[ NATIVE AMERICAN DRUMBEATS, CHANTING ] [ ENGINE REVS ]
>> [ As Native American ] HOW.
WHITE MAN COME WITH IRON
BUFFALO.
>> I KNOW WHAT A BULLDOZER IS.
YOU CAN'T BUILD HERE.
THIS LAND IS ON TOP OF AN
ANCIENT INDIAN BURIAL GROUND.
>> [ Normal voice ] WELL, THAT'S
WHY WE'RE GONNA DIG THIS UP,
BUILD CONDOS, THEN PUT THE
ANCIENT INDIAN BURIAL GROUND
BACK ON THE ROOF.
AND TO MAKE IT UP TO YOU, HERE'S
TWO TICKETS TO A BASEBALL GAME,
OKAY?
>> BUT THERE ARE FOUR OF US.
>> WELL, I GUESS YOU'LL HAVE TO
SCALP SOME.
[ LAUGHS ]
LET'S SEE -- PUT THE JACUZZIS
RIGHT HERE AND --
AGH!
>> Tommy: MR. PICKLES! >> ♪ MR. PICKLES ♪ ♪ GOOD BOY ♪
♪ NICE DOG ♪
♪ PEOPLE'S BEST FRIEND ♪
DIE!
♪ PICKLES ♪
>> Tommy: MR. PICKLES!
>> ♪ HERE HE COMES FOR YOU ♪
>> Tommy: THERE YOU ARE!
GOOD BOY!
OH, BOY! MY FIRST BASEBALL GAME! MAYBE I CAN CATCH A BALL. >> Beverly: HONEY, LET ME DROP
YOU OFF AND TAKE THE TRUCK.
>> Stanley: BUT WHENEVER YOU
BORROW MY TRUCK, IT COMES
BACK WITH A NEW DENT.
>> Beverly: [ Singsong voice ]
YOU WON'T HAVE TO PAY FOR
PARKING.
>> Stanley: MM!
>> Tommy: AREN'T YOU EXCITED,
MR. PICKLES?
>> Beverly: OH, MR. PICKLES!
>> Grandpa: YOU CAN'T BRING THAT
DOG TO THE GAME.
HE'S BEEN CUTTING PEOPLE'S HEADS
OFF.
I'VE SEEN HIM DO IT.
>> Beverly: MR. PICKLES!
YOU'RE HAVING A HARD TIME WITH
THIS WATER.
[ CHUCKLES ]
>> Grandpa: HMM.
>> MORNING, GOODMANS! >> Together: MORNING! >> Mr. Pickles: [ BARKS ]
>> MR. BOJENKINS IS TEACHING ME
HOW TO CRIP-WALK.
[ HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYS ]
SWEET!
>> REMEMBER, NOW -- HEEL, TOE,
HEEL, TOE.
>> LIKE THIS?
>> NOPE.
>> Grandpa: SHERIFF, MR. PICKLES
IS CUTTING PEOPLE'S HEADS OFF.
[ BEVERLY AND STANLEY GROAN ]
>> REMEMBER THE TIME HE TOLD US
MR. PICKLES FORCED HIM TO WEAR
THAT DEAD POSSUM LIKE A DIAPER?
[ BOTH CHUCKLE ]
>> Tommy: WHOA! LOOK AT ALL THE INDIANS! [ WAR-WHOOPING ]
BYE, MOM!
>> Stanley: BYE, DEAR.
>> Beverly: HAVE FUN AT THE
GAME.
>> Stanley: REMEMBER, NO NEW
DENTS ON MY [Singsong] TRUCK!
>> TODAY, THE OLD TOWN
FEATHERHEADS TAKE ON THE
SOUTHVILLE WORMS!
'COURSE, SOME FOLKS WANT THE
FEATHERHEADS NAME TO CHANGE,
CALLING IT RACIST.
BUT THEY'VE BEEN UNSUCCESSFUL,
JUST LIKE MY SON, WHO DROPPED
OUT OF COLLEGE TO BECOME A MIME.
