1
00:00:03,090 --> 00:00:05,527
I do.I do?

2
00:00:05,570 --> 00:00:07,268
I thought this whole marriage
thing was just gonna be

3
00:00:07,311 --> 00:00:09,879
an absolute disaster,
but it's surprisingly

4
00:00:09,922 --> 00:00:11,272
tolerable.Whoa!

5
00:00:11,315 --> 00:00:12,882
[both scream]

6
00:00:18,975 --> 00:00:21,108
Hello?

7
00:00:21,151 --> 00:00:23,719
Hello in there?

8
00:00:32,771 --> 00:00:33,903
Are you okay?

9
00:00:33,946 --> 00:00:36,210
Uh...
CAROL:Phil!

10
00:00:36,253 --> 00:00:38,212
Wait, is there
someone else in your car?

11
00:00:38,255 --> 00:00:39,561
CAROL: Can't get
my seatbelt off.

12
00:00:39,604 --> 00:00:41,258
Oh... [chuckles]
She's fine.[Carol screams]

13
00:00:41,302 --> 00:00:42,781
Oh, my God!

14
00:00:42,825 --> 00:00:44,957
Oh, yeah, uh, Carol,
get out of that truck.

15
00:00:45,001 --> 00:00:47,134
[laughing]:
There's another person on Earth!

16
00:00:47,177 --> 00:00:48,483
[whoops]Yeah, I know.

17
00:00:48,526 --> 00:00:50,180
I know, I know,
I know, I know.

18
00:00:50,224 --> 00:00:52,095
Are you okay?I just, uh,

19
00:00:52,139 --> 00:00:53,227
banged my knee, I think.

20
00:00:53,270 --> 00:00:54,924
Well, here,
put your arm around me.

21
00:00:54,967 --> 00:00:57,187
Come on, we got to get
away from this car.

22
00:00:57,231 --> 00:00:58,449
CAROL: I can't
believe you're here.

23
00:00:58,493 --> 00:01:00,103
Phil, can you
believe it?

24
00:01:00,147 --> 00:01:01,278
There's another person!

25
00:01:01,322 --> 00:01:03,106
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

26
00:01:03,150 --> 00:01:04,455
Come on, let's
get in my car.

27
00:01:04,498 --> 00:01:05,935
Shotgun!

28
00:01:11,201 --> 00:01:12,376
Wh...

29
00:01:12,420 --> 00:01:13,595
Phil?

30
00:01:13,638 --> 00:01:15,336
I called it!

31
00:01:15,379 --> 00:01:17,642
We'll just go over here.
It's fine.

32
00:01:25,781 --> 00:01:27,174
Hey, how you doing back there?

33
00:01:27,217 --> 00:01:28,958
Oh, I'm great.
Would you believe

34
00:01:29,001 --> 00:01:30,742
this is my first ride
in a limousine?

35
00:01:30,786 --> 00:01:32,222
I feel like

36
00:01:32,265 --> 00:01:34,181
Imelda Marcos back here.

37
00:01:34,223 --> 00:01:35,791
I'm Carol, by the way.
That's Phil.

38
00:01:35,834 --> 00:01:37,271
Hi.

39
00:01:37,314 --> 00:01:38,402
I'm Melissa.

40
00:01:38,446 --> 00:01:40,229
What brings you to Arizona?

41
00:01:40,274 --> 00:01:42,319
Oh, you know,
the unbearable heat,

42
00:01:42,363 --> 00:01:44,277
lack of water.

43
00:01:44,321 --> 00:01:46,366
[laughs]
CAROL: See, that's
the exact reason why

44
00:01:46,410 --> 00:01:47,846
I wouldn't want to come, but...

45
00:01:47,890 --> 00:01:49,979
No, I saw these
billboards that said

46
00:01:50,021 --> 00:01:51,285
"Alive in Tucson," so I decided

47
00:01:51,328 --> 00:01:53,374
to give it a shot.Those are Phil's.

48
00:01:53,417 --> 00:01:54,375
Oh, yeah? You did those?

49
00:01:54,418 --> 00:01:56,289
That was a really
smart idea.

50
00:01:56,333 --> 00:01:59,249
Mm. I mean... whatever.
[laughs]

51
00:01:59,293 --> 00:02:01,208
I wish you would have put
your address on them, though.

52
00:02:01,251 --> 00:02:04,211
I've been here two weeks,
just driving around.

53
00:02:04,254 --> 00:02:07,257
Wait, y-you've
been here for two weeks?

54
00:02:07,301 --> 00:02:10,217
So you were here before me?
That's funny.

55
00:02:10,259 --> 00:02:12,610
Yeah, Phil, you should've
put your address

56
00:02:12,654 --> 00:02:13,742
on the sign.

57
00:02:13,785 --> 00:02:16,223
Yup. Should've done that.

58
00:02:16,266 --> 00:02:17,615
That's okay, though.

59
00:02:17,659 --> 00:02:20,270
Couple days here,
couple days there.

60
00:02:20,314 --> 00:02:22,316
What would have
really been different?

61
00:02:22,359 --> 00:02:23,969
Yeah.

62
00:02:24,013 --> 00:02:26,407
Except you could have been
a guest at our wedding.

63
00:02:26,450 --> 00:02:28,322
Oh, you... you guys are married?

64
00:02:28,365 --> 00:02:30,193
I mean...Yup. Tied the knot.

65
00:02:30,237 --> 00:02:31,760
[clicks tongue]Well, wait,

66
00:02:31,803 --> 00:02:33,631
you've known each other,
like, a week, right?

67
00:02:33,675 --> 00:02:35,329
Yeah.
Wow.

68
00:02:35,372 --> 00:02:37,548
Yeah.
You guys don't
mess around.

