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♪
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00:00:16,757 --> 00:00:18,391
Man (Over loudspeaker): Hello?
3
00:00:20,694 --> 00:00:22,662
Hello?
4
00:00:23,430 --> 00:00:25,298
Hola?
5
00:00:25,299 --> 00:00:26,999
Bonjour?
6
00:00:27,000 --> 00:00:28,634
Chinese hello?
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Hello?
8
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Hello?
9
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Hello?
10
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Hello?
11
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(Screaming)
12
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♪
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Home, sweet home.
14
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♪
15
00:02:10,597 --> 00:02:11,930
♪ I think I'm sophisticated
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♪ 'cause I'm living my life
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♪ like a good homo sapien
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♪ but all around me
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♪ everybody's multiplying
20
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♪ and they're walking
around like flies, man ♪
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♪ So I'm no better
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♪ than the animals sitting
in the cages in the zoo, man ♪
23
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♪ 'Cause compared to the flowers ♪
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♪ And the birds and the trees
25
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♪ I am an ape man
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♪ I'm an ape man
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♪ I'm an ape ape man
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♪ oh, I'm an ape man
29
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♪ I'm a king Kong man
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♪ I'm an ape ape man
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♪ oh, I'm an ape man
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♪ come on and love me
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♪ be my ape man girl
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♪ and we'll be so happy
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♪ in my ape man world
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♪ I'm an ape man
37
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♪ I'm an ape ape man
38
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♪ oh, I'm an ape man
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00:03:06,483 --> 00:03:07,883
♪ I'm a king Kong man
40
00:03:07,884 --> 00:03:10,019
♪ I'm a voodoo man
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♪ oh, I'm an ape man
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♪ just like an ape man.
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Boop.
44
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(Sighs)
45
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Hello, God.
46
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First of all, uh, apologies
47
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for all the recent masturbation,
48
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but I got to say, that's kind of on you.
49
00:03:28,237 --> 00:03:31,673
So I just got back from
traveling around the country,
50
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looking for anyone who might
have survived the virus.
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Uh, put up a bunch of
signs all over the place,
52
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saying that I'm here in Tucson.
53
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So, uh, you know, who knows?
54
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And it's not all bad.
55
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I mean, in the old world,
56
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I could never live in a house like this.
57
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And these are Hugh Hefner's actual pajamas.
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Yeah. (Chuckles)
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I washed them.
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There are some drawbacks.
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(Laughs): I know you know that.
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The whole women situation is...
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The craps.
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If you could send some my way...
65
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Or one my way.
66
00:04:05,005 --> 00:04:06,840
Oh, one more thing.
67
00:04:06,841 --> 00:04:08,907
If you could please send
68
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a special thank-you to the
previous owner of my new house.
69
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Just let him know I'm gonna take
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real good care of this place.
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(Lever clanks)
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(Rattling)
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(Whispering): Fixing the toilet.
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Fixing the toilet. Fixing the toilet.
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(Flushes)
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(Car alarm chirps outside)
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♪
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♪
79
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Salud.
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That's a $10,000 bottle
of wine, by the way.
81
00:06:09,088 --> 00:06:11,656
Goes great with the spaghettios.
82
00:06:16,195 --> 00:06:18,429
That was, like, a $400 sip.
83
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Not as good.
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♪
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♪ Sun, shine on me today...
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Aw, split.
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♪ Sun, dry my tears away
88
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♪ how I need your warm embrace
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♪ to shine upon my crying face
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♪ sun, shine on me today
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♪ sun, give me a little light... ♪
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(Tires screeching)
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♪ Take me out of this darkened night ♪
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♪ You know what a little light can do ♪
95
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♪ You change the sky
from black to blue ♪
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♪ Sun, shine on me today
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♪ sunshine
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♪ come on, sunshine
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♪ let me have one of your rays
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♪ just one
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♪ only one... Oh, left, left!
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Left, left, left, left!
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♪ To get this started
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♪ on my way.
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Straighten, straighten,
straighten! Straight...
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Ha!
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Oh, yes!
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Yes!
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(Whooping)
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(Exhales)
111
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(Motor running)
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No way. No way!
113
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That would never happen!
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Tom Hanks (Over TV):
That's all that's left.
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That is so stupid.
116
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I got news for you, Tom Hanks.
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I will never, ever talk to a volleyball.
118
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No, we have time. We do!
119
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- We have time.
- Not buying it!
120
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Balls aren't people, dude!
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I know.
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Balls are for fun.
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♪
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♪
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Hey! Okay, I get it!
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Nobody's coming!
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You're not giving me anybody.
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Well, guess what.
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I don't even care!
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I don't need people. Okay?
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I can make it work on my own.
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Watch me! Watch me!
133
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Hey, Phil, what's up?
134
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Oh, I'm great, Phil. How are you?
135
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Oh, I'm doing great. Thank
you very much for asking.
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See? I'm already doing it.
137
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Ha!
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I don't need people.
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I'm gonna be just fine.
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Morning, Phil.
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How are you, Phil?
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Fine, Phil, how are you, Phil?
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(Cans and bottles clanking)
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♪
145
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♪ Take the jib, sail down, boys ♪
146
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♪ Take the jib, sail down
147
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♪ turn this ship around, boys
148
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♪ before we run aground
149
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♪ the fish aren't biting today, boys ♪
150
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♪ Fish aren't biting today
151
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♪ gonna lay on my bunk
and get drunk as a skunk ♪
152
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♪ Oh, the fish aren't biting today ♪
153
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♪ There's six-foot waves
and my stomach craves ♪
154
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♪ Some good old Antiguan rum
155
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♪ I put some away for a rainy day ♪
156
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♪ And the rain she is
starting to come now ♪
157
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♪ The fish aren't biting today, boys ♪
158
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♪ The fish aren't biting today
159
00:11:01,791 --> 00:11:05,493
♪ gonna lay in my bunk
and get drunk as a skunk ♪
160
00:11:05,494 --> 00:11:08,530
♪ 'Cause the fish
aren't biting today. ♪
161
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♪ Bah, bah, bah-bah
162
00:11:14,870 --> 00:11:16,537
♪ bah
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00:11:16,538 --> 00:11:19,807
♪
bah-ah-ah
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♪ bah-bah-bah,
bah-bah-bah...
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00:11:25,313 --> 00:11:27,281
Phil: Hey, what's up?
166
00:11:27,282 --> 00:11:28,916
Just had to get out of the
house; It's been a rough day.
167
00:11:28,917 --> 00:11:30,483
Hey, I'm gonna have a whiskey.
168
00:11:30,484 --> 00:11:32,452
You want a whiskey, Gary? Whiskey?
169
00:11:33,487 --> 00:11:34,621
You sure? How about you, Jimmy?
170
00:11:36,057 --> 00:11:38,759
No? Okay, well, does
anyone want a whiskey, huh?
171
00:11:38,760 --> 00:11:39,860
Greg?
172
00:11:39,861 --> 00:11:41,928
Kevin?
173
00:11:41,929 --> 00:11:43,263
Antawn?
174
00:11:44,832 --> 00:11:46,099
No? Really? Nobody?
175
00:11:46,100 --> 00:11:47,199
Trevor?
176
00:11:47,200 --> 00:11:48,934
Terrence?
177
00:11:48,935 --> 00:11:51,036
Trent? Darby?
178
00:11:51,037 --> 00:11:52,872
Bryce? Marshall?
179
00:11:52,873 --> 00:11:54,006
Peter?
180
00:11:54,007 --> 00:11:55,574
Thomas? Max?
181
00:11:55,575 --> 00:11:56,608
Dashiel?
182
00:11:56,609 --> 00:11:58,510
Diego? Clementine?
183
00:11:58,511 --> 00:11:59,945
Nobody wants a whiskey?!
184
00:11:59,946 --> 00:12:01,313
Okay, well, more for me.
185
00:12:01,314 --> 00:12:03,415
Jerry, now, you look like
you lost a little weight.