ANYHOO, TODAY, WE'VE GOT A
SPECIAL GUEST IN THE CROWD --
MISS FULTON, THE OLDEST PERSON
IN OLD TOWN.
SHE'S 119 YEARS YOUNG, AND WE
ARE HONORED TO HAVE HER HERE.
>> YOU CAN EAT MY ASS!
>> Stanley: WELL, IT LOOKS LIKE
THESE ARE OUR SEATS -- FOUL-BALL
TERRITORY.
>> Tommy: MAYBE I CAN CATCH A
FOUL BALL!
>> I'LL SHOW YOU HOW TO CATCH
SOME BALLS!
>> Stanley: HEY! HO!
>> Beverly: [ SIGHS ] OH. EXCUSE ME. TRAFFIC.
WELL, HERE WE GO.
>> AAAAAAH!
>> Beverly: OH, MY GOODNESS!
I CUT YOUR LEGS OFF!
>> [ Slurring ] WELL, DON'T GIVE
YOURSELF SO MUCH CREDIT.
>> Beverly: HUH?
>> I HAD MY LEGS CUT OFF SO I
COULD SNEAK BOOZE INTO PLACES.
O-ONE FOR WHISKEY, ONE FOR SODA.
DRINK?
>> Beverly: UM, NO, THANKS.
>> I'M HAVING A TAILGATE PARTY.
WANNA COME?
>> Beverly: I'M NOT REALLY A
BASEBALL FAN.
[ SIGHS ]
WELL, I GUESS I COULD GO FOR A
LITTLE WHILE.
>> COME ON!
>> KISS CAM! >> YOU'RE ON THE KISS CAM, BUDDY!
>> Stanley: THE WHAT?
>> THE KISS CAM.
>> KISS ME!
>> Stanley: SORRY, EVERYBODY.
WE'RE NOT TOGETHER.
[ LAUGHS NERVOUSLY ]
>> SCREW YOU, JERK!
[ CROWD BOOING ]
>> WHAT, DO YOU HATE AMERICA?
>> Tommy: BOO!
THIS IS FUN!
>> Stanley: YEAH, UH, YOU KNOW
WHAT?
MAYBE I'LL GO GRAB US SOME
SNACKS.
>> Tommy: AND I'LL STAY HERE AND
CATCH A FOUL BALL.
>> Stanley: OKAY, SON.
HOT DOGS!
>> Grandpa: HUH?
[ CROWD WAR-WHOOPING ]
NO! I WON'T LET YOU DO IT!
>> WHY? BECAUSE WE'RE GAY?
>> Grandpa: WHAT?!
THAT DOG WAS GONNA CUT YOUR HEAD
OFF.
OH, IT'S FAKE.
>> WHAT ARE YOU, CRAZY?!
>> Tommy: BOO!
>> PEANUTS! GET YOUR PEANUTS!
And cocaine.
PEANUTS!
>> IT'S JIM "FOULER" JOHNSON AT
THE PLATE.
HE'S NEVER HIT A FAIR BALL IN
HIS 22-YEAR CAREER.
FOULER, OF COURSE, THE ALL-TIME
FOUL-BALL LEADER, CLOSING IN ON
30,000 FOUL BALLS, GIVING NEW
MEANING TO THE WORD "FAILURE."
AND ANOTHER FAILURE, MY SON, WHO
TURNED TO SELLING HIS BODY FOR
ALCOHOL.
AND HERE'S THE PITCH!
>> Tommy: I HOPE I CATCH ONE
SOON.
MY ARM SURE IS TIRED.
>> Grandpa: YOU CAN DO IT,
TOMMY.
>> JUST A LITTLE BUMP.
[ SNIFFS ]
>> CURVING FOUL!
>> Tommy: AW, DARN IT! >> HEY! WHAT ARE YOU, BLIND? I'M BLIND!
>> Tommy: MAYBE I'LL CATCH THE
NEXT ONE.
>> THAT WAS FOUL BALL 29,999 FOR
FOULER.
