Australia's best days are ahead of us...
We live in the best country in the world...
No asterisks, no footnotes...
From road to rail and in the air...
We are in the age of infrastructure...
The dawn of a new era...
The great Australian dream... To build a better future...
We're spending more than any government has ever spent...
Money splashed around... Splash more cash...
The cash splash... The cash splash...
It's big money in anyone's language...
This is a nation-building... Nation building...
Nation building...
RADIO HOST: Yesterday was the end
of a brutal sitting fortnight in Canberra.
The Prime Minister is reportedly looking at an imminent reshuffle.
Revelations keep continuing.
I'm joined now by David Speers.
(OFFICE HUBBUB)
I just spent 40 minutes on that freeway to go one kilometre.
Do you want me ring the Roads Minister?
No, no, I don't. The Transport Minister?
No, no. I don't want you to ring anyone. I was just saying, you know?
Oh, small talk! Yeah. 40 minutes.
It was, uh... It felt like a long time.
Yeah. Isn't life funny?
(CHUCKLES) Yeah, it is.
What do they want? Wouldn't say.
I don't think it's small talk.
Sorry I'm late in. Yeah. Door.
It was that bloody freeway again.
Alright, now,
this is in the cone of silence.
Under your hat. This about the reshuffle?
Speculated. It's already on the radio.
Anyway, wonderful news for us.
The Minister for Infrastructure
will now have a minister assisting the Minister for Infrastructure.
Who's been demoted? No, this is a feather in your cap.
Who's been demoted? Delbado.
Again? Well, he's not coming here. Of course he's coming here.
He's the minister assisting the Minister for Infrastructure.
Rhonda, I don't have time to brief him.
Someone's got to do it. Well...
Natalie. Good morning, good morning.
Oh, morning.
Alright, now, this is in the cone of silence.
Is this about the reshuffle?
We have some great news.
Wonderful news.
Already I don't like it. You haven't heard it.
The Prime Minister will shortly announce
that he is appointing a minister
assisting the Minister for Infrastructure.
Feather in your cap.
Well done. Mm.
Anyway, he'll need to be briefed. Yeah.
Isn't that something Tony normally handles?
Right.
Oh!
Ooh.
Hit 'save settings'. Mm-hm.
Then 'exit'. Then return to the home screen.
Got it!
Remind me - what was wrong with our old fridge?
It didn't meet energy requirements for the building.
Not a good fridge. Kept our milk cold fine.
"Automatically set location."
Oh. Press 'yes'.
"Allow access to contacts."
Yes.
Wow! This is a good fridge.
Our fridge has got an address book?
It's got the lot. Has it got cold milk?
Not yet. Hey, did you hear about the reshuffle?
Speculated. Oh, not according to my sources.
Take a look!
It's locked. Ah! Security mode.
Go back to settings. You know, I'll get a takeaway.
(THEME MUSIC PLAYS)
(TRAFFIC DRONES)
RADIO HOST: Adding Fisheries & Forestry to the ARDS portfolio,
along with Anthony Delbado
moving from Veterans Affairs
to Minister Assisting the Minister for Infrastructure.
The Prime Minister described the move as an exciting step forward.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
Fair dinkum. Morning!
I just spent an hour on that bloody road.
Hey, any chance of a coffee?
We're just waiting for the fridge to reach optimum temperature.
Oh, yeah, the fridge.
What's this? For Dom.
Dom. Risk in governance.
Oh, yeah, yeah. He finishes up on Friday.
He's quit? End of his contract.
I think he's moving to Canberra.
Should it be a sympathy card?
No.
OK. Should we get him a cake?
Uh... 12 months... Just a little one?
Sure. And will you say a few words?
Yeah. OK. Yeah. OK.
Hey, Scotty?
Have you been on the M28 lately where they're doing the widening?
Ooh, God, no. No, I avoid that.
Those works seems to be dribbling on and on and on.
That's like a highway near my folks' place at Naganook.
Oh, yeah?