186
00:12:03,416 --> 00:12:05,716
What, are you exercising, skipping carbs?
187
00:12:05,717 --> 00:12:07,318
Well, whatever you're doing, keep it up.
188
00:12:07,319 --> 00:12:09,320
Okay. Cheersies.
189
00:12:11,356 --> 00:12:14,525
I miss breakfast burritos.
190
00:12:14,526 --> 00:12:17,162
Getting mail.
191
00:12:17,163 --> 00:12:19,898
Skinny jeans on dudes.
192
00:12:19,899 --> 00:12:22,099
Just kidding. Skinny jeans on dudes suck.
193
00:12:24,869 --> 00:12:26,036
People.
194
00:12:26,037 --> 00:12:27,404
And women.
195
00:12:27,405 --> 00:12:29,273
Oh, my God, women.
196
00:12:29,274 --> 00:12:32,109
Oh, I would give anything
to see another woman again.
197
00:12:32,110 --> 00:12:36,680
I would, I would never complain
about anything ever again...
198
00:12:36,681 --> 00:12:38,714
If I just got to see one more woman.
199
00:12:46,556 --> 00:12:47,957
Hey.
200
00:12:47,958 --> 00:12:51,194
Gary, you want to come
hang at my place tonight?
201
00:12:51,195 --> 00:12:52,895
I mean... sh-shut up, guys.
202
00:12:52,896 --> 00:12:54,996
That's really homophobic, Bryce.
203
00:12:54,997 --> 00:12:56,932
Even for you.
204
00:12:58,801 --> 00:13:00,468
That's her.
205
00:13:00,469 --> 00:13:02,204
Well, I don't know her name.
206
00:13:02,205 --> 00:13:04,306
I've never talked to her.
207
00:13:04,307 --> 00:13:05,807
(Laughs): No, Gary, come on!
208
00:13:05,808 --> 00:13:06,875
What would I say?
209
00:13:06,876 --> 00:13:08,176
I'm so bad in these situations.
210
00:13:08,177 --> 00:13:10,111
There is nothing
211
00:13:10,112 --> 00:13:12,947
you can say that would convince
me to go talk to her, okay?
212
00:13:16,517 --> 00:13:19,253
That's a pretty convincing argument.
213
00:13:22,757 --> 00:13:26,360
Don't honk the horn.
214
00:13:44,845 --> 00:13:46,711
Windows, right?
215
00:13:46,712 --> 00:13:48,280
(Chuckles)
216
00:13:48,281 --> 00:13:51,683
Uh, my friend Gary dared
me to come say hi to you.
217
00:13:51,684 --> 00:13:53,451
He's in the truck, the white fella.
218
00:13:55,188 --> 00:13:57,722
Uh, so, anyway, hello, I guess.
219
00:13:57,723 --> 00:13:59,358
(Chuckles)
220
00:13:59,359 --> 00:14:00,792
Actually, I saw you a long time ago,
221
00:14:00,793 --> 00:14:02,427
and I always wanted to come say hi,
222
00:14:02,428 --> 00:14:05,096
but, well, I don't know, I just, uh...
223
00:14:05,097 --> 00:14:06,998
It never felt like the right time.
224
00:14:08,867 --> 00:14:11,502
I like your outfit.
225
00:14:11,503 --> 00:14:14,638
You make good style choices.
226
00:14:36,227 --> 00:14:38,660
(Laughs): Sorry, I-I'm being so...
227
00:14:38,661 --> 00:14:40,529
Forward.
228
00:14:40,530 --> 00:14:42,231
It's just, I've been through a lot lately.
229
00:14:42,232 --> 00:14:44,400
I just realized that having
230
00:14:44,401 --> 00:14:48,304
other people around is really
what makes life worth living.
231
00:14:48,305 --> 00:14:50,272
Where are my manners?
232
00:14:50,273 --> 00:14:52,007
I'm Phil.
233
00:15:11,159 --> 00:15:13,160
You win.
234
00:15:15,029 --> 00:15:16,330
You win.
235
00:15:39,886 --> 00:15:42,788
Well, in about two minutes,
236
00:15:42,789 --> 00:15:44,923
we will lay to rest Phil Miller.
237
00:15:44,924 --> 00:15:47,092
Uh...
238
00:15:47,093 --> 00:15:49,427
I'm sorry for giving up.
239
00:15:54,133 --> 00:15:55,967
Oh, and I just got to say,
240
00:15:55,968 --> 00:15:58,069
huge apology to Tom
Hanks and the whole crew
241
00:15:58,070 --> 00:15:59,570
that put together castaway.
242
00:15:59,571 --> 00:16:01,406
'Cause they nailed it.
243
00:16:01,407 --> 00:16:02,772
They friggin' nailed it.
244
00:16:02,773 --> 00:16:05,775
You guys were
245
00:16:05,776 --> 00:16:08,479
the best friends that I could ask for.
246
00:16:08,980 --> 00:16:10,847
But you're not people.
247
00:16:13,284 --> 00:16:14,784
You're not people.
248
00:16:22,592 --> 00:16:24,060
(Engine starts)
249
00:16:45,648 --> 00:16:47,649
(Engine revving)
250
00:17:02,964 --> 00:17:04,932
♪
251
00:17:35,995 --> 00:17:38,797
♪
252
00:18:07,925 --> 00:18:09,926
(Sniffs)
253
00:18:13,764 --> 00:18:15,765
(Clears throat)
254
00:18:25,577 --> 00:18:28,060
Hello! Hello!
255
00:18:28,610 --> 00:18:30,778
Are you okay?
256
00:18:30,779 --> 00:18:31,846
Um...
257
00:18:31,847 --> 00:18:34,314
Uh... I think so.
258
00:18:34,315 --> 00:18:35,583
Wh-where'd you get here? What happened?
259
00:18:35,584 --> 00:18:37,184
I saw all your billboards.
260
00:18:37,185 --> 00:18:39,353
I can't believe you found me!
261
00:18:39,354 --> 00:18:40,888
I... I thought I was...
262
00:18:40,889 --> 00:18:42,890
Your voice is like...
263
00:18:42,891 --> 00:18:45,792
It's like music to my ears.
264
00:18:45,793 --> 00:18:47,660
May I sing to you?
265
00:18:49,697 --> 00:18:51,364
Yeah, I would love that.
266
00:18:51,365 --> 00:18:54,634
♪ If there's something strange
267
00:18:54,635 --> 00:18:56,603
♪ in your neighborhood
268
00:18:56,604 --> 00:18:57,904
♪ who you gonna call?
269
00:18:57,905 --> 00:19:01,206
Both: ♪ Ghostbusters
270
00:19:01,207 --> 00:19:02,674
(humming)
271
00:19:02,675 --> 00:19:05,043
♪ I ain't afraid of no ghost.
272
00:19:05,044 --> 00:19:08,013
Is this a dream? (Laughs)
273
00:19:09,048 --> 00:19:12,217
This is very, very real.
274
00:19:25,330 --> 00:19:26,964
(Chuckles) What are you, uh...?
275
00:19:26,965 --> 00:19:29,166
Like to plug that nose up?
276
00:19:29,167 --> 00:19:30,802
What? What's going...?
277
00:19:32,270 --> 00:19:33,471
(Grunting)
278
00:19:33,472 --> 00:19:35,071
(Both scream)
279
00:19:35,072 --> 00:19:36,306
What are you doing? What are you doing?
280
00:19:36,307 --> 00:19:37,340
I was doing mouth to mouth.
281
00:19:37,341 --> 00:19:38,809
Where did that
wo-wo-woman go?!
282
00:19:38,810 --> 00:19:40,076
You passed out, you wet your underpants.
283
00:19:40,077 --> 00:19:41,445
I thought you were dying.
284
00:19:41,446 --> 00:19:43,346
I did not wet my underpants, okay?
285
00:19:43,347 --> 00:19:45,081
They're... oh, they're wet. Ew!
286
00:19:45,082 --> 00:19:46,783
Super wet. But that was
287
00:19:46,784 --> 00:19:49,319
from something else before.
