-Good evening, everybody, and welcome
to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
On tonight's show...
Shake it off, Wayne Brady.
Shake, rattle, and roll, Greg Proops.
Shake and bake, Colin Mochrie.
And shake, then wash your hands, Ryan Stiles.
And I'm Aisha Tyler. Let's have some fun!
[ Cheers and applause ]
It's really the last step that's the doozy.
Welcome to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?", everyone --
the show where everything is made up
and the points don't matter.
We've got a sensational show for you tonight.
And let's start right now with a game called
"Press Conference."
This is for all four of our gentlemen.
The way this game works is that Ryan, Greg,
and Wayne are going to act as newspaper reporters
attending a press conference by Colin.
All right? Now, Colin doesn't know who he is,
but the other three do because it's on this card right here.
-Ah, thank you. -All right.
And Colin has to try and guess who he is from the questions
that the others are going to ask him
once they have reviewed the card.
Whenever you are ready, off you go.
-Good evening. I'm here to answer all questions.
Please, please -- and I cannot stress this enough --
put it in the form of a question.
Yes?
-Jim Phillips, Fresh Produce News.
I'm wondering who decided upon this?
Whose idea was this?
My wife's. -Oh!
-I always -- we have a very give-and-take relationship.
-So, you're a lesbian? -Yes.
-Oh!
All right, thank you.
-That's very progressive for someone in your post.
That's great.
-Well, you know, I believe in progress
because if you don't, it's "backgress."
[ Laughter ]
Yes?
-Josh Pawlik, North Pole News.
-Hi, Josh.
-Who will be handling the sack?
[ Laughter and applause ]
-That was my main job. I will do it.
I still will do it. Yes?
-Yes, I'm wondering if it has anything to do with the fact
that he only comes once a year.
No, no, no, no, no!
[ Laughter and applause ]
-Not at all? Not at all?
-It's not the quantity. It's the quality.
-Right. Right. -Yes?
-Romain Sims, the Candy Cane Inquisitor.
I want to find out, is it because,
and I do quote, "He's a ho-ho-ho"?
[ Laughter ]
-I can't believe you brought that up.
-[ Laughing ] You "sleigh" me.
[ Laughter ]
-Would all the gifts be cut in half?
Or how will you be distributing that this year?
-Uh, you'll see. Yeah?
-How long ago did you realize who you were?
-Five hundred years ago.
-All right. Yeah. Do you have any slides?
-Yep.
[ Buzzer ]
[ Laughter and applause ]
-That escalated very quickly.
Would you like to guess who you are?
-I'm one of the power couple. -Yes.
-Mr. and Mrs. Claus announcing their divorce?
-Oh!
[ Buzzer ]
Yay. -Thank you. Thank you all.
-Well-played.
Well-done. Well-played.
-Thank you.
-And yet so full of filthy innuendo.
-Mm-hmm.
-Something we never do here on this show.
[ Laughter ]
And now we're going to play a game entitled "Duet."
This game is for Wayne, accompanied by the sensational
Laura Hall and Linda Taylor.
-Hello, Laura Hall and Linda Taylor.
-Here to join him, our celebrity guest,
please welcome actor, singer, musician,
from the hit television show "Legacies," Chris Lee!
[ Cheers and applause ]
So awesome. Yes!
Oh, my God. So happy to have you here.
Welcome. Welcome. All right.
Now, Wayne, you and Chris are going to sing a song together,
and you're going to sing in the style of '90's soul.
The rest of it is up to you. Take it away.
-Okay. We need something to sing about.
Chris and I are going to be two fellas
singing about an incredibly unsexy occupation.
Who has the least-sexiest job in this room? Yes?
-I work in trade compliance.
-I'm sorry?
Trade compliance? -Yeah.
-What is that? -International.
-Oh, yeah. What is it?
-Move stuff on boats.
-Yeah, thanks. -We got a winner.
-Amazon.
-You know what? One more just to have a choice.
-Dog groomer.
-What's so unsexy about a dog groomer?
I like dogs.
-Covered in hair, popping anal glands.
-Oh, yeah, like popping bottles except it's popping anal glands.
So, we'll take popping anal glands.
I mean, we'll take dog groomer, and what was it again?
-Trade compliance. -International.
-I'm sorry. You got to get that right.
Yes, let's do it. Trade compliance, dog groomer.
Ready? -Yeah.