THE NEXT ONE COULD FETCH A HEFTY
SUM WITH COLLECTORS.
[ CROWD WAR-WHOOPING ]
>> HMM.
>> HIGH FLY BALL! >> Tommy: IT'S COMING THIS WAY! >> OUT OF MY WAY!
>> WHERE'S THE BALL, BOY?
WHERE'S THE BALL, BOY?
>> Mr. Pickles: [ SPEAKING
DEMONICALLY ]
[ DOG WHIMPERS ]
>> FOUL!
>> Tommy: I DID IT!
>> THAT BALL COULD BE WORTH A
LOT OF MONEY, FOLKS.
>> THAT UGLY KID HAS THE BALL!
>> Tommy: COOL, HUH?
>> GET HIM!
>> Tommy: UH-OH!
>> Mr. Pickles: [ GROWLS ]
>> Grandpa: YOU WANT HIM?!
YOU GO THROUGH ME!
[ INDISTINCT SHOUTING ]
>> KID, COME WITH ME!
YOU'LL BE SAFE!
>> WHERE DID HE GO?!
>> Grandpa: TOMMY? TOMMY?!
>> HAS ANYBODY SEEN MY DOG?
>> [ CHANTING ]
>> AND THAT'S HOW I ENDED UP SLEEPING WITH A MIME. JUST KIDDING -- MAYBE.
DRINK?
>> Beverly: UH, NO, THANKS.
IT IS QUIET OVER HERE.
>> WELL, NOBODY WANTS TO
TAILGATE WITH A GUY WHO'S BEEN
DRINKING ALL BY HIMSELF.
>> Beverly: WELL...MAYBE JUST A
SIP.
>> [ CHUCKLES ]
>> HEY! Y'ALL PARTYING?
>> CAN WE USE YOUR GRILL?
>> WELL, SURE YOU CAN USE GRILL.
>> BOTTOMS UP.
>> HI!
>> Stanley: UGH! >> KISS CAM! >> OH, MY GOD.
KISS MY WIFE! KISS MY WIFE!
>> Stanley: SORRY -- NO.
>> WHAT?
SHE NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU?
>> Stanley: NO, I JUST --
AGH!
>> Grandpa: TOMMY?! TOMMY?!
THAT'S HIS GLOVE!
>> Mr. Pickles: [ BARKS ]
>> Grandpa: SHOW ME WHERE HE IS.
I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M FOLLOWING
YOU.
BUT FOR ONCE, MAYBE YOU ARE
BEING A GOOD BOY.
>> Mr. Pickles: [ BARKS ]
>> Grandpa: HE'S IN HERE?
TOMMY'S NOT IN --
[ DOOR CLOSES ]
HEY! MR. PICKLES!
OH, NO!
[ CROWD WAR-WHOOPING ]
>> Mr. Pickles: [ PANTING ]
>> [ SNORING ]
>> Mr. Pickles: [ PANTING ]
>> THAT'S A VERY SPECIAL BALL
YOU HAVE.
>> Tommy: I'M GONNA GET IT
AUTOGRAPHED.
>> AS YOU CAN SEE, I COLLECT
VERY VALUABLE COLLECTIBLES.
PERHAPS I COULD TAKE CARE OF
THAT BALL FOR YOU.
>> I GOT SOME COLLEXTIBLES, TOO,
BABY.
WANNA TRADE?
OOH!
HOW 'BOUT THIS ANTIQUE BASEBALL
HAT?
>> THAT'S A JOCKSTRAP!
>> OOH! WHAT'S THIS ONE DO?
>> PUT THAT BACK!
>> OH! WHAT'S THAT?
>> DON'T TOUCH THAT!
>> OOH! WHAT'S THAT?
>> HEY! WHERE'D THAT BOY GO?!
>> NICE DOING BUSINESS WITH YA!
[ CHUCKLES ]
>> Mr. Pickles: [ WHIMPERS ]
>> COCAINE! GET YOUR COCAINE!
[ SNIFFS, SIGHS ]
[ GASPS ]
>> Mr. Pickles: [ PANTING ]
>> Tommy: HELLO? ANYONE HERE?
>> [ SOBBING ]
>> Tommy: YOU'RE
JIM "FOULER" JOHNSON!
>> YUP -- BIGGEST FAILURE IN
BASEBALL HISTORY.
BUT I'M MOVING ON.
>> Tommy: BUT BEFORE YOU GO, I
WANTED TO GET YOU TO SIGN --
>> WHATEVER!
>> Tommy: BUT I --
>> I SAID, "SHUT UP!"
>> Tommy: NO, YOU DIDN'T!
SO YOU SHUT UP!
ANYWAY, YOU HIT THIS BALL RIGHT
TO ME, AND IT'S THE BEST THING
THAT'S EVER HAPPENED TO ME.
AND I KNOW IT'S A SPECIAL BALL,
SO I THOUGHT YOU SHOULD HAVE IT.
>> THAT'S THE BEST THING
ANYBODY HAS EVER --
>> Tommy: CATCH!
>> OWW!
[ SOBBING ]
>> Tommy: HEY!
WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
>> Grandpa: HELP! TOMMY!
OHHH. I'M SO HOT IN HERE.
>> Crowd: TAKE IT OFF!
TAKE IT OFF!
>> Beverly: [ Slurring ] OKAY!
[ CROWD CHEERS ]
THERE YOU ARE!
>> IT'S A GREAT PARTY.
BUT NOBODY LIKES ME.
>> Beverly: HEY!
>> HUH?
>> Beverly: MEET HANK.
HE CUT OFF HIS LEGS SO HE CAN
SNEAK BOOZE WHEREVER HE WANTS.
>> COOL!
I USE MY BRA TO SMUGGLE FOOD.
>> DRINK?
>> SANDWICH? QUESADILIA?
>> OH, WOW, YOU GOT A LOT OF
STUFF IN THERE.
>> CLAM CHOWDER?
>> UH-HUH!
>> [ Voice breaking ] TOMMY, ALL
I'VE EVER HIT WAS FOUL BALLS,
AND I THOUGHT OF MYSELF AS A
FAILURE.
BUT YOU MADE ME REALIZE THESE
FOUL BALLS MEAN SOMETHING TO
SOMEBODY.
>> Tommy: WOW! THANKS!
>> SO I'M GONNA HIT THE BEST
FOUL BALL ANYBODY'S EVER SEEN!
>> Tommy: I BELIEVE IN YOU,
MR. FOULER.
>> [ GRUNTS ]
>> Tommy: MY BALL!
>> MY BALL! [ LAUGHS ]
>> Mr. Pickles: [ GROWLS ]
>> Tommy: IT'S OKAY, BOY.
THE GAME'S ALMOST OVER.
COME ON!
>> Mr. Pickles: [ WHIMPERS ]
>> Stanley: AH, FINALLY.
WHAT?! $25 FOR A SODA?!
>> THEN YOU CAN DRINK THE SODA
AND FILL IT WITH FREE KETCHUP,
THEN DRINK THE KETCHUP.
>> Stanley: FLOYD. [ CHUCKLES ]
WELL, IT'S, UH, NICE TO SEE YOU
OUTSIDE THE OFFICE.
>> BOSS IS HERE, TOO.
>> Stanley: HUH?
>> GOODMAN, YOU'RE ON THE
KISS CAM, OKAY?
>> KISS CAM!
>> Stanley: OH, COME ON!
>> KISS ME, MR. GOODMAN.
[ SMOOCHES ]
>> Stanley: OH, NO!
[ CROWD BOOING ]
UH, PARDON ME. EXCUSE ME.
>> Tommy: OVER HERE, DAD!
WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG?!
>> GIMME THAT!
>> Stanley: WHAT? I WAS JUST --
[ GROANS ]
>> STILL TIED AT 0-0 -- ALSO
THE NUMBER OF TIMES MY WIFE HAS
TOLD ME SHE LOVES ME.
