-Good evening, everybody, and welcome to
"Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
On tonight's show,
driving to the basket, Brad Sherwood.
Raining threes, Jeff Davis.
Slam dunk, Colin Mochrie.
And personal foul, it's Ryan Stiles.
And I'm Aisha Tyler.
Let's make some stuff up!
♪♪
Welcome to "Whose Line is it Anyway?"
the show where everything is made up
and the points don't matter.
We do not have our beloved Wayne Brady here tonight,
but it is going to be a killer show nonetheless,
and we're going to get started right now
with a game entitled Hollywood Director.
This is for all four of our performers, so come on down.
The way that this game works is that Jeff, Ryan, and Brad
are going to act out a film scene,
and Colin is the director of keeps giving the actors notes
on how to improve the scene.
And the scene they're acting out
is that Ryan and Jeff are two bickering French thieves --
bickering French thieves
breaking into a casino in Monte Carlo when suddenly,
security guard Brad rushes in with his dogs.
Allons y.
-[Exaggerated French accent] You know nothing about this.
-[Exaggerated French accent] I cannot believe you forgot
to bring the breaking-in tools.
I didn't bring the breaking in.
I filed my nails so I can do safe.
-Jean Pierre, you're one jab away
[Overlapping arguing]
-What a tiny door for such a big casino.
-It's a door into the safe. We must crawl inside.
-I'll crawl first.
-Crawl first. I'll crawl on top of you.
-Oh.
-Le bark, le bark, le bark, le bark, le bark,
le bark, le bark, le bark.
Aldo.
You are robbing our small safe.
-We have not committed any crime.
All we did was crawl into a little, tiny door to a casino.
[Imitates thumps]
-Oh.
-He is very soft in the head.
-Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut.
-I think I think I was doing Italian.
-Yeah.
-I wish. -It's all European.
-Oh, if crack could fly, this would be an airport.
Yeah, think about it.
You got to be more invested. Your characters have to --
Alright, do it like you're possessed by demons.
-Are we still French?
-Do whatever you do.
Le action.
-[Exaggerated French accent] Let me light that for you.
[Imitates flame]
[Cackles evilly]
-[Growling] -Ahh! No!
-Sorry. -[ Groans ]
-Hey. -You are a demon.
-Aldo, I did not mean to actually poke your eye out.
[Kissing]
-I just --
-Just get on the floor. I climb on top of you.
-Okay.
-We do like we do.
-Oh, is that the demon in your pants
or are you just happy to see me?
-Oh, come here. Oh, oh, oh.
-[ Guttural noises ]
Stop, I have come to steal your souls
and give you a new eye.
-Ah, thank you. Do not rob --
-Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys.
-Now two people have poked me in the eye.
-You could go for three.
You know what? We need energy. We need rhythm.
-That wasn't enough energy for you?
No. No, I want more. Do it like it's "Les Mis."
Action!
-French again? -Yeah.
[ Music begins ]
♪♪
-♪ Well, here we go ♪ -♪ Oh, here we go ♪
-♪ To the Monte Carlo ♪
♪ To rob every casino ♪
[ Applause ]
♪♪
♪ You can't wave the flag ♪
♪ Till we've been inside the safe ♪
-♪ Then get upon the floor, Jeff ♪
♪ Let's get inside the safe ♪
-♪ I will lay upon my back ♪
-♪ On top of you, on of you ♪
-♪ I will look inside your crack ♪
-♪ Do not rob the casino ♪
-♪ The saaaafe ♪
[ Buzzer ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-What just happened? -I think I did.
-You might have. You might have.
-I think I just waved your [bleep].
-If Jeff had a nickel for every time he heard that.
It's time now for a game called Hoedown.
This game is for all of our performers with the help
of the beautiful Laura Hall at the piano.
So what I need from our audience
is a suggestion of a job that would get your hands dirty.
What's a job in which might get your hands dirty?
[ Shouting suggestions ]
Yeah, veterinarian.
And so, gentlemen, whenever you're ready,
let's hear the veterinarian hoedown.
♪♪
[ Audience clapping along ]
-♪ I'm a veterinarian ♪
♪ I work into these hallowed halls ♪
♪ Sometimes I spay cats and cut off doggies' balls ♪
♪ But one time, a cow came to me ♪
♪ I checked its prostate and a cow-lenoscopy ♪
[ Applause ]
♪♪
-♪ I am a veterinarian ♪
♪ I also like to cook ♪
♪ I have some wonderful desserts ♪
♪ That I make from my cookbook ♪
♪ One day I was working on a dog ♪
♪ It didn't go to plan ♪
♪ He got into the oven ♪
♪ That's the Shih Tzu hit the flan ♪
[ Applause ]
♪♪
-♪ I'm not a very good vet ♪
♪ They took away my plaque ♪
♪ They said I was so bad ♪
♪ That they'll never give it back ♪
♪ I guess I'm bad, you know I never went to school ♪
♪ But it's the only way to have a [bleep] with a mule ♪
[ Applause ]
-♪ Well, I am just a chicken ♪
♪ Down at the poultry mill ♪
♪ They said, go see the doctor ♪
♪ Because you look real ill ♪
♪ The doctor said, how do you feel? ♪
♪ I just said, "bok-bok" ♪
♪ And then he took a scalpel out ♪
♪ And cut off my bu-gok! ♪
-♪ Cut off my bu-gok ♪
-Bu-gok!
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Hey, we'll see you again after a tiny break.
Don't move, there's more "Whose Line" for you
right after this.
♪♪
-Welcome back to "Whose Line is it Anyway?"
And now we're going to keep things rolling
with a game entitled Dubbing.
This is a game for Brad, Ryan, and Colin, so come on down.
In this game, we're also going to involve our special guests,
so please give it up for
triple Olympic gold medal winner,
volleyball champion Misty May-Treanor.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Hey, all right. -Nice to meet you.
-Here's how this game is going to go.
Ryan and Colin are going to act out a scene with Misty,
but, Misty, you're not going to use your own voice.
Brad here is going to do your voice for you,
and you want to try to move your lips
whenever Brad is talking and just do your best.
And your scene is that Ryan is training his protégé, Misty,
for the World's Strongest Woman competition
when suddenly the reigning champion, Colin,
strides into -- he's actually, he's deceptively strong --
strides into prove that she is still
the strongest woman in the world.
Adorable. Enjoy.
-Alright, did you wax?
-Brad: Of course I waxed.
-Alright, well, you don't really need to do that,
because you're wearing sweat pants, but I appreciate it.
-I think I'm having a painful cramp
in my upper pectoral muscles.
-Oh, my God, your water broke.
-Oh, oh.
-You're having the baby before the big match?
-I forgot to tell you, yes.
-Well, it looks like my --
[ Laughter ]
-It's okay.
-Looks my reign as champion will continue.
You certainly can't lift anything in this position.
-Yes, she can. She's had the baby.
-Of course I can.
I can have a baby, which I will name Cloaca.
Look, I had another one, two babies!
-Jeez, these babies are flying out of you.
-Oh, well, I'll have one too.
-What?
-No, there's nothing there.
-Alright, I guess we have to have a lift-off.
I'll be over here.
-I'm going to --
-You lift against him. I'll be over here.
-I'm a her. I am a woman, you son of a --
-The tests haven't come through yet.
-Coach, coach, before you go, give me a kiss for good luck,
a deep, passionate kiss, a big, sloppy --
-Not now, I'm nursing.
Have you no morals?
-I love you, and I'm going to win this for you and our babies,
Cloaca and Onomatopoeia.
-Why are you -- What is this, "Lion King"?
What are you doing?
Don't twirl the baby. Give me the baby.
-I was just practicing.
-Get to the lift-off.
Whoever lifts the most weight at one time will be my protégé,
my old protégé or my new protégé.
[ Imitates sucking sounds ]
-Here I go. Watch how it's done, sucker.
I'm sorry, I'm talking the wrong guy.
I love you. You sucker!
You're a sucker! Yes, you're a sucker!
-You don't scare me.
-Oh, yeah? Watch this. This ought to scare you.
[ Bleats ]
What are you doing?
It's part of my pre-sheep lifting ritual.
-Don't tell me you're going to do the goat lift?
-Yes, yes, it's better than the pre-sheep.
I'm now doing post-goat,
because I am a GOAT, the greatest of all time.
[ Groans ]
Oh, another baby! Oh, no.
-Oh, God, what is happening?
-Oh, God. -Here's another one.
-Triplets! I need another name.
Serafin.
-Serafin. Oh, my God. -Oh.
-Four babies, four babies!
-Four babies?
-I guess I should confess. I'm the mother.
-What?
I suppose you two should take the babies
and go away and start a life together.
I'll just find other protégés to take to the Olympics.
I don't believe I ever got that kiss.
[ Cheering ]
[ Buzzer ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Give it up for Misty May-Treanor, everybody!
[ Applause ]
That made no sense whatsoever.
-Thanks.
-Next time, give him the mint before.
I am -- I don't know how I feel about any of it.
I think I need to actually remove
some of Ryan's lifetime points for making the picture of you
breastfeeding three babies, four babies.
-Wow.
-Which makes me think that maybe you have, like,
an array of teats running down your torso.
-An array of teats.
That's going to be the title of my new album.
-Okay, next up, my friends,
is a game called Scenes from a Hat.
For all of our performers, so come on down.
Ryan and Colin are there. Brad and Jeff are here.
Before the show, we asked our audience to write down
some scenes they'd like to see acted out by our performers.
I've got those suggestions in this hat.
I'm going to read them out, we're going to see
what the performance can come up with.
Alright, here we go whenever you're ready, gentlemen.
"Pickup lines in a grocery store."
-Want to have a clean-up in Aisle 5?
-For 10 cents, would you like a sack?
-Aw, that was cute.
-My pants just called and said these zucchinis are tiny.
-Go ahead, squeeze the Charmin.
-I'm sorry, I need your scanner. I have to check my price.
Oh, dinner and a bottle of wine. I'm very cheap.
[ Doorbell rings ]
Yeah, I'm slutty. That was the joke.
-"Bad times to say what you're really thinking."
"Bad times to say what you're really thinking."
-My God, I bought dinner for this?
-I do..
want to have sex with your sister.
-God, I can't get a good angle.
-Alright, Mrs. Smith, I'm just going to need you to push.
I'm going to need you to push --
oh, man, who is the father?
If I have to play one more [bleep] Hoedown...!
[ Angrily playing ]
-That actually sounded right.
-Going to expand on your idea a little bit.
-Okay.
-Oh, boy, doesn't look like we're going to have
a problem getting this baby out.
-Oh! Oh, yeah. -Yeah.
-"Unlikely subjects for a love song."
-♪ Imagine me and you ♪
♪ And my dad and my friends ♪
-That's terrible.
-♪ I'm Aisha's "Whose Line" chair ♪
♪ And I know things about her that you don't ♪
[ Laughter ]
-♪ How is that a love song? ♪
It knows that I'm soft and well-moisturized.
And I haven't farted since 1997.
-Wow.
-"Unlikely lines from a children's movie."
-Gee, Billy, did you know Aisha hasn't farted since 1997?
-She's gonna blow!
-We're good now. We're good now. We're good now.
Don't go anywhere.
We'll be right back with more "Whose Line is it Anyway?"
right after these messages.
Stick around.
-Hey there, Welcome back to "Whose Line is it Anyway?"
We're going to keep the fun going now with a game called
Living Scenery.
This game is for Ryan, Colin, and Brad, so come on down.
We're going to need some help with this game,
so please welcome back our fantastic star guest,
Olympic beach volleyball legend, Misty May-Treanor.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Alright, here's how this is going to work.
Everybody, you guys are going to act out a scene for us,
and during the scene, you're going to need a number of props.
But Brad and Misty, you guys are going to stand in
and be all the props in the scene, okay?
And the scene is that Ryan and his beautiful,
beautiful, young, curvaceous wife, Colin,
are in Alaska stocking up at an outdoor sporting goods store
before leaving on a hunting trip.
-You are curvaceous.
-I know. I could melt the snow.
-Alright, well, we're going to need two things
for our trip, I suppose.
-Alright.
-Just one ski and a totem pole.
-Yeah. Which is which?
Oh, yeah.
Oh, look, no, it's a drinking fountain.
-Thanks, I barely saw it. -Yeah.
So what is this special vacation you're taking me on?
-Well, we're going on a fishing trip.
-Oh.
-I guess we should get some life jackets and some wetsuits,
because we're gonna be right in the river.
-Alright.
-Oh, a life raft. That's even a better idea.
-Alright. -Want to blow it up?
-You find the nozzle. -I got it.
It's right here. -Oh.
-It was near the drinking fountain.
Wow, I want to sit on your side.
Oh, yeah. That's got a lot of support.
-Does it? -Yeah, climb in.
-Oh, I love the door on the side.
-Yeah. That's nice.
-No, there's something weird.
-What? -I don't know.
-Oh, you got the side with the nozzle.
That's why. Let the air out. Let the air out.
-[ Blowing air ]
-Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
-Hey, there's a boat with an engine.
Why don't we get in that one?
It's an engine on the back.
Okay, no, it's not an -- it's a rowboat.
There's the engine on the back. Oh, let's hop in.
Look, the bow's right up there.
We got a big bow rider.
Hop in.
[ Crowd groans ]
Honey, I don't know whether to face you or not.
I don't know if it's worse to face you or go with you.
Alright.
Get in, hon.
Oh, the bow went down.
-Oh, well, the stern went up.
-There we go. Alright, start it up.
[ Imitates whirring ]
-Oh, God. Oh, this really moves.
Oh, honey, pull it over. Pull it over.
Pull it over. Pull it over.
-You know what? This is kind of lovely and romantic.
I think we should -- We should get in the sleeping bags.
I have mine. -Oh.
Mine is so comfortable.
[ Imitates gun clicking ]
[ Buzzer ]
-Help Misty up.
-Oh my God.
Everybody, give a big round of applause
for Misty May-Treanor!
[ Cheers and applause ]
Misty May-Treanor!
Hey, there's more of our show after this short break.
Don't move. We'll come right back.
[ Cheering ]
-Welcome back to "Whose Line is it Anyway?"
That is our show for tonight, and tonight,
our winners are all four of you lovely gentlemen,
so I would like you to join our star guest,
Misty May-Treanor, and read out the credits
as if you're all playing a high-stakes game of volleyball
where tensions are running high.
Thanks for watching, everybody. Good night.
-I got it, Dan Patterson!
-Alright, well, you're --
-I just bumped it to you. You missed our bump.
-Come on, you guys, get in the game.
Get your mind going.
-Why are you sitting behind us? The net is over here.
-Don't tell me how to ref a game.
-Alright, I'm going to do my Wes Thomas serve.
-Alright. Service!
-Okay, I got it.
-Oh, into the net.
♪♪