, when I think operatic songs
and I think songs about the butcher,
kick back and listen to this romantic number,
"Serving Number 10."
[ Operatic music plays ]
♪♪
-♪ One, two ♪
♪ Three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine ♪
♪ But where's the one I love? ♪
♪ Will I ever find ♪
♪ I am serving 10? ♪
-♪ You just served number nine ♪
♪ All day I've been standing in line ♪
♪ But I would wait for you again and again ♪
♪ And again and again and again ♪
♪ I'm number 10 ♪
-♪ You're number 10? ♪
♪ All day long I have pasted and bowled and pulled ♪
♪ The pork I have tasted and wasted but, oh ♪
♪ And you have now come and I owe with the nerve ♪
♪ And please take all of my meat that I confirm ♪
-♪ I'll take all of your meat ♪
♪ Wrap it up in the brown little paper ♪
♪ Put the tape on top ♪
♪ I will come in, I think I'm gonna faint again ♪
♪ Oh, I'm number 10 again, again ♪
-♪ Pull the number, so sexy ♪
♪ Ooh ♪ -♪ 11 ♪
-♪ Oh, no ♪ -♪ 12 ♪
-♪ Again ♪ -♪ 13 ♪
-♪ Oh, pass this for Monty ♪
-♪ Cut the meat now that I am 13 ♪
♪ Cut my meat nice and lean ♪
♪ Nice and lean, nice and lean, nice and lean ♪
♪ I'm gonna rub you down with some Vaseline ♪
Vaseline is exactly what I would expect to find
inside a butcher's shop.
♪ Number ♪
-♪ Number ♪
-♪ 10 ♪
♪ 10 ♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Find out who won our show after this short break.
There's more "Whose Line" right after this.
-Welcome back to "Whose Line It Is Anyway?"
That's our show.
Tonight, our winners are Ryan Stiles and Jeff Davis.
So please join the others and read out the credits
as if you're were all speed dating
and your date is the camera.
Thanks for watching, everybody. Good night.
-Oh, we're speed dating.
♪♪
Hi, hi. Tell me a little bit about yourself.
Tell me a little bit about yourself.
Hi. I have no money and a couple rashes.
[ Laughter ]
-My [indistinct] rashes haven't gone away.
-He's Canadian. He doesn't speak very well.
-Me no speak well. -But they're very polite.
-I know Steve Harvey.
-Oh.
Well, we can't beat that.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-- Captions by VITAC --