1
00:00:03,133 --> 00:00:04,917
I think I'm falling
in love with you.

2
00:00:04,961 --> 00:00:06,136
Is there any chance

3
00:00:06,180 --> 00:00:08,051
that you would feel
that same way about me?

4
00:00:08,095 --> 00:00:09,879
No.

5
00:00:09,922 --> 00:00:11,794
So I was gonna say
all that stuff to Carol.

6
00:00:14,797 --> 00:00:19,280
And if I'm being
completely honest,

7
00:00:19,323 --> 00:00:23,197
I think I'm falling
in love with you.

8
00:00:23,240 --> 00:00:26,591
Is there any chance that you're
feeling the same way about me?

9
00:00:29,159 --> 00:00:30,595
No.

10
00:00:34,817 --> 00:00:38,255
What I feel is so much
deeper than love.

11
00:00:41,258 --> 00:00:44,261
["She Drives Me Crazy"
by Fine Young Cannibals begins]

12
00:00:56,969 --> 00:00:59,450
I choose you.

13
00:00:59,494 --> 00:01:01,539
I choose you, Phil Miller.

14
00:01:05,239 --> 00:01:08,198
♪ She drives me crazy...

15
00:01:08,242 --> 00:01:10,244
[whispering]:
I choose you, Phil Miller.

16
00:01:10,287 --> 00:01:13,247
[in distance]:
♪ Like no one else

17
00:01:13,289 --> 00:01:15,684
♪ She drives me crazy

18
00:01:15,727 --> 00:01:19,818
♪ And I can't help myself...

19
00:01:21,603 --> 00:01:23,648
What the hell?

20
00:01:31,830 --> 00:01:33,223
Oh, sorry about that.

21
00:01:33,267 --> 00:01:34,789
I woke up
for a second.

22
00:01:34,833 --> 00:01:36,183
No problem.

23
00:01:36,226 --> 00:01:38,228
Yeah, it's okay,
buddy.

24
00:01:38,271 --> 00:01:39,273
[screams]

25
00:01:39,316 --> 00:01:41,840
[screams]

26
00:01:47,324 --> 00:01:49,021
I need to talk to you.
Carol!

27
00:01:49,065 --> 00:01:51,850
How many times have I told you
this is my private time?!

28
00:01:51,894 --> 00:01:55,071
Your private time is poisoning
the neighborhood, okay?

29
00:01:55,115 --> 00:01:56,638
This is
Stink City, Phil.

30
00:01:56,681 --> 00:01:58,074
You know what, Carol, just...

31
00:01:58,118 --> 00:01:59,380
[scoffs]
Do I go into your house

32
00:01:59,423 --> 00:02:01,599
and tell you what to do
with your little lady turds?

33
00:02:01,643 --> 00:02:03,210
No, and you never will.

34
00:02:03,253 --> 00:02:05,212
Because I don't go
to Brown Town in my house.

35
00:02:05,255 --> 00:02:06,648
What? Where do you do it?

36
00:02:06,691 --> 00:02:08,039
Various mid-range hotels.

37
00:02:08,084 --> 00:02:09,216
Ugh, gross.

38
00:02:09,259 --> 00:02:11,043
You got to do something
about this.

39
00:02:11,087 --> 00:02:13,655
I can't walk around
with "alpine blast" dryer sheets

40
00:02:13,698 --> 00:02:15,657
up my nose every goldarn day.

41
00:02:15,700 --> 00:02:17,093
This isn't my look.

42
00:02:17,137 --> 00:02:18,225
I'm a lady.

43
00:02:18,268 --> 00:02:20,618
Carol, I will not be cowed
by your bullying!

44
00:02:20,662 --> 00:02:23,404
So please go,
okay? Now.

45
00:02:23,447 --> 00:02:25,275
I-I'm afraid I insist.

46
00:02:25,319 --> 00:02:28,278
[scoffs] What's got
your goat today?

47
00:02:28,322 --> 00:02:30,280
I'm just cranky
'cause I didn't sleep last night

48
00:02:30,324 --> 00:02:32,326
because of that stupid song
coming from Melissa's house.

49
00:02:32,369 --> 00:02:34,632
Ah, I can't hear anything
over my sleep apnea machine.

50
00:02:34,676 --> 00:02:36,895
Well, if you didn't have
your sleep machine on,

51
00:02:36,939 --> 00:02:38,767
you would have heard
that song all night long.

52
00:02:38,810 --> 00:02:40,421
Oh, I love that song.

53
00:02:40,464 --> 00:02:42,379
♪ All night long

54
00:02:42,423 --> 00:02:44,033
Carol.
♪ All night

55
00:02:44,076 --> 00:02:45,861
♪ All night...
You sing the echo.

56
00:02:45,904 --> 00:02:47,863
♪ All night long

57
00:02:47,906 --> 00:02:49,081
♪ All night...

58
00:02:49,125 --> 00:02:50,474
That's my karaoke
go-to.

59
00:02:50,518 --> 00:02:52,041
It-it wasn't that song.

60
00:02:52,084 --> 00:02:54,435
You said I would have heard
that song, "All Night Long."

61
00:02:54,478 --> 00:02:56,045
It was some other song.

62
00:02:56,088 --> 00:02:59,309
But that other song you would
have heard all night long.

63
00:02:59,353 --> 00:03:00,484
Hmm, interesting.

64
00:03:00,528 --> 00:03:03,792
Maybe Melissa and Todd were
having a little jamba jamba.

65
00:03:03,835 --> 00:03:05,837
[scoffs] Carol,
if you're referring to sex,

66
00:03:05,881 --> 00:03:07,448
it's extremely unlikely.

67
00:03:07,491 --> 00:03:09,450
I mean, they just
met a few days ago.

68
00:03:09,493 --> 00:03:11,713
You proposed to me
after a few days.

69
00:03:11,756 --> 00:03:13,497
Love moves fast
in this new world.

70
00:03:13,541 --> 00:03:16,108
Well, I'm off
to the Wyndham.

71
00:03:16,152 --> 00:03:19,068
♪ Sambalita-saymoya

72
00:03:19,111 --> 00:03:21,331
♪ Hey, jambo jambo.

73
00:03:23,551 --> 00:03:25,335
Mmm.

74
00:03:26,336 --> 00:03:27,598
Hey, bud.

75
00:03:27,642 --> 00:03:28,904
Hey, Phil.

76
00:03:28,947 --> 00:03:30,732
Top of the morning.
How you doing?

77
00:03:30,775 --> 00:03:34,257
Oh, you know, just enjoying
this beautiful day.
[chuckles]

78
00:03:34,301 --> 00:03:35,954
Somebody woke up
on the right side of the bed.

79
00:03:35,998 --> 00:03:37,478
You get a lot of sleep
last night?

80
00:03:37,521 --> 00:03:39,175
Yeah, sure did.

81
00:03:39,219 --> 00:03:40,307
'Cause there was
this song playing

82
00:03:40,350 --> 00:03:42,309
over at Melissa's house
all night long.

83
00:03:42,352 --> 00:03:44,267
Not the Lionel Richie song
"All Night Long."

84
00:03:44,311 --> 00:03:45,877
Want to make that clear.

85
00:03:45,921 --> 00:03:48,358
But, uh, yeah, this other song--
did you hear that, too?

86
00:03:48,402 --> 00:03:49,968
Oh, we were...

87
00:03:50,012 --> 00:03:51,317
I mean, excuse me, she was...

88
00:03:51,361 --> 00:03:52,406
I mean...

89
00:03:52,449 --> 00:03:54,538
Yes, I did hear it
a little bit, but I...

90
00:03:54,582 --> 00:03:56,497
Todd...

91
00:03:56,540 --> 00:03:58,412
[chuckles]

92
00:03:58,454 --> 00:04:00,196
Yeah.

93
00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:01,502
Slipped a little "we"
in there, didn't you?

94
00:04:01,545 --> 00:04:03,417
Oh, um, did I?

95
00:04:03,460 --> 00:04:04,548
Yeah, you did.

96
00:04:04,592 --> 00:04:05,549
Huh.
Come on.

97
00:04:05,593 --> 00:04:06,550
The jig is up.

98
00:04:06,594 --> 00:04:07,551
What happened?

99
00:04:07,595 --> 00:04:08,987
[both laugh]

100
00:04:09,031 --> 00:04:10,554
What happened?

101
00:04:10,598 --> 00:04:12,991
[both laugh]

102
00:04:13,035 --> 00:04:15,385
I don't know... I don't know
what you're talking about, Phil.

103
00:04:15,429 --> 00:04:16,430
I don't.

104
00:04:16,473 --> 00:04:17,430
Broham.
Broham.

105
00:04:17,474 --> 00:04:19,433
Toddler.
Yeah.

106
00:04:19,476 --> 00:04:22,523
I want some deets, and I
want them pronto, okay?

107
00:04:22,566 --> 00:04:24,568
Hit me up,
my main man.

108
00:04:24,612 --> 00:04:26,440
What is up with
you and Melissa?

109
00:04:26,483 --> 00:04:28,572
Nothing, Phil.

110
00:04:28,616 --> 00:04:30,095
Hey, Todd.

111
00:04:30,139 --> 00:04:31,575
Yeah.

112
00:04:31,619 --> 00:04:33,882
It's me.

113
00:04:33,925 --> 00:04:35,275
Okay.

114
00:04:36,798 --> 00:04:38,365
Bro to bro.

115
00:04:38,408 --> 00:04:39,627
That's the only
way I play it.

116
00:04:42,499 --> 00:04:44,457
We did it, Phil.

117
00:04:44,501 --> 00:04:47,722
Melissa and I had sex.

118
00:04:48,766 --> 00:04:51,116
No.

119
00:04:51,159 --> 00:04:52,553
Way.

120
00:04:52,596 --> 00:04:54,598
[laughs]

121
00:04:54,642 --> 00:04:55,817
No way.

122
00:04:55,860 --> 00:04:58,950
And it was
like a dream.

123
00:04:58,994 --> 00:05:00,952
We were just hanging out
at her house,

124
00:05:00,996 --> 00:05:02,519
drinking wine,
Mm-hmm.

125
00:05:02,563 --> 00:05:04,739
and then all of a sudden,
out of nowhere,

126
00:05:04,782 --> 00:05:06,697
we just started
kissing, you know?Yeah.

127
00:05:06,741 --> 00:05:09,178
Anyways, after, like,
an hour of making out,

128
00:05:09,221 --> 00:05:10,788
she grabs me
by the arm,

129
00:05:10,832 --> 00:05:12,224
leads me upstairs,

130
00:05:12,268 --> 00:05:13,835
and we just started
going at it.

131
00:05:13,878 --> 00:05:15,010
[laughs]
I know.

132
00:05:15,053 --> 00:05:16,446
Then that song
got stuck on repeat.

133
00:05:16,490 --> 00:05:17,578
I'm so sorry, man.

134
00:05:17,621 --> 00:05:21,625
[laughing]: Then it kind of
became our sex song.

135
00:05:21,669 --> 00:05:23,584
Awesome.
Yeah.

136
00:05:23,627 --> 00:05:25,586
Our sex song-- I've never had
a sex song before.

137
00:05:25,629 --> 00:05:27,588
Awesome.

138
00:05:27,631 --> 00:05:29,590
It was the...

139
00:05:29,633 --> 00:05:31,243
greatest night
of my life.

140
00:05:31,287 --> 00:05:33,028
I can't stop giggling,
you know.

141
00:05:33,071 --> 00:05:35,422
I'm just so happy.

142
00:05:35,465 --> 00:05:37,511
Happy for you.

143
00:05:38,642 --> 00:05:40,470
Oh, hey, Phil.

144
00:05:40,514 --> 00:05:41,602
Hey.

145
00:05:41,645 --> 00:05:43,473
Uh, Todd, could you
come over to my place?

146
00:05:43,517 --> 00:05:45,475
I need some help
with that thing.

147
00:05:45,519 --> 00:05:47,477
Maybe I could help.

148
00:05:47,521 --> 00:05:49,871
I-I'm pretty good
with... things.

149
00:05:49,914 --> 00:05:52,874
No, it's a project Todd
already started on.

150
00:05:52,917 --> 00:05:55,267
Sure, I'll jump,
uh, right on that.

151
00:05:55,311 --> 00:05:57,269
Great.

152
00:05:58,706 --> 00:06:00,403
[whispering]:
She's talking about sex.

153
00:06:00,447 --> 00:06:02,579
Can you believe it?

154
00:06:02,623 --> 00:06:05,582
This is my life now.

155
00:06:13,503 --> 00:06:16,506
["She Drives Me Crazy"
begins playing in distance]

156
00:06:18,378 --> 00:06:19,291
Good for him.

157
00:06:19,335 --> 00:06:20,336
Happy for him.

158
00:06:20,380 --> 00:06:21,424
That's great, that's great.

159
00:06:21,468 --> 00:06:22,991
Yeah, I can't think
of a person...

160
00:06:23,034 --> 00:06:24,514
person I'd rather
have this happen to.

161
00:06:24,558 --> 00:06:25,515
He deserves this.

162
00:06:25,559 --> 00:06:26,516
He's a good person.

163
00:06:26,560 --> 00:06:28,562
[mumbles]

164
00:06:34,742 --> 00:06:36,744
[muffled screaming]

165
00:06:44,142 --> 00:06:47,102
[in distance]:
♪ Like no one else

166
00:06:47,145 --> 00:06:49,147
♪ She drives me crazy

167
00:06:49,191 --> 00:06:51,715
Would you give it
a frigging rest already?!

168
00:06:51,759 --> 00:06:54,326
[scoffs]

169
00:07:01,682 --> 00:07:03,771
How's your oatmeal?

170
00:07:05,599 --> 00:07:07,557
Fine.

171
00:07:07,601 --> 00:07:08,819
Oh, did you make
any progress cleaning out

172
00:07:08,863 --> 00:07:10,342
that disgusting toilet pool?

173
00:07:12,388 --> 00:07:13,607
Yeah.

174
00:07:13,650 --> 00:07:15,043
Phil?

175
00:07:15,086 --> 00:07:17,567
Did you really work on it, or
are you just telling me you did?

176
00:07:18,655 --> 00:07:20,309
I'm just telling you I did.

177
00:07:21,441 --> 00:07:22,659
[sighs]

178
00:07:26,707 --> 00:07:28,056
Oh.

179
00:07:28,099 --> 00:07:30,667
I talked to Melissa today.

180
00:07:30,711 --> 00:07:33,844
She told me that she
and Todd are doing it

181
00:07:33,888 --> 00:07:35,150
left and right.

182
00:07:35,193 --> 00:07:37,282
Like, sexually.
Did you know that?

183
00:07:37,326 --> 00:07:39,154
Carol, can we please
not talk about this?

184
00:07:39,197 --> 00:07:40,155
Of course.

185
00:07:40,198 --> 00:07:42,462
It's not breakfast conversation.

186
00:07:45,247 --> 00:07:47,597
["She Drives Me Crazy"
begins playing in distance]

187
00:07:48,990 --> 00:07:50,557
Well, there they go again.

188
00:07:50,600 --> 00:07:51,645
Why are you so cranky?

189
00:07:51,688 --> 00:07:53,429
Carol, I'm not a crank.

190
00:07:53,473 --> 00:07:55,997
It's just-- what they're doing
is unacceptable.

191
00:07:56,040 --> 00:07:59,174
They know we know it means
they're having sex.

192
00:07:59,217 --> 00:08:02,612
And they just keep playing that
song day after day after day.

193
00:08:02,656 --> 00:08:04,222
Well, if you have
such a problem with it,

194
00:08:04,266 --> 00:08:05,528
why don't you go fix it?

195
00:08:05,572 --> 00:08:08,618
I mean, you are the president
of the United States.

196
00:08:08,662 --> 00:08:10,577
Carol, that's not how it works.

197
00:08:10,620 --> 00:08:14,102
All right, let's get this party
started, raise the roof.

198
00:08:14,145 --> 00:08:16,670
Look, I thought that since
there are four of us here now,

199
00:08:16,713 --> 00:08:18,149
and a community is forming,

200
00:08:18,193 --> 00:08:20,108
it might be a good idea
to get together, like, a...

201
00:08:20,151 --> 00:08:21,544
a weekly town hall meeting
or something,

202
00:08:21,588 --> 00:08:24,199
where we can air our grievances
and stuff like that.

203
00:08:24,242 --> 00:08:26,027
That's why I got this.

204
00:08:26,070 --> 00:08:27,811
What is this bad boy?[giggles]

205
00:08:27,855 --> 00:08:30,466
This is called
"The Grievance Board."

206
00:08:30,510 --> 00:08:31,902
[laughing]:
Stop pinching me.Guys?

207
00:08:31,946 --> 00:08:33,817
We listening here?Yes.
Mm-hmm.

208
00:08:33,861 --> 00:08:35,950
Okay, good, 'cause this is
really cool stuff.

209
00:08:35,993 --> 00:08:37,908
You listening
or are you pinching?

210
00:08:37,952 --> 00:08:39,562
We're listening.
Both.

211
00:08:39,606 --> 00:08:41,129
Okay, so when you have
a complaint,

212
00:08:41,172 --> 00:08:43,347
all you do is you write it
up on the board,

213
00:08:43,392 --> 00:08:45,437
then we can vote on this stuff.

214
00:08:45,481 --> 00:08:47,439
Now, how does
the voting process work?

215
00:08:47,483 --> 00:08:48,702
I'm about to tell you.

216
00:08:48,745 --> 00:08:50,051
Say you want to make
ice cream illegal,

217
00:08:50,094 --> 00:08:52,488
which is crazy
because ice cream is delicious,

218
00:08:52,532 --> 00:08:54,621
but what I would do is write up
on the board,

219
00:08:54,664 --> 00:08:56,579
"Ice cream should be illegal,"

220
00:08:56,623 --> 00:08:57,624
then I would motion
for a vote...

221
00:08:57,667 --> 00:09:01,366
Okay, I would like to vote
to keep ice cream legal.

222
00:09:01,410 --> 00:09:02,629
Carol, that was an example.

223
00:09:02,672 --> 00:09:03,717
Ice cream remains legal.

224
00:09:03,760 --> 00:09:04,805
Boom.

225
00:09:04,848 --> 00:09:06,763
Boom, indeed.

226
00:09:06,807 --> 00:09:08,983
That leads me to a motion
that I'd like to make.

227
00:09:09,026 --> 00:09:12,508
Since we're trying to form
a family-friendly community,

228
00:09:12,552 --> 00:09:14,597
our sexual dalliances cannot be
so frigging in-your-face.

229
00:09:14,641 --> 00:09:16,599
And I am looking at you,
Todd and Melissa.

230
00:09:16,643 --> 00:09:18,819
I'm so happy for you
guys, believe me.

231
00:09:18,862 --> 00:09:21,386
But I also have to look ahead
to the future, okay?

232
00:09:21,430 --> 00:09:23,432
And that's why I'm proposing

233
00:09:23,475 --> 00:09:27,044
a rigid sexual
curfew-slash-noise ordinance.

234
00:09:27,088 --> 00:09:28,393
Phil, I don't think
what Todd and I do

235
00:09:28,437 --> 00:09:29,394
is any of your
business.

236
00:09:29,438 --> 00:09:30,526
Uh, yes, it is.

237
00:09:31,701 --> 00:09:32,789
She doesn't know.

238
00:09:32,833 --> 00:09:34,748
They don't know.Know what?

239
00:09:34,790 --> 00:09:36,663
Phil's the president.

240
00:09:36,706 --> 00:09:37,751
Of what?

241
00:09:37,794 --> 00:09:39,665
Of the United States
of frigging America.

242
00:09:39,709 --> 00:09:41,493
CAROL:
We had a vote.

243
00:09:41,537 --> 00:09:43,321
It was unanimous.
Yeah,

244
00:09:43,365 --> 00:09:45,715
so are we done?Seriously? That's ridiculous.

245
00:09:45,759 --> 00:09:47,108
It's called democracy, Melissa.

246
00:09:47,151 --> 00:09:48,762
Maybe you've heard of it?Oh, I've heard of it.

247
00:09:48,805 --> 00:09:50,894
I'm just concerned
that you're in charge of it.

248
00:09:50,938 --> 00:09:52,766
Well, Melissa, that's
a good lesson for you, then.

249
00:09:52,809 --> 00:09:54,855
Maybe next time,
you'll rock the vote.

250
00:09:54,898 --> 00:09:56,726
Okay, all in favor
of the rigid sex restrictions?

251
00:09:57,945 --> 00:09:59,903
Raise those hands.

252
00:09:59,947 --> 00:10:01,513
We got one vote already.

253
00:10:01,557 --> 00:10:02,950
Any other votes?

254
00:10:04,691 --> 00:10:06,736
Really, nobody?

255
00:10:06,780 --> 00:10:07,737
Ah...
I'd like
to propose

256
00:10:07,781 --> 00:10:08,912
that when you visit
your neighbor,

257
00:10:08,956 --> 00:10:09,783
you have to be wearing
a shirt.

258
00:10:09,826 --> 00:10:11,741
Uh, we live in Tucson.

259
00:10:11,785 --> 00:10:14,701
I, uh, propose that this lady
stop being so darn sexy.

260
00:10:14,744 --> 00:10:17,225
Guys, let's keep
to real motions, please.

261
00:10:17,268 --> 00:10:18,792
I have a real motion.

262
00:10:18,835 --> 00:10:20,707
I think Phil should have to
clean out his toilet pool.

263
00:10:20,750 --> 00:10:22,012
I second that.

264
00:10:22,056 --> 00:10:23,535
All right, we've done enough
voting for tonight.

265
00:10:23,579 --> 00:10:24,798
No, we should definitely vote
on this one.

266
00:10:24,841 --> 00:10:26,582
All in favor of Phil
cleaning out his toilet pool?

267
00:10:26,626 --> 00:10:27,714
Motion to adjourn!

268
00:10:30,064 --> 00:10:31,674
Ah...

269
00:10:32,806 --> 00:10:33,807
Todd, come on, bro.

270
00:10:33,850 --> 00:10:35,330
I'm sorry, Phil,
it's really...

271
00:10:35,373 --> 00:10:36,810
it's wafting.

272
00:10:37,941 --> 00:10:38,942
Well, it's final.

273
00:10:38,986 --> 00:10:40,770
Phil has to clean
out his toilet pool.

274
00:10:40,814 --> 00:10:41,771
Yes.

275
00:10:41,815 --> 00:10:42,946
How's that for rocking the vote?

276
00:10:42,990 --> 00:10:44,600
Come on, Todd.

277
00:10:44,644 --> 00:10:45,645
Yeah.

278
00:10:48,865 --> 00:10:49,736
Good meeting.

279
00:10:57,352 --> 00:10:59,528
♪

280
00:11:09,233 --> 00:11:12,149
[gasping]

281
00:11:12,193 --> 00:11:15,457
[grunts]

282
00:11:27,425 --> 00:11:29,558
[grumbling]

283
00:11:34,606 --> 00:11:36,565
[panting]

284
00:11:50,274 --> 00:11:52,886
[crying]

285
00:11:58,065 --> 00:11:59,762
[cries grow louder]

286
00:12:04,375 --> 00:12:06,421
MELISSA:
Phil?

287
00:12:08,858 --> 00:12:10,120
Phil?

288
00:12:10,164 --> 00:12:12,601
Phil...?!

289
00:12:12,644 --> 00:12:14,603
Phil!

290
00:12:14,646 --> 00:12:16,561
Oh, hey.

291
00:12:16,605 --> 00:12:18,825
S-Sorry, is this
a bad time?

292
00:12:18,868 --> 00:12:21,044
No, no, no, no,
just having a little cry.

293
00:12:21,088 --> 00:12:22,611
Can we talk?

294
00:12:22,654 --> 00:12:24,178
Do you mind if I change
into something

295
00:12:24,221 --> 00:12:25,788
that's got
a little less poo on it?

296
00:12:25,832 --> 00:12:27,921
Uh, sure.

297
00:12:29,879 --> 00:12:31,663
So, uh, what's up?

298
00:12:31,707 --> 00:12:34,057
Uh... I just...

299
00:12:34,101 --> 00:12:35,580
came to apologize.

300
00:12:35,624 --> 00:12:36,625
For all the noise.

301
00:12:36,668 --> 00:12:37,626
You know.

302
00:12:37,669 --> 00:12:38,845
The song.

303
00:12:38,888 --> 00:12:40,194
Oh, no worries.

304
00:12:40,237 --> 00:12:42,196
No, it-it was
insensitive.

305
00:12:42,239 --> 00:12:44,372
Especially after
the talk we had

306
00:12:44,415 --> 00:12:45,852
about your
feelings for me.

307
00:12:45,895 --> 00:12:48,419
What? Are you still talking
about that talk?

308
00:12:48,463 --> 00:12:50,857
That was an admission
of love for Carol.

309
00:12:50,900 --> 00:12:52,902
How can I make that
more clear to you?

310
00:12:52,946 --> 00:12:55,949
[chuckling]:
That's so cute that you think
that was meant for you.

311
00:12:57,907 --> 00:12:59,039
Phil, drop the act.

312
00:12:59,082 --> 00:13:01,171
Drop what act?

313
00:13:01,215 --> 00:13:03,086
Wha...?
[laughs]

314
00:13:03,130 --> 00:13:05,045
Just be a real person.

315
00:13:05,088 --> 00:13:08,091
I just keep thinking
about how close we came

316
00:13:08,135 --> 00:13:10,006
to, you know...

317
00:13:10,050 --> 00:13:11,051
Yeah.
...doing it.

318
00:13:11,094 --> 00:13:12,052
Boning.

319
00:13:12,095 --> 00:13:13,009
Yeah, I got what...

320
00:13:13,053 --> 00:13:14,271
where you were
going there.

321
00:13:14,315 --> 00:13:16,665
And now you and Todd are,
you know...

322
00:13:16,708 --> 00:13:18,014
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
...doing it.

323
00:13:18,058 --> 00:13:19,059
Having sex.
Yeah, again,

324
00:13:19,102 --> 00:13:20,930
Boning.
got it.

325
00:13:20,974 --> 00:13:22,062
You know, it's weird
how life works.

326
00:13:22,105 --> 00:13:23,890
Yeah.
All the "what ifs."

327
00:13:23,933 --> 00:13:27,023
Like, you think, what if Todd
had never seen those fireworks

328
00:13:27,067 --> 00:13:28,895
and left Tucson?

329
00:13:28,938 --> 00:13:30,200
Then we would have
never met him.

330
00:13:30,244 --> 00:13:31,723
Then you
and I would be,

331
00:13:31,767 --> 00:13:33,464
you know...
Uh, Phil.

332
00:13:33,508 --> 00:13:34,683
...currently boning.

333
00:13:34,726 --> 00:13:35,902
Phil.

334
00:13:35,945 --> 00:13:37,425
Knocking boots.
Yeah.

335
00:13:37,468 --> 00:13:39,427
Getting those boots
together and knocking...

336
00:13:39,470 --> 00:13:40,471
Phil, let's just not...

337
00:13:40,515 --> 00:13:41,777
just can't go
down that road.

338
00:13:41,821 --> 00:13:43,083
'Cause Todd
is here now.

339
00:13:43,126 --> 00:13:43,910
We were on that road.

340
00:13:43,953 --> 00:13:45,999
We were wearing
those boots.

341
00:13:46,042 --> 00:13:47,870
On that road.
Phil...

342
00:13:47,914 --> 00:13:50,830
Todd's here.

343
00:13:52,962 --> 00:13:54,442
Okay?

344
00:13:54,485 --> 00:13:56,923
But can I just ask?

345
00:13:58,141 --> 00:13:59,882
If Todd wasn't here...?

346
00:13:59,926 --> 00:14:01,275
Todd is here.

347
00:14:03,146 --> 00:14:05,018
Yeah.

348
00:14:09,979 --> 00:14:11,589
Todd's here.

349
00:14:29,564 --> 00:14:31,174
Todd's here.

350
00:14:33,785 --> 00:14:35,004
Hey, Phil.

351
00:14:35,048 --> 00:14:36,745
Hey, bud.

352
00:14:36,788 --> 00:14:38,616
You want to go for a ride?

353
00:14:43,317 --> 00:14:45,145
TODD: You wouldn't
think it, you know,

354
00:14:45,188 --> 00:14:47,190
'cause she seems kind of,
like, conservative and stuff,

355
00:14:47,234 --> 00:14:50,193
but she is just
an animal in the sack.

356
00:14:50,237 --> 00:14:52,152
I mean, she is just...

357
00:14:52,195 --> 00:14:53,196
[moans]

358
00:14:53,240 --> 00:14:56,069
Yeah.
My goodness,
we just...

359
00:14:56,112 --> 00:14:58,985
we'll go at it
for hours and hours.

360
00:14:59,028 --> 00:15:01,161
And, just, I feel
like I'm a teenager again.

361
00:15:01,204 --> 00:15:03,293
We must have done it,
I don't know,

362
00:15:03,337 --> 00:15:05,078
seven, eight times.

363
00:15:05,121 --> 00:15:07,080
That sounds great,
that sounds nice.

364
00:15:07,123 --> 00:15:08,995
Oh, my...

365
00:15:09,038 --> 00:15:11,388
I'm just still, like, vibrating.

366
00:15:11,432 --> 00:15:13,390
As well you should be.

367
00:15:13,434 --> 00:15:15,871
[both chuckle]

368
00:15:15,915 --> 00:15:19,092
Well, I'm so excited
to see this place.

369
00:15:19,135 --> 00:15:21,746
This is where you go
to do all your thinking, huh?

370
00:15:21,790 --> 00:15:23,661
Yeah.

371
00:15:23,705 --> 00:15:25,098
It's where it
all happens.

372
00:15:25,141 --> 00:15:27,535
Yeah.
Yeah.

373
00:15:27,578 --> 00:15:29,450
Well, I'm sure
it's gonna be great.
Yeah.

374
00:15:29,493 --> 00:15:31,887
I mean,
it'd better be, right?

375
00:15:31,931 --> 00:15:34,150
We've been driving
for, like, three hours, man.

376
00:15:38,938 --> 00:15:40,765
What? Did you
hear something?

377
00:15:40,809 --> 00:15:42,158
No.

378
00:15:42,202 --> 00:15:44,030
No, something outside the car,
something with the wheels.

379
00:15:44,073 --> 00:15:46,119
It sounds like the back
wheel on your side.

380
00:15:46,162 --> 00:15:49,209
PHIL:
Yeah, okay, if you could just,
like, get out and take a look.

381
00:15:49,252 --> 00:15:50,688
TODD:
Sure.

382
00:15:59,306 --> 00:16:01,395
Yeah, you know, Phil,
I don't see anything.

383
00:16:18,281 --> 00:16:20,718
[screams, honks horn]

384
00:16:23,417 --> 00:16:25,419
[screams, honks horn]

385
00:16:41,348 --> 00:16:42,349
[chuckles]

386
00:16:45,917 --> 00:16:46,875
No.

387
00:16:46,918 --> 00:16:48,659
No, no.

388
00:16:54,970 --> 00:16:57,059
[screams]

389
00:17:00,323 --> 00:17:01,759
[screams]

390
00:17:30,353 --> 00:17:33,313
[panting]

391
00:17:52,506 --> 00:17:54,290
[muttering]

392
00:18:06,172 --> 00:18:08,609
[knocking on window]

393
00:18:08,652 --> 00:18:10,393
Oh, yeah, yeah.

394
00:18:12,047 --> 00:18:13,179
Oh, man.

395
00:18:13,222 --> 00:18:14,571
Nice try, Phil.

396
00:18:14,615 --> 00:18:16,486
I knew you were coming
back the whole time.

397
00:18:16,530 --> 00:18:18,314
[grunts]

398
00:18:20,882 --> 00:18:24,015
All right, so how much
longer till we get there?

399
00:18:26,061 --> 00:18:28,237
This is it.

400
00:18:28,281 --> 00:18:30,761
Yeah?

401
00:18:30,805 --> 00:18:33,155
Yeah, this is great.

402
00:18:34,417 --> 00:18:36,376
I mean, it looks like
the stuff we passed

403
00:18:36,419 --> 00:18:38,334
a couple hours
ago, but...

404
00:18:38,378 --> 00:18:39,335
I'm just kidding.

405
00:18:39,379 --> 00:18:41,207
No, this is... this
is great, man.

406
00:18:41,250 --> 00:18:44,210
Well, uh, should we
head back home?

407
00:18:45,689 --> 00:18:47,213
You know,

408
00:18:47,256 --> 00:18:48,692
give me a minute.

409
00:18:58,354 --> 00:19:00,269
[chuckles]

410
00:19:03,490 --> 00:19:04,621
Okay.

411
00:19:12,325 --> 00:19:13,891
Hey, Todd.

412
00:19:13,935 --> 00:19:15,415
Yeah.

413
00:19:15,458 --> 00:19:17,417
I'm sorry.

414
00:19:17,460 --> 00:19:19,027
What are you
sorry about?

415
00:19:19,070 --> 00:19:21,595
Just trust me.

416
00:19:21,638 --> 00:19:23,640
I'm sorry.

417
00:19:23,684 --> 00:19:25,599
Okay.

418
00:19:27,470 --> 00:19:30,517
Um, you-you don't have anything
to be sorry about.

419
00:19:32,519 --> 00:19:34,477
Can I tell you
what I was thinking about

420
00:19:34,521 --> 00:19:36,218
when I was...

421
00:19:36,262 --> 00:19:37,437
thinking at
your think spot?

422
00:19:38,873 --> 00:19:39,830
Yeah.

423
00:19:39,874 --> 00:19:40,875
What?

424
00:19:45,314 --> 00:19:47,142
You're a really
nice guy, Phil.

425
00:19:54,367 --> 00:19:56,369
I could be nicer.

426
00:20:07,684 --> 00:20:09,512
CAROL:
Phil?

427
00:20:09,556 --> 00:20:11,035
I'm in here, Carol.

428
00:20:11,079 --> 00:20:12,298
I got your note.

429
00:20:12,341 --> 00:20:13,690
What's the big
surprise?

430
00:20:13,734 --> 00:20:15,866
Carol, take out
your dryer sheets.

431
00:20:15,910 --> 00:20:17,651
Oh, not if my life
depended on it.

432
00:20:17,694 --> 00:20:19,957
Trust me on this--
just stand still.What are you doing?

433
00:20:20,001 --> 00:20:21,394
Trust me,
trust me here.
Phil, no.

434
00:20:21,437 --> 00:20:22,525
Phil, don't do it.Trust me. Trust me.

435
00:20:22,569 --> 00:20:24,092
No, Phil, no.
No, Phil.
Trust me.

436
00:20:24,135 --> 00:20:25,049
Trust me.Leave 'em. Leave 'em.

437
00:20:25,093 --> 00:20:26,094
Trust me.
Leave 'em.

438
00:20:26,137 --> 00:20:27,400
Got 'em.
Take a deep breath.

439
00:20:27,443 --> 00:20:28,314
Uh-uh.
Come on, Carol.

440
00:20:28,357 --> 00:20:30,359
You can't hold your
breath forever.

441
00:20:30,403 --> 00:20:31,839
[sniffs, sighs]

442
00:20:31,882 --> 00:20:33,449
Huh?

443
00:20:33,493 --> 00:20:34,450
You cleaned out
your toilet pool.

444
00:20:34,494 --> 00:20:35,756
I sure did.

445
00:20:35,799 --> 00:20:37,148
Yeah, I stayed
up all night.

446
00:20:37,192 --> 00:20:40,195
Look at you, you little
pool cleaner, you.

447
00:20:40,239 --> 00:20:41,501
You must be pooped.

448
00:20:41,544 --> 00:20:42,545
[laughs]

449
00:20:42,589 --> 00:20:44,547
Well, you know,
I'm a nice person.

450
00:20:44,591 --> 00:20:46,070
And that's
what nice people do.

451
00:20:46,114 --> 00:20:48,116
Well, let me know next time
you have to go number two.

452
00:20:48,159 --> 00:20:49,073
I'll take you
to the hotel.

453
00:20:49,117 --> 00:20:50,118
Oh, it's okay.

454
00:20:50,161 --> 00:20:51,337
I have it
all worked out.

455
00:20:53,600 --> 00:20:54,557
Voilà.

456
00:20:54,601 --> 00:20:55,558
Ah!

457
00:20:55,602 --> 00:20:57,430
Wow. A Porta Potti.

458
00:20:57,473 --> 00:20:59,997
Phil Miller, you never
stop surprising me.
Thank you.

459
00:21:00,041 --> 00:21:01,564
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org

460
00:21:01,608 --> 00:21:03,262
♪ Porta Potti

461
00:21:04,263 --> 00:21:07,266
♪ Porta Potti

462
00:21:08,354 --> 00:21:10,225
♪ Porta Potti

463
00:21:11,966 --> 00:21:13,968
♪ Porta Potti

464
00:21:14,011 --> 00:21:18,407
♪ Porta Potti...

465
00:21:19,365 --> 00:21:25,022
♪ Porta Potti...

466
00:21:26,720 --> 00:21:30,332
♪ Porta Potti...

467
00:21:30,376 --> 00:21:33,292
♪ Porta Potti.♪

468
00:21:35,772 --> 00:21:37,339
CHILDREN:
Uncle Stinky.

469
00:21:37,383 --> 00:21:38,732
[horn honking]