1
00:00:03,133 --> 00:00:05,179
We think you should
repopulate with Melissa.

2
00:00:05,222 --> 00:00:07,181
And you're okay with this?

3
00:00:07,224 --> 00:00:09,183
This is for
repopulation purposes only.

4
00:00:09,226 --> 00:00:11,185
MELISSA:
This is all so romantic.

5
00:00:11,228 --> 00:00:12,925
Let's just cut the BS
and get to it.

6
00:00:12,969 --> 00:00:15,102
I just have one more thing.Phil, come on.

7
00:00:16,320 --> 00:00:18,105
PHIL:
Now it's time for the real

8
00:00:18,148 --> 00:00:20,194
fireworks.Do you hear something?

9
00:00:21,499 --> 00:00:23,675
What the hell?Hey.

10
00:00:23,719 --> 00:00:25,329
I'm Todd.

11
00:00:26,374 --> 00:00:28,854
This is so crazy. Hi.

12
00:00:28,898 --> 00:00:30,682
I-I'm Melissa.

13
00:00:30,726 --> 00:00:33,642
This is Phil.Hey, Todd.
[short chuckle]

14
00:00:33,685 --> 00:00:35,122
I can't believe I'm seeing you.

15
00:00:35,165 --> 00:00:37,254
I mean, I'd just given up on
looking for people, was headed

16
00:00:37,298 --> 00:00:39,082
to the next town
when I-I saw your fireworks.

17
00:00:39,126 --> 00:00:40,692
Phil set those off.

18
00:00:40,736 --> 00:00:42,129
Oh, God
bless you, Phil.

19
00:00:42,172 --> 00:00:44,305
I mean, if you hadn't
set those things off,

20
00:00:44,348 --> 00:00:45,784
I'd be halfway to Mexico

21
00:00:45,828 --> 00:00:47,743
by now.Yeah, thank God

22
00:00:47,786 --> 00:00:50,746
I shot off those frigging
fireworks, huh?I know. I was this close

23
00:00:50,789 --> 00:00:53,749
to driving to the next town.
This close, I... So close.

24
00:00:53,792 --> 00:00:55,098
Yeah, we're aware
of the timeline.

25
00:00:55,142 --> 00:00:56,230
That's been established.

26
00:00:56,273 --> 00:00:57,361
So you need directions
or something?

27
00:00:57,405 --> 00:00:58,710
Or, uh...

28
00:00:58,754 --> 00:01:01,191
Oh, my goodness, I am so sorry.

29
00:01:01,235 --> 00:01:04,150
I hope I... I wasn't
interrupting anything or...

30
00:01:04,194 --> 00:01:06,153
Oh, no, you-you weren't.

31
00:01:06,196 --> 00:01:08,372
Well, I mean.
D... What...

32
00:01:08,416 --> 00:01:10,026
Todd, give us a
quick sec, okay?

33
00:01:10,070 --> 00:01:11,201
Yeah, of course.

34
00:01:11,245 --> 00:01:13,160
Hey. I don't want to be rude,

35
00:01:13,203 --> 00:01:15,249
but this sex
is pretty time sensitive.

36
00:01:15,292 --> 00:01:17,468
Okay? So we really
got to buckle down here.

37
00:01:17,512 --> 00:01:19,035
And remember,
this lovemaking

38
00:01:19,079 --> 00:01:20,471
is to save the human race.

39
00:01:20,515 --> 00:01:22,821
And that's a big deal.Phil, another person
just showed up.

40
00:01:22,865 --> 00:01:24,693
Wow, check out
this setup, huh?

41
00:01:24,736 --> 00:01:25,955
Oh, no, no, no,
don't touch that.

42
00:01:25,998 --> 00:01:28,349
[power chord plays]

43
00:01:28,392 --> 00:01:31,743
PHIL [over P.A.]: That orgasm
was generously provided by

44
00:01:31,787 --> 00:01:34,137
Phil Miller.[Todd chuckles]

45
00:01:34,181 --> 00:01:35,791
Sorry.

46
00:01:40,187 --> 00:01:42,537
[generator humming]

47
00:01:48,064 --> 00:01:49,718
Carol.

48
00:01:49,761 --> 00:01:51,198
Turn that stuff off.

49
00:01:51,241 --> 00:01:52,199
Okay.

50
00:01:55,202 --> 00:01:58,378
Phil, you're back so soon.

51
00:01:58,422 --> 00:02:00,294
Thank you for keeping
it expedient.

52
00:02:00,337 --> 00:02:01,643
Well, it didn't happen.

53
00:02:01,686 --> 00:02:04,994
Oh, you have diarrhea?No.

54
00:02:05,037 --> 00:02:06,735
Melissa has diarrhea?

55
00:02:06,778 --> 00:02:08,170
No, Carol, nobody has diarrhea.

56
00:02:08,215 --> 00:02:09,433
Okay?
Another guy

57
00:02:09,477 --> 00:02:11,218
just showed up out of nowhere.

58
00:02:11,261 --> 00:02:14,046
What? Another person?

59
00:02:14,090 --> 00:02:15,961
Yeah, some friggin'
fat dude named Todd.

60
00:02:16,005 --> 00:02:17,311
Oh, my God.

61
00:02:17,353 --> 00:02:19,400
This is the best news.

62
00:02:19,443 --> 00:02:21,402
Melissa can repopulate
with him now and our babies

63
00:02:21,445 --> 00:02:23,186
won't have to have sex
with each other.

64
00:02:23,230 --> 00:02:25,754
Well, we're not
out of the water just yet.

65
00:02:25,797 --> 00:02:27,451
Why are we still in the water?

66
00:02:27,495 --> 00:02:30,454
Well, I just have a real hunch
that Melissa would way prefer

67
00:02:30,498 --> 00:02:33,327
to have sex with me
over this Todd character.Phil, the only

68
00:02:33,370 --> 00:02:36,199
reason we entered into
this unholy Watusi

69
00:02:36,243 --> 00:02:37,766
was to spread out the gene pool.

