This programme contains strong language and adult humour
Oh, Santa's little helper. Thank you.
There we go.
Oh...oh! Ho-ho... Oh, hang on.
HE HACKS VIOLENTLY
Ho-ho-ho, come and sit down, little boy.
Big 'un, aren't you?
Hi, Santa. All right, can you move down a little bit?
You're sitting on my Jacobs.
Oh, sorry!
Come to see Santa for a present, have you?
Yeah, next year I'd really like
Warrington to win the rugby league Grand Final.
Is that what you'd like? Yeah!
Never going to happen. Go on, jog on, son. Off you go.
And what about you, little boy? What would you like?
Well, Blur have released a new album, Neighbours is back on TV,
I don't need anything. I'm content.
So what did you queue up for, then?
Oh, I thought this was the queue for the disabled toilet.
There's loads of kids out there queueing up to sit on my knee.
I suggest you piss off.
Well, Santa,
I've never been able to roll a snowball, cos of my hands and that,
and I just want to be able to roll a snowball,
But not just any snowball, like, the biggest snowball of all time!
Now that I can do! Yeah...
Go on, have a swig of that. Get it down your neck, son.
That's it. Good boy. You good boy.
Well done.
Ah, merry Christmas!
# What goes on
# Thank you for letting us be ourselves
# So don't mind me if I repeat myself
# These simple lines be good for your health
# To keep them crime rhymes on the shelf
# Live, love life like you just don't care
# 5,000 leaders never scared
# Bring the noise, it's the moment they fear
# Get up, still a beautiful idea
# Get up, throw your hands in the air
# Get up and show no fear... #
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
The mood is right,
the spirit's up,
we're here tonight, and that's enough!
We're simply having The Last Leg Christmas Special.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Tonight on the show, we'll check out some Christmas toys,
sing some Christmas songs,
and play some Christmas games.
I mean, what else did you expect? It's our Christmas Special.
And we'll do it all in the company of presenter Alison Hammond
and comedian Tom Davis,
on the show that always gets wrapped up in Christmas.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
G'day, I'm Adam Hills. Welcome to The Last Leg of Christmas,
the show that would like to wish you a merry Christmas, a happy holidays,
a fantastic winterval, and a brilliant Monday 25th December.
With me as always are the man who took a DNA test
and is 99% elf, Josh Widdicombe,
and the man who always likes to celebrate Jesus
but especially when he scores against Tottenham, Alex Brooker!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Now, before we go any further,
we need to explain our outfits for tonight.
I don't think we do.
Well, me and Alex have dressed up,
I thought you could have made the effort.
We've decided to go with a musical theme tonight,
and dress as iconic performers from a famous Christmas video.
Josh, would you like to explain who you are?
I'm George Michael.
You're George Michael? I watched the Wham documentary.
I'm George Michael from the Last Christmas video. Yeah.
It's basically about an incredibly talented man,
who does a really nice thing for his untalented friend,
and brings him along for the ride to stardom.
And I thought, "I can't identify with that..."
"..but I'd like to dress as George Michael anyway."
But the best thing is, all before the show,
he just keeps flicking his hair.
Alex told me I look like Clare Balding.
Actually, no, that's not... What did you say?
He looks like everyone's mum from when I was a kid.
All right, let's compare it to a sultry shot
of the real George Michael in the festive music video.
Yeah, I can kind of see it!
He looks like if you ordered George Michael off Wish.
So, I dressed as my favourite musician
from one of the most iconic Christmas videos of all time,
and I'm sure you've all worked it out, right?
Phil Collins from the Do They Know It's Christmas video.
You... When I was a kid, and my mum and dad used to tell me,
"Don't accept any sweets from strangers,"
you were that stranger!
It's almost like if you'd never gone into comedy
and just become a car salesman.
Well, for those of you who don't know, let's see a comparison.
OK, hang on, if I do this...
If I do this, it just makes it a bit clearer.
Think I need to look about here.
LAUGHTER, CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
That is nice.
There you go.
What is it about Phil Collins,
the man who was desperate to go solo for years, but couldn't break away,
that you identified with, Adam?
And Alex, clearly you've come dressed as a frozen sperm?
And I am thawing out, Hillsy!
Oh, no!
Don't ruin Christmas! Ahh!
TEETERING GIGGLE Oh, no!
Oh, no! Don't go method.
I think Christmas just came early.
GROANING
That was grim. That was pretty grim.
Thank you. Thank you very much.
No, I'm...
I've come as East 17 from the Stay Another Day video.
Again, if you don't know,
here's a photo from the popular boyband video for comparison.
Stay Another Day is what I wanted my foot to do when I was little.
AUDIENCE: Aww!
I didn't really!
Look, it's kind of special for us that Alex has dressed as someone
from East 17, cos the first ever musical ending we ever did
on The Last Leg was Stay Another Day.
It was ten years ago, and it looked like this.
# Don't you know we've come too far now
# Just to go and try to throw it all away
# Thought I heard you say you love me
# That your love was gonna be here to stay
# Baby if you've got to go away
# Don't think I can take the pain
# Won't you stay another day? #
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Wow.
What I want to know is,
why do I get blamed for all the musical numbers on the show?
It started with Alex!
But I didn't know it was going to escalate like that!
I feel like Oppenheimer.
So, you know the reason why we did it is because
I'd auditioned for a part in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
when I was at school, and you had to sing a song that
you knew all the words to. Yeah.
And Stay Another Day was the only... Right!
And they gave me the part of Oompa-Loompa.
Oompa-Limper, more like.
Come on.
Come on! How have we never done that?
Oompa-Limp...! I've been waiting 11 years for that joke.
I've got Willy Wonky as well, if you want that.
OK...
So, Alex is going to end the show tonight with a new rendition of Stay Another Day,
with a surprise special guest,
alongside the Some Voices Choir, who are here with us tonight.
Right now, though, to give us an idea of how brilliant they are,
let's get a blast of Do They Know It's Christmas?
# Feed the world
# Let them know It's Christmas-time
# Feed the world
# Let them know It's Christmas-time
# Feed the world
# Let them know
# It's Christmas-time again. #
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
All right, let's get into the big story tonight, which, of course,
is Christmas. We all know Alex loves Christmas.
Yep! But, before we go any further,
it's important for us all to take a moment to remember what this
time of the year is really about.
Toys.
Yes, Jesus was born so that we could all have toys,
so let's start by looking at some of the biggest toys of the year.
Now, it won't surprise you to know
this one was number one, Barbie.
Oh, hey. Yeah?
I'm just going to lob this into your lap, see if I can get it there.
Whoa, fucking...!
I just threw a Barbie on the shrimp.
Really good work. Thank you very much.
I was going to say,
surely Barbie's the number one seller in Australia every year?
We thought it also might be fun to go through a list of Victorian toys tonight. Oh, yeah!
From your early childhood?
There is, oh, a classic, your classic pop gun.
Oh, yes!
I had one of them in Devon.
Did you? Yep.
I did. That's just a fact.
The diabolo. Oh! A classic.
Now, I had one of them because I didn't have any friends.
Can you still...do you still remember how to use it?
I haven't used it since I was about ten. Shall I have a go?
Right, you ready?
I feel like I'm in a cheese dream.
I've still got it! Oh... No, I haven't.
Oh, oh, oh!
CHEERING
Yes, that was fucking brilliant!
I can't believe I did that.
ADAM SOBS WITH LAUGHTER Wow!
Don't want to create a mess.
Finally some sporting achievement on this show.
There we go, there's the fucking Paralympic legacy right there.
Yeah, it is, yeah.
I love the idea someone's just turned on,
not realised what's going on, and then,
"What's going on in The Last Leg tonight, love?"
"I don't know, someone's nana's doing the diabolo."
Now, Alex has been doing some research tonight
on some of the world's worst ever gifts. Some of the worst.
Yeah, so these are some of world's most inappropriate toys.
First one up here...
..is the ET Finger Light.
There you go. Ooh, wow.
So, yeah, no wonder Elliott was trying to keep ET away from his mum!
The other thing we've got in here...
..STD plushies.
So this is basically a toy so you can learn about STDs
without going to Magaluf.
The whole gang's here. Wow. If you want 'em, yeah.
The worst one about the herpes one is you can't re-gift it.
Well, you can, but you'll never get rid of it.
There we are! APPLAUSE
So, look, we've gone through all the old toys,
but we thought we'd run you through
some of the favourite toys we actually did receive as kids.
So, Josh?
Best ever Christmas, when I was seven,
a Lego pirate ship.
Cos I grew up in Devon, I didn't have many friends, I remember
looking at that little Lego pirate with his one leg and his hands
and thinking, "I wish he'd come alive and be my friend."
And then...
..20 years later...
..Father Christmas gave me my wish,
and here he is!
This is like a really bad version of The Snowman.
APPLAUSE
Uh, Alex?
There was one Christmas when Mum and Dad, well, Santa,
but I got a Polaroid and a Gameboy
all in the same Christmas, it was absolutely amazing,
and then the next year, Mum and Dad got divorced.
So, it's fine, like, I'm over it now,
but, um, kind of what worries me is
you two have got me a Polaroid and a Gameboy for Christmas this year.
Here's the big question, though.
What did we want but didn't get at Christmas?
Aw, mate, I really wanted, like, back in the day,
when the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were massive,
I really wanted the Raphael one, and there's a story that my nan
queued up for three hours at Toys 'R' Us in Croydon,
and, like, got Donatello?
And you know what?
It's like queueing three hours to meet Take That
and only getting a photo with Howard.
Josh?
Portable TV, I really wanted it,
cos I watched a lot of TV... Yeah.
..and my parents said, "You need to go outside more,"
and I thought, "If I have a portable TV, that's ideal."
By that I mean, like, a small TV,
not one of the ones on wheels from the science labs.
I, when I was a kid, wanted a Walkman.
I never got a Walkman.
I wanted two things, a Walkman for the music,
and I wanted a pet wombat.
Course you did.
There's still unfulfilled childhood dreams for all three of us,
and, I don't know, if only there was someone who could make all our Christmas dreams come true...
SLEIGH BELLS JINGLE
What?
Is that...? Is that...?
It is!
It's Santa!
CHEERING
# Oh, yeah
# Santa Claus is coming to town Coming to town
# Santa Claus is coming to town
# Santa Claus is coming
# To town! #
Yes, I'm coming to town!
Yes! Santa's here!
Oh, yes, I'm coming to town!
Yes, I saw mummy kissing me!
Yes, hello, boys, Santa's here!
Let me see what I've got for you.
Joshy, look what I've got, I know exactly what you want.
Look, I've got a little television for you! Oh...
Wow! Is that all right? APPLAUSE
Is that OK? Love it. Perfect.
It's got Neighbours on every channel for you, OK? Oh, thank you.
And look. And look what I've got for you, Adam.
I couldn't get a wombat for you but I did get...
A Walkman! A Walkman! Oh, thank you, Santa.
That all right? Thank you, Santa.
And you know what I've got for you, big boy? Here we go.
You know what's coming, don't you? You know what's coming
You know what's coming little boy, don't you, eh?
LAUGHTER New leg, innit?
No, it's not a new leg, all right? LAUGHTER
Look. There's that one there.
I think that might be... Fucking Leonardo!
Yeah. LAUGHTER
What about that one? What's these?
Yes! Is that the one? LAUGHTER
Yeah! Wahey! Is that all right? APPLAUSE
Thank you, Santa! You're welcome.
You're welcome, little boy. Thank you, Santa.
I have to go now, so if you can hit my play-off music, that'd be lovely.
Thank you very much. Thank you, Santa!
MUSIC: Santa Claus Is Coming To Town # Oh, yeah
All right, let's welcome tonight's guest.
She's the host of Bake Off. He's eaten a lot of pies.
Please welcome Alison Hammond and Tom Davis!
CHEERING
Oh!
Thank you. You look great. Look at your hair! Really?
ADAM LAUGHS
All right, yeah, go on. Go on.
Hello, guys! Hi! Hi! Hello, everyone.
Welcome to... This is your first time on the show! Very first time. Oh!
Feels like you've been here...ages. Aww! It's so nice to be here.
I only came cos of you, though. AUDIENCE: Aww.
Has this made it better or worse? I'm not sure about the hair!
Is that a wig?
I saw him in the make-up, right, and as I walked past him,
I thought, "Fucking hell, what's Hillsy done with his hair?"
Cos we're pals, I didn't want to say anything!
I was thinking, "That's a big move." LAUGHTER
The other boys didn't step in. They just thought,
"That's all right. They'll get away with that.
So, all right, we've talked about our favourite toys. What were yours?
Er... Probably favourite as a kid, so I had the A-Team figures
were given to me at Christmas, so I got all four. Oh!
Which is amazing, right? They were very, very rare.
And then I think in about the second week of January,
my Dad had an old banger, an old crappy Cortina,
and that got stolen from outside his work.
And the police, about three or four days later,
found this crappy old Cortina... Yeah? ..but they'd taken the action,
the A-Team toys. So you left them in the car?! We left...
They were in the car. I'd been playing with them on the back seat.
Aww. They took the car, and the car was so crap -
literally, you imagine these guys going, "This car's awful.
"What the fuck do we want with this?"
And then someone going, "Oi-oi, boys.
"BA, Murdock, Hannibal, Face - they're all here!"
Four burglars just going back and playing the A-Team. LAUGHTER
This is genuine. How my Dad broke me the news was this.
He came in and he went, "The police have found the car."
And I went, "What about the A-Team figures?" And he went...
"They didn't make it, son." LAUGHTER
Heartbreaking.
Alison, did you once, one year, ask for a Chinese meal as a present?
Yes. LAUGHTER
My mum was like, "What do you want for Christmas?"
I was like, "Aw, I really want a Chinese."
She was like, "Erm... But you'll get it in the morning."
I was like, "Yeah, I want spare ribs and fried rice." Wow.
And Santa was so amazing.
I got spare ribs and fried rice. GASPING
That's how amazing Santa is. What did you leave out for him,
prawn crackers and a bottle of Tsingtao?
We've got presents for you guys tonight.
Tom, I know you love your golf.
It's... It's a golf hat. Oh, wow! Oh, my God.
That's incredible. That's so good! Really goes with my outfit, as well.
LAUGHTER Go on. Please put it on.
Imagine someone teeing off your head.
Yeah!
LAUGHTER
Kind of like it, in a way. It actually suits you.
I actually quite like this. LAUGHTER
Genuinely, I will say this - as someone who grew up in
quite a sort of poor background, I've had worse gifts.
LAUGHTER DROWNS SPEECH
Now, Alison... Yes. I read you were only allowed to have one present
in the morning and then you had to wait... Yes, so every Christmas -
and I still do this now - we open one present in the morning...
Yeah. ..and then after lunch, we do all the other presents,
cos it stretches out the fun. No! That's nice.
That is inhumane! Do you think? LAUGHTER
We love it. We couldn't do it any other way now.
Well, that's why we're giving you your present
in the next part of the show. Oh! I've got to wait?
Stretch it out! Stretch it out.
And look, of course, the best present of all is a surprise,
and tonight, we've got one of our own for Alison and Tom.
We're gonna play a variation on a game we invented this year called...
"What's That Gift?" Oooh.
SUNG TO THE TUNE OF: Who's That Girl? by Eve
# Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho. #
All right, so inside this gift is a well-known face
with a special present for all of us.
Throughout the show, Santa will be giving clues as to who it is
Tom and Alison, you have to try to work out who is in the gift.
To prove there is someone in there, can you just give us a quick wave?
Ooh. Oh, wow. Ooh! OK.
Santa, what is your first clue?
The first clue, Adam, is...
LAUGHTER
The first clue is, they're a little bit naughty.
INTAKE OF BREATH Oh. Ooh.
A celebrity who's naughty.
Who's been naughty this year? Quite a few of them!
And it's a female, definitely. Yeah, but I tell you what -
there's no flies on you! LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
I can see the pleas going out.
Tell you what, I look at her, and she's doing well on TV,
but...
Santa, we'll come back for another round of What's That Gift?
We'll have more Last Leg of Christmas for you after the break.
We're gonna play some more Christmas music
and we're gonna try to set a Christmas record.
And, of course, if you see something you like in the ad break,
you can probably still order it in time to get it for Christmas.
We'll see you in a little bit.
APPLAUSE
# What's that gift Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho
# Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho Come on, come on!
# What's that gift? What's her name, yo?
# Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho
# What's that gift? Come on, come on
# Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho. #
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
# I don't want a lot for Christmas
# There is just one thing I need
# And I... Don't care about the presents
# Underneath the Christmas tree
# I just want you for my own Own
# More than you can ever know
# Make my wish come true
# All I want for Christmas is you. #
APPLAUSE Amazing.
So good! Welcome back to Last Leg of Christmas.
We're joined by Alison Hammond and Tom Davis.
That song was for you, by the way. Oh, thank you.
I'm actually dressed as Mariah today.
Are you? Yeah. AUDIENCE MEMBER: Woohoo!
LAUGHTER Spitting image, ain't it?
LAUGHTER
Yeah. I tell you who you remind me of. Yeah?
You know Marty McFly's old man in Back To The Future?
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
George McFly? APPLAUSE
I have got a gift for you, though.
Of course, it's time for your gift, right? Oh, is it time? Yeah.
Yeah, yeah. You ready for your gift? I'm very excited.
OK. ADAM LAUGHS
Are you happy... It looks like you're bringing it out of your flies.
SHRIEK OF LAUGHTER
It's McFly!
OK, this is what I've got for you. What is it? It's a cookie-cutter.
Aww. It's a cat's bum cookie cutter. Oh, wow.
LAUGHTER
Thank you! Beautiful.
How do you reckon that's gonna go down with Paul Hollywood?
LAUGHTER That's amazing.
It's the, the... The nicest, erm, cookie-cutter I've ever had.
Really? Thank you. Yeah.
Thank you. You could get it, like, as a chain. Yeah!
It could be an earring. LAUGHTER
Now, Tom, of course, you... I mean, Christmas, clearly,
but you're back at work straight away, right?
Yeah. You're on tour. Yes.
Yeah, touring around. Doing the old stand-up tour.
Erm... But I've got, like...
Yeah. End of January. I've got a bit of a month off after Christmas.
Look, we are gonna have a chat about Christmas music in a bit,
but before we do, it's time for another round of this.
SUNG TO THE TUNE OF: Who's That Girl? by Eve
# Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho. #
CHEERING
Inside Santa's gift is a well-known act
who are probably trying to call their manager as we speak.
Can you give us another wave from inside the gift?
There. There we go. Santa, would you like to give us
another clue as to who it is? Yes, the second clue, Adam, is...
I'm going to put this present at the BOTTOM of the tree.
Present at the bottom of the tree.
They've been naughty. The present's going at the bottom of the tree.
If you know it, don't get it.
LAUGHTER
For some reason, I've got Claire Sweeney in my head.
What? I don't know. What?
I don't think Claire Sweeney's... It looks like Claire Sweeney's arm.
How much do you know about Claire Sweeney that you know her arm?
I've met her a couple of times at award ceremonies
and that does look like her arm. LAUGHTER
It does!
Are we gonna go with Claire Sweeney?
OK, there'll be one more clue later in the show,
but for now, thank you, Santa!
SUNG TO THE TUNE OF: Who's That Girl? by Eve
# Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho. #
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Now, we mentioned earlier, Alex is gonna close the show
with the East 17 classic Stay Another Day.
Oh, man. I can't wait for that.
Surprise musical guest, as well.
But, before we get there, I thought I'd take the opportunity to
show you all Aussie Christmas songs. Aw, that'd be nice.
So... LAUGHTER
Oh, that was so weird!
You literally said the one thing none of us were thinking.
LAUGHTER
So, our best-known Chrissie tune in Australia -
and I did just say, "Chrissie tune." Yeah. It's referred to as Chrissie.
That's what we do. This is a song from a comedy duo
called Bucko & Champs that throws a...
Fucking hell, of course they're called Bucko & Champs!
Throws every Aussie stereotype into a Christmas blender
and puts it all up against a very obvious green screen.
# Dashing through the bush In a rusty Holden ute
# Kicking up the dust Esky in the boot
# Kelpie by my side Singing Christmas songs
# It's summertime and I am in My singlet, shorts and thongs
# Oh, jingle bells, jingle bells
# Jingle all the way
# Christmas in Australia on a scorching summer's day
# Hey! # Oh, I like that one. APPLAUSE
That was good.
I think the...
We can all agree that nothing says Christmas like taxidermy dogs.
LAUGHTER
And, look, while Australia does sunny at Christmas,
America does competitive.
Last December, a world record was set in America by a man
for the most baubles in a beard.
710. SOFT WHISTLE
That's him. Wow. Sounds great. LAUGHTER
In... Imagine the guy that got 709 going, "I've wasted my life."
LAUGHTER
The record for the most jumpers put on in one minute by a team of two
is 15.
We thought this was a record we could possibly attempt,
so we've contacted the Guinness World Record people.
I'm not making this up. They said there is no record
for the fastest time for three people to put on five jumpers each.
What, there's no record for that? No. I know!
LAUGHTER Hard to believe, right?
Because that's such a specific thing,
you'd think that three people would have definitely done it.
So it's never been done before, so... But, here's the thing.
They said if we can do it in under 35 seconds,
if the three of us can put on five jumpers each in under 35 seconds...
Can I just say, that bit where you went "you"
and then skipped over Alex... Well, I was gonna go...
It did feel like, even 11 years in, you're not quite sure on our names.
LAUGHTER
Also, this is quite problematic... Yeah.
..because the Government don't think I can dress myself.
LAUGHTER
APPLAUSE
So the Guinness World Records people had said,
if we can do that, if we can put five jumpers each on in 35 seconds,
we will have set the first-ever world record. Oh, that'll be amazing.
It will go into the world record books. It would be, as well,
cos I'm not even hot, so that's a good thing.
See, Alison, even when you're not on This Morning,
the stuff is exactly what you'd be doing on...
LAUGHTER DROWNS SPEECH It is!
So, in order to do this and do it properly, would you please welcome
official Guinness adjudicator, Craig Glenday.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
So... So, Craig, what are the official rules?
Right, so this is the official Guinness World Records title
for the fastest time to wear five Christmas jumpers by a team.
Mm-hm. You have to do it one at a time. Yep.
It's very important that you pull the jumpers down below the waist.
Yeah. And don't touch them until I say go.
OK. Can they be in any formation... TOM LAUGHS
Can they be... You look more like my mum in 1996 now!
So when we didn't have much money and the heating was broke.
"Ooh, I'm warming up now. I'll take off my coat."
LAUGHTER All right, so this is genuine.
We're gonna try and set this world record, OK?
I'm shitting myself. I'm shitting... I'm nerv...
I think you should take that jumper off.
Can I take my wig off? Yeah, go on. Yeah, let's do it properly.
Really feels like we've gone to the next level here, Hill.
You could do this, Josh. Actually, do you know what? Hang on.
Just stay there for a sec cos you and I do look like we've met
at a swinger's party. LAUGHTER
I wanted to get a picture of that so bad.
This is what I'm aiming at. We wanna be in this book next year.
We could actually be in this book next year. Wow. OK. Well done.
Let's do this.
Just so you know, I won the dressing-up race
at primary school in years five AND six. Wow.
Have you ripped your T-shirt?
Have I ripped my T-shirt, Brooker?
You fucking bet I have. Whoa! CHEERING
Sexy!
LAUGHTER Merry Chris... I regret that now!
You're really regretting it.
Ah! I forget you've got your funny little chest, ain't you?
All right! LAUGHTER
I tell you, that's the sexiest thing I've ever seen you do.
LAUGHTER Honestly.
I... I look a bit like Mr Darcy, don't I?
LAUGHTER
Oh! Until now, I never knew a chest could be an innie.
LAUGHTER Can I feel?
Might be... Fuck! Oh, my God, my finger goes in! There we go.
That is so weird.
Look - my whole hand goes in! LAUGHTER
Oh, dear. OK. Are we gonna do this? Are we gonna... Yeah, yeah.
I'll be honest with you, I've already broken a record.
For, er... For chicks turned on.
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
CHEERING
That's a shake of the head!
I'll be the judge of that.
Right, I have got work in the morning, so... OK, here we go.
LAUGHTER DROWNS SPEECH Sorry.
OK. Three, two, one, go.
MUSIC: Jump Around by House Of Pain
CHEERING Come on! Come on, boys.
Come on, boys.
Brooker's fucking flying, isn't he?
Oh, yeah. Brooker's fucking killing it.
Come on, Brooker! Come on, Brooks.
That's it!
Go on, Josh! Yes, Josh!
Come on, Brooker! Are they gonna do it?
Come on, Brooker! I think they're gonna do it. Yes!
Come on! That's it!
Last one! Yes, yes!
Yes!
Pull it down! Pull it down!
Argh!
No!
CROWD GROANS Oh, no! What's happened? What did he do?
The rules are quite clear.
They did say the jumpers must go past the waist.
CROWD GROANS
I have to also say, just FYI,
the time you had to beat was 35 seconds.
You got 35.41. CROWD GROANS
ALISON GROANS Don't worry - you tried.
We gave it our best shot. APPLAUSE
Hang on. I'm hearing, though - and you can verify this after the ad break -
we have set the record for the most amount of records failed
on The Last Leg on a Christmas show
with Alison Hammond and Tom Davis sitting watching.
That's amazing. We've done it.
We've done it. Well done! CHEERING
We gave it a crack! We'll be back after the break.
Alex, Josh and I are gonna make a Christmas bake for Alison to judge.
We'll reveal who's in Santa's gift. We'll see you in a little bit.
MUSIC PLAYS
# Jingle bells, jingle bells Jingle all the way
# Christmas in Australia on a scorching summer's day - hey!
# Jingle bells, jingle bells Christmas-time is beaut
# Oh what fun it is to ride In a rusty Holden ute. #
# Oh, yeah! # CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
# Jingle bells, jingle bells Jingle all the way
# Christmas in Australia On a scorching summer's day, hey!
# Jingle bells, jingle bells Christmas-time is beaut
# Oh what fun it is to ride In a rusty golden ute
# Oh, yeah. #
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
I'm going to be honest, Josh, you now look more Australian than me.
LAUGHTER
Oh, I forgot to say this bit,
welcome back to The Last Leg of Christmas.
We're joined by Alison Hammond and Tom Davis.
We didn't break the Guinness World Record. Aw! That's the bad news.
So here's what we're going to do.
Are we going to take this lying down? No.
Are we just going to let it go? No.
We are going to go into training
and we're going to try and break it on our New Year's Eve show.
Yes! We're going to train properly... CHEERING
All right. Now, we've had the toys, we've had the music
and we've had the games, it's now time for the Christmas food.
So, Alex and Josh and I have made Christmas Snowstoppers
for Alison and Tom to judge. Aw! Wow. That's nice.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Is that Noel? Yeah.
Noel Fielding. You're going to be Noel Fielding? Yeah. You're Noel?
LAUGHTER
There we go. What have I made? You go for it.
Oh.
In honour of the greatest TV appearance you ever made, Alison. Thank you.
The moment I fell in love with you. Yeah? Your original appearance.
This is you on Big Brother 3. Oh, I love that cake! Wow. Look at that.
When you were voted out second because the nation hated you,
but now, 23 years later, we've taken you to our hearts.
Look, that's what you used to look like. It is.
Aww! That just brings back so many memories. Straight through my head!
Do you like that? Yeah. Lovely. That's a lovely big bit of cake. Get a plate.
There you go. Do you want some, Tom? Yes. I'm not going to say no.
What do you want? Eye? Actually, a bit of mouth. A bit of mouth.
There you go. Thank you. The whole mouth!
And you made this? If you want. Let's have a look.
Have a taste. Mm! Wow! Fluffy without being pretentious.
It's got a bit about it. That's a really good bake, Josh. Well done. Thanks very much. Mm!
Lovely. What's next? I have made... Ooh! You know I love chocolate.
..a wombat cake.
OK. Here we go.
There we go. That looks lovely.
Can I take a bit of mouth? As is my way.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, a little bit of wombat mouth. Absolutely.
That looks lovely. I'll have a bit. You want a bit as well, Josh? Yeah.
Do you want a bit of foot? Seems appropriate.
LAUGHTER
Thank you. Cheers. Whoa!
Oh, that is a lovely bake, isn't it?
I mean, very light sponge... Yeah. ..sweet icing.
It's the perfect amount of claggy.
Claggy vibe to it. Yeah, you can only have a little bit.
It's not a handshake, however, very strong. OK, thank you.
I'll take that. I'll take that. That's really nice. Very strong. Alex.
Have you ever seen the film Seven? I've gone for...
There we go! Oh, yes!
Wow! That's what we're talking about!
This is what we've got.
Straight away, my brother. We have got barbecue ribs,
chow mein, chicken balls with sweet and sour sauce, prawn toast,
egg fried rice, chips. Bosh! Bosh! There we go.
For the Godfather. Let's have a taste. We love you.
Let's have a taste. Have what you want. Just come round.
Can I give you a handshake? Yes!
Thank you very much. Genuinely, I'm literally shaking with excitement.
Me too. It's all in there, you just crack on.
Thank you so much. Let's have a taste. You've done really well.
Thank you very much. It took me ages. Chips and everything. Oh, mate. Oh, my lord.
Genuinely, I've forgotten we're even on a fucking TV show.
This is a Saturday... Help yourself. Oh, mate. These are banging.
These are the best fucking prawns I've ever had. Yeah.
There you go. We've got a winner. Yeah.
We've got a winner, haven't we? Alex is the winner.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
All right.
We promised to reveal who's in Santa's gift,
so let's play one final round of this...
SUNG TO THE TUNE OF: Who's That Girl? by Eve
# Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho. #
All right. APPLAUSE
All right, Santa, can we have one last clue
as to who is the mystery gift?
Yes, you can. This gift I got as a two for the price of one.
That is then. Is it? Who? Mel B.
You are joking?
Is it Mel B? 2 Become 1 is a Spice Girls song, she's naughty.
Are you fucking kidding?!
I know the budget you've got on this is quite big,
I was going to say this is demeaning.
I'll be honest with you, Tom, if we had Mel B,
you wouldn't be sitting there. No, I know!
OK. So, here's a recap of the clues. They've been a bit naughty. Mm-hm.
Santa's leaving the gift at the bottom of the tree.
And he got the gift as a two for the price of one.
Two for the price of one. Look, there's two of them. Bottom of the tree.
Both hands out, both hands out. Or it's someone with really long arms.
I've got it. I've got it. Yeah, go on. Is it The Cheeky Girls?
Let's lift the lid.
ALL CHANT: Lift the lid! Lift the lid! Lift the lid!
Lift the lid! Lift the lid!
CHEERING
The Cheeky Girls!
Touch your bum, this is live, it's The Cheeky Girls!
# Everybody come together
# It's a hot, hot Christmas night
# Make the magic last forever
# Have a cheeky Christmas-time
# Everybody come together... #
After the break, Josh wraps up the 12 days of Christmas
and Alex closes the show with a tribute to East 17.
Let's keep celebrating the 20th anniversary of a cheeky
Christmas, with The Cheeky Girls!
# ..Christmas-time Everybody come together
# It's a hot, hot Christmas night
# Make the magic last for ever
# Have a cheeky Christmas-time. #
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
# Step into Christmas
# Let's join together
# We can watch the snow fall forever and ever
# Eat, drink and be merry
# Come along with me
# Step into Christmas
# The admission's free, yeah
# Oh-oh, oh-oh. #
You're so good!
They are great. They are amazing.
Amazing. All right, welcome back to The Last Leg of Christmas.
We're joined by Alison Hammond and Tom Davis.
Now, we said earlier, Alex is going to end the show...
Are we not going to reference...?
Oh, yeah, right. Otherwise it's fucking ridiculous!
LAUGHTER
Dressed as El... I've done about four costume changes here today!
I feel like Lady Gaga!
That was your song choice, right?
Yeah.
Now, we said earlier, Alex is going to end the show with
a rendition of East 17's Stay Another Day.
Because he's been a very good boy this year,
we're going to make one more Christmas wish come true.
Alex's special guest collaborator, from East 17,
would you please welcome Tony Mortimer?
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
How are you? You all right?
TOM: Yeah, good to see you, mate. You all right?
ALEX: Hello!
Wow! So exciting to have you on the show.
Alex is so excited to have you on the show.
I'm losing my shit.
I am excited for him!
I mean, how often do you play Stay Another Day?
Yeah... I don't.
LAUGHTER
I do listen to Christmas songs.
I don't mind a nice sort of Christmas carol.
I love a good carol.
Yeah, I like a nice Christmas carol.
What's you go-to Christmas carol?
Oh, I don't know... Once in Royal David's City.
ALISON: Oh, that's a nice one. TONY: Bit of a banger.
LAUGHTER
Have you got any singing tips for Alex?
Yeah, no, just relax and enjoy it. Enjoy it, you know?
I've been preparing for this all my life, mate.
Is this your moment, babes?
All right, listen, we've got a coat for you... Yeah.
..if you'd like to go off and get ready... All right.
..and we'll see you at the end when we're going to end the show with
three wise men following a star from the East 17.
APPLAUSE
So Josh has found some Christmas clips for us.
Oh, yes. But we're going to choose them in a special way.
You saw the guy with the baubles on his beard. Yes.
So I've got Tom a beard of baubles there.
Yeah. Yeah, cos I thought he hasn't worn enough outfits.
Yes. Oh, yeah.
Now, if you just choose a bauble off the beard with a number on it...
Three. Oh, they're not coming off, they hurt when I pull them.
I'll be honest, name a number.
Three.
OK, would you like to see an insightful clip of how to
get your kids excited, even by the shittest gifts?
Yes. Yeah.
What's in it? Open it up! Get that thing out!
What's in it?
Yeah! Pyjamas!
THEY CHEER
Yeah! Pyjamas!
I love that.
APPLAUSE
That's so nice.
Another number, please.
I've got to say, Josh, I'm slightly regretting not being given
the option just to sit in that box.
Let's go with seven.
ALEX: I'll tell you what, we could have got Mel B,
but she didn't want to wear the beard of baubles, mate.
Would you like to see Santa trade his sleigh for something more nippy?
Yes, please. TOM: Oh, yeah, yeah, of course.
Merry Christmas! Ho-ho-ho!
STUDIO LAUGHTER
Oh, no! The shame of it! APPLAUSE
All right, we are about to end the show with a special musical
performance from Alex and Tony Mortimer.
Wow. But before we do,
would you please thank our Christmas helpers Alison Hammond...
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
..and Tom Davis...
..the Cheeky Girls...
..and Santa.
And my co-hosts, Josh Widdicombe
and Alex Brooker.
Alex, do you want to make your way over?
Get ready for your big moment. Yeah.
We'll be back on New Year's Eve with our guests Judi Love,
Suzi Ruffell, Kiell Smith-Bynoe and Seann Walsh.
Right now, though, it's time for the men in white coats to take us away
as Alex is going to end the show with one last hit
of Christmas nostalgia by reprising the first-ever song he sang on
The Last Leg - Stay Another Day by East 17 -
accompanied by Tony Mortimer.
# Stay now, stay now, stay now
# Don't you know we've come too far now
# Just to go and try to throw it all away
# I've only just begun to know you
# All I can say is won't you stay just one more day?
# Stay now
# Baby, if you've got to go away
# Don't think I could take the pain Stay now
# Won't you stay another day?
# Stay now, stay now, stay now
# Oh, don't leave me alone like this
# Don't you say it's the final kiss Stay now
# Won't you stay another day?
# Stay now
# Baby, if you've got to go away
# Don't think I could take the pain Stay now
# Won't you stay another day?
# Stay now, stay now, stay now
# Oh, don't leave me alone like this
# Don't you say it's the final kiss Stay now
# Won't you stay another day? #
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Thanks for watching The Last Leg of Christmas!
My name's Adam Hills. See you on New Year's Eve for the next leg.
Merry Christmas to all and to all a goodnight!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Subtitles by Red Bee Media