1 00:00:23,858 --> 00:00:24,858 MICHELLE: Mmm. 2 00:00:24,942 --> 00:00:26,318 Mmm. 3 00:00:26,986 --> 00:00:28,528 Come on. 4 00:00:33,326 --> 00:00:36,286 - Hi. Good morning. - (GROANS) Uh-uh. 5 00:00:37,705 --> 00:00:39,790 Did you say, "Uh-uh?" What... What's wrong? 6 00:00:39,832 --> 00:00:42,042 Where... What's happening? 7 00:00:42,210 --> 00:00:44,544 - BRETT: What's up? - Oh, dude. 8 00:00:44,629 --> 00:00:47,756 So early. No. Why are you... 9 00:00:47,840 --> 00:00:49,174 Sorry, I thought I had a signal. 10 00:00:49,258 --> 00:00:50,801 Sorry. I didn't mean to... 11 00:00:51,135 --> 00:00:52,260 Sorry. 12 00:00:52,345 --> 00:00:53,470 Sleep deprived right now. 13 00:00:53,513 --> 00:00:55,180 - Okay, sorry, my bad. - I'm sorry. 14 00:00:55,264 --> 00:00:56,890 - I misread that, sorry about that. - I'm sorry. 15 00:00:56,974 --> 00:00:58,683 - That's okay. - Okay. 16 00:01:32,218 --> 00:01:33,218 (BRETT GRUNTS) 17 00:01:35,304 --> 00:01:37,013 (BED CREAKING) 18 00:01:39,267 --> 00:01:40,392 Ow! Come on! 19 00:01:40,476 --> 00:01:42,394 - You come on. - Not cool. 20 00:01:43,354 --> 00:01:45,730 Shaking all around. 21 00:01:45,815 --> 00:01:46,940 - Sorry. I'm just... - Come on. 22 00:01:47,024 --> 00:01:48,066 Take it outside. 23 00:01:48,109 --> 00:01:50,360 - I'm sorry, okay? - Take it outside. 24 00:01:50,611 --> 00:01:52,654 And take the baby monitor. 25 00:01:53,239 --> 00:01:54,573 Thank you. 26 00:01:56,742 --> 00:01:58,118 (MAN SHOUTING IN KOREAN) 27 00:01:59,620 --> 00:02:00,745 ALEX: Am I being evicted? 28 00:02:03,249 --> 00:02:04,666 Where's all my shit? 29 00:02:06,335 --> 00:02:07,752 Good Lord. 30 00:02:07,837 --> 00:02:12,132 Brett, I'm getting evicted, literally, right now. I need some serious backup. 31 00:02:12,216 --> 00:02:14,426 Hey! Hey! That's my stuff! 32 00:02:14,802 --> 00:02:16,761 That's... No es bueno! 33 00:02:18,055 --> 00:02:20,765 Uh, get a U-Haul truck, something, I don't know. 34 00:02:20,850 --> 00:02:24,936 I need help stat, all right? I'm sorry to call so early. I love you, dude. 35 00:02:35,698 --> 00:02:38,450 BRETT: All right, buddy, let's get you all fixed up. 36 00:02:38,951 --> 00:02:39,951 (TIRES SQUEALING) 37 00:02:40,369 --> 00:02:41,620 ALEX: Come on! 38 00:02:49,587 --> 00:02:51,171 I think we've had enough of those. 39 00:02:51,714 --> 00:02:54,799 Please, I don't... Don't give me a vegan lecture. 40 00:02:54,842 --> 00:02:57,969 I don't want to hear about a food documentary, okay? 41 00:02:58,054 --> 00:03:00,138 Let me just enjoy this right now. 42 00:03:00,181 --> 00:03:02,057 I'm just trying to help. This is tough-love time. 43 00:03:02,141 --> 00:03:03,350 Give me the fucking donuts. 44 00:03:03,434 --> 00:03:05,060 - You want the donuts? - Yeah, I want the donuts. 45 00:03:05,144 --> 00:03:07,145 All right. You can have them. 46 00:03:08,231 --> 00:03:09,481 Thank... 47 00:03:10,733 --> 00:03:12,234 You just did that right to my face. 48 00:03:12,735 --> 00:03:15,070 - (MUFFLED) Right in your face. - All right. 49 00:03:15,988 --> 00:03:17,322 ALEX: Those are my donuts! 50 00:03:17,615 --> 00:03:19,157 Give me them! 51 00:03:19,200 --> 00:03:21,785 - Give it to me. Give me the bag of... - (GRUNTS) 52 00:03:22,328 --> 00:03:25,288 All right, you see? You're a mess. Look at me. 53 00:03:26,832 --> 00:03:30,502 All right, you got a little bit right here. Just a little bit. All right. 54 00:03:30,586 --> 00:03:34,297 I'm sorry it came to that, but it's for your own good. I love you. 55 00:03:34,340 --> 00:03:36,466 (SIGHS) It's over. 56 00:03:36,509 --> 00:03:38,301 - What's over? - It's... I'm done. 57 00:03:38,344 --> 00:03:40,178 - You're done with what? - I'm going home. 58 00:03:40,263 --> 00:03:41,763 You don't have a home. I have all your... 59 00:03:41,847 --> 00:03:43,515 To my mom's house. 60 00:03:44,225 --> 00:03:46,059 - To Detroit? - Yeah. 61 00:03:46,143 --> 00:03:50,146 The acting thing is not happening, man. It's just... It's fucked. 62 00:03:50,356 --> 00:03:54,359 I'm fat. I'm getting bald. I can't take the rejection anymore. 63 00:03:54,443 --> 00:03:59,698 I can't take skinny, beautiful LA people looking at me like I'm a fucking whale. 64 00:03:59,740 --> 00:04:01,658 I don't think everybody thinks you're a whale, okay? 65 00:04:01,701 --> 00:04:04,077 People look at me, man, they want to fucking harpoon me. 66 00:04:04,161 --> 00:04:08,623 Okay, this is a setback. We've had these. We regroup, and we triumph. 67 00:04:08,833 --> 00:04:10,041 That's what we do. 68 00:04:10,126 --> 00:04:11,459 What are you talking about? 69 00:04:11,544 --> 00:04:13,503 Let me just take you back to 1995. 70 00:04:13,546 --> 00:04:16,631 Senior year, high school, Jesus Christ Superstar. 71 00:04:16,716 --> 00:04:19,301 You died on stage, and you rose from the dead, 72 00:04:19,385 --> 00:04:22,095 and everybody in the audience fucking wept. 73 00:04:22,179 --> 00:04:23,471 You moved them, okay? 74 00:04:23,556 --> 00:04:26,349 Do you know who wasn't weeping in that audience? 75 00:04:26,392 --> 00:04:27,559 Billy Stayson. 76 00:04:28,102 --> 00:04:31,563 He was sitting in the front row doing this... 77 00:04:32,231 --> 00:04:34,482 ...the whole time I was dying on the cross. 78 00:04:34,567 --> 00:04:37,110 - Why was he doing that? - Because I shared with him my dream. 79 00:04:37,194 --> 00:04:40,030 I was like, "Dude, I want to go out to Hollywood and become a star." 80 00:04:40,072 --> 00:04:41,114 Uh-huh. 81 00:04:41,198 --> 00:04:42,699 And he said, "If you do that, 82 00:04:42,742 --> 00:04:44,909 "you'll end up sucking dick on Hollywood and Vine." 83 00:04:45,369 --> 00:04:46,369 (CHUCKLING) Okay. 84 00:04:46,412 --> 00:04:48,371 - Back then, I thought he was an asshole. - Mmm-hmm. 85 00:04:48,414 --> 00:04:51,750 But now, in retrospect, he's a fucking prophet. 86 00:04:59,216 --> 00:05:02,427 All right, green smoothie time. We'll set up the couch for you. 87 00:05:03,763 --> 00:05:06,222 - We're getting there. All right. - All right. 88 00:05:09,435 --> 00:05:10,435 BRETT: Um... 89 00:05:11,312 --> 00:05:14,981 Why are you sitting in the driver's seat? 90 00:05:15,066 --> 00:05:16,733 Can I have the keys, please? 91 00:05:16,776 --> 00:05:18,360 No, you may not have the keys. 92 00:05:18,527 --> 00:05:20,445 All my shit's packed up in a U-Haul, man. 93 00:05:20,529 --> 00:05:22,947 What more of a sign do I need? There's nothing for me here. 94 00:05:23,032 --> 00:05:26,284 Look, you don't understand, okay? 95 00:05:26,786 --> 00:05:28,286 I need you here. 96 00:05:28,371 --> 00:05:31,790 I have to go to family day, and be at the beach, and pretend like it's fun. 97 00:05:31,874 --> 00:05:33,666 I don't think you understand. 98 00:05:33,751 --> 00:05:35,293 I know that I'm the cog in the wheel 99 00:05:35,336 --> 00:05:37,462 - that maybe makes beach day better for you, - Yeah. 100 00:05:37,797 --> 00:05:40,632 But I don't think you're seeing anything from my point of view right now. 101 00:05:40,716 --> 00:05:43,385 Alex, what do you want me to say, man? 102 00:05:45,638 --> 00:05:47,180 I need, like... 103 00:05:47,473 --> 00:05:49,474 I need like a day from you, okay? 104 00:05:49,558 --> 00:05:51,101 Will you give me, like, a day? 105 00:05:51,769 --> 00:05:53,645 Just come to family day with us? 106 00:05:53,729 --> 00:05:56,481 SOPHIE: Hi, Daddy! BRETT: Hi, Soph. 107 00:05:56,565 --> 00:05:58,817 - MICHELLE: Hi. Hi, guys. - Hi. 108 00:05:59,026 --> 00:06:01,903 Alex, I'm so sorry about your apartment. 109 00:06:01,987 --> 00:06:04,280 Oh, that's okay, I'm sorry I stole your husband again. 110 00:06:04,323 --> 00:06:05,407 MICHELLE: That's okay. 111 00:06:05,491 --> 00:06:07,325 - Hi, Sophie. - Hi! 112 00:06:08,077 --> 00:06:09,119 (MICHELLE SIGHS) 113 00:06:09,161 --> 00:06:11,746 Do you want to come help with this cooler or something, hon? 114 00:06:11,831 --> 00:06:13,331 Yeah, of course. I'll be right there. 115 00:06:13,624 --> 00:06:15,583 Please. Please, come on. 116 00:06:17,878 --> 00:06:19,295 You got 24 hours. 117 00:06:19,463 --> 00:06:20,463 Yeah! 118 00:06:21,590 --> 00:06:23,883 Where is your sister, by the way? She's still at that guy's house? 119 00:06:23,968 --> 00:06:25,135 Don't ask. 120 00:06:34,103 --> 00:06:37,063 So, um, what exactly is a Scarab boat? 121 00:06:37,731 --> 00:06:39,774 Do you remember the, uh... 122 00:06:39,900 --> 00:06:42,652 - The first season of Miami Vice? - Yeah. 123 00:06:42,695 --> 00:06:45,196 That was a Chris-Craft Stinger 390. 124 00:06:45,322 --> 00:06:48,867 The second season, they started using a Wellcraft Scarab boat. 125 00:06:49,243 --> 00:06:51,161 - That's what I have. - That's awesome. 126 00:06:51,495 --> 00:06:54,747 I'll take you out on it. I mean, not today, but, you know, I'm racing today. 127 00:06:54,832 --> 00:06:55,874 But some other time? 128 00:06:55,958 --> 00:06:58,209 - Seriously? - Yeah, that'd be great. 129 00:06:58,461 --> 00:06:59,586 I would love that! 130 00:07:03,424 --> 00:07:04,549 (VACUUM CLEANER WHIRRING) 131 00:07:04,592 --> 00:07:08,052 We don't have anything like that in Houston. I mean, we have lakes. 