[ BIRDS CHIRPING, CAT MEOWS ] >> HEY. DID YOU KNOW MEDICAL WASTE
IS GOOD FOR THE ENVIRONMENT?
>> NAH, STOP PULLING MY LEG.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> HEY!
QUIT CHEWING UP MY SHOE, DOG.
>> Mr. Pickles: [ BARKS ]
>> AAH!
AAH!
HEY, STOP PULLING MY LEG!
[ SCREAMS ]
>> Tommy: MR. PICKLES!
>> [ SCREAMS ]
>> ♪ MR. PICKLES ♪
♪ GOOD BOY ♪
♪ NICE DOG ♪
♪ PEOPLE'S BEST FRIEND ♪
DIE!
♪ PICKLES ♪
>> Tommy: MR. PICKLES!
>> ♪ HERE HE COMES FOR YOU ♪
>> Tommy: THERE YOU ARE!
>> ♪ MR. PICKLES ♪
>> Tommy: GOOD BOY! >> Stanley: [ GROANS ] WHERE IS THAT NEWSPAPER ALREADY?
>> Beverly: IT'LL BE HERE.
JUST RELAX.
OH, MR. PICKLES. HMM.
>> Tommy: I KNOW!
YOU CAN READ ME MY FAVORITE
BOOK, DAD.
>> Stanley: SORRY,
I HAVE TO WORK.
>> Tommy: OH, YOU ALWAYS
HAVE TO WORK.
>> Grandpa: AH, I THINK
MR. PICKLES HAS BEEN DOING
SOMETHING TO ME IN MY SLEEP.
[ STOMACH GROWLING ]
>> Beverly: DAD, MR. PICKLES IS
A GOOD BOY.
>> Stanley: AH, LOOK AT HIM.
NO BILLS, NO JOB.
>> Beverly: OH, MR. PICKLES.
>> Stanley: NOT A CARE
IN THE WORLD. [ SIGHS ]
I WISH I WAS A DOG.
[ BICYCLE BELL RINGS ]
>> Stanley: HUH?
>> YEAH!
>> Stanley: [ GRUNTS ] >> Beverly: STANLEY!
>> Tommy: DAD!
>> THE NEWSPAPERS BE ON
DIGITAL TABLETS NOW, YO!
>> Stanley: I WISH I WAS DOG.
[ Distorted voice ] I WISH
I WAS A DOG.
[ Normal voice ] HUH?
OH.
A CAT! I GOTTA GET THAT CAT!
WHAT THE -- HEY!
WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH MY LEGS?
WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES?
>> Tommy: MR. GOODMAN!
>> Stanley: HUH? THAT'S ME!
THAT'S ME!
[ GROANS ]
[ PANTING ]
>> Tommy: THERE YOU ARE,
MR. GOODMAN.
>> Stanley: UH, CALL ME "DAD,"
TOMMY.
>> Tommy: WHAT'S THAT, BOY?
>> Stanley: HUH?
>> Tommy: YOU WANT
SOME SCRATCHES?
>> UM...AHH.
OH, YEAH, OH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH,
YEAH, YEAH.
>> Tommy: DAD?
CAN YOU DO SOMETHING
WITH ME TODAY?
>> Stanley: UM...
>> Mr. Pickles: [ BARKING ]
>> Tommy: YOU ALWAYS
HAVE TO WORK, DAD.
>> Stanley: BUT I'M YOUR DAD.
OR AM I A DOG?
[ GASPS ] OH!
>> Tommy: [ LAUGHING ]
>> Beverly: MR. PICKLES.
TAKE OUT THE TRASH,
MOW THE LAWN, PAY THE BILLS...
>> Stanley: WAIT,
I'M NOT RESPONSIBLE
FOR ANY OF THOSE THINGS.
I'M FREE!
I CAN DO WHATEVER I -- OH.
>> Beverly: YOU SURE ARE
BARKING UP A STORM, MR. GOODMAN.
