-Good evening, everybody,
and welcome to
On tonight's show --
living la vida loca,
living on a prayer,
and living in his car,
And I'm Aisha Tyler!
[ Cheers and applause ]
Yay! Yay!
Welcome, everybody.
Welcome to
the show where everything
The points --
We've got a great show
so let's get started
with a game we call
This game is for Ryan and Colin,
so gentlemen, come on down.
And we're gonna need the help
from the audience.
Volunteers from the audience.
I can't wait to see
Oh, my God.
Hi! What's your name?
-Joy.
And how about you?
-Reene. Joy and Reene.
Joy and Reene, come on down.
Joy and Reene.
Colin's got the other one.
-There you go.
Now, the way that this works
are gonna perform a scene,
will provide the sound effects,
Joy will do the sound effects
Reene, you'll do
And the scene is that Ryan
who break into a pet store
into the bank next door.
Take it away.
-Glug, glug, glug.
Glug, glug, glug.
Care for a cup of bees?
Gets me going before the job.
-All right. You know
We're gonna break
so we can tunnel into the bank.
-I know. I heard that somewhere.
I'm just going to use
and cut the glass.
-Eeeeeeeeeeeee.
-Hey, look at that little fly
-He went in
-Oh. Well, let's go down there.
-Wait. I think the door --
It looks like it opens up.
-[ Imitates squeaking ]
I twisted the head off a mouse.
-Hey, we're criminals!
That doesn't work that way.
-Let me just push.
-Unhhhhhhh!
-All right. Make sure we don't
-Look at all of them.
-Oh.
-I don't know. It's --
-What?
-I think it might
-Beeboo, beeboo, beeboo!
-Oh.
-I know.
-All right, let's try
I heard there was
-Really?
The snake tank is on top of it.
-Hisssssss!
-Oh, I just peed.
-I'm very nervous.
Let's just jump down
-All right.
-Ach!
-Dooooo!
-I'm still going.
-Ooooooooooooooh! Do!
-Oh. It was so much farther
-It was.
And you're taller.
-All right.
to see where the bank vault is.
-Stand back.
-Take off your tap shoes.
-Damn!
I'll try again.
-Dooh, dooh, dooh, dooh.
-I'm walking in your urine!
Why did you pee down here?
-You peed down the hatch.
-Oh, boy. Look, this is the --
-Get out your drill.
-Errr.
-Why didn't you charge it
-Don't -- hey!
-Take a sledgehammer.
-I wasn't sure what you were
-Bam.
-Let me do it. You're useless.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Everybody, give it up
Thank you, ladies.
Thank you. Thank you.
Joy and Reene, everybody!
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ Laughter ]
I must say, there's --
pulling-a-sledgehammer-
and-walking-through-urine bit.
-A long one.
-That was impressive.
about your physical health.
It's just confusing, really.
-It's not the size
[ Laughter ]
-And now we're gonna play a game
which is for all four
so Ryan and Colin, over there.
Wayne and Jonathan,
Now, before the show,
to write down scenes
by our gentlemen performers.
If you're ready, gentlemen,
"Unlikely things for football
[ Laughter ]
-[Sighs]
All right, men.
One of y'all smell
On three!
[ Buzzer ]
[ Laughter ]
-65, 42, 89, 27!
I'm just gonna keep counting
28, 93, 88!
[ Buzzer ]
-Everybody, get down.
[ Mumbles indistinctly ]
[ Laughter ]
Left foot blue.
[ Laughter and applause ]
Right arm green.
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
-[ Laughs ]
Right down in the crotch.
-Exactly.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-"Weird things for
[ Laughter ]
-I don't know.
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
-You can just drop me off
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
-[ Mimics engine ]
[ Mimics muffled crying ]
[ Mimics cocking gun,
[ Mimics gunshots,
Little Italy, over here.
[ Mimics engine ]
[ Buzzer ]
-No, no, no, no.
Don't let this [bleep] in.
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-"Jobs that should never
[ Laughter ]
-All right, Darth Vader,
[ Mimics light saber ]
Oh, God!
[ Buzzer ]
[ Laughter and applause ]
-Today we're going fly fishing.
Bzzzzzzzz! Thump!
[ Laughter ]
Boom!
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-All right, let's do this luge.
[ Audience oohs ]
-Cramp, cramp, cramp, cramp!
[ Buzzer ]
-All right! Don't go away.
There's gonna be much more
right after this!
