1
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Previously on
The Last Man on Earth...

2
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I want you to have a baby.

3
00:00:04,872 --> 00:00:06,674
-Let's do this.
-Whoa! Easy there.

4
00:00:06,707 --> 00:00:07,975
I'm not having a baby.

5
00:00:08,007 --> 00:00:11,145
There's a serious
biological impediment here.

6
00:00:11,179 --> 00:00:12,546
Not necessarily.

7
00:00:12,580 --> 00:00:15,449
We have a question for you.

8
00:00:21,555 --> 00:00:23,424
Um, oh, oh, okay.

9
00:00:23,457 --> 00:00:25,059
Um...

10
00:00:30,364 --> 00:00:32,165
Sorry.
You know, I-I can't do it.

11
00:00:32,200 --> 00:00:34,935
-Then I'm gonna do it.
-No, I think I should do it.

12
00:00:34,968 --> 00:00:37,771
-Then do it.
-Okay, fine. God. Mm.

13
00:00:37,805 --> 00:00:40,274
(clears throat)

14
00:00:40,308 --> 00:00:43,144
Okay, um, Erica...

15
00:00:44,745 --> 00:00:47,081
As-as you know, I, um...

16
00:00:47,115 --> 00:00:50,351
I-I real...
really want to have a child.

17
00:00:50,384 --> 00:00:51,952
Uh, very clear on that.

18
00:00:51,985 --> 00:00:54,122
Okay, great,
and as you also know,

19
00:00:54,155 --> 00:00:58,926
Melissa does not want to...
h-have a child, so...

20
00:00:58,959 --> 00:01:00,428
Yeah, I don't.

21
00:01:00,461 --> 00:01:02,730
Clear on that, too.

22
00:01:02,763 --> 00:01:06,134
So, um, you already
have a-a child.

23
00:01:06,167 --> 00:01:09,303
Is-is that fair to say?

24
00:01:09,337 --> 00:01:12,640
I think I feel comfortable
confirming that.

25
00:01:12,673 --> 00:01:15,276
And, uh,
do-do you like your baby?

26
00:01:15,309 --> 00:01:18,045
Eh, I don't know.
She's all right, I guess.

27
00:01:18,078 --> 00:01:21,149
Oh. Oh. Oh.

28
00:01:21,182 --> 00:01:23,484
Oh, Todd, I'm kidding.
I-I love her.

29
00:01:23,517 --> 00:01:25,753
Cool.

30
00:01:25,786 --> 00:01:28,289
It's very, very cool.

31
00:01:35,429 --> 00:01:37,931
Do you want to have a baby
with Todd?

32
00:01:37,965 --> 00:01:40,801
-I'm sorry?
-TODD: Oh, we have our answer.

33
00:01:40,834 --> 00:01:42,836
You know, this was a
fool's errand, and I am a fool.

34
00:01:42,870 --> 00:01:44,771
Thank you very much, Erica.

35
00:01:44,805 --> 00:01:48,509
You've been nothing but gracious
throughout this entire ordeal.

36
00:01:48,542 --> 00:01:50,178
I-I didn't say "no."

37
00:01:50,211 --> 00:01:51,345
Oh. Oh, my God!

38
00:01:51,378 --> 00:01:53,247
I'm gonna be a dad!
What?! Really?!

39
00:01:53,281 --> 00:01:56,116
Whoa, no. I mean, I...
I didn't say "yes," either.

40
00:01:56,150 --> 00:01:58,519
R-Real roller coaster here,
I got to tell you.

41
00:01:58,551 --> 00:02:01,622
Well, Todd,
this is, like, a huge thing.

42
00:02:01,655 --> 00:02:04,792
Can I have a little bit
of time to think about it?

43
00:02:04,825 --> 00:02:05,959
Yeah. No.

44
00:02:05,993 --> 00:02:08,196
Of course. Of course.
Absolutely.

45
00:02:08,228 --> 00:02:10,364
I mean, you-you take your time.

46
00:02:10,398 --> 00:02:12,800
Um, yeah.

47
00:02:16,337 --> 00:02:17,938
Todd?

48
00:02:17,971 --> 00:02:20,040
Is it a more than
a few minutes situation?

49
00:02:20,073 --> 00:02:22,276
More than a few minutes
situation.

50
00:02:22,310 --> 00:02:25,012
(whispering):
We should go. Okay.

51
00:02:25,045 --> 00:02:27,047
Let's go.

