1 00:00:00,136 --> 00:00:03,137 [upbeat music] 2 00:00:03,162 --> 00:00:07,572 ♪ ♪ 3 00:00:08,331 --> 00:00:10,832 How'd you get to be big spoon, huh? 4 00:00:10,857 --> 00:00:13,190 I'm supposed to be big spoon. 5 00:00:13,215 --> 00:00:15,751 Oh, ah. 6 00:00:15,776 --> 00:00:18,636 Okay, never mind. I like being little spoon. 7 00:00:18,661 --> 00:00:19,386 [chuckling] 8 00:00:19,975 --> 00:00:21,185 Wanna fork? 9 00:00:21,210 --> 00:00:24,763 Abso-forking-lutely. 10 00:00:25,445 --> 00:00:28,899 [phone ringing] 11 00:00:29,092 --> 00:00:30,966 Oh, I've got to get to work. 12 00:00:30,991 --> 00:00:34,038 - No. - I know. I'm sorry. 13 00:00:37,525 --> 00:00:41,232 [phone chimes] 14 00:00:43,911 --> 00:00:49,656 Ooh, I have got an interesting new Instagram follower. 15 00:00:49,681 --> 00:00:50,692 Don't tell me. 16 00:00:50,717 --> 00:00:53,415 It's a... a young, hot teenage girl 17 00:00:53,440 --> 00:00:55,081 who just loves your tattoos. 18 00:00:55,481 --> 00:00:56,855 Oh, I hate it when I'm right. 19 00:00:56,880 --> 00:01:00,008 No, it... It's your daughter, Caitlin. 20 00:01:00,374 --> 00:01:02,130 What? No, ban her. 21 00:01:02,155 --> 00:01:03,312 You mean block her? 22 00:01:03,337 --> 00:01:04,736 Yes, block... Block her. 23 00:01:04,761 --> 00:01:07,433 Come on. She's following the band. 24 00:01:07,458 --> 00:01:09,098 - I think it's nice. - Nice? 25 00:01:09,123 --> 00:01:10,742 She wants to get to know me. 26 00:01:10,767 --> 00:01:11,935 I think that's a good thing. 27 00:01:11,960 --> 00:01:14,321 I guess it is, but I... 28 00:01:14,806 --> 00:01:17,353 Okay, look, um... 29 00:01:19,657 --> 00:01:20,706 [sighs] 30 00:01:20,731 --> 00:01:24,065 This divorce has been really hard on Caitlin, 31 00:01:24,274 --> 00:01:26,224 and I don't want to throw anything new at her 32 00:01:26,249 --> 00:01:29,129 unless we're... 33 00:01:29,522 --> 00:01:32,106 You know, we're serious. 34 00:01:32,501 --> 00:01:34,418 We're not serious, hmm? 35 00:01:34,443 --> 00:01:37,129 I, um... We are serious. 36 00:01:37,153 --> 00:01:40,424 I just want to give her more time, 37 00:01:40,449 --> 00:01:42,315 and I want to give us more time. 38 00:01:42,340 --> 00:01:43,663 Okay. 39 00:01:44,664 --> 00:01:46,681 But you have to get to work. 40 00:01:47,030 --> 00:01:48,526 Can you be really quick? 41 00:01:48,551 --> 00:01:50,218 - I can be so quick. - Okay. 42 00:01:50,243 --> 00:01:51,775 Whoo! 43 00:01:51,800 --> 00:01:52,840 [upbeat rock music] 44 00:01:52,865 --> 00:01:53,897 ♪ ♪ 45 00:01:53,922 --> 00:01:57,437 - Synced and corrected by martythecrazy - - www.addic7ed.com - 46 00:01:57,590 --> 00:01:59,362 I'm not saying you can't follow him. 47 00:01:59,387 --> 00:02:01,125 I just don't know why you're following him. 48 00:02:01,150 --> 00:02:02,783 Because everybody follows everybody. 49 00:02:02,808 --> 00:02:04,525 Please join the 21st century, Mom. 50 00:02:04,551 --> 00:02:06,628 Okay, I'll start following Arjun. 51 00:02:06,652 --> 00:02:08,602 Okay, okay, I'll unfollow Josh. 52 00:02:08,627 --> 00:02:10,008 Thank you. 53 00:02:10,033 --> 00:02:11,857 I just can't believe you're actually with that guy. 54 00:02:11,882 --> 00:02:13,438 I mean, he's so hot. 55 00:02:13,463 --> 00:02:14,651 Hey. 56 00:02:14,887 --> 00:02:16,401 This is so weird. 57 00:02:16,426 --> 00:02:18,021 It's totally weird. 58 00:02:18,430 --> 00:02:20,313 So when are you gonna come stay with me? 59 00:02:20,338 --> 00:02:22,542 Oh, soon. Dad really needs me, Mom. 60 00:02:22,567 --> 00:02:24,142 He can't afford a full-time assistant, 61 00:02:24,167 --> 00:02:25,396 and, you know, I'm good with the bite plate. 62 00:02:25,421 --> 00:02:26,447 Is that even legal? 63 00:02:26,472 --> 00:02:27,653 Is that guy you're dating? 64 00:02:27,678 --> 00:02:29,885 Ha ha. I'll talk to you later, sweetie, okay? 65 00:02:29,910 --> 00:02:32,250 - I love you. - All right, love you too, Mom. 66 00:02:32,275 --> 00:02:33,757 [upbeat rock music] 67 00:02:33,782 --> 00:02:36,730 ♪ ♪ 68 00:02:39,017 --> 00:02:41,818 Jade, we're all just buzzing about your book. 69 00:02:41,843 --> 00:02:44,010 Not that we've read anything. 70 00:02:44,035 --> 00:02:46,485 We understand your concern that something could leak, 71 00:02:46,510 --> 00:02:49,420 but, uh, Kelsey tells me that your pages 72 00:02:49,445 --> 00:02:51,394 are like nothing she's ever seen. 73 00:02:51,419 --> 00:02:53,919 Kelsey, you are too kind. 74 00:02:53,944 --> 00:02:55,305 I'm just being honest. 