1 00:00:01,479 --> 00:00:03,394 Previously onThe Last Man on Earth... 2 00:00:03,438 --> 00:00:05,614 -I'm a cannibal. -I'm going to get Jasper. 3 00:00:05,657 --> 00:00:07,703 You knew where Jasper was this whole time? 4 00:00:07,746 --> 00:00:09,835 -You know what you need to do. -We have to kill him. 5 00:00:09,879 --> 00:00:12,403 TANDY: I took the liberty of cutting up some straws. 6 00:00:12,447 --> 00:00:13,448 [gasps] Got it! 7 00:00:13,491 --> 00:00:15,928 I can't do... [gasps] 8 00:00:26,461 --> 00:00:28,463 So? 9 00:00:29,507 --> 00:00:31,857 I did it. 10 00:00:31,901 --> 00:00:33,076 You killed him? 11 00:00:33,120 --> 00:00:34,295 Oh, yeah. 12 00:00:34,338 --> 00:00:36,340 I don't even remember pulling the trigger. 13 00:00:36,384 --> 00:00:39,778 I mean, my back was still to him, you know? 14 00:00:39,822 --> 00:00:41,780 And then I heard a popping sound. 15 00:00:41,824 --> 00:00:45,088 Uh, the gun must have just discharged early. 16 00:00:45,132 --> 00:00:46,916 Your gun discharged early? 17 00:00:46,959 --> 00:00:50,180 Gail, this is not the time for a hurtful sexual joke. 18 00:00:50,224 --> 00:00:52,095 We're talking about a man's life here. 19 00:00:52,139 --> 00:00:54,967 And Carol and I have been working through that problem. 20 00:00:55,011 --> 00:00:57,144 -Yeah. -Anyway... 21 00:00:57,187 --> 00:00:59,102 -So you weren't even aiming at him? -Yeah. 22 00:00:59,146 --> 00:01:00,756 But, I mean, it must have ricocheted off something 23 00:01:00,799 --> 00:01:02,236 and hit him, 'cause when I turned around, 24 00:01:02,279 --> 00:01:04,498 he was majorly dead. 25 00:01:04,542 --> 00:01:07,328 You know, lower body still relatively intact. 26 00:01:07,371 --> 00:01:10,331 Upper body just went full Houdini on me, though. 27 00:01:10,374 --> 00:01:12,115 You know, just disappeared. Not there anymore. 28 00:01:12,159 --> 00:01:14,335 -[groaning] -Oh, you're... 29 00:01:14,378 --> 00:01:16,293 [chuckles] You're telling me. I mean, the whole room looks 30 00:01:16,337 --> 00:01:18,904 like a Thanksgiving toilet after a turkey recall. 31 00:01:18,948 --> 00:01:21,603 -Just spattered. Warped. -[groaning] 32 00:01:21,646 --> 00:01:24,997 -Gross. Well, it just doesn't add up. -Look, maybe it'll help 33 00:01:25,041 --> 00:01:27,217 if I take you through an improvised recreation 34 00:01:27,261 --> 00:01:28,218 of the events. 35 00:01:28,262 --> 00:01:29,611 So, obviously, I opened 36 00:01:29,654 --> 00:01:32,614 with your standard vase-based practice shot. [mimics gunshot] 37 00:01:32,657 --> 00:01:35,834 -[gasping] -Then, from the other room, I heard Carol say... 38 00:01:35,878 --> 00:01:38,359 [nasally]: "Is it over?" 39 00:01:38,402 --> 00:01:40,360 -Is it over? -To which I replied... 40 00:01:40,404 --> 00:01:42,537 [deep voice]: "Practice shot. Doing it now." 41 00:01:43,451 --> 00:01:45,279 And then a poignant final good-bye. 42 00:01:45,322 --> 00:01:48,586 And then I counted off ten paces. 43 00:01:48,630 --> 00:01:50,371 One, 44 00:01:50,414 --> 00:01:52,372 two, 45 00:01:52,416 --> 00:01:53,852 three, 46 00:01:53,896 --> 00:01:56,289 four, blah, blah, blah... 47 00:01:56,333 --> 00:01:57,334 Yeah. 48 00:01:57,378 --> 00:01:58,422 ...six, 49 00:01:58,466 --> 00:02:00,424 seven, 50 00:02:00,468 --> 00:02:03,384 eight, nine, 51 00:02:03,427 --> 00:02:05,037 ten. 52 00:02:05,081 --> 00:02:06,865 Gun went off. [mimics gunshot] 53 00:02:08,301 --> 00:02:11,783 Thanksgiving toilet. 54 00:02:11,827 --> 00:02:13,785 Maybe it'll make more sense if we go to the actual room. 55 00:02:13,829 --> 00:02:15,744 -Come on. -[gasping] 56 00:02:15,787 --> 00:02:18,225 -[groaning] -TODD: Oh, my God. 57 00:02:18,268 --> 00:02:21,053 No, we'll take your word for it. Thank you. 58 00:02:21,097 --> 00:02:24,100 I killed him. 59 00:02:32,848 --> 00:02:36,591 ♪ Hungry eyes♪ 60 00:02:36,634 --> 00:02:39,289 ♪ I see the magic between♪ 61 00:02:39,333 --> 00:02:41,987 ♪ You and I♪ 62 00:02:42,031 --> 00:02:45,426 ♪ Hungry eyes.