-♪ Yeah ♪
Hey, man, look at all these ladies in here tonight.
-Ooh, yeah.
-They don't know, Chris. -They don't know.
I'm going to have to talk to one of these ladies real quick.
-Tell them one time. -Listen here.
♪ Hey, girl, do you want to get with me? ♪
-Yep, yep.
-♪ I'll rub off your dog and all its fleas ♪
-That's right.
-♪ And if you want to get to the rooty-tooty ♪
♪ If you let me get in yours ♪
♪ I'll stick something in that dog's booty ♪
-♪ Express yourself ♪
♪ I'll be your man ♪
♪ Express yourself, like you express that anal gland ♪
♪ Express yourself, but you see the mess I made ♪
♪ I've got to leave that job behind ♪
♪ I've got to deal in trade, internationally ♪
♪ And that was this ♪
♪ There's nothing sexier ♪
♪ Than moving something like this onto a ship ♪
♪ Oh, nothing is sexier ♪
♪ Girl, let me tell you ♪
♪ When it comes to the job of trade ♪
♪ I still don't know what the hell you do ♪
-Not at all.
-Oh, wait a second. Come here, baby.
♪ Now, girl, don't be shy ♪
-♪ Shy ♪
-♪ I love you very, looking at you ♪
♪ You're hirsute ♪
♪ What does that mean for the layman? ♪
♪ You hairy, but that's okay ♪
♪ I understand ♪
♪ I can be your man ♪ -♪ Man ♪
-♪ I can root and toot, watch me scoot ♪
♪ And pop your anal glands ♪
♪ Oh, baby ♪
-♪ Pop that anal gland like it's easy ♪
-And I didn't spill my drink. Ha ha!
-Not one damn time. -♪ Oh ♪
-♪ You might think it's boring, but it's a lot of fun ♪
♪ I'll groom your dog, and then I'll be one ♪
[ Laughter and applause ]
-Come back. You like that?
How about that, girl? Come back.
Oh, that's all right, baby. We'll talk to you later.
-What? She left?
-She likes boring fellas, I guess.
-Didn't we mention anal glands?
-Yeah, I think we did. -All right.
-Let's find another chick to talk to.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Chris Lee, everybody. Chris Lee!
-Chris Lee! -Chris Lee!
♪♪
-I can't believe that you made expressing a dog's anal glands
that sexually arousing.
-Didn't have to work too hard at it.
-Probably not as hard as she had to work at it.
-Now, question for you, because my female doggy
was scooting, right?
Like it's a scooting thing. Can I express her glands myself?
-No! -You can.
-No, because you're supposed to. It feels good for them
because it means that there's a blockage.
-Maybe she's just trying to pick up a quarter or something.
-Just like Dad. -Yeah.
-Everybody, do not move.
There's more "Whose Line" right after these messages.
Stick around.
-Welcome back to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
We're going to keep things moving right now
with a game called "Party Quirks."
Now, in this game, Greg is hosting a party,
and Wayne, Colin, and Ryan are going to be the guests,
but each of them has a strange quirk or identity.
And what Greg has to do is guess what those quirks are.
So, Wayne, Colin, and Ryan, line up over there.
I'll bring you in one at a time with the doorbell, and, Greg,
when you're ready, you can start your party.
-Okay. [ Doorbell rings ]
Oh, there it is. Sorry, I'm California sober.
I'm on prescription drugs. Hi. Come on in.
-Hi. Thank you so much for having me.
I'll ask you to please stand right there
while I do a preliminary scan.
-Okay. -[ Whirring ]
Let me get my bag. Oh, punch. May I?
-Sure.
-Mm! It's good. [ Crackles ]
Aah! Aah!
Aah! Aah! Aah!
Well, let's start your exa-a-m!
[ Gurgling ]
Let's start your examin--
-Would you like some guacamole or something?
-[ Robotically ] Exterminate. Exterminate. Exterminate.
Exterminate. [ Whirring ]
Anal glands. Anal glands.
-Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Hey, listen, I hardly know you, man.
-I've taken an oath. I've taken an oath...to kill you.
[ Crackling ]
[ Groaning, shutting down ]
[ Doorbell rings ]
[ Laughter and applause ]
-That one part I wasn't prepared for.
Hi. Come on in.
[ Laughter ]
-That's all right. -Yep?!
-How are you? How are you?