69
00:02:37,591 --> 00:02:39,115
Yes, we do.[laughs]

70
00:02:39,159 --> 00:02:40,290
Carol...

71
00:02:40,334 --> 00:02:41,639
We had a awkward
patch at first,

72
00:02:41,683 --> 00:02:44,076
but, oh, we have been really

73
00:02:44,120 --> 00:02:46,340
jelling lately.
It's not uncommon

74
00:02:46,383 --> 00:02:49,473
for us to finish each other's...

75
00:02:49,517 --> 00:02:51,214
That's a cool function.

76
00:02:51,258 --> 00:02:53,347
So when Carol says marriage...

77
00:02:53,390 --> 00:02:54,478
...sentences!

78
00:02:54,522 --> 00:02:55,697
The-the little window went up.

79
00:02:55,740 --> 00:02:57,351
Did you guys
see that? Ha.

80
00:02:57,394 --> 00:02:59,004
Yeah, we're literally
in the honeymoon phase.

81
00:02:59,048 --> 00:03:00,354
We're trying to have

82
00:03:00,397 --> 00:03:03,095
a baby, so you know what
that means-- nonstop...

83
00:03:03,139 --> 00:03:05,228
Oop. The window's
going up again.

84
00:03:05,272 --> 00:03:06,229
Wait, am I pushing

85
00:03:06,273 --> 00:03:09,058
the window? I'm not pushing it.

86
00:03:09,885 --> 00:03:13,149
So, uh, this is Chez Phil.

87
00:03:13,193 --> 00:03:15,369
Wow.

88
00:03:16,413 --> 00:03:18,589
Holy crap,
is that Water Lilies?

89
00:03:18,633 --> 00:03:20,678
Yup.It's stolen.

90
00:03:20,722 --> 00:03:22,419
Phil stole

91
00:03:22,463 --> 00:03:23,594
all of this.

92
00:03:23,638 --> 00:03:25,509
Well, is it
really stealing

93
00:03:25,553 --> 00:03:28,643
if there are no people left?That's what I said.

94
00:03:28,686 --> 00:03:31,036
Well, I could really use
some rest. Where should I stay?

95
00:03:31,079 --> 00:03:32,386
Well, you should probably
stay right here, right?

96
00:03:32,429 --> 00:03:34,344
You know, it's probably
good to have

97
00:03:34,388 --> 00:03:35,432
somebody watching over you
in case

98
00:03:35,476 --> 00:03:37,129
you got a concussion
or something.

99
00:03:37,173 --> 00:03:38,435
I-I don't have a concussion.

100
00:03:38,478 --> 00:03:39,915
[chuckles]
That's what people always say

101
00:03:39,958 --> 00:03:41,525
when they got a little
concush brewing.

102
00:03:41,569 --> 00:03:43,179
I definitely don't have one.Think about it.

103
00:03:43,223 --> 00:03:44,441
[clears throat]

104
00:03:44,485 --> 00:03:47,531
S-So can I just
take any house? Or...

105
00:03:47,575 --> 00:03:49,141
Well, this one's Phil's.

106
00:03:49,185 --> 00:03:52,406
And mine's the one across
the street with the broken door.

107
00:03:52,449 --> 00:03:53,929
[laughs]
Because...

108
00:03:53,972 --> 00:03:55,322
Phil broke it.

109
00:03:55,365 --> 00:03:57,628
I'm gonna fix your door, Carol.
[laughs]

110
00:03:57,672 --> 00:04:01,328
Well, he's not very handy,
so I'm not gonna hold my breast.

111
00:04:01,371 --> 00:04:03,155
Breath.

112
00:04:03,199 --> 00:04:05,462
Why would I hold my breath?
I would die.

113
00:04:05,506 --> 00:04:07,203
Carol, why would you
hold your breast?

114
00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:08,552
Oh. No...
It's "holding your
breath" because

115
00:04:08,596 --> 00:04:10,424
there's danger if you
hold your breath.

116
00:04:10,467 --> 00:04:11,686
I wouldn't.
That's what I'm saying.

117
00:04:11,728 --> 00:04:14,471
So the house with
the broken door is yours.

118
00:04:14,515 --> 00:04:15,690
Yeah.

119
00:04:15,733 --> 00:04:18,519
But every other one
is available.

120
00:04:18,562 --> 00:04:19,649
I would avoid the white one,

121
00:04:19,694 --> 00:04:21,522
because Phil uses the pool
as a toilet.

122
00:04:21,565 --> 00:04:24,438
Carol...What? It's the truth.

123
00:04:24,481 --> 00:04:27,310
You know... she just
got here. It's...

124
00:04:27,354 --> 00:04:29,573
But the toilet pool's
the first thing you showed me.

125
00:04:29,617 --> 00:04:31,532
But... Yeah, but you don't have
to tell her,

126
00:04:31,575 --> 00:04:33,185
you know, the...Okay, I'm sorry.

127
00:04:33,229 --> 00:04:36,580
I shouldn't have put Phil's
business out on the streets.

128
00:04:36,624 --> 00:04:37,538
But don't go swimming in there.

129
00:04:37,581 --> 00:04:39,453
I'll try to resist the urge.

130
00:04:39,496 --> 00:04:41,890
Yeah.Thanks. Okay.

131
00:04:41,933 --> 00:04:43,979
You go have yourself
a good snooze, okay?

132
00:04:44,022 --> 00:04:45,328
And when you wake up,

133
00:04:45,372 --> 00:04:46,938
why don't you
drop by for dinner?

134
00:04:46,982 --> 00:04:48,549
[gasps]
Dinner's a great idea.

135
00:04:48,592 --> 00:04:50,768
Oh, yeah.
You come, too, Carol, sure.

136
00:04:50,812 --> 00:04:53,380
I still can't believe this.
This is...