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Welcome back to
And now it's time to play
This is for all of
starting with Wayne and Jonathan
And Ryan and Colin
everybody else featured
So, what we need right now is
for a subject
So, what I need
What kind of food
[ Shouting suggestions ]
Ah, soup!
-What is it?
-Soup?
[ Both mimicking into music ]
-You're listening to K-SOUP.
-Wet and hot in the morning.
-[ Mimic rooster crowing ]
-Moooooo!
All right. Are you ready
It's me, Mike Minestrone
-And it's me, DJ...Salty.
[ Laughter ]
-This is the 6:00 drive time,
and we're gonna be
all night on the FM dial.
-On line number three,
-Hi, my name's Jerry.
-Hi. I'm -- I'm wondering
and I noticed
And I'm wondering, is that --
is that the only day
or why they wouldn't
-Click!
-Thank you for the call.
-We have a -- we have a caller
a different caller.
-Click!
I'm the head
-Boooo!
-I know you're just
That wasn't real people
-Boo!
[ Audience booing ]
-How come you have so many
-Because we are the only
in the tri-state area, biatch!
-Soup is liquid!
It shouldn't be food.
-Click! No, we won't.
[ Laughter ]
But what we will do is we will
-Hey...No...be.
Hey Nobe!
When you want to say no,
but you instead say, "Hey!"
-Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring!
Ring, ring, ring,
[ Sobbing ]
-Oh.
-My wife was trying to get
and walked out
and said, "Soup or sex?"
And I said,
[ Laughter ]
-Whoo!
-Oh, hey, you know what
-Not soup.
-♪ Buh, buh, buhdunala,
[ Laughter ]
[ Both singing gibberish ]
-I'm sorry, folks.
in the car,
[ Buzzer ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-[ Singing gibberish ]
[ Laughter ]
-You're a naughty boy.
I'm taking your points away
-That's all right.
[ Laughter ]
I gots them points.
-Ooh, it's like
And now we play a game
This game is gonna be
of our handsome
Come on down.
We've got Laura Hall on piano.
So, what I need from
for somewhere
Give me somewhere
[ Shouting suggestions ]
The movies!
Let's hear
all about a date at the movies.
Take it away, boys.
-♪ Ohhhhhh ♪
♪ Aidy, didy, didy, didy,
-♪ I took my lady to a movie ♪
-♪ It was a double feature ♪
-♪ The lights went down slowly ♪
-♪ And there was
-♪ I saw her ♪
-Hold it. Hold it there.
-Creature rhymes.
Creature rhymes with that.
-I moved my hand, and...
-He said "feature"
That rhymes.
-If you ever doubted
you're welcome.
[ Laughter ]
-♪ Ohhhhh, aidy, didy, didy,
-Vamos a pelicula.
-♪ That is a language ♪
-♪ And I love to use it ♪
-♪ Look at the creature ♪
-♪ I took my girl ♪
-♪ We went to see a show ♪
-♪ We had such fun ♪
-♪ Yody, yody, doe ♪
-♪ Aidy, didy, didy, didy,
-I...
[ Laughter ]
-♪ Oh, aidy, didy, didy,
-♪ I saw my girl so pretty ♪
-♪ I hugged her
-♪ I kissed her
-♪ I caressed her lucky charms ♪
-♪ She called me
-♪ And then she said to me ♪
-♪ I love you so much, so much ♪
-♪ Hey, look, I'm in 3D ♪
-♪ Oh, aidy, didy, didy, didy,
-♪ We got married
-♪ I'm so happy now ♪
-♪ We watch movies
-♪ Don't ask me how ♪
-♪ Horror or some drama ♪
-♪ Some babies on the way ♪
-♪ Maybe romantic comedy ♪
-♪ Should tell her
-♪ Oh, aidy, didy, didy, didy,
-♪ Then there was a knock
-♪ Who was it, but her ♪
-♪ She had a new boyfriend ♪
-♪ You -- oh, cold, brr ♪
-♪ I slammed the door
-♪ I mean, come on,
-♪ They snuck in
-♪ I began to swell ♪
-♪ Oh, aidy, didy, didy, didy,
♪ Oh, aidy, didy, didy, didy ♪
-♪ Diiii-diiii,
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Do not go away!
We'll be right back with more
right after this!
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Welcome back to
where everything is made up
And now we're gonna play
This is a game for all four
of Laura Hall and Linda Taylor
Guys, come on down.
Now, the way this game works
is that Ryan and Colin are two
talking about the very latest
So, what I need is a suggestion
Could you give me a place
[ Shouting suggestions ]
Park. Awesome. Yes. Okay.