>> Stanley: BARKING? I'M NOT --
OH, LOOK AT THAT LEG.
I LIKE YOUR LEG,
I LIKE YOUR LEG.
>> Beverly: MR. GOODMAN!
>> Grandpa: THAT MR. GOODMAN
IS EVIL.
AAH!
>> Stanley: AH, WAIT!
[ SCREAMS ]
>> Tommy: WAKE UP! WAKE UP!
WAKE UP, DAD! COME ON!
>> A COMA COULD LAST FOREVER.
>> Beverly: OH, NO!
>> Tommy: WAKE UP!
[ BELL RINGING ]
>> Beverly: TOMMY, PLEASE.
>> Tommy: BUT I WANT DAD
TO READ MY STORY TO ME!
>> Beverly: TOMMY, GO PLAY
AND LET DAD REST.
>> [ LAUGHS EVILLY ] PERFECT
FOR HARVESTING.
>> ♪ FUNKY ♪
>> HEY, NOW! HOW YOU DOIN'?
>> Tommy: TERRIBLE!
>> NO! WHAT?
>> Tommy: I'M SO MAD
AT THE NEWSPAPER BOY,
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.
>> YEAH, YEAH, TOMMY.
I FIND THAT WHEN YOU'RE MAD
AT SOMEBODY, YOU SHOULD TELL 'EM
HOW YOU FEEL.
HEY, LADIES! WHERE YOU GOIN'?
>> Tommy: OKAY, MR. PICKLES,
GO WATCH OVER DAD.
>> [ SNIFFS ]
[ WAND BEEPING ]
>> Grandpa: COME ON.
>> THESE BEEPS ARE COMING
FROM THE RECTAL AREA, SIR.
>> Grandpa: WHAT?!
>> WE'VE GOT A PACKER.
>> HURRY UP, FLOYD.
>> Beverly: HI, GUYS.
NICE OF YOU TO STOP BY.
>> OH, WE'RE NOT HERE
FOR GOODMAN.
WE'RE HERE FOR LUNCH.
>> Beverly: OH.
>> I'M GONNA BREAK MY RECORD
AND EAT 1,000 HOT DOGS.
>> GET BACK TO WORK, GOODMAN.
>> HEY, WHAT'S THAT THING DO?
>> Beverly: THIS BOOK?
YOU...READ IT?
>> OH, YEAH? DO -- DO THAT.
>> Beverly: ALL RIGHT.
"THERE ONCE WAS A WIGGLY,
WINDY ROAD THAT WENT ON AND ON,
WRIGGLING AND WINDING,
WRIGGLING AND WINDING..."
>> Tommy: COME ON, MR. GOODMAN!
>> Stanley: AH! A SHOE.
[ GROWLS ]
>> WHOA! DOWN, DOG.
>> Stanley: SORRY, SORRY.
>> HEY, PAL.
WANNA SNIFF BUTTS?
>> Stanley: YES, I DO.
>> OH, YEAH.
>> Stanley: OH,
THAT SMELLS GOOD.
MMM, OAKY.
>> HEY, LET ME GET A SNIFF.
>> Stanley: VERY NICE.
>> OH, YEAH.
>> Stanley: THAT IS
A NICE SMELLING BUTT YOU HAVE.
>> OH, YEAH.
>> Tommy: I'M SAD.
I WANTED MY DAD TO DO SOMETHING
WITH ME, BUT HE HAS TO WORK.
>> WELL, I COULD DO
LOTS OF SOMETHINGS.
WHEE!
>> Tommy: WHEE!
>> Stanley: TOMMY,
YOU GET DOWN FROM HIM.
>> WHY YOU TALKIN' TO HIM?
>> YEAH, HE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT
YOU'RE SAYING.
NOBODY DOES.
>> Stanley: YOU MEAN, I CAN
SAY ANYTHING TO ANYONE,
AND THEY CAN'T UNDERSTAND ME?
>> DOG PILE!
>> Stanley: HEY!
COME ON, YOU GUYS.
I CAN'T BREATHE!
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Stanley: I CAN'T BREATHE!
>> Beverly: "AND THE ROAD
STRAIGHTENED FOR A MOMENT,
THEN SUDDENLY
IT STARTED TO WIND AGAIN."
>> DAMN!
I THOUGHT IT WAS GONNA
GO STRAIGHT.
>> SHH!
>> Mr. Pickles: [ GROWLS ]
>> Beverly: OH!
>> UH, JUST FLUFFING
HIS PILLOWS. [ CHUCKLES ]
>> Beverly: THANK YOU.
>> READ! READ! READ! READ!
>> SHH.
>> SORRY.
>> PRINT IS DEAD, YO!
READ IT RIGHT HERE
ON THIS NEW TABLET DEVICE.
>> I'LL TAKE A PAPER.
>> HERE YOU GO.
>> [ GRUNTS ]
[ HORN BLARES ]
>> Tommy: HEY!
THANKS TO YOU,
MY DAD IS IN A COMA.
>> YO, I'M SORRY, YO!
>> Tommy: THE WORST PART IS,
HE CAN'T READ ME A STORY.
I GUESS THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS
WHEN PRINT IS DEAD.
>> YO, DAWG, WE THREW
THE PRINTING PRESS AWAY,
BUT YOU COULD WRITE
YOUR OWN BOOK WITH THIS!
[ TYPING ]
>> WORDS!
>> Beverly: "AND ON AND ON
THE ROAD WENT UNTIL...
IT KEPT GOING.
IT KEPT GOING..."
>> Stanley: [ GRUNTS ]
>> PICKLES!
>> Mr. Pickles: [ BARKS ]
>> MAKE SOME SALES
OR YOUR LOUSY BUTT IS FIRED.
>> Stanley: WHO ARE YOU
CALLING A LOUSY BUTT,
YOU WORTHLESS LITTLE SNIT?!
>> HUH?
>> Stanley: BOSS SCHMOSS.
YOU'RE A PIECE OF MOSS.
BOY, THAT FELT GOOD.
>> GET THIS YAPPING DOG
OUT OF HERE.
HE'S DISGUSTING!
>> Stanley: I HATE YOU!
[ GROWLS ]
>> AAH, MY BUTT!
>> I ALWAYS KNEW YOU HATED HIM.
>> Stanley: HI, FLOYD.
WAIT, YOU CAN UNDERSTAND ME?
>> YOU'RE IN A DREAM,
MR. GOODMAN.
>> Stanley: A DREAM?
>> I MUST BE YOUR DREAM GUIDE.
HERE, LET'S SEE.
OH! I CAN DO THIS.
WHEE!
>> Stanley: WHOA.
A CAT! A CAT!
I'M GONNA GET YOU!
OH, THERE'S CATS EVERYWHERE!
HEY, SHOES!
OH, YEAH. [ GROWLING ]
[ GASPS ] BONES, BONES, BONES,
BONES! [ GROWLS ]
>> FETCH!
>> Stanley: I'LL GET THAT!
[ PANTING ]
>> THERE HE IS! [ CHUCKLES ]
>> Stanley: HEY, HEY!
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
>> IT'S OFF TO THE POUND
WITH YOU.
DEATH ROW. [ LAUGHS ]
>> OH, YEAH.
"IF THE PERSON DIES
IN THEIR DREAM,
THEY'LL DIE IN REAL LIFE, TOO."
HEY, LOOK WHAT ELSE I CAN DO.
>> Stanley: WHAT? OH, NO. NO!
>> Beverly: "DOWN THE WIGGLY,
WINDY ROAD HE WENT.
THEN HE CAME TO ANOTHER WIGGLY
PART OF THE ROAD AND GUESS WHAT?
IT WAS WINDING."
>> OUR X-RAYS SHOW THAT YOU HAVE
SEVERAL ITEMS IN YOUR RECTUM.
>> Grandpa: HUH?
>> ONE SLINKY.
>> Grandpa: NO!
>> PART OF A GUITAR.
>> Grandpa: OH.
>> ONE ROLLER SKATE.
>> OH!
>> I'M GONNA HAVE TO GET
ALL THE WAY IN THERE.
>> Grandpa: NO, PLEASE!
>> [ GROANS ]
ONE EMPTY JAR OF PICKLES.
AND LET'S TAKE LUNCH, EVERYBODY.
>> Grandpa: WHAT? HELLO!
MR. PICKLES, WAS THAT YOU?
>> Mr. Pickles: [ WHINES ]
>> WHY AM I IN THE MORGUE?
>> SHH.
>> OH.
OH, YEAH, YOU LOOKIN' GOOD.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING
WITH THAT THING? AAH!
>> Mr. Pickles: [ WHINES ]
>> GET ALL THE ORGANS, BABY.
>> THEN WE CAN PAY OFF
OUR COLLEGE LOANS.
>> WELL, I'M WORKING ON
A PATIENT IN A COMA.
HE'LL BE READY
FOR HARVESTING SOON.
>> [ MOANING ]
>> Beverly: "THE...END."
>> [ GASPS ]
READ US ANOTHER STORY.
>> Beverly: BUT I DON'T HAVE
ANOTHER BOOK.
>> READ US A STORY!
>> All: READ US A STORY!
READ US A STORY!
>> Stanley: WAIT A MINUTE.
I DON'T LIKE THIS.
>> [ LAUGHING ]
>> HEIL, PITLER!
>> Stanley: HELLO.
>> GET IN THERE.
>> Stanley: WHOA. HEY, GUYS!
>> [ LAUGHING ]
>> Stanley: UH, HI, THERE.
STANLEY GOODMAN. AND YOU ARE?
>> ABOUT TO HAVE A PARTY.
>> GET HIM! HOLD HIM DOWN.
GET DOWN.
>> MY MOTHER WAS A CHIHUAHUA...
>> Stanley: [ CHUCKLES ] GUYS!
>> AND MY FATHER WAS
A ST. BERNARD. [ SPITS ]
>> Stanley: HEY! WHOA!
[ SCREAMING ]
>> WELCOME TO PRISON, BITCH.
[ LAUGHS ]
>> Stanley: OH, NO! HELP!
[ MONITOR BEEPING ]
[ PADDLES THUNK ]
>> WOULD YOU JUST DIE ALREADY?
>> Mr. Pickles: [ BARKS ]
>> HUH? QUIET!
HERE. EVERY DOG LOVES HOT DOGS.
>> Mr. Pickles: [ WHINES ]
>> HUH? AAH!
>> OH! YOU WANT A QUICKIE? >> Mr. Pickles: [ PANTING ] >> YOU CAN AT LEAST TAKE
MY CLOTHES OFF.
>> A BONE, A SHOE.
>> Grandpa: WHAT THE...
>> ONE CAT.
>> [ MEOWS ]
>> WHAT'S THIS?
IT'S BUZZING? TICKING? METALLIC?
WE GOT A BOMB!
>> Nurses: [ GASP ]
>> ONE MORE HOT DOG
AND YOU'LL BEAT YOUR RECORD.
>> HEY!
>> WE NEED TO EJACULATE
THE HOSPITAL.
>> EVACUATE.
>> THAT'S WHAT I SAID.
>> WHERE TO?
>> Patients: READ US A STORY!
READ US A STORY!
>> Beverly: JUST GO
TO THE LIBRARY!
>> PERFECT!
NOBODY GOES THERE ANYMORE.
>> Patients: READ US A STORY!
READ US A STORY!
>> OH, I'VE BEEN WAITING A LONG
TIME FOR THIS, MR. GOODMAN.
[ LAUGHS ]
>> Stanley: OH, I DON'T WANNA
BE A DOG ANYMORE.
>> YOU'LL DIE IN REAL LIFE, TOO.
>> Stanley: I DON'T WANNA
BE A DOG ANYMORE.
>> YOU'LL DIE IN REAL LIFE, TOO.
>> Stanley: I DON'T WANNA
BE A DOG ANYMORE.
>> I SMELL HOT DOGS. DON'T YOU?
>> Patients: READ US A STORY!
>> Beverly: YES, UH,
I'D LIKE TO TAKE OUT A BOOK.
>> WE PUT THEM ALL IN STORAGE.
YOU CAN CHECK YOUR E-MAIL
IF YOU'D LIKE. [ CHUCKLES ]
>> Tommy: OH, I HAVE A BOOK.
>> Patients: HOORAY!
BE QUIET. SHH...
>> Tommy: MY DAD.
HE USED TO DO LOTS OF THINGS
WITH ME.
ONE TIME, HE SHOWED ME WHAT
A TURTLE WAS.
HE SHOWED ME WHAT A TURTLE WAS.
>> Stanley: PLEASE!
D-D-DON'T KILL ME, PLEASE.
>> [ LAUGHING ]
>> Stanley: HEY,
THAT'S A TURTLE. HUH?
>> Tommy: WOW,
SO THAT'S A TURTLE.
>> Stanley: HEY, I KNOW YOU.
>> HI, DAD!
HI, DAD.
>> Stanley: WAIT,
I THINK I'M A DAD, NOT A DOG.
HUH? MY CLOTHES!
>> GET BACK HERE, MR. GOODMAN!
>> Stanley: OH, NO! OH, NO!
>> Tommy: ANOTHER TIME,
MY DAD SHOWED ME
HOW HE SAVED MONEY.
>> Stanley: 70 DEGREES?
I'LL GO BROKE!
[ GROANING ]
MY LEGS! I CAN STAND!
>> [ SCREAMS ]
>> Stanley: OH.
>> [ SCREAMS ]
>> Tommy: AND THEN ONE DAY,
I WALKED IN TO WAKE UP MY DAD,
AND HE HAD A LUMP
IN HIS PAJAMA PANTS.
WHAT'S THAT, DAD?
>> [ GROANS ]
>> Tommy: WOW! [ CHUCKLES ]
>> Stanley: NO, TOMMY!
DON'T TOUCH THAT! WAIT!
>> Beverly: STANLEY!
>> Stanley: AAH!
>> Tommy: [ GASPS ] DAD!
>> WELCOME BACK, DAWG.
>> Stanley: DOG? DOG. NO.
OH, WHERE'S GRANDPA?
>> FALSE ALARM!
IT WAS JUST AN ALARM CLOCK.
>> Mr. Pickles: [ BARKS ]
>> Stanley: OHH.
IT WAS JUST A DREAM.
>> Tommy: THERE'S THAT THING
AGAIN!
>> Stanley: NO, TOMMY, DON'T!
>> All: [ GASP ]
>> HOT DOG!
>> Stanley: AAH!
[ CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS ]
>> Stanley: YOU KNOW, IT'S GREAT THAT YOU AND TOMMY GOT PEOPLE TO
APPRECIATE BOOKS AGAIN.
>> Tommy: SO CAN YOU READ ME
MY BOOK NOW?
>> Stanley: SORRY, TOMMY.
LATE FOR WORK.
>> Grandpa: MR. PICKLES
SHOULD GO TO THE POUND.
>> Stanley: WELL, I THINK
BEING A DOG IS A LOT HARDER
THAN SOME PEOPLE THINK.
GOOD BOY.
>> Mr. Pickles: [ BARKING ] >> HELP! >> Mr. Pickles: [ BARKS ]
>> [ Whispers ] MR...
>> ♪ PICKLES ♪
♪ GOOD BOY ♪
♪ NICE DOG ♪
♪ PEOPLE'S BEST FRIEND ♪
DIE!
♪ PICKLES ♪
>> [ Whispers ] HI, WILL.