1 00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:04,003 (sleep apnea machine whirs) 2 00:00:12,346 --> 00:00:14,348 (yawns) 3 00:00:15,183 --> 00:00:17,185 (moans) 4 00:00:20,288 --> 00:00:22,290 (grunts) 5 00:00:28,262 --> 00:00:30,164 T-Tan-Tandy. 6 00:00:30,198 --> 00:00:31,599 Tandy. 7 00:00:31,632 --> 00:00:34,335 What? What? 8 00:00:34,368 --> 00:00:36,504 What? You okay? 9 00:00:36,537 --> 00:00:39,607 We got company. 10 00:00:51,619 --> 00:00:53,621 (baby gurgles) 11 00:01:00,394 --> 00:01:02,796 -A sleep birth? -CAROL: Yep. 12 00:01:02,830 --> 00:01:04,965 Had her right in my sleep. 13 00:01:04,998 --> 00:01:06,967 That is the weirdest thing I've ever heard. 14 00:01:07,000 --> 00:01:09,270 Well, I've had similar nocturnal movements. 15 00:01:09,303 --> 00:01:11,305 Eh, not a baby of course, but, uh, 16 00:01:11,339 --> 00:01:13,207 I was, uh, surprised in the morning. 17 00:01:13,241 --> 00:01:16,244 CAROL: I mean, I was so worried about it. 18 00:01:16,277 --> 00:01:19,813 'Cause, Erica, your birth seemed very painful. 19 00:01:19,847 --> 00:01:22,116 Am I wrong about that? 20 00:01:22,150 --> 00:01:24,452 Yeah, the pain was significant. 21 00:01:24,485 --> 00:01:27,155 Yeah, 'cause for me, it was the exact opposite. 22 00:01:27,188 --> 00:01:28,889 Like, nothing. 23 00:01:28,922 --> 00:01:31,459 In fact, I have a sneaking suspicion, 24 00:01:31,492 --> 00:01:34,128 I might have even orgasmed. 25 00:01:34,162 --> 00:01:35,563 ERICA: Oh. 26 00:01:35,596 --> 00:01:37,631 -Well, good for you. -Yeah, right? 27 00:01:37,664 --> 00:01:39,767 Anyway, looking back at it now, 28 00:01:39,800 --> 00:01:43,036 I realize all that worrying was for nothing. 29 00:01:44,172 --> 00:01:45,773 Isn't that right, Bezequille? 30 00:01:45,806 --> 00:01:48,776 So, we're sticking with Bezequille? 31 00:01:50,511 --> 00:01:53,781 I l... I love it. 32 00:01:53,814 --> 00:01:56,650 -Yeah. -TODD: Hey there, Bezequille. 33 00:01:56,684 --> 00:01:59,687 I'm your Uncle Todd, 34 00:01:59,720 --> 00:02:02,456 and this is your Aunt Melissa. 35 00:02:02,490 --> 00:02:05,793 You want to say hi, Melissa? 36 00:02:05,826 --> 00:02:07,561 Hey. 37 00:02:08,628 --> 00:02:10,598 What's up? 38 00:02:10,631 --> 00:02:11,865 Look at you. 39 00:02:11,899 --> 00:02:13,334 You're perfect. 40 00:02:13,367 --> 00:02:15,936 You little bumblebee. 41 00:02:15,969 --> 00:02:19,273 That's what you are, a little bumblebee. 42 00:02:19,307 --> 00:02:22,710 (crying): 'Cause you stung me... right in the heart. 43 00:02:22,743 --> 00:02:26,880 It's swelling up bigger than I ever thought possible. 44 00:02:26,914 --> 00:02:28,616 -Sorry. -CAROL: Well, 45 00:02:28,649 --> 00:02:31,051 I'm gonna go eat the placenta. 46 00:02:31,084 --> 00:02:33,221 -Anybody want to join? -Thanks for asking. -Oh, no. 47 00:02:33,254 --> 00:02:36,156 -I have some things I got to do. -I'm practicing my accordion. 48 00:02:36,190 --> 00:02:38,025 I would love some. 49 00:02:42,496 --> 00:02:44,064 Oh, my God. 50 00:02:44,097 --> 00:02:45,833 I can't believe I stayed sober 51 00:02:45,866 --> 00:02:48,067 for two weeks waiting to deliver that baby, 52 00:02:48,101 --> 00:02:50,571 and Carol goes and pops it out in her sleep. 53 00:02:50,603 --> 00:02:52,640 Oh, was the birth easy for Carol? 54 00:02:52,673 --> 00:02:54,174 I hadn't heard that. 55 00:02:54,208 --> 00:02:56,744 Hey, look on the bright side, I'm not on baby watch anymore. 56 00:02:56,777 --> 00:02:58,579 So, what do you say, we can finally have 57 00:02:58,612 --> 00:03:00,514 that little date night tonight? 58 00:03:00,548 --> 00:03:02,216 Ugh, that's exactly what I need. 59 00:03:02,250 --> 00:03:04,017 What are we gonna do with this one? 60 00:03:04,051 --> 00:03:07,721 I think I know someone who might be available. 61 00:03:07,755 --> 00:03:09,657 A thousand times yes! 62 00:03:09,690 --> 00:03:11,425 Oh, this is gonna be so great. 63 00:03:11,459 --> 00:03:13,727 We're gonna read some stories, sing some lullabies, 64 00:03:13,761 --> 00:03:15,563 maybe count macaronis together. 