288
00:19:49,320 --> 00:19:50,487
I-I was-was, uh,
289
00:19:50,488 --> 00:19:52,521
swimming the front, the... the front side.
290
00:19:52,522 --> 00:19:53,793
Okay, I just thought that
you were in trouble...
291
00:19:53,794 --> 00:19:54,924
Well, you thought wrong!
292
00:19:54,925 --> 00:19:56,425
That was from something
else before, I told you!
293
00:19:56,426 --> 00:19:58,728
- I'm not accusing you...
- I'm not saying you're accusing me!
294
00:19:58,729 --> 00:20:01,297
- I'm telling you they were wet before.
- Okay, okay! Oh, gosh!
295
00:20:01,298 --> 00:20:03,165
- Okay, back up! Back up!
- Okay, whoa, whoa,
296
00:20:03,166 --> 00:20:04,533
- whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
- Put your hands where I can see them!
297
00:20:04,534 --> 00:20:06,168
- Okay, okay, okay, okay...
- Hands where I can see them!
298
00:20:06,169 --> 00:20:08,170
- Okay, okay.
- Drop my bra.
299
00:20:08,171 --> 00:20:09,971
Okay, okay, okay.
300
00:20:09,972 --> 00:20:11,273
No!
301
00:20:11,274 --> 00:20:12,540
Drop it!
302
00:20:14,310 --> 00:20:16,311
Gross.
303
00:20:16,312 --> 00:20:18,280
- Are you nice?
- What?
304
00:20:18,281 --> 00:20:20,482
Are you a nice person?!
305
00:20:20,483 --> 00:20:21,783
Okay, yes, yes! I'm really nice!
306
00:20:21,784 --> 00:20:23,251
I'm very, very, very nice!
307
00:20:23,252 --> 00:20:24,919
I'm so nice, seriously. I promise you.
308
00:20:24,920 --> 00:20:27,087
There is nothing to be afraid of.
309
00:20:27,088 --> 00:20:29,456
- Nothing of which to be afraid.
- But I just said that.
310
00:20:29,457 --> 00:20:30,891
You can't end sentences with prepositions!
311
00:20:30,892 --> 00:20:33,026
"Nothing of which to be
afraid" is the proper grammar!
312
00:20:33,027 --> 00:20:34,094
Fine, yes, okay.
313
00:20:34,095 --> 00:20:35,829
- There's nothing of which...
- Yes.
314
00:20:35,830 --> 00:20:37,030
Huh?
315
00:20:37,031 --> 00:20:38,131
- That's better.
- Good with that?
316
00:20:38,132 --> 00:20:40,267
Of which to be afraid, okay?
317
00:20:40,268 --> 00:20:41,302
- Mm-hmm.
- Huh?
318
00:20:41,303 --> 00:20:43,002
You can trust me, seriously.
319
00:20:43,003 --> 00:20:46,272
Honestly? I did wet my underpants.
320
00:20:46,273 --> 00:20:48,508
They were totally dry before I soaked them.
321
00:20:48,509 --> 00:20:50,677
- I soaked them.
- Why did you lie to me?
322
00:20:50,678 --> 00:20:52,878
'Cause I'm an adult
and I wet my underpants.
323
00:20:52,879 --> 00:20:55,214
Are you the one who put up all
those "alive in Tucson" signs?
324
00:20:55,215 --> 00:20:57,350
Yes! Yes! That was me.
325
00:20:57,351 --> 00:20:59,185
That was me. I did that. Look.
326
00:20:59,186 --> 00:21:00,686
I am so sorry.
327
00:21:00,687 --> 00:21:03,288
I haven't seen another human
being in, like, two years.
328
00:21:03,289 --> 00:21:04,456
And I was literally
329
00:21:04,457 --> 00:21:06,325
about to kill myself five minutes ago.
330
00:21:06,326 --> 00:21:07,859
I'm harmless, okay?
331
00:21:07,860 --> 00:21:09,761
Why don't you put that gun away?
332
00:21:09,762 --> 00:21:11,229
What do you need that gun out for?
333
00:21:11,230 --> 00:21:13,198
Don't you mean "out for
what do you need that gun"?
334
00:21:13,199 --> 00:21:14,533
Okay, that can't be right.
335
00:21:14,534 --> 00:21:15,867
- It is.
- No, come on.
336
00:21:15,868 --> 00:21:18,536
No, no, no! You don't
have to cock that thing!
337
00:21:18,537 --> 00:21:19,970
Fine. Look.
338
00:21:19,971 --> 00:21:22,105
Out for what do you need that gun?
339
00:21:22,106 --> 00:21:23,541
Huh?
340
00:21:23,542 --> 00:21:24,775
Come on.
341
00:21:26,010 --> 00:21:27,978
I'm not gonna hurt you.
342
00:21:27,979 --> 00:21:31,482
Why don't you put that thing away?
343
00:21:31,483 --> 00:21:32,550
There you go.
344
00:21:32,551 --> 00:21:34,250
I'm a quick draw.
345
00:21:34,251 --> 00:21:35,918
So watch yourself.
346
00:21:35,919 --> 00:21:38,054
Thank you, thank you.
347
00:21:38,055 --> 00:21:40,089
Can we start over?
348
00:21:40,090 --> 00:21:41,057
Yeah, okay.
349
00:21:41,058 --> 00:21:42,692
Phil Miller.
350
00:21:42,693 --> 00:21:44,394
Last man on earth.
351
00:21:44,395 --> 00:21:47,564
Carol Pilbasian.
352
00:21:47,565 --> 00:21:49,399
Last woman on earth.
353
00:21:52,369 --> 00:21:54,703
♪ Amen
354
00:21:56,072 --> 00:21:59,040
♪ amen
355
00:21:59,041 --> 00:22:01,176
♪ amen, amen...
356
00:22:01,177 --> 00:22:03,545
Carol: Oh, makes my mouth
water just thinking about those.
357
00:22:03,546 --> 00:22:06,849
Then in Tampa, I scored,
ah, just a ton of radishes.
358
00:22:06,850 --> 00:22:09,049
You wouldn't think Florida for radishes,
359
00:22:09,050 --> 00:22:10,184
but they are absolutely chockablock.
360
00:22:10,185 --> 00:22:12,186
They say if you can't
find a radish in Tampa,
361
00:22:12,187 --> 00:22:13,521
just walk five feet.
362
00:22:13,522 --> 00:22:14,555
(Chuckles): They're abundant.
363
00:22:15,758 --> 00:22:18,359
Oh, God, how long have I been talking?
364
00:22:18,360 --> 00:22:20,027
Uh, like, you know, 45 minutes.
365
00:22:20,028 --> 00:22:21,028
It's fine, it's fine.
366
00:22:21,029 --> 00:22:22,363
I am so sorry.
367
00:22:22,364 --> 00:22:24,531
I must have all this conversation
368
00:22:24,532 --> 00:22:26,666
that's just been waiting
to get out inside of me.
369
00:22:26,667 --> 00:22:28,201
Yeah.
370
00:22:28,202 --> 00:22:29,969
(Sputters, chuckles)
371
00:22:29,970 --> 00:22:31,638
Well, it's all coming out now, right?
372
00:22:31,639 --> 00:22:32,839
Flowing. (Chuckles)
373
00:22:38,546 --> 00:22:39,713
So, wh-what about you?
374
00:22:39,714 --> 00:22:41,580
Um, what did you do for a job?
375
00:22:41,581 --> 00:22:42,882
I was a temp.
376
00:22:42,883 --> 00:22:44,884
Oh, I'm sorry.
377
00:22:44,885 --> 00:22:46,118
How old are you?
378
00:22:46,119 --> 00:22:47,152
I'm 41.
379
00:22:47,153 --> 00:22:48,821
Oh.
380
00:22:48,822 --> 00:22:50,623
Okay.
381
00:22:50,624 --> 00:22:52,291
(Chuckles): Well, you know,
382
00:22:52,292 --> 00:22:53,759
it's not something I'm super-proud of.
383
00:22:53,760 --> 00:22:56,261
You mean not something of
which you are super-proud.
384
00:22:56,262 --> 00:22:57,262
- Yeah.
- Mmhmm.
385
00:22:57,263 --> 00:22:58,330
Were you an English teacher?
386
00:22:58,331 --> 00:23:00,665
No, I was an office manager
387
00:23:00,666 --> 00:23:02,434
at a hot sauce bottling company.
388
00:23:03,469 --> 00:23:05,937
Sounds like a spicy job.
389
00:23:05,938 --> 00:23:07,939
No, it... I didn't work with the spices.
390
00:23:07,940 --> 00:23:09,106
I was filing.
391
00:23:10,342 --> 00:23:11,342
(Chuckles)
392
00:23:11,343 --> 00:23:12,844
Cheers.
393
00:23:12,845 --> 00:23:13,845
Cheers.
394
00:23:13,846 --> 00:23:14,979
Oh, whoa, whoa.
395
00:23:14,980 --> 00:23:15,979
(Makes clinking noise)
396
00:23:15,980 --> 00:23:17,614
I want to protect the ceramic.
397
00:23:17,615 --> 00:23:19,917
Noted.
398
00:23:19,918 --> 00:23:21,752
And you have to make eye
contact, or it won't come true.
399
00:23:21,753 --> 00:23:23,420
Oh, okay.
400
00:23:23,421 --> 00:23:24,788
- Well, let's try it again.
- Okay.
401
00:23:24,789 --> 00:23:25,689
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
402
00:23:25,690 --> 00:23:27,157
(Makes clinking noise)
403
00:23:27,158 --> 00:23:28,258
(Laughs)
404
00:23:44,040 --> 00:23:45,341
Uh, oh.
405
00:23:45,342 --> 00:23:47,042
That was a stop sign.
406
00:23:47,043 --> 00:23:48,377
Y-yeah, it was.
407
00:23:48,378 --> 00:23:49,711
You just went right through it.
408
00:23:49,712 --> 00:23:51,880
Uh, y-yes, I did.
409
00:23:51,881 --> 00:23:55,350
Well, could you do me a flavor
and stop at the next one?
410
00:23:55,351 --> 00:23:58,353
Carol, stop signs are
there to mediate traffic.
411
00:23:58,354 --> 00:24:00,856
And traffic doesn't exist anymore,
412
00:24:00,857 --> 00:24:02,724
so essentially stop signs don't either.
413
00:24:02,725 --> 00:24:04,258
Yeah, except that they do.
414
00:24:04,259 --> 00:24:05,794
And I'd rather you stopped at them.
415
00:24:05,795 --> 00:24:07,127
Oh, here's one. Here's one.
416
00:24:07,128 --> 00:24:08,128
- Here's one.
- Okay, okay, okay.
417
00:24:08,129 --> 00:24:09,329
Stopping.
418
00:24:12,133 --> 00:24:14,201
Looking both ways.
419
00:24:14,202 --> 00:24:15,870
And moving on.
420
00:24:15,871 --> 00:24:16,871
Here we go.
421
00:24:16,872 --> 00:24:18,839
I'm gonna ease into it.
422
00:24:18,840 --> 00:24:19,840
Feel better?
423
00:24:19,841 --> 00:24:20,841
Thank you, Phil.
424
00:24:20,842 --> 00:24:22,510
Yeah.
425
00:24:22,511 --> 00:24:24,544
I can't wait to see your house.
426
00:24:24,545 --> 00:24:27,981
They say a person's home is
a reflection of their soul.
427
00:24:27,982 --> 00:24:30,149
So this is my toilet pool.
428
00:24:30,150 --> 00:24:31,150
Mmm.
429
00:24:33,153 --> 00:24:35,154
And here's my garbage pool.
430
00:24:35,155 --> 00:24:37,323
And, uh, this is my Margarita pool.
431
00:24:37,324 --> 00:24:39,792
Carol: You swim in that?
432
00:24:39,793 --> 00:24:42,127
Well, I swim in it, I drink out of it.
433
00:24:42,128 --> 00:24:44,462
There's really no wrong
way to use a Margarita pool,
434
00:24:44,463 --> 00:24:46,131
you know what I mean?
435
00:24:47,500 --> 00:24:50,502
Work your way through here.
436
00:24:50,503 --> 00:24:53,005
Sorry, it's kind of messy right now.
437
00:24:53,006 --> 00:24:55,674
What a collection of cans.
438
00:24:55,675 --> 00:24:58,676
Oh, where'd you get all these paintings?
439
00:24:58,677 --> 00:25:00,177
You know, I took them from, uh...
440
00:25:00,178 --> 00:25:01,846
Various museums.
441
00:25:01,847 --> 00:25:04,949
I got some van Goghs and Monets.
442
00:25:04,950 --> 00:25:06,283
In that pile alone, there's, like,
443
00:25:06,284 --> 00:25:08,118
a billion dollars worth
of famous paintings.
444
00:25:08,119 --> 00:25:10,621
So you stole all these paintings?
445
00:25:10,622 --> 00:25:12,690
What? No. No.
446
00:25:12,691 --> 00:25:15,224
Plus, I take very good care
of this stuff... oh, shoot.
447
00:25:15,225 --> 00:25:18,562
Uh, I'd better dry this baby off.
448
00:25:18,563 --> 00:25:19,896
There we go.
449
00:25:19,897 --> 00:25:21,230
Dry as new.
450
00:25:21,231 --> 00:25:22,465
Sorry, Rembrandt.
451
00:25:22,466 --> 00:25:23,767
Phil, what are these?
452
00:25:23,768 --> 00:25:25,068
Uh...
453
00:25:25,069 --> 00:25:28,371
And those and those and that?
454
00:25:28,372 --> 00:25:31,041
They are... magazines.
455
00:25:31,042 --> 00:25:33,208
Oh. What kind of magazines?
456
00:25:33,209 --> 00:25:35,477
Well, they are...
457
00:25:35,478 --> 00:25:38,113
Masturbatory magazines.
458
00:25:38,114 --> 00:25:40,716
Okay. Okay.
459
00:25:40,717 --> 00:25:41,717
What?
460
00:25:41,718 --> 00:25:43,653
Is there, uh... Something wrong?
461
00:25:43,654 --> 00:25:47,590
You know, I'm just trying not
to judge the book by its cover.
462
00:25:47,591 --> 00:25:50,458
And-and what book are
you referring to, Carol?
463
00:25:50,459 --> 00:25:52,760
The book to which I'm referring
464
00:25:52,761 --> 00:25:54,462
is called Phil Miller.
465
00:25:54,463 --> 00:25:56,330
Sounds like a good book.
466
00:25:56,331 --> 00:25:58,666
It's the story of a man
with a brothel of a home
467
00:25:58,667 --> 00:26:00,334
and a pool filled with human excrement.
468
00:26:00,335 --> 00:26:02,369
Carol, there is no running water.
469
00:26:02,370 --> 00:26:04,105
Did you ever try to fix that?
470
00:26:04,106 --> 00:26:06,640
I did fix it. With a toilet pool.
471
00:26:06,641 --> 00:26:07,808
- Mmm.
- You probably would have done
472
00:26:07,809 --> 00:26:08,909
the exact same thing.
473
00:26:08,910 --> 00:26:10,844
Oh, no, I know that I wouldn't have.
474
00:26:10,845 --> 00:26:12,145
Because I'm not an animal.
475
00:26:12,146 --> 00:26:13,680
Oh, so I'm an animal now?
476
00:26:13,681 --> 00:26:14,681
Okay, thank you.
477
00:26:14,682 --> 00:26:16,016
I'm just saying
478
00:26:16,017 --> 00:26:18,685
that if you diverted a small percentage
479
00:26:18,686 --> 00:26:20,020
of your masturbation energy
480
00:26:20,021 --> 00:26:21,922
towards fixing the water problem,
481
00:26:21,923 --> 00:26:25,625
you might be going potty
in a toilet right now.