52
00:02:33,487 --> 00:02:37,291
Oh. Who just got her bath?

53
00:02:37,325 --> 00:02:39,827
You did. You did.

54
00:02:39,860 --> 00:02:42,730
And who just did a huge poop?

55
00:02:42,763 --> 00:02:44,732
That's right. Daddy did.

56
00:02:44,765 --> 00:02:47,635
Oh, yeah. Uh-huh.

57
00:02:47,668 --> 00:02:49,403
Oh, hey, Care Bear.
Didn't see you there.

58
00:02:49,437 --> 00:02:52,573
Don't mind me.
Just do your thang. (chuckles)

59
00:02:52,606 --> 00:02:54,841
You want Daddy
to put you to bed?

60
00:02:54,875 --> 00:02:56,477
Huh? Huh?

61
00:02:56,510 --> 00:02:58,078
(gasps softly)

62
00:02:58,111 --> 00:02:59,680
Stop right there.

63
00:02:59,713 --> 00:03:03,217
(chuckles)
You like what you see, huh?

64
00:03:03,251 --> 00:03:06,086
Your lower back hair
is catching the light

65
00:03:06,119 --> 00:03:08,489
in the most beautiful way.

66
00:03:08,522 --> 00:03:11,725
It's like I'm seeing it
for the first time.

67
00:03:11,759 --> 00:03:14,094
Must be some residual
push sweat.

68
00:03:14,127 --> 00:03:16,196
I don't know if you heard,

69
00:03:16,230 --> 00:03:18,732
but I just took
a pretty aggressive dump.

70
00:03:18,766 --> 00:03:20,868
I did hear.

71
00:03:20,901 --> 00:03:23,237
Whatever you're doing,
keep doing it,

72
00:03:23,271 --> 00:03:25,406
'cause Mommy likey.

73
00:03:25,439 --> 00:03:27,808
Well, Daddy aimsy to pleasey.

74
00:03:29,076 --> 00:03:31,044
Spin for me.

75
00:03:31,078 --> 00:03:32,880
*

76
00:03:34,882 --> 00:03:36,917
Slowly.

77
00:03:40,788 --> 00:03:43,291
Ooh.

78
00:03:43,324 --> 00:03:46,560
Stop right there.

79
00:03:46,594 --> 00:03:48,662
Now raise the baby.

80
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-Mmm.
-Yeah, that's right.

81
00:03:56,937 --> 00:03:58,639
Get lost in it.

82
00:03:58,672 --> 00:04:02,310
Why don't you come over here
and give me a little taste?

83
00:04:02,343 --> 00:04:04,512
Your wish is my command.

84
00:04:19,293 --> 00:04:22,296
-Did somebody order the special?
-Hmm.

85
00:04:30,704 --> 00:04:32,473
Ooh.

86
00:04:32,506 --> 00:04:35,175
-My compliments to the chef.
-Careful.

87
00:04:35,207 --> 00:04:37,244
I don't want
to spoil your dinner.

88
00:04:37,277 --> 00:04:39,246
Lucky for you,
I have a tapeworm,

89
00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:41,248
and he skipped lunch.

90
00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:42,816
-Oh, Carol.
-Tandy.

91
00:04:42,850 --> 00:04:44,151
(both moaning)

92
00:04:44,183 --> 00:04:46,153
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
You just gave birth.

93
00:04:46,186 --> 00:04:48,356
I mean, isn't it
too soon for sex?

94
00:04:48,389 --> 00:04:51,525
Well, just 'cause
the doggy door's busted

95
00:04:51,558 --> 00:04:54,294
doesn't mean we can't look
through the peep hole.

96
00:04:54,328 --> 00:04:55,696
Oh, Carol.

97
00:04:55,729 --> 00:04:57,731
(both moaning)

98
00:05:00,634 --> 00:05:03,837
(laughs) A baby?
You... you said no, right?

99
00:05:03,871 --> 00:05:06,940
I didn't say anything. I was
too in shock, to be honest.

100
00:05:06,974 --> 00:05:09,377
-Oh, you got to shut this down.
-Yeah, I-I know.

101
00:05:09,410 --> 00:05:11,211
I-I just... I feel bad.

102
00:05:11,244 --> 00:05:14,815
I mean, Dawn is the light
of my life, and by saying no,

103
00:05:14,848 --> 00:05:18,151
I'm denying Todd his only chance
at this experience.

104
00:05:18,185 --> 00:05:20,053
It's pretty cut and dry, Shug.