137
00:04:53,423 --> 00:04:55,991
Never thought
I'd see people again.

138
00:04:56,034 --> 00:04:57,732
And you two sure are...

139
00:04:59,647 --> 00:05:01,562
you know... people.

140
00:05:01,605 --> 00:05:02,563
Come here.

141
00:05:02,606 --> 00:05:04,608
Oh.

142
00:05:04,652 --> 00:05:06,958
Hey, I want to
get in on this.

143
00:05:07,002 --> 00:05:09,526
[laughs]: Okay.Mm.

144
00:05:10,658 --> 00:05:12,181
Mm.

145
00:05:15,184 --> 00:05:17,404
Okay, that's my limit, probably.

146
00:05:17,447 --> 00:05:19,057
Okay.All right.

147
00:05:19,101 --> 00:05:21,277
Thanks.

148
00:05:22,452 --> 00:05:25,237
She's nice.I like her. Yeah.

149
00:05:26,587 --> 00:05:28,806
And voilà. There you have it.

150
00:05:28,850 --> 00:05:31,635
The world-famous
Pilbasian casserole.

151
00:05:31,679 --> 00:05:33,028
So what-what's in that?

152
00:05:33,071 --> 00:05:35,291
Well, you got your raisin balls,
canned tomato sauce,

153
00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:36,858
mint chutney and then

154
00:05:36,901 --> 00:05:38,860
potato chips for mouth feel.

155
00:05:38,903 --> 00:05:40,470
You want to try some?

156
00:05:40,514 --> 00:05:42,472
Yes.

157
00:05:42,516 --> 00:05:46,215
Okay. Let's get all that
tomato sauce and then...

158
00:05:46,258 --> 00:05:47,999
Mmm.

159
00:05:48,043 --> 00:05:49,827
It's a juicy one.

160
00:05:49,871 --> 00:05:52,003
Mm.
Mm.

161
00:05:53,614 --> 00:05:54,832
Mmm.

162
00:05:54,876 --> 00:05:56,659
Uh-huh. I knew
you'd love it.

163
00:05:56,704 --> 00:05:58,314
Mm-hmm.

164
00:05:58,358 --> 00:05:59,533
[laughs]

165
00:05:59,576 --> 00:06:02,623
Phil, what's taking
you so long?!

166
00:06:02,666 --> 00:06:03,972
PHIL:
Be right down.

167
00:06:04,015 --> 00:06:05,539
He's probablydeciding

168
00:06:05,582 --> 00:06:08,324
between his cargo shorts
and his sweatpants.

169
00:06:09,238 --> 00:06:10,413
I'm predicting cargo shorts.

170
00:06:10,457 --> 00:06:12,023
But you never
know with Phil.

171
00:06:12,067 --> 00:06:14,199
Could be sweatpants, too.
I don't know.

172
00:06:14,243 --> 00:06:16,506
PHIL:
Hello, ladies.

173
00:06:23,252 --> 00:06:26,516
Phil Miller.
What's gotten into you?

174
00:06:26,560 --> 00:06:27,996
I don't know what
you're talking about, Carol.

175
00:06:28,039 --> 00:06:31,086
Just coming down
for dinner, as I do.

176
00:06:31,129 --> 00:06:32,653
So you got rid of the beard.

177
00:06:32,696 --> 00:06:33,654
Yes, I did.

178
00:06:33,697 --> 00:06:35,525
Thought that was
kind of cool.

179
00:06:35,569 --> 00:06:37,308
You did? Oh.

180
00:06:37,353 --> 00:06:38,876
CAROL:
Yeah, your chin is

181
00:06:38,920 --> 00:06:42,097
too pointy; you just need
something to smooth it out.

182
00:06:42,140 --> 00:06:44,447
And you feel the same...
way about that?

183
00:06:44,491 --> 00:06:45,709
MELISSA:
Yeah, you look smaller.

184
00:06:45,753 --> 00:06:47,102
Weaker.

185
00:06:47,145 --> 00:06:48,843
M'kay. [chuckles]

186
00:06:48,886 --> 00:06:50,322
Who do you look like?

187
00:06:50,366 --> 00:06:51,628
Quentin Tarantino.

188
00:06:51,672 --> 00:06:54,675
Uh, okay, yeah, yeah.
I don't see that, but...

189
00:06:54,718 --> 00:06:56,503
k.d. lang, isn't it?Oh, k.d...
It's k.d. lang.

190
00:06:56,546 --> 00:06:59,593
k.d. lang, the-the
female country singer?

191
00:06:59,636 --> 00:07:00,811
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.

192
00:07:00,855 --> 00:07:02,683
Well, I like it.
[chuckles]

193
00:07:02,726 --> 00:07:04,728
Well, you don't
have to look at it.

194
00:07:04,772 --> 00:07:06,600
I guess I don't.

195
00:07:06,643 --> 00:07:08,645
Uh, shall we eat?

196
00:07:13,607 --> 00:07:16,174
[smooth jazz playing quietly]

197
00:07:19,308 --> 00:07:21,571
So, uh... tell us
more about yourself.

198
00:07:21,615 --> 00:07:22,920
Who is Melissa...

199
00:07:22,964 --> 00:07:24,487
What's your last name?

200
00:07:24,531 --> 00:07:26,707
Shart.Sharp?

201
00:07:26,750 --> 00:07:28,186
Shart.

202
00:07:28,230 --> 00:07:29,405
Shart.

203
00:07:30,798 --> 00:07:32,277
Beautiful name.

204
00:07:32,321 --> 00:07:33,714
So who is

205
00:07:33,757 --> 00:07:36,673
Melissa Shart?
What makes her tick?

206
00:07:36,717 --> 00:07:38,632
Well, I grew up in Akron.