I heard lots of
but I'm going to go with park.
So, the name of your album is
Take it away.
-Hi.
We'll be back to our documentary
"Shih Tzu Happens,"
What this CD compilation has
is some very unusual
-Really?
-Yep. One of my favorite rappers
-DMX, which stands for...?
-Uh, Dark Man X.
-[ Laughs ] Dark Man X.
I did not know that.
-So, you're gonna -- and I --
in a million years,
he dueted with on this.
-Exactly.
It's Yoda!
-Yoda?
So, sit back and listen to
"Keep Off the Grass."
[ Music playing ]
-[ Rapping ] ♪ All right,
♪ Right in front of me?
♪ I tell everybody, woof, woof ♪
♪ Don't go on the grass, dog,
♪ Now, I see you looking
♪ Better get down right now,
♪ This is my lawn,
♪ Have to want to stay
♪ If you see that how you mean ♪
♪ I'm gonna shoot you
♪ I cut that, I get that,
♪ Remember, I'm all that ♪
♪ I will be the one you see ♪
♪ I will put my foot in you
♪ Because I'm like, boo!
♪ I surprise you
♪ Treat you as fertilizer ♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
-♪ Get off my grass ♪
-[ As Yoda ] Mm! Mm!
-♪ Get off my grass ♪
-♪ Listen up, people,
♪ What's that smell?
♪ We're gonna go to It-ly,
-Romey!
♪ My ass, let's all jump
-♪ Get off of my grass ♪
-♪ Get off of my grass! ♪
♪ Get off of my grass ♪
♪ I would do [indistinct] ♪
The music's done.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Thank you.
"And Romey."
[ Cheers and applause ]
-You know, I don't know
when we were small kids,
we weren't really
but, boy, did we love
Remember that?
until your dad took the rope
your mom's hands, you know --
-But, you know,
-That's what -- you know,
that's the first thing
-Oh, yeah?
-My gosh. And when I think
I think of the one --
something you'll want to
that jump-rope chant,
-[ Clapping rhythmically ]
[ Laughter ]
-♪ My mama told me
♪ Because you've got to be
♪ Of where the poop from goose ♪
♪ Goosey, goosey, poopy, poopy
♪ Goosey, goosey, slip, whoopsy,
-♪ Here's how you step if you
♪ It's step left, step right,
-♪ On your caboose ♪
♪ 'Cause it's goosey,
♪ Goosey, goosey, goosey,
-♪ There is goosey in the drink,
♪ Look at that goosey poop
♪ Goosey poop, goosey poop,
♪ Goosey poop, it is much more
-♪ Goosey poop ♪
-♪ G-O-O-S-E ♪
-♪ P-O-P ♪
♪ Is "pop,"
-♪ That's okay, don't you know?
-♪ Goosey poop,
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Goosey "pop."
-Incredibly fun
You know,
-No, I --
[ Laughter ]
Anyway, one of the best duets
again,
-Oh, it's another duet,
[ Laughter ]
-Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
So, sit back and enjoy
-What?! Bob Dylan and Seal?
-Yeah. Not a seal, but Seal.
Bob Dylan and Seal
"Broken Swings and Monkey Bars."
[ Music playing ]
♪♪
-[ Singing indistinctly
♪ That kid's waiting
♪ Well, they try
♪ But, oh, how can it be? ♪
♪ It broke, and little Timmy
-[ Barking like a seal ]
-♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
-♪ Ah, ah, ah, ah ♪
[ Wayne singing gibberish,
♪♪
-♪ Broken swings
[ Sings indistinctly ]
-[ Barking like a seal ]
-♪ Broken swings
♪ And there's goose poop
-[ Barking ]
[ Laughter ]
-[ Speaks indistinctly ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Find out who the winner is
Don't go anywhere.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Welcome back to
Sadly, that's the end
but tonight's winners are
So, I would like you
as documentary filmmakers
Jonathan and Wayne
Thanks for watching, everybody.
-How did we ever
-I told Dan Patterson
-Why wouldn't you listen
What about Jimmy Mulville?
-They're using
-You know what I feel like?
I feel like I'm on Noah's Ark
-Oh, my God.
-That's a hammerhead.
Otherwise known
-Oh, Neil Sidwell's
Oh, my gosh! My liver's gone.
Ow! God. That really...
-It's all right.
Oh, it got me right
♪♪
-- Captions by VITAC --
[ Cheers and applause ]