-I-I'm good. How are you?
-Come on. You do it, too. -All right, all right.
I feel a little uncomfortable, I'll tell you that.
Ow! -You went the wrong way!
You went the wrong way! You went the wrong way!
-Thirty years of improv, and I went the wrong way.
-It's all right.
[ Doorbell rings ]
Come on in.
-Hey, baby, how are you? -I'm good, man.
-Where's the buffet table? I brought some poo.
-Right over here.
-Say, "Ah." -Ah.
[ Doorbell rings ]
-Say, "Ah." -Ah.
-Come back in.
-Oh, please let me get laid tonight.
Please let me get laid tonight.
Oh-oh-oh-oh!
[ Doorbell rings ]
-Come on in.
[ Laughter ]
-Hey, Greg, you're looking great tonight.
-Well, thank you.
-Why do you feel you have to make an entrance like that?
Why can't you just enter?
How does that make you feel?
-[ Muffled ] Not good.
[ Laughter ]
You don't need to do it again.
-All right. That is the first step!
-All right. That's it. I'll need your proof of insurance.
You don't have insurance. [ Gun cocks ]
-Whoa, whoa, whoa!
-Collections. Collections. Collections.
-You get out of here, you dastardly medical robot?
-Yeah! [ Buzzer ]
[ Laughter ]
-Really? -Yeah.
-You know, I'll get back to you. You...
-Oh, I'm all hands.
-You're a hydra.
-No. -A dragon?
-I brought some poo.
-You think you're a bunch of different insects.
-Yes. -Yes.
-A praying mantis, a housefly. And you.
-I see why you need help.
-You're a conga player. You're...
You know what? -Relax. Breathe.
-All right.
-Open eyes.
-Oh. -No, wrong way!
[ Laughter and applause ]
-Stop it. Stop it. I'll take your course.
You're an overbearing psychologist
who touches people a lot.
-I will take it. I will take it. I will take it.
-What was it? -A therapist who slaps people.
[ Cheers and applause ]
That was a tough one.
Points for everybody. Points for the crazy robot.
You were doing a lot of beautiful background work
back here just walking into walls.
-I wasn't really ready for the anal probe,
but, you know, who is?
[ Laughter ]
-And now, my friends,
we're going to play a game called "Scenes"...
oh..."from a Hat."
This is for all of the performers.
So, Ryan and Colin are there, and Wayne and Greg are here.
Before the show, we asked our audience to write down scenes
that they would like to see acted out by our performers.
I've got those suggestions in this hat.
I'm going to read them out. We're going to see how many
awesome things our performers can come up with.
So, weird jobs for fashion models to do.
-[ Humming techno beat ]
[ Barking ]
[ Laughter and applause ]
[ Humming techno beat ]
[ Buzzer ]
-Okay, we're going to try to get to the other side of the river.
Keep it quiet. Make sure your gun's loaded.
[ Laughter ]
-Have you ever seen a model walk?
-Yeah.
[ Laughter and applause ]
[ Buzzer ]
[ Laughter ]
[ Applause ]
[ Buzzer ]
[ Laughter and applause ]
[ Buzzer ]
-All right, assemble, gentlemen!
As of today, you are in this man's U.S. Army.
Atten-hup!
[ Laughter ]
Atten-hup!
[ Laughter ]
Right face.
[ Laughter ]
Left fa... [ Laughs ]
-What if you just had the one face?
[ Buzzer ]
-Sergeant, is there moisturizer?
[ Applause ]
-Terrible icebreakers at a party.
-That Titanic, huh?
[ Laughter and applause ]
[ Buzzer ]
-Hey, how you doing? I work in international trade.
[ Laughter and applause ]
Yeah. What's up?
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
-Yeah, I own Twitter.
[ Laughter and applause ]
[ Buzzer ]
Just got out of an ice bath.
Want to -- -Huh?
[ Laughter ]
-That's the noise it makes when it dries off.
[ Laughter and applause ]
-[ Laughing ] I'm sorry!
"Rejected State Mottos."
-Welcome to Florida. What the [bleep]
[ Buzzer ]
[ Laughter and applause ]
-Don't go anywhere.
Everybody, we're going to be right back with more
"Whose Line Is It Anyway?" right after this.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Welcome back to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
And we're going to keep things moving with a game called
"Greatest Hits."
This is a game for Greg, Colin, and Wayne
with the help of Laura Hall and Linda Taylor.