207
00:07:38,675 --> 00:07:40,155
Ohio.
Yes.

208
00:07:40,198 --> 00:07:41,417
Yup.

209
00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:42,723
And then went to UNLV.

210
00:07:42,766 --> 00:07:44,420
Go, Runnin' Rebels. [chuckles]

211
00:07:44,464 --> 00:07:46,509
Yeah, that's the mascot.

212
00:07:46,553 --> 00:07:49,773
I know it well.
I know it well.

213
00:07:49,817 --> 00:07:51,514
Our mascot was St. Peter.

214
00:07:52,776 --> 00:07:54,648
I went to a Catholic university.

215
00:07:55,562 --> 00:07:57,738
He was fierce.

216
00:07:57,781 --> 00:07:59,174
Mm-hmm.

217
00:07:59,217 --> 00:08:00,871
Go on. Go on.

218
00:08:00,915 --> 00:08:02,699
Well, I was a real estate agent.

219
00:08:03,613 --> 00:08:05,093
So if you're looking to move,

220
00:08:05,136 --> 00:08:06,790
right now is a buyer's market.

221
00:08:06,834 --> 00:08:08,444
[laughs]

222
00:08:08,488 --> 00:08:09,576
That's very funny.

223
00:08:09,619 --> 00:08:11,099
That's a good joke.
[laughs]

224
00:08:11,142 --> 00:08:13,188
No, but it's been weird.
It's been hard.

225
00:08:13,231 --> 00:08:15,582
No, no, no. I know.
We shouldn't joke about that.

226
00:08:15,625 --> 00:08:16,670
But we have to laugh about it.

227
00:08:16,713 --> 00:08:17,801
Best medicine. Got to laugh.

228
00:08:17,845 --> 00:08:19,020
Got to joke about it.

229
00:08:19,063 --> 00:08:20,587
Yeah.Yeah. Hey,

230
00:08:20,630 --> 00:08:23,415
I-I just want to apologize
for smashing up your limo.

231
00:08:23,459 --> 00:08:25,679
I feel just awful about that.

232
00:08:25,722 --> 00:08:28,116
Oh, don't even worry about it.
I don't care about that thing.

233
00:08:28,159 --> 00:08:31,423
You sure?Now, if it had been my old VW
Bug, we would've had a problem.

234
00:08:31,467 --> 00:08:33,164
Wait, you used to have a VW Bug?

235
00:08:33,207 --> 00:08:35,036
Yeah.I used to have a VW Bug!

236
00:08:35,078 --> 00:08:37,168
You did?Yeah, I did. [laughs]

237
00:08:37,212 --> 00:08:38,605
That's such a fun thing
to have in common.

238
00:08:38,648 --> 00:08:40,780
MELISSA: Yeah.Couple of Bug owners here.

239
00:08:40,823 --> 00:08:42,390
Yeah.

240
00:08:42,433 --> 00:08:43,434
Which one did you have?

241
00:08:43,479 --> 00:08:45,612
[laughs]

242
00:08:47,265 --> 00:08:48,919
Okay, well, full disclosure,

243
00:08:48,963 --> 00:08:50,834
it was actually
my buddy's sister's Bug.

244
00:08:51,966 --> 00:08:53,837
And it was a... a Jetta.

245
00:08:53,881 --> 00:08:56,144
But, uh, God, I logged
some serious hours in there.

246
00:08:56,187 --> 00:08:57,754
Love those things.

247
00:08:58,668 --> 00:09:01,410
Great cars.Yeah.

248
00:09:01,453 --> 00:09:04,369
So, uh, Melissa,

249
00:09:04,413 --> 00:09:07,459
were you married
in the old world?

250
00:09:07,503 --> 00:09:10,724
Yes, I was married once,
to a jerk named Greg.

251
00:09:10,767 --> 00:09:13,640
Cheated on me with a cop.

252
00:09:13,683 --> 00:09:16,033
Friggin' cheaters.

253
00:09:16,077 --> 00:09:17,731
I'm so sorry
you went through that.

254
00:09:17,774 --> 00:09:19,297
No, it was all for the best.

255
00:09:19,341 --> 00:09:20,690
Yeah.He wasn't my type anyway.

256
00:09:20,734 --> 00:09:22,779
And what is your type?

257
00:09:22,823 --> 00:09:25,956
Just a man's man. A provider.

258
00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:29,090
Duly noted.

259
00:09:29,133 --> 00:09:31,309
Um...Oh, uh,

260
00:09:31,353 --> 00:09:32,963
for... Carol, you know?

261
00:09:33,007 --> 00:09:35,966
Trying to make myself
a better husband for that woman.

262
00:09:36,010 --> 00:09:37,664
MELISSA:
And you should.

263
00:09:37,707 --> 00:09:39,448
'Cause, Carol, you seem
like a really great lady.

264
00:09:39,491 --> 00:09:41,668
Thank you.

265
00:09:41,711 --> 00:09:43,800
Well, and I-I think
Greg's crazy,

266
00:09:43,844 --> 00:09:46,455
because you, Melissa,
are a catch.

267
00:09:46,498 --> 00:09:48,544
Like, a Moby Dick-sized catch.

268
00:09:48,588 --> 00:09:50,546
Moby Dick?

269
00:09:50,590 --> 00:09:51,982
Try Moby Double Dick.

270
00:09:52,026 --> 00:09:53,810
Well, I'm gonna get to bed.

271
00:09:53,854 --> 00:09:55,769
Thank you.

272
00:09:55,812 --> 00:09:58,554
Dinner was... Thank you.

273
00:09:58,598 --> 00:10:00,295
Walk you home?I'm good.

274
00:10:00,338 --> 00:10:01,470
How about another group hug?

275
00:10:01,513 --> 00:10:03,254
Rain check.[laughs]

276
00:10:03,298 --> 00:10:05,039
Well, I'm gonna collect.

277
00:10:05,082 --> 00:10:06,997
Believe you me.

278
00:10:07,041 --> 00:10:09,913
Like a tax man
collecting hug tax.

279
00:10:09,957 --> 00:10:11,480
I will collect.

280
00:10:12,916 --> 00:10:14,788
So, you ready to
take the train

281
00:10:14,831 --> 00:10:17,225
to repopulationstation?

282
00:10:17,268 --> 00:10:19,923
Without your beard,
you're like a whole new man.

283
00:10:19,967 --> 00:10:22,665
It's like I'm cheating
on my husband.

284
00:10:22,709 --> 00:10:24,711
Which I would never, ever do.

285
00:10:24,754 --> 00:10:27,017
Yeah, uh, look,
I'm sorry, Carol,

286
00:10:27,061 --> 00:10:28,889
I-I really don't
feel like it tonight.

287
00:10:28,932 --> 00:10:31,065
I think I ate something
that didn't agree with me.

288
00:10:31,108 --> 00:10:32,719
Oh.

289
00:10:34,329 --> 00:10:35,722
Is it diarrhea?

290
00:10:35,765 --> 00:10:38,159
Carol, can we please not talk
about this?

291
00:10:38,202 --> 00:10:40,465
Phil, I'm your wife,
and I want you to know

292
00:10:40,509 --> 00:10:43,512
that you can always tell me
about your diarrhea.

293
00:10:43,555 --> 00:10:45,165
Carol...
You can,

294
00:10:45,209 --> 00:10:46,863
and I'll tell you
if I ever have it.

295
00:10:46,907 --> 00:10:47,908
It's part of the deal.

296
00:10:47,951 --> 00:10:49,953
It's why people get married.

297
00:10:49,997 --> 00:10:51,955
So they can tell each other
stuff like that.

298
00:10:51,999 --> 00:10:53,957
Carol, look, I don't
have diarrhea, okay?

299
00:10:54,001 --> 00:10:56,699
My stomach is
just upset.

300
00:10:56,743 --> 00:10:58,309
But I promise you,
as your husband,

301
00:10:58,353 --> 00:10:59,963
the moment I have diarrhea,

302
00:11:00,007 --> 00:11:03,053
I will march on over to your
house and tell you all about it.

303
00:11:03,097 --> 00:11:05,099
And I look forward
to hearing about yours.

304
00:11:05,142 --> 00:11:06,840
Promise?

305
00:11:06,883 --> 00:11:07,710
I promise.

306
00:11:07,754 --> 00:11:09,581
[quietly]:
Okay.

307
00:11:11,235 --> 00:11:12,628
Hey, Phil?

308
00:11:12,672 --> 00:11:14,369
What?

309
00:11:14,412 --> 00:11:16,893
Are you attracted to Melissa?

310
00:11:18,025 --> 00:11:19,940
Honestly?

311
00:11:21,681 --> 00:11:23,683
No.

312
00:11:27,774 --> 00:11:29,993
Okay.

313
00:11:30,037 --> 00:11:31,603
[kissing]

314
00:11:31,647 --> 00:11:33,562
[snoring]

315
00:11:33,605 --> 00:11:35,172
[knocking on door]

316
00:11:35,216 --> 00:11:36,696
MELISSA [whispers]:Phil!

317
00:11:38,045 --> 00:11:39,611
Come here.

318
00:11:40,569 --> 00:11:42,702
I want to show you something.

319
00:11:47,054 --> 00:11:48,620
[giggles]

320
00:11:48,664 --> 00:11:50,361
[echoes]:
This way.

321
00:11:52,146 --> 00:11:54,365
♪

322
00:11:55,062 --> 00:11:57,455
[giggles]

323
00:12:06,073 --> 00:12:08,205
Hi, Phil. Guess what I have?

324
00:12:08,249 --> 00:12:09,816
Starts with a "D."

325
00:12:09,859 --> 00:12:11,339
[laughing, toilet flushing] Diarrhea.

326
00:12:11,382 --> 00:12:13,689
[Phil screaming] Diarrhea, diarrhea, diarrhea!

327
00:12:13,733 --> 00:12:14,995
[screams]

328
00:12:16,518 --> 00:12:18,215
[whimpers]

329
00:12:22,306 --> 00:12:23,612
[Phil panting]

330
00:12:23,655 --> 00:12:25,527
PHIL:
Come in.

331
00:12:27,007 --> 00:12:28,748
Oh, hey, Melissa.

332
00:12:29,879 --> 00:12:31,707
What can I do you for?

333
00:12:31,751 --> 00:12:32,795
Can you come with me?

334
00:12:32,839 --> 00:12:34,449
Yeah, hang on one sec.

335
00:12:34,492 --> 00:12:36,712
[grunts]
Almost done with my set.

336
00:12:36,756 --> 00:12:39,062
Got to get those reps in. Ha.

337
00:12:39,106 --> 00:12:41,195
[straining]:
391...

338
00:12:41,238 --> 00:12:43,893
392...

339
00:12:43,937 --> 00:12:45,068
three-ninety...

340
00:12:45,112 --> 00:12:47,375
[grunt] ...three.

341
00:12:47,418 --> 00:12:48,637
[groans]

342
00:12:48,680 --> 00:12:50,813
393-- that's my number.

343
00:12:50,857 --> 00:12:52,467
Let's do it.

344
00:12:57,037 --> 00:12:58,734
Phil, what is this?

345
00:12:58,778 --> 00:13:00,083
I don't know.

346
00:13:00,127 --> 00:13:02,433
Must be from
the Volkswagen fairy.

347
00:13:03,739 --> 00:13:05,088
No biggie.

348
00:13:05,132 --> 00:13:06,437
You know, I felt bad
about the limo,

349
00:13:06,481 --> 00:13:07,874
and so I made right.

350
00:13:07,917 --> 00:13:08,831
That's how I do.

351
00:13:08,875 --> 00:13:11,007
I'm a provider like that.

352
00:13:11,051 --> 00:13:12,835
You really didn't
have to do that.

353
00:13:12,879 --> 00:13:14,750
I don't do things
'cause I have to.

354
00:13:14,794 --> 00:13:15,838
CAROL:Phil!

355
00:13:15,882 --> 00:13:17,753
Can I see you for a second?!

356
00:13:17,797 --> 00:13:19,015
Sure, Carol!

357
00:13:19,059 --> 00:13:20,712
Anything for you!

358
00:13:20,756 --> 00:13:22,279
So devoted to her.

359
00:13:22,323 --> 00:13:25,892
Phil!I said I'm coming, Carol!

360
00:13:28,503 --> 00:13:29,852
You shouted?

361
00:13:29,896 --> 00:13:31,636
You bought Melissa a car?

362
00:13:31,680 --> 00:13:33,987
Yeah, Carol.
I smashed up her limo.

363
00:13:34,030 --> 00:13:35,858
So you have all the time
to do that,

364
00:13:35,902 --> 00:13:39,122
but you couldn't take the time
to fix my door?

365
00:13:39,165 --> 00:13:41,690
Carol, this door is broken
in a way that cannot be fixed.

366
00:13:41,733 --> 00:13:43,779
Okay, it was broken
from the start,

367
00:13:43,823 --> 00:13:46,521
so maybe it's time
to think about moving on.

368
00:13:46,564 --> 00:13:49,698
Phil, when something's broken,
you don't just throw it away.

369
00:13:49,741 --> 00:13:51,439
Okay, you work on it
and you fix it.

370
00:13:51,482 --> 00:13:53,528
Fine, Carol.

371
00:13:53,571 --> 00:13:54,964
I'll fix the stupid door.

372
00:13:55,008 --> 00:13:56,444
Fine. Fine!Fine.

373
00:13:56,487 --> 00:13:58,576
Fine! Fine!
Fine! Fine!

374
00:13:58,620 --> 00:13:59,795
[yells]

375
00:14:04,713 --> 00:14:07,368
Locked in a pretty serious
battle with Carol's door.

376
00:14:07,411 --> 00:14:09,544
Gonna pop down
to the hardware store,

377
00:14:09,587 --> 00:14:11,111
uh, pick up some supplies,

378
00:14:11,154 --> 00:14:13,113
gonna get some two by's,
some four by's,

379
00:14:13,156 --> 00:14:14,375
nails for sure,

380
00:14:14,418 --> 00:14:16,681
a Wilson Phillips head
screwdriver...A what?

381
00:14:16,725 --> 00:14:19,119
A Wilson Phillips head
screwdriver.

382
00:14:19,162 --> 00:14:20,642
You mean a Phillips head
screwdriver.

383
00:14:21,599 --> 00:14:23,123
Wilson Phillips was a band.

384
00:14:23,166 --> 00:14:24,515
[laughs]

385
00:14:24,559 --> 00:14:26,604
They named a band
after a screwdriver.

386
00:14:26,648 --> 00:14:28,041
Cool. Well, uh,

387
00:14:28,084 --> 00:14:29,172
catch you on the flippity.

388
00:14:30,957 --> 00:14:33,829
Pick up a shirt
while you're at it.

389
00:14:34,830 --> 00:14:36,963
CAROL:
Yeah, so,

390
00:14:37,006 --> 00:14:38,921
that's the wedding scrapbook.

391
00:14:38,965 --> 00:14:40,967
Wish there were
actual pictures.

392
00:14:41,010 --> 00:14:42,925
But... [chuckles]

393
00:14:42,969 --> 00:14:45,275
I like the illustrations.Thank you.

394
00:14:45,319 --> 00:14:48,104
Yeah, I took a class from
a police sketch artist once.

395
00:14:48,148 --> 00:14:52,152
His drawings led to the capture
of the Green River killer.

396
00:14:52,195 --> 00:14:54,894
Well, it really shows.

397
00:14:56,808 --> 00:14:58,158
Hey, I was wondering,
why don't you and Phil

398
00:14:58,201 --> 00:14:59,942
live in the same house?

399
00:14:59,986 --> 00:15:02,075
He likes to have
a little buffer.

400
00:15:02,118 --> 00:15:05,034
But why? You're his wife.

401
00:15:05,078 --> 00:15:07,123
Well, to be honest,

402
00:15:07,167 --> 00:15:10,083
we only got married
to repopulate.

403
00:15:10,126 --> 00:15:11,954
I didn't want bastard children.

404
00:15:11,998 --> 00:15:14,391
And I got to give him credit.

405
00:15:14,435 --> 00:15:16,089
I mean, he could've walked away.

406
00:15:16,132 --> 00:15:19,005
Most men would probably think
I was crazy for wanting

407
00:15:19,048 --> 00:15:20,441
to be married.

408
00:15:20,484 --> 00:15:23,096
Do you think I'm crazy?

409
00:15:23,139 --> 00:15:24,967
Carol, no.

410
00:15:25,011 --> 00:15:26,882
Do you know how I've spent
the last year of my life?

411
00:15:26,926 --> 00:15:28,362
I've been driving

412
00:15:28,405 --> 00:15:31,017
around the country,
going to different coffee shops.

413
00:15:31,060 --> 00:15:33,584
Just sitting there,
reading old magazines

414
00:15:33,628 --> 00:15:36,239
with my little cup,
and I'd write my name on it

415
00:15:36,283 --> 00:15:38,111
and misspell it.

416
00:15:38,154 --> 00:15:40,678
Just to feel normal.

417
00:15:40,722 --> 00:15:43,594
Well, I'll go have coffee
with you.

418
00:15:43,638 --> 00:15:45,509
I'd like that.

419
00:15:47,381 --> 00:15:49,557
Wh... Is that me?

420
00:15:49,600 --> 00:15:51,254
Yeah.

421
00:15:51,298 --> 00:15:53,082
I just got here yesterday.

422
00:15:53,126 --> 00:15:55,128
Oh, yeah, that's one thing
they teach you in the class.

423
00:15:55,171 --> 00:15:59,262
You have to sketch fast
or the killer could kill again.

424
00:15:59,306 --> 00:16:00,220
Right.

425
00:16:00,263 --> 00:16:02,048
Yeah.

426
00:16:02,091 --> 00:16:04,093
[hammering in distance]

427
00:16:08,924 --> 00:16:09,838
How's it coming?

428
00:16:09,881 --> 00:16:11,144
Oh, hey!

429
00:16:11,187 --> 00:16:13,146
It's going insanely
good. It...

430
00:16:13,189 --> 00:16:15,235
[laughs]:
Insanely good.

431
00:16:15,278 --> 00:16:16,627
Yeah, looks like it.

432
00:16:16,671 --> 00:16:18,064
Well, there's an easy fix
for that.

433
00:16:18,107 --> 00:16:20,022
You know, you just
throw a little

434
00:16:20,066 --> 00:16:21,458
nail in there, like so.

435
00:16:21,502 --> 00:16:24,244
[laughs nervously]

436
00:16:24,287 --> 00:16:26,159
I got my thumb there.

437
00:16:26,202 --> 00:16:27,508
Are you okay?

438
00:16:27,551 --> 00:16:29,727
No, I'm good. I'm good.
I'm doing great.

439
00:16:29,771 --> 00:16:32,078
[laughs]
And how are you doing?

440
00:16:32,121 --> 00:16:34,689
I was just wanting to invite
you and Carol over later,

441
00:16:34,732 --> 00:16:36,299
if you're free.

442
00:16:36,343 --> 00:16:37,648
I hooked up my fridge
to a little generator

443
00:16:37,692 --> 00:16:39,085
and have some beers chilling.

444
00:16:39,128 --> 00:16:40,651
[laughs]
Well, that'd be great.

445
00:16:40,695 --> 00:16:42,958
Uh, you know, I'll definitely
pass that on to Carol.

446
00:16:44,003 --> 00:16:46,048
[stifled grunting]

447
00:16:46,092 --> 00:16:48,268
[yells]

448
00:16:53,751 --> 00:16:56,058
It's too bad Carol
couldn't come.

449
00:16:56,102 --> 00:16:58,887
Yeah. Diarrhea.

450
00:16:58,930 --> 00:17:01,237
She takes a lot of chances
in the kitchen.

451
00:17:01,281 --> 00:17:03,892
But, uh, don't mention it
to her, okay?

452
00:17:03,935 --> 00:17:06,589
She gets real embarrassed.

453
00:17:08,505 --> 00:17:11,290
Can I confess something to you?

454
00:17:11,334 --> 00:17:13,292
Yeah, of course.

455
00:17:13,336 --> 00:17:18,166
When I first met you guys,
I liked Carol immediately,

456
00:17:18,211 --> 00:17:20,039
but I was a little...

457
00:17:21,474 --> 00:17:23,607
...unclear on you.

458
00:17:24,521 --> 00:17:26,522
Un-Unclear in what way?

459
00:17:26,567 --> 00:17:30,658
There was a weird...
weird energy at first.

460
00:17:30,701 --> 00:17:32,181
[gasps]
What?

461
00:17:32,225 --> 00:17:33,226
[laughs]

462
00:17:33,269 --> 00:17:35,663
That's, uh, crazy. What?

463
00:17:35,706 --> 00:17:37,143
But then I talked to Carol

464
00:17:37,186 --> 00:17:38,231
and she told me more about
your situation,

465
00:17:38,274 --> 00:17:39,971
and I realized, I might've...

466
00:17:40,015 --> 00:17:42,191
you know, just...

467
00:17:42,235 --> 00:17:45,020
misjudged you, so-so I'm sorry.

468
00:17:45,064 --> 00:17:47,370
Yeah, you misjudged me,
'cause I'm not... [chuckles]

469
00:17:47,414 --> 00:17:49,459
That's weird, you were
unclear on that, but...

470
00:17:49,503 --> 00:17:50,547
I said I was sorry.

471
00:17:50,591 --> 00:17:51,766
No, no, no, no, no, no.

472
00:17:51,809 --> 00:17:53,159
I'm saying
thanks for saying it.

473
00:17:53,202 --> 00:17:56,379
It takes a big person
to be so... to say sorry

474
00:17:56,423 --> 00:17:58,033
and that was...
that's a cool gesture

475
00:17:58,077 --> 00:18:00,383
and, you know, especially
when you're wrong like that.

476
00:18:00,427 --> 00:18:01,558
Um, so...

477
00:18:01,602 --> 00:18:03,038
Hey, cheers to that, though.

478
00:18:03,082 --> 00:18:05,345
I'm so happy
that you misjudged me

479
00:18:05,388 --> 00:18:07,260
and think I'm great.

480
00:18:07,303 --> 00:18:09,305
[chuckles nervously]

481
00:18:11,786 --> 00:18:14,397
Oh, I need to get another beer.
You want another beer?

482
00:18:14,441 --> 00:18:17,139
Well, pretty tipsy already,
but why not?

483
00:18:17,183 --> 00:18:18,619
[laughs]
One more beer.

484
00:18:18,662 --> 00:18:20,534
One more
won't kill me.

485
00:18:22,405 --> 00:18:23,798
[sighs]:
God.

486
00:18:23,841 --> 00:18:26,235
Two years.

487
00:18:26,279 --> 00:18:27,541
Such a long time.

488
00:18:27,584 --> 00:18:30,152
Yeah.

489
00:18:30,196 --> 00:18:31,806
I get so lonely, you know.

490
00:18:31,849 --> 00:18:34,200
Yeah?

491
00:18:34,243 --> 00:18:37,072
I guess it's just that I'm--
and I really hate this word,

492
00:18:37,116 --> 00:18:39,596
but there's no other way
to say it-- I'm horny.

493
00:18:42,773 --> 00:18:44,210
I'm so horny, Phil.

494
00:18:45,341 --> 00:18:46,603
Hmm?

495
00:18:46,647 --> 00:18:48,214
I mean, after something
like this happens,

496
00:18:48,257 --> 00:18:50,390
you realize how necessary
it is to be...

497
00:18:50,433 --> 00:18:52,609
you know, just touched

498
00:18:52,653 --> 00:18:55,569
and held and kissed.

499
00:18:55,612 --> 00:18:57,832
I would saw off my right arm
to make out

500
00:18:57,875 --> 00:18:59,312
with a dude.

501
00:18:59,355 --> 00:19:00,835
I would, too. I would, too.
It's natural.

502
00:19:00,878 --> 00:19:03,229
You know, that's why
I'm so happy for you and Carol.

503
00:19:03,272 --> 00:19:05,100
[stammering]:
No, but...

504
00:19:05,144 --> 00:19:06,232
I mean, I know that it's not
perfect between you guys,

505
00:19:06,275 --> 00:19:07,798
but at least
you have each other.

506
00:19:07,842 --> 00:19:09,235
Yeah, but, I mean...

507
00:19:09,278 --> 00:19:11,106
And I respect that.

508
00:19:11,150 --> 00:19:13,891
But, God, I just want
to get laid.

509
00:19:13,935 --> 00:19:16,198
[sighs]

510
00:19:16,242 --> 00:19:17,330
Sorry, that was inappropriate.

511
00:19:17,373 --> 00:19:18,896
No, no, no, no.

512
00:19:18,940 --> 00:19:20,420
I shouldn't be talking
to a married man like that.

513
00:19:20,463 --> 00:19:22,683
No, no, no, no, no. Don't beat
yourself up about that.

514
00:19:22,726 --> 00:19:24,859
It's just my luck, the only man
left on the face of the Earth,

515
00:19:24,902 --> 00:19:25,860
and he's married.

516
00:19:25,903 --> 00:19:29,211
He doesn't have to be.

517
00:19:29,255 --> 00:19:31,213
What?

518
00:19:31,257 --> 00:19:32,345
[chuckles nervously]

519
00:19:32,388 --> 00:19:34,608
I got to go have a
quick talk with Carol,

520
00:19:34,651 --> 00:19:36,436
and I will be right back.

521
00:19:36,479 --> 00:19:37,480
[laughs]

522
00:19:38,264 --> 00:19:40,440
Carol!

523
00:19:41,528 --> 00:19:42,790
Coming in!

524
00:19:42,833 --> 00:19:44,400
[grunting]

525
00:19:48,535 --> 00:19:50,101
Carol.
Hi, Phil.

526
00:19:50,145 --> 00:19:51,233
I have something
really important

527
00:19:51,277 --> 00:19:52,800
I need to talk to you about.

528
00:19:52,843 --> 00:19:54,280
Okay, hold on just...
just putting

529
00:19:54,323 --> 00:19:55,716
the finishing touches
on this project.

530
00:19:55,759 --> 00:19:59,154
I really need to talk to you
about this marriage.

531
00:19:59,198 --> 00:20:00,242
And... done.

532
00:20:00,286 --> 00:20:02,113
I think you're really
gonna like it.

533
00:20:02,157 --> 00:20:03,463
It's for my door.

534
00:20:03,506 --> 00:20:04,681
Oh, no.

535
00:20:04,725 --> 00:20:07,075
Home of Carol Pilbasian-Miller.

536
00:20:07,902 --> 00:20:09,469
Look, Phil,

537
00:20:09,512 --> 00:20:14,691
I know it can be an annoying job
at times to fix the door,

538
00:20:14,735 --> 00:20:16,650
but I thought this could help.

539
00:20:16,693 --> 00:20:18,826
It's just a reminder
that I'm rooting for you

540
00:20:18,869 --> 00:20:22,612
and I believe in you,
'cause I'm your wife.

541
00:20:22,656 --> 00:20:25,093
And I know

542
00:20:25,136 --> 00:20:27,530
fixing the door may take time,

543
00:20:27,574 --> 00:20:31,055
but I believe that one day
you will fix it

544
00:20:31,099 --> 00:20:33,928
and that door will be
magnificent.

545
00:20:35,582 --> 00:20:37,540
[sighs]

546
00:20:37,584 --> 00:20:41,152
Um, wh-what did you want
to talk about?

547
00:20:44,373 --> 00:20:47,158
I have diarrhea.

548
00:20:48,421 --> 00:20:50,205
Thank you.

549
00:20:50,249 --> 00:20:52,512
Yup.

550
00:20:52,555 --> 00:20:55,341
Phil, you know the door
symbolizes our marriage.

551
00:20:55,384 --> 00:20:58,169
I know, Carol. I know.

552
00:20:58,213 --> 00:21:02,130
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org

553
00:21:36,033 --> 00:21:37,339
CHILDREN:
Uncle Stinky.

554
00:21:37,383 --> 00:21:39,210
[dolphin chittering]