70
00:02:37,809 --> 00:02:39,985
Carol, shame on you.

71
00:02:40,029 --> 00:02:42,074
We can't just force Melissa
to have sex with

72
00:02:42,118 --> 00:02:44,860
some stranger. I mean,
that's called human trafficking.

73
00:02:44,903 --> 00:02:46,992
Now, she has
a constitutional right

74
00:02:47,036 --> 00:02:48,777
to choose her own
sexual partners, okay?

75
00:02:48,820 --> 00:02:52,259
This isn't Russia here.
This is the friggin' USA. Mm?

76
00:02:52,302 --> 00:02:55,218
Phil, are you really concerned
with Melissa's rights?

77
00:02:55,262 --> 00:02:57,829
Or are you just trying to
justify having sex with her?

78
00:02:59,483 --> 00:03:01,093
Yes.

79
00:03:01,137 --> 00:03:03,270
Yes to which one?

80
00:03:03,313 --> 00:03:06,011
Oh, to the one that makes you
happy. You know the one.

81
00:03:06,055 --> 00:03:08,623
Okay, good.

82
00:03:08,666 --> 00:03:10,451
Well, I want to meet him.

83
00:03:10,494 --> 00:03:12,322
Ugh, but I can't wear this.

84
00:03:12,366 --> 00:03:14,455
And all my clothes
are still wet.

85
00:03:14,498 --> 00:03:18,110
Oh, I do have one
thing that's dry.

86
00:03:18,154 --> 00:03:19,634
So what brings
you to Tucson,

87
00:03:19,677 --> 00:03:21,853
Todd?Oh, you know,
actually,

88
00:03:21,897 --> 00:03:24,378
I was on my way to Zihuatanejo
from Baltimore when

89
00:03:24,421 --> 00:03:27,468
I saw Phil's
"Alive in Tucson" billboard.

90
00:03:27,511 --> 00:03:30,471
Why were you going
to Zihuatanejo?

91
00:03:30,514 --> 00:03:32,951
I... I-I got the idea from...

92
00:03:32,995 --> 00:03:34,518
uh, The Shawshank Redemption.

93
00:03:34,562 --> 00:03:37,260
Oh my God, that's...
that's my favorite movie.

94
00:03:37,304 --> 00:03:38,827
No, it's my favorite
movie, too.

95
00:03:38,870 --> 00:03:40,394
MELISSA: I've seen it,
like, a hundred times.Melissa.

96
00:03:40,437 --> 00:03:42,047
It's just one of those movies
if you turn on the TV

97
00:03:42,091 --> 00:03:43,484
Melissa. Melissa.and it happens
to be on, you just...

98
00:03:43,527 --> 00:03:45,050
just have to finish it.You have to finish it.

99
00:03:45,094 --> 00:03:47,314
Melissa, Melissa.

100
00:03:47,357 --> 00:03:49,185
It's my favorite movie, too.

101
00:03:49,228 --> 00:03:50,882
Big Shankhead here.
[chuckles]

102
00:03:50,926 --> 00:03:52,144
I thought
you said

103
00:03:52,188 --> 00:03:54,103
your favorite movie
was The Godfather.

104
00:03:54,146 --> 00:03:55,539
Carol, are you high?

105
00:03:55,583 --> 00:03:57,846
The Godfatheris crap
next to Shawshank.

106
00:03:57,889 --> 00:04:00,327
Oh.Yes, Tom Hanks
at his finest, right?

107
00:04:00,370 --> 00:04:03,068
Tom Hanks?

108
00:04:03,112 --> 00:04:05,114
What's your favorite
part of Shawshank,Phil?

109
00:04:05,157 --> 00:04:08,509
[chuckles] Uh...

110
00:04:08,552 --> 00:04:10,511
There's so many parts.
So many parts to...

111
00:04:10,554 --> 00:04:11,903
choose from and to pick from.

112
00:04:13,688 --> 00:04:15,733
Uh, probably,
you know, the-the part

113
00:04:15,777 --> 00:04:18,692
where the Shawshank
is redeemed.

114
00:04:18,736 --> 00:04:20,564
'Cause, like,
you know,

115
00:04:20,608 --> 00:04:22,784
Hanks does some...

116
00:04:22,827 --> 00:04:24,394
Well, I've
never seen it.

117
00:04:24,438 --> 00:04:26,135
Well, I'm...
You-You got to see it.

118
00:04:26,178 --> 00:04:28,529
You know? As they say
in the movie, get busy livin'

119
00:04:28,572 --> 00:04:29,312
or get busy...Get busy dyin'.

120
00:04:29,356 --> 00:04:32,576
Dyin'. Yeah.

121
00:04:32,620 --> 00:04:35,623
It truly was
a Shawshank redemption.

122
00:04:40,802 --> 00:04:43,544
So, uh, Todd,
what are you, uh, like,

123
00:04:43,587 --> 00:04:45,459
uh, three hundo? Two fiddy?[gasps]

124
00:04:45,502 --> 00:04:46,590
Phil.

125
00:04:46,634 --> 00:04:48,113
What? What?
I got... It's...

126
00:04:48,157 --> 00:04:49,158
I'm just curious.

127
00:04:49,201 --> 00:04:51,203
Hey, guys, it's okay.

128
00:04:51,247 --> 00:04:52,553
I've been overweight
my whole life.

129
00:04:52,596 --> 00:04:54,685
See?Both... Yeah, my

130
00:04:54,729 --> 00:04:57,166
parents died
when I was really young,

131
00:04:57,209 --> 00:04:58,950
so I kind of turned
to food for comfort.

132
00:04:58,994 --> 00:05:01,039
Oh.[sighs]

133
00:05:01,083 --> 00:05:03,564
Kids were so mean, you know?

134
00:05:03,607 --> 00:05:04,608
I-I got teased a lot.