-Let's play this thing.
-Now, the way that this game works is that
Greg and Colin are two television voiceover performers
talking about the latest compilation album.
So, what I need is a suggestion from the audience.
What is a job where you would work with animals
or pests or tiny things? Lots of great suggestions.
We're going to go with exterminator.
You know, not maybe with nice pet animals,
but pesty, little animals.
All right, so the name of this album is
"Song of the Exterminator." Take it away.
-Hi. We'll be right back to our documentary
on childless medical examiners,
in "Nobody Puts a Baby in a Corner" in just a second.
[ Laughter ]
This is an awesome collection.
You know, the exterminator does such an essential service
but so rarely has his praises sung.
-Right? You'd think there'd be zillions of songs
about exterminators, but there's only these ones.
-Well, we have got one of the great songs coming up now.
German techno. -German techno?
-I tell you.
Enough said. All I'm going to say
is once you've heard this German techno song about exterminators,
you will never listen to anything the same way.
-I understand it was really popular
and got to number funf in the German charts.
-Absolutely.
-[ Laughs ]
-So, sit back and enjoy "Rats, Roaches, and Mice."
[ Techno music plays ]
♪♪
-♪ Yeah ♪
♪ Was, was ist das? ♪
♪ Wer ist das? ♪
♪ Skitter, skitter, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
♪ Was, was ist das? ♪
♪ Was ist das? ♪
♪ Skitter, skitter, skitter ♪
♪ As I lay sleeping late at ni-i-i-i-i-ght ♪
♪ There was something that wasn't ri-i-i-i-i-ght ♪
♪ Oh, no, crawling up and down my knees ♪
♪ Oh, no, all of you steal my cheese ♪
♪ Oh, no, what is here with these? ♪
♪ I'll tell you, I'll tell you, I'll tell you ♪
♪ Oh, rats, mice, roaches ♪
♪ Rats, mice, no ♪
-Roaches?
-♪ Roaches, rats, mice ♪
♪ Roaches, rats, mice ♪
They go...
[ Chirping ]
[ Laughter ]
♪ Whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop ♪
[ Chirping ]
♪ Whoop, whoop, whoop ♪
[ Chirping ]
♪ Das is dead ♪
[ Laughter and applause ]
-That was wunderbar.
That's the kind of music that makes Poland
want to get invaded every 30 years.
[ Laughter and applause ]
-What?!
-You know, there's so many categories
and so many different styles of music
on this collection. -Oh, yeah.
-There's Dixie, Viennese waltzes, tunes for tots.
But I think my favorite one is indie pop.
-Oh, because you were indie before anyone else.
-I was in a group before The Killers called
"We're Just Going to Hurt You."
-Yeah. Very popular, as I recall.
-Yeah. And it's an exterminator indie-pop classic,
and it's called "I'm Vermin."
[ Indie-rock intro plays ]
[ Laughter ]
-♪ Yo, yo-ooh ♪
[ Laughter ]
♪ I don't like myself very much ♪
♪ I can't stand myself ♪
♪ Don't touch ♪
♪ What can it be? I don't like me ♪
♪ I want to end me ♪
♪ You heard, man ♪
'Cause I-I-I'm vermin ♪
♪ I want to eat you out of house and home ♪
♪ Just leave me here alone ♪
♪ I'm lowly on the food chart ♪
♪ I don't know how does it start? ♪
♪ Because I'm vermin ♪
[ Chirping ]
[ Laughter ]
♪ I'm vermin ♪
♪ I've got rabies ♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Stick around. I'll tell you who won our show
right after this very short break.
Stay tuned.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Welcome back to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
That is our show.
Tonight, our winner is Mr. Colin Mochrie.
So, please join our special guest, Chris Lee,
and read out the credits as if you're teaching
the others your sexiest dance moves.
Thanks for watching, everybody. Good night.
-All right, so you know the guy. I showed you.
This is my assistant, Chris. He studied under Mark Leveson.
So, remember, yes, it's more like this.
This is it. A little Louis Patterson.
Louis Patterson. Louis Pat-- What's wrong with you?
-Oh, I was just watching. -All right.
And Chris Dale!
-Oh! -Whoa!
-Come back here, Brady!
Nice try. Come back. Give me 20. Give me 20 right now!
-While doing the move. While doing the move.
-- Captions by VITAC --