482
00:26:25,626 --> 00:26:28,594
Maybe we should get you
back to that campsite.
483
00:26:34,701 --> 00:26:36,535
Look, I know you've been
through a hard time...
484
00:26:36,536 --> 00:26:38,470
We both have...
485
00:26:38,471 --> 00:26:40,605
But I'm gonna help you get
your life back together.
486
00:26:40,606 --> 00:26:42,841
Well, I am looking forward to that.
487
00:26:42,842 --> 00:26:44,208
Good first day.
488
00:26:44,209 --> 00:26:45,844
Great first day.
489
00:26:45,845 --> 00:26:47,446
- See you Tom...
- (Tires screeching)
490
00:26:51,314 --> 00:26:52,481
(Cans clattering)
491
00:26:54,717 --> 00:26:56,184
Carol?
492
00:26:56,185 --> 00:26:57,218
What are you doing in here?
493
00:26:57,219 --> 00:26:58,253
Good morning!
494
00:26:58,254 --> 00:27:00,088
Remember how I said
495
00:27:00,089 --> 00:27:02,090
your home was a reflection of your soul?
496
00:27:02,091 --> 00:27:04,359
Well, I'm cleaning up your soul.
497
00:27:04,360 --> 00:27:06,695
Well, uh, next time you
want to clean up my soul,
498
00:27:06,696 --> 00:27:08,062
could you please give me
499
00:27:08,063 --> 00:27:09,396
a little advanced notice beforehand?
500
00:27:09,397 --> 00:27:11,065
- Of course.
- Yeah.
501
00:27:11,066 --> 00:27:12,500
- Sorry.
- Okay. (Laughs)
502
00:27:12,501 --> 00:27:15,336
Uh, here, I'll just put
it back the way you had it.
503
00:27:15,337 --> 00:27:16,471
That'd be great.
504
00:27:17,539 --> 00:27:18,539
Whoa, whoa, wait!
505
00:27:18,540 --> 00:27:19,540
Now, no, no, no!
506
00:27:19,541 --> 00:27:21,442
Be gentle! Carol, Carol!
507
00:27:21,443 --> 00:27:23,110
Watch out for my Jenga tower, okay?
508
00:27:23,111 --> 00:27:24,678
I spent a lot of time on that.
509
00:27:24,679 --> 00:27:27,647
Oh, and you think that's
time well spent, Phil?
510
00:27:29,416 --> 00:27:30,416
Yes, I do.
511
00:27:30,417 --> 00:27:31,818
Phil, you can't just be playing
512
00:27:31,819 --> 00:27:33,186
with your Yenga all day.
513
00:27:33,187 --> 00:27:35,188
We have work to do.
514
00:27:35,189 --> 00:27:38,091
I need gardening supplies,
you need cleaning supplies.
515
00:27:38,092 --> 00:27:39,392
We're going to the store.
516
00:27:39,393 --> 00:27:41,927
No, we're n...
517
00:27:47,200 --> 00:27:49,502
Carol: Whoa, whoa, what are you doing?
518
00:27:49,503 --> 00:27:50,503
Phil: What now?
519
00:27:50,504 --> 00:27:51,604
(Carol scoffs)
520
00:27:51,605 --> 00:27:53,271
This is a handicapped parking spot.
521
00:27:53,272 --> 00:27:54,707
Okay, Carol.
522
00:27:54,708 --> 00:27:56,441
We're the last two people on earth.
523
00:27:56,442 --> 00:27:58,543
If by some tiny chance
524
00:27:58,544 --> 00:28:01,445
a handicapped person happens
to be driving through Tucson
525
00:28:01,446 --> 00:28:03,615
and makes a beeline
for this hardware store,
526
00:28:03,616 --> 00:28:04,949
they can park right over there,
527
00:28:04,950 --> 00:28:06,951
which is even closer to the store.
528
00:28:06,952 --> 00:28:08,586
That's not a parking spot.
529
00:28:08,587 --> 00:28:09,888
That is a spot, Carol!
530
00:28:09,889 --> 00:28:11,155
No, it's not a spot.
531
00:28:11,156 --> 00:28:12,456
And that is a parking spot...
532
00:28:12,457 --> 00:28:14,091
- No.
- And that is a parking spot.
533
00:28:14,092 --> 00:28:15,426
Look all around you.
534
00:28:15,427 --> 00:28:17,828
Everything you see right
now is a parking spot.
535
00:28:17,829 --> 00:28:19,262
You're a parking spot.
536
00:28:19,263 --> 00:28:20,597
Yes, I am!
537
00:28:20,598 --> 00:28:21,999
Now you're getting it.
538
00:28:22,000 --> 00:28:25,068
The whole freaking world
is a parking spot now.
539
00:28:25,069 --> 00:28:27,404
It's one of the only
benefits of our situation.
540
00:28:27,405 --> 00:28:28,739
In fact, you know what?
541
00:28:28,740 --> 00:28:30,407
I want to park a little closer...
542
00:28:30,408 --> 00:28:32,208
I want to park a little closer.
543
00:28:32,209 --> 00:28:34,343
Carol: What are you doing?
544
00:28:34,344 --> 00:28:36,445
Phil: Getting a closer parking spot.
545
00:28:45,956 --> 00:28:47,723
This spot feels right to me.
546
00:28:47,724 --> 00:28:49,058
This feels good.
547
00:28:52,494 --> 00:28:53,662
So that's it, huh?
548
00:28:53,663 --> 00:28:55,997
You don't care about rules or laws anymore?
549
00:28:55,998 --> 00:28:57,331
What's next?
550
00:28:57,332 --> 00:28:58,767
You gonna burn down a church?
551
00:28:58,768 --> 00:29:01,036
Carol, I would never burn down a church.
552
00:29:01,037 --> 00:29:03,371
- Why?
- It's a church!
553
00:29:03,372 --> 00:29:06,907
And this is a store, and that
is a handicapped parking spot!
554
00:29:08,944 --> 00:29:10,744
Fine.
555
00:29:18,687 --> 00:29:21,622
Phil: So, uh, guess who's not
the last person on earth anymore.
556
00:29:21,623 --> 00:29:23,890
It should be the best
day of my life, right?
557
00:29:23,891 --> 00:29:25,992
I mean, you guys know how horny I've been.
558
00:29:25,993 --> 00:29:27,627
Just so, so, so, so, so horny.
559
00:29:27,628 --> 00:29:29,629
Just next-level horny.
560
00:29:29,630 --> 00:29:31,530
But this woman is just a turd.
561
00:29:31,531 --> 00:29:33,833
Eight ball, corner pocket.
562
00:29:33,834 --> 00:29:35,835
Maybe I'm being too harsh.
563
00:29:35,836 --> 00:29:37,336
At times she's almost kind of cute.
564
00:29:37,337 --> 00:29:39,806
Then she opens her
mouth, and it just sucks.
565
00:29:39,807 --> 00:29:41,539
What a turd. Eight ball, corner pocket.
566
00:29:41,540 --> 00:29:42,874
Ugh!
567
00:29:42,875 --> 00:29:45,077
"Ooh, I want to fix you, Phil."
568
00:29:45,078 --> 00:29:46,645
That's what she said to me.
569
00:29:46,646 --> 00:29:48,013
I'm a work in progress, sure,
570
00:29:48,014 --> 00:29:49,514
but I've progressed to
the point where it's...
571
00:29:49,515 --> 00:29:51,349
I'm very close, I'm very close.
572
00:29:51,350 --> 00:29:53,418
Eight ball, corner pocket. (Groans)
573
00:29:53,419 --> 00:29:55,253
Bottom line, and I can't
believe I'm saying this,
574
00:29:55,254 --> 00:29:57,155
I think I need a little space.
575
00:30:05,463 --> 00:30:06,864
(Gargles)
576
00:30:13,038 --> 00:30:15,739
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no...
577
00:30:15,740 --> 00:30:17,406
No, no, no, no, no!