AND THAT'S STRIKE TWO!
>> Grandpa: [ GROANING ]
STAY GROUNDED, GRANDPA.
YOU'RE JUST HALLUCINATING FROM
THE STEAM.
IT'S NOT REAL.
OH-HO! IT'S NOT REAL!
IT'S NOT REAL!
AAH!
>> I-IT IS REAL!
AGH!
>> Mr. Pickles: [ BARKS ]
>> AND FOULER BACK AT THE PLATE.
>> THIS ONE'S GOING FOUL, BOYS.
>> LOOKS LIKE HE'S PREDICTING
HE'LL HIT THIS FOUL, WHICH
DOESN'T MAKE SENSE.
>> Both: YAY!
>> BUT NEITHER DOES BMI.
PLEASE DEAL WITH REALITY.
AND HERE'S THE PITCH!
THAT BALL DOESN'T LOOK LIKE IT'S
GOING FOUL.
>> HUH?!
>> THAT BALL IS...A HOME RUN!
>> AGGHH!
>> OH, NO!
>> Stanley: HEY! SHE'S DROWNING!
>> KISS CAM!
>> Stanley: HUH?!
NO, NO, NO, NO!
>> AND JIM "FOULER" JOHNSON
WINNING THE BALLGAME!
SADLY, HE'LL GO DOWN IN HISTORY
AS A MURDERER.
AND WE HAVE A STREAKER, FOLKS!
>> Grandpa: ...IS TRYING TO CUT
MY HEAD OFF!
>> YOU'RE UNDER ARREST!
>> THAT IS ONE CRAZY, OLD NAKED
MAN!
>> THAT GRANDPA SURE IS CRAZY.
BUT SHERIFF ACTUALLY GOT SOME
GOOD MOVES.
>> ZIPPITY-ZOOOOOO!
>> AND THAT'S THE BALLGAME,
FOLKS!
>> WELL, THANKS FOR EVERYTHING.
>> Beverly: BASEBALL!
>> YOU'RE DISGUSTING.
LET'S GO, BABY.
>> OKAY. BYE.
>> Stanley: BEVERLY?
>> Tommy: YOU SMELL LIKE
MEDICINE.
>> Beverly: BUT AT LEAST I
DIDN'T DENT THE TRUCK.
[ HICCUPS ]
GIMME A KISS! GIMME A KISS!
>> Stanley: KISS?! NO!
[ BOTH GASP ]
>> Tommy: MOM, ARE YOU OKAY?
>> Stanley: COME ON, TOMMY.
LET'S GET HER TO THE SHOP --
I MEAN, HOME.
>> Tommy: WHERE'S MR. PICKLES?
>> Stanley: HE'LL FIND HIS WAY
HOME.
HE ALWAYS DOES.
>> MM. NICE COSTUME.
>> STUPID WHITE PEOPLE AND THEIR
GAMES.
HEY-A, WHAT'S THIS OVER HERE?
>> BREAKING NEWS! NATIVE AMERICANS BUY THE
OLD TOWN FEATHERHEADS.
RENAME THE TEAM "OLD TOWN STUPID WHITE PEOPLE"!
AY, WHAT UP, DOG?!
>> Stanley: HOT DOGS!
GET YOUR HOT DOGS, HERE!
[ CHUCKLES ]
>> Tommy: WOW! PEANUTS, TOO?
HEY!
IT'S JIM "FOULER" JOHNSON'S FOUL
BALL!
>> Beverly: BASEBALL!
>> Stanley: YES, JUST BE QUIET,
PLEASE.
>> Beverly: [ HICCUPS ]
>> Tommy: GOOD BOY, MR. PICKLES.
>> Mr. Pickles: [ BARKS ]
[ NATIVE AMERICANS CHANTING ]
>> ♪ MR. PICKLES ♪ ♪ GOOD BOY ♪ ♪ NICE DOG ♪
♪ PEOPLE'S BEST FRIEND ♪
DIE!
♪ PICKLES ♪