75 00:02:55,330 --> 00:02:57,664 They are like nothing I've seen. 76 00:02:57,689 --> 00:02:59,222 Nothing. 77 00:02:59,316 --> 00:03:00,565 So that's exciting. 78 00:03:00,590 --> 00:03:02,982 Obviously, the cover needs to be really special, 79 00:03:03,007 --> 00:03:04,699 so the team has been kicking around a few ideas. 80 00:03:04,724 --> 00:03:05,723 I'm the cover. 81 00:03:05,748 --> 00:03:06,761 Oh, that's a given. 82 00:03:06,786 --> 00:03:07,952 We were thinking black and white. 83 00:03:07,977 --> 00:03:09,610 - It could be gorgeous. - No. 84 00:03:09,636 --> 00:03:13,823 I will be sitting on a subway next to a homeless man, 85 00:03:13,848 --> 00:03:14,774 pleasuring myself 86 00:03:14,799 --> 00:03:17,789 under my Balmain pleated leather skirt. 87 00:03:17,814 --> 00:03:19,695 Okay, the camera will be placed here. 88 00:03:19,759 --> 00:03:21,759 The picture will be taken at the exact moment 89 00:03:21,795 --> 00:03:23,160 I climax. 90 00:03:23,388 --> 00:03:26,517 That is the cover of my book. 91 00:03:26,542 --> 00:03:28,205 My orgasm. 92 00:03:28,229 --> 00:03:31,366 [laughs] It's genius, right? 93 00:03:31,554 --> 00:03:33,329 - That is... - It gets better. 94 00:03:33,354 --> 00:03:35,237 You know those kids' cards when you open them 95 00:03:35,262 --> 00:03:36,850 and they play, like, "Who Let the Dogs Out" 96 00:03:36,875 --> 00:03:38,071 or whatever? 97 00:03:38,096 --> 00:03:41,013 So when you open my book, this is what you'll hear. 98 00:03:41,484 --> 00:03:44,333 Oh, yes! 99 00:03:44,358 --> 00:03:48,935 [moaning in ecstasy] 100 00:03:50,857 --> 00:03:53,537 Well, the book signing should be fun. 101 00:03:53,562 --> 00:03:56,911 I hope you're able to make this cover happen. 102 00:03:56,936 --> 00:03:59,603 It's pointless unless I start seeing pages. 103 00:03:59,628 --> 00:04:02,105 This book is on an accelerated production schedule. 104 00:04:02,130 --> 00:04:04,340 We want to be in stores in six months. 105 00:04:04,435 --> 00:04:06,012 Where am I going on my book tour? 106 00:04:06,036 --> 00:04:09,005 Nowhere unless I start seeing pages immediately. 107 00:04:09,030 --> 00:04:10,419 Well, I was going to bring them today, 108 00:04:10,444 --> 00:04:11,849 but then I read them, and they're, like, terrible. 109 00:04:11,874 --> 00:04:13,795 Every writer is their own worst critic. 110 00:04:13,820 --> 00:04:15,642 No, what if I'm right, though? What if you hate them? 111 00:04:15,666 --> 00:04:18,165 I won't hate them. This book is my baby, Jade. 112 00:04:18,190 --> 00:04:19,948 I will love those pages from the moment 113 00:04:19,973 --> 00:04:21,147 they're in my arms. 114 00:04:21,172 --> 00:04:22,842 Plus, they're, like, messy and handwritten 115 00:04:22,867 --> 00:04:23,877 and, like, illegible. 116 00:04:23,902 --> 00:04:25,061 That is what Hemingway turned in. 117 00:04:25,086 --> 00:04:26,919 Yeah, but he was at, like, a divey bar 118 00:04:26,944 --> 00:04:28,329 getting drunk with his editor. 119 00:04:28,354 --> 00:04:29,445 You want to do it that way? 120 00:04:29,469 --> 00:04:31,696 We can do it that way. I don't care, okay? 121 00:04:31,721 --> 00:04:33,830 I just want to be in the same room as your pages. 122 00:04:33,855 --> 00:04:35,902 Okay, let's meet tomorrow night 123 00:04:35,927 --> 00:04:37,710 at the Horseshoe at the back booth around... 124 00:04:37,735 --> 00:04:38,942 6:00? 125 00:04:38,967 --> 00:04:40,836 Mm, I was thinking more like 12:00, 1:00. 126 00:04:40,861 --> 00:04:41,890 We are really behind. 127 00:04:41,915 --> 00:04:43,950 [whines] 128 00:04:43,974 --> 00:04:46,798 - Okay. - Okay, 6:00. 129 00:04:46,823 --> 00:04:49,251 Ah, I just said okay! Gosh, chill. 130 00:04:49,276 --> 00:04:50,356 Don't be so thirsty. 131 00:04:50,381 --> 00:04:52,417 I am chilling. I am always chill... 132 00:04:52,442 --> 00:04:54,634 [upbeat bluegrass music] 133 00:04:54,660 --> 00:04:56,685 ♪ ♪ 134 00:05:02,919 --> 00:05:04,763 Liza? 135 00:05:04,788 --> 00:05:07,041 - Hey. - Hi. 136 00:05:07,066 --> 00:05:09,916 - Hi. - What are you guys doing here? 137 00:05:09,941 --> 00:05:11,022 What are we doing here? 138 00:05:11,047 --> 00:05:13,537 What are you doing at a hipster bluegrass bar, 139 00:05:13,562 --> 00:05:15,396 you former Girl Scout leader? 140 00:05:15,422 --> 00:05:16,982 We're too late to save her, Michelle. 141 00:05:17,007 --> 00:05:18,571 - She's fully Brooklynized. - Ah! 142 00:05:18,596 --> 00:05:21,091 You have wiped your mind clean of all things New Jersey. 143 00:05:21,116 --> 00:05:23,394 That's a good one, but seriously... 144 00:05:23,418 --> 00:05:25,127 We follow our daughter on Instagram, 145 00:05:25,152 --> 00:05:27,352 who follows your daughter, who follows this band. 146 00:05:27,377 --> 00:05:29,678 Two Tweets and a Snapchat later, 147 00:05:29,703 --> 00:05:32,370 we come to learn you have a new man in your life. 148 00:05:32,395 --> 00:05:33,515 [laughs nervously] 149 00:05:33,540 --> 00:05:36,474 I think someone's buying real estate in Cougartown. 150 00:05:37,030 --> 00:05:39,510 Go get me a Pinot Grigio. 151 00:05:39,740 --> 00:05:42,157 I am so sorry. 152 00:05:42,182 --> 00:05:44,766 I made him swear 100 times not to say the word "cougar." 153 00:05:44,791 --> 00:05:46,457 Which only guaranteed that he would. 154 00:05:46,482 --> 00:05:47,346 Don't worry about it. 155 00:05:47,371 --> 00:05:49,101 We'll be out of here in just a second. 156 00:05:49,126 --> 00:05:50,302 We're having dinner nearby. 157 00:05:50,327 --> 00:05:51,522 I just wanted to... 158 00:05:53,337 --> 00:05:54,369 Is that him? 159 00:05:54,394 --> 00:05:56,098 Uh, yeah. 160 00:05:56,123 --> 00:05:58,565 - Shut the front door. - Oh, stop it. 161 00:05:58,590 --> 00:05:59,850 He's not a prize steer. 162 00:05:59,875 --> 00:06:02,247 Here I've been worrying my head off about you. 163 00:06:02,272 --> 00:06:04,965 Meanwhile, you have been living the dream. 164 00:06:04,990 --> 00:06:06,556 [cheers and applause] 165 00:06:06,581 --> 00:06:07,950 How does this happen? 166 00:06:07,975 --> 00:06:10,253 Oh, you know how these things happen. 167 00:06:10,278 --> 00:06:12,212 No, I don't. I honestly don't. 168 00:06:12,237 --> 00:06:14,930 - Hey. - Hey, Josh. 169 00:06:14,955 --> 00:06:18,555 This is my very good friend Michelle from New Jersey. 170 00:06:18,580 --> 00:06:20,630 Cool. It's nice to meet you. 171 00:06:20,655 --> 00:06:23,489 Oh, you guys are great. I love your sound. 172 00:06:23,514 --> 00:06:26,109 - Oh, thanks. - Oh, this is my husband, Tom. 173 00:06:26,134 --> 00:06:27,278 - Josh. - Hey. 174 00:06:27,303 --> 00:06:29,717 No, I, uh... I was just saying 175 00:06:29,742 --> 00:06:31,576 there's so much about Liza's life 176 00:06:31,601 --> 00:06:33,571 that I don't know anything about, you know? 177 00:06:33,595 --> 00:06:36,571 Like the whole part of your life you spent in New Jersey. 178 00:06:36,596 --> 00:06:37,733 Part of her life? 179 00:06:37,758 --> 00:06:39,527 Well, this is pretty much the highlights reel right here. 180 00:06:39,552 --> 00:06:41,886 Shh, we don't want people to know that we're from New Jersey. 181 00:06:41,911 --> 00:06:43,589 We got fake IDs saying we're from Oregon. 182 00:06:43,614 --> 00:06:45,763 [laughter] 183 00:06:46,257 --> 00:06:48,482 - I love your shirt. - Oh, thank you. 184 00:06:48,507 --> 00:06:51,224 My daughter gave it to me 'cause I'm kind of a foodie. 185 00:06:51,249 --> 00:06:53,464 I love truffle butter. 186 00:06:53,489 --> 00:06:56,873 - Do you? - I'm kinda famous for it. 187 00:06:56,898 --> 00:06:58,990 Oh, you guys should come for dinner. 188 00:06:59,015 --> 00:07:00,285 And to see the trellis. 189 00:07:00,309 --> 00:07:02,200 [gasps] The trellis. 190 00:07:02,226 --> 00:07:04,048 I am such a space noodle. 191 00:07:04,073 --> 00:07:06,741 How could I not even mention the new trellis? 192 00:07:06,766 --> 00:07:08,065 Well, let's not say anything. 193 00:07:08,090 --> 00:07:09,505 You'll just have to come over for dinner 194 00:07:09,530 --> 00:07:10,460 and see for yourself. 195 00:07:10,485 --> 00:07:12,867 Oh, that... Well, I'll call you. 196 00:07:12,892 --> 00:07:14,071 Well, screw that. 197 00:07:14,096 --> 00:07:15,066 What are you doing tomorrow night? 198 00:07:15,091 --> 00:07:16,341 - We're free. - Oh, no. 199 00:07:16,366 --> 00:07:18,715 - So are we. - Tomorrow's n... 200 00:07:19,044 --> 00:07:20,985 Tomorrow night sounds great. 201 00:07:21,010 --> 00:07:23,010 - Awesomesauce! - Truffle butter! 