105
00:05:20,087 --> 00:05:22,723
"Aw, Todd, you're so sweet,

106
00:05:22,756 --> 00:05:24,725
"but no way in freaking hell,

107
00:05:24,758 --> 00:05:27,628
and my smoke-show of a wife
supports me in that."

108
00:05:27,661 --> 00:05:29,630
You're right.
I got to be direct.

109
00:05:29,663 --> 00:05:32,232
I'll just pull him aside
after dinner.

110
00:05:32,265 --> 00:05:34,568
Ugh. He's gonna be crushed.

111
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He knows it's a long shot.

112
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I'm sure he hadn't
gotten his hopes up.

113
00:05:40,441 --> 00:05:42,443
(fire crackling)

114
00:05:50,751 --> 00:05:53,320
(Carol and Tandy laughing)

115
00:05:53,353 --> 00:05:54,922
Sorry we're late.

116
00:05:54,955 --> 00:05:58,392
Tandy and I were engaged
in a spirited petting session.

117
00:05:58,426 --> 00:06:00,594
-(Carol and Tandy chuckle)
-MELISSA: Ugh.

118
00:06:00,628 --> 00:06:03,497
With outercourse like that,
who needs intercourse?

119
00:06:03,531 --> 00:06:06,099
JK. I do, and hopefully soon.
(chuckles)

120
00:06:06,133 --> 00:06:08,902
Todd, uh, please pass
the garbanzo beans.

121
00:06:11,271 --> 00:06:12,606
Todd?

122
00:06:12,640 --> 00:06:14,041
Oh. I'm-I'm sorry.

123
00:06:14,074 --> 00:06:15,543
-Here. Coming at you.
-(Carol chuckles)

124
00:06:15,576 --> 00:06:18,378
(whispers):
I'll get it.

125
00:06:20,414 --> 00:06:22,850
-What you thinking about, bud?
-Nothing! God!

126
00:06:22,883 --> 00:06:25,185
-Sorry. I'm-I'm...
-No.

127
00:06:25,218 --> 00:06:27,287
It's just, I-I wasn't thinking
about anything in particular.

128
00:06:27,320 --> 00:06:29,690
And I answered your question
to the best of my ability

129
00:06:29,723 --> 00:06:31,358
given the available knowledge
at the time.

130
00:06:31,391 --> 00:06:32,793
You were saying
something interesting

131
00:06:32,826 --> 00:06:34,194
about garbanzo beans?

132
00:06:34,227 --> 00:06:37,565
You okay, bud?

133
00:06:37,598 --> 00:06:40,468
Uh, okay, you know, I'm just
gonna come out and say it.

134
00:06:40,501 --> 00:06:43,871
Melissa and I have asked Erica

135
00:06:43,904 --> 00:06:45,473
to have my baby.

136
00:06:45,506 --> 00:06:46,640
-(Carol gasps)
-No way.

137
00:06:46,674 --> 00:06:48,141
That is so exciting! Oh!

138
00:06:48,175 --> 00:06:50,310
No, but, guys, please just
leave... no, leave her alone.

139
00:06:50,343 --> 00:06:52,145
She's taking some time
to-to think about it.

140
00:06:52,179 --> 00:06:53,413
Isn't that right?

141
00:06:55,916 --> 00:06:59,252
-Oh, my God, have you decided?
-Oh, uh...

142
00:06:59,286 --> 00:07:01,722
maybe we should talk
about this later.

143
00:07:01,755 --> 00:07:03,624
Actually, um,
later doesn't work for me.

144
00:07:03,657 --> 00:07:06,093
Uh, I'm-I'm real busy
in all my later time slots.

145
00:07:06,126 --> 00:07:08,095
Could you just tell me now?

146
00:07:08,128 --> 00:07:10,330
-In-in front of everyone?
-Oh, yeah.

147
00:07:10,363 --> 00:07:12,600
What was I thinking? W-We should
do this in the other room.

148
00:07:12,633 --> 00:07:14,802
-Come on.
-(sighs): Okay.

149
00:07:14,835 --> 00:07:16,436
Wish me luck, everybody.
(chuckles)

150
00:07:16,470 --> 00:07:19,272
-(Carol and Tandy chuckle)
-M-Melissa, c-come on.

151
00:07:19,306 --> 00:07:22,710
-I don't really want to go.
-Please.

152
00:07:29,316 --> 00:07:32,119
Oh, you have a bean
in your beard.