132 00:07:08,512 --> 00:07:12,682 Here the weather's always good and there's just so much stuff to do. 133 00:07:13,350 --> 00:07:17,395 I've been thinking about making the move... The move out west. 134 00:07:18,189 --> 00:07:20,231 I just need a change 135 00:07:21,358 --> 00:07:23,109 and I really need to expand my business. 136 00:07:23,527 --> 00:07:24,569 What do you do? 137 00:07:25,779 --> 00:07:27,322 I wholesale bounce houses. 138 00:07:27,406 --> 00:07:28,406 Ah. 139 00:07:29,116 --> 00:07:30,408 TINA: That'd be fun, right? 140 00:07:30,910 --> 00:07:32,494 I mean, no pressure. 141 00:07:32,578 --> 00:07:37,582 I just been thinking about spending more time with my niece and nephew, 142 00:07:37,666 --> 00:07:39,042 and you, of course. 143 00:07:39,084 --> 00:07:41,586 Yeah, totally. 144 00:07:41,670 --> 00:07:42,670 (CHUCKLES) 145 00:07:47,885 --> 00:07:49,344 So, what time are you gonna come get me? 146 00:07:49,762 --> 00:07:52,055 Of course, yeah. I'll, uh... I'll text you. 147 00:07:52,097 --> 00:07:53,598 Come here, you. 148 00:07:54,975 --> 00:07:57,060 - (HORN HONKING) - MICHELLE: T.T. 149 00:07:58,395 --> 00:07:59,521 TINA: Hey. 150 00:07:59,605 --> 00:08:00,605 Hi. 151 00:08:00,940 --> 00:08:02,148 That's my sister. 152 00:08:02,233 --> 00:08:03,566 - Hey. - MICHELLE: Hi. 153 00:08:04,193 --> 00:08:05,777 BRETT: Yo, let's go. TINA: Okay. 154 00:08:06,487 --> 00:08:10,114 Dude, I didn't know you were coming. That's so awesome. What's up? 155 00:08:10,199 --> 00:08:11,241 How are you? 156 00:08:11,742 --> 00:08:12,742 What's happening? 157 00:08:13,035 --> 00:08:15,912 I'm so psyched! The last time I saw you was the wedding. 158 00:08:15,955 --> 00:08:16,996 Uh, yeah. 159 00:08:17,081 --> 00:08:18,790 Were you as drunk as I was? 160 00:08:18,832 --> 00:08:22,377 No. No, I don't think anyone was as drunk as you were, actually. 161 00:08:22,461 --> 00:08:23,545 I saw you... 162 00:08:23,629 --> 00:08:26,130 I'm in my living room, and there you are, on my TV, 163 00:08:26,382 --> 00:08:28,633 - doing a commercial for... - Heartburn. 164 00:08:28,676 --> 00:08:29,926 You were so funny. 165 00:08:30,135 --> 00:08:32,011 It wasn't supposed to be funny. 166 00:08:32,263 --> 00:08:33,680 What happened to your hair? 167 00:08:33,973 --> 00:08:35,473 Uh, I lost it? 168 00:08:35,975 --> 00:08:37,767 Brett, can we put some music on? 169 00:08:38,018 --> 00:08:40,311 What's up with the bad juju in this car? 170 00:08:40,396 --> 00:08:42,313 Light rock, but loud. 171 00:08:42,565 --> 00:08:45,149 - He's having a bad day. It's fine. - Yeah, he's fine. 172 00:08:45,192 --> 00:08:48,736 Like, once we get him in the ocean, the guy's going to be set. 173 00:08:48,821 --> 00:08:50,321 He's like half-man, half-dolphin. 174 00:08:51,782 --> 00:08:54,701 Hey, you know what I was thinking would be kind of nice? 175 00:08:54,785 --> 00:08:55,827 What's up? 176 00:08:55,911 --> 00:08:59,205 If we take Frank in the ocean, together, for his first time. 177 00:08:59,290 --> 00:09:00,957 Just the two of us. 178 00:09:01,000 --> 00:09:02,041 Yeah, that's a good idea. 179 00:09:02,126 --> 00:09:04,752 - MICHELLE: Do you want to do that? - Totally, we should, yeah. 180 00:09:05,296 --> 00:09:07,380 (MUSIC PLAYING) 181 00:09:27,610 --> 00:09:28,610 (FRANK FUSSING) 182 00:09:39,371 --> 00:09:40,371 Hi. 183 00:10:04,396 --> 00:10:05,897 Oh, hey, Alex, that's... 184 00:10:28,629 --> 00:10:30,588 - Can you just move over a tiny bit? - Yeah. Sure. 185 00:10:30,631 --> 00:10:31,881 Thanks. 186 00:10:36,178 --> 00:10:37,553 That's happening. 187 00:10:43,477 --> 00:10:44,811 TINA: Check it out. 188 00:10:45,145 --> 00:10:46,145 ALEX: Wow. 189 00:10:46,772 --> 00:10:49,190 How long you guys been going out? 190 00:10:49,274 --> 00:10:52,568 Um, well, only for... I mean, you know, we met in Houston, 191 00:10:52,611 --> 00:10:54,028 then we spent a few days together, 192 00:10:54,113 --> 00:10:57,281 and then this whole week... You know, I came here... 193 00:10:57,324 --> 00:11:01,160 But, you know, I've been at his place the whole time, so... 194 00:11:01,412 --> 00:11:03,121 Why hasn't he texted you back yet? 195 00:11:03,205 --> 00:11:05,123 TINA: Oh, 'cause he's on a Scarab boat. 196 00:11:05,916 --> 00:11:07,834 It goes so fast, they don't have reception. 197 00:11:08,794 --> 00:11:10,962 Oh, okay. 198 00:11:45,664 --> 00:11:47,123 Can I ask you a question? 199 00:11:47,416 --> 00:11:48,833 If you were a guy... 200 00:11:48,917 --> 00:11:50,001 - "If"? - ...what... 201 00:11:50,043 --> 00:11:51,043 - What? - Huh? 202 00:11:51,670 --> 00:11:53,504 You know what I mean. 203 00:11:53,839 --> 00:11:55,923 What would this outfit say to you? 204 00:11:56,633 --> 00:11:58,217 What do you want it to say? 205 00:11:58,302 --> 00:12:01,804 Well, he's taking me to the airport, we're having dinner before, 206 00:12:01,847 --> 00:12:03,806 so it's... You know, it's, like, a fine line. 207 00:12:04,391 --> 00:12:07,810 But I feel like it should be like, "Oh, the nice girl." You know what I mean? 208 00:12:07,895 --> 00:12:10,104 Just a little bit. So just... 209 00:12:11,356 --> 00:12:13,524 Probably over-thinking it, but, you know... 210 00:12:16,820 --> 00:12:18,029 You nailed it. 211 00:12:19,156 --> 00:12:20,364 Thanks. 212 00:12:21,033 --> 00:12:23,534 (BUZZING) 213 00:12:25,204 --> 00:12:26,204 (MOANS) 214 00:12:28,165 --> 00:12:29,749 Hey, what are you doing? 215 00:12:30,626 --> 00:12:31,709 MICHELLE: What? 216 00:12:32,753 --> 00:12:33,753 - Huh? - (BUZZING STOPS) 217 00:12:34,880 --> 00:12:36,714 What the fuck's going on? Are you jerking off? 218 00:12:37,549 --> 00:12:38,716 - Are you... - Am I what? 219 00:12:38,801 --> 00:12:40,635 - Are you whacking off? - Jerking off? Whacking off? 220 00:12:40,719 --> 00:12:42,178 (WHISPERING) That's... Why do you have to be so gross? 221 00:12:42,221 --> 00:12:43,221 Shh. 222 00:12:43,722 --> 00:12:46,140 (WHISPERING) Fuck. I thought... I thought you were taking a nap in here. 223 00:12:46,225 --> 00:12:48,434 You're having a fucking... A fuckfest by yourself? 224 00:12:48,644 --> 00:12:51,687 - What is this? - I'm sorry! I'm sorry, okay? 225 00:12:52,147 --> 00:12:54,565 - I thought maybe I would take a nap, I just... - (CLICKING) 226 00:12:54,650 --> 00:12:56,400 'Cause, you know, nap time is a little valuable. 227 00:12:56,443 --> 00:12:58,402 I would've liked to have been working out while... 228 00:12:58,487 --> 00:13:00,196 - Okay, I'm sorry. - What... What are you... 229 00:13:00,239 --> 00:13:02,490 - What are you... - I came in here, and I was reading and... 230 00:13:02,574 --> 00:13:04,075 What are you fiddling with under the covers? 231 00:13:04,201 --> 00:13:06,661 What are you... Squirming, and you're playing with your boobs. 232 00:13:06,745 --> 00:13:09,664 - I don't... - I'm not playing... I'm not... I'm... This... 233 00:13:10,582 --> 00:13:11,707 Clothespins? 234 00:13:13,085 --> 00:13:15,419 Why do you have clothespins on your boobs? 235 00:13:15,504 --> 00:13:16,587 I don't know! 236 00:13:16,672 --> 00:13:18,923 You know what? I've been depriving myself of the Internet 237 00:13:18,966 --> 00:13:20,132 in hopes that we can make love at some point. 238 00:13:20,217 --> 00:13:21,300 - Come on! - And you are... 239 00:13:21,385 --> 00:13:23,427 You've not been depriving yourself of the Internet. 240 00:13:23,470 --> 00:13:24,846 The cache is always cleared. 241 00:13:24,930 --> 00:13:26,138 - It is not! - Always clear. 242 00:13:26,223 --> 00:13:29,684 I clear the history because the router has issues for streaming movies. 243 00:13:29,768 --> 00:13:31,686 TINA: (SCREAMING) Oh, my God! MICHELLE: Oh, my God. 244 00:13:34,898 --> 00:13:36,774 BRETT: What is going on? What... 245 00:13:36,817 --> 00:13:37,900 He broke up with me. 246 00:13:38,151 --> 00:13:40,111 Are you fucking kidding me? You're screaming because... 247 00:13:40,153 --> 00:13:41,946 Don't talk to her like that. Shh. 248 00:13:42,030 --> 00:13:43,030 - Tina! - (FRANK CRYING) 249 00:13:43,532 --> 00:13:45,074 MICHELLE: Oh, God. BRETT: Okay. 250 00:13:45,117 --> 00:13:47,201 Can we go outside and talk about this please, Tina? 251 00:13:47,286 --> 00:13:49,996 If you fucking... Don't touch me! 252 00:13:51,582 --> 00:13:53,791 TINA: You don't have to walk me out the door! 253 00:13:53,876 --> 00:13:54,959 - (MICHELLE SHUSHING) - Oh, my God. 254 00:13:55,085 --> 00:13:56,502 Do yourself a favor and don't shush me. 255 00:13:56,587 --> 00:13:57,962 - Will you calm the fuck down... - Whatever you do... 256 00:13:58,005 --> 00:13:59,005 - ...just don't shush me! - ...for one second? 257 00:13:59,089 --> 00:14:00,923 - I will shush you! - No, I can't calm down! 258 00:14:01,049 --> 00:14:02,550 - There are kids in the house... - Oh. 259 00:14:02,634 --> 00:14:04,760 ...and I thought that something horrible had happened. 260 00:14:04,803 --> 00:14:06,554 - Something horrible did happen! - And I didn't have any... 261 00:14:06,638 --> 00:14:09,098 He broke up with me! Did you not hear what I just said? 262 00:14:09,141 --> 00:14:11,475 Okay. I didn't know that you guys were going out. 263 00:14:11,560 --> 00:14:13,436 - What did you think we were doing? - It was news to me. 264 00:14:13,478 --> 00:14:14,478 What did you think we were doing? 265 00:14:14,563 --> 00:14:15,730 I thought you were hanging out and having... 266 00:14:15,814 --> 00:14:16,814 You thought we were fuck buddies? 267 00:14:16,899 --> 00:14:18,232 - The reason you think that is because... - Maybe. 268 00:14:18,317 --> 00:14:20,693 ...you have no respect for me and you've no respect for my decisions... 269 00:14:20,777 --> 00:14:23,154 - Tina. - ...and you don't take me seriously at all! 270 00:14:23,238 --> 00:14:25,656 You don't even know what's going on with me, 271 00:14:25,699 --> 00:14:27,283 and you don't check in to find out. 272 00:14:27,326 --> 00:14:30,828 Oh, my God, I have been calling you every fucking day and saying, 273 00:14:30,871 --> 00:14:33,539 - "Hey, do you want to come have dinner?" - I'm sorry, I don't wanna spend... 274 00:14:33,624 --> 00:14:35,333 Do you want to tell me what's going on with you? 275 00:14:35,375 --> 00:14:37,251 ...my entire week with your married, perfect, little nest... 276 00:14:37,336 --> 00:14:38,836 - Yeah, it's so perfect. - ...of a family. 277 00:14:38,879 --> 00:14:40,755 Do you know what it's like to be dating at my age? 278 00:14:40,839 --> 00:14:43,299 - Okay. - And to not have found anyone at my age? 279 00:14:43,342 --> 00:14:45,968 Do you have any idea what it's like? 280 00:14:46,011 --> 00:14:48,179 It's pathetic. There's nobody left. 281 00:14:48,263 --> 00:14:51,557 I'm just going to end up alone and like a freak like Aunt Edie! 282 00:14:51,642 --> 00:14:53,517 Oh. Oh, Tina... 283 00:14:53,769 --> 00:14:55,478 - (SOBBING) Fuck, I can't believe it. - Oh, Tina! 284 00:14:55,520 --> 00:14:58,147 My God, that's a real thing in your mind? 285 00:14:58,357 --> 00:15:01,776 It's not even possible. Come on. 286 00:15:02,361 --> 00:15:06,364 Oh, honey, you're so beautiful. You're so special. 287 00:15:06,406 --> 00:15:08,532 - I don't care. - You're not old. 288 00:15:08,575 --> 00:15:10,326 I feel so old, dude. 289 00:15:10,369 --> 00:15:12,078 No, you're really not. 290 00:15:12,162 --> 00:15:14,914 - You're perfect. - You have everything, I don't have anything, 291 00:15:14,998 --> 00:15:16,332 and I'm older than you. 292 00:15:17,626 --> 00:15:19,961 Tina. Listen. 293 00:15:20,879 --> 00:15:22,463 Why don't you come out with us tonight? 294 00:15:23,215 --> 00:15:24,882 - What? - Come with me and Brett, 295 00:15:24,967 --> 00:15:26,717 come on date night with us. 296 00:15:26,802 --> 00:15:28,219 No, no, no, no, no. 297 00:15:28,303 --> 00:15:29,345 Please. 298 00:15:29,388 --> 00:15:31,806 Honestly, it sounds like y'all really need your... 299 00:15:31,890 --> 00:15:33,516 Nope. No. 300 00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:34,892 - I don't want to go. - We do not need... 301 00:15:34,935 --> 00:15:36,727 What if I need you to go? 302 00:15:36,770 --> 00:15:38,062 - What are you talking about? - Everything's fine. 303 00:15:38,146 --> 00:15:40,856 - What's the matter? - I can't... I was just discovered. 304 00:15:40,941 --> 00:15:42,316 What are you talking about? 305 00:15:42,401 --> 00:15:45,236 Okay, I was fucking jerking off. 306 00:15:46,196 --> 00:15:47,196 (SNIGGERS) Really? 307 00:15:47,322 --> 00:15:49,865 I don't know how else to put it. I was touching myself. 308 00:15:49,908 --> 00:15:51,534 It all sounds creepy. 309 00:15:51,576 --> 00:15:53,160 He walked in and caught me, 310 00:15:53,245 --> 00:15:56,789 and acted like he walked into the middle of a fucking gangbang, 311 00:15:56,873 --> 00:15:59,458 like I'm doing something so kinky. 312 00:15:59,543 --> 00:16:03,087 I was doing something a little... I had some clothespins. I was... 313 00:16:03,380 --> 00:16:04,380 What? 314 00:16:04,464 --> 00:16:05,923 Forget I said that. It doesn't matter. 315 00:16:06,091 --> 00:16:09,093 Anyway, the point is, he came in, he went crazy. 316 00:16:09,594 --> 00:16:11,846 "Why don't you want to have sex with me?" Because I can't... 317 00:16:11,930 --> 00:16:13,848 It's been very hard for me to... 318 00:16:13,932 --> 00:16:16,517 Wow, okay, so that's, like, a lot you just unloaded on me. 319 00:16:16,601 --> 00:16:18,310 - I'm sorry. - And just consider it done. 320 00:16:18,395 --> 00:16:19,645 I've got your back tonight. 321 00:16:19,730 --> 00:16:21,188 Oh, my God, thank you, thank you, thank you. 322 00:16:21,273 --> 00:16:23,941 I've got your masturbating, fucking slutty back. 323 00:16:24,026 --> 00:16:25,484 (LAUGHING) 324 00:16:29,156 --> 00:16:31,407 - TINA: So, this is date night? - Yeah. 325 00:16:31,950 --> 00:16:32,950 Yup. 326 00:16:33,827 --> 00:16:35,786 What happens after this? 327 00:16:36,329 --> 00:16:37,955 What do you mean? 328 00:16:39,166 --> 00:16:41,417 There's not really an after... 329 00:16:41,793 --> 00:16:43,419 Like, there's a dessert, usually, 330 00:16:43,462 --> 00:16:46,338 and we'll... Sometimes, we'll stay here or we'll go to like, another place too. 331 00:16:46,423 --> 00:16:48,174 Yes, we'll go to Froyo. 332 00:16:48,258 --> 00:16:49,759 BRETT: Yeah, that's good. That's good. 333 00:16:49,801 --> 00:16:51,594 I like frozen yogurt. 334 00:16:51,636 --> 00:16:53,012 MICHELLE: It's so good. 335 00:16:53,096 --> 00:16:54,972 - With the toppings. - MICHELLE: Yeah. 336 00:16:55,974 --> 00:16:57,433 BRETT: How does everybody like the wine? 337 00:16:57,476 --> 00:16:59,810 ALEX: A little too oaky for my tastes. 338 00:17:00,020 --> 00:17:01,937 - BRETT: He is being facetious. - Really. 339 00:17:01,980 --> 00:17:03,981 - ALEX: I'm sending it back. - I'll tell you, I'll take you... 340 00:17:04,357 --> 00:17:06,150 MICHELLE: Oh, Tina, no. BRETT: Whoa, whoa. 341 00:17:06,902 --> 00:17:09,653 - Hey! Who the fuck do you think you are? - Hey. 342 00:17:09,738 --> 00:17:10,863 - Oh, shit. - Who the fuck 343 00:17:10,947 --> 00:17:12,531 - do you think you are? - Okay, Jesus. 344 00:17:12,616 --> 00:17:13,824 You break up with someone over text? 345 00:17:13,909 --> 00:17:16,077 All right, knock it off, can I get my hat back? 346 00:17:16,161 --> 00:17:17,203 You can't get your fucking hat back! 347 00:17:17,287 --> 00:17:20,247 I didn't break up with you, by the way. Okay? I'm not your boyfriend. 348 00:17:20,332 --> 00:17:21,999 Yeah, I know you're not my fucking boyfriend. 349 00:17:22,042 --> 00:17:23,334 - That's not the point. - So, can I have my hat back? 350 00:17:23,418 --> 00:17:25,002 The point is how can you be so fucking rude? 351 00:17:25,087 --> 00:17:27,088 And you should fucking have better manners than that. 352 00:17:27,172 --> 00:17:28,339 And when did you meet her? 353 00:17:28,381 --> 00:17:30,174 Was this today? Did you meet him today? 354 00:17:30,217 --> 00:17:31,592 - Don't answer her, please. - I just want to know. 355 00:17:31,676 --> 00:17:33,094 Did you meet him today? That's all I want to know. 356 00:17:33,178 --> 00:17:34,678 - Okay, this is... This is why... - TINA: What have you... 357 00:17:34,763 --> 00:17:38,057 This is why I did not respond to your thousand calls and your fucking texts! 358 00:17:38,141 --> 00:17:41,018 Because you're batshit crazy, lady! 359 00:17:41,520 --> 00:17:43,062 - Tina Morris! - You're crazy... 360 00:17:43,146 --> 00:17:45,564 Oh, my God, I haven't seen you in so long! 361 00:17:45,649 --> 00:17:47,108 - Tina Morris! - What are you doing? 362 00:17:47,192 --> 00:17:50,152 I thought you were still back in the Congo! It's me, it's Alex. 363 00:17:50,362 --> 00:17:52,780 We worked with Priscilla together at the Jane Goodall Institute. 364 00:17:52,864 --> 00:17:54,365 You don't remember? You don't recognize me. 365 00:17:54,449 --> 00:17:56,659 Okay, I've changed. I've lost a little hair. 366 00:17:56,701 --> 00:17:59,078 Here's a little visual aid for you. Do you remember now? 367 00:17:59,162 --> 00:18:01,247 Picture me. I'm in a jungle. There's bananas everywhere. 368 00:18:01,331 --> 00:18:02,540 (ALEX GIBBERING) 369 00:18:04,543 --> 00:18:05,543 (CHUCKLES) 370 00:18:07,462 --> 00:18:08,963 Get away. Get out of here. 371 00:18:09,047 --> 00:18:11,173 Get the fuck... Get away from me! 372 00:18:20,433 --> 00:18:21,600 Brett... (CHUCKLES) 373 00:18:23,270 --> 00:18:25,062 - What are you doing? - You gotta know when to fold 'em, 374 00:18:25,147 --> 00:18:26,438 you gotta know when to kick 'em in the nuts. 375 00:18:26,523 --> 00:18:27,523 Follow me. 376 00:18:41,079 --> 00:18:43,455 - Do you have any more toilet paper? - Yeah, there's more in the back. 377 00:18:43,582 --> 00:18:44,957 Can you get it? All of it? 378 00:18:45,041 --> 00:18:49,503 MAN: Sure. Hey, Bo, go ahead and get the rest of that toilet paper in the back. 379 00:18:49,588 --> 00:18:50,588 Here, eat this. 380 00:18:50,672 --> 00:18:53,090 - I don't... I don't want... - You eat it, it'll make you feel better. 381 00:19:03,185 --> 00:19:04,602 I know shit. 382 00:19:10,108 --> 00:19:11,275 ALEX: Strawberry Hill? 383 00:19:11,359 --> 00:19:12,776 - You know it. - (ALEX LAUGHING) 384 00:19:13,069 --> 00:19:14,069 ALEX: Yeah! 385 00:19:15,447 --> 00:19:17,531 ALEX: Listen up, every motherfucker in this van 386 00:19:17,616 --> 00:19:20,784 is chugging Strawberry Hill, right now, 387 00:19:20,911 --> 00:19:22,703 - or else they get kicked out. - (LAUGHING) 388 00:19:22,871 --> 00:19:24,163 Yes, I'm in. 389 00:19:24,247 --> 00:19:25,331 Dude, I'm driving. 390 00:19:25,415 --> 00:19:27,416 Then get back here and chug before you drive. 391 00:19:27,459 --> 00:19:29,460 - Let's go. I'm not fucking around. - BRETT: All right. 392 00:19:29,502 --> 00:19:31,879 ALEX: Tina, give me your phone, now. 393 00:19:31,963 --> 00:19:33,255 BRETT: Easy, Michelle, easy. 394 00:19:33,340 --> 00:19:35,466 ALEX: Ah. Thank you. BRETT: Here we go. 395 00:19:35,926 --> 00:19:37,843 ALEX: Your music library is insane. 396 00:19:37,928 --> 00:19:39,220 - Oh, that's awful. - TINA: Oh, it's so good. 397 00:19:39,304 --> 00:19:40,512 MICHELLE: No, it's gonna be amazing. 398 00:19:40,597 --> 00:19:42,056 ALEX: How's that? BRETT: Go ahead, Michelle. 399 00:19:42,140 --> 00:19:43,265 You know it, bitch. 400 00:19:43,516 --> 00:19:44,808 BRETT: Whoa! MICHELLE: Mmm. 401 00:19:45,393 --> 00:19:46,435 (YOUTH GONE WILD PLAYING) 402 00:19:46,478 --> 00:19:47,645 Oh, yeah. 403 00:19:48,188 --> 00:19:50,272 BRETT: Ooh! Whoa! 404 00:19:50,398 --> 00:19:51,607 MICHELLE: I'm gonna snarf. 405 00:19:51,650 --> 00:19:52,816 BRETT: That's dirty. ALEX: Shut up. 406 00:19:52,859 --> 00:19:53,943 TINA: Rebel! 407 00:19:57,030 --> 00:19:58,489 (TIRES SCREECHING) 408 00:20:40,991 --> 00:20:43,492 They look like they're having so much fun. 409 00:20:44,661 --> 00:20:46,161 Yeah, they do. 410 00:20:50,000 --> 00:20:53,377 I have something I need to get off my chest. 411 00:20:55,213 --> 00:20:57,548 I'm not sure you're going to like it. 412 00:21:02,137 --> 00:21:03,512 (BELCHING) 413 00:21:04,639 --> 00:21:05,806 What... Wow! 414 00:21:06,558 --> 00:21:07,725 I told you. 415 00:21:07,809 --> 00:21:09,226 - Oh, shit, car. - MICHELLE: Car! 416 00:21:12,314 --> 00:21:13,564 Car! Go, go! 417 00:21:13,648 --> 00:21:14,648 Oh! 418 00:21:16,067 --> 00:21:17,359 ALEX: Go, go, go, go! 419 00:21:18,403 --> 00:21:19,403 (GASPS) 420 00:21:20,030 --> 00:21:21,030 (GRUNTING) 421 00:21:22,032 --> 00:21:24,199 Come on! Over here! 422 00:21:24,743 --> 00:21:26,368 - Is it safe? - ALEX: All clear. 423 00:21:26,578 --> 00:21:27,578 (TINA GROANING) 424 00:21:28,705 --> 00:21:29,705 (TINA SCREAMS) 425 00:21:34,210 --> 00:21:36,670 ALEX: I wonder what that douchebag's face looks like now. 426 00:21:36,755 --> 00:21:40,466 - MICHELLE: He is not gonna like it. - I know, it's, like, um, confusion... 427 00:21:41,593 --> 00:21:43,469 - MICHELLE: Mmm-mmm. - A little bit of fear. 428 00:21:43,553 --> 00:21:45,429 ALEX: Jesus, this foot stinks. TINA: Blow me, dude. 429 00:21:45,513 --> 00:21:46,597 ALEX: Oh, shit. 430 00:21:46,723 --> 00:21:48,766 BRETT: So much gluten in this taco. 431 00:21:48,850 --> 00:21:50,601 ALEX: There's no gluten in there, dude. 432 00:21:50,685 --> 00:21:51,769 MICHELLE: It's delicious. 433 00:21:52,437 --> 00:21:54,146 You guys, I don't want to be the party-pooper, 434 00:21:55,482 --> 00:21:57,941 but if we're going to get to the airport on time, Tina, for your flight, 435 00:21:58,026 --> 00:21:59,026 we gotta get moving. 436 00:21:59,110 --> 00:22:00,110 Boo. 437 00:22:01,446 --> 00:22:02,446 Mmm. 438 00:22:03,615 --> 00:22:04,782 I'm not going. 439 00:22:06,659 --> 00:22:07,951 I just... 440 00:22:08,745 --> 00:22:10,204 I really am done with Houston. 441 00:22:10,288 --> 00:22:12,664 I just gotta keep moving forward. 442 00:22:14,417 --> 00:22:16,794 Would y'all mind if I stayed with you for a little longer? 443 00:22:19,589 --> 00:22:21,632 They seem really excited. 444 00:22:21,716 --> 00:22:23,050 - MICHELLE: Mmm-mmm. - No, of course. 445 00:22:23,760 --> 00:22:26,387 - Of course you can stay. You're family. - Mmm. 446 00:22:30,642 --> 00:22:32,017 Whoo! 447 00:22:34,562 --> 00:22:37,064 All right, come on, lady. This way. 448 00:22:38,233 --> 00:22:39,817 - Here's our room. - Oh. 449 00:22:41,444 --> 00:22:43,487 - Hi, bed. - You got this. 450 00:22:43,655 --> 00:22:45,989 - Yeah, I just... - Put that whole thing down there. 451 00:22:46,074 --> 00:22:47,366 I'm just tired. 452 00:22:47,450 --> 00:22:49,201 - Totally. - I'm, like, a little... 453 00:22:49,285 --> 00:22:51,745 - That wine is a little much, but... - Yup. 454 00:22:52,956 --> 00:22:54,998 - These honkin' shoes. - (SIGHS) 455 00:22:55,917 --> 00:22:58,752 - All right, sit up for a second, hold this. - Oh. 456 00:23:00,338 --> 00:23:02,840 You're gonna be really happy about this in the morning. 457 00:23:02,882 --> 00:23:04,716 - Here you go. - Oh, so smart. 458 00:23:08,638 --> 00:23:09,888 - You got it? - Mmm. 459 00:23:09,973 --> 00:23:11,181 - Yeah. - All right. 460 00:23:11,266 --> 00:23:14,184 - Lay it down, lady. - Thank you for thinking about that. 461 00:23:14,310 --> 00:23:16,895 - Let it all go. It's all over. - (SIGHS) 462 00:23:17,313 --> 00:23:20,023 Thank you. Oh, you're such a good husband. 463 00:23:21,568 --> 00:23:22,693 Yeah. 464 00:23:22,861 --> 00:23:23,861 (CHUCKLES) 465 00:23:32,412 --> 00:23:34,705 Why don't you want to have sex with me anymore? 466 00:23:41,921 --> 00:23:43,505 I don't know. 467 00:24:02,192 --> 00:24:03,233 TINA: Hey. 468 00:24:06,488 --> 00:24:07,696 Nice. 469 00:24:07,739 --> 00:24:09,072 Oreos. 470 00:24:10,366 --> 00:24:11,742 Where'd you find these? 471 00:24:11,910 --> 00:24:13,076 What is your plan? 472 00:24:13,244 --> 00:24:15,704 - After I eat these Oreos? Or before? - Yes. 473 00:24:15,747 --> 00:24:17,748 Oh, what I meant was are you leaving tomorrow? 474 00:24:17,790 --> 00:24:19,291 I don't know yet. 475 00:24:20,919 --> 00:24:24,087 Well, are you gonna fucking decide? 476 00:24:25,340 --> 00:24:26,340 It's tomorrow. 477 00:24:26,466 --> 00:24:28,342 Why... Why do you... Why so many questions? 478 00:24:28,426 --> 00:24:29,927 - I don't... - No, no, I was just curious, 479 00:24:29,969 --> 00:24:32,012 you know, what the... You know... 480 00:24:32,096 --> 00:24:35,474 How long the living arrangements are gonna be... 481 00:24:35,725 --> 00:24:38,936 - ...like so. Because, you know... - Oh! Oh, oh, I see. 482 00:24:39,437 --> 00:24:42,314 - It's like... - I see. You're trying to edge me out. 483 00:24:42,565 --> 00:24:45,067 No, I just think that you know, it's... 484 00:24:45,109 --> 00:24:49,696 Like, when I stay somewhere I like to have, you know, like, my stuff, and my space. 485 00:24:49,781 --> 00:24:50,781 - Yeah. Mmm-hmm. - You know. 486 00:24:50,865 --> 00:24:55,577 I can't sleep with just any circumstances. I need it to be quiet. I need it to be dark. 487 00:24:55,662 --> 00:24:57,788 - You know, I need things... - Wait, you need it to be quiet? 488 00:24:57,956 --> 00:24:59,540 - Well... - Uh-oh. 489 00:25:01,125 --> 00:25:03,043 Do you know what a deviated septum is? 490 00:25:03,127 --> 00:25:06,421 Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. 491 00:25:06,464 --> 00:25:08,674 It's gonna be fine. This is what it's gonna be like. 492 00:25:09,175 --> 00:25:10,467 (SNORING LOUDLY) 493 00:25:12,887 --> 00:25:15,097 Honestly, I don't think that's funny at all. 494 00:25:15,139 --> 00:25:16,139 That's real. 495 00:25:16,307 --> 00:25:18,433 Well, why don't you get an operation or something? 496 00:25:18,476 --> 00:25:19,977 Get a hotel room. It's easy. 497 00:25:20,061 --> 00:25:21,520 I'm not gonna get... I'm her sister. 498 00:25:21,604 --> 00:25:25,107 It, like, makes sense that I sleep here. You get a hotel room. 499 00:25:25,316 --> 00:25:26,817 I have no money. 500 00:25:26,901 --> 00:25:28,068 Well, that's pathetic. 501 00:25:28,444 --> 00:25:31,238 Are you kidding? I know. It's horrible. 502 00:25:32,031 --> 00:25:33,448 I have no money. I'm just saying... 503 00:25:33,491 --> 00:25:35,450 This is so awesome. I really just... 504 00:25:35,493 --> 00:25:40,914 My life is so abundantly full of blessings and gifts and joys. 505 00:25:40,999 --> 00:25:42,916 We're gonna have a blast. We're going to be roomies! 506 00:25:43,042 --> 00:25:44,418 You were supposed to leave for Detroit. 507 00:25:44,502 --> 00:25:46,628 We're gonna, like, share stuff, like... 508 00:25:46,754 --> 00:25:48,213 Like stories, first of all. 509 00:25:48,339 --> 00:25:51,091 We're gonna share stories, uh, sweatshirts. 510 00:25:51,175 --> 00:25:52,259 Maybe not that one. 511 00:25:52,343 --> 00:25:54,511 - No. Nope. - Underwear, socks. 512 00:25:55,430 --> 00:25:57,097 Even share cookies. 513 00:25:58,975 --> 00:26:00,267 Cookies. 514 00:26:01,311 --> 00:26:02,853 Don't come near me. Don't. 515 00:26:02,937 --> 00:26:04,354 (SINGING) Here's the little cookie 516 00:26:04,397 --> 00:26:05,397 Don't. 517 00:26:05,481 --> 00:26:06,523 Here's a little cookie 518 00:26:06,608 --> 00:26:07,691 I'm not gonna eat that cookie. 519 00:26:07,734 --> 00:26:08,775 Open up your mouthie... 520 00:26:08,860 --> 00:26:11,528 Get your fucking stubby, fat hands away from me... 521 00:26:11,571 --> 00:26:13,280 Eat the cookie Eat the little cookie 522 00:26:13,364 --> 00:26:15,073 ...(CHUCKLING) 'cause I'll fucking kill you in a minute. 523 00:26:15,158 --> 00:26:16,241 Eat the little cookie 524 00:26:16,326 --> 00:26:17,534 There we go! 525 00:26:17,577 --> 00:26:19,202 - God. - Good, and touchdown! 526 00:26:19,329 --> 00:26:22,039 Houston Cougars, seven points. 527 00:26:22,165 --> 00:26:24,291 Actually, six points. It'll be seven with the extra point. 528 00:26:24,375 --> 00:26:25,709 Somebody get me a revolver. 529 00:26:29,047 --> 00:26:31,465 (NEVER GOING BACK AGAIN PLAYING)