65 00:03:15,596 --> 00:03:17,931 Oh, gotta do some tickling. (laughs) 66 00:03:17,965 --> 00:03:20,534 Okay, I'm off to get supplies. Whenever you guys need me, 67 00:03:20,568 --> 00:03:23,003 I'll be waiting right outside your door. 68 00:03:23,036 --> 00:03:25,038 (laughs) 69 00:03:27,641 --> 00:03:31,111 And then the noodle realized that he needed 70 00:03:31,144 --> 00:03:34,915 to take a high dive off his own expectations. 71 00:03:34,948 --> 00:03:37,216 (chuckles) That sounds like a great story. 72 00:03:37,251 --> 00:03:38,852 -Yeah. -You know, Care Bear, 73 00:03:38,886 --> 00:03:40,954 I feel like I gave birth today, too. 74 00:03:40,988 --> 00:03:42,756 To a new worldview. 75 00:03:42,790 --> 00:03:44,591 A new responsibility. 76 00:03:44,625 --> 00:03:46,894 And a new song. 77 00:03:46,927 --> 00:03:49,297 I call this "A New World View, 78 00:03:49,329 --> 00:03:52,533 A New Responsibility, A New Song." 79 00:03:52,566 --> 00:03:56,704 Give her a front row seat. 80 00:03:56,737 --> 00:03:58,238 There you go. 81 00:03:58,272 --> 00:04:00,240 (Tandy strums guitar) 82 00:04:00,274 --> 00:04:04,312 * Have you ever had a teeny, tiny baby * 83 00:04:04,345 --> 00:04:07,047 * Sitting right on your face? 84 00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:08,782 * And you realize 85 00:04:08,816 --> 00:04:10,451 * You got responsibilities 86 00:04:10,484 --> 00:04:13,721 * Hitting you from every place 87 00:04:13,754 --> 00:04:15,789 * Well, it's an honor and a very big deal * 88 00:04:15,823 --> 00:04:19,293 * Much more than just changing some di-i-iapers * 89 00:04:19,327 --> 00:04:21,728 * Gotta set a good example 90 00:04:21,762 --> 00:04:23,564 * Gotta feed 'em lots of food 91 00:04:23,597 --> 00:04:25,132 * And even some knowledge 92 00:04:25,165 --> 00:04:26,567 * Closure, closure 93 00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:28,502 * Closure, closure, closure 94 00:04:28,536 --> 00:04:31,271 * Our baby's in this world now and she's melting my heart * 95 00:04:31,305 --> 00:04:33,641 * Closure, closure, closure, closure * 96 00:04:33,674 --> 00:04:36,477 * Closure, our baby is born 97 00:04:36,510 --> 00:04:39,413 * Thank you, Yahweh 98 00:04:39,447 --> 00:04:41,982 * Fart, fart, fart. 99 00:04:42,015 --> 00:04:44,117 (laughs) 100 00:04:44,151 --> 00:04:46,420 Care Bear. You okay? 101 00:04:46,454 --> 00:04:48,422 Yeah. I've... 102 00:04:48,456 --> 00:04:51,659 I've just had this weird cramp all day, and now 103 00:04:51,692 --> 00:04:53,126 I just feel dizzy. 104 00:04:53,159 --> 00:04:55,929 Why don't we go check in with Gail, just to be safe? 105 00:04:55,963 --> 00:04:58,031 -Okay? Here, I'll get the baby. -Okay. 106 00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:01,402 You almost done? 107 00:05:02,403 --> 00:05:04,905 Just give me another sec. 108 00:05:06,974 --> 00:05:09,477 Huh. 109 00:05:14,848 --> 00:05:16,316 What? 110 00:05:17,351 --> 00:05:18,986 Carol... 111 00:05:19,019 --> 00:05:21,389 you ever go to a fast-food joint? 112 00:05:21,422 --> 00:05:23,957 Oh, I'm gonna stop you right there-- I don't like fast food. 113 00:05:23,991 --> 00:05:25,993 I prefer it slow or mid-tempo. 114 00:05:26,026 --> 00:05:28,061 I do like fast food. 115 00:05:28,095 --> 00:05:31,532 And I went to a place once, 116 00:05:31,565 --> 00:05:33,967 -and I ordered a cheeseburger, -Mm. 117 00:05:34,001 --> 00:05:35,969 and after I ate it, 118 00:05:36,003 --> 00:05:38,639 I reached into the bag for a napkin, 119 00:05:38,672 --> 00:05:41,409 and I noticed... 120 00:05:41,442 --> 00:05:43,777 a second cheeseburger down there. 121 00:05:45,679 --> 00:05:47,881 You see what I mean? 122 00:05:49,783 --> 00:05:53,987 An additional cheeseburger that I had not ordered? 123 00:05:54,021 --> 00:05:56,156 Um... I'm lost here. 124 00:05:56,189 --> 00:05:58,158 What are you saying? 125 00:05:58,191 --> 00:06:00,093 Carol... 