♪ 63 00:02:47,471 --> 00:02:49,038 A fitting tribute. 64 00:02:49,081 --> 00:02:53,434 We're gathered here today to lay rest to most of Karl. 65 00:02:53,477 --> 00:02:56,437 As we all know, he was a very complex person. 66 00:02:56,480 --> 00:02:59,614 So we bury him in two separate caskets 67 00:02:59,656 --> 00:03:03,052 as a symbol of the two starkly contrasting sides 68 00:03:03,095 --> 00:03:04,619 of his personality. 69 00:03:04,662 --> 00:03:06,055 One of those sides 70 00:03:06,098 --> 00:03:08,013 was solid, kinda together. 71 00:03:08,057 --> 00:03:11,278 The other side was just a friggin' mess, 72 00:03:11,321 --> 00:03:15,717 yeah, as represented by this loose bag of human bric-a-brac 73 00:03:15,760 --> 00:03:17,936 that we cobbled together off the curtains 74 00:03:17,980 --> 00:03:20,329 and rugs and floors and such. 75 00:03:20,374 --> 00:03:22,114 Karl, we send you our thoughts 76 00:03:22,158 --> 00:03:24,378 and prayers as you hurtle, screaming, 77 00:03:24,421 --> 00:03:26,423 on your terrifying journey to Hell. 78 00:03:26,466 --> 00:03:30,035 Heck, you're probably chewing on Bill Cosby's gallbladder 79 00:03:30,079 --> 00:03:31,298 right now, 80 00:03:31,341 --> 00:03:34,083 washing it down with a warm cup of diarrhea. 81 00:03:34,126 --> 00:03:35,650 I don't know much about cannibalism. 82 00:03:35,692 --> 00:03:38,348 I assume that's how it works. 83 00:03:38,392 --> 00:03:39,654 Back to the matter at hand. 84 00:03:39,697 --> 00:03:42,396 Lucifer, it's me again. 85 00:03:42,439 --> 00:03:44,659 Please take care of our Karl. 86 00:03:44,702 --> 00:03:46,487 He was a gentle killer 87 00:03:46,530 --> 00:03:49,707 who, uh, tried very hard not to eat his friends. 88 00:03:50,578 --> 00:03:52,493 Upside-down amen. 89 00:03:52,536 --> 00:03:53,885 Now, is there 90 00:03:53,929 --> 00:03:56,410 anything that anybody'd like to say about Karl? 91 00:03:56,453 --> 00:03:58,890 Um... 92 00:03:58,934 --> 00:04:00,849 Karl, 93 00:04:00,892 --> 00:04:02,677 in case you need a snack 94 00:04:02,720 --> 00:04:04,331 on your unholy journey, 95 00:04:04,374 --> 00:04:08,509 I collected some of Tandy's dandruff and foot skin flakes. 96 00:04:08,552 --> 00:04:12,034 I sprinkle them over you now. 97 00:04:22,957 --> 00:04:24,699 Um... 98 00:04:27,223 --> 00:04:30,182 I'm sorry you had to die. 99 00:04:30,226 --> 00:04:32,315 Um, but you are a people eater, 100 00:04:32,359 --> 00:04:35,318 and I couldn't risk you eating my baby. 101 00:04:35,362 --> 00:04:36,319 Well said, Erica. 102 00:04:36,363 --> 00:04:38,321 That job belongs to dingoes. 103 00:04:38,365 --> 00:04:41,803 National tragedy, but... it's fine. 104 00:04:41,846 --> 00:04:43,544 Anybody else? 105 00:04:43,587 --> 00:04:46,938 I'd like to say a few words. 106 00:04:48,505 --> 00:04:51,334 I've been thinking. 107 00:04:51,378 --> 00:04:55,686 For the first time since the virus took our world away, 108 00:04:55,730 --> 00:04:58,210 I've been really happy. 109 00:04:58,254 --> 00:05:00,387 Like, happy to the point 110 00:05:00,430 --> 00:05:01,910 that I almost forgot what life was like 111 00:05:01,953 --> 00:05:04,347 when there were people around. 112 00:05:04,391 --> 00:05:06,480 But then Karl came, 113 00:05:06,523 --> 00:05:09,352 and he threatened to take all of that away from me. 114 00:05:09,396 --> 00:05:12,573 So I just want to say, 115 00:05:12,616 --> 00:05:14,575 thank you, Tandy. 116 00:05:14,618 --> 00:05:16,707 You were right about Karl, 117 00:05:16,751 --> 00:05:18,535 and I was too stubborn to see it. 118 00:05:18,579 --> 00:05:20,711 And I just want you to know 119 00:05:20,755 --> 00:05:23,932 that we all owe you a debt of gratitude, 120 00:05:23,975 --> 00:05:27,370 and that will not soon be forgotten. 121 00:05:27,414 --> 00:05:29,590 -Uh, uh... -Oh, 122 00:05:29,633 --> 00:05:31,418 and, you know, I just also want to say 123 00:05:31,461 --> 00:05:32,375 that it's really refreshing 124 00:05:32,419 --> 00:05:34,595 to see you listen to me 125 00:05:34,638 --> 00:05:38,294 and not have to just jump right in and toot your own horn 126 00:05:38,338 --> 00:05:41,645 or do that dumb little nose laugh thing you do. 127 00:05:41,689 --> 00:05:42,733 [breathy chuckle] 128 00:05:42,777 --> 00:05:44,779 I don't do that. 129 00:05:44,822 --> 00:05:46,955 Oh, you do. Y'all just do your Tandy. 130 00:05:46,998 --> 00:05:50,219 [breathy chuckling] 131 00:05:50,262 --> 00:05:51,786 [chuckles] What? 132 00:05:51,829 --> 00:05:53,440 You've really changed. 133 00:05:53,483 --> 00:05:56,530 So, keep it up. 134 00:05:56,573 --> 00:05:58,532 [stammers] 135 00:05:58,575 --> 00:06:01,622 I don't know what to say. I, uh... 136 00:06:01,665 --> 00:06:04,581 Let's see what else I have here. Uh... 137 00:06:09,543 --> 00:06:10,761 Wouldn't you know it, 138 00:06:10,805 --> 00:06:12,763 on every single card, it just says, 139 00:06:12,807 --> 00:06:15,766 "Hey, you guys are the heroes. 140 00:06:15,810 --> 00:06:17,420 "I'm just a mirror 141 00:06:17,464 --> 00:06:19,988 reflecting your heroism." 142 00:06:20,031 --> 00:06:22,991 That's what they all say. You can read it. 143 00:06:23,034 --> 00:06:27,648 ♪ Amazing grace♪ 144 00:06:27,691 --> 00:06:31,652 ♪ How sweet the sound♪ 145 00:06:31,695 --> 00:06:36,091 ♪ That saved a wretch♪ 146 00:06:36,134 --> 00:06:40,138 ♪ Like him and him.♪ 147 00:06:43,141 --> 00:06:45,579 [chuckles] Whew. Oh, my God. 148 00:06:45,622 --> 00:06:47,363 Oh, Carol. I mean, 149 00:06:47,407 --> 00:06:49,321 you saw it. She was, like, gushing with praise. 150 00:06:49,365 --> 00:06:52,629 -Oh, she absolutely was. -And I was just frozen. 151 00:06:52,673 --> 00:06:55,502 I couldn't believe it. I was like... 152 00:06:55,545 --> 00:06:57,504 I mean, you saw it. 153 00:06:57,547 --> 00:06:59,070 I did. I was taken aback. 154 00:06:59,114 --> 00:07:00,637 I was taken several backs. 155 00:07:00,681 --> 00:07:03,684 -I was like this... -I saw you. 156 00:07:03,727 --> 00:07:06,251 But I couldn't move. It was like... 157 00:07:06,295 --> 00:07:07,557 And I was like... 158 00:07:09,298 --> 00:07:10,734 [high-pitched]: I can't do it. 159 00:07:10,778 --> 00:07:12,736 [high-pitched]: I can't move. 160 00:07:12,780 --> 00:07:14,651 [both laugh] 161 00:07:15,696 --> 00:07:18,263 -[exhales] -Tandy, 162 00:07:18,307 --> 00:07:20,265 this is a huge breakthrough. 163 00:07:20,309 --> 00:07:22,572 [scoffs] I don't know about that, Care Bear. 164 00:07:22,616 --> 00:07:23,530 I-I mean, obviously, 165 00:07:23,573 --> 00:07:26,184 the rest of the group really admires me, but... 166 00:07:26,228 --> 00:07:27,751 Understatement of the century. 167 00:07:27,795 --> 00:07:29,100 But for Gail... 168 00:07:29,144 --> 00:07:32,321 you know, I think it's still just, like, a very deep respect. 169 00:07:32,364 --> 00:07:34,497 But, hey, I mean, that's not nothing. 170 00:07:34,541 --> 00:07:37,674 Maybe it could be not not nothing. 171 00:07:37,718 --> 00:07:39,763 You mean... something? 172 00:07:39,807 --> 00:07:41,069 You keep this up, 173 00:07:41,112 --> 00:07:43,550 Gail's gonna go from being your mother-in-law 174 00:07:43,593 --> 00:07:46,596 to a mother-in-awe. 175 00:07:46,640 --> 00:07:47,510 And that would be great, 176 00:07:47,554 --> 00:07:49,991 but that's not what this is about, Carol. 177 00:07:50,034 --> 00:07:52,950 This is about me being the best Tandy I can be 178 00:07:52,994 --> 00:07:56,432 for no other reason than it just feels really good. 179 00:07:56,476 --> 00:07:57,520 Aw. 180 00:07:57,564 --> 00:07:59,174 Carol, what's happening to me? 181 00:07:59,217 --> 00:08:00,654 You killed a man. 182 00:08:00,697 --> 00:08:01,872 [chuckles softly] 183 00:08:01,916 --> 00:08:05,006 I should murder people more often. 