CHEERING
Open
Open up
Open up the cupboard, move around
your
Open up the cupboard, move around your marks and call it a cabinet
reshuffle.
your marks and call it a cabinet reshuffle. It's Friday, we are and
it's
reshuffle. It's Friday, we are and it's time for The Last Leg. Tonight,
we
it's time for The Last Leg. Tonight, we wrap up a mad week in politics,
sent
we wrap up a mad week in politics, sent off for British heroes to take
on
sent off for British heroes to take on the Aussies and unveil our very
own
on the Aussies and unveil our very own Christmas advert. Plus we are
joined
own Christmas advert. Plus we are joined by actor David Tennant and
comedian
joined by actor David Tennant and comedian Tanya Moore, on the show
which
comedian Tanya Moore, on the show which sometimes robs the news the
wrong
which sometimes robs the news the wrong way.
Wow!
G'day, I'm Adam Hills.
Welcome to The Last Leg, the show that read Nadine Dorries'
book comparing Boris Johnson to James Bond, and thought,
well, just like 007, Johnson was meant to serve Queen
and country, got distracted by shagging and a load of people died.
With me as always are the pride of Dartmoor, Josh Widdicombe.
And the man who heard Everton were having ten points
deducted and thought, this is a flagrant double standard,
especially when you consider that Manchester City have had 115
breaches and Chelsea aren't much better, proving
that the Premier League favours the larger clubs over the little
guys and, to be honest, if Manchester City had been held
to account properly, Arsenal would have won
the league last year - and that's two minutes of my life
I'm never getting back -
Alex Brooker.
CHEERING.
CHEERING. See! You pretended you
weren't
CHEERING. See! You pretended you weren't listening.
It has been a huge week in the news, especially in British politics,
and we've got so much to cover, but there was one issue on Alex's
mind this week, and it was...
Please,
Please, please, please can we put
the
Please, please, please can we put the Christmas tree up? Please!
Please
the Christmas tree up? Please! Please can we put the Christmas tree
up?
Please can we put the Christmas tree up? Have you been a good boy? I
think
up? Have you been a good boy? I think I have been. You've been a bad
boy.
think I have been. You've been a bad boy. that felt weird, didn't it?
I've
boy. that felt weird, didn't it? I've got to punish you, Mr Booker. I
might
I've got to punish you, Mr Booker. I might never get an erection again.
Normally
might never get an erection again. Normally wait until December to put
the
Normally wait until December to put the tree up in the studio but I
think...
the tree up in the studio but I think... But you know what... Tim
Krul
think... But you know what... Tim Krul shall be doing next week? Edge
if
Krul shall be doing next week? Edge if people turn on now and see a
Christmas
if people turn on now and see a Christmas think it's a repeat from
last
Christmas think it's a repeat from last year. Thank I had a spring in
my
last year. Thank I had a spring in my step or day off to see Christmas
tree.
my step or day off to see Christmas tree. That's your new leg, isn't it?
I'm
tree. That's your new leg, isn't it? I'm putting mine up this weekend the
I've
I'm putting mine up this weekend the I've expanded my Christmas village,
with
I've expanded my Christmas village, with all the lights, I've got... You
talk
with all the lights, I've got... You talk like that's a normal thing for
people
talk like that's a normal thing for people to do. We got two pubs and
guest
people to do. We got two pubs and guest ales, there is little house
and
guest ales, there is little house and they put food, so you're like,
phew!
and they put food, so you're like, phew! The big thing I want to do is
to
phew! The big thing I want to do is to put a train trip around it but I
don't
to put a train trip around it but I don't want to spend a lot of fucking
money
don't want to spend a lot of fucking money on it and realise it's not
feasible,
money on it and realise it's not feasible, like HS2, so I got to see
how
feasible, like HS2, so I got to see how it goes. I'd say you about a
year
how it goes. I'd say you about a year away from there being a feature
on
year away from there being a feature on you on the one show. And two
years
on you on the one show. And two years from a feature on Crimewatch.
If
years from a feature on Crimewatch. If you're wondering what Alex's
house
If you're wondering what Alex's house looks like a Christmas, Alex
posted
house looks like a Christmas, Alex posted this video yesterday.
Who
Who loves
Who loves Christmas? If you are
wondering,
Who loves Christmas? If you are wondering, my daughters are
dolphins.
wondering, my daughters are dolphins. Has that video been shared
with
dolphins. Has that video been shared with social services? That was about
7:30am.
with social services? That was about 7:30am. The mood was electric. It
was
7:30am. The mood was electric. It was brilliant. You are having a
breakdown.
was brilliant. You are having a breakdown. You know what, you're
like
breakdown. You know what, you're like every Australian in that you
get
like every Australian in that you get excited for Christmas in summer
when
get excited for Christmas in summer when you walk in flip-flops.
We are live, which means you can tweet us anything you want -
memes, Gifs, gossip, your favourite recipes.
If you've got a question about the news,
tweet us @TheLastLeg and use the hashtag #isitok.
For example, is it OK that Prince William was named today as
the World's Sexiest Bald Man 2023?
Is it OK to think that, once again, he's been rewarded
for something he just inherited at birth?
CHEERING.
Let's get into the news now, and it has been a remarkable
week in British politics.
It's
It's been
It's been a bonkers week.
Iain said...
#IsItOK if someone could turn the UK off and on again this weekend?
We seem to have some kind of fault that is causing nothing
to make sense any more.
#
# She's
# She's got it
#
# She's got it # Yeah, baby, she's got it
#
# Yeah, baby, she's got it # I'm your penis, I'm your fire
#
# I'm your penis, I'm your fire # Your desire...
So, to summarise this week's news, David Cameron could solve
the Middle East peace crisis, Nigel Farage might choke to death
on a camel's testicle, we're all preparing for a grid
of shit and we now have a Minister for Common Sense who once did a racy
dance with Barry from EastEnders.
I mean, what the actual...
Yes, that's me.
National treasure Adam Hills.
I guess you're probably wondering how we all got here.
The only way to explain it is to start at the beginning.
So let's go back a few days.
I'm
I'm not
I'm not the one having the
breakdown.
I'm not the one having the breakdown. Couple of questions, did
you
breakdown. Couple of questions, did you bring the cork had from home and
what
you bring the cork had from home and what is the pick a balaclava on like
it's
what is the pick a balaclava on like it's about to phone in a bomb scare?
I
it's about to phone in a bomb scare? I didn't see a pig.
Last Saturday was Armistice Day, the day Suella Braverman was worried
there'd be a disturbance at the Cenotaph.
There was, but from a far-right mob who stormed the Cenotaph, abused
police and chanted racist songs.
We can't say for sure that Suella Braveman's comments led
to the violence but if I blew a dog whistle and then 3,000
Staffordshire terriers turned up, singing England Till I Die,
you'd join the dots.
On Sunday, the official ceremony took place at the Cenotaph.
Theresa May later posted this interesting photo
of her with former Prime Ministers.
This cheeky photo was mocked up, with each PM inflated
or deflated in size, according to the amount of time
they spent in office.
Lets
Lets you
Lets you zoom in on Liz Truss.
It
It looks
It looks like she's a VAR decision.
We
It looks like she's a VAR decision. We have something similar on the
show
We have something similar on the show where I inflate inside the long
I've
show where I inflate inside the long I've been disabled.
On Monday, Rishi Sunak announced a Cabinet reshuffle.
All eyes were on Downing Street as an unexpected visitor arrived,
picked up in this bewildering footage from Sky News.
That's
That's the security detail just
opening
That's the security detail just opening the door for... David
Cameron?
opening the door for... David Cameron? What the hell? This was not
expected.
Cameron? What the hell? This was not expected. So there have been stories
that
expected. So there have been stories that David Cameron, who never really
found
that David Cameron, who never really found his feet after leaving the job
of
found his feet after leaving the job of Prime Minister, the jobs that
were
of Prime Minister, the jobs that were controversial, wrote a memoir,
put
were controversial, wrote a memoir, put on weight, but never fully found
his...
put on weight, but never fully found his... They make it sound like
something
his... They make it sound like something on his CV, wrote a book,
put
something on his CV, wrote a book, put on weight for the thought they
were
put on weight for the thought they were going to say, what's it going
to
were going to say, what's it going to be, Mr progress? Was it a bit of
an
to be, Mr progress? Was it a bit of an overreaction? What's the fuck,
shut
an overreaction? What's the fuck, shut Khan? He's still a Tory MP. He
is
shut Khan? He's still a Tory MP. He is Tory to dip he just left some
poster.
is Tory to dip he just left some poster. The only person who saw this
coming
poster. The only person who saw this coming was Josh. Watch this clip
from
coming was Josh. Watch this clip from last week. This is what Josh
said
from last week. This is what Josh said when he revealed former adviser
Mick
said when he revealed former adviser Mick Cummings had caught some
advisers
Mick Cummings had caught some advisers fuckpigs. David Cameron
going,
advisers fuckpigs. David Cameron going, you rang? Do you know what I
think,
going, you rang? Do you know what I think, when he left Downing Street,
he
think, when he left Downing Street, he made the announcement he was
standing
he made the announcement he was standing down and then he walked
inside
standing down and then he walked inside and I think he should have
had
inside and I think he should have had some on music when he arrived.
There
had some on music when he arrived. There should be music playing, so
our
There should be music playing, so our poll for some it is what that
music
our poll for some it is what that music should have been. David got
back.
music should have been. David got back. Your Song by Elton John? I
just
back. Your Song by Elton John? I just like it.
#
# Guess
# Guess who's back
#
# Guess who's back # Back again
#
# Back again # Guess who's back
#
# Guess who's back # Guess who's back... You can tell
it's
# Guess who's back... You can tell it's 11pm and the audience are
drunk.
it's 11pm and the audience are drunk. They are clapping along with
anything.
Tweet us with your suggestions using the hashtag #ReturnOfTheCam.
David Cameron became Foreign Secretary, displacing
James Cleverly who became Home Secretary, displacing
Suella Braverman, who ironically had to flee from a place of safety
and now can't return for fear of persecution -
or, as I like to call it, a lifestyle choice.
CHEERING
In case anyone thought the party was becoming too moderate,
Rishi Sunak announced that GB News pundit Esther McVey would become
what's been dubbed "the Minister for Common Sense", whose job
it is to "tackle the scourge of wokery".
It
It is
It is late in the day. Sometimes you
can
It is late in the day. Sometimes you can tell there's an autocue. I
reckon.
That's
That's not true at all, John. Once a
series!
That's not true at all, John. Once a series! Does the minister of common
sense
series! Does the minister of common sense sounds like something you'd
see
sense sounds like something you'd see on a stag do? It's 4am, you need
to
see on a stag do? It's 4am, you need to bear, and everyone is that, if it
is,
to bear, and everyone is that, if it is, the fucking minister for common
sense.
is, the fucking minister for common sense. -- we need a bear. What is
her
sense. -- we need a bear. What is her job going to be, looking at
Westminster
her job going to be, looking at Westminster going, bend your knees,
...
Westminster going, bend your knees, ... Don't run with scissors.
The announcement was revealed on Twitter with this strange
social media-savvy post...
It
It look
It look like when footballers are
announced.
It look like when footballers are announced. They missed a trick,
because
announced. They missed a trick, because they could have said they
were
because they could have said they were signing a talented
right-winger.
were signing a talented right-winger. You are talented.
I for one welcome someone into government who's
going to bring a sense of dignity, decorum and common sense
to politics, someone who did this...
HE
HE STUMBLES OVER HIS WORDS.
It's
HE STUMBLES OVER HIS WORDS. It's 11 years in and we've broken
Adam
It's 11 years in and we've broken Adam Hills. This cringeworthy dance
on
Adam Hills. This cringeworthy dance on national television with Barry
from
on national television with Barry from EastEnders.
Yep, that's the Minister for Common Sense enthusiastically
dancing on national television with Barry from EastEnders.
More like Esther McSlay.
You
You forget how shit series one of
Strictly
You forget how shit series one of Strictly does. That was so bleak
after
Strictly does. That was so bleak after that Barry asked Janine to
push
after that Barry asked Janine to push him.
And, as if Monday couldn't have got any weirder,
it was officially announced that Nigel Farage will be appearing on
I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here.
One minute, you're cosying up to the President
of the United States in a gold lift, the next you're chewing
on a camel penis next to Britney Spears' sister,
while PJ and Duncan laugh at you.
In a week when the UK is focused on immigration,
I
I can't.
I can't. Keep it on. It was always
going
I can't. Keep it on. It was always going to lead to this moment. Those
corks
going to lead to this moment. Those corks aren't actually that
practical,
corks aren't actually that practical, are they? I will push
through.
practical, are they? I will push through. They are hypnotising me.
The
The courts have more energy than the
presenters.
APPLAUSE
Nigel Farage has
fucked off to the other
side of the planet to be in an ITV reality show.
And, while he says he wants to portray a different image
of himself to the public, let's not forget he's
the guy that did this...
As an Australian, I just want to say that I am sick and tired of people
like him coming to my country to take us over.
We have our own culture, our own way of doing things
and I for one don't want to be on trains being surrounded
with accents like his.
Do you know what?
APPLAUSE
I'm at my breaking point.
On Tuesday, Suella Braverman released a scathing resignation
letter that spanned three pages.
Stop the boats?
Stop the notes, more like.
It was like when you see a Twitter thread that's one of 48.
As
As she
As she routed it got more angry.
It
As she routed it got more angry. It was like the Eminem song, Stan.
Dear
It was like the Eminem song, Stan. Dear Mr I'm too good to follow
through
Dear Mr I'm too good to follow through with my policies. And is
just
through with my policies. And is just thinking, T's gone cold I
wonder
just thinking, T's gone cold I wonder why. The only show in 2023
that
wonder why. The only show in 2023 that has had two different Eminem
song
that has had two different Eminem song is referenced.
On Wednesday, the Supreme Court ruled that it is illegal
for the government to deport asylum seekers to Rwanda because they can't
guarantee the people they deport won't be unlawfully sent back
to the country they are from.
The Prime Minister responded by saying he would introduce
emergency legislation that would declare Rwanda a safe country.
If Rishi Sunak's response was a meme, it would be
this define effort.
#
# We
# We are
# We are going to do it anyway, were
going
# We are going to do it anyway, were going to do it anyway. Two Eminems,
two
going to do it anyway. Two Eminems, two Barrys from EastEnders.
You can't just change the law if something happens
that you don't like.
John Short tweeted to say...
You
You can't
You can't just change the law. There
is
You can't just change the law. There is a reason why some shit is
illegal.
is a reason why some shit is illegal. If you get done
drink-driving,
illegal. If you get done drink-driving, you can't just change
the
drink-driving, you can't just change the law to have eight points.
Sunak also added that no foreign court would stop planes taking
asylum seekers to Rwanda.
The foreign court he's referring to, by the way,
is the European Court for Human Rights.
It
It is
It is like a Scooby Doo villain
saying
It is like a Scooby Doo villain saying I would have got away with it
if
saying I would have got away with it if it wasn't for those pesky human
rights.
The incoming Home Secretary was accused of calling
the plan "batshit", a claim he still hasn't denied.
I'm
I'm not
I'm not going to have a go first
going
I'm not going to have a go first going along with something they
think
going along with something they think is batshit when you have sat
here
think is batshit when you have sat here tonight dancing next to a cock
and
here tonight dancing next to a cock and balls.
On Wednesday night, a vote was held in Parliament calling
for a ceasefire in Gaza.
56 Labour MPs went against the orders of Keir Starmer,
who didn't want a ceasefire but did want a humanitarian pause.
That's
That's what he called it. I thought
I
That's what he called it. I thought I was going to call my autobiography
humanitarian
I was going to call my autobiography humanitarian pause.
It's not been a great week for Starmer, as eight MPs resigned
from the Labour front bench, including Jess Phillips.
There
There is
There is every chance she will be
replaced
There is every chance she will be replaced by Tony Blair the week has
gone.
Yesterday, the Guardian reported that Suella Braverman,
the newly appointed Minister for Taking Out The Bins,
is planning to release a flood of information about what went
on between her and Rishi Sunak.
Her allies have referred to it as "a grid of shit".
She's basically going to release it, then say, "I'd give
the news five minutes, if I were you."
Grade
Grade of
Grade of shit was my suggestion for
an
Grade of shit was my suggestion for an event in the new gladiators. It
sounds
an event in the new gladiators. It sounds like a band.
Grid of shit sounds like a map of the British waterways.
By the way, if you're wondering what a grid of shit
looks like, here's one I made earlier.
It's the most inappropriate Farrow & Ball chart ever.
It
It goes
It goes ratchet, chicken should,
wholly
It goes ratchet, chicken should, wholly shit and stuck on a train
that
wholly shit and stuck on a train that is in desperate need of a shit.
We thought the best way to demonstrate it to you
is through the medium of dance.
#
# She's
# She's got it. I'm at Uranus, I'm
your
# She's got it. I'm at Uranus, I'm your fire, your desire. -- I'm your
Venus.
So, to summarise this week's news, David Cameron could solve
the Middle East peace crisis, Nigel Farage might choke to death
on a camel's testicle, we're all preparing for a grid
of shit and we now have a Minister for Common Sense who once did a racy
dance with Barry from EastEnders.
I mean, what the actual batshit!
APPLAUSE
Does
APPLAUSE Does it all makes sense now?
Definitely.
Does it all makes sense now? Definitely. 100%. The cock and balls
is
Definitely. 100%. The cock and balls is smiling at me. Not for the first
time.
is smiling at me. Not for the first time. He is winking at me. Well,
guests
time. He is winking at me. Well, guests before he goes further with
this.
All right, let's welcome tonight's guests, in the same style
that the Tories announced Cabinet ministers this week.
She's here to give us just a little bit Moore.
And he will protect working people from Daleks.
Please welcome David Tennant and Thanyia Moore.
APPLAUSE
I
I want
I want to
I want to ask you both what you
think
I want to ask you both what you think of the news this week but I
think
think of the news this week but I think I have to break it down bit by
bit.
think I have to break it down bit by bit. The Suella Braverman. What an
embarrassment.
bit. The Suella Braverman. What an embarrassment. I've found her this
week,
embarrassment. I've found her this week, she said she is a Buddhist.
She
week, she said she is a Buddhist. She is praised every day with the
well-being
She is praised every day with the well-being of all living creatures.
She
well-being of all living creatures. She also said it was one of her
greatest
She also said it was one of her greatest privileges to be in that
position
greatest privileges to be in that position and I thought her greatest
privilege
position and I thought her greatest privilege would just be to leave
Harrow.
privilege would just be to leave Harrow. Think about it. Cameron. I
don't
Harrow. Think about it. Cameron. I don't know why everyone is shocked.
Even
don't know why everyone is shocked. Even Brittany is coming back. We
will
Even Brittany is coming back. We will be all I'm a Celeb next eating
armpit,
will be all I'm a Celeb next eating armpit, that... It is sad to see how
we
armpit, that... It is sad to see how we have sunk when David Cameron is a
safe
we have sunk when David Cameron is a safe pair of hands. The man who
literally
safe pair of hands. The man who literally dropped the country in a
nonplussed
literally dropped the country in a nonplussed toilet. And he is back.
Thank
nonplussed toilet. And he is back. Thank goodness. James Cleverly. Not
very
Thank goodness. James Cleverly. Not very clever. I'm still trying to get
over
very clever. I'm still trying to get over the ombre which starts and ends
there
over the ombre which starts and ends there with his beard. I am so
confused.
there with his beard. I am so confused. Is he just dying his
beard?
confused. Is he just dying his beard? I'm not sure, I want to
respect
beard? I'm not sure, I want to respect it but I also want to punch
him
respect it but I also want to punch him in the face. Esther McVey is the
Minister
him in the face. Esther McVey is the Minister for antiwokery? I am
supposed
Minister for antiwokery? I am supposed to be funny but I just
wonder
supposed to be funny but I just wonder why she exists. It makes me
so
wonder why she exists. It makes me so angry the way they have
weaponised
so angry the way they have weaponised this idea that being
asleep
weaponised this idea that being asleep is something to aspire to. It
makes
asleep is something to aspire to. It makes me furious. That they should
have
makes me furious. That they should have a minister who would encourage
you
have a minister who would encourage you not to have a crumb of empathy,
not
you not to have a crumb of empathy, not to think about what it might be
to
not to think about what it might be to live somebody else's experience.
To
to live somebody else's experience. To actually contextualise that in a
Cabinet
To actually contextualise that in a Cabinet Office position, because if
the
Cabinet Office position, because if the only way the Conservatives are
going
the only way the Conservatives are going to stay in power is if they
make
going to stay in power is if they make us all fucking stay asleep,
they
make us all fucking stay asleep, they are a bunch...
APPLAUSE
You
APPLAUSE You like them, then? I mean, aren't
they
You like them, then? I mean, aren't they hateful. As part of you that
just
they hateful. As part of you that just reckons that Suella Braverman
went
just reckons that Suella Braverman went and they brought Esther McVey
in,
went and they brought Esther McVey in, don't worry, we have still got
an
in, don't worry, we have still got an arsehole. The Minister for Common
Sense?
an arsehole. The Minister for Common Sense? Honestly, just because you
say
Sense? Honestly, just because you say it doesn't make it so. It is
like
say it doesn't make it so. It is like in cells saying they are a
group
like in cells saying they are a group of shaggers.
Before we go to the break, David, I read somewhere you said you'd
love to do a musical, but you're not sure
if you're good enough.
I'm
I'm not
I'm not a
I'm not a singer. I would love to
have
I'm not a singer. I would love to have those kind of pipes.
Well, we think we've got the role for you.
A new musical is about to open in London based on the trial
of Gwyneth Paltrow, who was accused of causing a skiing
accident with a retired optometrist from Utah.
Surely
Surely you would have thought an
optometrist
Surely you would have thought an optometrist would have seen her. He
is
optometrist would have seen her. He is retired, Alex.
David, we thought maybe you could audition for the role of Gwyneth.
We've written a musical number for you,
APPLAUSE
He
He doesn't need asking twice. The
opportunity
He doesn't need asking twice. The opportunity I have been waiting for.
We
opportunity I have been waiting for. We haven't even said what it is.
This
We haven't even said what it is. This is early in the musical. It is
a
This is early in the musical. It is a big, I'm going to put it on.
Gwyneth celebrates some of the products she sells
on her wellness website, using actual products
she has promoted.
If
If you
If you would like to go centrestage.
David,
If you would like to go centrestage. David, I love the hips. This is a
David
David, I love the hips. This is a David Tennant as Gwyneth Paltrow
with
David Tennant as Gwyneth Paltrow with actual products. Take it away.
# Jade eggs and sex dust and a necklace vibrator
APPLAUSE
Ow,
APPLAUSE Ow, my God. Yes! Unbelievable!
We'll have more Last Leg for you after the break,
as we talk to a British hero who's set to take on the Aussies.
I
I can't
I can't believe I'm just moving on
from
I can't believe I'm just moving on from that.
Plus we want to know what should David Cameron's
walk-on music have been?
Tweet us @TheLastLeg and hashtag it #ReturnOfTheCam.
See you soon.
CHEERING
Welcome back to The Last Leg.
We're joined by Thanyia Moore and David Tennant.
Someone
Someone tweeted to say, I didn't
have
Someone tweeted to say, I didn't have David Tennant singing Gwyneth
Paltrow
have David Tennant singing Gwyneth Paltrow my bingo card for 2023 to
end
Paltrow my bingo card for 2023 to end a few people have mentioned,
picked
end a few people have mentioned, picked up on the Tardis pin you are
wearing.
picked up on the Tardis pin you are wearing. Look at that! What's great
is
wearing. Look at that! What's great is you also have your wallet and
keys
is you also have your wallet and keys in there. That is lovely.
David, we need to congratulate you on yet another accolade.
Amongst all your awards, you were recently named on the Dilf List.
CHEERING
For those who don't know, Dilf stands for Dad I'd Like to Fondle.
Three
Three minutes ago, you made my Dilf
list.
Three minutes ago, you made my Dilf list. Lodwick, you are number one
for
list. Lodwick, you are number one for me. Thank the top five, Pedro
Pascal,
for me. Thank the top five, Pedro Pascal, Oscar Isaac, David Tennant,
Max
Pascal, Oscar Isaac, David Tennant, Max Mickelson, Cillian Murphy and
Michael
Max Mickelson, Cillian Murphy and Michael Sheen. He is number six. And
remind
Michael Sheen. He is number six. And remind me where I am? Number three.
CHEERING
I
CHEERING I love you for I think your
wonderful
I love you for I think your wonderful but that would make me
think
wonderful but that would make me think the list is upside down. Just
flip
think the list is upside down. Just flip it. I love you. Yeah, thank
you,
flip it. I love you. Yeah, thank you, but I'm still mid list for you.
I'm
you, but I'm still mid list for you. I'm in the middle. Would you see me
at
I'm in the middle. Would you see me at number one? No, just higher than
David.
at number one? No, just higher than David. Did it annoy you that Pedro
Pascal
David. Did it annoy you that Pedro Pascal was number one despite not
having
Pascal was number one despite not having kids? That does feel slightly
unfair.
having kids? That does feel slightly unfair. I should at least be
negative
unfair. I should at least be negative and he was number two?
Plan,
negative and he was number two? Plan, Oscar Isaac. He's got two
kids,
Plan, Oscar Isaac. He's got two kids, I've got five of them I should
get
kids, I've got five of them I should get extra points for wanting to dip
five
get extra points for wanting to dip five kids? Yeah. I haven't been up
this
five kids? Yeah. I haven't been up this late in... You said five kids
and
this late in... You said five kids and I heard ouch. It turns out Pedro
Pascal
and I heard ouch. It turns out Pedro Pascal won it because Rishi Sunak
change
Pascal won it because Rishi Sunak change the law to say that he is a
dad.
Galling for you, Josh, you even have a podcast
about being a parent and you're not there.
I'm
I'm just
I'm just a dad no one wants to fuck.
I'd
I'm just a dad no one wants to fuck. I'd pity fuck you. Do you know what,
she
I'd pity fuck you. Do you know what, she is very mean. We laugh.
You're a Dill, a Dad I'd Like to Listen to.
I
I think
I think he's more I doubt I'd like
to
I think he's more I doubt I'd like to do organising, a Deal though. --
a
to do organising, a Deal though. -- a dad I'd like to do organising, a
deal
a dad I'd like to do organising, a deal though. Josh Wong can't be hit
tonight,
deal though. Josh Wong can't be hit tonight, he was sick this afternoon,
but
tonight, he was sick this afternoon, but we have another Josh. As a
member
but we have another Josh. As a member of Queens Of The Stone Age,
how
member of Queens Of The Stone Age, how is the door going? Er, good. We
are
how is the door going? Er, good. We are rocking out big style. Are you?
You
are rocking out big style. Are you? You grant us the permission to rob
and
You grant us the permission to rob and we have taken that mission and
rocked.
and we have taken that mission and rocked. He looks like he is getting
ready
rocked. He looks like he is getting ready to bite the head of lettuce.
Are
ready to bite the head of lettuce. Are you looking forward to touring
Australia?
Are you looking forward to touring Australia? No. We are hitting all
the
Australia? No. We are hitting all the big places, Melbourne, Sydney,
Darwin,
the big places, Melbourne, Sydney, Darwin, not that one. Hobart. OK,
are
Darwin, not that one. Hobart. OK, are you fucking kidding? Torquay!
Let's
are you fucking kidding? Torquay! Let's move on. There is a talkie in
Australia?
Let's move on. There is a talkie in Australia? You've got no fucking
shame
Australia? You've got no fucking shame at all, have you? Torquay? The
English
shame at all, have you? Torquay? The English Riviera! Wait until you find
out
English Riviera! Wait until you find out we've got a purse.
Let's get back to the news now, and if you think our politics has
been wild this week, the US is giving us
a run for our money.
Bernie Sanders had to intervene to stop an actual fistfight
during this hearing.
Here's the unbelievable moment.
Would
Would you
Would you like to do it now? I'd
love
Would you like to do it now? I'd love to do it now. group will stand
your
love to do it now. group will stand your butt up now. Sit down, please.
Groups
your butt up now. Sit down, please. Groups hold it, hold it. You will
have
Groups hold it, hold it. You will have your time. Make can I respond?
No,
have your time. Make can I respond? No, you can't. I like Bernie
Sanders.
No, you can't. I like Bernie Sanders. He's fucked up there. A
fight
Sanders. He's fucked up there. A fight in the Senate would have been
the
fight in the Senate would have been the best thing we'd watched and he
stopped
the best thing we'd watched and he stopped it happening. It was like
the
stopped it happening. It was like the octagon, it would have been
brilliant.
the octagon, it would have been brilliant. It's been a crazy week
but
brilliant. It's been a crazy week but we got a story now which only
adds
but we got a story now which only adds to the craziness.
A British man is heading to Australia to compete
in the World Mullet Championships - called Mulletfest.
We've very excited to welcome him to the show now.
Please welcome Dr Alistair Bush.
CHEERING
Now
CHEERING Now are you firstly a real doctor or
a
Now are you firstly a real doctor or a fake one? I am. You're a doctor?
So
a fake one? I am. You're a doctor? So you could be giving me the news
I'm
So you could be giving me the news I'm dying with that hair? The
categories
I'm dying with that hair? The categories for the mullet
championships
categories for the mullet championships are grubby, Ranger,
Vintage
championships are grubby, Ranger, Vintage and extreme. What category
are
Vintage and extreme. What category are used? I am an international. If
I
are used? I am an international. If I win that, there is a head-to-head
between
I win that, there is a head-to-head between the different categories.
Head-to-head!
between the different categories. Head-to-head! Are we doing Dr bush
and
Head-to-head! Are we doing Dr bush and the mullet? Plan, to me, Dr bush
sounds
and the mullet? Plan, to me, Dr bush sounds like something that
Australian
sounds like something that Australian say when you just need to
go
Australian say when you just need to go out back for a while. It sounds
like
go out back for a while. It sounds like something you'd see on a stag
do
like something you'd see on a stag do T-shirt. Why are you doing this?
I
do T-shirt. Why are you doing this? I drew a mullet in red and I googled
and
I drew a mullet in red and I googled and I loved the idea thought that
would
and I loved the idea thought that would be my project. As times got
closer,
would be my project. As times got closer, I started raising money for
testicular
closer, I started raising money for testicular cancer UK. I worked in a
GP
testicular cancer UK. I worked in a GP for the Army so most of my
patients
GP for the Army so most of my patients are in that age group. It's
about
patients are in that age group. It's about raising money also about
raising
about raising money also about raising awareness about testicular
cancer,
raising awareness about testicular cancer, so ultimately we just need
more
cancer, so ultimately we just need more men to put their hand down
their
more men to put their hand down their pants and have a feel for the
it's
their pants and have a feel for the it's that easy, that's how we can
help
it's that easy, that's how we can help sort it out. You know what is
amazing,
help sort it out. You know what is amazing, I do have a mullet down
there.
amazing, I do have a mullet down there. Yeah, sorry to top you said
you
there. Yeah, sorry to top you said you want men to put their hand down
their
you want men to put their hand down their pants but I think they'd be
doing
their pants but I think they'd be doing that since they were six. How
much
doing that since they were six. How much more feeling do we need to do?
We
much more feeling do we need to do? We didn't need to do feeling, we
just
We didn't need to do feeling, we just needed a purpose. Look, what
other
just needed a purpose. Look, what other judges looking for? Length,
condition...
other judges looking for? Length, condition... My guy! Condition, I
think
condition... My guy! Condition, I think that's moot and conditioner,
and
think that's moot and conditioner, and stage presence. The stage
productions
and stage presence. The stage productions of view of the hair
which
productions of view of the hair which must point, a bit of both.
Your
which must point, a bit of both. Your voice is telling me it's Pimms
o'clock.
Your voice is telling me it's Pimms o'clock. Wow! But your hair is
telling
o'clock. Wow! But your hair is telling me, let's go and fight some
hitchhikers
telling me, let's go and fight some hitchhikers in the outback. Plan,
have
hitchhikers in the outback. Plan, have you got any tips for alasdair,
for
have you got any tips for alasdair, for Dr bush? If you're doing it for
testicular
for Dr bush? If you're doing it for testicular cancer, I deleted from
the
testicular cancer, I deleted from the groin. I think there needs to be
more
the groin. I think there needs to be more showing of your hair. It is in
beautiful
more showing of your hair. It is in beautiful condition. Can I touch it?
If
beautiful condition. Can I touch it? If you want. It's really nice. Wow!
Wow!
If you want. It's really nice. Wow! Wow! With the tips, will play some
Queens
Wow! With the tips, will play some Queens Of The Stone Age, can you
catwalk
Queens Of The Stone Age, can you catwalk and show off your stage
presence?
Yes!
We'll have more Last Leg for you after the break,
as we talk about a marathon runner in a car and the Taliban on skates.
Plus we want to know what should David Cameron's
walk on music have been?
Tweet us @TheLastLeg and hashtag it ReturnOfTheCam.
A
A round
A round of applause for Dr bush.
APPLAUSE
Welcome back to The Last Leg.
We're joined by Thanyia Moore and David Tennant.
Before we go on, I wanna make an announcement.
I'm gonna back off from talking about disability rugby
league for a while.
Cos I'm gonna start talking about disability tennis.
There's a new thing called para standing tennis.
It's for people with disabilities who want to play tennis,
but who don't use a wheelchair.
There
There has
There has not been any way in for
people
There has not been any way in for people with disabilities.
There are categories for all disabilities -
single amputees, double amputees - or as we like to call them,
faults and double faults.
I
I tell
I tell you what, it will be a brave
umpire
I tell you what, it will be a brave umpire that shouts out but fault.
There's also categories for people with cerebral palsy,
short statured people - and there's a para standing
festival next Saturday at the National Tennis Centre in
London.
It's the first of its kind in the UK.
I'm gonna be there playing as well.
If you want to join in, contact the Lawn Tennis Association
at disabilitytennis@lta.org.uk
This might be my new thing now, you can call me Limb Henman.
Don't.
Don't. I
Don't. I know you are thinking Handy
Murray.
Don't. I know you are thinking Handy Murray. Josh, with your asthma you
would
Murray. Josh, with your asthma you would be Andre Agaspy. Actually,
that
would be Andre Agaspy. Actually, that is quite offensive.
While we're talking sport, a Scottish ultra marathon runner has
been banned for 12 months after it was found she had travelled
some of the distance by car.
The woman, who had come in third, came under suspicion when her GPS
data said she had covered one of the miles in a minute 40.
The other giveaway came when she would have beaten her
personal best if it hadn't been for the traffic on the M56.
Is
Is she
Is she band or did she also get
points
Is she band or did she also get points on her licence? So she came
third?
points on her licence? So she came third? Despite being in a car for a
few
third? Despite being in a car for a few miles. How bad do you have to
be?
few miles. How bad do you have to be? She jumped on a... It would only
be
be? She jumped on a... It would only be acceptable if it was one of those
Flintstones
be acceptable if it was one of those Flintstones cards. You are appearing
in
Flintstones cards. You are appearing in Macbeth? The Scottish play? Yes.
Do
in Macbeth? The Scottish play? Yes. Do you worry about saying the name
of
Do you worry about saying the name of it because there is a showbiz
superstition
of it because there is a showbiz superstition that she shouldn't say
the
superstition that she shouldn't say the name? I think if you were
rehearsing
the name? I think if you were rehearsing the Scottish play and not
mentioning
rehearsing the Scottish play and not mentioning the main character's name
it
mentioning the main character's name it would be complicated. I am quite
strongly
it would be complicated. I am quite strongly anti-superstitious so I
will
strongly anti-superstitious so I will say the name. I will open
umbrellas
will say the name. I will open umbrellas indoors. I will say can
demand
umbrellas indoors. I will say can demand five times in a mirror. I
have
demand five times in a mirror. I have heard the stuff about
Betelgeuse.
have heard the stuff about Betelgeuse. Different. It starts in
three
Betelgeuse. Different. It starts in three weeks? Three weeks tonight. So
you
three weeks? Three weeks tonight. So you are going over Christmas? It is
basically
you are going over Christmas? It is basically a pantomime. Where are the
witches?
basically a pantomime. Where are the witches? They are behind you!
APPLAUSE
Oh
APPLAUSE Oh no they are not. You are both
here
Oh no they are not. You are both here on
a
a very
a very special night. Clearly
Christmas
a very special night. Clearly Christmas is coming.
Christmas is coming and so are the ads.
As is tradition at this time of the year, we are gonna end
the show tonight with our own take on the John Lewis ad.
If you haven't seen it, it revolves around a little boy
who buys a seed for a Christmas tree at a market, then brings it home
to find it's a Venus Fly Trap.
After it tries to eat the family dog, they banish it to the garden,
but then on Christmas Day the boy takes his presents outside,
and this happens.
And you thought the pig testicle dance was weird.
Here's a game you can play in the ad break -
guess which one of us will be playing the Venus Fly Trap
at the end of the show?
We'll have more Last Leg for you after the break,
as Josh wraps up the last seven days, and we reveal our ad.
See you soon.
APPLAUSE
Welcome back to The Last Leg, we're joined by Thanyia Moore
and David Tennant.
There
There are
There are a couple of tweets here.
One
There are a couple of tweets here. One says is it OK to talk about
Doctor
One says is it OK to talk about Doctor Who's anniversary next week
despite
Doctor Who's anniversary next week despite David is returning but as
the
despite David is returning but as the 14th Doctor, not the tents from
2010
the 14th Doctor, not the tents from 2010 or 2013? Is that usually the
question
2010 or 2013? Is that usually the question you get asked? Not the
first
question you get asked? Not the first time. Next week? Next
Saturday.
first time. Next week? Next Saturday. How much can you say about
it?
Saturday. How much can you say about it? It is very exciting. It must be
nice
it? It is very exciting. It must be nice now that the strike is over
that
nice now that the strike is over that you can talk, because he
couldn't
that you can talk, because he couldn't talk about it. Disney
co-produce
couldn't talk about it. Disney co-produce it, so we had to be very
sombre
co-produce it, so we had to be very sombre about it. Now we can be
really
sombre about it. Now we can be really excited! Even at Halloween
you
really excited! Even at Halloween you couldn't dress up at characters
from
you couldn't dress up at characters from other movies. You want to dress
as
from other movies. You want to dress as a character that belongs to any
of
as a character that belongs to any of the studios. You can dress up as
Batman
of the studios. You can dress up as Batman or Spider-Man like what if
you
Batman or Spider-Man like what if you are out on Halloween and you
needed
you are out on Halloween and you needed to go into a phone box? You
could
needed to go into a phone box? You could be struck down.
Josh has been preparing a grid of shit of the last seven days.
What have you got for us?
Would you like to see a hilarious TikTok where a young
Scottish kid reviews his mother's cooking?
This
This is
This is what my mum made for dinner.
It
This is what my mum made for dinner. It is rotten. She has fact micro it
up.
It is rotten. She has fact micro it up. If you don't bloody like it you
can
up. If you don't bloody like it you can make your own fucking dinner.
Would you like to see some amazing footage of what happens
when you think you're safe to pass wind in a mud bath?
Yes.
LAUGHTER
You
LAUGHTER You know how powerful that Fat has
to
You know how powerful that Fat has to be to go through the mud?
We asked you what David Cameron's walk-on music should have been.
The
The answers are in. Backstreet's
back,
The answers are in. Backstreet's back, daddy cool, I'm still
standing,
back, daddy cool, I'm still standing, getting piggy with it.
This
standing, getting piggy with it. This one was our favourite.
#
This one was our favourite. # The bitch is back, stone cold
sober
# The bitch is back, stone cold sober as a matter of fact.
We are gonna end the show with our traditional version
of a well known Christmas advert, but before we do, would
you please thank our guests, Thanyia Moore and David Tennant,
and my co-hosts Josh Widdicombe and Alex Brooker!
We'll be back next week with comedians Katherine Ryan
and Nabil Abdulrashid.
Time
Time to
Time to show the last leg version of
this
Time to show the last leg version of this year's John Lewis ad.
Thanks for watching The Last Leg, my name's Adam Hills,
see you next week for the next leg.
Alex,
Alex, can
Alex, can we get this?
Love
Love you
Love you till the Fiesta...