153
00:07:32,152 --> 00:07:33,754
Oh, that's embarrassing.
Where is it?

154
00:07:33,787 --> 00:07:36,056
Oh, no, no, no.
I got it.

155
00:07:40,127 --> 00:07:41,995
(both moaning)

156
00:07:43,797 --> 00:07:45,699
(Tandy chuckles)

157
00:07:45,733 --> 00:07:47,901
Your bean, sir.

158
00:07:50,971 --> 00:07:53,306
(both moaning)

159
00:07:53,340 --> 00:07:56,209
TODD:
No! No!

160
00:07:58,579 --> 00:08:01,048
-Did you get it?
-Got it.

161
00:08:01,081 --> 00:08:03,016
(both moaning)

162
00:08:14,327 --> 00:08:16,496
So?

163
00:08:21,401 --> 00:08:22,703
CAROL:
Mom.

164
00:08:22,736 --> 00:08:25,238
-We need to ask you something.
-Yeah.

165
00:08:25,272 --> 00:08:29,209
As you know, Tandy and I
recently had twin baby girls.

166
00:08:29,242 --> 00:08:31,144
Can we agree on that?

167
00:08:31,178 --> 00:08:32,913
-Yeah.
-And both births

168
00:08:32,946 --> 00:08:35,849
came via the traditional
birthing causeway.

169
00:08:35,883 --> 00:08:37,751
-The female vagina.
-Mm-hmm.

170
00:08:37,784 --> 00:08:39,587
Can we agree on that?

171
00:08:39,620 --> 00:08:41,989
Uh, yeah.

172
00:08:42,022 --> 00:08:44,391
As we alluded to at dinner,

173
00:08:44,424 --> 00:08:46,660
Tandy and I have begun dabbling

174
00:08:46,694 --> 00:08:49,830
in the sensual arts again.

175
00:08:49,863 --> 00:08:53,767
(panting)
And despite powerful,

176
00:08:53,801 --> 00:08:57,705
even violent urges
on both sides,

177
00:08:57,738 --> 00:08:59,539
our liaisons

178
00:08:59,573 --> 00:09:02,075
have been anything
but dangereux.

179
00:09:02,109 --> 00:09:04,444
Could y'all just
cut to the chase, please?

180
00:09:04,477 --> 00:09:07,314
Gail, Carol and I would like
your medical blessing to pork.

181
00:09:10,117 --> 00:09:12,085
What has it been?

182
00:09:12,119 --> 00:09:15,923
Like, less than two weeks
since you gave birth?

183
00:09:15,956 --> 00:09:17,390
-Yeah.
-Yeah.

184
00:09:17,424 --> 00:09:20,460
Look, the normal waiting time
is four to six weeks.

185
00:09:20,493 --> 00:09:22,129
-(groans): Oh.
-No.

186
00:09:22,162 --> 00:09:25,766
But your birth experience
was anything but normal,

187
00:09:25,799 --> 00:09:28,401
so maybe your freak show
of a reproductive system

188
00:09:28,435 --> 00:09:29,569
can handle it.

189
00:09:29,603 --> 00:09:32,205
Mom, are you saying

190
00:09:32,239 --> 00:09:35,042
that Tandy can
release the hounds?

191
00:09:35,075 --> 00:09:38,478
I will never say that,
and I would request

192
00:09:38,511 --> 00:09:41,114
that you never
make me hear that again.

193
00:09:41,148 --> 00:09:44,752
But the answer I think
you're looking for is yes.

194
00:09:44,785 --> 00:09:46,486
-Oh, thanks, Mom!
-(laughs)

195
00:09:46,519 --> 00:09:47,988
Release the you-know-whats!

196
00:09:48,021 --> 00:09:49,723
-(crying out)
-(howls)

197
00:09:49,757 --> 00:09:51,759
(both moaning)

198
00:09:54,695 --> 00:09:56,329
MELISSA:
Oh!

199
00:09:56,363 --> 00:09:58,598
Look who rolled over.

200
00:09:58,632 --> 00:10:01,001
So...

201
00:10:01,034 --> 00:10:04,504
I went and got some fun stuff
at the mall.

202
00:10:04,537 --> 00:10:08,608
I got some board games,
cat puzzle,

203
00:10:08,642 --> 00:10:10,343
uh, a couple joke books.

204
00:10:10,377 --> 00:10:12,680
-Doesn't that sound fun?
-No.

205
00:10:12,713 --> 00:10:14,782
Pretty funny.

206
00:10:14,815 --> 00:10:17,617
"What does a vegan zombie eat?"

207
00:10:19,219 --> 00:10:21,755
"Grains."

208
00:10:21,789 --> 00:10:23,791
(chuckles)

209
00:10:26,226 --> 00:10:28,295
Okay.

210
00:10:28,328 --> 00:10:31,264
Got one of these guys.

211
00:10:31,298 --> 00:10:33,701
(hip-hop music playing)

212
00:10:33,734 --> 00:10:35,936
Uh-oh, it's a dance-off.

213
00:10:35,969 --> 00:10:37,537
You better bring it.

214
00:10:37,570 --> 00:10:39,272
(whoops)

215
00:10:39,306 --> 00:10:41,975
-(hip-hop music stops)
-(Melissa sighs)

216
00:10:42,009 --> 00:10:43,443
Fine.

217
00:10:43,476 --> 00:10:46,279
Well, there's a bunch
of other crap in here.

218
00:10:46,313 --> 00:10:49,082
So, if you get in the mood...

219
00:10:55,422 --> 00:10:58,058
Look, I know Erica's decision
was hard to hear.

220
00:10:58,091 --> 00:11:00,593
But you're gonna
get through this.

221
00:11:04,031 --> 00:11:06,599
What? What is...?

222
00:11:08,902 --> 00:11:11,739
Oh, you like
that train set, huh?

223
00:11:13,774 --> 00:11:15,743
Great.

224
00:11:15,776 --> 00:11:17,845
This is good.

225
00:11:17,878 --> 00:11:20,113
("You Can Leave Your Hat On"
by Joe Cocker playing)

226
00:11:24,684 --> 00:11:26,787
* Baby, take off your coat *

227
00:11:29,289 --> 00:11:32,292
* Real slow *

228
00:11:35,695 --> 00:11:38,431
* Take off your dress *

229
00:11:39,466 --> 00:11:42,002
* Yes, baby, yes *

230
00:11:42,035 --> 00:11:43,703
* Yeah *

231
00:11:43,737 --> 00:11:47,474
* But you can leave
your hat on *

232
00:11:50,043 --> 00:11:53,480
* Yeah, you can leave
your hat on *

233
00:11:54,481 --> 00:11:57,584
* You can leave your hat on... *

234
00:12:01,654 --> 00:12:03,623
Are you ready?

235
00:12:03,656 --> 00:12:05,092
Balls have never been cleaner.

236
00:12:05,125 --> 00:12:07,427
Sweated them up a little bit
in the dance, but...

237
00:12:07,460 --> 00:12:09,129
You want to take
a little whiff-ski?

238
00:12:09,162 --> 00:12:12,199
I'm gonna save that for dessert.

239
00:12:12,232 --> 00:12:13,801
Then shall we doink?

240
00:12:13,834 --> 00:12:15,936
May I stop you to say
that this may be

241
00:12:15,969 --> 00:12:18,571
the most romantic thing
of which I've ever been a part?

242
00:12:18,605 --> 00:12:20,908
-You may not.
-Oh.

243
00:12:20,941 --> 00:12:24,978
Oh, no, table four says
the meat is undercooked.

244
00:12:25,012 --> 00:12:27,480
-Throwing it back on the grill.
-Table six has a nut allergy.

245
00:12:27,514 --> 00:12:29,549
Keep those cashews away
from the stroganoff.

246
00:12:29,582 --> 00:12:31,651
I got to plate this, Carol.
I got to plate it!

247
00:12:31,684 --> 00:12:33,386
But the whole party
hasn't arrived yet.

248
00:12:33,420 --> 00:12:34,754
I'm plating it!

249
00:12:34,788 --> 00:12:36,056
-I'm plating it!
-God!

250
00:12:36,089 --> 00:12:38,025
-CAROL: Oh, God!
-(toy train whistle blows)

251
00:12:44,031 --> 00:12:45,933
Hey, bud.

252
00:12:45,966 --> 00:12:49,102
Hey, I know the whole

253
00:12:49,136 --> 00:12:52,339
"Erica not having your baby"
thing is a real bummer.

254
00:12:52,372 --> 00:12:56,176
So if you ever want to babysit,
just say the word.

255
00:12:56,209 --> 00:12:58,411
You know, Carol and I
just got the go-ahead

256
00:12:58,445 --> 00:13:00,013
to start plowing again.

257
00:13:00,047 --> 00:13:02,015
E-Excuse my French. Ramming.

258
00:13:02,049 --> 00:13:04,852
Uh, it's been a little weird
with the babies in the room.

259
00:13:04,885 --> 00:13:08,355
-I mean, not that weird,
but still just... -Tandy.

260
00:13:08,388 --> 00:13:10,690
Can I talk to you?

261
00:13:12,225 --> 00:13:14,094
Stop talking to him
about babies.

262
00:13:14,127 --> 00:13:16,096
That's the last thing
he needs right now.

263
00:13:16,129 --> 00:13:17,931
Sorry. I'm just trying to help.

264
00:13:17,965 --> 00:13:19,699
By rubbing your babies
in his face?

265
00:13:19,732 --> 00:13:22,102
-I...
-I've got this handled, okay?

266
00:13:22,135 --> 00:13:23,871
Just leave him alone
with his trains,

267
00:13:23,904 --> 00:13:26,306
and he'll be fine in a few days.

268
00:13:28,308 --> 00:13:30,310
*

269
00:13:33,580 --> 00:13:35,582
(toy train whistle blows)

270
00:13:52,432 --> 00:13:55,135
TANDY:
Nice caboose.

271
00:13:55,168 --> 00:13:57,404
(chuckles)
The train's not bad, either.

272
00:13:57,437 --> 00:13:58,972
CAROL:
Hi, Todd.

273
00:13:59,006 --> 00:14:02,809
I'm just here holding a box
of general miscellany.

274
00:14:02,842 --> 00:14:05,145
So, how's it going
with you, bud?

275
00:14:05,178 --> 00:14:06,914
MELISSA:
He's fine.

276
00:14:06,947 --> 00:14:09,316
Can I help you?

277
00:14:09,349 --> 00:14:11,418
We need to talk.

278
00:14:11,451 --> 00:14:14,354
(quietly):
We have to tell him.

279
00:14:14,387 --> 00:14:17,657
-It's not the right time.
-It's never the right time.

280
00:14:17,690 --> 00:14:20,760
W... Just give him
a little bit longer.

281
00:14:20,793 --> 00:14:23,096
I can't keep lying to him.
It's killing me.

282
00:14:23,130 --> 00:14:25,565
Yeah, and I can't
keep this up forever.

283
00:14:25,598 --> 00:14:26,766
(sighs)

284
00:14:26,799 --> 00:14:29,102
We'll tell him, just not now.

285
00:14:29,136 --> 00:14:31,438
Well, this baby's
not going to wait.

286
00:14:31,471 --> 00:14:34,207
You got two months, tops.

287
00:14:38,578 --> 00:14:42,049
I would like
to propose a toast to Gail.

288
00:14:42,082 --> 00:14:45,552
Congratulations on six months
of sobriety from red wine.

289
00:14:45,585 --> 00:14:47,220
I did it, y'all.

290
00:14:47,254 --> 00:14:48,688
(Tandy chuckles)

291
00:14:48,721 --> 00:14:50,523
Goodness gracious,

292
00:14:50,557 --> 00:14:54,194
where, oh, where am I gonna
hang this dartboard?

293
00:14:54,227 --> 00:14:56,196
-Todd's not here, Carol.
-Oh, thank gol.

294
00:14:56,229 --> 00:14:57,697
GAIL:
This is ridiculous.

295
00:14:57,730 --> 00:15:00,200
You can't go on hiding
that pregnancy forever.

296
00:15:00,233 --> 00:15:01,868
Well, tell that
to the conductor's wife.

297
00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:03,703
MELISSA:
I'm doing the best I can.

298
00:15:03,736 --> 00:15:06,273
At least Todd's out of bed now,
and he's eating again.

299
00:15:06,306 --> 00:15:08,108
He hasn't mentioned babies
in months.

300
00:15:08,141 --> 00:15:10,710
He's a grown-ass man
who spends 18 hours a day

301
00:15:10,743 --> 00:15:13,413
playing with trains;
that's just not right.

302
00:15:13,446 --> 00:15:15,915
He's making improvements
every day.

303
00:15:15,949 --> 00:15:17,951
(toy train whistle blowing)

304
00:15:29,429 --> 00:15:31,398
I stand corrected.

305
00:15:31,431 --> 00:15:34,567
I've tried everything.
I don't know what else to do.

306
00:15:34,601 --> 00:15:38,171
Look, don't worry, Melissa.
I think I have an idea.

307
00:15:38,205 --> 00:15:42,575
And, as usual, I will handle it
with grace and "aplobm."

308
00:15:42,609 --> 00:15:44,744
Carol, can you join me?

309
00:15:44,777 --> 00:15:46,746
Ooh, I'm involved!

310
00:15:46,779 --> 00:15:49,949
Hey, thanks so much
for joining me, bud.

311
00:15:49,983 --> 00:15:51,751
And, look, I got to be honest,

312
00:15:51,784 --> 00:15:53,420
the real reason
I brought you here

313
00:15:53,453 --> 00:15:55,922
was not to help me
dispose of dirty diapers.

314
00:15:55,955 --> 00:15:58,658
But be prepared,
'cause what I'm about to say

315
00:15:58,691 --> 00:16:00,293
is a real shocker.

316
00:16:04,297 --> 00:16:06,599
I hate having kids, bud.

317
00:16:06,633 --> 00:16:08,435
It's the worst.

318
00:16:08,468 --> 00:16:11,771
I mean, they cry all the time,
always begging for food.

319
00:16:11,804 --> 00:16:14,441
This diaper thing
is so disgusting.

320
00:16:14,474 --> 00:16:17,210
Oh, God, I wish
I could go back in time

321
00:16:17,244 --> 00:16:19,679
and just be married
without kids.

322
00:16:19,712 --> 00:16:22,149
Oh, I'm so jealous of you
and Melissa.

323
00:16:22,182 --> 00:16:24,951
You gals got it made
in the shade with lemonade.

324
00:16:24,984 --> 00:16:27,287
With ice in it.
(groans)

325
00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:29,956
Tandy, I have something to say,

326
00:16:29,989 --> 00:16:32,125
and it cannot wait
until we're alone.

327
00:16:32,159 --> 00:16:34,661
-Everything okay, Bear?
-Afraid not.

328
00:16:34,694 --> 00:16:37,364
Good God, what is it?

329
00:16:37,397 --> 00:16:39,299
This is bad news.

330
00:16:39,332 --> 00:16:41,201
Stay for this, Todd!

331
00:16:41,234 --> 00:16:43,470
(hisses)
I'm pregnant.

332
00:16:43,503 --> 00:16:45,938
(high-pitched shrieking)

333
00:16:48,540 --> 00:16:52,379
Oh, this is exactly
what I don't want!

334
00:16:52,412 --> 00:16:54,914
Oh, I can't think of worse news!

335
00:16:54,947 --> 00:16:58,151
And to come out of the blue
so suddenly!

336
00:16:58,185 --> 00:17:00,820
Oh, God! Oh!

337
00:17:00,853 --> 00:17:03,656
-The burden!
-Incredible onus!

338
00:17:03,690 --> 00:17:05,692
(Tandy wailing)

339
00:17:05,724 --> 00:17:07,727
(toy train chugging)

340
00:17:14,434 --> 00:17:17,670
(shouts)

341
00:17:17,704 --> 00:17:19,672
*

342
00:17:19,705 --> 00:17:21,540
(electricity crackling)

343
00:17:34,121 --> 00:17:35,555
*

344
00:17:57,009 --> 00:17:59,779
Oh, Dawn.

345
00:17:59,812 --> 00:18:01,448
Look at this.

346
00:18:01,481 --> 00:18:02,949
You wore this
when we were running

347
00:18:02,982 --> 00:18:06,119
from a nuclear explosion,
remember?

348
00:18:06,153 --> 00:18:09,722
It's hard to believe
you were ever this tiny.

349
00:18:09,756 --> 00:18:12,459
(whispers): I think
we'll just keep this one. Okay.

350
00:18:17,464 --> 00:18:19,832
-Aw.
-(Dawn coos)

351
00:18:19,866 --> 00:18:23,170
Dawn, look at this.

352
00:18:23,203 --> 00:18:25,305
Look.

353
00:18:25,338 --> 00:18:27,106
Look, that's Mummy.

354
00:18:27,140 --> 00:18:29,409
And these are your grandparents.

355
00:18:29,442 --> 00:18:31,411
And that's your Uncle Ethan,

356
00:18:31,444 --> 00:18:34,214
Mummy's brother.

357
00:18:36,216 --> 00:18:37,717
(chuckles softly)

358
00:18:43,890 --> 00:18:45,492
(shrieks)
Gol!

359
00:18:45,525 --> 00:18:47,660
Gol, gol, gol, gol,
gol, gol, gol, gol!