126 00:06:00,127 --> 00:06:02,963 you've got another baby stuck up in ya. 127 00:06:04,398 --> 00:06:05,633 (gasps) 128 00:06:07,535 --> 00:06:09,570 There's another baby inside of me. 129 00:06:09,603 --> 00:06:12,072 Is that even possible? 130 00:06:12,105 --> 00:06:14,241 Well, I'm looking at it with my own two eyes, 131 00:06:14,274 --> 00:06:16,577 so... yeah, I'm gonna go with yes. 132 00:06:16,610 --> 00:06:18,746 -(exhales) -TANDY: Hello, ladies. 133 00:06:18,779 --> 00:06:21,214 Me and my daughter, just born today-- 134 00:06:21,248 --> 00:06:23,216 you were there-- uh, we're just checking in 135 00:06:23,250 --> 00:06:24,985 to see how you guys were doing. 136 00:06:26,086 --> 00:06:29,289 Tandy, I have something to tell you. 137 00:06:29,322 --> 00:06:31,224 Uh, what's up, Care Bear? 138 00:06:31,258 --> 00:06:33,927 We're gonna have another baby. 139 00:06:33,961 --> 00:06:35,896 Well, sounds good. Let me just go wash my balls. 140 00:06:35,929 --> 00:06:37,064 Oh, no-no-no-no. 141 00:06:37,097 --> 00:06:40,133 I mean, we're gonna have another baby right now. 142 00:06:40,167 --> 00:06:42,970 Carol, warning: they're pretty dirty. 143 00:06:43,003 --> 00:06:46,106 Tandy, I'm not talking about making another baby. 144 00:06:46,139 --> 00:06:48,609 I'm saying there's another baby 145 00:06:48,642 --> 00:06:51,244 already inside of me. 146 00:06:51,278 --> 00:06:53,280 * 147 00:06:53,313 --> 00:06:55,182 You... (exhales) 148 00:06:56,817 --> 00:07:00,087 You have another cheeseburger in the bag? 149 00:07:00,120 --> 00:07:01,321 Yeah. 150 00:07:03,023 --> 00:07:05,092 I'm gonna be another father. 151 00:07:05,125 --> 00:07:06,727 (Tandy laughs softly) 152 00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:09,797 Oh, my God. So, what's the ETA? 153 00:07:09,830 --> 00:07:11,431 Well, they usually come 154 00:07:11,465 --> 00:07:14,602 one right after the other, but says here, 155 00:07:14,635 --> 00:07:18,606 it's not too uncommon for there to be a little separation. 156 00:07:18,639 --> 00:07:21,341 Say what you will about the cleanliness of my balls, 157 00:07:21,374 --> 00:07:24,512 but they sure know how to make babies. (laughs) 158 00:07:24,545 --> 00:07:27,447 Yeah. I guess that's the takeaway. 159 00:07:27,481 --> 00:07:28,816 (whispers): Gross. 160 00:07:28,849 --> 00:07:31,284 GAIL: Bad news, hon. 161 00:07:31,318 --> 00:07:34,087 -Date night's off. -Why? 162 00:07:34,121 --> 00:07:36,624 Carol's got another baby stuck up her. 163 00:07:36,657 --> 00:07:39,159 What? No way. 164 00:07:39,192 --> 00:07:40,761 Yup, right up in her. 165 00:07:40,794 --> 00:07:44,097 Am I horrible for being super glad she's having another one? 166 00:07:44,131 --> 00:07:46,199 -Of course not. -Or for the main reason 167 00:07:46,233 --> 00:07:49,937 being my sincere desire for it to be incredibly painful? 168 00:07:49,970 --> 00:07:52,773 Now, that does tip it back the other way, just a little bit. 169 00:07:52,806 --> 00:07:55,543 -Yeah, you can never tell her I said that. -I won't. 170 00:07:55,576 --> 00:07:57,778 'Cause then she might downplay the pain just to spite me. 171 00:07:57,811 --> 00:07:59,647 Can I be there? Can I watch? 172 00:07:59,680 --> 00:08:01,782 I'm not sure your current energy 173 00:08:01,815 --> 00:08:04,284 would be super helpful in that room. 174 00:08:04,317 --> 00:08:07,020 I'm sorry. Obviously, I want her to have a smooth birth. 175 00:08:07,054 --> 00:08:08,321 (chuckles): Oh, yeah. 176 00:08:08,355 --> 00:08:11,659 But with just enough pain to respect the process. 177 00:08:13,360 --> 00:08:15,495 * 178 00:08:15,529 --> 00:08:17,998 You are barely dilated. 179 00:08:18,031 --> 00:08:19,533 (Gail sighs) 180 00:08:19,567 --> 00:08:23,203 So, nothing? You don't feel any contractions? 181 00:08:23,236 --> 00:08:24,371 Nope. 182 00:08:24,404 --> 00:08:26,173 Here, Care Bear, try this. 183 00:08:27,174 --> 00:08:28,976 Aah! Aah! What is that?! 184 00:08:29,009 --> 00:08:30,678 It's a bowl of Tabasco sauce. 185 00:08:30,711 --> 00:08:32,145 I-I found a list of the things 186 00:08:32,179 --> 00:08:33,914 that are supposed to help induce labor, 187 00:08:33,947 --> 00:08:35,749 and spicy foods is one of them. 188 00:08:35,783 --> 00:08:37,650 I-I guess they steam the baby out? 189 00:08:37,684 --> 00:08:39,119 Here, Gail, check her now. 190 00:08:40,352 --> 00:08:41,688 No change. 191 00:08:41,722 --> 00:08:44,424 Hey, relax. 192 00:08:44,457 --> 00:08:46,526 I am not worried. 193 00:08:46,560 --> 00:08:48,195 The baby will come when it's ready. 194 00:08:48,228 --> 00:08:50,330 GAIL: Well, look at you, 195 00:08:50,363 --> 00:08:53,165 -all mellowed out. -Well, Bezequille taught me 196 00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:55,202 a big lesson today. 197 00:08:55,235 --> 00:08:57,537 All that time I spent worried about her birth, 198 00:08:57,571 --> 00:08:58,939 I'll never get it back. 199 00:08:58,972 --> 00:09:00,440 So starting tonight, 200 00:09:00,473 --> 00:09:02,910 I am not gonna get all jangled up 201 00:09:02,943 --> 00:09:05,278 about things that are beyond my control. 202 00:09:05,312 --> 00:09:06,546 Good for you, hon. 203 00:09:06,580 --> 00:09:09,216 So, I'm gonna go to bed. 204 00:09:09,249 --> 00:09:10,618 Um... 205 00:09:10,651 --> 00:09:12,352 here's a misoprostol 206 00:09:12,385 --> 00:09:14,087 to get the ball rolling down there. 207 00:09:14,121 --> 00:09:16,957 And you just give me a shout if anything happens. 208 00:09:16,990 --> 00:09:18,792 Thanks, Mom. 209 00:09:18,826 --> 00:09:21,729 This is great. Between Gail's medicine and my list, 210 00:09:21,762 --> 00:09:23,563 we'll get this baby out of you. 211 00:09:23,597 --> 00:09:25,733 So you just sit back and... relax! 212 00:09:25,766 --> 00:09:27,067 (screams) 213 00:09:27,100 --> 00:09:28,368 (pants) 214 00:09:28,401 --> 00:09:29,737 Scaring you is on the list. 215 00:09:29,770 --> 00:09:31,371 Yeah. Anything? 216 00:09:31,404 --> 00:09:33,573 -(crying): No. -Okay. Well... 217 00:09:33,607 --> 00:09:36,076 cross that one off. 218 00:09:36,109 --> 00:09:37,878 Or will I? 219 00:09:37,911 --> 00:09:39,146 * 220 00:09:42,415 --> 00:09:44,117 What's with the sour mug, bub? 221 00:09:44,151 --> 00:09:46,787 Nothing. I'm fine. 222 00:09:46,820 --> 00:09:48,656 (groans) 223 00:09:48,689 --> 00:09:50,824 I thought you were supposed to be babysitting. 224 00:09:50,858 --> 00:09:52,626 Erica called it off, 'cause Gail's busy 225 00:09:52,660 --> 00:09:53,827 with Carol's birth stuff. 226 00:09:53,861 --> 00:09:57,130 Well, it's probably for the best. 227 00:09:57,164 --> 00:09:59,499 What's that supposed to mean? 228 00:09:59,532 --> 00:10:02,770 I mean, I just know you have a little case of baby fever, 229 00:10:02,803 --> 00:10:04,772 and I see where this is going. 230 00:10:04,805 --> 00:10:06,339 (exhales) 231 00:10:06,373 --> 00:10:08,642 No, Melissa, look. 232 00:10:08,676 --> 00:10:10,678 We made our decision, okay? 233 00:10:10,711 --> 00:10:12,746 Having kids is not for us. 234 00:10:12,780 --> 00:10:15,849 And I totally respect your desire to remain barren. 235 00:10:15,883 --> 00:10:17,685 Todd, be honest with me. 236 00:10:17,718 --> 00:10:20,353 Melissa, I don't need kids to be happy. 237 00:10:20,387 --> 00:10:22,055 All I need is you. 238 00:10:30,831 --> 00:10:33,266 You feeling anything? 239 00:10:33,300 --> 00:10:35,268 No. 240 00:10:35,302 --> 00:10:37,504 Hmm. Nipple stimulation's supposed to be 241 00:10:37,537 --> 00:10:39,006 one of the biggies. Here, let me 242 00:10:39,039 --> 00:10:41,474 try the other way a little bit. 243 00:10:43,844 --> 00:10:45,746 Still nothing? 244 00:10:47,514 --> 00:10:49,516 Let me try this. 245 00:10:52,853 --> 00:10:55,388 Anything? 246 00:10:55,422 --> 00:10:58,091 Flick 'em, flick 'em. 247 00:10:59,693 --> 00:11:00,928 Nothing? 248 00:11:02,662 --> 00:11:04,064 No. 249 00:11:04,097 --> 00:11:06,233 Oh, maybe they're talking about intellectual stimulation. 250 00:11:07,367 --> 00:11:09,469 What if Benjamin Buttons had a zipper? 251 00:11:09,502 --> 00:11:11,171 Tandy, I appreciate your efforts, 252 00:11:11,204 --> 00:11:12,973 but I think I'm just too tired 253 00:11:13,006 --> 00:11:15,242 to be stimulated nipple-arily. 254 00:11:15,275 --> 00:11:17,510 Oh. Then, baby, why don't you get some sleep? 255 00:11:17,544 --> 00:11:19,747 What kind of mother would I be if I missed 256 00:11:19,780 --> 00:11:22,082 two of my babies being born in the same day? 257 00:11:22,115 --> 00:11:25,085 Hey, Care Bear, would you feel better 258 00:11:25,118 --> 00:11:27,855 if I stayed up all night and watched your vagina? 259 00:11:27,888 --> 00:11:29,589 You would do that for me? 260 00:11:29,622 --> 00:11:31,058 I would do that for a lot of people. 261 00:11:31,091 --> 00:11:33,593 But tonight, yes, it's for you. 262 00:11:33,626 --> 00:11:36,029 -I love you. -I love you. 263 00:11:37,530 --> 00:11:41,434 Now, promise me you'll wake me up the second anything happens. 264 00:11:41,468 --> 00:11:43,670 Carol, columns could crumble. 265 00:11:43,703 --> 00:11:45,172 The moon could explode. 266 00:11:45,205 --> 00:11:48,040 A banshee could scream in the very face of time. 267 00:11:48,075 --> 00:11:50,010 And I will not... stop... 268 00:11:50,043 --> 00:11:53,280 watching... this... vagina. 269 00:11:53,313 --> 00:11:54,281 (chuckles) 270 00:11:54,314 --> 00:11:56,316 Clocking in. 271 00:12:04,324 --> 00:12:06,559 CAROL: Tandy. 272 00:12:06,593 --> 00:12:08,395 -Oh, what... -Tandy. 273 00:12:08,428 --> 00:12:09,729 Wha-Wha... What? What, what? 274 00:12:09,763 --> 00:12:11,965 You said you'd keep watch for me all night. 275 00:12:11,999 --> 00:12:13,967 Carol, relax. 276 00:12:14,001 --> 00:12:15,535 I had it covered. 277 00:12:15,568 --> 00:12:18,505 What do you mean, had it covered? 278 00:12:21,574 --> 00:12:22,976 Still need me here, bud? 279 00:12:23,010 --> 00:12:25,012 Thanks. I-I got it from here, bud. 280 00:12:28,748 --> 00:12:30,050 Carol. 281 00:12:30,083 --> 00:12:31,351 Todd. 282 00:12:32,519 --> 00:12:35,322 -Gail. -Todd. 283 00:12:35,355 --> 00:12:37,090 So, where we at? 284 00:12:37,124 --> 00:12:39,592 Still stuck at the equator, Mom. 285 00:12:39,626 --> 00:12:41,561 That pill should've worked by now. 286 00:12:41,594 --> 00:12:43,663 Okay, let me take another look. 287 00:12:43,696 --> 00:12:45,332 (sighs) 288 00:12:45,365 --> 00:12:48,101 All these people looking at my pieces. 289 00:12:48,135 --> 00:12:51,638 Now I know what the Newport Ceramics Festival feels like. 290 00:12:52,873 --> 00:12:55,342 Okay, well, um... 291 00:12:55,375 --> 00:12:57,845 Tandy, could I talk to you... 292 00:12:57,878 --> 00:12:59,779 for a second, outside? 293 00:12:59,813 --> 00:13:02,015 -Sure. -No. I want to hear it. 294 00:13:02,049 --> 00:13:04,918 Whatever you have to say to him, you can say to me, too. 295 00:13:04,952 --> 00:13:07,420 Fine. I... 296 00:13:07,454 --> 00:13:09,789 I'm kind of freaking out here. 297 00:13:09,823 --> 00:13:11,859 Why are you so worried? 298 00:13:11,892 --> 00:13:15,595 Because I don't want anything to happen to you or this baby. 299 00:13:15,628 --> 00:13:17,097 Well, neither do I. 300 00:13:17,130 --> 00:13:19,466 But it's all gonna be okay. 301 00:13:19,499 --> 00:13:21,301 Yeah, it will. 302 00:13:21,334 --> 00:13:24,437 'Cause we're gonna get that baby out of you. 303 00:13:24,471 --> 00:13:26,806 Right friggin' now. 304 00:13:28,208 --> 00:13:30,277 We-we need to get the baby out now? 305 00:13:30,310 --> 00:13:31,511 What's the rush? 306 00:13:31,544 --> 00:13:33,013 Thought your book said it wasn't a big deal. 307 00:13:33,046 --> 00:13:35,682 Well, the longer you wait, the more risk of complications. 308 00:13:35,715 --> 00:13:38,151 I mean, the baby's head could get too big for the birth canal. 309 00:13:38,185 --> 00:13:40,820 Extra pressure on the umbilical cord. 310 00:13:40,854 --> 00:13:42,956 Possibility of meconium infection. 311 00:13:42,990 --> 00:13:45,458 Look, I appreciate your concern, 312 00:13:45,492 --> 00:13:47,460 but I've read about all the risks, 313 00:13:47,494 --> 00:13:49,462 and I'm not worried about it. 314 00:13:49,496 --> 00:13:51,965 Hon, we should hear Gail out, okay? 315 00:13:51,999 --> 00:13:53,633 So, uh, what are you proposing? 316 00:13:53,665 --> 00:13:56,169 I want to go in 317 00:13:56,203 --> 00:13:59,472 and break the amniotic sac with a needle. 318 00:13:59,506 --> 00:14:03,143 D... Uh... no, we are not kebabing our baby. 319 00:14:03,176 --> 00:14:04,477 Well, it's our best option. 320 00:14:04,511 --> 00:14:06,146 Well, if it's such a great option, 321 00:14:06,179 --> 00:14:07,747 why isn't it even on my list? 322 00:14:07,780 --> 00:14:09,716 -Oh... -Please, please. 323 00:14:09,749 --> 00:14:13,086 It's hard for me to put what I'm feeling into words. 324 00:14:13,120 --> 00:14:15,488 Call it mother's intuition. 325 00:14:15,522 --> 00:14:17,657 But I need you to trust me. 326 00:14:17,690 --> 00:14:20,060 The baby will come when it's ready. 327 00:14:21,895 --> 00:14:23,330 Okay. 328 00:14:23,363 --> 00:14:25,198 If that's what you want. 329 00:14:25,232 --> 00:14:26,499 It is. 330 00:14:26,533 --> 00:14:27,867 (mouths) 331 00:14:30,203 --> 00:14:32,339 Who's a little angel? 332 00:14:32,372 --> 00:14:34,241 Are you my little baby pet? 333 00:14:34,274 --> 00:14:37,210 Did you keep Mommy up all night last night? 334 00:14:37,244 --> 00:14:38,578 Was that you? 335 00:14:38,611 --> 00:14:40,213 Yes, it was. 336 00:14:40,247 --> 00:14:42,915 That was you, wasn't it? Yes, you did. 337 00:14:42,950 --> 00:14:44,717 Oh, hey. 338 00:14:44,751 --> 00:14:46,753 Hey, Todd. Hey. 339 00:14:46,786 --> 00:14:49,856 Hey, um, you feeling okay? 340 00:14:49,889 --> 00:14:51,358 Why? 341 00:14:51,391 --> 00:14:52,725 Just seem a little tired. 342 00:14:52,759 --> 00:14:54,894 You know, just based on what your face looks like. 343 00:14:54,928 --> 00:14:58,398 -Wow. -No, d-don't-don't get me wrong. 344 00:14:58,431 --> 00:15:01,368 Y... You-you look great, hon. Very wise. 345 00:15:01,401 --> 00:15:04,604 You know, like an old, gnarled oak tree, you know? 346 00:15:04,637 --> 00:15:06,206 Tons of integrity. 347 00:15:06,239 --> 00:15:07,907 -Thank you? -You know, 348 00:15:07,941 --> 00:15:09,742 th-this isn't coming out right. I just... (sighs) 349 00:15:09,776 --> 00:15:13,413 If you need to take a little nap, I'd be happy to watch Dawn. 350 00:15:13,446 --> 00:15:15,882 -Well, I'm not sure about the tree stuff... -Fair. 351 00:15:15,915 --> 00:15:17,884 ...but I could really use a nap. 352 00:15:17,917 --> 00:15:20,887 A-And just so you know, I don't need kids to be happy. 353 00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:23,223 -Oh, good for you, Todd. -All I need is Melissa. 354 00:15:23,256 --> 00:15:25,392 -Todd... -This is just so you can get some sleep 355 00:15:25,425 --> 00:15:27,227 -for your face. -All right, I got it. 356 00:15:27,260 --> 00:15:29,429 -You've made that abundantly clear. -Okay. 357 00:15:29,462 --> 00:15:30,763 Bye-bye, Dawn. 358 00:15:30,797 --> 00:15:33,566 Bye-bye. 359 00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:35,602 -Bye. -See you. 360 00:15:37,470 --> 00:15:39,772 (whispers): She's gone. Hey. 361 00:15:46,513 --> 00:15:48,281 Oh. Hey. 362 00:15:48,315 --> 00:15:49,849 Hey, Melissa. 363 00:15:49,882 --> 00:15:51,484 Where have you been? 364 00:15:51,518 --> 00:15:54,921 You know, just, um... 365 00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:56,823 hanging out with the guys. 366 00:15:56,856 --> 00:15:58,958 Is that baby powder on your shirt? 367 00:15:58,992 --> 00:16:00,927 This is, um, um... 368 00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:02,929 the, um... 369 00:16:02,962 --> 00:16:05,132 It's... cocaine. 370 00:16:05,165 --> 00:16:06,766 Cocaine? 371 00:16:06,799 --> 00:16:08,635 Yes. Cocaine. 372 00:16:08,668 --> 00:16:11,804 I was doing cocaine because... I love it. 373 00:16:11,838 --> 00:16:12,972 You were with Dawn, weren't you? 374 00:16:13,006 --> 00:16:14,974 Look, how many times do I have to tell you? 375 00:16:15,008 --> 00:16:18,278 I was snorting and smoking cocaine all day, okay? 376 00:16:18,311 --> 00:16:20,680 And then, when I was putting my mirror and coke toot away, 377 00:16:20,713 --> 00:16:22,282 I must've gotten some on my shirt, 378 00:16:22,315 --> 00:16:24,784 and then I showed up here, you started reaming me out. 379 00:16:24,817 --> 00:16:27,287 -Todd, come on. -Look, can this wait till morning? 380 00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:30,623 Okay, great. Good night. (grunts) 381 00:16:30,657 --> 00:16:32,325 Mm, okay. 382 00:16:32,359 --> 00:16:34,361 Good night, Scarface. 383 00:16:35,828 --> 00:16:38,631 And then the witch ate her mother's heart 384 00:16:38,665 --> 00:16:41,634 and understood the language of all birds. 385 00:16:41,668 --> 00:16:44,071 -She... -Look at her, putting on such a brave face. 386 00:16:44,104 --> 00:16:46,206 She's obviously petrified. 387 00:16:46,239 --> 00:16:48,508 Denial isn't just a river in Phoenix. 388 00:16:48,540 --> 00:16:51,544 It's also a very real psychological state, Gail. 389 00:16:51,578 --> 00:16:53,180 (sighs) 390 00:16:53,213 --> 00:16:55,148 I can't just stand here and watch this. 391 00:16:55,182 --> 00:16:57,150 -Wait. No, no. Gail. -All right, Carol, 392 00:16:57,184 --> 00:16:59,686 enough is enough. We're gonna break that water. 393 00:16:59,719 --> 00:17:01,221 -I won't take no for an answer. -Oh. 394 00:17:01,254 --> 00:17:03,756 So I guess you're making all the decisions now, huh, Gail? 395 00:17:03,790 --> 00:17:05,892 Well, since I am the only adult in the room, 396 00:17:05,925 --> 00:17:08,161 -I do consider it my duty. Yes, yes. -(gasps): What?! 397 00:17:08,194 --> 00:17:10,063 I am 43 calendar years old! 398 00:17:10,097 --> 00:17:12,765 That is two adults with a seven year old on top! 399 00:17:12,799 --> 00:17:15,602 -Hi. Uh, please leave me alone. -No. 400 00:17:15,635 --> 00:17:16,868 I can't do that, hon. 401 00:17:16,903 --> 00:17:18,938 I'm not gonna let this get to the point 402 00:17:18,971 --> 00:17:20,573 where I have to make a decision 403 00:17:20,607 --> 00:17:22,909 about whether or not to cut you open. 404 00:17:22,942 --> 00:17:24,111 Well, neither will I. 405 00:17:24,144 --> 00:17:26,179 Okay, so you'll let me break your water? 406 00:17:26,213 --> 00:17:28,515 I don't need you to break my water. 407 00:17:28,548 --> 00:17:30,383 Carol, I'm trying to include you in this, 408 00:17:30,417 --> 00:17:33,586 but if you're not up to it, I will make this decision for you. 409 00:17:33,620 --> 00:17:35,255 This is not your call to make! 410 00:17:35,288 --> 00:17:37,257 -I am her husband! -And I am her mother! 411 00:17:37,290 --> 00:17:39,759 -And I am her her. -Not now, Carol! 412 00:17:39,792 --> 00:17:42,362 Okay, look, yeah, I'm not gonna let you turn our baby 413 00:17:42,395 --> 00:17:44,597 into some kind of human pin cushion. 414 00:17:44,631 --> 00:17:46,233 And what are you proposing, Dr. Pepper? 415 00:17:46,266 --> 00:17:48,468 You still want to stick hot sauce up her holler? 416 00:17:48,501 --> 00:17:51,138 That was on a list, Gail! A list! 417 00:17:51,171 --> 00:17:52,639 GAIL: Oh, my God, you're so clueless! 418 00:17:52,672 --> 00:17:54,607 TANDY: Oh, how dare you! How dare you! 419 00:17:54,641 --> 00:17:57,444 GAIL: How dare I. How dare I what? 420 00:17:57,477 --> 00:18:00,747 How dare I try to save the life of your wife and unborn child? 421 00:18:00,780 --> 00:18:03,450 Oh, look at you, strutting around with all the answers 422 00:18:03,483 --> 00:18:05,285 like some kind of all-the-answers peacock! 423 00:18:05,318 --> 00:18:06,753 (ululating) 424 00:18:06,786 --> 00:18:09,088 You know what? You should get down on your bony, little knees 425 00:18:09,122 --> 00:18:10,923 -and thank the Lord above that I am here! -Oh, yeah? 426 00:18:10,957 --> 00:18:12,492 -Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. -Oh, thank God for Gail! 427 00:18:12,525 --> 00:18:14,427 -Right. -Thank God! What would I do without her? 428 00:18:14,461 --> 00:18:16,062 -That's right. You know why? -Why? 429 00:18:16,095 --> 00:18:17,430 'Cause I'm the only shot 430 00:18:17,464 --> 00:18:19,065 -you got right now, dummy. -(baby crying quietly) 431 00:18:19,098 --> 00:18:20,333 -You think so? -I know so. 432 00:18:20,367 --> 00:18:21,834 You think so? 433 00:18:21,868 --> 00:18:24,103 -Yeah. -And, Carol, you ought to shut your mouth 434 00:18:24,137 --> 00:18:26,406 and open your legs and let me break that water. 435 00:18:26,439 --> 00:18:28,175 You hear me? 436 00:18:28,208 --> 00:18:30,310 -(baby cooing) -Carol? 437 00:18:30,343 --> 00:18:32,479 -(baby coos) -Carol? 438 00:18:32,512 --> 00:18:35,815 (sighs) Did someone order a double cheeseburger? 439 00:18:35,848 --> 00:18:36,983 (sighs) 440 00:18:41,454 --> 00:18:43,290 -Hmm. -Carol, 441 00:18:43,323 --> 00:18:45,592 I feel like I owe you an apology. 442 00:18:45,625 --> 00:18:48,561 Mom, come meet your second granddaughter. 443 00:18:52,064 --> 00:18:54,634 -Hey, little one. -TANDY: Wait. 444 00:18:54,667 --> 00:18:56,869 In all the craziness, we never picked a name. 445 00:18:56,903 --> 00:18:58,971 Oh, I got you covered. 446 00:18:59,005 --> 00:19:02,609 You both know I'm a very gifted namer. 447 00:19:02,642 --> 00:19:05,278 And I thought of the perfect name for our daughter. 448 00:19:05,312 --> 00:19:07,680 Mike. 449 00:19:07,714 --> 00:19:10,983 (Tandy sighs, laughs) 450 00:19:14,687 --> 00:19:17,657 Here we go. Oh. 451 00:19:19,726 --> 00:19:24,130 Hey, Mike. I'm your dad. 452 00:19:24,163 --> 00:19:28,067 You know, normally, Mike is a guy's name. 453 00:19:28,100 --> 00:19:30,870 And kids might give you a little flack for it, 454 00:19:30,903 --> 00:19:34,641 but, uh, Mike was my brother's name. 455 00:19:34,674 --> 00:19:37,143 And if you knew him, 456 00:19:37,176 --> 00:19:39,346 I'm sure he wouldn't mind. 457 00:19:41,614 --> 00:19:43,416 ERICA: So, 458 00:19:43,450 --> 00:19:45,252 another painless birth, huh? 459 00:19:45,285 --> 00:19:48,855 Would you believe it was even easier than the first one? 460 00:19:48,888 --> 00:19:52,859 And this time, I definitely orgasmed. 461 00:19:52,892 --> 00:19:55,762 Didn't I? Didn't I? 462 00:19:57,264 --> 00:19:59,198 Date night time. Let's hit it. 463 00:19:59,232 --> 00:20:02,435 Oh, are you guys taking Dawn on your date night? 464 00:20:02,469 --> 00:20:06,005 Well, Tandy and Carol have their hands full, and you're... 465 00:20:06,038 --> 00:20:08,207 you know. 466 00:20:08,241 --> 00:20:09,942 How about Todd? 467 00:20:09,976 --> 00:20:12,612 Really? 468 00:20:12,645 --> 00:20:15,382 Yeah, unless you're planning on hitting the slopes. 469 00:20:15,415 --> 00:20:16,883 He's been doing a lot of cocaine. 470 00:20:16,916 --> 00:20:18,285 Look, it was baby powder, guys. 471 00:20:18,318 --> 00:20:20,119 That's what people say, yeah. 472 00:20:20,152 --> 00:20:22,555 But yeah, I'd love to. I'm... 473 00:20:22,589 --> 00:20:24,557 Are you-you sure? 474 00:20:26,158 --> 00:20:28,194 -(quietly): Thank you. -ERICA: All right. 475 00:20:28,227 --> 00:20:29,796 Well, that settles it. 476 00:20:29,829 --> 00:20:31,298 I'll see you guys later. 477 00:20:31,331 --> 00:20:33,300 -Thank you. -Bye, Dawn. 478 00:20:33,333 --> 00:20:36,303 Yes. 479 00:20:36,336 --> 00:20:38,305 Peekaboo. 480 00:20:39,339 --> 00:20:41,408 Peekaboo. 481 00:20:41,441 --> 00:20:44,944 * Closure, closure, closure, closure, closure * 482 00:20:44,977 --> 00:20:47,580 * You three are the most important things in my life * 483 00:20:47,614 --> 00:20:48,815 Yeah. 484 00:20:48,848 --> 00:20:51,050 -* Closure, closure -Peekaboo! 485 00:20:51,083 --> 00:20:53,420 -* Closure, closure, closure -Peekaboo! 486 00:20:53,453 --> 00:20:55,788 * I couldn't be 487 00:20:55,822 --> 00:20:59,326 * Any happier 488 00:20:59,359 --> 00:21:00,460 * Fart, fart, fart 489 00:21:00,493 --> 00:21:02,161 * Fart, fart, fart. * 490 00:21:32,224 --> 00:21:33,693 CHILDREN: Uncle Stinky. 491 00:21:33,726 --> 00:21:35,194 (horn honking) 492 00:21:35,227 --> 00:21:37,196 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH