[REMOTE CLICKS]
[♪♪♪]
♪ I don't care what you say! ♪
♪ I'm gonna do
What I want all day! ♪
♪ I'm the king of the world!
I'm the king of the world! ♪
♪ I'm the king of the world!
I'm the king of the world! ♪
♪ I'm the king of the world!
I'm the king of the world! ♪
[♪♪♪]
'Kay. I'm gonna play level 4
Thundragon with plus-2 Fire.
My Divorcion
has Lightning power
when I use it
with Wizard Water card.
CLARENCE:
My guy chops
through your guy
'cause he has a chainsaw
and yours is wood.
[IMITATES CHAINSAW BUZZING]
Uh...
Thanks for the fun, guys!
See you later!
BELSON:
"Wah! I'm in jail for a crime
I didn't commit."
Come on. If you can't do
the time, why do the crime?
He shouldn't have stolen.
Just get a job and earn it
like my dad did.
BOTH [CHANTING]:
Go, Belson! Go, Belson!
It's your birthday!
Whazzup?
Okay. That was a very, uh,
practical point of view.
Um. Okay. Clarence, you're next.
First of all, sincerely happy
birthday to you, Belson.
You can have my bag of hair
if you want.
Anyway, I thought this book
was so great.
I started reading it,
and he was in jail,
and I thought, "What if
the jail was made out of cake
or something and he could eat
through the bars and get out?"
Yeah. Like, and, what if?
Hey, thank you, Clarence.
Now, did anyone
actually read the book?
[TEACHER CHUCKLES]
I really think everyone
liked my cake-jail idea.
Wasn't it so funny?
[LAUGHS]
Well, I mean, I loved it.
It was pretty funny,
but have you thought about
not staying stuff like that?
I don't think everyone can
relate to your sense of humor.
Yeah, but what about a pie jail?
What if the bars are made
of chocolate in the jail?
Then you could eat
right through them.
See? That's exactly
what I'm talking about.
You can't just spout words
at people and hope they stick.
Maybe you should look at people
who are good conversationalists
and try to copy what they do.
Okay, Jeff. I hear you.
But what about a ice-cream cat?
Meow! Meow!
Don't eat me! Meow!
I'd probably eat him.
Don't eat him!
Just give it some thought,
okay?
Okay.
[BELL RINGS]
[GASPS]
The bell's ringing!
Ladies and gentlemen
of the jury, I object.
Enjoy a cup of joe
with contemporary artist--
[TV CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY]
Okay, Jeff said I got to find
a good conversationalist.
That's when
her tooth fell out!
[LAUGHTER]
Oh, wow.
That guy's really good.
Welcome to
The Clarence Show.
what do you want to talk about,
Mr. Bacon Chips?
"Talking makes me nervous.
Blah!"
[RIM SHOT]
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
Nobody actually laughed.
Whoa.
What's he doing
with that horn?
Blah, blah, blah, blah.
Rah-blah, blah, blah.
[HORN HONKS]
Blah.
[HORN HONKS]
Oh, he's honking it.
[GIGGLES]
[HORNS HONKING]
[LAUGHING]
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]
[HORN HONKS LOUDLY]
[SIREN WAILS]
[LAUGHS]
That horn is a killer.
I wish I had one. Then I could
just honk instead of talk.
[GASPS]
I just had the biggest i--
One horn, please.
Oh. Is this for your bike?
Nope.
It's for my conversation skills.
Oh.
That's just wonderful.
[BEEPS]
[BELL JINGLES]
Tee-hee-hee!
[HORN HONKING]
[GASPS]
[GEESE HONKING]
ALL:
I pledge allegiance to the fla--
[HORN HONKS]
[LAUGHTER]
ALL:
--of the United States
of America.
[HORN HONKS]
[GIGGLES]
And to the republic
for which it--
[HORN HONKS]
[LAUGHTER]
One nation under God--
[HORN HONKS]
[LAUGHTER]
--indivisible, with liberty
and justice--
[HORN HONKS]
[LAUGHTER]
TEACHER:
Okay, okay. Come on.
[FEEDBACK SQUEALS]
PRINCIPAL:
Good morning, students.
This is your principal.
Just a reminder that
the winners of this year's
"Let's Diss Disease!" raffle
will be announced tomorrow.
Good luck on winning
the grand prize:
Two tickets to Squirty's
Moist Mountain Water Park.
And now today's poem:
"A Fall Day" by Mrs. Shoop.
The night is crisp.
Huh?
The day is done.
Listen to the swaying leaves
as they go...
[HORN HONKING]
[LAUGHTER]
Oh, Clarence,
what a witty deconstruction.
[♪♪♪]
I heard the math quiz
got canceled.
[GIGGLES]
Yeah?
Good thing too.
I didn't study much.
[STIFLED LAUGHTER]
I'll see you guys later.
Whoa!
[HORN HONKS]
[LAUGHTER]
[HORN HONKS]
He-he-he! Somebody farted!
[HORN HONKS]
Hot Dog Police 2?
It's the same
as the first one.
Should have called it
Hot Dog Police 1 Again.
[HORN HONKS]
[BOTH LAUGH]
Not funny.
Melanie,
we've been working together
for a couple months now, and
I-I think it's time that you--
[HORN HONKS]
Oh! Oh! Oh!
Where'd it go?
It's around here somewhere.
[LAUGHTER]
Oh.
[HORN HONKS]
[BOTH LAUGH]
Clarence, the horn is a--
[HORN HONKS]
--gimmick.
At first, you were just--
[HORN HONKS]
--peppering it in, but now--
[HORN HONKS]
--you're doing it all the time.
People may like it now--
[HORN HONKS]
--but they'll get tired of it
very quickly.
[HORN HONKING]
Can you just stop honking?
[HORN HONKING]
[BOTH LAUGHING]
[HONKING CONTINUES]
Oh, this'll never get old!
[SNORING]
[HORN HONKING RHYTHMICALLY]
[GROANS]
[GEESE HONKING]
Gonna be another
honk-diculous day.
PRINCIPAL:
...chocolate milk,
and pickle spears.
And now the moment
we've all been waiting for:
the "Let's Diss Disease!"
raffle winners.
[GIRLS MURMURING]
The grand prize winner
of the tickets
to Squirty's Moist Mountain
Water Park is number...
[HORN HONKING]
[ALL GRUMBLING]
Get your prize now, or we're
giving it to someone else.
We've been waiting all week!
Just a little honk humor.
Come on.
[ALL GROAN]
[♪♪♪]
Careful.
Care--
[HORN HONKS]
[SCREAMS]
Oh, whoa!
[ALARM BLARING]
It was the horn--
The horn!
It was the horn!
Not funny.
And it barely relates to what
we're talking about.
[♪♪♪]
[HORN HONKS]
No! No! Stay back!
Stay back!
I've got a horn,
and I know how to use it!
We just want to help you,
Clarence.
Put the horn down.
Why don't we take it from him?
It's just a horn.
No!
[HORN HONKS]
Never!
[HORN HONKS]
[HORN HONKING]
Eh, he'll be fine.
Yes, he will, because we're
gonna make him fine.
What's in here? A new horn?
No.
People who love you.
I don't love him.
Yes, you do.
We all do.
This is a place of love.
[GROANS]
You may go ahead, Percy.
Okay.
At first,
you didn't have a horn,
but now you have a horn, and...
[CRYING]
[HORN HONKS]
No!
Clarence, that horn is, like,
super unbecoming of you.
It mega limits
your vocabulary.
You have two choices.
You can get rid of the horn
and rejoin society,
or you can keep the horn--
Choice number two.
I'm keeping it.
Thanks! Bye!
No, wait! I was gonna say,
"but at what cost?"
But at what cost?
Yeah! At what cost?
Eat up, little baby bird.
[CHOMPING, THEN SPITS]
[SIGHS]
I just wish they knew you
like I do, Hornsby.
[HORN HONKS]
No, that's the bacon talking.
You're not going anywhere.
[HORN HONKS]
[CRYING]
You're wrong!
You are good for me!
[HORN HONKS]
No, Hornsby!
I won't let you go!
[HORN HONKS]
When you put it that way,
I guess you make a lot of sense.
["TAPS" PLAYING]
Goodbye, old friend.
[SQUEAKS]
[TOILET FLUSHES]
[HORN HONKS WEAKLY]
Hornsby, I was wrong!
Don't go! Hold my hand!
What's going on?
Hornsby fell in!
Oh, no!
Come back!
Don't worry, buddy!
Aah! Aah! Come on!
[GRUNTING]
[SOBBING]
Don't you go dying on me!
[CAWING]
[HORN HONKS]
Shh! Be quiet.
Everyone hates you.
Just stay in the backpack, okay?
[♪♪♪]
Hey, Clarence, I have
a science project for you!
[HORN HONKS]
This is for Squirty's!
[HORN HONKS]
[HORNS HONKING]
How do you like the horn now?
[ALL SHOUTING]
If this doesn't break him,
nothing will.
[HORNS HONKING]
[LAUGHTER]
He's still having fun?
Ha! Told ya.
[HORNS HONK]
[HORNS HONKING MELODICALLY]
[MID-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYING]
[ALL GRUMBLING]
[HORN SQUEAKS]
That was awesome!
Even that weird kid
who doesn't talk was playing
a horn! There he is.
You know what, Clarence?
I never thought I'd say this,
but I'm gonna miss
that horn of yours.
Don't shed a tear
for Hornsby, guys.
He's in a much better place now,
and so am I,
because I learned
my daily moral lesson.
Being true to yourself
and not letting anyone
tell you who you are
or what you should do
is the only way to forge
true friendships?
Nope. I learned
that when you lose your horn,
you buy the whistle.
[SLIDE WHISTLE PLAYING]
[LAUGHS]
[ALL GRUMBLING]
Gimme that!
[SLIDE WHISTLE PLAYS]
♪ Early to bed ♪
♪ Early to rise ♪
♪ Picking my nose ♪