202 00:07:23,035 --> 00:07:24,853 - Yeah. - Dinner, okay. 203 00:07:24,878 --> 00:07:26,508 Well, enjoy your night. 204 00:07:26,533 --> 00:07:28,339 - Yeah, I'll text you. - Oh, yeah, all right. 205 00:07:28,364 --> 00:07:29,638 - Nice to meet you. - Yes. 206 00:07:29,663 --> 00:07:33,029 - So, so nice to meet you. - Yeah, you too. 207 00:07:33,055 --> 00:07:35,231 - It is just... - Yeah, tomorrow. 208 00:07:35,256 --> 00:07:36,955 [growls] 209 00:07:37,450 --> 00:07:39,034 Do you have any idea what you just did? 210 00:07:39,059 --> 00:07:40,258 What? 211 00:07:40,283 --> 00:07:41,910 They seem like really nice people. 212 00:07:41,935 --> 00:07:44,915 I... this will be fun. I am excited. 213 00:07:44,940 --> 00:07:46,475 [sighs] 214 00:07:46,500 --> 00:07:49,878 Can I ask you one question, though? 215 00:07:49,903 --> 00:07:51,930 What's a trellis? 216 00:07:53,901 --> 00:07:55,283 [upbeat vocal music] 217 00:07:56,060 --> 00:07:57,560 If it's making you this crazy, 218 00:07:57,585 --> 00:07:58,683 just call and cancel. 219 00:07:58,715 --> 00:07:59,633 I can't. 220 00:07:59,658 --> 00:08:01,074 Josh really wants to go. 221 00:08:01,099 --> 00:08:03,716 What's more important, what you want or Josh wants? 222 00:08:03,741 --> 00:08:04,913 I can't decide. You pick. 223 00:08:04,938 --> 00:08:06,648 You need me to tell you to pick you? 224 00:08:06,673 --> 00:08:07,758 Woman up. 225 00:08:07,783 --> 00:08:09,280 You say that like I know who I am, 226 00:08:09,305 --> 00:08:12,200 but I don't, because I am no longer a person. 227 00:08:12,225 --> 00:08:13,878 I'm a game of Risk. 228 00:08:14,528 --> 00:08:17,200 Ugh, all right. 229 00:08:19,930 --> 00:08:23,110 Here are all the people who know me 230 00:08:23,135 --> 00:08:25,535 as a 40-year-old mom from New Jersey. 231 00:08:25,560 --> 00:08:27,542 Now, they seem like a fairly distant, 232 00:08:27,567 --> 00:08:29,650 harmless group of people, but as it turns out, 233 00:08:29,675 --> 00:08:31,092 it was really a dormant sleeper cell 234 00:08:31,117 --> 00:08:33,646 that just got activated by my daughter. 235 00:08:33,671 --> 00:08:36,838 Now, over here are all the people 236 00:08:36,863 --> 00:08:39,607 who think I'm a 26-year-old publishing assistant. 237 00:08:39,633 --> 00:08:41,368 I like to think of these people 238 00:08:41,393 --> 00:08:44,533 as a nuclear power plant that's, like, gonna explode 239 00:08:44,558 --> 00:08:45,306 at any moment. 240 00:08:45,331 --> 00:08:47,010 You know that's not how you play Risk, 241 00:08:47,035 --> 00:08:48,226 but go on. 242 00:08:48,251 --> 00:08:50,611 All right, now, here is Josh. 243 00:08:50,636 --> 00:08:53,346 Now, Josh fell in love with this version of me 244 00:08:53,371 --> 00:08:56,943 but now knows that this is me, and things aren't as good. 245 00:08:56,968 --> 00:09:00,073 He knows everyone over here, and now he knows 246 00:09:00,098 --> 00:09:01,604 some of the people over here, 247 00:09:01,629 --> 00:09:03,003 including my daughter, Caitlin, 248 00:09:03,028 --> 00:09:04,745 who is following him on Instagram. 249 00:09:04,770 --> 00:09:06,353 What about me? Why am I not on the board? 250 00:09:06,378 --> 00:09:09,339 Because you're home. You're the safety zone. 251 00:09:09,364 --> 00:09:10,863 Oh, okay. 252 00:09:10,888 --> 00:09:13,389 Now, all it would take to blow up my life completely 253 00:09:13,414 --> 00:09:16,953 is one more line from here to here. 254 00:09:16,978 --> 00:09:19,514 Do you realize what you've drawn here? 255 00:09:19,796 --> 00:09:22,918 Your life is not a board game. 256 00:09:22,943 --> 00:09:25,911 It's a spider web. 257 00:09:26,149 --> 00:09:28,266 But I should be okay, right? 258 00:09:28,291 --> 00:09:30,457 'Cause I'm the spider. 259 00:09:30,482 --> 00:09:33,650 I think you're also the fly. 260 00:09:36,340 --> 00:09:39,455 [rock music] 261 00:09:40,403 --> 00:09:42,483 Redmond, this is unacceptable. 262 00:09:42,508 --> 00:09:44,599 Jade agreed to a schedule. 263 00:09:44,624 --> 00:09:46,374 I should have the first five chapters 264 00:09:46,399 --> 00:09:47,682 of her book by now. 265 00:09:47,707 --> 00:09:50,040 And you're telling me this why? 266 00:09:50,065 --> 00:09:51,486 I can't get her on the phone. 267 00:09:51,511 --> 00:09:52,961 She won't respond to my texts. 268 00:09:52,986 --> 00:09:55,471 She promised to meet me here over an hour ago. 269 00:09:55,497 --> 00:09:57,164 Oh, she promised? 270 00:09:57,189 --> 00:09:58,855 Uh-huh, go on. 271 00:09:58,880 --> 00:10:01,975 Dude, I broke the bank to get this book. 272 00:10:02,000 --> 00:10:03,931 She's an anarchist. What do you want? 273 00:10:03,956 --> 00:10:06,480 I want her ass sitting across from me, 274 00:10:06,506 --> 00:10:08,839 delivering the pages that she promised, 275 00:10:08,864 --> 00:10:10,797 or she's gonna be in breach of contract. 276 00:10:10,822 --> 00:10:12,786 She will have to return her entire advance, 277 00:10:12,811 --> 00:10:15,147 all of it, including your commission. 278 00:10:15,172 --> 00:10:17,357 I got it. I got it. I'll handle it. 279 00:10:17,382 --> 00:10:19,118 You do that. 280 00:10:19,143 --> 00:10:22,416 [sighs deeply] 281 00:10:23,563 --> 00:10:26,361 [phone chimes] 282 00:10:27,144 --> 00:10:28,866 - _ - Did I see what? 283 00:10:28,891 --> 00:10:32,240 ♪ Ground was shaking ♪ 284 00:10:32,265 --> 00:10:36,520 No, no, no, no, no. 285 00:10:36,545 --> 00:10:39,390 Shit, shit. 286 00:10:39,716 --> 00:10:41,877 ♪ Let's take a long trip ♪ 287 00:10:41,902 --> 00:10:45,950 ♪ On a big old cruise ship ♪ 288 00:10:47,588 --> 00:10:50,222 Man, this is exciting. 289 00:10:50,247 --> 00:10:51,613 [laughs] What is? 290 00:10:51,638 --> 00:10:54,680 Jersey: the home of Bruce Springsteen, 291 00:10:54,705 --> 00:10:56,196 the Sopranos, Jon Bon Jovi. 292 00:10:56,221 --> 00:10:58,614 You make it sound like you've never been to New Jersey. 293 00:10:58,639 --> 00:10:59,938 I haven't. 294 00:10:59,963 --> 00:11:01,657 Wait, you've been to Tokyo and Peru, 295 00:11:01,681 --> 00:11:02,788 and you've never been to New Jersey? 296 00:11:02,813 --> 00:11:03,928 How is this possible? 297 00:11:03,953 --> 00:11:05,453 I-I literally never had a reason. 298 00:11:05,478 --> 00:11:07,372 Plus, I hate tolls. 299 00:11:07,397 --> 00:11:08,730 [laughs] 300 00:11:09,476 --> 00:11:11,259 Really, a lollipop? 301 00:11:11,356 --> 00:11:13,189 I mean, they're already well aware 302 00:11:13,214 --> 00:11:14,380 there's an age difference. 303 00:11:14,405 --> 00:11:16,121 Babe, it's a pot pop. 304 00:11:16,146 --> 00:11:18,347 Edible marijuana so I'm relaxed. 305 00:11:18,372 --> 00:11:21,323 No, no, no, no, you're the one who wanted 306 00:11:21,348 --> 00:11:23,033 to go to the suburbs of New Jersey. 307 00:11:23,058 --> 00:11:25,656 You have to experience this raw. 308 00:11:25,681 --> 00:11:27,780 No hemp-colored glasses. 309 00:11:28,263 --> 00:11:31,004 Hemp-colored glasses? 310 00:11:31,457 --> 00:11:33,787 - All: Hey. - You made it. 311 00:11:33,812 --> 00:11:36,918 - Good to see you. - Nice to see you again. 312 00:11:36,943 --> 00:11:38,384 - Hi. - Nice to see you. 313 00:11:38,409 --> 00:11:39,342 Nice to see you too. 314 00:11:39,367 --> 00:11:40,828 - This is for you. - Oh, thank you. 315 00:11:40,853 --> 00:11:42,367 Well, I hope you like steak. 316 00:11:42,392 --> 00:11:43,681 - Yes. - Love steak. 317 00:11:43,706 --> 00:11:45,394 - Right. - With truffle butter. 318 00:11:45,419 --> 00:11:47,002 Yum, yum. 319 00:11:47,353 --> 00:11:49,064 Thanks for this. I'm gonna go decant it. 320 00:11:49,089 --> 00:11:50,825 Come on in. 321 00:11:51,033 --> 00:11:52,733 I think we should say something. 322 00:11:52,758 --> 00:11:53,993 About what? 323 00:11:54,018 --> 00:11:56,954 She obviously has no idea what truffle butter is. 324 00:11:56,979 --> 00:11:59,291 It's not butter made with truffles? 325 00:11:59,316 --> 00:12:00,901 [laughs] 326 00:12:00,926 --> 00:12:02,842 Okay, you are officially not allowed to give me 327 00:12:02,867 --> 00:12:04,299 any more crap about not knowing 328 00:12:04,324 --> 00:12:05,266 what a trellis is. 329 00:12:05,291 --> 00:12:06,363 Well, what is it, then? 330 00:12:06,388 --> 00:12:08,298 Later, after dinner. 331 00:12:09,653 --> 00:12:10,909 Don't Google it. 332 00:12:10,934 --> 00:12:12,476 I can look it up. 333 00:12:12,501 --> 00:12:14,353 Okay, fine. 334 00:12:14,378 --> 00:12:17,480 You... you guys have a really lovely place here. 335 00:12:17,505 --> 00:12:18,833 Oh, my God. 336 00:12:19,007 --> 00:12:20,923 [gagging] 337 00:12:20,948 --> 00:12:24,283 Jade is blowing her advance before I see pages. 338 00:12:24,308 --> 00:12:27,459 "Check out my new python-skinned boots." 339 00:12:27,484 --> 00:12:29,312 $40,000. 340 00:12:29,337 --> 00:12:32,713 #BlowingMyAdvance, #ChestyPeters. 341 00:12:32,738 --> 00:12:34,626 - Who's Chesty Peters? - You. 342 00:12:34,651 --> 00:12:37,294 So on top of all of this, she's also mocking me? 343 00:12:37,319 --> 00:12:39,347 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, she actually thinks 344 00:12:39,372 --> 00:12:40,522 that's your name. 345 00:12:40,546 --> 00:12:43,253 She has the entire budget for my imprint. 346 00:12:43,279 --> 00:12:44,991 She can destroy me. Why? 347 00:12:45,016 --> 00:12:46,603 I am so nice. 348 00:12:46,628 --> 00:12:48,402 Am I not the nicest person that you know? 349 00:12:48,427 --> 00:12:49,763 Yes, yes, of course you are. 350 00:12:49,788 --> 00:12:52,205 Oh, wait, wait, wait, here. Here, she just tweeted this. 351 00:12:52,230 --> 00:12:53,134 Douche Burger Kings? 352 00:12:53,159 --> 00:12:57,362 #BlowingMyAdvance, #ChestyPeters. 353 00:12:57,528 --> 00:13:00,436 I mean, at least she's feeding homeless people hamburgers. 354 00:13:00,461 --> 00:13:02,318 No, those aren't hamburgers. Those are douche burgers. 355 00:13:02,343 --> 00:13:04,221 They're made with lobster, caviar, foie gras, 356 00:13:04,246 --> 00:13:05,628 and they're served in a gold-leaf wrapper. 357 00:13:05,653 --> 00:13:07,815 Dude, these... These cost $600 each. 358 00:13:08,155 --> 00:13:09,704 They're from a food truck. 359 00:13:09,729 --> 00:13:12,296 Wharton graduates. They're the wacky MBAs. 360 00:13:12,687 --> 00:13:14,367 I have to stop her. 361 00:13:14,392 --> 00:13:15,892 - We gotta go get her. - I'm leaving right now. 362 00:13:15,917 --> 00:13:17,249 You go out. I'll call the Uber. 363 00:13:17,274 --> 00:13:20,554 Excuse me, sorry. I like your jacket. 364 00:13:21,035 --> 00:13:22,401 Tell me about the sex. 365 00:13:22,426 --> 00:13:24,002 It's mind-blowing, isn't it? 366 00:13:24,028 --> 00:13:25,975 Oh, I don't... 367 00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:28,788 Like, curl-your-toes, off-the-carts mind-blowing? 368 00:13:28,813 --> 00:13:30,026 [laughs] 369 00:13:30,051 --> 00:13:32,973 It's, uh... it's... it's... It's... it's pretty good. 370 00:13:32,998 --> 00:13:35,078 Of course it is. Look at him. 371 00:13:35,103 --> 00:13:37,202 Oh, my God, Liza, you deserve this. 372 00:13:37,228 --> 00:13:39,020 After everything you went through with David. 373 00:13:39,045 --> 00:13:39,990 Mm. 374 00:13:40,122 --> 00:13:41,569 Give me some details. 375 00:13:41,594 --> 00:13:43,577 Oh, come on. I don't... I'm not... 376 00:13:43,602 --> 00:13:44,975 I don't really feel comfortable. 377 00:13:45,000 --> 00:13:46,141 Are you kidding me? 378 00:13:46,166 --> 00:13:48,115 What is the point of having a boy toy 379 00:13:48,140 --> 00:13:50,367 if you can't share the details with your bored, married friend? 380 00:13:50,392 --> 00:13:52,225 He's not a boy toy. 381 00:13:53,017 --> 00:13:54,930 Oh, come... I know he's young, 382 00:13:55,033 --> 00:13:57,354 but you've met him now. 383 00:13:57,379 --> 00:13:59,990 And we actually have something. 384 00:14:00,015 --> 00:14:02,098 Okay, all right. 385 00:14:02,123 --> 00:14:05,775 I really don't want to be the one to say this, 386 00:14:05,800 --> 00:14:09,138 but I'm afraid if I don't, no one else will, so... 387 00:14:09,163 --> 00:14:10,170 Say what? 388 00:14:10,195 --> 00:14:13,413 You're acting like a girl who met a boy, 389 00:14:13,620 --> 00:14:14,755 but you're not. 390 00:14:14,780 --> 00:14:18,231 You're a middle-aged divorcée who needs validation 391 00:14:18,256 --> 00:14:20,380 that she's still got it. 392 00:14:20,933 --> 00:14:23,434 That's what Josh is. He's your 911. 393 00:14:23,459 --> 00:14:25,193 - What? - Well, I mean the Porsche. 394 00:14:25,218 --> 00:14:26,300 God, this is so difficult. 395 00:14:26,325 --> 00:14:27,658 Feel free to stop at any time. 396 00:14:27,683 --> 00:14:29,814 I'm saying this as your friend. 397 00:14:30,618 --> 00:14:32,602 You know this will end. 398 00:14:32,627 --> 00:14:34,736 I mean, Demi Moore couldn't make it work, 399 00:14:34,761 --> 00:14:35,956 and she's gorgeous. 400 00:14:35,980 --> 00:14:37,513 I mean, not that you're not. You are. 401 00:14:37,538 --> 00:14:40,422 But, listen, people age in spurts, 402 00:14:40,447 --> 00:14:41,792 like growth spurts. 403 00:14:41,872 --> 00:14:44,397 Right, you look great now, but another couple years, 404 00:14:44,422 --> 00:14:45,862 you could get slammed with an age spurt, 405 00:14:45,887 --> 00:14:47,017 and then where are you? 406 00:14:47,042 --> 00:14:48,459 You have wasted your last gasp of youth 407 00:14:48,484 --> 00:14:50,232 on Mr. Hunkalicious when you could be finding 408 00:14:50,257 --> 00:14:53,092 a real partner, someone appropriate, 409 00:14:53,117 --> 00:14:55,649 someone you don't have to hide from your friends. 410 00:14:55,674 --> 00:14:56,644 Josh is. 411 00:14:56,669 --> 00:14:59,526 Oh, no, don't say he's a real partner. 412 00:14:59,751 --> 00:15:02,252 Come on. 413 00:15:02,723 --> 00:15:05,941 I know it feels good now. 414 00:15:06,173 --> 00:15:08,337 I just don't want you to mistake it 415 00:15:08,362 --> 00:15:09,418 for something it's not 416 00:15:09,443 --> 00:15:12,829 and wind up getting hurt all over again. 417 00:15:12,854 --> 00:15:15,122 Are you ready to see the trellis? 418 00:15:15,147 --> 00:15:18,064 Oh, the trellis. 419 00:15:19,291 --> 00:15:20,673 Come on. 420 00:15:20,698 --> 00:15:22,615 [mischievous music] 421 00:15:22,640 --> 00:15:24,898 ♪ ♪ 422 00:15:28,649 --> 00:15:30,601 Liza? 423 00:15:30,626 --> 00:15:33,219 Coming. 424 00:15:34,332 --> 00:15:36,900 [crunching] 425 00:15:41,928 --> 00:15:43,228 - Missed her. - Ugh! 426 00:15:43,253 --> 00:15:44,452 What are we gonna do? 427 00:15:44,477 --> 00:15:45,948 [grunts] 428 00:15:48,081 --> 00:15:49,580 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. 429 00:15:49,605 --> 00:15:51,188 Here, she just tweeted this. 430 00:15:51,213 --> 00:15:54,177 Where do you even get a gold coke straw? 431 00:15:54,202 --> 00:15:55,529 Etsy. 432 00:15:55,554 --> 00:15:59,117 Oh, my God, she's literally blowing her advance. 433 00:15:59,142 --> 00:16:00,441 What... what am I gonna do? 434 00:16:00,466 --> 00:16:01,409 Wait, wait. 435 00:16:01,434 --> 00:16:03,354 Screenshot that. 436 00:16:03,379 --> 00:16:04,662 Okay, blow it up. 437 00:16:04,687 --> 00:16:07,064 [gasps] Look at that moisturizer. 438 00:16:07,089 --> 00:16:09,591 That is from a guest room at the Gramercy Park Hotel. 439 00:16:09,616 --> 00:16:11,156 How do you know that? 440 00:16:11,181 --> 00:16:13,017 Oh, it's where Hector goes to blow off steam 441 00:16:13,042 --> 00:16:14,561 and the room service waiters. 442 00:16:15,771 --> 00:16:19,180 Okay, ready? One, two... 443 00:16:19,205 --> 00:16:20,787 Prepare to be blown away. 444 00:16:20,812 --> 00:16:22,537 [magical chiming] 445 00:16:22,562 --> 00:16:24,138 Wow. 446 00:16:26,947 --> 00:16:29,224 I feel like I could spend the rest of my life 447 00:16:29,249 --> 00:16:30,752 just looking at this. 448 00:16:30,777 --> 00:16:33,304 - Thanks, man. - Yeah. 449 00:16:33,329 --> 00:16:34,979 Liza, isn't it unreal? 450 00:16:35,004 --> 00:16:37,393 Yeah. 451 00:16:37,418 --> 00:16:40,453 [cosmic music] 452 00:16:40,478 --> 00:16:43,244 ♪ ♪ 453 00:16:43,445 --> 00:16:44,981 You okay? 454 00:16:45,006 --> 00:16:49,342 My heart is pumping really loudly in my chest. 455 00:16:49,367 --> 00:16:50,149 Can you hear it? 456 00:16:50,174 --> 00:16:52,990 - Your heart? - Yeah. 457 00:16:53,015 --> 00:16:55,429 Liza? 458 00:16:55,738 --> 00:16:57,348 Did you eat the lollipop? 459 00:16:57,373 --> 00:16:59,452 - No. - Liza... 460 00:16:59,477 --> 00:17:01,910 - Yes. - Did you eat the whole thing? 461 00:17:01,935 --> 00:17:03,570 I feel... 462 00:17:03,595 --> 00:17:07,728 I feel, um, wow. 463 00:17:07,753 --> 00:17:11,113 - She ate a lollipop? - I did! 464 00:17:11,330 --> 00:17:14,569 - Sugar makes me nuts-o. - Yeah, hmm. 465 00:17:14,594 --> 00:17:16,844 I'm hypoglycemic. 466 00:17:16,869 --> 00:17:19,524 Yeah, she's gonna be all right. 467 00:17:19,549 --> 00:17:23,999 Um, I think we should probably get going, though. 468 00:17:24,058 --> 00:17:25,982 We had such a great time. 469 00:17:26,007 --> 00:17:27,374 Thank you guys so much. 470 00:17:27,399 --> 00:17:29,580 Next time, more protein. 471 00:17:29,605 --> 00:17:31,551 Eat more steak. 472 00:17:31,576 --> 00:17:34,293 - With truffle butter. - Shh! 473 00:17:34,318 --> 00:17:38,020 - Come on. - Michelle, you so nasty. 474 00:17:38,045 --> 00:17:39,533 - I-I... - What? 475 00:17:39,558 --> 00:17:42,487 Why am I nasty? 476 00:17:43,905 --> 00:17:45,492 What's wrong with truffle butter? 477 00:17:45,517 --> 00:17:47,383 - Nothing. - Google it. 478 00:17:47,408 --> 00:17:49,550 No, don't, don't. 479 00:17:49,575 --> 00:17:52,276 Just bye, bye. 480 00:17:52,301 --> 00:17:55,135 Google it. Google it, now. 481 00:17:55,694 --> 00:17:56,842 Jade. 482 00:17:56,867 --> 00:17:58,758 [dance music playing] 483 00:17:58,783 --> 00:18:00,978 Jade, open the door! 484 00:18:01,003 --> 00:18:02,130 Hey, quick question. 485 00:18:02,155 --> 00:18:04,297 Um, would you be mad if I stayed at this party? 486 00:18:04,323 --> 00:18:06,038 No, I thought so. 487 00:18:06,063 --> 00:18:08,045 Jade Winslow. 488 00:18:08,070 --> 00:18:10,538 Oh! Hey, Chesty. 489 00:18:10,563 --> 00:18:12,045 Do you not know my name? 490 00:18:12,070 --> 00:18:14,539 Is everybody getting their face painted? 491 00:18:16,159 --> 00:18:17,441 Where are my pages? 492 00:18:17,466 --> 00:18:19,216 Oh, is that why you're here? 493 00:18:19,241 --> 00:18:21,158 Is that why you busted into my party 494 00:18:21,183 --> 00:18:24,184 and threatened my agent and won't stop harassing me 495 00:18:24,209 --> 00:18:27,176 over some, like, stupid pages? 496 00:18:27,201 --> 00:18:29,618 Yes. I need those. 497 00:18:29,643 --> 00:18:31,810 I don't know how you expect me to publish your book 498 00:18:31,835 --> 00:18:32,920 without them. 499 00:18:32,945 --> 00:18:34,336 Don't you get it? 500 00:18:34,361 --> 00:18:38,486 Okay, bitch, there is no book. 501 00:18:42,249 --> 00:18:45,186 I am so screwed. 502 00:18:51,516 --> 00:18:53,158 Mm. 503 00:18:53,183 --> 00:18:55,245 Hi. 504 00:18:55,270 --> 00:18:56,403 How you feeling? 505 00:18:56,428 --> 00:18:58,223 So stupid. 506 00:18:58,306 --> 00:19:01,027 I'm sorry I ate your lollipop. 507 00:19:01,052 --> 00:19:03,183 It's okay. 508 00:19:03,208 --> 00:19:05,449 For future reference, though, 509 00:19:05,474 --> 00:19:07,365 you're supposed to lick it. 510 00:19:07,390 --> 00:19:09,787 You're not supposed to eat the whole thing. 511 00:19:09,812 --> 00:19:11,089 Mm. 512 00:19:11,424 --> 00:19:14,467 Why'd you do it, though? 513 00:19:14,885 --> 00:19:16,168 Hmm? 514 00:19:16,193 --> 00:19:19,027 Michelle sort of got under my skin. 515 00:19:19,052 --> 00:19:20,518 About what? 516 00:19:20,543 --> 00:19:21,910 About... 517 00:19:23,218 --> 00:19:24,667 Don't worry about it. 518 00:19:24,692 --> 00:19:26,458 Come on. 519 00:19:26,524 --> 00:19:28,190 If we're gonna have this relationship, 520 00:19:28,215 --> 00:19:29,754 we have to talk. 521 00:19:29,779 --> 00:19:31,713 You can't hide from everything. 522 00:19:31,738 --> 00:19:33,151 Okay. 523 00:19:38,072 --> 00:19:42,474 Michelle sort of pointed out that the math between us 524 00:19:42,499 --> 00:19:44,267 presents problems. 525 00:19:44,291 --> 00:19:46,276 And what do you think? 526 00:19:46,485 --> 00:19:50,129 I think she's not wrong. 527 00:19:50,753 --> 00:19:52,503 [sighs] 528 00:19:52,528 --> 00:19:54,480 Go on. 529 00:19:54,505 --> 00:19:55,887 I guess I kind of do worry 530 00:19:55,912 --> 00:19:58,148 that this has an expiration date. 531 00:19:59,315 --> 00:20:01,359 Really? 532 00:20:02,029 --> 00:20:03,671 Why? 533 00:20:03,696 --> 00:20:06,415 A lot of reasons? 534 00:20:07,251 --> 00:20:09,991 I mean, maybe you'll want to have kids someday. 535 00:20:10,256 --> 00:20:12,390 Maybe. 536 00:20:12,559 --> 00:20:13,859 Right. 537 00:20:14,498 --> 00:20:17,820 Maybe we should just get married 538 00:20:17,845 --> 00:20:19,369 and start having kids. 539 00:20:19,394 --> 00:20:21,331 [laughs softly] 540 00:20:21,357 --> 00:20:22,502 Shut up. 541 00:20:22,526 --> 00:20:23,715 You shut up. 542 00:20:23,740 --> 00:20:25,561 [soft music] 543 00:20:26,240 --> 00:20:29,104 ♪ ♪ 544 00:20:29,424 --> 00:20:32,900 Look, I don't know 545 00:20:32,925 --> 00:20:35,435 what our future holds, 546 00:20:36,534 --> 00:20:39,568 but I know I don't want to bail on this. 547 00:20:39,593 --> 00:20:41,643 Me neither. 548 00:20:41,668 --> 00:20:45,253 So can we keep going? 549 00:20:46,991 --> 00:20:48,938 Yes. 550 00:20:48,963 --> 00:20:50,310 [upbeat music] 551 00:20:52,122 --> 00:20:56,226 ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪ 552 00:20:56,251 --> 00:20:59,619 ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