184 00:08:05,049 --> 00:08:07,095 And there we go. 185 00:08:07,138 --> 00:08:08,575 Come on, Todd. 186 00:08:08,618 --> 00:08:09,793 Just 'cause we're in a little fight 187 00:08:09,837 --> 00:08:11,447 doesn't mean you need to sleep out here. 188 00:08:11,491 --> 00:08:13,623 Oh, this isn't for me. This is for you. 189 00:08:13,667 --> 00:08:15,277 It's the liar's couch. 190 00:08:16,713 --> 00:08:18,019 That's a chair. 191 00:08:18,062 --> 00:08:19,237 Congratulations. 192 00:08:19,281 --> 00:08:21,326 Now you know what it feels like to be lied to. 193 00:08:21,370 --> 00:08:23,198 Fine, Todd. 194 00:08:23,241 --> 00:08:25,809 I am sorry I didn't tell you about Jasper. 195 00:08:25,853 --> 00:08:27,332 Oh, she's sorry. 196 00:08:27,376 --> 00:08:28,812 I made a promise to him. 197 00:08:28,856 --> 00:08:31,641 Y-You knew I was out there looking for him, worried sick. 198 00:08:31,685 --> 00:08:33,469 I mean, when were you planning on letting me know? 199 00:08:33,513 --> 00:08:35,210 Do you think I wanted to be in this position? 200 00:08:35,253 --> 00:08:37,168 Lying to everyone? 201 00:08:37,212 --> 00:08:38,212 I don't know. 202 00:08:38,256 --> 00:08:39,693 All I was trying to do was to make sure 203 00:08:39,736 --> 00:08:41,695 that nine-to-11-year-old little boy had a lifeline 204 00:08:41,738 --> 00:08:43,523 so that we didn't lose him altogether. 205 00:08:45,394 --> 00:08:46,743 I made a promise. 206 00:08:46,787 --> 00:08:49,441 I know, and I'm-I'm... 207 00:08:49,485 --> 00:08:51,008 Geez, I'm sorry. 208 00:08:51,052 --> 00:08:53,707 -[sighs] -Really, I'm-I'm sorry. 209 00:08:53,750 --> 00:08:55,622 I'm sorry, too. 210 00:08:57,667 --> 00:09:00,627 Well, I'm glad we settled that. [laughs] 211 00:09:00,670 --> 00:09:02,716 So, where is he? 212 00:09:02,759 --> 00:09:03,760 -Todd. -What? 213 00:09:03,804 --> 00:09:05,066 You know I can't tell you that. 214 00:09:05,109 --> 00:09:06,067 Why? 215 00:09:06,110 --> 00:09:08,722 We just went over this! 216 00:09:08,765 --> 00:09:10,245 Well, then I bid you good night! 217 00:09:10,288 --> 00:09:12,290 Okay? Sweet nightmares! 218 00:09:12,334 --> 00:09:15,076 Enjoy your chair bed! 219 00:09:15,119 --> 00:09:17,121 Ridiculous. 220 00:09:18,775 --> 00:09:20,516 [sighs] 221 00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:22,083 CAROL [chuckling]: Wow. 222 00:09:22,126 --> 00:09:23,780 Oh. 223 00:09:23,824 --> 00:09:26,043 What's going on in here? 224 00:09:26,087 --> 00:09:28,176 Eh, just doing a little cleanup. 225 00:09:28,219 --> 00:09:29,960 You cleaned up this whole room? 226 00:09:30,004 --> 00:09:32,789 Well, I had a little help from Señor Clean. 227 00:09:32,833 --> 00:09:34,878 Tandy Miller, what's gotten into you? 228 00:09:34,922 --> 00:09:36,880 It looks like the Tandy-man 229 00:09:36,924 --> 00:09:38,839 has become the handyman. 230 00:09:38,882 --> 00:09:40,057 Hey, gals. 231 00:09:40,101 --> 00:09:41,232 Come on, cut it out. 232 00:09:41,276 --> 00:09:43,017 We all would have done the same thing. 233 00:09:43,060 --> 00:09:44,888 -It's no big deal. -GAIL: Wait. 234 00:09:44,932 --> 00:09:48,283 [scoffs] Did you just say "no big deal" 235 00:09:48,326 --> 00:09:50,111 instead of saying "NBD" 236 00:09:50,154 --> 00:09:52,200 or "nizzle bizzle dizzy"? 237 00:09:52,243 --> 00:09:54,202 [laughs] Fresh pot of coffee on the table. 238 00:09:54,245 --> 00:09:55,812 Help yourself. 239 00:10:00,077 --> 00:10:02,123 Um, Tandy, 240 00:10:02,166 --> 00:10:04,908 do we have any creamer? 241 00:10:04,952 --> 00:10:06,040 Creamer? [chuckles] 242 00:10:06,083 --> 00:10:09,043 -No, I don't think that we do, no. -Wait, Tandy. 243 00:10:09,086 --> 00:10:11,698 Come on. Really listen to me. 244 00:10:11,741 --> 00:10:15,440 Do we have any cream... her? 245 00:10:15,484 --> 00:10:17,007 Sorry, no. 246 00:10:17,051 --> 00:10:18,792 I can pop out to the store. 247 00:10:18,835 --> 00:10:20,445 ERICA: Come on, Tandy. You know what she's saying. 248 00:10:20,489 --> 00:10:22,578 Gail, set me up. 249 00:10:22,622 --> 00:10:24,058 Erica, do we have any creamer? 250 00:10:24,101 --> 00:10:25,233 Creamer? I hardly knew her. 251 00:10:25,276 --> 00:10:27,714 Boom! Doy, duh. 252 00:10:27,757 --> 00:10:29,846 [laughs] That's very funny. 253 00:10:29,890 --> 00:10:31,326 But, look, I should probably just keep focused 254 00:10:31,369 --> 00:10:32,806 on the task at hand. 255 00:10:32,849 --> 00:10:35,852 Oh, Gail, can you pass me that cleaner-no-further-comment? 256 00:10:40,204 --> 00:10:42,206 Thank you. 257 00:10:51,085 --> 00:10:53,261 [slurring]: You're going to see him, aren't you? 258 00:10:53,304 --> 00:10:56,264 -[exhales] You scared me. -Oh. 259 00:10:56,307 --> 00:10:57,787 You were scared? 260 00:10:57,831 --> 00:10:59,963 In the-in the comfort of your own home? 261 00:11:00,007 --> 00:11:03,184 I wonder how a boy alone in the woods feels. 262 00:11:03,227 --> 00:11:04,968 Todd, it's 11:00 a.m. What are you drinking? 263 00:11:05,012 --> 00:11:07,101 Well, I wish it was poison. 264 00:11:08,537 --> 00:11:10,974 But if you must know, it's Bud Light Lime, rocks. 265 00:11:11,018 --> 00:11:13,020 And I'm already two deep. 266 00:11:14,978 --> 00:11:16,371 Ah. 267 00:11:17,459 --> 00:11:18,852 I'm coming with you. 268 00:11:18,895 --> 00:11:20,375 We talked about this. 269 00:11:20,418 --> 00:11:22,856 Melissa, look, this craziness has gone on long enough. 270 00:11:22,899 --> 00:11:25,510 I'm coming with you. I'm not taking no for an answer. 271 00:11:25,554 --> 00:11:27,687 -No. -Fine! 272 00:11:44,051 --> 00:11:45,313 What are you doing? 273 00:11:45,356 --> 00:11:47,358 Well, uh, people have been complaining 274 00:11:47,402 --> 00:11:48,969 about the dirty diaper pile, 275 00:11:49,012 --> 00:11:51,101 so I decided to do something about it. 276 00:11:51,145 --> 00:11:52,581 And balloons is your answer? 277 00:11:52,624 --> 00:11:54,104 That's the dumbest thing I've ever seen. 278 00:11:54,148 --> 00:11:55,584 I don't know. It smells better already. 279 00:11:55,627 --> 00:11:58,021 Looks kind of fun. 280 00:11:58,065 --> 00:11:59,588 I'm on board. 281 00:11:59,631 --> 00:12:00,937 Thanks, G Spot. 282 00:12:00,981 --> 00:12:03,026 [laughs] G Spot? 283 00:12:03,070 --> 00:12:04,245 Tandy Miller, do you know 284 00:12:04,288 --> 00:12:05,812 they used to call me that in high school? 285 00:12:05,855 --> 00:12:07,030 TANDY: What? 286 00:12:07,074 --> 00:12:08,162 Two years ago? 287 00:12:08,205 --> 00:12:11,687 Now, you're gonna make me blush. [laughs] 288 00:12:11,731 --> 00:12:12,949 Hey, where you going 289 00:12:12,993 --> 00:12:14,472 with that cooler, hon? 290 00:12:14,516 --> 00:12:15,996 Gail, you know exactly where I'm going. 291 00:12:16,039 --> 00:12:17,954 So, if you want to give me any crap, just save it. 292 00:12:17,998 --> 00:12:19,173 Melissa? 293 00:12:19,216 --> 00:12:20,478 What? 294 00:12:20,522 --> 00:12:23,307 Go to him. 295 00:12:28,095 --> 00:12:29,618 G Spot, you want to do one? 296 00:12:29,661 --> 00:12:32,316 -Duh. -Well, get in here, girl. 297 00:12:50,987 --> 00:12:54,164 -[laughs] -[laughs] No, I'm being serious. 298 00:12:54,208 --> 00:12:55,949 Blue raspberry's not a real flavor. 299 00:12:55,992 --> 00:12:58,386 The Pop-Tart people just made it up. 300 00:12:58,429 --> 00:12:59,822 [laughs] 301 00:12:59,866 --> 00:13:01,911 Scored you some new comic books. 302 00:13:01,955 --> 00:13:02,825 Thanks. 303 00:13:02,869 --> 00:13:05,262 MELISSA: So, I have to tell you something. 304 00:13:05,306 --> 00:13:07,047 The others found out I know. 305 00:13:07,090 --> 00:13:08,091 What? 306 00:13:08,135 --> 00:13:09,832 There was this really big emergency, 307 00:13:09,876 --> 00:13:10,964 and this guy was trying to eat us, 308 00:13:11,007 --> 00:13:13,183 and then Tandy exploded him. 309 00:13:13,227 --> 00:13:15,229 There was blood and guts everywhere. 310 00:13:15,272 --> 00:13:16,796 Really gross. You would have loved it. 311 00:13:17,927 --> 00:13:19,233 Anyway, I had to tell them, 312 00:13:19,276 --> 00:13:20,930 so they're all really mad at me. 313 00:13:22,323 --> 00:13:24,934 Because they just really miss you. 314 00:13:24,978 --> 00:13:26,893 Especially Todd. 315 00:13:28,982 --> 00:13:30,635 But I won't tell them. 316 00:13:30,679 --> 00:13:33,508 I won't tell them where you are if you don't want me to. Okay? 317 00:13:36,554 --> 00:13:38,730 Just keep bringing you Pop-Tarts. 318 00:13:38,774 --> 00:13:40,080 [both laugh] 319 00:13:40,123 --> 00:13:42,909 MELISSA: Such a healthy diet. 320 00:13:42,952 --> 00:13:44,084 [knock at door] 321 00:13:44,127 --> 00:13:45,825 Come in. 322 00:13:51,308 --> 00:13:53,006 What are you all dressed up for? 323 00:13:53,049 --> 00:13:55,747 -I have a date. -Oh, yeah? 324 00:13:55,790 --> 00:13:58,228 What are you getting your bad self into? 325 00:13:58,272 --> 00:14:00,230 I'm having a drink... 326 00:14:00,274 --> 00:14:02,276 with my mother-in-law. 327 00:14:03,494 --> 00:14:05,148 What do you say, G Spot? 328 00:14:05,192 --> 00:14:06,933 Well, hooty! 329 00:14:06,976 --> 00:14:08,673 Yeah, let's do it! 330 00:14:08,717 --> 00:14:10,806 -Really? -Yeah. 331 00:14:19,771 --> 00:14:21,948 -What the hell, Todd? -Look, I can explain. 332 00:14:21,991 --> 00:14:24,559 There he is. You want to talk to him so bad, go talk to him. 333 00:14:24,602 --> 00:14:27,083 -No, I... I shouldn't. -Then why did you come here? 334 00:14:27,127 --> 00:14:29,346 Look, I wanted to talk to him, okay? 335 00:14:29,390 --> 00:14:31,696 -[sighs] -But then I saw you with him, 336 00:14:31,740 --> 00:14:33,698 and I realized he doesn't trust me 337 00:14:33,742 --> 00:14:35,831 like he trusts you. 338 00:14:35,875 --> 00:14:38,790 All I do is freak him out. 339 00:14:38,834 --> 00:14:41,141 And you... 340 00:14:41,184 --> 00:14:43,752 you're really good with him. 341 00:14:46,537 --> 00:14:48,496 [sighs] 342 00:14:48,539 --> 00:14:51,194 -What? -It's just funny, you know. 343 00:14:51,238 --> 00:14:52,935 I want to be a dad so bad, 344 00:14:52,979 --> 00:14:55,155 but I just keep chunking it. 345 00:14:55,198 --> 00:14:58,071 You-- you hate the idea of being a mom, but you're... 346 00:14:58,114 --> 00:15:00,160 -Todd. -I'm just saying. 347 00:15:00,203 --> 00:15:02,162 -Well, don't. -All right. 348 00:15:02,205 --> 00:15:04,947 Look, don't worry. I've given up on being a dad. 349 00:15:04,991 --> 00:15:08,081 -You have? -Yeah, it's just not in the cards, you know. 350 00:15:08,124 --> 00:15:10,561 I can still be an uncle. 351 00:15:10,605 --> 00:15:12,302 You know, uncle's not bad. 352 00:15:12,346 --> 00:15:14,000 There are some perks. 353 00:15:14,043 --> 00:15:17,177 You know? All the good stuff, none of the responsibilities. 354 00:15:17,220 --> 00:15:19,527 And that's enough for you? 355 00:15:19,570 --> 00:15:22,660 I guess it's gonna have to be. 356 00:15:25,446 --> 00:15:27,796 Come on, let's go. 357 00:15:30,451 --> 00:15:32,366 [Gail laughs loudly] 358 00:15:32,409 --> 00:15:33,584 [both laughing] 359 00:15:33,628 --> 00:15:34,803 You want another shot? 360 00:15:34,846 --> 00:15:36,196 Hit me. 361 00:15:36,239 --> 00:15:37,414 [Tandy chuckles] 362 00:15:37,458 --> 00:15:38,589 [Gail inhales deeply] 363 00:15:38,633 --> 00:15:40,983 [in high-pitched voice]: Oh, boy! 364 00:15:41,027 --> 00:15:43,203 Yeah, that's fantastic! 365 00:15:43,246 --> 00:15:45,118 G Spot represent! 366 00:15:45,161 --> 00:15:46,554 [laughing] 367 00:15:46,597 --> 00:15:48,991 [in high-pitched voice]: ♪ Gary, Indiana♪ 368 00:15:49,035 --> 00:15:53,126 ♪ Gary, Indiana, Gary, Indiana!♪ 369 00:15:53,169 --> 00:15:55,171 [both laughing] 370 00:15:55,215 --> 00:15:57,130 [Tandy inhales] 371 00:15:57,173 --> 00:15:59,175 [in normal voice]: Hey, you know what? 372 00:15:59,219 --> 00:16:02,613 I'm having a really nice time with you. 373 00:16:06,095 --> 00:16:09,229 [cries, sniffles] 374 00:16:09,272 --> 00:16:11,231 Tandy, what's wrong? 375 00:16:11,274 --> 00:16:13,059 [in high-pitched voice]: That just means a lot 376 00:16:13,102 --> 00:16:15,104 to hear you say that. 377 00:16:15,148 --> 00:16:17,237 [in normal voice]: It's no secret. You and I have 378 00:16:17,280 --> 00:16:20,153 gone through some rough patches with our relationship. 379 00:16:20,196 --> 00:16:23,373 But it feels like we're in a really good place right now, 380 00:16:23,417 --> 00:16:26,115 and that's important to me, you know? 381 00:16:26,159 --> 00:16:29,205 Why do you care so much what I think? 382 00:16:29,249 --> 00:16:31,642 Guess I'm just not used to getting praise. 383 00:16:31,686 --> 00:16:35,037 You know, growing up, my brother always got all the attention. 384 00:16:35,081 --> 00:16:36,691 He was a real overachiever. 385 00:16:36,734 --> 00:16:39,433 My parents just ate it up. 386 00:16:39,476 --> 00:16:41,826 It's like I wasn't even there. 387 00:16:41,870 --> 00:16:44,264 So that's why, at the funeral, 388 00:16:44,307 --> 00:16:46,309 when you told me I did good, 389 00:16:46,353 --> 00:16:50,009 oh, man, it just made me feel like... 390 00:16:52,315 --> 00:16:55,057 Like I finally made the fridge, you know? 391 00:16:56,276 --> 00:16:58,843 You've come a long way since Tucson. 392 00:16:58,887 --> 00:17:00,889 And you know what? 393 00:17:00,932 --> 00:17:03,109 I bet, if your parents were still alive, 394 00:17:03,152 --> 00:17:05,633 they'd be just as proud of you as I am. 395 00:17:05,675 --> 00:17:08,069 Your friendship means a lot to me. 396 00:17:08,114 --> 00:17:10,071 Oh, come on. 397 00:17:10,116 --> 00:17:12,204 Who are we kidding? Friends? 398 00:17:12,248 --> 00:17:14,468 Oh, after all we've been through, 399 00:17:14,511 --> 00:17:16,773 we're way more than just friends. 400 00:17:17,906 --> 00:17:19,907 You get me? 401 00:17:21,997 --> 00:17:23,954 Uh, yeah. Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah. 402 00:17:23,999 --> 00:17:25,869 Um, you know, I... 403 00:17:25,914 --> 00:17:29,744 I, uh... I should, uh, probably get back to my wife Carol. 404 00:17:29,787 --> 00:17:31,659 You don't want a little more wine? 405 00:17:31,702 --> 00:17:33,965 Mm, I don't think that'd be a good idea. [laughs] 406 00:17:47,370 --> 00:17:49,590 CAROL: I'm fairly positive that Bezequille's birthmark 407 00:17:49,633 --> 00:17:52,332 is growing, but the Pilbasians always 408 00:17:52,375 --> 00:17:54,247 go through a birthmark growth phase. 409 00:17:54,290 --> 00:17:57,337 Waxing during the baby phase, 410 00:17:57,380 --> 00:17:59,165 and then waning as toddlers, 411 00:17:59,208 --> 00:18:02,255 and then really kicking into high gear during puberty. 412 00:18:02,298 --> 00:18:03,473 I see. 413 00:18:03,517 --> 00:18:04,996 CAROL: Oh, Tandy. 414 00:18:05,040 --> 00:18:07,912 I was having the most interesting chat with Gail. 415 00:18:07,956 --> 00:18:09,305 And, uh, let me guess. 416 00:18:09,349 --> 00:18:11,046 Did it happen to include 417 00:18:11,090 --> 00:18:13,266 how your mother wants to have sex with me? 418 00:18:13,309 --> 00:18:16,138 -Oh, Lord. -What? -I should've seen it coming, Carol. 419 00:18:16,182 --> 00:18:18,401 I mean, that whole put-on at the funeral was all 420 00:18:18,445 --> 00:18:21,143 just a long con to get at my dong. 421 00:18:21,187 --> 00:18:22,536 A funeral, Gail? 422 00:18:22,579 --> 00:18:25,278 That's where you like to cruise for meat, huh? 423 00:18:25,321 --> 00:18:27,367 Tandy, what the hell are you talking about? 424 00:18:27,410 --> 00:18:29,499 I could ask you the same question, couldn't I? 425 00:18:29,543 --> 00:18:32,633 To think I used to look at you like a mother! 426 00:18:32,676 --> 00:18:37,159 And then you started with the innuendo and the hand play. 427 00:18:37,203 --> 00:18:40,380 Tried to take us back to the moment where we first met. 428 00:18:40,423 --> 00:18:41,729 When the drinks were flowing 429 00:18:41,772 --> 00:18:44,079 and skinny-dipping was the topic of the day. 430 00:18:44,123 --> 00:18:46,429 Well, I got the skinny for you, Gail. 431 00:18:46,473 --> 00:18:50,172 The dipyou once knew is married. 432 00:18:50,216 --> 00:18:52,174 To your daughter! 433 00:18:52,218 --> 00:18:55,177 And there's not gonna be any funny business between us, 434 00:18:55,221 --> 00:18:57,614 'cause I haven't wanted to see you naked for a long time, 435 00:18:57,658 --> 00:18:59,181 and dreams don't count, okay? 436 00:18:59,225 --> 00:19:01,401 You can't control those, and I will not be held 437 00:19:01,444 --> 00:19:04,491 [stammering]: responsible for... them, okay? 438 00:19:06,232 --> 00:19:08,321 And to think... 439 00:19:08,364 --> 00:19:10,410 I called you G Spot 440 00:19:10,453 --> 00:19:15,284 when all along, I was staring right at a b-hole. 441 00:19:15,328 --> 00:19:18,244 You're such an idiot. 442 00:19:18,287 --> 00:19:20,463 [sighs] You two have fun. 443 00:19:20,507 --> 00:19:24,554 Well, uh, i-if that's a threesome proposition, 444 00:19:24,598 --> 00:19:28,210 I will never accept without Carol's blessing! 445 00:19:28,254 --> 00:19:30,386 And I'm against you doing a twosome with each other, 446 00:19:30,430 --> 00:19:32,083 just to be clear! 447 00:19:32,127 --> 00:19:34,434 [sighs] 448 00:19:34,477 --> 00:19:37,088 Sounds to me like you misunderstood something. 449 00:19:37,132 --> 00:19:39,265 She'll get over it, Carol. 450 00:19:41,049 --> 00:19:43,182 They always do. 451 00:19:54,497 --> 00:19:57,239 Okay, so I've been doing a lot of thinking, 452 00:19:57,283 --> 00:19:59,241 and I've come to a decision. 453 00:20:00,503 --> 00:20:02,592 [sighs] 454 00:20:02,636 --> 00:20:04,594 I want you to have a baby. 455 00:20:04,638 --> 00:20:08,337 What? 456 00:20:08,381 --> 00:20:10,470 You are always gonna want to have kids, 457 00:20:10,513 --> 00:20:12,472 and I never will, so, 458 00:20:12,515 --> 00:20:16,258 if we're gonna get past this, I'm going to have to compromise. 459 00:20:16,302 --> 00:20:18,913 [laughing]: I-I don't know what to say! 460 00:20:18,956 --> 00:20:20,654 Well, it's a big decision, 461 00:20:20,697 --> 00:20:22,830 so there's a lot of stuff for us to discuss. 462 00:20:22,873 --> 00:20:24,919 [laughing]: What's to discuss, hon? Let's do this! 463 00:20:24,962 --> 00:20:27,835 Whoa, whoa, easy there. I'm not having a baby. 464 00:20:27,878 --> 00:20:30,141 -You... you just said that... -No, no, no, no, no, no. 465 00:20:30,185 --> 00:20:31,491 This is your deal, okay? 466 00:20:31,534 --> 00:20:34,537 I'm just gonna be the wife of a guy who has a kid. 467 00:20:34,581 --> 00:20:37,279 I mean, like you said earlier, I don't want to be the mom. 468 00:20:37,323 --> 00:20:39,107 I just want to be the aunt. 469 00:20:39,150 --> 00:20:41,979 Okay, well, I... I'm-I'm confused. 470 00:20:42,023 --> 00:20:43,981 [laughing]: I mean, there's a... 471 00:20:44,025 --> 00:20:46,941 serious biological impediment here, you know? 472 00:20:46,984 --> 00:20:50,336 Not necessarily. 473 00:20:50,379 --> 00:20:52,512 Thank you so much for taking time out of your day. 474 00:20:52,555 --> 00:20:55,645 -Yeah. -Um, the reason we are here is that we... 475 00:20:55,689 --> 00:20:57,517 Well, we have a question for you. 476 00:20:57,560 --> 00:20:59,693 We have a question for you. 477 00:21:33,248 --> 00:21:34,554 CHILDREN: Uncle Stinky. 478 00:21:34,597 --> 00:21:36,207 [horn honking] 479 00:21:36,251 --> 00:21:38,209 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH