1
00:00:01,784 --> 00:00:03,133
Previously on
The Last Man on Earth...

2
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Phil's been missing for about

3
00:00:04,352 --> 00:00:05,875
24 hours. [yelling]

4
00:00:05,918 --> 00:00:07,094
This guy belong to you?

5
00:00:07,137 --> 00:00:09,313
Oh, my God.That guy's handsome.

6
00:00:09,357 --> 00:00:11,663
I like you.Yeah, but you don't love me.

7
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I'm Phil, Phil Miller.

8
00:00:13,143 --> 00:00:14,188
No, I'm Phil Miller.

9
00:00:14,231 --> 00:00:16,277
Maybe you should both go
by your middle names.

10
00:00:16,320 --> 00:00:18,192
Phil, what's your middle name?Tandy.

11
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Tandy?PHIL: Carol?

12
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Do you like this guy?You jealous?

13
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Of course not.

14
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Good night... Tandy.

15
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PHIL 2 [laughing]:
Wow.

16
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I'm blown away.

17
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So, why's it living up here now?

18
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[laughs]
Phil.

19
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So new, so naiïve.

20
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She wandered up here on her own.

21
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And any real cattleman knows
that a cow can't go down stairs.

22
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Shoot, you can make a cow do
just about anything

23
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if you show her who's boss.

24
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Hyah! Hyah! Get! Get! Get!

25
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[cow moos]

26
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[gasps]

27
00:00:49,223 --> 00:00:50,398
She's going down the stairs!

28
00:00:52,530 --> 00:00:53,314
What?Wow!

29
00:00:53,357 --> 00:00:54,532
Well, all it takes
is a firm slap

30
00:00:54,576 --> 00:00:56,273
and an authoritative tone,
you can make

31
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a cow do whatever you want.

32
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Doesn't just work on cows, hon.

33
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[both laugh]

34
00:01:01,148 --> 00:01:02,801
Come on, let's go
after her.

35
00:01:02,845 --> 00:01:04,367
Okay.Go ahead.

36
00:01:04,412 --> 00:01:06,196
Thank you so much, Phil.

37
00:01:06,240 --> 00:01:07,328
That was amazing.

38
00:01:07,371 --> 00:01:09,330
Oh, you're welcome.

39
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[under his breath]:
Friggin' Phil.

40
00:01:17,033 --> 00:01:19,340
Friggin' Phil.

41
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What's all this?

42
00:01:26,260 --> 00:01:28,914
Oh, Phil built it for the cow.

43
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Isn't it nice?

44
00:01:30,220 --> 00:01:32,179
Oh, yeah, I'm sure
she loves it, you know.

45
00:01:32,222 --> 00:01:33,615
She provides milk
to us and in return,

46
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we thank her by locking
her up like Charles Manson.

47
00:01:37,662 --> 00:01:39,360
So, uh... how was
your little trip

48
00:01:39,402 --> 00:01:41,188
over to see Phil last night?

49
00:01:41,231 --> 00:01:44,365
Ooh! Someone's jealous!

50
00:01:44,408 --> 00:01:45,322
[laughs]
Carol, please.

51
00:01:45,366 --> 00:01:46,932
It's me-- the Tandyman.

52
00:01:46,976 --> 00:01:48,151
I'm not the jealous type.

53
00:01:48,195 --> 00:01:49,848
[laughs]
Admit it!

54
00:01:49,892 --> 00:01:51,328
You're afraid
that the new buck in town

55
00:01:51,372 --> 00:01:53,374
is gonna spray
all over your turf.

56
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[scoffs]
Carol, look around you!

57
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Every inch of this place
is already covered

58
00:01:57,378 --> 00:02:00,424
in layers and layers
of Tandy Miller spray.

59
00:02:00,468 --> 00:02:01,991
You see it, I've doused it.

60
00:02:02,034 --> 00:02:03,514
And he knows that.

61
00:02:03,558 --> 00:02:06,169
Well, I think Phil's gonna be
a very positive addition

62
00:02:06,213 --> 00:02:07,997
to our community.Eh...

63
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He said he's even gonna clean
out the garbage pool.

64
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So, what-- then we just
have an empty pool?

65
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Where we gonna put
all our garbage?

66
00:02:14,264 --> 00:02:15,787
I'm sure he has a plan.

67
00:02:15,831 --> 00:02:17,398
Why don't you ask him?

68
00:02:17,441 --> 00:02:19,356
Maybe I'll do that.
Where is he?

69
00:02:19,400 --> 00:02:21,358
He's over at Frick
and Frack's house.

70
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They asked him to help fix
their broken generator.

71
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[sputters]
Oldest trick in the book.

72
00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:29,671
Maybe I ought to go lend a hand
on fixing that generator.

73
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[beeping]

74
00:02:32,587 --> 00:02:35,067
Yeah, I can't find
anything wrong with this thing.

75
00:02:35,111 --> 00:02:36,895
It seems to be
working just fine.

76
00:02:36,939 --> 00:02:38,418
Well, that's weird,

77
00:02:38,462 --> 00:02:41,291
because it was
making this horrible,

78
00:02:41,335 --> 00:02:42,466
horrible sound.Yeah.

79
00:02:42,510 --> 00:02:44,293
It was like hong...Clang.

80
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Hong clang, hong clang.Hong clang, yeah.

81
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Just a real gumbo of sounds.CAROL: Hello!

82
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Did someone call
for a generator repair backup?

83
00:02:50,387 --> 00:02:52,650
Because the Tandyman is
in the hizzy.

84
00:02:52,694 --> 00:02:53,781
In the house.

85
00:02:53,825 --> 00:02:57,089
No need, Tandy.
Phil already fixed it.

86
00:02:57,133 --> 00:02:58,308
I didn't do anything.

87
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Great. Well, let me just
double-check his work.

88
00:03:00,397 --> 00:03:02,878
Okay, let's see
what we got here.

89
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Hey, Carol.Oh, hi.

90
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Thanks so much for the pie.

91
00:03:05,620 --> 00:03:07,056
Oh.
[laughs]You know, I haven't had

92
00:03:07,099 --> 00:03:08,231
fresh food in two years.

93
00:03:08,275 --> 00:03:09,363
Oh, you know, if it's

94
00:03:09,406 --> 00:03:11,103
food you're after,
I can make you

95
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a real home-cooked meal.

96
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'Cause I used to be a chef.

97
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Oh, wow.

98
00:03:15,760 --> 00:03:17,371
But nothing too fancy.

99
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I'm a simple guy.

100
00:03:18,633 --> 00:03:20,722
Oh, I am...
I'm a simple girl.

101
00:03:20,765 --> 00:03:22,419
So we have that in common.Yeah.

102
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Not as simple as me, though.

103
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They used to call
me Simple Gail.

104
00:03:25,988 --> 00:03:26,728
Oh.

105
00:03:26,771 --> 00:03:28,512
Don't sell yourself
short, Gail.

106
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You're an incredibly
complex woman.

107
00:03:30,340 --> 00:03:32,386
No, no. I'm not.

108
00:03:32,429 --> 00:03:33,603
So, Phil...

109
00:03:33,648 --> 00:03:35,824
Uh, so where you gonna live?

110
00:03:35,867 --> 00:03:37,042
I don't know. I...

111
00:03:37,086 --> 00:03:38,392
I haven't found anything yet.

112
00:03:38,435 --> 00:03:40,350
Well, you know, uh,
this cul-de-sac's pretty full,

113
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but there are a lot of great
houses on the outskirts of town.

114
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Phoenix is beautiful, too.

115
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Oh, nonsense!
You could just stay here.

116
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We have plenty of room here.

117
00:03:48,228 --> 00:03:49,490
So, so much room.

118
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You should move in with us.

119
00:03:50,317 --> 00:03:52,493
Well...You know, now that you got

120
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the goll-dang cow
out of my house,

121
00:03:54,538 --> 00:03:56,192
I'm all alone... and divorced.

122
00:03:56,236 --> 00:03:58,499
So I have plenty of room.

123
00:03:58,542 --> 00:03:59,543
Yeah, um...

124
00:03:59,587 --> 00:04:00,327
Got yourself a real

125
00:04:00,370 --> 00:04:01,893
Sophie's Choice here, Phil.

126
00:04:01,937 --> 00:04:05,288
But I got a housing option
that might just help you, huh?

127
00:04:05,332 --> 00:04:07,159
Bro it the hell out!

128
00:04:07,203 --> 00:04:08,639
Move in with me, huh?

129
00:04:08,683 --> 00:04:10,467
A little bachelor pad action.

130
00:04:10,511 --> 00:04:11,947
We got the weight bench.

131
00:04:11,990 --> 00:04:13,078
We can spot each other.

132
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Well, uh, let me, um...
[clears his throat]

133
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Don't you want to be my friend?

134
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Come on, choose this Sophie.

135
00:04:22,262 --> 00:04:23,959
Sure, yeah. Let's do it.Hmm?

136
00:04:24,002 --> 00:04:25,352
Yeah, do it, yeah.Uh...

137
00:04:25,395 --> 00:04:26,962
[laughs]Okay.

138
00:04:27,005 --> 00:04:29,399
Ah... yeah.Yeah!

139
00:04:29,443 --> 00:04:31,488
Great.Thanks, ladies.

140
00:04:34,448 --> 00:04:35,405
Broken generator.

141
00:04:35,449 --> 00:04:37,407
[scoffs]
Nice try.

142
00:04:44,022 --> 00:04:45,981
What's all this?

143
00:04:48,026 --> 00:04:49,985
Hey!

144
00:04:50,028 --> 00:04:52,161
Hey! Look at this, huh?

145
00:04:52,204 --> 00:04:55,164
You got a class B commercial
license to operate this thing?

146
00:04:55,207 --> 00:04:56,426
I do.

147
00:04:56,470 --> 00:04:58,385
I-I was just kidding, but...

148
00:04:58,428 --> 00:04:59,777
good for you.

149
00:04:59,821 --> 00:05:02,345
I picked this up to handle
the garbage pool situation.

150
00:05:02,389 --> 00:05:04,391
You-you need any help or...?

151
00:05:04,434 --> 00:05:05,479
Nah, we're good.

152
00:05:05,522 --> 00:05:06,523
"We"?

153
00:05:06,567 --> 00:05:07,829
Take it easy, Tom.

154
00:05:07,872 --> 00:05:08,960
It's Todd.

155
00:05:09,004 --> 00:05:10,135
All right, Tom.

156
00:05:10,179 --> 00:05:11,789
It's Todd![Melissa whoops]

157
00:05:11,833 --> 00:05:13,617
Faster!

158
00:05:13,661 --> 00:05:15,358
Hey, Todd!

159
00:05:15,402 --> 00:05:16,838
[Melissa whoops]

160
00:05:18,405 --> 00:05:20,363
Frickin' Phil.

161
00:05:23,801 --> 00:05:24,759
There you are.

162
00:05:24,802 --> 00:05:25,760
Tandy.Hey.

163
00:05:25,803 --> 00:05:27,283
Hey.

164
00:05:27,327 --> 00:05:29,503
Trust you've had a chance
to take a look around, huh?

165
00:05:29,546 --> 00:05:31,548
I did. Yeah.To... Good, good.

166
00:05:31,592 --> 00:05:33,071
Obviously, mi casa es su casa.

167
00:05:33,115 --> 00:05:34,334
That goes without saying.

168
00:05:34,377 --> 00:05:36,379
Uh, if you ever want
to have any guests over,

169
00:05:36,423 --> 00:05:37,815
just run it by me--
standard stuff.

170
00:05:37,859 --> 00:05:39,948
Anyway, toilet paper's
under the sink.

171
00:05:39,991 --> 00:05:41,732
Got about a million toothbrushes
under there, too.

172
00:05:41,776 --> 00:05:43,212
All different sizes.Uh-huh.

173
00:05:43,255 --> 00:05:45,082
I'm a large to extra-large.

174
00:05:45,127 --> 00:05:46,476
Wait, what the heck is that?

175
00:05:46,520 --> 00:05:47,738
Oh, you know, riding around
in the garbage truck

176
00:05:47,782 --> 00:05:49,523
sort of inspired me
to build this.

177
00:05:49,566 --> 00:05:51,176
Oh.The flash heater

178
00:05:51,220 --> 00:05:52,787
connects to the water reservoir.

179
00:05:52,830 --> 00:05:54,571
I jacked up the water pressure.

180
00:05:54,615 --> 00:05:57,487
Basically, it feels
like a shower.

181
00:05:57,531 --> 00:05:58,619
Oh.[laughs]

182
00:05:58,662 --> 00:06:00,229
Good for you.All right.

183
00:06:00,272 --> 00:06:02,840
I'm gonna...
I'm gonna take a shower.

184
00:06:04,712 --> 00:06:07,845
[funky music playing]

185
00:06:13,503 --> 00:06:16,593
[clears his throat]

186
00:06:19,379 --> 00:06:20,467
Can you excuse me?

187
00:06:20,510 --> 00:06:22,469
I'm gonna jump
in the shower now.

188
00:06:22,512 --> 00:06:24,035
Right now.

189
00:06:24,079 --> 00:06:26,081
Oh, yeah. Of course.

190
00:06:29,040 --> 00:06:30,651
You okay?

191
00:06:30,694 --> 00:06:32,348
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

192
00:06:36,657 --> 00:06:38,832
[grunting][rock song playing]

193
00:06:38,876 --> 00:06:41,879
Five... six![easy listening song playing]

194
00:06:41,923 --> 00:06:43,315
All right.

195
00:06:43,359 --> 00:06:45,492
So, hey, what do you guys think?

196
00:06:45,534 --> 00:06:46,623
Huh? And be honest.

197
00:06:46,667 --> 00:06:48,233
This is a good body, right?

198
00:06:48,277 --> 00:06:50,845
I mean, I don't have
that weird V thing that he does

199
00:06:50,888 --> 00:06:53,500
that kind of points your eyes
down to your business.

200
00:06:53,543 --> 00:06:55,240
But these snakes can bite, huh?

201
00:06:55,284 --> 00:06:56,503
Oh, speaking of snakes...

202
00:06:56,546 --> 00:06:59,114
what do you think
of this bad boy?

203
00:06:59,157 --> 00:07:00,681
Huh? It's fine, right?

204
00:07:00,724 --> 00:07:03,248
I know it's not gonna win
any penis awards.

205
00:07:03,292 --> 00:07:04,380
But there aren't penis awards.

206
00:07:04,424 --> 00:07:06,077
So, whatever, you know?

207
00:07:06,121 --> 00:07:08,384
And the thing is,
as with many Ferraris,

208
00:07:08,428 --> 00:07:11,387
the real show is
on the back end.

209
00:07:11,431 --> 00:07:13,128
Not bad, huh?

210
00:07:13,171 --> 00:07:15,347
Hey, who does this guy
think he is, huh?

211
00:07:15,391 --> 00:07:16,697
He's taken my name.

212
00:07:16,740 --> 00:07:18,394
He's stealing all my chores.

213
00:07:18,438 --> 00:07:20,701
And-and now,
just stripping down

214
00:07:20,744 --> 00:07:22,703
in front of me,
in my own house?

215
00:07:22,746 --> 00:07:23,921
He's trying
to establish dominance.

216
00:07:23,965 --> 00:07:26,271
That's a statement move
right there.

217
00:07:26,315 --> 00:07:29,492
And I have to respond in kind.

218
00:07:29,536 --> 00:07:31,625
[whispering]:
You got this! You look good!
You got a fine bod!

219
00:07:31,668 --> 00:07:34,323
You can do this!
You can do this!

220
00:07:34,366 --> 00:07:36,368
Ha!

221
00:07:38,719 --> 00:07:40,503
Phil...

222
00:07:41,808 --> 00:07:44,289
What are you doing, Tandy?

223
00:07:44,332 --> 00:07:46,901
Ah, you know, uh, just going
about my customary business

224
00:07:46,944 --> 00:07:48,729
in my own house.

225
00:07:48,772 --> 00:07:50,339
Huh, why don't you go
put some clothes on?

226
00:07:50,382 --> 00:07:53,342
[scoffs] Well, isn't that the
pot calling the kettle black...

227
00:07:53,385 --> 00:07:54,561
Or, uh... African-American.

228
00:07:54,604 --> 00:07:56,171
Or, uh... American.

229
00:07:56,214 --> 00:07:58,521
What are you trying to say?

230
00:07:58,565 --> 00:08:00,871
[laughs] Well, you took off
your shirt yesterday.

231
00:08:00,915 --> 00:08:03,308
And now suddenly being
shirtless is a crime?

232
00:08:03,352 --> 00:08:04,788
I was about to take a shower.

233
00:08:04,832 --> 00:08:06,355
Well, I was about to
take a shower, too.

234
00:08:06,398 --> 00:08:07,791
That's what I came to tell you.

235
00:08:07,835 --> 00:08:08,531
So, we're even.

236
00:08:08,575 --> 00:08:10,446
Well, now-now I know.

237
00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:11,360
Now you know.

238
00:08:11,403 --> 00:08:12,187
Now I know.

239
00:08:12,230 --> 00:08:13,536
Now you know! Ha!

240
00:08:13,580 --> 00:08:14,668
ERICA:
Hey, guys!

241
00:08:14,711 --> 00:08:16,321
Hey... Oh, my God!

242
00:08:16,365 --> 00:08:17,322
[laughs]

243
00:08:17,366 --> 00:08:18,541
Erica, g'day!

244
00:08:18,585 --> 00:08:19,760
G'day!

245
00:08:19,803 --> 00:08:20,761
I'm sorry, if I'd known
you were coming,

246
00:08:20,804 --> 00:08:21,979
I would've tucked it in.

247
00:08:22,023 --> 00:08:23,981
Oh, I kind of thought
you already did.

248
00:08:24,025 --> 00:08:25,766
[laughs]
As if.

249
00:08:25,809 --> 00:08:27,768
I know you didn't think that.

250
00:08:27,811 --> 00:08:29,552
But I love that
old Australian sass.

251
00:08:29,596 --> 00:08:30,684
Well...

252
00:08:30,727 --> 00:08:32,554
uh, I will get out of your hair.

253
00:08:32,599 --> 00:08:34,426
And your bald head, uh...

254
00:08:34,470 --> 00:08:36,428
Oh, look! The U.S. Constitution.

255
00:08:36,472 --> 00:08:37,647
Been meaning to frame that.

256
00:08:37,691 --> 00:08:39,431
We the people!
[laughs]

257
00:08:39,475 --> 00:08:41,738
[knocking on door]

258
00:08:43,957 --> 00:08:45,612
Hey.Hey.

259
00:08:45,655 --> 00:08:48,919
You have a good time
with the garbage man?

260
00:08:48,963 --> 00:08:50,573
[clicks tongue]
Todd, come on.

261
00:08:50,617 --> 00:08:52,444
Oh, what?
It's a simple question.

262
00:08:52,488 --> 00:08:54,055
Riding on the back
of that truck,

263
00:08:54,098 --> 00:08:55,709
wind in your hair,
hooting and hollering.

264
00:08:55,752 --> 00:08:57,580
Looked like you were
having a great time.

265
00:08:57,624 --> 00:08:59,974
I was just helping Phil.Oh, yeah?

266
00:09:00,017 --> 00:09:02,716
And I've always wanted to ride
on the back of a garbage truck.

267
00:09:02,759 --> 00:09:04,761
Don't...

268
00:09:04,805 --> 00:09:07,024
hang out with him.

269
00:09:07,068 --> 00:09:08,025
What?!

270
00:09:08,069 --> 00:09:10,375
If this relationship
is gonna work,

271
00:09:10,419 --> 00:09:13,248
you can't hang out with him.

272
00:09:13,291 --> 00:09:15,424
I...

273
00:09:15,467 --> 00:09:17,426
I forbid it.

274
00:09:17,469 --> 00:09:20,081
Todd, this has got to stop.

275
00:09:20,124 --> 00:09:22,300
Look, I've had a really nice
time with you and I...

276
00:09:22,344 --> 00:09:23,650
Whoa! You know what?

277
00:09:23,693 --> 00:09:25,477
I know how that sentence
is gonna end.

278
00:09:25,521 --> 00:09:27,479
And I'll beat you to it.

279
00:09:27,523 --> 00:09:28,698
We're done, Melissa.

280
00:09:28,742 --> 00:09:30,657
I dump you, okay?

281
00:09:30,700 --> 00:09:33,224
That's not what I was
going to say.

282
00:09:33,268 --> 00:09:35,705
But... fine.

283
00:09:35,749 --> 00:09:37,315
Bye, Todd.No, wait! What...?

284
00:09:37,359 --> 00:09:38,969
What were you gonna say?

285
00:09:39,013 --> 00:09:41,406
What were
you gonna say?!

286
00:09:41,450 --> 00:09:43,495
[Phil 2 grunting]

287
00:09:43,539 --> 00:09:44,496
ERICA:
Almost.PHIL 2: Come on!

288
00:09:44,540 --> 00:09:46,847
Almost.Yup, right there!

289
00:09:46,890 --> 00:09:48,326
Knock, knock?
[chuckles]

290
00:09:48,370 --> 00:09:49,545
Hey.

291
00:09:49,589 --> 00:09:50,677
What's going on here?

292
00:09:50,720 --> 00:09:53,070
Phil and I are just trying
to get this icemaker working.

293
00:09:53,114 --> 00:09:54,811
Well...

294
00:09:54,855 --> 00:09:57,858
I don't mean to interrupt.
I just wanted to bring you

295
00:09:57,901 --> 00:09:59,555
these hush puppies I made you.

296
00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:01,426
Simple food.

297
00:10:01,470 --> 00:10:02,645
Much appreciated.

298
00:10:02,689 --> 00:10:04,734
See, it's funny
how sweaty you can get

299
00:10:04,778 --> 00:10:07,084
working on an icemachine.

300
00:10:07,128 --> 00:10:08,564
[all laughing]

301
00:10:08,608 --> 00:10:10,087
That's funny.

302
00:10:12,307 --> 00:10:13,656
Yeah, well,

303
00:10:13,700 --> 00:10:14,831
if you ladies will excuse me,

304
00:10:14,875 --> 00:10:16,572
I'm gonna go take a hot shower.

305
00:10:16,616 --> 00:10:17,704
CAROL:
What?

306
00:10:17,747 --> 00:10:19,575
You figured out
how to get hot showers?

307
00:10:19,619 --> 00:10:20,881
I sure did.

308
00:10:20,924 --> 00:10:23,013
Y'all are welcome to use it
anytime you want to.

309
00:10:23,057 --> 00:10:25,450
Well, I might just
take you up on that offer

310
00:10:25,494 --> 00:10:28,845
'cause I am very, very dirty.

311
00:10:28,889 --> 00:10:31,065
Okay. Yeah, sure.

312
00:10:31,108 --> 00:10:33,763
What's, what's that, Carol?

313
00:10:33,807 --> 00:10:37,854
Oh, just a dumb
scarf I made you.

314
00:10:37,898 --> 00:10:40,074
It gets drafty in this house.

315
00:10:40,117 --> 00:10:40,901
For me?

316
00:10:40,944 --> 00:10:42,903
Let me see--
that's not dumb.

317
00:10:42,946 --> 00:10:44,818
It's beautiful,
look at that.

318
00:10:44,861 --> 00:10:46,689
What a set of
crafty hands you got.

319
00:10:46,733 --> 00:10:48,082
[chuckles]

320
00:10:48,125 --> 00:10:49,039
Wow.

321
00:10:49,083 --> 00:10:51,955
Speaking of crafty hands,
what's that there?

322
00:10:51,999 --> 00:10:53,261
Are those little
kitties?

323
00:10:53,304 --> 00:10:54,479
Yeah.

324
00:10:54,523 --> 00:10:55,742
I'm a cat man, myself.

325
00:10:55,785 --> 00:10:57,831
Love cats.
So cute.

326
00:10:57,874 --> 00:10:58,962
Yeah.

327
00:10:59,006 --> 00:11:00,268
[clears throat]

328
00:11:00,311 --> 00:11:02,009
Thanks for the scarf.

329
00:11:05,665 --> 00:11:07,623
Well played, Carol.

330
00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:09,233
Well played.

331
00:11:11,105 --> 00:11:14,717
So now I see that exposing
my genitals to Phil

332
00:11:14,761 --> 00:11:16,284
was just a massive misfire.

333
00:11:16,327 --> 00:11:18,112
Well, how could you
have known?

334
00:11:18,155 --> 00:11:20,592
So, uh, what'd you want
to talk to me about, bud?

335
00:11:20,636 --> 00:11:22,856
Oh, nothing, other than
blowing the best thing

336
00:11:22,899 --> 00:11:23,900
that ever
happened to me.

337
00:11:23,944 --> 00:11:26,294
Melissa and I broke up
less than three hours ago,

338
00:11:26,337 --> 00:11:28,513
and I'm already in
a kind of free fall.

339
00:11:28,557 --> 00:11:30,167
Don't know where
the bottom is,

340
00:11:30,211 --> 00:11:31,821
huh?

341
00:11:31,865 --> 00:11:33,214
Hey, Todd, hey, hey.

342
00:11:33,257 --> 00:11:36,217
Don't put this on yourself.
This is all Phil's fault, okay?

343
00:11:36,260 --> 00:11:38,306
You're good,
you're fine, all right?

344
00:11:38,349 --> 00:11:39,524
Look at you.

345
00:11:39,568 --> 00:11:41,135
You look like a million bucks.

346
00:11:41,178 --> 00:11:42,353
Ah, thanks, man.

347
00:11:43,833 --> 00:11:45,443
Hey, do you think
I'm being paranoid,

348
00:11:45,487 --> 00:11:47,750
or do you think Phil really
wants to sleep with Melissa?

349
00:11:47,794 --> 00:11:49,839
Todd, don't worry.

350
00:11:51,058 --> 00:11:52,624
He definitely wants
to sleep with Melissa.

351
00:11:52,668 --> 00:11:53,756
And everyone else here.

352
00:11:53,800 --> 00:11:55,976
Hell, I'm not even sure
the cow's safe.

353
00:11:56,019 --> 00:11:58,239
And I'm sorry you had
to hear that, girl.

354
00:11:59,240 --> 00:12:01,503
He's a monster.

355
00:12:03,505 --> 00:12:05,246
Attention, everyone.

356
00:12:05,289 --> 00:12:07,988
Here's some trash talk
that I can get behind.

357
00:12:08,031 --> 00:12:10,425
The garbage pool is clean.

358
00:12:10,468 --> 00:12:12,688
Thanks to Phil.

359
00:12:12,732 --> 00:12:15,647
And that definitely
doesn't stink.

360
00:12:15,691 --> 00:12:16,779
[laughs]

361
00:12:16,823 --> 00:12:18,041
I see what you did there.

362
00:12:18,085 --> 00:12:18,912
Thank you.

363
00:12:18,955 --> 00:12:20,522
PHIL 2:
That was cute.

364
00:12:25,266 --> 00:12:26,789
Bravo.

365
00:12:26,833 --> 00:12:28,008
Thanks, Tandy.

366
00:12:28,051 --> 00:12:31,054
No, I really mean it.I never questioned that.

367
00:12:31,098 --> 00:12:33,056
Good, 'cause it was
unquestionable.

368
00:12:34,188 --> 00:12:35,842
Do you have a problem with me?

369
00:12:35,885 --> 00:12:38,061
No, I don't.'Cause it seems like you do.

370
00:12:38,105 --> 00:12:39,802
Well, maybe that's 'cause I do.

371
00:12:39,846 --> 00:12:41,238
What's your problem with me?

372
00:12:41,282 --> 00:12:44,459
Oh, you friggin' come in here
and try to impress everybody

373
00:12:44,502 --> 00:12:46,156
with all your skills
that pay the bills.

374
00:12:46,200 --> 00:12:47,984
But deep down,
you're jealous.

375
00:12:48,028 --> 00:12:50,073
Jellin' so hard right now.

376
00:12:50,117 --> 00:12:51,945
I got no beef with you, Tandy.

377
00:12:51,988 --> 00:12:55,513
That's President Tandy to you.

378
00:12:55,557 --> 00:12:57,472
Okay, I think we've had enough
of this president crap.

379
00:12:57,515 --> 00:13:00,257
Oh, so you think the American
system of government is crap.

380
00:13:00,301 --> 00:13:02,303
No, I think the fact that you
think you're president is crap.

381
00:13:02,346 --> 00:13:03,957
ERICA: And we didn't
even get to vote.

382
00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:05,001
It's not fair.

383
00:13:05,045 --> 00:13:07,003
TANDY: Yes, it is,
and even if it wasn't,

384
00:13:07,047 --> 00:13:08,918
none of you seem
to be interested

385
00:13:08,962 --> 00:13:10,006
in the responsibility.

386
00:13:10,050 --> 00:13:12,922
So unless any of you want
to get off your butts

387
00:13:12,966 --> 00:13:14,315
and throw your hats in the ring,

388
00:13:14,358 --> 00:13:16,404
looks like you're stuck
with little old me.

389
00:13:16,447 --> 00:13:17,492
[chuckles]

390
00:13:17,535 --> 00:13:19,102
Well, I'd throw my hat
in the ring.

391
00:13:19,146 --> 00:13:21,017
[stammers] You want
to be the president, huh?

392
00:13:21,061 --> 00:13:23,933
No, no, no, I just don't want
you to be the president.

393
00:13:23,977 --> 00:13:26,240
[laughs]

394
00:13:26,283 --> 00:13:27,415
Well, great.

395
00:13:27,458 --> 00:13:29,983
Well, the next vote is
in-in four years, so...

396
00:13:30,026 --> 00:13:31,854
I say we revote
right now.

397
00:13:31,898 --> 00:13:32,855
[stammers]

398
00:13:32,899 --> 00:13:34,639
Well, I would like
to give a speech.

399
00:13:34,683 --> 00:13:36,859
No speeches, all in favor
of Phil being president,

400
00:13:36,903 --> 00:13:38,165
raise your hand.

401
00:13:41,690 --> 00:13:43,126
Carol.

402
00:13:43,170 --> 00:13:45,737
Well, looks like we
have a new president.

403
00:13:45,781 --> 00:13:47,043
[clears throat]

404
00:13:55,704 --> 00:13:56,661
GAIL: Speech, speech!

405
00:13:56,705 --> 00:13:57,662
PHIL 2 [laughing]:
Oh, no, no.

406
00:13:57,706 --> 00:13:58,663
I don't have anything to say.

407
00:13:58,707 --> 00:14:01,884
Well, I-I guess I should ask.

408
00:14:01,928 --> 00:14:04,582
Why did you guys choose
to live in Tucson?

409
00:14:04,626 --> 00:14:06,889
I mean, no offense,
but in this new world,

410
00:14:06,933 --> 00:14:09,718
Tucson is pretty much the worst
place to sustain human life.

411
00:14:09,761 --> 00:14:12,112
Hey, Tucson is my hometown,

412
00:14:12,155 --> 00:14:15,028
and I will not hear it be
slandered like that.

413
00:14:15,071 --> 00:14:16,986
Wonderful universities,
great zoo;

414
00:14:17,030 --> 00:14:18,379
multiple periodicals
have named it

415
00:14:18,422 --> 00:14:20,033
one of the top ten
places to retire.

416
00:14:20,076 --> 00:14:22,949
Okay.Multiple periodicals,
not just one.

417
00:14:22,992 --> 00:14:26,126
Don't get me wrong...We're here, Mr. President,

418
00:14:26,169 --> 00:14:27,736
because Tandy, here,

419
00:14:27,779 --> 00:14:30,130
had the good sense
to put up

420
00:14:30,173 --> 00:14:31,609
those "Alive in
Tucson" signs,

421
00:14:31,653 --> 00:14:33,655
so we should all
be thanking him.

422
00:14:35,091 --> 00:14:36,484
All right, no disrespect
to Tucson,

423
00:14:36,527 --> 00:14:38,834
but I'm talking about farming.Yes.

424
00:14:38,878 --> 00:14:40,792
Growing fresh foods.Fantastic.

425
00:14:40,836 --> 00:14:43,099
PHIL 2:
Water.
CAROL: That's what
I've been saying.

426
00:14:43,143 --> 00:14:44,709
That's why I planted
my own garden,

427
00:14:44,753 --> 00:14:46,015
but it's just not enough.

428
00:14:46,059 --> 00:14:48,017
Uh, thanks a lot, Mr. President.

429
00:14:48,061 --> 00:14:49,976
Or should I say
"Mr. Spoiler Alert"?

430
00:14:50,019 --> 00:14:51,368
What are you
talking about, Tandy?

431
00:14:51,412 --> 00:14:54,981
My surprise, which this guy
just spoil-alerted.

432
00:14:56,112 --> 00:14:57,113
I've made us a farm,

433
00:14:57,157 --> 00:14:59,289
a viable, sustainable,
working farm.

434
00:14:59,333 --> 00:14:59,986
I did that.

435
00:15:00,029 --> 00:15:01,857
Nope. No, you didn't.

436
00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:03,163
Uh, I sure did, Melissa.

437
00:15:03,206 --> 00:15:05,992
Uh, I found some good
forgivable Tucson land,

438
00:15:06,035 --> 00:15:07,994
and I plowed it, I raked it,
I tilled it,

439
00:15:08,037 --> 00:15:10,431
I sewed it, I farmed it.

440
00:15:10,474 --> 00:15:12,128
And that was gonna be
a big surprise come harvest,

441
00:15:12,172 --> 00:15:14,043
till this guy ruined it.

442
00:15:14,087 --> 00:15:15,131
With his big mouth.

443
00:15:15,175 --> 00:15:17,177
Can we take a look
at it, your farm?

444
00:15:17,220 --> 00:15:19,222
[scoffs]
Yeah, let's go.

445
00:15:19,266 --> 00:15:21,050
Let-let's do it.Let's go right now.

446
00:15:21,094 --> 00:15:22,225
Let's go right now.Right... Oh, shoot.

447
00:15:22,269 --> 00:15:24,314
Shoot, shoot, shoot,
shoot, shoot.

448
00:15:24,358 --> 00:15:25,968
It's late, and,
uh, you know,

449
00:15:26,012 --> 00:15:28,971
dark and cold--
the plants are, uh, resting.

450
00:15:29,015 --> 00:15:30,190
What about first thing
in the morning?

451
00:15:31,278 --> 00:15:32,235
First thing in the morning...

452
00:15:32,279 --> 00:15:34,629
as early as we can do it, yeah.

453
00:15:34,672 --> 00:15:35,978
Good.

454
00:15:36,022 --> 00:15:37,632
First thing come morn,

455
00:15:37,675 --> 00:15:41,679
we'll go see... my farm.

456
00:15:45,466 --> 00:15:46,815
Come on.

457
00:15:46,858 --> 00:15:48,164
Come on, be a tractor.

458
00:15:48,208 --> 00:15:49,992
Be a tractor for me.

459
00:15:50,036 --> 00:15:51,907
I need some kind of key or...?

460
00:15:51,951 --> 00:15:53,865
Oh, something happened.

461
00:15:53,909 --> 00:15:56,390
Oh! Oh!

462
00:15:56,433 --> 00:15:58,392
Nothing.

463
00:15:58,435 --> 00:15:59,567
Damn it.

464
00:15:59,610 --> 00:16:00,872
[sighs]

465
00:16:00,916 --> 00:16:02,265
Come on...!

466
00:16:02,309 --> 00:16:04,659
[shouts in frustration]

467
00:16:07,967 --> 00:16:09,577
You know what they say.

468
00:16:09,620 --> 00:16:11,709
Bros before hoes.

469
00:16:11,753 --> 00:16:13,624
Boom. I still got it.

470
00:16:13,668 --> 00:16:15,322
[whoops]

471
00:16:32,121 --> 00:16:33,122
[shouts]

472
00:16:33,165 --> 00:16:34,645
[laughs]

473
00:16:34,689 --> 00:16:36,256
[whoops]

474
00:16:36,299 --> 00:16:38,258
TANDY:
Cock a doodle doo!

475
00:16:38,301 --> 00:16:40,912
Tandy Farms is open
for business!

476
00:16:40,956 --> 00:16:42,262
Who wants to go see
TODD:
Tandy...

477
00:16:42,305 --> 00:16:44,046
a genuine farm...?
Tandy.

478
00:16:45,134 --> 00:16:46,266
Todd, what's the matter?

479
00:16:46,309 --> 00:16:48,398
It's Phil, new Phil.

480
00:16:48,442 --> 00:16:50,052
What happened?
What did he do?

481
00:16:50,096 --> 00:16:51,184
He had sex with them.

482
00:16:51,227 --> 00:16:52,881
Sex with who?

483
00:16:52,924 --> 00:16:55,057
All of 'em.

484
00:16:55,101 --> 00:16:57,538
He had sex with all of 'em!

485
00:16:58,278 --> 00:17:01,672
[weeping]:
Oh, Tandy...!

486
00:17:06,938 --> 00:17:08,549
Carol, I cannot believe you.

487
00:17:08,592 --> 00:17:10,333
Have you no morals?

488
00:17:10,377 --> 00:17:11,551
What are you
talking about?

489
00:17:11,595 --> 00:17:13,205
Oh, you know
what I'm talking about.

490
00:17:13,249 --> 00:17:15,556
Hey, uh, Carol,
where are the other two?

491
00:17:15,598 --> 00:17:18,166
Oh, they headed home,
but they say "thank you."

492
00:17:18,211 --> 00:17:20,126
We all had a wonderful time.

493
00:17:20,169 --> 00:17:21,779
MELISSA:
Oh, my God.

494
00:17:21,823 --> 00:17:23,346
That was amazing.

495
00:17:23,390 --> 00:17:25,566
What is happening here?!

496
00:17:25,608 --> 00:17:27,220
So you ready to go
check out your farm?

497
00:17:27,262 --> 00:17:30,136
Haven't you done enough
plowing for one day?

498
00:17:30,179 --> 00:17:31,137
MELISSA: I can't
believe I got

499
00:17:31,180 --> 00:17:33,008
to take a shower.
Yeah.

500
00:17:33,052 --> 00:17:34,009
Thank you.You're welcome.

501
00:17:34,053 --> 00:17:35,880
A shower.

502
00:17:35,924 --> 00:17:37,099
[scoffs]

503
00:17:37,143 --> 00:17:38,274
Oh, my God-- private
individual showers.

504
00:17:38,318 --> 00:17:39,797
That's all you were doing?

505
00:17:41,016 --> 00:17:42,322
Nobody else.
No... [stammers]

506
00:17:42,365 --> 00:17:43,975
Like, s-same-sex
showers.

507
00:17:44,019 --> 00:17:45,325
One person at a time.

508
00:17:45,368 --> 00:17:47,283
You were nowhere there
to be, uh, seen?

509
00:17:48,328 --> 00:17:49,894
Yeah, okay, yeah, yeah.

510
00:17:49,938 --> 00:17:51,200
This is all making
sense to me.

511
00:17:51,244 --> 00:17:52,506
Madesense to me,
that's what I thought.

512
00:17:52,549 --> 00:17:55,161
You know, just Todd had
said that you had all done,

513
00:17:55,204 --> 00:17:56,553
uh, something else.

514
00:17:56,597 --> 00:17:58,773
Well, Todd's been wrong
about a lot of stuff lately.

515
00:17:58,816 --> 00:18:01,167
Yeah. Bye.
Bye.

516
00:18:02,385 --> 00:18:04,213
So... farm.

517
00:18:04,257 --> 00:18:05,214
Yeah.

518
00:18:05,258 --> 00:18:06,607
Let's go.
Yeah, sure.

519
00:18:07,608 --> 00:18:09,610
PHIL: Just friends
taking showers,

520
00:18:09,653 --> 00:18:12,613
individually, toweling
off on their own,

521
00:18:12,656 --> 00:18:15,355
coming out, joining each other
once they're fully clothed.

522
00:18:15,398 --> 00:18:19,315
Nice job, Tandy,
this is a really good start.

523
00:18:19,359 --> 00:18:20,490
So what'd you plant?

524
00:18:20,534 --> 00:18:23,058
Ah, you know--
the necessities.

525
00:18:23,102 --> 00:18:26,192
Everything from, uh,
fruits to veggies.

526
00:18:26,235 --> 00:18:27,845
Good work.

527
00:18:27,889 --> 00:18:29,412
Yeah.

528
00:18:29,456 --> 00:18:32,023
Look, I'm sorry, uh,
things got a little tense

529
00:18:32,067 --> 00:18:33,242
between us this week.

530
00:18:33,286 --> 00:18:35,157
Uh, looking at
what you did,

531
00:18:35,201 --> 00:18:37,159
I realize I may
have been off base.

532
00:18:37,203 --> 00:18:39,030
Yeah?
Yeah.

533
00:18:40,249 --> 00:18:42,208
Yeah... you're welcome.

534
00:18:42,251 --> 00:18:44,949
You know, I-I just want
to say I feel like

535
00:18:44,993 --> 00:18:46,560
you caught me
on a weird week.

536
00:18:46,603 --> 00:18:47,343
That's for sure.

537
00:18:47,387 --> 00:18:48,344
Yeah, when you
showed up,

538
00:18:48,388 --> 00:18:50,259
I kind of reared up
on my haunches

539
00:18:50,303 --> 00:18:51,782
and let out a little
warning roar.

540
00:18:51,826 --> 00:18:53,175
It's pure animal instinct.

541
00:18:53,219 --> 00:18:54,176
You feel me, Philbert?

542
00:18:54,220 --> 00:18:55,177
Oh, I feel you.

543
00:18:55,221 --> 00:18:56,178
Yeah.

544
00:18:56,222 --> 00:18:58,180
So we cool?

545
00:18:58,224 --> 00:18:59,181
We way cool.

546
00:18:59,225 --> 00:19:01,227
Mondo cool.

547
00:19:03,142 --> 00:19:04,447
[quietly imitates explosion]

548
00:19:05,666 --> 00:19:07,581
TANDY: I wish you guys
had been there to see it.

549
00:19:07,624 --> 00:19:09,844
He was so impressed with me.

550
00:19:09,887 --> 00:19:12,455
I mean, we really reached
an understanding.

551
00:19:12,499 --> 00:19:15,458
And, sure, for a while,
we were like two alpha dogs

552
00:19:15,502 --> 00:19:17,460
baring our teeth,
and peeing everywhere

553
00:19:17,504 --> 00:19:18,983
to mark our territory,

554
00:19:19,027 --> 00:19:20,289
but it came out a draw.

555
00:19:20,333 --> 00:19:22,770
As often happens
in the animal kingdom.

556
00:19:22,813 --> 00:19:24,293
Bottom line--

557
00:19:24,337 --> 00:19:25,686
[chuckles]
he respects me.

558
00:19:25,729 --> 00:19:28,297
You know, he knows
this is my land.

559
00:19:28,341 --> 00:19:30,430
And he knows not
to step on my turf.

560
00:19:30,473 --> 00:19:32,171
[knocking on door]

561
00:19:33,259 --> 00:19:34,303
Phil.

562
00:19:36,175 --> 00:19:37,480
You changed your nails up?

563
00:19:37,524 --> 00:19:38,829
Different cats.

564
00:19:38,873 --> 00:19:40,222
I like it.

565
00:19:40,266 --> 00:19:41,571
[giggles]

566
00:19:41,615 --> 00:19:42,572
You noticed.

567
00:19:42,616 --> 00:19:43,921
Yeah.

568
00:19:43,965 --> 00:19:45,662
Scarf looks good.

569
00:19:47,751 --> 00:19:49,100
You noticed.

570
00:19:50,145 --> 00:19:52,060
Come on.

571
00:19:55,368 --> 00:19:56,717
Respect.

572
00:19:56,760 --> 00:19:59,372
This is Tandy Land,
and he knows it.

573
00:19:59,415 --> 00:20:02,331
He smells the spray, he's trying
to tip-toe through it.

574
00:20:02,375 --> 00:20:04,333
But it's all over
his feet and legs.

575
00:20:04,377 --> 00:20:06,161
[chuckles]
Poor guy.

576
00:20:06,205 --> 00:20:08,337
Mmm, Phil.

577
00:20:08,381 --> 00:20:10,339
Oh, there you go,
you big camper.
[grunts]

578
00:20:10,383 --> 00:20:12,385
Oh, now put the food
in the bear box.

579
00:20:12,428 --> 00:20:13,516
The food's in the box, baby.

580
00:20:13,560 --> 00:20:15,475
Put it high up in the tree
so the bears can't get to it.

581
00:20:15,518 --> 00:20:17,259
It's in the tree,
it's high up there.

582
00:20:17,303 --> 00:20:19,130
Yeah, it is.Way out of reach.

583
00:20:19,174 --> 00:20:21,959
Put a log on the fire,
get those mosquitoes away, Phil!

584
00:20:22,003 --> 00:20:24,179
Can't stand those
damn mosquitoes!
Get 'em!

585
00:20:24,223 --> 00:20:25,615
CAROL:
Oh, Phil!

586
00:20:25,659 --> 00:20:27,530
PHIL 2: I want a
s'more right now!

587
00:20:27,574 --> 00:20:28,270
To Carol.

588
00:20:28,314 --> 00:20:30,185
To Carol.

589
00:20:30,229 --> 00:20:32,448
That lucky B-word.

590
00:20:32,492 --> 00:20:33,536
CAROL: Oh,
I want chocolate.

591
00:20:33,580 --> 00:20:34,929
PHIL 2: What kind of
chocolate do you want?

592
00:20:34,972 --> 00:20:36,496
I want the darkest
chocolate!The darkest chocolate!

593
00:20:36,539 --> 00:20:39,107
CAROL:
Yeah, Phil Miller!

594
00:20:39,150 --> 00:20:41,283
Oh...!

595
00:20:41,327 --> 00:20:42,545
Oh, you've
camped before.

596
00:20:42,589 --> 00:20:44,547
PHIL 2: I love
camping...

597
00:20:44,591 --> 00:20:47,463
[Carol and Phil 2
continue indistinctly]

598
00:20:54,122 --> 00:20:56,080
We got to kill this guy.

599
00:20:56,124 --> 00:20:57,952
I'm in.

600
00:20:57,995 --> 00:20:59,910
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH

601
00:21:33,727 --> 00:21:35,424
CHILDREN:
Uncle Stinky.

602
00:21:35,468 --> 00:21:36,991
[horn honking]