578
00:30:17,407 --> 00:30:19,208
No, no, no, no no, no, no, no.
579
00:30:19,209 --> 00:30:20,877
No, no, no, no. Carol, Carol.
580
00:30:20,878 --> 00:30:21,878
Carol, Carol, Carol?
581
00:30:21,879 --> 00:30:23,212
- Yeah.
- What are you doing?
582
00:30:23,213 --> 00:30:24,514
Huh? I'm moving in next door.
583
00:30:24,515 --> 00:30:26,016
- Carol...
- Yeah.
584
00:30:26,017 --> 00:30:27,216
There are, no exaggeration,
585
00:30:27,217 --> 00:30:29,085
all the houses in the world to choose from.
586
00:30:29,086 --> 00:30:32,021
Okay, why does it have to be the
house right next door to mine?
587
00:30:32,022 --> 00:30:33,789
What's wrong?
588
00:30:33,790 --> 00:30:35,624
Do you do weird stuff in your house
589
00:30:35,625 --> 00:30:37,225
that you don't want me to see?
590
00:30:37,226 --> 00:30:38,894
I... no, I do not do weird stuff.
591
00:30:38,895 --> 00:30:40,228
I do normal stuff.
592
00:30:40,229 --> 00:30:42,564
But I'd like to do that
normal stuff in private.
593
00:30:42,565 --> 00:30:44,232
Are you afraid I'm gonna see you naked?
594
00:30:44,233 --> 00:30:45,734
(Chuckles)
595
00:30:47,704 --> 00:30:49,037
Does this answer your question?
596
00:30:49,038 --> 00:30:51,305
Do you want me to look at it? Hello.
597
00:30:51,306 --> 00:30:52,707
- No! No, Carol.
- What do you say, little guy?
598
00:30:52,708 --> 00:30:54,608
Is this what you want?
I'm looking right at it.
599
00:30:54,609 --> 00:30:55,609
- Carol, stop this.
- Ooh.
600
00:30:55,610 --> 00:30:56,744
- Don't be scared.
- Come on, Carol.
601
00:30:56,745 --> 00:30:58,780
Carol.
602
00:30:58,781 --> 00:31:00,281
Look, I'll choose a different house,
603
00:31:00,282 --> 00:31:01,749
but I'm staying in this neighborhood.
604
00:31:03,719 --> 00:31:06,053
All right.
605
00:31:06,054 --> 00:31:08,789
How much longer are we
gonna dance around this?
606
00:31:08,790 --> 00:31:10,824
Dance around what?
607
00:31:10,825 --> 00:31:13,160
The reason we both survived... our purpose.
608
00:31:13,161 --> 00:31:15,128
We were chosen.
609
00:31:15,129 --> 00:31:17,430
W-would you just say
what you're trying to say?
610
00:31:17,431 --> 00:31:19,332
Repopulation, you dumb donkey!
611
00:31:19,333 --> 00:31:21,301
Something we have to do!
612
00:31:21,302 --> 00:31:22,802
Together!
613
00:31:22,803 --> 00:31:25,671
Carol, no disrespect here,
614
00:31:25,672 --> 00:31:28,074
but have you ever heard the phrase,
615
00:31:28,075 --> 00:31:29,308
"I wouldn't have sex with you
616
00:31:29,309 --> 00:31:30,943
if you were the last person on earth"?
617
00:31:30,944 --> 00:31:33,645
You think I want to repopulate with you?
618
00:31:33,646 --> 00:31:36,749
Oh, I would rather eat a cat.
619
00:31:36,750 --> 00:31:38,517
And I love cats.
620
00:31:38,518 --> 00:31:40,785
(Voice breaking): And the
thought of killing a cat
621
00:31:40,786 --> 00:31:43,287
and then eating its little furry body,
622
00:31:43,288 --> 00:31:46,024
like, that's how I feel
about making love to you.
623
00:31:46,025 --> 00:31:47,625
So we're done here, then?
624
00:31:47,626 --> 00:31:49,127
Oh, not by a long shot.
625
00:31:50,495 --> 00:31:53,164
The fate of the human
race is depending on us.
626
00:31:53,165 --> 00:31:56,300
You may hide behind that
rat's nest of a beard of yours
627
00:31:56,301 --> 00:31:58,435
and pretend that you
don't care about anything,
628
00:31:58,436 --> 00:32:00,938
but I know that deep down inside of you,
629
00:32:00,939 --> 00:32:04,274
there is a nice-smelling person
who actually gives a hoot,
630
00:32:04,275 --> 00:32:06,710
and I am not giving up until I find him!
631
00:32:06,711 --> 00:32:09,679
Well, good luck with that, Carol.
632
00:32:11,015 --> 00:32:13,683
I'm gonna find him!
633
00:32:13,684 --> 00:32:15,785
You're a great guy, Phil!
634
00:32:15,786 --> 00:32:18,454
Somewhere in there!
635
00:32:18,455 --> 00:32:19,789
Hidden.
636
00:32:19,790 --> 00:32:21,291
Far away.
637
00:32:26,538 --> 00:32:27,538
Hi, Phil.
638
00:32:27,539 --> 00:32:28,706
Carol!
639
00:32:28,707 --> 00:32:30,908
Geez! Can I get a little privacy here?!
640
00:32:30,909 --> 00:32:33,744
Oh, definitely... if you
used your inside toilet.
641
00:32:33,745 --> 00:32:36,046
What part of "no running
water" do you not understand?
642
00:32:36,047 --> 00:32:37,348
All of it.
643
00:32:37,349 --> 00:32:39,250
(Chuckles): I mean, look
at what you're doing, Phil.
644
00:32:39,251 --> 00:32:41,919
Carol, this works for me.
645
00:32:41,920 --> 00:32:44,454
The fact that it doesn't work
for you is not my problem.
646
00:32:44,455 --> 00:32:46,956
I just want to live
like a human being again.
647
00:32:46,957 --> 00:32:48,457
I want to take a shower.
648
00:32:48,458 --> 00:32:49,792
I want to water my garden.
649
00:32:49,793 --> 00:32:51,961
I want our kids to have
fresh fruits and vegetables.
650
00:32:51,962 --> 00:32:52,962
Our kids?!
651
00:32:52,963 --> 00:32:54,397
Yes. Carol,
652
00:32:54,398 --> 00:32:57,133
I am definitely not having kids with you.
653
00:32:57,134 --> 00:32:59,468
Fine, I want fresh fruits and vegetables.
654
00:32:59,469 --> 00:33:00,736
Don't you want that?
655
00:33:00,737 --> 00:33:02,805
I honestly don't care.
656
00:33:02,806 --> 00:33:05,007
Suit yourself.
657
00:33:05,008 --> 00:33:06,241
Whoa...
658
00:33:06,242 --> 00:33:08,676
(Gasps) Mmm.
659
00:33:08,677 --> 00:33:09,811
What is that?
660
00:33:09,812 --> 00:33:11,246
Oh.
661
00:33:11,247 --> 00:33:12,247
This to-mah-to?
662
00:33:12,248 --> 00:33:14,249
Carol, just say "tomato."
663
00:33:14,250 --> 00:33:15,583
Phil, some people say "to-mah-to."
664
00:33:15,584 --> 00:33:16,684
I'm one of those people.
665
00:33:16,685 --> 00:33:18,586
Of course you are.
666
00:33:18,587 --> 00:33:21,588
Now, I grew this personally,
and I would love to grow more,
667
00:33:21,589 --> 00:33:23,391
but I need help getting water to my garden.
668
00:33:23,392 --> 00:33:25,326
Are you in? Are you out?
669
00:33:25,327 --> 00:33:26,360
Oh, I'm definitely out.
670
00:33:26,361 --> 00:33:27,828
I was never even close to being in.
671
00:33:27,829 --> 00:33:28,829
In any way.
672
00:33:28,830 --> 00:33:30,497
All right.
673
00:33:30,498 --> 00:33:32,266
But those that don't help don't eat.
674
00:33:32,267 --> 00:33:34,101
- Bye.
- Mmm...
675
00:33:34,102 --> 00:33:35,702
Mmm...
676
00:33:35,703 --> 00:33:37,504
- Mmm.
- Yeah. Looks... disgusting.
677
00:33:37,505 --> 00:33:39,272
Mm-mm-mm!
678
00:33:39,273 --> 00:33:41,241
Oh, so juicy!
679
00:33:41,242 --> 00:33:43,343
Oh!
680
00:33:43,344 --> 00:33:45,278
- (Metal clanging)
- Carol: Ah!
681
00:33:46,780 --> 00:33:47,780
Ah!
682
00:33:47,781 --> 00:33:49,983
Son of a bee sting!
683
00:33:49,984 --> 00:33:52,285
(Hammer clanging)
684
00:33:52,286 --> 00:33:54,120
(Manhole cover dragging on asphalt)
685
00:33:54,121 --> 00:33:56,755
Carol (Outside): Ah! That really hurt!
686
00:34:02,362 --> 00:34:04,563
(Sighs)
687
00:34:04,564 --> 00:34:06,765
♪
688
00:34:34,525 --> 00:34:36,426
You enjoy those to-mah-toes, Phil?
689
00:34:36,427 --> 00:34:39,029
I don't know what you're talking about.
690
00:34:39,030 --> 00:34:40,998
You stole my to-mah-toes, Phil.
691
00:34:40,999 --> 00:34:41,831
Did not.
692
00:34:41,832 --> 00:34:43,433
You stole my to-mah-toes
693
00:34:43,434 --> 00:34:45,535
and you left poop in my garden.
694
00:34:45,536 --> 00:34:47,536
Must've been a raccoon.
695
00:34:54,878 --> 00:34:56,879
You're a terrorist.
696
00:35:01,451 --> 00:35:02,885
What happened to your foot?
697
00:35:02,886 --> 00:35:06,421
I dropped the manhole cover on it.
698
00:35:06,422 --> 00:35:07,422
I'm fine.
699
00:35:07,423 --> 00:35:08,723
You don't look fine.
700
00:35:08,724 --> 00:35:10,691
I'm fine.
701
00:35:15,398 --> 00:35:18,233
- (Metal clanging)
- Carol: Ah!
702
00:35:22,737 --> 00:35:25,372
Carol (Outside): Son of a bee sting!
703
00:35:25,373 --> 00:35:26,407
(Manhole cover thuds)
704
00:35:26,408 --> 00:35:28,108
Ah!
705
00:35:28,109 --> 00:35:31,011
(Metal clanging)
706
00:35:32,080 --> 00:35:34,881
You win, manhole!
707
00:36:03,109 --> 00:36:05,810
Carol, what are you doing?
708
00:36:05,811 --> 00:36:07,645
What does it look like?
709
00:36:07,646 --> 00:36:09,914
It looks like you're
making a toilet fountain.
710
00:36:09,915 --> 00:36:12,183
Bingo.
711
00:36:12,184 --> 00:36:13,717
And you'll be happy to hear
712
00:36:13,718 --> 00:36:15,386
I've given up on the water project.
713
00:36:15,387 --> 00:36:16,554
And everything else, too.
714
00:36:16,555 --> 00:36:18,655
Are-are your pants on?
715
00:36:18,656 --> 00:36:20,624
For now.
716
00:36:20,625 --> 00:36:23,927
Look, wh... what are you talking about?
717
00:36:23,928 --> 00:36:26,964
- I can't even raise a to-mah-to.
- Tomato.
718
00:36:26,965 --> 00:36:28,698
What makes me think I could ever give birth
719
00:36:28,699 --> 00:36:30,700
to a whole new civilization?
720
00:36:30,701 --> 00:36:32,969
Carol, I think you're
overreacting a little.
721
00:36:32,970 --> 00:36:34,104
Look, you're off the hook.
722
00:36:34,105 --> 00:36:36,206
I was wrong about our purpose.
723
00:36:36,207 --> 00:36:38,341
We weren't chosen.
724
00:36:38,342 --> 00:36:40,276
We were forgotten.
725
00:36:40,277 --> 00:36:43,079
Carol, it's just a stupid garden.
726
00:36:43,080 --> 00:36:44,947
Yeah.
727
00:36:44,948 --> 00:36:46,681
It's also a parking spot.
728
00:36:46,682 --> 00:36:48,750
(Sighs)
729
00:36:48,751 --> 00:36:50,385
I really do have to go.
730
00:36:50,386 --> 00:36:51,620
Like, bad.
731
00:36:55,325 --> 00:36:56,891
♪
732
00:37:15,261 --> 00:37:17,195
♪ I'm gonna tell you a story... ♪
733
00:37:17,196 --> 00:37:18,196
Damn it!
734
00:37:18,197 --> 00:37:21,399
♪ It's all about my town
735
00:37:23,135 --> 00:37:26,404
♪ yeah, down by the river damn it!
736
00:37:27,806 --> 00:37:29,374
♪ Down by the banks damn it!
737
00:37:29,375 --> 00:37:32,643
♪ Of the river Charles
738
00:37:32,644 --> 00:37:34,311
- ♪ aw, that's what's happening, baby... ♪
- Damn it!
739
00:37:34,312 --> 00:37:35,945
Ah! Damn it!
740
00:37:37,215 --> 00:37:40,150
♪ That's where you'll find me... ♪
741
00:37:40,151 --> 00:37:41,751
(Gasps)
742
00:37:41,752 --> 00:37:43,253
♪ Along with lovers damn it!
743
00:37:43,254 --> 00:37:45,922
♪ Buggers and thieves oh!
744
00:37:45,923 --> 00:37:47,923
- ♪ Aw, but they're cool people oh!
- Ah!
745
00:37:50,427 --> 00:37:54,297
♪ But I love that dirty water
746
00:37:54,298 --> 00:37:58,367
♪ oh, Boston, you're my home
747
00:38:00,036 --> 00:38:01,804
- ♪ oh, you're the number one place... ♪
- Damn it!
748
00:38:01,805 --> 00:38:03,539
Damn it, damn it, damn it!
749
00:38:03,540 --> 00:38:05,240
Damn it!
750
00:38:07,810 --> 00:38:09,544
You've been tamed, sir.
751
00:38:09,545 --> 00:38:11,746
♪ Well, I love that dirty water... ♪
752
00:38:11,747 --> 00:38:13,014
Damn it!
753
00:38:13,015 --> 00:38:14,716
♪ Baby
754
00:38:14,717 --> 00:38:17,519
♪ love that dirty water
755
00:38:17,520 --> 00:38:20,589
- ♪ love that dirty water
- Phil: Ah!
756
00:38:20,590 --> 00:38:22,022
- ♪ Love that dirty...
- Damn it!
757
00:38:22,023 --> 00:38:24,325
(Knocking)
758
00:38:27,028 --> 00:38:28,362
Carol.
759
00:38:28,363 --> 00:38:29,363
Hello, Phil.
760
00:38:29,364 --> 00:38:31,031
- How's the foot?
- Not great.
761
00:38:31,032 --> 00:38:33,066
- How's the toilet fountain?
- Full.
762
00:38:33,067 --> 00:38:34,635
Ah, geez, Carol.
763
00:38:34,636 --> 00:38:35,969
Could you come with me for a minute?
764
00:38:44,211 --> 00:38:46,379
You know anything about this?
765
00:38:46,380 --> 00:38:48,081
Nope.
766
00:38:48,082 --> 00:38:49,282
Can't help you.
767
00:38:49,283 --> 00:38:50,983
Really?
768
00:38:50,984 --> 00:38:53,353
No. Carol, I mean, look at this thing.
769
00:38:53,354 --> 00:38:54,987
Whoever did this would've had to
770
00:38:54,988 --> 00:38:56,088
stay up all night
771
00:38:56,089 --> 00:38:58,190
and go research water systems at a library
772
00:38:58,191 --> 00:39:00,059
and then put all this stuff together.
773
00:39:00,060 --> 00:39:02,661
Do I look like somebody who
could do something like that?
774
00:39:02,662 --> 00:39:04,763
Y-you're right. Couldn't have been you.
775
00:39:07,900 --> 00:39:10,602
Hey. You want to come
over for dinner tonight?
776
00:39:14,039 --> 00:39:16,040
Yeah. I'd like that.
777
00:39:16,041 --> 00:39:18,209
Okay.
778
00:39:18,210 --> 00:39:20,945
Well, see you.
779
00:39:22,981 --> 00:39:25,015
Hey, uh, Carol?
780
00:39:26,051 --> 00:39:28,319
You know I did this, right?
781
00:39:28,320 --> 00:39:30,653
Yeah, I know, Phil.
782
00:39:30,654 --> 00:39:33,290
It was... a lot of work
and it took all night
783
00:39:33,291 --> 00:39:36,226
and I had to go to a library
and read a bunch of crap.
784
00:39:36,227 --> 00:39:38,562
Yeah, it's very, very
obvious it was you who did it.
785
00:39:38,563 --> 00:39:40,197
Feels good, I'll admit.
786
00:39:40,198 --> 00:39:42,899
It feels good to be so selfless.
787
00:39:43,934 --> 00:39:45,735
Anyway, we can talk more about it
788
00:39:45,736 --> 00:39:47,403
at dinner.
789
00:39:47,404 --> 00:39:49,505
Okay.
790
00:39:49,506 --> 00:39:51,173
I have a feeling we're gonna remember
791
00:39:51,174 --> 00:39:53,142
what I did here today for a long time.
792
00:39:53,143 --> 00:39:54,810
And that's cool.
793
00:40:05,521 --> 00:40:09,224
There's a fork, if... If you need it.
794
00:40:09,225 --> 00:40:10,791
Oh.
795
00:40:10,792 --> 00:40:12,360
I'm good.
796
00:40:13,629 --> 00:40:15,597
This is really nice.
797
00:40:15,598 --> 00:40:16,764
Mmm, I know.
798
00:40:18,300 --> 00:40:20,367
You showed a lot of chutzpah today, Phil.
799
00:40:20,368 --> 00:40:21,935
And it made me
800
00:40:21,936 --> 00:40:25,506
think that maybe God does
want us to lay together.
801
00:40:28,909 --> 00:40:30,677
- Okay.
- Oh.
802
00:40:30,678 --> 00:40:32,045
I've been really horny, so...
803
00:40:32,046 --> 00:40:34,615
Well, that's nice.
804
00:40:34,616 --> 00:40:37,617
I should probably go wash my balls first.
805
00:40:37,618 --> 00:40:38,817
- Mmm!
- Meet you back here in five?
806
00:40:38,818 --> 00:40:40,219
Want to knock it out? (Laughs)
807
00:40:40,220 --> 00:40:41,354
No.
808
00:40:41,355 --> 00:40:42,788
Wait, I don't... What do you mean?
809
00:40:42,789 --> 00:40:45,458
I'm not gonna have sex with
you unless we're married.
810
00:40:45,459 --> 00:40:48,060
(Laughing)
811
00:40:48,061 --> 00:40:50,163
Oh, it's nice to see you smile.
812
00:40:50,164 --> 00:40:52,632
That is your first really good joke.
813
00:40:52,633 --> 00:40:53,766
That's very funny.
814
00:40:53,767 --> 00:40:55,567
Phil, I'm not kidding.
815
00:40:55,568 --> 00:40:57,902
We have to be married first.
816
00:40:57,903 --> 00:40:59,437
You're serious.
817
00:40:59,438 --> 00:41:00,605
- Yes.
- Oh.
818
00:41:00,606 --> 00:41:01,739
Then, no.
819
00:41:01,740 --> 00:41:02,674
Phil, we can't...
820
00:41:02,675 --> 00:41:03,741
Absolute no.
821
00:41:03,742 --> 00:41:04,842
Why not?
822
00:41:04,843 --> 00:41:06,545
Wh... what do you mean, "why not?"
823
00:41:06,546 --> 00:41:07,945
Why?
824
00:41:07,946 --> 00:41:10,081
The first child of this new
world is not gonna be a bastard.
825
00:41:10,082 --> 00:41:11,649
Yeah, 'cause it's not gonna exist,
826
00:41:11,650 --> 00:41:12,949
'cause I'm not gonna marry you.
827
00:41:12,950 --> 00:41:14,652
Then you're the bastard.
828
00:41:14,653 --> 00:41:15,819
Fine, I'm the bastard.
829
00:41:15,820 --> 00:41:17,087
And good-bye human race.
830
00:41:17,088 --> 00:41:18,889
(Chuckles) Thank you for dinner.
831
00:41:18,890 --> 00:41:21,825
I am going to go back to my house...
832
00:41:21,826 --> 00:41:22,859
Right.
833
00:41:22,860 --> 00:41:24,795
Think about how crazy you are.
834
00:41:24,796 --> 00:41:26,129
Okay.
835
00:41:26,130 --> 00:41:27,565
Enjoy those... You are being serious?!
836
00:41:27,566 --> 00:41:28,565
Yes.
837
00:41:28,566 --> 00:41:30,300
Why do you have to be married?
838
00:41:30,301 --> 00:41:32,735
It-it doesn't mean anything anymore.
839
00:41:32,736 --> 00:41:34,337
It means something to me, Phil.
840
00:41:34,338 --> 00:41:36,272
Well, it doesn't mean anything to me.
841
00:41:36,273 --> 00:41:37,707
Then why do you care?
842
00:41:47,383 --> 00:41:49,984
Phil: What is happening here?!
843
00:41:49,985 --> 00:41:53,689
It's tomato! It's tomato!
844
00:42:02,964 --> 00:42:04,632
Oh, hi.
845
00:42:06,401 --> 00:42:08,068
Fine.
846
00:42:08,069 --> 00:42:09,337
We're married.
847
00:42:09,338 --> 00:42:13,006
Phil, get down on one
knee and do it properly.
848
00:42:13,007 --> 00:42:15,042
This is so stupid.
849
00:42:15,043 --> 00:42:16,711
- Can you do it over here?
- Carol...
850
00:42:16,712 --> 00:42:17,712
- Well, do it...
- We...
851
00:42:17,713 --> 00:42:18,779
Get it over here... Over here...
852
00:42:18,780 --> 00:42:20,980
No! This is where the
proposal is happening.
853
00:42:20,981 --> 00:42:23,617
Okay. You want it, you
come over here and get it.
854
00:42:23,618 --> 00:42:24,618
Okay.
855
00:42:24,619 --> 00:42:26,720
Carol... What's your middle name?
856
00:42:26,721 --> 00:42:27,621
Andrew.
857
00:42:27,622 --> 00:42:28,855
- Andrew?
- Yeah.
858
00:42:28,856 --> 00:42:30,223
What is that, a family name?
859
00:42:30,224 --> 00:42:31,324
No.
860
00:42:33,728 --> 00:42:36,495
Carol... Andrew Pilbasian...
861
00:42:37,564 --> 00:42:38,830
will you marry me?
862
00:42:38,831 --> 00:42:40,332
Yes!
863
00:42:40,333 --> 00:42:42,033
Yes, I will!
864
00:42:42,034 --> 00:42:43,402
- Yes, I will!
- You will?
865
00:42:43,403 --> 00:42:45,638
- Yes!
- Oh!
866
00:42:45,639 --> 00:42:47,573
Did you... have any doubt?
867
00:42:47,574 --> 00:42:49,040
- I was so nervous.
- (Laughing)
868
00:42:49,041 --> 00:42:51,209
Oh!
869
00:42:51,210 --> 00:42:52,311
Yay!
870
00:42:52,312 --> 00:42:55,623
We're getting married! Yay! Yeah.
871
00:42:56,224 --> 00:43:00,144
- Synced and Corrected by peterbrito -
- www.addic7ed.com -