I took, like, forever to fix, but now it's a really good road.
Hm, interesting.
What's this got to do with the M28?
Oh, that wasn't small talk?! No, no, it wasn't.
Hey, can you find out when those widening works started?
Sure.
The Naganook ones?
M28. Yeah.
Dom... Uh...
Come on through.
This is Natalie Russell.
Hello. Hi.
And her 2IC, Ashan De Silva.
G'day, mate. Hello.
So, Minister, they are prepped and ready
to bring you right up to speed.
Oh, yeah? On what?
Infrastructure, Minister.
Oh, yeah. Infrastructure.
So, we thought we might start with the briefing.
How brief? Very busy man.
Uh... Half an hour or so.
Oh, I can't do that now. What were you thinking?
Just flick me through the summary. We'll get together at some stage.
Mm-hm. (PHONE BUZZES)
Oh, knew he'd do that.
Problem? Will be for him.
Yep?
Mm. I thought that went well.
VIDEO VOICEOVER: It boasts upgraded exit and on ramps,
and, with up to four extra lanes,
the major revamp will reduce travel times by over 20 minutes.
The government has a plan. We're building for the future.
The project is expected to be completed within the next 18 months.
Mm.
Nick McCallum, Seven News. Mm.
18 months? When's this from?
Uh... Seven years ago.
Seven? That's two ministers ago.
Doesn't time fly?
Oh, not small talk. No.
What have these clowns been doing? Building for the future.
OK. Blink reaction. Nuclear energy.
No. You didn't blink.
This is something you haven't heard of - SMRs.
Small modular reactors.
Is that what it stands for? Yeah.
Better let the PM know. Jim?
He thought it was 'smart meter reactors'.
Can I ask you about the M28 freeway? Yeah.
I was stuck there for an hour today.
Ah! The trick is to get off at the ring road and do a rat run.
Construction started seven years ago and it's nowhere near finished.
It's a big job. It's widening a road.
It's not exactly the Channel Tunnel.
You want me to ask around? Could you?
Yeah. Just so I know, who's onto it? What do you mean who?
What do you mean "What do you mean who?" Who's raised it?
We have. Because of which media?
No media. I'm lost.
I might be too. Is this small talk?
The media aren't onto it. Then what's the problem?
Because a simple widening project's taken the best part of a decade
and nobody's bothered to ask why.
But if no-one's complaining... I'M complaining.
And I bet the other motorists stuck on the freeway with me
aren't happy about it either.
But no media? No.
Jim.
Alright, let me look into it.
Please.
Oh.
You're off dairy. Uh... No, we got a new fridge.
We're just waiting for it to reach optimum operating temperature.
Oh, wow!
Look at that. Small modular.
Yeah. Right. Yeah.
NAT: OK. He's half an hour late.
Very busy man.
For his own meeting.
(PHONE CHIMES) And?
Fridge is now at seven degrees.
Courtney?! Any news?
Yes. We settled on finger food.
For Dom's farewell.
What about the Minister Assisting?
You think we should invite him? No. Has he called?
No. But did you get the fridge alert?
(ELEVATOR DINGS) Ooh, here he comes now.
Finally.
He's dealing with a lot of important issues.
Yeah, well, we'll see how we go.
I mean, bottom line is the prick doesn't have the numbers, so...
(SNICKERS) Right.
Minister, welcome. OK, so, what's this about?
The briefing. Who's briefing who?
You asked for a presentation. Oh, yeah.
So, we thought we'd start with an overview of departmental priorities.
I think Ash sent you the briefing papers.
Yep. What did you think of them?
Yeah. It feels like it's all there.
Well, considering you'll be assisting the minister...
Ah, yeah, OK.
Sure.
..we thought we'd focus on areas
where assistance could be most valuable.
Yep. Fire away.
Great.
Uh... Welcome, Minister.
The NBA's primary role is assessment.
Projects can come to us from the minister...
Yep. ..the states...
Yep. ..industry
and, of course, they can be referred by other departments.
Yep.
Well, I mean, he doesn't have the numbers, so, he can shut up.
Look, I'm just in the middle of something.
Uh... Let me knock it on the head and I'll call you back in, uh...
How long?
Half an hour.
15.
Alright. Where were we?
Welcome, Minister.
Alright, let's whip through it, eh?
Can you give that a zap, mate?
Bottlenecks.
Mountain?
I mean, that's...
Tony!
Yeah? A moment?
Uh... Sure.
I believe we have a staff member leaving us. Dominic?
Oh, yeah. Dom. I think he finishes up this Friday.
It's on Friday, yep. Can I get you a tea, Beverly?
Oh! Wonderful.
How do you like it? Black.
Phew. Thank you.
Is there a problem? Hopefully not.
But we do need to manage the process.
Process? Oh, I've already signed that.
Indeed you have.
(READS) "Sorry to see you go..."
I am. He's a nice fellow. Mm.
A statement like that could be construed as an admission of fault.
Whose fault? Ours for not extending his contract.
I wouldn't have thought people would think that...
"Thanks for being a valuable member of the team."
And?
Mm. Mm.
Tony, you're endorsing the performance of a staff member
whose contract we are not renewing.
Mm.
I reckon stick to the freeway. Mm-hm.
You know what? Dump the card.
Tear it up. Oh, no need for that!
Let's see what Legal have to say. Legal?
Uh-oh. What?
Freeway.
Sorry about that. I just had to jump on something.
Oh, anything we need to act on, Minister?
Oh, nothing to do with you. Let's get this over with, eh?
OK. Shall we return to the boardroom? Nah, here's fine.
Ash?
So, where did we get to?
Welcome, Minister.
We were hoping to give you a briefing on where the department is at
in terms of priority projects.
We rank each... (PHONE BUZZES)
Do you need to take that? Nah. All ears.
We rank each project, both in terms of cost...
(PHONE BUZZES) ..and urgency of completion,
with some project... I might have to take this.
Hello? Are you there, mate?
Hang on. One tick.
Sorry. I've just got to jump on something.
Of course.
We'll just give you some privacy.
Yep.
So, what sort of party?
Oh, it's just going to be a casual farewell, bit of cheese, some dips.
Dips.
A cake? I guess so.
(INHALES SHARPLY) What?
It's important that we avoid anything
that could be construed as celebratory.
What if it was a carrot cake?
Mm! Alright, no cake.
Are we done? Almost.
Your speech. Not a speech.
Just a few words off the cuff.
(INHALES SHARPLY) (INHALES SHARPLY)
What's... (INHALES SHARPLY)
One up 'mm'.
Let's do a draft. Mm.
OK.
Mm-hm.
It's been 20 minutes. What are we supposed to do now?
I think he's coming. Here we go.
You can't trust some bastards. Sorry about that. So, where were we?
The briefing. Where did we get to?
Welcome, Minister.
Oh, is that the time?
Why can't we have a crack at it over lunch, eh?
Oh, I'm sorry, but I've got a conference call.
Your mate can do it. Know somewhere good?
Sure!
Great. Grab your stuff.
I'll bring my PowerPoint... Shh.
(CHUCKLES) What did he say?
What did that prick say?
VIDEO VOICEOVER: Your Jurgenson fridge freezer
comes with four separate temperature zones.
Mm-hm.
Each zone must be set at the required temperature range to ensure...
We did that, didn't we? I think so.
Tony? Yeah?
With the drinks function... Not a function. Not a function.
With Dom's farewell... Yep.
..we were thinking cheese platters, dips, nuts.
Yep. What about seating?
No seating. Just standing around like this.
And in terms of the running order, should I...
Courtney, Courtney, it's 10 minutes. We show up, I speak, Dom leaves.
OK. Got it. Yep. OK.
Tony arrives. Speeches. Dom responds.
Hey, this milk's not cold.
We must have had it in the wrong zone.
We had it in the fridge.
See, this is where you need a dial - cold, colder, coldest.
Ooh! It's sort of cold back there!
It's alright. I'll have a long black.
NAT: Where have you been? Sorry, we covered a lot.
Oh. Well, that's a positive.
And he was hungry. What's his take on it all?
Massively pissed off. He was clearly demoted.
I meant about infrastructure. Again, clearly a demotion.
He's furious!
I meant about OUR infrastructure.
The briefing. Oh.
Did he look at the briefing documents?
He felt them. Ash!
He really hasn't had a chance. But YOU had a chance.
Not really. He's got so much going on.
Factional deals, shoring up his numbers,
there's talk of an out-of-cabinet position,
and then desserts arrive.
Thanks.
Jim's on his way over.
Milk? Sure.
Say when!
What happened?
We got the settings wrong. One snowflake is coldest.
See, this is where you need a dial.
Cool. Cold. Cold...
OK. I've got some answers for you on the M28.
Yeah? Quite a list.
(READS) "Construction delays may be attributed
"to a broad range of factors."
Mm-hm. "Environmental.
"Impact statement. Geotechnical considerations.
"Variations to design parameters
"affecting subcontractor coordination."
Makes sense. "Supply-chain issues."
Supply-chain issues? They sound like talking points.
Yeah.
What were you after? Reasons.
Talking points aren't reasons. They are on talkback.
You won me over. Mm, me too.
Just out of interest, who did you speak to?
Uh... Someone at the Major Roads Project...
An engineer?
Mm...
Would it have been a media advisor? Oh, that's ringing a bell, yeah.
Jim, we're after answers, not spin.
Alright. Leave it with me. Thank you.
Do you still want the list?
Uh... I'll take them.
OK.
(HUBBUB)
Tony? Good news.
We've managed to get on to someone.
About the road widening? No, about the fridge.
Should have milk by this afternoon.
OK. And here's your wrap.
Pop it on the heater.
Oh, and Beverly rang about your speech.
Not a speech.
Have you had a chance to write a draft?
Oh, for God's sakes.
I could help you with it now while you wait for your lunch to defrost.
Alright. OK. OK.
Alright. So, uh...you're Dom.
What are you doing? I'm sad.
Why? I'm leaving.
Don't be sad. Oh, what about this?
Dom, you're off to Canberra. New job, new challenges.
What are you doing now?
Nervous about the new challenges.
You know what? Maybe we finish this later.
Who do I give this to? Legal, apparently.
I'll take it.
Thank you.
Right. Well, I've spoken with Jim. The M28.
Oh, Scotty! There's been some inquiries.
Yeah, about the delays, why it's taken so long.
I think we need to jump on this quickly.
Agreed.
Question one - who's been asking?
We have.
What? Us.
Who? Me.
When? Now.
Why? Why what?
I'm lost again.
Look, we can't deal with these things
until we know where the attack is coming from.
There is no attack. Then who's us?
Me. Scott and I are trying to find out why the works are so far behind.
You mean I've just had an entire comms team in a spin over nothing.
Five-and-a-half year delay is not nothing.
It is if no-one's asking about it.
Well, that's a matter of time.
I thought Jim sent you a list.
Yeah. Talking points. Not enough.
I'll give you some more.
Skilled-labour shortages. No.
Unanticipated scheduling issues. You know what, Rhonda?
Thank you, but we'll take it from here.
Suit yourself.
La Nina. Mm?
I might write that one down.
Yeah.
Couple of quick questions about the farewell party.
It's not a party. Dress code.
Oh, whatever we've been wearing at work.
So, workwear? Yep.
Partners? No.
Plus ones? No.
And RSVP by...
Whenever. OK.
(KNOCKS)
OK. Bit of progress.
Yeah? Ooh, what's that smell?
Oh, my lunch overheated.
I finally got onto someone from the construction authority.
Oh, and?
She mentioned protracted delays around workplace agreements.
Namely? Didn't say.
They've also had to deal with a range of project contingencies.
Namely? Didn't say.
But she did mention there was some sort of
software platform incompatibility.
Mm. Namely? Didn't say.
And this lady's an engineer? Yeah.
I presume so. It's...
..Lynne Shephard, PRIA.
That's a Fellow of the Australian Institute of Public Relations.
Thought she spoke well. You know what?
Why don't we find out what's happening for ourselves?
How?
Let's go to the construction site. Speak to Lynne?
Uh... No.
All good?
Rhonda, can I have a quick word?
We're struggling to find the best way to brief him.
Speaking of which, I found these near the coffee machine.
His briefing papers.
Unopened? Well, he's got a lot on his plate.
Oh, there's so many people plotting against him.
What?
You need to find a way of engaging with him. Keep it basic.
Simple words. Lots of pictures.
Nothing over three minutes.
Really? It works for Cabinet.
(TRAFFIC DRONES)
Good morning, Tony. Not really.
Traffic? Yep.
And the fridge woke me at 5:00AM.
So, at least the app's working.
Delete it. Aren't I supposed to be meeting Beverly?
Yeah, in the boardroom. She's on her way down.
Oh, OK. Mm.
"And we'd like to..."
Oh! Beverly.
We're making progress. Yep.
We just need to go through your speech.
Uh-huh.
When did my speech become a PowerPoint?
No acknowledgement of country.
It's a farewell, I mean... Mm. We'll come back to that.
Para two -
"A few words in appreciation of..."
What are we appreciating?
Oh, Dom and his contribution to the office.
Again, assessment of performance. Moving on.
Paragraph three, line two -
"Now that you are leaving us..."
What's wrong with that?
Tony, you can't leave a job if that job no longer exists.
No, that is an unfair-dismissal claim just waiting to be lodged.
What am I supposed to say?
Keep it general, casual.
"Now that your fixed-term-contract period
"has expired in accordance with the mutually agreed terms
"of our employment agreement..."
Casual. Yeah.
OK.
Alright. Almost done.
Para four...
Apparently, we're meeting a Craig out on site.
Oh, did I tell you I got onto the chief engineer?
Oh, what did he say? No comment.
But when you told him it was us? He put me on to Lynne.
So, it's recommending we take the M28.
Really? Drive time?
50 minutes. 50?
Oh, hang on a second. That's cycling.
Oh, and by car? Hour and 20.
Alright.
Welcome, Minister.
So, we've prepared a short video summary
of our current project priority list.
How short?
ASHAN AND NAT: Under three minutes. Sounds good.
I think it will give you a pretty good overview of where we're at.
Let's do it.
VIEDO VOICEOVER: Welcome to your Jurgenson
fridge-freezer combination
combining the latest in kitchen convenience...
OK.
Craig, is it? Yeah.
Tony. Tony. This is Scotty.
G'day. How are ya?
Yeah, sorry we're a bit late.
You didn't take the M28, did you? Had to.
Ho! You know about the rat run?
Yep. We do know about the rat run. Yeah.
Look, we're only going to take up a few minutes of your time.
Sure. Drink? Oh, that'd be great. Yeah.
See - that's what we need. It's even got a dial.
Oh, yeah. Perfect temperature.
OK, so, I've done a bit of a ring around.
I'm not sure I can give you all the right answers.
Well, it's a pretty simple question, Craig.
Um... Why is the project five and a half years behind schedule?
OK, first up,
thanks for your question, Tony.
Yep. There's no argument -
construction delays can be frustrating...
Yeah.
..but they're simply part of building for the future.
As our cities grow and expand...
Sorry, Craig, I'm just gonna have to stop you there.
Have you recently undergone media training?
(QUIETLY) How am I doing? Really good.
Is this from Lynne? She knows her stuff.
Yeah, how about I ask you a different question?
Sure. Sure. Ask me anything. I'm happy to be here.
Yeah. This one's very simple.
Why the delay?
Good question, Tony. Yep.
But I think the real question we should be asking ourselves
is how best do we build for the future?
Problem?
'Cause Lynne did give me another version.
I'd love to hear it.
Sure.
VIDEO VOICEOVER: These projects have each been identified
as key priorities as we plan for the years ahead.
Thank you for taking these few minutes out
to learn more about our important work
here at the Nation Building Authority.
So, short and sweet. But as you can...
Very impressive, Tony. Him?
He knew how to stick to the brief.
Lynne's very good. Everyone's ducking for cover.
The only time anyone shows the slightest bit of interest
is if they think the media is involved.
Mm.
Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Mm. We should do that rat run.
No, we should force the issue.
Jesus!
We're next up after the break. Perfect.
Say, "First-time caller, long-time listener."
RADIO HOST: OK, talkback lines are open.
As always, we welcome your calls.
Jenny, what's on your mind?
Jenny, are you there?
Oh, hello! It's Jenny.
I was driving along the M28 yesterday where the roadworks are...
This is the lane-widening on the Eastern Freeway?
Is it?
I mean, yes, it is.
And I was just wondering
why is this project now five and a half years behind schedule?
Interesting question.
From memory that was supposed to be finished quite a while back.
We should probably run that one by the Roads Minister.
Do you want me to set up a meeting?
Who is this? Oh, still Jenny.
First-time caller, long-time listener.
34... 30...
After this we're done?
Absolutely. OK.
Oh, no, no. Sit here.
Why am I sitting here?
OK, Rina, ready to go?
Thanks, Beverly. Hi, Tony.
Hi, Rina.
I've just been running an eye over your speech.
The opening words? Yeah.
Would you mind reading it?
Uh... "Dom, you joined us here at the NBA just over a year ago..."
Can I jump in here? Yeah, you have. Yeah?
I'd avoid using nicknames. Not really a nickname - Dom...
It indicates a level of familiarity.
I agree. Sorry, who's that?
Probably best avoided.
How many people are on this call?
After your preliminary remarks. there's the word 'joke' in brackets.
(CALLER INHALES SHARPLY) Sorry. Who's that?
It's me, Tony.
We may need to hear the joke.
OK. Oh, absolutely.
Oh, well, it's, uh...
Dom...or Dominic,
we're not so much losing an account supervisor as gaining a car space.
(OTHERS LAUGH)
Yeah, I'd advise against saying that.
I agree. Probably best avoided.
Agreed.
Good news, Tony. The card's back from Legal.
Oh, good.
It's been redacted. Just the problematic bits.
Tony? Yeah?
A word? Sure.
Um... I'm struggling with the new minister.
He spends his entire time plotting against colleagues,
briefing journalists, running numbers, leaking.
So?
How are we supposed to get him assisting the minister?
Oh, the minister doesn't want his assistance.
What? Jeez, I'm sorry.
I had no idea you were taking him seriously.
We've put together five briefing papers.
Whoa. Be careful with that. We don't know how discreet he is.
He's a federal minister. Oh, technically.
Look, just keep going through the motions.
He's got Parliament for the next two weeks.
With his track record,
this time next year he probably won't remember your name.
He doesn't remember it now. Well, he's ahead of schedule.
That's ridiculous.
Oh, here they come.
(INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE)
OK. Should we make a start?
Uh... Should we invite the Minister Assisting?
ALL: No, no... I don't think he's required.
Absolutely not. Alright. Here's what we know.
The caller, Jenny, complained about delays with the freeway.
Several other listeners phoned in - all negative.
The topic was picked up again this morning on a variety of outlets
plus social media.
Storm in a teacup. I don't know, Jim.
I think it's pretty obvious we need to do something here.
And with respect, Minister, after five and a half years,
we can't just keep telling people it's supply-chain issues
or unanticipated environmental factors.
So, what you're saying is
we need fresh talking points. No, I wasn't saying that.
I've got a few new ones from the comms unit.
Excellent. Let's hear them.
Skills shortages.
Ooh! We still haven't blamed the unions.
You know what? I think we need to move beyond talking points.
Mm.
I think we need to offer something more substantial.
Mm.
I think you might be right.
Dom's farewell menu. Oh. Uh-huh.
So, strictly no dairy?
No, no. I said I'd prefer no dairy.
Is it an allergy or an intolerance?
Just an annoyance. OK.
That's my business. You wanted to see me?
Yes. Uh... A new briefing document.
Our top priorities. Single-line descriptions.
(READS) "Arancini balls, trio of dips..."
Sorry, Minister.
Uh... We can go through them now.
Obviously, should you require a more in-depth summary...
Ah. Is there somewhere around here I can take this?
Oh, Nat's office.
Sent you a video link.
Oh, sorry, I'm just redrafting a speech.
Yeah, just click on it. Why is it so warm in your office?
I'm just defrosting my noodles.
You really impressed the minister the other day.
I hope I wasn't too harsh. Oh, no, no, no.
He went back and put a rocket up 'em, and they responded.
Meaning?
Just put in the password 'Lynne23'.
There we go.
You may have noticed delays in your commute.
That's because your city is growing
and the transport system is growing with it.
But state-of-the-art infrastructure takes time,
and we're determined to get it right.
In coming months we'll be announcing future openings
as each milestone is achieved.
You've been patient, and patience brings rewards,
and there's no better reward than a freeway.
Well? It's an ad.
You wanted action. Three days - bang.
And that's it? Oh, no, no, no. Are you kidding me?
We're going to add graphics and music.
There's going to be a digital version. It's a whole campaign.
A massive win for you.
Yep.
Seriously?
Oh, he's finishing. Oh, great.
OK, let's talk him through the one-pager.
Mm. Keep it brief, to the point.
Just straight down the line.
Get it done. Oh...
He's leaving.
At least he's got his briefing documents.
(INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE)
Here's your speech just back from Legal.
The joke? Uh... They've written a new one.
(READS) "Thanks so much..."
That's a statement, not a joke.
I'll laugh. Yeah, but...
Tony, speeches were meant to start five minutes ago.
OK. Alright. OK.
Listen up, everybody!
Everyone, grab a glass. Just imagine there's liquid in it.
It was on eco-chill max, Tony.
Three snowflakes. Oh, well, lesson learned.
I'd just like to say a few words. Uh...
Dom...inic,
you're leaving today of your own free will and accord
in accordance with your contract, which exp... Yeah.
At times like this I often say
we're not so much losing an accounts manager
as gaining the knowledge and skills you shared with us.
(LAUGHS)
That's not a joke.
You know what? I might just say a few words off the top of my head.
(INHALES SHARPLY)
I remember the first day we met. Puts a smile on my face.
Ooh! Humus!
Is that frozen? Don't ask.
Uh... FYI, the Minister Assisting is no longer assisting.
He's gone? Gone.
Yeah. He just left some briefing papers in an airline lounge.
Story's about to break.
So, what happens to him now?
Well, there aren't many options.
As the new Junior Minister Assisting
the Minister for Territories and Regions,
it gives me great pleasure to be here today on Norfolk Island.
I'm delighted to, uh... (PHONE BUZZES)
Sorry. I'll just...
I'll just put this on silent.
You're kidding.
(THEME MUSIC PLAYS)
Tony, this is what happens when you deviate from the script.
Dom thought my joke was funny.
It's not about Dom.
Several people found it triggering.
Who?
I did. A little.
Maybe. On the edge, Tony.
Bit of a delay?
We're dealing with geotechnical considerations, supply-chain issues,
skilled-labour shortages, unanticipated environmental factors.
OK, thanks.
Thank you.
How's it looking?
Yoghurt is ready.
Juice is good.
I'd give the sandwich another half an hour.
What are you doing? Redacting the cake.
It can't say 'thanks'.
Captions by Red Bee Media
Copyright Australian Broadcasting Corporation