135
00:05:04,652 --> 00:05:07,437
Then, my senior year,

136
00:05:07,481 --> 00:05:09,483
I actually got voted
Homecoming King.

137
00:05:09,526 --> 00:05:11,485
All I could think
was, you know,

138
00:05:11,528 --> 00:05:13,704
if only...

139
00:05:13,748 --> 00:05:15,706
my mom and dad
could see me now.

140
00:05:15,750 --> 00:05:17,621
And, uh... anyways,

141
00:05:17,665 --> 00:05:19,449
the night of the dance comes,

142
00:05:19,493 --> 00:05:21,364
and they lead me onstage
for the coronation.

143
00:05:21,408 --> 00:05:25,194
And I'm just beaming,
you know?

144
00:05:25,237 --> 00:05:27,414
And then they
brought out my queen.

145
00:05:27,457 --> 00:05:30,068
Actually, they
led her out on a leash,

146
00:05:30,112 --> 00:05:32,767
'cause my queen was
a barnyard pig wearing a tiara.

147
00:05:34,246 --> 00:05:36,379
Oh.It was all just a...

148
00:05:36,423 --> 00:05:38,338
a big joke.

149
00:05:40,122 --> 00:05:43,168
Uh, but in answer
to your question, I'm 285.

150
00:05:43,212 --> 00:05:46,215
[whispers]:
Thank you.

151
00:05:46,258 --> 00:05:47,521
Guess what, Todd.

152
00:05:47,564 --> 00:05:49,174
All those kids
from your high school,

153
00:05:49,218 --> 00:05:50,524
they're all dead now.

154
00:05:50,567 --> 00:05:53,396
[laughs]
So screw 'em, right?

155
00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:55,485
Cheers to that.
They can lick a duck,

156
00:05:55,529 --> 00:05:56,530
Todd.

157
00:05:56,573 --> 00:05:58,967
Hey, Todd...

158
00:05:59,010 --> 00:06:01,012
They can't hurt you anymore.

159
00:06:03,580 --> 00:06:05,016
[quietly]:
Yeah.

160
00:06:05,060 --> 00:06:07,541
Well, it's...
it's been a big day.

161
00:06:07,584 --> 00:06:09,543
I should... I should
probably get to bed.

162
00:06:09,586 --> 00:06:11,022
Yeah.

163
00:06:11,066 --> 00:06:13,242
Hey, hey,
you know what? I...

164
00:06:13,285 --> 00:06:15,418
I'm so happy to be here.
I mean, I just can't wait

165
00:06:15,462 --> 00:06:17,420
to get to know you better.

166
00:06:18,813 --> 00:06:19,901
Good night.Good night.

167
00:06:19,944 --> 00:06:21,293
Good night.Good night.

168
00:06:22,599 --> 00:06:24,819
What a great guy.

169
00:06:26,342 --> 00:06:27,865
I ever told you guys that I had
a little weight problem

170
00:06:27,909 --> 00:06:28,997
myself in high school?

171
00:06:29,040 --> 00:06:31,042
No.Yeah. And
so when Todd

172
00:06:31,086 --> 00:06:34,655
told those stories, it stirred
up a lot of old gunk in me.

173
00:06:34,698 --> 00:06:36,657
All right,

174
00:06:36,700 --> 00:06:38,267
I'm gonna hit it, too, guys.

175
00:06:38,310 --> 00:06:39,703
You want to stick around
and play

176
00:06:39,747 --> 00:06:41,052
a little Cranium
or something?

177
00:06:41,096 --> 00:06:43,533
No.I'm afraid I insist.

178
00:06:43,577 --> 00:06:46,449
All right, then. Good night.

179
00:06:46,493 --> 00:06:48,538
Ah.

180
00:06:48,582 --> 00:06:50,105
Wow.

181
00:06:50,148 --> 00:06:52,455
That was like a
welding factory.

182
00:06:52,499 --> 00:06:54,065
Did you see all
those sparks?

183
00:06:54,109 --> 00:06:57,068
[softly chuckling]

184
00:06:57,112 --> 00:06:59,114
Mm.

185
00:07:07,122 --> 00:07:10,299
Oh, Carol Pilbasian Miller,

186
00:07:10,342 --> 00:07:12,083
you are one crafty devil.

187
00:07:12,127 --> 00:07:13,476
PHIL:
Carol?

188
00:07:14,651 --> 00:07:16,261
What's this?

189
00:07:16,305 --> 00:07:19,351
Oh, just a little nudge
for Melissa and Todd.

190
00:07:19,395 --> 00:07:20,527
I'm setting it up

191
00:07:20,570 --> 00:07:22,703
so they think the four of us

192
00:07:22,746 --> 00:07:24,052
are going on an outing,

193
00:07:24,095 --> 00:07:26,271
but you and I
are gonna back out

194
00:07:26,315 --> 00:07:27,577
last second.

195
00:07:27,621 --> 00:07:30,058
Carol, this is a complete
waste of glitter.

196
00:07:30,101 --> 00:07:31,276
Okay? Melissa

197
00:07:31,320 --> 00:07:32,539
would never go for Todd.

198
00:07:32,582 --> 00:07:35,063
I mean, she's beautiful
and smart

199
00:07:35,106 --> 00:07:37,326
and kind and he's...

200
00:07:37,369 --> 00:07:38,719
Todd.

201
00:07:38,762 --> 00:07:41,504
I don't know. I think they're
more alike than you think.

202
00:07:41,548 --> 00:07:44,072
I mean, they had that whole
favorite movie in common.

203
00:07:44,115 --> 00:07:45,726
Oh, please, Carol,

204
00:07:45,769 --> 00:07:48,380
love runs deeper than just
sharing a favorite movie.

205
00:07:48,424 --> 00:07:50,426
[scoffs]

206
00:07:53,908 --> 00:07:55,344
[knocking]

207
00:07:55,387 --> 00:07:57,172
Hey.

208
00:07:57,215 --> 00:07:58,521
What's up, Phil?

209
00:07:58,565 --> 00:08:00,741
Oh, just gettin' busy livin'.
[chuckles]

210
00:08:00,784 --> 00:08:01,785
I still can't believe
that Shawshank's

211
00:08:01,829 --> 00:08:03,178
your favorite movie, too.

212
00:08:03,221 --> 00:08:04,875
Uh, what a cool thing
to have in common.

213
00:08:04,919 --> 00:08:07,574
Yeah, I guess. Though it's a lot
of people's favorite movie.

214
00:08:07,617 --> 00:08:09,314
Yeah, I was actually thinking
about my favorite

215
00:08:09,358 --> 00:08:10,664
Shawshankquote this morning.
You want to hear it?

216
00:08:10,707 --> 00:08:12,753
Yeah.Okay,

217
00:08:12,796 --> 00:08:15,886
this is Red, as played
by actor Morgan Freeman.

218
00:08:15,930 --> 00:08:18,672
I have to remind myself that
some birds aren't meant

219
00:08:18,715 --> 00:08:21,979
to be caged. Their feathers
are just too bright.

220
00:08:22,023 --> 00:08:23,633
[mouths]

221
00:08:23,677 --> 00:08:24,765
Wow, that was...

222
00:08:24,808 --> 00:08:26,984
And when they fly away,
the part of you that, uh,

223
00:08:27,028 --> 00:08:29,160
knows it was a sin
to lock them up

224
00:08:29,204 --> 00:08:31,902
does rejoice.

225
00:08:31,946 --> 00:08:34,251
Huh? Yeah.That was really great.

226
00:08:34,296 --> 00:08:36,602
Oh, my God, how about last night
when I said that Tom Hanks

227
00:08:36,645 --> 00:08:38,692
was in Shawshank
and you totally fell for it?

228
00:08:38,735 --> 00:08:40,389
You should have seen
the look on your face.

229
00:08:40,432 --> 00:08:42,783
You were like, what
is this guy talking about?

230
00:08:42,826 --> 00:08:45,133
[laughs]Well, no, I just thought
you hadn't seen the movie

231
00:08:45,176 --> 00:08:46,569
and were pretending
like you had.

232
00:08:46,613 --> 00:08:49,964
Classic. If I hadn't seen it,
would I have known that

233
00:08:50,007 --> 00:08:52,270
Richard Francis-Bruce
edited the dang thing?

234
00:08:52,314 --> 00:08:54,925
Or that, uh, Ken Magee
played Ned Grimes? Oh, geez.

235
00:08:54,969 --> 00:08:57,841
What's going on here? You got a
bunch of Post-it notes up here.

236
00:08:57,885 --> 00:09:00,452
That's crazy. How'd you guys get
up there? No, no, no, I got 'em.

237
00:09:00,496 --> 00:09:03,455
[laughs] Well, I'm gonna get
these and get out of your hair.

238
00:09:03,499 --> 00:09:04,805
Your hair's looking nice,
by the way.

239
00:09:04,848 --> 00:09:06,415
Uh, quick question.

240
00:09:06,458 --> 00:09:08,591
Is now a good time
to talk about repopulation?

241
00:09:08,635 --> 00:09:09,592
No.

242
00:09:09,636 --> 00:09:10,637
Okay, good, good. Oh...

243
00:09:10,680 --> 00:09:12,682
Is this because Todd's here?

244
00:09:12,726 --> 00:09:15,163
Okay, talk to you later.

245
00:09:15,206 --> 00:09:17,034
CAROL:
It's... It seems
like it's a lot

246
00:09:17,078 --> 00:09:18,732
of glitter until
you get it on,

247
00:09:18,775 --> 00:09:20,037
and then you just
want more glitter.

248
00:09:20,081 --> 00:09:21,822
MELISSA:
It's pretty.Knock, knock.

249
00:09:21,865 --> 00:09:24,999
I'm here for the group outing.

250
00:09:25,042 --> 00:09:28,437
Ah, showed up fashionably
on time. H-Hey, Melissa.

251
00:09:28,480 --> 00:09:30,831
Hey, Todd.Look at you two

252
00:09:30,874 --> 00:09:33,224
in your fun casual wear.

253
00:09:33,268 --> 00:09:35,879
Well, I'm so excited about
today. I can't wait to just

254
00:09:35,923 --> 00:09:38,360
get out there and just
have some fun... [gulps]

255
00:09:39,448 --> 00:09:40,492
Excuse me.

256
00:09:40,536 --> 00:09:42,059
That was weird.

257
00:09:42,103 --> 00:09:44,496
I'm assuming
it was nothing.

258
00:09:44,540 --> 00:09:46,020
So what's the plan, Stan?

259
00:09:46,063 --> 00:09:48,065
Well, we are going
to Señor Goodtimes

260
00:09:48,109 --> 00:09:49,980
Family Funtorium
on Third Street.

261
00:09:50,024 --> 00:09:51,634
They got mini golf.

262
00:09:51,678 --> 00:09:53,897
Go-karts. The whole
kitchen caboodle...

263
00:09:53,941 --> 00:09:55,464
[gulps]

264
00:09:55,507 --> 00:09:56,987
Carol?

265
00:09:57,031 --> 00:09:58,859
Kitchen cabood...

266
00:09:58,902 --> 00:10:00,338
Oh, no.

267
00:10:00,382 --> 00:10:01,688
Here we go again.

268
00:10:01,731 --> 00:10:02,993
Carol, you okay?

269
00:10:03,037 --> 00:10:04,516
Hang on one second.
I'm sorry.

270
00:10:04,560 --> 00:10:06,562
No.

271
00:10:07,476 --> 00:10:08,912
[muffled groan]

272
00:10:08,956 --> 00:10:11,001
[vomiting,
splattering]

273
00:10:11,045 --> 00:10:13,874
[coughs, gagging]

274
00:10:15,919 --> 00:10:17,878
[gagging]

275
00:10:17,921 --> 00:10:19,662
[coughing]

276
00:10:19,706 --> 00:10:23,057
[sighs] Okay.
All better now.

277
00:10:23,100 --> 00:10:24,667
[loud retching]

278
00:10:24,711 --> 00:10:27,017
[coughs]Ooh.

279
00:10:27,061 --> 00:10:29,063
[panting]

280
00:10:31,543 --> 00:10:33,067
Oh.
C...

281
00:10:33,110 --> 00:10:34,938
I am so sorry.
TODD:
No.

282
00:10:34,982 --> 00:10:37,462
I don't know if you heard that,
but I just vomited.

283
00:10:37,506 --> 00:10:38,681
Yeah.
Yeah, we heard.

284
00:10:38,725 --> 00:10:40,465
Want to see it for proof?

285
00:10:40,509 --> 00:10:41,771
No, no, no, no.No, it's okay.

286
00:10:41,815 --> 00:10:42,685
I just don't know

287
00:10:42,729 --> 00:10:44,905
if I can go
on this outing anymore.

288
00:10:44,948 --> 00:10:46,820
You two go ahead without me.TODD:
You sure?

289
00:10:46,863 --> 00:10:48,691
Yeah.
Hey, party's in here
I guess, huh?

290
00:10:48,735 --> 00:10:50,824
We're not gonna leave
you here when you're sick.

291
00:10:50,867 --> 00:10:52,826
Oh, that's okay. Phil... Phil
will take care of me. Phil?

292
00:10:52,869 --> 00:10:54,741
What?
I just vomited.

293
00:10:54,784 --> 00:10:56,568
It's in the pot
if you want proof.

294
00:10:56,612 --> 00:10:59,267
I'm gonna need you to
stay here with me, so...

295
00:10:59,310 --> 00:11:00,747
I want to go with them.

296
00:11:00,790 --> 00:11:01,922
Phil, you can't leave

297
00:11:01,965 --> 00:11:03,314
your sick wife all alone.

298
00:11:03,358 --> 00:11:04,925
Yeah, but, Carol...

299
00:11:04,968 --> 00:11:05,882
Uh...

300
00:11:07,101 --> 00:11:09,146
You're right.
You're right, yeah.

301
00:11:09,190 --> 00:11:10,844
You guys go ahead without us.

302
00:11:10,887 --> 00:11:12,976
Uh, got to stay here
with my number one.

303
00:11:13,020 --> 00:11:14,586
[laughter]

304
00:11:14,630 --> 00:11:15,762
You guys have fun.TODD:
All right.

305
00:11:15,805 --> 00:11:17,285
MELISSA:
Thanks. Well,
feel better.

306
00:11:17,328 --> 00:11:18,503
TODD:
Yeah.
[whispers]:
I'm sorry.

307
00:11:18,547 --> 00:11:19,766
TODD:
Bye.
Gosh.

308
00:11:19,809 --> 00:11:20,723
Bye.
Bye, Phil.
Thank you.

309
00:11:20,767 --> 00:11:22,682
See you, buddy.Yup. Yup.

310
00:11:24,596 --> 00:11:26,207
And that's the Pilbasian nudge.

311
00:11:26,250 --> 00:11:27,774
[laughs]

312
00:11:27,817 --> 00:11:29,863
You want some soup?

313
00:11:35,477 --> 00:11:37,435
[laughing]

314
00:11:37,479 --> 00:11:39,960
MELISSA:
Gonna bump ya.

315
00:11:40,003 --> 00:11:41,657
Oh. Oh, yeah?

316
00:11:41,701 --> 00:11:43,441
[laughing]

317
00:11:43,485 --> 00:11:45,530
Oh, you having fun, playing
around on your little date?

318
00:11:45,574 --> 00:11:48,533
[whooping, laughing][laughing]

319
00:11:48,577 --> 00:11:50,753
She makes it seem like
she's having fun by laughing,

320
00:11:50,797 --> 00:11:52,973
but I know
what her real laugh's like.

321
00:11:53,016 --> 00:11:54,017
[screaming]

322
00:11:54,061 --> 00:11:56,237
[laughter]PHIL: God.

323
00:11:56,280 --> 00:11:59,109
What a waste
of an afternoon for her.

324
00:11:59,153 --> 00:12:01,633
Break something
in the parking lot.

325
00:12:01,677 --> 00:12:02,809
Señor Goodtimes.
MELISSA:
That's my goal.

326
00:12:02,852 --> 00:12:03,940
Got it. I can feel it.

327
00:12:06,029 --> 00:12:07,901
[ball thudding]Oh, my goodness!

328
00:12:07,944 --> 00:12:11,121
Oh, playing normal golf
at a putt-putt place.

329
00:12:11,165 --> 00:12:12,775
How original!

330
00:12:12,819 --> 00:12:14,646
I did that on, like,
day one here.

331
00:12:14,690 --> 00:12:17,824
[whooping]
PHIL:
Can't you get it
through your head, dude?

332
00:12:17,867 --> 00:12:19,651
You're in the friend zone!

333
00:12:19,695 --> 00:12:21,044
Ready?
Yes.

334
00:12:21,088 --> 00:12:22,089
Eyes closed.
Okay.

335
00:12:24,047 --> 00:12:25,919
Mmm.

336
00:12:25,962 --> 00:12:28,356
Easy. Sour apple.

337
00:12:28,399 --> 00:12:30,053
[chuckling]
You are good.

338
00:12:30,097 --> 00:12:32,447
All right, your turn. Ready?Okay.

339
00:12:32,490 --> 00:12:34,449
Don't give me licorice again.

340
00:12:34,492 --> 00:12:38,061
[laughing]:
What kind of guy do you
think I am, huh? Mm.
[laughs]

341
00:12:38,105 --> 00:12:40,150
Todd. Ew! Todd!I didn't know that was licorice.

342
00:12:40,194 --> 00:12:43,066
I didn't know
it was licorice.Jellybean shower for you.

343
00:12:43,110 --> 00:12:44,415
Okay. I swear
I didn't know.

344
00:12:44,459 --> 00:12:46,026
[laughing]:
You're getting a
jellybean shower.
No!

345
00:12:46,069 --> 00:12:48,811
[Melissa shrieks]
TODD:
You are!

346
00:12:48,855 --> 00:12:51,248
You're gonna get it.[laughing]

347
00:12:51,292 --> 00:12:54,599
You can't be falling
for this dude, can you?

348
00:12:54,643 --> 00:12:57,037
Truce?
All right.

349
00:12:57,080 --> 00:12:58,865
Nah, you're just friends.

350
00:13:04,784 --> 00:13:06,698
PHIL:
Carol, I don't want to

351
00:13:06,742 --> 00:13:09,614
demean your system here,
but it's just so elaborate.

352
00:13:09,658 --> 00:13:12,052
You just have a rag and a brush?

353
00:13:12,095 --> 00:13:15,055
Just keep spinning.

354
00:13:15,098 --> 00:13:18,058
Oh, I heard Melissa and Todd
had a really fun time today.

355
00:13:18,101 --> 00:13:20,495
Is that so?
That is so.

356
00:13:20,538 --> 00:13:24,064
And, uh, they're going
on another date tomorrow.

357
00:13:24,107 --> 00:13:26,109
What?Yeah, a tennis date.

358
00:13:26,153 --> 00:13:27,241
[laughs]

359
00:13:27,284 --> 00:13:29,460
Ah, I told you all they needed
was a little nudge.

360
00:13:29,504 --> 00:13:31,201
Carol, will you
stop nudging them?

361
00:13:31,245 --> 00:13:32,637
It's just wrong!

362
00:13:32,681 --> 00:13:34,117
I mean, you're
trying to play God.

363
00:13:34,161 --> 00:13:35,902
That's enough nudges!

364
00:13:35,945 --> 00:13:37,207
This one wasn't me.

365
00:13:37,251 --> 00:13:39,209
Melissa asked Todd.

366
00:13:39,253 --> 00:13:41,690
She did?

367
00:13:41,733 --> 00:13:43,779
That's the power
of the Pilbasian nudge.

368
00:13:43,823 --> 00:13:45,476
It's like a Slinky.

369
00:13:45,520 --> 00:13:47,739
I just give them
the initial push, and they take

370
00:13:47,783 --> 00:13:49,480
the rest of the steps
on their own.

371
00:13:49,524 --> 00:13:51,352
You know what, Carol?

372
00:13:51,395 --> 00:13:52,657
Maybe we should join them.

373
00:13:52,701 --> 00:13:55,095
I think we should let them
be alone together.

374
00:13:55,138 --> 00:13:56,923
Well, this is a really
critical time for them.

375
00:13:56,966 --> 00:13:59,534
You know, one false move, and
the whole thing could be off.

376
00:13:59,577 --> 00:14:02,363
Phil Miller, getting in
on the nudge game, huh?

377
00:14:02,406 --> 00:14:05,018
I just want to be
there to make sure

378
00:14:05,061 --> 00:14:08,021
things go exactly
how we want them to.

379
00:14:08,064 --> 00:14:11,894
All right, guys, well, thanks
again for letting us join here.Mm-hmm.

380
00:14:11,938 --> 00:14:13,940
Yeah. Keep in mind,
I've never played
before. Thanks.

381
00:14:13,983 --> 00:14:16,464
Well, don't worry, Todd.
You're gonna be on my team.

382
00:14:16,507 --> 00:14:18,596
I'll show you the ropes.Oh, no, no, no.

383
00:14:18,640 --> 00:14:20,163
I think Todd should
be with Melissa.

384
00:14:20,207 --> 00:14:22,296
Oh, too late, Carol.
I called him.

385
00:14:22,339 --> 00:14:24,298
[Phil laughs, laughter]

386
00:14:24,341 --> 00:14:26,778
Okay, so, Melissa, why don't you
and Carol be shirts,

387
00:14:26,822 --> 00:14:28,345
and Todd and I will be skins?

388
00:14:30,086 --> 00:14:31,958
Shirts and skins?
You don't do that in tennis.

389
00:14:32,001 --> 00:14:33,960
Oh, no, not normally,
but you know,

390
00:14:34,003 --> 00:14:35,091
Todd's new to
the game. I think

391
00:14:35,135 --> 00:14:36,919
it'll be easier
for him to identify the teams

392
00:14:36,963 --> 00:14:38,268
if we're doing shirts and skins.

393
00:14:38,312 --> 00:14:40,053
There's a net
separating the teams.

394
00:14:40,096 --> 00:14:41,968
Yeah, but what if
the net breaks?

395
00:14:42,011 --> 00:14:43,795
Oh, look at you.
Got a little belly.

396
00:14:43,839 --> 00:14:45,319
[laughs]No, I don't. I do not.

397
00:14:45,362 --> 00:14:46,711
Pop a skin. Come on.

398
00:14:46,755 --> 00:14:48,278
Uh, you know, I don't care.

399
00:14:48,322 --> 00:14:50,063
I mean, it's kind of hot
out here anyway, so,

400
00:14:50,106 --> 00:14:51,586
skins it is.

401
00:14:51,629 --> 00:14:54,154
MELISSA:
Oh, my God.

402
00:14:54,197 --> 00:14:56,286
Todd, what happened?

403
00:14:56,330 --> 00:14:57,505
It's pretty simple really.

404
00:14:57,548 --> 00:14:58,810
Just a long history
of overeating.

405
00:14:59,986 --> 00:15:01,552
You mean the scar?

406
00:15:01,596 --> 00:15:03,076
Scar?

407
00:15:03,119 --> 00:15:04,947
Oh, ew!
[laughs]

408
00:15:04,991 --> 00:15:07,210
It's disgusting, right?

409
00:15:07,254 --> 00:15:10,300
I donated one of my kidneys
to my foster brother Hector.

410
00:15:10,344 --> 00:15:12,999
Oh, that is so sweet.CAROL: Todd.

411
00:15:13,042 --> 00:15:14,522
Tennis, anyone?

412
00:15:14,565 --> 00:15:16,959
It was about
ten years ago.

413
00:15:17,003 --> 00:15:20,528
He had this disease where his
kidneys couldn't process sodium.

414
00:15:20,571 --> 00:15:23,183
We could not find a donor.
You know, so I got checked out.

415
00:15:23,226 --> 00:15:25,228
It was a match,
and, uh...Love serving love!

416
00:15:25,272 --> 00:15:26,534
...a week later,
we did the surgery.Yeah.

417
00:15:26,577 --> 00:15:27,970
First, it was looking
really good, you know?

418
00:15:28,014 --> 00:15:29,232
Love serving love.

419
00:15:29,276 --> 00:15:30,973
Hector was starting
to get his color back.

420
00:15:31,017 --> 00:15:33,193
And all of a sudden...Okay, fault!

421
00:15:33,236 --> 00:15:34,977
...his body rejected the kidney.

422
00:15:35,021 --> 00:15:36,196
Oh.
Aw.

423
00:15:36,239 --> 00:15:37,806
Just like that, he was gone.

424
00:15:39,242 --> 00:15:40,548
PHIL:
Uh... let.

425
00:15:40,591 --> 00:15:42,028
He was only 13.

426
00:15:42,071 --> 00:15:43,333
PHIL:
Serving two!

427
00:15:43,377 --> 00:15:45,248
CAROL: That's horrible.I'm so sorry.
PHIL: Up!

428
00:15:45,292 --> 00:15:48,164
I'm sorry. I'm just gonna...

429
00:15:48,208 --> 00:15:50,123
PHIL:
Guys, we're losing
the light here!

430
00:15:50,165 --> 00:15:52,342
Need a minute. Thank you.

431
00:15:52,386 --> 00:15:55,084
Wait, Todd. Wait.

432
00:15:55,128 --> 00:15:57,130
Oh, poor guy.

433
00:15:57,173 --> 00:15:59,871
I'm gonna go check on Todd.No, leave them alone!

434
00:15:59,915 --> 00:16:02,004
I will.
Oh...

435
00:16:07,140 --> 00:16:10,012
Oh.

436
00:16:10,056 --> 00:16:12,145
Brilliant nudge.

437
00:16:12,188 --> 00:16:15,452
How did you know
about the scar?

438
00:16:15,496 --> 00:16:18,151
Just dumb luck, I guess.

439
00:16:18,194 --> 00:16:20,066
CAROL:
Well, it worked perfectly.

440
00:16:24,635 --> 00:16:26,507
Mm.

441
00:16:30,990 --> 00:16:33,165
[whispering]:
Got to stop this.
Got to stop this.

442
00:16:33,209 --> 00:16:35,037
Got to do something
to stop this.

443
00:16:35,081 --> 00:16:36,473
Stop this.

444
00:16:36,517 --> 00:16:40,042
Hey! Just checking in
to see how you're doing tonight.

445
00:16:40,086 --> 00:16:41,261
I'm fine.

446
00:16:41,304 --> 00:16:43,828
Good, good. Good.

447
00:16:43,872 --> 00:16:46,309
So, uh, Todd, huh?

448
00:16:46,353 --> 00:16:47,267
[chuckles]

449
00:16:47,310 --> 00:16:49,051
What a guy.

450
00:16:49,095 --> 00:16:50,096
Yeah, he's a great guy.

451
00:16:50,139 --> 00:16:51,619
Yeah, yeah.

452
00:16:51,662 --> 00:16:54,317
Just a big ol' breath
of fresh air, or...

453
00:16:54,361 --> 00:16:56,276
seems like it right now
at least, huh?

454
00:16:56,319 --> 00:16:57,625
How so?

455
00:16:57,668 --> 00:16:59,627
Well...

456
00:16:59,670 --> 00:17:02,238
I have a lot of experience
with the fat community.

457
00:17:02,282 --> 00:17:05,328
Uh, in the old world,
all of my friends were fats.

458
00:17:05,372 --> 00:17:07,548
You know,
just every last one of them.

459
00:17:07,590 --> 00:17:10,420
My skinniest friend was 225,
and he was five foot, two.

460
00:17:10,464 --> 00:17:13,336
So I know the mindset
of the fats very well.

461
00:17:13,380 --> 00:17:14,903
And what is the mindset?

462
00:17:14,945 --> 00:17:17,079
Fats are very loose
with the facts.

463
00:17:17,123 --> 00:17:20,213
You know, they've been ridiculed
their whole lives, so they,

464
00:17:20,256 --> 00:17:22,171
you know...
they pump up their stats.

465
00:17:22,214 --> 00:17:24,565
Uh, for instance, a fat who
works in a mailroom might claim

466
00:17:24,608 --> 00:17:27,089
at a cocktail party that
they're the CEO of the company.

467
00:17:27,133 --> 00:17:29,091
That kind of stuff. Uh...

468
00:17:29,135 --> 00:17:32,486
You know, I hate to say this,
I really do, but...

469
00:17:32,529 --> 00:17:34,662
it's hard to trust fats.

470
00:17:34,705 --> 00:17:36,881
You are such an ass.

471
00:17:36,925 --> 00:17:38,187
I'm concerned about you.

472
00:17:38,231 --> 00:17:39,536
Wait! Wait! Wait! Melissa!

473
00:17:39,580 --> 00:17:41,712
Come on, I'm trying
to help you here!

474
00:17:42,757 --> 00:17:45,673
Damn it!

475
00:17:45,716 --> 00:17:47,718
[sighs]

476
00:17:53,376 --> 00:17:55,074
[sighs]

477
00:17:56,858 --> 00:17:58,512
Melissa!

478
00:17:58,555 --> 00:18:00,905
I'm sorry. Todd's a great guy.

479
00:18:00,949 --> 00:18:02,472
He didn't deserve this.

480
00:18:02,516 --> 00:18:04,779
I think I'm going crazy.

481
00:18:04,822 --> 00:18:07,956
[sighs]

482
00:18:07,999 --> 00:18:10,741
Look, for the last
two years, I've...

483
00:18:10,785 --> 00:18:13,004
All I've been doing is,
like, going around

484
00:18:13,048 --> 00:18:15,050
drinking and breaking stuff

485
00:18:15,094 --> 00:18:19,359
and-and talking to sports balls
like they were people.

486
00:18:19,402 --> 00:18:22,144
But now that actual people
are here, I...

487
00:18:22,188 --> 00:18:25,147
You know, I'm still trying to
figure out how to talk to 'em.

488
00:18:25,191 --> 00:18:28,150
So... you're right.

489
00:18:28,194 --> 00:18:30,152
I'm an ass.

490
00:18:30,196 --> 00:18:32,285
But whether
you believe it or not,

491
00:18:32,328 --> 00:18:35,244
I'm-I'm really, really sorry.

492
00:18:36,289 --> 00:18:38,813
Okay. Good night.

493
00:18:45,559 --> 00:18:48,518
You talk to sports balls?

494
00:18:48,562 --> 00:18:50,607
PHIL:
And that's Bryce,
and that is Antawn

495
00:18:50,651 --> 00:18:53,393
and Diego and Gary.

496
00:18:53,436 --> 00:18:54,785
Gary's like my
best friend.

497
00:18:54,829 --> 00:18:58,006
[laughs]
Nice to meet you.
Yeah.

498
00:18:58,049 --> 00:18:59,225
Thanks for
showing me this.

499
00:18:59,268 --> 00:19:01,009
That explains
a lot, actually.

500
00:19:01,052 --> 00:19:02,532
Yeah. I know.
[laughs]

501
00:19:02,576 --> 00:19:04,447
You want a whiskey?

502
00:19:04,491 --> 00:19:05,840
Sure.
Okay.

503
00:19:05,883 --> 00:19:08,059
All right.

504
00:19:08,103 --> 00:19:10,061
Phil, can I ask
you something?

505
00:19:10,105 --> 00:19:12,412
Sure.

506
00:19:12,455 --> 00:19:14,414
What's your favorite movie?

507
00:19:14,457 --> 00:19:16,764
[laughs]

508
00:19:16,807 --> 00:19:18,418
What is my favorite movie?

509
00:19:18,461 --> 00:19:21,464
Mm.
Uh...

510
00:19:21,508 --> 00:19:23,205
The Godfather.

511
00:19:23,249 --> 00:19:25,076
Why didn't you just say that?

512
00:19:25,120 --> 00:19:27,340
I don't know.
I just... I don't know.

513
00:19:27,383 --> 00:19:30,343
The Godfatheris like
my second favorite movie.

514
00:19:30,386 --> 00:19:32,345
And Tom Hanks is phenomenal
in it.

515
00:19:32,388 --> 00:19:34,869
[both laugh]

516
00:19:34,912 --> 00:19:38,002
I deserved that.
I did deserve that.

517
00:19:38,046 --> 00:19:40,266
Just be honest
with me about stuff.

518
00:19:40,309 --> 00:19:42,006
Yeah?

519
00:19:42,050 --> 00:19:43,225
Yeah.

520
00:19:43,269 --> 00:19:45,706
Okay, okay.

521
00:19:45,749 --> 00:19:47,751
Well, here goes nothing.

522
00:19:49,275 --> 00:19:51,886
[exhales loudly
through his mouth]

523
00:19:53,409 --> 00:19:57,848
You... were the one
I was waiting for.

524
00:19:57,892 --> 00:19:59,807
From the moment I met you,

525
00:19:59,850 --> 00:20:02,592
you took my breath away.

526
00:20:02,636 --> 00:20:06,596
I mean, I've never felt this way
about anybody else before.

527
00:20:06,640 --> 00:20:08,250
And...

528
00:20:08,294 --> 00:20:10,470
when I'm around you,
I'm a frigging idiot.

529
00:20:10,513 --> 00:20:11,906
I say the dumbest things.

530
00:20:11,949 --> 00:20:14,038
Because I can't
think straight.

531
00:20:14,082 --> 00:20:17,607
Because...
when I look into your eyes,

532
00:20:17,651 --> 00:20:19,827
all I can think about is

533
00:20:19,870 --> 00:20:22,351
how every minute
of every day

534
00:20:22,395 --> 00:20:25,572
I want to be
looking into those eyes.

535
00:20:27,487 --> 00:20:30,272
I think I'm falling
in love with you.

536
00:20:30,316 --> 00:20:31,882
Is there any chance

537
00:20:31,926 --> 00:20:35,103
that you would feel
that same way about me?

538
00:20:37,018 --> 00:20:39,020
No.

539
00:20:47,115 --> 00:20:49,552
So I was gonna say
all that stuff to Carol.

540
00:20:49,596 --> 00:20:52,163
Uh, what do you think?
Any notes? [sniffles]

541
00:20:52,207 --> 00:20:54,122
No, I think
Carol will love that.

542
00:20:54,165 --> 00:20:56,559
Yeah, good. Okay,
that's what I was thinking, too.

543
00:20:56,603 --> 00:20:59,954
Yeah, I'll just keep it exactly
the same for Carol. Yeah.

544
00:20:59,997 --> 00:21:02,173
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org

545
00:21:36,295 --> 00:21:37,557
CHILDREN:
Uncle Stinky.

546
00:21:37,600 --> 00:21:39,254
[horn honking]