360
00:18:47,694 --> 00:18:48,761
(shouts)

361
00:18:48,795 --> 00:18:51,331
(blowing)

362
00:18:51,364 --> 00:18:54,601
Aw, did someone score
another goal?

363
00:18:54,634 --> 00:18:56,969
Yes, I did. Unassisted.

364
00:18:57,003 --> 00:18:59,005
(whoops)

365
00:18:59,038 --> 00:19:01,608
Wait, where are all the trains?

366
00:19:01,641 --> 00:19:03,676
I don't know. You know,
I came in here this morning,

367
00:19:03,710 --> 00:19:05,345
and they were just all gone.

368
00:19:08,415 --> 00:19:09,949
(Tandy scoffs softly)

369
00:19:09,982 --> 00:19:12,151
Hey, bud.

370
00:19:12,185 --> 00:19:15,755
Yeah, I, um...
I put-I put 'em all away.

371
00:19:17,490 --> 00:19:20,960
-I, uh... I got you
a little something. -Oh.

372
00:19:20,993 --> 00:19:24,297
It's a congratulations
for being pregnant.

373
00:19:24,331 --> 00:19:25,865
GAIL:
Well, look at you.

374
00:19:25,898 --> 00:19:28,968
I'm-I'm glad you're all here,

375
00:19:29,001 --> 00:19:31,304
'cause I have something
I want to say.

376
00:19:31,338 --> 00:19:32,972
Um...

377
00:19:33,005 --> 00:19:34,907
Um, so just...
Excuse me, I'm sorry.

378
00:19:34,941 --> 00:19:37,944
-Please, just bear with me.
-(clears throat)

379
00:19:39,512 --> 00:19:42,249
"Sometimes a guy's
got to hit rock-bottom

380
00:19:42,282 --> 00:19:44,817
"to realize what's
truly important in life.

381
00:19:44,851 --> 00:19:48,154
"Todd Dimas Rodriguez
was born in the tiny enclave

382
00:19:48,187 --> 00:19:50,390
of Mills Glen
to parents who he..."

383
00:19:50,423 --> 00:19:53,059
I want to have a baby with you.

384
00:19:53,092 --> 00:19:54,427
Who was that to?

385
00:19:54,461 --> 00:19:57,096
Wait, uh, did you-you...
Who was that to?

386
00:19:57,129 --> 00:19:59,098
Todd, I've decided;
I want to have a baby,

387
00:19:59,131 --> 00:20:01,568
and I want to have it with you.

388
00:20:01,601 --> 00:20:03,503
-(chuckles)
-Really?

389
00:20:03,536 --> 00:20:04,904
Yeah, really.

390
00:20:06,939 --> 00:20:09,075
Wait.

391
00:20:09,108 --> 00:20:11,511
No, wait, no. I...

392
00:20:11,544 --> 00:20:13,446
Erica, I-I can't.

393
00:20:13,480 --> 00:20:16,783
Okay? I-I can't let you
give me a pity baby.

394
00:20:16,816 --> 00:20:18,351
Yes, you can.

395
00:20:18,385 --> 00:20:20,353
Todd, listen.
I've thought about this.

396
00:20:20,387 --> 00:20:22,221
And Gail and I
have discussed it,

397
00:20:22,255 --> 00:20:23,756
and this is what I want.

398
00:20:23,790 --> 00:20:26,959
-But you just said that you...
-Stop talking! You made a sale.

399
00:20:26,993 --> 00:20:29,529
Look, Dawn is the best thing
I've ever done.

400
00:20:29,562 --> 00:20:32,865
And I would love to give her
a little brother or sister.

401
00:20:32,899 --> 00:20:35,468
And you promise
you're not doing this for me?

402
00:20:35,502 --> 00:20:37,770
I'm doing this for me.

403
00:20:37,804 --> 00:20:41,608
And I'm thrilled to have a guy
like you to go through it with.

404
00:20:41,641 --> 00:20:43,776
(crying):
I'm gonna be a dad.

405
00:20:43,810 --> 00:20:45,445
(chuckles)

406
00:20:45,478 --> 00:20:47,314
I'm gonna be a dad!
(laughs)

407
00:20:47,347 --> 00:20:50,717
-Aw! -Oh!
-(chuckles)

408
00:20:50,750 --> 00:20:52,752
*

409
00:21:33,025 --> 00:21:34,494
CHILDREN:
Uncle Stinky.

410
00:21:34,527 --> 00:21:35,995
(horn honking)

411
00:21:36,028 --> 00:21:37,997
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH