-Good evening, everybody, and welcome to
"Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
On tonight's show, dream date Wayne Brady,
fantasy figure Greg Proops,
recurring thought Colin Mochrie,
and your worst nightmare, it's Ryan Stiles.
And I'm Aisha Tyler. Let's make some stuff up!
[ Cheers and applause ]
Hey, everybody. Welcome.
Welcome to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?",
the show where everything is made up
and the points don't matter.
We've got a fantastic show for you tonight,
and we're going to start right now with a game titled
"Hollywood Director."
This is for all four of our performers.
So come on down. -Hollywood Director.
-The way this game works is that Colin, Ryan,
and Wayne are going to act out a film scene.
Greg is going to be the director who's going to give
the actors notes on how to improve that scene.
And the scene you're acting out, gentlemen, is that vampire
Wayne is seducing a beautiful Transylvanian woman Ryan,
when suddenly vampire hunter Van Helsing,
played by Colin, bursts in.
Alright. Everybody, take it away.
-Get a chair. You can reach my neck.
-Hello, lovely lady. [ Hisses ]
-Oh. -Yeah.
-What part of Spain are you from?
-The Transylvanian part.
-Oh. I have no blood left to give;
I've been married three times.
-Oh. I feel your pain, but let us see if I can --
-That's my breast. Your hand's on my breast.
-Oh. -I'm a woman. I'm a woman.
-May I touch your breast?
-Yes, you may.
-[ Foreign accent ] What is going on here?!
-Consent. -No.
No. You're a dark demon, a vampire.
-I'm a dark demon? -You heard me.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Put your hands on my breasts.
-I don't have to put up with this bull[bleep].
I'm a vampire. I'm a nightwalker.
But I am not a dark demon!
[ Cheers and applause continue ]
Thank you. -Wow.
-Whoa. -Right on.
-That's right, my brother. That's right. Stay strong.
-That escalated really quickly.
-It did, too. -For a minute,
I thought I was going to be singing "Greatest Hits."
[ Laughter ]
[ German accent ] Cut! Cut. Cut.
-We already cut. We've been cut for five minutes.
-I just got here. My limo just pulled up.
-Ah.
-Everything seems false. Everything is so wrong.
Have you ever gone to acting school?
-No.
-Me neither. -Oh.
-We need to do it again.
This time, I want everyone's attention.
I want the amped-up emotions.
I want you to do it as aggressive talk-show guests.
Go! Action.
-Poof. Okay, bitch. Let me tell you one thing. Okay?
-Wait a minute. -Oh, no, you didn't.
-Oh. Oh, you can suck my neck. -Oh. Oh.
-You can suck my neck for all I care.
-Oh, you don't get me to suck your neck anymore.
-Oh, you don't want to suck my neck.
-I'm not going to suck your neck anymore.
-You know you want it. You know you want --
-99 percent, I am not the sucker.
No, I am not sucking your neck. Mnh-mnh.
-Aaaaah!
-[ French accent ] Cut. Cut. Cut.
This is just not working for me. I'd like --
-Are you the same director that was here a minute ago?
-My accent is taking a train across Europe.
-Alright.
-Follow along if you will. I have a Eurail director pass.
I think it was nice, but it was too focused on this.
I think we need to do it again.
But this time, I want to broaden it out a little bit.
You have no sense of direction. Go.
[ Laughter ]
-Make a right. Huh.
Make another right.
You'll be there in 500 feet. Ah! I am here to suck your blood.
-That's my ass! That's my ass! There ain't no blood in there!
-I'm sucking your blood, blood, blood.
[ Echoing ] Your blood, blood, blood, blood.
-There's an echo in my ass?
[ Laughter ]
-You said it. I didn't.
-[ English accent ] Right, right. Now, listen.
-♪ The echo of your ass ♪
We cut. We cut. We cut.
We cut already.
[ Applause ]
-Now, you did what I asked.
But, like, I think we should change things up a little bit.
-What the hell is --
-So what I want you to do is --
we make it a bit contemporary, right?
A bit video. Let's do Jackass-style stunts.
Go.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Ah! Ohh, you've hung me up on my testicles.
Ah! Ah! Ah!
-Transylvania Jackass take two.
[ Laughter ]
-Hey, bro. Hey, bro. Come suck me.
Suck my neck, bro.
-Whoo! -Come on. Suck my neck.
Oh, there it is. There it is. There it is.
-Poof.
-Ooh.
Oh! Oh, God! Oh, no, no. -Oh.
-No, why? -Oh. Oh.
-What is this? -Oh!
-What is this? -No!
-Too much. -No.
-Does he ever say anything?
-Can I just say it was a Jackass stunt for me
to stand up again.
-[ Italian accent ] I like what you did.
[ Laughter ]
But I'm not thinking this one'll work.
Although, you're very good every time.
-I have not understood anything since the second scene.
-It's okay. Me neither.
You know, I think we need to pep things up a little bit, eh?
[ Shouts in high-pitched voice ] -Yeah, yeah.
-This time, Elvis Presley musical.
♪♪
-[ as Elvis ] ♪ Hey, come on over here ♪
♪ And suck some blood with me ♪
♪ Uh-huh ♪
♪ I said, come over here and suck some blood with me ♪
♪♪
-[ as Elvis ] ♪ I'd like to suck, suck your blood ♪
♪ I want to give it to you just a little, but I just can't ♪
♪ I cannot suck your blood ♪
♪♪
-♪ Suck, suck my blood ♪
-♪ I want to suck, suck, going to suck your blood ♪
♪ I'm going to suck, suck, suck your blood ♪
-♪ Hey, hey suck my blood ♪
[ Both vocalizing ]
-♪ Suck my blood ♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Mmm. Thank you very much.
-Thank you very much. [ Buzzer ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Hey, everybody, do not move.
There's more "Whose Line" right after these messages.
Stick around.
♪♪
-Welcome back to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
We're going to keep the fun going now with a game called
"Dubbing." This is a game for Wayne, Ryan, and Colin.
Come this way. We're also going to involve our star guest,
so please give it up for "American Idol"
winner, singer and actress, Jordin Sparks!
-Ooh. Jordin Sparks. -Ooh-ooh! Jordin Sparks.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Delightful little lady. Hi.
-Alright.
The way this game works is that Colin and Wayne
are going to act out a scene with Jordin,
but you're not going to use your own voice.
Okay? Your lines are going to be provided for you by Ryan.
And you're going to move your lips when he talks
and just try to hold onto reality.
And here is the scene: samba instructor
Wayne is teaching star pupil
Jordin some advanced moves when suddenly samba legend --
believe it -- Colin arrives to show he's the greatest --
-Is something funny, Jordin?
-No. No. No, no. -Alright.
-He's going to arrive to show
that he's the greatest samba dancer of all time. Enjoy.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Wyatt, I have to say
I'm having a hard time concentrating right now.
-[ Foreign accent ] Why?
-I've found myself becoming more and more
attracted to you as the days go by.
-That happens with the samba.
It's a very sensual dance, the samba. It is.
-I guess I'm in a samba mood.
[ Laughing ]
What?
-I just put the record on. Show me what you have.
-Okay. First I --
here's a little move I call collecting the rent.
-Okay.
-Right and the left, and a two, and a three.
Four, five, six.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Perfect. -Samba! Samba! Samba! Samba!
-It's not necessary to scream "samba"
upon the completion of the dance.
-I'm sorry. I'm sorry. -[ Foreign accent ] Why are you
wasting your time with this man?
-Girardo.
-Giraldo, king of the samba?
-That is what they call me.
I do have my move,
the one move that has made me so incredibly sexy and popular.
-Is it true you do this with just the one hip?
-Yep.
-Are you flirting with him?
-I have to admit, I'm torn now between the two of you.
You're so handsome and -- -No one can dance like me!
-Dance my heart into your arms.
-What?
-Alright. I got carried away. Just dance.
-So you're trying to take my student.
I must defend her honor with -- -I will do my signature move.
-Why don't you two have a samba-off?
[ Laughter ]
-One hip at a time. Go.
♪♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Oh! Oh, my. Oh!
♪♪
I'm not sure if he's dancing or passing a stone.
[ Laughter ]
Oh. Oh.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Oh!
-Oh, no.
-Oh, my hip. He's won.
♪♪
-Oh, he can't stop. He can't stop.
-The only solace that I have is,
after this scene is finished,
I won't be the one breathing hard.
[ Laughter ]
-Can't we all just live together in a samba world?
-Can we live together in a samba world?
-A samba-throuple?
-Yeah, sure. A samba-throuple.
-Then let's do it together.
-Let's go.
-♪ Ah, ah, the samba-throuple ♪
♪ The samba-throuple, the samba-throuple ♪
♪♪
[ Cheers and applause ] [ Buzzer ]
-The things... -Jordin Sparks, everybody!
-...that Jordin never thought she'd hear.
-I know. God bless you.
-Jordin Sparks!
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Samba-throuple. -Jordin Sparks.
[ Cheers and applause continue ]
By the way, the only person who knew how to actually samba
in that group of people was Jordin.
-What? Whoa, whoa -- calm --
Slow your car down. Put on the brakes.
-You broke a hip.
-I know how to samba.
-Regina samba?
The Regina samba? Very big in Saskatchewan.
-I thought you said something else.
[ Laughter ]
-I'm absolutely clear that he said what you thought he said.
-I think he did the first time.
-We're going to save ourselves and move on
to a game called "Scenes --" oh -- "from a Hat."
This is for all four performers, two pairs.
Ryan and Colin are there, and Wayne and Greg are here.
Now, before the show, we asked our audience
to write down scenes that they would like
to see acted out by our gentlemen performers.
I've got the suggestions in this hat.
So here we go with "Rejected State Mottos."
-[ Southern accent ] Welcome to Texas. You better run.
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
-Come to Alaska: a good place to hide.
[ Laughter ]
It's true. It's very true. [ Buzzer ]
-California, the state -- California.
It -- It's a state.
[ Laughter ] [ Buzzer ]
What? What?
[ Laughter ]
-California. We've got water now.
[ Laughter, cheers and applause ]
[ Buzzer ]
-Welcome to New York.
Now get the [bleep] out.
-Yeah.
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
-Kansas. You could watch a lizard run away for four days.
[ Laughter ]
-Are there lizards in Kansas?
[ Laughter ]
-No, I realized --
-Maine.
We finally got a Black person.
-Get -- [ Laughter ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Could've done it. -Could've done it.
-I swear to you.
That's what -- I swear to you.
-Go. -No. I was going to make
that Maine joke, but -- Holy crap.
-Maine. Now we've got two Black people.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Suck it, Rhode Island.
-Ha!
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
-I'm from Maine, and that's not funny.
[ Buzzer ]
[ Laughter ]
-Okay. We've alienated our viewership enough now.
[ Laughter ]
-"Things that you can say about a cruise
that you can't say about your partner."
-I didn't stop eating from the time I got on
until the time I got off.
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
-Are you urinating?
Oh, I didn't know what you're doing.
I couldn't see you.
-[ Groans ]
Oh, I definitely shouldn't have swallowed that.
[ Audience oohs ] -Oh!
-Oh, come on!
[ Buzzer ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Well, this isn't worth the money.
[ Laughter ]
-Nice.
[ Buzzer ]
-And then I got in the room, and it was, like, way smaller
than they said it was going to be.
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ Buzzer ]
-How do you open this little hole?
[ Buzzer ] [ Laughter ]
-Oh, it's the porthole. -Porthole.
-Oh! -Hey, everybody, stick around.
There's more "Whose Line" right after this. Stay tuned.
-Welcome back to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
We're going to keep things moving with a game
called "Greatest Hits."
This is a game for Greg, Colin, and Wayne,
with the help of Laura Hall and Linda Taylor.
-Let's play this.
-The way that this game works
is that Greg and Colin are two television voice-over
performers talking about the latest compilation album.
Wayne's going to sing snippets of the songs on that album.
So what I need is a suggestion from the audience.
What is a job where you would work with
animals or pests or tiny things?
[ Shouting suggestions ]
Oh, lots of great suggestions.
We're going to go with exterminator.
You know, not maybe with nice pet animals
but pesty little animals. Alright?
So the name of this album is "Songs of the Exterminator."
-Exterminators. -Right?
Nothing's like an exterminator to lend a -- your heart to --
winging its way on the -- -I've lost interest.
Here's the thing: we have all kinds of styles.
And one of the best styles you're going to hear on this CD
or any other one is, of course, reggae metal.
-What? -That's right.
-You can't do reggae metal. -I can. Don't add any more.
Because you're going to listen to this.
"There's an Elephant in the Attic?"
♪♪
-[ Imitating elephant trumpeting ]
♪ Man, let me tell you what that I hear ♪
♪ Something, man, may come so near ♪
♪ Something, man, made me fear ♪
♪ It's a kanta, kanta, elephant ♪
♪ What's in the basement? Me don't know ♪
♪ Me know it this big ♪
♪ It go "roar" ♪
♪ And the thing from here to September ♪
♪ Never forget 'cause the damn thing remembers ♪
♪ There's an elephant in the attic! ♪
♪ The's a damn elephant in the attic! ♪
♪ Come again now ♪
[ Singing indistinctly ]
♪♪
♪ It's up in the ceiling ♪
[ Roaring ]
♪♪
♪ Me come now ♪
[ Music stops ] [ Cheers and applause ]
-That was truly astonishing.
-It was, wasn't it? -And an actual --
no elephants were harmed in the making of that record.
-No. Absolutely not.
-You know, I think we should bring in someone now
whose done improv since the Earth
was a swirling ball of gas.
-What are you talking about?
-I'm talking about Mr. Ryan Stiles.
-Oh, is he still working?
-Not only is he still working. He's really close by.
Let's bring him on down and have him join Wayne Brady
in a fine, fine greatest hit here.
You know, Colin, not all songs have words.
I don't know if you knew that.
-What? -Yeah.
Sometimes people just make up the words.
You know, like Ella Fitzgerald or Louis Armstrong.
And they call it scat. I mean, it has words,
but they just kind of improvise them as they go along.
-Oh. I think I got the premise.
-Oh. Alright.
[ Laughter ]
It's called "Ain't Got No Cat."
-Ain't no cat? -Ain't got no cat.
♪♪
-[ Scatting ]
♪♪
-[ Meowing ]
[ Scatting ]
♪♪
[ Scatting continues ]
♪♪
[ Buzzer ] [ Cheers and applause ]
-Cat.
-Oh, that's it?
-Stick around. I'll tell you who won our show
after this very short break. Stay tuned.
-Welcome back to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
That is our show tonight.
Our winner is Mr. Wayne Brady.
So please join our special guest Jordin Sparks
and read out the credits as if you are Jordin's father,
and she is introducing you to her three girlfriends
Ryan, Greg, and Colin.
Thanks for watching, everybody. Good night.
-Alright, sweetheart.
Who are your lovely, lovely friends?
-So this is Gina.
-Oh. -This is Sarah.
-Okay. -And this is Linda.
-Please.
-No, I really wanted you to meet them.
-I knew a nice girlfriend of yours, Mr. Brady, Deena Katz.
-Shh. You're not supposed to tell him.
-You know Deena Katz? -I know Deena Katz.
-Everybody get in.
-No, we're not supposed to talk about Deena.
Cheese. -Everybody get in.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-You know, her mom's dead.
That's all I'm saying.
-I'm so sorry.
It wasn't supposed to go like this.
It wasn't supposed to -- Dad!
-Oh, you just found out.
[ Cheers and applause ]